1
00:00:49,221 --> 00:00:50,557
Laurence!

2
00:00:50,581 --> 00:00:52,357
Oh, my God!

3
00:00:52,381 --> 00:00:54,077
How are you?

4
00:00:54,101 --> 00:00:55,461
Hey, Callum!

5
00:00:56,861 --> 00:00:58,677
You're looking good!

6
00:00:58,701 --> 00:01:01,036
I think the last time I saw you
was this century, wasn't it?

7
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:03,876
It was. Kenzie's wedding,
so June 2010.

8
00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:04,916
Was it really?

9
00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:06,876
Yeah. God, poor old Kenzie.

10
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,356
Poor Kenzie's wife.

11
00:01:08,380 --> 00:01:10,676
Well, quite.
Are they still together?

12
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:13,636
No, no, no. He lives in Germany now.
We're Facebook friends.

13
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:15,796
Are you? Well, you know,
I don't do any

14
00:01:15,820 --> 00:01:18,156
of that social media crap.
No, I noticed.

15
00:01:18,180 --> 00:01:21,235
You didn't want to be LinkedIn,
in spite of several attempts.

16
00:01:21,259 --> 00:01:23,755
Bless you for trying,
Laurence, but I'm too old.

17
00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:25,435
I prefer seeing people face-to-face.

18
00:01:25,459 --> 00:01:26,595
Every 12 years.

19
00:01:26,619 --> 00:01:28,459
Exactly.

20
00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:29,696
Anyway,

21
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,015
can you give me

22
00:01:31,039 --> 00:01:33,339
a hand with this?
Yeah!

23
00:01:36,619 --> 00:01:38,075
It's very quiet.

24
00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:41,554
You haven't lured me here under
false pretences, have you?

25
00:01:41,578 --> 00:01:42,834
Closed for the winter.

26
00:01:42,858 --> 00:01:44,994
A friend of Bonnie's runs it.
She let me have the key.

27
00:01:45,018 --> 00:01:47,714
How is Bonnie?
Will we get to see her today?

28
00:01:47,738 --> 00:01:49,554
Ah, yeah. Yeah,
she'll be... here later.

29
00:01:49,578 --> 00:01:51,234
How's... your partner?

30
00:01:51,258 --> 00:01:52,754
Pablo?

31
00:01:52,778 --> 00:01:54,954
Oh, you know, we muddle through.

32
00:01:54,978 --> 00:01:57,794
He's doing an online course
in fine art at the moment,

33
00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:00,633
which is bewildering to me,
but never mind.

34
00:02:00,657 --> 00:02:03,073
He'd have loved this.
Yeah. Beautiful, isn't it?

35
00:02:03,097 --> 00:02:04,553
Remind you of the good old days?

36
00:02:04,577 --> 00:02:06,753
Which good old days?

37
00:02:06,777 --> 00:02:07,993
Uni!

38
00:02:08,017 --> 00:02:10,633
We used to go for those big
walks round the lake.

39
00:02:10,657 --> 00:02:12,153
Oh!

40
00:02:12,177 --> 00:02:14,193
Yeah. A little bit.

41
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:18,313
So few places nowadays where
you can actually find peace.

42
00:02:18,337 --> 00:02:19,352
Mmm.

43
00:02:19,376 --> 00:02:23,032
Oi, oi, saveloy!
Brap-brap-brap-brap-brap!

44
00:02:23,056 --> 00:02:26,432
Oh, Jesus, you never told me
Darren was coming.

45
00:02:26,456 --> 00:02:28,192
I told you it was a reunion.
Hi, Dazza!

46
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:29,832
All right, lads? How are we?

47
00:02:29,856 --> 00:02:31,392
Come here! Give us a hug!

48
00:02:31,416 --> 00:02:34,752
Ohhh! So good to see you, mate!

49
00:02:34,776 --> 00:02:37,512
Yeah, you too.

50
00:02:37,536 --> 00:02:39,911
Hey, you've still got the old
university scarf, you saddo!

51
00:02:39,935 --> 00:02:41,631
This is my third one.
They keep updating it.

52
00:02:41,655 --> 00:02:43,231
I think this one
has got a slightly...

53
00:02:43,255 --> 00:02:44,591
And Cal's all glammed up

54
00:02:44,615 --> 00:02:46,631
in his Marks & Sparks
Blue Harbour gear.

55
00:02:46,655 --> 00:02:49,191
Er, Hugo Boss, you cheeky sod!
What have you come as?

56
00:02:49,215 --> 00:02:51,351
You look like a homeless
Shakin' Stevens.

57
00:02:51,375 --> 00:02:53,511
Eh, it's the latest fashions.

58
00:02:53,535 --> 00:02:55,031
Do they not have this
in that London, eh?

59
00:02:55,055 --> 00:02:56,351
Eh? Eh? Eh?

60
00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:58,031
Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh?

61
00:02:59,774 --> 00:03:01,430
Ah!

62
00:03:01,454 --> 00:03:02,910
It's been a while, hasn't it?

63
00:03:02,934 --> 00:03:04,790
Kenzie's wedding, apparently.

64
00:03:04,814 --> 00:03:06,990
Oh, God, yeah, course.
Is he coming?

65
00:03:07,014 --> 00:03:08,390
No, no, he's in Germany.

66
00:03:08,414 --> 00:03:09,590
It's just us three,

67
00:03:09,614 --> 00:03:11,350
like in the good old days.
The three amigos.

68
00:03:11,374 --> 00:03:13,470
What? I thought it was

69
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:16,710
like a big fuck-off party
cruise with loads of people.

70
00:03:16,734 --> 00:03:18,909
Sorry, have I got
the shit end of the stick here?

71
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,669
No, no, it's going to be great.

72
00:03:20,693 --> 00:03:22,749
I've got it all planned. We're
going to get out on the lake

73
00:03:22,773 --> 00:03:24,429
when it gets dark.

74
00:03:24,453 --> 00:03:26,109
We've got so much to catch up on.

75
00:03:26,133 --> 00:03:30,109
Fuckin' hell!
Anyone got a dock leaf?

76
00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:32,949
I think I've just
stung me fanny on a nettle.

77
00:03:32,973 --> 00:03:34,509
Sorry, "front bum".

78
00:03:34,533 --> 00:03:35,733
Hiya!

79
00:03:36,693 --> 00:03:38,028
Who's this?

80
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:40,268
It's me new bird, Donna.
I promised her we were

81
00:03:40,292 --> 00:03:42,332
going out on a boat. We are.

82
00:03:43,732 --> 00:03:45,628
Oh, shit...

83
00:03:45,652 --> 00:03:47,268
Hello, hello. Hi.

84
00:03:47,292 --> 00:03:48,508
I'm Donna. Pleased to meet you.

85
00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:51,012
Laurence. Hi! Callum.

86
00:03:53,612 --> 00:03:55,548
Hey, it's well nice here, innit?

87
00:03:55,572 --> 00:03:58,731
Me mum's got a tray like this.
Wait till I tell her!

88
00:04:00,371 --> 00:04:01,947
Hey, has the yacht
got an inside bit?

89
00:04:01,971 --> 00:04:04,427
Cos I'm freezing
me tits off already.

90
00:04:04,451 --> 00:04:07,147
Er, Darren,
could you give me a hand?

91
00:04:07,171 --> 00:04:09,131
Oh, yeah, course.

92
00:04:10,611 --> 00:04:14,427
What are you playing at?
The invite was for you only.

93
00:04:14,451 --> 00:04:16,667
Well, I was trying
to impress her, wasn't I?

94
00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,426
We've only been shagging
for a few weeks.

95
00:04:18,450 --> 00:04:20,106
I wanted it to be
just the four of us.

96
00:04:20,130 --> 00:04:21,346
It is!

97
00:04:21,370 --> 00:04:23,466
What's the matter, Larry?
I wish you'd told me,

98
00:04:23,490 --> 00:04:24,946
that's all.
It makes things very awkward.

99
00:04:24,970 --> 00:04:26,746
It's awkward for me, an' all.

100
00:04:26,770 --> 00:04:28,986
I thought it was all
plus-ones and wristbands.

101
00:04:29,010 --> 00:04:31,386
She's missing her mate's
hen do for this.

102
00:04:31,410 --> 00:04:33,346
So, does this take us
to the party boat?

103
00:04:33,370 --> 00:04:37,186
Yeah. Yeah, just, er, jump on
the paedo and we'll be off.

104
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,145
You what?

105
00:04:39,169 --> 00:04:42,345
We're just going to have
a quick go on the paedo.

106
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,729
You mean "pedalo".

107
00:04:44,729 --> 00:04:46,145
Is that what it's called?

108
00:04:46,169 --> 00:04:47,785
I thought they were called paedos.

109
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,009
I thought it was a bit weird!

110
00:04:50,369 --> 00:04:52,065
Right, well, come on,
let's cast off.

111
00:04:52,089 --> 00:04:53,345
Ladies first.

112
00:04:53,369 --> 00:04:55,225
I'm not sitting in that.
The seats are all wet.

113
00:04:55,249 --> 00:04:56,505
Actually, the cold water

114
00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:58,624
will help with
your vaginal irritation.

115
00:04:58,648 --> 00:05:00,728
Er, 'scuse me,
his name is Darren.

116
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,464
She got you!

117
00:05:04,488 --> 00:05:07,544
Here we go. Whoopsie-daisy.

118
00:05:07,568 --> 00:05:10,704
You ready? Bloody hell!
These are brand-new!

119
00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:13,264
You all right? Come on.

120
00:05:13,288 --> 00:05:15,064
Oh... Christ!

121
00:05:15,088 --> 00:05:16,744
Here we go.

122
00:05:16,768 --> 00:05:20,423
I haven't done this for years!

123
00:05:20,447 --> 00:05:22,103
Hey, it's great, innit?

124
00:05:22,127 --> 00:05:24,463
Going to be like Ibiza, babe!
Whoo-whoo!

125
00:05:24,487 --> 00:05:26,367
Whoo-whoo!

126
00:05:30,127 --> 00:05:32,263
Whoa, this is cool, isn't it?

127
00:05:32,287 --> 00:05:33,303
It's charming.

128
00:05:33,327 --> 00:05:36,103
Three Men In A Boat,
To Say Nothing Of The Dog.

129
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,382
Er, sorry, say that again.

130
00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,646
It's, er, Jerome K Jerome.
Full title.

131
00:05:41,606 --> 00:05:43,382
Only five minutes,
and he's calling me a dog.

132
00:05:43,406 --> 00:05:45,942
Probably just admiring your puppies.

133
00:05:45,966 --> 00:05:48,822
I thought you said he was, er...

134
00:05:48,846 --> 00:05:51,302
Oh, no, that's me.

135
00:05:51,326 --> 00:05:53,702
Oh! Could never tell.

136
00:05:53,726 --> 00:05:56,286
Are you the one that knows
Judge Rinder off Strictly?

137
00:05:57,245 --> 00:05:58,741
Our paths have crossed.

138
00:05:58,765 --> 00:06:00,501
Cos Darren said
he's going to be at the party.

139
00:06:00,525 --> 00:06:02,445
I only said he might be!

140
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,085
I only said he might be.

141
00:06:08,085 --> 00:06:11,261
Well, stranger things
have happened at sea.

142
00:06:11,285 --> 00:06:13,341
So, you were all
at school together?

143
00:06:13,365 --> 00:06:15,141
No, university.

144
00:06:15,165 --> 00:06:17,580
Callum was a medical student.
I was reading psychology.

145
00:06:17,604 --> 00:06:20,020
Oh, I've seen that -
where she gets stabbed in t'shower.

146
00:06:20,044 --> 00:06:22,444
I didn't know they'd made
a book of it, though.

147
00:06:23,724 --> 00:06:24,900
What did you do?

148
00:06:24,924 --> 00:06:26,420
Er, nothing.

149
00:06:26,444 --> 00:06:28,620
I dropped out in t'second
year. It was boring.

150
00:06:28,644 --> 00:06:31,220
Darren was studying, er,
sports science,

151
00:06:31,244 --> 00:06:32,420
if that's not an oxymoron.

152
00:06:32,444 --> 00:06:34,620
Bloody hell! He's calling you a dog

153
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:35,980
and me a moron.

154
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,019
I thought you were
supposed to be my mate.

155
00:06:38,043 --> 00:06:41,179
He still teaches there,
y'know, Phil Crawford.

156
00:06:41,203 --> 00:06:43,619
Does he? Creepy Crawford?

157
00:06:43,643 --> 00:06:46,699
He was a bit of a pedalo.
How do you know?

158
00:06:46,723 --> 00:06:48,403
Oh, didn't I tell you?
I work there.

159
00:06:49,403 --> 00:06:50,499
At our uni?

160
00:06:50,523 --> 00:06:52,899
The psychology department.
Since when?

161
00:06:52,923 --> 00:06:54,979
About eight years! I put it all
in my Christmas round-robin.

162
00:06:55,003 --> 00:06:56,218
Don't you read them?

163
00:06:56,242 --> 00:06:59,962
Oh, I think it must just go
straight into my spam folder.

164
00:07:01,042 --> 00:07:02,082
Bloody hell!

165
00:07:03,242 --> 00:07:04,698
So, what's it like there now?

166
00:07:04,722 --> 00:07:06,178
Oh, it's exactly the same.

167
00:07:06,202 --> 00:07:08,258
The library, the common room...

168
00:07:08,282 --> 00:07:11,922
They even dress up the Newton statue
every freshers' week. What statue?

169
00:07:13,162 --> 00:07:14,538
The Isaac Newton one!

170
00:07:14,562 --> 00:07:16,057
We put a dress on it
in our first week,

171
00:07:16,081 --> 00:07:17,417
with apples for breasts.

172
00:07:17,441 --> 00:07:18,657
Don't you remember?

173
00:07:18,681 --> 00:07:19,697
Vaguely.

174
00:07:19,721 --> 00:07:21,457
Come on! I remember it
like it was yesterday.

175
00:07:21,481 --> 00:07:22,977
It was the funniest thing ever!

176
00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:24,681
You need to get out more.

177
00:07:25,961 --> 00:07:28,081
Shall we just drift for a bit...

178
00:07:29,121 --> 00:07:30,641
..take in the view?

179
00:07:33,601 --> 00:07:35,057
Oh...

180
00:07:35,081 --> 00:07:38,056
How about you two, then?
Where did you meet?

181
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,896
Five Guys. He spilt an Oreo
milkshake all down me back.

182
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,736
I think he was just trying
to get my attention.

183
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,560
Worked, though, didn't it?

184
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,176
Sounds very romantic.

185
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,136
Have you been in Five Guys, Callum?

186
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,880
Oh, at least.

187
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,336
So, are you and Bonnie
still living in the same place?

188
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,735
Yeah. Yeah.
Rattling round now, of course,

189
00:07:57,759 --> 00:08:00,655
cos Alex is at uni.
I'm an empty-nester.

190
00:08:00,679 --> 00:08:02,135
How about your two?

191
00:08:02,159 --> 00:08:04,135
Oh, smashing, yeah.

192
00:08:04,159 --> 00:08:06,495
Yeah, I don't get to see them
as much as I'd like, y'know.

193
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,615
But I've got them for a couple
of weeks in the summer.

194
00:08:08,639 --> 00:08:10,615
You wanna go t'Disney, don't you?

195
00:08:10,639 --> 00:08:13,375
Yeah. You can have breakfast
with the characters.

196
00:08:13,399 --> 00:08:16,558
I can't decide between Goofy's
Kitchen and Ariel's Grotto.

197
00:08:17,518 --> 00:08:20,454
Not sure I fancy eating somewhere
called Ariel's Grotto.

198
00:08:20,478 --> 00:08:22,934
Oh, I would!
Don't ruin it, you pig!

199
00:08:22,958 --> 00:08:25,174
Pabby and I are going to
take the girls to Cornwall

200
00:08:25,198 --> 00:08:26,614
this year, have a staycation.

201
00:08:26,638 --> 00:08:29,414
You've got girls? I didn't know.
Yeah, five and nine.

202
00:08:29,438 --> 00:08:32,454
Well, good for you!
What are their names?

203
00:08:32,478 --> 00:08:33,676
Millie and Liza.

204
00:08:34,918 --> 00:08:36,813
We're absolutely run
off our feet with them,

205
00:08:36,837 --> 00:08:40,293
but you adjust, don't you?
Your life becomes about them.

206
00:08:40,317 --> 00:08:42,533
Oh, yeah, true.
Do you have pictures?

207
00:08:42,557 --> 00:08:43,813
Yeah, of course!

208
00:08:43,837 --> 00:08:45,357
Proud dad!

209
00:08:46,997 --> 00:08:48,693
Actually, I'm a grandfather now.

210
00:08:48,717 --> 00:08:50,373
You what?

211
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:52,693
Yeah. We took Millie
to a breeding kennel.

212
00:08:52,717 --> 00:08:54,453
She had a litter of five.

213
00:08:54,477 --> 00:08:56,956
Our beautiful girls.

214
00:09:00,676 --> 00:09:02,236
Oh. I see.

215
00:09:03,236 --> 00:09:04,892
Not quite the same thing.

216
00:09:04,916 --> 00:09:07,412
Anyway, shall we press on?

217
00:09:07,436 --> 00:09:09,852
Oh, hang on, hang on.
I'm not ready yet.

218
00:09:09,876 --> 00:09:12,292
Can I have a go at pedalling?
It'd be good for me glutes.

219
00:09:12,316 --> 00:09:14,212
No, you don't know
where we're going. I do.

220
00:09:14,236 --> 00:09:16,211
Oh, let her have a go.
What's the problem?

221
00:09:16,235 --> 00:09:18,131
I just don't want to
veer off course, that's all.

222
00:09:18,155 --> 00:09:19,891
Come on, Laurence,
it's not Shackleton.

223
00:09:19,915 --> 00:09:21,635
She can swap with me. Thanks.

224
00:09:22,635 --> 00:09:24,891
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Help me, then!

225
00:09:24,915 --> 00:09:26,451
All right, there we go.

226
00:09:26,475 --> 00:09:29,371
Whoopsie-daisy!

227
00:09:29,395 --> 00:09:31,251
Careful!

228
00:09:32,577 --> 00:09:33,875
How do you work it?

229
00:09:35,034 --> 00:09:37,594
You just put your feet
on the pedals.

230
00:09:41,354 --> 00:09:43,330
Hey, it's fun, innit?

231
00:09:43,354 --> 00:09:45,474
Right, let's get to this party!

232
00:09:47,794 --> 00:09:50,394
Woohoo!

233
00:10:01,593 --> 00:10:02,809
Fuckin' hell.

234
00:10:02,833 --> 00:10:05,009
This is hard work, innit?

235
00:10:05,033 --> 00:10:06,729
It's like a spin class.

236
00:10:06,753 --> 00:10:08,753
How long have I been doing it?

237
00:10:10,073 --> 00:10:11,409
Two minutes.

238
00:10:11,433 --> 00:10:13,649
Ohhh! Sweating cobs!

239
00:10:13,673 --> 00:10:16,328
Can't have Judge Rinder
seeing me like this.

240
00:10:16,352 --> 00:10:18,352
Will there be cabins
on the boat to freshen up?

241
00:10:20,432 --> 00:10:22,488
Who wants a bevvy?

242
00:10:22,512 --> 00:10:23,848
Larry? No, thank you.

243
00:10:23,872 --> 00:10:25,768
Cal? Why not?

244
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,232
Do you want them Doritos, babe?

245
00:10:46,871 --> 00:10:49,407
This time yesterday,
I was draining a pelvic abscess.

246
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:51,967
Don't say that,
you're making we want a wee.

247
00:10:51,991 --> 00:10:53,687
So, er, are you still
at the Royal Free?

248
00:10:53,711 --> 00:10:58,166
Yeah, head of obs and gynae now,
which is quite a responsibility.

249
00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:00,406
Well done, mate.
I'm really proud of you.

250
00:11:00,430 --> 00:11:02,086
Thank you.

251
00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:03,406
How about you? You were...

252
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:06,366
..teaching PE in some god-awful
school, weren't you?

253
00:11:06,390 --> 00:11:09,126
Supply, yeah.
I jacked it in, though.

254
00:11:09,150 --> 00:11:11,166
Kids can be cruel little fuckers.

255
00:11:11,190 --> 00:11:13,606
I was. I was a total bitch.

256
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:15,069
Calmed down a lot now.

257
00:11:19,949 --> 00:11:22,125
Are you actually
pedalling, or...?

258
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,405
I'm doing it!

259
00:11:24,429 --> 00:11:25,725
What are you up to now?

260
00:11:25,749 --> 00:11:28,485
Oh, this and that, y'know. Tell him!

261
00:11:28,509 --> 00:11:29,845
Don't be embarrassed.

262
00:11:29,869 --> 00:11:31,109
Well...

263
00:11:32,069 --> 00:11:33,309
..I'm a children's author.

264
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,884
Really? Congratulations!
Are you published?

265
00:11:37,908 --> 00:11:40,364
No, not yet, no. Er, still at
the development stage, y'know,

266
00:11:40,388 --> 00:11:41,724
mapping out the structure, an' that.

267
00:11:41,748 --> 00:11:43,484
Tell him your idea. It's brilliant.

268
00:11:43,508 --> 00:11:44,684
No!

269
00:11:44,708 --> 00:11:46,004
Go on, have confidence in it.

270
00:11:47,228 --> 00:11:50,844
All right, well, basically,
it's like a hardback book,

271
00:11:50,868 --> 00:11:53,324
and on the first page
there'll be a picture of a ball

272
00:11:53,348 --> 00:11:56,043
and on the opposite page
the word "ball".

273
00:11:56,067 --> 00:11:57,683
So, you turn the page,
and there'll be

274
00:11:57,707 --> 00:11:59,843
a picture of a boy and on
the opposite page the word...

275
00:11:59,867 --> 00:12:02,323
"Boy." Have I told you
about it already?

276
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,683
No. Carry on.

277
00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:07,403
So on the next page there'll be
a boy and a ball, and it'd say

278
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:10,083
something like, "Boy got ball,"
or, "Boy play with ball."

279
00:12:10,107 --> 00:12:11,827
I haven't really
worked it all out yet.

280
00:12:13,027 --> 00:12:15,642
So it's like baby's first words.

281
00:12:15,666 --> 00:12:19,282
Yeah, but with a story
gradually developing out of it.

282
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:21,482
I've read it twice. Made me cry.

283
00:12:21,506 --> 00:12:25,082
Sorry, Darren,
this isn't an authored book,

284
00:12:25,106 --> 00:12:27,362
is it? It's just
words and pictures.

285
00:12:27,386 --> 00:12:29,562
Well, like I say,
it's early days.

286
00:12:29,586 --> 00:12:30,922
I think people will buy it.

287
00:12:30,946 --> 00:12:33,281
They are buying it!
It already exists.

288
00:12:33,305 --> 00:12:35,481
It's hardly going to make you
into the next JK Rowling,

289
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:37,201
is it? All right, Callum,

290
00:12:37,225 --> 00:12:39,161
you don't have
to shoot it down in flames.

291
00:12:39,185 --> 00:12:41,761
We can't all be elbow-deep
in fannies every day.

292
00:12:41,785 --> 00:12:43,361
Can we not talk like that, please?

293
00:12:43,385 --> 00:12:45,761
I could be where you are now, top
of me tree, on a good wage,

294
00:12:45,785 --> 00:12:48,041
but I never had the chance,
did I? If I'd have graduated,

295
00:12:48,065 --> 00:12:49,801
I could've made something of meself.

296
00:12:49,825 --> 00:12:51,201
Could've been a contender? Yes!

297
00:12:51,225 --> 00:12:52,641
Yeah. In sports science?

298
00:12:52,665 --> 00:12:54,160
Give me a break! Leave it, Callum!

299
00:12:54,184 --> 00:12:55,600
You can't possibly compare

300
00:12:55,624 --> 00:12:57,800
me doing seven years
of medical training

301
00:12:57,824 --> 00:12:58,920
to you playing rounders

302
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:01,240
and learning about Lucozade.
I was good at it.

303
00:13:01,264 --> 00:13:03,120
Really? Yes. So why did
you drop out, then?

304
00:13:03,144 --> 00:13:04,960
I'll drop you out in a minute!

305
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:06,040
That's enough!

306
00:13:06,064 --> 00:13:07,560
I didn't invite you both here today

307
00:13:07,584 --> 00:13:09,320
just so you could open
up old wounds.

308
00:13:09,344 --> 00:13:12,440
I wanted it to be a celebration
of... who we used to be.

309
00:13:12,464 --> 00:13:14,319
As opposed to who we are?

310
00:13:14,343 --> 00:13:17,783
Uni was 30 years ago, Laurence.
Move on!

311
00:13:30,103 --> 00:13:34,278
Sorry, I think something's happened.
Why's it not going?

312
00:13:34,302 --> 00:13:35,318
What?

313
00:13:35,342 --> 00:13:37,718
Pedals are stuck.

314
00:13:37,742 --> 00:13:40,182
Er... All right,
try going backward.

315
00:13:43,182 --> 00:13:46,838
We're tangled up in all these weeds,
look. They're everywhere.

316
00:13:46,862 --> 00:13:50,118
Oh, for Christ's sake!
This is all your fault!

317
00:13:50,142 --> 00:13:51,558
Why didn't you look
where we were going?

318
00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:53,037
What do you mean,
look where I was going?

319
00:13:53,061 --> 00:13:54,317
We're on an empty lake, mate!

320
00:13:54,341 --> 00:13:56,037
Yes, which makes it
even more idiotic!

321
00:13:56,061 --> 00:13:57,797
Don't blame her, Laurence.
It was an accident.

322
00:13:57,821 --> 00:13:59,077
Keep waggling the pedals.

323
00:13:59,101 --> 00:14:01,277
She wasn't even meant to be here!

324
00:14:01,301 --> 00:14:03,117
Er, excuse me, I was invited
to this party by Darren.

325
00:14:03,141 --> 00:14:04,757
For God's sake, there is no party!

326
00:14:04,781 --> 00:14:06,637
This was supposed to be
a reunion of three friends

327
00:14:06,661 --> 00:14:08,677
from university. I wanted
everything to be perfect.

328
00:14:08,701 --> 00:14:10,461
You've managed to ruin it!

329
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,900
Darren, is that true?

330
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,460
I cocked up, didn't I?

331
00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:22,796
I didn't read the invite properly.
This is it.

332
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:26,100
This... is the party.

333
00:14:27,380 --> 00:14:29,756
So, what, Judge Rinder's
not even coming?

334
00:14:29,780 --> 00:14:31,516
Doubtful.

335
00:14:31,540 --> 00:14:33,275
I'm missing Gemma's
hen night for this?

336
00:14:33,299 --> 00:14:34,675
They'll have a stripper

337
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:36,595
helicoptering all over them
now in Sugar Hut

338
00:14:36,619 --> 00:14:38,475
while we're playing Swallows
And fucking Amazons.

339
00:14:38,499 --> 00:14:40,235
Soz, babe. I'll make it up to you.

340
00:14:40,259 --> 00:14:42,339
Oh, shove it up your arse!

341
00:14:43,739 --> 00:14:47,435
So, I think that's everyone
fallen out with everyone.

342
00:14:47,459 --> 00:14:49,499
Reunion 101.

343
00:14:52,218 --> 00:14:53,938
What are we going to do now?

344
00:15:47,856 --> 00:15:49,456
Please stop.

345
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:53,391
Fine. So, what are you going to do?
Just sit here

346
00:15:53,415 --> 00:15:55,111
and wait for someone to find us?
Is that your plan?

347
00:15:55,135 --> 00:15:57,111
Yes.

348
00:15:57,135 --> 00:15:59,111
I told you, I saw someone
earlier over there.

349
00:15:59,135 --> 00:16:00,831
Probably a fisherman.

350
00:16:00,855 --> 00:16:03,191
Well, it's going to be dark
in half an hour.

351
00:16:03,215 --> 00:16:04,551
That's all I'm saying.

352
00:16:04,575 --> 00:16:07,151
Can't one of us go under
and untangle the pedals?

353
00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,711
Not recommended.
The water's freezing.

354
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,351
You'd have hypothermia
within 20 minutes.

355
00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:12,470
Right, well, I'm sorry,

356
00:16:12,494 --> 00:16:14,270
but you're all going
to need to look over there.

357
00:16:14,294 --> 00:16:15,830
Why? Have you seen someone?

358
00:16:15,854 --> 00:16:17,670
No, because I need to do a wee.

359
00:16:17,694 --> 00:16:18,950
Oh, no, are you serious?

360
00:16:18,974 --> 00:16:21,910
Yes! I've been busting for ages.

361
00:16:21,934 --> 00:16:24,134
It's all the tinkling of the water.

362
00:16:27,574 --> 00:16:30,110
Well, talk amongst yourselves.
I don't want you listening to it.

363
00:16:30,134 --> 00:16:32,949
Good idea, actually. Might
kill off some of the weeds.

364
00:16:32,973 --> 00:16:34,109
It's not acid!

365
00:16:35,155 --> 00:16:36,173
Oh! Bonus ball.

366
00:16:37,293 --> 00:16:38,773
I like her.

367
00:16:40,573 --> 00:16:42,989
This is the story of my life.

368
00:16:43,013 --> 00:16:45,549
What, listening to a woman
pissing off a paedo?

369
00:16:45,573 --> 00:16:47,589
Pedalo. No, being stuck.

370
00:16:47,613 --> 00:16:50,469
When we graduated, I stayed
in the area, married Bonnie,

371
00:16:50,493 --> 00:16:52,508
did a PGCE.

372
00:16:52,532 --> 00:16:54,588
Next thing, I'm back
teaching the same course

373
00:16:54,612 --> 00:16:55,812
I just graduated from.

374
00:16:57,412 --> 00:16:59,228
You've all moved on and had lives.

375
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,052
I'm still living in 1989.

376
00:17:02,012 --> 00:17:05,268
I wouldn't worry about it, Larry.
You've not missed much.

377
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:08,268
Although Game Of Thrones
was pretty good.

378
00:17:08,292 --> 00:17:11,291
Even then, they ruined the ending.

379
00:17:14,171 --> 00:17:15,987
Well, I'm not going to do that.

380
00:17:16,011 --> 00:17:19,307
All right, I'm done.
You can turn round now.

381
00:17:19,331 --> 00:17:22,907
Oof! Do you think that's why
they say, "Relieve yourself,"

382
00:17:22,931 --> 00:17:24,891
cos you're relieved
you've not pissed your pants?

383
00:17:26,331 --> 00:17:28,387
Oh, come on!
This is ridiculous!

384
00:17:28,411 --> 00:17:30,107
I thought you said
Bonnie was going to be here.

385
00:17:30,131 --> 00:17:31,546
She is. Well, call her.

386
00:17:31,570 --> 00:17:34,066
Tell her to come early.
There's no signal.

387
00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:35,826
Well, can't we all just check again?

388
00:17:35,850 --> 00:17:37,306
Yeah, I'm sure I had
a couple of bars earlier.

389
00:17:37,330 --> 00:17:38,666
Is she still on the same number?

390
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,386
What network are you on?
Give us your phone, Larry.

391
00:17:40,410 --> 00:17:42,066
No. Give it to us!
There's no point.

392
00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:44,610
Why not?! Because Bonnie's dead!

393
00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:51,489
What?

394
00:17:52,729 --> 00:17:54,169
She's dead. She died.

395
00:17:55,529 --> 00:17:56,969
A year ago.

396
00:18:01,409 --> 00:18:03,385
It was a short illness.

397
00:18:03,409 --> 00:18:05,169
And she was very brave.

398
00:18:10,449 --> 00:18:12,784
She's in here.

399
00:18:12,808 --> 00:18:14,984
Sorry, is...?

400
00:18:15,008 --> 00:18:17,368
Is Bonnie a... guinea pig?

401
00:18:22,008 --> 00:18:23,368
No.

402
00:18:31,687 --> 00:18:33,127
She was my wife.

403
00:18:37,087 --> 00:18:40,247
I just got confused cos of him
and his... dog daughters.

404
00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:44,583
I'm really sorry, mate.

405
00:18:44,607 --> 00:18:46,367
Why didn't you tell us?

406
00:18:47,487 --> 00:18:48,927
I wanted to.

407
00:18:49,887 --> 00:18:51,446
I didn't know how.

408
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:54,942
I wanted to see you face-to-face.

409
00:18:54,966 --> 00:18:56,942
It's not the sort of thing
you can say in an email

410
00:18:56,966 --> 00:18:58,526
or round-robin.

411
00:19:02,126 --> 00:19:04,806
A week went by, and then a month,
and then, in the end...

412
00:19:08,206 --> 00:19:13,781
That's why I... I wanted...
to have you both here today,

413
00:19:13,805 --> 00:19:15,462
one year on.

414
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:22,205
You were there when we met,
you were there when we married.

415
00:19:23,925 --> 00:19:26,965
I wanted you to be there
for the final goodbye...

416
00:19:27,925 --> 00:19:30,964
..because even though I know that
we don't see each other any more...

417
00:19:36,004 --> 00:19:38,204
..you're still my best friends.

418
00:19:41,484 --> 00:19:44,340
So you wanted us to be here
to scatter her ashes?

419
00:19:45,506 --> 00:19:46,644
Yeah.

420
00:19:48,924 --> 00:19:50,483
Sort of.

421
00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:52,939
Oh, my God!

422
00:19:52,963 --> 00:19:54,283
Jesus, Laurence!

423
00:19:55,523 --> 00:19:57,483
Where's he gone?

424
00:19:59,043 --> 00:20:02,603
Laurence, come back, man!
You'll freeze to death!

425
00:20:09,602 --> 00:20:11,962
Laurence!

426
00:20:19,082 --> 00:20:20,458
Can you still see him?

427
00:20:20,482 --> 00:20:22,602
Yeah, I think so.

428
00:20:26,282 --> 00:20:27,778
What's he playing at?

429
00:20:27,802 --> 00:20:30,897
He always talked about how he
proposed to Bonnie on an island.

430
00:20:30,921 --> 00:20:33,297
I thought he meant the Caribbean
or somewhere, but...

431
00:20:33,321 --> 00:20:35,001
..it must be that one there.

432
00:20:38,601 --> 00:20:41,617
I can't believe she died
and he never told you.

433
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:44,737
I suppose that's what all those
LinkedIn requests were.

434
00:20:44,761 --> 00:20:45,897
I feel terrible now.

435
00:20:45,921 --> 00:20:48,057
I bet you do! Poor man.

436
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:50,216
I nearly cried when he said
you two were his best friends.

437
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,640
We were.

438
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:53,856
Used to be.

439
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,160
But...

440
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,216
..life moves on, doesn't it?

441
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,440
Not for Bonnie.

442
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,496
Maybe I have become
too self-absorbed.

443
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:10,495
But we're all dealing
with our own shit, aren't we?

444
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:13,415
Yours is mostly dog shit,
by the sound of it.

445
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,439
His wife's died.

446
00:21:16,679 --> 00:21:18,695
You can't just scoop that up
in a little blue bag

447
00:21:18,719 --> 00:21:20,959
and hang it off a tree.

448
00:21:23,639 --> 00:21:26,559
I once did one in a paintpot
and left it in the cellar.

449
00:21:27,639 --> 00:21:30,318
I was moving house,
so it didn't really matter.

450
00:21:35,198 --> 00:21:39,054
If it's any consolation,
I absolutely hate my job.

451
00:21:39,078 --> 00:21:41,334
I spent years
trying to get to the top,

452
00:21:41,358 --> 00:21:42,814
and now I'm there, I realise

453
00:21:42,838 --> 00:21:44,854
it was just the endeavour
that was keeping me going.

454
00:21:44,878 --> 00:21:48,574
I got to the end of the rainbow
and found the pot of gold.

455
00:21:51,157 --> 00:21:56,333
Now I'd give you anything to
give it back and start again.

456
00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:59,933
Like you. I envy you.

457
00:21:59,957 --> 00:22:02,013
Well, it was not a choice.

458
00:22:02,037 --> 00:22:03,677
What do you mean?

459
00:22:04,877 --> 00:22:06,813
I didn't drop out of uni.

460
00:22:06,837 --> 00:22:08,077
I got kicked out.

461
00:22:09,076 --> 00:22:10,452
Really? Yeah.

462
00:22:10,476 --> 00:22:15,612
I'd done so well to get me A levels,
but... uni was just so hard!

463
00:22:15,636 --> 00:22:17,692
Even if it was only sports science.

464
00:22:17,716 --> 00:22:20,692
Then one day, I realised,

465
00:22:20,716 --> 00:22:22,556
if life gives you melons...

466
00:22:23,516 --> 00:22:26,852
..you're probably dyslexic.

467
00:22:26,876 --> 00:22:27,916
What?

468
00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:32,035
I've got surface dyslexia.

469
00:22:34,755 --> 00:22:37,491
I was too embarrassed
to say anything at the time.

470
00:22:37,515 --> 00:22:40,171
But that's why this book
is so important to me.

471
00:22:40,195 --> 00:22:42,371
It's not for babies.

472
00:22:42,395 --> 00:22:44,491
It's for kids and adults...

473
00:22:44,515 --> 00:22:46,635
..like me.

474
00:22:54,634 --> 00:22:58,650
Have I got to think of something bad
that's happened to me now?

475
00:22:58,674 --> 00:23:00,610
Cos nothing really has.

476
00:23:00,634 --> 00:23:03,730
I've had a great life - good mates,

477
00:23:03,754 --> 00:23:06,130
loving family,

478
00:23:06,154 --> 00:23:08,113
nice little job...

479
00:23:09,433 --> 00:23:13,113
By the sound of it, it's cos I
never went to fucking university.

480
00:23:30,432 --> 00:23:32,408
Well... er...

481
00:23:32,432 --> 00:23:33,992
..this is it.

482
00:23:34,952 --> 00:23:38,432
Er, it's not... gone
quite according to plan.

483
00:23:39,792 --> 00:23:41,752
Er, Darren...

484
00:23:43,152 --> 00:23:44,872
..he brought an uninvited guest...

485
00:23:46,072 --> 00:23:49,007
..which really irritated me,
of course. But, er,

486
00:23:49,031 --> 00:23:51,887
if you'd have been here,
you'd have welcomed her

487
00:23:51,911 --> 00:23:54,647
with open arms and said,
"The more the merrier,"

488
00:23:54,671 --> 00:23:58,631
cos that's the kind of person
that you were...

489
00:23:59,831 --> 00:24:04,071
..and why I have...
found it so hard...

490
00:24:06,071 --> 00:24:07,590
..to live without you.

491
00:24:09,510 --> 00:24:12,390
Anyway, I, erm...

492
00:24:15,230 --> 00:24:18,766
I didn't want to just
scatter your ashes

493
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:20,710
in the normal way, so, er...

494
00:24:23,150 --> 00:24:24,950
..I hope you approve.

495
00:24:45,749 --> 00:24:48,988
Hang on. What's this?

496
00:24:50,388 --> 00:24:53,804
"Ashes To Flashes
Memorial Fireworks"?

497
00:24:55,508 --> 00:24:56,948
So she's...

498
00:25:15,467 --> 00:25:18,883
I promised you a party, didn't I?

499
00:25:18,907 --> 00:25:21,187
Now I AM going to cry!

500
00:25:29,626 --> 00:25:31,906
Burn bright, Bonnie.

501
00:25:32,866 --> 00:25:34,146
Burn bright.

502
00:25:57,505 --> 00:26:00,481
Right, one of us needs to swim over
and make sure he's all right.

503
00:26:00,505 --> 00:26:01,761
Not a good idea, Darren.

504
00:26:01,785 --> 00:26:03,441
Well, maybe we can
get a signal over there!

505
00:26:03,465 --> 00:26:06,241
The water's too cold.
You'll freeze your bollocks off.

506
00:26:06,265 --> 00:26:07,560
Well, do another wee in it, then!

507
00:26:07,584 --> 00:26:09,120
Sit down, Darren.
Don't be so stupid.

508
00:26:09,144 --> 00:26:10,480
Don't call me stupid,
all right?!

509
00:26:10,504 --> 00:26:14,000
Stop it, you two! Stop it!
I'm going over there!

510
00:26:14,024 --> 00:26:17,184
Gerroff! Stop it!

511
00:26:30,263 --> 00:26:31,319
Excuse me...

512
00:26:31,343 --> 00:26:34,119
..do you know what
happened to my friends?

513
00:26:34,143 --> 00:26:37,583
They got stuck in the weeds.
Were they rescued?

514
00:26:48,422 --> 00:26:50,118
Please, we have to do something.

515
00:26:50,142 --> 00:26:51,198
There were three of them.

516
00:26:51,222 --> 00:26:53,222
Don't worry about them.

517
00:26:54,422 --> 00:26:55,998
They're fine.

518
00:26:56,022 --> 00:26:57,422
Where are they?

519
00:26:58,422 --> 00:27:00,222
On the other side.

520
00:27:01,462 --> 00:27:02,998
Oh!

521
00:27:03,022 --> 00:27:06,157
Thank God. Did they tell you
where to find me?

522
00:27:06,181 --> 00:27:08,701
I knew where to find you.

523
00:27:09,901 --> 00:27:12,621
I've been watching you
for some time.

524
00:27:35,700 --> 00:27:37,180
Thank you.

525
00:27:41,540 --> 00:27:42,836
Oh...

526
00:27:42,860 --> 00:27:44,356
Really sorry. I...

527
00:28:23,218 --> 00:28:24,858
Laurence...