1 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:10,843 [patriotic music] 2 00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:14,513 - Alexander Graham Bell is like, Oh, [bleep], 3 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,216 invent the telephone? Yes, please. 4 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,618 - Hold on, hold on. - [gags, spits] 5 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,552 Ah, it's in my mouth! 6 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,688 - She says... I just made this [bleep] 7 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,390 out of some handkerchiefs. 8 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,191 All the girls go crazy. 9 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:29,194 My boobles are free to roam! 10 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,829 - People came to Edison. They're like, 11 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:31,730 Hey, look what we can do. 12 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:32,898 We can project images on a screen. 13 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,433 He's like, Wow. That's amazing. 14 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:35,734 I can't believe I invented that. 15 00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:39,304 [laughs] That's a great idea. 16 00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:42,508 [patriotic music] 17 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:49,481 ♪ ♪ 18 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,983 [upbeat music] 19 00:00:50,985 --> 00:00:54,219 - Let me get to-- today we're gonna learn 20 00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:55,954 about inventions. - Okay. 21 00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:56,822 - All right, ready? 22 00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:59,691 Wait! Wait! I'll be there. 23 00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,527 Just wait one second. 24 00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:03,495 Wait, you [bleep]ing prick! 25 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:07,433 This week's episode is about great inventions. 26 00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,935 - Bidet. - The bidet was invented 27 00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:11,003 in 19-- [spits] 28 00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:12,438 - It doesn't matter when it's invented, 29 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,807 it's to clean bowls. - [laughs] 30 00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:17,342 [gags, spits] Ah, it's in my mouth! 31 00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:20,379 - Welcome to "Drunk History." I'm JD Ryznar. 32 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,281 Today we're gonna tell a story 33 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:25,551 about the invention of the telephone. 34 00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:28,187 Our story starts in the 1870s 35 00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:31,790 with a telegraph corporation Western Union. 36 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,959 And Western Union was trying to go like, 37 00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:35,828 All right, the telegraph is fine, 38 00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:37,529 but, like, what's next? 39 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,064 So, they're like, 40 00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:40,799 We're looking for somebody to, like, invent a way 41 00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:44,436 to, like, talk your voice over a wire to some other dude. 42 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,506 It's a wonderful thing where you call people's homes 43 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:48,740 and--it's a telephone! 44 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:52,611 Now, there's a dude whose name is Elisha-- 45 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,512 pronounced Elijah. 46 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:56,215 Elisha Gray sold telegraph parts. 47 00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:59,351 He's like, I invent little telegraph things. 48 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:02,754 Eh, I'm a cute little inventor. I'm Elisha Gray. 49 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,156 So Western Union is like, 50 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,925 Elisha Gray, invent the telephone. 51 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,093 Elisha Gray's like, Great. 52 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:10,829 But then Western Union goes to the public and is like, 53 00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:14,266 Hey, everybody--everybody in the world who invents things, 54 00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:17,269 try to invent the telephone and we'll buy it from you. 55 00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:21,773 So this inventor Alexander Graham Bell is like, 56 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:25,277 Oh, [bleep], invent the telephone? 57 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:26,578 Yes, please. 58 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:27,412 - [laughs] 59 00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,481 - We're doing good. We're really drunk. 60 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,282 [both laugh] 61 00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:33,085 So Alexander Graham Bell gets to work 62 00:02:33,087 --> 00:02:34,186 trying to invent the telephone. 63 00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:37,122 He's having a hard time. He can't figure it out. 64 00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:41,026 Like murp, murp. It's kinda me talking, 65 00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:42,461 but I sound like a robot. 66 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:45,197 Alexander Graham Bell's lawyers are like, 67 00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:46,131 This is a [bleep] telephone. 68 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:48,634 You're not doing a good job at all, Alexander Graham Bell. 69 00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:52,471 And so his lawyer goes to the patent clerk 70 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,506 at the U.S. Patent Office. 71 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,709 Zenas Fisk Wilber. 72 00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:58,844 It's a weird, old name. 73 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:02,414 Zenas rhymes with penis. That's how I remember it. 74 00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:05,117 Zenas. [laughs] Zenas. 75 00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:06,785 The guy had all sorts of problems. 76 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:11,523 I'm poor and I'm drunk and I'm depressed, [bleep] it. 77 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:16,061 Graham Bell's lawyer said Listen, you owe us money-- 78 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:16,628 [groans] 79 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:20,465 If anybody submits a telephone patent, let me know. 80 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:24,736 Meanwhile, Elisha Gray is, like, having the same problems 81 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,772 Alexander Graham Bell was having, 82 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,540 he was like Merp, merp, merp. 83 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,875 I'm talking on the phone. 84 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,377 How can I make this electric current 85 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,279 be smoother on the other end? 86 00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:37,316 What if I put a little water in the doodad? 87 00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:41,286 The water vibrates at more subtler tones 88 00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:43,121 and that goes through the wire 89 00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:45,657 and it's clear as silk. Bonanza! 90 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:48,894 He goes to the Patent Office and he files a patent. 91 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,596 I know how to make the telephone, 92 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,998 and this is how I'm gonna do it. 93 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:53,966 So sure enough, 94 00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:55,867 Zenas Fisk Wilber at the Patent Office 95 00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:58,470 calls Alexander Graham Bell's lawyers. 96 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:01,106 Not on the telephone, 'cause it's not invented yet, 97 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,041 on a telegraph or something. He's just like 98 00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:06,044 Hey. Boop boop boop. Beep beep. 99 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:10,048 Somebody just submitted the patent for the telephone. 100 00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,149 Boop boop boop. 101 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:14,219 Alexander Graham Bell goes to the Patent Office 102 00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:15,520 and goes... 103 00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:18,023 What's up, Zenas Fisk Wilber? 104 00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:21,460 Um, okay... [clears throat] 105 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,362 - Jeez. - Sorry about that. 106 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,897 - And then he swallowed it. - Of course I swallow. 107 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,766 What do you want me to do? Spit it on the floor? 108 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,202 Maybe you can give me, uh... 109 00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,404 a little something something about what's going on 110 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,973 with this other guy who filed a patent, huh? 111 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,508 He's like, Well, all right, here it is. 112 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,410 Here's the drawing of, uh... 113 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,045 how he's gonna invent the telephone. 114 00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,948 Alexander Graham Bell copies down 115 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,650 Gray's design and turns it in. 116 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:48,420 Meanwhile, Elisha Gray all of a sudden he hears, 117 00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:50,022 Hey, everybody in America, 118 00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:53,725 Alexander Graham Bell just invented the telephone. 119 00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,827 He's like What? I-- 120 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,763 I filed a patent for the telephone! 121 00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:59,765 How could he do that? This is--I know-- 122 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:02,734 I made this telephone. This is my thing. 123 00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,036 There's a "disputement." 124 00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:07,072 Everybody's like, who did it first? 125 00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:08,440 Who--who was first? 126 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:11,376 And guess who the Patent Office put in charge 127 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:12,778 of the investigation? 128 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,846 Zenas Fisk Wilber himself. 129 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,683 And so Alexander Graham Bell's lawyers were like, 130 00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,018 Listen, let's fricken... just let 131 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:23,188 Alexander Graham Bell's patent come first. 132 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,189 Like, what's up? 133 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:25,424 So he's like, Guess what? 134 00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:28,727 Alexander Graham Bell, you invented the telephone. 135 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,595 You win! - Whoo-hoo! 136 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:33,265 Alexander Graham Bell goes off 137 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:35,701 and builds the first telephone 138 00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,235 off of Gray's plans. 139 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:41,239 Meanwhile, Elisha Gray is busy fighting it in court. 140 00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:43,809 I invented the telephone. It was me! 141 00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,712 This is--this is garbage. He copied me. 142 00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:50,148 And even though he got Ze--Zenas Wilber 143 00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,084 to testify in court, like, 144 00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:54,419 Listen, I took a bunch of money 145 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:57,789 from Bell's lawyer so he could invent the telephone 146 00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:58,657 and that's the truth. 147 00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,793 Still...Alexander Graham Bell is so well-known at this point 148 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:05,597 that the Supreme Court's like, Alexander Graham Bell wins 149 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,467 and he's the inventor of the telephone forever. 150 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:12,170 Well, good work. [blows raspberry] 151 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:15,374 Elisha Gray is like, Oh, God, 152 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:17,376 I guess I didn't invent telephones. 153 00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,111 I did, but, like, I lose. 154 00:06:19,113 --> 00:06:22,881 Anyway, what's his name, um... 155 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,182 I don't remember his name. 156 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,218 Ugh. What's his name? 157 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:28,720 What's the other guy's na-- Wilber! 158 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,355 No. Walt Disney? 159 00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,491 No. Telephone. 160 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:33,125 - [laughs] 161 00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:35,193 - Meanwhile, Alexander Graham Bell 162 00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:38,530 went on to make 1800s equivalent of billions 163 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,565 off the telephone and then was like, 164 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,168 [groans] I made the Bell Company. 165 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,302 I don't--I don't care. 166 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:47,606 I don't--I don't gi-- I don't even like telephones. 167 00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:49,975 I don't even want one in my office. 168 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:54,613 That's what a [bleep] snob Alexander Graham Bell was. 169 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:58,750 Meanwhile, who uses the Alexander Graham Bell 170 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,186 telephone anymore? 171 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,387 Nobody! 172 00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:05,824 Except old people... 173 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,526 and poor people. 174 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:08,593 - [laughs] 175 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,996 [both laughing] 176 00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,500 - All right, let's go. Let's learn. 177 00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:17,502 - Shh. Are you ready? 178 00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:18,503 - I'm-- - Don't! 179 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:19,504 - Well, I'm-- - Shh! 180 00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:21,106 - Am I allowed to answer if I'm ready? 181 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,140 - No, you just shush it. 182 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,975 Hello, everyone. My name is Paget Brewster. 183 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,944 - No, not everyone. - [gasps] 184 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,579 - Just hello. - Hello. 185 00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:30,048 My name is Paget Brewster and I'm talking to you-- 186 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,651 - And today. - Oh, my God. 187 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:35,053 - [laughs] - You guys ready? 188 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,988 - [laughs] - Are you all done? 189 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,223 Shut your mouth! You ready? 190 00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:41,593 I'll [bleep]ing do it, but shush it. 191 00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:44,529 Hello, eve-- [laughs] 192 00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:45,931 - [laughs] 193 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,666 - Hello. My name is Paget Brewster 194 00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:50,936 and today we're talking about Mary Phelps Jacob, 195 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:53,238 the inventor of the bra. 196 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:56,808 In 1910 women were cinched in 197 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,711 to tiny corsets all the time, 198 00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:03,248 but then there is a 19-year-old girl-- 199 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,883 Mary Phelps Jacob, 200 00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:07,853 setting up to go to a debutante ball, 201 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,521 and she is like, 202 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:12,257 Uh, I got this beautiful silk dress 203 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:16,027 and I have to put this dumb piece of [bleep] on. 204 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:20,499 Stupid corset with whale bone inserts. 205 00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:22,000 Ugh, it's so goddamn dumb. 206 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:25,136 All right, I'm--I'm-- I'm--I'm out. I'm out. 207 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:27,138 I can't take this. Marie! 208 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,507 Her maid. Marie! 209 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:32,110 Get me two handkerchiefs, some silk cording, 210 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,279 ribbons, and a sewing kit. 211 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:35,714 She sews together 212 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:39,885 two handkerchiefs onto herself 213 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,453 and goes to a ball. 214 00:08:41,455 --> 00:08:43,255 [epic music] 215 00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:44,222 All the girls are like, 216 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,824 What is going on with you, girl? 217 00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,392 You look better than you have ever looked. 218 00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,795 And she says, Yeah, I just made this [bleep] 219 00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:52,497 out of some handkerchiefs. 220 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:53,665 The girls go crazy! 221 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:57,669 And she's like My boobles are free to roam. 222 00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,337 And they all say - I want one. 223 00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:00,405 - I want one. - I want one. 224 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,340 - All right, whatever, I'll make you some. 225 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,776 I'll make you my new thing, whatever, 226 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:05,677 with some handkerchiefs. 227 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,046 Then she gets a letter in the mail 228 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,348 from someone she's never met saying, 229 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:14,185 "Hey, I'll give you a dollar to make me a bra." 230 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:17,923 And then she realizes, Oh, this could be a business. 231 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,659 So she goes to the Patent Office 232 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:24,996 and she said, Hey, I've made this thing. 233 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:25,997 It's a brassiere. 234 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,499 The Patent Office guy was like, 235 00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:31,002 Everyone's had boobs for goddamn forever. 236 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:34,139 I understand that you think you made something, 237 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:35,674 but you [bleep]ing didn't. 238 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,642 And she said No, I did. 239 00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:42,080 The last piece of [bleep] patent flattens your tits 240 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:46,284 into nothing but one boob. Do you want one boob? 241 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,353 And he's like, I don't--I can't even-- 242 00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:50,322 I don't even know if I can answer this. 243 00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:53,892 No, you want two [bleep]ing boobs. 244 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:56,661 They separate and lift. 245 00:09:56,663 --> 00:10:00,298 Give me the patent for the backless brassiere. 246 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,967 And he says, Yeah, okay, all right. 247 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,903 I've never seen that. I will give you a patent. 248 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:07,572 Slam. He gives her a patent. 249 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,674 Oh, God. I'm-- 250 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,710 I'm not gonna throw up, but I am-- 251 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:14,212 I'm pretty-- 252 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:16,181 Gonzo bonzo. - [laughs] 253 00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:20,752 - So she opens the Fashion Form Brassiere Company. 254 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,521 Meanwhile, she marries this guy Harry Crosby 255 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,223 and Harry says, Hey, babe, 256 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,058 because you're gonna be my wife Crosby, 257 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:29,494 I feel like you should have a "C" name. 258 00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,396 And so it's like C. Crosby. 259 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,865 I would really like it if you change your name 260 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,667 to Clitoris. - [laughs] 261 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:38,403 - It's [bleep]ing true. - [laughs] 262 00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,138 - And she says Na--what? No. 263 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,207 I'm not gonna change my name to Clitoris. 264 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,275 And he's like No, it's with a "Y". 265 00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:47,412 Still, I'm sorry. I love you, man, 266 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:50,415 honey, but... not even with a "Y" 267 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,283 will I name myself Clitoris. 268 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,618 What about Caresse? 269 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:56,187 That's better than Clitoris. 270 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,188 Certainly. 271 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:59,491 He says to her Hey, Caresse-- 272 00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:00,558 Car--she's now Caresse. 273 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,628 You're kinda bored with the bra business 274 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,163 and it's not taking off. 275 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,767 I'm kinda rich. Why don't you just let it go? 276 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:11,102 She says All right, fine. 277 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,304 She sells her patent 278 00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:16,274 to the Warner Brothers Corset Company 279 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:17,676 for $1,500. 280 00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:20,912 She's like I'm out. I'm good. 281 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:21,646 Had fun. 282 00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:24,015 So, wait. I have to fast-forward. 283 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,350 I also have to pee. 284 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,551 - Which one you done do first? 285 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:29,020 - No, I have to pee. - Okay, well, then pee. 286 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,756 - I'm gonna. - [snickers] 287 00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:35,160 - In 1929 the bra took hold. 288 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,328 Everyone bought bras. 289 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,930 The corset was dead. 290 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,700 The Warner Brothers Corset Company 291 00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:44,636 makes $15 million 292 00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:46,571 off of her patent alone. 293 00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:50,108 - That's a lot of titties. - I-- [laughs] 294 00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:51,676 - [laughs] - Here's the thing about 295 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,813 Mary Phelps Jacob. She never give a [bleep]. 296 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,649 She was like Oh, okay. 297 00:11:57,651 --> 00:11:59,250 I sold the patent. 298 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,351 Not gonna dwell on it. 299 00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:01,820 I'm gonna open a publishing company 300 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:06,091 that publishes every modern writer known to man. 301 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,859 Hemingway, James Joyce, 302 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,561 Henry Miller, Edgar Allen Poe, 303 00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:12,030 uh--uh-- there's so many more. 304 00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:13,965 Someone look it up on an iPhone. 305 00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,066 You'll see. - [laughs] 306 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,570 - Then was writing pornography 307 00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:19,904 for money! 308 00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,673 And she was great at it. 309 00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:23,108 And at the end of her life, 310 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,609 someone asked her about, like, 311 00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:27,645 Hey, uh, you invented something. 312 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,782 And she said Yeah, yeah. 313 00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:34,018 My invention-- it wouldn't take the place 314 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:37,422 in history of something like the steamboat, 315 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,859 but, yeah... I invented the bra. 316 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:45,196 The bra is kind of a big [bleep]ing deal. 317 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,766 No one gives a [bleep] about a steamboat. 318 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:51,870 Do you know anyone who doesn't have a bra? 319 00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:54,706 I do love bras. - I can see. 320 00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:56,641 You have lots of-- - More than steamboats. 321 00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:58,643 - Sorry, bras. [sneezes] 322 00:12:58,645 --> 00:12:59,911 I'm allergic. - You're allergic? 323 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:02,847 - I'm allergic to bras. I didn't want to tell you. 324 00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:03,548 [epic music] 325 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:06,818 both: Stay tuned for more "Drunk History." 326 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,419 - Bras! - Ow! 327 00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:09,721 - [laughs] 328 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,692 - Have you ever heard that Edison 329 00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:16,594 made the movie camera? - I knew that. 330 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,329 - Yeah. - But it was one of those things 331 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,465 where you got all of these other people 332 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,966 that are never gonna get any credit for it. 333 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:25,203 I guess you could call him the first patent troll. 334 00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,337 - Yeah. Yeah. - You know? 335 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,173 That kinda thing. - Yeah. And I always say, 336 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,475 every invention that comes out now, 337 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:33,077 is just one more step to making you 338 00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:35,180 be all right if you lost your legs. 339 00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,682 [both laugh] 340 00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:40,485 To great inventors. - To great inventors. 341 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,554 - What are we drinking? 342 00:13:42,556 --> 00:13:43,755 - Vodka. - There's a moth. 343 00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:45,456 - There's so many-- - I wasn't swatting at you. 344 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:46,758 - No, I know, I have a moth infestation. 345 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:51,129 [laughs] - I see that. I got to get a [bleep]ing-- 346 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,997 [laughing] - Classic-- 347 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,499 - It's the worst! [smacks] 348 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,067 There's a--I don't want to kill him, though. 349 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,336 - Why? - 'Cause they deserve to live. 350 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,238 There happen to be in the cave 351 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,640 of a super-advanced monkey species 352 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:05,043 that wants nothing more than to kill them 353 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,312 just because they don't fit in. 354 00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,013 To inventors. 355 00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,481 Thank God for you. 356 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:13,518 Let's do this, man. I feel so drunk. 357 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,221 [blows] 358 00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:18,389 Good day. 359 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,258 My name is Duncan Trussell... 360 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,894 and today we're gonna talk about Edison. 361 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,596 [laughs] 362 00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:25,363 [cheerful music] 363 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:29,601 This story starts in New Jersey with Thomas Edison. 364 00:14:29,603 --> 00:14:31,603 One of the great inventors of the time. 365 00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,238 Known as "The Wizard of Menlo Park." 366 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:37,208 He would get poor geniuses, gather them together, 367 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,643 and he's like Just make stuff for me. 368 00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:41,512 If it's good I'm gonna say it's mine. Whatever. 369 00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,815 You're gonna make money, so just do it. 370 00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:46,417 An inventor by the name of Muybridge 371 00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:50,388 came to New Jersey, shows this incredible device. 372 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,657 He managed to take a bunch of pictures 373 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:56,461 of a horse running and spin them on a cylinder 374 00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,162 in a way that gave it animation. 375 00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,999 And Edison's like You know, great. 376 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:03,167 A hor--a horse... running. 377 00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:05,536 [chuckles] Cool invention or whatever. Bye. 378 00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:07,505 And then he's like We gotta [bleep]ing 379 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,208 figure this [bleep] out because people are gonna 380 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:11,242 wanna watch this stuff. 381 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,344 We gotta start working on this [bleep]... 382 00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:16,214 right [bleep]ing now. 383 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:19,150 And then in 1893 Edison is like 384 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,853 I figured out how to do it, guys! 385 00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:23,721 I can--I can photograph 386 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,924 and make a movie. We can make movies now. 387 00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:29,160 I came up with the very first camera, the Kinetograph 388 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,362 and I figured out a way to look at the strings 389 00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:33,831 of moving pictures-- a Kinetoscope, 390 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:36,868 and it's all my idea. My idea! 391 00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:38,937 He has people-- [laughing] 392 00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:41,005 I'm too drunk. 393 00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:43,241 Why would I take another drink? 394 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:47,011 So Edison needed content for his Kinetoscopes 395 00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:49,781 and everything he was putting out was [bleep]. 396 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:52,784 He's like Let's get [bleep]ing cats boxing, man, 397 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:55,653 and then vaudeville scenes, people chasing each other. 398 00:15:55,655 --> 00:16:00,291 Let's film a blacksmith's shop. Everyone's gonna wanna see that. 399 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,328 Right, guys? Right? Right! 400 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,295 And they filmed it. 401 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,631 People were into it, man. Freaking out. 402 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,100 Everyone's like Have you been to the Kinetoscope parlor? 403 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,235 Oh, you've got to go. It's incredible! 404 00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:13,404 So people came to Edison, they're like 405 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:14,305 Hey, look what we can do. 406 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,506 We can project images on the screen. 407 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:16,808 He's like Wow. That's amazing. 408 00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:18,042 I can't believe I invented that. 409 00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:21,379 That's incredible. I am so [bleep]ing smart! 410 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:22,714 Let's patent this [bleep]. 411 00:16:22,716 --> 00:16:24,749 Movies take off. People love it. 412 00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,085 They went to these places called nickelodeons. 413 00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,520 For a nickel you're in a Greek theatre. 414 00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:30,188 Come on in! 415 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,256 People would sit in those theatres and be like 416 00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:33,358 This is awesome. 417 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,160 So then Edison creates an industry town 418 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:39,964 and everyone comes to Fort Lee to start making movies 419 00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,899 and Edison squeezes all of them. 420 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,369 He was like Join me in what we're gonna call 421 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,571 The Edison Trust and all of you assholes 422 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:49,207 can join together with me and we're gonna make it so that 423 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:52,710 no other mother[bleep]ers make movies except us. 424 00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:55,747 Got it? Write it down in your notebook. 425 00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:57,248 And everyone's like Great, let's do it. 426 00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,083 I don't want you to sue me, so I'll just agree 427 00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:01,185 to whatever you say because you're super-rich 428 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:04,889 and I just wanna make art. So, great. 429 00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,090 Sounds good. 430 00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:08,526 They created a monopoly on all filmmaking. 431 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,462 There was a--a fellow by the name of Carl Laemmle. 432 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,965 He went to one of Edison's [bleep] shows. 433 00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,167 He's like That is so bad. 434 00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:19,570 People are paying a nickel to watch this [bleep]? 435 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:22,306 Why don't we try to make our own movies? 436 00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:24,942 And so Carl Laemmle starts making movies. 437 00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:28,880 He creates his own theatre and Edison's like 438 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,548 No. No. 439 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,250 I'm sorry, you-- what are you doing? 440 00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:35,286 You're not allowed to... make movies. 441 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,622 And you're definitely not allowed to show movies 442 00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:40,191 on my [bleep]ing equipment without paying me 443 00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,260 a [bleep]ing licensing fee. 444 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,895 How dare you? 445 00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:48,766 He sues Laemmle 284 times. 446 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:51,235 Laemmle's number one dream, 447 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,237 I just wanna one day make enough money 448 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,773 to take my family on a vacation in Europe. 449 00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:56,574 And Edison is like 450 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,976 I'm gonna squash you like a [bleep]ing bug. 451 00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:00,645 I'm The Wizard of Menlo Park! 452 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:04,749 Take your [bleep]ing family on a vacation up my ass! 453 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,583 - [laughs] 454 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,386 - [kisses] Oh, God, he was just-- 455 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,855 he was just eating a turd in the yard. 456 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,223 - [laughs] 457 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,795 - Elon Musk, he's doing the opposite of what Edison did. 458 00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,397 He's giving away his patents 459 00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:21,966 and it's no accident that Elon Musk's company 460 00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,068 is named after the guy that Edison f-- 461 00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:26,003 metaphorically mouth [bleep]ed. 462 00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:28,739 - [laughs] - Edison was a bastard! 463 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:33,978 But Leammle was like Imagine[bleep] you.s, man. 464 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:36,013 I'm gonna keep making these movies. 465 00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:38,783 And Edison, faced with true opposition, 466 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:42,153 started sending thugs to Leammle's movie theatres. 467 00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,355 People were just sitting and enjoying movies 468 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:47,158 and all of a sudden Edison thugs would come 469 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,659 crashing through the door and be like 470 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:52,430 [bleep] off! No one's watching this [bleep]! 471 00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,365 This is not an Edison film! 472 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:56,234 They would go to the productions, 473 00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:57,969 beat up the [bleep]ing actors, 474 00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,871 but Laemmle didn't back down. 475 00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:02,006 There's three guys who kept making movies. 476 00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:06,077 Laemmle, Fox, and Zukor, and finally they realized, 477 00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:08,179 What the [bleep] are we doing in New Jersey? 478 00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:11,082 We're shooting films in New Jersey 479 00:19:11,084 --> 00:19:14,886 and on a daily basis getting sued and beaten up. 480 00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:17,121 Let's get the [bleep] outta New Jersey. 481 00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:19,590 How about we go to [bleep]ing Los Angeles 482 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,125 where it's sunny all the time 483 00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:24,028 and you don't get your ass kicked by a dick. 484 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,663 That's-- [laughs] 485 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,965 That makes great sense. [laughing] 486 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:31,369 That's a great idea. [laughs] 487 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:31,903 [snorts] 488 00:19:31,905 --> 00:19:35,406 They headed to L.A. and those three heroes 489 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:38,042 created Universal Studios, 490 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,144 Fox, and Paramount. 491 00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:42,747 The United States government recognized 492 00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:45,149 that the Edison Trust was a monopoly 493 00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:46,017 and they broke it up. 494 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:49,554 Uh, sorry, Edison, you can't have control 495 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:52,356 over all film being made in the world. 496 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,992 If we let you have your way, then people would be looking at 497 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:59,096 cats boxing until the planet blew up, you [bleep]. 498 00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:01,165 You're trying to ruin your species, 499 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:02,400 and you don't even realize it, 500 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:04,569 you greedy, reptilian [bleep] bag. 501 00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:07,104 Still people are gonna think you're great, though. 502 00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:09,907 No one's gonna know, so... 503 00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:12,009 congratulations, demon. 504 00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:13,945 [epic music] 505 00:20:13,947 --> 00:20:16,314 I'm not saying inventors don't--don't deserve to be 506 00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,784 rewarded for their inventions, but instead of suing people, 507 00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,620 you work with them and then the end result of that 508 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:24,222 is the entire planet wakes up, 509 00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:26,591 we experience what's called the singularity, 510 00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,893 everybody gets dissolved by nanobots, 511 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,628 and we travel through the universe 512 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:34,465 as infinite beings of love. 513 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:35,566 [laughs] 514 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:38,836 [patriotic music] 515 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:47,144 ♪ ♪ 516 00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:10,801 [Electric Light Orchestra's "Telephone Line" plays] 517 00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,970 - ♪ Doo be doo doo wah ♪ 518 00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:16,240 ♪ Doo wah doo lang ♪ 519 00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:19,644 ♪ Blue days, black nights ♪ 520 00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:19,677 ♪ Doo wah doo lang ♪