1
00:00:02,656 --> 00:00:04,239
Hey, I can't go to the bistro

2
00:00:04,291 --> 00:00:05,657
with you guys today.

3
00:00:07,545 --> 00:00:09,244
"Oh, why is that, Wendy?"

4
00:00:09,330 --> 00:00:11,246
Well, I'll tell you.

5
00:00:11,298 --> 00:00:13,916
I'm scrubbing in on a transplant.

6
00:00:13,968 --> 00:00:16,418
This woman's getting a new
heart on Valentine's Day.

7
00:00:16,504 --> 00:00:18,137
How beautiful is that?

8
00:00:18,162 --> 00:00:20,390
What I'm hearing is "no date."

9
00:00:20,866 --> 00:00:22,307
I was gonna say the same thing,

10
00:00:22,393 --> 00:00:24,304
but I was lifting this chair.

11
00:00:24,512 --> 00:00:26,373
I don't have a date either,
and I'm fine with it.

12
00:00:26,397 --> 00:00:27,813
Good for you.

13
00:00:27,898 --> 00:00:29,726
Really? You believed me?

14
00:00:29,984 --> 00:00:31,850
I have my first date with Andy.

15
00:00:31,936 --> 00:00:34,153
Oh, you're going out with
the cop? That's great.

16
00:00:34,238 --> 00:00:36,438
Kind of hoping he picks
me up in the police car.

17
00:00:36,463 --> 00:00:38,398
Never sat in the front before.

18
00:00:39,777 --> 00:00:41,276
Marjorie.

19
00:00:41,362 --> 00:00:42,562
Are you gonna be okay tonight?

20
00:00:42,613 --> 00:00:43,862
Why wouldn't I be okay?

21
00:00:44,741 --> 00:00:46,809
Well, it's your first Valentine's Day

22
00:00:46,834 --> 00:00:48,515
since... you know.

23
00:00:48,836 --> 00:00:50,624
Victor died.

24
00:00:51,539 --> 00:00:53,172
I was trying to be sensitive.

25
00:00:53,197 --> 00:00:55,128
Oh, my bad... I thought
you forgot his name.

26
00:00:56,753 --> 00:00:58,877
I actually have big plans.

27
00:00:58,902 --> 00:01:00,198
I have a date with myself.

28
00:01:00,223 --> 00:01:02,131
Hmm. How many times you have to ask

29
00:01:02,156 --> 00:01:03,823
before you got a yes?

30
00:01:04,448 --> 00:01:06,802
Actually, I'm going to order in

31
00:01:06,887 --> 00:01:09,104
and watch Notting Hill
because I've never seen it.

32
00:01:09,140 --> 00:01:10,806
You've never seen Notting Hill?

33
00:01:10,858 --> 00:01:12,307
It's like the best movie ever.

34
00:01:12,419 --> 00:01:13,619
"I'm just a girl... "

35
00:01:13,704 --> 00:01:15,204
BOTH: "Standing in front of a boy... "

36
00:01:15,229 --> 00:01:17,542
TAMMY, BONNIE AND CHRISTY:
"Asking him to love her."

37
00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:21,019
I hope it's better when
Julia Roberts says it.

38
00:01:21,785 --> 00:01:23,986
So, Tammy, do you have a date with Yuri?

39
00:01:24,071 --> 00:01:25,904
Valentine's is a big
night for Uber drivers,

40
00:01:25,990 --> 00:01:27,656
so he's invited me to ride shotgun.

41
00:01:27,768 --> 00:01:29,885
I'm gonna work the GPS,
hand out some candies,

42
00:01:29,910 --> 00:01:31,901
and probably clean up some puke.

43
00:01:32,246 --> 00:01:35,831
Aw, I wish I was cleaning
up puke with a fella.

44
00:01:36,370 --> 00:01:38,444
Why don't you and I do something?

45
00:01:38,469 --> 00:01:39,872
Maybe grab dinner.

46
00:01:39,897 --> 00:01:41,113
Adam's got to work anyway.

47
00:01:41,138 --> 00:01:43,338
A Valentine's dinner with my mother.

48
00:01:43,484 --> 00:01:45,734
Is this the saddest moment of my life?

49
00:01:45,759 --> 00:01:47,769
- No. - No way.
- Not even close.

50
00:01:48,344 --> 00:01:50,809
♪♪

51
00:02:10,681 --> 00:02:12,665
This place is beautiful.

52
00:02:13,017 --> 00:02:15,000
Thank you for forcing me to shower.

53
00:02:16,526 --> 00:02:18,360
Now I wish I had.

54
00:02:19,856 --> 00:02:21,305
To us.

55
00:02:23,650 --> 00:02:25,566
- Happy Valentine's Day.
- Mm.

56
00:02:25,591 --> 00:02:27,841
Complimentary crab cake
for the lovely couple.

57
00:02:27,866 --> 00:02:30,590
- Oh, she's my...
- Soul mate.

58
00:02:30,824 --> 00:02:32,740
(CHUCKLES)

59
00:02:32,765 --> 00:02:34,464
(CHUCKLES)

60
00:02:34,489 --> 00:02:37,274
What we won't do for
free food. (CHUCKLES)

61
00:02:37,507 --> 00:02:39,257
Hey, I'm just happy he thought I could

62
00:02:39,282 --> 00:02:40,865
land someone half my age.

63
00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:43,261
You realize you just made yourself 80.

64
00:02:43,286 --> 00:02:45,978
Or did I make you 20?

65
00:02:46,782 --> 00:02:48,064
Yeah, let's go with that.

66
00:02:49,376 --> 00:02:50,735
These are so much better than the ones

67
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,093
we serve at the restaurant.

68
00:02:52,345 --> 00:02:54,225
But maybe that's because
I'm not racing a busboy

69
00:02:54,264 --> 00:02:56,446
to dig it out of the trash. (SCOFFS)

70
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,493
The best crab cake I ever had

71
00:02:58,518 --> 00:03:00,524
was when I lived in Madagascar.

72
00:03:01,595 --> 00:03:03,508
When did you live in Madagascar?

73
00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:04,866
When I was in the Peace Corps.

74
00:03:04,891 --> 00:03:06,441
You were in the Peace Corps? Mm-hmm.

75
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:07,952
It was a good way to cross

76
00:03:07,977 --> 00:03:09,538
international borders
without a lot of questions,

77
00:03:09,563 --> 00:03:11,897
and a couple of
villages got water, so...

78
00:03:13,316 --> 00:03:14,876
Wow. I can't believe there's something

79
00:03:14,901 --> 00:03:16,117
about you I don't know.

80
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:17,762
Oh, honey, there's lots of things.

81
00:03:18,026 --> 00:03:19,526
Did you know there's a shotgun pellet

82
00:03:19,551 --> 00:03:20,667
in my left ass cheek?

83
00:03:21,624 --> 00:03:23,392
You're kidding. It was a ricochet.

84
00:03:23,417 --> 00:03:25,534
I wasn't the intended target.

85
00:03:25,829 --> 00:03:27,745
(CHUCKLES)

86
00:03:27,857 --> 00:03:29,345
(CONTENTED SIGH)

87
00:03:29,370 --> 00:03:31,370
This is fun, we should
do this more often.

88
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,336
I'll have a Diet Coke, two limes.

89
00:03:35,361 --> 00:03:36,696
One squeezed, one not.

90
00:03:37,474 --> 00:03:39,056
Beer, no fruit.

91
00:03:40,393 --> 00:03:42,510
We have a wide selection of craft beers

92
00:03:42,535 --> 00:03:44,038
and microbrews. Oh. (BABBLES)

93
00:03:44,063 --> 00:03:45,458
You know what? I'll just take anything

94
00:03:45,482 --> 00:03:46,922
that comes from a failing steel town.

95
00:03:49,399 --> 00:03:51,413
You sure it doesn't bother
you that I'm having a drink?

96
00:03:51,438 --> 00:03:52,770
Oh, hell no.

97
00:03:52,795 --> 00:03:54,515
Especially not that
crappy beer you ordered.

98
00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:55,873
Oh.

99
00:03:55,898 --> 00:03:57,415
Okay, two limes.

100
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,504
If you were still drinking,
what would you have ordered?

101
00:03:59,529 --> 00:04:01,090
Well, in a place like
this, I'd have gone

102
00:04:01,114 --> 00:04:03,781
with a vodka martini
straight up with a twist,

103
00:04:03,806 --> 00:04:05,203
six olives on the side.

104
00:04:05,228 --> 00:04:06,478
On the side?

105
00:04:06,503 --> 00:04:08,503
Well, I didn't want to
waste the room in the glass,

106
00:04:08,528 --> 00:04:10,681
and the olives were my dinner.

107
00:04:11,712 --> 00:04:13,318
That-that would fill you up?

108
00:04:13,343 --> 00:04:14,709
Well, when you have six martinis,

109
00:04:14,734 --> 00:04:16,567
that's 36 olives.

110
00:04:17,345 --> 00:04:18,963
You know, it's-it's, uh, it's weird.

111
00:04:18,988 --> 00:04:21,122
I-I can't picture you not
having it all together.

112
00:04:21,147 --> 00:04:22,847
Oh, I have pictures.

113
00:04:24,971 --> 00:04:27,134
But that's third date material.

114
00:04:27,790 --> 00:04:28,833
Wow.

115
00:04:28,858 --> 00:04:30,369
We're already talking
about a third date.

116
00:04:30,393 --> 00:04:32,548
(CHUCKLES) Let me ask you something.

117
00:04:33,243 --> 00:04:35,276
Do you own bowling shoes?

118
00:04:36,399 --> 00:04:40,540
No, but you just gave
me a reason to shop.

119
00:04:42,906 --> 00:04:44,205
Okay, Jenny. You and Todd

120
00:04:44,230 --> 00:04:45,813
make some memories tonight.

121
00:04:45,838 --> 00:04:47,829
And stay out of prison.

122
00:04:48,578 --> 00:04:50,661
Moment of truth.

123
00:04:50,686 --> 00:04:52,106
- (PHONE CHIMES)
- How'd we do?

124
00:04:52,131 --> 00:04:54,832
- Five stars and maximum tip.
- Oh!

125
00:04:54,884 --> 00:04:56,667
I feel like one of those stars is mine.

126
00:04:56,753 --> 00:04:58,669
Oh, is true. Your banter was sparkling.

127
00:04:58,694 --> 00:04:59,977
Oh!

128
00:05:01,090 --> 00:05:03,057
(EXHALES)

129
00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:05,676
- I'm glad you're here.
- Me, too.

130
00:05:05,762 --> 00:05:07,345
You're sure you're okay not going

131
00:05:07,397 --> 00:05:09,347
- to some fancy dinner tonight?
- Hell yeah.

132
00:05:09,372 --> 00:05:10,992
Riding around with a cool guy

133
00:05:11,017 --> 00:05:12,350
in a car that isn't stolen?

134
00:05:12,402 --> 00:05:13,568
(INHALES) This is the most

135
00:05:13,593 --> 00:05:15,676
romantic night of my life.

136
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,215
It gets better.

137
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,856
Check under your seat.

138
00:05:20,759 --> 00:05:23,244
A Burger King wrapper?

139
00:05:23,329 --> 00:05:24,673
Keep looking.

140
00:05:24,698 --> 00:05:26,648
- Ow.
- That's it.

141
00:05:28,117 --> 00:05:29,509
Yuri.

142
00:05:29,534 --> 00:05:31,702
No one's ever given me a rose before.

143
00:05:31,902 --> 00:05:33,894
Get used to it.

144
00:05:33,919 --> 00:05:35,168
Mmm.

145
00:05:36,027 --> 00:05:37,948
(SIGHS)

146
00:05:42,098 --> 00:05:43,714
Okay, Hugh Grant.

147
00:05:43,739 --> 00:05:45,071
Do your thing.

148
00:05:48,972 --> 00:05:52,259
(PHONE RINGING)

149
00:05:53,943 --> 00:05:55,393
(SIGHS)

150
00:05:55,935 --> 00:05:57,255
Hey, Tammy.

151
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,614
- I am freaking out.
- What's wrong?

152
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:02,677
I think Yuri wants to
have sex with me tonight.

153
00:06:03,357 --> 00:06:05,119
I haven't dated in a long time.

154
00:06:05,204 --> 00:06:07,201
Remind me, why is that bad?

155
00:06:07,457 --> 00:06:09,740
Because I've been in
prison for seven years

156
00:06:09,792 --> 00:06:12,660
and so has my... you know.

157
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,556
Well, what are you afraid of?

158
00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:15,890
Everything.

159
00:06:15,915 --> 00:06:17,443
I'm afraid we do it
and then he dumps me,

160
00:06:17,467 --> 00:06:18,833
or we do it and it's terrible,

161
00:06:18,918 --> 00:06:20,635
or it's amazing and then we fall in love

162
00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:21,692
and then he dies.

163
00:06:21,838 --> 00:06:23,304
It happens.

164
00:06:23,329 --> 00:06:24,633
It happened to you.

165
00:06:25,391 --> 00:06:26,974
Yes, I remember.

166
00:06:27,336 --> 00:06:28,953
It's okay, sweetie.

167
00:06:28,978 --> 00:06:31,095
If you're not ready, just tell him.

168
00:06:31,422 --> 00:06:33,625
Wow, you say stuff that's so obvious,

169
00:06:33,650 --> 00:06:35,600
but it always makes me feel better.

170
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:37,045
Ooh, I got to go.

171
00:06:37,070 --> 00:06:38,436
Here he comes with the tacos.

172
00:06:38,582 --> 00:06:40,582
Wait, it's just a guy
who really looks like him.

173
00:06:40,607 --> 00:06:42,273
(GASPS) Oh, no, it's him. Bye.

174
00:06:44,444 --> 00:06:46,360
(SIGHS)

175
00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:50,531
(PHONE RINGING)

176
00:06:52,819 --> 00:06:54,068
(SIGHS HEAVILY)

177
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:58,039
Hey, Wendy. What's going on?

178
00:06:58,151 --> 00:06:59,984
I'm about to go into
surgery and I just want

179
00:07:00,009 --> 00:07:02,070
to call and say hi so
you don't get lonely.

180
00:07:02,095 --> 00:07:04,011
Oh, thank you, I'm good.

181
00:07:04,097 --> 00:07:06,013
- Happy operating.
- Oh, I don't operate.

182
00:07:06,099 --> 00:07:07,693
I just hand stuff to
the person who does.

183
00:07:07,717 --> 00:07:10,351
Well, happy handing.

184
00:07:10,436 --> 00:07:12,637
Now it sounds like you're minimizing.

185
00:07:12,722 --> 00:07:13,722
Goodbye, Wendy.

186
00:07:13,747 --> 00:07:14,857
(SIGHS)

187
00:07:14,882 --> 00:07:16,799
You take the next call.

188
00:07:17,881 --> 00:07:19,247
Oh.

189
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,206
LOOK AT THAT: the
couple that got engaged

190
00:07:22,231 --> 00:07:24,498
just got a free chocolate soufflé.

191
00:07:24,867 --> 00:07:27,129
Hey, after dinner, get on your
knee and ask me to marry you.

192
00:07:27,719 --> 00:07:29,631
No, you've already been proposed to.

193
00:07:29,656 --> 00:07:30,988
You propose to me.

194
00:07:32,959 --> 00:07:34,325
Fine, but you better say yes.

195
00:07:35,391 --> 00:07:36,677
We'll see.

196
00:07:39,215 --> 00:07:40,548
You know what?

197
00:07:40,633 --> 00:07:42,416
I would love to pretend to get engaged.

198
00:07:42,502 --> 00:07:44,313
Because I know it's never
gonna actually happen.

199
00:07:44,337 --> 00:07:46,170
Oh, come on.

200
00:07:46,222 --> 00:07:47,672
I'm fine with it.

201
00:07:47,757 --> 00:07:49,068
I have an amazing group of friends,

202
00:07:49,092 --> 00:07:50,558
I'm gonna have a kick-ass career.

203
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,120
And between us,

204
00:07:52,527 --> 00:07:54,560
sex with myself has never been better.

205
00:07:58,768 --> 00:08:00,568
So you're just giving up on love?

206
00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:02,737
Well, if I'm being honest,

207
00:08:02,762 --> 00:08:04,355
I don't know if I've ever been in love.

208
00:08:04,468 --> 00:08:06,134
That makes me sad.

209
00:08:06,159 --> 00:08:08,192
(LAUGHING): Good.

210
00:08:08,244 --> 00:08:09,860
'Cause it's kind of your fault.

211
00:08:11,684 --> 00:08:13,942
My fault? What's that supposed to mean?

212
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:15,343
Nothing.

213
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,261
I was kidding.

214
00:08:17,286 --> 00:08:18,646
Tell me more about the Peace Corps.

215
00:08:18,671 --> 00:08:20,588
No, I'm not rewarding you

216
00:08:20,613 --> 00:08:23,098
with fascinating
stories about the Orient.

217
00:08:24,043 --> 00:08:25,876
Please.

218
00:08:25,928 --> 00:08:27,156
You know, I thought we were past

219
00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:28,596
you blaming me for everything.

220
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:31,192
That's why it's something
we can joke about.

221
00:08:31,217 --> 00:08:32,383
(CHUCKLES)

222
00:08:32,408 --> 00:08:34,077
Jokey-joke-joke.

223
00:08:35,194 --> 00:08:37,054
Every joke has a kernel of truth.

224
00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:38,416
Not this one.

225
00:08:38,441 --> 00:08:39,724
It's just funny. (LAUGHS)

226
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,370
Ha-ha,

227
00:08:42,395 --> 00:08:44,228
hee-hee, hoo-hoo.

228
00:08:48,764 --> 00:08:49,627
ANDY: Okay.

229
00:08:49,652 --> 00:08:51,736
The hostess swears we're "totally" next

230
00:08:51,821 --> 00:08:53,781
and she's "totally" sorry,
but between you and me,

231
00:08:53,823 --> 00:08:55,656
I don't "totally" believe her.

232
00:08:55,742 --> 00:08:56,907
(LAUGHS)

233
00:08:56,993 --> 00:08:58,459
Oh, it's fine.

234
00:08:58,544 --> 00:09:00,294
I'm actually having
fun waiting with you.

235
00:09:00,319 --> 00:09:01,519
Same here.

236
00:09:01,544 --> 00:09:02,993
- (CHUCKLES)
- (GASPS)

237
00:09:03,018 --> 00:09:05,352
(SINGSONGY): Jill Kendall.

238
00:09:06,293 --> 00:09:09,406
(SINGSONGY): Vivian Prescott.

239
00:09:10,089 --> 00:09:11,338
How. Are. You?

240
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:13,401
Ne-ver be-tter.

241
00:09:13,426 --> 00:09:14,341
(CHUCKLES)

242
00:09:14,427 --> 00:09:16,811
What. Is. Happening?

243
00:09:16,896 --> 00:09:19,756
Oh. Andy, this is my
friend Vivian from the club.

244
00:09:19,781 --> 00:09:20,958
Vivian, this is Andy.

245
00:09:20,983 --> 00:09:22,933
- Oh, nice to meet you.
- Hi.

246
00:09:22,958 --> 00:09:24,708
The only club I belong to is Costco.

247
00:09:24,733 --> 00:09:27,067
(BOTH LAUGHING)

248
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,083
Eh, eh? All right.

249
00:09:29,108 --> 00:09:31,025
Uh, you know what? I'm
gonna go flash my badge

250
00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:33,217
- and get us our table.
- Okay.

251
00:09:33,242 --> 00:09:35,529
So he's a cop?

252
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:37,625
Yeah, my house got broken into,

253
00:09:37,650 --> 00:09:39,700
so I hired him for private security.

254
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,562
Oh.

255
00:09:41,587 --> 00:09:44,004
(LAUGHING): Okay, that
makes much more sense.

256
00:09:44,090 --> 00:09:46,173
- What's so funny?
- Well, for a second, I thought

257
00:09:46,198 --> 00:09:48,064
you guys were on a date.

258
00:09:48,695 --> 00:09:50,961
(LAUGHS): Oh, God, no.

259
00:09:51,047 --> 00:09:52,847
So, uh, lunch?

260
00:09:52,872 --> 00:09:54,594
Let's do.

261
00:09:58,945 --> 00:09:59,945
Hey!

262
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,417
- "Oh, God, no"?
- What?

263
00:10:03,774 --> 00:10:05,620
No, it's just, I... you
know, I heard what you said

264
00:10:05,645 --> 00:10:06,977
to your friend "Oh, God, no."

265
00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:09,663
I am so sorry.

266
00:10:09,688 --> 00:10:11,403
That came out wrong. I didn't mean it.

267
00:10:11,428 --> 00:10:16,214
It's just, she's very judgy and
gossipy and wouldn't understand.

268
00:10:16,239 --> 00:10:17,655
Wouldn't understand what?

269
00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:19,184
No, no, it's not that
she wouldn't understand,

270
00:10:19,208 --> 00:10:20,969
there's nothing to
understand, it's just that...

271
00:10:21,211 --> 00:10:24,296
(CLEARS THROAT) She's used to
me being with a certain type.

272
00:10:25,938 --> 00:10:29,008
All right, uh, well,
um... how about this?

273
00:10:29,033 --> 00:10:30,551
You... enjoy your Diet Coke,

274
00:10:30,576 --> 00:10:33,977
and if your type comes along,
tell him I said good luck.

275
00:10:37,961 --> 00:10:39,570
Ma'am?

276
00:10:39,985 --> 00:10:42,402
Your table's totally ready.

277
00:10:55,368 --> 00:10:57,535
You know that chicken isn't me.

278
00:10:58,750 --> 00:10:59,772
Are you sure?

279
00:10:59,797 --> 00:11:02,156
It's small and skinny
and a little bitter.

280
00:11:03,486 --> 00:11:05,403
- Will you stop?
- Me? You're the one

281
00:11:05,428 --> 00:11:07,628
who ruined mother-daughter
Valentine's Day.

282
00:11:08,039 --> 00:11:09,824
- Come on.
- What? I'm kidding. Jokey-joke-joke,

283
00:11:09,849 --> 00:11:11,765
Ha-hee-ho-hoo.

284
00:11:13,438 --> 00:11:14,507
Fine.

285
00:11:14,532 --> 00:11:16,165
There was a kernel of truth.

286
00:11:16,399 --> 00:11:18,399
I do think it's your fault
I've never been in love.

287
00:11:18,434 --> 00:11:20,651
I knew it. You're unbelievable.

288
00:11:20,676 --> 00:11:22,964
I take you to a nice
restaurant to cheer you up,

289
00:11:22,989 --> 00:11:25,272
and you still find a way
to make me the bad guy.

290
00:11:25,609 --> 00:11:28,659
One nice dinner doesn't make
up for a sucky childhood.

291
00:11:29,539 --> 00:11:31,961
Look, even if I was a perfect parent...

292
00:11:31,986 --> 00:11:34,234
- Ha!
- I said "if."

293
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,345
Even then, it wouldn't
have been enough for you,

294
00:11:37,370 --> 00:11:39,003
because nothing's ever enough for you.

295
00:11:39,028 --> 00:11:40,672
And if there's a reason
you're gonna be alone forever,

296
00:11:40,697 --> 00:11:42,146
that's it.

297
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,524
Wow.

298
00:11:44,460 --> 00:11:46,043
I have two choices.

299
00:11:46,068 --> 00:11:47,735
I can go smoke,

300
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,727
or I can stab you in the
hand with this steak knife.

301
00:11:54,532 --> 00:11:57,266
- (GRUNTS)
- I knew you didn't have it in you.

302
00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:03,394
Yuri, wait, I need
to tell you something.

303
00:12:03,419 --> 00:12:04,701
What?

304
00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:06,704
I can't have sex with you tonight.

305
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:08,542
Okay.

306
00:12:08,567 --> 00:12:10,034
And maybe tomorrow night.

307
00:12:10,059 --> 00:12:11,445
Okay.

308
00:12:11,470 --> 00:12:13,420
It might be a while, is
what I'm trying to say.

309
00:12:13,541 --> 00:12:15,040
No problem.

310
00:12:15,065 --> 00:12:16,717
Wait, I'm telling you you can't have

311
00:12:16,742 --> 00:12:18,492
any of this magic, and
you're fine with it?

312
00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:21,522
Hey, if waiting means
spending more time with you,

313
00:12:21,547 --> 00:12:25,867
talking and laughing and-and
being happy, I'll wait forever.

314
00:12:26,719 --> 00:12:28,312
I'm ready.

315
00:12:28,337 --> 00:12:29,481
I'm not trying to talk you into it.

316
00:12:29,506 --> 00:12:31,723
Well, you did, you magnificent man.

317
00:12:31,748 --> 00:12:33,148
I haven't done this for seven years.

318
00:12:33,173 --> 00:12:35,089
I hope your affairs are in order.

319
00:12:37,396 --> 00:12:39,242
What's wrong with me?

320
00:12:40,016 --> 00:12:42,683
I mean, I'm crazy about this
guy, and the first chance I got,

321
00:12:42,708 --> 00:12:44,167
I threw him under the bus.

322
00:12:44,650 --> 00:12:46,797
Well, it sounds to me
like you got scared.

323
00:12:47,526 --> 00:12:48,833
Those women from the club

324
00:12:48,858 --> 00:12:51,025
have been gossiping about me for years.

325
00:12:51,178 --> 00:12:52,677
Especially Vivian.

326
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:57,174
Now I'm finally at a place
where they've stopped whispering

327
00:12:57,199 --> 00:12:59,416
and started saying "Let's do lunch."

328
00:12:59,924 --> 00:13:01,345
I mean,

329
00:13:01,643 --> 00:13:04,214
we never go, but they say it.

330
00:13:05,839 --> 00:13:07,756
So I panicked.

331
00:13:08,237 --> 00:13:10,187
I thought if I admitted I was on a date

332
00:13:10,212 --> 00:13:13,190
with Andy the beer-drinking
cop, the gossip would start

333
00:13:13,215 --> 00:13:14,849
and I'd lose 'em again.

334
00:13:14,874 --> 00:13:17,434
Yeah, you wouldn't
want to lose the people

335
00:13:17,459 --> 00:13:19,677
you don't go to lunch with.

336
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,333
I'm a terrible, shallow person.

337
00:13:22,358 --> 00:13:24,919
Yes. (CHUCKLES)

338
00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:28,935
But you're less terrible and
shallow than you used to be.

339
00:13:30,913 --> 00:13:33,029
You know, it's weird.

340
00:13:33,201 --> 00:13:35,334
The things you say are so obvious,

341
00:13:35,936 --> 00:13:38,636
but they do make me feel better.

342
00:13:39,854 --> 00:13:42,410
- I got to go.
- Oh, if you must.

343
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,774
(PHONE RINGING)

344
00:13:46,799 --> 00:13:48,916
- I'll get it.
- Let it go to voice...

345
00:13:48,941 --> 00:13:51,275
Hey, Bonnie. It's Bonnie.

346
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,300
(GROANS)

347
00:13:53,325 --> 00:13:55,771
I know, I feel that way
when she calls me, too.

348
00:13:59,341 --> 00:14:02,206
Look, I'm sorry to chew your
ear off, but she's impossible.

349
00:14:02,231 --> 00:14:03,931
I offer to spend
Valentine's Day with her,

350
00:14:03,956 --> 00:14:05,474
and she still picks a fight.

351
00:14:05,499 --> 00:14:07,935
Well, you did tell her
she was gonna die alone,

352
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,878
and as a person you've
said that to, it does hurt.

353
00:14:10,903 --> 00:14:13,821
Bunch of snowflakes I hang out with.

354
00:14:13,846 --> 00:14:16,179
- Is she finished?
- Oh, uh, hang on.

355
00:14:19,677 --> 00:14:21,365
Listen, Bonnie,

356
00:14:21,390 --> 00:14:22,806
you two have a pattern.

357
00:14:22,831 --> 00:14:24,580
It only takes one of you to break it,

358
00:14:24,605 --> 00:14:26,438
and I think it's got to be you.

359
00:14:26,587 --> 00:14:28,087
Dumb. Go on.

360
00:14:28,112 --> 00:14:29,528
Hey, you called me.

361
00:14:29,553 --> 00:14:31,152
So I'm not supposed to defend myself

362
00:14:31,177 --> 00:14:32,626
every time she blames me

363
00:14:32,651 --> 00:14:34,267
for everything that's wrong in her life?

364
00:14:34,292 --> 00:14:36,876
Well, it's what you always
do and it never works,

365
00:14:36,901 --> 00:14:39,101
so why not try something different?

366
00:14:39,126 --> 00:14:41,126
Name one thing I could possibly do.

367
00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:42,813
You could just listen

368
00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:45,455
and try to understand
where she's coming from.

369
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,442
Nah. What else you got?

370
00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:50,037
You let him take my plate?

371
00:14:50,062 --> 00:14:51,311
He didn't even ask.

372
00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:54,779
Goodbye, Adam, I love you.

373
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,005
So this was a disaster. Let's go home.

374
00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:00,821
Not yet. Sit down.

375
00:15:00,846 --> 00:15:02,763
(SIGHS)

376
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:05,386
First, let me say I'm sorry

377
00:15:05,411 --> 00:15:08,045
for that mean thing I said
about you ending up alone.

378
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,523
It's not personal.

379
00:15:09,548 --> 00:15:11,325
I've said it to Marjorie, Wendy...

380
00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:13,634
On her birthday. I remember.

381
00:15:14,302 --> 00:15:16,837
Anyway, you and I started
to have a conversation,

382
00:15:16,862 --> 00:15:18,302
and I think we should finish it.

383
00:15:18,724 --> 00:15:22,736
You were saying it's
my fault you're single,

384
00:15:22,761 --> 00:15:25,489
and I want to listen
to more of that, please.

385
00:15:26,629 --> 00:15:27,949
Really?

386
00:15:27,974 --> 00:15:31,058
Yeah, I want to know
why you feel that way.

387
00:15:31,353 --> 00:15:33,687
It goes back to when I was a kid.

388
00:15:33,739 --> 00:15:36,523
You brought boyfriends
home that I thought

389
00:15:36,548 --> 00:15:38,798
were gonna be in our lives
forever but they never were.

390
00:15:38,823 --> 00:15:39,939
That is not...

391
00:15:42,998 --> 00:15:45,075
Please continue.

392
00:15:46,114 --> 00:15:50,091
Watching that kind of taught
me men don't stick around.

393
00:15:50,469 --> 00:15:52,563
I didn't even know what a
healthy relationship looked like.

394
00:15:52,588 --> 00:15:54,107
How was I supposed to find one?

395
00:15:56,730 --> 00:15:59,114
Wow. Okay.

396
00:16:02,558 --> 00:16:04,090
This is weird.

397
00:16:04,413 --> 00:16:06,363
Why aren't you fighting back?

398
00:16:06,388 --> 00:16:09,067
Because everything
you're saying is true.

399
00:16:09,092 --> 00:16:11,509
That's never stopped you before.

400
00:16:12,078 --> 00:16:14,495
Maybe I'm trying something different.

401
00:16:15,481 --> 00:16:16,755
Okay.

402
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:20,400
Look, I get why relationships
are hard for you.

403
00:16:20,425 --> 00:16:22,508
I was a terrible role model.

404
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,982
Well, in your defense,

405
00:16:27,199 --> 00:16:29,232
you were a big old drunk at the time.

406
00:16:30,559 --> 00:16:32,475
That is not an excuse.

407
00:16:32,882 --> 00:16:35,409
But you were a single
mom and I was a handful.

408
00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:37,526
Adorable but a handful.

409
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,865
Considering what I put you
through, you were an angel.

410
00:16:40,890 --> 00:16:42,343
You know, until fifth grade,

411
00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:44,818
when you started hitting
the liquor cabinet.

412
00:16:44,843 --> 00:16:46,510
Mom, there was no cabinet.

413
00:16:46,535 --> 00:16:48,202
There was the floor next to your bed,

414
00:16:48,227 --> 00:16:50,628
the oven, and the shower caddy.

415
00:16:51,255 --> 00:16:54,056
That you're functional
in the world is amazing.

416
00:16:56,105 --> 00:16:58,021
Don't be so hard on yourself.

417
00:16:58,046 --> 00:17:01,385
I'm the one who's always
bringing up the past

418
00:17:01,410 --> 00:17:02,753
and throwing it in your face.

419
00:17:02,778 --> 00:17:04,728
Yeah, but I did all those things.

420
00:17:04,832 --> 00:17:06,115
A long time ago.

421
00:17:07,671 --> 00:17:09,671
I need to get over it already.

422
00:17:10,145 --> 00:17:13,063
Well, how about you stop
beating up on yourself

423
00:17:13,088 --> 00:17:14,349
about not being in a relationship?

424
00:17:14,373 --> 00:17:15,550
You will be.

425
00:17:15,684 --> 00:17:18,552
You are one of the most
incredible people I know.

426
00:17:20,429 --> 00:17:21,829
I love you.

427
00:17:22,017 --> 00:17:23,717
I love you, too.

428
00:17:27,086 --> 00:17:28,586
Do you want to stay for dessert?

429
00:17:28,679 --> 00:17:29,928
I do.

430
00:17:36,685 --> 00:17:38,998
Bonnie Plunkett, will you marry me?

431
00:17:39,023 --> 00:17:40,856
- Yes!
- She said yes!

432
00:17:40,881 --> 00:17:43,131
She said yes!
<i> </i>

433
00:17:43,156 --> 00:17:45,106
- (APPLAUSE)
- Hey.

434
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:48,549
Free chocolate soufflé
over here, two spoons.

435
00:18:02,951 --> 00:18:04,315
Hey.

436
00:18:04,340 --> 00:18:05,763
Hello.

437
00:18:07,349 --> 00:18:08,887
I know you're mad at me.

438
00:18:08,912 --> 00:18:10,982
You should go into police work.

439
00:18:11,887 --> 00:18:16,458
Andy, I screwed up big-time
and I am so, so sorry.

440
00:18:19,279 --> 00:18:21,882
The thing you got to know about
me is I'm not a great person,

441
00:18:21,907 --> 00:18:25,669
but I used to be worse, which
means I'm getting better.

442
00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:31,475
And I haven't liked anybody
as much as I like you

443
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,200
in a very long time.

444
00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:34,845
So if you just give me another chance,

445
00:18:34,870 --> 00:18:37,466
I promise I will do everything
I can not to mess it up.

446
00:18:42,357 --> 00:18:46,146
Look... believe it or not,

447
00:18:46,171 --> 00:18:49,248
um, I think I'm a great catch,

448
00:18:49,802 --> 00:18:51,583
and, uh...

449
00:18:53,109 --> 00:18:55,529
I just want to be with someone
who feels the same way...

450
00:18:58,621 --> 00:19:00,529
no matter who's looking.

451
00:19:03,578 --> 00:19:05,161
Good night.

452
00:19:24,478 --> 00:19:26,371
I know you said you
were okay by yourself,

453
00:19:26,396 --> 00:19:28,513
but I say that all the
time and I never mean it.

454
00:19:28,538 --> 00:19:30,205
Come on in.

455
00:19:30,230 --> 00:19:32,147
BOTH: Hi, Wendy.

456
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,139
Hey, guys.

457
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:37,542
We're not allowed to talk
until she finishes her movie.

458
00:19:38,103 --> 00:19:40,108
WOMAN ON TV:
<i>...four TRSs</i>

459
00:19:40,133 --> 00:19:41,800
<i>and tell them we need radar feedback</i>

460
00:19:41,825 --> 00:19:43,658
<i>before the KFTs return at 1900.</i>

461
00:19:43,830 --> 00:19:45,842
<i>Then inform the Pentagon we'll
need Blackstar cover from...</i>

462
00:19:45,867 --> 00:19:47,199
(WHISPERING): Is she okay?

463
00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:50,178
(WHISPERING): She and Andy broke up.

464
00:19:50,203 --> 00:19:51,286
JILL (CRYING): I...

465
00:19:51,371 --> 00:19:53,788
I ruined everything.

466
00:19:55,052 --> 00:19:58,137
What? They were talking, too.

467
00:20:00,047 --> 00:20:01,629
How was the surgery?

468
00:20:01,654 --> 00:20:04,040
I sneezed and got kicked out.

469
00:20:04,439 --> 00:20:06,105
I don't even know if she made it.

470
00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:07,212
Sorry.

471
00:20:08,472 --> 00:20:10,134
Sorry.

472
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:13,692
How was your dinner?

473
00:20:15,145 --> 00:20:17,696
(WHISPERING): Christy and I got engaged.

474
00:20:19,371 --> 00:20:20,754
(PHONE CHIMES)

475
00:20:22,536 --> 00:20:25,203
(GASPS) The heart is beating.

476
00:20:25,228 --> 00:20:26,428
- That's great.
- Yay.

477
00:20:26,540 --> 00:20:29,110
Come on, guys, it's almost finished.

478
00:20:29,135 --> 00:20:30,946
You're right, don't worry about us.

479
00:20:31,845 --> 00:20:34,079
- I had sex!
- Oh my god!

480
00:20:34,657 --> 00:20:36,075
Forget it.

481
00:20:36,099 --> 00:20:38,423
- Tell us everything.
- Details, details.

482
00:20:38,448 --> 00:20:40,688
I'm so happy for you.

483
00:20:41,064 --> 00:20:42,165
How was it?

484
00:20:42,190 --> 00:20:45,212
It was like our souls touched.
I kicked out a window.

485
00:20:46,751 --> 00:20:48,702
You don't have to worry
about me, Victor.

486
00:20:48,727 --> 00:20:50,071
(EXCITED CHATTER)

487
00:20:50,096 --> 00:20:51,930
I'll never be alone.

488
00:20:51,955 --> 00:20:55,865
Did you know that "nipple"
in Russian is "neeple"?