1 00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:08,960 Previously on Mom... 2 00:00:08,984 --> 00:00:10,046 How you doing over there? 3 00:00:10,071 --> 00:00:11,771 I'm good. Really good. 4 00:00:12,026 --> 00:00:13,292 You have a lot to be proud of. 5 00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:15,757 Damn right. Georgetown Law School 6 00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:17,715 on a full scholarship. 7 00:00:17,997 --> 00:00:20,576 Phew. Every mom dreams of the day when they drop 8 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,843 their 42-year-old daughter off at the airport to go to school. 9 00:00:24,679 --> 00:00:26,578 Why are you being such a grouchy, grumpy, 10 00:00:26,603 --> 00:00:28,870 grocery-store-cake-buying sourpuss? 11 00:00:29,882 --> 00:00:31,648 My doctor told me 12 00:00:31,673 --> 00:00:33,617 that I have something wrong with my heart. 13 00:00:36,580 --> 00:00:38,213 You got plans for Saturday? 14 00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:40,015 I'm gonna get my tires rotated. 15 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,117 Yeah, you are. 16 00:00:42,781 --> 00:00:44,647 You can make anything dirty. 17 00:00:44,749 --> 00:00:46,992 Yeah, I can. 18 00:00:48,039 --> 00:00:50,420 I'm also gonna devote part of my day to mocking you 19 00:00:50,445 --> 00:00:52,578 for forgetting our wedding anniversary. 20 00:00:52,796 --> 00:00:55,288 Oh, my God, it's Saturday? 21 00:00:55,313 --> 00:00:56,879 We made it to a year. 22 00:00:56,904 --> 00:00:58,704 Damn it! I owe Wendy a hundred bucks. 23 00:00:59,097 --> 00:01:00,263 You bet against us? 24 00:01:00,288 --> 00:01:02,119 Yeah, 'cause I figured if we got divorced, 25 00:01:02,144 --> 00:01:05,112 at least I'd have a hundred bucks to jump-start my new life. 26 00:01:05,715 --> 00:01:06,881 Are we gonna do gifts? 27 00:01:06,906 --> 00:01:08,839 - We... - Let me tell you why we're not. 28 00:01:09,090 --> 00:01:10,807 This one sets the bar, then every year 29 00:01:10,832 --> 00:01:12,142 it's got to be a little better, and eventually 30 00:01:12,167 --> 00:01:13,467 it just spins out of control. 31 00:01:13,492 --> 00:01:16,043 Did you know that on the 50th anniversary, 32 00:01:16,068 --> 00:01:18,201 people give each other actual gold? 33 00:01:18,226 --> 00:01:20,894 I don't need to be shopping for gold at 110. 34 00:01:20,919 --> 00:01:22,486 But let's at least do a card. 35 00:01:22,511 --> 00:01:24,168 Really? A card? 36 00:01:24,193 --> 00:01:27,200 Yeah, well, i-if we don't do that, we're just roommates. 37 00:01:27,225 --> 00:01:29,826 No, we're not. We're gonna have sex. 38 00:01:30,282 --> 00:01:32,269 That's true. Sex is our card. 39 00:01:33,388 --> 00:01:35,489 And you can lick the envelope. 40 00:01:35,722 --> 00:01:37,934 - Where are you going? - Nowhere, I just felt like 41 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:40,980 you should be watching my ass as I said that. 42 00:01:41,213 --> 00:01:43,332 Where's your wallet? I need a hundred bucks. 43 00:01:46,377 --> 00:01:49,074 - Marjorie, alcoholic. - Hi, Marjorie. 44 00:01:49,099 --> 00:01:51,833 As you know, I just had a stent put into my heart 45 00:01:52,127 --> 00:01:55,496 and I'm feeling pretty great, but it got me thinking 46 00:01:55,521 --> 00:01:59,065 that I need to put more carpe into my Diem. 47 00:01:59,629 --> 00:02:01,067 So... 48 00:02:01,092 --> 00:02:04,066 invited my friend Gary to come visit. 49 00:02:05,347 --> 00:02:06,963 We bumped into each other 50 00:02:06,988 --> 00:02:09,989 at a sober convention in Chicago a few months ago 51 00:02:10,014 --> 00:02:12,147 and we've been texting ever since. 52 00:02:12,403 --> 00:02:14,137 What happened to Wayne? 53 00:02:14,162 --> 00:02:15,371 He's still in the picture. 54 00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,988 It's like an episode of Riverdale. 55 00:02:18,643 --> 00:02:22,761 Normally I take things very slow, but why? 56 00:02:22,879 --> 00:02:26,249 I like him, he likes me, I have new moles every week, 57 00:02:26,274 --> 00:02:28,340 let's light this candle. 58 00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:29,864 Thanks. 59 00:02:29,889 --> 00:02:32,256 Are moles really that dangerous? 60 00:02:32,363 --> 00:02:34,630 Oh, yeah, they should just call them cancer dots. 61 00:02:35,629 --> 00:02:37,886 - Bonnie, alcoholic. - Hi, Bonnie. 62 00:02:37,918 --> 00:02:39,796 If you're wondering if this program works, 63 00:02:39,821 --> 00:02:42,588 I just want to say I have been married for a whole year. 64 00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:44,972 Oh, my God, I won a hundred bucks. 65 00:02:45,580 --> 00:02:48,081 Oh, my God, I'm covered in cancer dots. 66 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:54,803 - Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com -- 67 00:03:01,713 --> 00:03:03,357 I hate it when we sit at the tables. 68 00:03:03,381 --> 00:03:04,781 The chairs are all wibbly-wobbly. 69 00:03:06,151 --> 00:03:08,898 We need the extra room. Marjorie's bringing Gary. 70 00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:11,986 She's so excited, I had to give my opinion on three nightgowns. 71 00:03:12,011 --> 00:03:13,756 There's three kinds of flannel? 72 00:03:13,936 --> 00:03:15,302 Only one was flannel. 73 00:03:15,327 --> 00:03:16,847 One was, I think, burlap. 74 00:03:16,872 --> 00:03:20,845 And there was a racy one with a neckline down to here. 75 00:03:23,062 --> 00:03:25,228 - Hi, ladies. - Hey. 76 00:03:25,427 --> 00:03:26,960 This is Gary. 77 00:03:26,985 --> 00:03:28,648 - Hi, Gary. - Hi, Gary. 78 00:03:28,673 --> 00:03:30,807 Wendy, Bonnie, Tammy and Jill. 79 00:03:31,119 --> 00:03:33,386 Hi. Great to put some faces with the names. 80 00:03:33,411 --> 00:03:34,611 How was your flight? 81 00:03:35,275 --> 00:03:36,779 Pilot was flying a little low 82 00:03:36,804 --> 00:03:38,587 for my taste, but I'm here. 83 00:03:38,612 --> 00:03:41,479 Oh, Gary. 84 00:03:42,095 --> 00:03:43,663 That was, that was funny? 85 00:03:43,688 --> 00:03:45,922 Maybe he's doing something to her under the table. 86 00:03:47,048 --> 00:03:48,992 So, Tammy, you're the handyman, right? 87 00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:50,203 How's that going? 88 00:03:50,228 --> 00:03:51,708 Going great. I'm actually about to buy 89 00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:52,932 my first truck. 90 00:03:53,228 --> 00:03:56,332 Really? In this economy? 91 00:03:56,357 --> 00:03:59,258 If it were me, I'd give it six months. 92 00:03:59,283 --> 00:04:00,716 Hmm. Thanks, Gary. 93 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,517 I mean, you know, you get in too deep, 94 00:04:02,547 --> 00:04:05,767 and before you know it, you're living in that truck. 95 00:04:06,481 --> 00:04:08,548 I said, "Thanks, Gary." 96 00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:11,652 Ooh, you're the one with the phone permanently attached. 97 00:04:12,658 --> 00:04:15,919 Oh, I don't mean to be rude, I'm just making a quick donation 98 00:04:15,944 --> 00:04:17,900 to a charity for underprivileged girls. 99 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,726 They had an ad on Instagram that got me right in the feels. 100 00:04:21,619 --> 00:04:23,837 If it were me, I wouldn't go online. 101 00:04:23,862 --> 00:04:26,629 Yeah, it's too risky. Just write a check. 102 00:04:26,654 --> 00:04:27,832 If there's one thing I'm good at, 103 00:04:27,857 --> 00:04:29,267 it's spending money online. 104 00:04:29,382 --> 00:04:31,149 No, I'm not a robot. 105 00:04:31,641 --> 00:04:33,361 Traffic light, traffic light, traffic light. 106 00:04:35,349 --> 00:04:37,353 Why are you wearing a sweater? 107 00:04:37,907 --> 00:04:41,941 News flash, you live in California. 108 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,115 I'm chilly. 109 00:04:44,483 --> 00:04:46,983 Gary, have you ever thought of being a life coach? 110 00:04:47,008 --> 00:04:48,423 Nah, I don't like sticking my nose 111 00:04:48,448 --> 00:04:50,315 in other people's business. 112 00:04:52,019 --> 00:04:55,309 - You ready to order? - Yes, I'll have a grilled cheese. 113 00:04:55,334 --> 00:04:56,867 With your bum ticker? 114 00:04:57,075 --> 00:04:59,342 If it was me, I'd get the Greek salad. 115 00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:02,486 Oh, Gary. 116 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,278 Greek salad. 117 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:06,303 It's sweet the way you look out for me. 118 00:05:08,034 --> 00:05:09,767 - Oh, my God. - What? 119 00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:12,760 $50,000? I only meant to donate $500. 120 00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:16,280 Wouldn't have happened with a check. Patty melt? 121 00:05:19,889 --> 00:05:22,256 Hey, Bobbi, Jill Kendall is here to say hello. 122 00:05:22,744 --> 00:05:24,255 Oh, my goodness. 123 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:27,080 It is such a pleasure to meet you. 124 00:05:27,650 --> 00:05:29,069 You're my hero. 125 00:05:29,094 --> 00:05:31,427 - Oh! - Please, sit down. 126 00:05:31,474 --> 00:05:33,675 Uh, sorry I didn't make an appointment. 127 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,875 Oh, are you kidding? You gave $50,000. 128 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,678 You can come at 2:00 in the morning if you want. 129 00:05:37,702 --> 00:05:38,702 About that... 130 00:05:38,737 --> 00:05:40,603 You have no idea how much your money 131 00:05:40,628 --> 00:05:42,482 is gonna help these girls. 132 00:05:42,507 --> 00:05:45,074 This is the largest donation the Inspired Girl Project 133 00:05:45,099 --> 00:05:46,465 has ever received. 134 00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:50,125 About that, um, I made a little, tiny boo-boo error. 135 00:05:50,314 --> 00:05:54,550 Um, I meant to donate $500, but I forgot the decimal point. 136 00:05:54,731 --> 00:05:56,142 Silly me. 137 00:05:56,167 --> 00:06:00,077 Um, so, if you could just shoot me back $49,500, 138 00:06:00,102 --> 00:06:02,168 I would be so appreciative. 139 00:06:02,193 --> 00:06:03,689 You're asking for your money back? 140 00:06:03,978 --> 00:06:05,895 No, not the money I intended to give, 141 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,521 just the money I did not intend to give. 142 00:06:08,546 --> 00:06:10,810 Um, the $500 is all yours. 143 00:06:10,835 --> 00:06:12,769 Don't spend it all in one place. 144 00:06:13,761 --> 00:06:16,228 Or do. This place. 145 00:06:16,488 --> 00:06:18,388 Okay. 146 00:06:18,576 --> 00:06:21,361 $500 is very generous 147 00:06:21,386 --> 00:06:23,186 and we can do a lot with it. 148 00:06:23,492 --> 00:06:25,625 Sorry to interrupt, but the girls would like 149 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:27,528 to perform a song to thank Miss Kendall for her donation. 150 00:06:27,552 --> 00:06:29,306 - No song. - Yeah, no song. 151 00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:35,158 What do you think they're gonna do, Bonnie? 152 00:06:35,284 --> 00:06:37,684 Think they're gonna love it or think they're gonna list it? 153 00:06:39,055 --> 00:06:40,595 If it was me, I'd list it. 154 00:06:41,070 --> 00:06:42,736 Oh, my God. "If it was me." 155 00:06:42,768 --> 00:06:44,368 I'm turning into Gary. 156 00:06:45,637 --> 00:06:48,727 - Stop pretending to be asleep. - Well, then, go home. 157 00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:51,360 No. Home is where the Gary is. 158 00:06:51,385 --> 00:06:53,118 Oh, he's not that bad. 159 00:06:53,143 --> 00:06:55,989 You've had one lunch with him. I've had three days. 160 00:06:56,014 --> 00:06:57,914 Did you know I open my mail wrong? 161 00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,392 "You're supposed to do it on the end so you don't 162 00:06:59,417 --> 00:07:01,517 accidentally rip a check." 163 00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:04,133 - That's not bad advice. - Yeah, but I didn't say to him, 164 00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,558 "Hey, Gary, any thoughts on how I open my mail?" 165 00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:08,767 I'm telling you, you wouldn't last five minutes with the guy. 166 00:07:08,792 --> 00:07:11,038 Challenge accepted. Adam and I are having dinner with them 167 00:07:11,062 --> 00:07:13,286 - on Saturday. - Oh, God, why? 168 00:07:13,311 --> 00:07:15,809 Because she's my friend, and she's a million years old 169 00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:18,564 and she found herself a million-year-old fella who's into her. 170 00:07:18,589 --> 00:07:20,022 I think that's worthy of my support. 171 00:07:20,382 --> 00:07:21,781 Well, speaking of support, 172 00:07:21,806 --> 00:07:23,784 Gary's gonna have a few thoughts on that bra of yours. 173 00:07:23,893 --> 00:07:26,548 Nothing creepy, just advice about materials. 174 00:07:29,681 --> 00:07:32,181 So are Bonnie and I just gonna share you like divorced parents 175 00:07:32,206 --> 00:07:33,889 until Gary leaves? 176 00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:36,262 Honestly, the more I try to be nice to him, 177 00:07:36,287 --> 00:07:38,421 the more I want to a little bit murder him. 178 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,767 Mm-hmm. Aw, that girl's adorable. 179 00:07:40,792 --> 00:07:43,986 Is this the charity you took $49,500 from? 180 00:07:44,416 --> 00:07:47,663 I prefer to see the glass as $500 full. 181 00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:50,343 I'm just teasing. 500 bucks is a lot. 182 00:07:50,368 --> 00:07:51,968 It gets them two new computers 183 00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:53,446 for their science lab. 184 00:07:53,471 --> 00:07:55,238 And look, a thousand dollar donation 185 00:07:55,263 --> 00:07:58,097 gets 20 girls after-school tutoring. 186 00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,420 It feels so good to share with the less fortunate 187 00:08:00,445 --> 00:08:02,211 instead of always thinking about me, me, me. 188 00:08:03,373 --> 00:08:04,705 Hey, I didn't get a mug. 189 00:08:04,730 --> 00:08:07,193 $500 is mug level. Where's my mug? 190 00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:10,753 Oh. "The Inspired Girl Project provides programs, 191 00:08:10,778 --> 00:08:13,379 "resources and mentors to at-risk girls 192 00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:15,868 so they can grow into empowered women." 193 00:08:16,150 --> 00:08:18,462 Fine, I'll let the mug go. 194 00:08:18,545 --> 00:08:21,379 You know, a lot of these girls are in the foster system. 195 00:08:21,404 --> 00:08:23,603 Man, this would've been a game changer for me. 196 00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:25,428 Music camp? 197 00:08:25,670 --> 00:08:27,703 I'd be a professional flutist by now. 198 00:08:27,759 --> 00:08:28,991 Flautist. 199 00:08:29,016 --> 00:08:31,417 Well, whatever, I'd be rolling in flautist money. 200 00:08:31,442 --> 00:08:33,953 Then I could make a donation to this charity 201 00:08:34,509 --> 00:08:36,712 and I'd actually let them keep it. 202 00:08:40,968 --> 00:08:44,064 Mmm. My fish is delicious. How's your dinner? 203 00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:47,474 I don't know, I can barely find it, it's so dark in here. 204 00:08:47,499 --> 00:08:49,142 Oh, there it is. 205 00:08:50,913 --> 00:08:52,246 So, what do you do, Gary? 206 00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:56,009 I was a middle school vice principal 38 years. 207 00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:59,068 When he retired, they named a snack bar after him. 208 00:09:01,339 --> 00:09:03,739 What is going on with your steak? 209 00:09:03,764 --> 00:09:06,531 You ordered medium rare. It looks like a shingle. 210 00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:08,455 It's fine. 211 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,651 - Waiter, waiter. - Gary, he says it's okay. 212 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,634 Well, I am not letting him eat that. 213 00:09:13,659 --> 00:09:16,216 - Is there a problem? - Well, you tell me. 214 00:09:16,241 --> 00:09:17,783 My friend's steak here is so overdone 215 00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:19,675 I could play hockey with it. 216 00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,500 Gary was a goalie. 217 00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:23,870 I'm sorry, sir. We'll make another. 218 00:09:23,895 --> 00:09:25,495 It'll only be 20 minutes. 219 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,681 20 minutes for medium rare? 220 00:09:27,706 --> 00:09:30,705 You know, if it was me, I'd try 12. 221 00:09:31,069 --> 00:09:33,336 So Adam's just gonna sit here while we eat? 222 00:09:33,361 --> 00:09:36,228 I'm fine. I'll take another Scotch. 223 00:09:36,406 --> 00:09:38,017 There's so few times I wish I could join you. 224 00:09:38,042 --> 00:09:39,141 This is one of them. 225 00:09:39,166 --> 00:09:41,399 Happy anniversary. 226 00:09:41,978 --> 00:09:44,113 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What'd you just say? 227 00:09:44,138 --> 00:09:46,395 - Anniversary? - Yeah. 228 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,672 I did not realize it was today. 229 00:09:48,697 --> 00:09:50,630 Congratulations. 230 00:09:50,655 --> 00:09:52,697 - How long you been married? - One year. 231 00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:54,900 And you're spending it with us? 232 00:09:56,561 --> 00:10:00,029 You know, my first anniversary, I took my wife to Hawaii. 233 00:10:00,054 --> 00:10:02,705 Breakfast buffet every day. 234 00:10:03,568 --> 00:10:05,017 We didn't want to make it a thing. 235 00:10:05,042 --> 00:10:07,609 Well, I am making it a thing. 236 00:10:08,048 --> 00:10:09,556 Everybody. 237 00:10:09,733 --> 00:10:10,932 A toast. 238 00:10:11,081 --> 00:10:13,814 Happy anniversary to Bonnie, and... 239 00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:15,598 what was it? 240 00:10:15,623 --> 00:10:17,589 Adam. It's hard to remember 241 00:10:17,614 --> 00:10:20,115 'cause it was the first name ever. 242 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,556 We had a great time! 243 00:10:26,581 --> 00:10:27,980 Let's do it again! 244 00:10:28,005 --> 00:10:29,720 They can still see us, so if you're gonna 245 00:10:29,745 --> 00:10:31,812 say something negative, just do it with a smile. 246 00:10:32,728 --> 00:10:35,575 He's my least favorite person on the planet. 247 00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,744 Just had a chance to run him over. 248 00:10:37,769 --> 00:10:41,111 - Didn't take it. - If it was me, I would have done it. 249 00:10:41,462 --> 00:10:43,839 The nerve of that guy, telling me white chocolate 250 00:10:43,864 --> 00:10:45,430 isn't real chocolate. 251 00:10:45,455 --> 00:10:47,722 Get off my jock, Willy Wonka. 252 00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,181 Bonnie, he told me how to operate my wheelchair. 253 00:10:50,592 --> 00:10:52,659 Okay, okay. 254 00:10:52,684 --> 00:10:54,283 Gary is her new boyfriend. 255 00:10:54,308 --> 00:10:55,841 We've got to stop bad-mouthing him. 256 00:10:55,866 --> 00:10:58,517 - You're right. You're right. - No more. We're done. 257 00:10:59,572 --> 00:11:01,691 Oh, oh, oh. 258 00:11:01,716 --> 00:11:03,460 We didn't talk about what he said to the valet. 259 00:11:03,485 --> 00:11:06,653 "You should organize your keys alphabetically by car name." 260 00:11:06,678 --> 00:11:08,611 As if he doesn't know how to organize keys. 261 00:11:08,636 --> 00:11:11,017 The guy's entire life is keys. 262 00:11:14,658 --> 00:11:16,849 Ah, I wish Gary was here so he could tell us 263 00:11:16,874 --> 00:11:18,240 how to do that better. 264 00:11:18,265 --> 00:11:20,532 Why'd you bring him up? 265 00:11:20,557 --> 00:11:22,744 I could have gone again. 266 00:11:23,712 --> 00:11:25,792 I'm gonna say something to Marjorie. 267 00:11:25,817 --> 00:11:27,617 She deserves more than that guy. 268 00:11:27,642 --> 00:11:30,009 - Please don't do that. - Why not? 269 00:11:30,111 --> 00:11:31,927 She might pick him over you. 270 00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:33,455 I'm not asking her to pick. 271 00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:35,925 She might feel like she has to. 272 00:11:35,950 --> 00:11:37,716 You don't know what you're talking about. 273 00:11:37,741 --> 00:11:39,072 Yeah, I do. 274 00:11:39,097 --> 00:11:41,341 It's why I'm not friends with Mitch anymore. 275 00:11:41,443 --> 00:11:43,009 What? 276 00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:45,344 He is not a big Bonnie Plunkett fan. 277 00:11:45,369 --> 00:11:47,413 He went off about you one day, so... 278 00:11:47,515 --> 00:11:49,048 I ended our friendship. 279 00:11:49,073 --> 00:11:51,974 That lying sack of dirt doesn't like me? 280 00:11:51,999 --> 00:11:54,259 The point is I choose you. 281 00:11:54,284 --> 00:11:56,117 And you tell me this on our anniversary? 282 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:59,501 - The point is I choose you. - What, exactly, did he say about me? 283 00:11:59,549 --> 00:12:02,130 The point is I choose you. 284 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:05,048 What did he say? 285 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,025 He said you're loud, opinionated and stubborn. 286 00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:12,188 That's fair. 287 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,857 Hey, Jilly-Jill. 288 00:12:19,882 --> 00:12:22,452 Hey, Shawn, what you got for me today? 289 00:12:22,602 --> 00:12:24,006 So many good things. 290 00:12:24,031 --> 00:12:25,380 Start at the feet and work our way up? 291 00:12:25,405 --> 00:12:27,338 That's how my boyfriend does it. 292 00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:30,195 I know these don't look comfortable, and they're not, 293 00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:32,592 but how gorgeous are they? 294 00:12:32,617 --> 00:12:34,161 Meghan Markle just wore them to a Mommy and Me, 295 00:12:34,185 --> 00:12:35,596 and now you can't find them anywhere. 296 00:12:35,620 --> 00:12:37,156 Love. How much? 297 00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,096 Enough to pay for computer coding classes 298 00:12:39,121 --> 00:12:40,620 for 30 at-risk girls. 299 00:12:41,648 --> 00:12:44,483 - I'm sorry, what'd you just say? - $1,500. 300 00:12:44,739 --> 00:12:46,439 Right. Of course. 301 00:12:46,464 --> 00:12:49,007 Imagine them with these pants. 302 00:12:49,032 --> 00:12:51,154 They're handmade Italian leather, 303 00:12:51,179 --> 00:12:53,813 and they could send 100 girls to science camp, 304 00:12:53,838 --> 00:12:55,638 which would basically change the world. 305 00:12:55,663 --> 00:12:57,763 What is happening? 306 00:12:57,865 --> 00:13:00,553 - Excuse me? - Uh, nothing. 307 00:13:00,578 --> 00:13:03,796 What about this little slice of heaven? 308 00:13:04,415 --> 00:13:05,681 Hmm! 309 00:13:05,706 --> 00:13:07,660 It's actually on sale for 500 hot school lunches, 310 00:13:07,685 --> 00:13:09,618 like the one your friend Tammy never had. 311 00:13:09,797 --> 00:13:12,565 Oh, my God, I'm in hell. 312 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,367 You're right. I hate it, too. 313 00:13:14,392 --> 00:13:17,351 What if I told you your bag came in? 314 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,238 Wait, the bag? 315 00:13:19,263 --> 00:13:23,632 - The bag. - Oh, my God, yes! Okay. 316 00:13:23,657 --> 00:13:26,398 Go ahead, ring me up. Walk away. 317 00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:34,570 Oh, Bonnie. 318 00:13:34,595 --> 00:13:36,227 Glad you're here. 319 00:13:36,346 --> 00:13:37,912 Oh, hey. 320 00:13:39,773 --> 00:13:42,171 Now that you've spent some time with Gary, 321 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:43,429 what do you think? 322 00:13:43,454 --> 00:13:45,140 I've got to be honest. 323 00:13:46,275 --> 00:13:48,508 He is amazing. 324 00:13:48,696 --> 00:13:51,230 Good. That means a lot to me, 325 00:13:51,255 --> 00:13:53,105 'cause I'm one smitten kitten. 326 00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:56,498 Aw, I bet you're gonna miss him when he goes back to Chicago. 327 00:13:56,632 --> 00:13:58,164 I know I will. 328 00:13:58,281 --> 00:14:01,837 - Can you keep a secret? - Not really, no. 329 00:14:01,862 --> 00:14:03,950 A few more visits like this one 330 00:14:03,975 --> 00:14:06,475 and I might let Gary pack me up in his suitcase 331 00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:07,954 and take me to the Windy City. 332 00:14:07,979 --> 00:14:10,609 Whoa, that's a little fast. 333 00:14:10,634 --> 00:14:12,634 Well, I'm not getting any younger. 334 00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:14,744 You know, Victor and I, 335 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,179 we used to talk about going to Paris. 336 00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:19,031 And I thought it would be too expensive, 337 00:14:19,056 --> 00:14:22,514 so we put it off and we put it off, and he died. 338 00:14:22,674 --> 00:14:23,973 Life is short. 339 00:14:24,075 --> 00:14:26,409 I'm sure it'll feel longer with Gary. 340 00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:31,867 Oh, wow, that's a snazzy pocketbook. 341 00:14:31,892 --> 00:14:33,546 Yep, very special. 342 00:14:33,571 --> 00:14:36,739 Only five of 'em in the world, blah, blah, blah. 343 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,284 What's wrong, sweetie? 344 00:14:38,309 --> 00:14:39,875 Yeah. Normally when you get a new purse, 345 00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:42,134 you hold it up like The Lion King. 346 00:14:42,593 --> 00:14:44,724 I know. A bag like this usually gives me a buzz 347 00:14:44,749 --> 00:14:46,248 for three to six business days, 348 00:14:46,273 --> 00:14:47,573 but I feel nothing. 349 00:14:47,598 --> 00:14:50,665 I look at it, nothing. Touch it, nothing. 350 00:14:50,867 --> 00:14:52,399 Nothing. 351 00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:54,544 Maybe you should have bought something with batteries. 352 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,928 What? 353 00:14:59,343 --> 00:15:02,642 Gary just sent me the funniest Far Side cartoon, 354 00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:04,633 where the cats are smarter than humans. 355 00:15:04,805 --> 00:15:07,606 - Oh, Gary... - Oh, Gary... 356 00:15:10,905 --> 00:15:14,640 Hey, Jill, what do you got in that candy basket? 357 00:15:16,351 --> 00:15:18,981 Oh, there's Mars Bars, Nestle Crunch, Twix, 358 00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:22,341 Red Vines, Kit-Kat, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and M&Ms. 359 00:15:22,687 --> 00:15:24,096 No Good & Plenty? 360 00:15:24,976 --> 00:15:28,257 No, just the seven I mentioned. 361 00:15:28,282 --> 00:15:30,015 I'll pass. 362 00:15:30,139 --> 00:15:31,538 You like Twix. 363 00:15:31,696 --> 00:15:33,835 Not for a movie. 364 00:15:34,442 --> 00:15:37,209 Who brings a man to ladies movie night? 365 00:15:37,234 --> 00:15:39,301 I mean, it's Beaches, for God's sake. 366 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,847 And if he doesn't sob when Barbara Hershey dies, 367 00:15:41,872 --> 00:15:43,906 I swear to God... 368 00:15:44,085 --> 00:15:46,152 Shh! 369 00:15:46,177 --> 00:15:48,711 Did I just get shushed in my own damn screening room? 370 00:15:48,890 --> 00:15:50,990 Oh, he's big on the shushing. 371 00:15:51,015 --> 00:15:52,969 He probably shushes Marjorie during sex. 372 00:15:54,672 --> 00:15:56,672 He does not. 373 00:15:58,572 --> 00:16:00,539 Hey, birds in the back row, 374 00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:03,258 if it was me, I'd go to another room. 375 00:16:05,122 --> 00:16:07,830 It's a big house. Plenty of choices. 376 00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:10,168 Unlike your candy selection. 377 00:16:20,811 --> 00:16:23,544 Between you and me, I do have Good & Plentys in the pantry, 378 00:16:23,569 --> 00:16:26,537 but I am not getting on a step stool for that man. 379 00:16:26,782 --> 00:16:29,483 Wow. You know, this really is gorgeous. 380 00:16:29,764 --> 00:16:31,497 Yeah, who cares? 381 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:32,732 What? 382 00:16:32,903 --> 00:16:35,457 I hope you know you ruined shopping for me. 383 00:16:35,637 --> 00:16:37,838 I used to love spending money on myself. 384 00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:39,928 Now all I can see is a bunch of little Tammys 385 00:16:39,953 --> 00:16:42,286 getting screwed out of opportunities they deserve. 386 00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:44,781 Wow, look at you, caring more about other people 387 00:16:44,806 --> 00:16:46,305 than about how you look. 388 00:16:46,647 --> 00:16:48,681 Oh, now, that can't be true. 389 00:16:48,706 --> 00:16:50,614 All right. 390 00:16:50,939 --> 00:16:53,113 Which one makes you happier? 391 00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,531 Think faster, the purse is heavy. 392 00:16:59,990 --> 00:17:01,683 Empowered little girls, 393 00:17:01,708 --> 00:17:04,529 or a dead cow with a scarf on it. 394 00:17:05,423 --> 00:17:06,822 Damn it! 395 00:17:08,793 --> 00:17:10,526 We had to get out of there. 396 00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:13,670 Gary and Marjorie are sucking face. 397 00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:16,809 Okay, I have to ask. 398 00:17:16,834 --> 00:17:18,233 What does she like about that man? 399 00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:19,745 I can't figure it out, 400 00:17:19,770 --> 00:17:21,826 and I find the good in everybody. 401 00:17:24,452 --> 00:17:27,186 I'm an alcoholic. My name is Gary. 402 00:17:27,211 --> 00:17:29,011 Hi, Gary. 403 00:17:29,036 --> 00:17:31,603 I see you do the one aisle down the middle. 404 00:17:32,068 --> 00:17:34,370 I mean, if it was me, I'd do two aisles. 405 00:17:34,395 --> 00:17:36,929 You know, more end seats. 406 00:17:36,954 --> 00:17:39,354 Or do folks not have to pee in Napa? 407 00:17:41,084 --> 00:17:45,386 My sobriety date is April 10, 1995. 408 00:17:45,433 --> 00:17:47,700 My wife was pregnant with our son, 409 00:17:47,725 --> 00:17:50,219 and, uh, you know, she'd had it with me. 410 00:17:50,244 --> 00:17:53,245 She threw me out, and I thought, um, 411 00:17:53,623 --> 00:17:57,172 great, I get to drink the way I want. 412 00:17:59,990 --> 00:18:05,365 And that is the scariest thought I ever had in my life. 413 00:18:05,873 --> 00:18:07,920 I realized that I was... 414 00:18:08,330 --> 00:18:10,864 picking alcohol over my family. 415 00:18:12,518 --> 00:18:17,587 So I ended up in a meeting, and I've been sober ever since. 416 00:18:21,305 --> 00:18:26,174 And my son is 25 years old now, and, uh... 417 00:18:26,621 --> 00:18:28,634 he's struggling with his own addiction. 418 00:18:32,173 --> 00:18:35,251 It's brought me to my knees. 419 00:18:37,391 --> 00:18:39,291 I mean, the other day I was at a meeting, 420 00:18:39,316 --> 00:18:43,118 and, uh, you know, I hadn't heard from him in-in months. 421 00:18:43,314 --> 00:18:45,001 I was spinning. 422 00:18:45,852 --> 00:18:48,467 You know, I-I could just picture him 423 00:18:48,492 --> 00:18:52,127 overdosing somewhere, alone. 424 00:18:55,038 --> 00:18:57,939 And, uh, my buddy came up to me, and he, uh... 425 00:18:58,369 --> 00:19:02,715 he pointed to this-this shaky newcomer across the room. 426 00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:05,437 He was a young guy, and he said to me, 427 00:19:05,804 --> 00:19:09,719 "You know, that's somebody's son, too. 428 00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:13,054 Why don't you see if he wants a cup of coffee." 429 00:19:15,032 --> 00:19:17,766 Now I get to sponsor that kid. 430 00:19:17,970 --> 00:19:20,968 And... he's doing great. 431 00:19:22,326 --> 00:19:25,394 Maybe... someday a guy will 432 00:19:25,976 --> 00:19:28,964 get my son a cup of coffee. 433 00:19:33,156 --> 00:19:34,847 You know, I used to drink because 434 00:19:34,872 --> 00:19:37,101 I didn't know what was gonna happen. 435 00:19:37,775 --> 00:19:41,601 And now I stay sober... for that same reason. 436 00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:52,994 And are we absolutely sure that the number on this check 437 00:19:53,018 --> 00:19:56,632 - is the number you want to give? - Sure am. 438 00:19:57,062 --> 00:19:59,476 Then brace yourself 'cause I'm coming in. 439 00:20:00,968 --> 00:20:02,861 This place is amazing! 440 00:20:02,886 --> 00:20:05,686 An 11-year-old just programmed a robot to scratch my back, 441 00:20:05,711 --> 00:20:07,444 and now I'm headed to the kitchen garden 442 00:20:07,469 --> 00:20:10,156 to learn how to plant bok choy. Come on! 443 00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:13,393 Ah, looks like you got a new little girl in your program. 444 00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:15,757 - Do you do music here? - We do. 445 00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:18,283 You should probably hide the flutes. 446 00:20:19,142 --> 00:20:24,142 - Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --