1
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,630
That'll be the
Christmas turkey arriving.

2
00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:11,550
Or something genetically modified
to remind you of it.

3
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,310
It's also my new number two, sir.

4
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,350
Ah, yes. Corporal House.

5
00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,550
I hear he came top
in the High Threat course.

6
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,390
He's the best.
That's why I chose him.

7
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,270
Thought we'd have a lot in common.

8
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,350
Best isn't always best.

9
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,350
I tend to favour
"turns up on time and not a twat".

10
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,750
Don't worry, sir, I'll have him
integrated into the team

11
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:31,110
faster than you can say,
"Integrated into the team".

12
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,790
I admire your confidence.

13
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,200
And your diction.

14
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,310
Oh, and I hear your team's
doing the Nativity play. Ah, yeah.

15
00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:31,670
I did a trade with a mortar platoon
commander back in September.

16
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,350
Didn't think I'd live long enough
to actually have to do it.

17
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,200
My condolences on your survival.

18
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,630
Corporal House, sir.
Ah! Captain Nick Medhurst.

19
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:42,880
And this is...

20
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,470
That WAS the CO.

21
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,630
Welcome to Bluestone 42.

22
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,190
Let me introduce you to my team.

23
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,190
Look, Corporal,
I know this is your first tour,

24
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,590
but I'm sure you'll fit right in.

25
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,480
They're a tightknit,
professional unit.

26
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,800
Here we go!

27
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,630
Ahhhhh!

28
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:06,790
For God's sake!

29
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,550
Team.

30
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:09,790
It's Corporal House.

31
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,430
Oh, welcome, welcome.
Lance Corporal Lansley.

32
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,870
Oh! Grrr!

33
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,510
You catch us blowing off some steam.

34
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,350
It's called Fire Antlers.

35
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:24,070
The antlers are soaked in petrol.
You have to set them alight.

36
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,670
Mac thought of it. You know,
cos tomorrow it's Christmas.

37
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,550
And, you know,
cos Mac is a keen arsonist.

38
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:33,030
This is Bird, our bleep.
This is Rocket, this is Mac.

39
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,790
We used to play something like this
back in Leeds when I were a kid.

40
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,000
But with rocks.

41
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,310
It were mint. Come on, then!

42
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:41,960
Oh!

43
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,400
Move over!

44
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,590
Hey?

45
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:56,960
Welcome to the team.

46
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,710
Yeah. You're pregnant.

47
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,270
Probably. How has this happened?

48
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,750
The usual way. Fucking.

49
00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:37,430
I'm such a prick.
They're going to send me home.

50
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,750
So, you were in Portsmouth.

51
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,870
Fucked a sailor
whose name you have forgotten.

52
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,390
I didn't forget it.
Just never found it out.

53
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:46,190
Well, you did forget that
your contraceptive injection ran out

54
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,390
round about the 14th.

55
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,320
And now you're eight days late.

56
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,590
So...piss on that.

57
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,520
Thanks for the tip,
cos I was going to dump on it.

58
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,830
♪ It's Christmas time

59
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,470
♪ There's no need to be afraid... ♪

60
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,790
Afraid. Afraid of what?
I'm not afraid.

61
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,790
Oh, I was singing
a jolly Christmas song.

62
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,270
Yeah. Cheery.

63
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,790
Do you know, I woke up this morning
and I realised that

64
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:19,550
this will be the first Christmas
without Charlotte in my adult life.

65
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,030
And do you know what I felt?

66
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:22,110
Relief? Relie...

67
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,190
Relief! Exactly.

68
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,470
I'm a free man!

69
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:27,990
She can't touch me any more.

70
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,070
She doesn't want to touch you
any more.

71
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,470
She made that extremely clear
by breaking off your engagement.

72
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,510
Yeah.

73
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:37,790
Yeah!

74
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:41,750
♪ There's a world
outside your window... ♪

75
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:44,710
Ah, shite. Sorry, Skip.

76
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,470
What on earth
do you think you're doing?

77
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:50,190
Deep-fried Milky Ways.
It's the taste of Christmas.

78
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,670
With a Milky Way inside.

79
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:56,230
Look, your leave was delayed,
you're missing Christmas at home...

80
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,830
so whatever you want do to cheer
yourselves up is fine by me.

81
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,070
So, you don't mind
the obvious safety implications?

82
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:06,920
Not even a little bit. Hm! Training
in five minutes, you monkeys!

83
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,430
Whoo!

84
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,640
Simon's happy.

85
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,280
This must change.

86
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,790
Fuck me if that is not
all the kit in the world, ever.

87
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,270
It's all there for a reason.

88
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:47,710
Your ATO, then.

89
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,190
Everyone at HQ reckons
he's a right typical Rupert.

90
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:53,270
Rupert? Nah. His name's Nick.

91
00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,110
I think it's short for Nicholas.

92
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,110
Rupert as in officer.

93
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,070
As in posh twat
who only got put in charge

94
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:02,470
cos he's got a silver spoon
wedged up his jacksie.

95
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,270
Hm. Interesting, Corporal.

96
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,790
No offence.

97
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,990
Some taken. So, Gordon House.

98
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,750
You sound like a tower block.

99
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,110
And you look like Prince William.
You related?

100
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,510
Yeah, I'm his real brother.

101
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:19,270
Does that make you more or less
inbred? Ooh. Only kidding.

102
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:21,830
You know, Towerblock might be
quite a good name for you,

103
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,870
given as you were probably
brought up in one.

104
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,190
Is that the sort of thing
a typical Rupert would say?

105
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,590
Wouldn't want to disappoint.

106
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,910
I'm just putting it out there, sir.
We do that in Leeds.

107
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,310
You'll get used to it.

108
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,150
And what a fun process
that's going to be(!)

109
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,750
Happy Christmas Eve, guys!

110
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,310
I thought I'd come and say hi.
Mary Greenstock. Padre.

111
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,350
Gordon House.
Cheeky Northern bastard.

112
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:41,510
Ma'am.

113
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:45,070
We'll get used to it, apparently.
He's from Leeds.

114
00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:48,270
♪ Ding dong merrily on high
In heaven the bells are... ♪

115
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:49,830
Ringing?

116
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:52,870
Padre, do you have the script
for the Nativity play?

117
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,270
Yes, because last year
at Catterick, we did one...

118
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:58,230
That's not still happening, is it?
It'll be fun! Treading the boards!

119
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,030
And it's great for morale
on the base.

120
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,230
If a padre can't raise morale
at Christmas,

121
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,430
what's the point of her?

122
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:04,600
I've often wondered that.

123
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,550
Boss, tell OIC Mortars
we're not doing this stupid play.

124
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,590
Yeah, but then I'd have to give him
his delicious Cuban cigars back.

125
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,310
And that's going to be...tricky.

126
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:18,070
So, you sold out your team
for a box of posh cigars?

127
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,470
Classic Rupert.

128
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:24,430
I had no choice. They were Cubans.
Right, training.

129
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,510
Lesson one... Oh, my God!

130
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:30,990
Well, I never use that, that, that...
any of that.

131
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:34,510
The gantry...
is no use to man or beast.

132
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,270
And this - this can go in the bin.

133
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:40,550
But the brass is non-magnetic,
for digging round the device.

134
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,390
Yes... In training,
we always used to...

135
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,430
Yeah, well, we're 3,500 miles
from training now, aren't we?

136
00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:49,080
So, just...
get all of this squared away.

137
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,990
Captain. As you were.
Everything all right?

138
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,440
Integrated as promised?

139
00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,190
Fully, sir.

140
00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,670
Good, because one of my patrol
has found an IED in Yellow Three.

141
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,430
SAT says you're not ready
to deploy yet

142
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,000
but you seemed confident earlier.

143
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,040
Yeah.

144
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:08,520
We're ready.

145
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:13,070
Right, Bluestone 42...

146
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,600
Off we fuck.

147
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,750
So, if Nick's short for Nicholas,

148
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,720
is Mac short for Macholas?

149
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:05,160
At the risk of sounding like
a Rupert, can you fetch my bags?

150
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,830
Thanks, Towerblock.

151
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,040
That name sticking, is it?
Seems to be.

152
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,190
Where's Faruq?

153
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,710
You want goose?

154
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,390
No, Faruq!
I want to talk to witnesses.

155
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,430
Christmas dinner! Very tasty.

156
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,320
Ten dollars. It is agreed.

157
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,870
I'm going to dispense with the robot.
But shouldn't we at least...?

158
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,960
Bad atmospherics.
We need to restore normality ASAP.

159
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,320
Get rid of it.

160
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,920
You just can't get the staff
these days.

161
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,870
Typical Rupert.

162
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,030
You do all that training
but at the end of the day,

163
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,230
it's, "Do what you're told".
Yeah? Well...

164
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,950
..do what you're told

165
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,790
and you might make it
out of this tour alive.

166
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,950
I know how to do my job, all right?
Just drop the bravado and do what...

167
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,430
Bravado? I'm not scared.

168
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,990
No? Well, you should be.

169
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,870
Half the people round here
want to kill us.

170
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,830
And the other half couldn't give a
shit if we died right here and now.

171
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,960
Luckily, there are three or four
people who think we're ace. Yeah?

172
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,030
Which ones are they?

173
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,880
No idea. But that's what makes it
so exciting!

174
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:17,920
Right.

175
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,440
I'm going down there.

176
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,710
Man-bag and disrupter.

177
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,830
Still reckon you'll be better off
with the robot.

178
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,720
Yeah, let's waste time discussing
a decision I've already taken.

179
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,680
Tatty-bye.

180
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:45,440
Boss on the move.

181
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,390
'OK, Towerblock,
the disruptor's ready to go

182
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,910
'and I've bunged some Thermite
on the main charge.

183
00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,270
'That way we can burn it off
and avoid any big bangs.'

184
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,910
If we'd brought the gantry,
we could hook and line it out.

185
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,070
I'm a demon
with the old hook and line, me.

186
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,110
'I'm sure you're amazing,
but we're burning it.'

187
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,840
Cover, everyone.

188
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,680
Stand by for disruptor. Firing.

189
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,840
OK, now hit the Thermite.

190
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,710
Firing Thermite. Stand by.

191
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,630
Firing.

192
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,310
Still reckon we could have used
the gantry. Pull it out.

193
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,150
Incorrect. This causes less
disruption and if we need to go,

194
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,750
we can leave it burning.
But what...? Look, Towerblock.

195
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,560
When it comes to IEDs,
I do know what I'm talking about...

196
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:52,520
Oh, dear.

197
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:58,110
There was a second charge underneath
on an anti-lift switch, OK?

198
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,870
When enough weight burnt off...
woomph!

199
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,550
Like a...bottle of champagne.

200
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:06,670
Champagne? It's kind of fizzy wine.

201
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,430
Do you have that "oop North"?

202
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,550
No. In Armley
we mainly drink chip fat.

203
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,350
♪ God rest ye, merry gentlemen... ♪
Shut up, Simon!

204
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,670
Oh. Boss, when we get back,

205
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,230
we really need to sort out the parts
for the Nativity play.

206
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,310
Oh! Can I be the caterpillar?

207
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:25,830
When we did the Nativity in primary,
I was a brilliant caterpillar.

208
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,870
I want to play Herod
and slaughter all the wee kiddies.

209
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,870
I'm not sure that... And I'm not
playing the Virgin fucking Mary.

210
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,470
I'm no' fucking surprised!
Imagine that, Bird a virgin.

211
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,110
Bird being a virgin!

212
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,400
Yes, that would be
quite the acting role.

213
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,680
"Mary, turns out you're not a slag."

214
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,990
Padre, did you really write this?

215
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,270
Er, yes, I did!

216
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,470
Not all padres
are humourless, uptight...

217
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,150
Actually, that line was written
by a private in Catterick.

218
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,550
OK, let's keep this moving.

219
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:06,310
"In a dream I was told that
you got pregnant from an angel."

220
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,670
"From an angel caterpillar."

221
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,270
That is fucking ridiculous!

222
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,070
Yeah, cos the rest of the Christmas
story definitely happened(!)

223
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,550
All right, don't ruin the magic!

224
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:18,390
Towerblock, Towerblock, Towerblock.

225
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:22,750
Right, just...
Intensity! Yeah? Projection! Go!

226
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,230
Oh, I see what's happened.

227
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:28,070
I made the mistake of training for
combat, not the fucking West End!

228
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,310
Simon, I'm ready for my close-up...

229
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,990
You'll be on soon, boss.
And Mary says...

230
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,230
We must away to Bethlehem

231
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,710
so I can make baby Jesus
come out of my foo-foo.

232
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,470
Er, Bird, that's not...

233
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,120
Boop. Let's hit pause that there.
OK, Bird. Bird.

234
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,510
Think.

235
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:47,120
She's pregnant. Hormonal.

236
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,070
Moody.
Yeah, I'm doing it fucking moody.

237
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,070
Um, and in the script... Jesus!

238
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,590
Imagine how moody Bird would be
if she really was pregnant!

239
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,390
Ha-ha-ha! But which is funnier?

240
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,430
Bird being pregnant
or Bird being a virgin?

241
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,430
Seriously... Team!
You are on in two hours.

242
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,470
Yeah. OK. You. Ma'am.

243
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,670
I want to talk to you
about Mary's...costume? Go!

244
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,270
Uh, sure. No, but you... Oh.

245
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,110
I tell you what.
I'm not playing Joseph.

246
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,150
I'm not standing up there
looking like a prick.

247
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,470
Pity, cos you're quite good at that.

248
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:20,910
I tell you what. I'll play...
Star In The East?

249
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,430
What? You want to play a silent,
inanimate object? That's perfect.

250
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,470
Congratulations, Simon.
Looks like you're Joseph.

251
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,440
Well, it's natural casting.

252
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,110
For some reason,
Mary wears blue and white,

253
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,750
but there's no particular reason...

254
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,510
Can we talk about Mary's character?
Cos she's fucked, isn't she?

255
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:38,950
Er, well, technically she's...

256
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,470
Her whole world turned upside down
by an unexpected pregnancy.

257
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,230
All her plans ruined.
She don't know who the father is.

258
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,550
Well, she does know...
She's angry that she lost track

259
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,470
of her fucking
contraceptive injection.

260
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:53,200
Bird, is there something
you'd like to talk about?

261
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,000
Are you pregnant? No!

262
00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,590
Probably not.

263
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,470
Dunno. Maybe.

264
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,670
Did you go to see the medic?
You got a test kit? Got it.

265
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,350
Choked it. Binned it. Oh, Bird!

266
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:08,430
If it comes back positive, I'll be
on the first heli back to Bastion.

267
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,110
And Nick needs me now
more than ever.

268
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,470
OK.

269
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,910
Well, look how about
I get you another test,

270
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,150
and at least that way
you'll have all the facts, hm?

271
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,230
I can't believe
I've got to play fucking Mary!

272
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,160
Oh, Bird. Leave it with me.

273
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,550
Greetings, shepherds.

274
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,230
I brought you a sheep.

275
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,550
Thank you for your very kind gift.

276
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,230
Knock yourself out.

277
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:42,760
And then, from the East,
the Wise Men came.

278
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,910
What's the first rule?

279
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,270
Find the baby Jesus.

280
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,280
We must follow yonder star
in the East. East!

281
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,310
Who the fuck did that?!

282
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:01,710
You silly cunt!

283
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,590
Are you trying
to start a bloody firefight?

284
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,600
Incoming!

285
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:12,960
Take cover!

286
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:20,440
Oh, shit.

287
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,590
They've hit the cookhouse!

288
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,070
Bastards!

289
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,710
Corporal Lansley.

290
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,870
Round up the rest of Charlie section
and put down suppressing fire.

291
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,000
Sir! Charlie section! On me!

292
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,270
That's for blowing up the cookhouse!

293
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,270
And that's for ruining
Christmas dinner!

294
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,670
Charlie, Charlie One.
This is Zero. Stand down.

295
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,110
Stand down, Rocket!

296
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,030
And that's for the turkey.
And the sprouts.

297
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,560
Stand down, I said!

298
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,990
Worst Nativity play ever.
What's the first rule?

299
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,590
Find the baby Jes...?

300
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,510
Don't destroy the cookhouse
and all the turkey in it

301
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,630
on the night before Christmas.

302
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,350
I knew that new number two
was going to be trouble.

303
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:08,750
Sir, I'd like to take
full responsibility.

304
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,150
Mm. Yes. I thought you might. Sorry?

305
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,110
You think that
taking one for the team

306
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,790
will prove that you're not a Rupert.

307
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,630
But you ARE a Rupert. By definition.

308
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,030
All officers are Ruperts. Well, I...

309
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,910
Rupert's my middle name. Really.

310
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,560
Philip Rupert Smith.

311
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,390
Anyway, you said you were taking
full responsibility? Yes, sir.

312
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,630
Right.
You're pan-bashing for a week.

313
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,830
A week of washing-up?

314
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,790
Fine. Carry on.

315
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:40,230
♪ We three kings of Orient are... ♪

316
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:45,150
MUSIC: "Stop The Cavalry"
by Jona Lewie

317
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,630
♪ Hey, Mr Churchill comes over here

318
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,910
♪ To say we're doing splendidly

319
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,470
♪ But it's very cold
out here in the snow

320
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,950
♪ Marching to and from the enemy

321
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,630
♪ Oh, I say it's tough
I have had enough

322
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,680
♪ Can you stop the cavalry? ♪

323
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,790
No eggs. No bacon.

324
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:12,270
And I'm down to my last Milky Way.
Cheers, Towerblock.

325
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,590
Shit food and misery.

326
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,670
This is just like Christmas
back at home.

327
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,070
Well, in my defence...fuck off!

328
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,510
Look what I've got.
Square stockings.

329
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:23,990
Nice one! Brilliant!

330
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,240
The one good thing about Christmas
on tour. A box of free stuff.

331
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,510
Skip. Merry Christmas, everyone.

332
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,550
Merry Christmas, boss!
Merry Christmas, boss!

333
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,230
Ah, can we just hang fire on
the square stockings just for a sec?

334
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,760
Towerblock, a quick word.

335
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:45,350
So, I spoke to the colonel and
I took full personal responsibility

336
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,910
for the flare incident.
You didn't have to do that.

337
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,670
Yeah, I know, but I'm your officer
and I like to look after my team.

338
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,190
Yeah, well, I don't need a Rupert
to fight my battles.

339
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:57,710
You are kidding me? Ooh, thank you
for helping me, my Lord(!)

340
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,870
It's all us and them with you,
isn't it?

341
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:02,630
Why do you have this huge chip
on your shoulder, Towerblock?

342
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:06,270
Because I WAS brought up
in a fucking tower block.

343
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,510
My wife was brought up
in a fucking tower block.

344
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,230
And people like us
can look after ourselves, all right?

345
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,150
Yeah, well,
I chose you for this job, so...

346
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:17,030
What do you want? A paper hat?
You chose me because I was the best.

347
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,990
Yeah? Well, you're hiding it
fucking well!

348
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,030
Yeah! Huge row on Christmas morning.

349
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,150
This IS like being at home.

350
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,830
All we need now is someone crying
in the fucking corner.

351
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:29,240
Oh! Oh, mine's warm.

352
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:33,830
Ah! Juggling balls, darts...

353
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,560
Cards... Oh! Oh!

354
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,670
It's full of shit.
Nah! These are good gizzits!

355
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,870
No. No, really. It's full of shit.
Ah! That fucking honks!

356
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:48,160
Here it comes. I've worked so hard
for this moment.

357
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:55,040
A few days ago, that would have
enraged me. But you know what?

358
00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:00,430
I think it's fucking funny!

359
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,360
No-one can touch me now.
Not any more.

360
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,640
This is the first day
of the rest of my life!

361
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,190
I give up!

362
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:18,350
So, Christmas lunch is now ration
packs E&G. Morale is in the toilet.

363
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:20,790
What am I going to do?
You want goose?

364
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,000
Well, if I did,
how am I going to cook it?

365
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,710
Padre?

366
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:30,880
Walk with me.

367
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:38,950
Can you really deep-fry a goose?

368
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:42,200
If you can deep-fry Milky Ways,
you can deep-fry a goose.

369
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,230
Sorry to interrupt this...

370
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,990
trip to the burns unit waiting
to happen, but we've got a shout on.

371
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,160
Padre.

372
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,400
Put the gas on an hour before.

373
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,560
Oh! And don't test the heat
with your fingers.

374
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,000
Heh...

375
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:03,480
Oh!

376
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:08,350
Thanks, Padre.

377
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:11,910
I didn't want you to look stupid,
so I said it was for me.

378
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,790
Stupid?

379
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,190
Not stupid.

380
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,760
Understandably worried.

381
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,790
♪ I saw three ships come sailing in

382
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,030
♪ On Christmas day
On Christmas day... ♪

383
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,000
Skip! You know
we've all got guns, right?

384
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,470
OK. It looks like a bog standard
pressure plate, so...

385
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:46,030
Your man-bag and disruptor.
Oh, my God!

386
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,600
You can't even get it right
without being a dick about it.

387
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,360
Boss on the move.

388
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,040
Contact left!

389
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:16,080
Diamond 21, this is Bluestone 42.
Contact. Wait out.

390
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,030
Gordon. Get down.

391
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,190
Gordon, get down!

392
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,200
Get down! Get down!

393
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,600
Shit! Bird, Towerblock's been hit.

394
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:50,630
Shit!

395
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,600
RPG. Didn't function.
It's stuck in his body armour.

396
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,470
Gordon! Gordon, are you OK?

397
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,440
OK, Bird. Don't move him.
I'm coming back.

398
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,590
OK, Bird. Bird, I'm pinned down.

399
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,400
'You'll have to get
his body armour off.'

400
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,720
Rocket! Go! Go! Skip!

401
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,190
Got one!

402
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:17,630
And another!

403
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:18,960
It really is Christmas!

404
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,910
'Cut his body armour off.'

405
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,110
The quick release is fucked, boss.

406
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:27,150
Gordon!

407
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,430
What the fuck? Don't!

408
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,150
It's a fucking RPG!

409
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,830
Shit! Shit!

410
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,310
'Gordon? Listen.'

411
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,030
You've been hit by a RPG.

412
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,870
Yeah, I can fucking see that!

413
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,790
Just stay fucking still. Bird's
going to cut your body armour off.

414
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,070
OK! OK! OK! 'Bird...'

415
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,680
Slowly. Minimum movement.

416
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,910
Shears! EOD shears!

417
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,350
You what? Towerblock,
you are a fucking genius. Bird...

418
00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:58,320
Big fucking scissors.
In the suit kit. On it.

419
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,550
Oh, fuck!

420
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,430
OK!

421
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,710
Now place it carefully
on the ground and get clear.

422
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:20,790
'Bird.'

423
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,230
When you've cut it off,

424
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,630
place it really carefully
on the ground and stand clear.

425
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,040
'Roger that, boss.'

426
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,000
Hold! Hold!

427
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,960
We're clear!
Sounds like we're clear.

428
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,960
Rocket, get him
into his body armour.

429
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:58,960
Are you OK?

430
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:02,390
If that thing had gone off, man...

431
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,200
Yeah, do you get it now, Towerblock?

432
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,470
It's not us and them.

433
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:08,760
It's us...

434
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,680
..and them.

435
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,710
OK, Bluestone 42.

436
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,390
Item number one on the agenda -
let's render safe that RPG.

437
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,800
Item number two -
we'll render safe the IED.

438
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,350
Any other business?

439
00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:28,630
Fuck off home and deep-fry a goose?

440
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,150
Excellent. Although not for us.

441
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:32,720
Or for the goose.

442
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:36,320
Crack on.

443
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,800
If it doesn't work, we've still got
the sprouts. Oh, aye!

444
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,030
No!

445
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:57,240
Too late.

446
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,550
We should take out the roast. Aye?

447
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,350
What with?

448
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:03,720
Oh!

449
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,390
I've got it!

450
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,710
So, boet, does this hurt?

451
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,150
Course it fucking hurts!

452
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,070
Yeah, I thought it would.

453
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:20,960
Towerblock? You're up.

454
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:46,000
Nice one, Towerblock. Finally
found a use for the gantry. Right!

455
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,990
And, boss, look,
thanks for copping it for the flare.

456
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,360
No problem.

457
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:58,480
Yeah!

458
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:02,630
Really great shit.

459
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,240
Personal best.

460
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:09,800
Pregnant? Nope.

461
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:18,990
Bluestone 42?
Table for six just here.

462
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,640
Thank you. Happy Christmas.

463
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:25,040
Attention, please. Brigade HQ
have sent an urgent message.

464
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:29,400
"Happy Christmas."

465
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,310
Carry on.

466
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,720
Well, this looks edible.

467
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,070
Technically.

468
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:42,750
Right, team, a toast.
To Bluestone 42 and our new member.

469
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,190
To us.

470
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:45,590
To us.

471
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,080
Fucking hell!

472
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:55,790
Charlotte got married. Some Army...
captain she met at...Tiger Tiger.

473
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,430
Captain Parfitt.

474
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,520
Oh, Parfo! I went to Sandhurst
with him. Top man.

475
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:04,150
That was a bit Ruperty, wasn't it?

476
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,110
Someone crying in the corner. Yay!
It's finally Christmas.

477
00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:12,680
We've got something to cheer you up.

478
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:15,830
It's your pillow.

479
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:17,150
We deep-fried it.

480
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,440
Aye. Crispy on the outside,
fluffy on the inside!

481
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,640
It's like sleeping on a doughnut.

482
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:25,880
Not funny, guys.

483
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:29,590
Not FUCKING funny!

484
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:31,760
Yes! The old Simon is back!

485
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:34,520
Oi!

486
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,000
Food fight!

487
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,630
Well done, Padre. Morale raised.

488
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,040
This isn't quite
what I had in mind, but...

489
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:55,830
..fuck it, it'll do.

490
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:57,680
Quite. Carry on.