1 00:00:02,237 --> 00:00:04,848 Hi, Jill, alcoholic. OTHERS: Hi, Jill. 2 00:00:04,892 --> 00:00:06,154 Things are good. 3 00:00:06,197 --> 00:00:07,677 I got my 30-day chip yesterday. 4 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,070 Some of y'all weren't there, 5 00:00:09,113 --> 00:00:11,202 so I thought I'd give you a chance to applaud. 6 00:00:14,118 --> 00:00:16,468 Oh, come on! Carla got more applause 7 00:00:16,512 --> 00:00:18,122 for not sleeping with her brother-in-law. 8 00:00:20,516 --> 00:00:21,909 Better. 9 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,913 Anyway, my only complaint is, now that I'm a newcomer again, 10 00:00:25,956 --> 00:00:28,132 I'm not supposed to date for a year. 11 00:00:28,176 --> 00:00:30,787 I mean, the Lamborghini's gassed up and fully detailed, 12 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:33,355 but Marjorie won't let me take it out of the garage. 13 00:00:33,398 --> 00:00:35,096 Give it time. 14 00:00:35,139 --> 00:00:38,490 Vroom-vroom, Marjorie! Vroom-vroom! 15 00:00:38,534 --> 00:00:41,189 That's all I got. 16 00:00:42,755 --> 00:00:45,106 Hi, Bonnie, alcoholic. OTHERS: Hi, Bonnie. 17 00:00:45,149 --> 00:00:47,238 Some of you may recall my recent share 18 00:00:47,282 --> 00:00:49,937 about my fiancé's 17-year-old dog 19 00:00:49,980 --> 00:00:51,416 crossing over the rainbow bridge. 20 00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:53,157 I wasn't here. What happened? 21 00:00:53,201 --> 00:00:54,855 Dog went gay? 22 00:00:54,898 --> 00:00:56,900 He died. 23 00:00:56,944 --> 00:00:58,336 Aw. 24 00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:02,036 Yes "aw," total "aw," justified "aw." 25 00:01:02,079 --> 00:01:04,212 Thankfully, Samson died peacefully in his sleep 26 00:01:04,255 --> 00:01:06,170 with a big ol' pork chop in his belly. 27 00:01:06,214 --> 00:01:09,260 God knows that's how I want to go. 28 00:01:09,304 --> 00:01:11,523 The problem is, that was three weeks ago, 29 00:01:11,567 --> 00:01:13,395 and Adam is still devastated. 30 00:01:13,438 --> 00:01:17,312 I am relatively new to this-- what's it called, empathy? 31 00:01:19,053 --> 00:01:22,012 But shouldn't he be through the five stages of grief by now? 32 00:01:22,056 --> 00:01:24,406 He's not shaving or showering; he's wearing the same sweatshirt 33 00:01:24,449 --> 00:01:25,929 because it smells like his dog, 34 00:01:25,973 --> 00:01:28,236 which means my fiancé smells like a dog. 35 00:01:28,279 --> 00:01:32,066 I mean, I want to continue supporting him, but... [sighs] 36 00:01:32,109 --> 00:01:34,633 So I will say to you what I can't say to him. 37 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:37,288 All dogs go to heaven. Move on! 38 00:01:37,332 --> 00:01:40,465 Thanks. 39 00:01:40,509 --> 00:01:42,946 Hi, Christy, alcoholic. 40 00:01:42,990 --> 00:01:45,166 OTHERS: Hi, Christy. 41 00:01:45,209 --> 00:01:48,020 So, I've been having some trouble with my boyfriend. 42 00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:51,115 Oh, no. They're my Kate and William. 43 00:01:51,159 --> 00:01:53,596 His birthday weekend didn't go well, 44 00:01:53,639 --> 00:01:56,381 so I've been overthinking everything. 45 00:01:56,425 --> 00:01:58,862 He texted me "How ya doin'?" 46 00:01:58,906 --> 00:02:01,691 and I panicked and sent him an emoji of a cow. 47 00:02:01,734 --> 00:02:03,345 I have no idea what it meant. 48 00:02:04,812 --> 00:02:06,857 Tonight, he wants to Skype, 49 00:02:06,901 --> 00:02:11,035 and I don't know whether it's a sexy Skype or a breakup Skype. 50 00:02:11,079 --> 00:02:13,821 I mean, what do I wear? 51 00:02:13,864 --> 00:02:18,390 I don't want to be sitting there in my nipple-less bra when... 52 00:02:18,434 --> 00:02:20,044 he dumps me. 53 00:02:20,088 --> 00:02:23,091 Oh, honey. 54 00:02:23,134 --> 00:02:25,136 [sobbing]: Oh, God! 55 00:02:29,854 --> 00:02:32,814 This is empathy, right? 56 00:02:32,857 --> 00:02:34,859 ♪♪ 57 00:02:53,151 --> 00:02:55,110 Hey, honey. 58 00:02:56,372 --> 00:02:57,416 Excuse me. 59 00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:59,287 Are you my fiancé's son? 60 00:02:59,292 --> 00:03:02,034 Because I'm having some forbidden feelings. 61 00:03:02,078 --> 00:03:04,210 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I showered and shaved. 62 00:03:04,254 --> 00:03:06,082 Clean hair, clean teeth, clean underwear. 63 00:03:06,125 --> 00:03:07,213 [sighs] 64 00:03:07,257 --> 00:03:08,998 Wait, what's that I smell? 65 00:03:09,041 --> 00:03:13,176 [sniffs] Mmm. It's nothing! 66 00:03:13,219 --> 00:03:17,659 I think I'm ready to wash the dog bowls and put them away. 67 00:03:17,702 --> 00:03:20,792 Progress. Awesome, I love it. Why don't you let me do it. 68 00:03:20,836 --> 00:03:23,099 You go watch some TV and just relax. 69 00:03:23,142 --> 00:03:24,274 Thanks, babe. 70 00:03:25,884 --> 00:03:28,104 Hey, I was thinking maybe later we could go out for dinner. 71 00:03:28,147 --> 00:03:29,322 We could go to that place 72 00:03:29,366 --> 00:03:30,802 where they flip the shrimp in your mouth. 73 00:03:30,846 --> 00:03:32,413 Yeah, I like that place. 74 00:03:32,456 --> 00:03:34,458 Remember when I caught one in my cleavage? 75 00:03:34,502 --> 00:03:37,069 Ah, everybody enjoyed that. 76 00:03:41,073 --> 00:03:43,424 [clanking] 77 00:03:45,730 --> 00:03:48,254 This one's got to soak. 78 00:03:48,298 --> 00:03:50,343 MAN [over TV]: He's more than a dog. 79 00:03:50,387 --> 00:03:52,345 He's your best friend. 80 00:03:52,389 --> 00:03:54,260 [dog barks] 81 00:03:54,304 --> 00:03:57,133 What are you watching? What are you watching? 82 00:03:57,176 --> 00:03:59,135 Ah, it's just a stupid commercial. 83 00:03:59,178 --> 00:04:01,137 ["Best Friend" by Harry Nilsson playing over TV] 84 00:04:01,180 --> 00:04:05,010 [sighs] They're best friends. They grew up together. 85 00:04:05,054 --> 00:04:09,058 [voice breaks]: But now he's too old to jump in the truck. 86 00:04:09,101 --> 00:04:11,103 [sighs] 87 00:04:14,237 --> 00:04:15,412 Hey. 88 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,196 CHRISTY: Hey. 89 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:18,981 Well, I'm not spending the night at Adam's. 90 00:04:19,024 --> 00:04:22,158 Weepy Sue is back with a vengeance. 91 00:04:22,201 --> 00:04:25,378 I swear I've had all the sadness I can take for a lifetime. 92 00:04:25,422 --> 00:04:27,163 [crying softly] 93 00:04:29,252 --> 00:04:31,080 [crying softly] 94 00:04:50,621 --> 00:04:52,144 [wails]: Oh! 95 00:04:52,188 --> 00:04:55,234 [sighs] 96 00:04:55,278 --> 00:04:57,889 Oh, no. What happened? 97 00:04:59,487 --> 00:05:04,013 It wasn't sexy Skype. It was breakup Skype. 98 00:05:04,056 --> 00:05:05,971 Oh, honey. 99 00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:08,104 I'm sorry. 100 00:05:08,147 --> 00:05:09,801 At least you dressed appropriately. 101 00:05:11,847 --> 00:05:13,892 I was ready for both. 102 00:05:13,936 --> 00:05:15,981 Oh, that's pretty. 103 00:05:16,025 --> 00:05:17,418 Thanks. It's new. 104 00:05:20,072 --> 00:05:23,249 [sighs] What did Patrick say? 105 00:05:23,293 --> 00:05:25,817 He asked me to go live with him. [sniffles] 106 00:05:25,861 --> 00:05:27,819 He said he would take care of me, 107 00:05:27,863 --> 00:05:29,734 that I wouldn't have to work so much. 108 00:05:29,778 --> 00:05:31,693 That way, we could spend more time together. 109 00:05:31,736 --> 00:05:34,886 But I said no, so he broke up with me. 110 00:05:34,891 --> 00:05:36,632 Okay. 111 00:05:36,675 --> 00:05:39,069 Why the hell would you say no? 112 00:05:39,113 --> 00:05:42,072 I can't move three hours away. 113 00:05:42,116 --> 00:05:43,856 I have a life here. 114 00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,946 Ish. 115 00:05:45,989 --> 00:05:50,211 Look, it may not be a great life, but it is a life. 116 00:05:50,254 --> 00:05:53,344 I'm not ready to just give all that up. 117 00:05:53,388 --> 00:05:57,131 Well, I support you no matter what, sweetie. 118 00:05:57,174 --> 00:05:59,611 Thanks, Mom. 119 00:05:59,655 --> 00:06:01,135 How 'bout I make you some tea, 120 00:06:01,178 --> 00:06:04,138 and you go watch some TV and-and get your mind off it. 121 00:06:04,181 --> 00:06:06,183 I'd like that. 122 00:06:08,925 --> 00:06:11,449 [sighs] What are you doing to me? 123 00:06:14,061 --> 00:06:18,195 WOMAN [over TV]: We now return to Love Actually. 124 00:06:18,239 --> 00:06:20,284 Nope. 125 00:06:23,971 --> 00:06:26,190 So how's Adam doing? Not great. 126 00:06:26,234 --> 00:06:29,063 Last night, I made him hot dogs and he burst into tears. 127 00:06:29,106 --> 00:06:31,674 I mean, that is a whisper-thin connection. 128 00:06:31,717 --> 00:06:33,937 Bonnie, everybody takes a different amount of time 129 00:06:33,981 --> 00:06:35,156 to process grief. 130 00:06:35,199 --> 00:06:37,245 I know the guy's hurting, and I love him, 131 00:06:37,288 --> 00:06:40,509 but sweet mother of pearl, this is hard. 132 00:06:40,552 --> 00:06:43,164 I give him tissues, I hold him, I make him soup. 133 00:06:43,207 --> 00:06:45,470 And what is the deal with sad people and soup? 134 00:06:45,514 --> 00:06:47,124 He can't get enough soup. 135 00:06:47,168 --> 00:06:49,126 It's too depressing when animals die. 136 00:06:49,170 --> 00:06:51,128 It's why I couldn't become a vet. 137 00:06:51,172 --> 00:06:54,044 And yet you became an emergency room nurse. 138 00:06:54,088 --> 00:06:56,046 What's your point? 139 00:06:56,090 --> 00:07:00,050 I think it's sexy when a man's in touch with his emotions. 140 00:07:00,094 --> 00:07:03,836 Victor cried when my calico Janis Joplin died. 141 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:08,276 We made love with the lights on that night. 142 00:07:10,539 --> 00:07:12,236 Oh, look! 143 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:13,716 Christy's here. 144 00:07:13,759 --> 00:07:15,196 Hey! 145 00:07:15,239 --> 00:07:16,849 Hey, guys. 146 00:07:16,893 --> 00:07:18,373 I'm so sorry, Christy. 147 00:07:18,416 --> 00:07:20,636 I really thought you and Patrick were gonna make it. 148 00:07:20,679 --> 00:07:22,290 Thanks, Wendy. 149 00:07:22,333 --> 00:07:25,293 At least it was a healthy end to a healthy relationship. 150 00:07:28,513 --> 00:07:31,690 [voice breaks]: Healthiest relationship I've ever had. 151 00:07:31,734 --> 00:07:34,432 Did he actually use the words "I'll take care of you"? 152 00:07:34,476 --> 00:07:36,391 He did.What's wrong with you?! 153 00:07:36,434 --> 00:07:37,653 I don't know! 154 00:07:39,481 --> 00:07:41,265 You know what, Christy, I have got just the thing 155 00:07:41,309 --> 00:07:42,745 to take your mind off your troubles. 156 00:07:42,788 --> 00:07:46,488 Jill, again, I don't want to steam my vagina. 157 00:07:46,531 --> 00:07:49,795 Okay, you didn't give that a chance. 158 00:07:51,710 --> 00:07:54,061 But what I'm thinking is we go to San Francisco 159 00:07:54,104 --> 00:07:56,977 and shop until that hole in your heart is full with Gucci. 160 00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:59,022 That is so kind, but... 161 00:07:59,066 --> 00:08:00,328 Christy, you have always been there for me. 162 00:08:00,371 --> 00:08:01,590 Let me do this for you. 163 00:08:01,633 --> 00:08:03,592 Well... 164 00:08:03,635 --> 00:08:05,768 I have always wanted to know 165 00:08:05,811 --> 00:08:08,814 what it feels like to just throw money at a problem. 166 00:08:08,858 --> 00:08:13,558 Trust me, it'll get you all tingly like a steamed vagina. 167 00:08:13,602 --> 00:08:17,258 [singsongy]: Ooh, we're going shopping! 168 00:08:17,301 --> 00:08:18,650 No, just Christy. 169 00:08:18,694 --> 00:08:20,783 She's the one who's upset. 170 00:08:20,826 --> 00:08:25,353 I don't know if you've heard, but my fiancé's dog just died. 171 00:08:26,658 --> 00:08:29,574 [sportscast playing quietly over TV] 172 00:08:30,836 --> 00:08:34,753 Aw, there you are, right where I left you. 173 00:08:34,797 --> 00:08:36,637 Hey. 174 00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:38,993 I've heard one way to raise a man's spirits 175 00:08:39,036 --> 00:08:42,083 is to bring a third party into the relationship. 176 00:08:42,126 --> 00:08:45,869 I'm not in the mood for-- Is it Louise from Trader Joe's? 177 00:08:47,915 --> 00:08:49,786 Close. 178 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:53,094 [singsongy]: It's a puppy! 179 00:08:55,009 --> 00:08:57,576 And he's from the Third Street Shelter. 180 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,317 Bonnie, what are you doing? 181 00:08:59,361 --> 00:09:01,450 I'm trying to hand you an adorable puppy 182 00:09:01,493 --> 00:09:03,147 that will make you happy. You're welcome. 183 00:09:03,191 --> 00:09:06,063 I-I'm not, I'm not gonna take him. 184 00:09:06,107 --> 00:09:07,543 But, honey, he's got puppy breath 185 00:09:07,586 --> 00:09:09,762 and he wants you to be his new daddy. 186 00:09:11,808 --> 00:09:13,810 Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, 187 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,812 but I-I'm not ready for another dog. 188 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,379 Why not? You've got those clean bowls. 189 00:09:17,422 --> 00:09:18,771 You're halfway there. 190 00:09:18,815 --> 00:09:20,295 I'm still grieving over Samson. 191 00:09:20,338 --> 00:09:22,079 It's only been a couple of weeks. 192 00:09:22,123 --> 00:09:23,341 23 days. 193 00:09:23,385 --> 00:09:26,083 Bonnie, listen to me. 194 00:09:26,127 --> 00:09:30,131 I know to you I only lost a dog, but to me, I lost a friend 195 00:09:30,174 --> 00:09:32,916 that got me through the roughest time in my life. 196 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,744 Well, you're gonna have more rough times. 197 00:09:34,787 --> 00:09:38,008 I mean, you are marrying me. 198 00:09:38,052 --> 00:09:40,532 And maybe this little fella can help. 199 00:09:40,576 --> 00:09:42,621 I mean, I got stuck behind a garbage truck 200 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,275 on my way over here, narrow street, 201 00:09:44,319 --> 00:09:46,625 no way to get around him, and I glance over, 202 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:50,194 and this guy is giving me a very encouraging look. 203 00:09:55,417 --> 00:09:57,201 Made a difference. 204 00:09:57,245 --> 00:09:59,769 Just flipped a switch right in here. 205 00:09:59,812 --> 00:10:04,382 Take the dog and-and just go. 206 00:10:04,426 --> 00:10:06,036 Are you serious? 207 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,734 Yeah. 208 00:10:08,778 --> 00:10:09,866 Fine. 209 00:10:18,657 --> 00:10:21,660 I asked you to do one thing. 210 00:10:31,227 --> 00:10:33,577 This'll make you forget about Patrick. 211 00:10:33,621 --> 00:10:36,537 This'll make you forget you didn't get into law school. 212 00:10:36,580 --> 00:10:39,043 This'll make you forget you live with your mom. 213 00:10:39,048 --> 00:10:40,745 Okay, if we're gonna list all my problems, 214 00:10:40,789 --> 00:10:44,227 we're gonna run out of dresses. 215 00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:46,838 Uh, these are too expensive. 216 00:10:46,882 --> 00:10:49,188 I got to tell you, Jill, I really appreciate this, 217 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,956 but I'm just so much more comfortable at an outlet mall. 218 00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:53,919 Outlet mall? 219 00:10:53,963 --> 00:10:57,923 Can't heal a sad person with sad clothes. 220 00:10:57,967 --> 00:10:59,864 Nothing's gonna heal me. 221 00:10:59,869 --> 00:11:02,828 Why don't you try talking about it? 222 00:11:02,872 --> 00:11:05,657 You know, I took an online class in listening. 223 00:11:05,701 --> 00:11:08,007 Forgetting myself... and go. 224 00:11:08,351 --> 00:11:10,670 Jill, I really don't want to talk about this. 225 00:11:10,675 --> 00:11:12,764 Especially with you not blinking. 226 00:11:12,808 --> 00:11:13,939 It's freaking me out. 227 00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:16,159 Come on, give me one chance. 228 00:11:16,202 --> 00:11:18,596 Forgetting myself... and go. 229 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,424 I really don't want to do this. 230 00:11:20,468 --> 00:11:22,165 Trust me, it'll make you feel better. 231 00:11:22,208 --> 00:11:23,601 Forgetting myself and go! 232 00:11:23,645 --> 00:11:26,865 Fine. 233 00:11:26,909 --> 00:11:29,955 I can't help thinking I made a mistake with Patrick. 234 00:11:29,999 --> 00:11:31,522 Oh, hell no! 235 00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:34,090 So you think I did the right thing? No, shh! 236 00:11:34,133 --> 00:11:36,092 My ex-husband's new wife just walked in. 237 00:11:36,135 --> 00:11:37,833 I didn't get a good look. 238 00:11:37,876 --> 00:11:40,618 Tell me if she lost the baby weight. 239 00:11:41,924 --> 00:11:45,231 Wow, is she a professional dancer? 240 00:11:45,275 --> 00:11:49,366 No, she's a professional husband stealer. 241 00:11:49,410 --> 00:11:52,108 Slash highly-regarded anesthesiologist. 242 00:11:54,153 --> 00:11:56,025 CHRISTY: What are we doing? 243 00:11:56,068 --> 00:11:58,070 I can't let her see me.Why? 244 00:11:58,114 --> 00:11:59,463 'Cause she'll think I'm stalking her. 245 00:11:59,507 --> 00:12:01,117 Why would she think that? 246 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,163 'Cause I had a dark six weeks where I totally was. 247 00:12:07,515 --> 00:12:09,342 Mmm. Isn't he cute? 248 00:12:09,386 --> 00:12:10,413 Yeah. 249 00:12:10,418 --> 00:12:13,029 You can name him anything you want. 250 00:12:13,072 --> 00:12:14,987 Have you named one after Steve Miller yet? Look at him. 251 00:12:15,031 --> 00:12:19,252 He's a joker, he's a smoker, he's a midnight toker. 252 00:12:19,296 --> 00:12:21,080 He is adorable, 253 00:12:21,124 --> 00:12:23,387 but I'm pretty well established as a cat person. 254 00:12:23,431 --> 00:12:25,084 Exactly. 255 00:12:25,128 --> 00:12:27,043 Eight cats and you're the crazy cat lady. 256 00:12:27,086 --> 00:12:29,393 Eight cats and one dog, you just love animals. 257 00:12:31,047 --> 00:12:33,223 Who rescued who, am I right? 258 00:12:33,266 --> 00:12:37,009 Did you ask Wendy? She seems lonely. 259 00:12:37,053 --> 00:12:38,054 Yeah, already tried her. 260 00:12:38,097 --> 00:12:39,447 She lives with four other nurses. 261 00:12:39,490 --> 00:12:41,100 It's like a sitcom over there. 262 00:12:42,841 --> 00:12:45,975 [sighs] I wish Adam would just take the dog. 263 00:12:46,018 --> 00:12:47,629 Let me ask you something. 264 00:12:47,672 --> 00:12:49,631 Did you get this dog to make him feel better 265 00:12:49,674 --> 00:12:50,893 or make you feel better? 266 00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:53,112 Aren't those the same thing? 267 00:12:53,156 --> 00:12:55,114 Bonnie, you're gonna have to learn to weather these storms 268 00:12:55,158 --> 00:12:57,465 if you want to be together for the long haul. 269 00:12:57,508 --> 00:12:58,596 But he's the rock. 270 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,729 Well, why can't you be the rock? 271 00:13:00,772 --> 00:13:02,208 Because I'm the river. 272 00:13:03,993 --> 00:13:05,429 The roaring river. 273 00:13:05,473 --> 00:13:07,910 I cut through the rock and make the Grand Canyon, 274 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:11,348 and people come from miles around to behold me. 275 00:13:11,392 --> 00:13:13,219 Wow. 276 00:13:13,263 --> 00:13:16,135 I knew you wouldn't get it. 277 00:13:16,179 --> 00:13:18,137 Listen, in any relationship, 278 00:13:18,181 --> 00:13:20,313 emotional support has to be a two-way street. 279 00:13:20,357 --> 00:13:24,579 I'm not sure I buy that, but someone's tail is wagging. 280 00:13:26,885 --> 00:13:32,238 [high-pitched]: "Oh, teach me how to love, Marjorie." 281 00:13:32,282 --> 00:13:33,414 Nothing? 282 00:13:33,457 --> 00:13:35,328 [scoffs] 283 00:13:35,372 --> 00:13:39,071 You don't want to live with her. She's the crazy cat lady. 284 00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:43,119 Look at her, shopping for scarves 285 00:13:43,162 --> 00:13:45,077 like she's queen of the world. 286 00:13:46,644 --> 00:13:48,472 Oh, here comes the hat show. 287 00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:54,043 Hey, maybe she's shopping 'cause she's miserable, like me. 288 00:13:54,086 --> 00:13:57,220 Oh, that'd be great. Go find out. 289 00:13:57,263 --> 00:13:59,831 What? I don't even know her. 290 00:13:59,875 --> 00:14:03,226 Look, you do this for me, and I'll take you to that... 291 00:14:03,269 --> 00:14:05,010 [groans]: Old Navy. 292 00:14:07,752 --> 00:14:09,319 Wait here. 293 00:14:16,413 --> 00:14:18,371 That's a lovely hat. 294 00:14:18,415 --> 00:14:20,548 You really think I can pull off this color? 295 00:14:20,591 --> 00:14:22,985 Mm, pretty sure you could pull off anything. 296 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,116 Thank you. 297 00:14:33,822 --> 00:14:36,172 Ugh. 298 00:14:36,215 --> 00:14:38,174 Don't need another one of these. 299 00:14:46,182 --> 00:14:49,446 Hi. Me again. 300 00:14:51,317 --> 00:14:52,754 Ugh. 301 00:14:52,797 --> 00:14:56,035 So, uh, you shopping for a special occasion? 302 00:14:56,035 --> 00:14:58,081 Anniversary dinner. Three years. 303 00:14:58,124 --> 00:14:59,430 Oh. 304 00:14:59,474 --> 00:15:02,868 Ah, I remember my third anniversary. 305 00:15:02,912 --> 00:15:05,436 That's when you realize what you're really married to. 306 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:06,959 Not for us. 307 00:15:07,003 --> 00:15:09,875 My friends get sick of hearing this, but we are so happy. 308 00:15:09,919 --> 00:15:11,399 It's like we just started dating. 309 00:15:11,442 --> 00:15:14,315 Oh, that's sweet. 310 00:15:14,358 --> 00:15:17,883 But, uh, having a baby, that's like R.I.P. sex life. 311 00:15:17,927 --> 00:15:19,972 Oh, no, we are fine in that department. 312 00:15:20,016 --> 00:15:22,105 Your husband sounds perfect. 313 00:15:22,148 --> 00:15:24,107 Oh, no, he is not perfect. 314 00:15:24,150 --> 00:15:26,065 Really? In what way? 315 00:15:26,109 --> 00:15:28,198 He sends me too many flowers. 316 00:15:28,241 --> 00:15:30,113 Of course he does. 317 00:15:31,244 --> 00:15:32,898 Anyway, it was nice meeting you. 318 00:15:32,942 --> 00:15:33,899 You, too. 319 00:15:33,943 --> 00:15:35,684 Bye, Penelope. 320 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:38,382 Uh, I didn't tell you my daughter's name. 321 00:15:38,426 --> 00:15:41,080 Yes, you did. 322 00:15:41,124 --> 00:15:43,126 No, I didn't. 323 00:15:43,169 --> 00:15:45,346 You're tired. 324 00:15:45,389 --> 00:15:47,609 You're probably right. 325 00:15:47,652 --> 00:15:49,175 [chuckles]: Bye. Bye. 326 00:15:53,658 --> 00:15:56,095 [sobbing] 327 00:15:56,139 --> 00:15:58,750 [sniffling] 328 00:15:58,794 --> 00:16:02,232 Do you think maybe I should drive? 329 00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:04,930 Oh, for God's sakes, Christy, I can drive and cry. 330 00:16:04,974 --> 00:16:07,498 I do it all the time! 331 00:16:07,542 --> 00:16:10,588 Can we at least keep a foot between us and that truck? 332 00:16:10,632 --> 00:16:14,331 It's got all those symbols for explodey stuff. 333 00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:16,072 [clears throat] 334 00:16:16,115 --> 00:16:18,944 I'm sorry I ruined our shopping vacay. 335 00:16:18,988 --> 00:16:20,990 Let's talk about you and Patrick. 336 00:16:21,033 --> 00:16:22,948 No, I'm fine. 337 00:16:22,992 --> 00:16:25,429 I mean it, Christy. Get my mind off me. 338 00:16:25,473 --> 00:16:26,996 Jill, I'd rather... 339 00:16:27,039 --> 00:16:31,000 Talk about Patrick! Forgetting myself and go! 340 00:16:31,043 --> 00:16:32,523 Okay. 341 00:16:32,767 --> 00:16:34,725 Uh... 342 00:16:34,769 --> 00:16:38,076 I guess I'm worried I'm just afraid to be happy. 343 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,862 I mean, is it so crazy to pick up my life 344 00:16:40,905 --> 00:16:42,864 and see where it goes in Santa Cruz? 345 00:16:42,907 --> 00:16:46,476 They have law schools there. They have meetings. 346 00:16:46,519 --> 00:16:49,871 When I met James, I picked up my whole life 347 00:16:49,914 --> 00:16:52,882 and moved from Charleston to California just to be with him. 348 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,331 Really? 349 00:16:54,336 --> 00:16:57,905 You know what kind of culture shock that is? 350 00:16:57,948 --> 00:17:01,038 I had to lose my accent just to fit in with y'all. 351 00:17:04,215 --> 00:17:06,199 And it was worth it. 352 00:17:06,204 --> 00:17:09,338 And I'm not even willing to move three hours from here 353 00:17:09,381 --> 00:17:11,514 to a lovely seaside community. 354 00:17:11,557 --> 00:17:14,517 Where my mother doesn't live. 355 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,649 What is wrong with me? 356 00:17:16,693 --> 00:17:19,000 I loved James so much, I would've moved to the moon 357 00:17:19,043 --> 00:17:20,697 if he asked me to. 358 00:17:20,741 --> 00:17:23,613 And I wouldn't. 359 00:17:25,093 --> 00:17:28,357 Maybe I don't love Patrick. 360 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,664 Sweetie, I think if you have to ask the question, 361 00:17:31,708 --> 00:17:33,057 then you don't. 362 00:17:33,101 --> 00:17:36,234 But I really feel like I should. 363 00:17:36,278 --> 00:17:40,064 Just because he's a thousand times better than anybody else 364 00:17:40,108 --> 00:17:42,719 you've ever dated doesn't mean he's the one. 365 00:17:42,763 --> 00:17:45,940 Huh. 366 00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:49,073 I know that running into your ex's wife ripped your guts out, 367 00:17:49,117 --> 00:17:51,467 but, boy, did it help me. 368 00:17:51,510 --> 00:17:53,512 You're welcome. 369 00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:57,865 [sniffles] 370 00:17:57,908 --> 00:18:01,825 Oh! And here come your outlet stores. 371 00:18:01,869 --> 00:18:05,089 Mm, there's even a Der Wienerschnitzel. 372 00:18:05,133 --> 00:18:07,135 Yay! Der Wienerschnitzel! 373 00:18:10,399 --> 00:18:12,357 Now, this show has some nudity, 374 00:18:12,401 --> 00:18:14,185 but nothing you didn't already see 375 00:18:14,229 --> 00:18:16,884 when you barged in on me taking a shower. 376 00:18:16,927 --> 00:18:18,146 [knock on door] 377 00:18:18,189 --> 00:18:21,105 Oh. You stay here, I'll get the door. 378 00:18:25,109 --> 00:18:26,154 Hey, don't change the channel. 379 00:18:30,027 --> 00:18:31,376 Oh. 380 00:18:31,420 --> 00:18:33,683 Hey. Hey. 381 00:18:33,726 --> 00:18:35,032 What brings you by? 382 00:18:35,076 --> 00:18:37,643 Well, what always brings me by after we fight: 383 00:18:37,687 --> 00:18:39,167 I'm caving. 384 00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:42,648 Well, let me put the puppy in his crate, 385 00:18:42,692 --> 00:18:44,650 so you don't have to look at him. 386 00:18:44,694 --> 00:18:47,566 Bonnie, it's okay. 387 00:18:47,610 --> 00:18:52,049 I know I haven't been easy to be around, and I'm sorry. 388 00:18:52,093 --> 00:18:54,225 I'm sorry, too. 389 00:18:54,269 --> 00:18:57,489 I shouldn't have tried to tell you how you're supposed to feel 390 00:18:57,533 --> 00:18:59,578 or when you should be done feeling it. 391 00:18:59,622 --> 00:19:02,812 If you need to be the raging river, I can be the rock. 392 00:19:02,817 --> 00:19:05,036 Lucky for you, I only go full river 393 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,908 about once every ten years. 394 00:19:07,909 --> 00:19:09,954 Last time was when Derek Jeter retired 395 00:19:09,998 --> 00:19:11,956 and they had that commercial where he was 396 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,091 walking through the streets of New York. 397 00:19:16,134 --> 00:19:18,136 [voice breaks]: The last hero. 398 00:19:19,964 --> 00:19:21,574 I think he likes you. 399 00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:24,839 [sighs]: Oh. 400 00:19:24,882 --> 00:19:26,405 What's his name? 401 00:19:26,449 --> 00:19:28,843 Well, up until this point, his name has been "No," 402 00:19:28,886 --> 00:19:31,106 sometimes "Damn it," and occasionally "Not on the rug." 403 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,413 Do you like any of those names? 404 00:19:34,457 --> 00:19:38,113 Hmm? I didn't think so. 405 00:19:38,156 --> 00:19:40,768 How about... Gus? 406 00:19:40,811 --> 00:19:43,031 Does this mean you're keeping him? 407 00:19:43,074 --> 00:19:45,120 I think it means I'm stuck with both of you. 408 00:19:52,856 --> 00:19:53,944 How 'bout we call him Sebastian? 409 00:19:53,988 --> 00:19:55,467 I already named him Gus. 410 00:19:55,511 --> 00:19:58,035 Butterscotch? Gus. 411 00:19:58,079 --> 00:20:00,647 Bon Jovi? 412 00:20:00,690 --> 00:20:01,996 Gus. 413 00:20:02,039 --> 00:20:03,693 We'll talk about it later. 414 00:20:03,737 --> 00:20:06,243 Oh! 415 00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,250 Who's the best boy? 416 00:20:08,293 --> 00:20:10,252 You're the best boy. 417 00:20:10,295 --> 00:20:12,080 Did you like your puppy chow? 418 00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:14,169 Was it too dry? 419 00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:15,997 Was it too wet? 420 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,390 Or was it just right? 421 00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:21,263 [baby talking] 422 00:20:21,306 --> 00:20:25,006 Oh, I could snuggle with you all day, but it's time for walkies. 423 00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:26,268 Now, it's wet outside, 424 00:20:26,311 --> 00:20:29,750 so Mommy's gonna put on your raincoat. 425 00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:33,144 I know you don't like it, but it's what's good for you. 426 00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:36,931 And that's my job, to take care of you. 427 00:20:36,974 --> 00:20:39,760 Oh! [baby talking] 428 00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:42,719 I just love you so much. 429 00:20:44,025 --> 00:20:46,462 So you had it in you all along!