1
00:00:01,117 --> 00:00:04,459
♪ Happy birthday, dear Christy ♪

2
00:00:04,492 --> 00:00:07,828
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

3
00:00:07,887 --> 00:00:11,140
♪ Keep coming back. ♪

4
00:00:11,558 --> 00:00:13,092
What's that?

5
00:00:13,159 --> 00:00:14,460
Jazz hands.

6
00:00:14,527 --> 00:00:15,794
Those aren't jazz hands.

7
00:00:15,862 --> 00:00:17,382
These are jazz hands.

8
00:00:18,906 --> 00:00:21,667
Excuse me, I went to dance camp.

9
00:00:21,735 --> 00:00:23,435
These are jazz hands.

10
00:00:24,038 --> 00:00:26,972
- Can I blow out my candles now?
- Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

11
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:32,648
Speech.

12
00:00:32,673 --> 00:00:34,122
Yeah, speech. Say something.

13
00:00:34,147 --> 00:00:35,788
Okay.

14
00:00:35,812 --> 00:00:37,449
Thank you guys

15
00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:41,053
Ugh. I really can't believe
I've been sober for four years.

16
00:00:41,121 --> 00:00:42,488
I mean, think about it.

17
00:00:42,555 --> 00:00:44,623
That's a long time to go without puking.

18
00:00:44,691 --> 00:00:46,191
You did have a stomach flu.

19
00:00:46,259 --> 00:00:49,429
Any puke that's not
flammable is a happy puke.

20
00:00:51,146 --> 00:00:53,966
Anyway, I'm really grateful to be sober,

21
00:00:54,115 --> 00:00:57,506
and I'm really grateful to
have friends who I love so much.

22
00:00:57,547 --> 00:00:58,747
(clears throat)

23
00:00:58,772 --> 00:01:00,467
Yeah, I see you there.

24
00:01:02,942 --> 00:01:05,044
Christy, I'm so proud of you.

25
00:01:05,111 --> 00:01:06,779
You've grown so much.

26
00:01:06,846 --> 00:01:09,114
Thank you. You've been a big part of it.

27
00:01:09,182 --> 00:01:10,983
Hey, everybody, I just want you to know,

28
00:01:11,051 --> 00:01:13,085
dinner and dessert, it's all on me.

29
00:01:13,153 --> 00:01:14,630
- Mom, you didn't have to do that.
- Aw, thanks, Bonnie.

30
00:01:14,654 --> 00:01:15,754
About friggin' time.

31
00:01:15,822 --> 00:01:17,656
Hey, I have grown, too.

32
00:01:17,724 --> 00:01:19,958
I've got a good job, I'm
in a stable relationship,

33
00:01:20,026 --> 00:01:22,602
when the doorbell rings, I
no longer hide in an air vent.

34
00:01:22,748 --> 00:01:23,881
She's like a rat.

35
00:01:23,906 --> 00:01:26,207
If her nose can get in, she can get in.

36
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:30,000
I'm sorry, your card got declined.

37
00:01:30,025 --> 00:01:31,593
Quelle surprise.

38
00:01:32,562 --> 00:01:34,975
Hold on, you've
obviously screwed this up.

39
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,000
How about you skedaddle back
and run it through again.

40
00:01:37,156 --> 00:01:39,113
Actually, they told me to destroy it,

41
00:01:39,138 --> 00:01:42,240
but I was being nice,
you ungrateful giraffe.

42
00:01:45,992 --> 00:01:48,554
Well, clearly, I am the
victim of identity theft.

43
00:01:48,579 --> 00:01:52,157
Oh, please. Whose life is
so sad they'd rather be you?

44
00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:55,630
♪

45
00:02:00,606 --> 00:02:04,841
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

46
00:02:09,857 --> 00:02:12,309
Uh-huh. All right.

47
00:02:12,334 --> 00:02:14,169
Well, that clears it up.

48
00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:16,574
Thanks. You have a nice day, too.

49
00:02:16,853 --> 00:02:19,488
Okay, I know why my card was declined.

50
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,587
Are we supposed to guess?

51
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,246
It's not a big deal.

52
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:27,666
Did you put cheese in these?

53
00:02:27,691 --> 00:02:29,497
- Is she kidding?
- She's deflecting.

54
00:02:29,522 --> 00:02:30,922
She does that when she's scared.

55
00:02:30,947 --> 00:02:32,724
I'm not scared, you're scared.

56
00:02:33,845 --> 00:02:36,482
Mmm. Tastes like Monterey Jack?

57
00:02:36,507 --> 00:02:37,874
Tell us!

58
00:02:38,497 --> 00:02:42,419
Fine. Apparently, the IRS
put a lien on my account.

59
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:45,417
- Oh, Mom.
- How much money do you owe?

60
00:02:45,442 --> 00:02:47,230
Ten grand, give or take.

61
00:02:48,117 --> 00:02:49,985
- What does that mean?
- 18.

62
00:02:50,190 --> 00:02:53,049
- What?
- How does that happen?

63
00:02:53,355 --> 00:02:56,652
We live here rent free 'cause
I'm the building manager.

64
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,574
Apparently, that counts as income.

65
00:02:58,599 --> 00:03:01,300
- Oh God!
- Oh, relax. I've got no money.

66
00:03:01,325 --> 00:03:02,892
They can't get blood out of a rock.

67
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,793
Yeah, but they can put the rock in jail.

68
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,029
No, they wouldn't do that to me.

69
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:08,497
I am a nice sober lady now.

70
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,519
I'm a card-carrying member of AARP.

71
00:03:12,089 --> 00:03:14,530
Great. So you'll enjoy
the senior discount

72
00:03:14,555 --> 00:03:16,495
at the prison commissary.

73
00:03:16,636 --> 00:03:18,628
Okay, you guys are
kind of freaking me out.

74
00:03:18,653 --> 00:03:20,292
You should be freaked out.

75
00:03:21,158 --> 00:03:23,645
I don't want to go to jail again.

76
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:26,672
When I'm gay, I want
it to be on my terms.

77
00:03:30,261 --> 00:03:33,055
How can you just sit there and
stuff your face with ice cream?

78
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,050
I wanted a snack before
I walk the Green Mile.

79
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:38,394
Look, Adam offered
to lend you the money.

80
00:03:38,462 --> 00:03:39,762
Why don't you just take it?

81
00:03:39,830 --> 00:03:41,441
No, 'cause we both
know what happens then.

82
00:03:41,465 --> 00:03:44,300
Every time I sleep with him,
I'm trying to pay it off.

83
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,144
Who needs the lockjaw?

84
00:03:46,676 --> 00:03:47,676
Really?

85
00:03:47,701 --> 00:03:49,514
Now you decide to have standards?

86
00:03:49,539 --> 00:03:50,973
You need a lawyer.

87
00:03:51,041 --> 00:03:52,641
Yeah, but then they're
gonna send a bill,

88
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,100
and I'm down on my knees again.

89
00:03:54,177 --> 00:03:55,511
(sighs)

90
00:03:55,579 --> 00:03:57,179
I bet Steve would do it pro bono.

91
00:03:57,247 --> 00:03:58,547
Ha, ha, ha, ha.

92
00:03:58,615 --> 00:04:00,082
It means "for free."

93
00:04:00,686 --> 00:04:02,437
Oh. That's a thought.

94
00:04:02,462 --> 00:04:06,077
I slept with him pro bono,
so he actually owes me.

95
00:04:06,944 --> 00:04:09,025
(ringtone playing)

96
00:04:09,050 --> 00:04:11,018
(Mexican music playing)

97
00:04:11,128 --> 00:04:12,577
Hola.

98
00:04:13,898 --> 00:04:15,498
Hey, Steve, it's Bonnie.

99
00:04:15,761 --> 00:04:17,740
Hey, stranger, long time.

100
00:04:17,934 --> 00:04:19,535
Yeah, haven't seen you in a while.

101
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,693
Where you been hiding out?

102
00:04:20,890 --> 00:04:22,694
What's that supposed to mean?

103
00:04:24,892 --> 00:04:27,040
I'm just making small talk.

104
00:04:27,065 --> 00:04:29,814
Oh. Be careful with that.

105
00:04:30,476 --> 00:04:31,977
Is everything okay?

106
00:04:32,115 --> 00:04:33,282
Yeah, everything's fine.

107
00:04:33,350 --> 00:04:36,173
I, uh, lost a case and
the kid went to jail.

108
00:04:36,198 --> 00:04:37,131
That's too bad.

109
00:04:37,156 --> 00:04:38,454
No, he should be in jail.

110
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,946
He's a monster.

111
00:04:40,991 --> 00:04:45,196
The bad part is that his
uncle is a Mexican drug lord,

112
00:04:45,395 --> 00:04:47,163
kind of a vindictive guy,

113
00:04:47,230 --> 00:04:49,365
so I thought it prudent
to leave the country.

114
00:04:49,518 --> 00:04:51,819
Smart move. Where'd you go?

115
00:04:52,753 --> 00:04:54,415
(whispers): Mexico.

116
00:04:56,355 --> 00:04:58,602
I can't believe I slept with this guy.

117
00:04:59,562 --> 00:05:00,996
So why'd you call?

118
00:05:03,196 --> 00:05:05,414
Well, it's a little embarrassing,

119
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:08,376
but the truth is I butt-dialed you.

120
00:05:08,473 --> 00:05:10,796
Oh, so a happy accident.

121
00:05:10,821 --> 00:05:12,800
Hello to your butt.

122
00:05:13,503 --> 00:05:15,277
Want to hear some irony?

123
00:05:15,390 --> 00:05:18,362
Turns out, I'm allergic to pinto beans.

124
00:05:23,143 --> 00:05:26,191
So, bottom line, I need
a good tax attorney.

125
00:05:26,216 --> 00:05:27,816
Maybe somebody I can work a trade with.

126
00:05:27,841 --> 00:05:30,543
You know, house-sit, paint the garage.

127
00:05:30,841 --> 00:05:34,210
All I have is an adoption
attorney and a divorce attorney.

128
00:05:34,277 --> 00:05:35,611
Oh, and a malpractice guy

129
00:05:35,679 --> 00:05:38,183
for when I had to have
my boobs re-jiggered.

130
00:05:38,902 --> 00:05:40,750
That's not gonna do it.

131
00:05:40,902 --> 00:05:42,870
I have a patent attorney.

132
00:05:45,230 --> 00:05:46,562
Yes, I invented something,

133
00:05:46,587 --> 00:05:48,655
and no, I will not tell you what it is.

134
00:05:49,886 --> 00:05:52,194
What about what's-his-name,
your half-brother?

135
00:05:52,262 --> 00:05:54,063
Ray? I can't go to
him. I just met the guy.

136
00:05:54,131 --> 00:05:55,765
I'm not gonna hit him up for a favor.

137
00:05:55,832 --> 00:05:57,733
You were also kind of a dick to him.

138
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,728
Takes two to dick.

139
00:06:00,477 --> 00:06:02,790
Not with my new invention.

140
00:06:05,845 --> 00:06:08,644
Hey, why not have Christy represent you?

141
00:06:08,712 --> 00:06:10,880
Oh, that's a good idea.
She's almost a lawyer.

142
00:06:10,947 --> 00:06:12,381
What are you talking about?

143
00:06:12,449 --> 00:06:13,849
I'm not even in law school yet.

144
00:06:13,917 --> 00:06:16,022
I still have to take a gym class.

145
00:06:16,764 --> 00:06:19,688
Your mom's not up for murder,
she just owes some money.

146
00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:21,757
The IRS just wants to make a deal.

147
00:06:21,825 --> 00:06:23,928
They don't try to put anybody in jail.

148
00:06:23,953 --> 00:06:25,553
They put Wesley Snipes in jail.

149
00:06:25,578 --> 00:06:26,972
Not helping, Wendy.

150
00:06:26,997 --> 00:06:28,464
It's just that they robbed us

151
00:06:28,532 --> 00:06:30,420
of so many action-packed movies.

152
00:06:33,287 --> 00:06:34,740
You could do it.

153
00:06:35,467 --> 00:06:36,806
What do you think?

154
00:06:36,873 --> 00:06:38,541
Do you know anything about taxes?

155
00:06:38,693 --> 00:06:40,676
I know you're supposed to pay them.

156
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:43,169
That's more than me. You're hired.

157
00:06:45,503 --> 00:06:46,782
What do you think?

158
00:06:46,850 --> 00:06:48,117
Can I plead insanity?

159
00:06:49,121 --> 00:06:50,820
You can plead you're a magical elf,

160
00:06:50,887 --> 00:06:52,822
you're still gonna owe them 18 grand.

161
00:06:53,589 --> 00:06:55,691
I don't think I can help you, Mom.

162
00:06:55,759 --> 00:06:58,535
Hey, I did not raise
you to be a quitter.

163
00:06:58,894 --> 00:07:01,371
The first half of that
sentence is correct.

164
00:07:02,199 --> 00:07:04,633
- Christy, I brought you some coffee.
- Thanks.

165
00:07:04,701 --> 00:07:05,868
Did you bring me one?

166
00:07:05,936 --> 00:07:08,195
Give me a break, I only got one crotch.

167
00:07:11,211 --> 00:07:13,976
Just to be clear, no matter
how late I stay up tonight,

168
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,219
I'm not gonna become a tax
lawyer by tomorrow morning.

169
00:07:16,244 --> 00:07:18,437
Don't say that. I believe in you.

170
00:07:18,462 --> 00:07:20,096
Yeah, well, who cares?

171
00:07:21,078 --> 00:07:23,252
All right, I see what's happening here.

172
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:24,963
Someone needs a little positivity.

173
00:07:25,019 --> 00:07:26,286
Maybe this will help.

174
00:07:28,058 --> 00:07:31,861
(humming "Chariots of Fire")

175
00:07:32,796 --> 00:07:34,630
Adam, make her stop.

176
00:07:34,698 --> 00:07:36,298
(continues humming)

177
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,124
(humming drumbeat)

178
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,435
You know what?

179
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:51,895
This is actually kind of helping!

180
00:07:53,443 --> 00:07:55,378
(both humming louder)

181
00:07:57,303 --> 00:08:00,076
(exhales) This is the
unhappiest place I've ever been,

182
00:08:00,101 --> 00:08:02,810
and I've waited in line
for eyeglasses at Costco.

183
00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:06,537
Stop talking. You're making me nervous.

184
00:08:06,562 --> 00:08:08,404
What are you nervous about?
Your neck isn't on the line.

185
00:08:08,451 --> 00:08:11,119
Hey, I have to pretend to be a
lawyer, pretend we have a case

186
00:08:11,187 --> 00:08:13,724
and pretend these stockings
aren't halfway up my ass.

187
00:08:14,981 --> 00:08:17,940
Sorry to keep you, but
I'm on a liquid diet

188
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,957
and everything's coming out
basically how it went in.

189
00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:25,723
If you're not feeling
well, we could reschedule.

190
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:29,621
That's okay, I've got ten minutes
till the bell rings again.

191
00:08:31,931 --> 00:08:34,825
So which one of you is Ms. Plunkett?

192
00:08:35,293 --> 00:08:37,987
Technically we both are,
but she's the defendant.

193
00:08:38,012 --> 00:08:40,770
I'm Christy Plunkett, her
daughter and legal adviser.

194
00:08:41,296 --> 00:08:43,004
Okay.

195
00:08:46,239 --> 00:08:48,495
All right, I looked over
your file and it appears

196
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,882
you didn't declare income
for the last three years.

197
00:08:50,907 --> 00:08:52,374
Can you explain that?

198
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,719
- Yes, we can.
- You don't have to stand.

199
00:08:55,217 --> 00:08:57,035
Okay, but while I'm up...

200
00:09:02,957 --> 00:09:06,631
We contend that this has
been a misunderstanding.

201
00:09:07,035 --> 00:09:09,714
My mom, a.k.a. Bonnie Plunkett,

202
00:09:09,739 --> 00:09:12,222
didn't know she was supposed
to report free rent as income.

203
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:14,325
Yeah, you see, this is my
first time managing a building.

204
00:09:14,349 --> 00:09:16,426
I wasn't aware of how it
worked. You get that, right?

205
00:09:16,451 --> 00:09:17,451
No.

206
00:09:18,687 --> 00:09:21,189
So what did you do before
you managed a building?

207
00:09:21,214 --> 00:09:23,668
(chuckles): Gosh, it's been so long.

208
00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,723
I hardly remember what
I had for breakfast.

209
00:09:25,748 --> 00:09:27,731
I had spinach juice.

210
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:33,006
All right, let's set
aside the last three years.

211
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,332
Great.

212
00:09:34,357 --> 00:09:36,575
What is of more concern to the IRS is

213
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,676
the fact that you haven't
filed taxes since...

214
00:09:41,144 --> 00:09:42,311
... 1996.

215
00:09:44,672 --> 00:09:46,631
- Christy?
- Yeah?

216
00:09:46,656 --> 00:09:47,790
Represent me.

217
00:09:50,948 --> 00:09:53,754
In light of this new information,

218
00:09:53,779 --> 00:09:56,847
which the state should have
disclosed during discovery...

219
00:09:56,933 --> 00:09:59,809
- This isn't a trial.
- Noted.

220
00:09:59,938 --> 00:10:01,903
Nevertheless, I would like to ask for

221
00:10:01,928 --> 00:10:03,696
an extension on this hearing.

222
00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:05,041
It's not a hearing.

223
00:10:05,416 --> 00:10:07,377
- Continuance?
- Nope.

224
00:10:08,463 --> 00:10:10,571
Could we please come back later?

225
00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:14,041
Works for me.
Just call for an appointment.

226
00:10:15,439 --> 00:10:18,080
This is a gift from God. Run!

227
00:10:21,971 --> 00:10:24,821
How on earth do you
20 years without

228
00:10:24,846 --> 00:10:26,247
paying your taxes?

229
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:29,708
Like we say in the
program, one day at a time.

230
00:10:31,690 --> 00:10:32,985
So what happens now?

231
00:10:33,010 --> 00:10:35,065
Well, I got them to
give us another week.

232
00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:36,794
Which means you've got
a lot of work to do.

233
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:39,141
No. I am not a lawyer.

234
00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:40,558
I am a junior at a college

235
00:10:40,583 --> 00:10:42,884
that's best known for Web design.

236
00:10:43,190 --> 00:10:45,643
- It's time to call Ray.
- Absolutely not.

237
00:10:45,668 --> 00:10:49,612
Oh, come on. I want to meet your big
shot half-black half-brother.

238
00:10:50,096 --> 00:10:51,802
Calm down, he's gay.

239
00:10:51,870 --> 00:10:54,065
You sure he's not half gay?

240
00:10:54,806 --> 00:10:56,518
He's half everything else.

241
00:10:56,909 --> 00:10:59,043
We're trying to keep my mom out of jail.

242
00:10:59,111 --> 00:11:00,857
You can try and flip him later.

243
00:11:00,882 --> 00:11:02,813
I told you I'm not calling him.

244
00:11:02,838 --> 00:11:05,240
Why are you blaming Ray for
all the crap your mother did?

245
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,633
I have to blame someone.
Careful, you're on deck.

246
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,525
Bonnie, you worked so hard to let go
of your resentment towards your mother.

247
00:11:12,550 --> 00:11:14,145
Can't you do the
same for your brother?

248
00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:15,820
Well, that's a
little hard, Marjorie,

249
00:11:15,845 --> 00:11:18,475
since I have no idea why I resent him.

250
00:11:18,764 --> 00:11:20,171
Well, you better figure it out,

251
00:11:20,198 --> 00:11:21,933
'cause we're meeting
him tomorrow at 2:00.

252
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,792
- You already called him?
- I sure did.

253
00:11:24,903 --> 00:11:26,504
Wow.

254
00:11:26,788 --> 00:11:30,241
I don't ask much of you,
only what I give in return...

255
00:11:30,309 --> 00:11:33,411
Honesty, respect, and
most importantly, trust.

256
00:11:34,746 --> 00:11:37,048
(laughter)

257
00:11:37,115 --> 00:11:39,116
What?

258
00:11:39,184 --> 00:11:41,485
I do all those things!

259
00:11:41,553 --> 00:11:43,921
I just don't brag about it.

260
00:11:43,946 --> 00:11:45,459
(laughter continues)

261
00:11:45,484 --> 00:11:46,551
I'm humble.

262
00:11:46,576 --> 00:11:47,943
(laughter continues)

263
00:11:48,147 --> 00:11:50,282
All right, screw all of you!

264
00:11:54,826 --> 00:11:56,393
You believe this view?

265
00:11:56,601 --> 00:11:58,536
I get why rich people look down on us.

266
00:11:58,603 --> 00:12:00,130
It's 'cause they really do.

267
00:12:02,007 --> 00:12:03,874
This is all pretentious crap.

268
00:12:03,942 --> 00:12:05,076
Oh, look,

269
00:12:05,143 --> 00:12:06,978
I can keep brandy in a crystal decanter

270
00:12:07,045 --> 00:12:08,802
and drink moderately.

271
00:12:09,982 --> 00:12:11,782
(sighs)

272
00:12:11,850 --> 00:12:14,585
Someday I want to sit
in an office like this,

273
00:12:14,653 --> 00:12:17,221
wearing a Chanel suit and a Prada bag,

274
00:12:17,334 --> 00:12:19,190
all the while helping the poor.

275
00:12:19,257 --> 00:12:20,658
If you plan on helping the poor,

276
00:12:20,726 --> 00:12:22,404
that bag's gonna be a knock-off.

277
00:12:22,627 --> 00:12:24,027
Hi, Ray.

278
00:12:24,052 --> 00:12:26,113
Christy, good to see you.

279
00:12:27,332 --> 00:12:28,566
Hi, Bonnie.

280
00:12:30,395 --> 00:12:33,097
So, little trouble with the IRS, huh?

281
00:12:33,122 --> 00:12:34,648
Yes, I screwed up,

282
00:12:34,673 --> 00:12:36,974
but they didn't cover
tax law in the orphanage.

283
00:12:37,355 --> 00:12:41,579
- You were never in an orphanage.
- It's poetic license.

284
00:12:41,646 --> 00:12:43,481
You know what, maybe
we should talk about

285
00:12:43,548 --> 00:12:44,815
the elephant in the room first.

286
00:12:44,883 --> 00:12:47,794
The elephant being I was abandoned
by our mother and you were kept?

287
00:12:47,819 --> 00:12:50,087
Bonnie, I get it. You got a raw deal.

288
00:12:50,475 --> 00:12:52,331
But you do understand I
didn't know you existed

289
00:12:52,391 --> 00:12:53,391
until three months ago?

290
00:12:53,425 --> 00:12:55,493
I know that. It's just...

291
00:12:55,518 --> 00:12:57,987
I mean, look what you've
done with your life,

292
00:12:58,012 --> 00:12:59,446
and look at mine.

293
00:12:59,471 --> 00:13:02,066
I mean, who is this, your boyfriend?

294
00:13:02,134 --> 00:13:03,361
What is he, a model?

295
00:13:03,386 --> 00:13:05,621
He's my husband. And yes.

296
00:13:07,267 --> 00:13:08,773
Oh, come on.

297
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,626
Look, I'm sorry this has
been so painful for you.

298
00:13:11,822 --> 00:13:14,979
But maybe there's a silver
lining in your tax problems.

299
00:13:15,439 --> 00:13:17,448
We can use this to
get to know each other,

300
00:13:17,516 --> 00:13:19,150
be... brother and sister.

301
00:13:19,751 --> 00:13:21,786
How can you not like this guy?

302
00:13:22,712 --> 00:13:25,456
I find ways not to like
you, and you're adorable.

303
00:13:28,525 --> 00:13:30,961
Bonnie, let me help you.

304
00:13:32,314 --> 00:13:33,881
No strings attached.

305
00:13:35,986 --> 00:13:38,002
All right, but you owe me one.

306
00:13:38,070 --> 00:13:39,703
Wait, why would I...

307
00:13:39,771 --> 00:13:40,971
Never mind.

308
00:13:42,774 --> 00:13:44,775
So clear this up for me.

309
00:13:44,843 --> 00:13:47,511
What kind of a person doesn't
pay taxes for 20 years?

310
00:13:47,719 --> 00:13:50,554
Well, I like to think
of myself as a folk hero.

311
00:13:52,938 --> 00:13:54,618
So the money you didn't
pay the government

312
00:13:54,643 --> 00:13:56,244
you gave to the poor?

313
00:13:56,354 --> 00:13:59,790
Well, speaking as a poor person, yes.

314
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:03,360
All right, I'll tell
you what we're gonna do.

315
00:14:03,754 --> 00:14:06,664
We'll go to the IRS next week
and try to cut some kind of a deal.

316
00:14:06,894 --> 00:14:09,033
See what happens when
you have a real lawyer?

317
00:14:09,101 --> 00:14:10,734
Oh, don't be so humble.

318
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:13,471
- I'm gonna be using your notes.
- Really?

319
00:14:13,538 --> 00:14:15,206
You did some nice work in here.

320
00:14:15,644 --> 00:14:19,076
In fact, when I go back to the
IRS, why don't you come with me?

321
00:14:19,496 --> 00:14:20,811
You don't have to do that.

322
00:14:20,879 --> 00:14:23,380
I'm not doing you a
favor. You'd be a big help.

323
00:14:24,152 --> 00:14:26,652
That's great. I'd love to join you guys.

324
00:14:26,677 --> 00:14:28,244
Oh, she's not going.

325
00:14:30,789 --> 00:14:32,056
I'm not?

326
00:14:32,124 --> 00:14:33,757
Oh, God, no.

327
00:14:33,825 --> 00:14:36,113
That's really the only mistake you made.

328
00:14:40,065 --> 00:14:41,699
(sportscast playing over TV)

329
00:14:41,766 --> 00:14:43,534
Seriously? You're
just gonna watch hockey

330
00:14:43,602 --> 00:14:45,269
while my life hangs in the balance?

331
00:14:45,294 --> 00:14:47,379
Kind of hard for me to pace, Bon.

332
00:14:49,504 --> 00:14:51,709
I just want you to know if I go to jail,

333
00:14:51,776 --> 00:14:54,582
you need to find someone else.
I don't want you to wait for me.

334
00:14:54,607 --> 00:14:55,607
Okay.

335
00:14:57,527 --> 00:14:59,224
Come on. You're not
even gonna lie to me?

336
00:14:59,249 --> 00:15:01,951
It's a playoff game, Bon.
I'm not really listening.

337
00:15:03,457 --> 00:15:06,225
- (phone chimes)
- Ooh, this could be Christy.

338
00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:08,092
(sighs) Damn it, Jill.

339
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,854
No, I am not introducing
you to my half-gay brother.

340
00:15:14,299 --> 00:15:15,900
I can't believe we won!

341
00:15:15,967 --> 00:15:17,501
Well, technically, we didn't win.

342
00:15:17,569 --> 00:15:19,003
We settled.

343
00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:21,699
In my family, settling is winning.

344
00:15:22,183 --> 00:15:23,910
I'm gonna call my mom and let her know.

345
00:15:23,935 --> 00:15:26,677
Hold on. Lesson number one:
never tell the client

346
00:15:26,702 --> 00:15:28,870
it took 15 minutes to do a day's work.

347
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,519
They're called "billable
hours" for a reason.

348
00:15:32,512 --> 00:15:34,833
So we're just supposed to
let her sit at home and sweat?

349
00:15:35,041 --> 00:15:36,707
Think about it.

350
00:15:38,746 --> 00:15:41,514
Oh, man, I can't wait to be a lawyer.

351
00:15:41,539 --> 00:15:43,227
And you're gonna be a good one.

352
00:15:43,302 --> 00:15:46,971
As a matter of fact, if you don't
get snatched up by a better firm,

353
00:15:46,996 --> 00:15:48,930
maybe you could come intern for me.

354
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,268
I would love that.

355
00:15:51,336 --> 00:15:53,070
Consider it done.

356
00:15:53,898 --> 00:15:56,840
Don't most firms have
a policy about nepotism?

357
00:15:56,908 --> 00:15:58,421
Christy...

358
00:15:59,847 --> 00:16:01,125
look at us.

359
00:16:02,339 --> 00:16:05,312
You're right, I think we're
gonna get away with it. (laughs)

360
00:16:07,368 --> 00:16:11,855
And to all of you, for
never giving up on me,

361
00:16:11,923 --> 00:16:14,825
from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

362
00:16:14,893 --> 00:16:16,694
Adam, my love.

363
00:16:16,719 --> 00:16:18,243
My daughter, Christy.

364
00:16:19,181 --> 00:16:20,831
My dear friends.

365
00:16:20,899 --> 00:16:23,601
I couldn't have done
it without your support.

366
00:16:23,933 --> 00:16:26,345
Does she think she won an award?

367
00:16:27,704 --> 00:16:30,174
And thanks to my long-lost brother Ray,

368
00:16:30,242 --> 00:16:33,384
the IRS is giving me ten
years to pay off my debt.

369
00:16:34,176 --> 00:16:36,181
What a bunch of suckers.

370
00:16:38,712 --> 00:16:40,985
Anyway, I'm glad we're
finally getting a chance

371
00:16:41,052 --> 00:16:42,253
to know each other.

372
00:16:42,656 --> 00:16:44,298
Yes, we are.

373
00:16:46,925 --> 00:16:49,193
Uh...

374
00:16:49,261 --> 00:16:50,828
Thank you, Bonnie.

375
00:16:51,848 --> 00:16:55,065
I can't help thinking
that you and Christy

376
00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:56,324
coming into my life...

377
00:16:57,175 --> 00:16:58,842
maybe it wasn't a coincidence.

378
00:17:00,377 --> 00:17:02,832
Maybe there's a reason for it.

379
00:17:03,842 --> 00:17:06,988
Boy, this is hard to say,

380
00:17:08,046 --> 00:17:11,524
but I guess you're probably
the best people to say it to.

381
00:17:13,328 --> 00:17:15,336
I've gotten to a point where...

382
00:17:16,633 --> 00:17:18,935
I'm snorting coke every day.

383
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,053
- Welcome to the family!
- We're here!

384
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,287
Come here, little brother.

385
00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:29,529
- Yay!
- (excited chatter continues)

386
00:17:35,905 --> 00:17:37,706
What are you still doing up?

387
00:17:37,774 --> 00:17:40,537
Believe it or not,
reading more about tax law.

388
00:17:40,562 --> 00:17:42,561
Why? I got away with it.

389
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:45,192
Well, I'm still interested.

390
00:17:45,217 --> 00:17:47,024
Did you know the French
put a tax on salt, and

391
00:17:47,049 --> 00:17:48,974
that's what led to the
French Revolution?

392
00:17:48,999 --> 00:17:52,224
Wow, you really have given
up on men, haven't you?

393
00:17:55,114 --> 00:17:58,314
- Can I tell you something?
- Sure.

394
00:17:58,825 --> 00:18:02,151
I am so impressed with what you did.

395
00:18:02,731 --> 00:18:05,146
- Ray did most of it.
- That's not true.

396
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:07,239
And that's not what I'm talking about.

397
00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:09,525
You've been sober for four years now,

398
00:18:09,593 --> 00:18:10,893
you're almost done with college,

399
00:18:10,918 --> 00:18:12,952
on your way to becoming a lawyer.

400
00:18:12,977 --> 00:18:15,458
I am so proud of you.

401
00:18:16,599 --> 00:18:19,268
Wow, Mom, that means a lot.

402
00:18:19,669 --> 00:18:23,539
Hey, I probably don't say this enough,

403
00:18:23,607 --> 00:18:26,747
but you are an amazing
person, and I love you.

404
00:18:29,263 --> 00:18:32,065
You have another legal
problem, don't you?

405
00:18:32,934 --> 00:18:34,638
I might have slapped a meter maid,

406
00:18:34,663 --> 00:18:37,122
but that doesn't take
away from anything I said.

407
00:18:38,231 --> 00:18:39,810
It does a little, but thanks.

408
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:45,161
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --