1
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,667
("Fuerza" by Tony Quattro
playing)

2
00:00:18,867 --> 00:00:20,400
(grunts)

3
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:22,967
(crashes to floor)

4
00:00:24,467 --> 00:00:25,900
You don't have
to take that down.

5
00:00:25,967 --> 00:00:27,733
She'll think it's, like, a kooky
necklace holder or something.

6
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,067
She'll never think
it's a dildo.

7
00:00:29,133 --> 00:00:30,600
Oof, that hurts my heart.

8
00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:32,233
Yeah.

9
00:00:35,567 --> 00:00:37,567
(sniffs)

10
00:00:43,767 --> 00:00:46,600
I feel like she's gonna
know that you made it.

11
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:47,600
Why?

12
00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:49,300
Just 'cause
I don't call my mom

13
00:00:49,367 --> 00:00:50,667
"Abbi's Mom."

14
00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:52,833
(loud sigh)

15
00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:55,267
* Four and three
and two and one-one *

16
00:00:55,333 --> 00:00:57,433
**

17
00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:02,067
And then we're gonna
do frozen hot chocolate.

18
00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:03,100
Cool.
And then after that,

19
00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:04,600
we're going to visit
Santa at Macy's...

20
00:01:04,667 --> 00:01:06,067
Totally.
And then top it all off

21
00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:08,867
with a fancy dinner
at Sushi Mambeaux!

22
00:01:08,933 --> 00:01:10,200
That's a lot of stuff.

23
00:01:10,267 --> 00:01:11,933
I like to keep it light
and fun with my mom.

24
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,300
I mean, she's kind
of conservative.

25
00:01:13,367 --> 00:01:16,067
So, I appreciate you
cutting the cheese.

26
00:01:16,067 --> 00:01:18,067
(laughing)

27
00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:19,467
Cut the cheese, shit!

28
00:01:19,533 --> 00:01:22,233
I haven't said that
since, like, 1997.

29
00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:24,100
(click, shimmering sound)

30
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:27,700
Oh! Whoa! Yes,
oh, my God!

31
00:01:27,767 --> 00:01:29,333
Thank God,
I'm so sorry about that.

32
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,933
Whoo! Okay.

33
00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:33,067
Back, baby, I'm back!

34
00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:34,567
(laughs)

35
00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:36,967
Yeah, but cut
the cheese is excellent.

36
00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:39,333
Thank science
for SAD lamps.

37
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,267
Why don't they just
call them happy lamps

38
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:42,367
'cause, like, sad lamps

39
00:01:42,433 --> 00:01:44,267
sounds so...

40
00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:45,533
sad.

41
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:46,833
Oh, it's not,
like, "sad".

42
00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:49,467
It stands for "Seasonal
Affective Disorder,"

43
00:01:49,533 --> 00:01:51,767
which indicates the annual
cycle of depression

44
00:01:51,833 --> 00:01:54,333
that I and others
like me experience

45
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,333
every winter, all winter.

46
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,300
(chuckling)
And fall.

47
00:01:59,367 --> 00:02:01,167
And, like, uh...

48
00:02:01,233 --> 00:02:02,400
the end of summer too.

49
00:02:02,467 --> 00:02:04,400
It's that sadness.

50
00:02:04,467 --> 00:02:06,333
You know, that chews us up
and spits us out

51
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:07,600
into the black abyss.
Okay...

52
00:02:07,667 --> 00:02:09,067
(shimmering sound)
Okay, here we go.

53
00:02:09,067 --> 00:02:10,100
Okay.
Oh, wow!

54
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,967
There we go.
(laughing)

55
00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:13,633
Up and down...
Yeah.

56
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,900
Juicing up,
uh, unh, ah!

57
00:02:16,967 --> 00:02:19,467
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
Oh, yeah.

58
00:02:19,533 --> 00:02:21,100
Whoo!
You know, Ilana,

59
00:02:21,167 --> 00:02:23,333
maybe you just increase
your medication?

60
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,467
No, no, no,
I don't need to do that.

61
00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:28,367
'Cause I have been steadily
decreasing my dosage

62
00:02:28,433 --> 00:02:30,100
of antidepressants
for two years.

63
00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:33,733
And I'm supplementing anyway
with my SAD lamp, happy lamp!

64
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,200
(laughing)

65
00:02:35,267 --> 00:02:36,367
Remember that?!

66
00:02:36,433 --> 00:02:37,867
And it is working
like a charm.

67
00:02:37,933 --> 00:02:39,267
Yeah, seems
like it's working.

68
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:40,533
Well...

69
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,133
(singing cheerily)

70
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,067
She'll be okay.

71
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:47,100
**

72
00:02:49,267 --> 00:02:50,367
(knock on door)

73
00:02:50,433 --> 00:02:52,633
Okay... (clears throat)

74
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,900
Yay!
Yay!

75
00:02:57,967 --> 00:02:59,700
Mom!
Abbi!

76
00:02:59,767 --> 00:03:02,467
My little
garbage pail girl!

77
00:03:02,533 --> 00:03:03,833
Okay, it was
just a phase.

78
00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:05,067
(laughing)

79
00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:06,067
For a couple years.

80
00:03:06,133 --> 00:03:08,133
Oh, gosh, everything
looks so clean.

81
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:09,867
Yeah.

82
00:03:09,933 --> 00:03:12,433
(Abbi)
It's basically just
some glue, toothpicks.

83
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:13,900
And I just did little
designs 'cause I wanted you

84
00:03:13,967 --> 00:03:16,067
to see what kinds
of cheeses that it was.

85
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:19,133
It's not a big deal.
It's a very big deal.

86
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,967
You are so creative.

87
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:24,067
I'm so proud of you,
living as an artist

88
00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:27,533
in your perfect apartment
in the big city.

89
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,067
So, what are we
gonna do today?

90
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:33,800
Well, you know, I would love
to take you to my studio space.

91
00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:37,767
Uh, but I'm actually
renting it out, so...

92
00:03:37,833 --> 00:03:40,500
...phie is the name
of the artist

93
00:03:40,567 --> 00:03:41,967
that I'm renting it to, Sophie.

94
00:03:42,067 --> 00:03:44,067
She is just, like,
she's super funky.

95
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:46,067
Abbi, we need to be
honest with each other.

96
00:03:46,067 --> 00:03:48,200
Yeah, you know what, she's not,
she's not that funky.

97
00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:50,067
She's, like, a pretty
mainstream artist.
Abbi, stop.

98
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:52,667
I meant me.
I need to be honest with you.

99
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,233
Okay.

100
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:57,767
I had a lump
in my breast.

101
00:03:57,833 --> 00:03:58,733
A big one.

102
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,200
Mom, what?
No, but it's benign.

103
00:04:00,267 --> 00:04:03,467
If I had cancer,
I would let you know.

104
00:04:03,533 --> 00:04:05,433
But I didn't
wanna worry you.

105
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:09,467
Um... okay, I mean,
I guess I understand that.

106
00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:12,933
This is so upsetting, like,
you had to go through all this.
No, it's not upsetting.

107
00:04:13,067 --> 00:04:16,067
It's good because
it made me realize

108
00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:19,067
all the things
I still wanna do.

109
00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:21,867
I've never, um,
had a martini.

110
00:04:21,933 --> 00:04:24,600
I never went to
a play at night.

111
00:04:24,667 --> 00:04:26,067
Matinees.
I've never had

112
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:29,567
a pineapple barbecue
pizza thing from Hawaii.

113
00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:31,167
I've never gone
without underwear.

114
00:04:31,233 --> 00:04:34,567
I wanna wear clothes
meant for black women.

115
00:04:34,633 --> 00:04:35,900
That's an interesting one.

116
00:04:35,967 --> 00:04:39,667
And I would really
love to have one, like,

117
00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:42,200
naughty girls'
night out with you.

118
00:04:42,267 --> 00:04:43,367
Could we do that?

119
00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:44,867
Yeah.

120
00:04:44,933 --> 00:04:46,700
(Bevers)
Did you call me?!

121
00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:48,533
Bevers!
No! What?

122
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:49,833
Oh, shh, uh...

123
00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:51,767
Bevers, Jesus!
Okay, wow.

124
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,933
Sorry, I thought
you called me.

125
00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:55,967
When do I ever
call you?

126
00:04:56,067 --> 00:04:59,500
Anyway... who's this
lovely creature?

127
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:01,733
Well, I'm Joanne.

128
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,700
Joanne?
I'm Matthew.

129
00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:07,300
Or Abbi's mom is how you
should introduce yourself.

130
00:05:08,467 --> 00:05:10,367
Uh, ugh--

131
00:05:10,433 --> 00:05:13,367
Okay, Bevers, just
if you could put clothes on

132
00:05:13,433 --> 00:05:15,733
or stay in your room.

133
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,867
Joanne, until next time.

134
00:05:18,933 --> 00:05:21,067
Oh, well...
Okay.

135
00:05:21,133 --> 00:05:22,233
(chuckling)

136
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:24,100
Yes, until next time.

137
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:25,267
Your scarf.

138
00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:27,800
Thanks.

139
00:05:27,867 --> 00:05:30,133
(Joanne)
Cute.
Mom?

140
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,667
Furry little bear.

141
00:05:31,733 --> 00:05:33,633
(horn honks)

142
00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:38,133
Bonjour!
Listen up, hunties.

143
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,600
It's that time of year.

144
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:41,767
Spring cleaning.

145
00:05:41,833 --> 00:05:43,833
Come on, Marcel, please!

146
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,067
What do you mean,
spring cleaning?

147
00:05:45,067 --> 00:05:48,200
Well, I know we normally
pool out tips.

148
00:05:48,267 --> 00:05:52,467
But tonight,
it's winner takes all.

149
00:05:52,533 --> 00:05:56,400
As in she who
makes the most tips

150
00:05:56,467 --> 00:05:59,100
gets all the damn tips.

151
00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:02,100
And whoever makes
the least amount of tips,

152
00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:04,400
your ass will be fired.
(gasps)

153
00:06:04,467 --> 00:06:06,433
I owe so much money
to so many bad people.

154
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,500
I'll need two weeks
because I have to relocate.

155
00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:12,267
You are all enemies now.

156
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:15,333
That's all.

157
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,600
**

158
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:24,667
Have you guys ever fallen asleep
here and just spent the night?

159
00:06:24,733 --> 00:06:26,200
If you ever have to,

160
00:06:26,267 --> 00:06:29,367
it's surprisingly
not soul crushing.

161
00:06:29,433 --> 00:06:31,833
(Abbi)
You know what would
be really nuts?

162
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:34,733
I was thinking maybe
we could split an app

163
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,567
or, like, get
a charcuterie plate.

164
00:06:36,633 --> 00:06:41,600
But I don't think we need
to do anything too... crazy.

165
00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:45,700
The dress.

166
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,800
(switch clicks,
shimmering sound)
Oh!

167
00:06:51,467 --> 00:06:52,900
Whoo!

168
00:06:52,967 --> 00:06:55,067
Unh!

169
00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:56,567
Okay.

170
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,733
Mwah.

171
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,067
**

172
00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:02,400
Bada boom, Marcel.
(sniffing)

173
00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:04,367
Smells like a winning
kind of night, baby!

174
00:07:04,433 --> 00:07:07,367
I'm glad you think so,
tiny tits.
(laughs)

175
00:07:07,433 --> 00:07:10,067
Oh, and here is my best friend
and her mother.

176
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:11,367
They are my lucky
charms this evening.

177
00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:14,433
Well, keep 'em close.
You're gonna need 'em.

178
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,867
Hmm.

179
00:07:16,933 --> 00:07:18,333
There's my favorite ass.

180
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,167
Joanne?
Oh.

181
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:21,567
Look at you, Joanne.

182
00:07:21,633 --> 00:07:24,167
Oh, my goodness.
Hey, pretty girl.

183
00:07:24,233 --> 00:07:27,267
Wow, Mama,
you look so hot.

184
00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,533
Your body
is amazing, dude!

185
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,367
Really?
You are an AMILF,

186
00:07:31,433 --> 00:07:32,333
Abbi's mom,
I'd like to--

187
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:33,700
Friend!
Oh.

188
00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:34,600
Friend!

189
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:35,567
Yeah, friends.
Friends.

190
00:07:35,633 --> 00:07:36,867
We're just friends.
Yeah.

191
00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:38,400
Well, let me take you to
your table before I, uh,

192
00:07:38,467 --> 00:07:39,567
do something
really weird.

193
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,133
(Abbi)
Better get to the table.

194
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,500
("Dans La Radio"
by Jacques playing)

195
00:07:44,733 --> 00:07:47,067
It has a subtle balance
of foie gras and seaweed.

196
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,567
That's it.
Okay.

197
00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:51,700
Any questions?
Um, oh.

198
00:07:51,767 --> 00:07:54,667
Joanne?
What is good
to drink here?

199
00:07:54,733 --> 00:07:58,433
Oh, um, there's, uh,
an espresso matcha tea,

200
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:00,067
if you wanna get
a little buzzy.

201
00:08:00,133 --> 00:08:01,400
What is that?

202
00:08:01,467 --> 00:08:03,533
Oh, this is, uh,
the Mambeaux-Tini.

203
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:04,967
It's our signature cocktail.

204
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,067
It has alcohol in it.

205
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,200
Mom, do you
wanna get those?

206
00:08:09,267 --> 00:08:10,367
Okay.

207
00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:11,533
Oh, my God!

208
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,367
(singsong)
Bad girls! Yeow!

209
00:08:14,433 --> 00:08:16,067
Let's do shots.

210
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:18,667
I have never done that.

211
00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:19,500
(Ilana laughs)

212
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,833
(Abbi)
Um...

213
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,500
Okay, yeah,
let's do shots, I guess.

214
00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:27,667
* Talkin' 'bout them
bad, bad, girls whoo *

215
00:08:27,733 --> 00:08:31,333
These are our infamous
sake-rosé shots.

216
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:32,767
I'll be back
in a little bit.

217
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,533
(clears throat)
Well, you know,

218
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,067
I don't think I've had

219
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,367
hard liquor s...

220
00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:42,700
Well, since I got
pregnant with you.

221
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:46,567
Wow.

222
00:08:46,633 --> 00:08:48,867
Okay, well,
let's do it, right?

223
00:08:48,933 --> 00:08:50,067
Yeah.

224
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,567
Mmm.

225
00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:56,600
Did you finish it?

226
00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:58,933
Why do people do this?

227
00:08:59,067 --> 00:09:00,933
I don't think
anyone knows.

228
00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:02,433
It's a mystery.

229
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,367
Let's do another one.

230
00:09:04,433 --> 00:09:06,067
Uh, okay.

231
00:09:08,067 --> 00:09:09,633
Our signature sushi fondue.

232
00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:13,533
And for the blonde pixie spirit,
a pork belly hand roll to start.

233
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,600
Ooh.
Ooh.

234
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,600
Well, uh, you all look
like you have money to burn

235
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,133
and machismo to measure.

236
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:27,233
So, let me let you know about
our award-winning caviar.

237
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,433
Let's just say they eat Sushi
Mambeaux caviar in Michelin!

238
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,867
(laughing)

239
00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:37,367
(exhales)

240
00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:38,533
Fuck.

241
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,233
(Ilana)
All winter... (chuckling)

242
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,933
And fall.
The end of summer too.

243
00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:44,067
(voice echoing)
You know, I never tried it,

244
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:45,633
the caviar, obviously.

245
00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:51,300
We're only allowed to eat
family-style meals around here.

246
00:09:51,367 --> 00:09:52,867
You know, move.

247
00:09:52,933 --> 00:09:57,867
It's, like, uh, pigs
eating slop out of a trough

248
00:09:57,933 --> 00:09:59,133
at a country fair.

249
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,467
(scoffs, plate sliding)

250
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,733
Being measured
for our weight in bacon.

251
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:07,567
Hm.

252
00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:11,300
Oh, God.

253
00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:13,300
Please work, please work.

254
00:10:13,367 --> 00:10:14,833
(click, shimmering sound)
Please work.

255
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:16,333
Please work.

256
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,300
Please work,
please work, please--
(knock on door)

257
00:10:19,367 --> 00:10:22,067
(Abbi)
Ilana?
Abigail?

258
00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:23,633
Jesus.

259
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,433
Dude, is this as bright
as it was before?

260
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,600
I'm not feeling it!

261
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:27,967
Uh, it's pretty
fucking bright.

262
00:10:28,033 --> 00:10:29,333
It's just not
doing it for me, man.

263
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,400
I can't get
the juice.

264
00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:32,000
What about...

265
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,800
Oh, yeah.

266
00:10:36,867 --> 00:10:38,267
Oh, keep 'er coming.

267
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,767
Oh, my God,
that is amazing.

268
00:10:40,833 --> 00:10:42,400
Jeez!

269
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,033
Oh, that's good.

270
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,300
Ass of an angel.

271
00:10:45,367 --> 00:10:47,133
Mind of mental health
MacGyver!

272
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,667
Thank you! Oh!

273
00:10:48,733 --> 00:10:50,400
That was incredible,
I'm good.

274
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:51,900
Awesome, great.
What's up?
You wanna get weird?

275
00:10:51,967 --> 00:10:55,667
Okay, no, listen, my mom,
like, apparently had a lump

276
00:10:55,733 --> 00:10:57,700
in her breast, and
she didn't tell me about it.

277
00:10:57,767 --> 00:10:59,067
It's fine now,
it's fine.

278
00:10:59,133 --> 00:11:01,067
But, like, it really
scared the shit out of me.

279
00:11:01,067 --> 00:11:02,300
And so tonight
she wants to have, like,

280
00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:04,500
a fun night, like,
a really fun night.

281
00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:06,500
She wants more than that.
The blue dress?

282
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:08,067
Talk about lumps, girl.

283
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,467
I know, I didn't ever
think my mom was hot?!

284
00:11:10,533 --> 00:11:12,067
I did.

285
00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,300
Cool.

286
00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:16,067
I know, I have a timeless
classic for you.

287
00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:17,833
Y'amagine?

288
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:19,067
**

289
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,133
You really know your way
around that stuff, huh?

290
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,833
Not really.

291
00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:30,233
(laughing)

292
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:33,233
Okay, I smoke,
like, sometimes.

293
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:35,500
All right, I smoke...
I smoke a lot.

294
00:11:35,567 --> 00:11:36,700
(laughing)

295
00:11:36,767 --> 00:11:38,633
Okay, are you ready?
Okay.

296
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,967
I'm gonna light it,
and you're gonna take a gasp

297
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,133
like Dad asked you
to get back together.

298
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,933
(coughing)
Not I think about
that at night.

299
00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:47,133
(coughing)
Okay? Are you okay?
Are you okay?

300
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,400
(laughing)

301
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,900
Whoa.

302
00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:54,467
Whoa.

303
00:11:54,533 --> 00:11:56,567
My head feels
like a balloon.

304
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,400
Like one of those
allergy commercials.

305
00:11:58,467 --> 00:11:59,533
(sniffs)

306
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,800
Mom, you're high.
(laughing)

307
00:12:02,867 --> 00:12:05,100
You know who else I think
smokes a lot of this?

308
00:12:05,167 --> 00:12:06,467
Who?

309
00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:07,600
Charlie Rose.

310
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:08,933
Oh, my God.

311
00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:12,167
That voice and the way
he shoots the show

312
00:12:12,233 --> 00:12:13,700
like he's
in a black hole.

313
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,167
Yeah, there's no walls.

314
00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:16,967
Right.
It's just table.

315
00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:19,933
God, I would not
wanna fuck him.

316
00:12:20,067 --> 00:12:21,500
(laughing)

317
00:12:21,567 --> 00:12:24,400
Dude, I don't think
I've ever heard

318
00:12:24,467 --> 00:12:26,467
you say fuck
like that before.

319
00:12:26,533 --> 00:12:28,233
Well, there it is.

320
00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:31,100
(laughing)

321
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,733
It's so funny for you
to call me a dude.

322
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,333
Well, not,
like, a dude.

323
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,433
Just, like, dude.

324
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:38,867
Like, anyone
can be a dude.

325
00:12:38,933 --> 00:12:40,867
It's just like
a friend thing.

326
00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:45,933
Aww... Well, then,
cool... dude.

327
00:12:46,067 --> 00:12:47,433
Cool.

328
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,900
You're getting good.

329
00:12:49,967 --> 00:12:52,233
I feel like that's good.
I feel like it's good to start.

330
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:54,300
I'll just do one more
on our way back in.
Okay.

331
00:12:54,367 --> 00:12:56,567
(shimmering sound)
Juicing, juicing, juicing.

332
00:12:56,633 --> 00:12:59,267
(exhaling)

333
00:12:59,333 --> 00:13:00,867
* Work *

334
00:13:00,933 --> 00:13:01,867
**

335
00:13:01,933 --> 00:13:03,400
* Work your shit out... *

336
00:13:03,467 --> 00:13:04,600
(cash register dings)

337
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:06,967
* One, two, three *

338
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:09,633
(all)
Mambeaux-Tini!

339
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:12,067
* Work your shit out... *

340
00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:13,233
Ooh.

341
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:15,400
* Oh, girl *

342
00:13:15,467 --> 00:13:17,600
* Better work,
work, work, work *
(cash register dinging)

343
00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:19,367
* Work your shit *

344
00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:22,067
(echoing)
* Out... **

345
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,300
(exhales)

346
00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:25,133
(voice echoing)
Let me tell you something.

347
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,533
Life is trash.

348
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,167
(long sigh)

349
00:13:32,267 --> 00:13:33,967
(silverware clanking)

350
00:13:36,433 --> 00:13:38,633
**

351
00:13:41,367 --> 00:13:43,233
Move! Go!

352
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,933
Out of my way!

353
00:13:50,067 --> 00:13:51,167
Ugh!

354
00:13:52,333 --> 00:13:54,067
(crunching)

355
00:13:56,767 --> 00:13:57,867
It just tastes better.

356
00:13:57,933 --> 00:14:01,067
Like, stuff just
tastes better, right?

357
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,200
I'm pot.

358
00:14:02,267 --> 00:14:03,567
(snorts, laughs)

359
00:14:03,633 --> 00:14:05,667
(suppressed laughter)

360
00:14:15,633 --> 00:14:17,933
Oh, my God.

361
00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:19,100
Abbi...

362
00:14:19,167 --> 00:14:20,933
Oh, jeez.

363
00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:23,100
What?

364
00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:25,600
I just wanna ask
you a question.

365
00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:28,333
Okay.

366
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:29,667
How many men
have you slept with?

367
00:14:29,733 --> 00:14:32,600
Whoa, okay, um...

368
00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:34,367
I don't know
if I wanna, like...

369
00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:36,067
It's just,
like, a lot to--
No, no, I'm just curious.

370
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:40,167
I don't-- have no idea what
people do these days.

371
00:14:40,233 --> 00:14:42,233
Fuck, okay.

372
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:46,367
We're being honest.

373
00:14:46,433 --> 00:14:49,067
I'm just gonna...
gonna do it.

374
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:51,633
We're gonna go there and
we're gonna do it right now.

375
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:52,633
32.

376
00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:55,567
Jesus (bleep) Christ.

377
00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,400
Wow.

378
00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:59,367
Wow, I have had three.

379
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:00,967
I've slept with three.

380
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,967
My whole life, 55 years.

381
00:15:03,067 --> 00:15:05,067
Paul Kafferty,
my first boyfriend

382
00:15:05,067 --> 00:15:07,067
who I think
was gay anyway.

383
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,433
Your father.

384
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:10,767
And now Neil.
Okay.

385
00:15:10,833 --> 00:15:12,667
My "husband," Neil.

386
00:15:12,733 --> 00:15:14,067
You are married.

387
00:15:14,133 --> 00:15:16,533
Well, we haven't made
love in over a month.

388
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,500
And if we're being honest,
it's more like making like.

389
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:21,433
And...

390
00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:28,067
I just wish I would've
fucked up a little more.

391
00:15:28,133 --> 00:15:30,500
I wish I would've
fucked a little more.

392
00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:31,833
Oh.

393
00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:34,733
You know, I never
had sex with...

394
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,467
with a man who didn't
speak English.

395
00:15:37,533 --> 00:15:40,067
Not even an ESL guy.

396
00:15:40,133 --> 00:15:43,067
You know, I've never
even had anal sex.

397
00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:44,900
I mean,
not even a finger.

398
00:15:44,967 --> 00:15:47,067
I mean, it's not really
something you can ask for.

399
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,200
Well, you just have to
actually just ask for it.

400
00:15:49,267 --> 00:15:53,567
(quiet sobbing)
Oh, Mom, it's okay.

401
00:15:53,633 --> 00:15:54,733
Abbi, it's not ok--
I understand.

402
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,533
No, it's fine, it's okay.

403
00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:01,167
Last week, I penetrated myself
with a bottle of cough syrup.

404
00:16:01,233 --> 00:16:02,933
Okay.

405
00:16:04,533 --> 00:16:06,400
Get out of the way!

406
00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:08,367
(shimmering sound)

407
00:16:08,433 --> 00:16:09,533
(loud moaning)

408
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:10,933
Come on, uh!

409
00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:13,500
Ilana, it's me.
Um...

410
00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:15,067
Dude, your tinfoil is broke!

411
00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:17,400
Okay, uh, dude, my mom
just told me she's, like,

412
00:16:17,467 --> 00:16:19,600
really sexually frustrated
and that she fucked

413
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:21,700
a bottle of cough
syrup last week.

414
00:16:21,767 --> 00:16:23,067
(voice echoing)
I'm, like, I don't know

415
00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:25,067
if I can, like,
handle this level of honesty.

416
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:26,067
I'm, like, is this
what being an adult is

417
00:16:26,133 --> 00:16:27,633
'cause this is terrifying.

418
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:30,067
Wait, are you,
are you okay?
That is really, really...

419
00:16:30,067 --> 00:16:31,833
Really, really sad.
Are you all right? Okay.

420
00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:34,067
That is so sad.

421
00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:36,333
Okay, dude, dude, dude,
what do you need from me?

422
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:37,500
Okay, what do you need?

423
00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:38,733
Bulbs.
Bulbs?

424
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,800
Top shelf.
Okay.

425
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,867
Oh, that is some
pathetic shit.

426
00:16:42,933 --> 00:16:44,067
Okay, found 'em, dude.

427
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:47,100
Okay, give me ten...
thousand watts.

428
00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:50,767
Okay, I got it!
Hang on, dude, here we go!

429
00:16:50,833 --> 00:16:53,600
(grunts)
Okay.

430
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,467
(click,
light powering up)

431
00:16:55,533 --> 00:16:57,167
(shimmering sound)
Ahh!

432
00:16:57,233 --> 00:17:00,433
Oh! Okay,
here we go.

433
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:02,733
O-M-G!

434
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,067
Serotonin rising.

435
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:08,933
Dopamine flowing! Yes! Oh!

436
00:17:09,067 --> 00:17:11,300
It's working, dude,
it's working.

437
00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:13,500
Oh, that's so good.

438
00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:14,900
Oh!

439
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,467
Mm. It's working.

440
00:17:16,533 --> 00:17:18,767
God, that's f--

441
00:17:18,833 --> 00:17:20,167
Fuck!

442
00:17:20,233 --> 00:17:21,533
(patrons groaning)
(Ilana)
It's all good,

443
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:22,700
just be right back on.

444
00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:25,633
(Joanne screams)
Whoo! 32!

445
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:28,167
My daughter fucked 32 guys.

446
00:17:28,233 --> 00:17:29,667
Oh, my God.
Oh, God, no,
please, no.

447
00:17:29,733 --> 00:17:33,933
I'm pot!

448
00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:35,200
(shouting over each other)

449
00:17:35,267 --> 00:17:36,367
(screaming)

450
00:17:36,433 --> 00:17:38,133
(patrons gasping)

451
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,267
Oh.

452
00:17:39,333 --> 00:17:41,100
I'm in so
much trouble.

453
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,300
Look, I don't know what kind
of Strong Island honkies

454
00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:48,200
you brought up in here,
Other Tonya,

455
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:52,500
but this is not Billy Joel's
go-to Dave and Buster's, okay?

456
00:17:52,567 --> 00:17:54,733
I'm, I'm sorry, Marcel.

457
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,900
I wasn't on top of it,
and I just... don't care.

458
00:17:57,967 --> 00:18:01,500
I'm feeling really
depressed from the winter,

459
00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:04,800
and I'm just... numb.

460
00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:06,100
Do what you gotta do.

461
00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:07,800
I honestly
don't give a shit.

462
00:18:07,867 --> 00:18:09,167
You should fire me.

463
00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:10,233
Oh, okay, you play--

464
00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:11,600
You playin' me right now,
ain't you?

465
00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,767
Marcel, seriously.
Take my tips.

466
00:18:13,833 --> 00:18:15,933
Do whatever you gotta do.
Oh, please, man,

467
00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:18,733
you are a--
you are a career hustler.

468
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,867
Whatever it is you're doing
is working on me.

469
00:18:21,933 --> 00:18:23,667
You know what?
I want you to pick fuck me.

470
00:18:23,733 --> 00:18:25,300
Get in there.
Go on!

471
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:30,267
Wait a minute?
Are you for real?

472
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:31,900
Mm-hmm.

473
00:18:31,967 --> 00:18:34,800
Fuck it,
I'll fire Owen.

474
00:18:34,867 --> 00:18:36,367
Owen's a terrible waiter.

475
00:18:36,433 --> 00:18:38,700
I don't care about--
He's rich, his family's rich.

476
00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:39,667
He'll be fine.

477
00:18:39,733 --> 00:18:41,733
But this depression shit.

478
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,800
That's, that's
next level bitchy.

479
00:18:43,867 --> 00:18:44,967
I'm kind of digging it.

480
00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:46,967
My dick
is a little bit hard.

481
00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:49,267
I hope you
never get better.

482
00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:52,633
Thanks.

483
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,600
Drama in the alley.

484
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:02,733
Mom! Mom! Oh, my God,
Mom, stop it!

485
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,067
What, Abbi, go!

486
00:19:04,133 --> 00:19:06,167
Are you kidding me right now!
Stop it!

487
00:19:06,233 --> 00:19:08,933
Oh! This slut!
Again?

488
00:19:09,067 --> 00:19:12,233
Ha! He called me
a slut! Yes!

489
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:13,967
I need to go
back to med school.

490
00:19:14,067 --> 00:19:15,300
(sniffs)

491
00:19:15,367 --> 00:19:16,433
And rehab.

492
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:20,967
Owen! Owen!
Owen, you're fired!

493
00:19:21,067 --> 00:19:22,767
Marcel!

494
00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:24,600
I blew you, dude!

495
00:19:24,667 --> 00:19:26,233
And?

496
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:29,167
Fuck this!
I'm out.

497
00:19:29,233 --> 00:19:33,067
I kissed a bisexual man
with tongue.

498
00:19:33,133 --> 00:19:35,267
(Abbi)
Okay, that's great.
You're so good, Joanne.

499
00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:38,433
Sushi Mambeaux.

500
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:42,067
Always celebrating
cultural, fluid exchanges.

501
00:19:42,067 --> 00:19:44,567
(laughing)

502
00:19:44,633 --> 00:19:47,567
Dad?
Ooh!

503
00:19:47,633 --> 00:19:49,367
(scoffs)

504
00:19:49,433 --> 00:19:50,867
Ex-squeeze me?

505
00:19:50,933 --> 00:19:53,233
My mother
is Aisha Johnson.

506
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:54,867
So that--

507
00:19:54,933 --> 00:19:59,067
Yes, you are
my fah... Uh-huh.

508
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,033
Well...

509
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,233
your ass
is fired too.

510
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:05,700
I don't work
with family.

511
00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:07,933
(laughing)

512
00:20:10,467 --> 00:20:12,633
Your ass is fired too!

513
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,233
Dude, you know what?
You were right.

514
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,267
I should just up my
medication in the winter.

515
00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:21,500
You know, I was trying to
decrease for the pure and strong

516
00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:24,667
or something, but that's shame
and stigma right there.

517
00:20:24,733 --> 00:20:27,533
So, I get sick sometimes
and need medicine, who cares?

518
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,000
That's awesome, dude.

519
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:30,167
(Joanne)
I found one.

520
00:20:30,233 --> 00:20:32,533
(Abbi)
Ooh, that's pretty.

521
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:33,900
That is a good one.
It's a good one.

522
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,933
(vibrating)
Whoa. Holy sh...

523
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,267
So, I just wanted
to offer you this Mom Pak.

524
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:40,800
It's really popular
among your demographic.

525
00:20:40,867 --> 00:20:42,700
She doesn't need a Mom Pak.

526
00:20:42,767 --> 00:20:43,867
She's a city girl now.

527
00:20:43,933 --> 00:20:44,867
Oh.

528
00:20:44,933 --> 00:20:46,400
Whatever.

529
00:20:46,467 --> 00:20:48,333
But thank you.

530
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:49,500
Whoa.

531
00:20:49,567 --> 00:20:51,033
You know what this
slut would love?

532
00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:52,200
Okay, let's-- stop
calling her that.

533
00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:53,700
She loves it.
I do.

534
00:20:53,767 --> 00:20:55,400
Okay.

535
00:20:55,467 --> 00:20:56,533
Dat.

536
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,200
(Ilana clicking cheek)
(Abbi)
Yes.

537
00:20:58,267 --> 00:21:00,467
Mom, you're gonna love that.
You deserve the best.

538
00:21:00,533 --> 00:21:02,967
But, um, hand wash it only.

539
00:21:03,067 --> 00:21:04,467
Mm.

540
00:21:04,533 --> 00:21:07,600
Yeah, definitely
just hand... wash it.

541
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,067
* Work your shit out... *

542
00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:19,900
Ooh.

543
00:21:19,967 --> 00:21:21,367
(sighs)

544
00:21:21,433 --> 00:21:23,533
* Better work, work,
work, work *

545
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,200
* Work your shit out... **

546
00:21:27,267 --> 00:21:28,633
Mmm.