1
00:00:00,852 --> 00:00:05,054
Man, just looking at this
thing makes me miss cocaine.

2
00:00:05,992 --> 00:00:08,393
Sadly, I can remember
you wearing one of those

3
00:00:08,395 --> 00:00:10,261
to my second grade spelling bee.

4
00:00:10,263 --> 00:00:12,497
Excuse me, but you were
the only eight-year-old

5
00:00:12,499 --> 00:00:14,299
who could spell "inappropriate"

6
00:00:15,268 --> 00:00:17,490
Guys, look at these cute
bras Emily picked out.

7
00:00:17,515 --> 00:00:19,281
Can you please stop saying "bra"?

8
00:00:19,306 --> 00:00:21,506
Would you rather I say "brassiere"?

9
00:00:21,508 --> 00:00:25,907
Brassiere. B-R-A-S-S-I-E-R-E.
Brassiere.

10
00:00:26,146 --> 00:00:29,677
Yeah. I think there's a
"Z" in there, but nice try.

11
00:00:30,208 --> 00:00:31,783
Here, let's go try 'em on.

12
00:00:31,785 --> 00:00:33,584
You're coming in the
dressing room with me?

13
00:00:33,586 --> 00:00:36,521
Oh, honey, God gave us boobies.
It's nothing to be shy about.

14
00:00:36,523 --> 00:00:40,558
Tell her the truth. Dr. Feingold gave
you those boobies, and that nose.

15
00:00:40,966 --> 00:00:42,532
Go ahead, Emily.

16
00:00:43,012 --> 00:00:44,472
Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh.

17
00:00:44,497 --> 00:00:46,130
I bet Adam would love to see me in this.

18
00:00:46,155 --> 00:00:47,788
That's not your size.

19
00:00:47,904 --> 00:00:51,539
Excuse me. I'm 52 years old.
I think I know my bra size.

20
00:00:51,541 --> 00:00:53,997
(chuckles) Neither of
those things are true.

21
00:00:54,435 --> 00:00:55,810
Try this one.

22
00:00:55,812 --> 00:00:57,683
Fine, but when I'm floppin' around

23
00:00:57,708 --> 00:01:00,825
like two kittens in a
sack, I expect an apology.

24
00:01:01,183 --> 00:01:02,794
(gasps) These are cute.

25
00:01:02,819 --> 00:01:04,786
Em, how are you fixed for panties?

26
00:01:04,788 --> 00:01:06,721
EMILY: Please stop talking!

27
00:01:07,021 --> 00:01:09,924
BONNIE: I'll take a few
thongs if you're buying!

28
00:01:09,926 --> 00:01:12,333
She's too old for thongs.

29
00:01:12,663 --> 00:01:15,513
We're just happy she's
wearing underwear now.

30
00:01:16,667 --> 00:01:18,753
I hope Emily's having a good time.

31
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,468
Do you think she's having a good time?

32
00:01:20,470 --> 00:01:22,037
Of course she is.

33
00:01:22,039 --> 00:01:24,172
She's acting embarrassed,
but she's having a blast.

34
00:01:24,302 --> 00:01:26,174
You've made a big
difference in her life.

35
00:01:26,176 --> 00:01:28,677
Thanks. She's made a
big difference in mine.

36
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,412
Her mom still in rehab?

37
00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:33,348
Yeah, we're supposed
to go see her tomorrow.

38
00:01:33,536 --> 00:01:35,350
I hope it doesn't set Emily back.

39
00:01:35,352 --> 00:01:37,401
She'll be okay. It's her mom.

40
00:01:38,053 --> 00:01:41,188
Will you look at these!
The bra troll nailed it!

41
00:01:42,417 --> 00:01:43,658
Inappropriate.

42
00:01:43,660 --> 00:01:47,235
I-N-A-P-P-R-O-P-R-I-A-T-E.

43
00:01:47,260 --> 00:01:48,386
Inappropriate.

44
00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:51,909
♪ ♪

45
00:01:55,714 --> 00:01:59,362
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

46
00:02:06,199 --> 00:02:09,333
- Notice anything different about me?
- Oh, boy, not this game.

47
00:02:10,175 --> 00:02:14,395
Um... your hair, your skin,
you lost weight, you gained weight.

48
00:02:14,397 --> 00:02:16,151
Whatever it is, I love it.

49
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:20,234
- I got a new bra.
- And I love it.

50
00:02:20,236 --> 00:02:21,368
You want to see it?

51
00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:25,316
Um... maybe we should
save it for make-up sex.

52
00:02:25,341 --> 00:02:27,007
But we're not fighting.

53
00:02:27,009 --> 00:02:28,809
Wait for it.

54
00:02:29,831 --> 00:02:32,680
- What did you do?
- (laughs): Nothing.

55
00:02:32,682 --> 00:02:34,181
But I need a favor.

56
00:02:34,183 --> 00:02:35,149
Uh-huh.

57
00:02:35,386 --> 00:02:37,351
I have to go to a funeral, and I was

58
00:02:37,353 --> 00:02:39,754
hoping that you'd watch my
dog for a couple of days.

59
00:02:39,756 --> 00:02:40,888
Who died?

60
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,791
A woman that was like
a second mother to me.

61
00:02:43,793 --> 00:02:45,493
Well, why would we fight about that?

62
00:02:45,495 --> 00:02:47,461
Of course I'll watch your dog.

63
00:02:47,463 --> 00:02:48,456
Thank you.

64
00:02:49,190 --> 00:02:51,298
But why isn't he staying
with your ex-wife?

65
00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:52,666
Okay, here we go.

66
00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:57,746
Well, she will also be at the funeral.

67
00:02:58,098 --> 00:02:59,488
Interesting.

68
00:03:00,343 --> 00:03:01,609
And why is that?

69
00:03:02,043 --> 00:03:04,311
It was her mother who died.

70
00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:07,598
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

71
00:03:09,585 --> 00:03:11,252
Uh-huh.

72
00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:14,755
Like I said, we were really close.

73
00:03:14,757 --> 00:03:16,968
Uh-huh,
uh-huh.

74
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,027
And why can't you just go
for the day and come back?

75
00:03:20,029 --> 00:03:21,562
Where is this funeral?

76
00:03:21,564 --> 00:03:24,561
I want to say Detroit,
but I have to say Hawaii.

77
00:03:26,836 --> 00:03:29,303
Oh, come on!

78
00:03:29,305 --> 00:03:32,306
You're going with your
ex-wife to Hawaii?!

79
00:03:32,308 --> 00:03:34,475
- For a funeral.
- In Hawaii.

80
00:03:34,477 --> 00:03:35,609
For a funeral.

81
00:03:35,611 --> 00:03:37,311
- In Hawaii.
- Okay.

82
00:03:37,313 --> 00:03:39,680
I feel like this could
go on for a long time.

83
00:03:40,413 --> 00:03:42,683
You're wrong. It's over.

84
00:03:42,685 --> 00:03:44,852
I will happily watch your dog.

85
00:03:44,854 --> 00:03:46,787
We are not gonna fight about this.

86
00:03:46,789 --> 00:03:48,789
- Well, we kind of already did.
- No, that wasn't a fight.

87
00:03:48,791 --> 00:03:50,124
Well, you wouldn't let
the Hawaii thing go.

88
00:03:50,126 --> 00:03:51,826
- It's Hawaii!
- For a funeral!

89
00:03:51,828 --> 00:03:54,528
Whoa, you happy?! We're fighting now!

90
00:03:56,866 --> 00:03:58,329
Hawaii.

91
00:03:58,354 --> 00:04:00,067
For a funeral.

92
00:04:00,069 --> 00:04:01,502
Don't take his side.

93
00:04:01,504 --> 00:04:03,771
Everybody knows funerals lead to sex.

94
00:04:03,773 --> 00:04:05,873
The crying, the grieving...
It's all foreplay.

95
00:04:05,875 --> 00:04:07,208
I didn't know that.

96
00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:09,507
I lost my virginity at a funeral.

97
00:04:10,611 --> 00:04:12,077
It was great.

98
00:04:12,546 --> 00:04:14,682
Hey, this is the part
where you guys tell me

99
00:04:14,684 --> 00:04:16,317
I'm being insane and have
nothing to worry about.

100
00:04:16,319 --> 00:04:17,685
Bonnie, you're being insane,

101
00:04:17,687 --> 00:04:19,019
and there's nothing to worry about.

102
00:04:19,021 --> 00:04:21,088
Don't just repeat it back to me.

103
00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:23,767
Okay, how's this?

104
00:04:23,792 --> 00:04:27,828
Adam and Danielle may be
sharing an emotional experience.

105
00:04:27,830 --> 00:04:30,631
Near a big, shiny, black coffin.

106
00:04:34,871 --> 00:04:38,939
But he asked you to take
care of his furry, flatulent,

107
00:04:38,941 --> 00:04:42,083
16-year-old dog who has
a taste for underwear.

108
00:04:42,108 --> 00:04:44,778
- It does show that he loves you.
- Exactly.

109
00:04:44,780 --> 00:04:46,981
Totally. Good, good, this
is what I was looking for.

110
00:04:46,983 --> 00:04:48,349
It's gonna be fine.

111
00:04:48,351 --> 00:04:50,651
As long as nothing happens to the dog.

112
00:04:52,199 --> 00:04:54,955
Isn't there a pallbearer
around here you could hump?

113
00:04:55,269 --> 00:04:56,901
I wish.

114
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:59,727
It really was great.

115
00:04:59,729 --> 00:05:00,794
Hey.

116
00:05:00,796 --> 00:05:03,163
Hey. How'd it go with Emily and her mom?

117
00:05:03,165 --> 00:05:06,123
Oh, I didn't take her. We
went to a movie instead.

118
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,335
What do you mean you didn't take her?

119
00:05:08,337 --> 00:05:09,603
Well, it wasn't my idea.

120
00:05:09,605 --> 00:05:10,971
Emily said she didn't want to go,

121
00:05:10,973 --> 00:05:12,706
so what was I supposed to do, make her?

122
00:05:12,708 --> 00:05:15,242
Yes. That's the definition of parenting:

123
00:05:15,244 --> 00:05:17,678
forcing kids to do things
they don't want to do.

124
00:05:18,342 --> 00:05:19,847
BONNIE: It's true.

125
00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:21,448
Remember when you were
little and were afraid

126
00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:22,917
to go to sleep without the light on?

127
00:05:22,919 --> 00:05:24,161
But I got you through it.

128
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,339
You're gonna take a bow

129
00:05:26,364 --> 00:05:28,297
for not paying the electric bill?

130
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:34,213
I'm sorry, but Emily opened
up to me about her mom.

131
00:05:34,238 --> 00:05:35,796
That woman's not trying to get sober.

132
00:05:35,798 --> 00:05:38,332
She's just using rehab as a
"get out of jail free" card.

133
00:05:38,334 --> 00:05:41,235
Jill, I think it's great
you're concerned about Emily,

134
00:05:41,237 --> 00:05:43,202
but aren't these visits mandatory?

135
00:05:43,227 --> 00:05:45,973
Yeah, they could take her away
from you if you don't do it.

136
00:05:45,975 --> 00:05:47,675
Well, then maybe I'll take her someplace

137
00:05:47,677 --> 00:05:48,943
where nobody can find us.

138
00:05:49,462 --> 00:05:51,245
That's called kidnapping.

139
00:05:52,563 --> 00:05:53,681
How about Hawaii?

140
00:05:53,683 --> 00:05:55,516
I need some eyes on the ground there.

141
00:05:55,518 --> 00:05:56,884
What?

142
00:05:56,886 --> 00:05:59,486
She's nervous about Adam going to Hawaii

143
00:05:59,488 --> 00:06:00,970
with his ex-wife for a funeral.

144
00:06:00,995 --> 00:06:02,523
Oh, and she should be.

145
00:06:02,525 --> 00:06:03,791
Funerals are basically orgies

146
00:06:03,793 --> 00:06:05,540
with a cold, stiff guy in the corner.

147
00:06:05,695 --> 00:06:07,642
Amen, sister.

148
00:06:10,275 --> 00:06:13,801
Yeah, you like me better
than his mean old ex-wife.

149
00:06:13,803 --> 00:06:15,634
Yes, you do.

150
00:06:16,305 --> 00:06:17,688
Yes, you...

151
00:06:19,348 --> 00:06:21,188
What's this?

152
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:23,884
Christy?

153
00:06:24,930 --> 00:06:27,147
Christy, get down here!

154
00:06:27,149 --> 00:06:29,016
What? What's the matter?

155
00:06:29,018 --> 00:06:31,018
- He's got a lump.
- So?

156
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,487
Well, I don't think he
had it before he got here.

157
00:06:33,673 --> 00:06:36,290
He grew a lump in two hours?

158
00:06:36,426 --> 00:06:39,059
I think so. I don't
know. Here, touch it.

159
00:06:39,061 --> 00:06:41,562
- I'm not touching it.
- Touch the lump!

160
00:06:44,660 --> 00:06:46,233
Yeah, that's a lump.

161
00:06:46,235 --> 00:06:47,835
What should we do?

162
00:06:47,837 --> 00:06:49,069
I don't know.

163
00:06:49,071 --> 00:06:51,505
I never had a dog 'cause
my mom never got me one.

164
00:06:51,507 --> 00:06:53,841
Oh, please. Dogs are for good children.

165
00:06:54,727 --> 00:06:56,282
What do you want me to say?

166
00:06:56,307 --> 00:06:57,711
If you're worried, take him to the vet.

167
00:06:57,713 --> 00:07:00,447
(sighs) Life was going so good.

168
00:07:00,449 --> 00:07:02,182
Now my boyfriend's rubbing suntan lotion

169
00:07:02,184 --> 00:07:03,450
on his ex-wife's back,

170
00:07:03,452 --> 00:07:05,586
and I'm taking his lumpy dog to the vet.

171
00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:07,054
- Mom?
- Yeah?

172
00:07:07,056 --> 00:07:09,823
If it makes you feel better,
your life was never going good.

173
00:07:14,269 --> 00:07:16,455
I really appreciate you squeezing us in.

174
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:17,631
I'm worried sick.

175
00:07:17,633 --> 00:07:20,034
It's not a problem.
Uh, who referred you?

176
00:07:20,036 --> 00:07:22,536
Nobody. You just had a
friendly face on Yelp.

177
00:07:22,538 --> 00:07:23,937
Oh, thanks.

178
00:07:23,939 --> 00:07:25,636
It's also my Tinder picture.

179
00:07:26,659 --> 00:07:29,476
Well... you can relax.

180
00:07:29,478 --> 00:07:31,045
Lump's just fatty tissue.

181
00:07:31,047 --> 00:07:32,946
It's very common in dogs his age.

182
00:07:32,948 --> 00:07:34,248
So he's not gonna die?

183
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:35,966
Well, we're all gonna die.

184
00:07:36,175 --> 00:07:37,718
I mean by Sunday at 8:00?

185
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,119
I think you're okay.

186
00:07:39,121 --> 00:07:40,521
(sighs): Great.

187
00:07:40,523 --> 00:07:43,090
So I'm assuming no problem, no charge?

188
00:07:43,092 --> 00:07:44,740
Oh, no, there's a charge.

189
00:07:45,027 --> 00:07:46,727
Really? You basically just petted him.

190
00:07:46,729 --> 00:07:49,273
With hands that were
stupid enough to buy a boat.

191
00:07:49,974 --> 00:07:52,021
- Check okay?
- Sure.

192
00:07:52,209 --> 00:07:54,943
Boy, you thought you
regretted buying a boat.

193
00:07:58,556 --> 00:08:00,207
This place gives me the creeps.

194
00:08:00,423 --> 00:08:02,376
Reminds me of when I was in rehab.

195
00:08:02,681 --> 00:08:05,245
Really? 'Cause when I
visited you in rehab,

196
00:08:05,247 --> 00:08:07,614
the pool boy led me out to your cabana.

197
00:08:08,610 --> 00:08:10,250
Doesn't mean it wasn't hard.

198
00:08:10,275 --> 00:08:12,509
That pool was not heated.

199
00:08:13,889 --> 00:08:15,155
Here they come.

200
00:08:15,157 --> 00:08:17,591
Hey, Jill. My mom wanted to say hi.

201
00:08:17,593 --> 00:08:19,193
Hey, it's nice to meet you.

202
00:08:19,195 --> 00:08:20,727
Get over here, you.

203
00:08:20,729 --> 00:08:23,163
Thank you so much for
taking care of my girl.

204
00:08:23,165 --> 00:08:25,065
Oh, it's my pleasure.

205
00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:27,305
Emily didn't tell me
you were such a knockout.

206
00:08:27,330 --> 00:08:28,902
How come you didn't have
any kids of your own?

207
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:31,138
Well, I'm divorced, and we just never...

208
00:08:31,140 --> 00:08:33,841
I'm kidding. You're
smart. Keep that hot body.

209
00:08:34,393 --> 00:08:36,810
Hi, I'm Christy, Jill's friend.

210
00:08:36,812 --> 00:08:39,246
Natasha. Hey, you look familiar.

211
00:08:39,248 --> 00:08:41,922
You must be thinking about
that frying pan commercial.

212
00:08:41,947 --> 00:08:43,484
Everyone says I look like the woman

213
00:08:43,486 --> 00:08:45,908
who gets her eggs to
slide out super easy.

214
00:08:46,261 --> 00:08:47,593
That's not it.

215
00:08:47,618 --> 00:08:49,752
Did you ever dance at Live Nudes?

216
00:08:52,895 --> 00:08:56,814
Uh, it was a long time ago.

217
00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:00,234
But they still use my
picture in the print ads.

218
00:09:00,692 --> 00:09:02,269
I used to work there, too.

219
00:09:02,271 --> 00:09:04,304
I bet we slid down the same pole.

220
00:09:04,306 --> 00:09:06,440
Oh, excuse me! (chuckles)

221
00:09:06,442 --> 00:09:07,741
Child in the room.

222
00:09:07,743 --> 00:09:09,977
Relax. This one knows I stripped.

223
00:09:09,979 --> 00:09:12,473
I learned my numbers counting singles.

224
00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:15,082
Sweetie, why don't we go get something

225
00:09:15,084 --> 00:09:16,483
from the vending machine?

226
00:09:16,485 --> 00:09:19,043
Don't get the Cheetos; they never fall.

227
00:09:19,902 --> 00:09:22,022
Wow, this is so wild.

228
00:09:22,024 --> 00:09:23,590
You know, I'm suing that club.

229
00:09:23,592 --> 00:09:24,791
You still work there?

230
00:09:24,793 --> 00:09:27,127
No, I hit 40, they put
me on the breakfast shift.

231
00:09:27,129 --> 00:09:29,596
Ooh. That's right. Age discrimination.

232
00:09:29,598 --> 00:09:30,597
And look at that ass.

233
00:09:30,599 --> 00:09:32,032
That's hard as a rock.

234
00:09:32,034 --> 00:09:33,100
Go on, slap it.

235
00:09:33,746 --> 00:09:35,235
I believe you.

236
00:09:35,237 --> 00:09:36,714
Slap it.

237
00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:40,519
Ow.

238
00:09:41,010 --> 00:09:42,619
Very firm. (chuckles)

239
00:09:42,644 --> 00:09:44,811
That's right. You can crack
a walnut on that thing.

240
00:09:44,813 --> 00:09:47,181
(chuckles) Hey, hey, hey.

241
00:09:47,183 --> 00:09:48,815
Remember how I always
wanted to be a singer?

242
00:09:49,425 --> 00:09:53,020
Honestly, I don't
really remember the '90s.

243
00:09:53,022 --> 00:09:54,846
I'm just now catching up on Friends.

244
00:09:55,291 --> 00:09:57,024
(imitates Joey): "How you doin'?"

245
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:58,860
I'm good.

246
00:10:00,049 --> 00:10:01,428
Anyway,

247
00:10:01,430 --> 00:10:03,730
I met this guy who knows
a record producer in L.A.,

248
00:10:03,732 --> 00:10:06,400
and as soon as I get down
there, he'll help me make a demo.

249
00:10:06,402 --> 00:10:08,275
A guy who knows a guy in L.A.

250
00:10:08,580 --> 00:10:11,672
That's how I wound up
auditioning for a "movie."

251
00:10:13,338 --> 00:10:14,741
So, how's it going in here?

252
00:10:14,743 --> 00:10:16,076
You liking sobriety?

253
00:10:16,471 --> 00:10:19,079
Come on, Christy, nobody likes sobriety.

254
00:10:19,081 --> 00:10:20,380
I do.

255
00:10:20,382 --> 00:10:22,249
I've got four years and I love it.

256
00:10:22,251 --> 00:10:23,617
Get out. You?

257
00:10:23,619 --> 00:10:25,152
I remember watching
you spin around the pole

258
00:10:25,154 --> 00:10:26,186
while you were vomiting.

259
00:10:26,188 --> 00:10:28,021
You were like a lawn sprinkler.

260
00:10:29,225 --> 00:10:32,142
Not a good day to be
a Japanese businessman.

261
00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:36,897
But now I'm in college,
studying to be a lawyer.

262
00:10:36,899 --> 00:10:38,699
- Really?
- Yeah.

263
00:10:38,701 --> 00:10:40,901
You can pretty much do
anything once you're sober.

264
00:10:41,088 --> 00:10:43,570
As long as you're in here,
why not give it a real try?

265
00:10:43,572 --> 00:10:45,103
Oh, I have tried.

266
00:10:45,452 --> 00:10:47,908
Well, how about this time I help you?

267
00:10:47,910 --> 00:10:50,530
You know, we can talk, work
the steps, go to meetings.

268
00:10:50,555 --> 00:10:53,843
- You would do that?
- Hey, we're pole pals.

269
00:10:54,511 --> 00:10:56,011
I think we made out once.

270
00:10:58,007 --> 00:10:59,359
Here's my number.

271
00:11:00,317 --> 00:11:01,749
Call me.

272
00:11:02,661 --> 00:11:04,925
Natasha, I got you a
bunch of sugar snacks.

273
00:11:04,927 --> 00:11:07,395
You can probably trade
them for some cigarettes.

274
00:11:08,481 --> 00:11:09,963
Thank you.

275
00:11:09,965 --> 00:11:11,798
Hey, great news, baby.

276
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,200
Christy's gonna help me get out of here

277
00:11:13,202 --> 00:11:14,801
so you and me can move to L.A.

278
00:11:15,381 --> 00:11:17,583
How long were we gone?

279
00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:26,840
- Home.
- BONNIE: Kitchen.

280
00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:28,818
What's going on?

281
00:11:28,820 --> 00:11:30,348
I'm trying to get him to take his pill,

282
00:11:30,373 --> 00:11:32,121
but he keeps spitting it out.

283
00:11:32,123 --> 00:11:33,923
Did you try hiding it in something?

284
00:11:33,925 --> 00:11:35,391
I tried hamburger,
cheese, peanut butter,

285
00:11:35,393 --> 00:11:37,293
and somehow he spits it out every time.

286
00:11:37,295 --> 00:11:39,095
He's like a street magician.

287
00:11:39,207 --> 00:11:41,309
You gave the dog my hamburger?

288
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,299
At this point, I'd give him a $100

289
00:11:43,301 --> 00:11:45,201
if he'd swallow the damn pill.

290
00:11:45,203 --> 00:11:46,856
Come on, Samson, please?

291
00:11:46,881 --> 00:11:49,048
Don't you want your
blood pressure regulated?

292
00:11:49,332 --> 00:11:52,175
(gruff voice): "Well,
in a perfect world,

293
00:11:52,177 --> 00:11:54,528
I'd rather be licking my balls"

294
00:11:57,226 --> 00:11:59,292
I am not amused.

295
00:11:59,317 --> 00:12:01,812
That's because you're dead inside.

296
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,654
Give me that.

297
00:12:05,312 --> 00:12:08,124
(ringtone playing)

298
00:12:08,126 --> 00:12:09,578
Hello?

299
00:12:09,861 --> 00:12:12,055
Hey, Natasha, what's going on?

300
00:12:12,864 --> 00:12:14,297
Calm down, calm down.

301
00:12:14,299 --> 00:12:16,479
- (gasps) It's working. He's eating it.
- Hang on.

302
00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:19,502
Okay, just sit tight.
I'll be right there.

303
00:12:19,504 --> 00:12:20,637
Is everything all right?

304
00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:23,206
Emily's mom is freaking
out. I got to go.

305
00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:25,008
Oh, are you kidding me?

306
00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:28,065
You spit it out again?
Samson, you're making me crazy.

307
00:12:28,090 --> 00:12:30,847
(gruff voice): "Sorry, I'm just
trying to keep your mind off

308
00:12:30,849 --> 00:12:33,771
Adam banging his ex-wife in Hawaii."

309
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:40,498
I tried everything.

310
00:12:40,523 --> 00:12:43,123
I even ground it up to
see if he'd snort it.

311
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:46,129
You know, like the kids
do with their drugs.

312
00:12:47,998 --> 00:12:50,867
Anyway, I defy you to
get a pill in this dog.

313
00:12:51,183 --> 00:12:52,435
There you go.

314
00:12:52,460 --> 00:12:54,961
No, no, give it a
minute; he'll spit it out.

315
00:12:59,886 --> 00:13:01,444
All right, remind me the name I used

316
00:13:01,446 --> 00:13:03,206
on the last check I gave you.

317
00:13:05,933 --> 00:13:08,103
It's not safe here;
you got to get me out.

318
00:13:08,128 --> 00:13:09,150
What happened?

319
00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:11,166
Okay, so I was singing,
you know, doing my warm-ups.

320
00:13:11,168 --> 00:13:13,535
That stupid meth head I share
a room with told me to shut up,

321
00:13:13,537 --> 00:13:15,884
so I smacked her, and
for no reason, she bit me.

322
00:13:17,493 --> 00:13:20,708
Just your luck, you found
a meth head with teeth.

323
00:13:20,710 --> 00:13:22,644
Story of my life.

324
00:13:23,244 --> 00:13:25,013
So I was thinking, how
about I go grab my Uggs

325
00:13:25,015 --> 00:13:27,115
and cassette deck and
crash with you for a while?

326
00:13:27,117 --> 00:13:30,151
(chuckles) That's funny.

327
00:13:30,153 --> 00:13:31,363
Why?

328
00:13:31,846 --> 00:13:34,923
My mom said the same
thing to me four years ago.

329
00:13:35,291 --> 00:13:37,125
Come on, you said you
were gonna help me.

330
00:13:37,127 --> 00:13:39,594
I can't get sober here.
These people are crazy.

331
00:13:39,922 --> 00:13:42,830
The people here aren't the
problem, you are the problem.

332
00:13:43,018 --> 00:13:45,552
You got that off the
poster in the bathroom.

333
00:13:46,503 --> 00:13:48,937
Natasha, you need to trust me on this.

334
00:13:48,939 --> 00:13:50,605
You're still detoxing, which means

335
00:13:50,607 --> 00:13:53,274
every single thought you
have is wrong and bad.

336
00:13:53,276 --> 00:13:54,509
- But I'm just...
- Wrong.

337
00:13:54,511 --> 00:13:55,821
- I understand...
- Bad!

338
00:13:55,846 --> 00:13:57,155
You're not even trying
to hear what I'm... !

339
00:13:57,180 --> 00:13:58,780
Wrong and bad!

340
00:13:58,782 --> 00:14:01,416
And if you keep talking,
I'm gonna throw in "stupid"

341
00:14:03,653 --> 00:14:05,789
See, Samson, this is you.

342
00:14:08,191 --> 00:14:10,692
Oh, look, the check bouncer's back.

343
00:14:11,227 --> 00:14:14,262
- It's cute you think that insults me.
- Hmm.

344
00:14:14,264 --> 00:14:16,998
So, what's not the problem now?

345
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,312
He's breathing a little funny.

346
00:14:19,337 --> 00:14:22,705
Ah, he's 16 years old; it's a
miracle he's breathing at all.

347
00:14:23,335 --> 00:14:24,706
You know, at this point,

348
00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:26,641
I'm actually a little
more worried about you.

349
00:14:26,643 --> 00:14:28,209
- I'm fine.
- Ah.

350
00:14:28,211 --> 00:14:30,211
My boyfriend just asked
me to take care of his dog

351
00:14:30,213 --> 00:14:32,280
while he's at a funeral
with his ex-wife in Hawaii,

352
00:14:32,282 --> 00:14:34,816
- so that's what I'm doing.
- Hawaii?

353
00:14:34,818 --> 00:14:36,551
- For a funeral.
- But Hawaii?

354
00:14:36,553 --> 00:14:39,254
I know. Who dies in Hawaii?

355
00:14:40,449 --> 00:14:42,416
You know, I think I
see what's happening.

356
00:14:42,441 --> 00:14:44,192
You're worried about your boyfriend,

357
00:14:44,420 --> 00:14:47,521
and you're transferring
that anxiety to the dog.

358
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,066
- I hate how much sense that makes.
- Hmm.

359
00:14:52,068 --> 00:14:54,402
Plus, he never would've
left his dog with you

360
00:14:54,404 --> 00:14:56,471
unless he loved you and trusted you.

361
00:14:56,847 --> 00:14:58,706
My daughter said the same thing,

362
00:14:58,708 --> 00:15:01,442
but somehow it's easier
to trust a total stranger.

363
00:15:01,444 --> 00:15:02,810
(chuckles softly)

364
00:15:02,812 --> 00:15:04,311
Thank you.

365
00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:05,802
You're welcome.

366
00:15:07,098 --> 00:15:08,664
What do I owe you?

367
00:15:08,689 --> 00:15:11,157
Oh, I don't know, how
about a million dollars?

368
00:15:11,182 --> 00:15:13,449
- Okay, just don't cash it till Friday.
- Ah.

369
00:15:15,225 --> 00:15:17,045
No, Natasha, that's wrong.

370
00:15:17,794 --> 00:15:19,661
Yeah, still wrong.

371
00:15:20,402 --> 00:15:23,364
That's okay. You're gonna be
wrong for about five years.

372
00:15:23,754 --> 00:15:25,629
All right, bye-bye.

373
00:15:26,036 --> 00:15:27,735
What did she want to do?

374
00:15:27,737 --> 00:15:29,304
Host a casino night at the rehab

375
00:15:29,306 --> 00:15:32,540
- and get everybody's disability checks.
- Oh.

376
00:15:32,542 --> 00:15:35,199
Tried it. It's a bitch cashing them.

377
00:15:35,378 --> 00:15:38,346
At least she asked before
she did it. That's progress.

378
00:15:38,348 --> 00:15:41,015
I know. I really think I'm helping her.

379
00:15:41,017 --> 00:15:43,318
- Good for you.
- Yeah, terrific.

380
00:15:43,523 --> 00:15:44,819
Problem, Jill?

381
00:15:44,821 --> 00:15:46,554
No, no problem. I just don't see why

382
00:15:46,556 --> 00:15:48,523
Christy has to slap
her little sober cape on

383
00:15:48,525 --> 00:15:49,957
and save the world.

384
00:15:50,941 --> 00:15:52,365
What are you talking about?

385
00:15:52,390 --> 00:15:54,462
I'm trying to help another alcoholic.

386
00:15:54,464 --> 00:15:56,698
Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't.

387
00:15:57,742 --> 00:15:59,233
Don't look at me like that.

388
00:15:59,235 --> 00:16:01,717
You all know Emily's better off with me.

389
00:16:01,742 --> 00:16:04,672
That woman has chosen drinking
over her daughter a million times.

390
00:16:04,674 --> 00:16:06,574
She does not deserve to get her back.

391
00:16:06,828 --> 00:16:09,490
Hey, you just described
me four years ago.

392
00:16:09,515 --> 00:16:11,401
Are you saying I didn't
deserve to keep my kids?

393
00:16:11,426 --> 00:16:12,959
I'm not talking about you.

394
00:16:12,984 --> 00:16:15,131
You're talking about
someone exactly like me.

395
00:16:15,163 --> 00:16:17,525
And if someone hadn't helped me,
I would've lost them.

396
00:16:17,597 --> 00:16:18,997
You're welcome.

397
00:16:20,395 --> 00:16:22,895
Talking about Marjorie, Mom.

398
00:16:25,468 --> 00:16:27,428
Fine, help Natasha.

399
00:16:27,430 --> 00:16:29,097
And when they take Emily away from me

400
00:16:29,099 --> 00:16:30,531
and that woman puts her through hell

401
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:32,433
and she gets stuck in
another foster home,

402
00:16:32,435 --> 00:16:34,302
you can feel real proud of yourself.

403
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:38,852
You were in rehab over and
over, and we never gave up on you

404
00:16:38,877 --> 00:16:40,531
'cause we don't throw people away!

405
00:16:42,379 --> 00:16:44,041
For the record, I'm not storming out.

406
00:16:44,066 --> 00:16:45,976
I'm just leaving 'cause she's my ride.

407
00:16:51,588 --> 00:16:53,354
Okay, so here's where you write down

408
00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:55,008
everyone you resent in your life.

409
00:16:55,392 --> 00:16:57,851
And then, you write
everything they did to you.

410
00:16:58,094 --> 00:17:00,389
And then, most important,

411
00:17:00,414 --> 00:17:02,602
you write down the
part you played in it.

412
00:17:02,627 --> 00:17:04,894
But I didn't do anything.

413
00:17:05,769 --> 00:17:08,178
Natasha, you're in a rehab,

414
00:17:08,203 --> 00:17:10,671
your kid's in foster care and
you had to get a tetanus shot

415
00:17:10,673 --> 00:17:12,874
because a meth head bit
you on your punching hand.

416
00:17:13,805 --> 00:17:15,854
You sure you didn't do anything?

417
00:17:16,018 --> 00:17:18,385
You think I'm a terrible
person, don't you?

418
00:17:20,656 --> 00:17:23,584
I think you're a person
who's done terrible things.

419
00:17:24,165 --> 00:17:25,704
Just like I have.

420
00:17:26,222 --> 00:17:28,122
But I got better and so can you.

421
00:17:29,266 --> 00:17:31,696
I so want to make out
with you right now.

422
00:17:34,063 --> 00:17:36,431
But I think it might be a bad idea.

423
00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:40,401
Look at you, growing, learning.

424
00:17:43,072 --> 00:17:44,309
Hi, Mom.

425
00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:46,774
Baby, I didn't know
you were coming today.

426
00:17:46,776 --> 00:17:48,976
Well, we were getting our
nails done nowhere near here,

427
00:17:48,978 --> 00:17:50,911
so we thought we'd swing by.

428
00:17:52,106 --> 00:17:53,281
Thank you.

429
00:17:53,283 --> 00:17:54,649
This is real thoughtful.

430
00:17:54,809 --> 00:17:55,917
Hey,

431
00:17:56,246 --> 00:17:58,592
I remember how lonely rehab can be.

432
00:17:58,843 --> 00:18:00,288
You were in rehab?

433
00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:01,989
Four times.

434
00:18:02,562 --> 00:18:04,892
Hers had a spa and sushi.

435
00:18:04,894 --> 00:18:08,396
Well, it was just a
masseuse and a hot tub.

436
00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:12,195
And we only had sushi on Wednesdays.

437
00:18:12,882 --> 00:18:16,804
But I was still scared and
wanted to drink every day.

438
00:18:17,637 --> 00:18:19,006
CHRISTY: And look at her now.

439
00:18:19,105 --> 00:18:21,535
She hasn't driven a
Maserati into a dry cleaners

440
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:22,759
in three years.

441
00:18:25,415 --> 00:18:28,282
Yeah, without Christy's help,
I never would've made it.

442
00:18:28,512 --> 00:18:30,769
Yeah, I'm in good hands with Bambi here.

443
00:18:32,004 --> 00:18:33,054
Bambi?

444
00:18:33,766 --> 00:18:36,036
It was my stripper name.

445
00:18:38,848 --> 00:18:41,368
You named yourself after a baby deer

446
00:18:41,393 --> 00:18:44,327
who watched his mom
get her head blown off?

447
00:18:45,702 --> 00:18:47,434
I had the big eyes.

448
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,930
Hey, you came back! (laughs)

449
00:18:56,931 --> 00:18:58,853
- Hey baby
- Mmmm!

450
00:18:58,854 --> 00:19:01,742
- I missed you so much!
- I missed you, too.

451
00:19:01,968 --> 00:19:05,622
- Any problems with Samson?
- He was fine. So easy.

452
00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:08,585
I want to watch him every time
you go away with your ex-wife.

453
00:19:08,835 --> 00:19:10,195
So was it fun?

454
00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:12,498
I mean, not fun, but how was it?

455
00:19:12,523 --> 00:19:13,931
Okay, I guess.

456
00:19:13,933 --> 00:19:16,467
98-year-old women
should not have an open casket.

457
00:19:17,304 --> 00:19:19,313
But I did have a chance
to buy you a little something.

458
00:19:19,338 --> 00:19:21,238
You shouldn't have. Give it.

459
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,771
- (laughs)
- (gasps) Oh, my God.

460
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,275
I love it.

461
00:19:25,277 --> 00:19:27,778
I got to tell you, Bon, after
three days with my ex-wife,

462
00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:30,091
I have never been more happy
that you're my girl.

463
00:19:30,546 --> 00:19:33,650
Okay, now, that is the real gift.

464
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,652
(both sigh)

465
00:19:36,015 --> 00:19:39,089
So how about you show me that bra
I didn't get a chance to see.

466
00:19:39,091 --> 00:19:40,557
Certainly.

467
00:19:40,559 --> 00:19:42,226
Samson, Daddy's home.

468
00:19:45,839 --> 00:19:48,287
Yesterday, on our walk,
I picked up the matching panties

469
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,745
- with a pooper scooper.
- ‭Hmm.

470
00:19:51,143 --> 00:19:54,792
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
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