1 00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:03,537 [ "JINGLE BELLS" PLAYS ] 2 00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:08,576 YOU LOOK GREAT IN THAT HAT, DARLING. VERY FESTIVE. 3 00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,145 [ SNICKERS ] 4 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,646 I'M SORRY. YOU DIDN'T BUY THAT, DID YOU? 5 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:13,981 [ LAUGHS ] 6 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,350 YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE WEARING A GIANT, RED, WOOLLY CONDOM. 7 00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,652 PLEASE DO NOT WEAR THAT TO MY CHRISTMAS PARTY. 8 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,321 HEY, I AM ADORABLE IN THIS THING. 9 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,856 AND ALSO, I CAN'T MAKE IT TO YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY. 10 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,158 I'M SORRY. [ LAUGHS ] 11 00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:25,259 TERRY, PLEASE TELL ME 12 00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:27,528 THAT THIS IS ONE OF YOUR JOKES I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 13 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,097 IT'S JUST, THE LAST FEW CHRISTMASES 14 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:30,331 HAVEN'T BEEN SO GREAT FOR DANNY. 15 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,067 ANYWAY, THAT IS ALL GOING TO CHANGE THIS YEAR. 16 00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:34,935 I AM GONNA BLOW DANNY'S CHRISTMAS MIND. 17 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,037 WE'RE GONNA DO EVERYTHING THE WAY MY MOM DID FOR ME -- 18 00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:39,840 TURKEY, CAROLS, CHRISTMAS MOVIES. 19 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,075 YAWN! 20 00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:43,211 Umpire: STRIKE 2! 21 00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:46,013 SO, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING YOUR MOM FOR CHRISTMAS? 22 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,515 MAYBE BANGS...? 23 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,750 WAIT. NO. THAT WOULD BE MORE A GIFT FOR ME. 24 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,153 I WANT TO GET MY MOM THE PERFECT GIFT. 25 00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,027 BATTER'S OUT! THAT'S GAME! 26 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,795 IT WAS A FOUL! 27 00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:02,963 HEY, DINGUS! 28 00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,598 HOW MANY TIMES I GOT TO TELL YA? 29 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,134 IF YA BUNT THE BALL WITH TWO STRIKES ON YA 30 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:09,069 AND IT'S NOT IN PLAY, YOU'RE OUT, YA DINGUS! 31 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:12,606 YAY! DOUBLE DINGUS! YAY! DOUBLE DINGUS! 32 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,075 HEY, HERE'S THE UPDATED CHRISTMAS TOURNAMENT SCHED-- 33 00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:16,710 SHORTS. 34 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:17,945 OH, WE'RE PLAYING ON CHRISTMAS DAY? 35 00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:19,647 TERRIBLY INCONVENIENT, I KNOW, BUT -- 36 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,450 NO! NO, THIS IS PERFECT! I LOVE CHRISTMAS GAMES! 37 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,118 THEN OUR LITTLE BASEBALL FAMILY 38 00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:25,786 CAN HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS TOGETHER. 39 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,988 WHO THE HECK PLAYS BASEBALL ON CHRISTMAS? 40 00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:30,624 UH, LOSERS DO -- IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. 41 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:31,792 THEY ARE NOT LOSERS! 42 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:32,960 YES, WE ARE. 43 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:35,163 WE HAVEN'T SCORED A SINGLE RUN ALL YEAR. 44 00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:37,231 FACE IT, COACH -- WE'RE A JOKE. 45 00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:40,100 YOU GUYS, I USED TO LOVE PLAYING ON CHRISTMAS 46 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,101 WHEN I WAS A KID. 47 00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,103 HEY, YOU GET UP, YOU OPEN PRESENTS, 48 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,572 THEN YOU GO TO THE FIELD. 49 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,807 THE CANNON WOULD COACH. MY MOM WOULD MAKE HOT CHOCOLATE. 50 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:47,941 IT'S THE BEST! 51 00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:48,976 OR YOU COULD JUST FORFEIT 52 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,278 AND GIVE THE REST OF THE LEAGUE THE DAY OFF. 53 00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:51,779 FORFEIT! 54 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,014 [ ALL CHANTING "FORFEIT!" ] 55 00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:54,982 FORFEIT! 56 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,984 STOP YELLING "FORFEIT"! 57 00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:58,986 COME ON, YOU GUYS. WE ARE NOT QUITTERS. 58 00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:01,021 WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING TO YOU ALL YEAR? 59 00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,924 DON'T LET YOU FORGET TO PAY YOUR CELLPHONE BILL ON THE 21st? 60 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,026 YES! THANK YOU. 61 00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:07,761 ALSO, NEVER GIVE UP, OKAY? 62 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:11,932 WINNING -- IT TAKES HARD WORK, GRIT, DETERMINATION. 63 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,034 NOW RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'RE STILL A QUITTER. 64 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,970 DANNY, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT RAISING YOUR HAND. 65 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,707 WELL, LOOK AT THAT. MAJORITY RULES, SO IT IS A FORFEIT. 66 00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:20,808 [ ALL CHEERING ] 67 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,310 YAY! 68 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:23,311 COME ON, YOU GUYS! 69 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,478 GOOD JOB. COME ON! 70 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:25,979 WELL DONE. WE'RE THE ANGLES! 71 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:28,549 WE STICK TOGETHER! 72 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,518 * I'M BACK 73 00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:33,554 -- Captions by VITAC -- 74 00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:40,494 * I'M BACK 75 00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,464 [ TOY SANTAS GIGGLING ] 76 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,966 MOM, I'M SORRY THE TEAM VOTED TO FORFEIT ON YOU. 77 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,301 OH, THAT'S OKAY, BUDDY. 78 00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:49,370 WE ARE STILL GOING TO HAVE AN AMAZING CHRISTMAS. 79 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,071 [ "FELIZ NAVIDAD" PLAYS ] [ GASPS ] 80 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,807 THIS IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY JAM! 81 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,543 * FELIZ NAVIDAD 82 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,177 Both: * BA-BA-BA-BA, BA-BA 83 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:58,812 OKAY, LET'S TALK CHRISTMAS MORNING. 84 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,314 SO, I AM THINKING, UH, 85 00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:02,082 "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE" MARATHON, 86 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,852 PAJAMAS ALL DAY, EATING COOKIE DOUGH, HUH? 87 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,987 THAT'S WHAT I DID WITH MY MOM AND CANNON WHEN I WAS A KID, 88 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,089 AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE GONNA DO, BUDDY. 89 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,024 AND, OF COURSE, OPENING PRESENTS. 90 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,761 NOW, IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE GIFT UNDER $37, 91 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:14,995 IT WOULD BE...? 92 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,364 YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET ME ANYTHING. 93 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:19,032 I JUST WANT US TO HAVE THE PERFECT FAMILY CHRISTMAS. 94 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:19,933 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE KIND OF OBSESSING 95 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,369 OVER THE HOLIDAYS THIS YEAR. 96 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,936 HEY, I OBSESS ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO US. 97 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,405 HO HO HO! [ GASPS ] 98 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,540 MERRY CHRISTMAS! LIFELIKE SANTA! 99 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,175 HO HO HO! IT'S THE LAST ONE! 100 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,444 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 101 00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:33,547 WHAT? THIS IS IMPORTANT TO US. 102 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:37,351 [ INDISTINCT P.A. ANNOUNCEMENT ] 103 00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:40,053 [ INSECTS CHIRPING ] 104 00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,423 Lifelike Santa: HO HO HO! 105 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,224 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 106 00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:45,559 HO HO HO! 107 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,961 MERRY CHRISTMAS! [ WHIRRING ] 108 00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:49,797 HO HO HO! 109 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,099 HAPPY HOLIDAYS! [ "DANCE OF THE SUGAR PLUM FAIRY" PLAYS ] 110 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:54,402 HO HO HO! MERRY -- 111 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:55,536 [ THUD ] 112 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,738 [ Slowly ] HO HO -- HO! 113 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,573 [ Fading ] MERRY CHRISTMA-- DAD! STOP! 114 00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,041 * MERRY CHRISTMA-- * I'M KILLING SOMETHING! 115 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,976 [ GASPS ] 116 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,913 YOU KILLED LIFELIKE SANTA! 117 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,081 W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING CREEPING AROUND THE HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? 118 00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:10,217 DAD, IT'S 8:15. I WAS OUT IN THE GARAGE. 119 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,152 I FOUND SOME OF MOM'S OLD CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS, 120 00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,821 AND I WANTED TO PUT THEM UP. 121 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,723 PUT THEM BACK. IT'S NOT HAPPENING. 122 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,492 MY BUDDIES AND I, WE, UH, WE DON'T DO DECORATIONS, OKAY? 123 00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:19,493 YOUR BOYS? 124 00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:21,829 UH, EARL, LOUIE, STINKY PETE. 125 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,063 OH, WOW. 126 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,733 YOU STILL DO THAT STUPID POKER GAME. 127 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,134 HEY, AND STINKY PETE? 128 00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:29,637 THE ONE WHO STOLE MY BICYCLE AND THEN USED IT FOR DRUG MONEY? 129 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,739 HEY, CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT FORGIVENESS, RIGHT? 130 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,442 NO. NO. IT IS ABOUT SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY. 131 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:35,843 REALLY? 132 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,177 WELL, THEN HOW COME I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ONE CHRISTMAS 133 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:38,746 SINCE THE TIME YOU MOVED OUT? 134 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,914 DAD, WE INVITED YOU TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH US EVERY YEAR. 135 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,015 YEAH, RIGHT -- THAT WAS WITH YOU, DONNY, 136 00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,151 AND THAT GEEK OF A HUSBAND THAT YOU HAD THERE. 137 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,019 THAT'S AN AUTOMATIC "NEVER." 138 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,120 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 139 00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,622 YOU KNOW, WHEN MOM WAS ALIVE, 140 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,924 YOU WOKE ME UP AT 6:00 A.M. TO OPEN PRESENTS. 141 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,026 YEAH, WELL... THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. 142 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:56,163 YEAH, WELL, I WANT DANNY TO HAVE A PERFECT CHRISTMAS, 143 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,366 SO JUST CANCEL YOUR LITTLE POKER NIGHT 144 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,300 AND ENJOY IT WITH YOUR FAMILY. 145 00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:02,269 I'M THE ONLY FAMILY THAT THEY HAVE. 146 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,005 AND THEY WILL MISS THIS TERRIBLY. THEY LOVE IT. 147 00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,140 WELL, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND IT WITH A BUNCH OF STRANGERS. 148 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,308 THEY ARE NOT STRANGERS. 149 00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:11,011 THEY'RE MY FRIENDS, ANDARE PLAYING POKER. 150 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,113 NO, WE ARE HAVING CHRISTMAS. 151 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:23,323 *** 152 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,191 [ CLUNK ] 153 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,803 REALLY, DAD? 154 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,137 YEAH, REALLY. 155 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,372 WOW. 156 00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,641 THIS WHOLE PERFECT-CHRISTMAS THING IS REALLY COMING TOGETHER. 157 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,810 DANNY! WHY DON'T YOU COME HELP ME DECORATE THE TREE? 158 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,479 OR YOU CAN COME OVER HERE AND STICK YOUR ENTIRE FACE 159 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:47,548 RIGHT UNDER THIS CHEESE NOZZLE. 160 00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,516 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 161 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,083 COME IN! 162 00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:52,085 [ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ] 163 00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,988 Terry Sr.: [ Chuckling ] OH. 164 00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,858 IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE NOT-CHRISTMAS. 165 00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:01,228 OH, TERRY, THIS IS, UH, NOEL, AND -- AND THIS IS NOEL. 166 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:02,229 HI. 167 00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,697 THAT'S -- THAT'S THE FIRST NOEL. 168 00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:04,998 SEE, THEY'RE SISTERS. 169 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,400 WHERE SHOULD WE SET UP OUR NORTH POLE? 170 00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,268 REALLY, DAD? STRIPPERS? 171 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,837 THEY ARE NOT STRIPPERS. 172 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,705 THEY DANCE JUST A LITTLE BIT. 173 00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,173 MM. YEAH. WELL, GET THEM OUT OF HERE, OKAY? 174 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,241 THIS IS INSANE. 175 00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,375 THEY'RE GOING NOWHERE. 176 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:16,677 WHERE SHOULD WE SET UP OUR PING-PONG BALLS? 177 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:17,878 OH, WOW. 178 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:18,946 I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY LONG. 179 00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,013 YOU KNOW WHAT, DANNY? 180 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,715 HOW ABOUT WE GET OUT OF HERE 181 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,050 FOR SOME HOLIDAY SPIRIT, OKAY? 182 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,653 AND YOUR GRANDFATHER HERE CAN JUST GO "SCROOGE" HIMSELF. 183 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,058 HEY, LADIES. 184 00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:35,128 NO, MOM. WAIT. NO, I WASN'T -- 185 00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,697 HO HO HO HO! 186 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,200 HO HO HO HO HO! 187 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,369 MOM, I REALLY DON'T NEED A PICTURE WITH SANTA, OKAY? 188 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,637 I MEAN, LOOK AROUND. 189 00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,539 I'M -- I'M A DINOSAUR COMPARED TO THESE KIDS. 190 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,040 OH, JUST HUMOR ME, BUDDY. 191 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,443 SANTA'S GOT TO FEED THE REINDEER, 192 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,979 SO WE'LL BE BACK IN A WHILE, FOLKS. 193 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,081 WHAT? WHAT REINDEER? 194 00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,783 NUH-UH! ELF! ELF, GET BACK -- 195 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:56,784 ELF! 196 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:57,985 MOVE. 197 00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:58,952 OH. 198 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,655 [ CHUCKLES ] HI. EXCUSE ME, UH, MR. CLAUS. 199 00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:04,391 COULD WE TROUBLE YOU FOR JUST ONE MORE PICTURE, PLEASE? 200 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,126 [ CHUCKLES ] IN A LITTLE BIT, HON. 201 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,629 I'M GOING ON MY BREAK. I SHOULD GET SOMETHING TO EAT. 202 00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,798 [ CHUCKLES ] SO SHOULD THE REINDEER. 203 00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,099 WHAT REINDEER?! [ LAUGHS ] 204 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,567 THERE ARE NO REINDEER. 205 00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:14,835 PLEASE? 206 00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,269 I MEAN, WE'VE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR OVER AN HOUR, 207 00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,105 AND IT WOULD -- IT WOULD JUST MEAN THE WORLD 208 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,407 TO THE -- THAT LITTLE BOY RIGHT THERE. 209 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,175 [ CHUCKLES ] ALL RIGHT. [ CHUCKLES ] 210 00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,744 REALLY? YES. 211 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,178 OKAY. OKAY! DANNY, YEAH! COME ON! 212 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,516 HO HO HO. 213 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,951 YEAH. OKAY, GET ON UP THERE. 214 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:36,056 SO, WHAT WOULD YOU LI-- LIKE F-- 215 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:39,693 SANTA'S GOING DOWN. [ GROANS ] 216 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:40,528 OH. 217 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,095 UH-OH. 218 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,296 [ CROWD MURMURS ] 219 00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,332 OH! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM? 220 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,100 HE SAID HE NEEDED SOMETHING TO EAT. 221 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,135 HE'S A DIABETIC! 222 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,938 WAY TO GO, MOM. YOU KILLED SANTA. 223 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,141 *** 224 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,809 DIDN'T YOU PARK THERE? 225 00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:56,810 OH, NO. 226 00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,679 OH, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO! 227 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:01,281 NO! NO, NO, NO, NO! THAT'S MY CAR! 228 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,151 THERE ARE PRESENTS! IN THE TRUNK! 229 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,853 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 230 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:06,987 COME IN! 231 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,624 HELLO? 232 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:11,659 [ CHUCKLES ] 233 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,060 IF IT AIN'T THE THREE WISE MEN -- 234 00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,528 EXCEPT YOU'RE ALL DUMBASSES. 235 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:15,963 THAT JOKE NEVER GETS OLD -- 236 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,298 UNLIKE YOU, YOU WRINKLY OLD BASTARD! 237 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,533 GET OVER HERE! 238 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,968 [ LAUGHS ] 239 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,002 WHERE ARE THE -- 240 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,871 HEY, BOYS! HEY, BOYS! 241 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,338 SHOULD WE GET THIS PARTY STARTED OR WHAT? 242 00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:29,142 IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, THANK YOU. 243 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,779 YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE LOOK FORWARD TO THIS EVERY YEAR. 244 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,182 Y-- 245 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,717 WHY WON'T MY PHONE WORK? 246 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,920 BECAUSE YOU FORGOT TO PAY THE BILL ON THE 21st. 247 00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,689 RIGHT. 248 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,758 RIGHT. SO, THE TOW YARD ISN'T OPEN TILL THE 26th. 249 00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:46,226 CHRISTMAS IS JUST DELAYED. 250 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,395 MOM, YOU REALLY HAVE TO LOSE THIS IDEA 251 00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:49,697 OF A PERFECT CHRISTMAS. 252 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,331 OKAY? IT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 253 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,601 HEY! IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN! 254 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,335 YOU ARE GONNA HAVE A REAL CHRISTMAS, 255 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,336 EVEN IF IT KILLS ME. 256 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,771 CHRISTMAS CAN SUCK IT. 257 00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,372 SIR, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. 258 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:01,041 I'M A GIRL. 259 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,345 COOL. 260 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:09,182 *** 261 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,450 LOUIE, ANTE UP. 262 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,120 ANTE UP, OR I'M GONNA TELL THE GIRLS 263 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,722 THAT THE STUFF ON YOUR HEAD 264 00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,757 IS A PREVIEW TO WHAT'S ON YOUR BACK. 265 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,025 I'M OUT OF THIS ONE. 266 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,895 I'M NOT GONNA SHAVE. I GOT NOBODY TO IMPRESS NO MORE. 267 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,263 AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, CANNON? 268 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,966 YOU DAUGHTER STILL UP IN MICHIGAN WITH THAT DEADBEAT? 269 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,301 UM...NO, SHE'S GOT HER OWN LIFE NOW. 270 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,703 YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 271 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,472 MY SON'S DOWN IN FLORIDA. WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN YEARS. 272 00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:33,540 I'LL TELL YOU, THOUGH, 273 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,309 THEY SHOULDN'T ALLOW HIM TO CARRY A GUN. 274 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,011 YEAH, THIS IS FUN. 275 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:46,086 SERIOUSLY... I GOT NOTHIN'. 276 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,188 AT LEAST WE GOT EACH OTHER. 277 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,223 YEAH. 278 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,059 [ BOTTLES CLINK ] 279 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,929 * JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS 280 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,765 * JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS 281 00:09:57,798 --> 00:10:00,067 OH! TERRY! TERRY, DARLING! 282 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,169 THERE YOU ARE. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? 283 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,171 WELL, YOU SEE, THERE WERE STRIPPERS AT OUR HOUSE, 284 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:05,973 MOM MIGHT HAVE KILLED SANTA, 285 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,107 THEY TOWED OUR CAR, AND -- 286 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,076 AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE. FABULOUS, DARLING. 287 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,243 WHY DON'T YOU GO AND JOIN MICHAEL 288 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,479 OVER BY THE GINGERBREAD STATION WITH THE OTHERS? 289 00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,347 ALL RIGHT. JUST 'ROUND THERE. 290 00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,817 OH, LULU. HMM? 291 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:19,920 YOUR HOUSE IS SO... FESTIVE AND... 292 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,088 PERFECT. 293 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,290 WELL, OF COURSE IT IS, DARLING. IT'S MOI. 294 00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,625 I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE WOULD HAVE DONE IF YOU HADN'T TAKEN US IN. 295 00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,127 OH, GOOD GOD, TERRY. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 296 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,996 WELL, THIS CHRISTMAS HAS BEEN A DISASTER SO FAR. 297 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,131 BUT HERE -- HERE IS WHERE IT'S GONNA TURN ALL AROUND. 298 00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:33,033 I REALLY WANT IT TO. IT HAS TO. 299 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,968 IT BETTER, BECAUSE, LULU, I AM HANGING ON BY A THREAD, 300 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,704 AND I CANNOT AFFORD A THERAPIST. 301 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,440 CHRISTMAS IS TOMORROW, 302 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,442 AND I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO GET MY MOM. 303 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,644 I'M TOTALLY SCREWED. 304 00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,179 I HAVE THREE KIDNEYS. 305 00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:48,081 OKAY. THANK YOU FOR THAT. 306 00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,720 I JUST WANT TO GIVE HER THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT. 307 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,525 WHAT? THE HEADS ARE THE BEST PART. 308 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:07,534 * CHRIST THE SAVIOR IS 309 00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,970 * BO-O-O-O-O-O-O-... 310 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,572 GREAT. GREAT. 311 00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,307 * ...O-O-RN-UH! 312 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,809 [ LAUGHS ] [ SCATTERED CLAPPING ] 313 00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,177 WONDERFUL. WONDERFUL. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH. 314 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,578 THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 315 00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,213 THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU, DICK! 316 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:23,016 WHO KNEW THE MAN WITH THE HEART OF A DEVIL 317 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:25,018 COULD SING LIKE A.... 318 00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,019 ANGEL? 319 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,355 THANK YOU. DICK. WHO'S NEXT? 320 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,090 VERY EXCITING, HMM? 321 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,358 OH, IT'S TERRY! 322 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,761 [ APPLAUSE ] COME UP HERE, TERRY. GREAT. 323 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:36,229 LET'S HEAR IT FOR TERRY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 324 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,597 YOU GO FOR IT, DARLING. THANK YOU. 325 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,598 COME ON. OFF YOU GO. 326 00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,100 YEP. [ CLEARS THROAT ] 327 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,168 [ "DECK THE HALLS" PLAYS ] 328 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,936 [ SIGHS ] UH, OK-- OH. UH... 329 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,738 YEAH, UM, THIS ISN'T THE RIGHT SONG. 330 00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:47,941 I REQUESTED "FELIZ NAVIDAD." [ CHUCKLES ] 331 00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,009 WE DON'T HAVE IT. 332 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,178 WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T -- [ SIGHS ] 333 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,546 THAT'S, LIKE, THE BEST BLIND CHRISTMAS SONG OF ALL TIME. 334 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,182 MY MOM AND I WOULD CRANK IT UP ON THE RADIO 335 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,950 AND SING IT AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS. 336 00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,351 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU. 337 00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,953 GO FIND YOUR MOM. SING IT WITH HER. 338 00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:01,789 MY MOM IS DEAD. 339 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,224 OH, HERE WE GO. 340 00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,625 [ MUSIC SLOWS, STOPS ] 341 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,260 [ CHUCKLES ] 342 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,929 WELL, THIS IS JUST PERFECT. 343 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:12,032 I HAVE NO FELIZ LEFT 344 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,234 AND ZERO NAVIDAD. 345 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,936 OH, BOY. 346 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,905 THIS HAS BEEN BUILDING EVER SINCE SHE ALMOST KILLED SANTA. 347 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:22,042 I AM OBSESSED WITH A HOLIDAY THAT HATES ME. 348 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,811 WE ARE SWORN ENEMIES. WE'RE LIKE KIRK AND KHAN. 349 00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:24,912 Man: NERD! 350 00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,079 HEY! HEY! 351 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,647 MY DAD... 352 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,150 WHO WOULD RATHER SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH STRIPPERS 353 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:33,053 THAN HIS OWN DAUGHTER, MADE ME WATCH "STAR TREK," OKAY? 354 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:37,757 I AM OBSESSED WITH HAVING THE PERFECT FAMILY CHRISTMAS. 355 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:40,493 I AM OBSESSED WITH REBUILDING A RELATIONSHIP 356 00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,062 WITH MY STUPID FATHER. 357 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,098 I AM OBSESSED WITH COACHING A BASEBALL TEAM 358 00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,134 THAT DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY BASEBALL. 359 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,469 YOU KNOW THOSE -- THOSE KIDS? DO YOU SEE ALL THOSE KIDS? 360 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:53,773 YEAH, THEY ALL HAVE THE RIGHT ATTITUDE -- QUITTING! 361 00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:56,476 SO SIMPLE. SO EASY. 362 00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:58,745 SO WHAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING. 363 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,480 SO, YOU KNOW WHAT, TEAM? 364 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:04,151 I AM ON BOARD WITH THE "I CAN'T DO" ATTITUDE. 365 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,585 OKAY? YEAH. 366 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,354 THERE. SO LET'S ALL QUIT. 367 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:10,690 HOW'S THAT? LET'S ALL QUIT. 368 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:14,261 LET'S FORFEIT CHRISTMAS. 369 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,096 PEACE. [ MICROPHONE THUDS, FEEDBACK ] 370 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,866 [ CLAPS ] 371 00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:20,067 [ PEOPLE MURMURING ] 372 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,771 I-I FINALLY KNOW WHAT TO GET MY MOM FOR CHRISTMAS. 373 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:31,644 Michael: FLAWLESS BED HEAD. 374 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,546 Danny: MOM. WAKE UP. 375 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,048 [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] 376 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,152 WHAT'S GOING ON? 377 00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:40,820 WE'RE NOT QUITTERS. OKAY? 378 00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:42,055 AND NEITHER ARE YOU. 379 00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:46,193 WE'RE GONNA PLAY TODAY, AND WE'RE GONNA WIN FOR YOU. 380 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,027 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 381 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,129 [ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ] 382 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,164 OH, WOW. 383 00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:53,967 YOU ARE THE BEST, BUDDY. 384 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,068 I LOVE YOU. 385 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:58,138 I LOVE YOU, TOO. 386 00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,873 BUT... PLEASE BRUSH YOUR TEETH. 387 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,208 OH! 388 00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:03,410 SORRY. 389 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,978 [ Muffled ] OKAY! WE ARE GONNA CRUSH THEM TODAY! 390 00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,079 I CAN FEEL IT! 391 00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,647 YEAH! YEAH!YEAH! YEAH! 392 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,617 *** 393 00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,754 PHONE, TEXT MR. THE CANNON. 394 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,759 RAISE. 395 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,694 LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S HOOKING UP WITH A BROAD 396 00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:23,430 OF BABY-MAKING AGE. 397 00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:26,199 SPILL IT, CANNON. WHO YOU BUNKING WITH? 398 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,668 MY DAUGHTER AND HER SON. 399 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,237 THEY -- THEY MOVED IN HERE. 400 00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:33,040 SO...LET'S JUST PLAY CARDS, ALL RIGHT? 401 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,375 WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US? WHY AREN'T THEY HERE? 402 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,945 LOOK, FOR YEARS, THEY WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. 403 00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:40,413 I MEAN, NOW THEY JUST WALTZ IN HERE AND MAKE DEMANDS. 404 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,049 THIS IS OUR TRADITION RIGHT HERE. 405 00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,216 WE PLAY CARDS, 406 00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:46,053 WE DRINK A LITTLE BEER, WE HAVE FUN WITH THE NOELS. 407 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,120 THAT'S WHAT WE DO. 408 00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:50,057 BECAUSE WE GOT NOTHING ELSE, YOU JACKASS! 409 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,559 THE REASON OUR CHRISTMAS TRADITION WAS BORN 410 00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,861 WAS BECAUSE EVERYONE WE WERE RELATED TO 411 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,430 WAS EITHER DEAD OR DIDN'T WANT US AROUND. 412 00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:59,032 THE ONLY REASON WE'RE ALL HERE 413 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,401 IS BECAUSE WE AIN'T GOT NOBODY. 414 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:04,104 YOU GOT SOMEBODY -- TWO SOMEBODIES. 415 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,439 [ CELLPHONE VIBRATING ] 416 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:18,818 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE THE, UH, SMARTEST DUMBASSES I KNOW. 417 00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,053 ANYWAY, I FOLD. 418 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,054 WHERE YOU GOING? 419 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,990 WE GOT A GAME. 420 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,763 MOM. 421 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,065 HMM? 422 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,934 I'M SORRY THIS IS SUCH A CRAPPY CHRISTMAS PRESENT. 423 00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:38,271 ARE YOU KIDDING? THIS IS THE BEST GIFT EVER. 424 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:40,307 IT'S CHRISTMAS WITH MY GANG. 425 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,342 IT DOESN'T MATTER IF WE WIN. 426 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,245 THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS YOU DIDN'T QUIT. 427 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,480 I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, BUDDY. 428 00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,086 ALL RIGHT, GUYS. 429 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,021 GUYS! 430 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:56,023 LOOK, WE'RE DOWN BY 21. 431 00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:58,491 WE SUCK AT THIS SPORT, ALL RIGHT? 432 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:02,195 WE'RE PROBABLY NOT GONNA WIN THIS GAME OR ANY GAME EVER. 433 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:03,530 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO? 434 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,965 WE CAN SCORE A RUN, ALL RIGHT? 435 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:07,500 LET'S NOT GO DOWN IN HISTORY 436 00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:10,270 AS THE WORST TEAM IN THIS LEAGUE, OKAY? 437 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:13,273 LET'S SCORE ONE RUN THIS CHRISTMAS FOR US -- 438 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,042 FOR MY MOM, ALL RIGHT? 439 00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,543 [ SLAPS MITT ] NOW, LET'S DO THIS! 440 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,644 COME ON! 441 00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:18,645 YEAH! YEAH!YEAH! YEAH! 442 00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,013 ALL RIGHT, HANDS IN. 443 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,182 "ANGLES" ON... 444 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,720 YEAH! 445 00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,156 "ANGLES" ON ME! 446 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,323 All: "ANGLES" ON THREE! 447 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,826 ONE, TWO, THREE, ANGLES! 448 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,028 [ ALL CHEERING ] 449 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,501 YOU KNOW, YOUR MOM -- 450 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,803 I MEAN, SHE LOVED THIS HOLIDAY, UH, MORE THAN ANY OTHER ONE. 451 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,406 I MEAN, SHE'D START PLANNING CHRISTMAS IN JULY, 452 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,208 AND IT DROVE ME UP A FREAKING WALL. 453 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,310 YEAH, SHE WAS ALWAYS WOUND A LITTLE TIGHT. 454 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,180 YEAH. WELL... YOU GOT THAT FROM HER. 455 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,547 [ Scoffing ] YEAH. 456 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:57,016 YEAH, THAT'S WHERE I GOT IT FROM. 457 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,652 SEE, UH... THE HOLIDAYS -- 458 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,422 THEY REALLY GOT KIND OF HARD FOR ME AFTER SHE PASSED, 459 00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:05,892 AND EVEN MORE... WHEN YOU LEFT. 460 00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,161 AND, UH, THESE GUYS -- THEY, UH... 461 00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:09,929 THEY HELPED ME OUT, YOU KNOW? 462 00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:14,201 SO, ALL THIS TIME, I THOUGHT I WAS KEEPING THEM ALIVE, 463 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,936 BUT IN FACT... 464 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,206 THEY WERE KEEPING ME ALIVE UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP. 465 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:24,277 AND SO, UH... I GUESS, IF YOU TAKE IT, 466 00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:27,046 UH, THAT'D HAVE TO BE YOUR JOB NOW. 467 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,150 YEAH, I'LL TAKE IT. 468 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,423 OKAY, LET GO. MAKE SURE NO ONE SEES US. 469 00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,191 Umpire: STRIKE TWO! 470 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:41,428 *** 471 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:49,369 YA NEVER BUNT WITH TWO STRIKES, YA DINGUS. 472 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,804 OH, YEAH? WATCH THIS. 473 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,878 [ Distorted ] N-O-O-O-O-O! * MERRY CHRISTMAS, I DON'T WANNA FIGHT TONIGHT * 474 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,648 * MERRY CHRISTMAS, I DON'T WANNA FIGHT TONIGHT * 475 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,049 * MERRY CHRISTMAS 476 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,951 [ Distorted ] RU-U-U-N! * I DON'T WANNA FIGHT TONIGHT 477 00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,519 * WITH YOU 478 00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,156 GO-O-O-O! 479 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:11,624 * WHERE IS SANTA AND HIS SLEIGH? * 480 00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:14,827 * AND TELL ME, WHY IS IT ALWAYS THIS WAY? * 481 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,563 * WHERE IS RUDOLPH? 482 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,097 * WHERE IS BLITZEN, BABY? 483 00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,132 * MERRY CHRISTMAS 484 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,568 * MERRY, MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS * 485 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,171 * ALL THE CHILDREN ARE TUCKED IN THEIR BEDS * 486 00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:27,974 * SUGAR PLUM FAIRIES DANCING IN THEIR HEADS * 487 00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:29,309 * SNOWBALL FIGHTING 488 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,943 * IT'S SO EXCITING, BABY 489 00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:31,978 * MERRY CHRISTMAS 490 00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:34,013 * I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT TONIGHT WITH * 491 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:35,114 * MERRY CHRISTMAS 492 00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:37,184 * I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT TONIGHT WITH * 493 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,451 * MERRY CHRISTMAS 494 00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:43,956 * I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT TONIGHT WITH YOU * 495 00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,091 SAFE! 496 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,826 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 497 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,862 WHOO! OH, MY GOSH! 498 00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,030 [ ALL CHEERING ] 499 00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,332 Terry Sr.: HEY, HEY, HEY! 500 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,168 COACH! WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INNING! 501 00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:57,337 SHUT UP! 502 00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,372 ALL RIGHT! THAT'S BALLGAME! 503 00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,974 Boy: YEAH! 504 00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,009 TERRY, TERRY. 505 00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,010 LET IT FLY, DICK. 506 00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:05,044 NOTHING YOU CAN SAY 507 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,279 COULD POSSIBLY RUIN THIS MOMENT FOR ME. 508 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,014 NO, LOOK, I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU 509 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,182 I THINK IT'S GREAT 510 00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:10,617 YOU'RE TEACHING THESE KIDS TO NEVER QUIT. 511 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,118 OH. 512 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,152 THANKS. 513 00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:14,487 YOU'RE WELCOME. 514 00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:17,190 AND, UM, ALSO, I-I PICKED UP YOUR CAR AT THE IMPOUND. 515 00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,992 I OWN THE LOT, TOO, SO... 516 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:22,995 THE PRESENTS ARE STILL INSIDE. 517 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,966 SO... 518 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,701 MERRY CHRISTMAS, TERRY. 519 00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,004 HEY, GOOD-LOOKING. 520 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,973 HEY. WHAT? 521 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:38,144 THIS IS THE MOST IMPERFECTLY PERFECT CHRISTMAS EVER. 522 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,346 [ LAUGHS ] 523 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,180 [ "JINGLE BELLS" PLAYS ] 524 00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,888 *** 525 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,257 WELL... 526 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:54,060 IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S, UH, JUST ME AND YOU, SHORT STUFF. 527 00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:56,429 I THINK YOU'RE BLUFFING. 528 00:19:58,465 --> 00:20:00,333 BLUFF THIS, POPS. 529 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:01,634 I'M ALL-IN. 530 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,204 AND, UH, LOOKS LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE THE CANES 531 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,440 OR THE CHESTNUTS TO COVER IT. 532 00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:09,208 WELL, THEN... 533 00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,412 AND, UH, HOW ABOUT THE DISHES FOR A MONTH? 534 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:16,215 HOW ABOUT TWO MONTHS? 535 00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,154 DEAL. 536 00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:26,959 BOOM! 537 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,361 [ GASPS ] 538 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,129 ACES AND 8s. FULL BOAT. 539 00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,163 SEND IT! 540 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,368 AND TO ALL...A GOOD NIGHT.