0
Thanks ChrisKe :)

1
00:00:03,039 --> 00:00:05,156
- Okay, my turn.
- ‭Mm.

2
00:00:05,180 --> 00:00:07,013
1985.

3
00:00:07,015 --> 00:00:11,351
Oh, wow, let's see: Bankruptcy, divorce,

4
00:00:11,353 --> 00:00:13,470
massive amounts of cocaine.

5
00:00:13,671 --> 00:00:15,242
Mm.

6
00:00:15,267 --> 00:00:16,267
You?

7
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:19,234
Um, My Little Pony,

8
00:00:19,313 --> 00:00:20,362
training wheels,

9
00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:22,984
and massive amounts of Cap'n Crunch.

10
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:25,899
I love this game.

11
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:26,921
Really?

12
00:00:26,946 --> 00:00:28,562
I hate it.

13
00:00:28,714 --> 00:00:30,431
Too bad. Your turn.

14
00:00:30,456 --> 00:00:34,324
Okay, '96.

15
00:00:35,210 --> 00:00:37,327
Oh, yeah, I don't want to play anymore.

16
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:40,380
No, no, no, no, let's hear it.

17
00:00:40,382 --> 00:00:41,832
Okay.

18
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:47,137
Might end this dinner real quick, but 1996.

19
00:00:48,003 --> 00:00:50,487
Stripper, alcoholic,

20
00:00:50,763 --> 00:00:52,812
and got evicted from a tent.

21
00:00:54,633 --> 00:00:56,717
I knew there was something
about you I liked.

22
00:00:56,899 --> 00:00:58,515
Oh, that's what did it?

23
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:01,546
Mm, I like that you
went from that, to this.

24
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,186
Really?

25
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,489
Christy, you're an amazing woman.

26
00:01:05,639 --> 00:01:06,905
Thank you.

27
00:01:07,326 --> 00:01:09,234
I think you're an amazing man.

28
00:01:09,495 --> 00:01:11,027
Thank you.

29
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:13,747
Another Cabernet and iced tea?

30
00:01:13,749 --> 00:01:15,282
Oh, I'm-I'm fine.

31
00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:16,343
We're good.

32
00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,873
I'm pretty sure he
thinks I'm your daughter.

33
00:01:24,621 --> 00:01:25,954
Let's find out.

34
00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:34,039
Yup.

35
00:01:45,661 --> 00:01:49,029
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

36
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,503
The 'gator's right there.

37
00:02:00,505 --> 00:02:02,922
Get him! Get him!

38
00:02:02,924 --> 00:02:05,375
Yes!

39
00:02:05,377 --> 00:02:07,627
Now you're a pair of shoes and 300 belts,

40
00:02:07,629 --> 00:02:09,398
you mean son of a bitch.

41
00:02:10,757 --> 00:02:12,932
Hey... ooh!

42
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,343
How you doin' there, Colonel?

43
00:02:17,022 --> 00:02:18,388
What?

44
00:02:18,390 --> 00:02:21,531
Oh, I didn't think you were coming back.

45
00:02:21,643 --> 00:02:23,192
So this is your big night, huh?

46
00:02:23,194 --> 00:02:24,861
Bleaching your mustache,
eating a tub of chicken,

47
00:02:24,863 --> 00:02:26,229
and watching Swamp People.

48
00:02:27,115 --> 00:02:29,593
I'm a simple woman with simple needs.

49
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:32,535
What are you doing here? Why
aren't you banging the old guy?

50
00:02:33,371 --> 00:02:35,321
It's called being a lady.

51
00:02:37,292 --> 00:02:38,708
It was your third date.

52
00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:40,640
You need to close the deal
while he's still competent enough

53
00:02:40,665 --> 00:02:43,079
to write his family out of the will.

54
00:02:43,081 --> 00:02:44,380
That's awful.

55
00:02:44,382 --> 00:02:46,699
No, no, chicken's for closers.

56
00:02:46,701 --> 00:02:47,884
Stop it!

57
00:02:47,886 --> 00:02:49,335
Didn't you just have dinner?

58
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,887
Oh, it was date-eating.

59
00:02:50,889 --> 00:02:52,088
I'm starving.

60
00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:53,923
You know what that tells me.

61
00:02:53,925 --> 00:02:55,975
That tells me old Freddy's doable.

62
00:02:56,795 --> 00:02:58,367
He's completely doable.

63
00:02:58,392 --> 00:02:59,851
It's just a weird situation.

64
00:02:59,876 --> 00:03:01,760
Why? 'Cause he's the father of the woman

65
00:03:01,785 --> 00:03:02,968
who's about to marry your ex-husband?

66
00:03:02,993 --> 00:03:05,494
They do that every week on Swamp People.

67
00:03:05,737 --> 00:03:07,390
I was trying to rise above that.

68
00:03:07,423 --> 00:03:09,373
The man owns five car dealerships.

69
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:11,437
Cut the lady crap and consummate.

70
00:03:13,528 --> 00:03:17,029
You know, most mothers would
say wait till you fall in love.

71
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:19,789
Oh, please, most mothers are chumps.

72
00:03:27,343 --> 00:03:28,781
Oh...

73
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:30,881
This can't be good.

74
00:03:32,437 --> 00:03:33,953
Who's there?

75
00:03:35,518 --> 00:03:36,889
It's Candace.

76
00:03:38,191 --> 00:03:39,774
Go for the knees.

77
00:03:44,512 --> 00:03:46,863
I hate you.

78
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,109
What are you doing here?

79
00:03:50,148 --> 00:03:51,981
It's 2:00 in the morning.

80
00:03:52,006 --> 00:03:53,937
What are you doing...

81
00:03:54,441 --> 00:03:56,288
With my Daddy?

82
00:03:58,930 --> 00:04:01,147
Please tell me you didn't
drive here like this.

83
00:04:01,149 --> 00:04:02,062
Ugh, I Uber'ed.

84
00:04:02,087 --> 00:04:04,875
Wait a minute, I gotta give him a rating.

85
00:04:08,309 --> 00:04:10,257
Five stars.

86
00:04:10,741 --> 00:04:12,541
You get no stars.

87
00:04:14,495 --> 00:04:15,828
Come inside.

88
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:17,530
No stars!

89
00:04:17,532 --> 00:04:19,332
Sit down.

90
00:04:19,334 --> 00:04:21,117
You want to make her some coffee?

91
00:04:21,119 --> 00:04:22,418
You want to keep her awake?

92
00:04:22,420 --> 00:04:24,500
I think we should hit her
over the head with the bat.

93
00:04:25,757 --> 00:04:27,992
Candace, listen to me.

94
00:04:28,464 --> 00:04:31,798
I'm not dating your father to hurt you.

95
00:04:32,096 --> 00:04:33,462
I really like him.

96
00:04:33,464 --> 00:04:36,716
You think you're so special, don't you?

97
00:04:36,718 --> 00:04:38,351
But you don't know.

98
00:04:38,353 --> 00:04:40,867
He goes through women just like...

99
00:04:42,437 --> 00:04:44,557
Like...

100
00:04:45,007 --> 00:04:46,108
Kleenex?

101
00:04:46,110 --> 00:04:47,360
No.

102
00:04:47,362 --> 00:04:48,277
Underwear?

103
00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:49,195
No.

104
00:04:49,197 --> 00:04:50,146
Potato chips?

105
00:04:50,148 --> 00:04:52,315
No!

106
00:04:52,317 --> 00:04:54,233
Kleenex!

107
00:04:54,235 --> 00:04:56,452
I said Kleenex!

108
00:04:56,454 --> 00:04:59,538
You're gonna go out with
him for a couple weeks.

109
00:04:59,540 --> 00:05:02,124
Get some fancy dinners, have some presents,

110
00:05:02,126 --> 00:05:05,378
and then he's just gonna
be on to the next girl.

111
00:05:06,210 --> 00:05:09,248
So, why are you so upset about this?

112
00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:11,031
'Cause it's you.

113
00:05:13,171 --> 00:05:16,172
It's just, like, you're
getting all the attention

114
00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:18,515
from him that I never got.

115
00:05:19,761 --> 00:05:23,359
Candace, you are worrying for nothing.

116
00:05:23,514 --> 00:05:24,647
Really?

117
00:05:24,649 --> 00:05:25,828
Yeah.

118
00:05:26,464 --> 00:05:30,304
I promise you I'll make
sure your Daddy showers you

119
00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:32,605
with... love and attention

120
00:05:32,607 --> 00:05:34,773
right after I become your new Mommy.

121
00:05:43,534 --> 00:05:45,734
I didn't need a bat.

122
00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:53,289
Relax.

123
00:05:53,878 --> 00:05:55,375
I got it.

124
00:05:58,062 --> 00:05:59,348
Where is she?

125
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,300
Your princess awaits.

126
00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,438
Thanks for letting her sleep it off.

127
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,556
I didn't let her do anything.

128
00:06:07,558 --> 00:06:10,476
She called me a whore,
threw up and passed out.

129
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,863
Sorry, she's just real
upset about you and her Dad.

130
00:06:14,234 --> 00:06:16,710
Yeah, I got that from the whore thing.

131
00:06:17,875 --> 00:06:20,703
Hey, Baxter, welcome to
the rest of your life.

132
00:06:23,324 --> 00:06:24,750
Christy,

133
00:06:25,326 --> 00:06:27,335
I'm gonna take one last shot at this.

134
00:06:27,912 --> 00:06:29,245
Please stop seeing Fred.

135
00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:30,601
No.

136
00:06:30,646 --> 00:06:34,143
I like him, and I really
think this could be something.

137
00:06:34,168 --> 00:06:35,937
Oh, man, you slept with him already.

138
00:06:36,913 --> 00:06:38,187
No!

139
00:06:38,383 --> 00:06:40,765
I mean, uh, none of your business.

140
00:06:41,492 --> 00:06:42,742
But no.

141
00:06:43,531 --> 00:06:44,643
You buying this?

142
00:06:44,645 --> 00:06:46,476
Sadly, yes.

143
00:06:47,757 --> 00:06:50,789
Turns out without vodka
and cocaine, she's a Mormon.

144
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,523
Well, I'm glad we met when we did.

145
00:06:56,393 --> 00:06:58,031
Baxter.

146
00:07:02,203 --> 00:07:04,246
What did you do to her?

147
00:07:04,248 --> 00:07:06,849
Hey, Bonnie wanted to
shave off her eyebrows.

148
00:07:13,063 --> 00:07:14,937
What an incredible view.

149
00:07:15,270 --> 00:07:16,514
I agree.

150
00:07:18,679 --> 00:07:21,347
Okay, I gotta tell you, that works.

151
00:07:21,349 --> 00:07:22,515
It shouldn't.

152
00:07:22,517 --> 00:07:25,017
It's really corny, but it totally works.

153
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:27,015
How about this?

154
00:07:34,529 --> 00:07:36,507
That works, too.

155
00:07:37,398 --> 00:07:40,429
Um, can you excuse me for a minute?

156
00:07:40,568 --> 00:07:42,201
I need to go freshen up.

157
00:07:42,406 --> 00:07:43,679
Right down the hall.

158
00:07:44,646 --> 00:07:46,763
I'll be right back.

159
00:07:51,045 --> 00:07:52,995
- Hey, Fred?
- Yeah?

160
00:07:52,997 --> 00:07:55,247
I'm really not going to the bathroom.

161
00:07:55,249 --> 00:07:57,082
I'm gonna call my sponsor in AA

162
00:07:57,084 --> 00:07:59,015
and ask her if I should sleep with you.

163
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:02,163
I'd be happy to supply
a list of references.

164
00:08:03,641 --> 00:08:05,090
That's okay.

165
00:08:05,092 --> 00:08:06,842
Fingers crossed.

166
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,281
Marjorie?

167
00:08:22,465 --> 00:08:23,748
It's-it's me, Christy.

168
00:08:23,882 --> 00:08:26,549
Oh, hey, Christy. What's going on?

169
00:08:27,287 --> 00:08:29,289
I need some advice.

170
00:08:29,335 --> 00:08:31,233
Please do not tell my mother I called you.

171
00:08:31,999 --> 00:08:33,349
I will not.

172
00:08:36,203 --> 00:08:37,256
What's up?

173
00:08:37,258 --> 00:08:39,906
I'm on a date with Fred,
and I think this is the night

174
00:08:39,931 --> 00:08:42,475
where we, you know...

175
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,851
I get it, you're calling
me from the bathroom.

176
00:08:45,812 --> 00:08:47,383
Tell her to close the deal.

177
00:08:48,352 --> 00:08:49,435
I'm just not sure

178
00:08:49,437 --> 00:08:51,537
if I'm doing it for the right reason.

179
00:08:51,539 --> 00:08:54,190
I mean, part of me wants to punish Candace,

180
00:08:54,192 --> 00:08:56,509
but another part of me
really likes this guy.

181
00:08:56,511 --> 00:08:58,644
Well, what works for me when I'm in doubt

182
00:08:58,646 --> 00:09:00,320
is to just do nothing...

183
00:09:00,948 --> 00:09:02,481
...until I'm absolutely sure.

184
00:09:02,483 --> 00:09:04,945
I swear, I will kill you, old woman.

185
00:09:07,635 --> 00:09:09,218
I'm so glad I called you.

186
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:11,742
You always get me right back on track.

187
00:09:11,767 --> 00:09:12,849
You're welcome, sweetie.

188
00:09:12,874 --> 00:09:14,007
Let's talk tomorrow.

189
00:09:14,328 --> 00:09:17,248
Do you not see the big picture here?

190
00:09:17,273 --> 00:09:19,665
What, that you're
pimping out your daughter?

191
00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:22,334
Ah, so you do see it.

192
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,839
Okay,

193
00:09:26,841 --> 00:09:28,085
not tonight.

194
00:09:29,265 --> 00:09:31,649
Definitely not tonight.

195
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:40,653
Is it appropriate for me to
send your sponsor a gift basket?

196
00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:42,104
That's nice.

197
00:09:42,106 --> 00:09:43,188
She'd like that.

198
00:09:53,414 --> 00:09:57,215
I know I usually sit here and
complain about my life.

199
00:09:59,236 --> 00:10:00,765
Not today.

200
00:10:00,921 --> 00:10:03,171
Today my life couldn't be better.

201
00:10:03,173 --> 00:10:04,556
What's going on?

202
00:10:04,558 --> 00:10:06,750
She got laid.

203
00:10:07,094 --> 00:10:09,644
I met the most wonderful guy.

204
00:10:09,646 --> 00:10:11,859
A normal guy, a gentleman.

205
00:10:12,099 --> 00:10:13,682
Good looking.

206
00:10:13,684 --> 00:10:14,683
Got a great job.

207
00:10:14,685 --> 00:10:15,600
Mature.

208
00:10:15,602 --> 00:10:17,429
That means old.

209
00:10:18,238 --> 00:10:20,607
Yeah, we've got a couple
of issues to work out,

210
00:10:20,632 --> 00:10:23,191
but the truth is those
are other people's issues

211
00:10:23,193 --> 00:10:26,828
and I just have to be careful
to not make them my own.

212
00:10:27,698 --> 00:10:28,630
In the meantime,

213
00:10:28,632 --> 00:10:31,083
I'm trying to live in the moment,

214
00:10:31,085 --> 00:10:32,617
not get ahead of myself,

215
00:10:32,619 --> 00:10:35,504
keep coming to meetings,
check in with my sponsor...

216
00:10:35,506 --> 00:10:37,289
Did you get Fred's muffin basket?

217
00:10:37,291 --> 00:10:38,473
And the marmalade.

218
00:10:38,475 --> 00:10:40,007
Tell him I said thanks.

219
00:10:40,835 --> 00:10:42,043
Anyway,

220
00:10:42,045 --> 00:10:45,013
more will be revealed,
and we'll see what happens.

221
00:10:45,015 --> 00:10:46,264
Thanks.

222
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,976
Hi, I'm Bonnie. I'm an alcoholic.

223
00:10:49,125 --> 00:10:50,051
Hi, Bonnie.

224
00:10:50,053 --> 00:10:51,803
I'll tell you what's gonna happen.

225
00:10:51,805 --> 00:10:52,938
I'm gonna ride this pony

226
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:55,031
right into the winner's circle.

227
00:10:59,883 --> 00:11:01,182
Isn't this nice?

228
00:11:01,207 --> 00:11:03,875
All of us spending a beautiful
Sunday afternoon together?

229
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:06,684
Like a big ol' happy family. Mm-hmm.

230
00:11:09,796 --> 00:11:12,578
Are you feeling okay there, Candace?

231
00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:14,230
I feel fine.

232
00:11:14,232 --> 00:11:16,415
You should tell your face.

233
00:11:18,452 --> 00:11:20,364
I'm gonna go check on
Roscoe's tennis lesson.

234
00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:22,022
Don't you move.

235
00:11:22,554 --> 00:11:24,390
So, Fred, Christy tells me

236
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,140
you've been married twice before.

237
00:11:26,297 --> 00:11:27,329
That is true.

238
00:11:27,331 --> 00:11:28,897
So, you're probably bitter and disenchanted

239
00:11:28,899 --> 00:11:30,296
with the whole idea.

240
00:11:30,321 --> 00:11:31,583
No, no, not at all.

241
00:11:31,585 --> 00:11:32,668
You know,

242
00:11:32,670 --> 00:11:34,169
if at first you don't succeed...

243
00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:35,253
Try, try again.

244
00:11:35,255 --> 00:11:36,338
Sure. Mmm-hmm.

245
00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:38,307
Stop kicking me.

246
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,570
I'd like to propose a toast

247
00:11:42,176 --> 00:11:43,554
to the best girl I know.

248
00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:45,147
Christy,

249
00:11:45,149 --> 00:11:47,099
you're the most remarkable
woman I have ever met.

250
00:11:47,101 --> 00:11:49,651
You came into this world
with nothing and still managed

251
00:11:49,653 --> 00:11:50,867
to turn your life around.

252
00:11:52,609 --> 00:11:54,460
Well, I-I wouldn't say nothing.

253
00:11:54,485 --> 00:11:56,726
I was there. It was less than nothing.

254
00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:59,171
She's an American hero.

255
00:11:59,747 --> 00:12:00,992
To Christy.

256
00:12:01,017 --> 00:12:02,517
Hear, hear.

257
00:12:04,172 --> 00:12:05,555
Hey...

258
00:12:05,557 --> 00:12:10,143
I'd like to propose a
toast to another great lady.

259
00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:12,310
Candace,

260
00:12:12,335 --> 00:12:14,148
you are no slouch.

261
00:12:16,684 --> 00:12:17,733
That's it?

262
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:19,984
Let me finish.

263
00:12:21,022 --> 00:12:22,655
Uh...

264
00:12:22,657 --> 00:12:25,992
You are also a real go-getter.

265
00:12:25,993 --> 00:12:28,026
Yeah, go get her Daddy's credit card.

266
00:12:30,507 --> 00:12:31,697
Daddy!

267
00:12:32,312 --> 00:12:34,534
Mm... Lighten up, Snickerdoodle.

268
00:12:34,852 --> 00:12:36,560
I call her that because when she was a kid,

269
00:12:36,585 --> 00:12:37,759
the only way I could get her to smile

270
00:12:37,761 --> 00:12:39,260
was to give her a cookie.

271
00:12:44,976 --> 00:12:46,500
Well, there it is,

272
00:12:46,525 --> 00:12:49,393
that same stink eye her
mother always gave me.

273
00:12:52,634 --> 00:12:54,008
Anybody got a cookie?

274
00:12:55,028 --> 00:12:57,729
"Anybody got a cookie?"

275
00:13:01,054 --> 00:13:03,117
Yeah, well, at least Bonnie gets it.

276
00:13:03,119 --> 00:13:05,179
Bonnie totally gets it, Fred.

277
00:13:06,460 --> 00:13:08,623
Why don't we change the subject?

278
00:13:08,726 --> 00:13:10,647
All right, anything you want, sweetheart.

279
00:13:14,656 --> 00:13:16,896
Do you want a cookie, 'cause
there's a whole tray over...

280
00:13:25,625 --> 00:13:28,643
You know what I like best
about country club life?

281
00:13:28,645 --> 00:13:30,273
Signing for things.

282
00:13:30,298 --> 00:13:33,390
Those people are so rich
they don't use money anymore.

283
00:13:33,992 --> 00:13:35,842
I'm glad you had a good time.

284
00:13:35,844 --> 00:13:37,176
I'm starting to feel like I belong there.

285
00:13:37,178 --> 00:13:39,228
Like after a horrible
mix-up at the hospital,

286
00:13:39,230 --> 00:13:42,046
I was finally returned to my real people.

287
00:13:45,270 --> 00:13:46,656
Is that a crab leg?

288
00:13:46,681 --> 00:13:48,180
Yeah, don't worry, I signed for it.

289
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,523
I know what you liked best.

290
00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:53,710
When Freddy gave his daughter a
colonoscopy right at the table.

291
00:13:54,028 --> 00:13:56,304
He was rough on her, wasn't he?

292
00:13:56,329 --> 00:13:57,329
Rough?

293
00:13:57,375 --> 00:13:59,937
That was a dry scope
minus the Demerol drip.

294
00:14:00,128 --> 00:14:02,161
I actually felt kind of bad for her.

295
00:14:02,163 --> 00:14:03,246
For Candace?

296
00:14:03,248 --> 00:14:04,380
The woman has never missed an opportunity

297
00:14:04,382 --> 00:14:06,132
to make you feel like garbage.

298
00:14:06,134 --> 00:14:07,664
I know, I just...

299
00:14:07,919 --> 00:14:10,837
I don't like to see a father
talk to his daughter like that.

300
00:14:10,839 --> 00:14:13,375
Really? I loved it!

301
00:14:14,926 --> 00:14:16,175
He took the stick out of her ass

302
00:14:16,177 --> 00:14:18,835
and smacked her right
over the head with it.

303
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:24,186
Did you ever consider that
maybe she's the way she is

304
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:26,127
because of how he treats her?

305
00:14:26,938 --> 00:14:27,976
Wait.

306
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,054
What's happening here?

307
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,279
You're screwing with me, right?

308
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:33,743
I'm just not sure I can be with someone

309
00:14:33,745 --> 00:14:35,778
who has so little regard
for his own children.

310
00:14:36,070 --> 00:14:37,453
What's wrong with you?

311
00:14:37,455 --> 00:14:38,954
This guy is crazy about you

312
00:14:38,956 --> 00:14:40,239
and doesn't like his own daughter.

313
00:14:40,241 --> 00:14:41,707
Yeah, so?

314
00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:42,992
So, you give him a kid

315
00:14:42,994 --> 00:14:44,710
he's even vaguely fond of,
the days of paying off

316
00:14:44,712 --> 00:14:47,101
our credit cards with credit cards is over.

317
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,932
Mom, my uterus is not your 401k.

318
00:14:53,804 --> 00:14:56,164
It could be if Fred makes a deposit.

319
00:15:05,683 --> 00:15:07,266
Should we take this into the bedroom?

320
00:15:07,268 --> 00:15:09,562
Um, yeah.

321
00:15:10,122 --> 00:15:12,839
But we-we need to talk
about something first.

322
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,191
Oh, you don't have to be married twice

323
00:15:15,193 --> 00:15:17,390
to know that's never good news.

324
00:15:17,695 --> 00:15:21,367
It's not bad, it's just,
it's about your daughter.

325
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,082
What about her?

326
00:15:23,084 --> 00:15:24,601
I think...

327
00:15:24,671 --> 00:15:27,453
you... hurt her feelings the other day.

328
00:15:27,455 --> 00:15:28,537
When?

329
00:15:28,539 --> 00:15:29,859
At brunch.

330
00:15:30,124 --> 00:15:31,791
At the country club.

331
00:15:31,793 --> 00:15:33,959
You were really mean to her.

332
00:15:33,961 --> 00:15:35,261
Oh, that's just how we are.

333
00:15:35,263 --> 00:15:36,429
She's fine.

334
00:15:36,765 --> 00:15:39,179
No, Fred, she's not.

335
00:15:39,328 --> 00:15:40,549
What? I don't understand.

336
00:15:40,551 --> 00:15:41,751
I thought you didn't like her.

337
00:15:42,523 --> 00:15:43,976
I don't...

338
00:15:44,472 --> 00:15:46,522
But you should.

339
00:15:47,257 --> 00:15:49,058
Well, of course, I like her.

340
00:15:49,060 --> 00:15:50,559
I love her.

341
00:15:50,561 --> 00:15:52,061
I mean, my God, I've given her everything

342
00:15:52,063 --> 00:15:53,462
she's ever asked for:

343
00:15:53,464 --> 00:15:55,231
Horses, ski trips,

344
00:15:55,233 --> 00:15:57,835
tennis lessons, a semester abroad,

345
00:15:58,296 --> 00:15:59,819
which should really just be called

346
00:15:59,821 --> 00:16:01,954
"How to Get Laid in Italy."

347
00:16:02,824 --> 00:16:03,873
And after all that,

348
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:06,041
all she does is walk through life

349
00:16:06,043 --> 00:16:07,993
turning up her nose at other people.

350
00:16:08,882 --> 00:16:11,312
A nose I paid for, by the way.

351
00:16:13,281 --> 00:16:14,980
Yeah, but still...

352
00:16:15,005 --> 00:16:17,242
Christy, she's my kid.

353
00:16:18,097 --> 00:16:20,014
The way I treat her...

354
00:16:20,258 --> 00:16:21,875
It's none of your business.

355
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:26,062
I-i was just trying to...

356
00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:28,180
help you get along with your daughter.

357
00:16:28,182 --> 00:16:29,718
Yeah, well, thanks, but...

358
00:16:30,151 --> 00:16:31,567
I don't think you're in any position

359
00:16:31,569 --> 00:16:33,859
to be giving me parenting advice.

360
00:16:34,956 --> 00:16:36,101
Okay.

361
00:16:42,079 --> 00:16:43,453
You know what,

362
00:16:45,199 --> 00:16:47,085
I think I'm just gonna call it a night.

363
00:16:48,619 --> 00:16:49,619
Really?

364
00:16:50,872 --> 00:16:52,859
Do I have to give you a cookie now?

365
00:16:56,167 --> 00:16:57,968
You know something, Fred,

366
00:16:58,249 --> 00:17:01,084
you may be handsome,

367
00:17:01,109 --> 00:17:03,692
charming, and successful...

368
00:17:05,182 --> 00:17:07,491
...but you're also kind of a dick.

369
00:17:09,340 --> 00:17:10,820
A dick?

370
00:17:11,820 --> 00:17:14,393
I'd say it in Italian but

371
00:17:14,395 --> 00:17:16,478
I never had a semester abroad.

372
00:17:20,819 --> 00:17:23,669
Well, I am back to complaining.

373
00:17:24,554 --> 00:17:25,970
Told ya.

374
00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:31,961
As a result of being
sober, I have somehow become

375
00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:35,882
compassionate and caring
towards other people.

376
00:17:36,617 --> 00:17:40,753
And, quite frankly, it's ruining my life.

377
00:17:48,229 --> 00:17:51,820
You know, back when I
was drinking and drugging,

378
00:17:52,649 --> 00:17:55,233
I could put up with a lot of crap from guys

379
00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,987
because I was just as bad as they were.

380
00:17:58,398 --> 00:18:01,574
But now I have zero tolerance for jerks.

381
00:18:03,053 --> 00:18:06,539
Which means I now have self-esteem.

382
00:18:08,506 --> 00:18:10,546
Which means I'm going to die alone.

383
00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:15,120
Anyway,

384
00:18:15,122 --> 00:18:17,506
glad to be sober.

385
00:18:17,508 --> 00:18:18,974
Thanks.

386
00:18:18,976 --> 00:18:20,515
Anybody else want to share?

387
00:18:20,540 --> 00:18:21,796
Yes.

388
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:24,406
Bonnie. Alcoholic.

389
00:18:24,632 --> 00:18:25,931
Hi, Bonnie.

390
00:18:25,933 --> 00:18:29,140
I'm sorry I'm so emotional, I just, uh...

391
00:18:29,971 --> 00:18:32,140
I miss my people.

392
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,113
Mom, we're your people.

393
00:18:37,138 --> 00:18:38,781
Stop saying that.

394
00:18:57,022 --> 00:18:58,623
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, Mom.

395
00:18:58,648 --> 00:19:01,420
Ah! Did you have a fun time
with your Dad and Candace?

396
00:19:01,445 --> 00:19:02,109
Yeah.

397
00:19:02,111 --> 00:19:03,894
Christy, can I talk to you for a sec?

398
00:19:04,429 --> 00:19:06,406
Um, sure.

399
00:19:06,431 --> 00:19:09,359
Here, take these aspirin
up to your grandma.

400
00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:12,968
She's had a blinding headache for days.

401
00:19:14,791 --> 00:19:16,407
So, what's up?

402
00:19:16,409 --> 00:19:18,075
Well, I just wanted to
say that I heard about

403
00:19:18,076 --> 00:19:21,992
the breakup with my Dad and I'm so sorry.

404
00:19:24,677 --> 00:19:28,023
Yeah, well, you know,
that's how it goes sometimes.

405
00:19:28,048 --> 00:19:30,838
Mm, I did try to warn you
that he gets bored with women

406
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,758
very easily, so...

407
00:19:35,654 --> 00:19:39,255
Actually, Candace, I broke up with him.

408
00:19:39,421 --> 00:19:40,773
Sure you did.

409
00:19:42,185 --> 00:19:45,156
The lonely waitress dumped
the handsome millionaire.

410
00:19:47,730 --> 00:19:49,062
Come here.

411
00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:55,613
I know why you're a bitch.

412
00:19:55,615 --> 00:19:58,365
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