1
00:00:04,039 --> 00:00:06,039
What exactly do we know about this guy?

2
00:00:06,665 --> 00:00:09,367
That he has a vintage jukebox
and wants to sell it to me.

3
00:00:09,434 --> 00:00:11,164
Well, that's just what he said online.

4
00:00:11,189 --> 00:00:14,258
What if we drove all the way
to Reno and it's a total scam?

5
00:00:14,636 --> 00:00:16,570
What exactly would the scam be?

6
00:00:17,114 --> 00:00:19,375
To get a couple to drive
three hours for no reason?

7
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,534
"Ha, ha, I've stolen your time."

8
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,914
You are so innocent. It's like
I'm in a relationship with a baby.

9
00:00:26,180 --> 00:00:28,482
We get there, they
bring out the jukebox,

10
00:00:28,507 --> 00:00:29,841
you give them a bag of money,

11
00:00:29,866 --> 00:00:31,062
they say, "We'll box it up for you,"

12
00:00:31,087 --> 00:00:33,022
they load it in the van, we get home,

13
00:00:33,055 --> 00:00:34,923
the box is full of bricks and sand.

14
00:00:34,948 --> 00:00:36,615
(chuckles): Who would do that?

15
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,574
- It... Oh, no.
- Yeah.

16
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,681
I did it with stereo speakers.

17
00:00:40,706 --> 00:00:42,173
Sold the same pair 78 times.

18
00:00:42,198 --> 00:00:44,640
And where are they
now? In our living room.

19
00:00:44,985 --> 00:00:47,398
You scare me. I'm marrying
someone who scares me.

20
00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:50,054
(chuckles) Every couple needs at
least one scary person.

21
00:00:50,182 --> 00:00:52,281
The neighborhood Mormons are
afraid to knock on our door.

22
00:00:52,306 --> 00:00:53,673
You're welcome.

23
00:00:54,807 --> 00:00:56,908
Speaking of getting married...

24
00:00:57,523 --> 00:00:58,990
I wasn't.

25
00:00:59,057 --> 00:01:00,958
Well, I am.

26
00:01:01,026 --> 00:01:02,837
I don't think you're allowed to
bring something up and then say,

27
00:01:02,861 --> 00:01:04,867
"Hey, speaking of that
thing I just brought up."

28
00:01:05,617 --> 00:01:07,532
Okay, how about this?

29
00:01:07,788 --> 00:01:09,222
Entirely new subject...

30
00:01:09,247 --> 00:01:11,315
I've been wondering when
we might get married.

31
00:01:11,340 --> 00:01:13,277
Well, why are you wondering
that? What's wrong?

32
00:01:13,302 --> 00:01:15,370
N-Nothing's wrong. We
postponed the wedding

33
00:01:15,395 --> 00:01:17,789
because the bar was struggling,
but now I can afford a jukebox.

34
00:01:17,814 --> 00:01:19,195
- And...
- Or bricks and sand.

35
00:01:19,220 --> 00:01:21,522
My point is...

36
00:01:22,044 --> 00:01:24,249
no reason not to set a date.

37
00:01:24,714 --> 00:01:27,210
Unless you have a reason.

38
00:01:28,049 --> 00:01:30,684
Wow. Are you accusing me of
not wanting to get married?

39
00:01:30,709 --> 00:01:32,643
Well, I wasn't, but
I'm starting to worry.

40
00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:35,499
Stop worrying. I will absolutely
marry you at some point.

41
00:01:35,524 --> 00:01:37,421
See, "at some point"

42
00:01:37,446 --> 00:01:39,313
sounds like that you
don't want to get married.

43
00:01:39,338 --> 00:01:41,484
So you are accusing me of
not wanting to get married.

44
00:01:41,509 --> 00:01:43,234
Well, you don't seem
very excited about it.

45
00:01:43,259 --> 00:01:44,195
Oh, you want excited?

46
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:46,321
(whoops) Let's get married!

47
00:01:46,516 --> 00:01:47,983
Is that better?

48
00:01:48,114 --> 00:01:51,316
I mean, a little bit. It
didn't feel totally real.

49
00:01:51,717 --> 00:01:54,385
For crying out loud, I'd
marry you any time, any place.

50
00:01:54,453 --> 00:01:56,087
If we weren't busy getting scammed

51
00:01:56,112 --> 00:01:58,046
buying a vintage jukebox,
I'd marry you today.

52
00:01:58,071 --> 00:01:59,757
- You're so full of it.
- I am not.

53
00:01:59,782 --> 00:02:02,102
Well, we keep passing all
these quickie wedding chapels.

54
00:02:02,127 --> 00:02:03,867
How about I just pull
over at the next one?

55
00:02:03,892 --> 00:02:05,859
Great. That... Right up here. Pull in.

56
00:02:05,884 --> 00:02:08,533
- I'm putting on the blinker.
- Blink away.

57
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,025
Oh, perfect.

58
00:02:10,092 --> 00:02:11,703
I've always wanted to get
married next to an Arby's.

59
00:02:11,727 --> 00:02:13,572
See, there it is...
That-that's the flimsy excuse

60
00:02:13,596 --> 00:02:15,196
you're gonna use to
try to get out of it.

61
00:02:15,231 --> 00:02:16,865
I'm not getting out of anything, Bozo.

62
00:02:16,890 --> 00:02:18,957
Okay, big talker, are we doing this?

63
00:02:18,982 --> 00:02:21,007
Screw it, let's get married!

64
00:02:22,158 --> 00:02:24,604
♪♪

65
00:02:44,845 --> 00:02:47,795
- Hey, how's it going, Tam?
- Not good.

66
00:02:48,494 --> 00:02:50,995
I woke up in a pleasant mood,
but then I walk into the kitchen

67
00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:53,056
and there's one of
Marjorie's little notes.

68
00:02:53,087 --> 00:02:55,389
"Don't forget to put the
milk away. X-O, Marjorie."

69
00:02:55,498 --> 00:02:57,433
She doesn't mean the X,
she doesn't mean the O.

70
00:02:57,458 --> 00:02:58,992
And who else is the note gonna be from?

71
00:02:59,017 --> 00:03:00,684
The cats can't write.

72
00:03:00,837 --> 00:03:03,072
And they would never
want the milk put away.

73
00:03:03,993 --> 00:03:05,766
I mean, if you have a problem
with me, just talk to me.

74
00:03:05,791 --> 00:03:08,225
Don't write me a note.
I'm not scary, am I?

75
00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:09,806
No, ma'am.

76
00:03:10,314 --> 00:03:12,115
Oh, look. There's the birthday girl.

77
00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:13,918
Got to go give her a hug
'cause it's her birthday.

78
00:03:13,942 --> 00:03:15,938
Happy sober birthday!

79
00:03:16,377 --> 00:03:18,064
Aw, thanks. (chuckles)

80
00:03:18,089 --> 00:03:21,191
Six whole years of me waking
up where I thought I would.

81
00:03:21,216 --> 00:03:23,687
I remember your first
meeting like it was yesterday.

82
00:03:23,712 --> 00:03:24,994
You walked in...

83
00:03:25,019 --> 00:03:26,954
Please don't tell the
"vomit in my purse" story.

84
00:03:27,196 --> 00:03:29,766
It's a tradition. People love it.

85
00:03:29,791 --> 00:03:32,559
Always makes me feel
better about myself.

86
00:03:32,584 --> 00:03:34,151
Ooh, save it for the party.

87
00:03:35,263 --> 00:03:36,897
So you're gonna take
a cake today, right?

88
00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:38,608
No, I'm gonna wait.

89
00:03:38,633 --> 00:03:40,019
My mom's in Reno with Adam.

90
00:03:40,044 --> 00:03:42,178
Feels too important
to do it without her.

91
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:45,138
Well, that's progress. You used
to only want your mom here

92
00:03:45,163 --> 00:03:47,398
so you could angrily share at her.

93
00:03:47,735 --> 00:03:51,411
The trick was to always share
after her so she couldn't rebut.

94
00:03:51,751 --> 00:03:54,876
She'd try to bribe me with
Tic Tacs not to call on you.

95
00:03:55,491 --> 00:03:57,592
I did it once for orange.

96
00:03:59,230 --> 00:04:01,986
- How's it going, Tammy?
- Not good. Marjorie...

97
00:04:02,011 --> 00:04:03,178
Did you wake up today?

98
00:04:03,352 --> 00:04:04,691
- Yeah, but...
- Are you sober?

99
00:04:04,801 --> 00:04:07,726
- Yeah, but...
- Do you have a bed, a job and friends?

100
00:04:07,751 --> 00:04:10,097
- Yeah.
- Then the answer is "amazing."

101
00:04:10,556 --> 00:04:13,529
"I guess it is. I'm amazing.

102
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:16,156
See, now why isn't that on a Post-it?

103
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,340
Hey, Nora.

104
00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:21,918
This is for you.

105
00:04:21,943 --> 00:04:23,960
Why are you giving me
a card on your birthday?

106
00:04:23,985 --> 00:04:25,422
'Cause I just want you to know
that I couldn't have made it

107
00:04:25,454 --> 00:04:28,124
through the last year
without you as my sponsor,

108
00:04:28,149 --> 00:04:30,977
and my sobriety is better
because you're a part of it.

109
00:04:31,642 --> 00:04:33,876
And now you know what my card says.

110
00:04:33,901 --> 00:04:36,087
Well, congratulations.

111
00:04:36,112 --> 00:04:38,058
<i>And now you know what my card says.</i>

112
00:04:38,286 --> 00:04:39,686
You know, we could just keep these

113
00:04:39,711 --> 00:04:41,191
and give them to each other next year.

114
00:04:43,456 --> 00:04:46,441
- What?
- Come sit with me for a minute.

115
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,511
No. No, no, no.

116
00:04:48,578 --> 00:04:51,405
I am not sitting down.
Sitting down means bad news.

117
00:04:51,472 --> 00:04:52,616
Well, you can stand if you want to,

118
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,338
I'm still moving to Minneapolis.

119
00:04:54,635 --> 00:04:57,517
What? You're not serious.

120
00:04:57,542 --> 00:04:59,756
I got an amazing opportunity.

121
00:04:59,948 --> 00:05:02,126
I'm going to be the new
Channel 5 meteorologist

122
00:05:02,151 --> 00:05:04,243
for the Land of 10,000 Lakes

123
00:05:04,268 --> 00:05:06,129
and a teeny, tiny part of Canada.

124
00:05:06,238 --> 00:05:08,406
You can't go there, I'm here.

125
00:05:08,431 --> 00:05:10,900
I'm sorry I'm telling
you this on your birthday,

126
00:05:10,925 --> 00:05:12,712
but they need me right now.

127
00:05:12,737 --> 00:05:14,338
It's better pay, a bigger market,

128
00:05:14,363 --> 00:05:17,208
and the-the weather is insane there.

129
00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:19,811
They have eight different
kinds of precipitation.

130
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:21,831
Eight.

131
00:05:24,213 --> 00:05:26,484
But what am I gonna do without you?

132
00:05:27,448 --> 00:05:29,163
Your sobriety...

133
00:05:29,188 --> 00:05:31,489
does not depend on one person.

134
00:05:31,514 --> 00:05:33,181
You're gonna be fine.

135
00:05:33,573 --> 00:05:35,426
(hums)

136
00:05:35,494 --> 00:05:38,196
You're gonna be better
than fine. Give me a hug.

137
00:05:38,264 --> 00:05:39,697
You don't do hugs.

138
00:05:39,909 --> 00:05:41,743
I'm making an exception.

139
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,127
Come on.

140
00:05:48,225 --> 00:05:50,693
This makes it so much worse.

141
00:05:52,745 --> 00:05:55,680
Bonnie do you promise to love,
honor and cherish Adam

142
00:05:55,705 --> 00:05:57,405
for as long as you both shall live?

143
00:05:57,473 --> 00:05:58,845
Yeah, whatever.

144
00:05:58,870 --> 00:06:00,751
And do you, Adam, promise to love,

145
00:06:00,776 --> 00:06:03,587
- honor and cherish Bonnie...
- Yep. We done?

146
00:06:03,612 --> 00:06:05,814
Um, you haven't exchanged rings.

147
00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:07,306
What else?

148
00:06:07,673 --> 00:06:09,541
Just the kiss.

149
00:06:11,254 --> 00:06:13,659
Aw. That, right there...
That's why we do this.

150
00:06:15,064 --> 00:06:16,172
I'm having trouble

151
00:06:16,197 --> 00:06:18,198
- getting you both in. Could you ju...
- Take it!

152
00:06:20,127 --> 00:06:21,827
Told you I'd marry you.

153
00:06:21,852 --> 00:06:24,287
Yep, you really showed me.

154
00:06:27,379 --> 00:06:30,114
I was so excited when I got
the call, within two hours,

155
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,607
I had quit my job and
packed up half the house.

156
00:06:32,675 --> 00:06:34,906
Then Ralph comes home and
he's like, "What's going on?"

157
00:06:34,931 --> 00:06:38,233
I realized I had told the kids,
and had not told the husband.

158
00:06:39,458 --> 00:06:41,926
Luckily, he's an "up and
coming" mystery novelist,

159
00:06:41,951 --> 00:06:44,186
so he pretty much has
to do whatever I say.

160
00:06:44,510 --> 00:06:47,965
<i>CHRISTY: ♪ Happy birthday to me ♪</i>

161
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:51,359
<i>♪ Everyone, feel sorry for me ♪</i>

162
00:06:51,643 --> 00:06:55,540
<i>♪ Everybody leaves me,
everybody leaves me ♪</i>

163
00:06:55,565 --> 00:07:00,368
<i>♪ Everybody leaves Christy. ♪</i>

164
00:07:00,436 --> 00:07:02,899
Finally, I just said,
"Ralph, all you do all day

165
00:07:02,924 --> 00:07:06,217
is write at Starbucks, and they
got those in Minneapolis, too."

166
00:07:06,242 --> 00:07:07,494
Anyway,

167
00:07:07,519 --> 00:07:10,188
I'm gonna miss each
and every one of you.

168
00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:11,765
<i>CHRISTY: But one of
you more than others.</i>

169
00:07:11,790 --> 00:07:13,658
That's all I got. Thank you.

170
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,299
Come on!

171
00:07:17,753 --> 00:07:19,854
Let's hear it for Nora.

172
00:07:25,772 --> 00:07:28,173
How are you enjoying the reception?

173
00:07:29,665 --> 00:07:31,634
This is exactly how I pictured it.

174
00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:33,744
(chuckles)

175
00:07:34,643 --> 00:07:37,962
You know, it's possible
I was just hungry earlier.

176
00:07:37,987 --> 00:07:40,451
So we got married
'cause you were hangry?

177
00:07:40,588 --> 00:07:43,896
Oh. There were five
turning points in my life

178
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:46,290
where a sandwich would've
changed everything.

179
00:07:46,358 --> 00:07:47,825
But then I wouldn't have Christy.

180
00:07:48,053 --> 00:07:50,688
- At least I'm in good company.
- Mm.

181
00:07:52,855 --> 00:07:55,223
Oh, my God. (chuckles)

182
00:07:55,248 --> 00:07:56,481
I'm married.

183
00:07:56,901 --> 00:07:58,236
You're married.

184
00:07:58,596 --> 00:08:01,151
Everyone in this car is married.

185
00:08:01,406 --> 00:08:04,041
- This day really took a turn...
- (whoops softly)

186
00:08:04,307 --> 00:08:05,876
but I'm happy.

187
00:08:06,448 --> 00:08:08,670
I'm happy, too.

188
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:11,172
Look at us, being happily married.

189
00:08:11,549 --> 00:08:13,551
Dude, we are crushing this.

190
00:08:13,956 --> 00:08:17,548
We could run a marriage seminar.
Ooh, like a weekend retreat.

191
00:08:17,573 --> 00:08:18,847
Those are big moneymakers.

192
00:08:18,913 --> 00:08:20,392
Charge couples 400 bucks to get in,

193
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,884
and then they have to buy my book.

194
00:08:21,993 --> 00:08:23,227
You haven't written a book.

195
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:24,653
Well, how hard could it be?

196
00:08:24,764 --> 00:08:26,165
Just knock out a sassy forward

197
00:08:26,190 --> 00:08:29,525
and then steal from a
bunch of church pamphlets.

198
00:08:30,198 --> 00:08:32,786
My wife is so scary.

199
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:34,771
All I heard is "my wife."

200
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,336
I mean, I'm glad it's your
sober birthday and all,

201
00:08:40,361 --> 00:08:42,981
but why couldn't we go to the
bistro where the food's hot

202
00:08:43,006 --> 00:08:45,245
and it's not all lasagna?

203
00:08:45,799 --> 00:08:48,337
I told you I was bringing my lasagna.

204
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,703
<i>I told you I was bringing my lasagna.</i>

205
00:08:50,728 --> 00:08:52,114
Seems like a thing that
could've been handled

206
00:08:52,139 --> 00:08:54,432
through a series of Post-it notes.

207
00:08:55,865 --> 00:08:57,651
I only remind people of things

208
00:08:57,676 --> 00:08:59,444
they need reminding of.

209
00:09:00,901 --> 00:09:02,425
Oh, I canceled a massage for this.

210
00:09:02,450 --> 00:09:04,584
Christy, quick, change the subject.

211
00:09:04,652 --> 00:09:07,565
- I hate myself.
- Okay.

212
00:09:08,489 --> 00:09:11,090
Maybe Bjorn's still available.

213
00:09:11,315 --> 00:09:13,877
I just handled things
with Nora so badly.

214
00:09:14,159 --> 00:09:16,634
I can't believe that after
six years of sobriety,

215
00:09:16,659 --> 00:09:18,470
I can still take someone's good news

216
00:09:18,495 --> 00:09:20,634
and only focus on how
it negatively affects me.

217
00:09:20,659 --> 00:09:22,327
The Germans call that gluckschmerz.

218
00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:24,354
Bad feelings over someone's good luck.

219
00:09:24,379 --> 00:09:26,995
It's the opposite of schadenfreude.

220
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,101
I guess you had a lot of
time to read in prison.

221
00:09:30,126 --> 00:09:32,854
No, my cellmate was German. Hildé.

222
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:37,073
Good communicator, never left notes.

223
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:41,384
I want to be happy for
Nora, but I'm so much better

224
00:09:41,409 --> 00:09:43,316
at feeling sad for myself.

225
00:09:43,870 --> 00:09:46,853
I get it. Worst part about
being in beauty pageants

226
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,923
was when someone else won, and
I had to stand there smiling

227
00:09:48,947 --> 00:09:50,547
and clapping like I was happy for them,

228
00:09:50,572 --> 00:09:51,823
but the whole time, I'm thinking,

229
00:09:51,848 --> 00:09:54,416
"Well, what the hell did I
sleep with that judge for?"

230
00:09:56,206 --> 00:09:58,799
Christy, it's okay to be upset,

231
00:09:58,824 --> 00:10:01,492
just don't rain on
someone else's parade.

232
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,451
You've gotta to act better than you feel.

233
00:10:03,618 --> 00:10:06,831
Like I did when Marjorie
betrayed me with her lasagna.

234
00:10:07,276 --> 00:10:09,243
Yeah, no matter how
much you're dying inside,

235
00:10:09,268 --> 00:10:12,120
you got to flash that
big old Vaseline smile.

236
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,362
Vaseline?

237
00:10:13,387 --> 00:10:16,149
Yeah. You put it on your
teeth so your lips don't stick.

238
00:10:16,174 --> 00:10:18,442
And hemorrhoid cream
tightens up your eyes.

239
00:10:18,467 --> 00:10:20,286
Once, when I was drunk, I switched them.

240
00:10:20,311 --> 00:10:22,948
My face was shiny and my lips were tiny.

241
00:10:24,682 --> 00:10:26,016
- Hi.
- Hey.

242
00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:27,074
ALL: Hey...

243
00:10:27,099 --> 00:10:28,104
Sorry we're late.

244
00:10:28,129 --> 00:10:30,530
<i>Yeah, we stopped and got married!</i>

245
00:10:30,555 --> 00:10:31,855
What?

246
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,479
Yeah, we did it in Reno
in a quickie chapel.

247
00:10:34,504 --> 00:10:36,069
- Oh...
- But wait...

248
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,462
What about the wedding
you guys were planning

249
00:10:38,487 --> 00:10:39,877
that we've been talking about forever?

250
00:10:39,902 --> 00:10:41,510
- Eh, skipping it.
- I love my wife.

251
00:10:41,535 --> 00:10:43,603
- I love my husband.
- Mm...

252
00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:47,735
Chris, you got a little gluckschmerz
on your face.

253
00:10:59,854 --> 00:11:03,455
I forgot what these looked like when
they're not covered in Post-it Notes.

254
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:07,010
"Don't forget to rinse me.
Being dirty makes me sad."

255
00:11:07,651 --> 00:11:09,953
Why don't we get 'em an
Insta-Pot and be done with it?

256
00:11:10,020 --> 00:11:12,807
Too nice. People who didn't
invite us to their wedding

257
00:11:12,832 --> 00:11:14,744
Don't deserve tender,
fall-off-the-bone meat

258
00:11:14,769 --> 00:11:16,370
in less than an hour.

259
00:11:16,827 --> 00:11:19,213
Yeah, I bought an outfit for
this wedding a long time ago,

260
00:11:19,238 --> 00:11:20,582
and now I'm never gonna get to wear it.

261
00:11:20,607 --> 00:11:22,916
Nobody else I know is
ever getting married.

262
00:11:25,306 --> 00:11:26,900
I see you there.

263
00:11:28,806 --> 00:11:32,440
There goes my chance to
shove cake in Adam's face.

264
00:11:33,010 --> 00:11:36,229
- That's the bride.
- I know who's who!

265
00:11:37,481 --> 00:11:40,884
She told me I was gonna be
the one to give her away.

266
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:44,205
Do you know how long I have
been waiting to give her away?

267
00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:47,263
That's it.

268
00:11:47,558 --> 00:11:49,596
I'm gonna get her these thingies

269
00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:51,021
you put on snack bags.

270
00:11:51,046 --> 00:11:52,674
They're called "chip clips."

271
00:11:53,317 --> 00:11:54,884
I'm not showing off, it's just...

272
00:11:54,909 --> 00:11:57,111
you need them when you live alone.

273
00:11:57,163 --> 00:11:59,111
I thought this was
supposed to be a group gift.

274
00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,603
It is.

275
00:12:00,798 --> 00:12:02,766
You each owe me 75 cents.

276
00:12:02,893 --> 00:12:04,774
Oh, come on, ladies, we're not gonna

277
00:12:04,799 --> 00:12:07,100
punish Bonnie with her wedding gift.

278
00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:09,322
Even though we should,
because they literally

279
00:12:09,347 --> 00:12:11,111
wouldn't be together
if it weren't for me.

280
00:12:11,136 --> 00:12:12,437
Ooh, everybody grab your phones.

281
00:12:12,462 --> 00:12:14,330
It's a rare sighting of Mad Marge.

282
00:12:14,355 --> 00:12:16,629
How many times did I
talk her off the ledge

283
00:12:16,654 --> 00:12:18,922
when she was ready to blow
everything up with Adam?

284
00:12:19,056 --> 00:12:21,205
I deserve to be a bridesmaid.

285
00:12:21,572 --> 00:12:24,127
At the very least, recite a poem.

286
00:12:24,195 --> 00:12:26,057
What happened to "act
better than you feel"?

287
00:12:26,082 --> 00:12:28,484
Trust me, I am.

288
00:12:28,926 --> 00:12:31,094
Well, now that we're
getting things off our chest,

289
00:12:31,119 --> 00:12:33,587
where the hell are the
free samples around here?

290
00:12:33,612 --> 00:12:35,012
I smell apple cider.

291
00:12:35,037 --> 00:12:36,838
Where is it?!

292
00:12:37,699 --> 00:12:41,651
♪ Happy birthday to you

293
00:12:41,676 --> 00:12:44,940
♪ Keep coming back.

294
00:12:45,058 --> 00:12:47,192
(cheering)

295
00:12:51,745 --> 00:12:53,557
(sighs)

296
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:56,402
Christy. Alcoholic.

297
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:57,727
ALL: Hi, Christy.

298
00:12:57,752 --> 00:13:00,806
I want to thank the
women who gave me my cake.

299
00:13:00,831 --> 00:13:03,399
If it wasn't for your love and support,

300
00:13:03,424 --> 00:13:04,858
I wouldn't be standing here.

301
00:13:05,012 --> 00:13:06,312
Or anywhere.

302
00:13:07,376 --> 00:13:10,369
And that goes double for my mom, who...

303
00:13:13,479 --> 00:13:14,940
You know...

304
00:13:15,466 --> 00:13:18,868
I was gonna take this
cake the other night,

305
00:13:18,893 --> 00:13:22,377
but I didn't, 'cause my mom wasn't here.

306
00:13:22,628 --> 00:13:24,562
I didn't want her to miss

307
00:13:24,587 --> 00:13:26,955
a big event in my life.

308
00:13:29,181 --> 00:13:30,669
Silly me...

309
00:13:30,694 --> 00:13:32,595
I thought it might hurt her feelings

310
00:13:32,620 --> 00:13:35,236
to be left out of
something so important.

311
00:13:37,334 --> 00:13:39,702
That's why I waited
until she was here...

312
00:13:39,727 --> 00:13:40,927
So she could enjoy

313
00:13:40,952 --> 00:13:43,260
how friggin' far I've come.

314
00:13:43,677 --> 00:13:45,511
I've come really far.

315
00:13:46,008 --> 00:13:49,096
Got that, Mom? Really far.

316
00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:51,869
And you already shared, so suck it!

317
00:13:53,384 --> 00:13:56,253
Yep, that's how I'm ending it.

318
00:14:01,464 --> 00:14:05,285
- Do you believe this?
- Wait'll you hear mine.

319
00:14:15,284 --> 00:14:17,660
Look, I am using and enjoying

320
00:14:17,685 --> 00:14:19,425
my chip clips.

321
00:14:23,021 --> 00:14:25,701
I know they were a gift of spite,

322
00:14:25,726 --> 00:14:27,972
but I'm gonna go ahead and say it...

323
00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:30,026
game changer.

324
00:14:32,899 --> 00:14:34,433
Listen...

325
00:14:34,867 --> 00:14:36,802
I need to say something.

326
00:14:38,243 --> 00:14:41,045
I am sorry for the way I shared today.

327
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:44,367
It was not very "six years sober" of me.

328
00:14:44,392 --> 00:14:46,331
Well, there was some chatter
about it at the cookie table,

329
00:14:46,356 --> 00:14:47,823
mostly from me.

330
00:14:50,164 --> 00:14:51,792
The truth is...

331
00:14:53,032 --> 00:14:54,867
I'm just really hurt.

332
00:14:56,339 --> 00:14:59,215
We have been through such
horrible stuff together,

333
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:02,042
and finally, something
wonderful happened

334
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:04,402
and you didn't let me be a part of it.

335
00:15:06,068 --> 00:15:07,668
(sighs)

336
00:15:08,229 --> 00:15:11,236
This may... come as a surprise,

337
00:15:11,261 --> 00:15:13,529
given my delightful narcissism...

338
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:18,334
but deep down, I always
assume that what I do

339
00:15:18,359 --> 00:15:20,093
doesn't matter to people.

340
00:15:20,118 --> 00:15:22,648
You know, it-it just didn't occur to me

341
00:15:22,673 --> 00:15:24,440
that anyone would care.

342
00:15:25,502 --> 00:15:27,096
Well, that's stupid.

343
00:15:28,642 --> 00:15:30,209
I cared a lot.

344
00:15:30,524 --> 00:15:32,124
And it's not just me.

345
00:15:32,149 --> 00:15:33,883
Everybody's upset they missed it.

346
00:15:33,908 --> 00:15:36,386
I heard Marjorie's share, I know.

347
00:15:37,309 --> 00:15:39,443
Strange as it may seem,

348
00:15:40,175 --> 00:15:41,924
people want to be a part of your life

349
00:15:41,949 --> 00:15:43,717
because they love you.

350
00:15:46,128 --> 00:15:48,597
He Honey, I am so sorry.

351
00:15:52,373 --> 00:15:56,494
If I ever get married again,
I promise you'll be there.

352
00:15:58,943 --> 00:16:00,443
- Mom?
- Yeah?

353
00:16:01,845 --> 00:16:05,281
Can I please be the
next one to get married?

354
00:16:10,421 --> 00:16:12,088
Everyone's mad at me.

355
00:16:12,156 --> 00:16:14,028
I'll need more context.

356
00:16:14,528 --> 00:16:17,360
Turns out I'm beloved.

357
00:16:17,385 --> 00:16:19,505
There was, like, a Royal
Wedding level of interest

358
00:16:19,530 --> 00:16:20,930
in seeing me get married.

359
00:16:20,955 --> 00:16:22,322
You mean seeing us get married.

360
00:16:22,355 --> 00:16:24,389
I don't remember anyone
mentioning you, but maybe.

361
00:16:25,712 --> 00:16:28,147
Our wedding was a gigantic mistake.

362
00:16:28,215 --> 00:16:30,382
- Well, that didn't take long.
- No...

363
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:32,627
I am serious. You really
screwed us this time.

364
00:16:32,652 --> 00:16:35,013
- Me?
- Yeah. Pressuring me to get married.

365
00:16:35,038 --> 00:16:36,452
And then tempting me with Arby's.

366
00:16:36,477 --> 00:16:38,849
I mean, how could you
forget I have a daughter?

367
00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:40,675
You forget all the time.

368
00:16:41,161 --> 00:16:43,449
Well, she's devastated.

369
00:16:43,474 --> 00:16:44,596
And what about my friends?

370
00:16:44,621 --> 00:16:46,013
You certainly didn't think about them.

371
00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:48,581
You robbed those people
of a moment of joy,

372
00:16:48,606 --> 00:16:51,403
and they have so little
to look forward to.

373
00:16:51,966 --> 00:16:54,072
So what do you want to
do... Have another wedding?

374
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,208
- Oh, like you'd do that.
- Of course I'd do that. I'd marry you

375
00:16:56,233 --> 00:16:57,867
at the bar tomorrow in front of everyone

376
00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,344
if it'd get you to shut up.

377
00:16:59,369 --> 00:17:01,904
Well, I'll never shut
up. See you at 2:00.

378
00:17:01,929 --> 00:17:04,380
- Fine!
- And fix that crazy hair.

379
00:17:11,248 --> 00:17:13,616
Thank you for asking me to officiate.

380
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,825
Oh, let's face it... we
wouldn't still be together

381
00:17:15,850 --> 00:17:17,019
if it wasn't for you.

382
00:17:17,044 --> 00:17:20,567
Oh, that's a wild exaggeration.

383
00:17:22,860 --> 00:17:24,364
Are you nervous?

384
00:17:24,528 --> 00:17:25,968
It's my second wedding in three days.

385
00:17:25,993 --> 00:17:27,966
I'm getting the hang of it.

386
00:17:28,499 --> 00:17:31,716
Oh, you look beautiful.

387
00:17:31,982 --> 00:17:33,450
Are you ready?

388
00:17:33,475 --> 00:17:36,099
I can't believe I ever
did this without you.

389
00:17:36,124 --> 00:17:39,236
- I'm so glad you're here.
- Me too.

390
00:17:42,991 --> 00:17:44,403
Wendy?

391
00:17:45,471 --> 00:17:47,472
(playing "The Wedding March")

392
00:17:54,122 --> 00:17:56,106
Now I've got something
old, something new,

393
00:17:56,131 --> 00:17:58,733
something borrowed and something weird.

394
00:18:02,378 --> 00:18:04,989
(sighs) She's all yours.

395
00:18:05,493 --> 00:18:07,216
No give-backs.

396
00:18:08,843 --> 00:18:11,010
Ck Oh, God, I forgot my tissue.

397
00:18:11,035 --> 00:18:13,435
No, Marjorie left me a
note to remember them.

398
00:18:13,816 --> 00:18:15,919
She's the best.

399
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:22,630
Friends, we are here today

400
00:18:22,655 --> 00:18:25,023
to witness a miracle.

401
00:18:34,629 --> 00:18:37,027
Two lasagnas... seriously?

402
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,668
It's my signature dish.
<i> </i>

403
00:18:42,693 --> 00:18:44,793
It's <i>my</i> signature dish.

404
00:18:45,981 --> 00:18:48,097
Ladies and gentlemen,

405
00:18:48,122 --> 00:18:49,683
may I present

406
00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:53,878
Mr. and Mrs. Adam and Bonnie
Plunkett-Janikowski!

407
00:18:53,903 --> 00:18:55,503
(cheering)

408
00:18:55,528 --> 00:18:58,050
(playing "When the
Saints Go Marching In")

409
00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:01,234
(playing off-key)

410
00:19:03,507 --> 00:19:05,736
Wendy, as beautiful as that is,

411
00:19:05,761 --> 00:19:07,353
we've already picked out a song.

412
00:19:07,378 --> 00:19:09,566
- Well, I'm here if you need me.
- Uh-huh.

413
00:19:09,591 --> 00:19:11,792
Christy, C-7.

414
00:19:12,377 --> 00:19:14,878
♪

415
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:17,605
May I have this dance, Mrs. Janikowski?

416
00:19:17,630 --> 00:19:19,464
You may. (chuckles)

417
00:19:19,489 --> 00:19:21,990
♪ Fly me to the moon... ♪

418
00:19:22,015 --> 00:19:24,883
But we're gonna have
to talk about that name.

419
00:19:24,908 --> 00:19:26,776
♪ Among the stars... ♪

420
00:19:27,808 --> 00:19:30,794
Are you feeling good
or just acting like it?

421
00:19:31,410 --> 00:19:33,964
I am genuinely happy for them.

422
00:19:34,032 --> 00:19:36,733
- It's a very unfamiliar feeling.
- (chuckles)

423
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,759
Here's hoping you get used to it.

424
00:19:38,784 --> 00:19:41,319
♪ Hold my hand ♪

425
00:19:41,429 --> 00:19:43,464
- Hey, I've been thinking.
- Mm?

426
00:19:43,730 --> 00:19:46,467
I owe so much of my six years to you.

427
00:19:46,578 --> 00:19:48,111
I... I was wondering if there's

428
00:19:48,136 --> 00:19:51,038
- any chance...
- I would love to be your sponsor again.

429
00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:53,910
- Really?
- Of course.

430
00:19:54,609 --> 00:19:57,845
You've gotten a lot less
needy than you used to be.

431
00:19:57,913 --> 00:20:00,214
Oh, God, I was hoping you'd notice.

432
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,616
♪ You are all I long for... ♪

433
00:20:02,641 --> 00:20:05,295
Damn it! Got lasagna on my outfit.

434
00:20:05,460 --> 00:20:07,713
- Whose lasagna?
- Whose lasagna?

435
00:20:10,559 --> 00:20:12,393
I'm enjoying this.

436
00:20:12,418 --> 00:20:13,819
Me too.

437
00:20:13,844 --> 00:20:16,166
Where do you want our
third wedding to be?

438
00:20:17,456 --> 00:20:19,075
Can a gal cut in?

439
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:20,935
Oh, I'll check back. I'm sorry.