1
00:00:14,221 --> 00:00:16,141
[train engine chugging]

2
00:00:23,301 --> 00:00:24,781
[Kev] There's a bike here, Derek.

3
00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:27,501
It's in good nick.

4
00:00:28,901 --> 00:00:31,621
- You can ride it home, mate.
- [Derek] I can't.

5
00:00:31,701 --> 00:00:33,581
- Why not?
- I can't ride a bike.

6
00:00:33,661 --> 00:00:35,141
What do you mean
you can't ride a bike?

7
00:00:35,221 --> 00:00:36,501
I never learned when I was little.

8
00:00:36,581 --> 00:00:38,621
- No one taught me.
- Well, I'll teach you.

9
00:00:38,701 --> 00:00:41,261
- [gasps] Will you?
- Yeah, 'course I will.

10
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:42,981
Sit on it.

11
00:00:44,381 --> 00:00:46,341
Feet on the pedals.

12
00:00:48,141 --> 00:00:49,141
[crashing]

13
00:00:50,021 --> 00:00:51,141
Pure trust.

14
00:00:52,061 --> 00:00:53,541
Well, get up then.

15
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:55,341
- Get up?
- Yeah, always get up, mate.

16
00:00:55,421 --> 00:00:57,061
- Always get up.
- Always get up.

17
00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:58,141
First rule.

18
00:00:58,221 --> 00:01:00,261
- First rule, always get up.
- Always get up.

19
00:01:00,341 --> 00:01:01,501
Feet on the pedals.

20
00:01:01,581 --> 00:01:03,021
But this time...

21
00:01:03,101 --> 00:01:04,261
- [crashing]
- He's done it again.

22
00:01:04,341 --> 00:01:05,621
I was gonna say, push down on the--

23
00:01:05,701 --> 00:01:08,021
Doesn't matter, we can do it
next time. So, get up.

24
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:09,981
- Get up.
- Yeah, always get up, mate, remember?

25
00:01:10,061 --> 00:01:11,461
- Yeah.
- That's it.

26
00:01:12,861 --> 00:01:14,181
There we go.

27
00:01:14,261 --> 00:01:15,581
- Back on again.
- Yeah.

28
00:01:15,661 --> 00:01:17,501
This is gonna be a long day.

29
00:01:22,061 --> 00:01:23,381
[crashing]

30
00:01:29,221 --> 00:01:31,781
[Derek]
<i>I never had a dad when I was little,</i>

31
00:01:31,861 --> 00:01:33,821
<i>so no one taught me to ride a bike.</i>

32
00:01:33,901 --> 00:01:37,341
<i>My mum didn't want me to learn,</i>
<i>because she didn't want me to fall off.</i>

33
00:01:39,261 --> 00:01:40,461
{\an8}<i>She had a point.</i>

34
00:01:42,181 --> 00:01:45,861
That's the difference
between mums and dads.

35
00:01:45,941 --> 00:01:48,261
Mums never want you to fall off.

36
00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:50,701
Dads want you to fall off straightaway,

37
00:01:50,781 --> 00:01:52,461
so you know what it feels like,

38
00:01:52,541 --> 00:01:56,181
and if you get hurt, [chuckles]
you won't fall off again.

39
00:01:56,261 --> 00:01:57,421
[both chuckling]

40
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:01,581
Sorry I wasn't there to teach you, Derek.

41
00:02:01,661 --> 00:02:03,621
It's all right.
It wouldn't have made a difference.

42
00:02:03,701 --> 00:02:05,621
I can't ride it now,
so I couldn't have rided it then.

43
00:02:05,701 --> 00:02:06,941
I'm useless.

44
00:02:07,021 --> 00:02:11,101
That's the last thing you are, boy.
You'll be riding in no time at all.

45
00:02:11,181 --> 00:02:13,021
Will you still be alive
to see me riding it?

46
00:02:13,101 --> 00:02:15,141
[laughs] Well, if you hurry up, I might.

47
00:02:16,661 --> 00:02:18,981
If not, you can ride it to the funeral.

48
00:02:23,701 --> 00:02:26,581
- You can do your own tweets.
- Is that for me?

49
00:02:26,661 --> 00:02:28,981
- Yes, it's a present,
- [gasps]

50
00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:31,901
and Vicky has got it
all set up and running.

51
00:02:33,661 --> 00:02:34,901
- Look.
- [chimes]

52
00:02:34,981 --> 00:02:36,621
What's that?

53
00:02:36,701 --> 00:02:38,381
Is that one of them
what you ask it questions?

54
00:02:38,461 --> 00:02:40,021
- Yes.
- [gasps]

55
00:02:40,101 --> 00:02:41,661
[chimes]

56
00:02:41,741 --> 00:02:43,861
What would win out of a gorilla
and a morangutang?

57
00:02:43,941 --> 00:02:45,501
[automated voice]
<i>Here's a recipe for grilled meringues.</i>

58
00:02:45,581 --> 00:02:46,581
What?

59
00:02:46,661 --> 00:02:48,901
- [knock on door]
- Look, I got me own phone.

60
00:02:48,981 --> 00:02:50,141
- [Hannah] I know.
- [gasps]

61
00:02:50,221 --> 00:02:51,821
- [Hannah] It's brilliant, isn't it?
- Yeah.

62
00:02:51,901 --> 00:02:53,581
- I've got another surprise for you.
- What?

63
00:02:53,661 --> 00:02:54,661
You got a date.

64
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,621
- What, off the website?
- [Hannah] Yeah.

65
00:02:58,181 --> 00:02:59,901
I can't really go though, can I?
'Cause I'm...

66
00:02:59,981 --> 00:03:01,861
Is she a nice little filly?

67
00:03:01,941 --> 00:03:04,261
- Yeah, she looks lovely, Derek.
- Does she?

68
00:03:04,341 --> 00:03:07,021
- Go on, son, get stuck in.
- [Derek] Stuck in.

69
00:03:07,101 --> 00:03:10,981
What if she thinks I'm awful?
Like, I'm pathetic or something?

70
00:03:11,061 --> 00:03:13,261
She chose you, Derek!

71
00:03:13,341 --> 00:03:14,781
Shall I book a restaurant?

72
00:03:16,621 --> 00:03:17,661
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

73
00:03:17,741 --> 00:03:19,541
- [Hannah] Yeah?
- Yeah.

74
00:03:19,621 --> 00:03:21,141
[Hannah] Excellent.

75
00:03:23,421 --> 00:03:26,581
- Going on a date.
- That's right.

76
00:03:30,941 --> 00:03:33,021
[Hannah] You just gotta relax
and be yourself, Derek.

77
00:03:33,101 --> 00:03:34,101
[Derek] Yeah.

78
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:37,221
They're helping me work out
what things to say on the date,

79
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:39,261
'cause I've never been on one before,
I don't know what to say.

80
00:03:39,341 --> 00:03:41,621
- What shall I say?
- Well, ask her what she likes.

81
00:03:41,701 --> 00:03:42,821
[Derek] What, just say...

82
00:03:42,901 --> 00:03:44,381
- "What things do you like?"
- [Hannah] Yeah.

83
00:03:44,461 --> 00:03:46,901
- Yeah, "What things do you like?"
- [Kev] I know what she'd like.

84
00:03:46,981 --> 00:03:50,661
Uh, ask her what she does,
and where she's from--

85
00:03:50,741 --> 00:03:51,741
"What do you do?"
"Where you from?"

86
00:03:51,821 --> 00:03:53,701
Yeah, and, you know,
things she wants to talk about.

87
00:03:53,781 --> 00:03:54,781
"What do you want to talk about?"

88
00:03:54,861 --> 00:03:56,581
- Yeah.
- Is she up for it?

89
00:03:57,581 --> 00:03:58,621
[Hannah] Oh, shut up.

90
00:03:58,701 --> 00:04:00,021
"Oh, shut..."
This is bollocks.

91
00:04:00,101 --> 00:04:02,021
Put your pen and pad down, mate.
Simple.

92
00:04:02,101 --> 00:04:04,301
Easy.
Number one.

93
00:04:04,381 --> 00:04:05,981
Stop gurning like a goldfish.

94
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,581
All that business.

95
00:04:08,661 --> 00:04:11,621
Number two, stop combing
your hair forward like an old monk.

96
00:04:11,701 --> 00:04:13,901
And number three,
stop doing that.

97
00:04:13,981 --> 00:04:15,661
Like pincers.

98
00:04:15,741 --> 00:04:17,341
Like a lobster, or a crab.

99
00:04:17,421 --> 00:04:18,621
What would win out
of a lobster and a crab?

100
00:04:18,701 --> 00:04:19,941
And that's gotta stop, also.

101
00:04:20,021 --> 00:04:21,221
All the, "What would win?
What would win?"

102
00:04:21,301 --> 00:04:23,141
I don't want questions,
I want answers.

103
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,621
What would win out of
answers and questions?

104
00:04:24,701 --> 00:04:25,941
Fuckin' hell.

105
00:04:26,021 --> 00:04:28,421
Can't believe you're going on a date
when your dad's ill.

106
00:04:29,381 --> 00:04:30,621
Should I not go?

107
00:04:30,701 --> 00:04:32,661
Of course you should go, Derek.

108
00:04:32,741 --> 00:04:34,501
- Geoff, could you do me a favor?
- Yeah.

109
00:04:34,581 --> 00:04:35,741
Shut the fuck up.

110
00:04:35,821 --> 00:04:37,181
- [groans]
- Sorry.

111
00:04:38,501 --> 00:04:39,581
Careful.

112
00:04:42,141 --> 00:04:45,141
A 50-year-old man gets a date.
Wow.

113
00:04:45,221 --> 00:04:46,981
Call the paparazzi.

114
00:04:47,061 --> 00:04:49,261
Stop the press, you know?

115
00:04:52,141 --> 00:04:53,981
Why is he getting all the attention?

116
00:05:11,301 --> 00:05:14,181
Come on, Derek, we gotta go.
It's nearly time to go.

117
00:05:14,261 --> 00:05:17,461
- You gotta get ready for your date.
- He's doing really well.

118
00:05:18,661 --> 00:05:20,501
Trust me, that was him doing well.

119
00:05:21,541 --> 00:05:22,981
Come on.

120
00:05:25,821 --> 00:05:27,901
[Hannah] He's so excited.
[Vicky] Is he? [chuckles]

121
00:05:27,981 --> 00:05:30,141
[Vicky] I just wish I could come and see
what they're talking about.

122
00:05:30,221 --> 00:05:31,541
- She seemed really lovely.
- Yeah, she looked nice.

123
00:05:31,621 --> 00:05:33,541
- [Hannah] Here he is.
- Oh, look at him!

124
00:05:33,621 --> 00:05:34,901
[Hannah] Wow.
[Vicky] You look gorgeous, Derek.

125
00:05:34,981 --> 00:05:36,141
[Derek] Thank you.

126
00:05:36,221 --> 00:05:37,821
Look, real shoes, real trousers.

127
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:38,901
[Hannah] You look so smart.

128
00:05:38,981 --> 00:05:40,341
Here you are, Derek.
I got you a drink.

129
00:05:40,421 --> 00:05:42,661
Thank you, thank you.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

130
00:05:42,741 --> 00:05:44,621
- She's a lucky girl, ain't she?
- Yeah. Yeah.

131
00:05:44,701 --> 00:05:47,381
- What the fuck? What the fuck?
- Oh! What did you do that for?

132
00:05:48,621 --> 00:05:49,661
- Prat!
- [Hannah] Let me check it.

133
00:05:49,741 --> 00:05:50,981
[Geoff] What?
[Kev] You can see he's dressed up.

134
00:05:51,061 --> 00:05:52,261
[Derek] I'm all right.
[Kev] You're a bully, mate.

135
00:05:52,341 --> 00:05:53,661
- Yeah?
- [Kev] Yeah, you're a bully.

136
00:05:53,741 --> 00:05:55,021
What are you gonna do about it, mate?

137
00:05:55,101 --> 00:05:56,421
- Yeah, fuck off.
- [Vicky] What the fuck?

138
00:05:56,501 --> 00:05:58,261
What did you--
What are you doing? Derek!

139
00:05:58,341 --> 00:06:00,141
Let him go, Derek,
you're gonna get in trouble!

140
00:06:00,221 --> 00:06:01,901
- Is Kev all right?
- Yes, he's fine!

141
00:06:01,981 --> 00:06:03,181
Sorry.

142
00:06:03,261 --> 00:06:04,701
He's fine.
Kev, are you okay?

143
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,301
- Are you all right?
- [Kev] Yeah.

144
00:06:06,381 --> 00:06:07,461
[Hannah] Are you okay, Kev?

145
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:09,581
[Annie] You've hurt yourself.

146
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:12,341
[Kev] Where's my drink?
[Hannah] Don't worry about your drink.

147
00:06:12,421 --> 00:06:13,861
- Are you okay, Derek?
- Yeah.

148
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:16,501
- Is Geoff... Geoff wasn't hurt, was he?
- [Hannah] Don't worry about Geoff.

149
00:06:16,581 --> 00:06:17,741
- You all right, Kev?
- Yeah.

150
00:06:21,861 --> 00:06:24,141
- Cheers, Kevin.
- [Hannah] Stupid prick.

151
00:06:24,221 --> 00:06:28,301
- [Derek] Shall I still go on the date?
- Of course you've got to go on the date.

152
00:06:28,381 --> 00:06:29,781
- Here.
- Oh, cheers.

153
00:06:29,861 --> 00:06:32,581
- [Derek] See you later, Kev.
- Good luck, mate.

154
00:06:32,661 --> 00:06:33,981
See you, cheers.

155
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,221
- Have fun, Derek, yeah?
- [Derek] Yeah.

156
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:41,581
- Come on.
- You'll be great, mate.

157
00:06:41,661 --> 00:06:43,021
[Derek] Thank you.

158
00:06:50,181 --> 00:06:52,181
[Hannah] You don't need to run, Derek.

159
00:06:52,261 --> 00:06:53,621
[Derek gasps] Geoff.

160
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:55,581
Sorry.

161
00:06:55,661 --> 00:06:58,781
No, look, I'm sorry. It was my fault.
I was a total idiot, Derek.

162
00:06:58,861 --> 00:07:00,701
- Don't worry.
- I'm sorry.

163
00:07:00,781 --> 00:07:01,981
- [Derek] Thank you.
- Have a good time, yeah?

164
00:07:02,061 --> 00:07:03,541
- [Derek] Thank you.
- Enjoy yourself.

165
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:06,741
Right, well...

166
00:07:06,821 --> 00:07:08,741
That's another job
I'll have to leave, then.

167
00:07:08,821 --> 00:07:10,341
No, you haven't got to leave.

168
00:07:11,301 --> 00:07:13,381
Look, can I give you
a bit of advice, Geoff?

169
00:07:13,461 --> 00:07:15,061
Yeah.

170
00:07:15,141 --> 00:07:21,341
Do you think that you could try
and not be an asshole all of the time?

171
00:07:23,661 --> 00:07:24,661
- Yeah.
- Yeah?

172
00:07:24,741 --> 00:07:26,061
- Okay, yeah.
- Well, you'll be all right then.

173
00:07:27,861 --> 00:07:29,781
- Thanks.
- [Hannah] See you later.

174
00:07:40,821 --> 00:07:42,421
- Is that it?
- Yeah.

175
00:07:42,501 --> 00:07:44,261
- Looks nice.
- Yeah.

176
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:56,661
- Good evening, sir.
- [gasps] Sir.

177
00:07:56,741 --> 00:07:58,821
Do you have a reservation?

178
00:07:58,901 --> 00:08:00,101
I've got a date.

179
00:08:00,181 --> 00:08:01,421
Right, what's your name?

180
00:08:01,501 --> 00:08:03,101
- Derek.
- Derek who?

181
00:08:03,181 --> 00:08:04,181
Derek Noakes.

182
00:08:05,781 --> 00:08:06,941
Uh...

183
00:08:07,021 --> 00:08:10,101
Oh, yes. Yeah.
Your guest's already at the table.

184
00:08:12,061 --> 00:08:14,221
- What are they?
- Mints.

185
00:08:14,301 --> 00:08:15,781
[Derek] Are they free?

186
00:08:15,861 --> 00:08:18,301
- [woman] Yes.
- [gasps] Can I have one, please?

187
00:08:19,301 --> 00:08:23,021
Uh... they're normally for after the meal.

188
00:08:23,101 --> 00:08:24,341
Can I have one now?

189
00:08:25,381 --> 00:08:27,941
- Uh... yep.
- Thank you. [gasps]

190
00:08:30,021 --> 00:08:32,021
Free mints up there.

191
00:08:32,101 --> 00:08:33,101
I'm Derek.

192
00:08:33,181 --> 00:08:35,261
- I'm Tracey.
- Hello.

193
00:08:35,341 --> 00:08:36,341
Waiter.

194
00:08:36,421 --> 00:08:38,221
A drink to start?

195
00:08:38,301 --> 00:08:39,381
Uh...

196
00:08:39,461 --> 00:08:42,581
- A Diet Coke, please.
- I's Diet Coke.

197
00:08:42,661 --> 00:08:44,861
- Two Diet Cokes, no problem.
- Yeah.

198
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:45,981
Two straws.

199
00:08:46,061 --> 00:08:48,941
- Sure. The menu, there for you.
- Thank you.

200
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:56,301
[gasps]

201
00:08:59,061 --> 00:09:00,261
[door opens]

202
00:09:02,581 --> 00:09:03,741
[door closes]

203
00:09:11,421 --> 00:09:12,981
- [Hannah] What are you doing?
- Have you got the list?

204
00:09:13,061 --> 00:09:15,221
- No.
- [gasps] I left it back at the home, then.

205
00:09:15,301 --> 00:09:16,661
Have you just left her sitting there?

206
00:09:16,741 --> 00:09:17,781
I need the list.

207
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:20,261
You don't need the list, Derek.

208
00:09:20,341 --> 00:09:22,701
You just have to talk about yourself.
And her.

209
00:09:24,861 --> 00:09:26,221
Thank you.

210
00:09:28,781 --> 00:09:29,941
[door opens]

211
00:09:32,181 --> 00:09:33,421
[door closes]

212
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:38,421
I forgot the list...
of questions what to ask.

213
00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:40,781
- Do you want to borrow mine?
- Yes, please.

214
00:09:43,781 --> 00:09:44,781
Oh, yeah.

215
00:09:44,861 --> 00:09:47,381
What things do you like?

216
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,901
Oh, I don't know, I only made
a list of questions, not answers.

217
00:09:53,141 --> 00:09:54,821
Ask me them, then.

218
00:09:54,901 --> 00:09:57,501
- What things do you like?
- [sighs]

219
00:09:57,581 --> 00:09:59,461
Susan Boyle, cats, Hannah,

220
00:09:59,541 --> 00:10:01,381
old people, Robbie Williams,

221
00:10:01,461 --> 00:10:03,301
<i>Britain's Got Talent, Miranda,</i>

222
00:10:03,381 --> 00:10:04,981
monkeys, piglets,

223
00:10:05,061 --> 00:10:07,461
<i>Mrs. Brown Boys.</i> [burping]

224
00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:10,501
[snickers] Brilliant.
I like burping.

225
00:10:10,581 --> 00:10:11,861
I loves burping.

226
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,301
- [burps]
- [laughs]

227
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,381
[both burping]

228
00:10:17,781 --> 00:10:19,221
[laughing]

229
00:10:19,301 --> 00:10:20,301
[burps]

230
00:10:20,381 --> 00:10:22,021
[loud burping]

231
00:10:22,101 --> 00:10:23,101
[continues laughing]

232
00:10:24,061 --> 00:10:25,741
That sounded like a camel.

233
00:10:27,021 --> 00:10:28,101
[burping]

234
00:10:28,181 --> 00:10:29,861
- Can you burp?
- [waiter] <i>Pardon?</i>

235
00:10:29,941 --> 00:10:32,621
- Can you burp?
- No.

236
00:10:32,701 --> 00:10:34,341
Thank you.

237
00:10:34,421 --> 00:10:36,101
We loves burping, don't we?

238
00:10:36,181 --> 00:10:37,981
You have chosen your food?

239
00:10:38,061 --> 00:10:39,781
[Derek] No.

240
00:10:39,861 --> 00:10:43,181
What's... [mumbling]

241
00:10:43,261 --> 00:10:44,861
<i>- Cuisses de grenouille?</i>
- Yeah.

242
00:10:44,941 --> 00:10:48,021
It's a starter.
It's... frog's legs.

243
00:10:48,101 --> 00:10:49,101
What?

244
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:52,421
- [waiter] Frog's legs. The legs of a frog.
- The legs off a...

245
00:10:52,501 --> 00:10:53,501
What, a real frog?

246
00:10:53,581 --> 00:10:54,581
Sure.

247
00:10:54,661 --> 00:10:57,741
There's about seven or eight
in the portion.

248
00:10:57,821 --> 00:10:59,501
What about the frogs
what legs you took off?

249
00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:00,581
Are they disabled now?

250
00:11:01,501 --> 00:11:04,901
No.
No, the... the frog is dead.

251
00:11:04,981 --> 00:11:08,141
Obviously,
we only eat the leg.

252
00:11:08,221 --> 00:11:11,181
It's a delicacy.
Tastes... a little bit like chicken.

253
00:11:11,261 --> 00:11:12,461
Have you got any chicken?

254
00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:13,621
The <i>poulet.</i>

255
00:11:13,701 --> 00:11:15,341
- What is the chicken.
- [Derek] Yeah, so...

256
00:11:15,421 --> 00:11:18,741
Why you eating frogs
before the chicken's run out?

257
00:11:18,821 --> 00:11:20,981
No, it's two different dishes.

258
00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:23,301
What's that one?
L'escargot.

259
00:11:23,381 --> 00:11:25,821
<i>Escargot</i> is snails.

260
00:11:25,901 --> 00:11:26,901
[gasps] What?

261
00:11:26,981 --> 00:11:28,181
- [waiter] Snails.
- Snails?

262
00:11:28,261 --> 00:11:30,181
[waiter] Garlic, herb butter, on...

263
00:11:30,261 --> 00:11:32,341
Sure, snails.
It's a--

264
00:11:32,421 --> 00:11:33,581
What? Real snails?

265
00:11:33,661 --> 00:11:34,901
Mmm-hmm. Cooked, of course.

266
00:11:35,981 --> 00:11:38,181
Of course.
Could you eat a slug?

267
00:11:38,261 --> 00:11:39,901
No.

268
00:11:39,981 --> 00:11:41,861
But you eats a snail and a frog.

269
00:11:41,941 --> 00:11:44,661
You can...
Probably best just go for the chicken.

270
00:11:44,741 --> 00:11:45,941
- I'll have the chicken, please.
- [waiter] Sure.

271
00:11:46,021 --> 00:11:47,781
- I'll have chicken.
- Okay.

272
00:11:53,541 --> 00:11:55,701
[slurping]

273
00:11:57,261 --> 00:11:58,261
[burps]

274
00:11:58,341 --> 00:12:00,101
[chuckles and burps]

275
00:12:23,141 --> 00:12:24,901
Does anyone want a cup of tea?

276
00:12:24,981 --> 00:12:26,421
No, thanks.

277
00:12:27,461 --> 00:12:28,901
Sheila?

278
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:30,461
Do you want a cup of tea, Sheila?

279
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,861
- Yes, please.
- [Geoff] Yeah?

280
00:12:33,901 --> 00:12:35,261
How...
How do you have it?

281
00:12:35,341 --> 00:12:36,821
Milk and one sugar.

282
00:12:36,901 --> 00:12:38,741
[Geoff] Milk and one, right.

283
00:12:39,781 --> 00:12:40,901
Do you want one, Vicky?

284
00:12:40,981 --> 00:12:43,621
Yeah. Yeah, go on, then.
I'll have the same as Sheila.

285
00:12:43,701 --> 00:12:44,781
[Geoff] Yeah? Right.

286
00:12:44,861 --> 00:12:46,101
Two, milk-and-one, okay.

287
00:12:46,181 --> 00:12:47,261
Give you a hand?

288
00:12:47,341 --> 00:12:49,621
Yeah. Yeah, go on then.
That'd be good.

289
00:12:55,181 --> 00:12:56,581
[electric kettle clicks off]

290
00:13:03,261 --> 00:13:05,021
Don't worry about it.

291
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,821
I used to be a dickhead.

292
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:11,581
Okay.

293
00:13:11,661 --> 00:13:14,461
Yeah, come on.
Don't leave Sheila waiting.

294
00:13:14,541 --> 00:13:16,341
- Yeah.
- Make sure you make it strong, though.

295
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,381
- She likes it strong.
- Right.

296
00:13:18,461 --> 00:13:19,461
All right.

297
00:13:21,421 --> 00:13:22,461
[Derek gasps]

298
00:13:22,541 --> 00:13:25,141
[speaking French]

299
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:27,501
<i>- Deux</i> coq au vin.
- [Derek] What?

300
00:13:27,581 --> 00:13:28,901
Coq au vin.

301
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:32,661
Mainly chicken though, innit?

302
00:13:33,741 --> 00:13:34,741
Yes.

303
00:13:36,621 --> 00:13:37,781
Bon appétit.

304
00:13:39,941 --> 00:13:43,221
- Just gonna leave that bit.
- Just in case?

305
00:13:43,301 --> 00:13:45,141
- Yeah.
- That a good idea?

306
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:57,421
[Derek gasps] I liked that.
It was tasty, wasn't it?

307
00:13:57,501 --> 00:13:59,061
[Tracey] Lovely.

308
00:13:59,141 --> 00:14:01,101
- Have you ever triple spudded?
- What's that?

309
00:14:01,181 --> 00:14:04,381
Once I had mashed potato,
roast potato, and some chips.

310
00:14:04,461 --> 00:14:06,221
- Triple spudded.
- [Tracey chuckles] Oh.

311
00:14:06,301 --> 00:14:08,181
- Finished?
- [Derek] Thank you.

312
00:14:08,261 --> 00:14:09,861
- You're welcome.
- That was brilliant.

313
00:14:10,861 --> 00:14:11,861
Thanks.

314
00:14:11,941 --> 00:14:13,461
- What's your favorite animal?
- Horse.

315
00:14:13,541 --> 00:14:16,141
[gasps] I loves horses.
Do you like the little ones like that?

316
00:14:16,221 --> 00:14:17,941
You mean dogs?

317
00:14:18,021 --> 00:14:19,381
No.

318
00:14:20,461 --> 00:14:21,701
No, just the tiny--

319
00:14:21,781 --> 00:14:23,221
Those little miniature horses you can get.

320
00:14:23,301 --> 00:14:24,821
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

321
00:14:24,901 --> 00:14:26,701
You're funny.
You looks like your picture.

322
00:14:26,781 --> 00:14:28,741
- So do you.
- Yeah.

323
00:14:28,821 --> 00:14:30,381
- Have you been on a horse?
- No.

324
00:14:30,461 --> 00:14:31,861
I fed a horse.

325
00:14:31,941 --> 00:14:33,341
Do you know why
you got to do it like that?

326
00:14:33,421 --> 00:14:35,461
So, um... it does that,

327
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,621
and doesn't bite your fingers,
like that.

328
00:14:37,701 --> 00:14:38,741
Did you feel its tongue?

329
00:14:38,821 --> 00:14:40,621
No, just its lips.

330
00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:42,261
Do horses got tongues?
Do they lick things, horses?

331
00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:43,821
- Think so. Dogs do.
- Dogs licks things.

332
00:14:43,901 --> 00:14:46,661
That's why you're not allowed to kiss
a dog, because it's been licking things.

333
00:14:46,741 --> 00:14:48,701
Right, and a cat's tongue,
it heals you, doesn't it?

334
00:14:48,781 --> 00:14:50,021
'Cause it's got a rough tongue. [gasps]

335
00:14:50,101 --> 00:14:52,621
You know, a dog's nose is wet,
but a cat's nose is dry?

336
00:14:52,701 --> 00:14:54,141
- Hello.
- Dessert for you?

337
00:14:54,221 --> 00:14:55,781
Thank you.

338
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:59,461
- Did anyone eat frogs here tonight?
- Nobody ordered the frog tonight.

339
00:15:01,181 --> 00:15:02,861
I licked a toad once.

340
00:15:02,941 --> 00:15:03,941
It was horrible.

341
00:15:07,661 --> 00:15:09,021
Yeah.

342
00:15:09,101 --> 00:15:10,941
He's doing really well.

343
00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:13,661
It looks like he's having a nice time.

344
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:18,101
I'm sure he'll tell me all about it.

345
00:15:19,181 --> 00:15:20,901
Okay.

346
00:15:20,981 --> 00:15:23,341
All right, well, I'll see you later.

347
00:15:23,421 --> 00:15:24,901
<i>Yeah, me too.</i>

348
00:15:24,981 --> 00:15:26,501
<i>Okay, bye.</i>

349
00:15:30,861 --> 00:15:32,621
[Tracey] Mmm.
[Derek] I like that.

350
00:15:32,701 --> 00:15:35,461
- [Tracey] I like the crunchy bits.
- Yeah. Crème brûlée. Thank you.

351
00:15:35,541 --> 00:15:37,621
Brilliant.
Have you seen, um...

352
00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:40,261
<i>Dormouse Snoring</i> on YouTube?

353
00:15:40,341 --> 00:15:41,981
It's the best thing
what I've ever seen.

354
00:15:42,061 --> 00:15:44,541
It's as good as <i>Baby Monkey</i>
<i>Riding Backwards On a Pig,</i>

355
00:15:44,621 --> 00:15:48,101
or <i>Hamster On a Piano Eating Popcorn,</i>
or even <i>Shopping Penguin.</i>

356
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:49,301
It's the magic towel.

357
00:15:49,381 --> 00:15:51,301
That's good.
Yeah, fine. Right.

358
00:15:53,181 --> 00:15:55,541
You'll love it.
You look it up. [gasps]

359
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,821
Thank you.

360
00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:00,621
[waiter] Oh, sir, no, that's the towels.

361
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,021
They looks just like the mints.

362
00:16:07,981 --> 00:16:08,981
Thank you.

363
00:16:09,941 --> 00:16:10,981
Just...

364
00:16:16,221 --> 00:16:18,021
French food is funny, innit?

365
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,501
- That's my friend, Hannah.
- Oh, that's me dad.

366
00:16:30,101 --> 00:16:31,501
- Bye, then.
- Bye.

367
00:16:46,301 --> 00:16:47,981
- Did you have a good time?
- Yeah.

368
00:16:48,061 --> 00:16:49,821
- I had pudding. Yeah.
- Did you?

369
00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:52,021
- Have you ever heard of crème brûlée?
- I've heard of it.

370
00:16:52,101 --> 00:16:53,941
- It's French.
- Oh, right. Is it nice?

371
00:16:54,021 --> 00:16:55,581
- It's like a pudding.
- Nice!

372
00:16:55,661 --> 00:16:58,541
But with a crusty bit on top what's burnt,
but it's like toffee.

373
00:17:11,341 --> 00:17:12,781
[Derek] Dad. Hello.

374
00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,501
Hello.
I've just been on my date.

375
00:17:17,941 --> 00:17:20,261
Jesus, you're back early.

376
00:17:20,341 --> 00:17:21,981
Yeah.

377
00:17:22,061 --> 00:17:26,181
I said I had to get back... to see you,
I couldn't stay that long,

378
00:17:26,261 --> 00:17:29,341
so I said goodbye to her,
and come down.

379
00:17:30,781 --> 00:17:33,101
Always choose the girl, boy.

380
00:17:46,541 --> 00:17:48,901
- Do you want whiskey?
- No, thanks.

381
00:17:52,261 --> 00:17:53,701
Do you mind if I have one?

382
00:18:11,621 --> 00:18:13,141
[Derek] <i>I loves being alive.</i>

383
00:18:13,221 --> 00:18:15,301
<i>It's my favoritest thing.</i>

384
00:18:15,381 --> 00:18:17,981
<i>I loves every day.</i>
<i>I don't want it to end.</i>

385
00:18:18,061 --> 00:18:20,581
But, I looks forward
to the next day starting.

386
00:18:20,661 --> 00:18:23,741
I even like sleeping,
'cause I likes dreaming,

387
00:18:23,821 --> 00:18:24,981
'cause, um...

388
00:18:25,061 --> 00:18:29,021
my dreams are just
as good as my real life.

389
00:18:29,101 --> 00:18:30,501
They're sort of the same, really.

390
00:18:30,581 --> 00:18:33,621
I basically dreams about
what's happened that day, except,

391
00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:37,461
I can fly sometimes,
and animals talks to me.

392
00:18:37,541 --> 00:18:39,541
Animals what I've helped.

393
00:18:39,621 --> 00:18:41,861
'Cause they can't
say "thank you" in real life,

394
00:18:41,941 --> 00:18:43,301
but they says
"thank you" in my dreams.

395
00:18:43,381 --> 00:18:46,301
'Cause I think that's what
they would say if they could.

396
00:18:47,261 --> 00:18:48,981
I sometimes knows I'm dreaming.

397
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,981
Do you know what I mean?
Do you do that?

398
00:18:51,941 --> 00:18:53,661
I knows I'm dreaming, and I says,

399
00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:57,021
"Oh, I gotta wake up now... bye."

400
00:18:58,581 --> 00:19:00,301
Then my mum says,

401
00:19:00,381 --> 00:19:03,861
"Bye, Derek, see you tomorrow night,
have a nice day."

402
00:19:05,781 --> 00:19:06,901
So I do.

403
00:19:16,341 --> 00:19:17,341
[knocking]

404
00:19:20,741 --> 00:19:22,181
Derek?

405
00:19:25,541 --> 00:19:27,461
He's dead.

406
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:28,701
Oh, darling.

407
00:19:30,381 --> 00:19:31,701
It's all right.

408
00:19:33,301 --> 00:19:34,421
I'm happy.

409
00:19:35,501 --> 00:19:36,941
'Cause he was happy.

410
00:19:38,661 --> 00:19:40,061
'Cause I knew him.

411
00:19:40,141 --> 00:19:42,021
I had a dad,
and he had a son.

412
00:19:43,221 --> 00:19:46,061
And he loved me.
He said so. He told me.

413
00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:48,181
He was smiling, and then he just...

414
00:19:48,261 --> 00:19:50,021
fell to sleep,
and he was dead,

415
00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:51,221
smiling.

416
00:19:52,821 --> 00:19:54,701
So, that's why I'm smiling.

417
00:19:54,781 --> 00:19:56,381
Perfect ending.

418
00:19:58,141 --> 00:19:59,741
So, is he in heaven now?

419
00:19:59,821 --> 00:20:01,621
What do you think?

420
00:20:02,781 --> 00:20:04,461
I don't know if there is heaven.

421
00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:05,661
I'm suspicious.

422
00:20:06,701 --> 00:20:09,741
But if heaven is for people what did good,
then he would be in heaven.

423
00:20:09,821 --> 00:20:11,141
Definitely.

424
00:20:13,701 --> 00:20:14,781
Good.

425
00:20:16,061 --> 00:20:19,381
I'm gonna go sort things out now.
I'll be back soon, okay?

426
00:20:19,461 --> 00:20:21,181
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

427
00:20:25,701 --> 00:20:27,021
[Derek] Thank you.

428
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:35,941
{\an8}[cell phone chimes]

429
00:20:36,021 --> 00:20:37,821
{\an8}- [Derek] Is my dad in heaven?
- [cell phone chimes]

430
00:20:37,901 --> 00:20:40,581
{\an8}[automated voice]
<i>I'm sorry, I don't know where that is.</i>

431
00:20:43,341 --> 00:20:44,981
I see people out of life.

432
00:20:45,061 --> 00:20:46,661
You know?
Somebody sees you in,

433
00:20:46,741 --> 00:20:48,301
like a midwife,

434
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,181
and I see people out.

435
00:20:51,181 --> 00:20:52,581
I make sure...

436
00:20:52,661 --> 00:20:55,381
that they can go at peace,

437
00:20:55,461 --> 00:20:57,141
with everything in order.

438
00:20:58,781 --> 00:21:01,221
I've been with
a lot of people as they die.

439
00:21:02,981 --> 00:21:04,501
It's been a privilege.

440
00:21:05,581 --> 00:21:07,061
I'm not scared of it.

441
00:21:09,821 --> 00:21:11,421
When he wasn't around,

442
00:21:11,501 --> 00:21:13,541
I just told myself he didn't love me,

443
00:21:13,621 --> 00:21:14,781
and that was fine,

444
00:21:14,861 --> 00:21:17,021
'cause I thought maybe he was happy.

445
00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:19,741
And then when I met him,
I was happy,

446
00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:20,941
but then I was sad,

447
00:21:21,021 --> 00:21:23,501
'cause I found out
he had been missing me.

448
00:21:23,581 --> 00:21:25,141
I didn't want him to feel bad.

449
00:21:26,421 --> 00:21:29,181
But then we made it all okay.

450
00:21:29,261 --> 00:21:32,261
That's the amazing thing about life,
you can just start again.

451
00:21:32,341 --> 00:21:34,461
Just rub it out,
like a blackboard,

452
00:21:34,541 --> 00:21:36,301
and start again.

453
00:21:36,381 --> 00:21:37,821
You know, I nearly didn't.

454
00:21:37,901 --> 00:21:39,221
<i>I nearly didn't,</i>

455
00:21:39,301 --> 00:21:43,101
<i>but just in those last few months</i>
<i>what I've known him,</i>

456
00:21:43,181 --> 00:21:45,541
<i>we made a whole life okay.</i>

457
00:21:48,061 --> 00:21:50,221
It's what you do from now.

458
00:21:50,301 --> 00:21:53,781
So, if you has an argument
with someone, just say, "sorry."

459
00:21:56,581 --> 00:21:59,781
If you haven't spoken to someone
for a long time, call 'em up now.

460
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:01,741
If you haven't spoken to your mum,
call her up.

461
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,341
It's never too late.

462
00:22:03,421 --> 00:22:04,901
Until it is.

463
00:22:30,061 --> 00:22:31,141
Kev!

464
00:22:36,261 --> 00:22:37,701
Go on, boy!