1
00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:04,219
(dramatic music plays on TV)

2
00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:05,007
(gunshot on TV)

3
00:00:05,032 --> 00:00:07,062
Oh, my God. She shot him!

4
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,327
I can't believe she shot him.

5
00:00:08,329 --> 00:00:09,761
This woman is a monster.

6
00:00:09,763 --> 00:00:11,530
Yeah, but look at her jacket.

7
00:00:11,532 --> 00:00:13,098
I want that jacket.

8
00:00:13,968 --> 00:00:15,834
She just murdered her boyfriend.

9
00:00:15,836 --> 00:00:17,002
It's covered in his blood.

10
00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:19,371
A little club soda...
It comes right out.

11
00:00:20,808 --> 00:00:22,374
(cell phone rings)

12
00:00:24,153 --> 00:00:25,252
Who are you avoiding?

13
00:00:25,277 --> 00:00:27,077
Nobody. Not important.

14
00:00:27,393 --> 00:00:28,792
Oh, no.

15
00:00:29,114 --> 00:00:31,081
Please tell me she's not
going to poison his daughter.

16
00:00:31,734 --> 00:00:33,986
She should poison whoever cut her hair.

17
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:35,520
What?

18
00:00:36,195 --> 00:00:38,476
She can get away with
murder, but not those bangs.

19
00:00:40,547 --> 00:00:43,048
Do you even pay attention to the plot?

20
00:00:43,050 --> 00:00:45,350
Of course, I do. I love this show.

21
00:00:46,186 --> 00:00:47,919
I also love that kitchen.

22
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:50,140
I wish we had a pizza oven.

23
00:00:51,931 --> 00:00:54,131
(cell phone rings)

24
00:00:55,395 --> 00:00:56,828
Same "nobody-not-important"?

25
00:00:56,830 --> 00:00:58,063
Yep.

26
00:00:58,312 --> 00:00:59,475
You know I'm gonna go through your phone

27
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:00,537
when you're not looking.

28
00:01:00,562 --> 00:01:01,694
I changed the pass-code.

29
00:01:01,782 --> 00:01:03,515
You mean 1147?

30
00:01:04,328 --> 00:01:05,460
I'll just change it again.

31
00:01:05,485 --> 00:01:06,718
1157?

32
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,172
Get out of my head.

33
00:01:08,855 --> 00:01:09,988
- Was it Marjorie?
- No.

34
00:01:09,990 --> 00:01:11,156
- Jill?
- No.

35
00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:12,094
- Wendy?
- No.

36
00:01:12,119 --> 00:01:13,551
- Mary?
- Who's Mary?

37
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,344
I'll take that as a no.

38
00:01:16,742 --> 00:01:18,396
Let's see.

39
00:01:18,398 --> 00:01:20,131
It's somebody you don't want to talk to,

40
00:01:20,133 --> 00:01:22,719
so it's either sex or money.

41
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,656
Boy, that does not narrow things down.

42
00:01:26,492 --> 00:01:28,039
Fine. It's Adam.

43
00:01:28,304 --> 00:01:29,398
Adam?

44
00:01:29,776 --> 00:01:31,409
Wrong number boyfriend, Adam?

45
00:01:31,411 --> 00:01:32,610
Not boyfriend.

46
00:01:32,612 --> 00:01:34,406
We met once for coffee
and didn't hit it off.

47
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:35,676
So why is he calling?

48
00:01:35,882 --> 00:01:37,115
I don't know.

49
00:01:37,117 --> 00:01:39,084
We gonna watch the show or
are you just gonna annoy me?

50
00:01:39,086 --> 00:01:40,508
I can do both.

51
00:01:42,586 --> 00:01:43,679
So what?

52
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,357
You're not even friends
with him, anymore?

53
00:01:45,359 --> 00:01:46,406
No, not really.

54
00:01:46,626 --> 00:01:48,660
Why? I mean I get that you
didn't have chemistry...

55
00:01:48,662 --> 00:01:50,398
- Oh, grow up. I lied.
- (pauses TV)

56
00:01:50,423 --> 00:01:51,755
He stood me up.

57
00:01:51,898 --> 00:01:52,898
Really?

58
00:01:53,433 --> 00:01:54,666
Why didn't you tell me?

59
00:01:54,668 --> 00:01:56,534
'Cause I didn't want
to see your pity face.

60
00:01:56,824 --> 00:01:58,069
Aw.

61
00:02:00,726 --> 00:02:02,907
So you haven't spoken to him since?

62
00:02:02,909 --> 00:02:04,642
Why should I? You know my policy.

63
00:02:04,644 --> 00:02:06,978
"Fool me once, you're dead to me."

64
00:02:07,174 --> 00:02:09,054
(TV resumes playing)

65
00:02:10,951 --> 00:02:12,484
But maybe there's an explanation.

66
00:02:12,486 --> 00:02:13,640
(pauses TV)

67
00:02:14,011 --> 00:02:16,511
What possible explanation could he have?

68
00:02:16,828 --> 00:02:17,889
I don't know.

69
00:02:17,891 --> 00:02:19,457
Maybe one of his parents died.

70
00:02:19,459 --> 00:02:20,592
Oh, there's a happy thought.

71
00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:22,422
For some people.

72
00:02:22,929 --> 00:02:24,896
And he was so overcome with grief,

73
00:02:24,898 --> 00:02:26,498
he couldn't pick up the phone and text,

74
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,992
"Mom's dead, mind if my Dad tags along?"

75
00:02:32,158 --> 00:02:33,458
I think you should call him.

76
00:02:33,483 --> 00:02:35,898
I think we need a second television.

77
00:02:36,283 --> 00:02:38,578
Was that supposed to hurt my feelings?

78
00:02:38,603 --> 00:02:40,304
'Cause I agree.

79
00:02:44,887 --> 00:02:46,753
(quietly): And redial.

80
00:02:47,344 --> 00:02:48,586
Mom, hurry up!

81
00:02:48,588 --> 00:02:50,355
She's about to kill somebody else!

82
00:02:50,357 --> 00:02:51,623
You're watching without me?

83
00:02:51,625 --> 00:02:52,851
I would never do that.

84
00:02:53,293 --> 00:02:54,626
Hi, Adam? It's Christy.

85
00:02:54,628 --> 00:02:56,101
My Mom wants to talk to you.

86
00:02:56,381 --> 00:02:58,742
I should've sold you
when I had the chance.

87
00:03:02,045 --> 00:03:04,773
You have ten seconds to
tell me why you stood me up.

88
00:03:05,859 --> 00:03:07,180
Uh-huh.

89
00:03:08,475 --> 00:03:10,008
(scoffs) Uh-huh.

90
00:03:10,115 --> 00:03:11,348
Yeah, hold on.

91
00:03:11,373 --> 00:03:12,605
I'm gonna put you on speaker.

92
00:03:12,630 --> 00:03:14,937
I want my daughter to
hear this steamin' load.

93
00:03:16,016 --> 00:03:17,115
Go ahead, Adam.

94
00:03:17,117 --> 00:03:18,726
See if you can say that
again without laughing.

95
00:03:19,086 --> 00:03:20,919
Adam: I said, I'm in a wheelchair

96
00:03:20,921 --> 00:03:22,726
and I guess I just lost my nerve.

97
00:03:22,751 --> 00:03:24,495
Hilarious.

98
00:03:24,762 --> 00:03:26,294
Do you believe this guy?

99
00:03:26,359 --> 00:03:28,259
That doesn't sound like
something you'd make up.

100
00:03:28,261 --> 00:03:29,928
Oh, please. I'd make that up.

101
00:03:29,930 --> 00:03:31,469
I have made that up.

102
00:03:31,494 --> 00:03:33,794
Disneyland, all the rides, no waiting.

103
00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:36,167
I believe you, Adam.

104
00:03:36,169 --> 00:03:37,235
Thank you, Christy.

105
00:03:37,237 --> 00:03:38,403
Bonnie, I'm really sorry.

106
00:03:38,405 --> 00:03:40,625
I guess I was just
afraid when you saw me,

107
00:03:40,923 --> 00:03:42,556
you wouldn't want to go out with me.

108
00:03:44,677 --> 00:03:45,976
How dare you?

109
00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:47,891
You really think I'm the kind of person

110
00:03:47,916 --> 00:03:49,649
who wouldn't go out with someone
'cause they're handicapped?

111
00:03:49,683 --> 00:03:50,883
That's so offensive.

112
00:03:51,512 --> 00:03:53,656
So you'll go out with me?

113
00:03:54,754 --> 00:03:56,312
Um...

114
00:03:57,891 --> 00:03:59,953
Well, I kinda have to, now.

115
00:04:00,961 --> 00:04:02,437
Great. Saturday night?

116
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:03,628
Fine.

117
00:04:03,630 --> 00:04:05,250
Thanks for giving me another chance.

118
00:04:05,275 --> 00:04:07,406
Well, I'm nothing if not forgiving.

119
00:04:07,555 --> 00:04:08,654
She's nothing.

120
00:04:11,037 --> 00:04:12,461
See you Saturday.

121
00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:16,328
Me and a guy in a wheelchair.

122
00:04:16,515 --> 00:04:17,709
That's a first.

123
00:04:18,351 --> 00:04:20,750
Yeah, you're gonna want to wear flats.

124
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:36,196
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

125
00:04:42,022 --> 00:04:42,881
♪

126
00:04:42,906 --> 00:04:44,839
I just don't know what to expect.

127
00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:46,892
Have any of you ever
dated a handicapped guy?

128
00:04:47,164 --> 00:04:49,762
When I was in high school,
my boyfriend had a glass eye.

129
00:04:49,764 --> 00:04:50,930
Was it a problem?

130
00:04:50,932 --> 00:04:52,098
No, I loved it.

131
00:04:52,352 --> 00:04:54,140
If I was having a bad
hair day, or a giant zit,

132
00:04:54,165 --> 00:04:56,365
I'd just stand on his blind side.

133
00:04:57,890 --> 00:05:00,382
When I was homeless, I
dated a guy with a hook.

134
00:05:01,713 --> 00:05:04,387
Well, dated is not the right word.

135
00:05:04,412 --> 00:05:05,878
You share a cardboard box,

136
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,125
it's really more a
marriage of convenience.

137
00:05:08,929 --> 00:05:10,449
What about the hook?

138
00:05:10,451 --> 00:05:12,118
Did it complicate things?

139
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:12,961
Kinda.

140
00:05:12,986 --> 00:05:16,020
We were constantly
having to get new boxes.

141
00:05:18,659 --> 00:05:20,059
I'm just... I'm not sure
what I'm getting into.

142
00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:21,894
Am I supposed to carry
him up the stairs?

143
00:05:21,896 --> 00:05:23,272
Help him in the bathroom?

144
00:05:23,609 --> 00:05:25,731
You mean like I used to do
with you when you were drunk?

145
00:05:26,656 --> 00:05:27,900
Yeah, yeah. Rough childhood.

146
00:05:27,902 --> 00:05:29,320
Moving along.

147
00:05:29,470 --> 00:05:30,736
Bonnie, it's just dinner.

148
00:05:30,738 --> 00:05:32,171
I don't think you have to worry

149
00:05:32,173 --> 00:05:33,472
about any of that stuff.

150
00:05:33,474 --> 00:05:34,874
Speaking of stuff.

151
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,308
What about his stuff?

152
00:05:36,310 --> 00:05:37,643
What if his stuff doesn't work?

153
00:05:37,645 --> 00:05:39,512
That doesn't mean you can't have fun.

154
00:05:39,514 --> 00:05:40,320
Yeah.

155
00:05:40,345 --> 00:05:42,054
His tongue's not in a wheelchair.

156
00:05:44,906 --> 00:05:46,152
Good point.

157
00:05:46,154 --> 00:05:48,421
And depending on where
his spinal injury was,

158
00:05:48,446 --> 00:05:51,146
he might still have a
fully functioning penis.

159
00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:54,794
So to summarize,
Mommy, oral sex is a go,

160
00:05:54,796 --> 00:05:57,554
and you may or may not
have something to sit on.

161
00:05:59,297 --> 00:06:00,433
Oh, my God.

162
00:06:00,435 --> 00:06:02,468
Could we be any more shallow?

163
00:06:02,470 --> 00:06:04,547
What about this guy's personality?

164
00:06:04,672 --> 00:06:06,338
His intelligence, his sense of humor.

165
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:08,307
I've actually talked to
him on the phone for hours.

166
00:06:08,309 --> 00:06:09,608
He's really smart and funny.

167
00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:10,976
Yeah, so is Ben Franklin.

168
00:06:10,978 --> 00:06:12,312
What's he look like?

169
00:06:13,448 --> 00:06:14,741
Hang on.

170
00:06:15,632 --> 00:06:17,265
Here's his Facebook page.

171
00:06:18,286 --> 00:06:20,664
- (gasps) Oh, he's cute.
- Let me see.

172
00:06:22,187 --> 00:06:23,589
Yum.

173
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,992
That's a face you
could share a box with.

174
00:06:26,445 --> 00:06:28,027
Give me.

175
00:06:28,336 --> 00:06:29,562
Oh, yeah.

176
00:06:29,564 --> 00:06:31,964
I could call him Daddy.

177
00:06:35,165 --> 00:06:37,047
Oops, that came out creepy.

178
00:06:40,141 --> 00:06:41,407
I don't know about this dress.

179
00:06:41,409 --> 00:06:42,808
What? You look great.

180
00:06:42,810 --> 00:06:44,276
Well, that's 'cause you're
looking from up here.

181
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,011
He's going to be looking from down here.

182
00:06:46,013 --> 00:06:47,113
So he doesn't get the benefit

183
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:48,906
of all this well-engineered cleavage.

184
00:06:49,914 --> 00:06:51,383
So wait for the right moment,

185
00:06:51,385 --> 00:06:52,985
drop something, and
bend over to pick it up.

186
00:06:52,987 --> 00:06:55,354
Oh, please. That is such a cheap move.

187
00:06:55,356 --> 00:06:56,622
You taught it to me.

188
00:06:57,342 --> 00:06:59,672
Yeah, well, I was trying to
help you through Junior High.

189
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:03,347
(doorbell rings)

190
00:07:03,539 --> 00:07:06,098
I believe that's him. Do you mind?
I want to make an entrance.

191
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,366
I got it.

192
00:07:07,368 --> 00:07:09,068
- Christy?
- Yeah?

193
00:07:09,070 --> 00:07:12,771
Don't discuss his... you
know, unfortunate situation.

194
00:07:12,773 --> 00:07:14,933
You mean that he's about to
go out with a crazy person?

195
00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:21,380
Hello.

196
00:07:21,382 --> 00:07:23,048
Hey. You must be Adam.

197
00:07:23,050 --> 00:07:24,717
What gave me away?

198
00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:27,143
Come on in.

199
00:07:27,741 --> 00:07:29,274
She'll be right down.

200
00:07:29,299 --> 00:07:30,758
Can I get you something to drink?

201
00:07:31,125 --> 00:07:33,125
Well, I know you guys don't
keep any alcohol in the house,

202
00:07:33,127 --> 00:07:35,127
so, uh... no.

203
00:07:35,129 --> 00:07:36,629
Yeah, sorry.

204
00:07:36,631 --> 00:07:37,830
You're about three years late

205
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,132
for watching me light my breath on fire.

206
00:07:41,563 --> 00:07:43,029
Bonnie: Hi.

207
00:07:45,781 --> 00:07:46,972
Hi.

208
00:07:47,429 --> 00:07:48,974
Thanks for showing up this time.

209
00:07:48,976 --> 00:07:50,176
Really?

210
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,378
You're gonna take a shot
right out of the gate?

211
00:07:54,297 --> 00:07:56,081
It's not too late to run.

212
00:07:56,359 --> 00:07:57,883
I mean, roll.

213
00:07:57,885 --> 00:07:59,185
I mean... I'm sorry.

214
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,764
She put it in my head.

215
00:08:01,789 --> 00:08:04,937
I see you've met my
socially awkward daughter.

216
00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:07,059
Oops.

217
00:08:09,695 --> 00:08:12,648
- Did you get all that?
- Oh, yeah. Both barrels.

218
00:08:13,859 --> 00:08:14,826
Shall we?

219
00:08:14,851 --> 00:08:16,135
We shall.

220
00:08:16,137 --> 00:08:17,269
Good night, Christy.

221
00:08:17,271 --> 00:08:18,344
Good night.

222
00:08:18,369 --> 00:08:20,136
Don't keep her out too late. I won't.

223
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,607
I'm joking. Keep her.

224
00:08:21,609 --> 00:08:22,975
Don't bring her back.

225
00:08:25,112 --> 00:08:27,046
So how does this work?

226
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,297
Do I drive?

227
00:08:28,767 --> 00:08:30,054
No, I have a car.

228
00:08:30,079 --> 00:08:31,594
Oh. Okay.

229
00:08:32,234 --> 00:08:34,281
How do you make it stop?

230
00:08:39,756 --> 00:08:41,322
Thanks. This is perfect.

231
00:08:43,508 --> 00:08:46,509
Do people always stare at you?

232
00:08:47,702 --> 00:08:48,968
What are you talking about?

233
00:08:48,970 --> 00:08:50,970
- They're staring at you.
- Stop.

234
00:08:50,972 --> 00:08:52,838
No, I'm serious. You're a giant.

235
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:54,797
They think you might eat them.

236
00:08:57,311 --> 00:08:58,377
I'm gonna have a beer.

237
00:08:58,379 --> 00:08:59,561
Does it bother you if I drink?

238
00:08:59,586 --> 00:09:01,680
Does it bother you if I walk?

239
00:09:01,682 --> 00:09:03,215
Not if you're in front of me.

240
00:09:03,217 --> 00:09:05,150
I like the view from back there.

241
00:09:06,228 --> 00:09:07,760
Good answer.

242
00:09:09,547 --> 00:09:13,425
So, listen, you don't seem
like the shy, nervous type.

243
00:09:13,606 --> 00:09:16,073
Why'd you really bail on me last time?

244
00:09:17,531 --> 00:09:19,328
Yeah, I guess I gotta clear that up.

245
00:09:20,203 --> 00:09:21,390
Okay.

246
00:09:22,037 --> 00:09:23,383
Here's the thing.

247
00:09:24,538 --> 00:09:28,358
Usually, when I meet a woman,
she sees the chair right away,

248
00:09:28,383 --> 00:09:30,475
and I can tell from the look in her eye

249
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,244
whether she's okay with it or not.

250
00:09:32,246 --> 00:09:33,512
But we met on the phone.

251
00:09:33,514 --> 00:09:34,859
Which is why...

252
00:09:37,312 --> 00:09:41,820
I couldn't bear the idea of you
seeing me and giving me that look.

253
00:09:43,633 --> 00:09:46,191
Like the woman behind you
is giving me right now.

254
00:09:46,531 --> 00:09:47,860
Don't turn around.

255
00:09:47,947 --> 00:09:49,513
- No, don't...
- Hey.

256
00:09:50,516 --> 00:09:52,516
Am I staring at the baldy you're with?

257
00:09:58,188 --> 00:10:00,655
Is it too soon to say "I love you"?

258
00:10:03,878 --> 00:10:06,397
So anyway, after working
as a Hollywood stuntman

259
00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:07,413
for 20 some years,

260
00:10:07,415 --> 00:10:09,515
I felt kind of invincible.

261
00:10:09,695 --> 00:10:11,992
You know, the occasional broken nose,

262
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:13,444
dislocated shoulder,

263
00:10:13,469 --> 00:10:16,021
but nothin' a couple of aspirin
and a six-pack couldn't fix.

264
00:10:16,023 --> 00:10:17,356
So is that how you...

265
00:10:17,358 --> 00:10:18,976
You'd think so, but no.

266
00:10:19,117 --> 00:10:21,126
After putting my life on the line,

267
00:10:21,128 --> 00:10:23,228
driving motorcycles through fire,

268
00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:25,431
crashing cars into walls,

269
00:10:25,511 --> 00:10:27,344
working with Burt Reynolds...

270
00:10:28,469 --> 00:10:31,737
I get the brilliant
idea to try... snowboarding.

271
00:10:31,739 --> 00:10:33,405
- Oh, no.
- I'm thinking,

272
00:10:33,407 --> 00:10:34,573
I know how to ski.

273
00:10:34,575 --> 00:10:35,808
I know how to surf.

274
00:10:35,810 --> 00:10:36,942
It's the same thing, right?

275
00:10:36,944 --> 00:10:38,210
So I get up on the mountain.

276
00:10:38,212 --> 00:10:40,512
I got this stupid piece of
wood strapped to my feet.

277
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:42,748
I am flying down the hill.

278
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:44,093
I'm doing good.

279
00:10:44,297 --> 00:10:45,670
I see a sign.

280
00:10:45,695 --> 00:10:47,152
It says, "Danger, barranca ahead."

281
00:10:47,154 --> 00:10:48,153
What's a barranca?

282
00:10:48,155 --> 00:10:49,288
That's what I'm thinking.

283
00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:51,570
I'm looking around, is
it a bear, is it a tree?

284
00:10:51,595 --> 00:10:54,273
Turns out it's a... cliff.

285
00:10:54,762 --> 00:10:56,662
And you...

286
00:10:56,664 --> 00:10:58,203
Right off the edge.

287
00:10:59,923 --> 00:11:01,859
200 feet straight down.

288
00:11:03,637 --> 00:11:05,726
I felt like Wile E. Coyote,

289
00:11:06,507 --> 00:11:08,851
but substantially dumber.

290
00:11:08,853 --> 00:11:10,367
Oh, God.

291
00:11:12,203 --> 00:11:14,179
You want to hear the
real embarrassing part?

292
00:11:14,297 --> 00:11:15,639
Always.

293
00:11:17,367 --> 00:11:18,937
On the way down...

294
00:11:20,203 --> 00:11:22,521
I-I tried flapping my arms.

295
00:11:22,523 --> 00:11:24,323
(laughing)

296
00:11:25,326 --> 00:11:26,525
I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh.

297
00:11:26,527 --> 00:11:28,360
Why? It's funny. I was just...

298
00:11:28,362 --> 00:11:30,329
Oh, God, it really is.

299
00:11:30,541 --> 00:11:33,508
(laughing)

300
00:11:36,937 --> 00:11:38,536
(laughing)

301
00:11:38,937 --> 00:11:41,129
Whee!

302
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,542
This is fun.

303
00:11:43,544 --> 00:11:45,577
Hang on.

304
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:47,179
Oh, now you're just showing off.

305
00:11:47,181 --> 00:11:49,314
(laughing)

306
00:11:49,316 --> 00:11:50,816
Yeah, well, I can't keep bending over

307
00:11:50,818 --> 00:11:52,017
to pick up my purse.

308
00:11:52,019 --> 00:11:53,152
Hey.

309
00:11:53,154 --> 00:11:54,553
Not that I'm complaining.

310
00:11:54,555 --> 00:11:58,223
Okay, well, this is my stop.

311
00:11:58,664 --> 00:12:00,092
Tonight was great.

312
00:12:00,312 --> 00:12:01,593
Can we do it again?

313
00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:02,628
We better.

314
00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:03,508
Good.

315
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,943
All right. Well, good night.

316
00:12:24,913 --> 00:12:26,232
Good night.

317
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,271
This time, I mean it.

318
00:12:40,568 --> 00:12:41,877
Oops.

319
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:43,902
Thank you.

320
00:12:57,903 --> 00:12:59,997
All: So?

321
00:13:10,045 --> 00:13:11,844
Please tell me you didn't all drive

322
00:13:11,846 --> 00:13:13,446
over here to see how my date went.

323
00:13:13,615 --> 00:13:15,511
No. We went to a meeting.

324
00:13:15,536 --> 00:13:17,184
Had coffee. And then we drove over here

325
00:13:17,209 --> 00:13:18,442
to see how your date went.

326
00:13:18,444 --> 00:13:19,610
So how'd your date go?

327
00:13:19,612 --> 00:13:20,708
Okay.

328
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,068
Here's the headline.

329
00:13:23,099 --> 00:13:24,698
Best date of my life.

330
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:26,115
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, that's so wonderful.

331
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:26,857
Great dinner.

332
00:13:26,882 --> 00:13:28,060
No awkward pauses.

333
00:13:28,085 --> 00:13:29,618
Didn't have to fake any laughs.

334
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:32,240
And he finished it off
with the perfect first kiss.

335
00:13:32,265 --> 00:13:33,964
Both: Aw.

336
00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:35,720
I'm so happy for you, Bonnie.

337
00:13:35,745 --> 00:13:37,044
Yeah, you deserve this.

338
00:13:37,046 --> 00:13:38,512
I don't want to get ahead of myself,

339
00:13:38,514 --> 00:13:40,314
but I think Bonnie Plunkett Janikowski

340
00:13:40,316 --> 00:13:42,325
will get easier to say with time.

341
00:13:43,755 --> 00:13:45,452
You would actually keep Plunkett?

342
00:13:45,454 --> 00:13:46,396
You're right.

343
00:13:46,421 --> 00:13:48,122
Why help the creditors find me.

344
00:13:48,824 --> 00:13:50,457
Listen, I think this is great,

345
00:13:50,459 --> 00:13:53,927
but at the risk of sounding
like a wet blanket, take it slow.

346
00:13:53,982 --> 00:13:54,995
Be smart.

347
00:13:54,997 --> 00:13:57,097
Oh, please. If I took
things slow and smart,

348
00:13:57,099 --> 00:13:58,755
this one wouldn't exist.

349
00:13:59,368 --> 00:14:02,369
I'm just saying, take
it one day at a time.

350
00:14:02,394 --> 00:14:04,004
Well, maybe I don't want to
take it one day at a time.

351
00:14:04,006 --> 00:14:06,473
Maybe I want to be
high on life, on love.

352
00:14:06,475 --> 00:14:07,975
On whatever I can get high on

353
00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,443
that doesn't require me going
to a freakin' 12 step meeting.

354
00:14:12,105 --> 00:14:14,239
Okay. Sorry.

355
00:14:14,365 --> 00:14:15,599
It's your life.

356
00:14:18,688 --> 00:14:20,688
I have a question.

357
00:14:20,955 --> 00:14:22,732
What's goin' on with your boobs?

358
00:14:27,591 --> 00:14:29,191
Is your Mom coming to the meeting?

359
00:14:29,365 --> 00:14:30,531
No.

360
00:14:30,533 --> 00:14:32,435
She's got another date with hot wheels.

361
00:14:33,569 --> 00:14:35,469
Oh, good for her.

362
00:14:35,471 --> 00:14:37,294
Yeah. I'm not so sure.

363
00:14:37,319 --> 00:14:38,452
Why?

364
00:14:38,908 --> 00:14:40,074
Okay, so,

365
00:14:40,076 --> 00:14:41,875
there's this waitress I work with,

366
00:14:41,877 --> 00:14:42,833
Andrea.

367
00:14:43,112 --> 00:14:45,012
I happened to mention my mom's dating

368
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:46,880
this former stuntman in a wheelchair.

369
00:14:46,882 --> 00:14:48,916
<i>How do you happen to mention that?</i>

370
00:14:48,918 --> 00:14:50,117
It's called gossip, Marjorie.

371
00:14:50,119 --> 00:14:52,068
I'm not proud of it, but there you are.

372
00:14:53,842 --> 00:14:55,509
Anyway, turns out,

373
00:14:55,534 --> 00:14:57,138
Andrea used to go out with Adam.

374
00:14:57,334 --> 00:14:58,600
So?

375
00:14:58,695 --> 00:15:00,294
She caught him cheating on her,

376
00:15:00,319 --> 00:15:02,200
and then he cheated on that girl, too.

377
00:15:02,673 --> 00:15:03,806
So he's a player.

378
00:15:03,933 --> 00:15:05,399
Apparently.

379
00:15:05,401 --> 00:15:07,501
(sighs heavily) That's a shame.

380
00:15:07,503 --> 00:15:08,702
What are you going to do?

381
00:15:08,704 --> 00:15:10,204
What do you mean, what
is she going to do?

382
00:15:10,206 --> 00:15:11,341
She has to tell Bonnie.

383
00:15:11,366 --> 00:15:13,310
- No, she doesn't.
- I don't?

384
00:15:13,437 --> 00:15:14,904
You don't know the whole story.

385
00:15:15,022 --> 00:15:17,155
Maybe your friend
Andrea's a lyin' whore.

386
00:15:17,446 --> 00:15:18,612
Jill... !

387
00:15:18,614 --> 00:15:19,880
Oh, come on. She's a waitress.

388
00:15:19,882 --> 00:15:21,997
You know how they are.

389
00:15:22,285 --> 00:15:23,917
<i>Hey, I'm a waitress.</i>

390
00:15:23,919 --> 00:15:25,486
Yeah, and you slept
with your married boss,

391
00:15:25,488 --> 00:15:26,720
a drunk fireman,

392
00:15:26,722 --> 00:15:28,155
your ex-husband's
future father-in-law...

393
00:15:28,157 --> 00:15:29,690
Fine! I'm a whore.

394
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:35,066
But I don't think
Andrea's lying about Adam.

395
00:15:35,411 --> 00:15:36,730
So the real question is,

396
00:15:36,732 --> 00:15:39,033
if you were my Mom,
would you want to know?

397
00:15:39,216 --> 00:15:40,372
- Yes.
- No.

398
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:41,888
Oh, that's a toughie.

399
00:15:42,438 --> 00:15:43,786
Thanks. Very helpful.

400
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:46,119
Well, the real question is
how are you going to feel

401
00:15:46,144 --> 00:15:48,077
if you don't tell her and she gets hurt?

402
00:15:48,474 --> 00:15:49,810
So you'd tell her?

403
00:15:49,812 --> 00:15:51,445
Of course.

404
00:15:56,452 --> 00:15:57,618
(sighs)

405
00:16:01,353 --> 00:16:02,552
Hey, Mom...

406
00:16:03,350 --> 00:16:05,560
Marjorie has something
she wants to tell you.

407
00:16:06,762 --> 00:16:07,995
I'm not telling her.

408
00:16:07,997 --> 00:16:08,962
You just said you would.

409
00:16:08,964 --> 00:16:10,564
I said I would if I were you.

410
00:16:10,566 --> 00:16:11,799
All right, Jill, you're up.

411
00:16:11,801 --> 00:16:13,167
Wh... I'm not telling her

412
00:16:13,169 --> 00:16:15,002
her new boyfriend's a cheatin' dog.

413
00:16:15,004 --> 00:16:16,704
Did you get that?

414
00:16:17,906 --> 00:16:19,372
She wants to talk to you.

415
00:16:22,751 --> 00:16:23,983
- How's the chicken?
- Mmm.

416
00:16:24,313 --> 00:16:25,396
Delicious.

417
00:16:25,748 --> 00:16:27,047
What are these things?

418
00:16:27,435 --> 00:16:28,849
Caper berries.

419
00:16:28,851 --> 00:16:31,051
Aha. And the sauce?

420
00:16:31,053 --> 00:16:31,833
Lemon butter.

421
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,318
Mmm! So why'd you cheat on Andrea?

422
00:16:36,312 --> 00:16:37,377
(quiet cough)

423
00:16:37,426 --> 00:16:38,692
I'm sorry. What?

424
00:16:38,694 --> 00:16:40,027
You heard me.

425
00:16:40,380 --> 00:16:41,962
Do you know Andrea?

426
00:16:41,964 --> 00:16:43,197
My daughter does.

427
00:16:43,199 --> 00:16:44,998
Oh. Have you been obsessing

428
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,133
about this all through dinner?

429
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:47,568
I actually started on the drive over.

430
00:16:47,570 --> 00:16:49,203
Kind of forgot about it
during the lobster bisque.

431
00:16:49,205 --> 00:16:50,371
Now it's back.

432
00:16:50,591 --> 00:16:51,505
I see.

433
00:16:51,507 --> 00:16:53,540
Would you like some more lobster bisque?

434
00:16:55,428 --> 00:16:57,628
I'd like to know what
I got myself into here.

435
00:16:57,982 --> 00:16:59,130
All right.

436
00:16:59,635 --> 00:17:00,841
I'll tell you.

437
00:17:06,295 --> 00:17:08,044
After I broke my back,

438
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,268
I spent a year in rehab

439
00:17:11,293 --> 00:17:13,740
learning how to live in this thing.

440
00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:17,724
I couldn't work anymore,
at the job that I loved...

441
00:17:18,424 --> 00:17:24,648
and, maybe I... felt like I
needed to prove to myself

442
00:17:24,673 --> 00:17:26,849
that I was... still a man.

443
00:17:27,496 --> 00:17:29,295
By nailing every woman you met.

444
00:17:31,827 --> 00:17:34,115
I also bought a really big truck.

445
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,005
- Red?
- Maybe.

446
00:17:41,339 --> 00:17:44,507
The point is, it's over.

447
00:17:45,748 --> 00:17:47,281
I'm not that guy anymore.

448
00:17:48,898 --> 00:17:50,097
Why should I believe you?

449
00:17:50,099 --> 00:17:51,560
(chuckles wryly): Well,
I don't know, Bonnie.

450
00:17:52,001 --> 00:17:53,834
I guess you're just
going to have to trust me.

451
00:17:53,836 --> 00:17:57,294
Hmm. If I had a nickel for every
time a guy said, "Trust me."

452
00:17:57,584 --> 00:17:59,351
- Let me prove it.
- How?

453
00:18:00,743 --> 00:18:01,875
Spend the night...

454
00:18:01,877 --> 00:18:03,143
You owe me a nickel.

455
00:18:03,145 --> 00:18:04,812
No, whoa, whoa, whoa.

456
00:18:04,814 --> 00:18:06,079
Let-let me finish.

457
00:18:06,081 --> 00:18:07,857
I'm not talking about sex.

458
00:18:10,453 --> 00:18:12,919
Let's just spend the night together.

459
00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:16,467
What would we do?

460
00:18:17,552 --> 00:18:18,725
I don't know.

461
00:18:18,727 --> 00:18:20,794
Talk, watch TV,

462
00:18:20,796 --> 00:18:22,029
play a little Boggle.

463
00:18:22,031 --> 00:18:23,564
Maybe that leads to Yahtzee,

464
00:18:23,566 --> 00:18:25,318
but that's your call.

465
00:18:25,990 --> 00:18:27,835
And then we just sleep.

466
00:18:27,837 --> 00:18:30,654
I hear married couples
do it all the time.

467
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,776
How do I know you didn't
offer this sexless evening

468
00:18:35,778 --> 00:18:37,277
to someone else last night?

469
00:18:37,279 --> 00:18:39,413
Because we went to
the movies last night.

470
00:18:39,415 --> 00:18:40,872
Oh, yeah.

471
00:18:44,222 --> 00:18:45,755
So what do you think?

472
00:18:50,936 --> 00:18:56,482
I think you just sweet-talked
your way into not getting laid.

473
00:18:57,556 --> 00:18:59,200
Yeah.

474
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,200
- Hey.
- Huh? Wha... ?

475
00:19:35,709 --> 00:19:36,810
What is it?

476
00:19:36,950 --> 00:19:39,084
Good news. I trust you.

477
00:19:41,591 --> 00:19:45,833
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