1 00:00:03,940 --> 00:00:06,110 Look, there are its little fingers. 2 00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:08,390 One, two, three, four, five, one, two, three, four, five. 3 00:00:08,390 --> 00:00:09,190 Yes! 4 00:00:10,540 --> 00:00:12,350 I can't wait till you're born! 5 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:13,200 That's 'cause you don't have 6 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:14,970 to squeeze it out through your hoo-hah. 7 00:00:16,530 --> 00:00:17,340 So, Doc, how we looking? 8 00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:19,750 Healthy kid, or is it gonna need a crash helmet? 9 00:00:20,510 --> 00:00:21,390 Everything looks great. 10 00:00:21,390 --> 00:00:23,650 You're right on schedule, six weeks out. 11 00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:26,470 Hey, we might still be able to go to Senior Prom. 12 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,620 Think you can watch the baby? 13 00:00:29,850 --> 00:00:31,120 You're joking, right? 14 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:32,480 The kid'll still be wet. 15 00:00:34,390 --> 00:00:35,240 You're right. 16 00:00:36,020 --> 00:00:36,970 We'll bring it. 17 00:00:39,090 --> 00:00:41,630 These two are gonna make great parents. 18 00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,580 I've seen worse. 19 00:00:44,510 --> 00:00:45,660 Would you like to know the sex? 20 00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:47,010 Well... I think it's pretty obvious. 21 00:00:47,010 --> 00:00:48,120 It's a boy and he's going to be 22 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,130 very popular with the ladies. 23 00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:53,500 Actually, that's the umbilical cord. 24 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,510 We'd like to know. 25 00:00:57,630 --> 00:00:59,010 Um, maybe not. 26 00:00:59,090 --> 00:00:59,990 How come? 27 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:04,240 Knowing the sex makes this all too... real. 28 00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:05,380 It's not real enough for you? 29 00:01:05,380 --> 00:01:07,330 You've been farting like a lumberjack. 30 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,690 We don't really need to know right now. 31 00:01:12,690 --> 00:01:14,730 Okay, I'll see you again in ten days. 32 00:01:17,180 --> 00:01:18,450 We've got a lot to do to get 33 00:01:18,450 --> 00:01:20,330 the house ready for our new guest. 34 00:01:20,370 --> 00:01:21,100 Guest? 35 00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,800 You make it sound like we're just visiting. 36 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,640 Well, a girl can hope. 37 00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:29,980 {\an2}{\pos(70,258)}m 20 0 l 209 0 b 218 0 229 11 229 20 l 229 209 b 229 218 218 228 209 228 l 20 228 b 11 228 0 218 0 209 l 0 20 b 0 11 11 0 20 0 38 00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:29,980 {\an2}{\pos(70,258)}m 115 64 l 115 35 l 171 0 l 177 0 l 133 46 l 143 52 l 179 0 l 184 0 l 159 63 l 229 107 l 229 182 l 145 96 l 135 122 l 207 227 l 137 227 l 115 172 l 115 93 l 126 76 l 115 64 l 104 76 l 115 93 l 115 172 l 93 227 l 23 227 l 95 122 l 84 96 l 0 182 l 0 107 l 70 63 l 45 0 l 50 0 l 87 52 l 97 46 l 52 0 l 59 0 l 115 35 39 00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:29,980 {\an2}{\pos(60,248)}m 71 60 b 71 0 161 0 161 60 b 161 120 71 120 71 60 40 00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:29,980 {\an2}{\pos(86,258)}m 325 0 l 355 0 l 332 47 l 354 47 l 399 136 l 369 136 l 328 53 l 288 136 l 257 136 l 325 0 m 467 0 l 497 0 l 474 47 l 496 47 l 541 136 l 511 136 l 470 53 l 430 136 l 399 136 l 467 0 m 545 1 l 583 1 l 583 14 l 568 14 l 568 19 l 583 19 l 583 30 l 568 30 l 568 34 l 599 34 l 599 30 l 583 30 l 583 19 l 599 19 l 599 14 l 583 14 l 583 1 l 611 1 b 616 1 622 6 622 10 l 622 36 l 652 0 l 678 0 l 644 41 l 622 41 l 622 47 l 596 47 l 597 54 l 625 54 l 625 68 l 541 68 l 541 54 l 572 54 l 571 47 l 545 47 l 545 1 m 583 72 l 583 85 l 569 85 l 569 90 l 598 90 l 598 85 l 583 85 l 583 72 l 611 72 b 615 72 621 78 621 82 l 653 44 l 678 44 l 644 86 l 621 86 l 621 103 l 597 103 l 597 136 l 570 136 l 564 126 l 562 136 l 542 136 l 548 107 l 568 107 l 565 121 l 571 121 l 571 103 l 547 103 l 547 72 l 583 72 m 600 107 l 620 107 l 624 124 l 653 89 l 679 89 l 642 136 l 615 136 l 618 132 l 606 132 l 600 107 m 689 0 l 716 0 l 721 15 l 732 15 l 732 30 l 718 56 l 731 56 l 735 100 l 721 100 l 717 59 l 714 64 l 714 136 l 693 136 l 693 79 l 676 79 l 707 30 l 679 30 l 679 15 l 694 15 l 689 0 m 738 0 l 804 0 b 807 0 813 6 813 9 l 813 87 l 794 87 l 794 14 l 756 14 l 756 87 l 763 77 l 763 21 l 787 21 l 787 91 l 798 91 l 798 120 l 820 120 l 812 136 l 778 136 l 778 90 l 748 136 l 723 136 l 756 87 l 738 87 l 738 0 m 257 151 l 275 151 l 297 182 l 319 151 l 337 151 l 304 197 l 304 227 l 290 227 l 290 197 l 257 151 m 337 151 l 355 151 l 377 182 l 399 151 l 417 151 l 384 197 l 384 227 l 370 227 l 370 197 l 337 151 m 425 192 l 447 192 b 445 181 427 181 425 192 l 410 192 b 414 162 458 162 462 192 l 462 206 l 425 206 b 425 210 429 212 433 213 l 462 213 l 462 227 l 433 227 b 412 227 408 203 410 192 m 462 151 l 532 151 l 532 165 l 504 165 l 504 227 l 489 227 l 489 165 l 462 165 l 462 151 m 580 172 l 580 186 l 549 186 b 543 186 543 192 549 192 l 565 192 b 589 192 589 227 565 227 l 532 227 l 532 213 l 565 213 b 570 213 570 206 565 206 l 549 206 b 524 206 524 172 549 172 l 580 172 m 592 213 l 606 213 l 606 227 l 592 227 l 592 213 m 639 172 l 665 172 l 665 186 l 639 186 b 623 186 623 213 639 213 l 665 213 l 665 227 l 639 227 b 603 227 603 172 639 172 m 700 184 b 722 184 722 215 700 215 l 700 229 b 740 229 740 170 700 170 b 660 170 660 229 700 229 l 700 215 b 680 215 680 184 700 184 m 737 172 l 782 172 b 803 172 813 177 813 198 l 813 228 l 799 228 l 799 198 b 799 186 793 187 782 187 l 782 228 l 768 228 l 768 187 l 752 187 l 752 228 l 737 228 l 737 172 41 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,850 Thanks for helping out, Baxter. 42 00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:46,810 My pleasure. 43 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,110 Always happy when my van is used to transport legal stuff. 44 00:01:51,750 --> 00:01:52,900 What else you got in there? 45 00:01:52,990 --> 00:01:53,920 Amigos. 46 00:01:57,530 --> 00:01:59,070 Uno momento, por favor. 47 00:02:01,990 --> 00:02:02,950 Seriously? 48 00:02:02,950 --> 00:02:05,450 You're moving illegal aliens? 49 00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:06,900 Don't be ridiculous. 50 00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:08,540 They're drug mules. 51 00:02:10,610 --> 00:02:11,690 What's going on? 52 00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:14,030 Your grandmother and I got you a crib. 53 00:02:14,030 --> 00:02:15,040 What do you think? 54 00:02:15,430 --> 00:02:17,190 Looks like a little cage. 55 00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:19,550 It is a little cage. 56 00:02:19,610 --> 00:02:20,410 Mom. 57 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:21,560 When your mother was an infant, 58 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,230 I kept her in a cat carrier. 59 00:02:25,310 --> 00:02:26,280 Well, whatever. 60 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,490 I don't like it. 61 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:31,050 Okay, you're welcome. 62 00:02:32,870 --> 00:02:34,500 Was I that grumpy when I was pregnant? 63 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:37,160 Oh-ho-ho, I am not falling for that. 64 00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:39,160 Good day, madam. 65 00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,030 Thanks, Baxter. 66 00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:43,460 I'm gonna make some tea, you want some? 67 00:02:43,670 --> 00:02:45,040 What I want is a daughter 68 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,670 who is a little bit excited about having a baby. 69 00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:49,850 Oh, you got to cut her some slack, she's scared. 70 00:02:49,850 --> 00:02:51,600 Yeah, I get that, but... 71 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:52,950 we're in the home stretch 72 00:02:52,950 --> 00:02:55,180 and she is in complete denial. 73 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,870 You know, she bought a tube top the other day. 74 00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:01,430 I do not want to see that. 75 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,230 I know she's young, 76 00:03:04,230 --> 00:03:05,530 I know she's scared, 77 00:03:05,530 --> 00:03:08,370 but come on, it's not like she's doing this alone. 78 00:03:08,570 --> 00:03:10,330 What if we threw her a baby shower? 79 00:03:10,330 --> 00:03:12,100 Let her see we're all in this together? 80 00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:14,950 That's not a bad idea. 81 00:03:15,220 --> 00:03:17,350 You know, invite some friends from school, 82 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,450 eat cake, play games... 83 00:03:20,190 --> 00:03:22,810 all the things I wish somebody did for me. 84 00:03:24,590 --> 00:03:26,640 I am really sorry. 85 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,380 It just... it kills me that I wasn't there for you. 86 00:03:31,190 --> 00:03:32,800 I didn't expect you to cop to it. 87 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:33,850 I'm not copping to anything. 88 00:03:33,850 --> 00:03:35,760 It's just the quickest way to shut you up. 89 00:03:36,790 --> 00:03:38,250 Mom! Grandma! 90 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:40,120 Look, I'm in jail! 91 00:03:42,630 --> 00:03:45,450 I'd laugh if I didn't think it was a real possibility. 92 00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:54,600 All right, make sure the oil in the deep fryer is changed, 93 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,200 and I want the walk-in cleaned from top to bottom. 94 00:03:57,610 --> 00:03:59,390 And I could do without the look. 95 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:02,810 Uh, hey, Chef Rudy, you got a minute? 96 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:03,890 Oh, make it quick. 97 00:04:03,890 --> 00:04:05,450 I'm sleeping with a food critic, 98 00:04:05,450 --> 00:04:07,460 and he throws a hissy fit if I'm late. 99 00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:10,630 Wait, when did you start eating 100 00:04:10,630 --> 00:04:12,210 from the other side of the buffet? 101 00:04:13,430 --> 00:04:16,230 When I realized there was a four-star review in his pants. 102 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,040 What do you need? 103 00:04:18,430 --> 00:04:21,190 Well, I'm throwing a baby shower for my daughter, and I... 104 00:04:21,190 --> 00:04:23,070 Speak quickly. I'm bored. 105 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:25,560 And I'm kind of strapped for cash, 106 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,300 so I was hoping you could hook me up with some food. 107 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,280 You want me to help you steal from the restaurant? 108 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,590 Just the stuff that's left over. 109 00:04:31,590 --> 00:04:33,450 That's the stuff I usually steal. 110 00:04:34,610 --> 00:04:35,740 Oh, come on. 111 00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:36,680 All right. 112 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,310 Lucky for you, I need an empty stomach 113 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,850 for what I'm about to do. 114 00:04:44,390 --> 00:04:47,300 But, um, how does a-- ah-- 115 00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:50,460 a shrimp platter, carpaccio, and, uh-- ah-- 116 00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:51,830 creme brulee sound? 117 00:04:51,930 --> 00:04:53,310 Thank you. 118 00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:54,450 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 119 00:04:54,450 --> 00:04:56,950 Don't... don't confuse my naughty parts. 120 00:04:59,630 --> 00:05:01,890 I have to go ride a 300-pound Frenchman. 121 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,220 Wow, you scored. 122 00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:11,760 Yeah, Rudy really came through. 123 00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:13,900 Did you know that he swung both ways? 124 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,740 No, but when we slept together, 125 00:05:15,740 --> 00:05:17,220 he did ask me to do a few things 126 00:05:17,220 --> 00:05:19,170 that were a little suspect. 127 00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:23,110 It does make me nervous, 128 00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:25,720 having to beg food for a baby shower. 129 00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:26,940 I mean, how are we gonna make ends meet 130 00:05:26,940 --> 00:05:28,180 when the kid actually gets here? 131 00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:29,750 Well, that's a tough one. 132 00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:31,770 Maybe you could get a second job. 133 00:05:35,890 --> 00:05:39,030 Or maybe you could get a first one. 134 00:05:40,270 --> 00:05:41,380 What are you talking about? 135 00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:43,330 I have my life coaching business. 136 00:05:43,330 --> 00:05:45,770 Oh, please, you've had two clients. 137 00:05:45,770 --> 00:05:47,320 One paid you with used luggage 138 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,190 and the other one stepped in front of a train. 139 00:05:50,390 --> 00:05:52,760 That did teach me to get paid in advance. 140 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,920 I really need you to pitch in, Mom. 141 00:05:58,920 --> 00:05:59,940 All right, all right. 142 00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:01,690 Maybe I'll open my law practice again. 143 00:06:01,690 --> 00:06:02,710 You're not a lawyer! 144 00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:05,440 Well, I wasn't a health inspector either, 145 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,220 but restaurants paid me a lot of money 146 00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:08,550 to look the other way. 147 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,770 Typing skills? 148 00:06:17,050 --> 00:06:18,190 Two fingers. 149 00:06:19,970 --> 00:06:20,880 This one. 150 00:06:20,940 --> 00:06:23,990 And, oddly enough, this one. 151 00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:29,490 Excel? 152 00:06:29,630 --> 00:06:30,620 At what? 153 00:06:32,730 --> 00:06:34,900 The computer program called Excel. 154 00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:37,830 Of course. Yes, love me some Excel. 155 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:40,860 How are your phone skills? 156 00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:41,880 Let me see. 157 00:06:42,270 --> 00:06:43,410 Hello? 158 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,510 I think you have your answer. 159 00:06:47,460 --> 00:06:50,960 How about a 52-line PBX system with direct inward calling? 160 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,430 That's what I'm talkin' about. 161 00:06:52,430 --> 00:06:54,330 While I'm typing. 162 00:07:04,530 --> 00:07:06,290 All right. Thanks for coming in. 163 00:07:06,290 --> 00:07:08,050 We'll contact you if anything comes up. 164 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,180 Oh, that doesn't sound very encouraging. 165 00:07:10,590 --> 00:07:11,760 Ms. Plunkett... 166 00:07:12,070 --> 00:07:13,360 You see these resumes? 167 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,900 These are all people with advanced degrees 168 00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,540 and I can't find them work. 169 00:07:16,550 --> 00:07:18,770 They sit in that box until I bring them home to Mother 170 00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:20,560 so she can do her sudoku on the back. 171 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,200 Well, maybe the problem is... 172 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,420 Wait, you live with your mother? 173 00:07:24,420 --> 00:07:25,850 I have my own entrance. 174 00:07:28,820 --> 00:07:30,070 Uh, let me ask you... 175 00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:32,490 this employment agency deal, 176 00:07:32,490 --> 00:07:35,500 this isn't what you really wanted to do with your life, is it? 177 00:07:35,570 --> 00:07:36,640 God, no. 178 00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:41,370 I wanted to write a Broadway musical. 179 00:07:42,490 --> 00:07:44,250 Interesting. What stopped you? 180 00:07:44,250 --> 00:07:45,770 It's really hard. 181 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,310 That's not it. 182 00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:53,490 What stopped you is 183 00:07:53,490 --> 00:07:55,440 you had no one guiding you, 184 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,720 no one encouraging you. 185 00:07:58,070 --> 00:07:59,720 Well, Mother tries, 186 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,530 but ever since the stroke, 187 00:08:01,530 --> 00:08:03,160 she's got her own problems. 188 00:08:05,730 --> 00:08:07,030 I can help. 189 00:08:07,540 --> 00:08:08,540 You can? 190 00:08:08,540 --> 00:08:09,440 I didn't want to say anything 191 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,250 because it's intimidating to people, 192 00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:13,400 but I'm a certified life coach. 193 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:14,810 Really? 194 00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:16,350 Where did you get your certification? 195 00:08:16,460 --> 00:08:19,540 The Katzenjammer Life Coaching Institute 196 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,140 in Geneva, Switzerland. 197 00:08:26,860 --> 00:08:28,140 I don't want to give you false hope, 198 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:31,360 but I've had a tremendous amount of success with composers. 199 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,770 Really? Like who? 200 00:08:32,770 --> 00:08:34,410 You know Andrew Lloyd Webber? 201 00:08:34,610 --> 00:08:36,490 - I do. - You're welcome. 202 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,870 Before I came along, 203 00:08:38,870 --> 00:08:39,850 Evita was singing, 204 00:08:39,850 --> 00:08:42,000 "Don't cry for me, West Covina" 205 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,380 Amazing. 206 00:08:45,380 --> 00:08:47,290 So... so... so how do we do this? 207 00:08:47,290 --> 00:08:48,470 Well, um... 208 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:49,990 I, uh... oh! 209 00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:52,050 I've got an opening Wednesday night at 8:00. 210 00:08:52,050 --> 00:08:55,210 Ooh, Wednesdays Mother and I watch Idol. 211 00:08:55,930 --> 00:08:57,650 Are you listening to yourself? 212 00:08:57,650 --> 00:09:00,760 Those people on American Idol are chasing greatness. 213 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,880 All you're doing is watching them. 214 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,470 Sometimes I vote. 215 00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:10,710 I'll see you Wednesday. 216 00:09:10,710 --> 00:09:12,420 Um... do I get some kind of discount 217 00:09:12,420 --> 00:09:14,460 if I pre-pay for a bunch of sessions? 218 00:09:14,490 --> 00:09:15,800 Do you have the cash on you now? 219 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:16,980 - No. - Then no. 220 00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:20,640 And that's how it's done. 221 00:09:27,430 --> 00:09:28,770 What you got going on there? 222 00:09:28,830 --> 00:09:31,000 I'm making a little princess tiara 223 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,320 for Violet to wear at her baby shower. 224 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:35,380 Aw, it's so precious when you overcompensate 225 00:09:35,380 --> 00:09:37,640 for being a drunken loser when she was a kid. 226 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:40,500 How does it work? 227 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,340 Do you just sense when I'm feeling good about myself? 228 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,030 I'm sorry. This is so sweet. 229 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,070 Thank you. 230 00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:50,060 I just want to give my daughter the best day ever. 231 00:09:50,060 --> 00:09:52,260 Well, how about I give my daughter the best day ever? 232 00:09:52,260 --> 00:09:54,540 I just got a paying client. 233 00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:55,780 Shut up. 234 00:09:55,780 --> 00:09:58,180 Yep. A real Norman Bates. 235 00:09:59,810 --> 00:10:01,970 I think his mother might actually be stuffed. 236 00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:07,600 Honey, look, I'm making you a tiara. 237 00:10:08,050 --> 00:10:11,180 Nice. Listen, I decided I don't want to have a party. 238 00:10:11,630 --> 00:10:13,280 What are you talking about? 239 00:10:13,390 --> 00:10:14,890 It's a celebration! 240 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,900 It's fun and games and free stuff for the baby. 241 00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:18,910 I don't need it. 242 00:10:19,350 --> 00:10:22,070 Sweetheart, I'm stealing food from the restaurant. 243 00:10:22,070 --> 00:10:23,700 Believe me, we need it. 244 00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:25,640 No, we don't. 245 00:10:26,990 --> 00:10:29,770 Okay. May I ask why? 246 00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:33,500 I decided to give the baby up for adoption. 247 00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:54,930 I feel like someone just punched me in the heart. 248 00:10:58,510 --> 00:11:00,110 Did not see that coming. 249 00:11:03,410 --> 00:11:05,850 - Damn it, this is ridiculous! - No, Christy, wait. 250 00:11:05,850 --> 00:11:07,150 No, no, no. She's wrong. 251 00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:08,710 I am not gonna let this happen. 252 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,930 - We need to talk about this. - There's nothing to talk about. 253 00:11:12,930 --> 00:11:15,520 The hell there isn't! Look, I know you're scared. 254 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:16,900 I'd be worried about you if you weren't, 255 00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:18,460 but that's no reason to give up on this baby. 256 00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,620 - Christy, calm down. - Do not tell me to calm down! 257 00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:24,140 Why? Tell me why you're doing this. 258 00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:25,740 That's my business. 259 00:11:25,740 --> 00:11:27,090 No, it's not! 260 00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:29,320 We're all in this together. Now tell me! 261 00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:32,490 Okay. I don't want to be you. 262 00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:34,660 You're talking to your mother, right? 263 00:11:36,140 --> 00:11:38,090 I'm talking to both of you. 264 00:11:38,090 --> 00:11:39,840 You had her when you were my age, 265 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,680 you had me when you were my age. I do the same thing, 266 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:45,390 I'm gonna wind up with the same wasted life as you. 267 00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,610 You think I wasted my life? 268 00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:51,190 Mom, you're a 35-year-old ex-alcoholic, 269 00:11:51,190 --> 00:11:53,300 you're all alone, and you're waiting tables. 270 00:11:53,300 --> 00:11:54,370 I'm a certified life coach. 271 00:11:54,370 --> 00:11:55,660 Oh, give it a rest. 272 00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,680 Hey, first of all, I happen to like my life 273 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,070 and I love my children and I love my job. 274 00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:03,900 - What about me? - Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. 275 00:12:04,450 --> 00:12:06,330 So don't tell me I wasted my life! 276 00:12:06,330 --> 00:12:08,150 Okay. I just mean that I want more. 277 00:12:08,150 --> 00:12:10,340 I want to go to school, I want a career! 278 00:12:10,340 --> 00:12:12,100 You can still have all of those things. 279 00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:13,950 Wait. Let me finish. 280 00:12:14,740 --> 00:12:17,740 And I want this baby to have a chance at all of that, too. 281 00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:26,590 I don't know what to say. 282 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:27,660 Excuse me. 283 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,460 I am doing the right thing. 284 00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:35,000 I did not say a word. 285 00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:39,060 Well, will you please talk to her? 286 00:12:40,790 --> 00:12:41,620 Of course. 287 00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:46,570 What does Luke say about this? 288 00:12:49,210 --> 00:12:50,650 He doesn't know yet. 289 00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:52,260 Really? 290 00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:55,310 You have any advice? 291 00:13:00,430 --> 00:13:01,880 Maybe I'm not a life coach. 292 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:15,710 Creme brulee? 293 00:13:17,290 --> 00:13:18,180 Thanks. 294 00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:23,560 I really want a drink right now. 295 00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:24,810 Shut up. You got pudding. 296 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,190 If she's gonna put that baby up for adoption, 297 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,170 I'll adopt it. 298 00:13:29,170 --> 00:13:31,690 Oh, that won't make things awkward at Thanksgiving. 299 00:13:31,690 --> 00:13:34,260 "Violet, honey, please pass the peas to your sister-daughter." 300 00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,640 You don't understand. 301 00:13:38,290 --> 00:13:41,410 This was supposed to be our... do-over baby. 302 00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:43,690 Do-over baby? 303 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:45,880 Yeah... 304 00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:48,940 a chance to get things right. 305 00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:52,130 You know, to fix all the mistakes you made. 306 00:13:52,630 --> 00:13:54,490 What about all the mistakes you made? 307 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,230 I made them because of you! 308 00:13:56,230 --> 00:13:57,710 I was abandoned by my mother 309 00:13:57,710 --> 00:13:59,040 and thrown into the foster system. 310 00:13:59,050 --> 00:14:00,280 Who do I get to blame? 311 00:14:00,290 --> 00:14:01,580 Do not play that card. 312 00:14:01,580 --> 00:14:03,190 Why not? It's my best card. 313 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,090 Just forget about us. 314 00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:07,340 Have you ever stopped to think about 315 00:14:07,340 --> 00:14:08,800 what life is gonna be like 316 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,530 if Violet does keep this baby? 317 00:14:10,810 --> 00:14:12,190 Of course I have. 318 00:14:12,470 --> 00:14:13,350 Really? 319 00:14:14,330 --> 00:14:15,300 Yeah! 320 00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:17,430 As long as we're together, 321 00:14:17,430 --> 00:14:19,650 as long as we're family, it's gonna be great. 322 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:20,820 Oh, get honest. 323 00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:23,980 15, 20 years from now, how's it really gonna look? 324 00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:30,600 Mom, let's go! I'm gonna be late for work! 325 00:14:36,050 --> 00:14:37,040 Sorry. 326 00:14:38,860 --> 00:14:41,430 Things did not go well in there. 327 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,330 Mom, let's go! 328 00:14:45,330 --> 00:14:46,910 We're gonna be late for our AA meeting. 329 00:14:46,910 --> 00:14:48,660 I don't want to go! 330 00:14:49,060 --> 00:14:51,430 I want to get a quart of vodka, an eight ball, 331 00:14:51,430 --> 00:14:53,920 take out my teeth, and gum a couple of sailors. 332 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,950 I said on your birthday. 333 00:14:58,240 --> 00:14:59,410 Now move it. 334 00:14:59,930 --> 00:15:02,560 Don't forget you're taking your granddaughter to school today. 335 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:03,750 I know. 336 00:15:03,910 --> 00:15:06,000 Come on, angel, we're leaving! 337 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,470 I can't go to school. 338 00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:10,230 My water broke. 339 00:15:11,770 --> 00:15:13,900 You sure you didn't just wet yourself? 340 00:15:13,990 --> 00:15:16,660 'Cause the Crypt-Keeper over here does it all the time. 341 00:15:19,910 --> 00:15:23,120 All right, let's go to the hospital. 342 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:27,260 Is this one gonna be the do-over baby? 343 00:15:29,910 --> 00:15:31,770 You want me to take away your oxygen? 344 00:15:31,770 --> 00:15:32,820 You want me to?! 345 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:34,080 Come on! 346 00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:42,480 Roscoe, we're leaving! 347 00:15:48,310 --> 00:15:50,910 Hey! Who's gonna take me to my parole hearing? 348 00:15:55,110 --> 00:15:55,960 Well? 349 00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,920 I got to go talk to my daughter. 350 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,000 You're not gonna finish your creme brulee? 351 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,180 God, no. 352 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,290 You got a minute? 353 00:16:11,410 --> 00:16:13,010 Not if you're gonna yell at me. 354 00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:16,440 No, no more yelling. 355 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,200 I just... 356 00:16:19,330 --> 00:16:21,830 I want to apologize for being selfish. 357 00:16:22,470 --> 00:16:23,920 I like where you're going. 358 00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:29,750 I was looking at your baby as a way to make up for the mistakes 359 00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:31,200 I made with you and Roscoe. 360 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,590 How would that work? 361 00:16:33,540 --> 00:16:37,140 Uh, you know, this time I wouldn't be drunk, 362 00:16:37,990 --> 00:16:39,970 I wouldn't pass out at a PTA meeting... 363 00:16:40,350 --> 00:16:41,490 at the wrong school. 364 00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:45,650 Yeah, that wasn't too embarrassing. 365 00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:51,230 And I was excited for the new baby, you know? 366 00:16:51,230 --> 00:16:52,640 Fresh out of the wrapper. 367 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:54,390 Kind of a do-over. 368 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,060 That is so messed up. 369 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,630 What's really messed up is that 370 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,540 I didn't realize you are my do-over baby. 371 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,160 I am? 372 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,160 Violet, you're breaking the cycle. 373 00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,700 You're gonna have a better life than me, 374 00:17:14,890 --> 00:17:17,810 and you're making sure that this baby has one, too. 375 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,550 I've been doing some research online, 376 00:17:21,550 --> 00:17:23,550 and there's a lot of great couples 377 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,780 that really want to start a family but can't. 378 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,790 - You already found people? - Yeah. 379 00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:30,750 Look at these two guys in San Francisco. 380 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:34,260 Mike's a hedge fund trader and Andre's a choreographer. 381 00:17:34,580 --> 00:17:36,290 Oh, my God, look at their house. 382 00:17:36,770 --> 00:17:39,130 Think they'd adopt a 35-year-old waitress? 383 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:42,470 You know, me and the baby, kind of a twofer? 384 00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:45,540 I love you. 385 00:17:46,550 --> 00:17:47,890 I love you, too. 386 00:17:51,430 --> 00:17:54,520 Aw, look, they have a teacup poodle. 387 00:17:54,830 --> 00:17:56,110 Big surprise. 388 00:18:07,270 --> 00:18:09,440 Okay, we've made some real progress tonight. 389 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,340 You think? Oh, yeah. You've got a central character 390 00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:12,990 and premise for your musical. 391 00:18:13,060 --> 00:18:14,430 You don't think the story's a turnoff? 392 00:18:14,430 --> 00:18:17,620 No! A 40-year-old man who sleeps in the same bed with his mother 393 00:18:17,620 --> 00:18:19,460 is gonna speak to a lot of people. 394 00:18:20,990 --> 00:18:23,070 Well, it's like you said, 395 00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:24,330 write what you know. 396 00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:27,350 Next session, I expect to hear 397 00:18:27,350 --> 00:18:29,430 a verse and chorus for "Spooning Mama". 398 00:18:30,950 --> 00:18:34,070 - Hello. - Ah, my next client, right on time. Come on in. 399 00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,490 She's a genius. 400 00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:38,060 Without her, I wouldn't be a waitress. 401 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,190 Wow, he really believes you're a life coach. 402 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,360 Well, why wouldn't he? 403 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,910 The Louisiana State Bar believed I was an attorney. 404 00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,350 I had three wins before I had to skedaddle. 405 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:55,310 Where's Violet? 406 00:18:55,310 --> 00:18:57,440 She went to talk to Luke and his parents. 407 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,220 Oh, yeah, right. 408 00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:00,840 You know, 409 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,240 I've been thinking. If you're jonesing for a baby, 410 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,170 you could probably still pop one out. 411 00:19:07,470 --> 00:19:09,320 Yeah, I guess so. 412 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,040 Just have to meet the right guy. 413 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,860 You sure? That didn't stop you the first two times. 414 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:18,880 Dumb-ass crackers! 415 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:19,730 What's the matter? 416 00:19:19,730 --> 00:19:20,710 Luke's parents. 417 00:19:20,710 --> 00:19:22,450 First they don't want a thing to do with this baby, 418 00:19:22,450 --> 00:19:23,380 and now they're freaking out 419 00:19:23,380 --> 00:19:25,280 because I'm giving up their beloved grandkid. 420 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,030 What about Luke? 421 00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:27,160 He was useless. 422 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,060 Oh, and get this. Now his parents are insisting 423 00:19:30,060 --> 00:19:31,830 that they're going to adopt the baby. 424 00:19:32,390 --> 00:19:33,260 What'd you tell them? 425 00:19:33,270 --> 00:19:34,040 I told them 426 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,030 that I don't want my kid being raised by religious fanatics. 427 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,200 I want it raised by homosexuals! 428 00:19:45,690 --> 00:19:46,590 You know, if they take her to court, 429 00:19:46,590 --> 00:19:49,820 - she's gonna need a good lawyer. - No!