1 00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:02,836 Adult Adam: Back in the '80s, graduating 2 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,129 was a big deal in the family. 3 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:07,257 There was nothing more exciting than celebrating a Goldberg. 4 00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:08,508 Whoo! 5 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,052 So, when my sister finished college early, 6 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,095 it surely wouldn't go unnoticed. 7 00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:13,805 Hi. Erica Goldberg Schwartz. 8 00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,307 I'm here for my diploma. 9 00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:16,673 Let me look you up. 10 00:00:16,674 --> 00:00:17,973 In the meantime, feel free to mingle 11 00:00:17,974 --> 00:00:19,974 with your fellow esteemed graduates. 12 00:00:19,975 --> 00:00:22,943 Erica Goldberg graduating. 13 00:00:22,944 --> 00:00:23,944 Ah. 14 00:00:23,945 --> 00:00:25,043 It seems like only yesterday 15 00:00:25,044 --> 00:00:26,978 you started that petition to replace me. 16 00:00:26,979 --> 00:00:28,645 Lucky for you, I have no follow-through. 17 00:00:28,646 --> 00:00:29,812 You're still here, Dean Dean. 18 00:00:29,813 --> 00:00:31,245 It's Provost Dean now. 19 00:00:31,246 --> 00:00:33,046 No salary bump or office change, 20 00:00:33,047 --> 00:00:35,515 but I do get to explain to people what a provost is. 21 00:00:35,516 --> 00:00:37,282 - What is a provost? - It's like a dean. 22 00:00:37,283 --> 00:00:39,483 - Oh. - Typically, our off-cycle graduates 23 00:00:39,484 --> 00:00:41,484 are elderly people with way too much energy 24 00:00:41,485 --> 00:00:43,952 or wackadoo child geniuses. 25 00:00:43,953 --> 00:00:45,886 And knocked-up co-eds who bust their hump 26 00:00:45,887 --> 00:00:47,753 to finish courses before they pop one out. 27 00:00:47,754 --> 00:00:49,355 [Laughs] There you go. 28 00:00:49,356 --> 00:00:51,422 It always works out for young pregnant people. 29 00:00:51,423 --> 00:00:54,091 Now, go join Edie and Li'l Greg, 30 00:00:54,092 --> 00:00:55,358 and as a congrats, 31 00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:56,992 I have car wash gift certificates. 32 00:00:56,993 --> 00:00:58,425 I don't need to be celebrated. 33 00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:00,726 I'm sure my family will go completely overboard 34 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:01,960 like they always do. 35 00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:03,494 Right. Your family. 36 00:01:03,495 --> 00:01:04,495 I've met them. 37 00:01:04,496 --> 00:01:05,928 Not a subtle people. 38 00:01:05,929 --> 00:01:08,130 But let the fanfare begin. 39 00:01:08,131 --> 00:01:09,797 Doo-doo-doo-doo! 40 00:01:09,798 --> 00:01:10,964 A piece of paper. 41 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,074 Eric Goldberg Schwartz? 42 00:01:14,224 --> 00:01:15,722 You couldn't even spell my name right? 43 00:01:15,724 --> 00:01:17,124 Oh, G... We were close, though, weren't we? 44 00:01:17,126 --> 00:01:19,726 Let me just, uh, throw an "A" on there with my old trusty Bic. 45 00:01:19,728 --> 00:01:21,996 No. Mail me a new one with my girl name. 46 00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:24,564 That'll be an additional $1.50 postage. 47 00:01:24,566 --> 00:01:26,200 And ceremony complete. 48 00:01:26,202 --> 00:01:27,767 You all kinda did it. 49 00:01:27,769 --> 00:01:30,337 Though her college didn't quite rise to the occasion, 50 00:01:30,339 --> 00:01:32,306 Erica was certain my mom and Geoff would. 51 00:01:32,308 --> 00:01:33,308 I'm home. 52 00:01:33,309 --> 00:01:34,674 - Erica! - There she is. 53 00:01:34,676 --> 00:01:36,443 Close your eyes. Don't look at anything! 54 00:01:36,445 --> 00:01:39,946 Oh, no. Who could you possibly be celebrating? 55 00:01:39,948 --> 00:01:42,049 Dang it, you guys ruined the surprise. 56 00:01:42,051 --> 00:01:43,051 - Sorry. - Our fault. 57 00:01:43,052 --> 00:01:44,184 You know, that's on us 58 00:01:44,186 --> 00:01:45,819 for coming over here when you asked us for help. 59 00:01:45,821 --> 00:01:49,255 It's gonna be the biggest, bestest baby shower of all time. 60 00:01:49,257 --> 00:01:51,590 Baby shower? But we've already had two of those. 61 00:01:51,592 --> 00:01:52,925 And it's all for you. 62 00:01:52,927 --> 00:01:54,527 It doesn't seem like it's for me. 63 00:01:54,529 --> 00:01:56,829 Oh, because it's not. I am talking to your baby. 64 00:01:56,831 --> 00:01:58,231 [Chuckles] 65 00:01:58,233 --> 00:02:00,133 Hello, my yummy in the tummy. 66 00:02:00,135 --> 00:02:01,534 You're still cooking in the oven, 67 00:02:01,536 --> 00:02:02,835 but when you pop out, 68 00:02:02,837 --> 00:02:04,303 I'm gonna be the first person you see, 69 00:02:04,305 --> 00:02:07,306 and I'm gonna bring a spoon so I can gobble you up! 70 00:02:07,308 --> 00:02:09,842 And I'm bringing a delivery room door that locks. 71 00:02:09,844 --> 00:02:12,345 Shh, shh, shh. The baby's trying to tell me something. 72 00:02:12,347 --> 00:02:13,612 What's that? [Gasps] 73 00:02:13,614 --> 00:02:15,248 And you're my best friend. [Chuckles] 74 00:02:15,250 --> 00:02:16,682 - I'm really sorry, ladies. - Not sorry. 75 00:02:16,684 --> 00:02:18,117 Nobody wants that job. I'm good. 76 00:02:18,119 --> 00:02:19,318 I don't even listen anymore. 77 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:20,520 Erica: Geoff, there you are. 78 00:02:20,522 --> 00:02:22,988 You for sure know what I accomplished today. 79 00:02:22,990 --> 00:02:24,122 Big time. 80 00:02:24,124 --> 00:02:25,758 According to the 30 scientific books I read 81 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:26,959 on human gestation, 82 00:02:26,961 --> 00:02:29,194 today is the day our child developed fingernails. 83 00:02:29,196 --> 00:02:31,430 Right. Yeah, I guess that happened today, too. 84 00:02:31,432 --> 00:02:32,965 Beverly: I'm gonna teach you all about life, 85 00:02:32,967 --> 00:02:33,999 and you're gonna keep me young 86 00:02:34,001 --> 00:02:36,401 by teaching me all the new dances. 87 00:02:36,403 --> 00:02:38,904 And I think there's something that you two are forgetting. 88 00:02:38,906 --> 00:02:40,806 [Gasps] Oh, my God. How could we? 89 00:02:40,808 --> 00:02:43,208 My standard grandchild greeting. 90 00:02:43,210 --> 00:02:44,476 Kissy attack! 91 00:02:44,478 --> 00:02:45,811 Move your swollen hands, Erica. 92 00:02:45,813 --> 00:02:47,580 Let Daddy in for a helping, too. 93 00:02:47,582 --> 00:02:49,448 [Both smooching] 94 00:02:49,450 --> 00:02:51,116 ♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪ 95 00:02:51,118 --> 00:02:54,486 ♪ But nonetheless, I feel the need to say ♪ 96 00:02:57,223 --> 00:02:58,623 ♪ I don't know the future ♪ 97 00:02:58,625 --> 00:03:02,259 ♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪ 98 00:03:02,261 --> 00:03:04,629 It was October 12th, 1980-something, 99 00:03:04,631 --> 00:03:07,966 and I was living my dream, working in the movies. 100 00:03:07,968 --> 00:03:10,034 For now, my job was watching a cone, 101 00:03:10,036 --> 00:03:11,603 but this was surely the start 102 00:03:11,605 --> 00:03:13,504 of what would be a long Hollywood career. 103 00:03:13,506 --> 00:03:15,406 Cone boy, you're fired. 104 00:03:15,408 --> 00:03:17,008 - Wait, what? - Dems the breaks. 105 00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:18,476 Before you go, pack everything up. 106 00:03:18,478 --> 00:03:20,377 We're gonna move the whole production back to LA. 107 00:03:20,379 --> 00:03:22,080 I-I could stay on the team and go to LA. 108 00:03:22,082 --> 00:03:23,547 Oh, what a fun idea. 109 00:03:23,549 --> 00:03:24,549 No. 110 00:03:24,550 --> 00:03:26,016 But what about the cone? 111 00:03:26,018 --> 00:03:27,084 The cone's coming with us. 112 00:03:27,086 --> 00:03:29,019 The cone gets to go to LA?! 113 00:03:29,021 --> 00:03:30,321 The cone has value. 114 00:03:30,323 --> 00:03:32,823 You're gonna regret it when I'm big time! 115 00:03:32,825 --> 00:03:34,225 I think I'll be okay. 116 00:03:34,227 --> 00:03:35,392 Ah. 117 00:03:36,229 --> 00:03:37,394 Mr. Hasselhoff! 118 00:03:37,396 --> 00:03:39,396 There he is. The weird kid. 119 00:03:39,398 --> 00:03:41,098 - Evan. - Adam. 120 00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:43,434 And did you know the production is moving back to LA? 121 00:03:43,436 --> 00:03:44,602 Of course I do. 122 00:03:44,604 --> 00:03:45,636 I'm David Hasselhoff. 123 00:03:45,638 --> 00:03:47,538 - I know everything. - Damn it. 124 00:03:47,540 --> 00:03:50,407 And just as I'm really coming into my own with my cone work. 125 00:03:50,409 --> 00:03:51,775 Hey, can you help me? 126 00:03:51,777 --> 00:03:53,677 Maybe take me with you to La-La Land? 127 00:03:53,679 --> 00:03:56,947 Sorry, kid, they're gonna hire all new PAs in LA. 128 00:03:56,949 --> 00:03:59,249 And that's enough to end this conversation. 129 00:03:59,251 --> 00:04:01,484 Wha... David Hasselhoff, look out! 130 00:04:01,486 --> 00:04:03,019 Thanks, Evan. 131 00:04:03,021 --> 00:04:04,621 I owe you one. 132 00:04:04,623 --> 00:04:06,889 Yes, you do, David Hasselhoff. 133 00:04:06,891 --> 00:04:09,292 Yes, you do. 134 00:04:09,294 --> 00:04:11,594 How dare they not take you to California. 135 00:04:11,596 --> 00:04:12,695 You are vital. 136 00:04:12,697 --> 00:04:14,230 Maybe I'm fooling myself. 137 00:04:14,232 --> 00:04:16,332 Maybe anyone can watch a cone. 138 00:04:16,334 --> 00:04:18,301 You and I both know that's not true. 139 00:04:18,303 --> 00:04:20,170 I don't know what's true anymore. 140 00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:22,338 [Sighs] God, I miss that cone. 141 00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:24,073 What a sad tale of woe. 142 00:04:24,075 --> 00:04:26,942 How you holding up, fair brother of mine? 143 00:04:26,944 --> 00:04:28,611 Uh, fine, I guess. 144 00:04:28,613 --> 00:04:29,712 What's your angle? 145 00:04:29,714 --> 00:04:30,846 No angle. 146 00:04:30,848 --> 00:04:32,014 Just a friendly face 147 00:04:32,016 --> 00:04:33,783 offering his incredibly broad shoulder. 148 00:04:33,785 --> 00:04:34,785 Fuh-gicle? 149 00:04:34,786 --> 00:04:36,251 It's pronounced Fudge-sicle. 150 00:04:36,253 --> 00:04:38,087 Again, what's happening right now? 151 00:04:38,089 --> 00:04:40,756 Your girlfriend moved away. You lost your job. 152 00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:43,192 This must be a really hard time for you. 153 00:04:43,194 --> 00:04:45,127 Let's workshop these feelings. 154 00:04:45,129 --> 00:04:47,229 To give you ammo to destroy me? 155 00:04:47,231 --> 00:04:48,430 To support you. 156 00:04:48,432 --> 00:04:50,666 Just stop stalling and get to the mean stuff. 157 00:04:50,668 --> 00:04:52,668 You know, I suck, I'm a loser, 158 00:04:52,670 --> 00:04:54,904 disparaging remarks about my hair, glasses, 159 00:04:54,906 --> 00:04:56,238 and lack of athleticism. 160 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,008 Hey, you don't get to pick the body you're born with. 161 00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:00,309 And I just want to help you 162 00:05:00,311 --> 00:05:02,277 get back on your extremely flat feet. 163 00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:03,679 Because then I'll owe you 164 00:05:03,681 --> 00:05:04,747 and you'll make me pay you back 165 00:05:04,749 --> 00:05:06,582 in some publicly humiliating way? 166 00:05:06,584 --> 00:05:10,484 Adam, amigo, chum, never. 167 00:05:10,486 --> 00:05:12,087 Now that Dad's gone, 168 00:05:12,089 --> 00:05:14,255 someone's got to be the man of the house. 169 00:05:14,257 --> 00:05:17,291 And as the oldest, wisest, and most jacked, 170 00:05:17,293 --> 00:05:18,927 that's obviously me. 171 00:05:18,929 --> 00:05:20,695 And there it was. 172 00:05:20,697 --> 00:05:23,297 Barry didn't just want to be my compassionate older brother. 173 00:05:23,299 --> 00:05:25,200 He wanted to be my dad. 174 00:05:25,202 --> 00:05:27,969 Oh, balls. 175 00:05:27,971 --> 00:05:29,503 I cherish you, brother. 176 00:05:29,505 --> 00:05:30,872 I'm ready to get messy when you are. 177 00:05:30,874 --> 00:05:32,874 It seems like you already got a head start. 178 00:05:32,876 --> 00:05:34,042 Oh, damn it. 179 00:05:34,044 --> 00:05:36,644 My fuh-gicle is pooling in the crook of my elbow. 180 00:05:36,646 --> 00:05:37,846 All the towels! 181 00:05:37,848 --> 00:05:39,914 While Barry wanted to advise me, 182 00:05:39,916 --> 00:05:43,118 Erica went to her mother-in-law for advice of her own. 183 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,786 So, what's going on? 184 00:05:45,788 --> 00:05:47,921 Well, ever since I got pregnant, 185 00:05:47,923 --> 00:05:49,489 everyone has forgotten about me 186 00:05:49,491 --> 00:05:51,191 and only been focusing on the baby. 187 00:05:51,193 --> 00:05:52,592 Eyes up here, Linda. 188 00:05:52,594 --> 00:05:53,761 Oh, I'm so sorry. 189 00:05:53,763 --> 00:05:54,928 But you're basically just a thing 190 00:05:54,930 --> 00:05:56,529 that carries the baby now. 191 00:05:56,531 --> 00:05:58,365 And by "thing," you mean a person 192 00:05:58,367 --> 00:06:00,167 who is loved and respected, right? 193 00:06:00,169 --> 00:06:03,436 No. I would describe you as more of a bucket. 194 00:06:03,438 --> 00:06:04,704 A bucket? 195 00:06:04,706 --> 00:06:07,174 What's in that bucket is all that matters. 196 00:06:07,176 --> 00:06:09,476 But this all stops once I have the kid? 197 00:06:09,478 --> 00:06:11,011 It'll get much worse. 198 00:06:11,013 --> 00:06:13,546 See, then you're a mother, and mothers are invisible. 199 00:06:13,548 --> 00:06:16,516 Like an old bucket that's exhausted and no one cares about. 200 00:06:16,518 --> 00:06:18,485 All this bucket talk is super disappointing. 201 00:06:18,487 --> 00:06:19,487 But true. 202 00:06:19,488 --> 00:06:21,621 For instance, today is my birthday, 203 00:06:21,623 --> 00:06:24,891 and not a single person in my life remembered. 204 00:06:24,893 --> 00:06:26,025 Lou: Linda. 205 00:06:26,027 --> 00:06:27,860 The foot water is tepid! 206 00:06:27,862 --> 00:06:29,496 It needs to be refreshed! 207 00:06:29,498 --> 00:06:31,298 Be there in a jiff, honey bun! 208 00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:33,633 A jiff is not a measure of time I recognize. 209 00:06:33,635 --> 00:06:34,934 But speaking of Jif, 210 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:40,039 I would like a spoon of some crunchy peanut butter while I soak. 211 00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:42,409 - Wow. - [Chuckles] 212 00:06:42,411 --> 00:06:44,110 - Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. - Mm. 213 00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,878 Well, you get used to it. 214 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,481 I mean, I'm not talking about the peanut butter and feet part, 215 00:06:48,483 --> 00:06:50,049 but the other things. 216 00:06:50,051 --> 00:06:51,484 That's the bucket life. 217 00:06:51,486 --> 00:06:53,586 But I don't want the bucket life. 218 00:06:53,588 --> 00:06:54,954 Geoff and my mom forgot 219 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,956 that I graduated from college yesterday. 220 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,158 Oh, congratulations! 221 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,294 It's just like when I became a councilwoman. 222 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:03,462 Holy crap. You're a Jenkintown councilwoman? 223 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:04,464 Two terms. 224 00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:06,065 Just drop them some hints. 225 00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:08,400 Knowing Bevy and Geoff, it won't take much, 226 00:07:08,402 --> 00:07:11,237 and they will be mortified that they forgot. 227 00:07:11,239 --> 00:07:12,905 I mean, it's not like they're Lou. 228 00:07:12,907 --> 00:07:17,009 Linda, my hand has exactly zero spoons 229 00:07:17,011 --> 00:07:19,111 of chunky peanut butter. 230 00:07:19,113 --> 00:07:20,546 Happy birthday, Councilwoman. 231 00:07:20,548 --> 00:07:23,015 While Erica was scared of Linda's cautionary tale, 232 00:07:23,017 --> 00:07:25,484 I had my own upsetting story to tell. 233 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:27,686 Mr. Glascott, I need to talk to you. 234 00:07:27,688 --> 00:07:29,521 Is it about my provocative sunbathing? 235 00:07:29,523 --> 00:07:31,790 Honor the code of the neighbor's fence 236 00:07:31,792 --> 00:07:32,991 and stop peering over. 237 00:07:32,993 --> 00:07:34,393 This is about something very different... 238 00:07:34,395 --> 00:07:35,561 Barry. 239 00:07:35,563 --> 00:07:37,796 Ooh. Family intrigue. 240 00:07:37,798 --> 00:07:40,165 Dish the dirt, you sassy hen. 241 00:07:40,167 --> 00:07:42,100 Okay, I guess. 242 00:07:42,102 --> 00:07:43,602 In the wake of my dad's passing, 243 00:07:43,604 --> 00:07:45,303 Barry's trying to fill his shoes... 244 00:07:45,305 --> 00:07:46,805 Metaphorically, of course. 245 00:07:46,807 --> 00:07:48,774 In reality, my dad's shoes were disgusting, 246 00:07:48,776 --> 00:07:49,908 as they housed his feet. 247 00:07:49,910 --> 00:07:53,478 He once stole my newspaper barefoot, so I know. 248 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,179 And exactly what is Barry doing? 249 00:07:55,181 --> 00:07:57,214 Well, for one, he keeps trying to spend time with me 250 00:07:57,216 --> 00:07:58,816 because he knows I miss my girlfriend. 251 00:07:58,818 --> 00:08:00,418 - How dare he! - Yeah. 252 00:08:00,420 --> 00:08:03,220 Wait, that sounds surprisingly evolved. 253 00:08:03,222 --> 00:08:06,491 If your brother Barry, who has historically been a buffoon, 254 00:08:06,493 --> 00:08:09,293 is stepping up in a kind way, I say let him. 255 00:08:09,295 --> 00:08:10,928 - Maybe you're right. - Yeah. 256 00:08:10,930 --> 00:08:12,663 Ah. There you are, sport. 257 00:08:12,665 --> 00:08:14,699 It's almost time to wash up for dinner. 258 00:08:14,701 --> 00:08:15,900 Wash up? 259 00:08:15,902 --> 00:08:17,468 You once tried to see how many quarters 260 00:08:17,470 --> 00:08:18,669 you could fit in your mouth. 261 00:08:18,671 --> 00:08:19,837 48. 262 00:08:19,839 --> 00:08:21,672 And I sure hope you picked up your room 263 00:08:21,674 --> 00:08:23,741 like your mother asked you to, sport. 264 00:08:23,743 --> 00:08:25,810 Barry, you and I share the room. 265 00:08:25,812 --> 00:08:27,577 And you're the one who started the Doritos fight. 266 00:08:27,579 --> 00:08:30,281 And I almost forgot... I just bought this for you. 267 00:08:30,283 --> 00:08:32,649 Thought it might make for some good dinnertime convo. 268 00:08:32,651 --> 00:08:33,984 "Your Changing Body"?! 269 00:08:33,986 --> 00:08:35,052 Don't worry, sport. 270 00:08:35,054 --> 00:08:36,486 There are no stupid questions. 271 00:08:36,488 --> 00:08:38,122 Especially about sex. 272 00:08:38,124 --> 00:08:39,356 That is confusing. 273 00:08:39,358 --> 00:08:40,958 My body has already changed! 274 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,226 And stop calling me sport! 275 00:08:42,228 --> 00:08:44,494 They can be so difficult at this age, 276 00:08:44,496 --> 00:08:45,829 but that's the job. 277 00:08:45,831 --> 00:08:47,231 - Come here. - Oh! 278 00:08:47,233 --> 00:08:49,866 Hey, listen, be home before the street lights come on. 279 00:08:49,868 --> 00:08:51,402 Bye, Mr. Glascott. 280 00:08:52,939 --> 00:08:54,838 Yeah, I was way wrong. 281 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,308 Barry can't be the man of the house. 282 00:08:57,310 --> 00:08:59,643 You're right, Mr. Glascott. He can't. 283 00:08:59,645 --> 00:09:01,911 But someone else can. 284 00:09:01,913 --> 00:09:05,381 Is it me? Because I'm very not interested. 285 00:09:05,383 --> 00:09:06,983 Whoa. Slow down, book. 286 00:09:06,985 --> 00:09:08,451 I'm only on page 7. 287 00:09:08,453 --> 00:09:10,553 While I had to come up with a plan to stop Barry, 288 00:09:10,555 --> 00:09:13,256 Erica was ready to drop some very clear hints 289 00:09:13,258 --> 00:09:14,523 to my mom and Geoff. 290 00:09:14,525 --> 00:09:15,858 Hey, guys. Whatcha doing? 291 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,093 Oh, nothing. 292 00:09:17,095 --> 00:09:20,063 Just making a little baby shower cake. [Chuckles] 293 00:09:20,065 --> 00:09:21,297 What's that? 294 00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:23,732 Well, cloth diapers are arranged in a circular trifold 295 00:09:23,734 --> 00:09:25,401 to make up the cake portion. 296 00:09:25,403 --> 00:09:28,671 The frosting layer is made entirely of burp cloths, 297 00:09:28,673 --> 00:09:31,040 fashioned into a Dutch-Hungarian braid, 298 00:09:31,042 --> 00:09:32,342 decorated with roses, 299 00:09:32,344 --> 00:09:36,712 each one made out of 27 itty-bitty mini safety pins. 300 00:09:36,714 --> 00:09:38,614 And I made a pile. 301 00:09:38,616 --> 00:09:39,682 Gosh. 302 00:09:39,684 --> 00:09:41,116 Everyone's going to so much trouble 303 00:09:41,118 --> 00:09:44,954 just because I'm graduating to the next phase of life. 304 00:09:44,956 --> 00:09:46,321 [Chuckling] Oh, Schmoo, 305 00:09:46,323 --> 00:09:48,323 what an odd way to express your thanks, 306 00:09:48,325 --> 00:09:49,658 but it's our pleasure. 307 00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:50,960 Seems that way. 308 00:09:50,962 --> 00:09:54,730 But still, there are so many other important events in people's lives. 309 00:09:54,732 --> 00:09:55,865 Some that make you so happy, 310 00:09:55,867 --> 00:09:59,034 you just wanna throw your cap in the air. 311 00:09:59,036 --> 00:10:00,836 Nonsense. 312 00:10:00,838 --> 00:10:03,105 What could be more important than our little star? 313 00:10:03,975 --> 00:10:06,675 Who's about to make its debut on the stage of life. 314 00:10:06,677 --> 00:10:07,809 Mwah. 315 00:10:07,811 --> 00:10:10,245 Speaking of tortured theater metaphors, 316 00:10:10,247 --> 00:10:11,413 can we think of something else 317 00:10:11,415 --> 00:10:13,448 that you might want to cross a stage for? 318 00:10:15,486 --> 00:10:16,486 Mnh-mnh. 319 00:10:16,487 --> 00:10:17,952 Honey, you've been off lately, 320 00:10:17,954 --> 00:10:19,321 and I think I know why. 321 00:10:19,323 --> 00:10:21,523 I really, really hope you do. 322 00:10:21,525 --> 00:10:23,058 You're nervous about the baby coming. 323 00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:24,694 - Oh, God. What? No. - Yes. 324 00:10:24,796 --> 00:10:26,895 Erica, it's totally normal to be nervous. 325 00:10:26,997 --> 00:10:28,363 I mean, I'm nervous. 326 00:10:28,365 --> 00:10:30,365 My cool new friends I met down at Baby World are nervous. 327 00:10:30,367 --> 00:10:32,367 Is that why you were gone for seven hours yesterday? 328 00:10:32,369 --> 00:10:34,569 You were picking up strangers at a baby superstore? 329 00:10:34,571 --> 00:10:36,471 Okay, Lee and Deb are no longer strangers, 330 00:10:36,473 --> 00:10:38,173 and I learned so much... 331 00:10:38,175 --> 00:10:40,141 Feeding, changing, burping. 332 00:10:40,143 --> 00:10:42,110 It can all be so exciting and scary. 333 00:10:42,112 --> 00:10:44,812 That's why I signed us up for a baby care class 334 00:10:44,814 --> 00:10:46,380 that we can all take together. 335 00:10:46,382 --> 00:10:48,015 Wait, like, all three of us? 336 00:10:48,017 --> 00:10:49,683 Oh, while there's nothing left for me to learn, 337 00:10:49,685 --> 00:10:51,185 I can be there to support you 338 00:10:51,187 --> 00:10:55,056 and hold that instructor to impossibly high standards. 339 00:10:55,058 --> 00:10:56,791 Thanks, but no thanks. 340 00:10:56,793 --> 00:10:58,259 You're welcome, and you're going. 341 00:10:59,695 --> 00:11:00,828 And this is just the thing 342 00:11:00,830 --> 00:11:03,831 to help you focus on what really matters. 343 00:11:03,833 --> 00:11:05,466 The baby in your belly. 344 00:11:05,468 --> 00:11:08,369 Erica, look, the new baby carrier finally arrived. 345 00:11:08,371 --> 00:11:09,703 Let's strap you in. 346 00:11:09,705 --> 00:11:12,874 Yep. My mom and Geoff had not gotten the hint. 347 00:11:12,876 --> 00:11:15,276 Their obsession with the baby was worse than ever. 348 00:11:15,278 --> 00:11:17,444 Oh, you're a baby taxi. 349 00:11:17,446 --> 00:11:20,314 But one thing was perfectly clear to Erica. 350 00:11:20,316 --> 00:11:21,415 I'm a bucket. 351 00:11:24,134 --> 00:11:26,386 My brother was determined to be the man of the house, 352 00:11:26,771 --> 00:11:29,890 but someone else was about to throw his hat in the ring. 353 00:11:30,098 --> 00:11:31,099 Amazing news, everyone... 354 00:11:31,474 --> 00:11:33,518 I am the man of the house. 355 00:11:33,685 --> 00:11:34,851 Ooh, I can't wait to hear 356 00:11:34,853 --> 00:11:36,752 what the sweaty one says about this. 357 00:11:36,754 --> 00:11:38,587 Falsehoods and untruths! 358 00:11:38,589 --> 00:11:39,589 And away we go. 359 00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:41,390 Adam is not the man of the house 360 00:11:41,392 --> 00:11:43,326 because I've already claimed that mantle 361 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:45,094 with my words and deeds. 362 00:11:45,096 --> 00:11:47,330 For sure, but do you have the official paperwork? 363 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:48,397 Because I do. 364 00:11:48,399 --> 00:11:50,265 Oh, look, it's embossed for some reason. 365 00:11:50,267 --> 00:11:51,400 This isn't valid. 366 00:11:51,402 --> 00:11:53,402 What sanctioning body okayed this? 367 00:11:53,404 --> 00:11:56,372 What's not okay is the anxiety I feel 368 00:11:56,374 --> 00:11:57,773 every time I come over here. 369 00:11:57,775 --> 00:12:00,376 Can it, Ginzy. Possible men are talking. 370 00:12:00,378 --> 00:12:02,311 And now that I've filed the proper paperwork, 371 00:12:02,313 --> 00:12:05,047 my first order of business as man of the house... 372 00:12:05,049 --> 00:12:07,282 Barry, clean the gutters! 373 00:12:07,284 --> 00:12:09,885 - [Scoffs] What? - It's the beginning of fall. 374 00:12:09,887 --> 00:12:12,154 Only a crazy person would expend the shoulder strength 375 00:12:12,156 --> 00:12:13,589 on such a fool's errand. 376 00:12:13,591 --> 00:12:15,358 I command you to do your homework. 377 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,160 It's pretty well established I'm a college dropout, dude. 378 00:12:18,162 --> 00:12:20,730 Now go get the ladder and your leaf-scooping gloves. 379 00:12:20,732 --> 00:12:23,666 Ooh. We got a classic man-off brewing in our midsts. 380 00:12:23,668 --> 00:12:26,634 It's utterly meaningless, but it beats hanging streamers. 381 00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:29,303 Oh, damn it, I forgot the ice. 382 00:12:29,305 --> 00:12:30,805 Ohh. 383 00:12:30,807 --> 00:12:32,407 It was the one task Murray used to do 384 00:12:32,409 --> 00:12:34,008 when we had people over. 385 00:12:34,010 --> 00:12:35,510 I'm surprised he did one. [Snickers] 386 00:12:35,512 --> 00:12:37,345 And your husband's Bob [bleep] Vila? 387 00:12:37,347 --> 00:12:38,980 Show some respect, Essie. 388 00:12:38,982 --> 00:12:42,751 So, you'd say getting ice is the man of the house's job? 389 00:12:42,753 --> 00:12:44,919 I'm saying it's anybody- who-will-get-it's job. 390 00:12:44,921 --> 00:12:45,987 Not anyone. 391 00:12:45,989 --> 00:12:47,121 Man of the house. 392 00:12:47,123 --> 00:12:48,390 And that's me. 393 00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:49,491 Not if I do it first! 394 00:12:49,493 --> 00:12:50,859 Oh! Come on! 395 00:12:50,861 --> 00:12:51,861 My glasses! 396 00:12:51,862 --> 00:12:54,128 Oh. They're such sweet boys. 397 00:12:54,130 --> 00:12:55,930 There's a good chance someone could get hurt, 398 00:12:55,932 --> 00:12:58,966 but on the plus side, cold beverages. 399 00:12:58,968 --> 00:13:02,069 And so, my brother and I raced to the store for ice. 400 00:13:02,071 --> 00:13:04,538 The stakes were surprisingly high for frozen water. 401 00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:07,741 All Barry had to do was find it. 402 00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:08,910 Where's the ice? 403 00:13:08,912 --> 00:13:10,577 Where's the ice?! 404 00:13:10,579 --> 00:13:12,780 Ice, reveal yourself! 405 00:13:12,782 --> 00:13:14,148 Come on, Barry, think! 406 00:13:14,150 --> 00:13:16,517 All the times you came here and didn't buy ice. 407 00:13:16,519 --> 00:13:18,685 Where did you not go? 408 00:13:18,687 --> 00:13:20,187 Oh! Ice! 409 00:13:20,189 --> 00:13:21,322 Of course! 410 00:13:21,324 --> 00:13:23,457 Come on. Come on. Come on. 411 00:13:23,459 --> 00:13:25,826 Yo, bro, you can't just get ice. 412 00:13:25,828 --> 00:13:27,128 Corporate counts our cups. 413 00:13:27,130 --> 00:13:29,297 Where I'm going, I don't need cups. 414 00:13:29,299 --> 00:13:30,496 - What? - I don't know. 415 00:13:33,101 --> 00:13:36,769 They keep the ice outside the store, ya moron. 416 00:13:36,771 --> 00:13:39,039 Face it, Bar, I'm the man of the house. 417 00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:40,140 How? 418 00:13:40,142 --> 00:13:42,108 When Dad needed ice, he'd bring me 419 00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:44,044 so I could run inside and pay for it. 420 00:13:44,046 --> 00:13:45,946 He couldn't even do that one task. 421 00:13:45,948 --> 00:13:47,747 And neither could you. 422 00:13:47,749 --> 00:13:49,149 You know what? 423 00:13:49,151 --> 00:13:50,383 You're right. 424 00:13:50,385 --> 00:13:52,518 It's not as much fun if you just give up. 425 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:53,619 What's the point? 426 00:13:53,621 --> 00:13:54,687 I saw you struggling 427 00:13:54,689 --> 00:13:56,189 and I thought I could step up and help, 428 00:13:56,191 --> 00:13:58,691 but you don't respect me. 429 00:13:58,693 --> 00:13:59,892 Why would you? 430 00:13:59,894 --> 00:14:02,395 I can't even get ice. Gah! 431 00:14:02,397 --> 00:14:05,331 My competition with Barry had left him feeling cold. 432 00:14:05,333 --> 00:14:08,367 Meanwhile, Erica's frustration was heating up. 433 00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:11,536 Welcome to Caring for Your Newborn, 434 00:14:11,538 --> 00:14:14,639 where you will learn the basics of life with your new baby. 435 00:14:14,641 --> 00:14:17,309 We're all suckling at your teat of knowledge. 436 00:14:17,311 --> 00:14:18,577 Sorry, bad start. 437 00:14:18,579 --> 00:14:20,579 Now, I'm glad to see everyone has a partner. 438 00:14:20,581 --> 00:14:22,448 Some of you are lucky to have two. 439 00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:24,049 So, so lucky. 440 00:14:24,051 --> 00:14:25,351 I'm the grandma. 441 00:14:25,353 --> 00:14:28,053 I know it's confusing 'cause I look so young. 442 00:14:28,055 --> 00:14:29,221 I think they get it. 443 00:14:29,223 --> 00:14:31,256 I made her, and she's making the baby. 444 00:14:31,258 --> 00:14:33,125 We're like those Russian nesting dolls, 445 00:14:33,127 --> 00:14:35,027 but with real people. [Chuckles] 446 00:14:35,029 --> 00:14:37,096 And I'm the biggest doll. 447 00:14:37,098 --> 00:14:39,097 I guess I'm the sad middle doll. 448 00:14:39,099 --> 00:14:41,599 I got Philadelphia 76ers nesting dolls at home, 449 00:14:41,601 --> 00:14:43,767 but I lost the bottom to Moses Malone. 450 00:14:43,769 --> 00:14:45,136 O-kay. 451 00:14:45,138 --> 00:14:47,438 If no one else has anything to say about dolls, 452 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,607 let's learn how to swaddle. 453 00:14:49,609 --> 00:14:52,043 But Erica wasn't really there to learn anything. 454 00:14:52,045 --> 00:14:53,944 Cheggit. Super-baby. 455 00:14:53,946 --> 00:14:54,979 In fact... 456 00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,214 [Thud] Ooh! 457 00:14:56,216 --> 00:14:57,216 ... she didn't want to be there at all. 458 00:14:57,217 --> 00:14:58,417 How'd you get so dirty? 459 00:14:58,418 --> 00:14:59,783 Look, it's surfing. 460 00:14:59,784 --> 00:15:00,816 Hang ten, dude. 461 00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:01,850 Now, get it out. 462 00:15:03,123 --> 00:15:04,489 [Burps] Oh. 463 00:15:04,491 --> 00:15:05,623 Burped myself. 464 00:15:06,359 --> 00:15:08,026 Oh! 465 00:15:08,028 --> 00:15:10,228 Alright, well, I think I got it. I'm out. 466 00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:11,329 Wait, where are you going? 467 00:15:11,331 --> 00:15:13,130 We haven't even learned about nipple latching. 468 00:15:13,132 --> 00:15:14,865 It's tougher than you think, Erica. 469 00:15:14,867 --> 00:15:16,567 I couldn't get you off of me. 470 00:15:16,569 --> 00:15:19,336 When you were three weeks old, I wore you to a dinner party. 471 00:15:19,338 --> 00:15:20,437 What's her problem? 472 00:15:20,439 --> 00:15:22,640 [Scoffs] I knew this would happen. 473 00:15:22,642 --> 00:15:25,576 I set too high a standard for being a mother. 474 00:15:25,578 --> 00:15:27,277 At least that's what my mom thought, 475 00:15:27,279 --> 00:15:28,846 but at the moment, raising a kid 476 00:15:28,848 --> 00:15:31,281 was the last thing on Erica's mind. 477 00:15:31,283 --> 00:15:34,351 And another thing, you are gonna return that baby doll. 478 00:15:34,353 --> 00:15:37,054 Nah, it's a little souvenir for the fun day I had. 479 00:15:37,056 --> 00:15:38,221 Time for night-night. 480 00:15:38,223 --> 00:15:40,758 Aah! It doesn't have the neck muscles for that yet! 481 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:43,126 Well, the good news is I talked Ms. Maria 482 00:15:43,128 --> 00:15:45,862 into honoring you with this. 483 00:15:45,864 --> 00:15:47,464 A baby class diploma? 484 00:15:47,466 --> 00:15:48,731 Not that you deserve it. 485 00:15:48,733 --> 00:15:52,135 And with that, my sister had finally had enough. 486 00:15:52,137 --> 00:15:54,104 You know what? You're right. 487 00:15:54,106 --> 00:15:55,705 I may not deserve this diploma, 488 00:15:55,707 --> 00:15:57,974 but I'm pretty sure that I deserve this one. 489 00:15:59,211 --> 00:16:01,144 I graduated from college yesterday. 490 00:16:01,146 --> 00:16:03,580 - Ohhhh. - [Bleep] 491 00:16:03,582 --> 00:16:05,682 But nobody remembered and no one cared, 492 00:16:05,684 --> 00:16:08,218 because clearly, all that matters is this baby, 493 00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:09,453 and I'm just a bucket. 494 00:16:11,090 --> 00:16:12,522 It was my birthday yesterday! 495 00:16:13,725 --> 00:16:15,024 I am so sorry. 496 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,013 I had to fix the damage I did to Barry. 497 00:16:20,115 --> 00:16:23,082 Luckily, a TV superstar owed me a favor. 498 00:16:23,084 --> 00:16:24,284 Mr. Hasselhoff. 499 00:16:24,286 --> 00:16:26,420 Oh, no. 500 00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:28,270 Now what? 501 00:16:28,313 --> 00:16:30,773 You're desperately needed to resolve a small family issue. 502 00:16:31,065 --> 00:16:33,399 That's definitely something I should be involved in, 503 00:16:33,401 --> 00:16:36,035 but I'm on a plane back to LA in a few hours. 504 00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:38,337 But you said, "I owe you one." 505 00:16:38,339 --> 00:16:40,807 "I owe you one" is an expression. 506 00:16:40,809 --> 00:16:42,441 It's not a binding agreement. 507 00:16:42,443 --> 00:16:45,611 So David Hasselhoff's word is worthless? 508 00:16:45,613 --> 00:16:48,114 I wonder if John Tesh and Mary Hart 509 00:16:48,116 --> 00:16:49,315 would like to hear about that. 510 00:16:49,317 --> 00:16:50,916 Not the "Entertainment Tonight" hosts. 511 00:16:50,918 --> 00:16:52,217 You could live up to your word. 512 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,152 Just take me to your problem. 513 00:16:54,154 --> 00:16:56,288 David Hasselhoff is happy to help! [Chuckles] 514 00:16:57,791 --> 00:16:59,624 Hey, Bar, it's me. Open the door. 515 00:16:59,626 --> 00:17:01,326 Barry: I don't want to talk to you. 516 00:17:01,328 --> 00:17:04,329 I get it, but I have someone here you will want to talk to. 517 00:17:04,331 --> 00:17:05,763 It's your personal hero. 518 00:17:05,765 --> 00:17:07,532 - Is it Carl Weathers? - No. 519 00:17:07,534 --> 00:17:09,367 - Chuck Norris? - No. 520 00:17:09,369 --> 00:17:10,969 - Lou Ferrigno? - No. 521 00:17:10,971 --> 00:17:12,704 - Jean-Claude Van Damme? - No! 522 00:17:12,706 --> 00:17:14,772 - Tony Danza? - No! 523 00:17:14,774 --> 00:17:17,642 Just open the damn door! It's David Hasselhoff! 524 00:17:17,644 --> 00:17:18,944 [Gasps] 525 00:17:18,946 --> 00:17:22,047 David Hasselhoff from "Knight Rider"? 526 00:17:22,049 --> 00:17:23,315 Is KITT here, too? 527 00:17:23,317 --> 00:17:24,983 I should be enough. 528 00:17:24,985 --> 00:17:26,918 I'm sorry. 529 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,687 I'm just having a really hard time right now, 530 00:17:29,689 --> 00:17:31,322 David Hasselhoff. 531 00:17:31,324 --> 00:17:33,924 Look, I'm here to say... 532 00:17:35,762 --> 00:17:37,562 What was it again? 533 00:17:37,564 --> 00:17:40,465 "Barry, you don't need to fill your dad's shoes, 534 00:17:40,467 --> 00:17:42,467 because no one can. 535 00:17:42,469 --> 00:17:45,703 But it was nice that you tried to step up for your brother, 536 00:17:45,705 --> 00:17:48,239 and even though sometimes you go too far, 537 00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:51,342 "he appreciates it... A lot." 538 00:17:51,344 --> 00:17:53,210 He does, David Hasselhoff? 539 00:17:53,212 --> 00:17:55,145 And David has one more thing to say. 540 00:17:57,149 --> 00:17:59,684 "Adam couldn't ask for a better brother. 541 00:17:59,686 --> 00:18:01,719 And that's all you ever need to be." 542 00:18:01,721 --> 00:18:04,821 Oh, damn it, David Hasselhoff. 543 00:18:04,823 --> 00:18:08,092 You know all the right things to say. 544 00:18:08,094 --> 00:18:09,927 Get over here, bro. 545 00:18:09,929 --> 00:18:11,262 Look at that. 546 00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:13,030 What a nice, weird moment. 547 00:18:13,032 --> 00:18:16,733 Sometimes all it takes is a TV icon to make things right, 548 00:18:16,735 --> 00:18:20,070 but all Geoff had was his big heart. 549 00:18:20,072 --> 00:18:21,605 Let me get that for you. 550 00:18:21,607 --> 00:18:22,706 Thanks. 551 00:18:22,708 --> 00:18:24,341 I'm as big as a house. 552 00:18:24,343 --> 00:18:26,810 But the most beautiful house I've ever seen. 553 00:18:26,812 --> 00:18:28,812 Like the place where Batman lives. 554 00:18:28,814 --> 00:18:30,180 You know, not the cave part, 555 00:18:30,182 --> 00:18:33,017 but the upstairs with all the wood and the fireplace. 556 00:18:33,019 --> 00:18:34,684 No, I got it. Nice house. 557 00:18:34,686 --> 00:18:36,887 Erica, I messed up. 558 00:18:36,889 --> 00:18:38,755 You deserve to be celebrated. 559 00:18:38,757 --> 00:18:40,790 You're the most kick-ass person I know. 560 00:18:40,792 --> 00:18:43,626 Graduating from Penn early... That's amazing. 561 00:18:43,628 --> 00:18:44,994 Just like you are. 562 00:18:44,996 --> 00:18:47,463 And I'm so, so proud of you. 563 00:18:47,465 --> 00:18:49,799 Sure, well, it's pretty well established 564 00:18:49,801 --> 00:18:51,200 - that I am the best. - [Chuckles] 565 00:18:51,202 --> 00:18:52,902 You really are. 566 00:18:52,904 --> 00:18:54,437 And as your husband 567 00:18:54,439 --> 00:18:58,674 and the father to whatever's going on in here, 568 00:18:58,676 --> 00:19:00,109 I need to do a better job 569 00:19:00,111 --> 00:19:02,178 at honoring the amazing woman you are. 570 00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:03,679 Starting with this. 571 00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:06,349 What did you do? 572 00:19:06,351 --> 00:19:09,185 I made a call to Provost Dean. 573 00:19:09,187 --> 00:19:10,920 Put it on and come downstairs. 574 00:19:10,922 --> 00:19:12,655 ["Pomp and Circumstance" plays] 575 00:19:12,657 --> 00:19:14,522 It may have come late, 576 00:19:14,524 --> 00:19:17,092 and it may have been a repurposed baby shower, 577 00:19:17,094 --> 00:19:18,460 but that day, 578 00:19:18,462 --> 00:19:20,628 Erica got the graduation she deserved. 579 00:19:20,630 --> 00:19:22,364 ♪♪ 580 00:19:22,366 --> 00:19:25,033 There's my graduating Schmoopie. 581 00:19:25,035 --> 00:19:26,268 Mom. 582 00:19:26,270 --> 00:19:28,903 Erica, I couldn't be more excited about your baby, 583 00:19:28,905 --> 00:19:31,940 but you were my baby first, 584 00:19:31,942 --> 00:19:34,176 and that will never change. 585 00:19:34,178 --> 00:19:36,011 We all love you so much. 586 00:19:36,013 --> 00:19:37,545 Even me. 587 00:19:37,547 --> 00:19:40,682 But I do now question if I should even be talking in this moment. 588 00:19:40,684 --> 00:19:41,716 Essie: We've all had some wine. 589 00:19:41,718 --> 00:19:43,651 You said this was non-alcoholic. 590 00:19:43,653 --> 00:19:45,920 You'll be fine. Congratulations. 591 00:19:45,922 --> 00:19:48,055 Dean Provost Dean, you may begin. 592 00:19:48,057 --> 00:19:50,492 [Chuckles] Lucky me. 593 00:19:50,494 --> 00:19:52,760 Erica Goldberg Schwartz, 594 00:19:52,762 --> 00:19:54,295 will you please accept this diploma? 595 00:19:54,297 --> 00:19:56,698 - Whoo! - [Laughing] Oh! 596 00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:59,233 My baby graduated! She did it! 597 00:19:59,235 --> 00:20:01,102 That's my wife! 598 00:20:01,104 --> 00:20:04,672 And for your commencement speaker, um... 599 00:20:04,674 --> 00:20:06,674 David Hasselhoff? 600 00:20:06,676 --> 00:20:07,976 Really? 601 00:20:07,978 --> 00:20:09,844 Yeah. Really? 602 00:20:09,846 --> 00:20:11,245 I mean, you're here. 603 00:20:11,247 --> 00:20:13,515 And what you said upstairs was really moving. 604 00:20:13,517 --> 00:20:14,682 Fine. 605 00:20:14,684 --> 00:20:16,751 But I definitely no longer owe you one. 606 00:20:17,854 --> 00:20:21,622 [Cheers and applause, camera shutter clicks] 607 00:20:21,624 --> 00:20:25,091 Friends, parents, graduate, 608 00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:29,329 while I'm not entirely sure why I'm here, 609 00:20:29,331 --> 00:20:31,632 there is one thing I do know. 610 00:20:31,634 --> 00:20:33,333 It's important to celebrate 611 00:20:33,335 --> 00:20:37,871 the big things and the small things, 612 00:20:37,873 --> 00:20:41,207 and frankly, everything in between, 613 00:20:41,209 --> 00:20:45,078 because none of us know what life is gonna bring, 614 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,916 and while you're around the people that you love, 615 00:20:48,918 --> 00:20:52,152 you gotta celebrate it all. 616 00:20:52,154 --> 00:20:55,455 I couldn't have said it better myself, David Hasselhoff. 617 00:20:57,665 --> 00:20:58,749 Have you seen your mother? 618 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:01,085 She needs to put the drawstrings back in my sweatpants. 619 00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:04,046 I haven't seen her, but have you considered doing it yourself? 620 00:21:04,213 --> 00:21:05,779 Are you mad, son? 621 00:21:05,781 --> 00:21:07,049 These fingers are like sausages. 622 00:21:07,216 --> 00:21:08,634 They have no taper. How about you, Erica? 623 00:21:08,743 --> 00:21:10,142 How about me, what? 624 00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:11,577 Dad, why don't you just put on some jeans? 625 00:21:11,579 --> 00:21:14,613 Oh, is that your generation's solution to everything? 626 00:21:14,615 --> 00:21:15,781 Denim? 627 00:21:15,783 --> 00:21:17,950 I want to watch TV in relaxed pants. 628 00:21:17,952 --> 00:21:19,051 I need your mother. 629 00:21:19,053 --> 00:21:21,152 I might actually know where she is. 630 00:21:22,422 --> 00:21:23,688 Motion passes. 631 00:21:23,690 --> 00:21:24,956 What am I looking at right now? 632 00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:26,991 Just your wife getting a speed bump put in 633 00:21:26,993 --> 00:21:28,359 over on Cedar Street. 634 00:21:28,361 --> 00:21:29,794 Linda?!