1
00:00:09,733 --> 00:00:12,533
(squeaking)

2
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:18,500
Abbi?

3
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,433
(squeaking)

4
00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:22,400
Rat Bastard!

5
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:26,367
(laughing)
Ah...

6
00:00:26,467 --> 00:00:27,500
(screaming)

7
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,567
Get out
of here!

8
00:00:28,667 --> 00:00:30,600
You're ruining my life!

9
00:00:31,467 --> 00:00:33,500
(squeaking)

10
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:37,467
(screaming)

11
00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:42,800
This is some of my best
sandwich work to date.

12
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:47,400
(screaming)

13
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,467
(gasping)
No, no-no-no.

14
00:00:51,567 --> 00:00:54,933
Rata hijueputa.

15
00:00:55,033 --> 00:00:56,300
Kinda sexy.

16
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:01,567
(screaming)

17
00:01:01,667 --> 00:01:03,533
(man screaming)

18
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,067
(squeak-squeak)

19
00:01:13,133 --> 00:01:15,433
Weed thief!

20
00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:17,433
(squeaking)

21
00:01:17,533 --> 00:01:19,900
* Four and three
and two and one-one **

22
00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:21,900
**

23
00:01:24,567 --> 00:01:26,067
That rat won't be
bothering you anymore.

24
00:01:26,133 --> 00:01:27,900
He's gone to
a better place.

25
00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:29,533
Oh, you mean,
like the heaven.

26
00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:31,833
Oh, no.

27
00:01:31,933 --> 00:01:34,533
His dead carcass is probably
rotting in the ceiling.

28
00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:36,133
Oof.

29
00:01:36,233 --> 00:01:38,300
All right,
that'll be $400.

30
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,400
$400?
Are you serious?

31
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,067
I'm gonna have to sell
my sperm again, uh...

32
00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:44,433
Jesus, that's criminal.
No.

33
00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:58,733
$400.

34
00:01:58,833 --> 00:02:00,967
Oh!

35
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:06,767
That's all of it.

36
00:02:06,867 --> 00:02:09,467
Thank you.

37
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:11,833
God...

38
00:02:11,933 --> 00:02:14,233
(exterminator)
Oh, there's a package
out here.

39
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:15,967
Ooh, Larry and David.

40
00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:20,333
**

41
00:02:26,067 --> 00:02:28,167
(woman
mimicking siren)

42
00:02:28,267 --> 00:02:31,167
Flirt alert, oh, my God,
cute dress, Ab.

43
00:02:31,267 --> 00:02:32,633
Hot date later?

44
00:02:32,733 --> 00:02:34,067
Is he black?

45
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:35,300
What?

46
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,200
No, I just thought
it was a party,

47
00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:38,833
so, I'm wearing
normal clothes.

48
00:02:38,933 --> 00:02:40,067
Right, this is
your first

49
00:02:40,133 --> 00:02:42,467
Summer Solstice
Soulstice party.

50
00:02:42,567 --> 00:02:45,400
You 'lil virgin,
ooh... (laughing)

51
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:46,900
I'm gonna need
to start drinking.

52
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,233
Yes, girl.

53
00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:49,400
Here,
drink this.

54
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:52,300
It is 11% alcohol
content kombucha.

55
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:53,633
I like to call it
"kom-booze-cha."

56
00:02:53,733 --> 00:02:56,067
(laughing)

57
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:59,167
Don't, um,
don't steal that, though.

58
00:02:59,267 --> 00:03:01,633
I came up with it.

59
00:03:01,733 --> 00:03:04,967
**

60
00:03:10,933 --> 00:03:11,967
Olive oil?

61
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,233
Sea salt crackers?

62
00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:14,633
Baklava?!

63
00:03:14,733 --> 00:03:16,333
This is the most beautiful
basket I've ever seen,

64
00:03:16,433 --> 00:03:18,067
and I grew up
on Long Island.

65
00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:19,800
They had shivas for days,
literally.

66
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:24,233
"We love and accept you
exactly as you are."

67
00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:25,833
Oh, my God.

68
00:03:25,933 --> 00:03:27,067
It must be
from my parents.

69
00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:28,567
Oh!

70
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:29,667
They haven't spoken to me since
I came out to them months ago.

71
00:03:29,767 --> 00:03:31,600
Months?

72
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:34,233
This must be their olive branch,
literally.

73
00:03:34,333 --> 00:03:35,667
Olive branch?

74
00:03:35,767 --> 00:03:38,067
Dur, there's olive tapenade
in here.

75
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,467
I mean,
double dur.

76
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,500
Larry and David?
That's two men, right?

77
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,600
Oh, my God, this is
so beautiful, Ilana.

78
00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:44,967
Oh, my God.

79
00:03:45,067 --> 00:03:47,067
That's awesome, dude.
Yeah.

80
00:03:47,133 --> 00:03:48,367
I think we should
throw a party

81
00:03:48,467 --> 00:03:52,367
and spread the seed of this
gesture all over people.

82
00:03:52,467 --> 00:03:55,267
Himmelz, what if
we charged a cover,

83
00:03:55,367 --> 00:03:57,200
and we made back
that money

84
00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:58,533
that we gave to that
stupid exterminator?

85
00:03:58,633 --> 00:04:00,533
Ooh.

86
00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:02,300
Sometimes we are so smart,
Ilana,

87
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,333
I am scared of what
we are truly capable of.

88
00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:07,367
I gotta call
A-Team.

89
00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:13,133
Oh!

90
00:04:13,233 --> 00:04:16,800
(cell phone melody plays)

91
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:17,967
Go for Abbi.

92
00:04:18,067 --> 00:04:20,067
Jaimé's former bigot parents
who are now amazing,

93
00:04:20,133 --> 00:04:24,633
sent him an "insahn" gift basket
from Larry and David.

94
00:04:24,733 --> 00:04:27,067
Holy shit.

95
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:29,500
Uh...

96
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,067
Well, uh, save me some of those
chocolate-covered cherries

97
00:04:31,167 --> 00:04:33,333
'cause those are
so classy.

98
00:04:33,433 --> 00:04:34,633
I'll do ya one better.

99
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:35,567
We're throwing
a party tonight

100
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:37,833
for a tiny fee
of ten bucks a head.

101
00:04:37,933 --> 00:04:40,100
Bring friends-- I, I don't
have any, but you guys.

102
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,100
(phone beeping)

103
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,400
That's cool.

104
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:47,433
Uh-oh, what do
we have here?

105
00:04:47,533 --> 00:04:51,333
Caught Abbi red 'anded,
creepin' on da Soulstice floor.

106
00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:52,633
Shaggy Boombastic!

107
00:04:52,733 --> 00:04:53,967
Ahh...
But, seriously,
what are you doing?

108
00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:56,633
I was just in here...
drinking

109
00:04:56,733 --> 00:05:00,400
because this was like my third,
and fourth, uh, bottle of booze.

110
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,233
And I didn't want anyone
to see me, you know,

111
00:05:02,333 --> 00:05:06,067
consuming so many
empty calories.

112
00:05:06,133 --> 00:05:06,900
All right,
tell you what.

113
00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:08,900
I am in,
I'm gonna join ya.

114
00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:11,100
Cent'anni!

115
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,067
It's kind of spunky,
right?

116
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:14,867
That's what she said.

117
00:05:14,967 --> 00:05:16,400
(laughing)

118
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:19,067
Come on, that was
genuinely organic.

119
00:05:19,133 --> 00:05:20,067
"That's what
she said."

120
00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:21,200
Okay.

121
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,367
**

122
00:05:22,467 --> 00:05:27,900
* I want
some marijuana, uh uh oh *

123
00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:29,433
* I wanna
marijuana *

124
00:05:29,533 --> 00:05:31,300
* I want some
marijuana *

125
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,267
* I need some marijuana

126
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,267
* Uh uh oh

127
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:36,567
* Whudda bud down
Whudda bud down *

128
00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:37,600
* Whudda bud down
Whudda bud down *

129
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,467
* Whudda bud down
whudda day *

130
00:05:43,533 --> 00:05:45,333
* Whudda bud at
Gimme dat, uh *

131
00:05:45,433 --> 00:05:47,300
* Whudda bud at
Gimme dat, dat, uh *

132
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,267
* Whudda bud at
Gimme dat, uh *

133
00:05:49,367 --> 00:05:51,467
* Whudda bud at
Gimme dat dat dat *

134
00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:55,067
* I need some marijuana
Uh uh oh *

135
00:05:55,167 --> 00:05:56,900
* Roll it and lick it
and light it and smoke it *

136
00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:58,900
* And pass it and lick it and
light it and pass it *

137
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,967
* And roll it and lick it
and light it and pass it *

138
00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:03,233
* Then light it and smoke it
and... *

139
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:05,067
* Roll it, now roll it,
now roll it, now roll it *

140
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:07,133
* Now roll it, now roll it,
now roll it, now roll it *

141
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,933
* Now roll it, now roll it,
now roll it, now roll it *

142
00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:12,067
Weed queen.

143
00:06:12,133 --> 00:06:14,267
(laughing)

144
00:06:14,367 --> 00:06:15,900
Okay?

145
00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:18,233
Hey, don't make me
do CPR, okay?

146
00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:20,067
Wait, wait, wait.
Okay.

147
00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:22,067
So, I go into, like, a
Starbucks, you know, Starbucks.

148
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,800
It's, like, a pretty big chain
of coffee shops.

149
00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:26,633
Yeah, I've seen
'em around.

150
00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:29,167
From Seattle!
Get a clue, man!

151
00:06:29,267 --> 00:06:30,567
(burps)
And I'm,
like, ordering.

152
00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:32,300
And the person's like,
"What's your name?"

153
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,867
And I'm, like,

154
00:06:33,967 --> 00:06:36,233
"Mrs. Starbucks."

155
00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:39,733
(both laughing)

156
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,633
(cell phone
melody plays)

157
00:06:42,733 --> 00:06:45,167
I'm gonna pick up my phone
'cause it's ringing.

158
00:06:45,267 --> 00:06:46,233
Hello?

159
00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:47,333
Can you steal
tampons, too?

160
00:06:47,433 --> 00:06:48,600
Yeah, tampons!

161
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,367
Ohh!

162
00:06:49,467 --> 00:06:51,600
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

163
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:52,667
Oh, my God,
you're bleeding.

164
00:06:52,767 --> 00:06:54,133
Dur, that's why
I need the tampons.

165
00:06:54,233 --> 00:06:55,733
You're bleeding,
you're bleeding.

166
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,200
Sorry, take your phone call,
take your phone call,
take your phone call.

167
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:58,367
No, tamps, tamps.

168
00:06:58,467 --> 00:07:02,100
For, for-- yeah, yeah--
I got them.

169
00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:06,800
That didn't
mean anything.

170
00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:10,067
**

171
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:13,467
I can't believe
that diseased little rat

172
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:16,167
chewed through my favorite
period panties.

173
00:07:16,267 --> 00:07:18,800
Panty-eating
rat perv.

174
00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:23,667
Ilana, there's been something
I've been wanting to ask you

175
00:07:23,767 --> 00:07:28,700
for a while and don't feel any
pressure at all to say yes.

176
00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:32,433
But it would mean
the world to me,

177
00:07:32,533 --> 00:07:36,267
if I could be
your Head Chef.

178
00:07:36,367 --> 00:07:37,667
Yeah, go nuts.

179
00:07:37,767 --> 00:07:40,533
"With great power comes
great responsibility."

180
00:07:40,633 --> 00:07:41,133
Teddy Roosevelt.

181
00:07:41,233 --> 00:07:42,167
Spider-Man.

182
00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:44,267
(sighs)
Even better.

183
00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:45,667
Ffft!

184
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,967
Whoa.

185
00:07:49,067 --> 00:07:50,667
Okay, I, I know
what you're gonna say,

186
00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:52,133
but just hear me out,
okay?

187
00:07:52,233 --> 00:07:54,567
I've always felt that the energy
in this room was just off.

188
00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:56,233
But I didn't wanna say anything
because, you know,

189
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:58,733
I don't like
to stir the shit pot.

190
00:07:58,833 --> 00:07:59,667
But since this happened
with my parents,

191
00:07:59,767 --> 00:08:02,833
I feel more like, mmm,
confidence.

192
00:08:02,933 --> 00:08:06,067
This-- is how I feel
the room should be.

193
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:07,867
I love it.

194
00:08:07,967 --> 00:08:09,067
Oh, sweet!

195
00:08:09,167 --> 00:08:10,300
Why didn't you do this,
like, a year ago?

196
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,467
I don't know!

197
00:08:11,567 --> 00:08:13,467
It was like I hated
a part of myself.

198
00:08:13,567 --> 00:08:14,200
Now I only
hate my cankles.

199
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:15,467
(knocking on door)

200
00:08:15,567 --> 00:08:17,933
(Abbi)
I need to make out
with somebody.

201
00:08:18,067 --> 00:08:19,500
Wham, bam,
thank you, sir.

202
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,533
No, someone new.

203
00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:21,533
Okay, I'll do this
for you.

204
00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:22,933
No, someone who's
attracted to women.

205
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:24,900
Abbi, just so you know, every
guy here's gonna be, like,

206
00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:26,933
a four-plus
on the Kinsey scale.

207
00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:28,067
(Jaime and Ilana whisper)
Gay.

208
00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:32,067
I know, that's why
this gal joined Tinder.

209
00:08:32,167 --> 00:08:33,400
You on Tinder?

210
00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:37,233
I thought you're all about
that IRL meet-cute rom-com Lyfe.

211
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:38,267
You must be
très horny.

212
00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:40,633
I'm not Trey anything,
Ilana-- what?

213
00:08:40,733 --> 00:08:43,067
Okay, I won't show-off
my French, Abbi.

214
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:45,733
(gasping)
Plus, every Tinder guy
will pay us the $10!

215
00:08:45,833 --> 00:08:46,800
Money-money-money-money...

216
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:48,633
Plus, plus, it's not
even your apartment,

217
00:08:48,733 --> 00:08:49,333
so if they come back
to chop you up,

218
00:08:49,433 --> 00:08:50,367
you're not even here.

219
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:53,067
Yeah--
Wait, what?

220
00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:56,300
(music and chatter)

221
00:08:58,933 --> 00:08:59,633
Thank you.

222
00:08:59,733 --> 00:09:00,767
You're welcome.

223
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:03,567
Mmm...

224
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:05,267
That is so hot.

225
00:09:05,367 --> 00:09:06,700
Yes.

226
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,300
Hi, thank you
so much, thanks.

227
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:09,700
It's gonna be worth it.

228
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,200
Thank you, love your money...
outfit.

229
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:16,267
Uh, oh, it is so
disgustingly hot in here.

230
00:09:16,367 --> 00:09:17,333
You know what?

231
00:09:17,433 --> 00:09:19,267
I'll give you a discount,
I know a gal...

232
00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:20,133
Okay, no,
I'm gonna go.

233
00:09:20,233 --> 00:09:21,133
I love you.

234
00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:22,600
Love ya.

235
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:23,667
Last one in,
first one out, respect.

236
00:09:23,767 --> 00:09:27,333
Uh, oh, I got three matches
already, so...

237
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:29,200
Tinder is so
(bleep) easy, dude.

238
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:32,467
Yes, it is healthy for you to
have zero discretion sometimes.

239
00:09:32,567 --> 00:09:33,500
I just got
another match.

240
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,100
God, why didn't
I do this earlier?

241
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,633
I am rich in men.

242
00:09:37,733 --> 00:09:39,067
And those men are gonna
make me rich...

243
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:41,400
in money.

244
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,800
* I rich

245
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:46,133
* I rich, I rich

246
00:09:46,233 --> 00:09:47,500
* I rich...

247
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,267
(gasping)

248
00:09:50,367 --> 00:09:54,800
Rat Bastard!

249
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:56,667
Lincoln, I just saw
that dickhead rat.

250
00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:57,667
Where?

251
00:09:57,767 --> 00:09:59,167
In this apartment.
Ew.

252
00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:00,367
If people see him,
they're gonna leave.

253
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,400
And worse yet, they're gonna
want their money back.

254
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:05,333
Yeah, but they'd
be right.

255
00:10:05,433 --> 00:10:07,567
Right?
Yeah, I know.

256
00:10:07,667 --> 00:10:10,100
Okay, Lincoln, I need your
culinary skills

257
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,000
to go above
and beyond right now.

258
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:15,433
I need you to create a dish
so good, so élégante,

259
00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:16,733
that the party is distracted

260
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:18,833
and I can catch this
fat-ass rat-ass myself.

261
00:10:18,933 --> 00:10:20,667
I'm talking
Food Network-level.

262
00:10:20,767 --> 00:10:24,267
This restaurant would
definitely rate a "C,"

263
00:10:24,367 --> 00:10:27,200
on the New York Sanitation
Department scale.

264
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,067
But I wanna take on
this challenge.

265
00:10:29,167 --> 00:10:30,767
Actually,
it would be a grade "D"

266
00:10:30,867 --> 00:10:32,767
'cause of that moth larvae
all over the ceiling.

267
00:10:32,867 --> 00:10:34,567
Yeah, I can't
find the source.
Ugh.

268
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:34,900
Okay, dope.

269
00:10:38,667 --> 00:10:40,767
Hi, Tadd 26?

270
00:10:40,867 --> 00:10:42,667
Yeah,
Abbi, hi.

271
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,800
Wow, you look great.

272
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:48,433
This is a really good
photo of you.

273
00:10:48,533 --> 00:10:49,500
Thanks.

274
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,000
It's almost
too good, though.

275
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,433
Okay.

276
00:10:52,533 --> 00:10:53,100
Should I go?

277
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,033
Inside?

278
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:56,033
Yeah.

279
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,533
I'll take that
off your hands.

280
00:10:57,633 --> 00:10:58,000
Enjoy yourself,
feel welcome.

281
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,867
Mm-hmm.

282
00:11:00,967 --> 00:11:03,800
Ilana, come on, I just...
broke up with him.

283
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:05,233
I need him,
I need them all.

284
00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:07,500
I spent $400 to get rid
of this rat.

285
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,400
I just saw him scurrying across
the floor with his little nails.

286
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:11,667
(gasping)
(squeaking)

287
00:11:11,767 --> 00:11:12,667
Oh, my God, rat!

288
00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:13,900
Pack!

289
00:11:14,067 --> 00:11:15,567
With Fred Sinatra, and
they would sing a cappella

290
00:11:15,667 --> 00:11:17,800
and watch
each other (bleep).

291
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:18,867
Give me my money back.

292
00:11:18,967 --> 00:11:19,967
I'm not staying
at a rat party.

293
00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:21,500
Okay, okay--
Get out of here.

294
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,433
Keep quiet.
Go.

295
00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:24,500
(cell phone vibrates)

296
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,133
(Abbi gasping)

297
00:11:27,233 --> 00:11:30,400
What-- No one.

298
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:31,400
What?

299
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,900
What? I didn't get
a text from anybody.

300
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,167
If I ever get
my own food truck,

301
00:11:34,267 --> 00:11:35,500
I'm gonna call it
"Lincoln's Center."

302
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,333
That is genius!
(laughing)

303
00:11:38,433 --> 00:11:39,333
Wow.

304
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:40,400
Mmm...

305
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,533
Mmm.

306
00:11:41,633 --> 00:11:42,067
Gracias, Lincoln.

307
00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:43,233
Okay.

308
00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:45,367
(sighing)

309
00:11:45,467 --> 00:11:46,733
I've been keeping something in
for a very long time.

310
00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:49,967
But today's a new day
for the Jaimé.

311
00:11:50,067 --> 00:11:52,467
Your mustache
is terrible.

312
00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:56,767
It makes you look like you--
like touch the little children.

313
00:11:56,867 --> 00:11:59,167
(sighs)
That felt good.

314
00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:01,700
Mmm.

315
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:02,567
Mother(bleep),
that's good.

316
00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:04,333
Whoa,
costume change?

317
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,300
Yeah, I'm quirky.

318
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,133
(tap dancing)

319
00:12:09,233 --> 00:12:12,167
**

320
00:12:12,267 --> 00:12:12,933
(squeaking)

321
00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:14,600
Sorry...
(chuckling)

322
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,600
Get up.

323
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:15,967
(squeaking)

324
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,533
(sighing)

325
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:22,600
(whispering)
Damn it.

326
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,933
(whooping, applause)

327
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,300
Hold down the fort.

328
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:31,433
I've got
a plan.

329
00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:37,267
God, I loved
your hair.

330
00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:38,267
Not cool.

331
00:12:38,367 --> 00:12:40,767
Oh, I'd love to make out
with this guy.

332
00:12:40,867 --> 00:12:41,533
I thought
you said you were 26?

333
00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:44,067
I was,
in that picture.

334
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:47,367
I thought that was
an Instagram filter.

335
00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:52,367
Ooh, you're really sexy.

336
00:12:53,933 --> 00:12:55,367
With a great smile.

337
00:12:57,767 --> 00:13:02,100
Hey, can I see
your tat?

338
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,567
Too...

339
00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:06,267
* Two peas in a pod

340
00:13:06,367 --> 00:13:08,533
* And neither of us
are Jews *

341
00:13:08,633 --> 00:13:10,133
You should Uber.

342
00:13:10,233 --> 00:13:12,433
That's, um,
German, right?

343
00:13:14,067 --> 00:13:16,567
Sorry, but
this obviously isn't you.

344
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:17,733
Yeah, obviously.

345
00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:19,467
You thought a young
Denzel Washington

346
00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:21,700
was gonna show up
for your Tinder date?

347
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,167
You shoulda
just swiped left.

348
00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:27,400
Wait, what do you mean
"swipe left"?

349
00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:34,933
(meows)

350
00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:36,400
Jellicle Cat,

351
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:39,100
I need you to find and kill
this ballsack, Rat Bastard.

352
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,367
(knocking on door)

353
00:13:40,467 --> 00:13:41,367
In use!
(Abbi)
Ilana, it's me.

354
00:13:41,467 --> 00:13:43,500
Oh, come in.

355
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:44,767
Tinder-- oh, my God.

356
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,733
Did you know that you can, like,
swipe left on Tinder?

357
00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:48,900
And that means
you're not into the guy.

358
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:51,633
I thought you had to meet-up
with every--

359
00:13:51,733 --> 00:13:53,067
You have options.

360
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:53,967
What's happening in here?

361
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,933
The cat's out
of the bag.

362
00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:58,467
Jellicle was not easy
to remove from the bodega.

363
00:13:58,567 --> 00:14:00,567
But I gotta catch this piece
of shit, Rat Bastard,

364
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:03,267
and I needed backup.

365
00:14:03,367 --> 00:14:05,667
So, I had
to borrow him.

366
00:14:05,767 --> 00:14:06,900
Or her.

367
00:14:07,067 --> 00:14:08,800
Hm, what you?

368
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:11,133
Well, I kinda hope
it's a guy

369
00:14:11,233 --> 00:14:13,533
because there's literally
zero good guys here.

370
00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:17,300
I need to meet, like,
real men in real life

371
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,533
that I don't work with.
Yeah.

372
00:14:19,633 --> 00:14:20,467
What?

373
00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:23,733
That I don't, like,
work it with.

374
00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:24,733
You know?

375
00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:25,767
Totally.

376
00:14:25,867 --> 00:14:26,900
That's what
I meant to say.

377
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,933
Well, please
let this work.

378
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:30,367
No, it's totally
going to,

379
00:14:30,467 --> 00:14:32,533
because cats
can be scary vicious.

380
00:14:32,633 --> 00:14:34,500
(purring)

381
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,333
Come on, Jellicle Cat,

382
00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:38,600
scheme, make some
(bleep) trouble.

383
00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:39,667
Like,
Tom and Jerry.

384
00:14:39,767 --> 00:14:41,067
Oh, my God,
the media,

385
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:43,100
reducing even cats
to a stereotype.

386
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,867
See, I have to remember,
I am the problem.

387
00:14:45,967 --> 00:14:49,100
Up next, you'll savor chilled
chocolate-covered cherry slivers

388
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,933
your tongue didn't know
that it needed.

389
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:53,900
Enjoy.

390
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:56,667
I am crushin' it
right now.

391
00:14:56,767 --> 00:14:59,400
I'm definitely gonna be the
Chop'd Champion tonight.
Yes.

392
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,367
(screams)

393
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,867
What?
The rat just ran
over my foot.

394
00:15:02,967 --> 00:15:04,100
You know the band Ratatat?

395
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,367
Let's listen to thatatat,
mm-hmm.

396
00:15:06,467 --> 00:15:07,933
Uh-huh.

397
00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:09,367
(knocking on door)

398
00:15:09,467 --> 00:15:11,367
Oh, if I have to see
another Tin-dude,

399
00:15:11,467 --> 00:15:13,067
I'm gonna (bleep) break out.

400
00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:14,800
Hi, I am looking for
a Larry and David gift basket

401
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,700
that was dropped off
here.

402
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:17,567
I, I, dropped it off,
but at the wrong address,

403
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:20,233
and I need it back now.

404
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:21,867
My money.
My parents.

405
00:15:21,967 --> 00:15:23,067
My chef's high.

406
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:23,567
My...

407
00:15:23,667 --> 00:15:25,167
My, my.

408
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,867
How you doin'?

409
00:15:31,967 --> 00:15:33,833
So, what are you saying?
It didn't come from Guatemala?

410
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:34,900
No, I'm sorry.

411
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:36,133
This is
215 10th Street.

412
00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:38,233
And I was supposed to
deliver it to 210 15th Street.

413
00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:40,133
I keep messing up
because I have dyslexia.

414
00:15:40,233 --> 00:15:40,733
Please, this is
an SOS.

415
00:15:40,833 --> 00:15:43,667
I'm sorry, SOS.

416
00:15:43,767 --> 00:15:46,633
Dude, I'm so sorry
but we got the basket,

417
00:15:46,733 --> 00:15:48,667
and I already made
some incredible--

418
00:15:48,767 --> 00:15:50,533
Strides.

419
00:15:50,633 --> 00:15:52,067
Strides.

420
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:55,667
To keep the basket
in mint condition.

421
00:15:55,767 --> 00:15:58,833
So, you know, we're just
gonna need a couple minutes

422
00:15:58,933 --> 00:16:00,600
to fill out
some paperwork.

423
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:02,767
Mm-hmm.

424
00:16:02,867 --> 00:16:03,567
You seem stressed.

425
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:05,100
Why don't you
come in?

426
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,200
You guys figure out
the paperwork.

427
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,533
I'll show you around.

428
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:10,600
I mean, with letters
and everything,

429
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,600
it's like, who cares
what order they're in?

430
00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:15,233
**

431
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:19,367
Steven.

432
00:16:19,467 --> 00:16:21,267
Yeah,
I shaved my mustache

433
00:16:21,367 --> 00:16:22,467
with the pubey girl razor
from the bathroom.

434
00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:24,300
You happy?

435
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,433
You look incredible.

436
00:16:25,533 --> 00:16:26,867
I was
completely right.

437
00:16:26,967 --> 00:16:29,067
And the whole pedophile
mustache was so distracting.

438
00:16:29,167 --> 00:16:30,100
But now I see
your face.

439
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,367
It's beautiful.

440
00:16:31,467 --> 00:16:33,133
Kind of
like it, too.

441
00:16:33,233 --> 00:16:33,900
It's like I was holding
onto something,

442
00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:36,300
like,
some kind of mask.

443
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,333
You know, we should hang out
like in a date way.

444
00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:41,233
Yeah,
I'd love that.

445
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,100
I'm really glad that
this all happened.

446
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,300
Me too.

447
00:16:46,733 --> 00:16:48,467
Ew, dude!

448
00:16:48,567 --> 00:16:49,767
Homophobe!
You hate the gays, man?

449
00:16:49,867 --> 00:16:50,933
Who's a homophobe?

450
00:16:51,067 --> 00:16:52,433
No, look
at this mess!

451
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:54,333
I'm never gonna be able
to get this back together.

452
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:56,167
Lincoln,
what do we all know

453
00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:58,067
is the most challenging
part of cooking?

454
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:58,900
Presentation.
Exactly.

455
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:00,333
This is a presentation
challenge.

456
00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:04,067
Let's turn our trash...
(clearing throat)

457
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:05,267
Into treasure.

458
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:07,533
I never will care about
this basket, so good luck.

459
00:17:07,633 --> 00:17:08,800
I'm not losing
this money.

460
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:10,567
Cool hat.
I love hats.

461
00:17:10,667 --> 00:17:13,233
(chuckling)

462
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,067
Cool, um...

463
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:15,600
Can I ask you
a personal question?

464
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:17,667
Mm-hmm.

465
00:17:17,767 --> 00:17:19,767
You ever taken a sharp turn
in one of those trucks

466
00:17:19,867 --> 00:17:23,067
without the doors on it,
and then, you just fall out?

467
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,067
All the time.

468
00:17:24,133 --> 00:17:25,700
Quick follow-up.

469
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:26,767
Do you wanna
make out right now?

470
00:17:26,867 --> 00:17:28,300
Yeah.
Okay.

471
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:35,967
Perfect.

472
00:17:39,733 --> 00:17:40,633
Keep going.

473
00:17:40,733 --> 00:17:41,967
Do your
thing.

474
00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:43,900
Just pick the right food.

475
00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:45,800
Oh, great.

476
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,133
Everybody love
cheese balls.

477
00:17:49,233 --> 00:17:52,767
I know, they're,
like, too good.

478
00:17:52,867 --> 00:17:56,100
This is actual food.

479
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,467
This is honestly
really (bleep) good.

480
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,067
We did it.

481
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:07,333
Yeah, but I still don't
feel too good about this.

482
00:18:07,433 --> 00:18:09,200
I've been making a mockery
of Larry and David

483
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:12,267
and they seem
like really good guys.

484
00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:13,633
Larry and David
are fine.

485
00:18:13,733 --> 00:18:15,067
They've got
a whole franchise

486
00:18:15,167 --> 00:18:17,400
based on their explosive sexual
and romantic relationship.

487
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:20,400
Yo, what the (bleep)
are you talking about?

488
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,067
The Larry and David
franchise.

489
00:18:22,133 --> 00:18:23,900
Larry and David
are brothers.

490
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:24,867
Ew.

491
00:18:24,967 --> 00:18:28,633
**

492
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:30,433
Here's your pristine basket.

493
00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:32,867
We really wanna get in there,
but we used our willpower.

494
00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:34,800
No, no,
we just made out.

495
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:36,600
(clearing throat)

496
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,200
Is that
a shower curtain?

497
00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:38,967
(squeaking)
Oh, my God.

498
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:42,300
You little piece
of shit!

499
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,367
(Bleep) you.

500
00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:44,633
You (bleep) rat!

501
00:18:44,733 --> 00:18:46,900
I'm gonna
(bleep) kill you!

502
00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:47,667
(squeaking)

503
00:18:47,767 --> 00:18:49,767
(knife clatters to floor)

504
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:54,067
(gasping)

505
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,500
(Lincoln)
Ugh...

506
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,933
Ohhh!

507
00:18:58,067 --> 00:18:59,233
She's female.

508
00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:00,833
Don't you see?

509
00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:02,333
(laughing)

510
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,833
And she just had
these little babies.

511
00:19:04,933 --> 00:19:06,333
Oh (bleep).

512
00:19:06,433 --> 00:19:07,667
She's a single gal

513
00:19:07,767 --> 00:19:09,900
just looking to raise her kids
in a safe home.

514
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:10,733
Hey, no, I'm freaking out
right now.

515
00:19:10,833 --> 00:19:12,633
She's me!

516
00:19:12,733 --> 00:19:14,200
What the (bleep)
is going on here?

517
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:15,633
Come on,
they're so cute.

518
00:19:15,733 --> 00:19:18,433
They're wrinkly, but they're
soft and fun, too.

519
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:19,833
That's what she said.

520
00:19:19,933 --> 00:19:21,433
(laughing)

521
00:19:21,533 --> 00:19:22,533
That's something
Trey would say.

522
00:19:22,633 --> 00:19:24,133
Oh my God,
totally.

523
00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:26,167
You gotta head out.
What?

524
00:19:26,267 --> 00:19:27,200
It's time
for you to go.
You sure?

525
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,833
Yeah, you just say
that basket was stolen

526
00:19:28,933 --> 00:19:30,267
and you can salvage
that job, great.

527
00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:31,433
It's been fun.

528
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,300
(exhales)
We're a great team.

529
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,167
Yes, we are.

530
00:19:35,267 --> 00:19:37,967
May God,
She bless us.

531
00:19:38,067 --> 00:19:39,300
Every one.

532
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:43,267
(squeaking)

533
00:19:43,367 --> 00:19:45,167
Ugh!
Oh, God.

534
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:46,167
Goodness.

535
00:19:46,267 --> 00:19:48,933
Hey,
you know what, baby?

536
00:19:49,067 --> 00:19:50,333
Yeah?

537
00:19:50,433 --> 00:19:51,900
Right now that I'm on this new
path of like, honesty and truth?

538
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:54,067
Mmm.

539
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:56,267
There's a couple of things
that I wanted to share with you.

540
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:57,900
First of all,
in the near future,

541
00:19:58,067 --> 00:19:59,433
I would kind of like to use
our oven for cooking.

542
00:19:59,533 --> 00:20:02,333
Will you take
your clothes out, please?

543
00:20:02,433 --> 00:20:04,433
Absolutely, I hear that,
I hear that.

544
00:20:04,533 --> 00:20:04,900
Thank you so much.

545
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,767
Oh...

546
00:20:06,867 --> 00:20:08,767
Ilana, I don't want to do
your bacne anymore.

547
00:20:08,867 --> 00:20:10,600
What?

548
00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:11,467
I'm sorry, it's just
not my thing.

549
00:20:11,567 --> 00:20:13,733
You should see
a dermatologist.

550
00:20:13,833 --> 00:20:15,867
Would you mind just doing
one last one, the middle--

551
00:20:15,967 --> 00:20:17,667
I got it.

552
00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:19,300
Massive middle back.

553
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,500
(exhales)

554
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,233
There's another thing, Ilana,
and I just...

555
00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:23,833
I say this because
I love you so much.

556
00:20:23,933 --> 00:20:26,667
There is something you do that
I see a lot of white people do.

557
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,967
And it's kind of like
cultural appropriation.

558
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:30,300
I've heard about this.

559
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:31,500
Like, for example, you know
those earrings that you have

560
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:32,567
that say "Latina"?
Yeah?

561
00:20:32,667 --> 00:20:35,167
They look beautiful on you.
Thank you.

562
00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:36,467
But you're not Latina,
mi amor.

563
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:38,567
It's almost like you're stealing
the identity from people

564
00:20:38,667 --> 00:20:41,900
who fought hard for against
colonial structures.

565
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:46,067
So, in a way, it's almost like
you are the colonists.

566
00:20:46,167 --> 00:20:47,833
You see?

567
00:20:47,933 --> 00:20:49,167
Ah!

568
00:20:49,267 --> 00:20:50,833
Oh, that felt good.

569
00:20:50,933 --> 00:20:52,067
(sighs)

570
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,233
Oh, also, mi amor, can you
please get off Grindr?

571
00:20:54,333 --> 00:20:55,867
You have a Grindr profile

572
00:20:55,967 --> 00:20:56,967
and it's kind of
our thing, you know?

573
00:20:57,067 --> 00:20:59,267
I just wanna see penises
within a mile of me.

574
00:20:59,367 --> 00:21:01,967
I'm so sorry,
I've gone too far.

575
00:21:02,067 --> 00:21:03,067
You can see all the penises
you want.

576
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,900
Teach me.

577
00:21:05,067 --> 00:21:05,767
All the penises
you want.
Teach me.

578
00:21:05,867 --> 00:21:07,600
Penis.

579
00:21:13,967 --> 00:21:15,600
Hold on a second,
Denzel.

580
00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,400
What do you mean
that there's a left?

581
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,400
You swipe it left.

582
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:21,333
Swipe...
move along.

583
00:21:21,433 --> 00:21:24,800
Abbi Gary Anna Abrams.

584
00:21:26,067 --> 00:21:26,633
You shoulda
swiped left.