1
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,105
Okay, maybe I'm
old-fashioned.

2
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,806
Says the man who
wears Aqua Velva.

3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,141
I thought you like that.

4
00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:09,110
I do. Go on with
your rant, honey.

5
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:11,412
I just don't think
that dogs belong in stores.

6
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,481
I can't take my ice cream
into a pet store,

7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:14,782
so why do all these people

8
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,784
bring their dogs
into an ice cream store?

9
00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:18,386
They're service dogs.

10
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,688
Really? How was that
ratty little poodle

11
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,856
being of service to that woman
with the big, fake lips?

12
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:25,125
She must need him

13
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:26,794
or she wouldn't have
bought him a stroller.

14
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:29,129
Oh, d-don't get me started
on the strollers

15
00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:30,731
or the matching hats.

16
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,733
You know, you're getting
dangerously close

17
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,502
to old coot territory.

18
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,103
(imitating old coot):
Which is just over yonder

19
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,872
by those kids who won't
pick a damn gender!

20
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,441
(phone chimes)

21
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,576
(both laugh)

22
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:44,445
It's Christy.

23
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,447
Is that coconut or poodle fuzz?

24
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:47,548
She wants me

25
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,750
to pick up her waitress uniform
at the dry cleaner.

26
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,152
I love how she thinks
I have nothing better to do.

27
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:53,654
Do you?

28
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,456
My side.
You're on my side.

29
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,457
(chuckles)

30
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,925
"Will try,

31
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,861
but Adam in a
dark place again."

32
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,863
Hey, hey, don't drag me
into this.

33
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,798
Oh, I do it
all the time.

34
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:07,501
If she asks, you have just
a kiss of manic depression.

35
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:10,170
"Will try, but Adam
really ne..." (screams)

36
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:12,740
Oh, my God. Are you all right?
Oh! Oh!

37
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:15,576
This is bad. This is really bad.

38
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,910
Okay, here, take my hands.
I'll pull you up.

39
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:18,574
(grunts)

40
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,381
Oh, stop. I can't stand.

41
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,649
Honey, you got to get up.

42
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,050
You're in a bus stop.

43
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,552
Eventually,
there's gonna be a bus.

44
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,653
(grunts) Okay.

45
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:28,055
Let me try to drag myself out.

46
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,290
All right.
Hurry, hurry.

47
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:34,428
Did you just eat your ice cream?

48
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:35,796
Uh, I don't know. Did I?

49
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:38,532
How about when you're done
with your treat,

50
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,401
you call 911!

51
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,304
♪♪

52
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,288
So, what's the spa like?

53
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:03,191
Oh, we take hikes
through the desert,

54
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:06,260
we meditate,
we eat super healthy.

55
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,231
It's been the worst week
of my life.

56
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:11,599
Well, you look good.

57
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,502
Damn well better look good
after I-- W-What's that?

58
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:16,604
What are you eating?

59
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,439
Just a muffin.

60
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,174
Don't say "just a muffin" to me.

61
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,142
I'm on ten calories a day.
Hold it up.

62
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,647
Not the wrapper side.
Show me her face.

63
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:32,253
Ooh, she's pretty.

64
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:35,423
Jill, it's a muffin
I bought at a car wash.

65
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,158
Oh, they're all the same
in the dark.

66
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,562
What kind is it?

67
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:42,930
Bran.

68
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,632
Lie to me.

69
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,368
Double chocolate chip.

70
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,769
Yeah, it is.

71
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,240
Take another bite.

72
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,542
This is getting kind of weird.

73
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,677
Take a bite!

74
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,380
Oh, yeah.

75
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,481
(door opens)

76
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,284
Oh, got to go.

77
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,552
I'm gonna reheat
some pizza later.

78
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:05,719
I'll call you then.

79
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,288
What time?!

80
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,957
Hey, where's my mom?

81
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,559
She asked me
to make sure you were here

82
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:12,760
so she could make an entrance.

83
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,762
What?
Come on in!

84
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,597
Is she gonna do that thing
where she asks

85
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,466
"What's different about me?"
and I'm gonna have to guess?

86
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,368
Maybe, but it'll be easy.

87
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,673
Oh, my God!

88
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,241
What happened?

89
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:28,642
You made me fall.

90
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,412
How?

91
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,414
You kept texting me
about your stupid dry cleaning

92
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,982
while I was walking
and eating ice cream.

93
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,484
I almost got hit by a bus.

94
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:40,588
It was nine blocks away,
but she could see it.

95
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,324
Are they broken?
Yes.

96
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,758
No. She tore
a couple of ligaments.

97
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,727
She'll be in the chair
for a few weeks.

98
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:47,995
You hear that, Christy?

99
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,730
Torn ligaments
because of your dry cleaning.

100
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:54,001
Yeah. You have size 15 feet,
but sure, I'm the one at fault.

101
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:56,670
The X-ray lady had trouble
getting 'em in the same shot.

102
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,472
Hey! My side.

103
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:01,742
Well, is there anything
I can do to help?

104
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,744
For starters, you have to be
the building manager

105
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,346
until I can walk again.

106
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:08,482
I meant more like
get you a pillow.

107
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,618
I'll take that, too.

108
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,019
All right.

109
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,654
Well, you know,
just write a list

110
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,556
of things I need to do
around the building,

111
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,625
and I'll be like you
and not do them.

112
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:20,428
That's all I'm asking.

113
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,666
BONNIE:
Oh, I'm slipping off the toilet!

114
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,535
CHRISTY:
Just push yourself off the bowl!

115
00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:29,770
BONNIE: Grab my butt. Ow!
CHRISTY: Hold the towel rack!

116
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,372
You're hurting my leg!
(Christy groans)

117
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:32,640
CHRISTY:
Stop pulling my hair!

118
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,042
BONNIE: Pull up my pants!
(glass breaks)

119
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:38,579
CHRISTY: Great! Now we're gonna
have seven years bad luck.

120
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,481
BONNIE:
How will we tell?

121
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,519
I always knew someday she'd
need help using the toilet,

122
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:48,055
but I was really hoping
I'd be dead by then.

123
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:49,523
We better
get this worked out

124
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,525
before I have my coffee
tomorrow morning.

125
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:54,662
For what it's worth,
I really enjoyed listening.

126
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,797
You guys should do a podcast.

127
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,399
I'm glad you were entertained

128
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,067
by me almost peeing
on my daughter's hand.

129
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,402
"Almost"?!

130
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,571
It was a direct hit!

131
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,373
(ringtone playing)
Oh, great.

132
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:06,540
Course my phone's
in the kitchen.

133
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:07,641
Christy, do you mind?

134
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:10,678
Hold on, I'm boiling my hand.

135
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,447
She used to pay good money
for clean urine.

136
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,584
Hello?

137
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:18,552
Uh, uh-huh.

138
00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:21,489
Okay, I'll tell her.

139
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:24,124
Beverly's smelling
something dead in her apartment.

140
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,426
Not the first time.

141
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:28,462
Hope and animals
go there to die.

142
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:29,697
What do you want to do?

143
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:30,864
Well, clearly
I can't do anything,

144
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,566
but you better get right on it.

145
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,101
Can't we just turn up the heat

146
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,869
and see if whatever it is
dries out?

147
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,838
Just get up there.

148
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,840
Oh, and grab the hammer
out of my toolbox.

149
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,775
Sometimes the dead thing
isn't completely dead.

150
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:44,378
What?

151
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:46,447
They scratch, they nip,
they try to lay eggs in you.

152
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,681
It's disgusting.

153
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,850
If the dead thing bites me,
I am biting you.

154
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,853
Ooh. I'll bite you back.

155
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,489
There's your podcast:

156
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,525
sober chicks
who bite each other.

157
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,865
Do you see anything?

158
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:06,667
CHRISTY:
Yep, it's a dead mouse.

159
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,801
Wait.

160
00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:09,369
Yeah, it's dead.

161
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,906
(groans)

162
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,842
You're gonna need
a new pair of tongs.

163
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,878
Why? It's just
another kind of meat.

164
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,481
Now I'm kind of glad

165
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,516
I turned down
the lasagna you offered me.

166
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:26,620
Okay, I'm just gonna go
throw Mickey in the Dumpster.

167
00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,922
After that, can you drive me
to the pharmacy?

168
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,591
What?

169
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,893
I can't drive at night.
Your mom takes me.

170
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:36,163
My mother?
Yeah.

171
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,699
My mother does you favors?

172
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:39,967
Christy, it's not a kidney.

173
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,769
It's just a ride
to the pharmacy.

174
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,438
Okay.

175
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,173
Well, I guess
I can take you.

176
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,941
Thank you.
(mouse squeaking)

177
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,410
Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

178
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,749
All right, off we go.

179
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,653
(TV playing quietly)

180
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:00,654
(channel changes)

181
00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:01,789
No.

182
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:02,790
(channel changes)

183
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,224
No.

184
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,225
(channel changes)

185
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,660
(scoffs) God, no.

186
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:08,195
(channel changes)

187
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,197
Wait.

188
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,732
No.

189
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:12,733
(channel changes)

190
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:13,801
(sighs)

191
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,604
Okay, we're back
to Matlock in Spanish.

192
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:21,909
You know the worst thing
about being in a wheelchair?

193
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,680
Enlighten me.

194
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:29,216
I'm just so bored.

195
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,819
I have all this energy
and nothing to do with it.

196
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:35,022
It's like my usual sparkle
is being wasted.

197
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:39,026
I wouldn't mind getting
a little of that sparkle on me.

198
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,829
What are you talking about?

199
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:44,732
Really?
The sparkle thing wasn't clear?

200
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:45,966
(chuckles)

201
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,768
Look at me. It's not happening.

202
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,770
Oh, it's happening.

203
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,972
Parts of it
have already started.

204
00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,666
BONNIE:
Pull me up. Pull me up.

205
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,534
ADAM:
I'm pulling.

206
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,836
BONNIE: Swivel and slide.
Swivel and slide!

207
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,004
ADAM:
Stop flailing.

208
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,273
BONNIE:
Oh! Hey, we got it.

209
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:27,875
The right parts are touching.

210
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,076
(both grunt)

211
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,511
(both panting)

212
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,283
We should probably
get undressed now.

213
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:39,753
How about you just tickle
my back and we take a nap.

214
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,924
All right.

215
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,594
Just so you know,
the light is on.

216
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,762
Oh, thanks, Christy.

217
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:50,297
Mind if I ask a question?

218
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:53,601
Why does a blind man
need a light bulb?

219
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,603
That was the one.

220
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:58,038
It helps regulate
my circadian rhythms.

221
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:01,642
Also, I have friends who don't
like to sit in the dark.

222
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:04,311
Oh, yeah.
Never thought about that.

223
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,581
Can I ask one more favor?

224
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:08,782
Sure.

225
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:10,818
When your mom drops in
to fix something,

226
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:13,654
she usually hangs around
and reads to me.

227
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:16,790
Oh, come on. She does not.

228
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,759
Started out she'd read my mail,

229
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,761
then we worked our way
up to books.

230
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:24,364
She never even read to me.

231
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,099
That's a sad story.

232
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:29,036
My book is
on the table.

233
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,740
Okay.

234
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,808
I guess I got a
couple minutes.

235
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,844
From the bookmark, please.

236
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,952
"Chapter 12.

237
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:47,154
"She walked into my office

238
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:51,024
"on legs that could wrap
around a man twice.

239
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,627
"I felt a twinge
of jealousy

240
00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:55,362
for the cigarette
between her lips."

241
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,830
Hey, Dr. Seuss,

242
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,866
it's not a children's book.

243
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,137
(breathy):
"I felt a twinge of jealousy

244
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:06,039
for the cigarette
between her lips."

245
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,808
Mmm.

246
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,979
"The kind of lips

247
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:17,718
that God made for one reason
and one reason only."

248
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,821
Oh, that's graphic.

249
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,757
Don't look at me.
Your mom picked the book.

250
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,061
Hand to God,

251
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:31,064
she reads to blind guys,
helps old people run errands,

252
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,133
and-- get ready for this one--

253
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,769
she got a tenant's Social
Security check in the mail,

254
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,404
and she returned it.

255
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:39,940
BOTH:
Whoa.

256
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:43,844
Is it possible
my mom's secretly a nice person?

257
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,879
No.
Not a chance.

258
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,785
I mean, I'd get it
if my mom was bragging

259
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,621
all over the place about
what a great person she is,

260
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,756
but here's the thing--
she's not.

261
00:10:56,789 --> 00:10:59,526
She's doing all this nice stuff
on the down low.

262
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:04,497
Okay, well, let's try
to look at this in a new way.

263
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:07,567
We all know from sobriety
miracles can happen.

264
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,337
Junkie hooker becomes CEO, sure.

265
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:13,706
Bonnie Plunkett becomes
a nice person, no.

266
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:15,675
People do change
in recovery.

267
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:17,544
It's true.

268
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,879
I used to be very
quiet and low energy.

269
00:11:19,912 --> 00:11:23,483
And you are an inspiration.

270
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:28,455
But my mom is
a different kind of animal.

271
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:31,558
My mom... is an animal.

272
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:33,793
Well, you have every right
to feel that way

273
00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:36,596
given your history,
but maybe it's time

274
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,932
we all admit
she's becoming a better person.

275
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:42,602
Oh, please.
You know that story

276
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,871
about the frog helping
the scorpion cross the river?

277
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:46,706
Yeah. Your mother's
the scorpion,

278
00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:48,808
and she can't
change her nature.

279
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:52,945
No. My mother's the river,
and everybody drowns in her.

280
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,587
Okay, I got her
in the tub.

281
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,955
With any luck, she'll doze off,
and that'll be that.

282
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:05,425
(laughs)

283
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:08,728
You guys are cute
when you wish each other dead.

284
00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:13,766
Make you a sandwich?
Thanks.

285
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:21,441
So... you're marrying my mother.

286
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,776
Unless she drowns
in that tub.

287
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:26,579
Then you're
the right person to ask.

288
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,550
I'm guessing there are things
about her you like.

289
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,652
Of course.

290
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,587
What are they?

291
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,656
Are you looking
for something specific?

292
00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:39,992
For starters, do you think
she's a good person?

293
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:44,597
Let me tell you
why I'm making a sandwich.

294
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,999
Your mother and I were supposed
to go out to lunch today

295
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:48,868
at that new Italian place.

296
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:53,506
(sighs)
Hello there.

297
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,009
We need a table for two,

298
00:12:57,043 --> 00:13:01,047
preferably by a window
because... you know.

299
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,817
What do wheelchairs have
to do with the window?

300
00:13:04,851 --> 00:13:07,487
Shh. I got this.

301
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,756
I'm sorry. We don't have
any tables available.

302
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,525
Thanks anyway. I told you we
should've made a reservation.

303
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,461
Hang on.
Sir, you can't turn us away.

304
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,463
Do you realize
how challenging it is

305
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,665
for us to just
get out of the house?

306
00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:21,534
Bonnie...
But today,

307
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:22,935
we said, "Darn it,
let's go out

308
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,805
for a nice lunch
like normal people."

309
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:29,476
Are you kidding me?

310
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,944
I'm so sorry. Let me see if
I can shift some things around.

311
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,614
Please don't bother.
We're out of here.

312
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,483
What? Why?
He's shifting.
Uh...

313
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,050
You're unbelievable.

314
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:40,453
I'm sorry. He's got a kiss
of manic depression.

315
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:41,721
Keep shifting.
We'll be right back.

316
00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:44,891
Oh, my God, she's a monster.

317
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,461
Thank you.
I feel so much better.

318
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:49,529
What are you talking about?

319
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:51,998
Well, Marjorie was trying

320
00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:54,867
to convince me that my mom's
becoming a better person.

321
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,004
This is really good.

322
00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:00,540
Excellent lettuce-to-meat ratio.

323
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,742
Thank you, but I...
I'm not done with the story.

324
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,511
Oh, really?
Mm-hmm.

325
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,780
What happened next?
She sucker-punch a baby?

326
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,015
Just listen.

327
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,752
Slow down!

328
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:15,822
Hey, stop that man!
He stole my purse!

329
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,890
Really?

330
00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:20,593
What are you so mad about?

331
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:21,961
We're getting a table.

332
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:23,796
We'll probably get
a free dessert.

333
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,498
How could you embarrass
me like that?

334
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,567
What's embarrassing?
It was working.

335
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,101
You made me an
object of pity.

336
00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,103
Well, to get what
Napa Valley Monthly calls

337
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:33,840
"the best bucatini
outside of Naples."

338
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,675
Bonnie, I don't want
people to see me

339
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,044
as different,
as "less than."

340
00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:40,012
You're not "less than."
You're damn right I'm not.

341
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,782
But you wanted the maître d'
to feel sorry for us.

342
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,717
I just thought
I could get a better table.

343
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,085
Do you know
how hard I work

344
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:48,888
for people not to see
me as a guy in a chair?

345
00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:50,823
I guess I-I don't
think about it

346
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,925
because you make it
look so easy.

347
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:54,961
Well, that's the way
that I want it to look.

348
00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:57,930
I don't cut in line, I don't
bitch when there's not a ramp,

349
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,899
and I don't ask for
special treatment.

350
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,969
Ever.

351
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:10,810
No, you don't, and...
and I shouldn't have, either.

352
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:15,782
I guess I don't think enough
about what you go through

353
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:19,151
because I'm too busy
thinking about myself.

354
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:26,926
I'm sorry, Adam.
I'm so, so sorry.

355
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:32,632
She actually said,
"So, so sorry"?

356
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,667
It surprised me, too.

357
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,805
She just straight-up apologized?

358
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,942
No blaming other people,

359
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:44,844
no fake tears,

360
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,647
no "I grew up
in the foster system.

361
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,949
I slept in a dog bed
till I was 11."

362
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:55,087
She even went back inside
and apologized to the maître d'.

363
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,690
Wow.

364
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,726
She really is changing.

365
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,794
Well...
BONNIE:
Damn it, Christy!

366
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:03,963
My bath is
getting cold!

367
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:06,098
So turn the hot water on!

368
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:07,967
I can't!
I'm reading!

369
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:11,804
Just give her a second.

370
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:14,807
Never mind!
I figured it out!

371
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,643
I put the book down!

372
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,214
WOMAN (over TV):
Don't avoid the world

373
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:24,784
because of moderate
to severe plaque psoriasis.

374
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:29,021
Do you have any idea
what plaque psoriasis is?

375
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:32,792
Maybe it's when you get an award
for your psoriasis.

376
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,894
Well, this guy has it,
and then he took this pill,

377
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:36,829
and now he's having
the best day of his life.

378
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:39,098
He's swimming,
he's making pottery.

379
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:42,935
Hey, I kind of wish I had it.

380
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,203
Ready for your lunch?

381
00:16:44,236 --> 00:16:46,205
I was ready 30 minutes ago.

382
00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:48,675
How long does it take you
to open a can?

383
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,677
Actually, it's
not from a can.

384
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,244
I made it from scratch.

385
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:55,081
Really? What's that
floatin' in there?

386
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:56,248
Vegetables.

387
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,084
Ugh.

388
00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:00,653
Well, I'll choke it down.

389
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,254
Bon appétit.

390
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:05,024
What's with the smile?

391
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:09,028
I'm just... happy
you're my mom.

392
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:12,131
Why?

393
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:14,233
You're so funny.

394
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:16,168
Careful. It's hot.

395
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:19,739
This unexpected pleasantness
is very unsettling.

396
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,842
Can't a daughter just
be nice to her mother?

397
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,211
Not this daughter,
not this mother.

398
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:27,046
Well, you better
get used to it,

399
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:28,881
because I love you
no matter what.

400
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,017
Yeah, well, uh,

401
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,020
I used the lost kid room
at Walmart for day care.

402
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,022
That's okay.

403
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,025
The security guard taught me
how to spell my name.

404
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,193
What's that all about?

405
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,029
Oh, Christy's acting
like she loves me,

406
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,231
and it's really pissing me off.

407
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:46,866
I love you, too.

408
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,868
I will kick you with this boot.

409
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,411
(whistling a tune)

410
00:17:58,445 --> 00:17:59,912
(door opens)
CHRISTY: Mom?

411
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,916
(door closes)

412
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:07,854
Hey.

413
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,790
Hey.

414
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,759
Weren't you supposed
to go to the doctor today?

415
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,427
I did.

416
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,629
Turns out he wants me
to stay off my feet

417
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,698
another week just to be safe.

418
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,567
Oh, no.

419
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,503
I know. I'm so disappointed.

420
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,505
I really hate being a burden.

421
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,474
You're not a burden.

422
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,841
Oh, thanks, honey.

423
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:31,644
By the way,
there is a family of raccoons

424
00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:33,813
living in the wall of 5G.

425
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,783
You're gonna need the gloves,

426
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,785
and as cute
as you think the babies are,

427
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,620
they will go
right for your eyes.

428
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,955
I'm on it.

429
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,492
Christy, wait.

430
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:46,926
Yeah?

431
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,895
There's something
I have to tell you.

432
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:54,867
My laundry is really piling up.

433
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,069
I'll take care of it.

434
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:58,738
You're the best.

435
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,540
By the way,

436
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,542
you might want to
close that cabinet,

437
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,511
you lying, worthless dirtbag.

438
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:11,083
Don't tell Adam!
Don't tell Adam!