1
00:00:00,683 --> 00:00:02,437
Previously on Mom... (Phone vibrates)

2
00:00:03,343 --> 00:00:04,525
Hello?

3
00:00:04,527 --> 00:00:06,193
BONNIE: Christy.

4
00:00:06,195 --> 00:00:07,861
Where are you?

5
00:00:07,863 --> 00:00:09,897
Uh... uh...

6
00:00:09,899 --> 00:00:11,699
I'm jail

7
00:00:11,701 --> 00:00:13,634
Oh, God.

8
00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:15,312
Are you okay?

9
00:00:15,336 --> 00:00:18,670
Yeah, just got a DUI.

10
00:00:18,672 --> 00:00:21,673
How could you let me spend a night in jail?

11
00:00:21,675 --> 00:00:24,476
How could you lie to me
about getting loaded again?!

12
00:00:24,478 --> 00:00:25,710
It's not my fault.

13
00:00:25,712 --> 00:00:27,746
I was prescribed those painkillers.

14
00:00:27,748 --> 00:00:29,748
I am the victim here.

15
00:00:29,750 --> 00:00:32,050
How'd you blow a one-one
on the Breathalyzer?

16
00:00:32,052 --> 00:00:35,787
Easy, I was drinking to forget
was hooked on painkillers.

17
00:00:41,725 --> 00:00:44,129
I really appreciate you coming with me.

18
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,372
Hey, it's like the old days,

19
00:00:46,397 --> 00:00:47,766
except you didn't have to write me a note

20
00:00:47,768 --> 00:00:50,068
to get me out of school.

21
00:00:50,070 --> 00:00:52,504
Do you think your lawyer
friend knows what he's doing?

22
00:00:52,506 --> 00:00:56,608
He's had three DUls himself,
and he's not in jail, so yeah.

23
00:00:56,610 --> 00:00:58,843
Good news.

24
00:00:58,868 --> 00:01:02,747
I took a whiz next to the
judge... he doesn't remember me.

25
00:01:04,351 --> 00:01:05,416
Also he's doing this for free.

26
00:01:05,418 --> 00:01:09,621
So, listen, I spoke to the
D.A. and got the charges reduced

27
00:01:09,623 --> 00:01:11,055
from DUI to reckless driving,

28
00:01:11,057 --> 00:01:12,724
which means you can get your license back,

29
00:01:12,726 --> 00:01:15,226
and you only have to do 20
hours of community service.

30
00:01:15,228 --> 00:01:16,861
- 20 hours?
- Mm.

31
00:01:16,863 --> 00:01:19,364
Can't you go back to the men's
room and get it down to ten?

32
00:01:19,366 --> 00:01:23,267
Hey, I'm a two-bit lawyer,
not a two-bit whore.

33
00:01:23,269 --> 00:01:26,971
Some might call that "potato-potato."

34
00:01:26,973 --> 00:01:28,306
Trust me, this is a good deal.

35
00:01:28,308 --> 00:01:30,208
All you have to do is tell
the judge you're very sorry,

36
00:01:30,210 --> 00:01:31,442
and it'll never happen again.

37
00:01:31,444 --> 00:01:33,711
But when do I get a chance
to tell my side of the story?

38
00:01:33,713 --> 00:01:36,013
Here's what you do: go down to the park,

39
00:01:36,015 --> 00:01:40,017
find a homeless guy, give him a sandwich,

40
00:01:40,019 --> 00:01:43,087
and while he's eating, tell
him your side of the story.

41
00:01:43,089 --> 00:01:44,955
You're not taking me seriously.

42
00:01:44,957 --> 00:01:46,957
No fooling you.

43
00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,126
- Mom, just do what he says.
- But the thing is...

44
00:01:49,128 --> 00:01:51,062
Here comes the thing...
She always has a thing.

45
00:01:51,064 --> 00:01:54,298
The thing is, I was
prescribed those painkillers.

46
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:55,566
Mom, Mom.

47
00:01:55,568 --> 00:01:58,335
"I'm very sorry. It
will never happen again."

48
00:01:58,337 --> 00:01:59,503
Okay, okay.

49
00:01:59,505 --> 00:02:01,338
- Bonnie Plunkett?
- Here we go.

50
00:02:01,340 --> 00:02:02,740
Present, Your Honor.

51
00:02:02,742 --> 00:02:06,410
Miss Plunkett, I see here
that you are pleading guilty

52
00:02:06,412 --> 00:02:08,445
to the lesser charge of reckless driving.

53
00:02:08,447 --> 00:02:09,880
That's correct, Your Honor.

54
00:02:09,882 --> 00:02:13,117
Is there anything you have
to say before I sentence you?

55
00:02:18,256 --> 00:02:21,325
I'm very sorry, and it
will never happen again.

56
00:02:23,161 --> 00:02:24,328
But the thing is...

57
00:02:24,330 --> 00:02:25,996
Son of a bitch.

58
00:02:25,998 --> 00:02:29,666
I was prescribed
highly-addictive painkillers

59
00:02:29,668 --> 00:02:30,701
for a back injury,

60
00:02:30,703 --> 00:02:31,668
so in a way,

61
00:02:31,670 --> 00:02:33,437
I am the victim of Big Pharma.

62
00:02:33,439 --> 00:02:35,274
Say good-bye to your mother.

63
00:02:36,430 --> 00:02:41,071
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
- www.addic7ed.com -

64
00:02:57,145 --> 00:02:58,478
How was school today?

65
00:02:58,480 --> 00:02:59,480
Fine.

66
00:02:59,481 --> 00:03:00,814
How was court?

67
00:03:02,237 --> 00:03:03,316
You told him?

68
00:03:03,318 --> 00:03:05,252
Why not? I have nothing to be ashamed of.

69
00:03:05,254 --> 00:03:07,187
Yes, you do.

70
00:03:08,723 --> 00:03:11,258
It's not Grandma's
fault, it's a big farmer.

71
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:14,795
Big Pharma.

72
00:03:14,797 --> 00:03:16,162
That's what I said.

73
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:20,100
Let's (clears throat) change the subject.

74
00:03:20,102 --> 00:03:21,568
How'd you do on your math test?

75
00:03:21,570 --> 00:03:23,637
- I got a hundred.
- Way to go!

76
00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:26,539
That's also how many hours
Grandma has to pick up trash

77
00:03:26,541 --> 00:03:28,675
on the side of the highway.

78
00:03:28,677 --> 00:03:31,511
- I thought we were changing the subject.
- You're right.

79
00:03:31,513 --> 00:03:33,780
Grandma also lost her driver's license.

80
00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:36,516
Did you check under the couch?

81
00:03:36,518 --> 00:03:38,438
I find lots of stuff under there.

82
00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,855
- Why don't you go look?
- Okay.

83
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,026
All right, let's have it.

84
00:03:47,028 --> 00:03:48,428
You had to give a speech.

85
00:03:48,430 --> 00:03:49,729
You couldn't have just said,

86
00:03:49,731 --> 00:03:51,664
"I'm sorry. It'll never happen again."

87
00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:53,633
Now I have to do all the grocery shopping,

88
00:03:53,635 --> 00:03:54,734
all the errands.

89
00:03:54,736 --> 00:03:56,736
I have to drive and
pick him up from school.

90
00:03:56,738 --> 00:03:58,171
I can't count on you for anything.

91
00:03:58,173 --> 00:04:01,374
Hey, to be fair, I don't
really do much around here now.

92
00:04:01,376 --> 00:04:05,244
Hey, I make the jokes
about how much you suck.

93
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,713
ROSCOE: I found 37 cents!

94
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:10,483
Give it to Grandma;
she'll need it for the bus!

95
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,419
That's one of my jokes.

96
00:04:15,437 --> 00:04:17,190
Hi, I'm Regina. I'm an alcoholic.

97
00:04:17,192 --> 00:04:18,792
OTHERS: Hi, Regina.

98
00:04:18,793 --> 00:04:20,426
I just want to say real quick

99
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:23,129
how much gratitude is in my heart.

100
00:04:23,131 --> 00:04:24,397
When I woke up this morning,

101
00:04:24,399 --> 00:04:27,066
I opened my eyes, still
thinking I was in jail.

102
00:04:27,068 --> 00:04:30,336
But I was in a king-sized bed
in a million-dollar mansion,

103
00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:33,372
and I knew I had one person to thank.

104
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,541
Jesus Christ.

105
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,645
Maybe you should thank the person

106
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:42,715
who bought the bed and the mansion.

107
00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:44,884
You mean your ex-husband?

108
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:49,321
That's all I got.

109
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,356
Thank you.

110
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:52,324
(applause)

111
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,260
Okay, who'd like to go next?

112
00:04:54,262 --> 00:04:55,427
I'll go.

113
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,730
Hi, I'm Bonnie, and I'm an alcoholic.

114
00:04:57,732 --> 00:04:59,332
OTHERS: Hi, Bonnie.

115
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:01,867
Today, I have five days sober.

116
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:08,273
What, no applause?

117
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,309
Brrr, chilly.

118
00:05:12,637 --> 00:05:14,780
It's not easy to say this,

119
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:18,484
but I lied to you guys a lot.

120
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,853
Even about stuff I didn't have to.

121
00:05:20,855 --> 00:05:23,822
And I'm not proud about that.

122
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:26,825
I mean, I'm proud of how
well-crafted the lies were,

123
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:30,195
because, you know, doing
anything well is its own reward,

124
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:32,064
but your trust

125
00:05:32,066 --> 00:05:35,901
means a lot to me, and I'm very sorry.

126
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,502
It'll never happen again.

127
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,004
"But the thing is... "

128
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,505
But the thing is...

129
00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:43,842
it's not all my fault.

130
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,912
I mean, the doctors, the
pharmaceutical companies,

131
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,947
the rehab centers...
They're all in cahoots.

132
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:52,017
I would not be surprised
if my injury was the result

133
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,785
of showering in a bathtub

134
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,254
that was purposely
designed to make you fall.

135
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,023
I don't mean to sound paranoid,

136
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,824
but we might be looking at a giant

137
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:02,527
pharmaceutical-medical-plumbing
conspiracy.

138
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:05,196
Are we allowed to boo?

139
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:08,299
Anyway, that's it.

140
00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:12,655
Put those daisy stickers down
in your tub, otherwise they win.

141
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:16,074
Okay, who else would like to share?

142
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,442
I would.

143
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:19,077
Hi, I'm Christy.

144
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,079
I'm an alcoholic.

145
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,479
OTHERS: Hi, Christy.

146
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:26,317
I just want to say how
grateful I am to this program,

147
00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:30,221
because without it, I would
have murdered my mother.

148
00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:36,628
And, you know, people toss
around the word "murder"

149
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:39,964
all too easy these days...

150
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,934
but I really mean it.

151
00:06:44,269 --> 00:06:46,070
Thank you.

152
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,739
(applause)

153
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:52,477
Okay, anybody else?

154
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:54,112
I'll go.

155
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,947
Hi, Marjorie, alcoholic.

156
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,548
OTHERS: Hi, Marjorie.

157
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,217
Well, as many of you know,

158
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:03,054
I've been battling cancer
for the past 18 months,

159
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,656
and today I went to my oncologist

160
00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:09,093
to get the results of my latest scan.

161
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:12,430
And I'm happy to report
that I'm cancer-free.

162
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,265
(gasping)

163
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,467
(cheering)

164
00:07:19,454 --> 00:07:23,607
All right, let's just you and
me put aside our differences

165
00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:26,477
and make tonight about
celebrating Marjorie's recovery.

166
00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:28,245
Hey, I'm not the one
seething with resentment.

167
00:07:28,247 --> 00:07:30,814
Quite true... You're too busy creating it.

168
00:07:31,816 --> 00:07:33,250
You're a carrier.

169
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:35,986
You're patient zero of
the human resentment virus.

170
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:37,955
I'm confused.

171
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,491
Are we setting aside our
differences, or aren't we?

172
00:07:41,393 --> 00:07:42,292
We are.

173
00:07:42,294 --> 00:07:44,028
- Truce?
- Truce.

174
00:07:45,230 --> 00:07:46,630
There she is.

175
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,898
Our little miracle.

176
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,767
MARJORIE: Thanks, guys.

177
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:52,236
So now that you're cancer-free,
got any exciting plans?

178
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:53,770
Well, I guess there's no reason

179
00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:55,806
to put off painting the porch anymore.

180
00:07:56,608 --> 00:07:58,375
I could do that for you.

181
00:07:58,377 --> 00:07:59,710
Really?

182
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:00,978
Aw, thanks, Bonnie.

183
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,080
That doesn't count as
community service, Mom.

184
00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,281
I'm doing it out of friendship.

185
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:06,817
And if she signs the forms, yes, it does.

186
00:08:07,952 --> 00:08:11,221
So, how long will it take
for your hair to grow back?

187
00:08:11,223 --> 00:08:14,024
This is my hair.

188
00:08:14,859 --> 00:08:16,960
Looks great.

189
00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:20,797
(crying)

190
00:08:20,799 --> 00:08:22,866
Wendy, why are you crying?

191
00:08:22,868 --> 00:08:25,402
I made a deal with God
that if he let you live,

192
00:08:25,404 --> 00:08:28,038
I'd spend the rest of
my life helping the poor.

193
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,540
Oh, honey, why is that sad?

194
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:32,709
I don't want to do it.

195
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,178
Everybody stop looking at me.

196
00:08:37,915 --> 00:08:39,616
How about a toast to Marjorie?

197
00:08:39,618 --> 00:08:40,717
We don't have drinks yet.

198
00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:41,851
Fake it.

199
00:08:41,853 --> 00:08:44,454
Come on, everybody, let's pretend.

200
00:08:44,456 --> 00:08:46,690
Marjorie, you are the most
amazing woman I've ever known.

201
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:48,558
(Bonnie clears throat)

202
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,227
Did you really think you
were in the running for that?

203
00:08:53,164 --> 00:08:56,199
Even when you were sick,
you were always our rock.

204
00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:58,134
And I just want you to know,

205
00:08:58,136 --> 00:09:00,737
we all love you, and...

206
00:09:00,739 --> 00:09:02,005
we're so happy

207
00:09:02,007 --> 00:09:03,640
you're gonna stick around with us

208
00:09:03,642 --> 00:09:04,808
for a long, long time.

209
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:06,850
- Hear, hear.
- (All) Cheers.

210
00:09:15,648 --> 00:09:17,887
I pretended there was alcohol in mine.

211
00:09:19,617 --> 00:09:21,057
Now that you're on the other side of this,

212
00:09:21,059 --> 00:09:23,126
you should travel, see the world.

213
00:09:23,128 --> 00:09:25,762
Well, as a matter of fact,
I'm gonna do just that.

214
00:09:25,764 --> 00:09:27,930
My fella wants to take me on a cruise.

215
00:09:27,932 --> 00:09:29,765
Ugh, those cruise ships are awful.

216
00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:31,567
Nobody really cares what you think.

217
00:09:31,569 --> 00:09:32,702
She just got healthy.

218
00:09:32,704 --> 00:09:34,403
Those things are like
floating petri dishes.

219
00:09:34,405 --> 00:09:36,706
Stop telling people
how to live their lives,

220
00:09:36,708 --> 00:09:38,241
when you can't even figure
out how to live your own life.

221
00:09:38,243 --> 00:09:40,109
I live my life just fine.

222
00:09:40,111 --> 00:09:41,344
Really?

223
00:09:41,346 --> 00:09:43,446
52-year-old woman without
a driver's license,

224
00:09:43,448 --> 00:09:45,348
wearing an orange vest, picking up garbage

225
00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:46,415
on the side of the road.

226
00:09:46,417 --> 00:09:47,850
Yeah, you knocked your
life out of the park.

227
00:09:47,852 --> 00:09:49,418
BONNIE: Oh, oh.

228
00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:51,721
Okay, so you with the two kids
and the two different dads,

229
00:09:51,723 --> 00:09:53,856
drops out of high school,
fails at stripping.

230
00:09:53,858 --> 00:09:55,257
I mean, seriously, who fails at stripping?

231
00:09:55,259 --> 00:09:56,892
It's taking off your clothes.

232
00:09:58,895 --> 00:10:01,964
Oh, yeah? You want to bet which
one of us has a better life?

233
00:10:01,966 --> 00:10:03,899
I'm sure you do... you're the
one with a cookie commitment

234
00:10:03,901 --> 00:10:05,976
at Gamblers Anonymous.

235
00:10:06,803 --> 00:10:07,937
What the hell was that?

236
00:10:07,939 --> 00:10:09,738
That's me throwing my imaginary drink

237
00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:10,740
in your face.

238
00:10:10,741 --> 00:10:11,941
Ooh.

239
00:10:11,943 --> 00:10:12,943
Stop it!

240
00:10:12,944 --> 00:10:14,310
Both of you, just shut up.

241
00:10:14,312 --> 00:10:17,046
You're ruining my remission.

242
00:10:17,048 --> 00:10:19,682
FYI, our truce is over.

243
00:10:20,483 --> 00:10:22,818
That was a truce?

244
00:10:32,260 --> 00:10:33,994
(line beeps)

245
00:10:33,996 --> 00:10:36,296
Hi, Marjorie, it's me.

246
00:10:36,298 --> 00:10:38,198
Maybe you're still asleep.

247
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:42,035
Anyway, I just wanted to
apologize for last night.

248
00:10:42,037 --> 00:10:44,271
I'm so happy you're healthy.

249
00:10:44,273 --> 00:10:46,640
That is the greatest news.

250
00:10:46,642 --> 00:10:49,876
And please know I don't
expect you to take sides

251
00:10:49,878 --> 00:10:52,679
in this thing between me and my mother.

252
00:10:52,681 --> 00:10:56,016
But... you get what's going on.

253
00:10:59,554 --> 00:11:01,054
Morning.

254
00:11:01,856 --> 00:11:03,390
Mm-hmm.

255
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,561
Who were you talking to so early?

256
00:11:08,563 --> 00:11:09,896
Marjorie.

257
00:11:09,898 --> 00:11:11,731
She and I are good.

258
00:11:12,633 --> 00:11:14,434
Mm-hmm.

259
00:11:20,841 --> 00:11:22,876
Seriously?

260
00:11:22,878 --> 00:11:24,477
I might have liked a second cup.

261
00:11:24,479 --> 00:11:27,981
I might have liked my youth
uninterrupted by childbirth.

262
00:11:29,283 --> 00:11:30,717
Now, if you'll excuse me,

263
00:11:30,719 --> 00:11:32,352
I'm off to pick up dirty diapers,

264
00:11:32,354 --> 00:11:35,054
used condoms and Big
Gulps filled with urine.

265
00:11:35,889 --> 00:11:37,590
And whose fault is that, Mom?

266
00:11:37,592 --> 00:11:40,159
I'm assuming long-haul truckers.

267
00:11:40,161 --> 00:11:41,561
It's never you, is it?

268
00:11:41,563 --> 00:11:43,162
I have never peed in a cup

269
00:11:43,164 --> 00:11:45,164
unless it was ordered by the court.

270
00:11:47,034 --> 00:11:49,068
Before you go,

271
00:11:49,070 --> 00:11:51,170
tonight's the night
we're supposed to go over

272
00:11:51,172 --> 00:11:52,705
to Violet and Gregory's for dinner.

273
00:11:52,707 --> 00:11:54,640
- That's tonight?
- Yeah.

274
00:11:54,642 --> 00:11:57,610
Do we both have to go?
And by that, I mean you.

275
00:11:58,478 --> 00:12:00,079
I am her mother.

276
00:12:00,081 --> 00:12:02,181
Yes, but I'm the one she likes.

277
00:12:02,183 --> 00:12:04,550
Okay, look.

278
00:12:04,552 --> 00:12:06,852
This is a big night for Violet.

279
00:12:06,854 --> 00:12:08,988
Let's you and I put our differences aside

280
00:12:08,990 --> 00:12:10,823
and make it a good experience for her.

281
00:12:10,825 --> 00:12:12,591
I can do that. Can you?

282
00:12:12,593 --> 00:12:13,726
You couldn't do it last night.

283
00:12:13,728 --> 00:12:15,394
Oh, so last night was my fault?

284
00:12:15,396 --> 00:12:17,129
Marjorie thinks so.

285
00:12:18,899 --> 00:12:21,066
Let me tell you something, Blondie.

286
00:12:21,068 --> 00:12:24,069
I may have made mistakes
in my life, but you...

287
00:12:24,071 --> 00:12:27,072
You sit there on your high
horse judging everybody.

288
00:12:27,074 --> 00:12:29,074
Not everybody, Mom. Just you.

289
00:12:29,076 --> 00:12:32,811
Wow, how did you become a
person with so little compassion?

290
00:12:32,813 --> 00:12:33,879
Easy.

291
00:12:33,881 --> 00:12:35,447
I spent my formative years

292
00:12:35,449 --> 00:12:37,650
with the most self-obsessed
woman on Earth.

293
00:12:37,652 --> 00:12:40,452
Oh, please, I barely saw
you when you were growing up.

294
00:12:43,123 --> 00:12:44,356
Oh, my God!

295
00:12:44,358 --> 00:12:46,425
Do you hear the words
coming out of your mouth?!

296
00:12:46,427 --> 00:12:48,661
I-I know our neighbors can.

297
00:12:48,663 --> 00:12:50,329
All I said was

298
00:12:50,331 --> 00:12:52,664
if Gregory's mother
comes to live with them,

299
00:12:52,666 --> 00:12:54,400
they can say good-bye to sex!

300
00:12:54,402 --> 00:12:55,567
They're getting married!

301
00:12:55,569 --> 00:12:58,303
They can say good-bye to sex either way!

302
00:12:59,138 --> 00:13:01,473
I am so sorry about...

303
00:13:01,475 --> 00:13:03,742
Uh, y-you don't have to keep apologizing.

304
00:13:03,744 --> 00:13:06,812
Mother-daughter relationships
are often quite challenging.

305
00:13:06,814 --> 00:13:08,447
Challenging?

306
00:13:08,449 --> 00:13:12,184
Does your mom have a rap
sheet in California, Arizona,

307
00:13:12,186 --> 00:13:16,288
West Virginia and... I am not
making this up... Micronesia?

308
00:13:17,523 --> 00:13:19,825
Um, n-not that I know of.

309
00:13:19,827 --> 00:13:22,094
Listen, we're so glad you two could

310
00:13:22,096 --> 00:13:23,096
join us tonight.

311
00:13:23,097 --> 00:13:25,130
Violet worked very hard on preparing

312
00:13:25,132 --> 00:13:27,232
a traditional Shabbat dinner.

313
00:13:27,234 --> 00:13:29,401
- Shabbat?
- It's Jewish for Friday.

314
00:13:29,403 --> 00:13:31,069
Right?

315
00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:32,671
C-Close enough.

316
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:36,107
The reason we asked you to come over,

317
00:13:36,109 --> 00:13:38,376
other than the joy of
getting to know you better,

318
00:13:38,378 --> 00:13:40,011
is, uh...

319
00:13:40,013 --> 00:13:41,880
Violet has some news.

320
00:13:41,882 --> 00:13:43,682
You're pregnant?

321
00:13:44,383 --> 00:13:45,917
Why do you always jump to that?

322
00:13:45,919 --> 00:13:47,319
Oh, like you weren't thinking it.

323
00:13:47,321 --> 00:13:49,721
Of course I was!

324
00:13:49,723 --> 00:13:52,357
But unlike you, I don't
vomit out the first words

325
00:13:52,359 --> 00:13:54,559
that pop into my drug-addled brain!

326
00:13:54,561 --> 00:13:55,460
Hey!

327
00:13:55,462 --> 00:13:58,196
Clean and sober six days.

328
00:13:58,198 --> 00:13:59,898
Mazel tov.

329
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,239
I made the dean's list.

330
00:14:04,264 --> 00:14:06,905
And I hate you both.

331
00:14:08,511 --> 00:14:10,178
Excuse me.

332
00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:12,443
20 years of therapy,

333
00:14:12,445 --> 00:14:14,679
and all it took was an
hour and a half with you two

334
00:14:14,681 --> 00:14:16,381
to make me love my mother.

335
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:26,157
He certainly has a lovely condo.

336
00:14:26,159 --> 00:14:27,725
Yeah.

337
00:14:27,727 --> 00:14:30,561
Shame we'll never see it again.

338
00:14:31,497 --> 00:14:35,099
Is there any chance you and I can

339
00:14:35,101 --> 00:14:36,934
clean the slate and start over?

340
00:14:36,936 --> 00:14:38,236
I'd like that.

341
00:14:38,238 --> 00:14:39,337
Yeah.

342
00:14:39,339 --> 00:14:40,738
(sighs) Good.

343
00:14:40,740 --> 00:14:42,139
Me, too.

344
00:14:42,141 --> 00:14:43,874
How is this gonna work?

345
00:14:43,876 --> 00:14:46,544
Well, uh...

346
00:14:46,546 --> 00:14:48,946
first, I'd say we stop
beating each other up

347
00:14:48,948 --> 00:14:50,314
for what's in the past.

348
00:14:50,316 --> 00:14:51,649
(groans)

349
00:14:51,651 --> 00:14:53,284
That's a tough one.

350
00:14:53,286 --> 00:14:55,886
I really enjoy that.

351
00:14:55,888 --> 00:14:57,455
I know.

352
00:14:57,457 --> 00:14:59,223
What are we gonna talk about?

353
00:14:59,225 --> 00:15:00,658
Beats me.

354
00:15:00,660 --> 00:15:03,928
That "shabit" dinner was kind of weird.

355
00:15:05,430 --> 00:15:06,664
Not "shabit."

356
00:15:06,666 --> 00:15:07,731
Shabbat.

357
00:15:07,733 --> 00:15:09,667
I'm pretty sure it's "shabit."

358
00:15:11,903 --> 00:15:13,871
Well, whatever you call it,

359
00:15:13,873 --> 00:15:16,940
the carrots were the only thing
on my plate that I recognized.

360
00:15:19,611 --> 00:15:21,645
See? We don't have to pick on each other,

361
00:15:21,647 --> 00:15:23,580
we can pick on other people.

362
00:15:23,582 --> 00:15:24,948
Sure can.

363
00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:26,984
(laughs)

364
00:15:26,986 --> 00:15:29,286
You think we should circle back

365
00:15:29,288 --> 00:15:31,522
to Violet and Gregory's and apologize?

366
00:15:31,524 --> 00:15:32,956
I don't know.

367
00:15:32,958 --> 00:15:37,161
I think we should give them both
a little time to stop crying.

368
00:15:37,163 --> 00:15:39,429
What do you say we stop by Marjorie's

369
00:15:39,431 --> 00:15:41,932
and apologize for ruining
the celebration last night?

370
00:15:41,934 --> 00:15:44,067
Yeah, definitely.

371
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:45,168
Love you, Mom.

372
00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:47,804
Love you, daughter.

373
00:15:47,806 --> 00:15:49,473
(chuckles)

374
00:15:49,475 --> 00:15:51,074
What?

375
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:54,811
I can't think of anything to
say to you that's not mean.

376
00:15:57,782 --> 00:16:00,784
I'm really proud of us for
making this apology to Marjorie.

377
00:16:00,786 --> 00:16:03,753
It's smart, too... we may have
to borrow money from her someday.

378
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,956
(music playing inside)

379
00:16:09,293 --> 00:16:11,962
♪ We got married in a fever ♪

380
00:16:11,964 --> 00:16:14,931
♪ Hotter than a pepper sprout ♪

381
00:16:16,334 --> 00:16:19,336
♪ We've been talking 'bout Jackson ♪

382
00:16:19,338 --> 00:16:21,271
- Yeah! 
- ♪ Ever since the fire went out ♪

383
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:22,973
♪ Well, I'm going to Jackson... ♪

384
00:16:22,975 --> 00:16:24,641
How could they throw a party without us?

385
00:16:24,643 --> 00:16:27,310
I don't know. Maybe it
was a last-minute thing?

386
00:16:27,312 --> 00:16:30,480
What kind of a last-minute
thing has a chocolate fountain?

387
00:16:31,982 --> 00:16:35,251
♪ Look out, Jackson town... ♪

388
00:16:36,387 --> 00:16:38,321
(sighs)

389
00:16:38,323 --> 00:16:40,423
My heart is literally breaking.

390
00:16:40,425 --> 00:16:42,125
Mine, too.

391
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:44,861
I guess we brought this on ourselves, huh?

392
00:16:44,863 --> 00:16:46,930
We haven't been much fun to be around.

393
00:16:46,932 --> 00:16:48,965
It's not you, it's me.

394
00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,033
No, it's me.

395
00:16:50,035 --> 00:16:51,334
Okay.

396
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,804
I'm the one who fell off the wagon

397
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:56,305
and was too frightened to ask for help.

398
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,840
I'm the one who lied to everybody.

399
00:16:57,842 --> 00:17:00,376
I'm the one who got the DUI
and blamed everybody but myself.

400
00:17:01,879 --> 00:17:03,546
Big Pharma didn't do this.

401
00:17:03,548 --> 00:17:06,382
Big Bonnie did.

402
00:17:06,384 --> 00:17:08,451
Glad to hear you say that.

403
00:17:08,453 --> 00:17:10,086
Don't give up on me, Christy.

404
00:17:10,088 --> 00:17:12,588
I am going to be the kind
of mother you deserve.

405
00:17:12,590 --> 00:17:14,757
I would never give up on you.

406
00:17:14,759 --> 00:17:17,793
Oh, baby.

407
00:17:17,795 --> 00:17:20,463
I love you.

408
00:17:20,465 --> 00:17:22,431
Love you, too.

409
00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:25,134
(loud crash)

410
00:17:25,136 --> 00:17:26,769
What did you do?!

411
00:17:26,771 --> 00:17:28,237
You hugged me!

412
00:17:28,239 --> 00:17:30,206
Well, you're still supposed
to look at the road!

413
00:17:30,208 --> 00:17:32,208
You could have waited till a red light!

414
00:17:32,210 --> 00:17:35,111
- Oh, so this is my fault?!
- Of course it's your fault!

415
00:17:44,135 --> 00:17:45,687
Great party, Marjorie.

416
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,151
Aw, wasn't it?

417
00:17:47,176 --> 00:17:49,459
Thanks so much for going
to all this trouble.

418
00:17:49,461 --> 00:17:50,693
No trouble.

419
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,528
Yeah, we were happy to do it for you.

420
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,731
Kind of surprised Christy
and Bonnie didn't come.

421
00:17:54,733 --> 00:17:55,733
Me, too.

422
00:17:55,734 --> 00:17:56,900
You invited them, right?

423
00:17:56,902 --> 00:17:58,501
Wendy was supposed to call them.

424
00:17:58,503 --> 00:18:00,169
No, you told me to call everybody

425
00:18:00,171 --> 00:18:02,839
at the Tuesday night meeting,
and don't forget the nuts.

426
00:18:02,841 --> 00:18:05,308
The nuts were Bonnie and Christy.

427
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,177
CHRISTY: Hope you're happy.

428
00:18:08,179 --> 00:18:09,779
BONNIE: Don't start with me.

429
00:18:09,781 --> 00:18:12,215
CHRISTY: How am I supposed to get
to work, take Roscoe to school?

430
00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:13,483
BONNIE: Use my car.

431
00:18:13,485 --> 00:18:15,084
CHRISTY: Your car is in an impound lot.

432
00:18:15,086 --> 00:18:16,385
BONNIE: So we'll go get it.

433
00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:17,587
CHRISTY: With what money?

434
00:18:17,589 --> 00:18:19,155
BONNIE: Fine, I'll make some money!

435
00:18:19,157 --> 00:18:23,059
Anybody here want to have
sex with me and my daughter?!

436
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:30,299
I was joking.

437
00:18:30,301 --> 00:18:33,102
Yeah, real funny.

438
00:18:37,274 --> 00:18:39,275
You have any idea where we are?

439
00:18:39,277 --> 00:18:40,443
Nope.

440
00:18:40,445 --> 00:18:42,878
Well, maybe we should call
someone to come get us.

441
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,914
Who are we gonna call, Mom?!

442
00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,782
Who? Who?!

443
00:18:49,953 --> 00:18:51,587
Truce?

444
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:52,888
Never!

445
00:18:52,890 --> 00:18:56,458
You and I are at war until the end of time.

446
00:18:59,517 --> 00:19:02,152
Come on.

447
00:19:02,420 --> 00:19:04,620
Yeah, fine, truce.

448
00:19:12,073 --> 00:19:13,407
It's what I do.

449
00:19:20,541 --> 00:19:28,601
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
- www.addic7ed.com -