1
00:00:04,508 --> 00:00:05,591
Mom!

2
00:00:05,593 --> 00:00:06,792
What?

3
00:00:06,794 --> 00:00:07,876
Come here.

4
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:09,173
Why?

5
00:00:09,198 --> 00:00:10,898
Just come down.

6
00:00:19,359 --> 00:00:20,992
- Mom!
- Hey.

7
00:00:22,529 --> 00:00:24,617
Ooh, you're so jumpy.

8
00:00:24,677 --> 00:00:26,143
Come sit next to me.

9
00:00:26,215 --> 00:00:27,998
- What's up?
- Hold my hand.

10
00:00:28,023 --> 00:00:29,523
Okay. What's going on?

11
00:00:29,548 --> 00:00:31,014
Don't talk, just hold.

12
00:00:33,039 --> 00:00:35,873
You have really tiny hands.

13
00:00:36,058 --> 00:00:38,886
Feel like I'm going
steady with a raccoon.

14
00:00:38,911 --> 00:00:40,294
Shh!

15
00:00:40,296 --> 00:00:42,630
Can you at least tell me
what we're looking at here?

16
00:00:43,057 --> 00:00:44,529
My grades get posted at noon,

17
00:00:44,554 --> 00:00:45,916
and I don't want to
look at them by myself.

18
00:00:45,918 --> 00:00:48,131
Oh, so you think you blew it?

19
00:00:48,156 --> 00:00:50,248
No! Why would you say that?

20
00:00:51,524 --> 00:00:52,773
Take it back!

21
00:00:56,055 --> 00:00:57,521
When did we become gypsies?

22
00:00:57,914 --> 00:00:59,363
I just don't want to jinx it.

23
00:00:59,365 --> 00:01:01,328
Well, that's not possible
now that you spit three times.

24
00:01:02,324 --> 00:01:04,358
Can you please just
sit here and support me?

25
00:01:04,383 --> 00:01:06,600
I honestly thought
that's what I was doing.

26
00:01:06,625 --> 00:01:08,671
Okay, I'm just gonna be quiet.

27
00:01:09,542 --> 00:01:11,792
Sorry, it was just
such a tough semester,

28
00:01:11,794 --> 00:01:13,859
with work, and Roscoe, and Violet,

29
00:01:13,884 --> 00:01:15,850
and... crazy stuff around here.

30
00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:18,054
- Am I the crazy stuff?
- Yeah.

31
00:01:19,024 --> 00:01:21,109
Also, I turned in a couple papers late.

32
00:01:21,134 --> 00:01:22,266
I'm pretty sure I screwed up

33
00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,824
my literature final on Metamorphosis.

34
00:01:23,849 --> 00:01:26,000
- What's that?
- It's an awful book.

35
00:01:26,025 --> 00:01:27,225
A guy wakes up one morning

36
00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:28,666
and is turned into a giant cockroach.

37
00:01:28,691 --> 00:01:31,108
But not like Spiderman who got
bit by a radioactive spider,

38
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,966
this guy just wakes up all cockroach-y.

39
00:01:34,348 --> 00:01:35,347
So no super powers?

40
00:01:35,372 --> 00:01:36,338
Nope.

41
00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:37,862
He doesn't fight crime, no costume,

42
00:01:37,887 --> 00:01:39,703
he's just a bug for no reason.

43
00:01:40,984 --> 00:01:43,324
Can he make other
cockroaches do his bidding?

44
00:01:43,326 --> 00:01:45,250
Doesn't even try.
He just complains.

45
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:47,890
So what was your paper about?

46
00:01:47,946 --> 00:01:50,812
I wish I remember. I wrote it
when I had walking pneumonia

47
00:01:50,837 --> 00:01:52,036
and was on all that medication.

48
00:01:52,168 --> 00:01:53,217
Well, there you go.

49
00:01:53,219 --> 00:01:55,000
If you flunk, you can blame it on drugs,

50
00:01:55,025 --> 00:01:56,664
like when you were in junior high.

51
00:01:57,500 --> 00:02:00,534
Excuse me, I did not
take drugs in junior high.

52
00:02:01,493 --> 00:02:02,976
I just drank.

53
00:02:03,679 --> 00:02:05,382
Mostly wine coolers.

54
00:02:05,407 --> 00:02:06,929
And cough syrup.

55
00:02:07,668 --> 00:02:09,201
Ooh, they're up, they're up.

56
00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:13,657
Oh, my God.

57
00:02:13,761 --> 00:02:15,593
Are we reading this right?

58
00:02:15,634 --> 00:02:16,884
I got straight A's.

59
00:02:16,934 --> 00:02:18,967
That's why I asked, "Are
we reading this right""

60
00:02:19,195 --> 00:02:20,661
I got straight A's, Mom!

61
00:02:20,663 --> 00:02:21,612
I got straight A's.

62
00:02:21,614 --> 00:02:23,101
Wait, wait, wait, there's an asterisk.

63
00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:24,125
What does that mean?

64
00:02:24,150 --> 00:02:25,533
Were you using steroids?

65
00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:26,909
Let me look.

66
00:02:29,135 --> 00:02:30,406
I made the dean's list.

67
00:02:31,312 --> 00:02:33,812
Oh, honey, did you sleep with the dean?

68
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,677
I didn't have to,

69
00:02:36,679 --> 00:02:38,129
I'm smart!

70
00:02:46,507 --> 00:02:52,481
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

71
00:02:59,328 --> 00:03:00,778
Congratulations, sweetie.

72
00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:03,057
The dean's list is a big deal.

73
00:03:03,921 --> 00:03:05,249
Thanks.

74
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:08,078
I always kind of suspected
I might be, you know,

75
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,367
gifted.

76
00:03:13,828 --> 00:03:15,626
One of the best parts of staying sober

77
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,960
is learning what we're
really capable of.

78
00:03:18,484 --> 00:03:20,378
You should come to one
of my Mensa meetings.

79
00:03:20,578 --> 00:03:22,152
Wait, you're in Mensa?

80
00:03:22,154 --> 00:03:23,237
What's Mensa?

81
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,031
It's a club for people with high IQ’s.

82
00:03:26,325 --> 00:03:27,992
And you're in that?

83
00:03:28,679 --> 00:03:29,827
Yes.

84
00:03:32,101 --> 00:03:33,664
I said "Yes."

85
00:03:36,002 --> 00:03:38,636
So, Christy, have you thought
about what's next for you?

86
00:03:38,867 --> 00:03:41,805
Well, I guess transfer
to a four-year college,

87
00:03:41,807 --> 00:03:44,258
and then, hopefully, law school.

88
00:03:44,546 --> 00:03:46,093
That's wonderful.

89
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:48,429
I'm sure you'll get
straight A's there, too.

90
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,958
Marjorie, why are you
getting her expectations up?

91
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,317
It's one thing to get good
grades at a community college,

92
00:03:53,319 --> 00:03:55,402
where it's basically everybody
gets an A for showing up

93
00:03:55,404 --> 00:03:57,210
with pants on, zipper forward.

94
00:03:58,187 --> 00:04:00,274
But real college is
different, am I right?

95
00:04:00,276 --> 00:04:01,242
No.

96
00:04:01,289 --> 00:04:02,526
An A is an A,

97
00:04:02,528 --> 00:04:04,695
whether it's at Napa
Valley Tech or Harvard.

98
00:04:04,697 --> 00:04:06,864
Yeah, but if you're
getting brain surgery,

99
00:04:06,866 --> 00:04:09,492
which diploma do you want
to see on your doctor's wall?

100
00:04:10,929 --> 00:04:12,536
My A's are A's.

101
00:04:12,538 --> 00:04:13,871
Don't crap on my A's.

102
00:04:13,873 --> 00:04:15,039
Nobody's crapping.

103
00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:16,790
I'm just trying to inject
a little reality here.

104
00:04:16,792 --> 00:04:18,008
Wendy, you're in Mensa, tell her.

105
00:04:18,135 --> 00:04:19,639
Um...

106
00:04:20,607 --> 00:04:22,289
we mostly do puzzles.

107
00:04:25,217 --> 00:04:27,132
It doesn't matter.

108
00:04:27,157 --> 00:04:29,353
Christy, you're a
totally different person

109
00:04:29,355 --> 00:04:31,605
than the hot mess that
crawled into that meeting

110
00:04:31,607 --> 00:04:34,191
three years ago, and
I'm so proud of you.

111
00:04:34,193 --> 00:04:35,578
Thanks, Marjorie.

112
00:04:35,728 --> 00:04:36,750
To Christy.

113
00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:38,278
To Christy.

114
00:04:38,484 --> 00:04:39,730
We should also be toasting Wendy

115
00:04:39,732 --> 00:04:41,448
who managed to hide
her intelligence from us

116
00:04:41,450 --> 00:04:42,445
for all these years.

117
00:04:42,906 --> 00:04:45,031
To Wendy.

118
00:04:48,507 --> 00:04:50,874
You ready for lights out?

119
00:04:50,876 --> 00:04:52,912
Let me just finish this
text to my daughter.

120
00:04:52,937 --> 00:04:54,745
Oh, good. You two are talking again?

121
00:04:54,747 --> 00:04:55,996
Yes, we're talking.

122
00:04:55,998 --> 00:04:58,332
Sorry, last I heard
you were dead to her.

123
00:04:58,334 --> 00:05:00,884
Yeah, well, I apologized
for something I didn't do,

124
00:05:00,886 --> 00:05:02,002
and now we're good again.

125
00:05:02,734 --> 00:05:04,505
She wants to go wedding
dress shopping tomorrow.

126
00:05:04,507 --> 00:05:07,101
Wow, and she invited you to go with her?

127
00:05:07,164 --> 00:05:09,343
That's right, I am buying the dress.

128
00:05:09,345 --> 00:05:12,179
Oh, well, that explains
why she invited you.

129
00:05:13,171 --> 00:05:16,539
No, she invited me because
our relationship is better now.

130
00:05:16,789 --> 00:05:18,402
You know what? Let's just go to bed.

131
00:05:18,404 --> 00:05:19,686
Fine.

132
00:05:30,757 --> 00:05:31,949
We're not done, are we?

133
00:05:32,406 --> 00:05:33,700
We need to talk about something.

134
00:05:33,702 --> 00:05:36,578
Oh, no, do you want a divorce?

135
00:05:38,821 --> 00:05:40,521
This is serious.

136
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,348
Earlier with the girls,

137
00:05:42,428 --> 00:05:43,627
all that stuff you were saying

138
00:05:43,629 --> 00:05:45,406
about my grades not
being worth anything,

139
00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:47,965
- it hurt my feelings.
- Oh, come on.

140
00:05:47,967 --> 00:05:48,966
I was kidding.

141
00:05:48,968 --> 00:05:50,429
Didn't feel like kidding.

142
00:05:51,053 --> 00:05:53,679
Everybody there said they were
happy for me, proud of me,

143
00:05:53,704 --> 00:05:56,296
even the waitress gave me
a free piece of cheesecake.

144
00:05:56,525 --> 00:05:57,941
All you did was put me down.

145
00:05:57,943 --> 00:06:00,310
For God's sakes, that
was just me kibitzing.

146
00:06:00,312 --> 00:06:01,728
That's what I do, I kibitz.

147
00:06:01,730 --> 00:06:03,280
You still never said
you were proud of me.

148
00:06:03,282 --> 00:06:04,114
Yeah, I did.

149
00:06:04,116 --> 00:06:04,982
No, you didn't.

150
00:06:04,984 --> 00:06:06,984
- Fine. Christy...
- Nope, too late now.

151
00:06:06,986 --> 00:06:09,153
What are you doing?

152
00:06:09,155 --> 00:06:11,321
I can't sleep next to someone
who doesn't value me.

153
00:06:11,323 --> 00:06:12,625
Since when?

154
00:06:15,411 --> 00:06:17,828
See? Kibitz!

155
00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:22,666
We're not done.

156
00:06:22,668 --> 00:06:23,750
Oh, I think we are.

157
00:06:23,752 --> 00:06:26,003
It was just a few jokes over coffee.

158
00:06:26,005 --> 00:06:28,639
No, no, you purposely
diminished my achievements.

159
00:06:28,641 --> 00:06:30,674
No, no, I was trying to get some laughs.

160
00:06:30,676 --> 00:06:32,593
Those women count on me

161
00:06:32,595 --> 00:06:34,882
to brighten up their drab little lives.

162
00:06:35,147 --> 00:06:36,513
It's not just tonight.

163
00:06:36,515 --> 00:06:37,848
You've always sold me short.

164
00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:38,849
Well...

165
00:06:38,851 --> 00:06:40,684
Don't you dare make a short joke.

166
00:06:40,686 --> 00:06:41,685
Go away.

167
00:06:41,687 --> 00:06:43,187
Fine, but just so we're clear,

168
00:06:43,189 --> 00:06:45,022
you, right now walking
around breathing air,

169
00:06:45,024 --> 00:06:46,156
that's all thanks to me.

170
00:06:46,158 --> 00:06:47,191
That's your argument?

171
00:06:47,193 --> 00:06:48,909
The fact that I'm walking and breathing

172
00:06:48,911 --> 00:06:50,194
makes you mother of the year?

173
00:06:50,196 --> 00:06:52,162
Hey, not matter how tough things were,

174
00:06:52,164 --> 00:06:54,114
I always made sure
you never went without.

175
00:06:54,116 --> 00:06:56,834
You always had a roof over your
head and dinner in your belly.

176
00:06:56,836 --> 00:06:58,535
A panel truck is not a roof

177
00:06:58,537 --> 00:07:00,656
and Red Vines are not dinner!

178
00:07:01,593 --> 00:07:03,757
Wow, so ungrateful.

179
00:07:04,039 --> 00:07:05,560
All right, you want to get current?

180
00:07:05,585 --> 00:07:07,678
The only reason you were
able to go back to school

181
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:08,712
is because of me.

182
00:07:08,714 --> 00:07:10,047
How do you figure that?

183
00:07:10,049 --> 00:07:11,882
Whose gambling got us
evicted from the old place?

184
00:07:11,884 --> 00:07:13,884
And whose quick thinking
got us this apartment?

185
00:07:13,886 --> 00:07:15,219
Quick thinking?

186
00:07:15,221 --> 00:07:16,386
You lied to the building owners

187
00:07:16,388 --> 00:07:17,855
that you were a skilled handyman.

188
00:07:17,857 --> 00:07:20,607
Yes, and one of my skills is lying.

189
00:07:20,609 --> 00:07:23,143
And while you were waiting
tables or going to class,

190
00:07:23,145 --> 00:07:25,112
who babysat for you free of charge?

191
00:07:25,114 --> 00:07:26,980
Oh, Grandma, thank you.

192
00:07:26,982 --> 00:07:29,283
Oh, I see, you're just
gonna spin everything.

193
00:07:29,285 --> 00:07:30,734
I am a self-made woman.

194
00:07:30,736 --> 00:07:32,653
My success has nothing to do with you.

195
00:07:32,655 --> 00:07:33,787
Fine. Deal.

196
00:07:33,789 --> 00:07:35,155
Then I also have nothing
to do with your failure.

197
00:07:35,157 --> 00:07:37,074
All the arrests, the
drugs, the drinking,

198
00:07:37,076 --> 00:07:38,125
that's all on you.

199
00:07:38,127 --> 00:07:39,376
Those are not failures.

200
00:07:39,378 --> 00:07:41,078
Those are obstacles that I overcame

201
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,679
to make my success all
the more compelling!

202
00:07:51,507 --> 00:07:52,839
"Christy J. Plunkett,

203
00:07:52,841 --> 00:07:54,156
"grade four.

204
00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:58,512
Christy is eager to learn and
shows a great deal of promise."

205
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,180
"Grade five.

206
00:08:00,182 --> 00:08:02,718
"Christy is a joy to have in class.

207
00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:04,601
She is bright and inquisitive."

208
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,270
"Grade six.

209
00:08:06,272 --> 00:08:09,356
"Christy is the best student
I've ever encountered.

210
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,608
She is going to do
amazing things one day."

211
00:08:11,610 --> 00:08:13,944
You kept your report cards?

212
00:08:13,946 --> 00:08:17,734
I also signed them whenever
you went off on a bender.

213
00:08:18,284 --> 00:08:20,951
I never went off on a bender,

214
00:08:20,953 --> 00:08:22,619
those were three-day weekends

215
00:08:22,621 --> 00:08:25,226
where I tried to find you a father.

216
00:08:27,259 --> 00:08:29,793
The point is, even as a little kid,

217
00:08:29,851 --> 00:08:31,125
I showed potential.

218
00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:33,463
And now that I'm living
up to that potential,

219
00:08:33,465 --> 00:08:34,431
you're jealous.

220
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,767
I'm jealous of you?

221
00:08:36,769 --> 00:08:38,185
That's right, you heard me.

222
00:08:38,187 --> 00:08:40,554
Oh, honey, I don't think so.

223
00:08:40,556 --> 00:08:43,023
I'm jealous of Serena Williams,

224
00:08:43,025 --> 00:08:44,474
Michelle Obama,

225
00:08:44,476 --> 00:08:47,781
that tall Arab chick
that bagged Clooney.

226
00:08:49,732 --> 00:08:51,148
The more I hear you talk,

227
00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:53,771
the more I realize what a miracle I am.

228
00:08:53,796 --> 00:08:57,371
A miracle that was conceived
at a Foghat concert!

229
00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:06,890
You stormed out before my rebuttal!

230
00:09:07,562 --> 00:09:09,679
All right, rebut.

231
00:09:15,171 --> 00:09:17,841
I got nothing, but I can't sleep,

232
00:09:17,843 --> 00:09:19,142
so neither will you.

233
00:09:19,144 --> 00:09:20,844
Oh, no you don't!

234
00:09:32,609 --> 00:09:34,742
- Morning.
- Morning.

235
00:09:41,159 --> 00:09:42,459
Listen...

236
00:09:42,484 --> 00:09:45,585
last night, I said some
things that were pretty ugly.

237
00:09:45,716 --> 00:09:46,849
Yeah?

238
00:09:47,007 --> 00:09:48,256
I just want you to know

239
00:09:48,258 --> 00:09:49,843
that I stand by all of them.

240
00:09:53,476 --> 00:09:54,796
Cute.

241
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,768
But if you don't mind,
I'm not going to engage

242
00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:02,270
on this level, because
that's just not who I am.

243
00:10:02,272 --> 00:10:05,242
I love that you think you have levels.

244
00:10:06,143 --> 00:10:07,475
See you later.

245
00:10:07,477 --> 00:10:09,500
I'm taking my daughter out
shopping for a wedding dress.

246
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,453
You know, breaking the
cycle of maternal neglect.

247
00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:14,109
See you there.

248
00:10:15,298 --> 00:10:16,297
What do you mean?

249
00:10:16,486 --> 00:10:18,119
Violet invited me.

250
00:10:19,823 --> 00:10:20,867
What's the matter?

251
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,030
Bitch got your tongue?

252
00:10:28,289 --> 00:10:30,506
Tell me this isn't perfect on you.

253
00:10:30,508 --> 00:10:31,674
It is beautiful.

254
00:10:31,676 --> 00:10:34,760
Oh, I'm crying already
thinking of you wearing this.

255
00:10:34,762 --> 00:10:35,928
Listen, about the price,

256
00:10:35,930 --> 00:10:37,964
Gregory's mom offered
to take care of it.

257
00:10:37,966 --> 00:10:40,099
Hey, this is my little girl's wedding.

258
00:10:40,101 --> 00:10:42,018
I am more than capable of buying

259
00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:42,969
her a dress.

260
00:10:42,971 --> 00:10:45,054
Not this one specifically,

261
00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:47,473
but a very nice dress.

262
00:10:47,632 --> 00:10:49,809
All right, why don't
we take a look over here

263
00:10:49,811 --> 00:10:51,671
at the bride-on-a-budget rack.

264
00:10:51,696 --> 00:10:53,279
A lot of attitude

265
00:10:53,281 --> 00:10:55,815
from a middle-aged
broad working retail.

266
00:10:56,148 --> 00:10:57,199
Sorry, I'm late.

267
00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:58,211
Someone hid my keys

268
00:10:58,236 --> 00:11:00,460
but forgot I can see on top of things.

269
00:11:02,156 --> 00:11:03,322
I'm so glad you're here.

270
00:11:03,324 --> 00:11:04,874
I wouldn't miss it for the world.

271
00:11:04,876 --> 00:11:06,042
What are we looking at?

272
00:11:06,044 --> 00:11:08,044
Just trying to find
something reasonably priced.

273
00:11:08,046 --> 00:11:08,961
Oh, Christy,

274
00:11:08,963 --> 00:11:10,546
your only daughter's wedding

275
00:11:10,548 --> 00:11:12,081
is not the time to go cheap.

276
00:11:12,531 --> 00:11:15,334
You're right, I should
spend the same amount on her

277
00:11:15,336 --> 00:11:16,617
that you spent on me.

278
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:17,970
Oh, wait, that was nothing.

279
00:11:17,972 --> 00:11:20,139
Because I knew the
marriage wouldn't last.

280
00:11:20,141 --> 00:11:21,841
I don't think her
marriage is gonna last,

281
00:11:21,843 --> 00:11:22,925
but that doesn't stop me.

282
00:11:22,927 --> 00:11:23,676
What?

283
00:11:23,678 --> 00:11:25,845
Not important, honey, just
trying to hurt Grandma.

284
00:11:25,847 --> 00:11:27,346
You know what,

285
00:11:27,348 --> 00:11:28,898
let's try on the expensive one.

286
00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:30,232
Mom, you don't have to.

287
00:11:30,234 --> 00:11:33,352
No, but I want to because
that's what good mothers do.

288
00:11:33,354 --> 00:11:34,186
But the price...

289
00:11:34,188 --> 00:11:35,187
Forget the price,

290
00:11:35,189 --> 00:11:36,234
try it on.

291
00:11:36,851 --> 00:11:38,750
- Oh, my God.
- Right this way.

292
00:11:38,775 --> 00:11:40,101
Okay, okay.

293
00:11:43,382 --> 00:11:44,864
Thanks a lot.

294
00:11:44,866 --> 00:11:47,616
Now I'm on the hook for
a dress I can't afford.

295
00:11:47,618 --> 00:11:48,668
Oh, don't worry about it,

296
00:11:48,670 --> 00:11:50,503
you're gifted, you'll figure it out.

297
00:11:50,505 --> 00:11:53,339
Don't you dare ruin this
special day with my daughter.

298
00:11:53,341 --> 00:11:55,041
Oh, I think this special
day will be ruined

299
00:11:55,043 --> 00:11:56,676
when your credit card gets declined.

300
00:11:56,678 --> 00:11:58,377
That's it, get out.

301
00:11:58,379 --> 00:11:59,378
"Get out"?

302
00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:00,379
You heard me,

303
00:12:00,381 --> 00:12:02,264
turn into a bat and fly away!

304
00:12:02,867 --> 00:12:04,183
Make me.

305
00:12:06,637 --> 00:12:08,234
I didn't think so.

306
00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:12,058
Get off of me!

307
00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:14,110
What is wrong with you?!

308
00:12:14,112 --> 00:12:16,028
You're what's wrong with me!

309
00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:17,530
All right, that's it!

310
00:12:17,532 --> 00:12:19,648
Who's got raccoon hands now?

311
00:12:19,650 --> 00:12:22,234
I swear to God, I will helicopter you

312
00:12:22,236 --> 00:12:23,402
out of this building!

313
00:12:23,404 --> 00:12:25,705
I am not letting go!

314
00:12:25,707 --> 00:12:27,873
Then I am taking you down!

315
00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:28,908
That's all you've

316
00:12:28,910 --> 00:12:30,375
ever done!

317
00:12:31,996 --> 00:12:33,746
Here comes the bride.

318
00:12:35,083 --> 00:12:36,749
Mom! Grandma!

319
00:12:37,502 --> 00:12:39,885
Oh, honey, you look beautiful!

320
00:12:39,887 --> 00:12:42,088
Really pretty!

321
00:12:47,261 --> 00:12:49,478
Okay, the meeting is
now open for sharing.

322
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:50,781
Who'd like to start?

323
00:12:53,101 --> 00:12:54,934
So glad I came tonight.

324
00:12:54,936 --> 00:12:56,852
- Christy.
- Ha!

325
00:12:58,562 --> 00:13:01,157
Hi, my name is Christy,
I'm an alcoholic.

326
00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:02,274
Hi, Christy.

327
00:13:02,276 --> 00:13:04,109
Boo.

328
00:13:05,406 --> 00:13:07,163
I'm just gonna cut straight to it,

329
00:13:07,165 --> 00:13:09,782
we're all a little broken
here, but this one...

330
00:13:10,107 --> 00:13:11,894
... this is pure evil.

331
00:13:11,919 --> 00:13:13,919
Ooh, here we go.

332
00:13:13,921 --> 00:13:16,956
What else do you call
someone who is so threatened

333
00:13:16,958 --> 00:13:19,925
by her own child's success that
she has to crap all over it?

334
00:13:19,927 --> 00:13:20,926
Oh, please.

335
00:13:20,928 --> 00:13:22,585
Wait your turn, evil!

336
00:13:23,798 --> 00:13:25,953
I think that name might stick.

337
00:13:26,551 --> 00:13:27,716
Well, you know what?

338
00:13:27,718 --> 00:13:31,604
It won't work on me
because I am a sober, sane

339
00:13:31,606 --> 00:13:34,640
and emotionally well-balanced
woman who is on her way

340
00:13:34,642 --> 00:13:36,468
to do great things!

341
00:13:38,792 --> 00:13:40,687
What are you looking at?!

342
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,023
Thank you.

343
00:13:45,870 --> 00:13:47,486
Okay, who'd like...

344
00:13:47,488 --> 00:13:48,571
Hi, Bonnie, alcoholic.

345
00:13:48,573 --> 00:13:50,573
- Hi, Bonn...
- Save it!

346
00:13:50,575 --> 00:13:51,791
I would just like to say that

347
00:13:51,793 --> 00:13:53,826
evil comes in many shapes

348
00:13:53,828 --> 00:13:55,710
and sizes, including pixie.

349
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,631
You all know me,

350
00:13:57,656 --> 00:13:59,882
you know that I mean well,

351
00:13:59,884 --> 00:14:01,500
that I always come from love.

352
00:14:05,807 --> 00:14:08,640
Oh, well, I wasn't going
for a joke, but okay.

353
00:14:09,677 --> 00:14:12,595
My point is, I love my daughter,

354
00:14:12,597 --> 00:14:14,897
and there is nothing
I wouldn't do for her.

355
00:14:14,899 --> 00:14:17,850
Except be supportive when
something good happens to me.

356
00:14:17,852 --> 00:14:20,476
- Christy, no cross-talk.
- Zip it, Mensa.

357
00:14:21,343 --> 00:14:23,989
Not only am I supportive,

358
00:14:23,991 --> 00:14:26,859
I am happy, I am thrilled,

359
00:14:26,861 --> 00:14:28,027
I'm a little jealous...

360
00:14:28,029 --> 00:14:28,828
There it is!

361
00:14:28,830 --> 00:14:30,029
There what is?

362
00:14:30,031 --> 00:14:31,030
You admitted you're jealous!

363
00:14:31,032 --> 00:14:32,164
I did not!

364
00:14:32,166 --> 00:14:33,866
You did! You all heard it, tell her!

365
00:14:33,868 --> 00:14:35,351
You sure did.

366
00:14:37,538 --> 00:14:39,288
Okay, so, maybe I am.

367
00:14:39,290 --> 00:14:40,289
Happy?

368
00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:41,423
No!

369
00:14:41,425 --> 00:14:43,676
How could you be jealous
of your own daughter?!

370
00:14:43,678 --> 00:14:45,953
I don't know, I'm a horrible person!

371
00:14:46,130 --> 00:14:47,640
What-what is it you want to hear?

372
00:14:47,882 --> 00:14:50,015
Best meeting ever.

373
00:14:50,017 --> 00:14:51,920
I want to hear that you believe in me,

374
00:14:51,945 --> 00:14:53,602
that you think I could
amount to something.

375
00:14:53,604 --> 00:14:56,188
Of course, you can amount to something.

376
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:59,058
Why else do you think
I feel so threatened?

377
00:15:04,385 --> 00:15:05,687
Okay.

378
00:15:08,063 --> 00:15:09,570
Well, then, thank you.

379
00:15:14,129 --> 00:15:16,241
All right, who else would like to share?

380
00:15:17,460 --> 00:15:19,128
Hi, I'm Jill, I'm an alcoholic.

381
00:15:19,130 --> 00:15:20,412
Hi, Jill.

382
00:15:20,414 --> 00:15:22,414
I just got to say that
these are the moments

383
00:15:22,416 --> 00:15:24,945
that make me wish my mother wasn't dead.

384
00:15:37,117 --> 00:15:38,304
So, listen, how about

385
00:15:38,329 --> 00:15:40,203
we go dress shopping again next Sunday?

386
00:15:41,727 --> 00:15:43,054
Yes, Violet,

387
00:15:43,079 --> 00:15:45,396
I know we'll have to go
to a different bridal shop.

388
00:15:45,788 --> 00:15:47,750
Thanks. Love you, too.

389
00:15:48,585 --> 00:15:49,417
She's cool?

390
00:15:49,703 --> 00:15:52,593
Yeah, she's got this
weird forgiving streak.

391
00:15:52,633 --> 00:15:54,933
I have no idea where it came from.

392
00:15:54,935 --> 00:15:56,518
Skips a generation.

393
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:57,390
Really?

394
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,054
You want to do this again?

395
00:15:59,446 --> 00:16:01,850
I'm sorry. Namaste.

396
00:16:02,539 --> 00:16:04,726
You know, I've been thinking,

397
00:16:04,728 --> 00:16:06,695
maybe what you're doing...
Going back to college

398
00:16:06,697 --> 00:16:07,729
and everything...

399
00:16:07,731 --> 00:16:09,531
Maybe that can be an inspiration for me.

400
00:16:09,556 --> 00:16:10,351
How so?

401
00:16:10,376 --> 00:16:11,617
Maybe I'm capable

402
00:16:11,619 --> 00:16:12,818
of doing more in this world

403
00:16:12,820 --> 00:16:15,132
than fixing washing
machines and trapping mice.

404
00:16:15,157 --> 00:16:16,206
I know you are.

405
00:16:16,984 --> 00:16:19,491
The key is figuring out what that is.

406
00:16:20,078 --> 00:16:22,160
Well, why don't we narrow it down?

407
00:16:22,162 --> 00:16:23,295
What are you really good at?

408
00:16:23,297 --> 00:16:25,140
Um, let's see.

409
00:16:25,165 --> 00:16:28,062
I'm smart, I'm personable,

410
00:16:28,849 --> 00:16:32,600
I'm... really good at
tricking people into liking me.

411
00:16:32,806 --> 00:16:35,460
That's because you're a fantastic liar.

412
00:16:35,710 --> 00:16:37,809
Never made a promise I didn't break.

413
00:16:38,421 --> 00:16:39,578
So true.

414
00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:41,396
I'm still waiting for
those roller skates

415
00:16:41,398 --> 00:16:42,265
for my sixth birthday.

416
00:16:42,290 --> 00:16:43,789
They're on the way.

417
00:16:44,195 --> 00:16:46,568
Don't forget you're a control freak.

418
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:48,687
Mm, despite having no real skills,

419
00:16:48,689 --> 00:16:51,023
I love telling people
what they're doing wrong.

420
00:16:51,025 --> 00:16:53,304
And you have a very healthy ego.

421
00:16:53,329 --> 00:16:56,163
Ah, I may not be much,
but I am all I think about.

422
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,247
So, where does that leave us?

423
00:17:00,493 --> 00:17:02,160
I think it's pretty obvious.

424
00:17:03,203 --> 00:17:04,804
Politics.

425
00:17:11,929 --> 00:17:13,261
Morning, Madam President.

426
00:17:13,263 --> 00:17:14,880
Morning, Robert. How's
the country today?

427
00:17:14,882 --> 00:17:15,881
It's still there, ma'am.

428
00:17:15,883 --> 00:17:17,382
Excellent, and the other countries?

429
00:17:17,384 --> 00:17:18,600
All present and accounted for.

430
00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:20,719
Great. Where are we on
getting my face on a stamp?

431
00:17:20,721 --> 00:17:21,937
Do you really want people

432
00:17:21,939 --> 00:17:23,221
licking the back of your head, ma'am?

433
00:17:23,223 --> 00:17:24,856
Good point. Let's put me on money.

434
00:17:24,858 --> 00:17:26,558
Ah, what denomination
did you have in mind?

435
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,610
I've been sober awhile,
do people still snort coke

436
00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:29,728
with hundred dollar bills?

437
00:17:29,730 --> 00:17:30,696
Yes, I believe they do.

438
00:17:30,698 --> 00:17:31,730
Then there's your answer.

439
00:17:31,732 --> 00:17:33,147
You can use my Tinder picture.

440
00:17:33,203 --> 00:17:34,468
Ah, the one with the tube top.

441
00:17:34,493 --> 00:17:36,394
Excellent choice.

442
00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:38,015
By the way, where are we going?

443
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,593
I don't know, you're the president,

444
00:17:39,618 --> 00:17:40,851
I was following you.

445
00:17:41,585 --> 00:17:43,468
Should we sit down and talk?

446
00:17:43,493 --> 00:17:46,028
Oh, God, no, conversations
always seem much more

447
00:17:46,053 --> 00:17:47,359
interesting when you're walking.

448
00:17:47,384 --> 00:17:49,518
- Really?
- Yes, watch.

449
00:17:49,910 --> 00:17:51,277
Have you given more thought

450
00:17:51,302 --> 00:17:53,336
to your nomination to the Supreme Court?

451
00:17:53,361 --> 00:17:55,462
You're right, this is boring,
let's keep walking.

452
00:17:55,848 --> 00:17:57,811
- So, Supreme Court.
- Right.

453
00:17:57,836 --> 00:17:59,234
I guess I'll never hear the end of it

454
00:17:59,259 --> 00:18:00,526
if I don't nominate my daughter.

455
00:18:00,551 --> 00:18:02,242
- Thanks, Mom.
- You're welcome.

456
00:18:02,267 --> 00:18:04,757
Maybe now she'll shut up  about
those freaking roller skates.

457
00:18:04,782 --> 00:18:06,416
Not likely, Ma'am.

458
00:18:12,085 --> 00:18:13,945
That smile scares me.

459
00:18:13,970 --> 00:18:15,382
It should.

460
00:18:15,835 --> 00:18:20,671
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --