1
00:00:02,156 --> 00:00:04,178
Okay, maybe I'm old-fashioned.

2
00:00:04,203 --> 00:00:06,170
Says the man who wears Aqua Velva.

3
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:07,338
I thought you like that.

4
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:09,340
I do. Go on with your rant, honey.

5
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,792
I just don't think that
dogs belong in stores.

6
00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:13,877
I can't take my ice
cream into a pet store,

7
00:00:13,879 --> 00:00:15,095
so why do all these people

8
00:00:15,097 --> 00:00:17,097
bring their dogs into
an ice cream store?

9
00:00:17,099 --> 00:00:18,632
They're service dogs.

10
00:00:18,634 --> 00:00:20,684
Really? How was that ratty little poodle

11
00:00:20,686 --> 00:00:22,945
being of service to that
woman with the big, fake lips?

12
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,890
She must need him or she wouldn't
have bought him a stroller.

13
00:00:26,892 --> 00:00:29,143
Oh, d-don't get me
started on the strollers

14
00:00:29,145 --> 00:00:30,778
or the matching hats.

15
00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:32,780
You know, you're
getting dangerously close

16
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:34,365
to old coot territory.

17
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,066
Which is just over yonder

18
00:00:36,068 --> 00:00:38,820
by those kids who won't
pick a damn gender!

19
00:00:42,726 --> 00:00:44,325
It's Christy.

20
00:00:44,890 --> 00:00:47,578
- Is that coconut or poodle fuzz?
- She wants me

21
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,747
to pick up her waitress
uniform at the dry cleaner.

22
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:52,216
I love how she thinks I
have nothing better to do.

23
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,634
Do you?

24
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:55,302
My side. You're on my side.

25
00:00:56,305 --> 00:00:58,005
"Will try,

26
00:00:58,007 --> 00:01:00,974
but Adam in a dark place again."

27
00:01:00,976 --> 00:01:02,893
Hey, hey, don't drag me into this.

28
00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:04,420
Oh, I do it all the time.

29
00:01:04,445 --> 00:01:07,348
If she asks, you have just
a kiss of manic depression.

30
00:01:07,350 --> 00:01:10,184
"Will try, but Adam really Ne... "

31
00:01:10,186 --> 00:01:12,820
- Oh, my God. Are you all right?
- Oh! Oh!

32
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,439
This is bad. This is really bad.

33
00:01:15,441 --> 00:01:17,074
Okay, here, take my
hands. I'll pull you up.

34
00:01:18,568 --> 00:01:20,361
Oh, stop. I can't stand.

35
00:01:20,363 --> 00:01:21,862
Honey, you got to get up.

36
00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:24,615
You're in a bus stop.
Eventually, there's gonna be a bus.

37
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:25,783
Okay.

38
00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:30,371
- Let me try to drag myself out.
- All right. Hurry, hurry.

39
00:01:32,582 --> 00:01:34,508
Did you just eat your ice cream?

40
00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:36,009
Uh, I don't know. Did I?

41
00:01:36,011 --> 00:01:38,545
How about when you're
done with your treat,

42
00:01:38,547 --> 00:01:40,589
you call 911!

43
00:01:47,570 --> 00:01:51,910
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

44
00:02:00,758 --> 00:02:02,307
So, what's the spa like?

45
00:02:03,172 --> 00:02:05,997
Oh, we take hikes through the desert,

46
00:02:06,022 --> 00:02:09,323
we meditate, we eat super healthy.

47
00:02:10,657 --> 00:02:13,174
It's been the worst week of my life.

48
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:14,570
Well, you look good.

49
00:02:14,595 --> 00:02:17,563
Damn well better look good
after I... W-What's that?

50
00:02:18,313 --> 00:02:21,281
- What are you eating?
- Just a muffin.

51
00:02:21,283 --> 00:02:22,783
Don't say "just a muffin" to me.

52
00:02:22,785 --> 00:02:25,172
I'm on ten calories a day. Hold it up.

53
00:02:27,122 --> 00:02:29,656
Not the wrapper side. Show me her face.

54
00:02:31,744 --> 00:02:34,393
Ooh, she's pretty.

55
00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:38,215
Jill, it's a muffin I
bought at a car wash.

56
00:02:38,217 --> 00:02:40,635
Oh, they're all the same in the dark.

57
00:02:42,948 --> 00:02:45,722
- What kind is it?
- Bran.

58
00:02:45,724 --> 00:02:47,507
Lie to me.

59
00:02:48,456 --> 00:02:50,060
Double chocolate chip.

60
00:02:50,062 --> 00:02:51,845
Yeah, it is.

61
00:02:52,765 --> 00:02:54,448
Take another bite.

62
00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:58,598
- This is getting kind of weird.
- Take a bite!

63
00:02:59,571 --> 00:03:02,072
Oh, yeah.

64
00:03:03,989 --> 00:03:05,909
Oh, got to go.

65
00:03:05,911 --> 00:03:07,411
I'm gonna reheat some pizza later.

66
00:03:07,413 --> 00:03:08,612
I'll call you then.

67
00:03:08,614 --> 00:03:09,996
What time?!

68
00:03:10,817 --> 00:03:12,699
Hey, where's my mom?

69
00:03:12,701 --> 00:03:14,367
She asked me to make sure you were here

70
00:03:14,369 --> 00:03:15,619
so she could make an entrance.

71
00:03:15,621 --> 00:03:17,621
- What?
- Come on in!

72
00:03:17,623 --> 00:03:19,253
Is she gonna do that
thing where she asks

73
00:03:19,278 --> 00:03:21,258
"What's different about me?"
and I'm gonna have to guess?

74
00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:23,010
Maybe, but it'll be easy.

75
00:03:27,339 --> 00:03:28,548
Oh, my God!

76
00:03:28,550 --> 00:03:29,883
What happened?

77
00:03:29,885 --> 00:03:31,190
You made me fall.

78
00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:34,054
How?

79
00:03:34,056 --> 00:03:36,056
You kept texting me about
your stupid dry cleaning

80
00:03:36,058 --> 00:03:37,724
while I was walking
and eating ice cream.

81
00:03:37,726 --> 00:03:39,206
I almost got hit by a bus.

82
00:03:40,277 --> 00:03:42,776
It was nine blocks away,
but she could see it.

83
00:03:44,026 --> 00:03:45,807
- Are they broken?
- Yes.

84
00:03:45,832 --> 00:03:47,701
No. She tore a couple of ligaments.

85
00:03:47,703 --> 00:03:49,619
She'll be in the chair for a few weeks.

86
00:03:49,621 --> 00:03:50,737
You hear that, Christy?

87
00:03:50,739 --> 00:03:52,572
Torn ligaments because
of your dry cleaning.

88
00:03:52,715 --> 00:03:56,702
Yeah. You have size 15 feet,
but sure, I'm the one at fault.

89
00:03:57,006 --> 00:03:59,311
The X-ray lady had trouble
getting 'em in the same shot.

90
00:03:59,336 --> 00:04:01,052
Hey! My side.

91
00:04:02,795 --> 00:04:04,551
Well, is there anything
I can do to help?

92
00:04:04,553 --> 00:04:06,636
For starters, you have
to be the building manager

93
00:04:06,638 --> 00:04:07,898
until I can walk again.

94
00:04:08,428 --> 00:04:11,258
I meant more like get you a pillow.

95
00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:12,936
I'll take that, too.

96
00:04:14,256 --> 00:04:16,429
All right. Well, you know,
just write a list

97
00:04:16,431 --> 00:04:18,348
of things I need to
do around the building,

98
00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:20,413
and I'll be like you and not do them.

99
00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:23,257
That's all I'm asking.

100
00:04:26,956 --> 00:04:28,744
Oh, I'm slipping off the toilet!

101
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,243
Just push yourself off the bowl!

102
00:04:30,245 --> 00:04:32,612
- Grab my butt. Ow!
- Hold the towel rack!

103
00:04:32,614 --> 00:04:33,997
You're hurting my leg!

104
00:04:33,999 --> 00:04:35,415
Stop pulling my hair!

105
00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:37,834
Pull up my pants!

106
00:04:37,836 --> 00:04:41,035
Great! Now we're gonna
have seven years bad luck.

107
00:04:41,511 --> 00:04:43,340
How will we tell?

108
00:04:45,761 --> 00:04:48,211
I always knew someday she'd
need help using the toilet,

109
00:04:48,213 --> 00:04:50,294
but I was really hoping
I'd be dead by then.

110
00:04:50,849 --> 00:04:52,299
We better get this worked out

111
00:04:52,301 --> 00:04:54,267
before I have my
coffee tomorrow morning.

112
00:04:54,723 --> 00:04:57,470
For what it's worth, I
really enjoyed listening.

113
00:04:57,472 --> 00:04:59,130
You guys should do a podcast.

114
00:04:59,536 --> 00:05:01,057
I'm glad you were entertained

115
00:05:01,059 --> 00:05:02,859
by me almost peeing
on my daughter's hand.

116
00:05:02,861 --> 00:05:03,846
"Almost"?!

117
00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:06,279
It was a direct hit!

118
00:05:06,281 --> 00:05:07,981
Oh, great.

119
00:05:07,983 --> 00:05:09,232
Course my phone's in the kitchen.

120
00:05:09,234 --> 00:05:10,450
Christy, do you mind?

121
00:05:10,452 --> 00:05:12,807
Hold on, I'm boiling my hand.

122
00:05:13,643 --> 00:05:15,823
She used to pay good
money for clean urine.

123
00:05:18,076 --> 00:05:19,376
Hello?

124
00:05:19,378 --> 00:05:21,158
Uh, uh-huh.

125
00:05:21,330 --> 00:05:23,315
Okay, I'll tell her.

126
00:05:24,189 --> 00:05:26,967
Beverly's smelling something
dead in her apartment.

127
00:05:26,969 --> 00:05:30,195
Not the first time. Hope
and animals go there to die.

128
00:05:31,281 --> 00:05:32,505
What do you want to do?

129
00:05:32,507 --> 00:05:33,807
Well, clearly I can't do anything,

130
00:05:33,809 --> 00:05:35,308
but you better get right on it.

131
00:05:35,310 --> 00:05:36,843
Can't we just turn up the heat

132
00:05:36,845 --> 00:05:38,586
and see if whatever it is dries out?

133
00:05:39,117 --> 00:05:40,680
Just get up there.

134
00:05:40,682 --> 00:05:42,732
Oh, and grab the hammer
out of my toolbox.

135
00:05:42,734 --> 00:05:44,601
Sometimes the dead thing
isn't completely dead.

136
00:05:44,603 --> 00:05:46,265
What?

137
00:05:46,989 --> 00:05:49,189
They scratch, they nip,
they try to lay eggs in you.

138
00:05:49,191 --> 00:05:50,407
It's disgusting.

139
00:05:50,409 --> 00:05:52,859
If the dead thing bites
me, I am biting you.

140
00:05:52,861 --> 00:05:55,745
Ooh. I'll bite you back.

141
00:05:56,883 --> 00:06:00,235
There's your podcast: sober
chicks who bite each other.

142
00:06:05,791 --> 00:06:07,352
Do you see anything?

143
00:06:07,793 --> 00:06:09,459
Yep, it's a dead mouse.

144
00:06:09,461 --> 00:06:10,710
Wait.

145
00:06:10,868 --> 00:06:12,284
Yeah, it's dead.

146
00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:17,684
You're gonna need a new pair of tongs.

147
00:06:17,686 --> 00:06:20,188
Why? It's just another kind of meat.

148
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,056
Now I'm kind of glad

149
00:06:23,058 --> 00:06:25,191
I turned down the
lasagna you offered me.

150
00:06:26,572 --> 00:06:29,396
Okay, I'm just gonna go
throw Mickey in the Dumpster.

151
00:06:29,398 --> 00:06:31,790
After that, can you
drive me to the pharmacy?

152
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,316
What?

153
00:06:33,318 --> 00:06:35,702
I can't drive at night.
Your mom takes me.

154
00:06:36,751 --> 00:06:38,905
- My mother?
- Yeah.

155
00:06:39,337 --> 00:06:41,491
My mother does you favors?

156
00:06:41,493 --> 00:06:42,959
Christy, it's not a kidney.

157
00:06:42,961 --> 00:06:44,577
It's just a ride to the pharmacy.

158
00:06:46,051 --> 00:06:48,915
Okay. Well, I guess I can take you.

159
00:06:48,917 --> 00:06:50,750
Thank you.

160
00:06:50,752 --> 00:06:53,169
Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

161
00:06:56,699 --> 00:06:58,690
All right, off we go.

162
00:07:02,431 --> 00:07:04,597
No.

163
00:07:04,599 --> 00:07:07,017
No.

164
00:07:07,019 --> 00:07:09,352
God, no.

165
00:07:09,354 --> 00:07:12,004
Wait.

166
00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,365
No.

167
00:07:16,745 --> 00:07:19,446
Okay, we're back to Matlock in Spanish.

168
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:24,411
You know the worst thing
about being in a wheelchair?

169
00:07:27,833 --> 00:07:29,456
Enlighten me.

170
00:07:30,044 --> 00:07:31,925
I'm just so bored.

171
00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:34,627
I have all this energy
and nothing to do with it.

172
00:07:34,629 --> 00:07:37,583
It's like my usual
sparkle is being wasted.

173
00:07:38,504 --> 00:07:41,518
I wouldn't mind getting a
little of that sparkle on me.

174
00:07:43,150 --> 00:07:44,688
What are you talking about?

175
00:07:44,690 --> 00:07:46,916
Really? The sparkle thing wasn't clear?

176
00:07:48,944 --> 00:07:50,610
Look at me. It's not happening.

177
00:07:50,612 --> 00:07:52,111
Oh, it's happening.

178
00:07:52,778 --> 00:07:55,278
Parts of it have already started.

179
00:08:19,711 --> 00:08:21,341
Pull me up. Pull me up.

180
00:08:21,343 --> 00:08:23,143
I'm pulling.

181
00:08:23,145 --> 00:08:25,512
Swivel and slide. Swivel and slide!

182
00:08:25,514 --> 00:08:26,846
Stop flailing.

183
00:08:26,848 --> 00:08:29,015
Oh! Hey, we got it.

184
00:08:29,017 --> 00:08:30,683
The right parts are touching.

185
00:08:36,734 --> 00:08:38,992
We should probably get undressed now.

186
00:08:40,007 --> 00:08:42,612
How about you just tickle
my back and we take a nap.

187
00:08:44,866 --> 00:08:46,328
All right.

188
00:08:46,701 --> 00:08:49,285
Just so you know, the light is on.

189
00:08:49,287 --> 00:08:50,898
Oh, thanks, Christy.

190
00:08:51,540 --> 00:08:53,006
Mind if I ask a question?

191
00:08:53,008 --> 00:08:55,752
Why does a blind man need a light bulb?

192
00:08:56,385 --> 00:08:58,178
That was the one.

193
00:08:58,180 --> 00:09:00,556
It helps regulate my circadian rhythms.

194
00:09:00,932 --> 00:09:04,217
Also, I have friends who
don't like to sit in the dark.

195
00:09:04,885 --> 00:09:07,053
Oh, yeah. Never thought about that.

196
00:09:07,791 --> 00:09:10,223
Can I ask one more favor?

197
00:09:10,225 --> 00:09:11,391
Sure.

198
00:09:11,393 --> 00:09:13,560
When your mom drops in to fix something,

199
00:09:13,562 --> 00:09:16,103
she usually hangs
around and reads to me.

200
00:09:16,462 --> 00:09:18,720
Oh, come on. She does not.

201
00:09:19,568 --> 00:09:21,401
Started out she'd read my mail,

202
00:09:21,403 --> 00:09:23,430
then we worked our way up to books.

203
00:09:24,283 --> 00:09:26,298
She never even read to me.

204
00:09:27,209 --> 00:09:28,992
That's a sad story.

205
00:09:29,915 --> 00:09:32,045
My book is on the table.

206
00:09:34,308 --> 00:09:35,381
Okay.

207
00:09:35,383 --> 00:09:37,176
I guess I got a couple minutes.

208
00:09:37,586 --> 00:09:39,629
From the bookmark, please.

209
00:09:45,177 --> 00:09:46,636
"Chapter 12.

210
00:09:47,847 --> 00:09:50,063
"She walked into my office

211
00:09:50,065 --> 00:09:53,315
"on legs that could
wrap around a man twice.

212
00:09:53,717 --> 00:09:56,134
"I felt a twinge of jealousy

213
00:09:56,238 --> 00:09:58,188
for the cigarette between her lips."

214
00:09:58,190 --> 00:09:59,542
Hey, Dr. Seuss,

215
00:09:59,567 --> 00:10:01,245
it's not a children's book.

216
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:06,946
"I felt a twinge of jealousy

217
00:10:06,948 --> 00:10:08,915
for the cigarette between her lips."

218
00:10:08,917 --> 00:10:10,303
Mmm.

219
00:10:12,889 --> 00:10:14,787
"The kind of lips

220
00:10:14,789 --> 00:10:19,483
that God made for one
reason and one reason only."

221
00:10:20,842 --> 00:10:22,538
Oh, that's graphic.

222
00:10:24,186 --> 00:10:26,571
Don't look at me. Your
mom picked the book.

223
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:30,854
Hand to God,

224
00:10:30,856 --> 00:10:33,890
she reads to blind guys,
helps old people run errands,

225
00:10:33,892 --> 00:10:35,975
and... get ready for this one...

226
00:10:35,977 --> 00:10:38,478
She got a tenant's Social
Security check in the mail,

227
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:39,696
and she returned it.

228
00:10:40,902 --> 00:10:42,732
Whoa.

229
00:10:43,456 --> 00:10:46,536
Is it possible my mom's
secretly a nice person?

230
00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:48,581
- No.
- Not a chance.

231
00:10:54,781 --> 00:10:56,983
I mean, I'd get it
if my mom was bragging

232
00:10:57,008 --> 00:10:59,209
all over the place about
what a great person she is,

233
00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:01,289
but here's the thing... She's not.

234
00:11:01,314 --> 00:11:03,931
She's doing all this nice
stuff on the down low.

235
00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:08,992
Okay, well, let's try to
look at this in a new way.

236
00:11:08,994 --> 00:11:12,128
We all know from sobriety
miracles can happen.

237
00:11:12,610 --> 00:11:15,045
Junkie hooker becomes CEO, sure.

238
00:11:15,070 --> 00:11:17,938
Bonnie Plunkett becomes
a nice person, no.

239
00:11:18,695 --> 00:11:22,115
- People do change in recovery.
- It's true.

240
00:11:22,117 --> 00:11:24,445
I used to be very quiet and low energy.

241
00:11:25,945 --> 00:11:28,204
And you are an inspiration.

242
00:11:30,281 --> 00:11:32,959
But my mom is a
different kind of animal.

243
00:11:32,961 --> 00:11:36,179
My mom... is an animal.

244
00:11:36,539 --> 00:11:38,598
Well, you have every
right to feel that way

245
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,267
given your history, but maybe it's time

246
00:11:41,269 --> 00:11:44,721
we all admit she's
becoming a better person.

247
00:11:45,364 --> 00:11:47,621
Oh, please. You know that story

248
00:11:47,646 --> 00:11:49,958
about the frog helping the
scorpion cross the river?

249
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,710
Yeah. Your mother's the scorpion,

250
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,590
and she can't change her nature.

251
00:11:53,615 --> 00:11:57,660
No. My mother's the river,
and everybody drowns in her.

252
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,205
Okay, I got her in the tub.

253
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,093
With any luck, she'll doze
off, and that'll be that.

254
00:12:10,677 --> 00:12:13,448
You guys are cute when
you wish each other dead.

255
00:12:15,699 --> 00:12:18,834
- Make you a sandwich?
- Thanks.

256
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:25,902
So... you're marrying my mother.

257
00:12:25,952 --> 00:12:27,881
Unless she drowns in that tub.

258
00:12:29,639 --> 00:12:31,529
Then you're the right person to ask.

259
00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:35,042
I'm guessing there are
things about her you like.

260
00:12:35,701 --> 00:12:36,920
Of course.

261
00:12:37,263 --> 00:12:39,130
What are they?

262
00:12:39,568 --> 00:12:41,451
Are you looking for something specific?

263
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:44,802
For starters, do you
think she's a good person?

264
00:12:46,803 --> 00:12:49,140
Let me tell you why
I'm making a sandwich.

265
00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:52,216
Your mother and I were supposed
to go out to lunch today

266
00:12:52,241 --> 00:12:54,124
at that new Italian place.

267
00:12:55,281 --> 00:12:57,486
Hello there.

268
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:01,819
We need a table for two,

269
00:13:01,821 --> 00:13:06,212
preferably by a window
because... you know.

270
00:13:07,681 --> 00:13:09,493
What do wheelchairs have
to do with the window?

271
00:13:09,495 --> 00:13:11,377
Shh. I got this.

272
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:14,382
I'm sorry. We don't have
any tables available.

273
00:13:14,681 --> 00:13:17,084
Thanks anyway. I told you we
should've made a reservation.

274
00:13:17,086 --> 00:13:18,886
Hang on. Sir, you can't turn us away.

275
00:13:18,888 --> 00:13:20,888
Do you realize how challenging it is

276
00:13:20,890 --> 00:13:23,532
for us to just get out of the house?

277
00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:26,060
- Bonnie...
- But today,

278
00:13:26,062 --> 00:13:27,678
we said, "Darn it, let's go out

279
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,313
for a nice lunch like normal people."

280
00:13:31,914 --> 00:13:33,901
Are you kidding me?

281
00:13:33,903 --> 00:13:36,771
I'm so sorry. Let me see if I
can shift some things around.

282
00:13:36,773 --> 00:13:39,106
Please don't bother. We're out of here.

283
00:13:39,108 --> 00:13:40,992
- What? Why? He's shifting.
- Uh...

284
00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,860
You're unbelievable.

285
00:13:43,034 --> 00:13:44,862
I'm sorry. He's got a
kiss of manic depression.

286
00:13:44,864 --> 00:13:46,932
Keep shifting. We'll be right back.

287
00:13:47,617 --> 00:13:49,596
Oh, my God, she's a monster.

288
00:13:50,698 --> 00:13:53,954
- Thank you. I feel so much better.
- What are you talking about?

289
00:13:54,854 --> 00:13:56,926
Well, Marjorie was trying

290
00:13:56,951 --> 00:13:59,919
to convince me that my mom's
becoming a better person.

291
00:14:00,955 --> 00:14:02,583
This is really good.

292
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:04,859
Excellent
lettuce-to-meat ratio.

293
00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:07,268
Thank you, but I... I'm
not done with the story.

294
00:14:07,270 --> 00:14:08,886
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.

295
00:14:08,888 --> 00:14:11,500
What happened next?
She sucker-punch a baby?

296
00:14:12,907 --> 00:14:14,406
Just listen.

297
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,311
Slow down!

298
00:14:17,313 --> 00:14:20,481
Hey, stop that man! He stole my purse!

299
00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:22,148
Really?

300
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:25,202
What are you so mad about?

301
00:14:25,204 --> 00:14:26,737
We're getting a table.

302
00:14:26,739 --> 00:14:28,322
We'll probably get a free dessert.

303
00:14:28,324 --> 00:14:29,990
How could you embarrass me like that?

304
00:14:29,992 --> 00:14:31,992
What's embarrassing? It was working.

305
00:14:31,994 --> 00:14:33,744
You made me an object of pity.

306
00:14:33,746 --> 00:14:35,830
Well, to get what Napa
Valley Monthly calls

307
00:14:35,832 --> 00:14:38,499
"the best bucatini outside of Naples."

308
00:14:38,501 --> 00:14:40,754
Bonnie, I don't want people to see me...

309
00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:42,814
as different, as "less than."

310
00:14:42,839 --> 00:14:45,020
- You're not "less than."
- You're damn right I'm not.

311
00:14:45,045 --> 00:14:47,341
But you wanted the maître"
to feel sorry for us.

312
00:14:47,343 --> 00:14:49,226
I just thought I could
get a better table.

313
00:14:49,228 --> 00:14:50,761
Do you know how hard I work

314
00:14:50,763 --> 00:14:52,662
for people not to see
me as a guy in a chair?

315
00:14:53,811 --> 00:14:55,433
I guess I-I don't think about it

316
00:14:55,435 --> 00:14:57,601
because you make it look so easy.

317
00:14:57,603 --> 00:14:59,514
Well, that's the way
that I want it to look.

318
00:14:59,539 --> 00:15:02,190
I don't cut in line, I don't
bitch when there's not a ramp,

319
00:15:02,215 --> 00:15:04,658
and I don't ask for special treatment.

320
00:15:06,324 --> 00:15:07,831
Ever.

321
00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:15,770
No, you don't, and... and
I shouldn't have, either.

322
00:15:17,170 --> 00:15:20,523
I guess I don't... think enough
about what you go through

323
00:15:20,548 --> 00:15:23,495
because I'm too busy
thinking about myself.

324
00:15:27,818 --> 00:15:31,370
I'm sorry, Adam. I'm so, so sorry.

325
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:37,057
She actually said, "So, so sorry"?

326
00:15:37,059 --> 00:15:39,276
It surprised me, too.

327
00:15:41,561 --> 00:15:43,945
She just straight-up apologized?

328
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,568
No blaming other people,

329
00:15:47,570 --> 00:15:49,320
no fake tears,

330
00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:52,039
no "I grew up in the foster system.

331
00:15:52,041 --> 00:15:54,742
I slept in a dog bed till I was 11."

332
00:15:56,162 --> 00:15:59,807
She even went back inside and
apologized to the maître d'.

333
00:16:00,846 --> 00:16:02,193
Wow.

334
00:16:02,775 --> 00:16:04,135
She really is changing.

335
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:06,253
- Well...
- Damn it, Christy!

336
00:16:06,255 --> 00:16:08,589
My bath is getting cold!

337
00:16:08,591 --> 00:16:10,799
So turn the hot water on!

338
00:16:10,824 --> 00:16:13,025
I can't! I'm reading!

339
00:16:15,018 --> 00:16:16,480
Just give her a second.

340
00:16:17,433 --> 00:16:19,350
Never mind! I figured it out!

341
00:16:19,352 --> 00:16:21,235
I put the book down!

342
00:16:25,024 --> 00:16:26,991
Don't avoid the world

343
00:16:26,993 --> 00:16:29,243
because of moderate to
severe plaque psoriasis.

344
00:16:30,164 --> 00:16:33,697
Do you have any idea
what plaque psoriasis is?

345
00:16:34,492 --> 00:16:37,201
Maybe it's when you get an
award for your psoriasis.

346
00:16:37,203 --> 00:16:39,420
Well, this guy has it,
and then he took this pill,

347
00:16:39,422 --> 00:16:41,422
and now he's having the
best day of his life.

348
00:16:42,261 --> 00:16:46,636
He's swimming, he's making pottery.
Hey, I kind of wish I had it.

349
00:16:47,769 --> 00:16:51,228
- Ready for your lunch?
- I was ready 30 minutes ago.

350
00:16:51,253 --> 00:16:53,519
How long does it take you to open a can?

351
00:16:54,167 --> 00:16:56,971
Actually, it's not from a can.
I made it from scratch.

352
00:16:56,973 --> 00:17:00,975
- Really? What's that floatin' in there?
- Vegetables.

353
00:17:00,977 --> 00:17:02,776
Ugh.

354
00:17:02,778 --> 00:17:05,112
Well, I'll choke it down.

355
00:17:05,683 --> 00:17:07,114
Bon appétit.

356
00:17:08,182 --> 00:17:09,946
What's with the smile?

357
00:17:10,894 --> 00:17:13,654
I'm just... happy you're my mom.

358
00:17:14,140 --> 00:17:15,683
Why?

359
00:17:17,322 --> 00:17:18,993
You're so funny.

360
00:17:18,995 --> 00:17:20,828
Careful. It's hot.

361
00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:24,215
This unexpected pleasantness
is very unsettling.

362
00:17:25,267 --> 00:17:27,301
Can't a daughter just
be nice to her mother?

363
00:17:27,303 --> 00:17:29,920
Not this daughter, not this mother.

364
00:17:29,922 --> 00:17:31,589
Well, you better get used to it,

365
00:17:31,591 --> 00:17:33,259
because I love you no matter what.

366
00:17:34,626 --> 00:17:38,656
Yeah, well, uh, I used the lost
kid room at Walmart for day care.

367
00:17:39,244 --> 00:17:40,598
That's okay.

368
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,251
The security guard taught
me how to spell my name.

369
00:17:44,619 --> 00:17:45,903
What's that all about?

370
00:17:45,905 --> 00:17:47,688
Oh, Christy's acting like she loves me,

371
00:17:47,690 --> 00:17:49,990
and it's really pissing me off.

372
00:17:50,446 --> 00:17:53,683
- I love you, too.
- I will kick you with this boot.

373
00:18:06,180 --> 00:18:08,113
Mom?

374
00:18:14,434 --> 00:18:17,960
- Hey.
- Hey.

375
00:18:17,962 --> 00:18:19,962
Weren't you supposed to
go to the doctor today?

376
00:18:19,964 --> 00:18:21,381
I did.

377
00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:23,750
Turns out he wants
me to stay off my feet

378
00:18:23,752 --> 00:18:25,885
another week just to be safe.

379
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,868
Oh, no.

380
00:18:27,893 --> 00:18:30,727
I know. I'm so disappointed.

381
00:18:30,974 --> 00:18:33,024
I really hate being a burden.

382
00:18:33,352 --> 00:18:36,149
- You're not a burden.
- Oh, thanks, honey.

383
00:18:36,174 --> 00:18:39,215
By the way, there is
a family of raccoons

384
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,657
living in the wall of 5G.

385
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,488
You're gonna need the gloves,

386
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,490
and as cute as you think the babies are,

387
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:48,292
they will go right for your eyes.

388
00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:50,828
I'm on it.

389
00:18:51,451 --> 00:18:54,467
- Christy, wait.
- Yeah?

390
00:18:54,492 --> 00:18:56,659
There's something I have to tell you.

391
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:02,154
My laundry is really piling up.

392
00:19:03,592 --> 00:19:05,059
I'll take care of it.

393
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,427
You're the best.

394
00:19:06,429 --> 00:19:08,095
By the way,

395
00:19:08,097 --> 00:19:10,181
you might want to close that cabinet,

396
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,999
you lying, worthless dirtbag.

397
00:19:15,438 --> 00:19:18,856
Don't tell Adam! Don't tell Adam!

398
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:23,671
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
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