1 00:00:03,340 --> 00:00:05,840 Hi, I'm Bonnie, I'm an alcoholic. 2 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,360 Hi, Bonnie. 3 00:00:07,630 --> 00:00:10,000 I know I usually use this forum 4 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,050 to talk about my romantic travails. 5 00:00:13,290 --> 00:00:15,610 AKA "Fellatio." 6 00:00:17,820 --> 00:00:20,530 But that's not what I'm struggling with right now. 7 00:00:20,530 --> 00:00:23,100 Five bucks says she's got the clap. 8 00:00:25,370 --> 00:00:27,080 The thing is, I... 9 00:00:27,470 --> 00:00:30,290 lost my job, and I'm really scared. 10 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,980 I was just barely making ends meet, before. 11 00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:36,190 But now, I just, I don't know. 12 00:00:36,860 --> 00:00:38,960 And guess who didn't save anything for a rainy day? 13 00:00:42,220 --> 00:00:43,690 Well, it's not my fault, really. 14 00:00:43,690 --> 00:00:45,530 I mean, who knew I was gonna live this long? 15 00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:46,840 Not me. 16 00:00:46,990 --> 00:00:49,810 Or the paramedic who jump-started my heart at Burning Man. 17 00:00:51,290 --> 00:00:53,800 All I know is I been coming around here for two years, 18 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,530 taking suggestions, trying to be a "Better person," and... 19 00:00:57,370 --> 00:00:59,170 feels like my life is worse than ever. 20 00:00:59,180 --> 00:01:00,510 Thanks for letting me share. 21 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,290 She still could have the clap. 22 00:01:22,690 --> 00:01:25,410 I am craving a Cobb salad. What are you getting? 23 00:01:26,450 --> 00:01:27,970 I was just gonna get some tea. 24 00:01:28,570 --> 00:01:29,970 Do you want to talk about this? 25 00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:31,870 What's to talk? It's Cobb salad. 26 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,730 Bonnie, your daughter is concerned about you. 27 00:01:35,730 --> 00:01:36,950 Oh? Why? 28 00:01:37,170 --> 00:01:38,500 You lost your job. 29 00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:40,850 And didn't perform any other kind of jobs. 30 00:01:42,010 --> 00:01:43,250 Don't like you. 31 00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:44,570 Don't like you, back. 32 00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:49,090 Well, you can all stop worrying. I'm doing fine. 33 00:01:49,090 --> 00:01:51,560 You know what Fine stands for, don't you? 34 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:56,420 F-I-N-E. Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. 35 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:59,770 Wow, does everyone want to strangle you, or just me? 36 00:02:01,050 --> 00:02:03,240 Bonnie, you have to get honest. 37 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:06,190 Humble, Open, Non-judgmental... 38 00:02:06,190 --> 00:02:08,800 - Shut it. - ...Egoless, Spiritual and Trusting. 39 00:02:11,190 --> 00:02:11,920 Mom, 40 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,330 we're just trying to help. 41 00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:14,660 But you can't help me. 42 00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:16,830 Do you know how hard it is in this economy 43 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,770 for a woman over 40 to get a job? 44 00:02:18,770 --> 00:02:20,370 Oh, who the hell are you kidding? 45 00:02:20,370 --> 00:02:22,430 You're closer to death than 40. 46 00:02:24,580 --> 00:02:26,460 Tread lightly, Oprah. 47 00:02:28,050 --> 00:02:30,780 You know, sometimes, when I'm having a hard time, 48 00:02:30,780 --> 00:02:33,300 what gets me through is finding someone 49 00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:36,000 who's worse off than me and helping them. 50 00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:38,340 Call the Pope, we have a saint. 51 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,790 Look, I am touched 52 00:02:41,790 --> 00:02:43,270 that you're all concerned about me, 53 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:44,980 but I don't think anyone here 54 00:02:44,980 --> 00:02:46,610 is in a position to offer advice. 55 00:02:46,610 --> 00:02:49,530 Certainly not from the woman who has four cats in her will. 56 00:02:51,350 --> 00:02:53,870 Hey, you know what "CAT" stands for, right? 57 00:02:53,870 --> 00:02:55,930 Crazy, Annoying, Twit. 58 00:02:58,430 --> 00:03:00,010 And you're out on bail. 59 00:03:00,010 --> 00:03:02,400 You've been sober for, what, half an hour? 60 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,400 Please, shine a light on my darkness. 61 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,440 Take me to the river. 62 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,160 I don't have to sit here and be abused. 63 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,060 Regina? 64 00:03:11,860 --> 00:03:13,040 One of these days, 65 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,630 you and me are gonna throw down. 66 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:15,870 Hard. 67 00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:24,980 I'm gonna go out on a limb 68 00:03:24,990 --> 00:03:26,430 and say you didn't lose your job 69 00:03:26,430 --> 00:03:27,910 because of the economy. 70 00:03:35,730 --> 00:03:37,190 I can't find my jeans. 71 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,210 I'm wearing them. None of mine fit me 72 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:40,470 because of your baby. 73 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,920 How come it's my baby when it makes you fart 74 00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:44,420 and not fit in your pants? 75 00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:47,710 Hey. 76 00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:49,470 Welcome home. 77 00:03:51,550 --> 00:03:52,900 Why aren't you wearing pants? 78 00:03:52,910 --> 00:03:54,440 Oh, because I'm a good father. 79 00:03:55,390 --> 00:03:56,910 Go put something on. 80 00:03:56,910 --> 00:03:58,030 - Well, but, she's got my... - Go. 81 00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,980 I'm seeing shapes. I can't see shapes. 82 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,130 You're in a mood. 83 00:04:04,350 --> 00:04:05,450 Sorry. 84 00:04:05,450 --> 00:04:07,300 I'm upset about your grandma. 85 00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:08,700 You guys get in an argument? 86 00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:09,680 I don't know. 87 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,220 She lost her job, but... 88 00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:13,840 something else is going on. 89 00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:16,160 I'm really worried. 90 00:04:16,420 --> 00:04:18,840 Now you know how I felt for the last ten years. 91 00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:21,530 - What are you talking about? - You want me to walk you through 92 00:04:21,530 --> 00:04:23,470 what it was like around here when you were drinking? 93 00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:24,760 That's okay. 94 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,070 Save it for therapy. 95 00:04:26,070 --> 00:04:28,110 Which Mommy will pay for. 96 00:04:30,690 --> 00:04:32,550 Don't say a word. 97 00:04:36,370 --> 00:04:38,570 Luke's parents can pay for his therapy. 98 00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:54,290 Mom? 99 00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:56,430 Hidey-ho. 100 00:05:02,730 --> 00:05:04,470 What are you doing out there? 101 00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:06,040 Skipping out on a taxi. 102 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,040 Get out of my way. 103 00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,540 - Well, well, let me, let me help you. - I got it. 104 00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:10,730 - Careful. - I got it, I got it. 105 00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:11,530 Careful... 106 00:05:13,650 --> 00:05:14,520 What happened? 107 00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:18,240 Come on, get up. Get up. 108 00:05:21,470 --> 00:05:22,350 Have you been drinking? 109 00:05:22,350 --> 00:05:24,150 No, no. 110 00:05:24,540 --> 00:05:25,520 Maybe a little. 111 00:05:27,330 --> 00:05:29,200 Mom, why? 112 00:05:29,490 --> 00:05:31,800 You've just thrown two years out the window. 113 00:05:32,510 --> 00:05:35,050 And then I climbed back in the window. 114 00:05:35,630 --> 00:05:37,110 You're a tough audience. 115 00:05:39,410 --> 00:05:41,400 Is this because you lost your job? 116 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,530 And my apartment. 117 00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:43,730 And my car. 118 00:05:43,980 --> 00:05:45,110 Well, nobody actually took that, 119 00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:46,420 I just can't find it. 120 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:48,820 Wait, you lost your apartment? 121 00:05:48,820 --> 00:05:51,800 The bastards require rent every month, it's ridiculous. 122 00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:54,650 Oh, God. 123 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,360 Can I live with you a while? 124 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,930 You know, just till I get it together? 125 00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:01,400 Yeah, I guess. 126 00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:02,560 Thanks. 127 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,710 You won't even know I'm here. 128 00:06:06,910 --> 00:06:07,860 Mom? 129 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,440 I'm peeing. 130 00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:11,930 Oh, no, no. No-no-no. 131 00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:12,870 No-no-no-no-no. 132 00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:14,930 No, no, no, no, no. Hold on. 133 00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:16,670 Where we going? Where we going? 134 00:06:16,670 --> 00:06:17,410 Bathroom. 135 00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:24,540 You finish your book report? 136 00:06:24,540 --> 00:06:25,170 Yup. 137 00:06:25,170 --> 00:06:26,580 Did you read the book? 138 00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:28,090 Whose side are you on? 139 00:06:32,410 --> 00:06:33,610 I forgot to tell you: 140 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:34,850 Grandma's here. 141 00:06:36,260 --> 00:06:37,950 She doesn't sound so good. 142 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,120 Wait till you see her. 143 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,330 Morning, all. 144 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,270 Holy crap. 145 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,350 Be nice to me or I'll kiss you. 146 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,070 Why do you look like a zombie? 147 00:06:57,150 --> 00:07:00,160 Because I'm dead inside. 148 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,710 Okeydokey, let's get you ready for school. 149 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,110 Look at you, getting all fat. 150 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,680 All right, I got to get to work. 151 00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:23,620 You gonna be okay? 152 00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:26,090 Yeah. 153 00:07:27,430 --> 00:07:29,110 When was the last time you ate something? 154 00:07:29,570 --> 00:07:30,500 I'm not sure. 155 00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:31,810 I threw up some pasta. 156 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:33,670 I know. 157 00:07:33,970 --> 00:07:35,840 You can't just keep drinking coffee. 158 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:37,340 You've got to put something in your stomach. 159 00:07:37,340 --> 00:07:38,280 Maybe later. 160 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,020 Will you bring me back some soup from the restaurant? 161 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:41,960 Sure. 162 00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:44,670 I'm so sorry. 163 00:07:44,670 --> 00:07:45,710 Yeah, whatever. 164 00:07:45,710 --> 00:07:46,450 Oh, come on. 165 00:07:46,450 --> 00:07:47,870 What do you want me to say? 166 00:07:47,870 --> 00:07:49,440 I don't want you to say anything. 167 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:52,170 I have been listening to your apologies all my life. 168 00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:55,800 "I'm sorry I snuck you out of the country in a pet carrier." 169 00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:00,310 "I'm sorry we lived in a commune in Argentina." 170 00:08:00,530 --> 00:08:03,570 "I'm sorry I accidentally left you in Argentina." 171 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,900 But this apology is different. 172 00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:08,850 I really mean it this time. 173 00:08:08,890 --> 00:08:09,560 Is that so? 174 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,880 I never want to feel like this again. 175 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,710 I will do anything to get sober. 176 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:15,620 Anything? 177 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,030 Whatever it takes, I am so ready. 178 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:19,730 That's good. 179 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,440 'Cause I invited a couple friends over to help out. 180 00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:24,190 Come on in. 181 00:08:24,490 --> 00:08:25,990 No, no! 182 00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:28,130 Not them. 183 00:08:28,130 --> 00:08:29,570 Anything but them. 184 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,130 You peed in the bed, now lie in it. 185 00:08:34,310 --> 00:08:36,390 It's time to heal, Bonnie. 186 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:37,720 Health, Energy, 187 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:39,900 Abstinence and Love. 188 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:41,200 Screw that. 189 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:42,610 You're mine, bitch. 190 00:08:51,540 --> 00:08:52,710 You want to start? 191 00:08:53,050 --> 00:08:53,950 No. 192 00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:56,110 Okay, I'll go first. 193 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,520 Hi, I'm Marjorie, I'm an alcoholic. 194 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:00,580 Hi, Marjorie. 195 00:09:00,580 --> 00:09:01,950 Oh, bite me. 196 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:07,020 It's been 32 years since my last drink. 197 00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:09,780 And 14 years since your last orgasm. 198 00:09:13,070 --> 00:09:14,330 Sorry, it was funny. 199 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:20,820 I got rolling with drugs and alcohol during the '60s. 200 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,630 I was living in San Francisco. 201 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,880 You know, the whole hippie thing. 202 00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:28,240 Free love, end the war, heroin. 203 00:09:28,340 --> 00:09:29,360 Heroin? 204 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,060 Just nights and weekends. 205 00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:38,140 Long story short, 1981-- I look around-- 206 00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:40,280 all the hippies have gone back to school 207 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,700 or got jobs, bought condos. 208 00:09:43,340 --> 00:09:46,890 And I'm a homeless bag lady living in Golden Gate Park. 209 00:09:47,950 --> 00:09:48,930 Okay. 210 00:09:49,230 --> 00:09:50,450 You got my attention. 211 00:09:50,450 --> 00:09:52,070 I didn't want to live anymore. 212 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:55,460 And, despite my best efforts, I didn't know how to die. 213 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,250 So I went to a meeting 214 00:09:57,250 --> 00:10:00,500 'cause they had free cookies, and somebody told a story 215 00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:03,420 that made me look like Princess Grace. 216 00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:05,990 So I stuck around, 217 00:10:06,530 --> 00:10:08,750 got a job, got teeth, 218 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,130 got a husband. 219 00:10:10,130 --> 00:10:11,230 In that order. 220 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:17,620 32 years later, I am still very grateful to be sober. 221 00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:19,990 Regina? 222 00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:22,080 Oh, okay. 223 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,070 Come on, heroin? 224 00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:28,740 You got to be really high to rob banks. 225 00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:32,860 You think you know someone. 226 00:10:35,110 --> 00:10:36,960 Regina. Alcoholic. 227 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,250 Hi, Regina. 228 00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:41,040 Well, let's see, uh... 229 00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:42,860 I'm going through a divorce. 230 00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:44,900 My kid's not talking to me. 231 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,300 I'm working at a supermarket bagging groceries. 232 00:10:48,370 --> 00:10:51,070 I've been indicted for embezzling $3.5 million, 233 00:10:51,070 --> 00:10:52,610 I'm probably going to jail. 234 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:54,890 And I'm terrified. 235 00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:58,320 But the good news is, due to recent events, 236 00:10:58,710 --> 00:11:00,310 I'm doing better than you. 237 00:11:02,060 --> 00:11:02,900 Bonnie. 238 00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:04,820 Thank you, Regina. 239 00:11:09,450 --> 00:11:11,340 Hi. I'm Bonnie. 240 00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,140 I'm an alcoholic. 241 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,780 Hi, Bonnie. 242 00:11:15,990 --> 00:11:17,760 I've been sober for... 243 00:11:17,980 --> 00:11:20,330 Oh, man, where's my watch? 244 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,630 Well... not long. 245 00:11:26,450 --> 00:11:31,030 Anyway, I started drinking when I was 15, 16 years old. 246 00:11:31,860 --> 00:11:33,310 In the foster care system, 247 00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:35,860 getting bounced around from house to house. 248 00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:38,710 Teenage kids aren't real desirable. 249 00:11:40,290 --> 00:11:42,580 Especially when they steal your kitchen appliances. 250 00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:46,080 I met this... 251 00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:48,380 really cool guy. 252 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,330 Sold him a microwave at a flea market. 253 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:57,230 We fell in love and ran off together, 254 00:11:57,510 --> 00:12:00,320 had Christy, then he ran off alone. 255 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,310 And... I... 256 00:12:15,030 --> 00:12:16,370 And, uh... 257 00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:22,210 I tried to be a good single mom, 258 00:12:22,210 --> 00:12:25,530 but as we all know, I didn't exactly nail it. 259 00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,640 But I tried. 260 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,990 And I'm still trying. 261 00:12:33,890 --> 00:12:35,580 But then, this morning, 262 00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,550 when I saw the look of disappointment 263 00:12:37,550 --> 00:12:39,610 on Christy's face, it just... 264 00:12:41,330 --> 00:12:43,630 reminded me of all the times that I let her down. 265 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:49,990 Damn. 266 00:12:53,610 --> 00:12:55,590 I got to fix this. Yeah. 267 00:12:55,670 --> 00:12:57,960 I got to fix this right now. 268 00:12:58,750 --> 00:13:00,810 Wait. Where are you going? 269 00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:02,920 I got to apologize to my baby girl. 270 00:13:06,630 --> 00:13:09,080 Oh, damn. She took my keys. 271 00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:14,210 Are we done? 272 00:13:14,740 --> 00:13:15,660 Can I go home? 273 00:13:22,590 --> 00:13:24,520 Oh! My halibut's not ready yet? 274 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:25,660 Chef Rudy, what is going on? 275 00:13:25,660 --> 00:13:28,150 People are waiting 45 minutes for their entrees. 276 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:30,970 It's cool. 277 00:13:31,780 --> 00:13:34,690 Oh, God, is everyone in my life getting loaded? 278 00:13:37,340 --> 00:13:38,980 What the hell is going on in here? 279 00:13:39,010 --> 00:13:41,010 Ask Snoop Dogg and Dre. 280 00:13:44,430 --> 00:13:45,780 You're smoking dope? 281 00:13:45,780 --> 00:13:47,350 Yeah. You want a hit? 282 00:13:48,110 --> 00:13:48,910 Sure. 283 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,720 Your halibut will be up in a minute. 284 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:57,360 I brought you another glass of wine, just for the "Halibut". 285 00:13:58,620 --> 00:13:59,810 There's my baby. 286 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,310 Oh, my... oh, my God. What are you doing here? 287 00:14:01,310 --> 00:14:03,880 I have been a terrible mother to you. 288 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,910 Yeah, the worst. Why don't we talk about it at home? 289 00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:09,350 Well, you-you need to know that I will never let you down again. 290 00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:10,780 I got it. Message received. 291 00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:12,130 - I have to get back to work. - No. 292 00:14:12,130 --> 00:14:14,320 You have worked enough. Let me lighten your load. 293 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,700 Okay, it's not a load, Mom. It's... 294 00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:18,110 - Hi. I'm Bonnie. I'll be your server. - Hi. 295 00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:20,910 Why, you folks don't have any bread. 296 00:14:20,910 --> 00:14:22,530 Why don't I go get you some? 297 00:14:24,170 --> 00:14:25,780 Mom? Mom?! 298 00:14:27,810 --> 00:14:29,320 Son of a bitch! 299 00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:31,630 This is good weed. 300 00:14:33,630 --> 00:14:36,970 I couldn't find any bread, so I brought you another candle. 301 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,220 Come on, Bonnie. Time to go home. 302 00:14:41,350 --> 00:14:42,740 I can't. I'm working. 303 00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:44,770 Mom, please. 304 00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:48,620 Let's dance. 305 00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:09,570 You're gonna do fine in jail. 306 00:15:13,820 --> 00:15:16,880 And as long as I'm coming clean, 307 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:17,940 I might as well tell you 308 00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:20,290 I've been getting loaded for a couple of months. 309 00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,120 And you flushed my drugs down the toilet?! 310 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,520 Don't be silly. I enjoyed them greatly. 311 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,720 Anyhow, it's time I got honest. 312 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,710 Yeah, yeah, humble, open, beep-bop-boop. 313 00:15:33,820 --> 00:15:35,730 And I... I want to thank Christy 314 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:40,110 for being the greatest daughter in the world, 315 00:15:40,110 --> 00:15:43,030 even though I wasn't exactly mother of the year. 316 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:45,110 Sorry. 317 00:15:46,690 --> 00:15:47,930 But most important, 318 00:15:47,930 --> 00:15:51,690 I am ready to do this program for real now, 319 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,910 and not just for myself. 320 00:15:54,290 --> 00:15:55,410 But because... 321 00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:58,020 I never want to let you down again. 322 00:15:59,780 --> 00:16:01,790 I also have to thank Marjorie 323 00:16:01,790 --> 00:16:04,390 and Michael Strahan here. 324 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,320 I know we've had our differences, 325 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,260 but... I do love you guys. 326 00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:10,520 Who's Michael Strahan? 327 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:11,680 I'll tell ya later. 328 00:16:13,970 --> 00:16:15,730 That's it. Thanks. 329 00:16:15,810 --> 00:16:16,870 Thanks, Bonnie. 330 00:16:17,730 --> 00:16:20,360 Hi. I'm Christy. I'm an alcoholic. 331 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:21,600 Hi, Christy. 332 00:16:25,770 --> 00:16:27,630 I am so pissed off at you! 333 00:16:27,790 --> 00:16:30,230 I mean, how many times do I have to clean up your freakin' mess?! 334 00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:33,160 You want to be my mother? Then stop apologizing and step up! 335 00:16:33,170 --> 00:16:34,570 'Cause Marjorie's applied for the job, 336 00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:37,520 and that old, toothless junkie's looking damn good right now! 337 00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:39,960 Thanks, sweetie. 338 00:16:42,390 --> 00:16:43,280 So, 339 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,280 anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. 340 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,110 Love you, Mom. 341 00:16:49,490 --> 00:16:51,920 You are so lucky to have her as a daughter. 342 00:16:51,930 --> 00:16:53,660 Oh, what would you know? 343 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,390 Oh, no. 344 00:17:05,430 --> 00:17:08,140 I just want you to know that I heard you loud and clear 345 00:17:08,140 --> 00:17:11,270 in the meeting and until I get back on my feet, 346 00:17:11,670 --> 00:17:15,420 my job is going to be making your life as easy as possible. 347 00:17:16,010 --> 00:17:18,570 Oh, I don't like the sound of that. 348 00:17:19,980 --> 00:17:22,730 No, don't feel guilty. I want to do this. 349 00:17:23,470 --> 00:17:24,690 I'll take care of Roscoe, 350 00:17:24,690 --> 00:17:27,510 I'll clean the house, I'll run errands. 351 00:17:27,510 --> 00:17:29,620 You know, as soon as I find my car. 352 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:32,680 That would be a big help. 353 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:35,440 And then, when Violet has the baby, I can do a lot for her. 354 00:17:35,450 --> 00:17:37,350 You know, change diapers, night nurse. 355 00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:39,170 Hey, wet nurse, if I get lucky. 356 00:17:40,650 --> 00:17:43,240 The baby's not due for five months. 357 00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:44,620 How long you planning on staying? 358 00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:47,130 Oh, don't worry, I'll know when I've worn out my welcome. 359 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:51,820 I'll know sooner. 360 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,430 So, what's the plan? 361 00:17:55,430 --> 00:17:57,200 You going to start looking for a job tomorrow? 362 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,310 - Don't need to. - Really? 363 00:17:59,540 --> 00:18:00,790 You already found something? 364 00:18:00,790 --> 00:18:03,420 Yep, I'm going to be a life coach. 365 00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:04,920 I'm sorry, what? 366 00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:07,110 My hard-won experience can help people 367 00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:08,840 overcome the obsticles in their lives, 368 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,520 and then together, we create a game plan for success 369 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,740 and blobity, blah, blah, ca-ching. 370 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,320 Hmm, and you don't see any credibility issues 371 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:21,510 with you being broke, homeless and one day sober? 372 00:18:22,290 --> 00:18:24,990 Eh, I'm not going to put that in the brochure. 373 00:18:26,350 --> 00:18:27,360 Come on, try me out. 374 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:28,740 Your life-- what's wrong? 375 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:30,650 All right. 376 00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:34,140 My mother is sleeping in my living room. 377 00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:35,910 Easy. Remember that for nine months, 378 00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:39,830 you were sleeping in her living womb. 379 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,310 See what I did there? 380 00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:44,770 Next. 381 00:18:48,410 --> 00:18:50,700 My teenaged daughter is pregnant... 382 00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:52,950 and she might run off 383 00:18:52,950 --> 00:18:54,930 to live with her knucklehead boyfriend. 384 00:18:54,930 --> 00:18:56,990 Well, first off, you need to keep in mind 385 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,390 that every baby that comes into the world 386 00:18:59,390 --> 00:19:01,000 is a blessing from God. 387 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,380 And secondly, if she does run off, 388 00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:05,280 a bed just freed up for you mom. 389 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,860 Okay, here's a biggie. 390 00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:11,580 Okay. 391 00:19:13,550 --> 00:19:17,120 How do I forgive a woman how has disappointed me again and again? 392 00:19:17,430 --> 00:19:18,460 Well, if you had a lick of sense, 393 00:19:18,460 --> 00:19:19,760 you'd stop counting on her.