1
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,688
Welcome to Hotel Zanzibar.

2
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,201
I see you have not stayed
with us before,

3
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,965
but please feel free to linger
in our corridor

4
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:34,283
and take a butcher's
around the ninth floor.

5
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,402
The residents,
who here will spend the night

6
00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,130
like mountaineers at base camp,

7
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:42,285
they just might be on their way up
or on their way down.

8
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,244
Some wear an anorak, others a crown.

9
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:48,164
But all are here
to meet their fate head-on.

10
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,931
Will Lady Luck smile on them
come the dawn?

11
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:52,721
Who knows?

12
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:55,081
'Cause I'm just here to nick their chips

13
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,124
and smile and smile

14
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:00,368
and hope for decent tips.

15
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:06,929
Mr Blue and Mr Brown
are in the building.

16
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,526
For shame, Henry,
why speak you to your cuff?

17
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,449
There's no one here, you're armed.

18
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,688
- Yes, sir.
- So chill.

19
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,489
The fact that we use pseudonyms
is enough

20
00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:16,925
to keep me safe from harm, surely.

21
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,651
But still.
I made an oath to your father, the King,

22
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:22,240
that I would keep you
in my sights all week.

23
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,284
His enemies would not hesitate
to bring a gun to a knife fight.

24
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:26,805
- Henry...
- Let me speak.

25
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,884
You are our country's future,
dearest Prince.

26
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:33,089
Myjob's to save you
from any grievous plot.

27
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,970
But all this talk of murder
makes me wince.

28
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,522
Like this iambic foot,
you're stressed, I'm not.

29
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,284
Now let me to my room.

30
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:42,600
Good night, God bless.

31
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,529
- I take it we have all the channels?
- Yes.

32
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:47,691
Ah, Mr Brown.

33
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,404
Your luggage is within.

34
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,130
Do you need a tour of the room?

35
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,361
Not fussed.

36
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,645
- And, Mr Blue?
- I'm in 912. Go in.

37
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:02,646
And just so you know,
that tip's from both of us.

38
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,290
Sleep well, sweet Prince.

39
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,761
He shall not live the night.

40
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,326
'Tis understood assassins wish him dead.

41
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,364
To cleanse our country
of his family's line.

42
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,689
So when Prince Rico
meets my little friend

43
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:24,486
and grief does shake
the old king of his wits,

44
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,928
my father stands in readiness to rule.

45
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,163
Then I will wear
the prince's crown instead.

46
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,931
And I'll be 911,

47
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,726
not 912.

48
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,321
Young man, come here.

49
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:45,885
A word with you, I pray.

50
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,642
I wish to speak more plainly, if I may?

51
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:54,203
Sir, it's the only language
I understand.

52
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:55,850
Good.

53
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,964
I wish to order some room service

54
00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:01,884
which is off menu,
if you catch my drift?

55
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,331
I do indeed, sir.

56
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:07,200
Would you care to describe
the dish you had in mind?

57
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,845
- A female.
- Mmm-hmm.

58
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:11,523
- Redhead.
- Mmm-hmm.

59
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:14,686
Mature.

60
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:15,761
A-ha.

61
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:19,287
Willing to indulge in some
slightly unusual practices.

62
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:20,766
No problem.

63
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,410
Yellow or brown?

64
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:24,646
What?

65
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,481
Does sir prefer the water sign
or the earth sign?

66
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,688
- Oh, water.
- Absolutely.

67
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:32,801
Here.

68
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,849
- The other half will come...
- After you do. I understand.

69
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,924
Leave it with me.
I know just the girl for you.

70
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,050
Oh, happy days!

71
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,202
The fates they do conspire.

72
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,766
I'll profit from another man's desire!

73
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,086
- Yes?
- I'm sorry, sir, but may I trouble you?

74
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,367
There is a strange man in my room.

75
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,361
Which room?

76
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,404
It's one of these,
but which I cannot say.

77
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,051
Things fall out of my head
so quick these days.

78
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,049
Did you not see the sign upon my door?

79
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,011
Do not disturb me, please, I do implore.

80
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,525
Sir, he's got me all aquiver.

81
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,131
And here he comes! He means me harm.

82
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,488
Mother! I'm so sorry,
she wanders off a lot.

83
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,682
Come back to bed.
You're missing Emmerdale.

84
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,205
Is this your son?

85
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,487
- I don't know.
- Yes, I am.

86
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,207
She knows me not.
It's such a sorry tale.

87
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,404
She took a tumble nipping into Boots.
This was in August.

88
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,005
1953.

89
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,169
She hit her head
and now her memory's gone.

90
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:48,241
My memory's fine.

91
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,124
For them days, not for these.

92
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,607
She's like a goldfish
that you win at a fair.

93
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,330
You mean she's going to die
within a week?

94
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:57,882
No. She swims about,
but nothing is retained.

95
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,042
We're trying this new memory technique.

96
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,451
Are you my husband?

97
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:02,925
No, he's just a man.

98
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,650
A man who wishes to be left in peace.

99
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,451
If that is all,
I'm going to close the door.

100
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:11,602
<i>I met</i> him <i>once on Coronation Street.</i>

101
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,409
Oh, Mother.

102
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,129
I can't believe you made me
walk in heels.

103
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,965
A taxi would have been, like, £15.

104
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,690
Then you make my carry all these bags.

105
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,450
You know full well my back
is really bad.

106
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:29,645
Why pay a boy in uniform a pound
for doing something we can do ourselves?

107
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,249
Sweet Amber,
don't be angry with me, please.

108
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:33,526
You have the key card?

109
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,244
Yes, I've got it here.

110
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,371
It doesn't seem to work.
I don't know why.

111
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,209
What if I pop it quickly in and out?

112
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:43,651
Just like our sex life.

113
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,370
- Amber.
- Sorry.

114
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:48,882
No joy. I'll go back to reception.
You wait here.

115
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:52,646
No joy?

116
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,126
No joy we've had for ages now.

117
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,841
Ten years together.
Maybe that's our peak.

118
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:03,242
Our love has turned as stale
as last week's bread.

119
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,810
Long gone the days
when he made my knees weak.

120
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:08,805
A night in a hotel won't be enough

121
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:11,929
to keep my heart from
all this nagging doubt.

122
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,731
Do I extend my holiday with Gus

123
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,201
or do I pay my bill and then check out?

124
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:19,282
Is aught the matter, madam?
Are you locked out of your room?

125
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,442
Yes, my boyfriend's gone
to fetch another card.

126
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:22,721
Oh, they are most unreliable.

127
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:23,801
Boyfriends?

128
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,247
No, the key cards.
But I know what you mean.

129
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,330
My Fred, he's the bellboy,
he can be a bit tricky sometimes,

130
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:30,845
but he's got a good heart.

131
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:32,884
Have you been together a long time?

132
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,128
Oh, yeah, ages. 15 weeks.

133
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,123
He's forever trying to drag me
into one of the empty rooms

134
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:38,526
for a bit of how's-your-father,

135
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:41,080
but that turns me right off
'cause my father's dead.

136
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,684
At least he's attentive.

137
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,331
Yeah, he's always standing to attention
if you take my meaning.

138
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,488
But there is nothing
he wouldn't do for me.

139
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,721
So do you want me to let you in?
I've got a pass key.

140
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,246
No. Do you have
any other rooms available?

141
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:58,843
Um, there's nobody booked in 913.
I can show you in there if you like.

142
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:02,886
You're right.
A woman should be wooed with care.

143
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,604
Oh, no, we haven't had it off in there.

144
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,126
Excuse me, miss. I hate to be a bore.

145
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,770
I was looking at my key card

146
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,406
and I saw the number
of this room is 9-1-1.

147
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,684
For me to stay in here, can't be done.

148
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:19,285
Well, you do not like the number, sir?

149
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:20,441
No way.

150
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,649
Well, 914 has just come free today.

151
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,843
Ah. I'm very superstitious as of late.

152
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,641
To stay in 911's tempting fate.

153
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,366
Well, at least you haven't
had to travel far.

154
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,682
Have you taken anything
from the minibar?

155
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,088
No, but will you tell the bellboy
on this floor

156
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,845
the water sports will now be 9-1 -4?

157
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:44,849
What water sports?

158
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,200
We haven't got a pool.

159
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,126
Excuse me,
I'm missing a plug for my bath.

160
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,208
It's not electric, sir.
That would be dangerous.

161
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:52,611
To keep the water in.

162
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,409
Oh, that kind of plug.

163
00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:56,164
I'll try and find you one, Mr...

164
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,441
Green.

165
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:05,161
Poor girl. She does not know the reason
why I need a bath plug urgently.

166
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,322
For that which stops the water
running out

167
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:13,246
will stop also
what little life there is in me.

168
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,766
When these blue rivers in my wrist

169
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:21,050
do run and mingle with
the cheap bath salts and soap,

170
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:25,400
then will my guilt drain out
with them to sea.

171
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,441
And will my children mourn?

172
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,244
I can but hope.

173
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:35,523
My boys, my twins,

174
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:36,806
were given up at birth.

175
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,963
Their mother died. I was still in jail.

176
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,770
One stayed in England,
one was sent abroad.

177
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,526
I know not what became of either one.

178
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:52,804
So tonight, I will put me to my sword

179
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,327
but for a bath plug,

180
00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:01,210
then 'tis quickly done.

181
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,083
I have the new card here, Amber.

182
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,240
She's gone.

183
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,050
Perhaps she is inside.

184
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,324
Or has she flown?

185
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,929
Ugh! These sodding key cards
never bloody work.

186
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,282
I must have held it
near my mobile phone.

187
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:31,327
Colette, my dainty duckling,

188
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:35,047
is going to meet me here for
a bit of "how's your dead father?"

189
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:37,930
I'll leave it on the latch.

190
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,129
Well, the key cards can't be trusted.

191
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:44,167
Ah, sir,
may we speak plainly once again?

192
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,289
- Of course.
- You're barking up the wrong tree.

193
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,488
Your room is down here, 911.

194
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:52,486
Oh, I see.
That'll be why the card refused to work.

195
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:55,131
Your room service is on its way.

196
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,287
Oh, great.

197
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,602
Bring it straight up, will you? And...

198
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,486
Be discrete.

199
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,681
Naturally.

200
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,327
Anything else I can help you with, sir?

201
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:11,761
No, thank you.

202
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:12,967
Oh.

203
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,686
Oh.

204
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,451
You're very kind, sir.

205
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:29,200
From £50 to 20p. What did I do wrong?

206
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,529
She's not yet here.
My plan is now afoot.

207
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,807
I have arranged for an apple tart
to be brought to our room.

208
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:39,848
But, unbeknownst to Amber,

209
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,840
a ring is baked within.

210
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,891
And when she takes her first
big bite of that confectionery,

211
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,486
"I will," I hope, she'll say.

212
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:52,245
And merrily, we'll marry.

213
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,531
I need a wee.

214
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,648
Be quiet. Have some tact.

215
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,370
We must discuss the tariff for this act.

216
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:12,846
I have to pay?

217
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,810
No, madam, I pay you £1,000.

218
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,604
And how much for a poo?

219
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,285
So were you once a redhead?

220
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,731
Oh, behave.

221
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,201
I said mature,
not dug up from the grave.

222
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:25,441
Will you do bondage?

223
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,802
Yes, there's every chance.
I did a course at St John's Ambulance.

224
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,723
I'm glad that you are keen.
That's good to know.

225
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,723
Just tie me up, and you can let it flow.

226
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,210
You know I'm staying in here tonight?

227
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,209
- Okay.
- I need some space.

228
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:41,801
I care not what you do.

229
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:43,891
You really are a pig.

230
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:45,970
- What's that?
- Who's this?

231
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,407
Just go back to bed
and I willjoin you soon.

232
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:09,604
No longer in the shadows can I lurk.

233
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,604
It is time for me to attend
my grizzly work.

234
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:16,601
But wait.

235
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:21,726
If I am to be blameless of this deed,
then must I have an alibi as fact.

236
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,485
I did just see the hypnotist downstairs.

237
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:26,608
He really did a very funny act.

238
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,285
But wait.

239
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:33,364
What if I could be the hero of the hour,

240
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,205
as if I fought to save
the Prince's life?

241
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,726
I'll cut my face to illustrate my lie.

242
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,167
But what if I go
too deep with the knife?

243
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,971
Oh, come, Henry. Stop equivocating. Act!

244
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,691
The time for dilly-dallying has gone.

245
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:50,242
Just raise your hand
and stab his bleeding heart.

246
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,891
I hope I didn't leave the talk-back on.
Hello?

247
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,200
Hello.

248
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,448
Excuse me, miss. Do you have my plug?

249
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,091
I do have a plug.
Probably not the kind you mean.

250
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:13,004
Are you the gentleman from 911,
Mr Brown?

251
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:15,287
I'm Mr Brown's security advisor.

252
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,441
What mean you with him?

253
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,887
He's ordered some executive relief.

254
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,883
The details of which
are not for you to know.

255
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,325
Suffice to say he is the executive.

256
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,004
And you are the relief.

257
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,727
Well, I'll certainly be
relieving myself.

258
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,165
Now let me in, please.

259
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,844
I've got another slot to fill at 10:00.

260
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,409
May I ask your name?

261
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,561
Tracey, but people call me Red.

262
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:38,966
Well, then, little Red,

263
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:42,169
how would you like to increase
your fee tonight threefold?

264
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,051
You've pricked my interest.
What did you have in mind?

265
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,090
My master has a meeting in the morn
of great import.

266
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,571
I don't want him up all night.

267
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,051
Neither do I, believe me.

268
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,929
After you and he have done the deed,

269
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,526
he most like will imbibe
a glass of wine.

270
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,963
Into his cup, this tincture pour.

271
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,122
'Tis a sedative to help him sleep.

272
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,725
Oh, fine.

273
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:04,764
I thought you were after a spit roast.

274
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,444
No, I just had sandwich.

275
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,366
Good evening, sir.
I trust that all is well?

276
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,611
Oh, yes thank you.
The room is very nice.

277
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,967
I hear you ordered a tart this evening?

278
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,168
- I did. Has it arrived?
-just now.

279
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:25,287
Bring it in.

280
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:34,043
Thus when the Prince
in deepest slumber lays,

281
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:35,929
then will I strike,

282
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,843
and so avoid his gaze.

283
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,924
Better he dies
still thinking me a friend.

284
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,925
This wench has helped me
bring about his end.

285
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,601
Mother? Mother?

286
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:52,444
She's vanished from the room.

287
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,682
Two minutes in the shower,
and she's gone.

288
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,207
<i>1 thought Emmerdale and Corrie
was enough to keep her busy,</i>

289
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:58,441
but she's done a bunk.

290
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:04,687
I'm sorry to disturb you once again.
You haven't got my mother in there?

291
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,001
No! Why can't you people
just leave me in peace?

292
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,606
Can you not see that
I'm tied up right now?

293
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,170
God knows what goes on
behind these closed doors.

294
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,686
Don't ask, don't tell,
as Mother always says.

295
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,481
I'd better find her quick
before she falls.

296
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,608
I'll try the hypnotism show downstairs.

297
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,047
I saw your hypnotism show downstairs.

298
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:29,645
It was really good.

299
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:34,163
Thank you, child. I was exceptional
tonight, though I say so myself.

300
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,767
It is a potent combination
of neurolinguistic programming

301
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,320
and my persuasive vocal technique.

302
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,131
Yeah. I liked it when they had to do
the hokey-cokey

303
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,362
every time you shouted
"spaghetti Bolognese".

304
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,808
Aye. Well, it is important to entertain
as well as educate.

305
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,486
One sometimes has to paint
in primary colours.

306
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,444
- This is your room, 916.
- Thank you, child.

307
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,644
I'll take a glass of vino
when you're ready.

308
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,561
Of course.
And the lady I was telling you about

309
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,847
is there in 913.

310
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,891
Ah, yes. Unhappy in love, you say?

311
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:09,601
Well, she seems to be, but then
I heard her boyfriend ordered this.

312
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,968
It has an engagement ring inside.

313
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,121
How very tacky.

314
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,563
She just needs a little persuasion,
that's all.

315
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:16,766
Is that something you could do?

316
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:22,003
My child, I've hypnotised smokers to
stop smoking and fatties to stop eating.

317
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:25,607
I'm sure I can use my skills
to make true love bloom again.

318
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,921
It would be nice to have a happy ending,

319
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,367
for I fear I am partly to blame.

320
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:31,680
Come, I'll take you to her.

321
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,485
- Yes?
- Excuse me, madam.

322
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,369
This is Vince De Tranz.

323
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,090
He is the hypnotist at Zanzibar.

324
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,970
I once regressed a lady
through past lives.

325
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,322
Turned out she was a maid of Cleopatra.

326
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,004
And what on Earth has that
to do with me?

327
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,367
If we could come in for a moment,
you will see.

328
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,124
Here you are, madam,
and I thank you for your pains.

329
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,761
I'm not sure what just happened,
but thanks, mister.

330
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,605
Would you ever consider girl-on-girl?

331
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:12,364
I did once share a bunk bed
with my sister.

332
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,686
Now, I know my door begins
with number 9.

333
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,324
Oh, this one's open.
Guess it must be mine.

334
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,322
Madam, what mean you by this?

335
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,449
Like a scalded she-cat
you have sprayed me!

336
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:30,726
Why else are you paying me?

337
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,928
Paying you? Paying you?

338
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:37,210
You have done me
the most disgraceful wrong.

339
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,647
I will see that you are sorely punished.

340
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,768
Fine, but that will cost you extra.

341
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:44,411
Now come, sirrah,
and take a stoop of wine.

342
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,962
Madam, I have had quite enough
of your fluids. I'll take no more.

343
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,610
What seems to be the issue here, sir?

344
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,169
Her issue is my issue!

345
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:57,489
This harlot, this creature,
this red-headed whore...

346
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,369
- Yes?
- Has just...

347
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,724
I can scarce get out the words.
Hasjust

348
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,248
used me as a privy!

349
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,729
Excellent.
And I trust it all went swimmingly?

350
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,802
He refuses now to pay.

351
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,562
Oh, I must insist you pay the lady, sir,

352
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,881
otherwise she is wont to stay
and make a fuss.

353
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,760
And whilst we're on it, perhaps you
could supply the other half of this.

354
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:23,367
Have I gone mad?

355
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,729
Has the world turned upside down?

356
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:28,451
I am assaulted on all sides,
then asked to pay for the pleasure!

357
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:29,567
That's the idea.

358
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,085
Is this some kind of role play?

359
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:32,885
Pay me my money.

360
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:34,685
I will not!

361
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,124
Will you please be quiet?

362
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,009
You keep me from my work.

363
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,403
Look, Red, you wait up here awhile

364
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,687
and I will soothe his ire.

365
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,525
I'm hungry, and you promised me a meal.

366
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,364
Here, take these leftovers.

367
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:53,851
- Leftovers?
- All right.

368
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:57,163
Look. Here, have this.

369
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,571
- Hasn't been touched.
- Okay.

370
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:02,363
Give me but two minutes, I prithee.

371
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:13,204
Now, child, the ritual is complete
and she is in a trance-like state.

372
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,487
And when you bring her boyfriend
to her door,

373
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,847
she will look upon him
with newfound ardour

374
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,651
and passionately embrace him.

375
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,451
Thank you, Vince. Cupid himself
could not have aimed more true.

376
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,045
I'll fetch him right away.

377
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,410
Ah, perfect.

378
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:32,603
Hello, kind sir. I am Colette the maid.
I'm on an errand, if you would be led.

379
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,569
Ah, good, the maid.
You must have read my mind.

380
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,130
There's been a little spillage
on the bed.

381
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,690
Oh, but, sir, I...

382
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,649
No, Mrs Hargreaves, you're in here, 918.

383
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,324
Are you my son?

384
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,606
- No.
- Oh.

385
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,365
I had him with me,
but he's forever wandering off.

386
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,881
I have searched every floor
from one to nine.

387
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,566
Of my mother alas there is no sign.

388
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,768
I curse the day
that she went into Boots.

389
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,002
She only wanted Schwarzkopf
for her roots.

390
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,208
She slipped and went down
like a ton of bricks,

391
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,362
covered from head to toe in Tixylix.

392
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,647
I never should have let her
from my sight.

393
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,166
I pray that someone's seen her
here tonight.

394
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:14,806
Oh, hello.

395
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,530
What angel is this knocks upon my door?

396
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,001
Sorry?

397
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,288
My heart has burst

398
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,488
and overflows with joy.

399
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:28,442
A vision of such beauty and rare poise.

400
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,888
I did do ballet lessons as a boy.

401
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,645
Thine eyes are pools
wherein I see my soul.

402
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:37,521
Thy apple cheeks as soft
as new fallen snow.

403
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:38,601
What are you doing?

404
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,728
Two cherry lips I long to take a bite.

405
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:41,926
I'm going to be reporting this.

406
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,480
Thy firm physique doth
make myjuices flow.

407
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,688
Oh, it's very nice to meet you Mrs...

408
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:50,242
Miss. And I intend
to have you now, right here.

409
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,322
There is a little problem
with that plan.

410
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:53,481
I hate to have to tell you,

411
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,006
but I'm not looking for a relationship
at the moment.

412
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,367
If you'd just come with me.

413
00:20:58,480 --> 00:20:59,811
Alas, what's this?

414
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,723
Fair Amber with another man entwined.

415
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:05,601
She must have seen him first.
Madam, desist. Your boyfriend's here.

416
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,125
I do not care for him.

417
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,407
This man, this God,

418
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,721
this vision is my love.

419
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,087
Come, let me see thy mighty sword.

420
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:15,366
Get away!

421
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,926
I wish to keep my sword
within its sheath.

422
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,570
It's more like a little dagger anyway.

423
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,803
Sir, speak you to your girlfriend
and explain she has the wrong man!

424
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,326
Why? I know her not.
She slapped my face.

425
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,561
The woman is insane.

426
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,722
Insane with love!

427
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,768
And there is but one cure!

428
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:31,966
Oh, God.

429
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,522
I've waited long enough in there.
Pay up!

430
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,887
Pay up for what?
I know not what you mean?

431
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,611
This hotel is full of madwomen, I swear.

432
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,286
- You take the piss?
- No, you took it from me!

433
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,486
Mother, where have you been?
You had me worried.

434
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,289
I found her wandering in the corridor.

435
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,647
- Here's £50 for your trouble.
- Mother.

436
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,484
- Where did you get that money from?
- From him.

437
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,244
Give me that money, Grandma!

438
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,607
- I've earned it.
- Well, I earned it, too,

439
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,170
though how I can't recall.

440
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,641
- You did screw my boyfriend.
- Did you, Mother?

441
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,882
It's all my fault. I've messed it up.

442
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:08,089
Calm down. We just need to
untangle what is tangled.

443
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,969
This gentleman was booked in 914.

444
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:11,610
No, that's Mr Brown from 911.

445
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:13,409
In bed with Red
while Amber was next door?

446
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,244
- Then Mr Green in 915...
- His bath plug!

447
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,129
And Blue in 912. Who have I missed?

448
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,168
Red, Amber, Green...
Am I coming or going?

449
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:20,969
We need to speak to Vince,
the hypnotist.

450
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,409
Prince Rico, what has happened?
Aren't you tired?

451
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:27,766
I thought you would be sleeping now.

452
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,411
With this? You have to give me
shelter from these people.

453
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,642
Good Henry,
you're the only one I trust.

454
00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,010
Oh, Amber. There you are, my love.

455
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,047
I've missed you.

456
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,690
I've not missed you, you necrophiliac.

457
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:45,647
I'm sorry?

458
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:47,929
I saw you in your room
with that old hussy.

459
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,490
Excuse me. I'm not that old.

460
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:50,686
She means me.

461
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,611
I know I haven't been
the perfect boyfriend,

462
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,887
but I want to show you this.

463
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,166
Is this my cake?

464
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,209
You have to know
what lies beneath this dome

465
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:08,281
is a symbol of what you mean to me.

466
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,208
As proposals go, I have seen better.

467
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:18,886
It's not the most romantic thing
to show, a load of old bones.

468
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,371
Excuse me. That's my mother.

469
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,124
Do you mean me?

470
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,531
Who are you again?

471
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,048
- This should have been...
- An apple tart?

472
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:27,406
I ate it.

473
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,722
There was a diamond ring
concealed within.

474
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,689
Your ring has gone from
one tart to another.

475
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,809
Why don't you shut your mouth,
you stuck-up bitch!

476
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,962
Mother!

477
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,404
All right, calm down.
Let's put you back in here.

478
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,005
Oh!

479
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,321
How are you feeling, Mother?
Are you okay?

480
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:45,965
How many fingers am I holding up?

481
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,407
Oh, Robert, I can't see
without my glasses.

482
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,727
- What did you say?
- I said I can't see.

483
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:52,444
But you just called me, Robert.

484
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,484
Well, that's your name.
A mother ought to know her son.

485
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,962
Good God. That slap,
it must have brought you back to me.

486
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,361
Oh.

487
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,568
Amber, won't you listen, I do love thee!

488
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,286
She is bewitched.
I cannot break the spell.

489
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:08,523
Just tell us, Vince, what do we need
to know to make this right?

490
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,604
I'm sleeping now. Good night.

491
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,367
- Has he been drinking?
- He had a glass of wine.

492
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,929
Then I take matters into my own hands.

493
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,527
Don't touch me with those trotters,
you fat pig.

494
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,883
With true love's kiss,
I aim to break the spell.

495
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:39,929
- No, don't.
- Sorry, I...

496
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,365
No, I meant don't stop.

497
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,724
I thought she's your girlfriend.

498
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:46,966
Mother, please.

499
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,564
Poor Gus,
I don't know what came over me.

500
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,644
It wasn't me. I can promise you that.

501
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,001
I love a happy ending. Don't you, Fred?

502
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:57,282
In 917, there's an empty bed.

503
00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:59,089
Of this confusion I have had my fill.

504
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,889
Excuse me, miss,
I'd like to pay my bill.

505
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,408
Oh, for the final time, will you be...

506
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:21,401
What's this?

507
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:27,122
Two peas from the same pod both shelled?

508
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:30,206
Do my old eyes deceive me

509
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,604
or could I be looking
at the sons I briefly held?

510
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,722
I was adopted as a child.

511
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,529
And I...

512
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:42,011
I never knew my father.

513
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:43,447
Until now.

514
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:46,883
I Pray you, sirs,

515
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,604
do not an old man mock.

516
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,485
We must get to the bottom of this.

517
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:52,521
H Ow?

518
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,443
The proof, it is behind you,

519
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,526
for my boys both bore a birthmark
on their bare behinds.

520
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,602
It was a most unusual shape.

521
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,887
I know. It looksjust like...

522
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,530
<i>The</i> chair <i>from Mastermind.</i>

523
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,609
Oh, it's true. I saw it on his bum.

524
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,087
It makes me think of Magnus Magnusson.

525
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:12,722
Give me but one moment, I implore.

526
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,121
I won't need that bath plug any more.

527
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,286
I always felt that I was but a half,

528
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:27,646
lacking not just a father and a mother.

529
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,801
Meeting your other half
makes you a whole.

530
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:32,851
Does that sound wrong?

531
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:34,606
It's nice to meet you,

532
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:37,041
brother.

533
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:38,481
Oh!

534
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,171
So all's resolved,
just like a theatre play.

535
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:46,449
And I can get my happy end away.

536
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:47,561
Not so fast!

537
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,963
Everybody stay exactly where they are.

538
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,611
I'm sorry to break up this pretty scene,

539
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,761
but I have unfinished business
with Prince Rico.

540
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,365
I Pray you, sirs,

541
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:02,487
which one of you is he?

542
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,081
-'Tis 1.
-'Tis 1.

543
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,009
-'Tis I.
- Mother, calm down.

544
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,208
You have set this up
to try to muddle me.

545
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,091
Step forward, Prince,

546
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,650
or Daddy gets the knife!

547
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:14,649
That's what you call dramatic irony.

548
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,326
Oh, I know him. He saw my show tonight.

549
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,005
Please spare his life

550
00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:20,849
and take me in his place.

551
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,685
I've had enough. The old man has to die.

552
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:25,091
I'll spill his guts like...

553
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,606
Spaghetti Bolognese.

554
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:33,681
<i># The hokey-coke y!</i>

555
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,649
<i># The hokey-coke y #</i>

556
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:37,444
Vince, you've saved the day.

557
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,085
Thank you, child.

558
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:40,889
I'm glad that everyone is reconciled.

559
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,281
- I thought I was a goner.
- No way, Pops.

560
00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:45,601
Let's lock him in his room
and call the cops.

561
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,885
<i># Your left leg out
In, out, in, out, shake it all about #</i>

562
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,889
Can someone tell me
what's gone on today?

563
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,641
It's more than
a rhyming couplet can relay.

564
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,288
I wish you had your diamond ring.

565
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:02,124
But hush,

566
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,441
I think that I did hear a toilet flush.

567
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:18,926
Oh!

568
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,367
I hope you've enjoyed
your stay at Zanzibar.

569
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,562
We're all a little older, if not wiser.

570
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:35,291
If you've enjoyed your stay,
please tell your friends

571
00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:38,170
and write a nice review on TripAdvisor.