1
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Previously onMom...

2
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I just got a text from my son.

3
00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:12,447
He hasn't spoken to me in years.

4
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:15,102
I chose booze over my own son.

5
00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:17,060
Marjorie would love to babysit.

6
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,322
Well, that's too bad.

7
00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:20,107
She's made her choices,
and I've made mine.

8
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,196
Jerry decided that
he wants his daughter

9
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:24,894
to have a relationship
with her grandma.

10
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:26,765
Hey.Hey.

11
00:00:26,809 --> 00:00:28,202
Your husband's a dick.

12
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,031
Fine. And you?

13
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,294
Out of nowhere, Adam said

14
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,122
I'm not allowed in
his office anymore.

15
00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:37,037
Well, he is a little funny
about his privacy.

16
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,039
You know I'm not allowed
in his jacket pockets?

17
00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:41,041
We're married,
and I can't have a Tic Tac?

18
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:43,043
Hmm.
Or a twenty.

19
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,001
I've worked at the
bar for over a year.

20
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,090
Obviously, it's 'cause
I'm an ex-con.

21
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,483
You want me to talk
to him for you?

22
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,920
I'll probably forget,
but I'm happy to offer.No.

23
00:00:50,963 --> 00:00:52,487
I'm just gonna act
like I'm over it,

24
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:54,141
and really resent him
behind his back.

25
00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:55,664
That's what I do.Mm.

26
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:57,927
Thank you, Ginny.

27
00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:59,450
This is perfect.

28
00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:01,017
What's with the
baby bouncer?

29
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,280
Is Majorie treating her
cats like people again?

30
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:06,327
I mean, the stroller was
embarrassing enough.

31
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,938
She's babysitting
her granddaughter tomorrow.

32
00:01:08,981 --> 00:01:10,026
That's huge!

33
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,723
How come nobody told me?

34
00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:13,943
She didtell you.
She told all of us.

35
00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,772
Yeah, we talked about it
for most of lunch the other day.

36
00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:18,513
Well, I must've been
in the bathroom.

37
00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:22,169
No, you were there, and
engaged in the conversation.

38
00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:24,127
Really?
Yeah, you told her
you didn't think

39
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,259
she was ready for it.

40
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,087
Then you ate my fries,
and told Wendy

41
00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:29,263
her blouse was sadder
than The Notebook.

42
00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:32,179
Oh. That sounds like me.

43
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,745
Look what Ginny lent me.

44
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,051
I know, because
you're babysitting

45
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,879
your granddaughter
tomorrow. I remember.

46
00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:39,751
How? You weren't even
at lunch when I told everybody.

47
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:42,537
You are both mean.

48
00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:47,107
[quietly]:
Ooh. I had so much fun
messing with her head.

49
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,630
Can we make that
a new thing?

50
00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:50,110
Let's make that
our new thing.

51
00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:53,069
Oh, you don't have much
going on, do you?

52
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♪

53
00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:07,605
Okay, uh, we both have
our cell phones,

54
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:10,347
but just in case, I'm sending
you the numbers to the church,

55
00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:12,175
the reception hall
and the bride and groom.

56
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:13,916
Please don't call
the bride and groom.

57
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:15,570
I won't.[Sophia babbles]

58
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:18,877
Don't worry.
Sophia and I are gonna be fine.

59
00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:20,183
Hear that?
Let's go.I just...

60
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I want to cover everything
in the diaper bag.

61
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Let's go. I haven't had
a drink in 17 months.

62
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If we're bragging,
I haven't had one in 38 years.

63
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,062
Should we leave her
the car seat?

64
00:02:30,106 --> 00:02:32,195
Actually, I bought one.

65
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:33,283
Oh, all right.

66
00:02:33,327 --> 00:02:35,155
Uh, well, then
let me double-check it

67
00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:38,027
'cause 74% of car seats
are installed wrong.

68
00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:40,334
I had it installed
at the fire station.

69
00:02:40,377 --> 00:02:41,987
We didn't
even do that.

70
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Thank you,
Marjorie.

71
00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:44,773
Mm-hmm.[gasps]

72
00:02:44,816 --> 00:02:48,211
Goodbye, smushie.
I love you somuch.

73
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,386
Jerry, get in the car.

74
00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:50,648
Okay.

75
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,694
Have a nice time.

76
00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:56,393
Okay.

77
00:02:56,437 --> 00:03:00,223
You and Grandma
are gonna have fun today.

78
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:02,007
Let me show you around my house.

79
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:04,227
Okay, this is the kitchen,

80
00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:08,188
and this is the living room.

81
00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:12,627
And that's cat barf
I just stepped in.

82
00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:15,151
Oh, which one of you did this?

83
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,328
We're gonna have
to interrogate the cats.

84
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:22,158
Thank you so much.

85
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,900
I've never seen
Boz Scaggs this sick.

86
00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:29,121
All right, so, Dr. Feeny doesn't
work on the weekends, so,

87
00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:31,689
if they say that
it's his liver, it's not.

88
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,256
Those enzymes
are always elevated.

89
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:36,694
And if they try to give him
amoxicillin, that is a big "no."

90
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:37,869
Marjorie?

91
00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:39,480
Mm. You're right.

92
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:41,133
You can handle it.

93
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,223
Actually, I was gonna
say I can'thandle it.

94
00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:46,269
How about I stay
here with the baby,

95
00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:48,097
and you take the
cat to the vet?

96
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:51,796
No. This is the first time
my son is leaving her with me,

97
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,102
and if anything happened...Hey.

98
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:55,365
I kept two kids alive.

99
00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:58,063
They're not really talking
to me, but they're alive.

100
00:03:58,107 --> 00:04:00,240
[Boz Scaggs yowls]Okay.

101
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:01,806
Mm-hmm.Okay.

102
00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:04,113
I'll be right back.

103
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:05,854
Call me if you need me.

104
00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:07,508
Oh, oh, oh, I'm
blocking you in.

105
00:04:07,551 --> 00:04:09,205
Here. Oh, just take my car.

106
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,076
Oh.

107
00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:14,515
You know we'll never be able
to do that again.

108
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:16,952
Why would we need to?

109
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,086
Bye, Sophia.

110
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,045
Hi.

111
00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:24,873
[laughs]

112
00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:27,310
My name is Christy,
and I'm an alcoholic

113
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,965
and a gambler
and a natural blonde.

114
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[laughs]

115
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,403
Two truths and a lie.

116
00:04:35,231 --> 00:04:37,712
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Have you seen this one?

117
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:41,063
Wait. Where'd I go?

118
00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:42,282
Here I am!

119
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,110
[sneezes]

120
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:47,809
Oh. Oh, no, no.

121
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,811
Don't-don't worry.
I'm not sick.

122
00:04:49,854 --> 00:04:53,031
I'm just very allergic to
kittens, and like a silly willy,

123
00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:56,208
I forgot to bring my medication.
[laughs]

124
00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:57,601
Oh. Mm.

125
00:04:57,645 --> 00:04:59,168
[Sophia laughs]

126
00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:01,823
Oh, you like that?

127
00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:05,000
[laughing]

128
00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:06,523
Yeah.

129
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,090
Ooh. Wait.

130
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:09,178
[laughing]

131
00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:11,223
Yeah. Uh-huh.

132
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:15,053
Ah.[laughing]

133
00:05:15,097 --> 00:05:18,448
[sniffs, sighs]

134
00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:21,799
Uh-oh. All gone. [laughs]

135
00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,105
[crying]

136
00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,933
Oh, no. No, don't cry.
Don't cry.

137
00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:26,064
There's another box.

138
00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,283
[laughs]

139
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,676
No, there isn't.

140
00:05:28,719 --> 00:05:30,025
[crying]

141
00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:31,156
Uh, um... Ah!

142
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,028
Ha. We'll start over.

143
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:34,421
Mm. Yeah.[crying continues]

144
00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:36,074
Ooh. Ah.

145
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,772
[cries loudly]

146
00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:41,776
Come on. It's the same thing
we've been doing for an hour.

147
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:44,300
Or ten minutes.
Oh, my God.

148
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,346
[sneezes]

149
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,392
Ugh. Ah.

150
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:52,047
All right, I got what I need.

151
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,353
[sniffles]

152
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:56,399
Ah. Oh, look.
It's our favorite game. [laughs]

153
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:57,661
[sniffles]

154
00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,054
Ah.

155
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,972
Oh, no. That's my mean
law school professor.

156
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:05,408
[sniffles]

157
00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:08,106
Well, they're all mean,
but she makes the boys cry.

158
00:06:09,151 --> 00:06:12,241
Let's pretend to look
at the stool softener.

159
00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:14,025
Mm-hmm.Excuse me.

160
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:16,158
Aren't you in my
administrative law class?

161
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:17,899
Ah. [sniffles]

162
00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:20,075
Professor Winslow,
I-I didn't see you.

163
00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,555
Yes. [sniffles]

164
00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:23,165
You look awful.

165
00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:25,776
Thank you.

166
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:28,039
I didn't realize
you had a baby.

167
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:32,304
If I'd done law school
with a baby, I'd be dead.

168
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:34,568
Oh, well, no, she's not...

169
00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:36,570
Well...

170
00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,746
it is hard.

171
00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:40,617
So this is why

172
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:44,099
you're always late and
distracted and unprepared?

173
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:47,015
That's what you get
for trying to have it all.

174
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,888
Well, I didn't realize
what you were dealing with.

175
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:53,761
But I'm gonna be more
patient with your mommy

176
00:06:53,804 --> 00:06:56,154
now that I realize
why she's such a mess.

177
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,244
Hang in there.

178
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:02,073
I will!

179
00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:04,336
[laughs, sniffles]

180
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:07,601
Where was this treatment when
I got pregnant in high school?

181
00:07:11,343 --> 00:07:14,216
Got your text.
What's going on?

182
00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:17,915
[sighs]
I thought I was having
an allergy attack,

183
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,874
but I think
I'm coming down with something.

184
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:22,442
[sniffles] You can't catch
anything from a cat, right?

185
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,966
What were you doing with it?

186
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:27,969
Just take over with the baby.All right.

187
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,013
All right, step aside.

188
00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:31,059
Let me show you
how this is done.

189
00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:33,453
40 years late, but okay.

190
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:36,760
Hey, I did something

191
00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:39,197
morally questionable.

192
00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:41,112
Is this about the cat again?

193
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:44,202
I ran into my professor
at the pharmacy

194
00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:46,553
and let her believe
Sophia's my baby,

195
00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:49,207
and now she thinks
I have a super hard life,

196
00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:50,861
and she's gonna give
me special treatment.

197
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:53,647
Hit me with
the morally questionable part.

198
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,997
That's it. I lied to her.

199
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,651
First of all, that sounds
like a lie of omission,

200
00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,087
and nobody counts those.

201
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:01,002
But more importantly,
your life ishard.

202
00:08:01,045 --> 00:08:02,830
Yeah, but I don't
have a baby.

203
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:04,092
So your life is hard
in different ways.

204
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:07,269
You've got, like, 27 addictions
and 12 jobs.

205
00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:09,314
Okay, it's only
two addictions.

206
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,534
That we know about.

207
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,884
Honey, your life is a crapfest

208
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:17,279
wrapped in a nightmare
on top of a dumpster fire.

209
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:20,935
Great. Now
I'm sick andsad.

210
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,153
[sniffles]

211
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,373
Marjorie has my car.
Give me your keys.

212
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:26,506
Don't wreck my car.[groans]

213
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:29,030
Don't leave her
in a basket at the laundromat.

214
00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:31,336
Oh, come on! Aren't we laughing
about that yet?

215
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:33,382
We are not.

216
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:37,081
Wecan laugh about it.

217
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:40,345
Okay, we've been through
all your grandma's

218
00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:42,304
drawers and closets,

219
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:45,394
so we're officially
out of things to do.

220
00:08:45,437 --> 00:08:47,265
Mm.

221
00:08:47,309 --> 00:08:51,879
By the way, women's underpants
don't all look like that.

222
00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:54,142
But if you're curious
about how people dressed

223
00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:56,057
in pioneer days, you're welcome.

224
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,625
[Bonnie chuckles]

225
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,846
♪ Ooh, do-do-do,
doo-dee, boo. ♪

226
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:05,196
What to do?

227
00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:09,636
See, this is what we needed.

228
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:13,378
A little fresh air,
change of scenery.

229
00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:14,989
Ah, look!

230
00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:17,034
I got hammered at that winery.

231
00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:20,385
And that one.

232
00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:23,867
Ooh, did coke behind that one
with a gentleman in long boots.

233
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:25,565
[laughs]

234
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:29,351
Don't look at me
with that judgy face.

235
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:34,008
Damn, it's so adorable. Hmm.

236
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:36,924
I should have spent more time
looking at Christy's face

237
00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:39,013
when she was a baby.

238
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,102
I bet it was cute.

239
00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:43,800
Ah, gettin' sad.

240
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:45,715
Let's crank some tunes.

241
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:47,630
[Gloria Stefan and Miami Sound
Machine's "Conga" plays]

242
00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:48,979
Ooh!
♪ Do the conga

243
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,025
♪ No, you can't
control your body any longer ♪

244
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,636
♪ Hoop-ah, ta-ta, ta-ta,
da-da, bah-boo ♪

245
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,420
♪ Bah, dee-dee-dee,
do the bomba ♪

246
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:57,597
[trills loudly]

247
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,511
Yeah! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Oh!

248
00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:01,165
[instrumental interlude plays]

249
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:03,690
Oh! Aw, damn!

250
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:09,043
Oh.

251
00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:11,698
[fake cries]

252
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:14,701
You feel like
helping me change a tire?

253
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,530
Don't pretend to be asleep.

254
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:28,671
[sighs]

255
00:10:30,412 --> 00:10:32,980
Are you kidding me?

256
00:10:33,023 --> 00:10:35,504
[sighs]
Great, Marjorie, no spare tire,

257
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:39,203
but you got
an emergency Christmas sweater.

258
00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:43,991
[handle clacking]

259
00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,688
Oh, no.

260
00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:46,950
No, no.

261
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:48,256
No, no, no, no, no, no.

262
00:10:49,997 --> 00:10:51,781
Oh.

263
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,391
Sophia?

264
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,263
See the little button?

265
00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:56,960
Open the door.

266
00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:58,701
Do you know "open"?

267
00:10:58,745 --> 00:10:59,920
Waah!

268
00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:02,183
Oh. Don't laugh at me.

269
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:04,489
I'm trying to help you.

270
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:08,102
Oh, no. Oh, my God,
I'm failing another baby.

271
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:09,581
Okay, don't panic.

272
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:12,019
Just think. Just think.

273
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:19,069
Bad idea.

274
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:21,898
Look at me know it's a bad idea
before I did it.

275
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:23,160
Okay.

276
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,292
Oh.

277
00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:29,950
Don't worry.

278
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:33,344
Aunt Bonnie knows
how to break into cars.

279
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:36,478
Stop with the judgy face.

280
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,834
[gasps]
Better.

281
00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:48,751
Yes!

282
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:52,102
Here's Bonnie!

283
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:53,974
[Bonnie giggles]

284
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,758
Hey.
[chuckles]

285
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,194
Ooh.

286
00:11:58,892 --> 00:12:00,415
Hold on.

287
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,290
I... am...

288
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:08,075
amazing!

289
00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:12,122
And stuck in a trunk.

290
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,167
♪

291
00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:21,175
♪ Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪

292
00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:22,742
♪ Merrily, merrily, merri...

293
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,875
How the hell
did you manage this?

294
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:28,443
Why do you assume
it was my fault?

295
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:33,753
♪

296
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:37,060
Isn't this more fun than waiting
back there for a tow truck?

297
00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,585
[Looney Tunes music plays]

298
00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:42,544
You are gonna love Bugs Bunny.

299
00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:45,416
I used to watch it all the time
when I was a kid.

300
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:47,767
And sometimes in college
when I was hi...

301
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:49,594
hey, baby.

302
00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:52,510
[cartoon gunshots]

303
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:54,164
Huh.

304
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:57,167
I don't remember them shooting
each other in the face so much.

305
00:12:57,211 --> 00:13:00,083
Oh, my God. He just picked
his mouth up off the floor

306
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:01,737
and stuck it back on.

307
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,261
I'm just gonna turn this off.

308
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,785
[sighs]

309
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,612
You are so sweet.

310
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:08,962
And your skin is flawless.

311
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:10,746
Do you have a specific routine,

312
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:14,489
or is it just not having been
on Earth very long?

313
00:13:14,532 --> 00:13:17,535
You're right.
A lady never tells.

314
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:23,411
[speaking baby talk]

315
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:27,458
Oh, I want one of you so bad.

316
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:37,599
♪

317
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:41,733
Hey, ladies.

318
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:44,084
Oh, Jill, you didn't
steal a baby.

319
00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:45,825
It's Marjorie's granddaughter,

320
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:47,696
but I'm kind of pretending
like she's mine.

321
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:50,133
Ooh, it's cold in here.
Could you hold her for a second

322
00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:51,134
while I grab her hat?

323
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,049
Ugh, no.
Not a fan.

324
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,183
You're a nurse.

325
00:13:56,226 --> 00:13:58,141
Of adults.

326
00:13:58,185 --> 00:14:00,056
What is the matter with you?

327
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:03,146
Babies are the most precious
things in the world.

328
00:14:04,147 --> 00:14:05,366
[sighs]

329
00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:07,498
And I am never gonna have one.

330
00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:09,196
Oh, you don't know that.

331
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:11,676
It's starting to feel that way.

332
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,069
[sighs]

333
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:16,072
And I've been doing my best
to put on a brave face,

334
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:18,770
but then this little bundle
of joy lands in my lap,

335
00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:20,990
and I can't hold it
together anymore.

336
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:22,557
[sniffles]

337
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,168
Can somebody please take the
baby so I could get her hat!

338
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,561
You do it.I don't know,

339
00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,693
I'm not really into babies.

340
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,521
Look at the baby!

341
00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:32,915
[Tammy chuckles]

342
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,222
You don't think
she smells weird?

343
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,923
I know I'm supposed to trust
that my higher power has a plan,

344
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,664
but... I'm not really interested

345
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:45,406
if that plan doesn't
include me being a mother.

346
00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:46,973
Aw.

347
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:50,063
See?

348
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:52,065
Adults I'm good with.

349
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,196
[Sophia crying]

350
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,720
Here. I'll
take her outside.

351
00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:57,157
No, you need to be
here more than me.

352
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,462
I was just gonna
bitch about Adam.

353
00:14:58,506 --> 00:15:00,116
You're having
a breakdown.

354
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,814
[crying]: But she could still be
my baby for a few more hours.

355
00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:05,078
Ooh. Yikes. Listen. Wendy,
you start the meeting.

356
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:07,254
I'm gonna take her
back to Marjorie's.Okay.

357
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,821
Ugh. The little hands.

358
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,649
♪

359
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,002
Look at you so tiny.

360
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:18,004
Just starting out.

361
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:20,963
Good news:
it's a great time to be a woman.

362
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:22,617
You can be fierce now.

363
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:26,012
You don't have to take
C-R-A-P from anybody.

364
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,188
You can speak your mind.

365
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:31,452
You can tell a guy
when he's being a D-I-C-K.

366
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:35,586
Know what?
We're gonna make one stop.

367
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,850
♪

368
00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,679
I quit.What?

369
00:15:41,723 --> 00:15:43,507
Whose baby is that?

370
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,596
Don't change the subject.
I can't work for someone

371
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:46,989
who doesn't trust me.

372
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,730
Who doesn't trust you?
Whose baby is that?

373
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:50,993
You don't trust me.
You banned me from your office.

374
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:53,082
I mean, I get it.
Don't trust the ex-con.

375
00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:54,475
We don't deserve
a second chance.

376
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:55,998
Why let us out at all?

377
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,131
Okay, here's a little something
I learned at home.

378
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,002
Do you need a meeting?

379
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,786
Oh, 'cause I'm feeling
my feelings?

380
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:04,006
Tammy, I told everyone
to stay out of my office.

381
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,094
You did?Yeah.

382
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:07,009
Why?'Cause I don't trust Joe yet,

383
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,055
and I didn't want
to single him out.

384
00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:12,058
Oh, yeah, Joe's super creepy.

385
00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:14,016
Why'd you hire him
in the first place?

386
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,410
'Cause he's an ex-con, and
I'm trying to give him a break.

387
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:19,108
Oh. Well,
I feel a little foolish.

388
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,112
Do you want to un-quit?

389
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:25,027
Yes, please.
And now that I'm back,Okay.

390
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:27,029
can I get some
free employee wings?

391
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,683
[slurring]:
Hello, baby.

392
00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:33,079
Never mind.
We're leaving.

393
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:33,993
Well...

394
00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:35,559
whose baby is that?

395
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:37,997
♪

396
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,389
We're home.

397
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:42,610
Christy?

398
00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:46,135
Sophia?

399
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,487
Christy?

400
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:57,103
[ringtone playing]

401
00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:00,019
[groans softly]

402
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:02,543
Hello?

403
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,023
Where are you?

404
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,328
I don't know.

405
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:07,113
Where is Sophia?

406
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:10,942
She's with my mom
at your house.

407
00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:13,641
I'm at my house.
No one's here.

408
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:16,905
Hold on. I'll-I'll
conference her in.

409
00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,690
[ringtone plays]

410
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:21,127
Go for Bonnie.

411
00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:22,302
Where are you?

412
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:23,738
I'm on the side of the road

413
00:17:23,781 --> 00:17:25,479
watching Arlo change a tire.

414
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:26,480
What?What?

415
00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:28,134
Where is the baby?Hey, Marjorie.

416
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,136
She's at your
house with Jill.

417
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:33,052
I'm at my house.
There's no one here.

418
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,097
Let me
conference her in.

419
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:36,446
[phone rings]

420
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:37,795
Hello?

421
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:39,449
Where are you?Oh. Leaving a meeting.

422
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:41,060
Where is my granddaughter?

423
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:43,149
Well, Tammy brought her
back to your house,

424
00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:45,325
because I was having
a bit of a meltdown.

425
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:47,153
No good comes from babies.

426
00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:48,980
Tammy's not here.

427
00:17:49,024 --> 00:17:51,200
All conference her in.

428
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:52,593
[phone rings]

429
00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:53,985
Hello?

430
00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:55,465
Where's Sophia?
Where are you?Where's the baby?

431
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:58,294
Is this a conference call?
I've never been on one of those.

432
00:17:58,338 --> 00:18:00,470
Just tell me
where you are.

433
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:02,124
I'm in your living room.

434
00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:03,908
OTHERS:
No, you aren't!
No, you're not!

435
00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:05,693
Wait. Yes, you are.

436
00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:07,216
Goodbye.

437
00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:11,133
Oh... ah...

438
00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:15,137
There's my beautiful girl!

439
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:16,573
She prefers "fierce woman."

440
00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:19,054
Also, if you blow on her belly,
she giggles.

441
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,925
Then again, who doesn't?

442
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:23,189
♪

443
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,064
[doorbell rings]

444
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,849
Hi. How was the wedding?

445
00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:34,025
It was great.
Where's Sophia?

446
00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:35,766
Right there. Hi!

447
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:38,160
We had the best time!

448
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:41,816
We danced.
People filled my wineglass.

449
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,732
No one bit down on my nipple.

450
00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:46,995
Oh, I'm so glad.

451
00:18:47,038 --> 00:18:50,390
Sophia and I had a
wonderful day, too.

452
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:53,001
You know, I got to admit, I was
little nervous about this,

453
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,133
but you really came through.

454
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:56,657
You're the best.Oh. [laughs]

455
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,049
You really have changed.

456
00:18:58,093 --> 00:18:59,616
That means a lot.

457
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:03,620
So, um, maybe we
can do this again sometime.

458
00:19:03,664 --> 00:19:05,579
I would love that.I would love that.

459
00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:09,060
[sighs]:
Okay.

460
00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:14,283
Jerry. Wait.

461
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,112
Um...

462
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,027
I didn't exactly
do this alone today.

463
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:22,248
Uh, I had to take
a sick cat to the vet,

464
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:25,120
so I left Sophia
with Christy,

465
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,036
and then Christy
came down with a cold,

466
00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:31,257
so she gave Sophia
to her mom, and...

467
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,259
Basically, everyone
on my speed dial

468
00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:36,349
took care
of your daughter today.

469
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:38,525
But I guarantee you

470
00:19:38,568 --> 00:19:40,091
she was safe and loved

471
00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:42,746
the entire time.

472
00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:44,835
Although she
did go to a bar

473
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:47,055
and attend
her first AA meeting.

474
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,232
[sighs]

475
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,017
I-I can't believe
you told me all that.

476
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:56,804
Well... it's just,
it took so long

477
00:19:56,847 --> 00:20:00,111
to get you back in my life--
I want to be completely honest.

478
00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:03,593
I appreciate that.

479
00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:05,682
[softly]:
Okay.

480
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,467
Talk to you later, Mom.

481
00:20:12,602 --> 00:20:14,038
[exhales]

482
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:20,175
[ringtone plays]

483
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,916
[sniffs]

484
00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:23,047
Hello?

485
00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:25,615
He called me Mom.

486
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:27,878
Oh, my God.

487
00:20:27,922 --> 00:20:30,229
I'll conference everyone in!

488
00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:38,585
Captioning sponsored by
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489
00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:42,589
and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION

490
00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:45,635
Captioned by
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