1 00:00:00,156 --> 00:00:01,456 Previously on Mom... 2 00:00:01,457 --> 00:00:03,993 I just found out my teenage daughter is pregnant. 3 00:00:04,069 --> 00:00:05,876 Really? Wow. 4 00:00:07,139 --> 00:00:10,384 She's not a cheerleader with an overbite, is she? 5 00:00:11,184 --> 00:00:15,070 - No, why? - No reason. 6 00:00:16,306 --> 00:00:19,941 I love you and I'm gonna love your baby. 7 00:00:20,860 --> 00:00:25,781 - It's our baby. - What? 8 00:00:27,867 --> 00:00:30,168 I'm sorry, I got a lot on my mind. 9 00:00:30,170 --> 00:00:34,423 Well, I'm a good listener. A penny for your thoughts? 10 00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:37,993 Okay, fine. How's this? 11 00:00:37,995 --> 00:00:41,079 I'm working my ass off so I can take care of my children, 12 00:00:41,081 --> 00:00:43,131 I just found out I'm gonna be a freaking grandma, 13 00:00:43,133 --> 00:00:44,449 and the man that I'm sleeping with 14 00:00:44,451 --> 00:00:46,301 only has time for me when his wife is out of town, 15 00:00:46,303 --> 00:00:48,503 and I desperately want to run away from it all 16 00:00:48,505 --> 00:00:50,088 with a bottle of this, but I can't 17 00:00:50,090 --> 00:00:51,723 because my name is Christy and I'm an alcoholic. 18 00:00:51,725 --> 00:00:54,926 Hola, Christy. 19 00:00:57,881 --> 00:00:59,398 Are we ready to order? 20 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,601 - Yeah, I think so. Sis? - You go first. 21 00:01:02,603 --> 00:01:04,686 Thanks for putting me on the spot. 22 00:01:04,688 --> 00:01:07,972 My sister does this to me all the time. 23 00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:12,911 - Okay. - Family, huh? 24 00:01:12,913 --> 00:01:14,363 - Yep. - Yeah. 25 00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:16,581 Okay, let's see. I would like the scallop risotto 26 00:01:16,583 --> 00:01:20,393 since I am not allergic to shellfish, unlike my sister. 27 00:01:21,804 --> 00:01:23,772 Idiot. 28 00:01:24,941 --> 00:01:26,991 - Good choice. - Thanks, yeah. 29 00:01:26,993 --> 00:01:30,011 We're celebrating her divorce. Now we're both single. 30 00:01:30,619 --> 00:01:32,581 Oh, that's nice. 31 00:01:32,882 --> 00:01:35,767 I hope my son and daughter can be there for each other 32 00:01:35,769 --> 00:01:37,919 when their spouses inevitably turn on them. 33 00:01:39,103 --> 00:01:41,223 Oh, you have children. I love children. 34 00:01:41,225 --> 00:01:43,208 I-I believe they're our future. 35 00:01:44,527 --> 00:01:46,044 So, how about you? 36 00:01:46,046 --> 00:01:47,879 Do, do you have a spouse who turned on you? 37 00:01:47,881 --> 00:01:49,481 Oh, yeah, lot of hard feelings. 38 00:01:49,483 --> 00:01:52,150 - Ah, terrific. - Wow. 39 00:01:53,286 --> 00:01:54,936 Can I grab you for just a sec? 40 00:01:56,469 --> 00:01:58,028 I'll be right back. 41 00:01:58,063 --> 00:02:01,157 He probably needs me to open up a jar of pickles or something. 42 00:02:01,158 --> 00:02:02,020 Ooh. 43 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,011 Okay, well, bye. 44 00:02:05,515 --> 00:02:09,334 - Was that guy hitting on you? - Yeah, he absolutely was. 45 00:02:09,336 --> 00:02:12,270 Thought so. I'll ask Richard to take the table. 46 00:02:12,272 --> 00:02:14,890 - Why? - I don't want him bothering you. 47 00:02:14,892 --> 00:02:17,225 He's not. Is he bothering you? 48 00:02:17,227 --> 00:02:21,230 No, I'm just protective of you 'cause you and I have, 49 00:02:21,231 --> 00:02:24,533 you know, something special going on. 50 00:02:24,535 --> 00:02:26,034 Yeah, it's called adultery. 51 00:02:28,621 --> 00:02:30,989 Why do you make it sound so cheap and ugly? 52 00:02:31,991 --> 00:02:33,358 Oh, I'm sorry. 53 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,194 Unicorns, rainbows, you're cheating on your wife. 54 00:02:39,999 --> 00:02:42,200 I told you they were doing it. 55 00:02:45,823 --> 00:02:47,007 And another thing... 56 00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:49,758 you have no right to tell me who I can and cannot see. 57 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:53,032 What are you saying? We're not monogamous? 58 00:02:53,846 --> 00:02:57,232 - Gabriel, you're married. - We do it once a month, 59 00:02:57,234 --> 00:03:00,235 and I don't even take off my T-shirt. 60 00:03:03,356 --> 00:03:05,390 Let me make it simple for you. 61 00:03:05,392 --> 00:03:09,110 All of this stuff here is in play. 62 00:03:23,095 --> 00:03:26,179 Oh, that's good thinking. Uh, Gabriel, 63 00:03:26,214 --> 00:03:28,133 Paul and I would like you to give us money 64 00:03:28,168 --> 00:03:31,300 not to tell your wife you're banging Christy. 65 00:03:33,386 --> 00:03:36,021 A lot of money. 66 00:03:38,391 --> 00:03:39,741 Hey, sis, look who's back. 67 00:03:39,743 --> 00:03:43,061 Give it a rest. So, what's the deal with your brother? 68 00:03:43,063 --> 00:03:45,430 Good guy, whack job? Give it to me straight. 69 00:03:45,432 --> 00:03:47,399 I'm a single mom and I don't have a lot of time. 70 00:03:48,951 --> 00:03:49,985 He's amazing. 71 00:03:49,987 --> 00:03:54,270 I'd go out with him, you know, if it didn't make us hillbillies. 72 00:03:55,925 --> 00:03:59,628 All right. I'll write my phone number on the check. 73 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:00,945 Hold on a second. 74 00:04:00,947 --> 00:04:03,281 What makes you think I was even trying to ask you out? 75 00:04:04,917 --> 00:04:06,885 You weren't? 76 00:04:06,887 --> 00:04:09,988 Oh, uh, this is, this is awkward. Let me get you a new server. 77 00:04:09,990 --> 00:04:12,240 Wait, now, I was just trying to be cool! 78 00:04:16,095 --> 00:04:18,313 Mission accomplished! 79 00:04:21,107 --> 00:04:23,977 1x03 - A Small Nervous Meltdown and a Misplaced Fork 80 00:04:25,985 --> 00:04:29,550 sync by YesCool, corr. by f1nc0 - - Addic7ed.com - - 81 00:04:35,272 --> 00:04:36,789 This is a cute top. 82 00:04:36,791 --> 00:04:40,426 Oh, that's actually a party dress from my drinking days. 83 00:04:40,428 --> 00:04:43,279 Wow. Were you drinking when you bought it? 84 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,817 I hope so. Anyway, it doesn't matter, 85 00:04:47,819 --> 00:04:49,285 I'm not that kind of girl anymore. 86 00:04:49,287 --> 00:04:53,089 Hello. What kind of girl were you when you wore this? 87 00:04:54,941 --> 00:04:56,158 Popular. 88 00:04:57,127 --> 00:05:00,780 Oh, my God, I hate everything in my closet! 89 00:05:00,782 --> 00:05:04,984 It all looks like Halloween in Slutsylvania. 90 00:05:04,986 --> 00:05:08,153 Calm down, we'll find something. 91 00:05:08,155 --> 00:05:10,773 Okay, so tell me about this guy tonight. 92 00:05:10,775 --> 00:05:12,208 I don't know. 93 00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:16,462 Cute, kind of boyish... pretty normal really. 94 00:05:16,464 --> 00:05:19,732 You just described every serial killer. 95 00:05:19,734 --> 00:05:23,953 No! He loves his sister, which I take as a good sign. 96 00:05:23,955 --> 00:05:26,839 Boing, my gay-dar just went off. 97 00:05:26,841 --> 00:05:29,792 He's not gay. He puts ketchup on his steak. 98 00:05:29,794 --> 00:05:32,778 I don't get what you're so jittery about. 99 00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:35,781 - You know how to do this. - I know how to do this drunk. 100 00:05:35,783 --> 00:05:38,367 Come on, you've been dating your boss since you got sober. 101 00:05:38,369 --> 00:05:41,370 You can't call what we do dating. 102 00:05:41,372 --> 00:05:45,238 It's just sex in uncomfortable places. 103 00:05:45,810 --> 00:05:50,045 - I hope you mean broom closets. - Yes. 104 00:05:50,047 --> 00:05:52,381 Oh, Mom, God! 105 00:05:56,353 --> 00:05:59,538 The point is, Gabriel's married, so there's no future with him. 106 00:05:59,540 --> 00:06:01,507 But this guy tonight, who knows? 107 00:06:01,509 --> 00:06:05,311 We could wind up with a little house, picket fence, 108 00:06:05,313 --> 00:06:07,730 missionary sex twice a week. 109 00:06:08,682 --> 00:06:10,349 You know, I had sex with a missionary once 110 00:06:10,351 --> 00:06:13,702 and oddly he was not a fan of that position. 111 00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,388 Thank you for that image. 112 00:06:17,657 --> 00:06:20,159 I'm just worried that if he finds out the kind of person 113 00:06:20,161 --> 00:06:22,611 - I was, he won't like me. - Oh, honey. 114 00:06:22,613 --> 00:06:24,864 - I know, it's silly. - It's not silly... 115 00:06:24,866 --> 00:06:27,683 you should definitely lie about your past. 116 00:06:27,685 --> 00:06:29,618 - What? - Yeah, sometimes I like 117 00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:31,487 to tell guys I'm Carole Anne Stevenson 118 00:06:31,489 --> 00:06:33,739 from Albuquerque, New Mexico. 119 00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:37,293 - You're kidding. - Nope, Carole's a schoolteacher 120 00:06:37,295 --> 00:06:40,045 like her mother and her Aunt Judy. She loves baking and gardening 121 00:06:40,047 --> 00:06:43,054 and volunteering down at the homeless shelter. 122 00:06:43,884 --> 00:06:46,719 Now tell me about this. 123 00:06:49,589 --> 00:06:51,813 That's actually yours. 124 00:06:54,928 --> 00:06:57,262 Are you taking the prenatal vitamins we got you? 125 00:06:57,264 --> 00:06:58,263 Uh-huh. 126 00:06:58,265 --> 00:07:00,749 - Did you stop smoking pot and drinking? - Of course. 127 00:07:00,751 --> 00:07:04,119 Don't bite my head off. Not everybody does. 128 00:07:06,908 --> 00:07:09,542 Thanks for looking after Roscoe tonight. 129 00:07:09,544 --> 00:07:13,245 Yeah, whatever. You're really wearing that on a date? 130 00:07:14,714 --> 00:07:16,615 What's wrong with it? 131 00:07:16,617 --> 00:07:19,451 You look like a slutty highlighter. 132 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,121 You know what? 133 00:07:23,123 --> 00:07:26,091 I think I look great, and that's all that matters. 134 00:07:27,077 --> 00:07:27,910 Where are you going? 135 00:07:27,912 --> 00:07:30,729 Where do you think? To change! 136 00:07:32,432 --> 00:07:35,267 - Why are you being such a bitch? - I'm just being honest. 137 00:07:35,269 --> 00:07:38,237 Good, I'll be honest, too. You're being a bitch. 138 00:07:39,089 --> 00:07:41,899 And I use that word instead of the word I want to use 139 00:07:41,940 --> 00:07:44,894 because you're my granddaughter and I love you. 140 00:07:44,896 --> 00:07:46,829 What, so I'm supposed to make a big deal 141 00:07:46,831 --> 00:07:49,431 just because she's going out with some random guy? 142 00:07:49,433 --> 00:07:51,567 Excuse me, young lady, but your mother going out 143 00:07:51,569 --> 00:07:54,954 with some random guy is the only reason you exist. 144 00:07:56,706 --> 00:07:57,773 And I'll tell you another thing... 145 00:07:57,775 --> 00:08:00,342 if she doesn't meet somebody, she's going to turn into one of those 146 00:08:00,344 --> 00:08:03,012 crazy old ladies with 20 cats who lives with their daughter. 147 00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:04,463 You're going to be chasing her down the street, 148 00:08:04,465 --> 00:08:06,682 trying to pin her robe shut. 149 00:08:10,004 --> 00:08:12,821 - Better? - Ugh. 150 00:08:13,223 --> 00:08:14,807 Damn it. 151 00:08:15,542 --> 00:08:18,594 - Mom, wait. - What? 152 00:08:18,596 --> 00:08:20,980 Why don't you try on that black dress in my closet? 153 00:08:20,982 --> 00:08:25,200 - I think it'll look cute on you. - Thank you. 154 00:08:25,202 --> 00:08:29,872 Well, look at you being a nice person. I'll tell you what. 155 00:08:29,874 --> 00:08:32,041 As a reward, why don't you go out with Luke tonight 156 00:08:32,043 --> 00:08:34,359 - and I'll watch Roscoe? - You don't have plans? 157 00:08:34,361 --> 00:08:36,282 Nah, at my age, when you've had sex in the afternoon, 158 00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,127 you're good for the whole day. 159 00:08:49,092 --> 00:08:50,809 If our waitress is cute, 160 00:08:50,811 --> 00:08:52,745 it's totally okay to say I'm your sister. 161 00:08:54,732 --> 00:08:58,550 No, I'm good. Have you ever eaten here before? 162 00:08:58,552 --> 00:09:00,986 No, I haven't. 163 00:09:00,988 --> 00:09:03,038 - How about you? - No. 164 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,774 Ah, look at us. We already have something in common. 165 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,393 Yeah. 166 00:09:08,395 --> 00:09:12,665 - So, what do you do? - Oh, yeah, I'm, I'm a civil engineer. 167 00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:15,084 - Wow! - Yeah. 168 00:09:15,086 --> 00:09:19,071 I have no idea why I said wow 'cause I don't know what that is. 169 00:09:19,073 --> 00:09:22,374 Oh, okay, uh, well, today, for instance, 170 00:09:22,376 --> 00:09:24,293 the city decided that it needed a new stoplight, 171 00:09:24,295 --> 00:09:26,595 so it's my job to go over all the contracts 172 00:09:26,597 --> 00:09:30,015 with the stoplight manufacturers and just get the best price... 173 00:09:30,017 --> 00:09:33,535 for the s-stoplight. 174 00:09:35,388 --> 00:09:38,607 That sounds crazy. 175 00:09:39,442 --> 00:09:43,395 - No, it's pretty boring. - No, no, no, it's not. 176 00:09:43,397 --> 00:09:46,315 From now on, every time I stop at a red light, 177 00:09:46,317 --> 00:09:50,119 - I'll think of you. - Oh, so th-that'll be often. 178 00:09:50,121 --> 00:09:53,271 Not really, I tend to just blow right through 'em. 179 00:09:55,542 --> 00:09:57,159 Good evening, folks. 180 00:09:57,161 --> 00:09:59,328 Can I start you off with a cocktail or some wine? 181 00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:02,698 - Yes, would you like a drink? - No, thank you. 182 00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:03,916 Ah, come on, live a little. 183 00:10:03,918 --> 00:10:07,086 Oh, you can live a little for both of us. 184 00:10:07,088 --> 00:10:09,621 No, don't be silly. Glass of wine never hurt anyone. 185 00:10:09,623 --> 00:10:12,091 Oh, boy. 186 00:10:13,009 --> 00:10:14,426 I don't drink... 187 00:10:14,428 --> 00:10:16,512 not because I don't want to but because I can't. 188 00:10:16,514 --> 00:10:18,480 It wrecked my life, it destroyed my relationships, 189 00:10:18,482 --> 00:10:19,898 and I'm still picking up the pieces, 190 00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,800 but if you want a glass of wine, you go right ahead. 191 00:10:21,802 --> 00:10:24,820 Won't bother me at all. I'm his sister. 192 00:10:26,883 --> 00:10:29,800 So once I finally quit drinking, I had all 193 00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:32,018 these feelings come up, and I didn't know 194 00:10:32,020 --> 00:10:34,037 how to deal with them, so I started eating. 195 00:10:34,039 --> 00:10:35,572 Every night after work I'd come home, 196 00:10:35,574 --> 00:10:38,558 I'd take a bag of salt-and-vinegar potato chips, 197 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,527 I'd hit it with a book so it was just crumbs, 198 00:10:40,529 --> 00:10:42,646 and I'd mix it with a pint of vanilla ice cream. 199 00:10:42,648 --> 00:10:44,281 I gained 18 pounds in, like, a month. 200 00:10:44,283 --> 00:10:46,700 Then in the middle of the night, I woke up and I thought 201 00:10:46,702 --> 00:10:48,434 I had a cat on my lap... looked down 202 00:10:48,436 --> 00:10:51,121 turns out it was my own stomach. 203 00:10:56,410 --> 00:10:58,912 I don't think I can do this. 204 00:11:05,052 --> 00:11:08,344 It's our first date. So... 205 00:11:11,459 --> 00:11:14,327 Okay, you've got an eight, and I give you... 206 00:11:14,329 --> 00:11:16,463 a seven... how many is that? 207 00:11:16,465 --> 00:11:18,965 - Fifteen. - Very good. 208 00:11:18,967 --> 00:11:22,302 Now, the house is showing a face card. 209 00:11:23,788 --> 00:11:26,323 - And you're the house. - Yes, I am. 210 00:11:26,325 --> 00:11:28,474 How much you want to bet? 211 00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:33,497 - All of it. - On a 15. Interesting. 212 00:11:35,082 --> 00:11:37,651 Ooh! Another eight. How many is that? 213 00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,703 Twenty-three? 214 00:11:39,705 --> 00:11:42,589 - But the name of the game is...? - "Twenty-One." 215 00:11:42,591 --> 00:11:45,242 Exactly. 216 00:11:45,244 --> 00:11:47,611 Thanks for watching Roscoe. 217 00:11:47,613 --> 00:11:50,147 - We'll see you later. - Hey, hang on. 218 00:11:54,168 --> 00:11:57,187 You listen to me, teen Jesus... 219 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:05,107 I want my granddaughter back by 11:00 with her hymen intact. 220 00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,010 What?! 221 00:12:06,011 --> 00:12:08,615 I'm just screwing with you. 222 00:12:08,617 --> 00:12:11,517 You already knocked her up; do whatever you want. 223 00:12:12,853 --> 00:12:17,374 I know that was supposed to be funny, but I peed myself a little. 224 00:12:19,977 --> 00:12:23,463 Sorry, sir, only players at the table. 225 00:12:23,465 --> 00:12:27,200 - I want to play more Blackjack. - Okay. Ante up. 226 00:12:27,202 --> 00:12:29,535 I can't. I don't have any more money. 227 00:12:29,537 --> 00:12:34,257 No money? Or no money on you? 228 00:12:34,259 --> 00:12:36,343 I have some in my piggy bank. 229 00:12:36,345 --> 00:12:40,213 Well, it's not doing you any good in there, is it? 230 00:12:41,098 --> 00:12:43,149 Be right back. 231 00:12:44,769 --> 00:12:48,054 Wait'll I teach him how to play Pai Gow. 232 00:12:51,609 --> 00:12:54,894 Oh, God, I'm gonna die alone. 233 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,902 Please let it be now. 234 00:13:01,904 --> 00:13:03,253 Open the door. 235 00:13:03,255 --> 00:13:07,090 Damn it! 236 00:13:10,428 --> 00:13:12,429 Hey. Hope you're hungry, 'cause I... 237 00:13:12,431 --> 00:13:15,382 - brought us dinner. - What? How? 238 00:13:15,384 --> 00:13:16,933 As I was chasing you out of the restaurant, 239 00:13:16,935 --> 00:13:18,935 - I bought a guy's to-go order. - Really? 240 00:13:18,937 --> 00:13:22,055 - Yeah. - That's so adorable. 241 00:13:22,057 --> 00:13:24,211 And/or... desperate. 242 00:13:24,212 --> 00:13:29,362 Well, let's go with adorable. 'Cause I really want you to like me. 243 00:13:29,364 --> 00:13:31,597 Okay, let's see what we're having for dinner. 244 00:13:31,599 --> 00:13:33,450 This looks like some kind of chicken. 245 00:13:33,452 --> 00:13:37,437 - Ooh, I love some kind of chicken. - Yeah? Okay, okay. 246 00:13:37,439 --> 00:13:41,324 And I have a pasta... looks like, uh, Bolognese. 247 00:13:41,326 --> 00:13:42,542 Ooh, I like that, too! 248 00:13:42,544 --> 00:13:45,745 - You want to switch? - No, no, no. 249 00:13:45,747 --> 00:13:48,614 - Well, yeah. - Yeah. Okay. 250 00:13:48,616 --> 00:13:52,869 Wow. Uh-oh, no, there are no utensils. 251 00:13:52,871 --> 00:13:56,056 Oh. Check the glove compartment. 252 00:13:56,058 --> 00:13:58,308 I eat in my car a lot. 253 00:14:01,045 --> 00:14:03,629 Ooh. Fancy. 254 00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:10,854 Okay, time for bed. I'll tell you what, just to show you 255 00:14:10,856 --> 00:14:15,825 how much we appreciate your business, we're gonna comp your room. 256 00:14:15,827 --> 00:14:19,446 - Come on, just one more game. - Well, sorry, buddy, but you're broke. 257 00:14:19,448 --> 00:14:22,815 Well, um, how about if you lend me five dollars 258 00:14:22,817 --> 00:14:25,151 and I'll pay you back when I win? 259 00:14:25,153 --> 00:14:30,123 Oh, sweetheart, you're gonna grow up and make some nice lady so sad. 260 00:14:33,428 --> 00:14:37,514 - How about if I sell you my iPod? - That might work. 261 00:14:38,349 --> 00:14:41,051 - Hey. - What can I do for you, Baxter? 262 00:14:41,053 --> 00:14:44,754 - Just came to see my kid. - Hey, Dad, can you lend me some money? 263 00:14:45,873 --> 00:14:49,842 That's so weird... I was gonna ask you the same thing. 264 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,197 I'm gonna hang with you guys for a bit. 265 00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:59,319 - Here's a question for you. - Shoot. 266 00:14:59,321 --> 00:15:01,788 What's wrong with you that you would chase a crazy lady 267 00:15:01,790 --> 00:15:04,207 out of a restaurant with a bag of someone else's food? 268 00:15:04,209 --> 00:15:07,761 Why does something have to be wrong with me for me to like you? 269 00:15:07,763 --> 00:15:10,330 Nice try. Answer the question. 270 00:15:10,332 --> 00:15:12,632 No, seriously, I thought we really made a connection in there. 271 00:15:12,634 --> 00:15:14,471 Answer the question. 272 00:15:14,886 --> 00:15:17,053 Okay, uh... 273 00:15:17,055 --> 00:15:20,140 well, I did just get out of a relationship. 274 00:15:20,142 --> 00:15:23,209 That's what I'm talking about. Tell me about it. 275 00:15:23,211 --> 00:15:28,264 She-she was very nice. Sweet. No drama. Um... 276 00:15:28,266 --> 00:15:31,117 Her name wasn't Carol Anne Stevenson, was it? 277 00:15:31,119 --> 00:15:34,521 - Yeah, why? - No reason. Continue. 278 00:15:34,523 --> 00:15:37,691 Anyway, uh, she was great, but in all the time we were 279 00:15:37,692 --> 00:15:40,860 together, she never once told me how she was feeling. 280 00:15:40,862 --> 00:15:44,063 Whereas you, literally, can't stop telling me. 281 00:15:44,065 --> 00:15:46,416 I'm-I'm sorry. I feel terrible. 282 00:15:46,418 --> 00:15:49,753 - See? You just did it again. - Okay, but in my defense, 283 00:15:49,755 --> 00:15:52,555 - I am emotionally all over the place. - Oh, wow! 284 00:15:52,557 --> 00:15:54,591 - There it is again. - And I am dealing 285 00:15:54,593 --> 00:15:55,908 with a number of personal crises 286 00:15:55,910 --> 00:15:57,544 which you really don't need to know about, 287 00:15:57,546 --> 00:15:59,245 but I feel like I'm gonna tell you anyway. 288 00:15:59,247 --> 00:16:01,814 What is wrong with me? Why can't I stop talking? 289 00:16:05,770 --> 00:16:07,470 Well, that shut me up. 290 00:16:13,611 --> 00:16:17,781 - Nice. - Yeah. Now what? 291 00:16:18,732 --> 00:16:24,471 - Now you get out of my car. - Why? I love it in here. 292 00:16:26,106 --> 00:16:29,793 I'm sorry. This is good, you're good, 293 00:16:29,795 --> 00:16:33,163 but I am clearly not ready to start dating. 294 00:16:33,165 --> 00:16:36,082 I wish I could disagree. 295 00:16:37,051 --> 00:16:42,138 But I want you to know that when I am... you are at the top of my list. 296 00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:46,009 And the list isn't very long. In fact, it's just you. 297 00:16:46,011 --> 00:16:47,960 Great. 298 00:16:53,350 --> 00:16:56,152 You're not as crazy as you think you are. 299 00:16:57,738 --> 00:17:00,323 That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. 300 00:17:02,877 --> 00:17:04,644 Run. 301 00:17:06,247 --> 00:17:08,865 What do you want to do with that soft 19? 302 00:17:08,867 --> 00:17:12,619 - I'll hold. - Hold? What's that? 303 00:17:13,571 --> 00:17:16,663 It means you have a number you like, 304 00:17:16,664 --> 00:17:18,775 and you're not gonna take any more cards. 305 00:17:23,347 --> 00:17:25,197 You can hold? 306 00:17:27,017 --> 00:17:29,219 I'll get it. 307 00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:31,837 I was never here! 308 00:17:33,357 --> 00:17:34,707 You can hold?! 309 00:17:36,894 --> 00:17:40,547 - Oh. Hi, is-is Christy here? - Who might be asking? 310 00:17:40,549 --> 00:17:43,850 - Um, I work with her. - Oh. You must be her boss. 311 00:17:43,852 --> 00:17:46,085 - I am. - You leave your wife yet? 312 00:17:48,622 --> 00:17:51,824 - No. - Then I have no choice but to inform you 313 00:17:51,826 --> 00:17:54,043 that she is out on a date with a wealthy, educated, 314 00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:57,247 eligible bachelor who's got a cannon between his legs. 315 00:18:00,301 --> 00:18:03,386 So her mom's not a fan. 316 00:18:03,388 --> 00:18:06,339 ..by focusing on the positive, 317 00:18:06,341 --> 00:18:09,676 I attract only the best into my life. 318 00:18:09,678 --> 00:18:13,846 By focusing on the positive... 319 00:18:13,848 --> 00:18:17,233 Oh, my God! 320 00:18:20,053 --> 00:18:21,482 Are you okay? 321 00:18:21,483 --> 00:18:24,340 - Uh, I think you broke my foot. - Oh... 322 00:18:24,342 --> 00:18:27,568 - And maybe my nose. - Oh! Sorry, sorry. 323 00:18:27,603 --> 00:18:28,227 Okay, don't-don't move. 324 00:18:28,229 --> 00:18:30,780 - I'm gonna call an ambulance. - No, wait! 325 00:18:30,782 --> 00:18:32,699 My wife can't know I was here. 326 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,202 Okay, well, um, let's get you in the car, 327 00:18:36,204 --> 00:18:38,421 and I'll take you to the emergency room. 328 00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:43,710 Ow! Ow! Careful. Careful. 329 00:18:43,712 --> 00:18:49,098 - It... it, uh, hurts pretty bad, huh? - It's awful. 330 00:18:50,134 --> 00:18:54,420 Well, then this probably isn't a great time to say this, but... 331 00:18:54,422 --> 00:18:57,106 um, I don't think we should see each other anymore. 332 00:18:57,108 --> 00:19:00,109 Wait, you're breaking up with me? 333 00:19:01,094 --> 00:19:04,364 - Why?! - Well, uh... 334 00:19:04,366 --> 00:19:07,584 I found out something about myself tonight. 335 00:19:07,586 --> 00:19:11,437 Um... I deserve to be in a relationship 336 00:19:11,439 --> 00:19:15,487 with a man who... I can hit with my car and... 337 00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:17,126 you know... 338 00:19:17,128 --> 00:19:19,912 not feel like I did something wrong. 339 00:19:22,299 --> 00:19:27,003 Okay, uh... I'm not sure what that means, but... 340 00:19:27,005 --> 00:19:28,421 What?! 341 00:19:28,423 --> 00:19:32,275 - What? - There's a fork in ass! 342 00:19:38,581 --> 00:19:41,751 - Knocky-knocky. - Hi. 343 00:19:41,786 --> 00:19:46,073 - How's your little boss? - Oh, I broke his leg and his nose. 344 00:19:46,075 --> 00:19:48,375 Admit it, it felt pretty good, didn't it? 345 00:19:48,377 --> 00:19:50,677 No! No, no, no. 346 00:19:52,331 --> 00:19:54,031 A little bit. 347 00:19:55,824 --> 00:19:58,952 - I got you a gift. - Thanks. What's the occasion? 348 00:19:58,954 --> 00:20:01,738 Well, I know you don't feel ready to date for a while. 349 00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:04,141 I thought this might put a little spring in your step. 350 00:20:04,143 --> 00:20:05,909 What is it? 351 00:20:16,144 --> 00:20:18,464 Thank you. 352 00:20:19,023 --> 00:20:23,367 - Do you mind finishing the dishes? - My pleasure. 353 00:20:23,853 --> 00:20:26,296 I am such a good mother. 354 00:20:27,311 --> 00:20:31,311 sync by YesCool, corr. by f1nc0 - - Addic7ed.com - -