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Previously on Mom...
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You said you wanted to
meet my new girlfriend.
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Ta-da.
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Christy, Candace. Candace, Christy.
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Nice to meet you.
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Oh, same here.
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You know, Baxter's told me
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all about how you've
turned your life around.
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(chuckles) Good for you.
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Candace bought me new clothes.
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Yeah, I noticed.
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No one's owned them before.
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I'm the first person to wear them.
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Christy, I hear you just
moved into a new apartment.
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Yeah, we're really excited about it.
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I live in the closet.
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Hey, you made it.
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Can we go swimming?
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The pool is heated and
the spa's all toasty.
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Go put your suit on.
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(chuckles)
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Okay, sweetie.
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Love you! Bye!
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Candace fixed up the guest room.
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He's got his own TV, video games.
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Ooh, and a closet, that
he can use, as a closet.
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(laughs)
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That's a good one.
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Bye.
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(grunting, muttering)
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Merry Christmas, Mom.
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Oh, thank you, honey.
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I got you a perfume that's
a little less obvious.
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(laughs)
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Oh, where does he get it?
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Yeah, well, I say that to all the parents,
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and so few listen.
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Just so we're clear, I am the parent.
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I may not listen, but I am the parent.
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It's okay, Christy.
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We all know you're doing
the best that you can.
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Do not do the pity voice with me.
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Oh, dear. Now you're upset.
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I am not upset, you big red turd.
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_
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Hey, Dad.
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Hey, buddy. Candace made
cookies; they're in the kitchen.
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Bye, Mom.
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Bye!
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He used to give me a hug.
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Yeah, he's at that age. I
wouldn't take it personally.
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Candace: Look who's home.
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Ooh, what a big hug!
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Come on, he'd hug a
scorpion if it had a cookie.
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He just did.
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See you later.
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See ya.
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Candace: Oh. Christy? Wait.
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So close.
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Hey!
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You got a sec?
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Uh, sure. What's up?
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Well, I've just been thinking,
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now that Baxter and I are getting married,
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you and I are gonna be in
each other's lives a lot.
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Yeah, I think about that, too.
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Wouldn't it just be easier
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if new wife and... old wife, were friends?
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"Old wife."
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(chuckles) Good start.
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How about I take you to lunch tomorrow?
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Oh!
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(groans)
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That, sounds super fun
and n-nutritious, uh...
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but, um, ugh, I have plans
with my Mom tomorrow.
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Bring her. I love Bonnie.
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If we're gonna be friends,
you can't lie to me.
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(chuckles) 1:00 at the
Oak Ridge Country Club?
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Okay, uh, great.
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I will see you there.
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Yay! (chuckles) Mmm.
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Oh, there's the hug Roscoe loves.
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-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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How about this?
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(groans) At a fancy country club?
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I don't think so.
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What's wrong with it?
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Makes me look poor.
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All right, then we should
stop looking in this closet.
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(groans)
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Candace couldn't just take us to
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a nice restaurant at the mall,
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she had to invite us to her club
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to remind us how much money she's got.
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So why are you doing this?
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Why do you think? For Roscoe.
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You know, she's gonna be
in his life a long time.
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I got to figure out a
way to get along with her.
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Look at you, taking the high road.
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Yeah, I just don't want
to look like a Sherpa
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while I'm taking it.
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What are you gonna wear?
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I thought I'd get something
from Neiman Marcus.
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How can you afford that?
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Leave the tag on, return it the next day,
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making sure not to sweat, spill or dribble.
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You're an evil genius.
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Let's go.
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Okay. We're gonna need shoes, too.
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- Ooh, how do we return those?
- Easy.
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Put nipple pasties on the
soles so they don't scuff.
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You really should start a blog.
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Unfortunately, we will have
to wear our own underwear.
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Ooh, I could get used to this.
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Right?
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Tag check.
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Clear.
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Good to go.
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Hey, guys.
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Oop. Nip slip.
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Hi! You two look really nice.
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- Oh, thank you.
- So do you.
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Is that new?
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Oh, gosh, no. (chuckles)
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When did I get this?
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When we went to the opera in San Francisco.
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Oh, that's right.
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- "Rigolotto."
- Rigoletto.
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We saw them both.
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Thanks for letting me join you.
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Oh, no. Thank you for coming.
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I have to tell you, Baxter
is sitting at home right now,
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out of his mind with worry that
the three of us won't get along.
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Why wouldn't we get along?
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That is exactly what I said to him.
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Frankly, I think he's afraid
we'll gossip about him.
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(laughter)
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Like we don't have better
things to talk about.
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(laughter)
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So, Bonnie, what is it like to
manage an apartment building?
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Well, to be honest, I don't think of it
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as managing a building, I think of it
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as managing a diverse community of people.
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Oh, that's a lovely thought.
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I'm kidding. I'm mostly killing
mice and unclogging toilets.
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So what's good here?
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Okay, okay, okay. I am dying to ask.
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What is the deal with Baxter and Q-tips?
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Oh, no. Is he still
leaving them on the sink?
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The sink, the bathtub, the nightstand.
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The other day, I found
one in the refrigerator.
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Yeah, you got to go easy on him with that.
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When he cleans his ears,
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it's like he goes into a trance state.
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He doesn't even know he's doing it.
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Remember when we took him to the
emergency room to get one out?
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Oh, God. A Q-tip got stuck in his ear?
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You know what, we're having lunch.
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Yeah, let's say ear.
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(laughter)
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Oh, well, you got to love him.
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Oh, no, you got to love him. I did my time.
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(laughter)
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Oh. This is so much fun.
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See, I knew if we made the effort,
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we could get along.
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Absolutely. There's a spa here, right?
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- Oh, one of the best.
- Oh, yeah, we're getting along.
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Well, look who's here.
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- Oh, hi, Daddy.
- Hey, Snickerdoodle.
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Uh, these are my friends,
Christy and Bonnie.
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- Ah, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
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- Fred Hayes.
- Hi. Christy.
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So how do you girls know each other?
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Well, Christy actually used
to be married to Baxter.
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Really?
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And you're friends?
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I'm as surprised as you are.
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(chuckles)
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And how about this lovely lady?
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Have you also slept with Baxter?
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I'm her mother, and ew.
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You know, your ex is one of
my most popular employees.
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Mm. I'm not surprised.
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He's a terrific guy.
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That and he sells killer weed.
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Daddy.
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Oh, lighten up. He gives
me a family discount.
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What? I never got a discount.
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Maybe that's because, at our wedding,
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you introduced him to
people as my "first husband."
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You know, I'm liking Candace's new friends.
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Especially you.
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Oh. Thank you, I guess.
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So, Daddy...
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aren't you gonna go play golf?
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Fred: No, I've got plenty of time.
198
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So, Christy, do you play?
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Only if there's a windmill. (chuckles)
200
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Don't have any of those.
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But we do have a waterfall
on the tenth hole.
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Would you like to see it?
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Um, I'm not wearing any sunblock.
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Hang on. I've got some.
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No, no, Mom, I'm fine.
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Close your eyes.
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Off you go.
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I understand you ordering lava cake.
209
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I don't understand how
you got it on your ass.
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It's lava.
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00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:19,098
Well, I don't see how we can
take it back to the store.
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I hope you have a plan to pay for it.
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00:08:21,099 --> 00:08:23,202
I do. You're gonna marry Candace's dad.
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00:08:23,786 --> 00:08:25,495
God, will you stop it with that?!
215
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He just showed me around the golf course.
216
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Yeah, and bought you a
putter in the pro shop.
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For old white guys, this is
as good as a promise ring.
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He only bought it because I told him
219
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I always wanted to learn to play golf,
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which isn't even true.
221
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So you started on a lie.
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All the best relationships start that way.
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For the last time, I am not
going out with Candace's father.
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- (doorbell rings)
- This dress cost $1,200.
225
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Yeah, you are.
226
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Delivery for Christy Plunkett.
227
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It's happening! It's
happening! It's happening!
228
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Read the card. Read
the card. Read the card.
229
00:09:01,725 --> 00:09:03,475
Would you please calm down?
230
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:09,616
(mouthing)
231
00:09:13,299 --> 00:09:14,299
(sighs)
232
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,798
He wants to have dinner with me.
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00:09:15,799 --> 00:09:17,179
Thank you, Jesus!
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I'm not having dinner with him.
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We're not?
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00:09:21,821 --> 00:09:24,364
Mom, he's Candace's father.
237
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He's gonna be
Baxter's father-in-law
238
00:09:26,673 --> 00:09:28,462
and Roscoe's step-grandfather.
239
00:09:28,487 --> 00:09:30,276
And he's got five car dealerships,
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a full head of hair and when he
looks down he can see his belt.
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Doesn't matter.
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I'm finally starting to get
along with Candace and,
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she is, like it or not,
a part of my son's life.
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What are you doing?
245
00:09:41,921 --> 00:09:43,445
I'm calling Fred to
tell him I'm not gonna
246
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- go out with him.
- No, you're not.
247
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- Give me the phone.
- Hear me out.
248
00:09:47,626 --> 00:09:48,795
I don't need to hear you out.
249
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- Gimme.
- Yes, I get the Roscoe thing,
250
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but you deserve to be happy too.
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Now, think about it.
252
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You're pushing 40.
253
00:09:58,719 --> 00:09:59,928
- (grunts)
- Yeah. How many rich guys
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00:09:59,929 --> 00:10:01,838
in golf carts are coming your way?
255
00:10:01,839 --> 00:10:03,388
(grunts)
256
00:10:03,389 --> 00:10:05,258
- Oh, screw it.
- If you turn that man down,
257
00:10:05,259 --> 00:10:06,548
I swear I will disown you.
258
00:10:06,549 --> 00:10:08,429
Oh, no. And lose all this?
259
00:10:09,969 --> 00:10:11,718
That's my point.
260
00:10:15,139 --> 00:10:16,695
Thank you.
261
00:10:19,799 --> 00:10:21,758
- He sent another one?
- Yup.
262
00:10:21,759 --> 00:10:24,084
It's a 60-degree sand wedge.
263
00:10:24,109 --> 00:10:25,445
I think it helps you
get out of those little
264
00:10:25,490 --> 00:10:27,250
pretend beaches they have there.
265
00:10:27,898 --> 00:10:29,548
How many is that?
266
00:10:29,549 --> 00:10:31,577
Looks like a whole set.
267
00:10:33,219 --> 00:10:35,298
This guy won't take no for an answer.
268
00:10:35,299 --> 00:10:37,735
So how about we shave
those legs and say "yes".
269
00:10:38,820 --> 00:10:40,007
Not gonna happen.
270
00:10:40,032 --> 00:10:42,999
- (doorbell rings)
- What do you want to bet that's balls?
271
00:10:43,439 --> 00:10:45,179
Which you could use.
272
00:10:46,049 --> 00:10:49,339
- Hello, Bonnie.
- Hey, Snickerdoodle, what's up?
273
00:10:50,639 --> 00:10:52,702
We seem to have a bit of a situation.
274
00:10:52,727 --> 00:10:53,984
Is Roscoe okay?
275
00:10:54,009 --> 00:10:55,138
Oh, he's fine.
276
00:10:55,139 --> 00:10:56,468
Christy, can we speak privately?
277
00:10:56,493 --> 00:10:58,046
No. What's going on?
278
00:11:00,431 --> 00:11:02,640
I don't know what your game is,
279
00:11:02,665 --> 00:11:04,704
but I want you to stay away from my father.
280
00:11:05,468 --> 00:11:07,758
I... don't have a game.
281
00:11:07,759 --> 00:11:10,009
But she could if she took some lessons.
282
00:11:11,990 --> 00:11:13,489
I know you're jealous of me.
283
00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,428
You've always been jealous of me.
284
00:11:15,656 --> 00:11:18,178
But I can live with that because
I was raised to be tolerant
285
00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:19,598
of those who are less fortunate.
286
00:11:19,599 --> 00:11:21,758
What I can't live with is you trying
287
00:11:21,759 --> 00:11:24,718
to better yourself by seducing my father.
288
00:11:25,202 --> 00:11:27,523
I didn't seduce anybody.
289
00:11:27,548 --> 00:11:29,177
I'm only gonna say this once.
290
00:11:29,726 --> 00:11:30,929
Stay away from him.
291
00:11:32,946 --> 00:11:34,155
Once'll do it.
292
00:11:34,181 --> 00:11:35,437
It's ringing.
293
00:11:38,795 --> 00:11:41,054
Hi, Fred, it's Christy.
294
00:11:42,530 --> 00:11:44,149
I changed my mind.
295
00:11:44,299 --> 00:11:45,968
I would love to have dinner with you.
296
00:11:45,969 --> 00:11:47,460
Really can't thank you enough.
297
00:11:58,140 --> 00:12:00,498
(sighs) I can't believe
we didn't go shopping
298
00:12:00,523 --> 00:12:03,140
for what is clearly the most
important date of our lives.
299
00:12:03,633 --> 00:12:05,752
It's not important. I'm just doing this
300
00:12:05,753 --> 00:12:07,521
to punish Candace...
It's one-and-done.
301
00:12:07,546 --> 00:12:09,082
That makes no sense.
302
00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:11,172
Fred seems like a great guy.
303
00:12:11,476 --> 00:12:12,765
I'm sure he is.
304
00:12:12,767 --> 00:12:14,436
So after all the losers we've had,
305
00:12:14,437 --> 00:12:16,327
don't we deserve a great guy?
306
00:12:16,887 --> 00:12:18,686
- Stop saying "we".
- If you think
307
00:12:18,686 --> 00:12:21,685
you're getting out of here
without me, you're wrong, bucko.
308
00:12:21,687 --> 00:12:23,835
Let it go.
309
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,886
Now, how do I look?
310
00:12:26,887 --> 00:12:28,335
Now I don't care.
311
00:12:28,946 --> 00:12:30,485
Cheer up, I shaved.
312
00:12:30,510 --> 00:12:31,510
Big whoop.
313
00:12:31,862 --> 00:12:33,651
- (doorbell rings)
- Oh, that's him.
314
00:12:35,644 --> 00:12:37,023
Christy, wait.
315
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,792
Let me just give you one piece
316
00:12:38,817 --> 00:12:40,237
of motherly advice.
317
00:12:41,808 --> 00:12:43,812
If you think you're punishing Candace
318
00:12:43,837 --> 00:12:45,296
by having dinner with her father,
319
00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:47,556
just imagine how she'd feel
320
00:12:47,557 --> 00:12:49,820
if you managed to get pregnant tonight!
321
00:13:00,531 --> 00:13:02,124
Are you sure this doesn't bother you?
322
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:03,688
Oh, not at all.
323
00:13:03,887 --> 00:13:05,936
In fact, I hope you get drunk
324
00:13:05,937 --> 00:13:07,937
so I can drive your Ferrari out there.
325
00:13:09,687 --> 00:13:11,976
So, uh, let me see if I understand this...
326
00:13:11,977 --> 00:13:14,218
You just woke up one day and said,
327
00:13:14,243 --> 00:13:15,702
"I'm never gonna drink again"?
328
00:13:15,938 --> 00:13:16,866
Yup.
329
00:13:17,156 --> 00:13:19,115
And then 11 years later I quit drinking.
330
00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:20,936
(laughs)
331
00:13:20,937 --> 00:13:22,546
Well, whatever you did, I'm impressed
332
00:13:22,796 --> 00:13:24,505
with the way you turned your life around.
333
00:13:24,787 --> 00:13:27,467
You should be. I'm a miracle.
334
00:13:27,887 --> 00:13:29,846
Yeah, you are. Working two jobs,
335
00:13:29,847 --> 00:13:31,507
raising a child, going to college.
336
00:13:31,533 --> 00:13:33,122
I can also make anything
for dinner as long as
337
00:13:33,147 --> 00:13:35,320
I have rice cakes, mustard
and American cheese.
338
00:13:38,030 --> 00:13:40,319
So, um, tell me about you.
339
00:13:40,647 --> 00:13:43,686
What's it like to be Napa Valley's
340
00:13:43,687 --> 00:13:45,686
king of Korean cars?
341
00:13:45,687 --> 00:13:47,886
Oh, you saw the commercial.
342
00:13:47,887 --> 00:13:50,304
Not a lot of guys can pull off a crown.
343
00:13:51,695 --> 00:13:53,226
To answer your question,
344
00:13:53,491 --> 00:13:55,725
it's good to be the king of Korean cars.
345
00:13:55,727 --> 00:13:58,312
It's allowed me to be the
driver of Italian cars.
346
00:14:00,471 --> 00:14:02,010
How long have you been doing it?
347
00:14:02,387 --> 00:14:03,781
Oh, let's see, uh...
348
00:14:03,983 --> 00:14:05,772
it's coming up on 40 years.
349
00:14:06,132 --> 00:14:08,757
Wow, that's longer than I've been...
350
00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:11,452
that's a long time.
351
00:14:12,482 --> 00:14:13,827
Nice save.
352
00:14:16,968 --> 00:14:19,266
Yeah, just so you know, uh,
353
00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:20,976
I'm not in the habit of going out
354
00:14:20,977 --> 00:14:21,921
with my daughter's friends.
355
00:14:22,227 --> 00:14:24,646
Oh, I'm-I'm not her friend.
356
00:14:24,647 --> 00:14:25,984
Good.
357
00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:32,664
I'm, sorry if I
358
00:14:32,986 --> 00:14:34,921
(clears throat) freaked
you out on that last turn.
359
00:14:34,946 --> 00:14:36,405
No, no, it's a Ferrari,
360
00:14:36,430 --> 00:14:38,538
it's meant to be driven fast.
361
00:14:39,375 --> 00:14:41,640
But (clears throat) not on two wheels.
362
00:14:42,447 --> 00:14:45,576
No, they give you four for a reason.
363
00:14:46,445 --> 00:14:47,766
Well, um...
364
00:14:48,218 --> 00:14:49,806
we're here, so...
365
00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:52,531
Uh, thank you for a lovely evening.
366
00:14:52,687 --> 00:14:54,016
Thank you.
367
00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:56,396
I... really had a good time.
368
00:14:56,421 --> 00:14:57,538
I'm glad.
369
00:14:58,018 --> 00:14:59,608
When can I see you again?
370
00:15:00,836 --> 00:15:04,031
Well, uh, that's a little tricky.
371
00:15:04,517 --> 00:15:07,757
You get how this situation is complicated.
372
00:15:07,904 --> 00:15:09,814
I do.
373
00:15:11,999 --> 00:15:13,398
So how about tomorrow?
374
00:15:14,132 --> 00:15:15,671
Great. (chuckles)
375
00:15:17,422 --> 00:15:18,672
I'll bring a slower car.
376
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,484
- Good night.
- Good night.
377
00:15:23,468 --> 00:15:24,936
Crowd: Let's go, Stanford!
378
00:15:24,936 --> 00:15:26,935
Announcer: As Jeran just
facing up Lampley a little hard
379
00:15:26,937 --> 00:15:29,187
off the back arm.
380
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:32,687
Hey.
381
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,538
Hey.
382
00:15:37,557 --> 00:15:40,016
So... aren't you curious?
383
00:15:40,017 --> 00:15:42,359
It's 10:00, all my questions are answered.
384
00:15:43,663 --> 00:15:44,734
Okay.
385
00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:48,646
So, I guess I won't tell you
386
00:15:48,646 --> 00:15:50,273
I really like him and,
387
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:52,540
I'm seeing him again tomorrow night.
388
00:15:53,783 --> 00:15:55,335
Don't you be messing with me!
389
00:15:56,307 --> 00:15:58,507
I'm not. We had a great time.
390
00:15:58,532 --> 00:15:59,866
- We did?
- We did!
391
00:15:59,891 --> 00:16:01,890
- Did we make out?
- I wet my lips,
392
00:16:01,915 --> 00:16:03,244
but he was a perfect gentleman.
393
00:16:03,269 --> 00:16:06,499
Oh, baby, I'm so happy for us!
394
00:16:06,524 --> 00:16:07,702
- (knocking)
- Oh.
395
00:16:07,727 --> 00:16:10,163
Maybe the perfect gentleman came
back to bend you over the couch.
396
00:16:14,054 --> 00:16:16,320
Why are you ruining my life?
397
00:16:17,429 --> 00:16:19,346
What are you talking about?
398
00:16:19,347 --> 00:16:22,186
If you're doing this to make
Candace crazy, congratulations.
399
00:16:22,187 --> 00:16:24,186
She's crying, drinking and screaming.
400
00:16:24,187 --> 00:16:26,140
It's like I'm married to you again.
401
00:16:26,437 --> 00:16:27,616
Really?
402
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,609
Come on in and tell me about all it.
403
00:16:30,546 --> 00:16:32,156
I've never seen her like this.
404
00:16:32,181 --> 00:16:34,202
You have hit the button of all buttons.
405
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,556
The button that launches all the missiles!
406
00:16:36,783 --> 00:16:39,572
I'm-I'm sorry, that-that
wasn't my intention.
407
00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:42,007
I mean, it was, but not now.
408
00:16:43,108 --> 00:16:45,322
I... really like Fred.
409
00:16:45,347 --> 00:16:48,507
And I intend to keep seeing him.
410
00:16:49,327 --> 00:16:52,306
All right, I was hoping
it wouldn't come to this,
411
00:16:52,307 --> 00:16:54,093
but you leave me no choice.
412
00:16:54,624 --> 00:16:55,686
What are you doing?
413
00:16:55,687 --> 00:16:56,936
I have a personal checking account
414
00:16:56,937 --> 00:16:59,726
with $8,427 in it.
415
00:16:59,836 --> 00:17:02,416
If you agree to stop
seeing Fred, it's all yours.
416
00:17:03,204 --> 00:17:05,491
Minus the $25 I need to
keep the account open.
417
00:17:07,687 --> 00:17:09,386
You think you can buy me?
418
00:17:09,387 --> 00:17:10,601
That cheaply?
419
00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:14,186
Fine, take the 25 bucks!
420
00:17:14,187 --> 00:17:15,516
I'll close the account.
421
00:17:15,517 --> 00:17:16,766
That's enough, Baxter.
422
00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:18,016
You need to go.
423
00:17:18,017 --> 00:17:19,056
You don't understand...
424
00:17:19,057 --> 00:17:20,096
Good night, Baxter!
425
00:17:20,097 --> 00:17:20,937
I wouldn't do this to you...
426
00:17:20,938 --> 00:17:22,765
The missus said good night!
427
00:17:24,557 --> 00:17:25,624
You believe that guy?
428
00:17:25,649 --> 00:17:27,913
Yeah, as if we care about money.
429
00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:39,330
(doorbell rings)
430
00:17:45,945 --> 00:17:47,655
Roscoe ready?
431
00:17:48,655 --> 00:17:51,163
Roscoe, your mom's here.
432
00:18:04,155 --> 00:18:05,695
Any time, Roscoe!
433
00:18:07,405 --> 00:18:08,390
Hi, Mom.
434
00:18:08,415 --> 00:18:11,074
Hey, sweetie, did you
have fun this weekend?
435
00:18:11,075 --> 00:18:13,734
Yeah, Dad took me to the fair
and I got to drive a go-cart.
436
00:18:13,735 --> 00:18:15,054
Mm, cool.
437
00:18:15,079 --> 00:18:16,976
I got to drive a Ferrari.
438
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,680
_
439
00:18:22,705 --> 00:18:25,751
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --