Check. Check.
- Hey, Dan. - Jerry.
- New sign? - Same sign, Jerry.
New suction cups. Come on.
No. I was actually calling about the reunion,
you know, 'cause it's right around the corner.
...from Barkledge High School. Is this...
...well, I...
Herbert Farber just hung up on me.
Jesus, dude, how many times have you been married?
Well, bring 'em all.
May I speak with Jeff Suttleson, please? Jeff? Dan Landsman.
From high school. The D Man.
No? Nothin'?
Neil Boitress, D Money.
Dan Landsman.
It was a nickname. Everyone used to call me that.
Yes, they did. They definitely did.
Class of '94? Yes, there we go.
No, I don't think I still suck.
Yes, it's that time.
Twenty years. Can you believe it?
Well, we sent out a paper invitation
and followed that up with an e-vite, and a link to the Facebook page.
You did? Great!
But you're not... Got it.
There seemed to be a little indecision in your voice.
I'm gonna see if I could flip you. Flip you to a yes. Okay.
That's not very mature.
Craig? Randy?
- So... - I'm up for beers.
What are you guys doing? You guys grabbing beers, or...
- Yeah, I don't think... - I'm gonna head home myself.
Yeah. So, maybe next time.
- Yeah, yeah. - All right, buddy.
- Okay. - Probably next time.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll call you.
Well, I'm askin' you what the...
What is the future of Pirates' baseball?
The problem is here in Pittsburgh we know that we can't
spend as much on salary, so they constantly have guys
that they develop, that leave Pittsburgh.
Well, you know what? You can't bring Dave Parker back.
You can't bring back Willie Stargell.
You gotta go with what got you there. You gotta go with prospects.
Do you think McCutchen is enough to lead this team to a World Series?
They invite you for drinks?
No.
Did you tell them that you wanted to go like we talked about?
Yeah. They just weren't goin' tonight.
I thought they said that last time,
but then you drove by and you saw them.
Yeah, well, they weren't doing that this time.
Zach, wanna tell your dad about your new girlfriend?
- Girlfriend? - She's not my girlfriend.
Just heard this girl, Heather, likes me.
She's older. I told him he should ask her out.
You think I should?
I'd do a little more investigating.
These girls usually like older guys.
I think that's what I'm bumpin' up against.
You know, put some feelers out there.
I did. And her friend said it's true.
Yeah, well, you never know. I mean, the friend could be lying.
Why would she lie?
Well, what if it's a prank planned by all the girls at school
to get you to ask her out and then they all laugh and make fun of you?
- Dan! - What?
I'm just preparing him for certain realities of high school.
Good morning. Shurmur Consulting. May I help you?
No...
Come on.
Come on!
What the fuck is this?
Where are they? I don't get this.
- Bill, have you got a second? - Yeah, Daniel, come on in.
I hate to bring this up again,
but the Internet connection is so beyond frustrating.
- What do you mean, the cord? - No, not the cord.
The speed. We got to get with it, you know.
- That's why we lost the Harkin account. - No.
I went to high school with Dale Harkin, and he won't work with us?
The reason we lost the Harkin account is 'cause Dale's dad is a liar.
Dale's dad is a perjurer.
And he wants things faster. He emails.
I've been doing this job for 40 years without a computer, and I'm doing fine.
Okay, but what happened to the Bill Shurmur
I always wanted to work for?
The Bill Shurmur who always loved catchin' that big fish.
Daniel, I get it. I hear you.
I just don't have the funds for these toys.
I can't! Don't do that. That's not fair.
Come here.
All right, you're my guy. You know that, right?
Yeah, but...
And you've been telling me to think bigger for years,
but I need to have a little more cashola first,
and then, I promise you,
the Dan Plan is a go. I promise you.
Get out of here.
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Come on in. You'll find the quality...
The ocean and the sun. Both beautiful, both deadly.
Now, the ocean, I can keep that safe pretty easily
But the sun...
The ocean and the sun. Both beautiful, both deadly.
Stacey?
Honey?
This is my beach. And I need to protect it.
Now, the ocean, I can keep that safe pretty easily
But the sun,
I leave that to Banana Boat triple-defense sunscreen for men.
- What? - You didn't notice anything there?
I don't know what we're looking for.
Fucking Lawless! Oliver Lawless.
- From high school? - Yes, from high school.
On a national commercial. He did it. He made it!
Zach, that was one of Daddy's good friends.
- Really? - No, it was not.
- He was a friend. - This is what you woke us up for?
God damn it, Dan!
It's gonna take me half an hour to put her back to bed.
- Go to sleep, Zach, please. - All right.
Jesus!
Let's watch it one more time.
...sunscreen for men.
- Hey, Dad, can I ask you about Heather? - Not now, Zach, we're watching.
- We've seen it a bunch now. - It's crazy, right?
- Yeah, I guess. - You guess?
What? Right,
how many of your close buddies are on a national TV spot? Come on.
And I'm recording.
- ...the ocean and the sun... - Nope. No, no, no, stop.
You got to start earlier, then hit play, then exit,
so the bar goes away before it starts. Okay, let's do it again. Run it back.
Back it up, and give me some volume.
- Mom said that I... - Don't worry about Mom.
I'll handle Mom. Come on, Zach. One more time, we're so close.
And play.
Banana Boat.
The only boat en route to protecting your skin.
- Excuse me. - Good?
Zachary!
Hang up the phones.
Hang up the phones!
Okay.
Jesus Christ!
- What are you doing? - And...
- What the fuck? - I'll tell you what the fuck, Randy.
D-Fresh has an idea.
- Who's D-Fresh? - It's me, Jerry. Focus.
I have an idea.
It's gonna take this thing to the next level.
And get every single person from our class to RSVP "yes."
How?
Taj, bring up the reunion Facebook page for me, please.
Everyone gather around.
- Gather around? - Come on. Chop-chop.
Why? Why would we do that?
Press play for me, Taj.
- The ocean and the sun. - And full screen it for me, Taj.
- Both beautiful, both deadly. - What the fuck is this?
- Is that Oliver Lawless? - Yes!
It's Oliver Lawless. He's a big Hollywood actor now.
We get Lawless to come, the whole class will follow.
It's like one of those bullshit charity events.
They bring out the celebrities.
If Dave Schwimmer goes, everyone goes.
Look, as chairman of the alumni committee...
There is no chairman, Dan.
Okay, then how come I am the only one
with the administrator password to the Facebook page, Lucy?
Because you set it up and you won't give it to anyone.
Whatever! I'm telling you he's the answer here, guys.
Okay. Let's just assume that you're right,
and I'm not sayin' that you are,
but let's just... Let's assume it for a second.
- Okay. - How're we supposed to get him?
Yeah.
He hasn't responded to anything.
Nothing.
Maybe I should be the one reaching out. We're old friends.
- You were not friends with Lawless. - Was I not, Randy?
Is that why he sent me the video, 'cause we weren't friends?
Well, you could've just recorded it off your TV.
- That's obviously what he did. - That's exactly what he did.
Guys, guys, we're getting away from the issue here.
Okay, okay, how 'bout we go to the other issue then.
The one where you're, like, lying about being friends with Lawless.
I don't need this.
I'm going to get my friend Oliver Lawless
to come to this reunion and then we'll see which issue is which.
What?
Oliver! What's up, dude?
Haven't seen you in a long time, bro. Since high school?
Has it been that long? Jeez!
So, looking very likely I'll be headin' out to the West side on biz.
Thought maybe we could grab some brews
on the old expense account. Holler at me, dawg.
You can message me here, or you can hit me up on my email.
Peace.
D Rock.
- Morning, Shelley. - Hey, Dan.
- James. - Dan.
Los Angeles businesses.
Drazen Partners. Voila.
Kent Drazen. Hello, sir.
- Bill, you got a sec? - Yeah, come on in.
Got a very exciting prospect.
This firm in LA just fired their whole team.
I got wind of it. Made a couple of calls.
Ended up havin' a pretty substantial email exchange
with the CEO, Kent Drazen.
He wants me to fly out there and meet him.
Here, check out the email. Kent Drazen.
- Well, then I guess... - He's the CEO.
- I pressed something... - Here, no problem.
- I'll get it right back. - Please.
- There it is. - No. Forget it.
- Just... I don't... - Is that better? Are you sure?
- No, no. - You can see it.
Please.
Well, right here,
he says how he likes doing things the old-fashioned way, face to face.
Reminds me of you, Bill.
And right here he says, "I would love to do business with your company."
I mean, that's a strong email.
You have an instinct here, Daniel?
I do. This could be big.
- Let's do it. - Yeah?
Yeah. You book two tickets. Economy.
Well...
You want to...
- Yeah, I should meet him. - Yeah.
Well, I mean, I hope it doesn't spook him, but...
- Well, why would it spook him? - Yeah. Right.
Well, let me check the airlines. See if I can grab you a seat.
Thursday flights, sold out, sold out, sold out.
Cross-checking with the other carriers. Nothing.
- And you can see that on the phone? - Yeah, it's a new app.
- We tried. - Hold on.
Looks like a solo mission this time.
I got an idea. Let me just call Roselle.
She's been my travel agent...
She's gonna be looking at the same screen I'm looking at.
Never hurts to try. I got to tell you, I don't trust the web.
Yeah. Roselle, please.
- You did a soul patch? - Yeah.
- Zach, don't drag the suitcase. - Sorry.
This is huge.
You found this guy. Does Bill know that?
Yeah, he knows.
Are you gonna have time to do anything cool, Dad?
Zach, this is a business trip. Not a lot of room for dickin' around.
Get the suitcase out, please.
You're gonna kill it. I'm so proud of you.
- Who was doubting himself? - I was.
- And who told you that you shouldn't? - You did.
- I love you. - Love you.
Daddy's got a business trip.
Ladies and gentlemen, in just a few minutes
I'll be coming through the cabin to offer you a selection from our beverage service.
This is a nice plane.
Yeah. Glad Roselle was able to get you a seat.
Yeah, right away.
I told you, online, it's a crapshoot.
I want to go over the itinerary just once more with you.
- Okay. - We land at 4:40.
There should be a Marathon Rent-a-Car shuttle at baggage claim.
We go, we walk... You okay?
- Are you nervous? - No.
I haven't heard from Drazen actually.
Ever since I emailed him that you were joining.
Yeah.
Listen, next time you email him, can you add me to it?
I've seen those, where there's multiple...
Yeah, the thing about that is if it doesn't start as a group thing,
it's tough to add someone later.
Well, that makes sense.
- Two rooms. - Two rooms.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Hi, I'd like to leave a message for Bill Shurmur.
It's from Kent Drazen. Meeting canceled.
Hold on one sec.
- Hello? - Is this Daniel?
Oliver! What's up? Hold on. Can you hold on?
- I guess. - You sure?
- Yeah, go. - I'll call you back.
- Dude. - What's up, Daniel?
Not much. You know, actually, I go by Dan now.
Great.
Right? Yeah, it's shorter. Daniel's kind of...
- Yeah, man. Dan's better. - Yeah, thank you.
I'm glad you like it.
So, what's up, Dan? Why'd you call?
Well, like I said on my VM, I'm in town on business.
Okay.
Hey, you wanna get a beer?
No, man, this week's kind of tough for me, but...
How long you in town for?
Just a couple of days actually.
Are you comin' out at all again this year?
No, I don't have that planned at all.
All right, fuck it. I'll meet you.
- Redbury in 30. - Redbury?
Okay, is that a... You know what, I'll find it.
Hello?
Sir?
Again, if your whole party's not here, I'm gonna need the couch.
He's parking right now. Please just cut me a little slack.
- Three minutes. - Thank you.
- Dan? Hey. - Dude, yeah. What's up?
- You all right? - Yeah. I got us a couch.
Hey, let's sit at the bar.
I'm not gonna need the couch.
Yeah, it's a little consulting firm meeting with a big firm.
Hopin' they'll contract us to... This is so boring.
- What am I rambling on about? - I've no idea, man.
You are killing it, sir.
"Banana Boat.
"It's the only boat en route to protecting your skin."
Fucking sick, bro!
Yeah. It turned out all right.
All right?
Do you have any idea how many people around here
are trying to do what you're doing?
And you know how many of them fail?
Good for you, dawg. Just like in high school.
"There's Lawless." "What's he doin'?" "Steppin' back for the three."
Fuck!
I haven't thought about that in a while.
Hey, you know what? You should come to the reunion.
- Twenty years, comin' up. - Nah, man.
- That's not my thing. - Yeah.
Damn.
You must be crushin' on out here with the talent level off the charts.
I mean, the acting thing must help with the girls.
Girls and guys.
- What with guys? - Well...
I mean, are you gay? Are you gay, dude?
I mean, it's totally cool, if you are.
I'm not into labels.
I don't know, I like whatever.
Cool. Cool.
Scoop section lists several approaches to online privacy
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- Here you go. - Okay.
I've never taken a muscle relaxant before.
Down the old hatch.
Yeah, man, it's a good buzz when you booze.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm feeling it already.
All right, so what, you got married right after high school?
College, actually. Yeah. We got pregnant.
And then, bought a house down in Clarkstown.
It's a nice area, you know. Good schools.
Then, you married Stacey Polster?
Fourteen years.
- She was cute. - Yeah.
She was no Holly James, but...
Fuck you, man. Holly James. Shit.
It's been a while since I've heard that name.
I bet.
- Her pussy, man. - Yeah?
So tight.
- Like, almost too tight. - Oh, shit.
Hey. She'll be there.
- Where? - At the reunion. You should come.
Fuck that tight pussy again.
She'd be all over my shit, wouldn't she?
- Totally. - No, no, no.
- There's no way I'm going to that. - No?
Okay.
Yeah.
- Yeah, I don't really... - Okay. Make a fist.
- Okay, here we go. - Here we go.
And we just have to snort it? Yeah?
All right. Here we go.
Holy shit. Is that Dermot Mulroney?
Right there.
- Yeah, that is Dermot. - Wait a second. You know...
You just call him Dermot? Are you guys friends?
I mean, yeah.
That is so weird how you guys all know each other.
LA's a big town, but the business is small.
Small. Right. You should go talk to him.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Nah, man. - Yeah, go.
Yeah, I probably should, I should say hi.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Hey, what's up, buddy? - Hey.
How you doing?
Yeah, do we know each other?
No. No, no. No. I'm just a big fan of your work.
- Hey, thanks. - Yeah.
Thanks a lot.
- I'm an actor too, so... - Right on, brother.
It's great seeing you.
I'm in a Banana Boat ad right now.
Cool.
Did you ever do any commercials, or...
- No. - Okay.
No, I started in studio films.
Films? Yeah. Of course you did.
- I've seen every one of them. - Thanks a lot.
- Yeah. - Thank you.
- Dermot Mulroney. - Yeah.
- Good to see you. - Thank you.
- Oliver. - Yeah, Oliver.
Yeah. Good to meet you, man.
All right, man, you guys keep rockin'.
What?
What happened? What did he say?
He was just talking shit. He wanted me to sit down.
I was like, "I gotta go, man. My buddy's here, so..."
You don't wanna get caught up in that, man.
He'll just... He'll eat up your whole night.
- Yeah? - Let's go have a drink.
All right, yeah.
- Hello? - Hey, honey.
What are you doing? It's 4:00 in the morning.
Shit. I'm sorry. Hey, did you see my Facebook?
I posted a new pic. You gotta check it out.
- Dan, I'm sleeping. - Please, please.
Just go down there to the computer really quick, honey, please?
Christ.
He's gotta be kidding me.
You on there yet?
- Baby, you on there? - I just walked into the living room.
Okay.
Are you on there now?
- Wait, is that... - Yes, it is.
Oliver Lawless. I'm hanging out with him.
And you know, we just saw Dermot Mulroney.
And he just seems like a normal guy. Just a totally regular dude.
Well, that's great, honey, but what... How was the meeting?
What meeting? Right, yeah. Good, really, really good.
Okay, well, so is it happening?
You know, it's close. There's contingencies.
- I'm cooked, man. - You're cooked.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I gotta go.
I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you, bye.
Dude, I'm so happy. Best night ever. Best night ever.
- Are you kidding? It was great. - Can we do it again?
Absolutely, man. Hey, take care.
- Tomorrow night? Bring Dermot. - All right, man.
- Yeah, I'll text him. - And the reunion?
Nah. All right, brother.
Hello?
What's up, man, you okay?
- Yeah, can I come in? - Get in here.
- Do you have a minibar? - I don't think I have one.
- Fuck. Right here. - Is that what it is?
- Yeah, help yourself. - Yes.
Fifteen bucks a bottle, no big deal.
I fucking couldn't sleep, man.
Yeah, me neither.
Man, you ever feel like you're just...
You're just lying to yourself?
What do you mean?
Well, when you lie to yourself, you lie to the whole world.
And that's a shit-heavy thing to carry around.
It's like do you ever feel like you're so on the same page with someone
that you don't even know what to say to that person?
Ask me why I'm here, Oliver. Why I'm really here.
You're here for your business meeting, right?
That's what my wife thinks.
That's what my boss, who's sleeping right above us, thinks.
But the truth is, I came here
to get you to come to our high school reunion.
I'm on the alumni committee, Oliver.
I'm actually chairman of the damn thing.
Jesus.
And I told them
if I got you to come, that everyone else would, too.
I mean, you really think they'd give a shit?
Are you kidding me? They would shit themselves.
You're Oliver Lawless.
Yeah, whatever that means.
Okay.
Do you know what I did when I graduated high school?
I went to community college. Down the street from high school.
Took the first job I got.
I never left home. I did what every other asshole did.
But not you.
You said, "Fuck it." You went after your dream.
- Yeah. - And you fuckin' fulfilled it.
You're the Banana Boat spokesman? Excuse me?
Banging hot chicks all over town. Boys with Mulroney.
You are the best thing to ever come out of Barkledge, bro.
By a long shot.
And if you come to this thing,
you will be giving those people a gift
that they will remember for the rest of their pathetic lives.
So wait.
What'd you tell your boss?
No, no. I'm so fucked. I told...
I told him that there's a CEO in town that wants to work with us.
Why would you do that?
I didn't think he would come. It's so stupid.
- What are you gonna do about it? - I don't know.
But he's gonna find out that I made up the whole thing.
Wait.
Maybe he doesn't have to.
And thank you, Mr. Drazen, for reconsidering.
That's very kind of you.
Well, first of all, call me Kent.
Okay, let's just get that right out of the way.
And can I just say? This man is a superstar.
Did I tell you that already?
He single-handedly got me excited about this,
and I don't get excited easy.
Yeah, that's Daniel.
Thanks, Mr. Drazen.
Now, let me tell you why this deal still isn't gonna happen.
I talked to the board this morning.
We ran the numbers forward and backward.
And, I mean, we really wanted to make this work,
but sadly we are just maxed out right now.
- Damn. - Yep.
Now, here's what I propose. We put a pin in it.
All right? We come back next fiscal when the flow's a little healthier.
- We revisit. - I like that.
That sounds good, thank you.
Just hang on one second, Daniel.
I won't be able to sleep tonight if I don't say this,
but there's got to be some way we can make this work.
Bill, you know, they ran the numbers.
- The numbers have been run. - Sorry.
I'm very sorry.
How about if we cut our fee? All right? 25%.
That's very generous, but I'm afraid that still won't get it done.
50%.
- Bill, can we even... - All right.
Come on, Kent.
We both know this deal makes sense.
And this guy, I mean, he can deliver.
So, I just don't know how you can say no to this deal.
- Man, I don't know what to say. - Say yes.
- Okay, you got yourself a deal. - Yes. Excellent.
This feels right.
This makes sense.
You see? Okay...
Okay, well, I'm shaking.
I'm a little shaky as well.
I'm gonna get the best champagne this place has.
All right.
Fuck me! That was awesome!
I mean, we just had a back and forth
that was like... It just fucking evolved, you know.
That was great.
- That was great. - I didn't go too far, did I?
- I mean, that felt natural to me. - Yeah, I mean, you know,
the part where you accepted the deal might have been a little bit.
- Yeah, but Dan, it was real. - Yeah.
If I said no, it would've been false, totally false.
He would have seen right through it.
Maybe. I mean...
I was buying the whole out-of-cash argument.
God! It was fucking good, man.
No, well, I mean... Nah, nah, nah, Dan. That's fine.
You get to look great. Nobody gets hurt.
Well, Bill.
What? You kidding me? Look at him.
He's having the time of his life. Guy couldn't be happier.
- Yeah. - Come on, look.
We're in the catbird seat. Okay? We can pull the plug whenever we want.
Either way there's no deal. Just get that in your head.
- No deal. - Okay.
Why not let it sit for a little bit? Have a little fun with it. I don't know.
- You know? - Yeah.
- I mean, maybe you're right. - Maybe I'm right?
Fuck you. Damn right I'm right.
Damn right I'm right. Now, we're gonna celebrate.
- Okay. - We're gonna drink some bubbly.
- Yes, and then... - And have a good time.
Tomorrow you call him and say...
Yeah, whatever, we don't wanna do it.
Yeah. A week from now, we'll do it tomorrow,
- but right now, - No rush.
- We're not gonna think about it. - Probably the sooner the better, but hey!
We're gonna celebrate, right?
- You don't know who that is? - I don't.
You haven't seen his national commercial spot?
- No. - Banana Boat.
He's the Banana Boat guy.
- That's the fucking guy! - Hey!
That guy is this guy and this guy is that guy.
We're friends from high school.
- What's up, A-Time. - A-Time.
Come on.
Go on.
Time out.
Billy, KD here.
Listen, man, just wanted to say it was a pleasure meeting you,
and I look forward to doing some biz. Drazen out.
Hey, ladies!
- Give me that. - That's so good.
- No, no, no, no. Come on. The coke. - The coke. Sorry.
Yeah, right there... Right here is fine.
All right, cool. Thank you.
All right.
- Fuck! - Oh, my God.
Dude...
I haven't had a night like that in a long time.
Man, I had such a blast, too.
Dan...
Thank you, man.
Come here.
All right.
- I'll come to reunion. - Oh, my God.
- Hey, bro. - Hey.
It was fun last night, man.
Yeah.
You want some coffee or something?
No, no, I'm good.
Gee, I hate this.
What's up, babe?
What are you doin'?
Just waking up.
Yeah, my phone died...
Sorry, babe.
What did you get into last night?
Yeah, it was fun.
T-shirt?
Second drawer.
Yeah.
I texted you.
Fuck you.
You're full of shit. Check your phone.
Babe, how was it?
Come on, baby, not again. It's too early for this shit.
Yeah, nothin'.
I gotta...
Just give me a sec.
- My plane. - What?
Hang on a second.
All right, man.
Just come pick me up. We can go from here.
It doesn't matter...
Mimosa?
Wow, wow, wow. What a trip, huh?
Closin' that deal like the old days, huh?
- Mimosa? - Yep, here we go.
One of the perks of first-class travel.
You earned it, Dan boy.
Mimosa?
Congratulations.
Bill must be thrilled. Did you ask for a raise?
Not yet. It just happened.
Well, you gotta ask him about it. This is all because of you.
I know, I will.
And what about Lawless? Did you get him to come?
What?
- Is he gonna come to the reunion? - Possibly.
I mean...
He wants to, but it's a big expense. Have to fly him out here and put him up.
What's this?
There are no buttons on this shirt.
That's weird.
Were there buttons on there when you bought it?
Yes, I wouldn't buy a shirt without buttons.
So what goes on now?
People just try shit on and then throw it on the ground?
Step on stuff and buttons come off,
and they just put it on the rack and sell it?
Okay, I'll return it tomorrow.
Are you gonna say somethin'?
'Cause something needs to be said to the manager.
'Cause that's fucking bullshit.
It's Lawless.
Olli. D-Smooth. What's up, my brother?
Hey, that was some fuckin' fun ass shit out there in LA.
The LA. It's like a great place, shit.
So, yeah, give me a call back. I wanna talk reunion with you.
I'm feeling like the more I think about it, the lamer it gets, you know?
I don't know, I'm thinking about bailin'
on the whole thing, to be honest with you.
Who needs to see all those clowns?
So, yeah, give me a call back. I'll shoot you an SMS as well.
All right. Peace, bro.
Two, three...
What's goin' on here? What is all this stuff?
These are brand new computers. Top-of-the-line, just what you wanted.
Puttin' the Dan Plan into action.
We're gonna give this office a facelift. Hip up the place.
Well, that's great,
but do you think maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves a little bit?
I mean, what if the deal falls through or somethin'?
I mean, we haven't even signed the paperwork yet.
No, no, no. It's as good as done.
I'm a very good judge of people, and I trust Drazen.
- Yeah, I do, too... - And guess what?
I sent Dale Harkin an email.
Get the fuck out of here.
I did. I told him about the Drazen deal,
and I told him about what's going on here
and he wants another meeting.
Oh, man, you... You scored.
Danny, I am so proud of you, bucko.
- Thanks. - Come on, enjoy. This is for you.
- You feel good? - Yeah, I'm startin' to feel good.
What's this?
Dan, let me just start by suckin' a little shit here.
Lawless RSVP'd.
And then a bunch of others RSVP'd.
Yeah, and I've turned several "noes" into "maybes."
Several "noes."
Now "maybes" 'cause of you, your plan.
Well, you know, thanks, guys, but...
We doubted you, pal. We wanna apologize for that.
Should we just skip this bullshit and go celebrate?
- Yeah. Yeah, we should. - Yeah.
- Yes. - All right, yeah.
I'm buying drinks tonight, and we're gonna drink 'em together.
- Oh, yeah. - I think you should do it, dude.
- Great job, Dan. - Look at you, big man.
So, walk us through it. How did you do it?
You go out there. You give him a call. He answers, you say what?
Yeah, tell us how you turned him, Dan.
You know, it was a very delicate dance, guys.
It was just, I think, you know,
the key was makin' it seem like it was his idea.
How?
- How? - Exactly.
Yeah, how exactly did you do that?
You know, I don't even really remember it.
I just sort of flipped the script.
Sort of like a reverse psychology and a subtle thing I did,
then all of a sudden he was eatin' out of the palm of my hand.
"Dude, when is it, D... Slice. What do I wear?"
I was like, "Calm down. It's not for a few weeks. We'll be in touch."
But, fuck, he's been blowin' me up ever since.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?
We should do that more often.
Well, what are those?
CK. Boxer brief hybrid. You like?
Yeah, they are really cute.
Look at that tush.
Just the cutest...
So, Heather, you like Zach?
- Dad. - I do.
What do you like about him?
Well, I think he's funny.
He's smart.
Super hot.
- Dad, the phone? - Zach, I know. I'm getting it.
What's up, dude? My son's in the car.
What's goin' on, dawg? You get my VM?
- No, man, I don't check those. - Cool.
Hey, Mr. Lawless, I love your commercial.
- Who's that? - Okay, just hang on one sec, Oliver.
Get out of the car, both of you.
- But why? - Just for a second.
I'm gonna finish the call, then you can get back in.
- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. - All right, All right.
You put the child lock on.
- God! - Thank you.
And then close the door, close the door behind you.
Close the door.
- Sorry about that. Where were we? - I have no idea.
Yeah, I know, the reunion.
Yeah, what do you think? Should we bail?
Bail? Why? No, man, I'm down.
Yeah, I could be down. I could be down.
It's just... My head keeps on going back to when we were out in LA
partying and saying how fucking stupid it was, right?
I mean, you even said there's no way you would go.
You remember sayin' that?
Yeah, but then you kind of sold me on it. I mean, Holly James.
Thought it'd be fun to crash with you and Stacey.
Yeah. It's just...
Do we have the room, the baby...
No, worries. I'll just stay at Craig's.
You guys talked?
Yeah, he said he's got plenty of room.
You know what? I'm sure we can make it happen.
Have you stay with us.
Unless that's weird.
No, why would that be weird?
Yeah. No, it's not.
All right, man, either way.
Or yeah, just the way we just said.
Hello?
Okay. Okay, All right. Come on. Let's go. Let's go!
Come on, guys!
There he is. See my sign? Like I'm your driver.
- Where are we? Which way? - This way.
All right, I'll just put it over here if anyone needs it.
- Care if I smoke? - Not at all. God, no.
Please, go on ahead. Mind if I bum one?
I mean, unless you're low. Thank you, kindly.
Make yourself comfortable, yeah.
All right.
Hey, real quick, just to clear up any...
What happened in LA,
if we could just keep that...
- Yeah. Yeah, of course. - Cool.
I mean, I don't even know what that...
Dan, it's in the past. Let's have a fun weekend.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
That's where we did. Where else were we gonna hang out?
Dan, I don't know how you did it, man, but you bagged yourself a good one.
Yeah, I had a huge crush on her.
- What? - Okay.
- You didn't. - Come on, you knew.
- No. - Yeah, you knew.
I would stare at you every day in that class that we had.
Remember with the freak teacher? He wore his fucking pants up to here.
- Right, what was his name? - Yeah.
- Mil something. - Milman?
Milton. Jesus.
- Dad, can I ask you something? - Yeah, yeah.
In a bit, Zach.
- Milburk? - Milhorn.
- Milhorn.
- Yes. - Yeah.
That's right. Milhorn.
The memories... With the pants.
Milhorn.
Were you in that class?
We had that other class together, remember, too?
Which one was that?
- I don't know, man. - Drama. That's what it was.
And that teacher was a character.
- Was she? - What was her name?
- Spicer. - Yes, Spicer, thank you.
It's amazing.
She remembers all the things.
Okay, I have to ask you something.
- Jenny Lehmer. - Oh, God.
She said that you guys hooked up. Is that true?
Let me tell you what happened with Jenny.
She's, like, always passin' me these notes...
It's Heather. She's maybe too fast.
She follows me into the locker room.
- Oh, shit. - She told me about the locker room.
I'm getting ready to get to the crazy shit.
She wants to have sex and she wants it to be a threesome.
- What do I do? - Zach, not now.
- What's the matter? - Nothing. Zach's just...
It's fine. What's the rest of the...
Zach? Is he upset?
- I don't know. - Is he all right?
I'll go check on him.
- No, honey, Oliver's mid-story. - Zach?
I can tell that story anytime. It's no big deal.
Zach?
Honey? Are you crying?
Zach is really upset. You should talk to him.
It's the girl stuff. He doesn't wanna talk to me about it.
Okay, I will.
So, what was up with the whole Spicer thing?
What?
You came in with the name right away.
What are you talking about?
You guys were tryin' to think of Milhorn's name
going back and forth, but then when Oliver
and I were tryin' to do the drama teacher, you just came out and said it.
You killed the whole thing.
Killed what whole thing? I knew her name.
I knew Milhorn's, but I still let you have fun with it.
What is going on with you exactly?
- What? - You are acting so weird.
How am I acting weird?
Dan, Wi-Fi password?
- What? It's easier if I do it for him. - Yes, go.
There's lots of numbers and letters, case-sensitive.
Be right back.
- Hey, man. - Hey, what's up?
- I'm just... - I just got off the phone with your boss.
- What? He called you? - Yeah, man, he called...
- Dude. - Yeah, yeah, sorry.
So, how did he get your number?
He said he had it from when I left him that message.
He learned how to check his recent calls.
Fuck, he's getting smarter. What did he say?
He wanted to know where we were at
and whether or not he should send paperwork.
- Shit! - Yeah, this is out of control, man.
Now, he is callin' me. You gotta put this thing to bed today.
Today? I was gonna hang with you.
- I already called in sick. - No, no, no, man.
You gotta handle this. It's uncool.
Wait. Oliver?
Are you mad at me?
What? No, I'm not mad at you.
I just can't have him callin' me, you know?
- Yeah. - I mean, it was fun in LA.
- Now, it's just weird. - It is weird.
- Totally. - Fix it, dude.
Got it. I'm on it. Consider it done.
She just didn't sleep, that's the problem.
When she does... Dan?
So we move our mouse to the search bar.
- This is the mouse? - That's the mouse.
We click, and the cursor will appear.
- So, we just type "Bill..." - Lower case?
It doesn't matter, Bill.
- Into the search bar here. - My screen looks different.
Sorry to interrupt.
Bill, can I steal you for one second? It's important.
Yeah. Can you just give me five minutes, please?
Yeah, I'll be right outside the door.
- I think I hit... - Would you help him, please?
Enter.
- Return. - And click "Search."
Hey, you all right?
What's with the pink?
Well, this is my sister's room.
My dad made me move in since you were comin'.
That sucks. I could have stayed at Craig's.
You should have told him to fuck off.
I would never...
Well, sometimes you got to, man.
Everybody's got their line in the sand, you know?
Right.
All right, what else you got?
Well, my girlfriend, Heather?
She wants to have a threesome.
- Guy or girl? - Girl.
Okay. So, what's the problem?
- I'm nervous. - About what?
I think she thinks I'm more experienced than I am.
- How many girls have you fucked? - None.
Why?
Well, I'm 14.
What does your dad say? You talked to him about it?
I've tried.
- I feel like he's weird about sex stuff. - Yeah.
He thinks you should only have sex with someone if you love them.
You know what I think?
I think you should find a way of loving both these girls.
Simultaneously.
Hey, what's goin' on? I'm in the middle of my Internet class.
Did you call... Wait. What Internet class?
Well, I gotta learn how to use these machines.
Steve just taught us how to search for someone on Google.
Okay, first of all, I'm not even sure that's the best way to search for stuff.
Google is kind of a dated thing, you know?
It all depends on what web browser you're using,
and if the search engine is compatible. I don't wanna confuse...
Hold on, didn't you call in sick?
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm feeling much better. Did you call Drazen?
Daniel, I cannot afford to get sick now.
You're not gonna get sick. Did you call Drazen?
Yeah, I called him just to check in.
What's wrong? I was just checking in.
Okay, I really wish you would run that kind of thing by me first.
It turns out he did not love that call.
- Why? - Because he's been dealing with me.
Exclusively. He's been, you know, communicating with me.
We got a rapport, and now, he just seems really rattled.
Damn it! Bill, I'm sorry.
It's okay. It's just, I feel bad you spent all this money.
Can you fix it, please?
- Please? - I don't know. I'll try.
But I doubt it. He's genuinely pissed.
- But I'll try. - I thank you.
And again, I'm sorry, I just blew it.
- But no more calls. - You know what?
- I'm not calling anyone. - Okay.
Ever.
God damn it. Sorry, guys.
So you're kissin' Heather, right? Focus on her.
She's number one. You don't let her forget that.
But you also don't want the other girl...
- What's the other girl's name? - Jill.
Jill. Now, you don't want Jill to feel left out.
- Of course. - All right?
So you're gonna do one these guys.
Okay, that makes sense.
Okay? Now, let's say, things are heating up.
Clothes start comin' off. We're fucking.
Obviously, you got one cock.
So you can't do 'em both at the same time,
- right? - Right.
We wanna try and get as close as possible.
How?
You stack 'em.
Yeah, man, like, lawn chairs, one on top of the other.
- Like lawn chairs? - Think about it.
Visualize it.
- It works. - Okay.
Hey.
- Don't forget. Wear a condom. - Right.
Then rip that thing off. Hose down those lawn chairs.
Sure.
It's Lawless.
Yo, yo, yo. What's up, dawg? It's the D Man.
Just wanted you to know, the Bill sitch? Handled, dawg.
You will not be receiving another call from him,
of that I can assure you, sir.
Headin' out of the office now. Guess I'll see you back at the crib.
And we gotta figure out what we're gonna get into tonight.
You and me, player.
Okay. Cool.
Late.
So what did he say exactly? He was going...
He didn't say. They were just going out.
- They? - Yeah.
Craig already came by to pick him up.
We all had a drink together, and then they left.
I said that you would text him when you got home.
Yeah, I've been texting, Stace. I've been texting.
It's Lawless.
Hey, it's getting late. I guess you're still out.
Not getting texts.
If you could just let me know, maybe ballpark when you're gonna...
Or whatever. I can just leave a key under the mat.
The one right at the front door. I'll leave it under there.
All right. Hope you're having fun.
Good night, Oliver.
Man, this is our night, okay.
Bye, Craig.
- Later. - Looking good.
- Later. - Later, dudes.
- I don't know if he'll kill me. - Don't worry about it.
Shit. Are we being too loud?
- A little. - Okay.
Sorry, bro. We'll try and keep it down.
Actually...
- Hi. - Hi.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Right now?
Yeah, man.
What's up? Sorry.
So, is everything okay between us?
What do you mean?
I don't know, I'm just feeling a little bit of a distance.
Has something changed that I'm not aware of?
I mean, maybe we should talk about it.
I don't know, we haven't really talked about what happened.
I mean, I'm kind of in the middle of something, you know?
All right, sit down.
Fuck me.
Dan, LA was fun. We did it up.
But it was a one-time thing.
Yeah. I know, totally. I don't want that to happen again.
I need you to know that.
- I'm not gay. - I'm not, either.
Right. I mean, I'm married, I have a family.
Exactly.
But... But, but...
What if we were in like an alternate universe
where I wasn't?
- Why does it matter? - I don't know.
Dan, go to sleep.
Okay. Okay.
Dan.
Jesus! No!
- I'm sleeping. Get off of me. - Sorry. Sorry.
- It's delish. - I just put it together, guys.
Home cooking, man. I miss it.
Stop.
...lying in the tall grass...
Good morning.
Look at this kid, he's focused. You got a big night.
What's going on here? What's up, buddy?
Hey, man. You remember Alyssa.
- Hi. - Yeah.
All cleaned up.
So, what were we laughing about?
Z-Bone's got himself a big night lined up.
Z-Bone? What is that?
Nickname I gave the kid.
I don't think that works at all.
He's going to have his first threesome.
What?
Right? I mean, I was 16 before I did that.
- Did what? - Nothing.
Alyssa, would you like some potatoes?
Yes. I would love some. Thank you, Stacey.
Hey, man, you're ready to go.
So, where is this supposed to go down?
At Heather's. Tomorrow night.
And where are her parents?
They are going to be at your reunion.
They are? That's perfect.
- Yeah, it totally is. - Yeah, it actually is.
So, I'm just the last to find out about this?
- No, man. Stace doesn't know. - Please don't tell her, Dad.
Hey, he's not gonna tell her, dude. He's cool.
Yeah, I'm cool. But I should have known about this.
I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen, so I asked Oliver.
So you encouraged this?
- Yeah, why wouldn't I? - He's 14.
What are you gettin' so upset about, Dan?
You should be celebrating this. He's a stud.
- You know what? I want you out of here. - What?
You heard me. I want you out of this house!
Dan!
Stacey, this does not concern you.
- It's okay, Stacey. - No, it is not okay.
It is okay!
Maybe I overstayed my welcome.
I'm gonna get my things and crash at Craig's.
I am so sorry, Oliver.
Dan, what is the matter with you?
So sorry...
So, you can see that the ladies are on the dance floor
underneath this beautiful railing.
If you get a chance later, have a free moment of time,
come and check out the model. It's almost to scale.
If you actually could hold on that for a second, Luce?
Thank you so much. I just got a text from Lawless,
and he needs the password to the Facebook page.
- What does he need it for? - Jesus Christ.
He wants to post a photo of us from last night.
Who gives a fuck?
Dan, you're not the gatekeeper of the Facebook page.
Please, give him the password.
Oliver is not a committee member, Lucy.
Yeah, but Craig is.
But he's just gonna give it to him, Jerry.
No, I won't give it to him.
Because I can only give it to people who are on the committee.
Okay, everyone heard him say that. You're on record.
Okay, fine.
R-E...
U-N...
I...
O...
- N. - It's "reunion"?
- With three exclaims on the end. - Good password.
Randy, come take a look.
Look. He's doing it.
No, we're talking about something else entirely.
- Really? What are you talking about? - Just give me a second.
I'm gonna shit myself!
Me too.
Okay, you know what?
This has gone off the rails, and what are we doing?
We're giving passwords to non-committee members,
we're letting them upload unauthorized photos.
Dan, I'm gonna ask you to calm down.
Lucy, I'm totally calm.
What the fuck is going on here? This is ridiculous, okay?
It's one guy and we're gonna build the whole fucking thing around him?
- It was your idea. - What the fuck?
What the fuck do you care?
Renina, you never ever talk, and now you pipe in?
- She's right, Dan. We... - Okay, so what?
So I made a mistake. Am I not allowed to make a mistake?
Am I not human? This reunion is for everybody.
It's for all of us! Not just him!
God!
Okay. Announcement.
I think I'm out, guys.
- All right, man. - No, I mean, out-out.
No, we get it. We know what you meant.
You know, it's honestly fine. I mean, all the work's done, so...
Okay.
Anyway...
- What, that? - Yeah, look, and then...
Is there a picture of just me and him?
- Hey, Daniel. - Hey, Bill.
Are you okay?
A lot of stuff, Bill.
Yeah, well, I hate to pile on more, but we got a problem
because I am... I am 90% sure
that this is not the guy we met with.
And I do not know what is going on.
But I think we're being duped in some way.
And see, when I click this like Steve said,
the picture stays the same.
Now, if I could enlarge this, then we would know who this is.
But I can't.
I don't know. There's no way to enlarge this.
Yeah, there's no way to enlarge it.
Right?
Fuck.
Maybe if I hit this.
No.
- Bill. - Yeah.
There is a way to enlarge it.
That's not him.
No. It isn't.
And Google is a great way to search for stuff.
It's actually the best engine out there.
What?
And you can add someone to an email chain at any point.
It's so easy.
Daniel, what's going on?
I lied to you.
There's no deal in LA.
Kent Drazen isn't real.
The guy you met, his name is Oliver Lawless.
And he was the coolest guy in my high school,
and I just wanted to go out there
and convince him to come to the reunion.
You faked a deal?
So you could take a trip to LA?
Why didn't you just buy a ticket and go out on the weekend?
Yeah. Yeah.
In retrospect, that would have been a lot easier.
But I needed an excuse for my wife, so...
Okay. I got you.
So, couldn't you have just told her it was a business trip,
and left me out of it?
I could have. I could have. I could have done that.
Actually, I'm not sure why I didn't.
So what now?
I mean, I assume I'm fired.
Fired from what?
I don't even know if we have a company anymore.
Right.
I spent so much money...
I know, right. Right.
I don't know what to say, Bill. I mean, I am so sorry.
I never meant for it to go this far.
You know what's funny?
I actually liked Drazen.
I did, too.
Yeah, and, I don't know, it just felt good, you know,
chasing the big fish again, you know.
He liked you, Bill.
That was real.
It wasn't real.
Well, right, I mean, he wasn't really Drazen, but...
- Did you get him? - Who?
Your friend, Lawless.
I got him.
Good.
Bill, are we cool?
Have fun at the reunion, Daniel.
- Ready? - Yep.
Dan, this is gorgeous.
Stacey Polster.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!
- Wendy Fleur. - How are you?
I'm good. It's actually Stacey Landsman now.
You remember Dan?
- Hi, Wendy. - Hi.
We had Spanish and Chemistry.
I'm gonna go get some drinks.
- Okay. - Perfect.
Thanks. Just a white wine.
Yeah, two.
Yeah, Lawless crew.
Hey.
- Dan. - Dale Harkin.
What's up, buddy?
We're gonna be seeing you next week, right?
Hey, I hear big things are happening over there.
You know, Shurmur tried to FaceTime me the other day.
I didn't even know the old man had a phone.
Yeah.
Hey, did I hear right?
That you got Lawless here?
Yeah, I might have had somethin' to do with that.
Nice job, dude.
Oh, man.
Hey, not to sound gay or anything,
but I always thought he was just the shit.
Like I would have done anything to have been his friend, you know?
Yeah.
Anyway, let's get fucked up, right?
Yeah.
Hey, Dan.
Hey, fuckin' A, guys, you did it.
How you doin'?
I'm fucking great. How are you doin'?
Smoking?
You know, whatever, I smoke when I drink,
sometimes I'll have a smoke. What's the big deal?
- Are you okay? - I'm fucking great.
It's a party. You know what? I'm partyin'. Just loosen the fuck up.
Who are you right now?
You're wasted! You're obsessed with Oliver.
Wearing the same underwear as him.
How do you know what kind of underwear he wears?
- You fuckin' him? - What?
I did his laundry, Dan.
- Dan. - Jerry.
- Was that cocaine? - Come here.
- Okay. - Jerry, Jerry, Jerry...
Let me ask you somethin'. How about this?
- D-Nice. - What?
Have people just call me that from now on?
I don't know. It feels forced.
It's a little bit forced. That's what I was thinkin', too.
Okay, come on, give me some options.
- Pitch me out some new ones. - I don't know.
You just have to find what works for you, you know?
Like me, it's J-Dawg. It's obvious.
Fuck.
You've got it all figured out, don't you?
Don't you?
I don't know. I don't think.
You have such an easy life, J-Dawg.
- Let's go back to the party, okay? - Yeah, let's get back in.
J-Dawg wants back in.
Why wouldn't he?
Holly James! Lovebirds back together.
- Who is this guy? - You all right, Dan?
Is that it? You're not gonna say hi?
You're here because of me, and you're not gonna say hi?
That's pretty fuckin' rude.
Why don't you go sit down for a little bit, buddy?
How was Craig's house?
Bye, Dan.
You're gonna fuck that pussy?
That tight puss? He said you have one.
Probably not anymore though, right?
- Probably gotten a little loose. - All right, let's go.
- What are you doin'? - Excuse us for a sec.
Where are we goin'? Are you gonna...
We're gonna go talk over there?
Why do you gotta squeeze so hard, huh?
- What are you doin'? - What are you doin'?
What's happening? I mean, we...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Can we...
Can we start over? Let's just start over.
Start what over?
Hey. I'm Dan Landsman.
We went to high school and never had sex with each other.
Dan, go home.
What? No, no, no. Come on.
Wait. Wait, what...
- Why can't we just talk? - There's nothin' to talk about, Dan.
Really? 'Cause I think there is stuff to talk about.
Why won't you talk to me?
Talk to me, Oliver!
Okay.
What do you wanna talk about, Dan?
- You know what I wanna talk about. - Yeah?
And what do you wanna hear?
You wanna hear that I wanna be with you?
What, Oliver, wait, why did the music stop?
Would that do it for you, Dan? Tell me.
You wanna hear that I can't stop thinkin' about when we fucked?
No, no. Outside.
That I'm rock hard right now just thinkin' about it? How's that?
Dan, I can't wait to get my dick back in your mouth.
I'm so dying to make you come, since you didn't last time.
How's that? Maybe that's what you're lookin' for.
- Oliver... - No, no, no, let's fuckin' talk, man!
You wanted to do this. Let's talk. Let's get some closure.
How do we end this?
How's this?
It meant nothing to me.
You weren't even a blip on my fuckin' radar.
God damn it, Dan.
Jesus Christ, that's embarrassing.
Dan.
I need you to take Zach to school.
I'm on it.
I'll just...
So...
How was your three-way?
Didn't happen.
Damn. It was a prank.
No, Dad. It just wasn't me.
Look, I know I've been a little absent lately.
You've tried to talk to me about this stuff...
I just want you to know, you can talk to me about whatever.
And I wanna talk to you about some things.
Like how you had sex with Oliver?
You heard.
- How did it even... - I don't know, buddy.
We were out in Los Angeles, one thing led to another.
I mean, you know, these things happen.
- They do? - Yeah, you'll see.
When you're older, a lot of different factors come into play.
I mean, a lot of it had to with...
Dad, are you okay?
It's okay. It'll be okay.
I fucked up.
I really fucked up.
Mom hates me.
I don't think she hates you. I just think maybe...
She does.
Maybe she's just weirded out.
Are you?
I mean, yeah. It's messed up.
- Well, what do I do? - I don't know.
Figure it out with Mom?
- Will you come with me? - I have school.
I'm gonna get a lot of shit today and I just have to deal with it.
So do you.
Hey, babe.
- Hey, Mr. Landsman. - Hey, Heather.
Heard about last night.
You did? Great.
Well, it's pretty epic. It's all over Facebook.
It is?
Yeah, you're fucked up, dude. I like it.
Yeah. Thanks.
Yeah.
It was so awesome havin' you here, man.
What a great weekend.
Hey, it was weird all that shit you blasted Dan with last night
in front of everybody, but you know, classic Lawless.
Thanks for the material. That stuff's gonna last us for years.
For years. Yeah.
Guys.
Buddy.
I could've fucked either one of you.
At any point.
But I didn't.
Why is that?
All right, fellas.
So there were buttons on that shirt when I bought it.
And I yelled at that manager
for no reason.
Yeah.
How did the buttons come off the shirt, Dan?
He ripped 'em off.
Yeah.
Stace, I'm not...
So, what was it, Dan? Can you please explain it to me?
I wish I could. I don't... I don't...
If you had asked me two weeks ago what the odds of this happening...
Oh, my God. Stop.
I'm just tryin' to talk about it.
I mean, to deal with it.
You know? I mean, because we have to.
Right?
Fuck!
Is this a bad time?
What are you doin' here?
Well, I was just headin' out and...
I don't know, I kind of feel like I needed to apologize.
- I said some things... - Yeah, we heard them.
Look, Stace, you gotta know,
I did this. Not Dan.
It was all me.
Is that supposed to make me feel better?
Well, can I at least come in?
I'll come out.
It's okay.
Dude, listen to me.
Last night, rippin' you to shreds like that, it was...
It must've been embarrassing for ya.
I'm sorry.
Well, thanks for saying that.
In LA,
I treated you like a piece of meat, man.
- It wasn't right. - Yeah.
Thanks for that as well.
I don't wanna be doin' that. You know, I don't wanna be that guy.
Yeah, I don't wanna be the guy I was in that scenario.
It's just you put me up on this pedestal, you know?
It was like...
I don't know, it was a lot of pressure to deal with.
It kind of made me feel like I needed to play the part.
Didn't wanna let you down.
"Play the part"?
Dan...
You gotta open your eyes, man. I'm a mess.
That Banana Boat spot...
- It's pathetic. - That's a national spot.
You saw my apartment, man, I'm broke as shit.
I don't know fuckin' Dermot Mulroney.
But I saw you guys.
I mean, he's a super down-to-earth dude.
He's fucking normal as hell,
but he didn't have a clue who I was.
Because we'd never met.
I'm nothing, man.
I peaked in the 11th grade.
Hang on one second.
Hey, Mac.
- Relax, man. - I am relaxed.
You wanna miss your flight, I don't give a fuck.
It's on you. Your call.
Yeah.
What's that?
It's yours. I borrowed it.
After you fucked me.
And you probably don't remember.
It's just a blip on your radar, but...
Keep it.
You weren't just a blip, Dan.
Even if I was.
Take care of yourself, pal.
Dear Grant Barkledge, class of '94.
Fun times last night.
Although I do apologize for my personal life
taking center stage like it did.
That was unexpected.
Had a great DJ who, if you ask me, got unfairly overshadowed.
Sorry about that, Tyler.
But it's funny. I brought it all on myself.
I thought if I could deliver Oliver Lawless, I'd be a hero.
Single-handedly saving our reunion.
But we didn't need him, did we?
We didn't need the most popular guy from high school.
We didn't need the face of a national Banana Boat campaign.
We needed a symbol of something more.
And I, for one, was ready to risk everything I had for the chance to find it.
But it took all this to make me realize Oliver Lawless was inside me all along.
There's a Lawless inside all of us.
Sometimes you just gotta give him a little nudge
and wake him up.
After I post this update and leave you all ample time to read it,
I will be deactivating this Facebook account.
For I am the only one in possession of the new password.
But I shall leave you with this.
Be grateful for what you have and you'll end up having more.
If you concentrate on what you don't have,
you will never ever
have enough.
That's Oprah Winfrey for you right there.
Tellin' it like it is.
Goodbye, old friends.
I'll see you all on the other side.
And I will forever be
your chairman of the alumni committee.
Daniel Gregory Landsman
aka
The D Train.