1
00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:07,539
- Good morning.
- Bite me.
2
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:11,043
What's your problem?
3
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,523
Okay, here's the thing.
4
00:00:12,548 --> 00:00:14,246
I am so happy you found love,
5
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,382
and I'm glad Adam
feels comfortable enough
6
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:17,983
to spend the night here.
7
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,686
But you got to know,
I can hear every thing you do
8
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,755
all freakin' night long.
9
00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:25,024
Everything?
10
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:28,494
Yes, you ass-slapping fool, everything.
11
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:30,763
I'm so sorry.
12
00:00:30,765 --> 00:00:33,399
Just keep in mind that our
apartment has thin walls
13
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:36,435
and your daughter's insurance
doesn't cover therapy.
14
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:40,005
Did you try the noise-canceling
headphones I got you?
15
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:41,345
Oh, yeah, right away.
16
00:00:41,370 --> 00:00:44,487
And they're great for
airplanes and garbage trucks,
17
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,578
but no match for my mother announcing
18
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:50,516
that she's been a bad girl and
needs to take her medicine.
19
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,987
To be fair, I was pretty naughty.
20
00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:57,323
Just so you know,
I'm waiting for you guys
21
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:59,825
to wrap this up so I can get some coffee.
22
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,827
Oh, God, get in here.
23
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,063
Sorry you had to hear all that.
24
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:06,031
Right back at you.
25
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:08,110
No, no, no, no, this is good.
26
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,736
We're all adults, we can have a
conversation about physical love
27
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:13,038
and the noises that...
28
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,274
ensue.
29
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,176
How about we just say
we'll be quiet and move on?
30
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:19,511
- Thank you.
- Changing the subject.
31
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,945
- Please.
- You got plans this weekend?
32
00:01:21,970 --> 00:01:25,172
Just library sex, why?
33
00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:28,187
My friend Mitch and his
wife are coming up to Napa.
34
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:31,256
I was thinking it's about time
my best buddy met my best girl.
35
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,692
That sounds great, set it up.
36
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:34,827
All right.
37
00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:35,861
Is this the Mitch who directed
38
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,196
the movie you worked on?
39
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,266
Yeah, but we go way back.
40
00:01:38,291 --> 00:01:40,232
He's the closest thing I have to a brother.
41
00:01:40,257 --> 00:01:42,600
Well, that's saying something
'cause you have a brother.
42
00:01:42,625 --> 00:01:44,336
I'm gonna call him.
43
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:45,604
You're gonna love him.
44
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,706
Mmm.
45
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,608
Ooh.
46
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,999
Meeting the best friend, that's serious.
47
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:53,757
I know. I'm a little nervous.
48
00:01:53,782 --> 00:01:55,894
You should be, if the best
friend doesn't like you,
49
00:01:55,896 --> 00:01:57,629
you're back to slapping your own ass.
50
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:13,219
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
51
00:02:19,395 --> 00:02:21,218
I'd lend you my crystal stemware,
52
00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:22,420
but I'm afraid in your apartment
53
00:02:22,422 --> 00:02:24,221
it would just look stolen.
54
00:02:25,324 --> 00:02:27,191
Besides fondue,
55
00:02:27,193 --> 00:02:29,326
what are you planning
on serving these people?
56
00:02:29,328 --> 00:02:30,728
I don't know. Christy?
57
00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:32,229
Depends on what they're throwing away
58
00:02:32,231 --> 00:02:34,632
at the restaurant.
59
00:02:34,634 --> 00:02:36,400
You don't seem really prepared for this.
60
00:02:36,402 --> 00:02:37,935
I'm not. I've never had a boyfriend
61
00:02:37,937 --> 00:02:39,770
who wanted to introduce me to anybody.
62
00:02:39,772 --> 00:02:42,106
Not even during a three-way.
63
00:02:42,108 --> 00:02:45,109
I had a boyfriend introduce
me to his best friend,
64
00:02:45,111 --> 00:02:46,811
then he married him.
65
00:02:48,414 --> 00:02:50,548
Do you need a bread
maker? I've got three.
66
00:02:50,550 --> 00:02:52,116
I wasn't gonna make bread.
67
00:02:52,118 --> 00:02:53,551
Do they expect me to make bread?
68
00:02:53,553 --> 00:02:55,286
What are you gonna dip in the fondue?
69
00:02:55,288 --> 00:02:56,654
I was just gonna buy bread.
70
00:02:56,656 --> 00:02:59,290
Bonnie, these are Hollywood people.
71
00:02:59,292 --> 00:03:02,326
They are not gonna
eat bread out of a bag.
72
00:03:04,464 --> 00:03:06,163
You know what, this is too much pressure.
73
00:03:06,165 --> 00:03:07,731
I'm just gonna break up with Adam.
74
00:03:07,733 --> 00:03:10,835
Relax, I'm sure you can
pretend to be a good person
75
00:03:10,837 --> 00:03:12,736
long enough for them to like you.
76
00:03:13,743 --> 00:03:15,409
And if it goes well with the friends,
77
00:03:15,434 --> 00:03:17,641
he'll probably want to
introduce you to his parents.
78
00:03:17,643 --> 00:03:18,909
That'll be fun.
79
00:03:18,911 --> 00:03:20,444
"Mom, Dad,
80
00:03:20,446 --> 00:03:22,146
I'd like you to meet my
girlfriend, Bonnie.
81
00:03:22,148 --> 00:03:23,647
She's sober a year and a half,
82
00:03:23,649 --> 00:03:26,016
but you still might want
to hide the Nyquil."
83
00:03:26,018 --> 00:03:29,753
I look forward to when you fall in love.
84
00:03:29,755 --> 00:03:33,424
My plan is to wait till you're dead.
85
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,001
Whoa, look at that.
86
00:03:44,003 --> 00:03:47,304
- Baby, this is awesome.
- Thank you.
87
00:03:47,306 --> 00:03:49,740
Jill said presentation
is all about levels.
88
00:03:49,742 --> 00:03:51,308
Oh.
89
00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:53,811
And check this out,
a crystal bowl for the olive pits,
90
00:03:53,813 --> 00:03:56,313
so you don't have
to spit 'em in your hand.
91
00:03:56,315 --> 00:03:58,382
What's that thing in the middle?
92
00:03:58,384 --> 00:04:01,452
Fondue, or as you might know it,
93
00:04:01,454 --> 00:04:03,621
hot cheese.
94
00:04:04,423 --> 00:04:06,257
Hey, look, it's Martha Stewart.
95
00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:07,958
We have both been in jail.
96
00:04:09,328 --> 00:04:10,995
Oh, God, please don't tell them that.
97
00:04:10,997 --> 00:04:12,630
Unless they'd think it's cool.
98
00:04:12,632 --> 00:04:13,964
Oh, don't worry about it,
99
00:04:13,966 --> 00:04:16,167
Mitch and Leanne are just regular people.
100
00:04:16,169 --> 00:04:17,423
So what are your plans?
101
00:04:17,448 --> 00:04:18,669
Well, we're gonna hit
a couple of wineries,
102
00:04:18,671 --> 00:04:20,404
and then we're going out for dinner.
103
00:04:20,406 --> 00:04:22,506
Wine tasting...
that ought to be fun for you.
104
00:04:22,508 --> 00:04:24,808
I have games on my phone.
105
00:04:24,810 --> 00:04:27,144
That's them.
106
00:04:27,146 --> 00:04:29,380
Oh, I almost forgot,
curtsy when you meet Leanne,
107
00:04:29,382 --> 00:04:31,415
- she's British royalty.
- What?
108
00:04:31,417 --> 00:04:34,752
I'm screwing with you,
she's a makeup girl from Buffalo.
109
00:04:34,754 --> 00:04:36,320
Not funny.
110
00:04:36,322 --> 00:04:38,689
You should've made her curtsy.
111
00:04:38,691 --> 00:04:40,591
Hi, welcome. Bonnie.
112
00:04:40,593 --> 00:04:41,892
I'm Mitch, this is Leanne.
113
00:04:41,894 --> 00:04:43,621
Thank you so much for having us.
114
00:04:43,646 --> 00:04:45,680
My pleasure. Please come in.
115
00:04:45,682 --> 00:04:48,115
Yo, Professor Nutsack!
116
00:04:48,117 --> 00:04:50,451
Stinky Dickweed!
117
00:04:50,453 --> 00:04:53,988
How are you, my man?
118
00:04:53,990 --> 00:04:56,957
- Aren't you glad you made bread?
- Hey.
119
00:04:56,959 --> 00:04:59,360
Leanne, Mitch, this
is my daughter Christy.
120
00:04:59,362 --> 00:05:00,695
- Hi, Christy.
- Hey.
121
00:05:00,697 --> 00:05:02,697
Nice to meet you both.
I'm sorry I have to go,
122
00:05:02,699 --> 00:05:04,676
I have a class and then work.
123
00:05:04,701 --> 00:05:07,702
- What do you do?
- I'm a waitress at the Rustic Fig.
124
00:05:07,704 --> 00:05:08,970
Oh, we heard about that place.
125
00:05:08,972 --> 00:05:10,738
We wanted to eat there.
126
00:05:10,740 --> 00:05:11,906
You're about to.
127
00:05:12,909 --> 00:05:14,242
Time to go.
128
00:05:14,244 --> 00:05:15,910
- Bye.
- Bye.
129
00:05:15,912 --> 00:05:18,012
Oh, she seems sweet.
130
00:05:18,014 --> 00:05:20,748
Eh. Please, everybody sit down.
131
00:05:20,750 --> 00:05:23,117
Okay... oh, we-we
brought you a little gift.
132
00:05:23,119 --> 00:05:24,652
Thank you.
133
00:05:24,654 --> 00:05:26,054
Adam said you don't drink anymore,
134
00:05:26,056 --> 00:05:28,122
but it's good when you have company.
135
00:05:31,595 --> 00:05:32,860
Like now.
136
00:05:32,862 --> 00:05:34,696
Oh, yeah. Yeah,
I mean, you don't have to.
137
00:05:34,698 --> 00:05:36,798
- No, I'll open it.
- No, no, yeah, just go ahead and do it.
138
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,232
Well, just-just one glass, though.
139
00:05:38,234 --> 00:05:40,068
We're still going wine tasting, right?
140
00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:41,970
No, I drove all the way to Napa Valley
141
00:05:41,972 --> 00:05:43,570
to hang out with Stinky Dickweed.
142
00:05:44,641 --> 00:05:46,274
I look forward to hearing
143
00:05:46,276 --> 00:05:48,109
where that nickname came from.
144
00:05:48,111 --> 00:05:49,677
That's a funny story, actually.
145
00:05:49,679 --> 00:05:51,946
We were shooting on location in Malaysia,
146
00:05:51,948 --> 00:05:54,649
and your brilliant boyfriend
thought it'd be a good idea
147
00:05:54,651 --> 00:05:56,884
to hide his pot in his underwear.
148
00:05:56,886 --> 00:05:58,086
Yeah, and when we smoked it,
149
00:05:58,088 --> 00:06:01,322
it smelled suspiciously like my balls.
150
00:06:06,963 --> 00:06:08,429
Everything's fine, Marjorie,
151
00:06:08,431 --> 00:06:11,499
I was just too tired to make the meeting.
152
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:14,602
Yeah, I need a good night's sleep.
153
00:06:14,604 --> 00:06:17,605
Thanks, talk to you tomorrow.
154
00:06:17,607 --> 00:06:19,273
Get him, Mitch, get him!
155
00:06:19,275 --> 00:06:21,709
Who's your daddy, Ironside?
156
00:06:21,711 --> 00:06:23,711
Come on, stop holding back!
157
00:06:23,713 --> 00:06:25,013
I'm trying to make it a fair fight.
158
00:06:25,015 --> 00:06:27,215
Hey, Leanne, hold my feet.
159
00:06:27,217 --> 00:06:29,083
I got you, baby. Okay.
160
00:06:29,085 --> 00:06:31,552
All right, here comes the pain!
161
00:06:31,554 --> 00:06:33,554
Aah! Let go of my junk!
162
00:06:33,556 --> 00:06:34,756
Whoo!
163
00:06:34,758 --> 00:06:36,124
Spoiler alert,
164
00:06:36,126 --> 00:06:39,827
that's why we call Mitch
"Professor Nutsack."
165
00:06:44,034 --> 00:06:45,833
So no wineries?
166
00:06:45,835 --> 00:06:48,936
We never left the apartment.
167
00:06:48,938 --> 00:06:50,772
They just stayed here and drank.
168
00:06:50,774 --> 00:06:52,640
Where'd all the booze come from?
169
00:06:52,642 --> 00:06:55,109
The trunk of their car.
170
00:06:55,111 --> 00:06:56,711
They brought it from L.A.
171
00:06:56,713 --> 00:06:59,047
in case there wasn't
enough wine in Napa Valley.
172
00:07:00,684 --> 00:07:03,618
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
173
00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:05,987
And there might not be.
174
00:07:05,989 --> 00:07:09,824
I'm so drunk, I can't feel my legs.
175
00:07:09,826 --> 00:07:12,694
Oh, wait.
176
00:07:12,696 --> 00:07:14,762
Hey, hen party in the kitchen!
177
00:07:14,764 --> 00:07:16,831
Old school!
178
00:07:20,203 --> 00:07:23,404
Look, it's the Ghost of Christmas Past.
179
00:07:24,974 --> 00:07:27,608
Hey, um, Christy, can I...
Can I tell you something
180
00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:29,210
that I've been thinking about all night?
181
00:07:29,212 --> 00:07:32,313
You should go home
and I should go to bed?
182
00:07:32,315 --> 00:07:38,152
I could make you so pretty.
183
00:07:38,154 --> 00:07:41,089
I'm sorry?
184
00:07:41,091 --> 00:07:43,224
Didn't Adam tell you?
185
00:07:43,226 --> 00:07:45,259
I'm a professional makeup artist.
186
00:07:45,261 --> 00:07:48,730
It's my job to make
people like you pretty.
187
00:07:49,999 --> 00:07:52,567
I'm a professional makeup artist!
188
00:07:52,569 --> 00:07:54,669
Mommy, help me.
189
00:07:54,671 --> 00:07:57,071
I'd kind of like to see what she can do.
190
00:08:00,143 --> 00:08:02,643
Thanks for easing up on the drinking.
191
00:08:02,645 --> 00:08:04,078
That was a good call, babe.
192
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:07,782
All things in moderation.
193
00:08:07,784 --> 00:08:10,118
They both really like you.
194
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,087
Oh, goodie.
195
00:08:13,089 --> 00:08:15,823
Ta-da.
196
00:08:17,994 --> 00:08:20,561
- Oh, my God, I'm gorgeous.
- Mm-hmm.
197
00:08:20,563 --> 00:08:23,164
You-You look like
you're in your 30s again.
198
00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:24,999
I am in my 30s.
199
00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:26,167
So am I.
200
00:08:26,169 --> 00:08:27,802
Wink, wink.
201
00:08:29,205 --> 00:08:33,040
Hey. Whoa, you look amazing.
202
00:08:33,042 --> 00:08:35,076
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
203
00:08:35,078 --> 00:08:38,035
Leanne, I was told to bring you this.
204
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:40,615
- Gracias.
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
205
00:08:40,617 --> 00:08:42,483
I have to go to the bathroom.
206
00:08:42,485 --> 00:08:46,154
The hot cheese is making its move.
207
00:08:46,156 --> 00:08:49,690
You really are good at what you do.
208
00:08:49,692 --> 00:08:52,226
My secret is,
209
00:08:52,228 --> 00:08:54,996
keep applying makeup until it's
something you want to sit on.
210
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:59,066
You're kidding, right?
211
00:08:59,068 --> 00:09:01,235
Mm, of course, I'm kidding.
212
00:09:01,237 --> 00:09:04,205
Wink, wink.
213
00:09:05,608 --> 00:09:07,508
You know, I admire you.
214
00:09:07,510 --> 00:09:09,777
Thank you.
215
00:09:09,779 --> 00:09:13,114
Your opinion used to
mean a great deal to me.
216
00:09:13,116 --> 00:09:17,552
Seriously, like, staying sober
when you got nothing going on,
217
00:09:17,554 --> 00:09:19,854
and it kind of makes you a little boring,
218
00:09:19,856 --> 00:09:21,222
that's impressive.
219
00:09:21,224 --> 00:09:23,758
Again, thank you.
220
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,727
Good on ya, Bonnie lass!
221
00:09:26,729 --> 00:09:30,031
Where'd you just go?
222
00:09:30,033 --> 00:09:31,666
You know, I got sober once.
223
00:09:31,668 --> 00:09:34,202
- Really?
- Yep, I went to a couple of meetings,
224
00:09:34,204 --> 00:09:36,537
I heard the spiel, I bought a book,
225
00:09:36,539 --> 00:09:38,940
and then one night I'm
looking around the room
226
00:09:38,942 --> 00:09:43,878
and I said to myself, "Mitch,
these aren't your people,
227
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,047
these people are quitters.
228
00:09:46,049 --> 00:09:47,982
You're not a quitter,
229
00:09:47,984 --> 00:09:49,750
u'rehe opposite of that,
230
00:09:49,752 --> 00:09:52,787
you're a successful film director."
231
00:09:53,790 --> 00:09:54,956
Move it.
232
00:09:54,958 --> 00:09:56,524
- Mm.
- Not that way.
233
00:09:56,549 --> 00:09:59,077
Oh, I'm sorry.
234
00:09:59,079 --> 00:10:00,412
Bad! Bad hand!
235
00:10:00,414 --> 00:10:02,113
We-We-We talked about that.
236
00:10:02,115 --> 00:10:03,615
Thank God I brought my good hand.
237
00:10:05,018 --> 00:10:06,251
Okay.
238
00:10:06,253 --> 00:10:07,919
You're Adam's friend,
239
00:10:07,921 --> 00:10:10,355
and you're really drunk right now,
so I'm gonna be a sport
240
00:10:10,357 --> 00:10:11,923
and give both your hands a pass.
241
00:10:11,925 --> 00:10:13,158
But if it ever happens again,
242
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,426
I will hit you so hard,
243
00:10:14,428 --> 00:10:16,628
you'll be crapping teeth for a week.
244
00:10:20,028 --> 00:10:22,442
God help me, it might be worth it.
245
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,677
And three double cheeseburgers.
246
00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:34,778
With cheese.
247
00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:36,880
Two large fries...
248
00:10:36,882 --> 00:10:39,750
With cheese and a chicken sandwich.
249
00:10:39,752 --> 00:10:40,951
...and a chicken sandwich.
250
00:10:40,953 --> 00:10:41,986
And a burrito.
251
00:10:41,988 --> 00:10:43,187
They don't have burritos.
252
00:10:43,189 --> 00:10:46,490
Why don't they have burritos?
Why don't you have burritos?!
253
00:10:46,492 --> 00:10:47,791
I think that's it.
254
00:10:47,793 --> 00:10:50,327
Oh! Oh, and a crunchy candy cookie cup.
255
00:10:50,329 --> 00:10:51,462
I-I think we've got enough.
256
00:10:51,464 --> 00:10:54,898
Cookie cup, cookie cup, cookie cup!
257
00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:57,201
So... three cookie cups?
258
00:10:57,203 --> 00:10:59,017
- Sure.
- Yes.
259
00:10:59,042 --> 00:11:00,208
It'll be $52.75.
260
00:11:00,233 --> 00:11:02,234
Please drive forward.
261
00:11:02,236 --> 00:11:04,770
So... whoa...
262
00:11:04,772 --> 00:11:06,572
So...
263
00:11:06,574 --> 00:11:08,707
you and... you and
Adam are cute together.
264
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,209
Thank you.
265
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:12,011
Is he still good in bed?
266
00:11:13,247 --> 00:11:14,947
I'm sorry, what?
267
00:11:14,949 --> 00:11:17,716
He was incredible back when he had legs.
268
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:18,951
Oh, I'm... Oh, I'm sorry.
269
00:11:18,953 --> 00:11:20,686
I don't want... I didn't mean that.
270
00:11:20,688 --> 00:11:23,856
I mean, of course he still
has legs, but, you know...
271
00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:27,372
You slept with Adam?
272
00:11:28,696 --> 00:11:31,564
Dear Lord, will this night ever end?
273
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,265
- Answer me.
- Calm down.
274
00:11:33,267 --> 00:11:35,734
It was a long time ago
before I met Mitch,
275
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:40,539
and we only did it, like, t...
t... 20 times.
276
00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:43,776
Really thought you were gonna say two.
277
00:11:43,778 --> 00:11:45,377
So, you were a couple?
278
00:11:45,379 --> 00:11:46,946
No, oh, no!
279
00:11:46,948 --> 00:11:49,815
No, no, it was just that
kind of raw kind of sex.
280
00:11:49,817 --> 00:11:51,283
You know, the kind you think about
281
00:11:51,285 --> 00:11:54,692
when you're on the toilet
having a cigarette.
282
00:11:54,717 --> 00:11:57,585
Hey, guys, this is important.
Guys, this is important, listen.
283
00:11:57,587 --> 00:12:02,056
Mitch doesn't know, so we
just have to keep it between us.
284
00:12:02,058 --> 00:12:05,760
You know... sisterhood
of the traveling penis.
285
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:12,800
I don't know what you're
always whining about.
286
00:12:12,802 --> 00:12:15,303
This thing is awesome.
287
00:12:15,305 --> 00:12:17,538
Food's here.
288
00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:18,639
Oh, finally.
289
00:12:18,641 --> 00:12:20,107
Hey, baby, did you know
290
00:12:20,109 --> 00:12:21,442
that the liquor store down on the corner,
291
00:12:21,444 --> 00:12:22,710
that it delivers?
292
00:12:22,712 --> 00:12:24,679
Just eat your burger, Dickweed.
293
00:12:26,115 --> 00:12:27,348
Huddle.
294
00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:28,516
Ugh, I don't want to huddle.
295
00:12:28,518 --> 00:12:29,614
Just let me go to sleep.
296
00:12:29,639 --> 00:12:31,419
What? You think you're
too pretty to huddle now?
297
00:12:31,421 --> 00:12:32,653
Get in there.
298
00:12:32,655 --> 00:12:35,456
I am pretty, aren't I?
299
00:12:35,458 --> 00:12:38,059
Why didn't you get me any vodka?
300
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,528
Why didn't you get me a
24-year-old Asian girl
301
00:12:40,530 --> 00:12:42,396
with big boobs?
302
00:12:42,398 --> 00:12:44,298
Hey, words hurt.
303
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,334
Just kidding.
304
00:12:46,336 --> 00:12:48,336
Ah, I love you.
305
00:12:48,338 --> 00:12:50,371
And you have perfect boobs.
306
00:12:50,373 --> 00:12:52,573
You, too.
307
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,678
That right there.
308
00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,880
That's how you make a marriage work.
309
00:13:01,158 --> 00:13:03,992
Thanks, buddy.
310
00:13:06,623 --> 00:13:08,189
Where are we?
311
00:13:10,994 --> 00:13:13,494
I'm sorry, I just can't
wrap my head around it.
312
00:13:13,496 --> 00:13:14,662
20 times?
313
00:13:14,664 --> 00:13:16,197
She's probably exaggerating.
314
00:13:16,199 --> 00:13:17,398
When it comes to sex,
315
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,100
women round down, Christy, not up.
316
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,468
- We do?
- You don't?
317
00:13:20,470 --> 00:13:22,570
I didn't, but I will now.
318
00:13:23,406 --> 00:13:25,139
I'm not sure how to handle it.
319
00:13:25,141 --> 00:13:27,208
There's nothing to handle.
It's in the past.
320
00:13:27,210 --> 00:13:28,409
No, it's in my living room,
321
00:13:28,411 --> 00:13:30,277
and more important, he didn't tell me.
322
00:13:30,279 --> 00:13:32,446
So, what, you're gonna confront him?
323
00:13:32,448 --> 00:13:34,048
I thought the whole idea of this evening
324
00:13:34,050 --> 00:13:35,483
was to make his friends like you.
325
00:13:35,485 --> 00:13:37,785
That's when I was putting
deviled eggs on levels.
326
00:13:37,787 --> 00:13:40,221
I should've just put out a dog bowl.
327
00:13:41,658 --> 00:13:46,227
Okay, Adam, it's time
you and I have a talk.
328
00:13:47,495 --> 00:13:49,729
Oh, lovely.
329
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:55,117
Under the head, under the head.
330
00:13:56,539 --> 00:13:59,240
Where's Lord and Lady Nutsack?
331
00:13:59,242 --> 00:14:03,044
Probably playing
kickball with their livers.
332
00:14:03,046 --> 00:14:05,012
Come on, baby,
let's make a dirty movie.
333
00:14:05,014 --> 00:14:08,749
Okay, okay,
turn around and try to relax.
334
00:14:12,021 --> 00:14:14,655
Thin walls. I get it now.
335
00:14:14,657 --> 00:14:17,124
We're gonna have to burn that bed.
336
00:14:19,028 --> 00:14:20,227
What just happened?
337
00:14:20,229 --> 00:14:21,762
I don't know. That sounded bad.
338
00:14:21,764 --> 00:14:24,965
I guess we should go see if they're okay.
339
00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:29,336
Or we just leave and
rebuild our lives elsewhere.
340
00:14:34,444 --> 00:14:36,644
Hello?
341
00:14:42,785 --> 00:14:45,619
Well, this is just sad.
342
00:14:48,191 --> 00:14:50,624
Remember being too drunk to have sex?
343
00:14:50,626 --> 00:14:54,061
It's the main reason you're an only child.
344
00:14:54,063 --> 00:14:55,329
So, what do we do?
345
00:14:56,466 --> 00:14:59,366
Roll them on their sides and be grateful
346
00:14:59,368 --> 00:15:00,768
we don't live like this anymore.
347
00:15:00,770 --> 00:15:03,204
So very grateful.
348
00:15:08,111 --> 00:15:12,279
Oh, God, was that him or her?
349
00:15:13,549 --> 00:15:15,516
Does it really matter?
350
00:15:19,722 --> 00:15:21,922
Shh...
351
00:16:04,167 --> 00:16:05,733
Mom?
352
00:16:05,735 --> 00:16:08,135
Yes?
353
00:16:09,939 --> 00:16:12,039
- What?
- What the hell?!
354
00:16:12,041 --> 00:16:14,108
Ah, I was... I was
looking for the bathroom.
355
00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:15,309
Well, I'm not it!
356
00:16:15,311 --> 00:16:17,411
Well, okay, no harm, no foul.
357
00:16:17,413 --> 00:16:20,648
¿Dónde está el baño?
358
00:16:21,484 --> 00:16:23,184
What is going on?
359
00:16:23,186 --> 00:16:24,185
Mitch, where'd you go?
360
00:16:24,187 --> 00:16:25,686
Into my bed!
361
00:16:25,688 --> 00:16:27,788
You miserable bastard.
362
00:16:30,193 --> 00:16:32,226
Come on, it was an honest mistake.
363
00:16:32,228 --> 00:16:33,661
When you grabbed my ass in the kitchen,
364
00:16:33,663 --> 00:16:35,196
was that an honest mistake?
365
00:16:35,198 --> 00:16:36,463
Well, a person can make
366
00:16:36,465 --> 00:16:38,632
more than one honest mistake.
367
00:16:38,634 --> 00:16:40,067
You grabbed her ass?
368
00:16:40,069 --> 00:16:41,101
With both hands.
369
00:16:41,103 --> 00:16:42,102
Damn it, Mitch.
370
00:16:43,806 --> 00:16:45,272
Come on.
371
00:16:45,274 --> 00:16:47,174
Why is everybody yelling?
372
00:16:47,176 --> 00:16:49,944
Your best friend just tried to
get in bed with my daughter.
373
00:16:49,946 --> 00:16:52,112
What? No, no, that can't be right.
374
00:16:52,114 --> 00:16:54,248
It may have been 18 months and 11 days,
375
00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:56,550
but I know when a man is in bed with me.
376
00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,453
This is all your fault.
377
00:16:59,455 --> 00:17:00,454
My fault?!
378
00:17:00,456 --> 00:17:01,488
You invited these
379
00:17:01,490 --> 00:17:02,957
zoo animals into my home,
380
00:17:02,959 --> 00:17:04,258
and you never told me
381
00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:06,227
you slept with this monkey.
382
00:17:06,229 --> 00:17:08,095
Approximately 20 times.
383
00:17:08,097 --> 00:17:09,029
What?
384
00:17:09,031 --> 00:17:10,631
Monkey?
385
00:17:10,633 --> 00:17:13,200
You-You didn't think that was
something you should tell me?
386
00:17:13,202 --> 00:17:14,201
I-I... it's...
387
00:17:14,203 --> 00:17:15,970
You porked my wife?!
388
00:17:15,972 --> 00:17:17,605
I wouldn't use that word.
389
00:17:17,607 --> 00:17:20,174
I would.
390
00:17:20,176 --> 00:17:22,576
But that was before we got together.
391
00:17:22,578 --> 00:17:28,115
We're married now, and you're
playing hump the hostesses-es?
392
00:17:28,117 --> 00:17:29,383
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
393
00:17:29,814 --> 00:17:30,913
Wait a minute, you...
394
00:17:30,915 --> 00:17:33,015
you hit on Bonnie?
395
00:17:33,017 --> 00:17:35,918
It was nothing.
Yeah, it was just joking around.
396
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,487
It was, it was, you
know, my bad hand bit.
397
00:17:38,489 --> 00:17:39,922
She didn't get it.
398
00:17:39,924 --> 00:17:42,091
You did bad hand on my woman?
399
00:17:42,093 --> 00:17:43,826
And good hand.
400
00:17:43,828 --> 00:17:46,629
Good hand's new.
401
00:17:46,631 --> 00:17:48,464
What the hell is wrong with you?!
402
00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:50,032
Uh, all right!
403
00:17:50,034 --> 00:17:51,801
All right!
404
00:17:51,803 --> 00:17:53,369
All right, all right!
405
00:17:53,371 --> 00:17:56,972
This is it! This is it!
406
00:18:00,144 --> 00:18:03,412
I have a drinking problem.
407
00:18:03,414 --> 00:18:05,781
What?
408
00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:07,883
I do. I need help.
409
00:18:07,885 --> 00:18:10,720
Ah, son of a bitch,
now we have to be nice to him.
410
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:12,388
No, no, no, don't fall for it.
411
00:18:12,390 --> 00:18:14,857
He catches alcoholism
every time I find him
412
00:18:14,859 --> 00:18:16,726
facedown in an actress.
413
00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:18,828
See, this...
this is half the reason I drink.
414
00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:20,696
- She shames me.
- Okay.
415
00:18:20,698 --> 00:18:24,600
- Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah.
- You're one of my demons, Leanne!
416
00:18:24,602 --> 00:18:26,802
All right, everybody, just take it easy.
417
00:18:26,804 --> 00:18:29,105
Bonnie, I'm-I'm-I'm sorry
418
00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:30,806
that I didn't tell you about Leanne.
419
00:18:30,808 --> 00:18:34,744
Just no excuse, no defense,
just wrong, and, Mitch,
420
00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:36,979
even though it happened before
the two of you got together,
421
00:18:36,981 --> 00:18:38,781
I guess I owe you something, too.
422
00:18:40,051 --> 00:18:41,584
Come here, brother.
423
00:18:41,586 --> 00:18:42,918
Oh, thanks.
424
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,454
Man, you know I-I was just kidding...
425
00:18:47,725 --> 00:18:51,460
Oh! Bad hand!
426
00:18:51,462 --> 00:18:54,096
It's not cool, Dickweed!
427
00:18:56,701 --> 00:18:59,035
Is there any vodka left?
428
00:19:14,012 --> 00:19:18,782
Hi, I'm Mitch and... I'm an alcoholic.
429
00:19:18,784 --> 00:19:20,684
Hi, Mitch.
430
00:19:20,686 --> 00:19:24,587
I hurt a lot of people
I love this weekend,
431
00:19:24,589 --> 00:19:27,924
whether it was hitting on
my best friend's girl...
432
00:19:29,728 --> 00:19:31,294
...or her daughter...
433
00:19:33,098 --> 00:19:36,266
...or urinating in their laundry hamper.
434
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:44,407
This damn disease. Am I right?
435
00:19:46,011 --> 00:19:47,644
Anyway, I-I-I just want to say
436
00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:51,481
that I'm-I'm really
grateful to this program
437
00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:57,287
for helping my wife see
that it's not my fault.
438
00:20:01,121 --> 00:20:02,850
Namaste.
439
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:08,732
You think he can stay sober this time?
440
00:20:08,734 --> 00:20:09,866
I don't know.
441
00:20:09,868 --> 00:20:11,468
We go to New Orleans right from here.
442
00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:13,103
We'll see what happens.
443
00:20:13,105 --> 00:20:15,538
Would anyone else like to share?
444
00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:18,408
So... did they like you?
445
00:20:23,210 --> 00:20:27,255
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