1 00:00:08,867 --> 00:00:09,700 Whoo! 2 00:00:09,767 --> 00:00:11,467 (hip hop playing on radio) 3 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,800 Dude, we are like Jerry Seinfeld right now. 4 00:00:13,867 --> 00:00:16,133 Yeah, we run this city. 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,133 What up, bitches? Woo! 6 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,733 We own this city! We're driving! 7 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,900 This isn't a taxi, this isn't an Uber! Nope! 8 00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:28,267 We own you bitches! We own... 9 00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:29,533 The last guy was black 10 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,100 so I didn't wanna, like, own him. 11 00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:33,267 Good call. This is awesome, though. 12 00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:34,733 Oh, love parki-- 13 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,267 There's a spot! There's a spot! Yes! 14 00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:37,567 Do we have the best luck or what? 15 00:00:37,633 --> 00:00:40,133 (man yelling) (gasps) 16 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,933 Fuck you. No, fuck you! 17 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,467 Fuck you! 18 00:00:43,533 --> 00:00:45,567 Okay, it's too small, anyway. 19 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,300 (car horns honking) Oh, come on. 20 00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:54,800 Motherfucker. Motherfucker. 21 00:00:56,933 --> 00:01:00,067 There are no spots. Does everyone have a car now? 22 00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:02,600 ** 23 00:01:02,667 --> 00:01:04,167 * Yeah, I ain't enough * 24 00:01:04,233 --> 00:01:06,200 * I take you ... with that dab yeah I got it * 25 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:07,800 * Did these narcotics sizzling * 26 00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:09,467 * Lit when they whipping the water * 27 00:01:09,533 --> 00:01:11,133 * I did not mean for this to be the ignorant ... * 28 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,333 * That you wanted but that, that's an order * 29 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,067 * I came in here with a quarter ** 30 00:01:17,133 --> 00:01:18,133 Did we get it? 31 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,667 I just realized it's a driveway. 32 00:01:19,733 --> 00:01:21,267 Fuck! 33 00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:22,367 (both shivering) 34 00:01:22,433 --> 00:01:24,333 Dude, could we put the top back up? 35 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,400 It's frozen in place. I tried. 36 00:01:26,467 --> 00:01:28,467 Oh, God. Okay, we need to park. 37 00:01:28,533 --> 00:01:29,733 We need to park now. 38 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:33,067 No spots. Why would there be spots? 39 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,100 (laughing) There's a spot! There's a spot! 40 00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:37,167 Motherfucker! 41 00:01:37,233 --> 00:01:40,833 Shit! You know what? 42 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:43,967 Owning this car's been the worst two weeks of my life. 43 00:01:44,067 --> 00:01:46,833 Wait, someone's gonna steal it. Exactly. 44 00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:49,633 (shivering) 45 00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:51,967 * Four and three and two and one-one * 46 00:01:52,067 --> 00:01:56,567 ** 47 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,600 Dude. 48 00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:03,167 You can't bring those in here. 49 00:02:03,233 --> 00:02:05,333 Well, it's worth, like, six or seven bucks. 50 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,467 There's loose juice all over the place. 51 00:02:07,533 --> 00:02:09,367 How many times can you-- 52 00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:13,167 (groans) 53 00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,100 Quality bottles. 54 00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:18,800 Um, I purchased these Dunkaroos last week, 55 00:02:18,867 --> 00:02:20,800 and then I realized that they were expired. 56 00:02:20,867 --> 00:02:22,167 Yeah. 57 00:02:22,233 --> 00:02:23,600 All Dunkaroos are expired. 58 00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:27,633 Any Dunkaroos you see are literally from the '90s. 59 00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:28,833 They're from before I was born. 60 00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:30,833 Before you-- Yeah. 61 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,633 Okay, we don't need to get into the nitty-gritty 62 00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,067 of Dunkaroos' corporate history or whatever. 63 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:39,233 I would just love to return this product please. 64 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:42,667 Yeah, you can't return stuff at a bodega. 65 00:02:44,633 --> 00:02:47,067 Okay, well then I will please take store credit. 66 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:52,367 (sighs) You can return them 67 00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,767 if you can tell me my name. 68 00:02:57,967 --> 00:02:59,867 Yeah, of course. 69 00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:02,933 Your name is Bo... 70 00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:03,867 Dega? 71 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,500 You think my name is Bodega? 72 00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:08,433 Oh, my God... No! I was gonna say 73 00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:10,600 Bo... dine. 74 00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:12,700 That's not a name. It is so. 75 00:03:12,767 --> 00:03:15,167 My favorite aunt's name is Bodine. 76 00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:20,767 You know, very irresponsible. 77 00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:23,800 That you sell expired products knowingly. 78 00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:27,900 Bye, Abbi. 79 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:32,767 (snoring) 80 00:03:32,833 --> 00:03:35,400 (shouting) Get up, it's time for work! 81 00:03:35,467 --> 00:03:37,633 Where you going? To brush my teeth! 82 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,733 Well, what're you gonna wear? Scrubs? 83 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,767 Can you show me the dimensions of your armoire? 84 00:03:41,833 --> 00:03:43,833 What? Just do it! 85 00:03:47,067 --> 00:03:50,433 (giggling) 86 00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:52,433 What? 87 00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:57,233 Aw! (laughing) 88 00:03:57,300 --> 00:04:00,367 (screams) 89 00:04:00,433 --> 00:04:02,500 Oh, my God! 90 00:04:02,567 --> 00:04:04,333 You look so good together! 91 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,733 Nailed it! Nailed it! 92 00:04:08,167 --> 00:04:11,533 You know, I always thought of being a dog uncle. 93 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:12,967 Coming in and out of the dog's life, 94 00:04:13,067 --> 00:04:15,567 all about fun and games and treats and toys. 95 00:04:15,633 --> 00:04:19,067 Being a dog dad is different. It's a lot of responsibility. 96 00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:22,833 That's a big choice to make for another person, Ilana. 97 00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,233 You know what's also a big choice? 98 00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:26,633 Killing a dog, and that's what 99 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,333 was gonna happen to her today. 100 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,467 But, you know, I get it. 101 00:04:29,533 --> 00:04:30,767 If you feel a six-figure salary 102 00:04:30,833 --> 00:04:32,833 isn't enough to support a tiny dog-- 103 00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:35,300 No, no, no, God, no! 'Cause I can take her back. 104 00:04:35,367 --> 00:04:36,433 She's precious and beautiful. 105 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:37,767 I love her. 106 00:04:37,833 --> 00:04:39,833 How long was the dog in the box? 107 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:47,367 Whew, good haul! Oh, thanks. 108 00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:48,833 I don't, like, need-- need this. 109 00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:50,100 This is just for, like, extra cash. 110 00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:52,800 'Cause I'm actually an artist. Me too. 111 00:04:52,867 --> 00:04:56,367 Showing in New York and London right now. 112 00:04:56,433 --> 00:04:58,467 Gotcha. Wow, I'm showing... 113 00:04:58,533 --> 00:05:00,767 in the... one of the most prestigious 114 00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:03,900 chiropractor's offices in the Village. 115 00:05:03,967 --> 00:05:05,467 (machine beeping) Oh, can time! 116 00:05:05,533 --> 00:05:07,300 Okay. 117 00:05:10,333 --> 00:05:12,100 Thank you, brudder. Sure. 118 00:05:12,167 --> 00:05:13,733 So... got you a gift. 119 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,700 Oh, my God. That's an iPad. 120 00:05:15,767 --> 00:05:18,067 Yes. Thank you so... much, um... 121 00:05:18,133 --> 00:05:20,833 Wait, why is it not in a box? 122 00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:23,300 It's refurbished. It is? 123 00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:24,633 Yeah, it's like brand new. 124 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,133 Except not. 125 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,067 No, I mean, look. One could make the argument 126 00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:32,767 that if you give a gift, it should be brand new. 127 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:36,633 You know, I just gave you $400 worth of almost-new iPad. 128 00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:37,900 No, you're right. Thank you. 129 00:05:37,967 --> 00:05:39,867 I'll-- I'll just wipe it clean. 130 00:05:39,933 --> 00:05:41,600 Now, you gotta get out of here because Abbi's coming, 131 00:05:41,667 --> 00:05:43,567 and I want her to think she's the only person getting a gift today. 132 00:05:43,633 --> 00:05:46,100 Is hers new? 133 00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:47,300 Get out of here. Go! 134 00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:49,200 Oh, my God, here she is. Go, go, go, go, go! 135 00:05:49,267 --> 00:05:50,600 Hide your face! 136 00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:51,933 (sighs) I love money. 137 00:05:52,067 --> 00:05:53,133 Fuck! 138 00:05:55,167 --> 00:05:57,700 People are so rude. Disgusting. 139 00:05:57,767 --> 00:05:59,500 I'm really sorry I'm late. 140 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,900 My train karma is at an all-time low, 141 00:06:01,967 --> 00:06:03,900 as is my general karma. 142 00:06:03,967 --> 00:06:05,600 I really need a job. Mm-hmm. 143 00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:07,067 Maybe I just need to aim low. 144 00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:10,333 Like maybe Forever 21? (groans) 145 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,200 Or that shitty coffee shop on Avenue A? 146 00:06:12,267 --> 00:06:14,667 Love that place. Or Barnes and Noble, maybe? 147 00:06:14,733 --> 00:06:17,533 How many dumps have I taken at Barnes and Noble? 148 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,933 Well, that's a solid list. 149 00:06:19,067 --> 00:06:20,767 And I got just the thing to seal the deal. 150 00:06:23,267 --> 00:06:25,100 Ilana. For you. 151 00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:28,900 No... Yes! 152 00:06:28,967 --> 00:06:30,300 Are you kidding me? 153 00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:33,100 This is that fancy bag we saw in the window. 154 00:06:33,167 --> 00:06:36,100 Yep. I have been making so much freakin' "caysh," 155 00:06:36,167 --> 00:06:37,900 and having so much fun spending it on myself. 156 00:06:37,967 --> 00:06:40,533 But now that I am old money, I gotta start giving it away. 157 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,867 How much was this? (clears throat) 158 00:06:42,933 --> 00:06:46,267 Was it more than the blue dress? 159 00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:47,500 Was it more than an ounce? 160 00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:49,100 Stop stressing about it. 161 00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:50,733 Ilana, was it more than my rent? 162 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:51,800 (clears throat) Times two. 163 00:06:51,867 --> 00:06:53,833 What? I mi-- I can't keep this. 164 00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:56,400 You have to take it back. Absolutely not. 165 00:06:56,467 --> 00:06:57,867 I seriously believe in you, Abbi. 166 00:06:57,933 --> 00:06:59,833 And you have to dress for success. 167 00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:01,800 You need to look how you feel. 168 00:07:01,867 --> 00:07:03,400 I feel like I spent two hours this morning 169 00:07:03,467 --> 00:07:06,533 recycling bottles and cans for $4.15. 170 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,333 Yows... all right. 171 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:09,833 Well, now, you can feel like 172 00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:11,233 you wear two month's rent around your body. 173 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:14,333 Everyone is gonna see how freakin' hot you are today 174 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,600 including you, okay? 175 00:07:16,667 --> 00:07:17,967 Go get 'em, tiger. I'm gonna go be Santa 176 00:07:18,067 --> 00:07:19,800 to one last sweet, little elf. 177 00:07:19,867 --> 00:07:21,933 All right. Thanks, Ilana. 178 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,667 I owe you one. I'll see you later. 179 00:07:23,733 --> 00:07:25,400 Love ya. Love you too. 180 00:07:27,233 --> 00:07:29,933 ** 181 00:07:31,133 --> 00:07:32,333 Jaimé... 182 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:33,867 Himmelz! 183 00:07:33,933 --> 00:07:37,600 I have a gift for my little Guatemalan coffee bean, 184 00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:41,533 and you will never guess what it is-- 185 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:45,333 Jaimé? Jaimé? 186 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,600 Himmelz? 187 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,200 Jaimé, what happened? (shower running) 188 00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,700 Don't you see? 189 00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:51,867 What? No! 190 00:07:51,933 --> 00:07:53,067 Look at yourself. 191 00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:55,200 Jaimé, what're you saying? 192 00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:57,333 We have bed bugs! 193 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,267 (Jaimé sobbing) 194 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:10,067 No! 195 00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:16,067 ** 196 00:08:29,167 --> 00:08:30,800 * This life is what you make of it * 197 00:08:30,867 --> 00:08:32,567 * So we're gonna make it up * 198 00:08:32,633 --> 00:08:35,567 * Make it up as we go * 199 00:08:35,633 --> 00:08:37,400 * When I'm in the sunshine... * 200 00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:38,500 Thank you! 201 00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:40,167 * That goes wherever I go * 202 00:08:40,233 --> 00:08:41,533 * Oh! * 203 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,300 * So take your time * 204 00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:46,167 * There's always tomorrow * 205 00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:49,700 * Let's live for today * 206 00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:53,900 * Ay-ay-ay, ay-ay-ay-ay... * 207 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,433 Ew! 208 00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:56,833 It's about the bag. 209 00:08:56,900 --> 00:08:59,100 Love that bag. 210 00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:01,467 Oh... well, then have at it! 211 00:09:01,533 --> 00:09:03,500 * Ay-ay-ay-ay ** 212 00:09:03,567 --> 00:09:04,833 (Ilana) Oh, God! 213 00:09:04,900 --> 00:09:07,600 People like us don't get bed bugs! 214 00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:09,900 Yes, we can. Because we do. 215 00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,967 Well, I've been really careful about who I'm with 216 00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:14,467 and where I sit, so where do you think you got them? 217 00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:16,500 Oh, that's rich, okay? 218 00:09:16,567 --> 00:09:17,633 I've been going through a dry spell 219 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:19,367 ever since I cut off my peepee. 220 00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,333 I haven't slept with anybody for two months. 221 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,767 We got this from "jou," lady. 222 00:09:22,833 --> 00:09:24,633 Jew lady? You! You! 223 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:26,900 Well, I am in a relationship so I'm safe. 224 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,133 Okay, then maybe we got them from Abbi. 225 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,367 (gasps) Don't you dare bring her into this! 226 00:09:31,433 --> 00:09:32,833 I went too far. 227 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:33,967 Have you been using protection? 228 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:36,100 What are we even talking about now? 229 00:09:36,167 --> 00:09:38,300 A mattress protector. 230 00:09:38,367 --> 00:09:41,300 Tell me you got a mattress protector. 231 00:09:41,367 --> 00:09:43,367 Yes. 232 00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:44,567 Y-yes. 233 00:09:44,633 --> 00:09:46,833 You lying. You are a liar! 234 00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:48,500 Mattress protector! (screams) 235 00:09:48,567 --> 00:09:51,667 ** 236 00:09:54,833 --> 00:09:55,833 Anthro... 237 00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:03,600 * I'm crowded in the street * 238 00:10:03,667 --> 00:10:08,767 * Feeling like I'm floating on the air * 239 00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:12,233 * Closer as we speak * 240 00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:15,033 * I spent the morning here * 241 00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:18,700 * I know you're somewhere over there ** 242 00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:23,633 Baby's got a brand new bag. 243 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,600 Excuse me. Hi, how may I help you? 244 00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,367 Can I please speak to the manager? 245 00:10:28,433 --> 00:10:30,833 Absolutely. Follow me. 246 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:34,033 ** 247 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,500 God, maybe I could've fucked less people 248 00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:37,767 before I got back together with Lincoln. 249 00:10:37,833 --> 00:10:39,233 Those people were filthy. 250 00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:40,733 No, I could've been more careful. 251 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,300 (Jaimé) I always sit on the wooden benches 252 00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:43,967 in the subway platform even though I know 253 00:10:44,033 --> 00:10:45,033 that they are carriers. 254 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,600 I just love the way the wood feels. 255 00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:48,233 You know, it's easy to blame yourselves, 256 00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:49,333 but it's not your fault. 257 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:50,733 Bed bugs don't discriminate. 258 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,600 I once saw these suckers take out 259 00:10:52,667 --> 00:10:54,133 the Metropolitan Opera House. 260 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,567 What if we got rid of our clothes and our possessions? 261 00:10:56,633 --> 00:10:58,900 And what if we promised to learn how to pray? 262 00:10:58,967 --> 00:11:01,800 Or we could move? No, no, no, no. 263 00:11:01,867 --> 00:11:04,800 You don't treat the apartment and move and the city finds out, 264 00:11:04,867 --> 00:11:06,533 you're looking at ten years to life. 265 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,333 Jesus Christ. Puta madre! 266 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,700 You live in New York City five years, you got bed bugs. 267 00:11:10,767 --> 00:11:12,267 Well, I do have some good news. 268 00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:13,433 I found the source. 269 00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:16,700 This moist, dark paper right here. 270 00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:18,667 That's where they first laid their eggs. 271 00:11:18,733 --> 00:11:19,900 (sobbing) No, no! 272 00:11:19,967 --> 00:11:22,267 Yeah, we're gonna have to burn all this. 273 00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:23,833 On what? Booze? Hookers? 274 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,933 I meant literally burn it. 275 00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:27,800 Isn't that illegal under federal law? 276 00:11:27,867 --> 00:11:29,100 When it comes to bed bugs, 277 00:11:29,167 --> 00:11:31,100 it's illegal not to burn infested cash. 278 00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:32,867 Why couldn't we have just gotten herpes? 279 00:11:32,933 --> 00:11:34,333 Then we could at least keep all our stuff 280 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,933 and I could've just learned to use concealer. 281 00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:38,533 I can't guarantee that I can get 'em out. 282 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,567 However, I can guarantee that I can't. 283 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,633 You heard me. 284 00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:46,767 Yeah, so actually, the flagship Anthropologie 285 00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:48,067 was in my hometown. 286 00:11:48,067 --> 00:11:50,133 No disrespect, Lisa, but I probably knew 287 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,700 about Anthropologie before you did. 288 00:11:51,767 --> 00:11:53,633 Well, I didn't even know where the first one was. 289 00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:57,267 Fun fact, there was actually a coffee shop inside. 290 00:11:57,333 --> 00:11:58,533 We should bring that back. 291 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,367 Yeah, you should. 292 00:12:00,433 --> 00:12:02,067 So you were a fitness trainer? 293 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:04,267 It's actually an amazing story. 294 00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:05,800 Mm-hmm. I was a trainer. 295 00:12:05,867 --> 00:12:08,300 But I started at the company as a cleaner. 296 00:12:08,367 --> 00:12:09,733 A janitor at the gym. 297 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,533 I turned a shitty job 298 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,233 into a "fitty" job. 299 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:15,433 (both laughing) 300 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:17,200 Because, Lisa, I had a plan of attack, 301 00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:19,067 and I climbed that corporate ladder. 302 00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:21,533 I often see things other people don't. 303 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,700 It's a skill of anticipation. 304 00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:25,833 You know? And that's exactly what I did, Lisa. 305 00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:28,900 That's exactly what I did. 306 00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:30,733 (exhales) 307 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,633 Well, that is how you nail an interview. 308 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,500 Oh, stop it. I mean, I have to talk 309 00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:37,067 to the higher-ups, but I know you'll be 310 00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:40,067 a valuable addition to the Anthro family. 311 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,600 Wow. 312 00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:43,067 Great. 313 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,767 (phone ringing) 314 00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:48,767 (Marcel on phone) Sushi Mambeaux. 315 00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:50,233 Marcel, hey, it's Ilana. 316 00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:51,633 I can't believe I'm about to say this but-- 317 00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,500 You have bed bugs. How'd you know? 318 00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:56,500 Because Brenda was using Sushi Mambeaux 319 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,433 as her own personal hussy hut. 320 00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:01,100 What? Clean out your ears, other Tanya. 321 00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:03,167 Brenda was running a prostitution ring 322 00:13:03,233 --> 00:13:05,567 out of Sushi Mambeaux after hours. 323 00:13:05,633 --> 00:13:06,833 She brought in bed bugs 324 00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:08,233 and who in the heck knows what else. 325 00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:12,367 So we are closed for fumigation indefinitely. 326 00:13:12,433 --> 00:13:13,833 Well, what about my job? 327 00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:15,567 Child, I hope you put your cash in the bank 328 00:13:15,633 --> 00:13:17,233 and made yourself a little breast egg 329 00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:19,633 'cause who knows if we'll bounce back. 330 00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:20,933 Well, where are you gonna go? 331 00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:24,700 I'm gonna go wherever I can be the best father 332 00:13:24,767 --> 00:13:25,833 to my only son. 333 00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:28,700 Well, my son. 334 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:31,400 Toodles! But-- 335 00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:33,167 Fuck! 336 00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:45,333 ** 337 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,400 I guess this is our lives now. We have bed bugs. 338 00:13:48,467 --> 00:13:50,767 We are fully fucked by bed bugs. 339 00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,167 Us and all our marks. 340 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,767 You have it a lot worse than I do. 341 00:13:55,833 --> 00:13:58,500 It's 'cause I'm sweeter. 342 00:13:58,567 --> 00:13:59,700 What are we gonna do? 343 00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:02,733 I'm calling Abbi. 344 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,867 ** 345 00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:10,633 (whispering) Shit. 346 00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:13,200 Oh my God. 347 00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:15,700 Nice purse. 348 00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,233 In here! 349 00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,767 Hey... Shut up! Go! 350 00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:25,633 Hey, hey, hey. Bodine. Bodine, hey! 351 00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:27,567 Bodine, please! Just... (phone beeping) 352 00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:31,100 Bodine... (phone beeping) 353 00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:32,233 All right, withdraw the money. 354 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,433 All right. Before she gets back. 355 00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:34,900 All right, all right. 356 00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:37,367 Okay, can you just look away for a second please? 357 00:14:37,433 --> 00:14:39,500 What for? M-my PIN, I just-- 358 00:14:39,567 --> 00:14:41,233 Oh, my God. I'm mugging you, bitch! 359 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,500 Okay, okay. (ATM beeping) 360 00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:45,967 Oh, let me guess. Were you born in 1-9-88? 361 00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:49,067 Jesus. Good PIN. Okay, you know what? 362 00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:53,100 I don't usually have a gun pointed at me, bitch. 363 00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:54,367 I have a license to carry this. 364 00:14:54,433 --> 00:14:55,600 Do you wanna see my permit? No. 365 00:14:55,667 --> 00:14:57,067 Do you wanna see it? No, I don't. 366 00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,767 No, I didn't think so. Go to your fucking balance now. 367 00:14:58,833 --> 00:15:00,567 Come on! I'm just not doing very well right now. 368 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,667 Do it! Okay, okay! 369 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,567 Oh, my God. Is this a joke? 370 00:15:08,633 --> 00:15:10,300 No, I'm having a rough time right now. 371 00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,633 (sighs) Let me see your savings. 372 00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:13,500 I cancelled it 'cause it was costing me, like, 373 00:15:13,567 --> 00:15:14,933 six bucks a month, and that wasn't really doing me 374 00:15:15,067 --> 00:15:18,233 any good, so... That's your total equity? 375 00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,933 $374? Are you kidding me? 376 00:15:21,067 --> 00:15:23,300 You gotta keep more money in your bank account than that! 377 00:15:23,367 --> 00:15:25,267 No, I know. What if there's an emergency? 378 00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:26,533 What if the economy all of a sudden tanks? 379 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,300 What're you gonna do? I'm not sure. 380 00:15:28,367 --> 00:15:30,267 Wow. You're giving me advice? 381 00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:31,967 You're mugging me right now so... 382 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:35,967 At least I'm proactive about my finances. 383 00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:37,167 (scoffs) And, look. 384 00:15:37,233 --> 00:15:39,400 You clearly are living beyond your means. 385 00:15:39,467 --> 00:15:40,933 Can you afford that bag? 386 00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:42,833 This was a gift from a very wealthy friend. 387 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,767 That's too expensive for you. Give me that. 388 00:15:44,833 --> 00:15:47,067 (Massouma) Get out of my bodega, motherfucker. 389 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:50,800 (gun cocks) 390 00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:53,367 Holy shit. 391 00:15:54,867 --> 00:15:57,767 Oh, my God. Thank you so much. 392 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,900 Maybe you could've gotten the bag and the money. 393 00:16:02,967 --> 00:16:05,633 Maybe you could've remembered my name. 394 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,600 That's fair. 395 00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:12,267 Hey, I have full-on bed bugs. Can I come over? 396 00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:13,833 Ugh, Ilana, no. That's how it spreads. 397 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:16,133 Plus, if I got bed bugs from my sister 398 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,233 what would people think? 399 00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:18,800 You are so afraid of incest. 400 00:16:18,867 --> 00:16:20,633 You need to talk about that in therapy. 401 00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:24,533 Yes, of course, come home for the weekend, sweetheart. 402 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,067 That'd be wonderful. You know what? 403 00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:28,800 We'll go do nails, then bags, then maybe-- 404 00:16:28,867 --> 00:16:31,333 Well, uh, Mom, I am gonna need complete access 405 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,800 to the washer and dryer because I'm gonna bring every item 406 00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:36,333 of clothing home that I own and, to be honest, 407 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:37,733 most of the time I'm gonna be in the shower 408 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,367 scrubbing the bed bugs from my hair and body. 409 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,767 You haven't been home in months, 410 00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:43,067 and now you get bed bugs, 411 00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,100 and you wanna bring 'em here? 412 00:16:44,167 --> 00:16:46,567 No, no, no. Fuck you. 413 00:16:46,633 --> 00:16:49,267 So I thought maybe we could play with the puppy, 414 00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:51,267 watch a little movie, make some dinner. 415 00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:53,600 I'll give you really rigorous head... 416 00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,533 I'm with that. ...right after I take 417 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,833 a shower 'cause I have, um, bed... bed bugs. 418 00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:00,200 What? No! 419 00:17:00,267 --> 00:17:02,867 Come on, Lincoln, my family's turned me away. 420 00:17:02,933 --> 00:17:05,133 I really need you, my boyfriend, right now. 421 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,900 And I just happen to be... right outside your building. 422 00:17:08,967 --> 00:17:11,300 Come on, Lincoln. 423 00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:13,767 Sorry, Ilana, I can't let you in. 424 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:14,867 I'm a dad now. 425 00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:16,267 Sticky's health is my first priority. 426 00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:18,367 You named her? Yeah, Sticky. 427 00:17:18,433 --> 00:17:20,833 Like sticky rice. Sticky rice. 428 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,833 It's my favorite type of rice. That's so cute it hurts. 429 00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:25,767 Listen, I'm sorry I can't help, Ilana. 430 00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:28,900 I'll call you tomorrow. Good luck. Love you. 431 00:17:30,167 --> 00:17:33,300 I just wanna smush you and eat you up! 432 00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:35,833 Ugh, I'm turning into my mother. 433 00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:38,233 (Massouma) Bodegas save lives. 434 00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:40,233 Me and my family, we take that responsibility 435 00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:43,167 like, really seriously, and we have a permit, 436 00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:44,267 We know our Second Amendment rights. 437 00:17:44,333 --> 00:17:46,300 Right, Second Amendment. 438 00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:49,200 That's the gun one. I mean, I was born here, 439 00:17:49,267 --> 00:17:51,233 but I helped my parents study for their citizenship. 440 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:54,300 Wow. So I know the Constitution like the back of my hand. 441 00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:56,567 Yeah, no, me too. 442 00:17:56,633 --> 00:17:59,767 I know it like the back of, like... 443 00:17:59,833 --> 00:18:01,100 my foot. 444 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,367 Never forget it. 445 00:18:02,433 --> 00:18:04,367 'Cause I'm from Philadelphia. 446 00:18:04,433 --> 00:18:05,567 Well, I'm from the suburbs of Philadelphia. 447 00:18:05,633 --> 00:18:07,567 But, like, it's, like, 40 minutes tops 448 00:18:07,633 --> 00:18:09,633 to the Founding Fathers. 449 00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:11,300 Crackin' that bell, right? 450 00:18:11,367 --> 00:18:14,867 Liberty! Ding-dong... 451 00:18:14,933 --> 00:18:16,900 Well, what I'm really looking forward to 452 00:18:16,967 --> 00:18:19,267 is the 26th Amendment because then I'll actually 453 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,767 get to be part of the conversation, you know? 454 00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:24,700 Totally. Conversation Amendment. 455 00:18:24,767 --> 00:18:26,100 Yeah. 456 00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:28,567 Massouma, I'm sorry that I did not know your name. 457 00:18:28,633 --> 00:18:30,367 I know it now. It was just, like, 458 00:18:30,433 --> 00:18:31,867 we passed a certain point, 459 00:18:31,933 --> 00:18:34,167 and then I couldn't ask, you know? 460 00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:35,967 I may be a dumb, white bitch, 461 00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:37,967 but I'm not that dumb. 462 00:18:38,067 --> 00:18:40,733 And really, really, I'm not a bitch. 463 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,567 (chuckles) (bell ringing) 464 00:18:42,633 --> 00:18:45,233 Hey. Ilana, how did you know that I was here? 465 00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:46,500 Massouma texted me. 466 00:18:46,567 --> 00:18:48,600 You-- you have her number? 467 00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:49,767 Oh, yeah, we go way back. 468 00:18:49,833 --> 00:18:51,500 Do you wanna come inside? 469 00:18:51,567 --> 00:18:53,300 I can't. 470 00:18:53,367 --> 00:18:55,433 I have... bed bugs. 471 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,067 What? (gun cocks) 472 00:18:57,133 --> 00:18:59,167 Jeez, Massouma. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 473 00:18:59,233 --> 00:19:01,833 I'm kidding. (laughs) That's not funny, dude. 474 00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:04,167 Oh, my-- Abbi, could I come over, dude? 475 00:19:04,233 --> 00:19:06,300 Everyone else has turned me away. 476 00:19:06,367 --> 00:19:09,200 Of course you can come over. You're my best friend. 477 00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:12,567 I mean, I guess this makes me a real New Yorker now. 478 00:19:12,633 --> 00:19:13,900 I mean, he had a gun. 479 00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:16,633 And then, he's ragging on me about my balance? 480 00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:19,100 I'm like, "You're mugging me, bitch." 481 00:19:19,167 --> 00:19:20,633 What a bitch. 482 00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:24,900 That's a real garbage person. Totally. 483 00:19:24,967 --> 00:19:26,100 Thanks again for having me over. 484 00:19:26,167 --> 00:19:28,067 Of course, obviously. 485 00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:35,867 And that, my friend, is how you 'belt it. 486 00:19:35,933 --> 00:19:37,067 You are a retail queen. 487 00:19:37,133 --> 00:19:38,600 Livin' in it. 488 00:19:38,667 --> 00:19:40,200 Abbi Abrams, Anthro gal. 489 00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:42,200 I do really have a good feeling about this. 490 00:19:42,267 --> 00:19:44,067 Even though the bag was taken-- 491 00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:46,467 Don't! Which I'm really sorry about. 492 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:49,633 I am so glad that it came in our lives 493 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:51,067 for such a brief... 494 00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:53,067 but the purpose it served, you know, 495 00:19:53,133 --> 00:19:55,333 I love that the bag was stolen! 496 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,333 I love it! And you don't have to 497 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,267 get stuff so crazy, that was a lot. 498 00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:01,200 It's a lot. It was, like, a lot of money. 499 00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,333 $1,300. What? 500 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,333 ** 501 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,333 Abbi, you look great. 502 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,067 We're so excited to have you on board. 503 00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:11,167 Oh, I'm so excited to be part of the team. 504 00:20:11,233 --> 00:20:13,600 I mean, this is such a great place to work. 505 00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:16,400 I've been looking for something like this. 506 00:20:16,467 --> 00:20:17,833 So I know it's my first day, 507 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:19,533 but I took the liberty of doing some sketches 508 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,133 of some potential window displays, 509 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,833 pulled some fabrics, and I think that you're 510 00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:26,800 gonna be extremely impressed. 511 00:20:26,867 --> 00:20:28,900 You can put that on. Okay, 512 00:20:28,967 --> 00:20:31,600 This is... oh, okay. 513 00:20:31,667 --> 00:20:34,067 Is this, like, a new team look or something? 514 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,300 It seems a little big. 515 00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:37,067 And here's your walkie. Okay. 516 00:20:37,133 --> 00:20:39,067 Basically, Sunil is your go-to guy 517 00:20:39,133 --> 00:20:41,000 for any security questions you have. 518 00:20:41,067 --> 00:20:42,633 You're gonna kill it, Abbi. 519 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,300 You rock. 520 00:20:45,933 --> 00:20:48,000 Welcome to the Command Center. 521 00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:54,100 (radio crackling) Abbi, you okay? 522 00:20:54,167 --> 00:20:58,300 (radio crackling) Yeah, uh, all's clear at the west door. 523 00:20:58,367 --> 00:21:02,367 (radio crackling) Do the thing. 524 00:21:02,433 --> 00:21:03,733 (radio crackling) Abbi out. 525 00:21:13,667 --> 00:21:15,900 You ever consider sex work? 526 00:21:15,967 --> 00:21:18,200 Like, maybe, like small stuff. 527 00:21:18,267 --> 00:21:20,133 Hand jobs. Would they have to see 528 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,167 anything other than my hand? 529 00:21:21,233 --> 00:21:23,267 No. I would do that 530 00:21:23,333 --> 00:21:24,733 if it was just my hand. 531 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,867 Let me get back to you. Let me get back to you.