1 00:00:09,167 --> 00:00:11,333 * Well every day I throw a little party * 2 00:00:11,433 --> 00:00:14,300 * But a fit would be more fitting, fitting * 3 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,467 * And every time I come a little higher * 4 00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:20,667 * Should I leap or go on living, living? * 5 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:28,067 * Hear the voices venomous and thrilling * 6 00:00:28,167 --> 00:00:30,567 * In my head they're always calling, calling * 7 00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:33,300 * But I wanna gotta go the way my blood beats * 8 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:37,167 * So I'm not fodder for their folly, folly * 9 00:00:42,267 --> 00:00:44,967 * No one here is taking notice 10 00:00:45,067 --> 00:00:48,133 * No outline will ever hold us * 11 00:00:48,233 --> 00:00:52,400 * It's not a new wave, it's just you and me ** 12 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:54,500 Cute. So? 13 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,633 Welcome to Wayne. This is it. 14 00:00:56,733 --> 00:00:58,333 Ooh. 15 00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,133 (man) If I were just 30 years younger. 16 00:01:00,233 --> 00:01:02,533 Ew. Dad, then what? 17 00:01:02,633 --> 00:01:05,100 Then we'd be best friends and hang out all the time. 18 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,567 Oh. Get your head outta the gutter. 19 00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,067 Come here, you. 20 00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:10,067 Yeah... 21 00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:11,233 (both) Ha, ha, ha! 22 00:01:12,167 --> 00:01:15,067 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 23 00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:16,100 All right. 24 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,733 Ha! Ha, ha! I'll just hang out. 25 00:01:17,833 --> 00:01:19,600 (both) Ha, ha, ha, ha! 26 00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:21,867 Ha, ha! Ha, ha! 27 00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:23,200 Ha! Whoa. 28 00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,400 * Four and three and two and one-one ** 29 00:01:31,267 --> 00:01:33,200 So, how do you ladies like my car? 30 00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,600 Yeah, it's a pretty sweet ride. 31 00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:35,900 It's fine. 32 00:01:36,067 --> 00:01:37,067 Ilana, you don't like my car? 33 00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:38,100 I can tell. It's-- 34 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:39,367 You sort of had this little-- 35 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,233 I'm a little squished back here. 36 00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:42,667 I think if I were in-- in the front, 37 00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:45,667 maybe I would be less nauseous and more physically comfortable. 38 00:01:45,767 --> 00:01:47,233 It's a time share. 39 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:50,167 Me, Larry G., Duckbutter, Bobby G., we all went in on it. 40 00:01:50,267 --> 00:01:51,533 I am rock hard 41 00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,467 that I'm gonna see your childhood bedroom, Ab. 42 00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:55,467 It is so important for a relationship 43 00:01:55,567 --> 00:01:58,800 to see a boyfriend's roots. 44 00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:00,267 What? A friend's roots, I said. 45 00:02:00,367 --> 00:02:02,333 Yeah, you said boyfriend, but... 46 00:02:02,433 --> 00:02:03,900 Dad, I cannot believe 47 00:02:04,067 --> 00:02:06,433 that you're turning my bedroom into an infrared sauna. 48 00:02:06,533 --> 00:02:08,067 You've been talking about this 49 00:02:08,133 --> 00:02:09,300 since the day you dropped me off at college, 50 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,833 so I'm supportive. 51 00:02:10,933 --> 00:02:12,233 So GOOP. 52 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,067 You should get a V-steam for the next time we come in. 53 00:02:14,133 --> 00:02:15,533 V-steam? I don't know what that is. 54 00:02:15,633 --> 00:02:16,733 Um, vagina. 55 00:02:16,833 --> 00:02:19,900 (Abbi) Love talking about vaginas with my dad. 56 00:02:20,067 --> 00:02:21,300 (car scrapes) 57 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,633 (Jeff) Don't worry about that noise. 58 00:02:23,733 --> 00:02:26,500 Ahh. 59 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,700 So many beautiful memories here. 60 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,433 Ilana, under that tree, 61 00:02:30,533 --> 00:02:33,100 that's where Abbi found a bee's nest 62 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,733 and was stung over 300 times. 63 00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:36,233 Oh. Made the paper. 64 00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:37,233 Yeah. Congratulations. 65 00:02:37,333 --> 00:02:38,367 And that house? 66 00:02:38,467 --> 00:02:40,067 That's where she almost got taken 67 00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:41,467 by the neighbors when they moved. 68 00:02:41,567 --> 00:02:42,633 What? 69 00:02:42,733 --> 00:02:44,600 I found her in their Winnebago in a large cooler. 70 00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:45,533 Really? 71 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,133 And over there is where Patty and I 72 00:02:48,233 --> 00:02:49,433 told her we were getting a divorce. 73 00:02:49,533 --> 00:02:51,600 I never understood why you did it by the trash. 74 00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:53,567 Well, you liked playing in the trash so much as a kid, 75 00:02:53,667 --> 00:02:55,067 so we thought if we told you there, 76 00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:56,500 every time you'd go to the trash, 77 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,233 you'd associate it with the divorce 78 00:02:58,333 --> 00:02:59,233 and not play in it. 79 00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:00,633 It didn't work. 80 00:03:00,733 --> 00:03:01,967 Come on, come in. Come in, come in. 81 00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:03,333 It didn't work? I don't know. 82 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,267 I just always loved trash. 83 00:03:04,367 --> 00:03:05,533 It's like-- 84 00:03:05,633 --> 00:03:06,767 It's like normal stuff, but it has a past, you know? 85 00:03:06,867 --> 00:03:10,267 Hey, welcome home. Ooh, it smells good. 86 00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:13,967 Ooh, my God! 87 00:03:14,067 --> 00:03:15,067 (laughing) 88 00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:18,433 Oh, such an only child's room. 89 00:03:18,533 --> 00:03:20,667 Why? There's two TVs. 90 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:24,567 It was just so I can, like, stay on top of the news stories. 91 00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:28,067 Yeah, news about what was happening with Ross and Rachel. 92 00:03:28,133 --> 00:03:29,667 Oh! This is Abbi's little height chart! 93 00:03:29,767 --> 00:03:30,533 I can't stand it! 94 00:03:30,633 --> 00:03:31,933 No, no, that's lead paint. 95 00:03:32,067 --> 00:03:35,633 Yeah, my little girl did grow up so fast, though. 96 00:03:35,733 --> 00:03:37,333 All right, look, I got three boxes. 97 00:03:37,433 --> 00:03:39,167 Keep, donate, and garbage. 98 00:03:39,267 --> 00:03:40,767 I'm so excited this is happening. 99 00:03:40,867 --> 00:03:43,367 I'm-- I'm gonna make some food for you guys 100 00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:44,300 so you have plenty of energy to finish, all right? 101 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:45,267 What kind of snacks you like? 102 00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:46,300 Oof. I-- 103 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,400 No, no! No. 104 00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:49,300 Let me surprise you, huh? 105 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:50,467 Hope you like stevia. 106 00:03:51,533 --> 00:03:53,400 I don't know if we do. 107 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,467 Oh. 108 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,300 It's the Holocaust Museum of Abbi Abrams! 109 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,500 What's that mean? 110 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,467 Oh, I mean-- I meant museum. 111 00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:03,900 I just-- my family only went to Holocaust Museums as a kid. 112 00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:08,500 Ha. Funny. 113 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,933 Hey, where's Will Smith's playground? 114 00:04:12,067 --> 00:04:13,167 What? 115 00:04:13,267 --> 00:04:15,800 * In West Philadelphia born and raised * 116 00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:19,333 * On the playground is where Will spent most of his days ** 117 00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,333 Well, we're technically in west of Philadelphia, 118 00:04:21,433 --> 00:04:23,467 so the 'burbs. Got it. 119 00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,667 Plus, I feel like they shot it in California, right? 120 00:04:25,767 --> 00:04:27,300 Tax credits. 121 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,300 But there is a rumor that Will Smith 122 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,967 bought his mom a house in my town, so... 123 00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:33,533 I would kill to see that house. 124 00:04:33,633 --> 00:04:34,800 Murder. 125 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:37,933 Oh, man, there is so much gear in here. 126 00:04:38,067 --> 00:04:39,067 Gear? 127 00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:40,767 Like, from my jam band days. 128 00:04:40,867 --> 00:04:42,367 Phish and RatDog, 129 00:04:42,467 --> 00:04:45,800 Dark Star, Disco Biscuits, String Cheese Incident. 130 00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:47,067 Dirt Star, man. 131 00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:49,233 The white slave rebellion, man. 132 00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:51,400 I'll meet you at the contact lens! 133 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,967 I'll see you at the sister's freely. 134 00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:56,267 Think fast! Ahh! Ew! 135 00:04:56,367 --> 00:04:58,267 What the (bleep) is this? 136 00:04:58,367 --> 00:05:01,433 It is my dreadlocks, sir. 137 00:05:01,533 --> 00:05:03,400 From your body and head? 138 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,133 Yeah, I tried to donate them to Locks of Love, but... 139 00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:07,367 Yikes. 140 00:05:07,467 --> 00:05:08,400 ...they rejected them, it's fine. 141 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:09,700 Yeah, no (bleep). 142 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,767 Jesus, they stink so much more than the pictures, God. 143 00:05:12,867 --> 00:05:14,933 Like pepperoni. 144 00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:18,700 Oh, my God. Holy (bleep)! 145 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,367 Oh, my God! 146 00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:22,067 What, what happened, what? Oh, you okay? 147 00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:23,167 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's-- 148 00:05:23,267 --> 00:05:24,867 Do you know who this is? Here we go. 149 00:05:24,967 --> 00:05:26,500 This is a first edition 150 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,500 JonBenét Ramsey commemorative Beanie Baby. 151 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,633 This is more rare than the Princess Diana. 152 00:05:30,733 --> 00:05:32,067 I ran for this. My heart stopped. 153 00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:33,133 I'm sorry. 154 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,400 All right, look. 155 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,500 Get your palates primes for my bialy bites. 156 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,833 Aw, I wanted to keep that a surprise. 157 00:05:38,933 --> 00:05:40,267 All right. 158 00:05:40,367 --> 00:05:42,433 This is unreal. 159 00:05:42,533 --> 00:05:43,667 You know, Ilana, you can have it. 160 00:05:43,767 --> 00:05:46,333 I always felt weird about "getting rid" of her. 161 00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,467 Do you even realize what you're saying? 162 00:05:48,567 --> 00:05:50,467 I know you think it's stupid, 163 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:53,400 but you have to be aware of the fluctuations 164 00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,067 in the Beanie Baby market. 165 00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:56,467 I say it all the time. 166 00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:59,567 This could be our future. Look at her. 167 00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:01,433 Look at me, I'm fully engorged. 168 00:06:01,533 --> 00:06:02,833 Ilana, come on. 169 00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:05,900 I'm not sexually aroused, I'm fiscally aroused. 170 00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:06,867 Cool your jets. 171 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,100 Okay. 172 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,467 The Beanie boards are gonna light up tonight, baby! 173 00:06:11,567 --> 00:06:13,533 JonBenét, look at her. 174 00:06:13,633 --> 00:06:15,167 (whispers) You're a star. 175 00:06:15,267 --> 00:06:17,267 (bleep)! 176 00:06:17,367 --> 00:06:19,967 (bleep) me in (bleep) face! 177 00:06:20,067 --> 00:06:21,400 This is so bad. 178 00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:22,533 What? 179 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,233 Alice Ackerman was one of my best friends 180 00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:25,233 in middle school, all right? 181 00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:26,300 I'm following. 182 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,533 We drifted apart in high school, 183 00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:29,233 mostly because I started smoking weed, 184 00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:31,433 but also because she got in the varsity field hockey team. 185 00:06:31,533 --> 00:06:32,833 That's normal, it happens, and that's healthy. 186 00:06:32,933 --> 00:06:36,367 Senior year, she got hit by a school bus. 187 00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:38,167 Ugh. On a Saturday. 188 00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,700 Oh! Shabbat. 189 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,700 So I organized this entire dance-a-thon 190 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,633 to raise money for her medical bills 191 00:06:43,733 --> 00:06:47,067 and I raised over $900. 192 00:06:47,167 --> 00:06:48,067 That is amazing. 193 00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:49,467 Yeah, really amazing. 194 00:06:49,567 --> 00:06:52,200 Amazing that I (bleep) never gave her the money. 195 00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:53,600 Oh, bitch. 196 00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:56,300 You know, it totally makes perfect sense, typical Abbi. 197 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,733 Senior year is when I got into mushrooms. 198 00:06:57,833 --> 00:07:00,600 I hear that mushrooms can affect your memory 199 00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:01,867 and your sex drive, right? 200 00:07:03,233 --> 00:07:04,267 Where am I? 201 00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:05,233 I'm just kidding. 202 00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:06,967 Ugh! 203 00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,667 She's probably horribly disfigured. 204 00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:15,900 Maybe it's about time there's an elephant woman. 205 00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:17,867 I did nothing to help this girl. 206 00:07:17,967 --> 00:07:19,300 Nothing! 207 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,267 Was I a terrible person? 208 00:07:21,367 --> 00:07:23,667 You know what? 209 00:07:23,767 --> 00:07:25,467 Maybe, I don't know. 210 00:07:25,567 --> 00:07:29,300 But if we give it back tonight, 211 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:30,967 you can atone for this. 212 00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:32,067 Yes. 213 00:07:32,133 --> 00:07:33,200 You're right, yes. 214 00:07:33,300 --> 00:07:34,233 This is what we're gonna do. 215 00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:35,433 We're gonna do this right now. 216 00:07:35,533 --> 00:07:39,067 Give me one second, I just fully backlit JonBebé. 217 00:07:39,133 --> 00:07:41,500 She is going on the Beanie boards tonight. 218 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,167 Yass, yass, yass. 219 00:07:43,267 --> 00:07:46,833 Yass. eBay on fire! 220 00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:47,900 Yes! Natural. 221 00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,867 Relax. Nothing. 222 00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:50,867 Gorge, gorge. 223 00:07:50,967 --> 00:07:52,367 Sassy girl. 224 00:07:52,467 --> 00:07:53,333 All right, I'm not gonna say that. 225 00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:55,833 Cool. Okay, let's go. 226 00:07:57,067 --> 00:07:59,300 (Abbi) Dude, this is so weird. 227 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:00,833 We're just gonna, like, show up 228 00:08:00,933 --> 00:08:03,200 at her family's bowling alley just hoping she's there? 229 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:05,400 You know, you don't need to wear a helmet. 230 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:06,800 I'm a very good driver. 231 00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:10,100 It is insane that you drive a car with no doors. 232 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:14,633 You are such a goy for driving this car, it is unbelievable. 233 00:08:14,733 --> 00:08:16,967 I want a DNA test. 234 00:08:17,067 --> 00:08:19,867 Okay, do you think Will Smith's mom lives around here? 235 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,067 By the bowling alley? No. 236 00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:25,067 Will would buy, like, a much better spot. 237 00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:27,433 ** 238 00:08:27,533 --> 00:08:29,067 (pins clattering) 239 00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:31,433 (man) No shoes, no entrance. 240 00:08:31,533 --> 00:08:34,700 Yes, you, the Jews. 241 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,600 I'm-- we're not even bowling-- 242 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:37,667 Hep! 243 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,533 Dude. Come on. 244 00:08:39,633 --> 00:08:40,700 Tiptoe, please. 245 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,967 Oh, God. Okay. 246 00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:45,233 Thank you. 247 00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:47,933 Um, yes, we just want to ask a quick question, so-- 248 00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:48,967 You need shoes to get in. 249 00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:51,533 New floors. 25 bucks each. 250 00:08:51,633 --> 00:08:53,067 Cash only. 251 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,067 Okay. Dude, I don't "carry cash." 252 00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,500 Oh, okay. 253 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,333 This is terrible. 254 00:08:59,433 --> 00:09:02,467 But we could use some of the money from the Alice fund. 255 00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:03,733 It's, like, for her. 256 00:09:03,833 --> 00:09:06,367 We're using her money to get her the money. 257 00:09:06,467 --> 00:09:07,533 Exactly. Exactly. 258 00:09:07,633 --> 00:09:08,633 Okay, that makes total sense. 259 00:09:08,733 --> 00:09:09,700 Total sense. So we have to. 260 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,467 Have to, must. 261 00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:13,567 Okay. 262 00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:15,300 Sir. 263 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,667 What size? 264 00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:18,067 I'm a four. Four-and-a-half. 265 00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:21,600 Um, 11. (clears throat) 266 00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:24,333 Oh, my God! 267 00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:25,600 Ow. 268 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:26,733 I didn't realize that 269 00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:29,567 it's the 20th anniversary of JonBenét's death. 270 00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:31,800 Whoa. Dude, it is blowing up on eBay. 271 00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:33,333 It's gonna double our value. 272 00:09:33,433 --> 00:09:35,367 Jeez. 273 00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:36,533 That's awesome, dude. 274 00:09:36,633 --> 00:09:38,400 Abbi? 275 00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:41,500 Ooh. Townie boy, get 'dat. 276 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:42,600 (cell phone vibrating) 277 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:43,900 Hi. Abbi Abrams? 278 00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:44,967 Yeah, well, give me your bottom line 279 00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:45,933 and I'll see what kind of mood I'm in. 280 00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:48,533 It's me, it's Karl Shiff. 281 00:09:48,633 --> 00:09:49,733 Uh... 282 00:09:50,867 --> 00:09:52,800 Shyffilis. Sh-- Shyffilis. 283 00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:55,233 Holy (bleep), Shyffilis! Yeah! 284 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,533 Jeez, you look so good. 285 00:09:57,633 --> 00:09:59,500 No, you look great. Thanks. 286 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,933 You're still using Shyffilis, huh? 287 00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,567 Well, I mean, it's not really a name you can get away from. 288 00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:03,833 Yeah. 289 00:10:03,933 --> 00:10:04,933 It even followed me to the office. 290 00:10:05,033 --> 00:10:06,100 Whoa. 291 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:07,800 Who knew that one day at Colonial Williamsburg 292 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:08,900 could change your life, you know? 293 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,267 I mean, name-wise. 294 00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:12,567 Unless you're like a history teacher or whatever. 295 00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:13,867 Oh, my God, wait. 296 00:10:13,967 --> 00:10:16,567 Did I have something to do with that... name? 297 00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:17,867 Oh, yeah. 298 00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:19,733 Yeah, that was totally your fault, 100%. 299 00:10:19,833 --> 00:10:20,933 Oh-- oh, God. 300 00:10:21,033 --> 00:10:22,500 Yeah, no, it's fine, it's fine. 301 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,733 No, we were in the same walking group. 302 00:10:23,833 --> 00:10:25,000 Yeah. I remember, 303 00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:27,267 we learned about the syphilis outbreak in the colony 304 00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:28,900 and it just sounded so much like your name. 305 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:29,867 Exactly like my name. 306 00:10:29,967 --> 00:10:31,633 Wait, I am so sorry. 307 00:10:31,733 --> 00:10:33,300 I need to atone for this. 308 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,667 I would never, ever have said that if I knew it would stick. 309 00:10:36,767 --> 00:10:38,167 Really, it's fine. 310 00:10:38,267 --> 00:10:41,033 And I didn't even care, like, at all, because it was you. 311 00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:42,267 What-- what? 312 00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:43,633 I had, like, a huge crush on you in high school. 313 00:10:43,733 --> 00:10:46,200 You knew that. No, I did not. 314 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,733 What? Oh, whoops. 315 00:10:47,833 --> 00:10:48,800 No, I didn't. 316 00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,333 Um, yeah. I mean, I didn't-- 317 00:10:50,433 --> 00:10:53,533 But, I mean, if you really want to make up for it, you could-- 318 00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:54,800 you could buy me a drink. 319 00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:56,467 I love drinks. You got any cash? 320 00:10:56,567 --> 00:10:58,567 Cash only, this place, huh? 321 00:10:58,667 --> 00:10:59,900 Oh, um... 322 00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:03,233 I-- yeah, I do have some cash. 323 00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:05,133 Can I? 324 00:11:05,233 --> 00:11:07,967 Well, the appreciated value 325 00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,833 of JonBenét now compared to five years ago is astounding. 326 00:11:10,933 --> 00:11:12,067 You should be honored. 327 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:14,867 I'm wasting my time with a yellow star user? 328 00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:17,067 I'm a turquoise power seller, bitch. 329 00:11:17,167 --> 00:11:18,500 (scoffs) 330 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,267 I'm not gonna just stand here... 331 00:11:20,367 --> 00:11:21,567 (sighs) 332 00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:25,067 (speaking in Mandarin) 333 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,867 Yeah, I know what happened five years ago in Miami. 334 00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:35,967 You think I'm a (bleep) idiot? 335 00:11:36,067 --> 00:11:39,067 You think I'm MrBubbles9560? 336 00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:48,467 Nope, you're dealing with me, bitch. 337 00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:53,067 You know, I've always fantasized about, like, 338 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,300 making out in a locker room, 339 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,433 but no one ever tells you about the feet smell, right? 340 00:11:56,533 --> 00:11:57,833 That's true. It's like, gross. 341 00:11:57,933 --> 00:11:59,200 You're adorable. 342 00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:07,267 I'll return these. 343 00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:09,867 Um, are any of the Ackermans around, by any chance? 344 00:12:09,967 --> 00:12:11,533 Oh, no. 345 00:12:11,633 --> 00:12:12,800 They sold the place years ago. 346 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,367 Their daughter was in a horrific accident. 347 00:12:15,467 --> 00:12:17,167 They needed all the cash they could get. 348 00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:18,167 Sad story. 349 00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:19,067 Yeah, Alice. 350 00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,233 Do you know where she lives? 351 00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:21,833 I went to high school with her. Oh, yeah. 352 00:12:21,933 --> 00:12:23,300 She lives in that house at the end of Henderson. 353 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:24,233 Can't miss it. 354 00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:25,767 The house at the end of Henderson. 355 00:12:25,867 --> 00:12:27,800 Yeah. By the convention center? 356 00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:29,667 Mm-hmm. That Henderson? 357 00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:30,667 There's only one. 358 00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:31,733 (sighs) 359 00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:33,267 You were such a dick earlier 360 00:12:33,367 --> 00:12:36,167 and now you are maybe one of my favorite people. 361 00:12:36,267 --> 00:12:38,467 We're closing in five minutes. 362 00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:41,133 (speaking in Mandarin) 363 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,633 Unreal. 364 00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:48,833 Uh, couple things. 365 00:12:48,933 --> 00:12:51,367 One, this bad boy gave me the address. 366 00:12:51,467 --> 00:12:52,533 Oh, my God, thank you. 367 00:12:52,633 --> 00:12:54,900 Yeah, two, you speak Chinese? 368 00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:56,100 What's going on? Pssh. 369 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,467 Hardly, Just some Yiddish Mandarin 370 00:12:57,567 --> 00:12:58,700 I picked up from my mom. 371 00:12:58,800 --> 00:12:59,733 See ya. 372 00:12:59,833 --> 00:13:01,533 Bye. 373 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,533 (speaking in Mandarin) 374 00:13:04,633 --> 00:13:09,367 (engine struggling) 375 00:13:10,233 --> 00:13:11,233 Dude. 376 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:12,500 I think the battery's dead? 377 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,833 Do you want to call, like, a (bleep) cab or something? 378 00:13:14,933 --> 00:13:17,533 No, bro, follow me. 379 00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:19,700 Yes, sir. 380 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,300 Hey, what up, my peers? 381 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,333 Yo, give me a hack. All right. 382 00:13:27,833 --> 00:13:31,067 So, listen, guys, my Jeep stalled. 383 00:13:31,167 --> 00:13:32,433 I was wondering if you guys can give us a ride 384 00:13:32,533 --> 00:13:33,433 to our friend's house. 385 00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:35,633 Yeah, we could. 386 00:13:35,733 --> 00:13:37,400 If you could buy us some liquor. 387 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,467 Oof. Tit for tat. 388 00:13:39,567 --> 00:13:41,233 Savvy. 389 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:47,133 All right, that'll be 200 bucks, boys! 390 00:13:47,233 --> 00:13:49,100 ** 391 00:14:00,833 --> 00:14:02,100 (burps) 392 00:14:08,467 --> 00:14:10,433 (tires squealing) 393 00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:17,433 Okay, I guess we'll just return this. 394 00:14:17,533 --> 00:14:18,500 Oh! 395 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,667 And, guess we will just drink these. 396 00:14:21,767 --> 00:14:23,700 I mean, we have to now? 397 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:24,700 Oh, we have to. 398 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,667 ** 399 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,700 So apparently, Will Smith's dad used to make him build, like, 400 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,800 a brick wall every single summer 401 00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:36,433 from scratch just because. 402 00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:37,667 That's hot. 403 00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:39,667 I heard Will makes Willow and Jaden do it, too. 404 00:14:39,767 --> 00:14:41,167 Oh! 405 00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:43,633 To keep them humble, you know? 406 00:14:43,733 --> 00:14:46,100 Will is such a considerate dad. 407 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:50,733 Oh, my God. Oh, my (bleep) Jesus. 408 00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:51,933 What? 409 00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:54,700 The (bleep) JonBenéts want the Beanie baby. 410 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,067 That is so insane. 411 00:14:56,133 --> 00:14:57,267 What? What? 412 00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:58,333 What?! 413 00:14:58,433 --> 00:14:59,600 It's like of course they want her now. 414 00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:00,867 Right? 415 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,500 Oh, my God, look at this dog. 416 00:15:03,633 --> 00:15:04,733 Come on, baby. 417 00:15:04,833 --> 00:15:05,900 Hi! 418 00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,100 Hey! 419 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,100 Hey! Our equity! 420 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,800 Ilana, come on! 421 00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:14,200 JonBenét Beanie Baby! 422 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,833 ** 423 00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:20,833 Hey! Hey! 424 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,367 (Ilana) Come on! Come on, we'll split the money! 425 00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:26,767 Come on! Here he is! 426 00:15:26,867 --> 00:15:27,967 Oh, my-- 427 00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:29,367 Where-- Okay, all right. 428 00:15:29,467 --> 00:15:30,767 We need, like, a treat, 429 00:15:30,867 --> 00:15:32,500 or, like, a piece of meat or something, I don't know. 430 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,067 Oh, my God, I do. 431 00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:35,200 Hey! Come here! 432 00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:36,933 Come here! 433 00:15:38,567 --> 00:15:39,900 Come on! Go! 434 00:15:40,067 --> 00:15:41,067 Yes! 435 00:15:41,167 --> 00:15:42,400 Oh, my God. 436 00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:45,400 That was amazing. Oh, my God. 437 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,667 JonBenét. 438 00:15:46,767 --> 00:15:48,733 Oh, God, later, bitch. 439 00:15:48,833 --> 00:15:51,933 I knew it would work 'cause your dread stunk like meat. 440 00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:54,567 Okay, it doesn't-- it didn't smell like meat. 441 00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:55,800 Jeez. Dang. 442 00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:57,667 I guess Alice is doing all right after all. 443 00:15:57,767 --> 00:16:00,600 Well, it's probably for the team of nurses. 444 00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:02,067 We should really practice our faces 445 00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:05,733 for when we first see her gnarled, mangled disfigurement. 446 00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:07,300 Okay. 447 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,967 Hi! That's not bad. 448 00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:13,067 It's okay, you go. 449 00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:15,733 Ugh, I'll just do no emotion. Oh, God. 450 00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:20,267 (doorbell chimes) 451 00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,100 Hi. 452 00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:31,300 A-- Alice? 453 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,967 Yeah, can I help you? 454 00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:35,300 It's-- it's Abbi. 455 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,067 Abbi Abrams, from high school. 456 00:16:37,133 --> 00:16:39,533 Oh, my God, Abbi, wow. 457 00:16:39,633 --> 00:16:41,067 I didn't recognize you without the dreads. 458 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:44,133 You look-- you look great without dreads. 459 00:16:44,233 --> 00:16:45,200 Thanks. 460 00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:46,500 So this is my friend, Ilana. 461 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,967 Hi, Ilana. 462 00:16:48,067 --> 00:16:48,933 Beautiful. 463 00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:50,333 Thanks. 464 00:16:50,433 --> 00:16:52,200 Alice, you look in-- insane. 465 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,300 Yeah. 466 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:54,767 You're very tall. 467 00:16:54,867 --> 00:16:56,567 You remember my accident, right? 468 00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:58,533 I mean, I kinda remember it a little. 469 00:16:58,633 --> 00:17:01,733 Yeah, well, they had to put pins in my thighs, 470 00:17:01,833 --> 00:17:04,500 and so it elongated me and added three inches 471 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:05,533 to my height. 472 00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:06,967 And then after that I-- 473 00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:09,067 I just couldn't keep the weight on. 474 00:17:09,167 --> 00:17:10,067 Totally. I feel that. 475 00:17:10,133 --> 00:17:11,100 Understand. 476 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,133 So I started modeling. 477 00:17:12,233 --> 00:17:15,200 And ten campaigns later... 478 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,533 Wow, not too shabby. 479 00:17:18,633 --> 00:17:21,367 What about you? What-- why are you here? 480 00:17:21,467 --> 00:17:22,800 Good call. 481 00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaking of the accident, 482 00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:25,867 I do remember 483 00:17:25,967 --> 00:17:29,533 and I actually raised some money for your surgery 484 00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:31,500 by throwing a dance-a-thon. 485 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,533 We danced for all night. 486 00:17:33,633 --> 00:17:34,633 I mean, I was in a coma at the time, 487 00:17:34,733 --> 00:17:36,133 but I heard about it, 488 00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:38,433 and I never got the chance to thank you, 489 00:17:38,533 --> 00:17:40,233 so that was really sweet of you, Abbi. 490 00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:41,400 You're a good person. 491 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:43,067 Huh? Well... It's true. 492 00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:44,167 Yeah. 493 00:17:44,267 --> 00:17:45,200 It's true. Yeah. 494 00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:46,433 It's true. Thank you. 495 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:47,633 It is. You know, thank you, Alice. 496 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,933 I appreciate that. 497 00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,500 Funny story. 498 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,067 You're gonna be like... 499 00:17:52,133 --> 00:17:52,867 (chuckling) 500 00:17:52,967 --> 00:17:55,600 L-O-L. Abbi, you crazy. 501 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:58,333 You're gonna be like, what? 502 00:17:58,433 --> 00:18:00,467 So I was home, 503 00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:01,767 and I found this envelope 504 00:18:01,867 --> 00:18:05,167 and it's actually all the money from the dance-a-thon. 505 00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:06,233 I never gave it to you. 506 00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:07,267 (chuckling) 507 00:18:07,367 --> 00:18:08,300 And it's crazy. 508 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,300 Well, I'll take it now. 509 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:10,700 You take now. Thanks. 510 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:11,633 And you know what, do something... 511 00:18:11,733 --> 00:18:12,733 Some extra cash. 512 00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:14,800 Buy something nice for this place, 513 00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:16,433 'cause it needs a... 514 00:18:16,533 --> 00:18:17,433 (whispers) Okay. 515 00:18:17,533 --> 00:18:18,533 (clears throat) 516 00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:20,767 It says here that you raised $946, 517 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:21,767 and there's only $300 here. 518 00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,500 Does it say that? 519 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,633 Well, it was just because we needed the cash to find you. 520 00:18:25,733 --> 00:18:27,900 We just needed the money for bowling shoes 521 00:18:28,067 --> 00:18:29,867 and bottles of liquor for teens. 522 00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:31,067 You're not on Facebook. 523 00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:32,333 This is really (bleep) up, Abbi, 524 00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:34,633 you coming here and bringing up my accident 525 00:18:34,733 --> 00:18:36,500 and giving me money eight years later 526 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,267 that's not even all there. Okay. 527 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,533 Um, I just-- I wanted to-- 528 00:18:40,633 --> 00:18:41,533 You know what? I take it back, actually, 529 00:18:41,633 --> 00:18:42,600 you're not a good person. 530 00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:45,533 You're kind of an asshole, Abbi! 531 00:18:45,633 --> 00:18:47,467 Well, I thought-- No. 532 00:18:47,567 --> 00:18:49,867 Abbi is a phenomenal person. 533 00:18:49,967 --> 00:18:52,067 Okay, a high-quality human being. 534 00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:56,067 Because she... wanted to come here 535 00:18:56,133 --> 00:18:58,533 and give this extremely valuable 536 00:18:58,633 --> 00:19:01,367 first edition commemorative 537 00:19:01,467 --> 00:19:03,633 JonBenét Ramsay Beanie Baby. 538 00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:04,933 (Alice) What? 539 00:19:05,067 --> 00:19:06,367 That's a Beanie Baby of a dead girl. 540 00:19:06,467 --> 00:19:07,833 That's disgusting. 541 00:19:07,933 --> 00:19:09,867 Okay, Alice, just hear me out, okay? 542 00:19:09,967 --> 00:19:13,200 I came here to look you in the eye and to atone. 543 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:14,433 I am a good person. 544 00:19:14,533 --> 00:19:15,400 You know me, when we sat next to-- 545 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:16,600 Whoa! Wait, wait, wait. 546 00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:18,600 Wait, wait, wait, just, wait, wait, baby. 547 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:19,967 Baby, just wait one second, 548 00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:21,200 I'm gonna come down there, I'm gonna explain. 549 00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:22,200 Explain what? 550 00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:25,067 Nothing. There is nothing to explain. 551 00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:25,967 What? 552 00:19:26,067 --> 00:19:27,400 What's going on here? She just-- 553 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,400 She made out with me a little bit 554 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,433 at the bowling alley. No, no. 555 00:19:29,533 --> 00:19:30,767 You did? Ew! It's not her fault. 556 00:19:30,867 --> 00:19:32,500 I didn't make out with you, you made out with me! 557 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:33,667 We were talking about-- 558 00:19:33,767 --> 00:19:34,967 she had a crush on me and stuff. 559 00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:36,733 Shyffilis, I swear to (bleep) God, 560 00:19:36,833 --> 00:19:39,533 you know you've done... This is your (bleep) luck? 561 00:19:39,633 --> 00:19:40,500 Get your (bleep) ass upstairs. 562 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:41,667 Okay, okay. 563 00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:42,867 It's the second strike today. I know. 564 00:19:42,967 --> 00:19:44,700 I'm sorry. Today? 565 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:45,900 Get your ass upstairs. Okay, I'm gone. 566 00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:47,367 (Alice) Get out. 567 00:19:47,467 --> 00:19:48,533 It was just-- 568 00:19:48,633 --> 00:19:49,667 Okay, so we should really talk. Good night. 569 00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:51,067 We should talk about the-- 570 00:19:51,167 --> 00:19:53,100 Shyffilis, I'm gonna kick your (bleep) ass. 571 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,767 (Abbi) Ugh, I just feel terrible. 572 00:19:55,867 --> 00:19:57,500 You really shouldn't. 573 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,700 That Beanie Baby was worth over $13,000 574 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,067 depending on the strength of the yen. 575 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,300 Wait, what? 576 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,667 Yeah. What? 577 00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:06,333 Yeah. 578 00:20:06,433 --> 00:20:07,700 Dude... Come on. 579 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:08,933 It's over. 580 00:20:09,033 --> 00:20:09,933 (bleep). 581 00:20:11,267 --> 00:20:12,533 ** 582 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:23,367 (laughing) 583 00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:34,667 (humming) 584 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:38,067 Aah, I am so happy you two guys came down. 585 00:20:38,167 --> 00:20:41,333 Thank you. Abbi, I love when you're home. 586 00:20:41,433 --> 00:20:44,833 Whoa, how's work, training Shania Twain? 587 00:20:44,933 --> 00:20:47,600 Wow. How is that? 588 00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:50,200 It's so good. 589 00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:51,500 Hey, by the way. 590 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,133 Last night, after you left, I looked up Alice Ackerman. 591 00:20:54,233 --> 00:20:56,333 You know what I found out on Google? 592 00:20:56,433 --> 00:20:59,500 She bought her house from Will Smith's mom! 593 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,667 Ahh! 594 00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:05,433 I'm so sorry. 595 00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:15,400 You know, I'm just doing a little slow... 596 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:18,567 (chuckling) 597 00:21:18,667 --> 00:21:21,300 **