1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,800 and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting. 2 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:03,160 WOMAN ON RADIO: The sound of Northamptonshire is... 3 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,080 MAN ON RADIO: BBC Radio Northampton! 4 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,600 MUSIC JINGLE 5 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,280 PRESENTER: At seven o'clock with the latest BBC News 6 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,560 for Northamptonshire, I'm Phil Gabbitas. 7 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:16,880 Police are tonight searching wasteland outside Kettering 8 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:20,760 following the discovery earlier today of human remains. 9 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,920 The body has yet to be formally identified, 10 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:24,800 but police have indicated 11 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,800 that the discovery is likely to be connected to three other murders 12 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,280 in the county, thought to be the work of the so-called 13 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,680 "Lonely Hearts Killer". 14 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,000 A telephone number for anyone calling with information 15 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,000 about the case has been released. 16 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:40,200 It's 01632 960011... 17 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,960 DOOR ENTRY UNLOCKS 18 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,560 SMOOCHY MUSIC 19 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:53,800 COMPUTER CHIMES 20 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:55,960 Oh, hello! 21 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,760 Hi. 22 00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,440 Took me by surprise. 23 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,680 I know, yeah. It's weird, isn't it? 24 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,480 I... I, er... 25 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,600 You go on. 26 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,160 I was going to say, 27 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,600 I don't know if we're allowed to say our names. 28 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,200 Yeah, no, I'm not sure, erm, 29 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,200 cos the email said we had to keep things anonymous, 30 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,080 what with everything in the news. 31 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,760 Well, statistically, you're more likely to be killed 32 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,240 by someone you know than a complete stranger, 33 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:23,640 so let's live dangerously, shall we? 34 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:24,880 I'm Edgar. 35 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,440 You don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable. 36 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,400 Erm, Vicky. 37 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,120 Hi, Vicky. Nice to e-meet you. 38 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,760 Nice... Nice to meet you, too. 39 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,440 Erm, so have you done one of these before? 40 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,160 I've done one in real life where you go along a line... 41 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:44,920 IRL. Sorry? 42 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,600 Sorry, that's... erm, "in real life" is IRL. 43 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,120 Yeah, where you jump along one every five minutes. 44 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,560 It's like musical chairs. Exactly. 45 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,360 Though mine was more like "pin the tail on the donkey". 46 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,480 Anyway, nothing really came of it, 47 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:58,760 so I thought I'd try this. 48 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,120 Well. I-I'm glad you did. 49 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,840 So am I. 50 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,120 So, what do you do, Edgar? 51 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,960 I'm a landscape gardener. 52 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,880 I do designs and planting - 53 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:11,120 basically, the kind of thing you see on the Chelsea Flower Show. 54 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,680 I love that. 55 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,080 I've never been, but I... I used to love watching it 56 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,200 on the TV and...I've always really loved gardening. 57 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,200 Really? Yeah, I put it as one of my passions. 58 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:25,440 Well, that's a good start. What else is on that list? 59 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,840 Well, that...that would be telling, wouldn't it? 60 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,760 I've got to keep some of my feminine mystique! 61 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:32,280 Absolutely right. 62 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,400 So, how big's your plot? 63 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,280 Sorry? 64 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,760 Your garden. 65 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,760 Do you want me to come round and give you a quote? 66 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:46,600 Oh, it's a...small patch. 67 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,520 Well, it's a window box, actually. 68 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,640 Sounds great. I love a window box. 69 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,040 So, how about you, Vicky? Do you work? 70 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,120 Yeah, I'm a carer. I was... 71 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,160 I was a carer, and now I just do a little bit of volunteering 72 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,600 at the local charity shop, so...that's me. 73 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,040 And do you have a family? What's your situation? 74 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:09,640 Oh, I've got a brother who... moved to Canada a while ago, 75 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:12,600 and he's got two little girls now, so I'm an auntie. 76 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,680 Cool. Whereabouts? 77 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,640 Winnipeg. Yeah, I'm going to go over there, definitely, 78 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,200 once he gets settled. How long's he been there? 79 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,480 Six years. 80 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,680 Anyway, tell me more about you, 81 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,040 cos I'm wittering on. 82 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,320 Like I say, landscape gardener. 83 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,040 I golf occasionally. 84 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,840 Er, music-wise, Dire Straits, Dylan, Simply Red... 85 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,560 Oh, I love them. 86 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,560 What's your favourite album? 87 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,240 Greatest Hits, probably. 88 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,960 Anyway, Vicky, it's been lovely to meet you. 89 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,040 Oh, no, we've still got a minute. 90 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,720 Well, 55 seconds. 91 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,920 That's...that's half a lifetime in speed dating. 92 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,600 And you never know, I might be the one. 93 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,800 Of course, but, erm, if you go shopping for a new sofa, 94 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,800 for example, you don't just buy the first one you see, do you? 95 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:06,120 You sit on a few first to get a feel for it. 96 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,680 Some can be saggy... 97 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:12,800 You know? And some can be sleek and...hard. 98 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:17,240 And some can be fluffy and comfortable 99 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,360 and last you a lifetime. 100 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,640 True. 101 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,080 Anyway, good luck. 102 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,080 I hope you make it to Canada someday. 103 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,840 I will. Thank...thanks, Edgar. 104 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,040 It's been... It's been really nice chatting to you. 105 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,520 You, too. I've really enjoyed it, 106 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,040 and it's been good practice for the next one. 107 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,760 SMOOCHY MUSIC 108 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,880 DOOR INTERCOM BUZZES 109 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,360 Hi. 110 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,600 DOORBELL CHIMES 111 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,680 I'm really glad you came. 112 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,240 SMOOCHY MUSIC 113 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:56,320 COMPUTER CHIMES 114 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,200 Right, victim number two! Good evening. 115 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,880 Hello there. 116 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,640 This is weird, isn't it? 117 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,520 Could you sit up for me, please? 118 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,800 Sorry? Sit up a little, would you? 119 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,720 The lighting is very poor your end. 120 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,280 Is that deliberate? No. 121 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:15,040 Erm, maybe if I tilt... the screen back? 122 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,440 Is that better? Marginally. 123 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,960 Now, I have a brief checklist, if you don't mind my going first. 124 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,840 Always best to have a plan, I find. So, you are...? 125 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,560 Well, I thought we were supposed to keep things anon... 126 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,000 Vicky. 127 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,000 LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 128 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,600 Victoria. 129 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,960 Age? Well, is that...? 130 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,640 A ballpark figure will do. 131 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,440 I know you fillies like to shave off half a decade if you can. 132 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,160 No, I'd rather not say. 133 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,920 Erm, I'm as old as my gums 134 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,720 and a little bit older than my teeth. 135 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:45,760 LAUGHS 136 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,720 I'll...put 58. 137 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,680 And location? 138 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,040 No, I'm not comfortable telling you that at the moment... 139 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,200 For goodness' sakes, do I look like an axe murderer? 140 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,360 I just need to know if you have direct transport links to Kettering. 141 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:58,560 Er, yes. 142 00:05:58,560 --> 00:05:59,960 Well, that's fine, then. 143 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,960 Now, these you can answer in the order you like, 144 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,520 but I'd like to know the following. 145 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,240 Occupation and salary, pastimes and interests, 146 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,560 family and domestic expectations. 147 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:11,040 Oh, you're very prepared, aren't you? 148 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,600 I just... 149 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,080 Anyway...I'm...a carer. 150 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,520 Was a carer. 151 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,840 And now I just work in a charity shop locally. 152 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,000 Is that a salaried position? 153 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,200 No, but I do get first dibs on every new bag that comes in. 154 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,960 Sorry, what... What was your name? 155 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,640 Norman Jenkins. Pastimes? 156 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:33,920 Er, I like to garden, erm, walks, cooking... 157 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,680 Standard stuff. 158 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,560 Family-wise, I've got a brother who lives in Canada 159 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,160 but, apart from that, 160 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,320 I'm footloose and fancy-free, so... 161 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,400 Yeah. Hang on, hang on. 162 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:45,400 "Loose..." 163 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,880 ..and "free". 164 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,320 Sorry... 165 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,400 ..Norman, what did you mean by "domestic expectations"? 166 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,400 I've recently been cut open from here to here. 167 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,880 I'm sorry to hear that. 168 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:01,080 No, don't be sorry. It saved my life. 169 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,360 I'm fitted with a pacemaker which regulates my heartbeat 170 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,520 between 60 and 80bpm. 171 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:11,400 However, my surgeon has warned me about energetic activities, 172 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,720 including housework and... 173 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:17,440 ..bedroom antics, so my enquiry about domestic expectations 174 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,520 has to do with that. Is that clear? 175 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,080 But I think it's a bit soon to be thinking about... 176 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,600 Suffice to say, I may not be able to... 177 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:29,560 ..deliver on certain aspects of what you might be looking for. 178 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,040 That's fine. Erm, thank you for being so honest with me. 179 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,920 I appreciate it. 180 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,400 I... I've had some big, life-changing stuff 181 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,720 going on myself. 182 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,840 It's nice to talk about it, isn't it? 183 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,280 I'm not lonely, if that's what you mean. 184 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,040 Good. I'm pleased for you. 185 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,600 I am, a bit. 186 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:54,760 Can I turn the tables now and interrogate you? 187 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,080 If you wish, yes. It's only fair. 188 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,120 So, Norman, if we were going to go on a date, 189 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,720 where would you take me? 190 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,680 Oh. Good question. Erm... 191 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,440 I suppose, off the top of my head, 192 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,840 it would have to be, erm, Kensington Palace Gardens, 193 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,920 Peter Pan statue. 194 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,960 Mother used to take me there when I was a boy, 195 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,800 every Sunday, once a month, 196 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,080 before I was returned to boarding school. 197 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,400 She'd buy me an ice cream with strawberry sauce - 198 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,440 "monkey blood" we used to call it - 199 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,040 and then drop me off at the station. 200 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,000 And I'd sob my little heart out all the way back to Surrey. 201 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,400 That's so sad. 202 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,840 Is your mother still with us? 203 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,520 No, she died in 2014. 204 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,200 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 205 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,880 I lost my mother last year. 206 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,080 It...untethers you, doesn't it? 207 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,920 You... 208 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,320 ..lose your bearings. 209 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,880 Do you think that you'd maybe like to... 210 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,880 ..meet for a coffee sometime and talk about it? 211 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:01,160 Certainly not. You look nothing like her. 212 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:02,440 SMOOCHY MUSIC 213 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,720 COMPUTER CHIMES 214 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,320 Oh, hello! I'm Manny. 215 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,080 Erm...Vicky. 216 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,440 You look like you've lost a shilling and found a penny! 217 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,520 Am I that ugly? 218 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:18,080 No, not at all! Sorry, no, I've, erm... 219 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,000 I've just had the rudest man. 220 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,920 There's some nutters on here, aren't there? 221 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,800 Well, you've only got to read the papers. 222 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,760 Hey, my last one didn't go to plan either. 223 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:30,120 Really? Yeah. Screen comes up, there's nobody there. 224 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,160 I just hear this voice off. "Sorry, I'm having a wee!" 225 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,680 I said, "It's all right, love. 226 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:36,400 "When you gotta go, you gotta go." 227 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,120 Then she comes out of the toilet, 228 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,720 starts unloading the dishwasher! 229 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,560 No! I swear down! 230 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,960 I said, "Are you not going to have a quick look, just in case 231 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,560 "you've got Cary Grant sat here?" 232 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,720 So, she comes over, puts her glasses on and goes, 233 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,920 "Cary Grant? More like Russell Grant!" 234 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,240 Then she frigs off again! 235 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,360 SHE LAUGHS 236 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,360 I-I like a cuddly man. 237 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,840 Oh, well, you know, I go up and down, but it's hard, isn't it? 238 00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:00,640 My last date was after a mother rather than a partner. 239 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,840 You never know who you're going to get, do you? 240 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,480 Mm, yeah, true. 241 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,880 You've got lovely eyes. 242 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,640 Thank you. 243 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,480 SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 244 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,200 So, do you work, Vicky? 245 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,840 Yeah, I'm a landscape gardener. 246 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:19,440 Really? Yeah, I do designs and planting - 247 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,840 the sort of thing you see in the Chelsea Flower Show. 248 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,720 Wow! 249 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,720 HE CHUCKLES 250 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,560 I was going to say something about a neat bush but I stopped meself. 251 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:29,040 VICKY STIFLES A LAUGH 252 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:29,040 "Don't blow it, Manny!" 253 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,720 Oh, it's nice to laugh. 254 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,080 I haven't laughed in ages. 255 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:33,600 Oh, yeah. It's the best medicine. 256 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,880 Even if nothing comes of these things romantically, 257 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,800 I always try and have a bit of fun, but that's just me. 258 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,120 You can't go wrong if you're straight up with people, 259 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,480 do you know what I mean? 260 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,440 Be honest. And if they like you, they like you. 261 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,960 And if they don't, it's four minutes out your life. 262 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,120 Yeah. 263 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,360 You're right. 264 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,360 I'm not a landscape gardener. 265 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,160 I just said it. I don't know why. 266 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,600 I think it's a confidence thing. 267 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,480 Oh, don't be daft, I'll talk to anyone, me. 268 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,280 Well, you're not a traffic warden, are you? 269 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,160 BOTH LAUGH 270 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,160 No. No, I'm... 271 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,880 I'm nothing. 272 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,920 Anyway, what do you do? 273 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,840 I, Vicky, run a premium phone line for people trying 274 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,600 to solve their Rubik's Cubes. 275 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,160 Honestly? Swear down. 276 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,400 People ring up. They've got three sides done. 277 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,000 They want to know how to progress. 278 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,840 Occasionally, I get the speed cubers phoning up with a DNF. 279 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,000 What's that? "Did not finish". 280 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,960 But, mainly, it's just taking Muggles through to self-completion 281 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,400 using the Fridrich method - 282 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,760 you know, starting with your basic white cross, 283 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,320 then inserting pairs of corners using OLL - sorry, 284 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,520 "orientation of last layer". 285 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,520 HE CHUCKLES 286 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,480 I do go a bit geeky when I get on the subject. 287 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,120 No, it sounds fascinating. 288 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,920 And, erm, how long are you on for? 289 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,200 Average call time is 17 minutes. 290 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,440 £1 a minute. You do the maths. 291 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:46,800 £17. 292 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,200 Exactly. Then you throw in your internationals - 293 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,040 your Chineses, your Thais... 294 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,600 I only need to do 3-4 calls a day and I'm laughing. 295 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:54,960 Sounds perfect. 296 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,200 Well, it is. You see, I want to franchise it, 297 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,000 get it on Dragons' Den. 298 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,520 To me, it could be the next Trunki or Tangle Teezer, 299 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,360 but I just don't think they'd get it! 300 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,240 Well, the new lad they've got on - Steven - he might. 301 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,480 You've got to get it on social media. 302 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,160 You can get everything on social media nowadays, can't you? 303 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,760 You can. 304 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,880 Including someone to have a bit of fun with. 305 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,040 SHE CHUCKLES 306 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,200 I wish I had a hobby 307 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,600 that I could turn into a job. 308 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,280 Oh, it's the best. 309 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,440 But it does make it hard to meet people, so... 310 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:28,800 WOMAN: Manny! 311 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,480 Have you seen the key to the shed? 312 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,560 I want to get the kids' bikes out for the morning. 313 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,160 Yeah, I'll be down in a bit, love. 314 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,360 Who's this? No-one. 315 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,880 It's just one of me cubers. 316 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,360 You fuckin' liar! 317 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:44,840 You're doing it again, aren't you? 318 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,560 No! Listen! 319 00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,240 He's married, you sad cow! 320 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,600 Sorry, I didn't know, I... 321 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,640 Keep your desperate, clammy hands off. 322 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,440 If I catch you sniffing round again, I'll find out where you live 323 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,280 and I'll break your ribs! Do you hear me? 324 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,320 I've done it before. She has. 325 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,240 Piss off and get your own man, bitch! 326 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,920 SMOOCHY MUSIC 327 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:10,120 Oh, I'm really glad you came. Come in. 328 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,560 Oh, you've opened it already. 329 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,520 It's a... 330 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,000 ..bit of Dutch courage, I suppose. 331 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,040 Er, come in, sit down. I'll pour us a glass. 332 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,440 WOMAN: Hello? 333 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:35,920 Hello? 334 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,760 Oh, hello! Who have we got here? 335 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,280 Oh, hi. Erm... 336 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,040 Oh, don't worry. It's been happening all night. 337 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,200 I think they've put me on the wrong track 338 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,240 because of my name - Lesley. 339 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,600 It's one of those bi...polar names, isn't it? 340 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,800 Although it shouldn't be a problem in this day and age, 341 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,320 what with all the mixing of the gender fluids. 342 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,600 I suppose so, yeah. 343 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:01,880 Anyway, I'm not a lesbian. 344 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,240 I'm not even bi...curious. 345 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,560 SHE LAUGHS I can't imagine anything worse. 346 00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:09,680 What's your name, lovey? 347 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,160 Vicky. Aw. Vicky. 348 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:15,240 Is that with a C-K-I, or a K-K-I? 349 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:16,680 V-I-C-K-Y. 350 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,600 ..C-K-Y. 351 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:19,960 Lovely. 352 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,160 And do you go by Vicky, or Victoria? 353 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,640 Er, Vicky, mainly. Victoria's a bit... 354 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,680 Old-fashioned, yes. I agree. 355 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:30,720 Although I do have a friend my age who's called Ivy, 356 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,400 and she's got tattoos and a labia ring, so go figure! 357 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,080 SHE LAUGHS 358 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,080 So, now...tell me, Vic, 359 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:42,600 have you seen anyone who's Mr Right out there, 360 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,240 or are they all a bit...? 361 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,680 Mr Lefts, as my mother used to say. 362 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,000 SHE LAUGHS 363 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,160 "Mr Lefts". I like that. 364 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:51,640 No, erm... 365 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,440 Yeah, I've found a couple of potentials maybe, 366 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,640 but no-one's really jumped out at me. 367 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,080 Oh, well, I should hope not - 368 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,840 I mean, that's the beauty about being online. 369 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,920 Safety first! 370 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,840 Did you hear they found another body this morning? 371 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,240 Ring finger chopped off. 372 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,920 SHE GASPS 373 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,920 It's terrible. 374 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,280 You could be talking to the Lonely Hearts Killer. 375 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,120 Oh, don't say that. 376 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,480 Well, you can't trust anyone these days. 377 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,800 I must tell you, though, Vic, 378 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,640 I've been laughing with some of my other ladies 379 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,680 about the descriptions that the guys give themselves, 380 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,480 compared to what they really look like. 381 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:29,800 Do you know what I mean? 382 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,360 Yes! My last one described himself as Cary Grant. 383 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,320 I thought, "More like Russell Grant." 384 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,800 SHE LAUGHS 385 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,800 Priceless! 386 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,040 Mind you, we're just as bad, aren't we? 387 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:44,840 I mean, you know, we say, er, "bubbly" when we mean fat, 388 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,720 or "homely" when we mean a frump. 389 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,320 "Lives life to the full" - ie, raging alcoholic. 390 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:51,520 SHE LAUGHS 391 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,320 Or my favourite... 392 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,520 .."footloose and fancy-free" - 393 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,400 meaning a totally empty existence. 394 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,080 SHE LAUGHS 395 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,840 Now, what's your status at the moment, Vic? 396 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,560 Divorced, single, 397 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,040 or are you married, looking for a bit of fun on the side? 398 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,640 No. Erm, I've just never really found the time 399 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,360 for a serious relationship. 400 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:14,080 Ah, you're a career woman, like me. 401 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,720 No, not really. I just, erm... 402 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,840 I was worried that, if I did find a man, 403 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,440 he'd have to share me with my mum. 404 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,840 Sounds kinky. 405 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,920 No, no, not like that. It's just, up until recently, 406 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,920 I've had to put her needs first. 407 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:33,520 My dad walked out when we were little, 408 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,200 so it was down to me, 409 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,720 and that was my life... 410 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,200 ..through my fingers before I knew it. 411 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,880 Aw... 412 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:46,680 So, you found solace in food. 413 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,520 No, not really. 414 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:53,200 Oh, we're so hard on ourselves sometimes, aren't we, Vic? 415 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,880 I mean, how many items of clothing have you got 416 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,280 that you can no longer get into? 417 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,400 Oh... 418 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,400 SHE CHUCKLES 419 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,760 One to five, five to ten, or 11 and over? 420 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,920 Five to ten probably, if I... 421 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:10,840 Good. And, sometimes, Vic... 422 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,600 ..when I'm slipping into the bath of an evening, 423 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,640 I glance in the mirror and I think to myself, 424 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:20,640 "What three words would I use to describe my body shape?" 425 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,680 Do you ever think that? 426 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,640 And if so, what would they be? 427 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,400 So...what? The three words. Take your time. 428 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,880 We've still got a minute left. 429 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,280 Sorry, what is this? What? 430 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:33,520 Why are you writing everything down? 431 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:37,520 Vicky, what if I were to tell you 432 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,760 that there is a brand-new miracle product 433 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,200 that's just about to launch in the UK? 434 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,960 It's a supplement, it's not food replacement, and I can... 435 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,800 So, what, are you just trying to sign me up for a diet plan? 436 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,240 Oh, no, we don't call it a diet plan. No, no, no, no. 437 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,600 It's a gateway to a new you. 438 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,000 Have you got an email address? 439 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,320 No! 440 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,760 Yes. But I'm not going to give it to you. 441 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,360 Why not, lovey? Because you've tricked me. 442 00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:06,240 I bet you deliberately put yourself down as a man, didn't you? 443 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,320 Well, it is fish in a barrel. 444 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,520 I mean, where else am I going to find an endless supply 445 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,040 of ladies like you? 446 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,240 What do you mean, ladies like me? 447 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,560 Bubbly. 448 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,720 Now, I really do need your email so that I can... 449 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,480 Fuck off! 450 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,480 BEEP 451 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:28,920 COMPUTER CHIMES 452 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,440 Hiya. 453 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,160 Is that supposed to be funny? 454 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,880 No, I'm really sorry. Erm, I've been trying to fix this 455 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,600 for the past half an hour. 456 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:46,920 I, erm, let my kids use my phone to watch LazyTown on CBeebies, 457 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,240 and the next thing you know, ha... 458 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,120 At least I'm not a turd. 459 00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,240 Ha... 460 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,760 There's one that's a turd. 461 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,280 Sorry. 462 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,240 I can keep fidgeting with my phone to try and turn this off, 463 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,720 or I can focus on talking to you properly? 464 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,080 Er...or you can switch off now 465 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,520 and save yourself four minutes. I wouldn't blame you. 466 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,320 Do you know what? It's fine. I'm not doing anything else. 467 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,360 Can I ask your name? I'd rather not say. 468 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:18,880 Yeah, OK, I'm sorry. 469 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,880 D-Don't keep saying sorry, 470 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,800 because you sound like me. 471 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,520 What have you got to be sorry for? 472 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,720 Oh. Daring to exist, according to most people on here. 473 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,960 Yeah. Not easy, is it? 474 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,440 Being gazed at and picked over by half a dozen strangers. 475 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:37,560 I've never done this before, and I don't think I'll bother again. 476 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,800 Why not? It's just too painful. 477 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,560 Confirms all the worst things that I think about myself. 478 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,080 Well, d-don't be like that. 479 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,360 I-I'm sure there's somebody out there for you. 480 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,160 Are you a man or a mouse? 481 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,760 Oh. 482 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,320 THEY CHUCKLE 483 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,320 Sorry. 484 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,400 Fair enough. 485 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,400 BOTH LAUGH 486 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,880 It's... 487 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,400 Cheers to us, anyway. 488 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,320 To us. Cheers. 489 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,240 HE SIGHS DEEPLY 490 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,160 My name's Vicky, by the way. 491 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,640 Jai, by the way. 492 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,720 How old are your kids, Jai? 493 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,520 11 and 12. 494 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,440 And they still watch CBeebies? 495 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,160 Yeah. 496 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,240 What are their names? 497 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,920 Er, Sally and Lindsay. 498 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,080 Like the actress? 499 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,520 I suppose, yeah. 500 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,680 I... 501 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,200 ..used to sit my mum in front of CBeebies. 502 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,040 She liked the colours. So... 503 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:49,000 ..I know that LazyTown hasn't been on for...ten years. 504 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,520 You put that filter on yourself, didn't you? 505 00:20:58,400 --> 00:20:59,920 I don't have kids. 506 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,720 Erm...the thing is, Vicky, I've...I've got this... 507 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,760 I know. 508 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,360 When you took a drink, I saw. 509 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,440 Why don't you just turn it off, and we can talk properly? 510 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,600 Yeah? Mm. 511 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,040 That's better. 512 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,400 HE SIGHS 513 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,000 So...tonight's been a bit of a wash-out, has it? 514 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,400 Yeah. 515 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,160 Up till now, anyway. 516 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,280 I don't get to meet many women IRL. 517 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,320 It's quite hard to put up with the stares and... 518 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,520 Oh, tell me about it. I live on the top floor with no lift. 519 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,920 No, I mean, the... No, I know what you meant. 520 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,800 Oh... I was joking. 521 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,800 THEY CHUCKLE 522 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,000 You've got bants, Vicky's got bants. 523 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,840 SHE LAUGHS 524 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,680 No, people react in different ways. Erm... 525 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,280 ..I'm either the Invisible Man, or the Elephant Man. 526 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:04,840 They either can't stop looking or...they don't see me at all. 527 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,000 Oh, that must be hard. 528 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,200 I get overlooked as well. 529 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,040 No man, no job, 530 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,800 unless you count being a carer, which most people don't. 531 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:20,080 So, this is me finally coming out into the world, like, erm, 532 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,160 a flower starting to bloom, 533 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,920 except no-one wants to smell me. SHE CHUCKLES 534 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,320 I do. 535 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,560 Sorry, I meant... That sounded weird. I mean... 536 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,600 Oh, we've got 20 seconds left. 537 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,760 Wh-What can you say in 20 seconds? Go! OK. Er...er... 538 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,000 Hold on, wait. 539 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,360 BOTH LAUGH 540 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:41,200 Check this out! 541 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,120 SHE LAUGHS 542 00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:45,360 Hope you've got a good memory, Vicky! 543 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,280 Wait. 544 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,280 PAPER RUSTLES 545 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,280 SCRIBBLES 546 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,080 SMOOCHY MUSIC 547 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,400 SHE LAUGHS 548 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,520 I made us a lasagne. 549 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,520 I hope that's OK. 550 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,880 Just with some salad and a bit of garlic bread. 551 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,760 It's been nice having someone to cook for. 552 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,040 Mum always wanted tinned stuff, 553 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,800 and it became quite boring after a while. 554 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:21,280 Cheers. 555 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,880 It's nice to see you in the flesh. 556 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,840 Here's to no more masks. 557 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,280 No more masks. 558 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:34,200 So, erm, how's Sally and Lindsay? 559 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,200 Oh, yeah, they're tucked up in bed watching LazyTown. 560 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,520 BOTH LAUGH 561 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,360 I'm glad to hear it. Do you want to sit down? 562 00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:41,560 Yes, please, thank you. 563 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,960 So, er, have you been working today? 564 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,720 Cos I never asked you what you did. 565 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,760 Yeah. So, er, I'm in investments, so, er... 566 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,520 ..buying, trading, selling. 567 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,440 I'm actually going to get some Bitcoin soon, 568 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,000 so I'm just running the numbers. 569 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,760 That sounds exciting. Yeah, it is really exciting. 570 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,280 Yeah. 571 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,480 That's an interesting dress you're wearing. 572 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,800 You're the third person I've seen wearing it this week. 573 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,040 Really? 574 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,240 Must be on sale or, like, at one of them charity shops, or something. 575 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,000 No. It's...quite old. 576 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,240 It used to be one of my mum's, I think. 577 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:20,600 What makes you say that? 578 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,360 I've got you a present. 579 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,920 It's a mouse. 580 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,160 To remind you of when we first met. 581 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,480 Oh, that... That's lovely. 582 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,600 Can I put it on you? 583 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,800 Er...yeah. 584 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,200 OK. Yeah? 585 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,920 Would you turn around? 586 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,240 BOTH CHUCKLE QUIETLY 587 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,080 HE SNIFFS 588 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,320 I can smell you now. 589 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,760 HE CHUCKLES 590 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:03,960 That looks nice. 591 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,960 QUIETLY: Yes... Just going to get some crisps. 592 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,480 You seem nervous, Vicky. 593 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,480 Do I make you nervous? No. 594 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:17,560 Erm... 595 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,920 Well, as I said, I've not been on many dates, 596 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,560 because of my mother and her condition. 597 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:26,480 But...can't be going out for a romantic meal for two. 598 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,240 It's easy when your mum's bag needs emptying every four hours. 599 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:30,720 Sounds draining. 600 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,600 It was, literally. 601 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,120 But she's passed, and so now 602 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:38,320 I'm free to start a new chapter, 603 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,600 so...every cloud. 604 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,280 Do you still have your mother? 605 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,320 How do you mean? Is she still alive? 606 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,400 Yeah, I think so. 607 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,280 I don't think we ever really get... 608 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:53,920 What are you doing? Stop! 609 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,640 Sorry. Sorry! We haven't even had our food! 610 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,560 Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. 611 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,400 I thought I could skip a few steps, and it would still be fine... 612 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,040 What do you mean, steps? 613 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,040 HE SIGHS 614 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,680 All right, Vicky, I'm going to level with you, I've... 615 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,440 I never quite knew how to get to the next step with women, 616 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,320 kind of, bedroom-wise, so... 617 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,440 ..I did a pick-up course. Course? 618 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:14,960 Yeah, it gives you structure, 619 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,000 tells you to demonstrate higher value - 620 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,320 that's why I was, like, talking about the Bitcoin stuff. 621 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,240 And then, it tells you to throw in the odd neg. 622 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:22,720 Sor...what's a neg? 623 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,760 You know, like when I said your dress was shit. 624 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,400 That was to make you, like, like me more, or something. 625 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:31,000 I don't know why. I went to the toilet in that bit. I missed it. 626 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,440 Oh. 627 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,840 That's... That's very disappointing. 628 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,840 I think you've let yourself down, Jai. 629 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,600 HE SIGHS 630 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,520 So, I've wasted my money on these, then? 631 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,360 And the wine. Fuck's sake! 632 00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:50,360 OVEN TIMER BEEPS 633 00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:51,560 TIMER OFF 634 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,160 I think I'm just going to, er... 635 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,120 I'll set the table. 636 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,840 HE SIGHS 637 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,840 I'm not being funny, Vicky, 638 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,360 but I don't even want the lasagne. 639 00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:08,760 It's not what I came here for, you know what I mean? 640 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:14,440 I'm surprised that people are even thinking of going on dates 641 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:18,040 at the minute, what with all this stuff in the news. 642 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:22,200 They must be either very brave or very stupid. 643 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:23,600 Are you negging ME now? 644 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,560 No, no, it's just, er, an observation... 645 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,240 Lonely Hearts Killer. 646 00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:44,680 I hate that name. 647 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,000 Cos it makes me sound like a victim. 648 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:52,520 And that's not me. 649 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,800 And I refuse to end up like my mother. 650 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,440 Oh, God... 651 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,280 There's so many nasty men out there. 652 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,720 But there's one good thing... 653 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:10,200 ..I've found about dating sites like these. 654 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,520 If a person's not good enough for you... 655 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,720 ..just...swipe left. 656 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,920 SMOOCHY MUSIC 657 00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:24,960 SHE SIGHS