1 00:00:08,399 --> 00:00:11,011 Previously onMom...So I came home, 2 00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:12,447 marched right into the bathroom, 3 00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:14,536 told Andy I wanted to deepen our relationship, 4 00:00:14,579 --> 00:00:16,407 and you know what he said? 5 00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:18,540 "Can I finish my shower first?" 6 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:22,022 When I get home I just want to take a shower and relax. 7 00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:24,198 I don't want to talk about my feelings. 8 00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:26,461 Especially when I'm not wearing pants. 9 00:00:26,504 --> 00:00:28,332 It's Jill. Safety first. 10 00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:31,292 Andy wants a break from her. 11 00:00:32,684 --> 00:00:35,078 Tammy, alcoholic.ALL: Hi, Tammy. 12 00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:36,558 Lately I've been looking for ways to deepen 13 00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:37,907 my spiritual connection, 14 00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:41,345 so, um, I decided to takea peaceful nature hike. 15 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:44,653 No phones, no earbuds,not even gum. 16 00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:47,134 And that's when I realized 17 00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:51,921 hell is other people while also walking uphill. 18 00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:53,401 This couple behind me-- and I feel compelled 19 00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:56,099 to point out that the guy was wearing leggings-- 20 00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:59,407 anyway, they were going on and on in great gory detail 21 00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:01,800 about this tick that had set up shop in his... 22 00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:04,412 well, let's just say his swimsuit area. 23 00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:09,069 She told me this one over breakfast. 24 00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,548 I mean, how am I supposed to achieve inner peace 25 00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:12,463 when I'm listening to them yakking about hot compresses 26 00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:14,422 and tweezer angles and himpassed out on the kitchen table? 27 00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:15,771 I thought, "You know, 28 00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,164 I'll just speed up so I don't have to hear it." 29 00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:18,904 But then I realized I'd neverknow how it turned out, 30 00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:22,125 so I pretended to drink waterto catch the end. 31 00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,518 He's fine. 32 00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:26,434 He just needs the leggingsto trust the woods again. 33 00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:30,307 Anyway, I never connected with God, 34 00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:32,657 but I do know what to do in case a tick 35 00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:35,747 ever sets up shop in my hoo-ha. 36 00:01:37,488 --> 00:01:39,099 [applause] 37 00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:42,058 Someone else, please. 38 00:01:43,059 --> 00:01:44,495 Jill, alcoholic. 39 00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:45,844 ALL: Hi, Jill. 40 00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:48,325 Well, Andy and I are still on pause. 41 00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:49,848 I guess we have a different definition 42 00:01:49,892 --> 00:01:51,328 of what "pause" means. 43 00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:55,941 See, now, that was a pause. 44 00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:59,684 Oh, she was acting. I didn't know what was happening. 45 00:01:59,728 --> 00:02:03,079 People, we're at day 16, and I'm coming unglued. 46 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,733 I'm also regretting the fact that I let Andy be the one 47 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:06,996 who gets to say, "Pause over." [chuckles] 48 00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:11,522 I just wish I knew what was going on in his head. 49 00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:13,220 I mean, he has told me that sometimes I can be 50 00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:17,006 a bit too much, but if loving hard and living large 51 00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:19,487 means I'm too much, then guilty as charged. 52 00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:26,233 I just feel so helpless, and as we all know, 53 00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:28,713 that is a dangerous feeling for an alcoholic. 54 00:02:30,411 --> 00:02:33,892 But I mean, I-I'm not gonna drink or use over it. 55 00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:36,678 I may have gone on a bit of a shopping spree, 56 00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:39,724 American Express called to make sure I was okay. 57 00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,639 They're so sweet. 58 00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,902 Anyway, thanks. 59 00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:45,904 [applause][clears throat] 60 00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:47,079 Bonnie, alcoholic. 61 00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:48,516 ALL: Hi, Bonnie. 62 00:02:48,559 --> 00:02:49,821 Don't worry, Jill. 63 00:02:49,865 --> 00:02:51,736 Adam and Andy are watching football tonight, 64 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,390 so I'll find out what's going on in his head. 65 00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:54,957 I'm sorry, I know that was cross talk, 66 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,177 but she usually sits next to meand I just whisper to her 67 00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:59,222 while Marjorie drones on. 68 00:03:01,093 --> 00:03:02,747 Marge, bring us home. Big finish. 69 00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:13,193 ♪ 70 00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,511 Whoa. 71 00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:30,819 Whoa. [gasps] Hey. 72 00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:32,168 [chuckles]: Hey. 73 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,735 What are you doing up so late? 74 00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:36,390 Uh, I'm just, uh, watching this movie. 75 00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,827 It's an infomercial for Flex Seal. 76 00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:41,046 Well, it's riveting. 77 00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:43,005 They're making a boat out of rags. 78 00:03:43,048 --> 00:03:44,180 Could've used that when I was trying 79 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,747 to get out of the Philippines. 80 00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:49,316 Well, good night. 81 00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:50,839 Wait. 82 00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:51,927 How was your night with Andy? 83 00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:53,145 Great. 84 00:03:53,189 --> 00:03:54,712 Wait, wait. 85 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,062 He hasn't talked to Jillfor 16 days. 86 00:03:57,106 --> 00:03:58,238 Did he say why? 87 00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,413 It didn't come up. 88 00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:00,762 You were with him all night 89 00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:02,720 and it didn't come up? No. 90 00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:03,982 Then what the hell did you talk about 91 00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:05,680 for five and a half hours? 92 00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:08,596 Oh, the end of the early game, and then the whole late game. 93 00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:11,207 Which actually had a successful onside kick. 94 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,775 I mean, you just don't see it since the rule change. 95 00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:16,995 Really? The only couples friendswe've ever had are in crisis, 96 00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:19,215 and you didn't ask him anything about it? 97 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,216 No. 98 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,913 [groans] That is so men. 99 00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:24,046 No feelings allowed. 100 00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,917 Oh, no, there were plenty of feelings. 101 00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:28,529 You have to understand, this onside kick... 102 00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:31,314 If you say the words "on," "side" 103 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,316 or "kick" one more time, 104 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,100 I'm going into the kitchen, grabbing a can of soup, 105 00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:37,538 and throwing it at you as hard as I can. 106 00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,540 Sorry. 107 00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:42,020 Just really changed the ga... 108 00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,022 Sorry. 109 00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:47,548 Think. Did he say anything at all? 110 00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:49,680 Anything at all that might explain 111 00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,247 how he's feeling about Jill 112 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,597 or if anything's changed in their relationship? 113 00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:55,077 He really didn't, Bonnie. 114 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,340 The man's got a lot on his plate right now. 115 00:04:57,384 --> 00:05:00,256 He's breaking in a new partner,he's trying to make sergeant, 116 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,084 he had the Raiders plus three, 117 00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:04,173 which the onside kick completely just... 118 00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:06,523 I'll just go get the can of soup myself. 119 00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:12,399 Wait a second. 120 00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:13,922 Wait one damn second. 121 00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:15,097 Huh? What? 122 00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,229 Andy's new partner.Tell me more. 123 00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:18,970 What? I don't know, she was on plainclothes, 124 00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:21,233 and then she spent plainclothes..."She"? 125 00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:23,105 She? She? 126 00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,411 That's what I said. 127 00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:28,110 Well, he's been partnerswith Bert for ten years. 128 00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:29,285 What happened to Bert? 129 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,765 He reunited with his twin brother 130 00:05:30,808 --> 00:05:33,245 and they got picked to do The Amazing Race. 131 00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:38,033 You know, there was a third one,but Bert ate him in the womb. 132 00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:44,126 Wow, well, Andy was blindsided. 133 00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:46,302 And-and, uh, you know, 134 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,783 now he spends 12 hours a day in a car with Joanna. 135 00:05:48,826 --> 00:05:49,914 The skank. 136 00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:51,612 Okay, ladies. 137 00:05:51,655 --> 00:05:53,614 I know our brains are excellent machines 138 00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:55,311 for jumping to conclusions, 139 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,748 but we don't know anythingabout this Joanna. 140 00:05:57,792 --> 00:06:00,098 I know her. I see her all the time at the ER. 141 00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:02,100 Well, there you go.I'm sure she's very... 142 00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:05,321 Hold on, Marjorie, I want to hear what Wendy has to say. 143 00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,019 You get one a year. Make it count. 144 00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:11,632 Tell me everything about her. 145 00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:13,198 She's nice. 146 00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:16,985 Is that it? 147 00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:18,029 Kinda. 148 00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,640 Somebody get me a can of soup. 149 00:06:19,683 --> 00:06:20,989 I'll get it out of her. 150 00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:23,121 I don't know what you want from me. 151 00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:25,472 She has two dogs, Barkley and Slayton. 152 00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:28,083 Aw, now I feel bad for calling her a skank. 153 00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:31,826 But she still is. 154 00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:34,916 What does she look like? 155 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:36,613 Your nostrils are scaring me. 156 00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:39,137 Yeah. This is getting out of hand. 157 00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,443 Calm down, Jill. 158 00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:41,879 You're right. 159 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,535 Wendy, honey, 160 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:47,494 what does she look like? 161 00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:51,062 I don't know. She's just nice. 162 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,369 Around 40 years old. 163 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,675 Kind of average-looking. 164 00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:57,460 [gasps] Before me, average was Andy's type. 165 00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,810 Okay, okay, you have no reason to suspect 166 00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:01,464 that Joanna and Andy have anything 167 00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,684 beyond a professional relationship. 168 00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,729 And, Jill, you agreed to this break 169 00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:06,904 to give him time to think, 170 00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:08,732 and you have to honor that agreement. 171 00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:11,343 Okay, but I made that agreement before I knew about 172 00:07:11,387 --> 00:07:13,694 average Joanna and her two damn dogs. 173 00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,696 Oh, and she also collects vintage dolls. 174 00:07:15,739 --> 00:07:17,828 What, have you watched a documentary on this woman? 175 00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:20,483 My kingdom for a can of soup. 176 00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:25,227 Steak, Tater Tots, beer and me. 177 00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:27,664 Your four favorite food groups.[chuckles] 178 00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,057 It all looks great. 179 00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:31,059 And again, my apologies. 180 00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:33,104 I did not know I was striking your handsome face 181 00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:34,715 with the zipper side of the pillow. 182 00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:37,718 Apology accepted, but if anybody at the bar asks, 183 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:40,024 I took a guy with a knife down. 184 00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:42,026 How's Jill doing? 185 00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:43,375 [sighs] Not good. 186 00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:45,465 The Joanna bombshell sent her into a tailspin, 187 00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:46,814 but she'll be fine. 188 00:07:46,857 --> 00:07:48,250 Yeah, but Jill's fine and normal fine 189 00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,599 are not the same fine. 190 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,906 Go on. 191 00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:54,169 Well, you know. She comes with a side of drama. 192 00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,954 It's like Andy says, she's a bit of a handful. 193 00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:02,438 Tell me the Tater Tot 194 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,049 is not the most perfect form of potato. 195 00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:07,922 You got the crispy outside, you got the fluffy inside... 196 00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,271 Do you think I'm a handful? 197 00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:14,102 What do you mean? 198 00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:16,191 Is that what you say about me? 199 00:08:17,192 --> 00:08:18,454 I don't say that. 200 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,456 Andy says that about Jill. 201 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:24,547 What I say about you is... other stuff. 202 00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:27,376 Wow. 203 00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:28,551 Is that a good wow? 204 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:29,726 It is not. 205 00:08:31,336 --> 00:08:32,686 I want you to explain to me 206 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,862 how I got in trouble for something that Andy said. 207 00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:37,386 You know how.I-I really don't. I... 208 00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:40,781 But since you're already mad, I'll take your Tots. 209 00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:47,178 Hey, I'm just calling to see how you're doing. 210 00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:48,876 [quietly]: I'm doing a lot better now. 211 00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:50,399 Why are you whispering? 212 00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:52,880 Because Andy and Joanna have their windows rolled down 213 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:55,230 and they're right in front of me at the stop sign. 214 00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:56,797 So you're following them? 215 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,146 Yep. 216 00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,540 And do they know you're there? 217 00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:02,019 I don't think so. 218 00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:05,022 I took my housekeeper's car as a disguise. 219 00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:08,460 But I really wish I would've peed before I came out here. 220 00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:11,681 Okay, I want you to listen to me. 221 00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:14,510 This is very, very wrong. 222 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:18,470 I brought binoculars, tacos and a jar to pee in. 223 00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:24,781 Hey, you didn't mention that your housekeeper's car 224 00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:25,956 is also a Range Rover. 225 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,392 Yeah, I gave her my old one. 226 00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:30,613 I put that woman through hell. 227 00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:33,398 Technical question: can you see anything? 228 00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:35,923 Not really. Just give me a heads-up if they turn. 229 00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:37,620 [sighs] I got a better idea. 230 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,666 How about I introduce you to the Bonnie Plunkett School 231 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:41,145 of Surveillance Techniques. 232 00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:43,887 Normally a masterclass I teach out by the airport. 233 00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:46,150 I'm doing great. We're right behind 'em. 234 00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:47,369 Yeah. That's your first mistake. 235 00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:48,805 You never want to be right behind them. 236 00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:51,112 In fact, the best place to be is in front of them. 237 00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,461 Well, how do I do that? 238 00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:53,767 And lesson one begins. 239 00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,856 All right, I'll pull over. 240 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:57,205 No, you don't have to stop. 241 00:09:57,248 --> 00:09:58,902 Scooch your seat back, here I come. 242 00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:00,730 You want to go over or under? 243 00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:03,167 Well, pretty-pretty sure I got to go over. 244 00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:04,604 Okay, on my mark. 245 00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:06,997 One, two, three. 246 00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:09,391 Keep your foot on the pedals. Foot on the pedals. 247 00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:11,611 And... eject! 248 00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:14,091 Aah! Oh, my God, that worked! 249 00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:15,658 [laughing] Ooh. 250 00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:18,748 Yeah, I only swerved four feet over the yellow line. 251 00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,271 Nothing from your boyfriend up there. 252 00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:21,403 What kind of cops are they? 253 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:24,014 The kind bonded by lust. 254 00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:25,668 All right, watch and learn. 255 00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,322 I'm gonna pull out in front of them. 256 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:30,760 Usually I just sketch this up on an overhead projector, 257 00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:33,067 but let's see if it actually works. 258 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,336 Mirror! Mirror! Right. Right. 259 00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:44,731 Oh, God, I can only see her. 260 00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:47,168 And me, looking desperate. 261 00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:50,562 And a little puffy from those tacos. 262 00:10:50,606 --> 00:10:52,042 Nobody stalks their boyfriend 263 00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:53,696 'cause their life is working out. 264 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,961 How is it possible I've been sober all this time, 265 00:10:58,005 --> 00:11:00,703 and I'm still driving around, chasing men? 266 00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,488 Yeah, I thought sobering up would get rid of my crazy, too, 267 00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:05,795 but nope, still crazy. 268 00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:09,625 Just a little less confused during Fantasia. 269 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:13,324 Mm. Maybe we should just stop and go home. 270 00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:15,370 I'm proud of you, Jill. 271 00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,720 I knew if I came out here and spent some time with you, 272 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,243 you'd start to see that... 273 00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:20,984 Oh. They're pulling over. 274 00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:22,333 Quick, don't lose 'em. 275 00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:23,639 Uh, hang on. 276 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,685 [tires squealing] 277 00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:30,428 [both panting] 278 00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:32,648 Wow. They didn't notice that, either. 279 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:33,954 [chuckles] This is fun. 280 00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,042 It isfun. 281 00:11:36,608 --> 00:11:38,872 ♪ 282 00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:42,397 Two cops, two coffees, no doughnuts. [scoffs] 283 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,399 Another myth exploded. 284 00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:49,230 Is it horrible that I wish she were drop-dead gorgeous? 285 00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:52,712 I mean, I can't lose him to her. 286 00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:55,236 Well, that's awfully shallow, Jill. 287 00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:59,544 Although that mustache isn't doing her any favors. 288 00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:02,373 No, wait. That's just a shadow. 289 00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:03,984 No, wait. 290 00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:06,813 Well, what the hell is that, then? 291 00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:09,206 If I lose him to somebody less pretty than me, 292 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,599 then it means it's me. 293 00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:12,166 You know, my insides. 294 00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:15,473 And I can't Botox my insides. 295 00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:16,779 [sighs] If only we could. 296 00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:17,737 Right? 297 00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:23,394 Oh, God, now they're laughing together. 298 00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:25,005 And that's his real laugh, 299 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,747 not the fake one he takes pity on me with. 300 00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:29,836 Adam has one of those, too. 301 00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:31,576 Heh-heh-heh. 302 00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:32,926 Always three. 303 00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:35,276 Yeah, and they never make eye contact. Never. 304 00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,321 You know, I don't have a fake laugh. 305 00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:38,975 If something's not funny, I just don't laugh. 306 00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:40,498 And that's what makes you awesome. 307 00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,805 Because you're authentic. You are the real deal. 308 00:12:45,677 --> 00:12:47,549 I know I'm not supposed to call him, but... 309 00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:49,769 I need to know if he's thinking about me at all. 310 00:12:53,642 --> 00:12:55,687 Okay, he's picking up. 311 00:12:55,731 --> 00:12:57,254 He's checking caller I.D. 312 00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:58,342 And... 313 00:12:58,386 --> 00:12:59,691 he's putting it back down. 314 00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:00,823 [angry grunt] 315 00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:02,520 He sent me to voice mail. 316 00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:04,131 Because he's at work. 317 00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:06,786 They probably have a rule where they can't take personal calls 318 00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:09,527 while they're having coffee and-and-and laughing. 319 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,400 Okay, well, then you call him. 320 00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:14,097 Well, technically, I think that's a personal call... 321 00:13:14,141 --> 00:13:16,186 Call him. 322 00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:20,538 Okay. 323 00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,540 All right, he's picking it up... 324 00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:24,455 he's looking at it... 325 00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:26,501 and he's...Hey. Andy. 326 00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:29,286 Wh-What isup? 327 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,940 [nervous chuckle] 328 00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,594 That's a good question. 329 00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:36,598 Thanks for calling. I got to go. 330 00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:39,906 Oh, he picked up for you. That says everything. 331 00:13:39,949 --> 00:13:42,299 But, Jill, you're on a pause with Andy. I'm not. 332 00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:43,823 He probably picked up for me 333 00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,868 because he thought it was something to do with Adam. 334 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:47,478 [ringtone playing]It's him. 335 00:13:47,522 --> 00:13:48,958 Disguise your voice.[sighs] 336 00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:50,830 It's Tammy. Calm down. 337 00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:53,310 [sighs]: Hi. 338 00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:55,660 Jill and I are following Andy around... 339 00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:58,620 I brought licorice.Catch me up. Red or black? 340 00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:00,491 Red. I'm not a serial killer. 341 00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:02,580 Oh, God, please tell me you didn't tell Marjorie 342 00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:03,843 what we're doing. 343 00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:04,974 Mm-mm. She fell asleep on the couch. 344 00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:05,975 She doesn't even know I'm here. 345 00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,672 Good, 'cause I am not up for 346 00:14:07,716 --> 00:14:09,065 the "Don't Stalk Boyfriends" speech. 347 00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:11,676 Mm.[like Marjorie]: Girls, part of being sober 348 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:15,550 is not making choices you're gonna have to make an amends for down the road. 349 00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:19,032 [like Marjorie]: Keep your focus on yourself and your sobriety. 350 00:14:19,075 --> 00:14:20,903 [like Marjorie]: You know, it would be nice if someone else 351 00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:22,862 cleaned the cat box once in a blue moon. 352 00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:25,995 It's not involved with sobriety; it's just super annoying. 353 00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:26,996 [all laughing] 354 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,260 ♪ 355 00:14:30,304 --> 00:14:31,783 Now, this is recovery. 356 00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:34,047 I'm following a cop instead of them following me. 357 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,222 [Bonnie and Jill chuckle] 358 00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:37,050 Ooh, their woo-woo lights are on! 359 00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:38,616 Everybody down! We've been made! 360 00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,357 No, I think they spotted that drunk guy 361 00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:41,706 stumbling out of the bowling alley. 362 00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:43,839 Oh, no shirt on. Such a giveaway. 363 00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:49,366 What's up with those, Pavarotti? 364 00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:51,499 I swiped them from Marjorie. 365 00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,893 She uses them to keep an eye out for the coyotes 366 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,503 during the cats' playtime. 367 00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,942 Ooh, Joanna's strong. 368 00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:01,901 That's a solid half nelson. 369 00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,425 Andy very dainty with the cuffs. 370 00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:05,687 Yeah. Comes from a lifetime 371 00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,732 of being the biggest person in the room. 372 00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:10,431 He accidentally crushed a bunny when he was six. 373 00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:12,259 Oh, my God.That's so sad. 374 00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:14,739 I know. I've been trying to get him into therapy. 375 00:15:14,783 --> 00:15:17,046 Easter's a very difficult holiday for him. 376 00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:23,400 [gasps] Andy just opened the back door for her! 377 00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:26,229 Yeah, he kind of had to.She's got her hand full of drunk guy. 378 00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:28,579 Drunk-gonna-vomit guy. 379 00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:30,146 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 380 00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:33,541 Joanna's caught a little splash on her sleeve. 381 00:15:33,584 --> 00:15:35,412 [gasps] And Andy is wiping it off for her. 382 00:15:35,456 --> 00:15:37,458 That is intimate behavior! 383 00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:39,982 I-I'm trying to think if Adam 384 00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:41,984 would wipe someone's vomit off mysleeve. 385 00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,246 I guess he would. 386 00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,595 Of course he would. 387 00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,771 He's a gentleman. 388 00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:52,342 [clicks tongue, sighs] 389 00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,518 Aren't you glad we don't drink like that anymore? 390 00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:55,998 And keep our shirts on? 391 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,870 [chuckles softly]Yeah. We're so healthy now. 392 00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,222 ♪ 393 00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:05,442 Aw. Who bet theywere taking him to the hospital? 394 00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:06,835 I did. 395 00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:09,142 Damn it, I thought jail was a stone-cold lock. 396 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,882 Thank you, thank you. 397 00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:13,059 Oop. They're dragging him out. 398 00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:15,583 Marone, shirtless puker's out cold. 399 00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,063 And he lost a sneaker. 400 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,065 Been there. You know, people don't understand. 401 00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:21,981 Every time you see a lone sneaker in the middle of a road, 402 00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:23,983 there's a story. 403 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,551 Hey, when did Joanna have time to put on lipstick? 404 00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:30,119 Oh, cut her some slack-- she's got puke on her sleeve. 405 00:16:30,163 --> 00:16:31,991 What are you guys doing? 406 00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,122 Get in. Close the door. 407 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:34,428 We're spying on Jill's boyfriend. 408 00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:38,998 Dang it, I miss everything since I took the night shift. 409 00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:40,782 Ooh. Licorice. 410 00:16:40,825 --> 00:16:42,958 Hey, what's going on with the drunk guy?Yeah, did he hit his head? 411 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,525 No. We got to pump his stomach. 412 00:16:44,568 --> 00:16:46,048 Yeah! I win again. Pay up. 413 00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:47,963 And there's a warrant out for his arrest, 414 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,486 so he's going to jail after. 415 00:16:49,530 --> 00:16:51,401 Yes! Come to mama! 416 00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:55,492 Hey. See, now, right there, why do they have to stand 417 00:16:55,536 --> 00:16:57,842 so close while they're going over the little notepads? 418 00:16:57,886 --> 00:17:00,106 "He puked on you, yes he did, done." 419 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,977 Hey, there's this guy in radiology, 420 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,805 his name's Lorne, he was in Desert Storm... 421 00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:06,982 Nobody cares about Desert Storm Lorne. 422 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,157 Joanna does. 423 00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:10,072 They just moved in together. 424 00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:12,596 What? 425 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,598 Yeah. They found this cute little one-bedroom 426 00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:16,165 in a converted firehouse. 427 00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:19,038 You mean to tell me we've been following them around all night 428 00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,691 and she's got a boyfriend? 429 00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:22,954 This firehouse, does it still have the pole? 430 00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:26,393 Oh, I always wanted a house with a fireman's pole. 431 00:17:26,436 --> 00:17:29,613 Oh, you guys, Andy's not cheating on me. 432 00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,224 He loves me. 433 00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,574 My sweet little bunny killer loves me. 434 00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:36,098 [knocks on door][others gasp] 435 00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:38,144 Step out of the car. 436 00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:39,623 No, uh... 437 00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,147 just Jill. 438 00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:45,020 How ya been? 439 00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,067 ♪ 440 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:50,286 Wendy, don't you need to get back inside? 441 00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:52,767 I'm the head nurse-- I can do whatever I want. 442 00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:54,682 Head nurse?Since when? 443 00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:56,814 Last year, right after I moved. 444 00:17:56,858 --> 00:17:59,426 You moved?Do you guys listen to anything... 445 00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:02,255 Shh! It's getting heavy. 446 00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:03,952 I wish I could read lips. 447 00:18:03,995 --> 00:18:06,172 I can. I took a class out by the airport. 448 00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:08,174 It's like a major university out there. 449 00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:09,740 You can study anything. 450 00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,438 We don't need to read lips, you guys. 451 00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:13,135 This is a full-on breakup. 452 00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:14,354 What makes you say that? 453 00:18:14,397 --> 00:18:16,747 He just handed her a key and she's crying. 454 00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:18,140 Ooh. Here she comes. 455 00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:20,360 Act like we don't know everything. 456 00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,410 What happened?How'd it go? 457 00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:28,716 We're just sitting here. 458 00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:32,763 [crying]: Well, the pause is over. 459 00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:34,852 Now we're on full stop. 460 00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,593 Oh, honey. 461 00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:40,423 I guess it's true, I am a bit too much. 462 00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:41,424 No. No. No. 463 00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:42,512 I am. 464 00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:43,774 [sniffles] 465 00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:45,776 But for the record, so are all of you. 466 00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:46,429 ♪ 467 00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:52,261 Go ahead and say it. 468 00:18:52,305 --> 00:18:54,263 I should've kept the focus on myself. 469 00:18:54,307 --> 00:18:57,788 Oh, honey, I'm not gonna say anything like that. 470 00:18:57,832 --> 00:19:00,574 Breaks my heart to see you suffering. 471 00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:03,229 I will talk to the two of you later. 472 00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,884 I can't believe I blew it. 473 00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:08,886 This was the best relationship I've had 474 00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:10,279 since my marriage ended. 475 00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:12,803 Mm. I remember, and you said 476 00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:17,286 that you would never meet anyone you cared about ever again. 477 00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:18,809 But you did. 478 00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:21,856 And it's gonna happen this time, too. 479 00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:25,294 Hey. 480 00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:27,427 I didn't know I was walking into the girls' dorm. 481 00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:31,692 Heh-heh-heh. 482 00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:35,043 Always three. 483 00:19:35,086 --> 00:19:36,305 What did Andy do now? 484 00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:38,481 If I tell you, you'd have to pay for it. 485 00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:40,004 I appreciate the heads-up. 486 00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:42,093 Now get out. Bad time to have a penis. 487 00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:43,182 Captioning sponsored by CBS 488 00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:44,444 and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 489 00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:44,748 and TOYOTA. 490 00:19:50,885 --> 00:19:54,193 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org