1 00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:10,767 Dude, I really need to Zen out. 2 00:00:10,867 --> 00:00:13,000 A bird flew into my mouth this morning. 3 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,067 Eww, again? I don't know what's going on. 4 00:00:15,167 --> 00:00:18,067 Well, what could be more Zen than yoga that's 5 00:00:18,167 --> 00:00:20,133 suggested donation-- free. 6 00:00:20,233 --> 00:00:22,000 You catch that, suggested donation. 7 00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:24,267 Free. 8 00:00:24,367 --> 00:00:27,567 Ooh, so it really smells in here. 9 00:00:27,667 --> 00:00:30,233 Okay, this isn't "Real Housewives" yoga, NeNe. 10 00:00:30,333 --> 00:00:33,833 Sure, it has a few flaws, but that's the price you pay. 11 00:00:33,933 --> 00:00:35,467 You catch that, that's the price you pay. 12 00:00:35,567 --> 00:00:37,233 No, I-- I get it. 13 00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:39,700 Ooh, I have the perfect spot. 14 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,133 Hey, you guys, do you mind if we scootch? 15 00:00:43,233 --> 00:00:45,033 Two of us to get in here. 16 00:00:45,133 --> 00:00:46,900 Doesn't seem like enough space for us-- 17 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,500 It's plenty. Is it? 18 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:49,900 Yep, now it is. 19 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,600 Just enough. 20 00:00:55,767 --> 00:01:00,067 ** (uptempo Indian music) 21 00:01:03,867 --> 00:01:05,667 (sniffing) 22 00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,200 (farting) 23 00:01:13,533 --> 00:01:16,267 (whispering instructions) 24 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:18,533 Oh, yeah, you can go deeper. Okay. 25 00:01:18,633 --> 00:01:20,733 On both shoulders. Yeah, I can feel... 26 00:01:33,433 --> 00:01:37,167 And breathe in, two, three, four, 27 00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:40,667 and out, two, three, four, 28 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,833 and release. 29 00:01:42,933 --> 00:01:47,367 (all farting) 30 00:01:47,467 --> 00:01:49,300 Yes, that's good. 31 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,600 * Four and three and two and one-one * 32 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:54,200 ** 33 00:02:04,067 --> 00:02:06,200 (sighing) Oh, God. 34 00:02:17,233 --> 00:02:19,900 (phone chiming) (sighing) 35 00:02:20,067 --> 00:02:21,700 Hey, dude, what's up? 36 00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:24,833 Yeah, girl, you ready to rumble? 37 00:02:24,933 --> 00:02:27,233 Hell yeah, dude, I just got up a while ago. 38 00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:30,233 Made myself a smoothie, been packin'... 39 00:02:30,333 --> 00:02:31,567 yep, all morning. 40 00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:32,833 Did you pack your anti-depressants? 41 00:02:32,933 --> 00:02:34,233 Yep. Your anti-anxiety? 42 00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:36,133 Yep. Please tell me anti-gas. 43 00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:37,600 Yep. Your vibrator? 44 00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:40,133 Yep, okay, do you have your electric toothbrush? 45 00:02:40,233 --> 00:02:42,133 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Flat iron. Headbands. 46 00:02:42,233 --> 00:02:44,967 Uh-huh. 85 SPF sunscreen for your truly precious pores. 47 00:02:45,067 --> 00:02:47,567 Uh-huh. Great, we're both... 48 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,800 totally packed responsibly. 49 00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:51,733 All right, so we're gonna be on the first subway car 50 00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:53,500 at Jay Street, right? 2:45, yes. 51 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,067 Front car-- and hey, wear something sexy. 52 00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:57,433 Pssht, always do. 53 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:01,667 Jaimé, help me pack! 54 00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:04,833 (overlapping murmurs) 55 00:03:04,933 --> 00:03:06,967 I have no time, (bleep), dude. 56 00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:09,200 Um, okay, my toothbrush, my vibrator. 57 00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:10,567 What'd she say, my meds? 58 00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:13,233 I got you, mi amore, don't you worry about it. 59 00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:15,233 Oh, my goodness. What? 60 00:03:15,333 --> 00:03:17,300 This is Lincoln's suitcase. 61 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:18,567 Yeah. 62 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:22,067 Oh, don't cry, oh. 63 00:03:22,133 --> 00:03:23,700 I just have-- y'know, sometimes I feel like 64 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:24,800 he broke up with me too. 65 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,433 God, are you flexing? 66 00:03:29,533 --> 00:03:30,933 No. Can you? 67 00:03:31,067 --> 00:03:33,433 Okay. Oh, God, yeah. 68 00:03:33,533 --> 00:03:35,433 Ooh. Okay. 69 00:03:40,233 --> 00:03:42,100 Uh, Abbi? 70 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,433 Do we live in a zoo? Uh, what now? 71 00:03:44,533 --> 00:03:48,067 Because I'm pretty sure there's an elephant in the room. 72 00:03:48,133 --> 00:03:50,067 You're using my suitcase. 73 00:03:50,133 --> 00:03:51,700 Uh, this is not even close 74 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,433 to being your suitcase, this is mine. 75 00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:56,633 Drew Barrymore wrote an entire article about this suitcase. 76 00:03:56,733 --> 00:03:58,633 I splurged on this. 77 00:03:58,733 --> 00:04:00,267 I thought Melodie bought me that suitcase. 78 00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:02,067 I use it so much. You do? 79 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,667 Just once. 80 00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:05,367 Okay. Anyhoos. 81 00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:07,067 what's the hot goss with you and Trey? 82 00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:10,200 You guys are so Vivian Leigh and Laurence Olivier. 83 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:11,567 Okay, there's no hot goss. 84 00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:13,433 Like, it kind of ended badly. 85 00:04:13,533 --> 00:04:15,267 He's actually been switching his shifts 86 00:04:15,367 --> 00:04:16,933 at the gym to avoid me. 87 00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:18,867 You want me to try to talk to him? 88 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,200 I have a way with words. 89 00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:21,900 No, thank you, Bevers, but I'm just gonna 90 00:04:22,067 --> 00:04:23,867 keep packing, please. 91 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,533 Well, if you're not gonna say it, I will. 92 00:04:28,633 --> 00:04:31,700 I'm gonna miss you too. 93 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,700 And please, please text me as soon as you land. 94 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,233 Get out of here! 95 00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:38,533 Fine, I'll text you. 96 00:04:38,633 --> 00:04:40,067 Thank you. 97 00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:41,867 And you don't need to bother 98 00:04:41,967 --> 00:04:43,367 cleaning up too much in here, 99 00:04:43,467 --> 00:04:45,100 I'm gonna be in and out, okay? 100 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:47,867 Thank you so much for everything. Yeah. 101 00:04:47,967 --> 00:04:49,867 Have fun, and please leave the radio on 102 00:04:49,967 --> 00:04:51,367 when you're gone for Rat Bastard and her family. 103 00:04:51,467 --> 00:04:52,867 We can afford it. Yeah, of course. 104 00:04:52,967 --> 00:04:56,100 All right... (Jaimé muttering) 105 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:57,433 Jaimé time. 106 00:04:57,533 --> 00:04:59,433 Yes. 107 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:01,667 Oh, hello. 108 00:05:01,767 --> 00:05:03,333 I'm gonna call you Pablo. 109 00:05:04,333 --> 00:05:05,467 (groaning) Hey, now. 110 00:05:05,567 --> 00:05:06,500 Please don't stop. 111 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,267 I'm not even looking. 112 00:05:10,833 --> 00:05:12,333 Just forgot my highlighters. 113 00:05:12,433 --> 00:05:13,833 Nice wrist technique. 114 00:05:13,933 --> 00:05:15,233 Thank you. Okay, bye. 115 00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:19,233 (bleep). 116 00:05:23,133 --> 00:05:24,100 (beeping) 117 00:05:25,433 --> 00:05:27,500 (beeping) 118 00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:31,333 Hey! I saw that! 119 00:05:31,433 --> 00:05:32,333 Get back here! 120 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,067 (beeping) 121 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,433 (beeping) (bleep)! 122 00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:46,867 (bell chiming) 123 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:51,533 (bleeps) 124 00:05:51,633 --> 00:05:52,567 God dammit! 125 00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:53,700 (bleep) 126 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,667 Please stand clear of the closing doors. 127 00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:10,367 Stand clear of the doors! 128 00:06:10,467 --> 00:06:11,833 Ass! 129 00:06:11,933 --> 00:06:13,200 Abbi! 130 00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:15,700 Ilana! Yes. 131 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,667 Dude, I can't believe we're actually doing this. 132 00:06:17,767 --> 00:06:19,233 Yes, we're going to-- 133 00:06:25,867 --> 00:06:28,533 You know, sometimes the flight is actually my favorite part. 134 00:06:28,633 --> 00:06:31,267 Hit up Hudson News, get some adult magazines. 135 00:06:31,367 --> 00:06:33,933 Looking at boobs is the best way to relax during turbulence. 136 00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:35,500 It's nature's Xanax. 137 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,133 You know, sometimes if I forget the mags, 138 00:06:37,233 --> 00:06:40,267 I look down at my own. What? 139 00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:42,067 Isn't that the whole thing with adult magazines? 140 00:06:42,133 --> 00:06:43,533 Oh, I-- 141 00:06:43,633 --> 00:06:45,133 okay, I was talking about adult magazines 142 00:06:45,233 --> 00:06:48,467 like "Real Simple" or "O" or "Dwell." 143 00:06:48,567 --> 00:06:51,467 I was talking about that, too. (baby crying) 144 00:06:51,567 --> 00:06:53,100 Watch this. 145 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:56,300 (mouthing baby's cries) 146 00:06:58,133 --> 00:07:00,233 (brakes screeching) 147 00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:01,833 Attention, passengers, we'll be stopped 148 00:07:01,933 --> 00:07:03,167 for an undetermined amount of time. 149 00:07:03,267 --> 00:07:04,500 A passenger at the next stop 150 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:05,667 threw herself on the tracks. 151 00:07:05,767 --> 00:07:06,900 Thank you for your patience. 152 00:07:07,067 --> 00:07:08,400 Jesus, use a bridge. 153 00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:10,300 Selfish. 154 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:11,633 It's okay. You know what? 155 00:07:11,733 --> 00:07:13,067 I padded the travel time. 156 00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:14,967 We are all good, we're all good. 157 00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:16,800 It's not like we left our passports or anything. 158 00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:23,600 Oh, my God... oh, my God! 159 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,933 I left my passport. 160 00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:32,367 (baby crying) 161 00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:34,200 Okay, it's been 20 minutes. 162 00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,933 How long does it take to move a (bleep) body off the tracks? 163 00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:39,067 I'm sorry. 164 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,433 Dude, I (bleep) hate myself. 165 00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:42,300 I am so sorry I left my passport. 166 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,333 I'm a (bleep) baby grown-up. 167 00:07:45,433 --> 00:07:46,333 Do you have any tape? 168 00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,067 Do I have any tape? 169 00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:51,533 Yeah, I have tape. 170 00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:55,333 A bunch of different kinds. 171 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:56,800 Really cute. 172 00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:58,300 Jesus, it stinks. 173 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,633 Bologna? 174 00:07:59,733 --> 00:08:02,400 Ugh, it's unbelievable, right? 175 00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:04,467 It is unbelievable. 176 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:05,833 So salty. 177 00:08:07,733 --> 00:08:10,067 Okay, so we're gonna get off at the next stop, 178 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,467 Uber to your apartment, and then book it to the airport. 179 00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:13,967 Great, yes, all is good. 180 00:08:14,067 --> 00:08:15,233 All is not good! 181 00:08:15,333 --> 00:08:16,900 It's like 9/11 all over again. 182 00:08:17,067 --> 00:08:18,967 It's 9/11 2! 183 00:08:19,067 --> 00:08:20,833 Return of the 9/11s! 184 00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:22,900 Oh! Oh, my God! 185 00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:25,167 Okay, so if we don't move in the next 30 minutes, 186 00:08:25,267 --> 00:08:27,067 we have to have some sort of escape plan. 187 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:28,867 You know, I once saw this documentary on Vimeo 188 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:31,567 about these mole people who live down in the subway. 189 00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:33,067 I bet that they would help us. 190 00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:35,233 We would probably just have to give them our shoes 191 00:08:35,333 --> 00:08:37,067 and cut off a little bit of our hair, but... 192 00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:38,667 we'll get new shoes. 193 00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:41,733 Truly impressed with you at every turn. 194 00:08:41,833 --> 00:08:43,133 It's been 25 minutes! 195 00:08:43,233 --> 00:08:44,300 And counting. 196 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:45,433 (shrieking) 197 00:08:45,533 --> 00:08:47,700 Okay, I have a fun game. Okay. 198 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,767 Let's say we were stuck in a subway forever, 199 00:08:50,867 --> 00:08:52,767 which is obviously not gonna happen. 200 00:08:52,867 --> 00:08:54,200 Okay. Who would we (bleep)? 201 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:57,067 Who would we marry? Who would we eat? 202 00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:58,767 All right, I can do that, 203 00:08:58,867 --> 00:09:00,933 'cause I feel like I know a bunch of the answers. 204 00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:04,333 Dude. Def (bleep) him, "Mad Men" style. 205 00:09:04,433 --> 00:09:07,200 Some real standard narrative bull (bleep). 206 00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:10,667 Crusty old dude, hot young girl, 207 00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:14,200 and then I'd Abbi-Jeremy him to even it out. 208 00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:16,167 Peg. 209 00:09:16,267 --> 00:09:17,433 Okay. 210 00:09:17,533 --> 00:09:19,267 Marriage material right there, you know? 211 00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:20,833 Yeah. New Yorker. 212 00:09:20,933 --> 00:09:23,067 Bet she could teach me a thing or two, like, 213 00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:25,133 how to finish an article in the New Yorker. 214 00:09:25,233 --> 00:09:27,067 I think I would marry her. 215 00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,367 Wiccan wedding. 216 00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:30,067 First dance to Wicked Wisdom. 217 00:09:30,133 --> 00:09:32,200 Fist! (chuckling) 218 00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:35,267 Uhh, you know... 219 00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:37,133 Okay, I would eat that baby. 220 00:09:37,233 --> 00:09:38,800 Is that terrible of me? No. 221 00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:40,433 I just would. No, it makes perfect sense. 222 00:09:40,533 --> 00:09:41,967 She looks delicious. 223 00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:43,633 You would probably be sparing her a life 224 00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:46,100 of tragedy and terror, living down in the subway. 225 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,467 Plus, I feel like babies are, like, 226 00:09:48,567 --> 00:09:50,133 the most delicious in terms of actual meat. 227 00:09:50,233 --> 00:09:52,833 Desperate times. Calling for desperate measures. 228 00:09:52,933 --> 00:09:56,133 And who are we to judge our post-apocalyptic selves? 229 00:09:56,233 --> 00:09:57,433 What part would you eat first? 230 00:09:57,533 --> 00:09:58,800 Which part is the most tender? 231 00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:00,700 Probably like, the side or the butt. 232 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,367 Dude, let me try something. 233 00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:04,800 Stand up. 234 00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:06,367 Okay. 235 00:10:10,867 --> 00:10:12,933 Dear God. 236 00:10:13,033 --> 00:10:14,267 Please make this subway move. 237 00:10:14,367 --> 00:10:15,833 Ilana, that's not how it works. 238 00:10:15,933 --> 00:10:17,933 You can't just rub my butt, and the train-- 239 00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:20,600 (rumbling) 240 00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,867 Ow! 241 00:10:22,967 --> 00:10:27,267 Did it again, the power of the butt, bitch. 242 00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:30,200 I'm really happy we didn't have to eat the baby. 243 00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,700 Yeah. Happy. 244 00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:43,167 Where are we, dude? It says we're on Sutphin Boulevard 245 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,233 in Queens. Jesus Christ! 246 00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:47,233 Uber surge fare is 12.5. 247 00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:49,167 They really reel you in, 248 00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:51,167 and then they wring you (bleep) dry 249 00:10:51,267 --> 00:10:53,333 with their grubby little paws right around your neck. 250 00:10:53,433 --> 00:10:55,267 Then they make you type in the surge fare again, 251 00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:57,400 it's like, I know... I know what it is. 252 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,767 It is so rude. God. 253 00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:02,633 The ride estimator says it would be approximately... 254 00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:04,300 (chuckling) 255 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:08,067 $1,200 from here to Gowanus back to JFK. 256 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,967 I hate them. I love them, but I hate them. 257 00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:12,500 Oh, my God. This is a sign. 258 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,300 Yes. Okay, we hotwire that cab, 259 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,733 drive ourselves within walking distance to JFK, 260 00:11:16,833 --> 00:11:18,400 soak it in gasoline, and torch it 261 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:19,933 so they can't trace it-- let's go. 262 00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:21,733 I was gonna say maybe we could just 263 00:11:21,833 --> 00:11:23,400 knock on the door and see if they could drive us. 264 00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:24,633 Oh, let's try that first. 265 00:11:24,733 --> 00:11:26,067 Okay. 266 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:33,867 Okay. 267 00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:38,900 Hello. Hello, sir. 268 00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:41,567 I know that this is ridiculous, 269 00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:45,700 but we would like to hire you to drive us in your taxi. 270 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,667 To a few destinations. 271 00:11:49,133 --> 00:11:50,733 I couldn't be more off-duty. 272 00:11:50,833 --> 00:11:53,067 Work is the worst, right? I get that, but listen, 273 00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:55,333 we would not be asking if it was not an emergency. 274 00:11:55,433 --> 00:11:57,833 Please, we're over on our way to a really important trip, 275 00:11:57,933 --> 00:11:59,833 and I'm such a moron, 276 00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:02,067 I forgot my passport, so, I'm in trouble 277 00:12:02,167 --> 00:12:04,200 with the wife, you can understand. 278 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,533 And we can't find any cabs out here in the middle of nowhere. 279 00:12:06,633 --> 00:12:08,100 This beautiful neighborhood, it's gorgeous out here. 280 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,933 Quaint. Lovely, I might look at some-- 281 00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:13,100 So sweet. To buy or some-- I don't know, rent, whatever. 282 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,633 Plus, there are good schools around here. 283 00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:16,133 We are begging you. 284 00:12:16,233 --> 00:12:17,767 We just need to get her passport 285 00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:19,100 and then get to JFK, or we're gonna miss our flight 286 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,067 and the trip of a lifetime. Please. 287 00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:23,300 How about... 288 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:27,300 A crisp $100 bill from my bra? 289 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,467 Okay. 290 00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:34,767 All right, I guess we'll just-- 291 00:12:36,967 --> 00:12:38,567 Let's roll. 292 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,433 (tires screeching) 293 00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:46,100 "Fast and Furious" over here. 294 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,333 How old are you? 295 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,200 15. 296 00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:04,067 Okay, we're coming around the corner in five, 297 00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,833 four, three... 298 00:13:05,933 --> 00:13:08,067 (honking) Hold on. An old lady is pushing 299 00:13:08,133 --> 00:13:10,167 a baby stroller full of empty cans across the street. 300 00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:11,567 Waiting. 301 00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:13,933 She's almost across. 302 00:13:14,067 --> 00:13:15,833 Okay, now we're coming around the corner. 303 00:13:15,933 --> 00:13:17,833 Can you see my arm? I'm in the cab. 304 00:13:17,933 --> 00:13:19,067 Do you see me? I see you. 305 00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:20,433 Okay, Anhur, slow down, 306 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,267 but don't stop. I gotcha, girl. 307 00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:24,200 Hey! Hi, honey. 308 00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:25,667 Here's your passport-- bye! Thank you. 309 00:13:25,767 --> 00:13:27,333 Yes! To the airport! Love you, Himmelz! 310 00:13:27,433 --> 00:13:29,267 Bye-bye, baby! 311 00:13:29,367 --> 00:13:30,533 Ooh, whoops! 312 00:13:30,633 --> 00:13:32,333 Oh, my brakes! Ay, my brakes! 313 00:13:32,433 --> 00:13:34,233 Ay! Hold me closer, closer, closer. 314 00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:35,933 Yes, ay! 315 00:13:38,867 --> 00:13:40,400 (brakes screeching) 316 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,367 Thank you. Wait, wait, so-- 317 00:13:45,467 --> 00:13:46,900 you only get so many important moments in your life, 318 00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:48,600 and you have to grasp them. 319 00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:49,667 Will you go to prom with me? 320 00:13:49,767 --> 00:13:51,067 Both of you? Or one of you? 321 00:13:51,167 --> 00:13:52,500 I don't care-- I think I love you both. 322 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,067 Can you be in love with two people? 323 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,667 Yes, you definitely can. 324 00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:57,233 That is one of the most dangerous misconceptions 325 00:13:57,333 --> 00:13:59,167 about monogamy, but we can't go with you 326 00:13:59,267 --> 00:14:00,733 because you're a literal child. 327 00:14:00,833 --> 00:14:02,433 We're extremely flattered, though. 328 00:14:02,533 --> 00:14:03,667 You clearly have amazing taste. 329 00:14:03,767 --> 00:14:04,833 Yeah, and don't worry, 330 00:14:04,933 --> 00:14:05,967 you're gonna have sex one day. 331 00:14:06,067 --> 00:14:08,067 I've had sex. 332 00:14:08,167 --> 00:14:10,133 Look at all my (bleep) bracelets. 333 00:14:10,233 --> 00:14:12,200 What the (bleep) are (bleep) bracelets? 334 00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:13,833 Kids are terrifying. 335 00:14:15,167 --> 00:14:16,333 Sorry. So sorry. 336 00:14:16,433 --> 00:14:17,967 This is ridiculous. I'm so sorry. 337 00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:20,500 We just have to cut 'cause we forgot our passport! 338 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,367 You know, you can understand. 339 00:14:22,467 --> 00:14:25,133 I'm so sorry, we just gotta slip right past. 340 00:14:25,233 --> 00:14:26,400 Right, right past. 341 00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:27,533 I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that. 342 00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:28,733 Sorry, thank you so much. 343 00:14:28,833 --> 00:14:30,867 Hey. So sorry. 344 00:14:30,967 --> 00:14:32,867 Hey, do you mind if we cut? We're late for a flight. 345 00:14:32,967 --> 00:14:34,233 Oh, yeah, go ahead. Thank you so much. 346 00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:40,867 Okay. 347 00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:43,067 Oh, dude, Ilana, (bleep), dude. 348 00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,133 Your period stain. 349 00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:46,900 No, dude, it's an old stain. 350 00:14:47,067 --> 00:14:48,467 It's a red herring, 'cause it's red 351 00:14:48,567 --> 00:14:49,567 and looks like a fish, kinda. 352 00:14:49,667 --> 00:14:51,700 I'm packing. I'm packing heat. 353 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,667 I have weed in my vaginé. 354 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,233 Period pants are the ultimate decoy! 355 00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:56,767 If we get caught at the airport, we're gonna-- 356 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,067 Whoa! 357 00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:04,367 This dog is sexually harassing me! 358 00:15:04,467 --> 00:15:05,433 I am so sorry. 359 00:15:05,533 --> 00:15:06,467 Popcorn, get away from her! 360 00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:08,433 Oh! 361 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,567 Oh, my God. 362 00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:11,833 (beep) 363 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:14,767 (beep) 364 00:15:14,867 --> 00:15:16,633 God! My period pants worked! 365 00:15:16,733 --> 00:15:20,800 Dude, we should Shark Tank period pants, for real! 366 00:15:21,867 --> 00:15:23,700 Okay. Let's roll. 367 00:15:26,233 --> 00:15:27,200 What the (bleep)! 368 00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:28,433 Leave it! I'll leave mine! 369 00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:30,067 No, dude, it's our whole luggage! 370 00:15:30,133 --> 00:15:31,667 There, look! Hey! 371 00:15:31,767 --> 00:15:33,100 Not today, put it down! 372 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,133 Oh, I was just trying to take it to the lost and-- 373 00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:35,200 Yeah, sure you were! 374 00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:37,500 Sure! (bleep)! 375 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,400 Sorry! 376 00:15:48,767 --> 00:15:51,200 I'm gonna throw up. Coming through! Coming through! 377 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,667 What a sexy stare you have. 378 00:15:57,767 --> 00:15:59,233 It's scary, too. 379 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:01,567 Yes! 380 00:16:03,533 --> 00:16:05,167 Wait! We're-- We're going to-- 381 00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:07,333 Gate's changed. That flight's back in B-12 now. 382 00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:09,467 Come (bleep) (bleep) on! 383 00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,333 Hey, how's it going. Nice shirt. 384 00:16:14,433 --> 00:16:15,900 Come on, come on! 385 00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:17,767 (hissing) 386 00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:23,667 You should have taken the walkway. 387 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:26,633 So stubborn. 388 00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:33,867 Hey, you grabbed our boards, bro! 389 00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:39,633 Ilana! 390 00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:41,233 I got an extra ticket, let's do this! 391 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:42,400 Do what, Dale? 392 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:43,967 What the (bleep) is wrong with you? 393 00:16:53,267 --> 00:16:54,800 Oh! Sorry! 394 00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:57,800 You (bleep) bitch! I didn't mean to hit you. 395 00:16:57,900 --> 00:16:59,100 We are-- we're on this flight. 396 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:00,633 It hasn't left yet. Please. 397 00:17:00,733 --> 00:17:02,167 I was just trying to get one foot in the door. 398 00:17:02,267 --> 00:17:03,533 It's a shoe, not a foot, 399 00:17:03,633 --> 00:17:05,300 and it hit me, not a door. 400 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,067 The plane is still there, we can still make it, 401 00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,400 please, please, just let us on. We're so close. 402 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:10,067 You know what? Just, just go ahead, yeah. 403 00:17:10,133 --> 00:17:12,200 Thank you so much. Thank you so much. 404 00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:13,800 Thank you so, so much. 405 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,067 We really appreciate it. 406 00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:16,700 We all hate her. 407 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:17,800 Thank you. 408 00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:20,600 You are two lucky Jews. 409 00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,733 We think so, too. 410 00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:24,867 Yes, we did it! Yes, we did it! 411 00:17:24,967 --> 00:17:26,733 Get on the (bleep) plane! 412 00:17:26,833 --> 00:17:28,067 Go! 413 00:17:30,067 --> 00:17:32,433 Oh, my God, we (bleep) made it! 414 00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:37,367 Oh, God, I cannot believe we made it. 415 00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:39,300 This is the longest ramp I've ever been on. 416 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,867 I am so sorry, ladies. 417 00:17:41,967 --> 00:17:44,167 There is no more space in the overhead compartments, 418 00:17:44,267 --> 00:17:45,600 we'll have to check your luggage. 419 00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:47,867 Actually, yours will probably be okay. 420 00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,900 So sleek and streamlined. 421 00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:52,433 Lincoln... had really adult taste in luggage. 422 00:17:52,533 --> 00:17:54,267 This is actually a really special bag, too. 423 00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:56,267 It's Drew's. Sorry, this is not your bag? 424 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,933 No, no, no, it's mine-- I packed it. 425 00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:00,467 It's just that Ms. Drew Barrymore 426 00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:02,767 highly recommends this bag. 427 00:18:02,867 --> 00:18:04,967 If you google, in quotes, "Refinery 29," 428 00:18:05,067 --> 00:18:06,733 in quotes, "Drew Barrymore." 429 00:18:06,833 --> 00:18:07,900 That's amazing. 430 00:18:08,067 --> 00:18:09,633 Unfortunately, Drew Barrymore is 431 00:18:09,733 --> 00:18:11,633 the only person who could carry on something that bulky. 432 00:18:11,733 --> 00:18:13,733 This is gonna have to go under the plane. 433 00:18:13,833 --> 00:18:15,567 Okay, hold on. This bag is the bomb. 434 00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:17,433 Please just let me-- I'm sure there's a spot. 435 00:18:17,533 --> 00:18:19,833 Okay, I'm gonna shut these doors 436 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,300 and take off. 437 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,167 Would you like to come with us? 438 00:18:23,267 --> 00:18:25,733 Mark, can you come get this bag, please? 439 00:18:25,833 --> 00:18:28,267 I'll take your ticket. Thanks. 440 00:18:28,367 --> 00:18:29,767 Do you think it's gonna be okay? 441 00:18:29,867 --> 00:18:31,633 I'm sure your bag is in really... 442 00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,933 good hands. 443 00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:37,833 Thanks so much. 444 00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:41,133 Whoa! Nice! 445 00:18:41,233 --> 00:18:43,500 International travel is amazing. 446 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:44,767 No, this is first class. 447 00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:46,067 We gotta keep going. Oh. 448 00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:48,933 Ms. Fessiwig, champagne or orange juice? 449 00:18:49,067 --> 00:18:50,267 Orange juice it is. 450 00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:51,633 Oh, my God. 451 00:18:51,733 --> 00:18:54,433 I know, who chooses juice over champagne? 452 00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:56,067 Ew, coach. 453 00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:57,400 Hello. Um... 454 00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:58,633 Ilana. 455 00:18:58,733 --> 00:18:59,900 Hi. And... 456 00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:01,567 Abbi. Yes. 457 00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:04,067 I'm Jared. Welcome to Birthmarc. 458 00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:05,533 Surf's up. 459 00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:08,200 Oh, cool. 460 00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,300 For the next ten days, we will be traveling 461 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,300 around the holiest place in the world, Israel. 462 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,467 For free! 463 00:19:14,567 --> 00:19:17,233 Gotcha, Jews. Makes no sense. 464 00:19:17,333 --> 00:19:19,533 Well, our beautiful country will teach you all about 465 00:19:19,633 --> 00:19:21,367 Judaism, its rich history, 466 00:19:21,467 --> 00:19:23,133 and I'm looking at the two of you, 467 00:19:23,233 --> 00:19:24,900 its reproductive future. 468 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:27,633 We're almost home. 469 00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:30,300 I see. Cool. 470 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,300 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 471 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,800 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 472 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:38,567 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 473 00:19:38,667 --> 00:19:40,833 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 474 00:19:40,933 --> 00:19:42,567 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 475 00:19:42,667 --> 00:19:45,233 Dude, we better not make any new friends on this trip. 476 00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:46,933 It's not about friends. Right. 477 00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:49,567 It's that it's free. It's about Israel. 478 00:19:49,667 --> 00:19:51,467 It's like Africa for Jews. 479 00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:53,367 It's about our souls. 480 00:19:53,467 --> 00:19:55,467 People find their selves in the motherland. 481 00:19:55,567 --> 00:19:57,900 Jews! Jews! All right, ladies. 482 00:19:58,067 --> 00:19:59,400 Where are you seated? 483 00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:01,133 Uh... 5-B. I'm 18-D. 484 00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,900 (gasping) No! 485 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,300 No, no, no, no! Oh, my God! 486 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,733 No, no, no, no, no... Wait, hold on. 487 00:20:05,833 --> 00:20:07,700 Okay. Uh, ladies, is there something wrong? 488 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,100 Yes. Jared. What's up? 489 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,267 We love the trip so far. 490 00:20:10,367 --> 00:20:12,400 We would love it even more 491 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,067 if we could sit next to each other. 492 00:20:14,167 --> 00:20:16,267 This is an all-expense paid trip to Israel, 493 00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:18,467 provided by your living ancestors, 494 00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:20,733 so we're seated according to match potential. 495 00:20:20,833 --> 00:20:22,233 Okay. All right. 496 00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:24,000 Okay. 497 00:20:26,833 --> 00:20:28,833 You'll meet somebody very nice, I'm sure. 498 00:20:32,633 --> 00:20:34,033 Hey. I'm Josh. 499 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,267 I'm a junior accountant, 500 00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:36,733 I write short stories in my spare time, 501 00:20:36,833 --> 00:20:39,433 and I'm a tough mudder champion. 502 00:20:39,533 --> 00:20:41,867 What? I'm grieving. 503 00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:44,067 I've just experienced a loss. 504 00:20:46,033 --> 00:20:48,567 Would it kill you to try? 505 00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:54,133 Ugh. 506 00:20:54,233 --> 00:20:55,833 Enchanté. 507 00:21:02,833 --> 00:21:04,367 I miss you. 508 00:21:04,467 --> 00:21:06,067 I miss you! 509 00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:07,567 (both) To be continued. 510 00:21:13,933 --> 00:21:15,967 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 511 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:18,100 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 512 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,267 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 513 00:21:20,367 --> 00:21:22,300 Jews! Jews! 514 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,300 Jews! Jews! 515 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,933 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 516 00:21:26,067 --> 00:21:26,700 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews!