1 00:00:02,132 --> 00:00:03,699 All right, we're off to the meeting. 2 00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:06,484 Have fun or cry, or whatever you guys do. 3 00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:10,266 I have fun making other people cry. 4 00:00:11,311 --> 00:00:12,529 Did you find your keys yet? 5 00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:14,880 Oh, yeah. Ten minutes ago. 6 00:00:15,010 --> 00:00:18,535 Now I'm just crawling around looking for snacks. 7 00:00:18,666 --> 00:00:20,102 I told you a million times, 8 00:00:20,233 --> 00:00:21,495 if you put your keys in the same... Bup-bup-bup. 9 00:00:21,625 --> 00:00:23,323 Maybe I left them upstairs. 10 00:00:23,453 --> 00:00:25,412 [sportscaster speaking indistinctly on TV] 11 00:00:25,542 --> 00:00:27,370 At some point tonight, between hockey fights, 12 00:00:27,501 --> 00:00:29,285 could you throw away your tuna sandwich 13 00:00:29,416 --> 00:00:31,070 that's been sitting there since lunch? 14 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,072 I'll get to it. Will you, though? 15 00:00:33,202 --> 00:00:35,857 'Cause "I'll get to it" has kind of been your motto lately, 16 00:00:35,988 --> 00:00:37,859 only things never actually get got to. 17 00:00:37,990 --> 00:00:40,644 If it bothers you so much, why don't you do it? 18 00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:43,082 'Cause I told you to do it. 19 00:00:43,212 --> 00:00:45,606 [chuckles softly] I was actually gonna do it, 20 00:00:45,737 --> 00:00:49,001 but... you just made it a thing. 21 00:00:49,131 --> 00:00:51,220 It's only a thing 22 00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:54,049 'cause you made it a thing, thing maker. 23 00:00:56,095 --> 00:00:58,097 Couldn't find them. I promise I will put everything 24 00:00:58,227 --> 00:01:00,055 back in the closet when we get home. 25 00:01:00,186 --> 00:01:02,666 Better do it right away, or it could become a thing. 26 00:01:04,233 --> 00:01:05,452 Mom, can you just drive? 27 00:01:05,582 --> 00:01:07,280 Unbelievable-- you can't keep track of your keys, 28 00:01:07,410 --> 00:01:08,890 so I get inconvenienced. 29 00:01:09,021 --> 00:01:10,544 Oh, look-- I found your keys. 30 00:01:10,674 --> 00:01:13,155 Why do you have them? 31 00:01:13,286 --> 00:01:15,157 I borrowed your car to go to the store 32 00:01:15,288 --> 00:01:17,594 [mumbling]: when I couldn't find my keys. Anyway... 33 00:01:17,725 --> 00:01:19,161 you drive. 34 00:01:19,292 --> 00:01:20,510 Oh, and you're on empty. 35 00:01:22,295 --> 00:01:23,862 I'll try not to kill her. 36 00:01:23,992 --> 00:01:25,689 Whatever happens, happens. 37 00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:28,170 ♪♪ 38 00:01:28,201 --> 00:01:30,072 [groans] Nice work-- you made us late 39 00:01:30,203 --> 00:01:31,900 and now Wendy's in my seat. 40 00:01:32,031 --> 00:01:33,467 It's not your seat. 41 00:01:33,597 --> 00:01:35,295 Yeah, not today, thanks to you. 42 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,690 I need my sponsor. I need my sponsor. 43 00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:41,997 You will never guess what my mother just did. 44 00:01:42,128 --> 00:01:44,217 You do realize that's how you say hello. 45 00:01:45,261 --> 00:01:46,872 I'm sorry. Hello. 46 00:01:47,002 --> 00:01:48,003 Hi. 47 00:01:49,439 --> 00:01:51,964 You will never guess what my mother just did. 48 00:01:52,094 --> 00:01:54,357 Instead of diving into that all-too-familiar pool of resentment, 49 00:01:54,488 --> 00:01:56,011 let me ask you something. 50 00:01:56,142 --> 00:01:57,578 You're 40 years old, right? 51 00:01:57,709 --> 00:02:00,407 Not on Tinder. 52 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,844 You have a... a job? 53 00:02:02,975 --> 00:02:04,150 Yes. Mm-hmm. 54 00:02:05,499 --> 00:02:06,892 And your mother drives you absolutely bananas. 55 00:02:07,022 --> 00:02:07,936 Oh, yeah. 56 00:02:09,024 --> 00:02:10,460 So why do you still live with her? 57 00:02:10,591 --> 00:02:12,071 BONNIE: Wendy, 58 00:02:12,201 --> 00:02:13,899 I think you're sitting on something. Oh, what? 59 00:02:14,029 --> 00:02:15,814 My chair. 60 00:02:18,773 --> 00:02:20,732 Did you see what your mother just did? 61 00:02:20,862 --> 00:02:24,910 I know. Why the hell do I still live with her? 62 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,999 ♪♪ 63 00:02:44,222 --> 00:02:46,975 What is happening today? Now you're stealing my seat? 64 00:02:46,980 --> 00:02:48,411 I am middle. 65 00:02:48,416 --> 00:02:49,704 What does it matter? 66 00:02:49,709 --> 00:02:51,999 That way I can have fries no matter who orders them. 67 00:02:52,004 --> 00:02:53,527 Fine. 68 00:02:57,313 --> 00:02:59,315 Wait, I have to pee. Get up. Oh! 69 00:03:01,361 --> 00:03:03,798 That's why I like sitting next to you-- 70 00:03:03,929 --> 00:03:06,627 you have the bladder of a camel. 71 00:03:06,758 --> 00:03:09,978 And the outsides of a much more attractive animal. 72 00:03:11,893 --> 00:03:13,373 Do you guys think it's weird 73 00:03:13,503 --> 00:03:15,331 that I still live with my mother? 74 00:03:17,551 --> 00:03:20,772 I mean, she's asking, so we can answer, right? 75 00:03:20,902 --> 00:03:23,339 She opened the door-- walk on through. 76 00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:27,082 Okay, it's kind of like if you hated muffins, 77 00:03:27,213 --> 00:03:30,172 but you decided to live in a muffin factory. 78 00:03:30,303 --> 00:03:32,958 Oh, I'd love to live in a muffin factory. 79 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,699 What is a muffin factory? Isn't it just a bakery? 80 00:03:35,830 --> 00:03:37,266 "Bakery" implies that there'd also be bread. 81 00:03:37,397 --> 00:03:39,007 We don't have a lot of time! 82 00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:44,099 Yes. You living with your mother is weird. 83 00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:45,579 Really weird. 84 00:03:45,709 --> 00:03:47,537 Like "people talk about it" weird. 85 00:03:48,887 --> 00:03:50,192 But not us. 86 00:03:50,323 --> 00:03:51,803 What do you think? 87 00:03:51,933 --> 00:03:55,067 Well, when you were both getting sober, it made sense. 88 00:03:55,197 --> 00:03:58,070 But, uh, time has passed. 89 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,463 A lot of time has passed. 90 00:04:00,594 --> 00:04:03,423 Are you moving out? I'm not sure. 91 00:04:03,553 --> 00:04:06,165 Nora told me to figure out what my options are, 92 00:04:06,295 --> 00:04:08,167 but I think I'm too poor for options. 93 00:04:08,297 --> 00:04:09,995 Christy... 94 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,040 I see you fishing for an invitation, 95 00:04:12,171 --> 00:04:14,173 and I love you like sweet tea, 96 00:04:14,303 --> 00:04:17,176 but living together always ruins a friendship. 97 00:04:17,306 --> 00:04:19,656 You know, the way children ruin a marriage. 98 00:04:19,787 --> 00:04:22,398 There's plenty of room at my house. 99 00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,270 Oh, yeah, do that. 100 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,228 One of my roommates is moving out 101 00:04:26,359 --> 00:04:28,448 'cause she "fell in love." 102 00:04:29,449 --> 00:04:30,885 I don't know. 103 00:04:31,016 --> 00:04:33,366 Maybe moving is more trouble than it's worth. 104 00:04:33,496 --> 00:04:35,542 Fee-fi-fo-fum. [door closes] 105 00:04:35,672 --> 00:04:37,196 Up. 106 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,985 Oh, damn it, I forgot to put money in the meter. Up again. 107 00:04:47,075 --> 00:04:49,382 So, would I get my own bathroom? 108 00:04:49,512 --> 00:04:50,818 ♪♪ 109 00:04:50,949 --> 00:04:52,037 Hurry up, Bonnie! 110 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,342 BONNIE: Hey! 111 00:04:53,473 --> 00:04:55,867 Perfection takes time. 112 00:04:58,826 --> 00:05:01,089 You know... while you were waiting, 113 00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:03,700 you could have thrown away that sandwich. 114 00:05:03,831 --> 00:05:05,746 Could have. 115 00:05:05,877 --> 00:05:07,487 Didn't. 116 00:05:08,488 --> 00:05:10,142 Are you gonna get dressed? 117 00:05:10,272 --> 00:05:11,534 I am dressed. 118 00:05:11,665 --> 00:05:13,841 You're wearing a T-shirt. 119 00:05:13,972 --> 00:05:17,540 And pants and shoes and... let's go. 120 00:05:17,671 --> 00:05:19,499 You know what that T-shirt says to me? 121 00:05:19,629 --> 00:05:21,240 It says "the woman I'm with 122 00:05:21,370 --> 00:05:23,111 isn't worth buttons and sleeves." 123 00:05:23,242 --> 00:05:25,113 To me, it says 124 00:05:25,244 --> 00:05:27,986 the "University of North Dakota." 125 00:05:29,074 --> 00:05:30,858 I'd like you to change. 126 00:05:30,989 --> 00:05:33,165 My clothes or who I am? 127 00:05:33,295 --> 00:05:35,123 Both. 128 00:05:36,733 --> 00:05:38,692 Not happening. 129 00:05:38,822 --> 00:05:42,043 Well, then I am no longer in the mood for dinner. 130 00:05:42,174 --> 00:05:43,915 But I'm starving. 131 00:05:44,045 --> 00:05:46,482 Then eat your sandwich! 132 00:05:47,483 --> 00:05:50,269 ♪♪ 133 00:05:50,399 --> 00:05:52,053 So, Christy, 134 00:05:52,184 --> 00:05:53,489 what'd you think of the place? 135 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,056 I love it. 136 00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:57,493 There's so much light and... 137 00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:59,234 hope. 138 00:05:59,365 --> 00:06:01,062 We won't charge extra for that. 139 00:06:01,193 --> 00:06:02,585 [both laugh] 140 00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:07,112 It gets better-- it's Peter's night to cook, 141 00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,852 and he makes his own pasta. 142 00:06:08,983 --> 00:06:11,029 Wow. A fireplace, hardwood floors 143 00:06:11,159 --> 00:06:12,769 and homemade pasta? 144 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:14,641 I'm getting lightheaded. 145 00:06:14,771 --> 00:06:17,209 Are you a diabetic? Have you traveled to any tropical countries 146 00:06:17,339 --> 00:06:18,645 in the last six months? 147 00:06:18,775 --> 00:06:21,256 It's just my socially awkward way 148 00:06:21,387 --> 00:06:22,779 of saying I'm happy. 149 00:06:22,910 --> 00:06:24,172 Oh, got it. Sorry. 150 00:06:24,303 --> 00:06:27,132 We're kind of in nurse mode all the time. 151 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,177 Well, I can't afford health insurance, 152 00:06:29,308 --> 00:06:31,136 so that's another plus. 153 00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,573 Mmm. 154 00:06:33,703 --> 00:06:35,575 Peter, this is delicious. 155 00:06:35,705 --> 00:06:38,230 Oh. Cooking relaxes me-- which I really needed 156 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,710 after a day of assisting Dr. Clevenger. 157 00:06:40,841 --> 00:06:41,929 The worst. 158 00:06:42,022 --> 00:06:44,297 So full of himself. Like he's the only surgeon 159 00:06:44,302 --> 00:06:48,022 who's ever resected a bowel without spilling fecal matter into the abdomen. 160 00:06:52,592 --> 00:06:55,116 I helped him remove a giant tumor the other day-- 161 00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:56,726 it burst like a water balloon. 162 00:06:56,857 --> 00:06:58,728 Larry slipped in the pus. 163 00:06:58,859 --> 00:07:00,078 [laughter] 164 00:07:00,208 --> 00:07:01,427 More sauce? 165 00:07:01,557 --> 00:07:03,081 I'm good. 166 00:07:04,996 --> 00:07:07,215 So, is that an apple tree out back? 167 00:07:07,346 --> 00:07:09,261 Yeah. In the fall, we make cider. 168 00:07:09,391 --> 00:07:10,523 CHRISTY: Oh. 169 00:07:10,653 --> 00:07:13,091 Apple cider by the fireplace. 170 00:07:13,221 --> 00:07:15,310 How wonderful. 171 00:07:15,441 --> 00:07:17,704 Remember when that teenager came into the E.R. 172 00:07:17,834 --> 00:07:20,011 with the apple lodged in his eye socket? 173 00:07:20,141 --> 00:07:22,013 PETER [laughs]: Oh, yeah. Yeah. 174 00:07:22,143 --> 00:07:24,667 His friend shot it out of an air cannon, and boom, 175 00:07:24,798 --> 00:07:28,019 nothing but apple sauce and ocular fluid oozing out of the hole. 176 00:07:29,237 --> 00:07:31,022 Oh, boy. 177 00:07:32,110 --> 00:07:33,459 This is so fun. 178 00:07:33,589 --> 00:07:36,114 If you live here, we can do this every night. 179 00:07:36,244 --> 00:07:37,506 Ooh. And when we extracted 180 00:07:37,637 --> 00:07:39,595 the apple, the ocular nerve 181 00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:42,903 came stretching out like a rubber band. 182 00:07:44,992 --> 00:07:47,212 [gags]: Where's your bathroom? 183 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,475 ♪♪ 184 00:07:49,605 --> 00:07:51,912 He won't throw away the damn sandwich. 185 00:07:52,043 --> 00:07:54,175 It's been four days-- if it's still there tomorrow, 186 00:07:54,306 --> 00:07:57,396 I think I'm within my rights to set him on fire. 187 00:07:57,526 --> 00:07:58,919 Why didn't you share about it? 188 00:07:59,050 --> 00:08:01,443 Maybe she knows how ridiculous it sounds. 189 00:08:01,574 --> 00:08:03,967 This used to be a safe space, Marjorie. 190 00:08:04,098 --> 00:08:06,144 And then you started coming and we've adjusted. 191 00:08:06,274 --> 00:08:08,015 Pow! 192 00:08:08,146 --> 00:08:10,713 Hit her back, Bonnie-- this is getting good. 193 00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:12,106 I'm genuinely worried. 194 00:08:12,237 --> 00:08:13,803 Boyfriend Adam made an effort, 195 00:08:13,934 --> 00:08:16,067 Fiancé Adam is slacking off. 196 00:08:16,197 --> 00:08:18,199 At this rate, Husband Adam will only be 197 00:08:18,330 --> 00:08:21,289 hockey games, ball scratches and farts. 198 00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:23,117 At least you'll be married. 199 00:08:23,248 --> 00:08:26,338 Will I? We set a date, but we haven't told anybody-- 200 00:08:26,468 --> 00:08:28,340 I can still wiggle out of this. 201 00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:30,124 Over a sandwich. 202 00:08:30,255 --> 00:08:33,910 Safe space, Marjorie, safe space. 203 00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:35,260 Ralph's watching the kids-- I'm a free woman. 204 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,566 I can go nuts, as long as I'm home by 9:30. 205 00:08:37,697 --> 00:08:38,828 [laughs] 206 00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:40,700 Oh. Okay. Um, you know what? 207 00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:42,571 I'm gonna meet you there. I have a feeling 208 00:08:42,702 --> 00:08:44,095 this one is hovering with a purpose. 209 00:08:45,922 --> 00:08:47,707 Sorry. Mm. 210 00:08:47,837 --> 00:08:49,056 Okay... 211 00:08:49,187 --> 00:08:50,536 I did what you said. Mm-hmm. 212 00:08:50,666 --> 00:08:52,581 I looked at my other options. Good for you. 213 00:08:52,712 --> 00:08:54,148 I can afford a studio apartment 214 00:08:54,279 --> 00:08:56,063 that used to be a guest bathroom, 215 00:08:56,194 --> 00:08:58,109 a basement out of Silence of the Lambs 216 00:08:58,239 --> 00:09:01,199 or I can move into a gorgeous house with Wendy 217 00:09:01,329 --> 00:09:02,548 and never eat again. 218 00:09:02,678 --> 00:09:04,463 So...? 219 00:09:04,593 --> 00:09:07,118 None of them are better than what I've got now, 220 00:09:07,248 --> 00:09:09,598 so I guess I'm stuck living with my mom. 221 00:09:09,729 --> 00:09:12,253 No. You're choosing to live with her. 222 00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:16,214 Well, I wouldn't use those words. 223 00:09:16,344 --> 00:09:18,868 I'm gonna need you to.Why? 224 00:09:18,999 --> 00:09:21,001 Because if you're stuck, you're a victim. 225 00:09:21,132 --> 00:09:22,959 There's power in making a choice. 226 00:09:23,090 --> 00:09:24,613 So I want to hear you say, 227 00:09:24,744 --> 00:09:26,441 "I'm choosing to live with my mother." 228 00:09:27,790 --> 00:09:30,010 [sighs]: Fine. 229 00:09:30,141 --> 00:09:32,665 I am choosing to live with my mother. 230 00:09:34,232 --> 00:09:36,408 You thought that was gonna be hard for me, 231 00:09:36,538 --> 00:09:37,800 but it really wasn't. 232 00:09:37,931 --> 00:09:40,151 I am choosing to live with my mother. 233 00:09:40,281 --> 00:09:43,110 Great. Then you got to be nice to her. 234 00:09:43,241 --> 00:09:44,894 What? 235 00:09:45,025 --> 00:09:47,462 You expect me to live with my mother and be nice to her? 236 00:09:47,593 --> 00:09:50,248 Why don't you just ask me to solve global warming? 237 00:09:50,378 --> 00:09:52,032 Well, if you can do that, you need to go ahead and do it, 238 00:09:52,163 --> 00:09:54,469 but right now let's focus on your mom. Ugh! 239 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,123 Yeah, but that's what I'm talking about. 240 00:09:56,254 --> 00:09:57,907 That "ugh" stuff has got to stop. 241 00:09:58,038 --> 00:10:00,693 But that's what comes out when I focus on my mother. 242 00:10:00,823 --> 00:10:02,782 In the program, we talk about being loving and tolerant. 243 00:10:02,912 --> 00:10:04,610 When it comes to your mother, you are neither. 244 00:10:04,740 --> 00:10:06,220 Ugh! 245 00:10:06,351 --> 00:10:08,657 Just to be clear, that one was directed at you. 246 00:10:08,788 --> 00:10:10,093 ♪♪ 247 00:10:15,577 --> 00:10:18,501 Wait. Exactly how nice to my mother do I have to be? 248 00:10:18,632 --> 00:10:21,983 Because I feel like any day I don't hit her with a rock is a win. 249 00:10:22,114 --> 00:10:25,334 Well, for starters, you can't talk about wanting to hit her with a rock. 250 00:10:25,465 --> 00:10:28,381 It doesn't have to be a rock. 251 00:10:28,511 --> 00:10:31,166 I don't want you to say mean things to her or about her. 252 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,168 I need you to be kind all the time. 253 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,781 But I don't... Be kind, be kind, be kind. 254 00:10:36,911 --> 00:10:38,652 But if I keep all my hate inside, 255 00:10:38,783 --> 00:10:40,523 I'm gonna pop-- I'm not that big. 256 00:10:40,654 --> 00:10:42,569 You're gonna keep it all inside. 257 00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:44,571 Every time you're angry at your mom, 258 00:10:44,702 --> 00:10:46,965 I want you to do something nice for her. 259 00:10:47,095 --> 00:10:49,315 That's crazy. 260 00:10:49,445 --> 00:10:51,752 I'll be doing nice things for her all the time. 261 00:10:51,883 --> 00:10:54,450 That's right. And here's the tricky part. 262 00:10:54,581 --> 00:10:57,062 You haven't told me the tricky part yet? 263 00:10:57,192 --> 00:10:59,151 You can't tell her the nice things you do, 264 00:10:59,281 --> 00:11:00,631 or anybody else, including me. 265 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:01,936 I don't want to hear it. 266 00:11:02,067 --> 00:11:04,373 Wait, I don't even get credit? 267 00:11:04,504 --> 00:11:06,201 [scoffs] I changed my mind. 268 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,248 I'll live in Wendy's house of oozing eyeballs. 269 00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:13,165 The point is, to feel love, 270 00:11:13,295 --> 00:11:15,558 you have to do love. 271 00:11:15,689 --> 00:11:17,952 Hi, see you later. Hey, guys. 272 00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:20,215 See you in a minute. Oh, good. 273 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,608 You're doing all your whining to her. 274 00:11:21,739 --> 00:11:23,784 Then we won't have to hear it at the bistro. 275 00:11:23,915 --> 00:11:25,307 Kiss my ass, Mom! 276 00:11:26,874 --> 00:11:29,834 Oh, am I supposed to start now? 277 00:11:29,964 --> 00:11:31,879 ♪♪ 278 00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:37,232 Morning. Morning. 279 00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,626 Where'd the coffee go? 280 00:11:39,757 --> 00:11:41,541 I started a pot before I took my shower. 281 00:11:41,672 --> 00:11:42,673 I drank it. 282 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:43,978 The whole pot? 283 00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:49,592 Great. I hope you enjoyed it. 284 00:11:49,723 --> 00:11:50,637 Meh. 285 00:11:54,293 --> 00:11:55,468 I like your boots. 286 00:11:55,598 --> 00:11:57,209 You can't have 'em. 287 00:11:57,339 --> 00:12:00,821 What the hell would I do with gigantic work... 288 00:12:00,952 --> 00:12:03,258 So, what are you up to today, Mom? 289 00:12:04,695 --> 00:12:06,218 I'm going to the Home Depot. 290 00:12:06,348 --> 00:12:09,134 That sounds exciting. 291 00:12:09,264 --> 00:12:11,397 Compared to your life, sure. 292 00:12:12,572 --> 00:12:14,313 Good one, Mom. 293 00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:17,272 You sure have a fun energy. 294 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,536 Well, I've got a pot of coffee in me. 295 00:12:20,667 --> 00:12:21,712 That helps. 296 00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,018 Later. Bye. 297 00:12:24,149 --> 00:12:27,630 I hope you have a super day. 298 00:12:27,761 --> 00:12:29,720 Drinks all the freakin' coffee I made. 299 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,897 Maybe I want some of the freakin' coffee I made. 300 00:12:33,027 --> 00:12:34,333 No, no, no. No. 301 00:12:34,463 --> 00:12:39,033 Do something nice. Do something nice. 302 00:12:39,164 --> 00:12:40,252 Like pick up her sweater 303 00:12:41,557 --> 00:12:41,819 that she dumped in the fruit bowl. 304 00:12:43,168 --> 00:12:44,125 'Cause that's where that belongs. 305 00:12:45,605 --> 00:12:47,346 Probably shoves her socks in the crisper. 306 00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:50,305 She is the most selfish, inconsiderate, petty, 307 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:54,657 narcissistic, lazy, coffee-hogging monster. 308 00:12:56,703 --> 00:12:59,401 Well, I can't put this perfectly folded sweater 309 00:12:59,532 --> 00:13:02,143 on this catastrophe of a bed. 310 00:13:05,364 --> 00:13:09,150 I am a spiritual giant. 311 00:13:09,281 --> 00:13:11,196 ♪♪ 312 00:13:14,939 --> 00:13:16,418 Oh, when did you get here? 313 00:13:16,549 --> 00:13:18,377 Uh, just a few minutes ago. Where's your mom? 314 00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:19,813 She went to Home Depot. 315 00:13:19,944 --> 00:13:22,033 Home Depot? I'm gonna need a beer. 316 00:13:22,163 --> 00:13:24,644 I'll get it. Thanks. 317 00:13:24,775 --> 00:13:27,168 So your mom's been a real pain in the ass lately, huh? 318 00:13:27,299 --> 00:13:30,128 Uh... 319 00:13:30,258 --> 00:13:31,346 No. 320 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,131 Come on, that's why I came over early, 321 00:13:33,261 --> 00:13:34,785 so we could both vent. 322 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,699 It's like our tiny support group. 323 00:13:36,830 --> 00:13:39,920 Bonnie Anonymous. 324 00:13:40,051 --> 00:13:43,184 I... love my mom. 325 00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:47,536 That is why I choose to live here with her. 326 00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:51,192 Oh, God, is she behind me? 327 00:13:52,846 --> 00:13:54,369 Can't I say nice things about my mom 328 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,414 without it being weird? 329 00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:57,459 I don't think so. 330 00:13:57,590 --> 00:14:01,289 Whoa, leave that. It's still in play. 331 00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:04,249 Really? It's been sitting here for days. 332 00:14:04,379 --> 00:14:06,077 It smells so bad, even Gus won't eat it. 333 00:14:06,207 --> 00:14:08,209 Look, whoever throws away that sandwich 334 00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:09,907 will be the weak one in our marriage, 335 00:14:10,037 --> 00:14:12,213 forever, till the day we die. 336 00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:15,564 Your vows are gonna be amazing. 337 00:14:15,695 --> 00:14:18,176 Well, I got stuck in line behind a lesbian couple 338 00:14:18,306 --> 00:14:20,047 building a deck. 339 00:14:22,093 --> 00:14:23,442 Hey. 340 00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:25,357 Hey. 341 00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:27,794 [scoffs] I'm gonna go take a shower. 342 00:14:27,925 --> 00:14:30,231 Not that we dress for dinner around here. 343 00:14:30,362 --> 00:14:32,059 There are over 40 places in this town 344 00:14:32,190 --> 00:14:33,147 that are okay with a T-shirt. 345 00:14:33,278 --> 00:14:34,845 I Yelped! 346 00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:37,238 "I Yelped." I'll make you yelp. 347 00:14:38,936 --> 00:14:41,155 Aw... 348 00:14:41,286 --> 00:14:43,462 look what he did. 349 00:14:45,246 --> 00:14:48,206 Hey, after I shower, 350 00:14:48,336 --> 00:14:50,861 how 'bout we catch that movie you wanted to see? 351 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,689 The one with the fighting robots? 352 00:14:53,820 --> 00:14:55,169 Yeah. 353 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:57,955 Wow. Okay. 354 00:14:58,085 --> 00:14:59,913 Thanks. 355 00:15:00,044 --> 00:15:01,523 And then how about I change my shirt 356 00:15:01,654 --> 00:15:03,090 so we can go to dinner, too? 357 00:15:03,221 --> 00:15:04,570 Really? 358 00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:08,182 That would be nice. Thank you. 359 00:15:08,313 --> 00:15:09,531 You're welcome. 360 00:15:14,188 --> 00:15:17,322 ♪♪ 361 00:15:17,452 --> 00:15:18,889 I'm telling you, this last week, 362 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,673 Adam has been a totally different guy. 363 00:15:20,803 --> 00:15:22,283 Every time I turn around, boom, 364 00:15:22,414 --> 00:15:23,589 he's done another nice thing. 365 00:15:23,719 --> 00:15:24,982 Mmm. 366 00:15:25,112 --> 00:15:26,505 He keeps making the bed, 367 00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:28,550 he's done the laundry twice, he even vacuumed. 368 00:15:28,681 --> 00:15:31,292 He's like a maid you can have sex with. 369 00:15:31,423 --> 00:15:34,165 Best part, he never says a word. 370 00:15:34,295 --> 00:15:37,342 Doesn't need the credit. That's how amazing he is. 371 00:15:39,474 --> 00:15:41,520 Hey, this is silk. 372 00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:44,349 Well, bring it over to our house. 373 00:15:44,479 --> 00:15:46,351 Maybe Adam can clean it for you, 374 00:15:46,481 --> 00:15:48,266 without taking credit. 375 00:15:48,396 --> 00:15:50,268 Christy, are you okay? 376 00:15:50,398 --> 00:15:53,924 I'm fine. I just got a tough chicken. 377 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:57,405 Well, I'm glad Adam is making an effort 378 00:15:57,536 --> 00:16:00,191 so you don't have to die alone. 379 00:16:00,321 --> 00:16:03,237 Jury's still out on that. Why? 380 00:16:03,368 --> 00:16:05,152 Because... there's a little part of me 381 00:16:05,283 --> 00:16:08,199 that thinks this is a trap-- I mean, like, what if he's doing 382 00:16:08,329 --> 00:16:10,897 all these nice things to trick me into picking up the sandwich? 383 00:16:11,028 --> 00:16:13,247 Yeah. Or you could just take the nice things he's doing 384 00:16:13,378 --> 00:16:16,555 at face value, and not assume people are out to get you. 385 00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:20,124 Sure. I'll just jump on the bullet train to Chump Town. 386 00:16:20,254 --> 00:16:22,735 Lot of happy marriages in Chump Town. 387 00:16:22,865 --> 00:16:25,433 ♪♪ 388 00:16:25,564 --> 00:16:27,218 I'm not arguing with you, 389 00:16:27,348 --> 00:16:30,003 I am just saying you are completely wrong. 390 00:16:30,134 --> 00:16:32,614 The nicer I am, the angrier I get. 391 00:16:32,745 --> 00:16:34,965 It's only been a week-- give it time. 392 00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,184 I know you told me that I couldn't take credit, 393 00:16:37,315 --> 00:16:40,057 but you didn't tell me that I would have to watch someone else 394 00:16:40,187 --> 00:16:42,885 get credit day after day after day after day. 395 00:16:43,016 --> 00:16:45,018 After day! 396 00:16:45,149 --> 00:16:47,194 Oh. That must be hard. 397 00:16:47,325 --> 00:16:48,413 That's what I'm saying. 398 00:16:48,543 --> 00:16:50,023 Too bad. Keep doing it. 399 00:16:50,154 --> 00:16:51,372 Now, I got to go. 400 00:16:51,503 --> 00:16:54,071 But what if I... I really got to go. 401 00:16:54,201 --> 00:16:56,073 NEWSMAN: And now with the weather, here's Nora Rogers. 402 00:16:56,203 --> 00:16:57,857 Hope you got those jackets ready, 403 00:16:57,988 --> 00:16:59,859 'cause tonight's gonna be a chilly one. Uh-huh. 404 00:16:59,990 --> 00:17:00,903 And going into Tue... 405 00:17:03,167 --> 00:17:05,125 Oh, for God's sake. 406 00:17:05,256 --> 00:17:07,127 Stop being an idiot! 407 00:17:07,258 --> 00:17:09,129 Just throw away the damn sandwich! 408 00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:10,652 Uh... What? 409 00:17:12,089 --> 00:17:14,700 You've never yelled at me before. 410 00:17:14,830 --> 00:17:17,007 Sorry. 411 00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:21,402 I've been swallowing a lot of anger lately. 412 00:17:21,533 --> 00:17:23,361 Christy, I want to throw it away 413 00:17:23,491 --> 00:17:25,102 'cause your mom's been so nice lately, 414 00:17:25,232 --> 00:17:28,540 but it's kind of like Vietnam-- I know I need to get out, 415 00:17:28,670 --> 00:17:31,151 but how can I achieve peace with honor? 416 00:17:31,282 --> 00:17:34,894 Maybe you should stop treating your relationship like a war. 417 00:17:35,025 --> 00:17:37,331 You guys are both on the same side. 418 00:17:38,376 --> 00:17:39,942 You're right. 419 00:17:40,073 --> 00:17:42,597 Unless you're in on it. 420 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,295 What are you talking about? 421 00:17:44,425 --> 00:17:46,732 Maybe she got you to say these things so you could trick me 422 00:17:46,862 --> 00:17:49,343 into throwing the sandwich away, so then I'm the guy... 423 00:17:49,474 --> 00:17:51,650 I sound like I'm crazy, don't I? 424 00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:54,392 I'm just gonna throw the sandwich away. 425 00:17:55,219 --> 00:17:56,742 Good. 426 00:17:56,872 --> 00:17:59,701 And next time you two draw a line in the sand, 427 00:17:59,832 --> 00:18:01,573 can it not be with tuna? 428 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:05,838 What are you doing? 429 00:18:05,968 --> 00:18:07,274 I am throwing away this sandwich 430 00:18:07,405 --> 00:18:08,536 because I love you. 431 00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:10,277 No! I wanted to throw it away 432 00:18:10,408 --> 00:18:11,496 because I love you. 433 00:18:11,626 --> 00:18:13,324 Too late. It's done. 434 00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:20,331 I'm sorry I told you what to do. 435 00:18:20,461 --> 00:18:21,419 I'm sorry you had to. 436 00:18:22,550 --> 00:18:23,160 I really should make more of an effort. 437 00:18:24,596 --> 00:18:27,120 That's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me. 438 00:18:28,165 --> 00:18:30,645 [both moaning] 439 00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:35,085 BONNIE: Mmm, Adam. 440 00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:39,350 ♪♪ 441 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,135 And I know I'm not supposed to be telling you this, 442 00:18:42,266 --> 00:18:45,312 but I picked up her sweater and put it away. 443 00:18:45,443 --> 00:18:48,272 And while I was doing it, I didn't want to kill her. 444 00:18:48,402 --> 00:18:50,535 I was too busy being happy for her. 445 00:18:50,665 --> 00:18:52,537 What did you do to me? 446 00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:54,365 I didn't do it, you did. 447 00:18:54,495 --> 00:18:55,801 I just made a suggestion. 448 00:18:55,931 --> 00:18:57,585 Well, it worked. 449 00:18:57,716 --> 00:19:00,414 Good. Maybe next time you won't push back so hard. 450 00:19:00,545 --> 00:19:02,024 I won't. 451 00:19:02,155 --> 00:19:03,461 Yeah, you will. 452 00:19:03,591 --> 00:19:05,811 Also, you're gonna need an umbrella tonight. 453 00:19:05,941 --> 00:19:07,247 But it's sunny. 454 00:19:07,378 --> 00:19:09,162 You're gonna have to learn to trust me. 455 00:19:09,293 --> 00:19:11,208 Here you go. 456 00:19:11,338 --> 00:19:13,688 Here you go. Here you go. 457 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:14,820 What's this? 458 00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:16,822 This is the "Save the Date" card 459 00:19:16,952 --> 00:19:18,258 for my wedding. 460 00:19:18,389 --> 00:19:21,174 You may or may not be invited, but save the date. 461 00:19:21,305 --> 00:19:22,262 MARJORIE: Oh. 462 00:19:22,393 --> 00:19:24,177 You ready to be a bridesmaid? 463 00:19:24,308 --> 00:19:27,833 Mm, God, my skin's already itching from the polyester. 464 00:19:27,963 --> 00:19:30,140 It's official-- I am no longer backing out, 465 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:31,663 I'm locking it in. 466 00:19:31,793 --> 00:19:34,796 So Adam wasn't just trying to trick you? 467 00:19:34,927 --> 00:19:36,320 No, Marjorie, you were wrong. 468 00:19:39,236 --> 00:19:41,238 Oh, my God, Christy, what's wrong? 469 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,589 You... made me love my mother, 470 00:19:44,719 --> 00:19:46,895 and now she's leaving me. 471 00:19:47,026 --> 00:19:49,202 [thunder crashing] 472 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,207 Told you. 473 00:20:04,048 --> 00:20:06,050 Oh, God. 474 00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:08,487 We're in Vietnam again? 475 00:20:10,663 --> 00:20:13,057 [sighs] This is me doing nice things. 476 00:20:13,187 --> 00:20:16,103 'Cause that's what I do-- I'm a nice thing doer. 477 00:20:16,234 --> 00:20:18,410 ADAM: Hey, what the hell happened to my lunch? 478 00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:20,238 CHRISTY: Oops. 479 00:20:23,750 --> 00:20:25,360 Gus? 480 00:20:26,405 --> 00:20:28,146 Did you eat my sandwich? 481 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,802 And the plate? 482 00:20:34,021 --> 00:20:35,762 See you later, Mom! 483 00:20:35,893 --> 00:20:37,938 Enjoy your sandwich! 484 00:20:38,069 --> 00:20:39,244 Oh. Hey, Adam.