1
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,900
Ahh-- maitake.
Dang.

2
00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:12,167
Touch of Himalayan
sea salt.

3
00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:13,967
Himalayan sea salt.

4
00:00:14,033 --> 00:00:15,200
Okay, okay, morels.

5
00:00:15,267 --> 00:00:17,200
Spongy mushroom
in a dark sauce.

6
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,733
So good.
So good.

7
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:19,833
Fennell seeds, please.

8
00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:21,033
Yes.

9
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:22,267
Have you ever heard
of hen of the woods?

10
00:00:22,333 --> 00:00:24,333
Yeah, I've heard
of hen of the woods.

11
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,033
No, I know.
Hen of the woods are

12
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:27,500
literally,
like, what?

13
00:00:27,567 --> 00:00:30,167
Hen of the woods are
literally, like, what?

14
00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:32,067
Exactly.
Oh, portabella.

15
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:34,200
Oh, obvious.
That's, like, durr.

16
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:36,100
Durr.
Well, what are
these ones called?

17
00:00:36,167 --> 00:00:38,433
I think they're
just called shrooms.

18
00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:40,567
Yeah.
Shrooms.

19
00:00:42,967 --> 00:00:44,100
Whew!

20
00:00:44,167 --> 00:00:46,000
(squealing)

21
00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:47,733
So, the fat
in the yogurt

22
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,433
activates the psilocybin
in the mushrooms, however,

23
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:53,833
it slow down digestion,
thus yielding the perfect

24
00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:55,867
stroganina timeline
for today's trip.

25
00:00:55,933 --> 00:00:57,467
All right.
(sighing)

26
00:01:00,733 --> 00:01:01,867
B-R-B, life,

27
00:01:01,933 --> 00:01:04,600
"Hwelcome" to
"hwitch hworld," baby.

28
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,233
I could eat this
every day.

29
00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:11,833
Yeah, it's--
it tastes really good.

30
00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:14,067
Whistle, Tootsie Pop.

31
00:01:14,133 --> 00:01:17,067
Water, charger,
passports,

32
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:18,333
dreamcatcher,
backup dreamcatcher.

33
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,467
So, are you feeling
anything yet?

34
00:01:19,533 --> 00:01:21,300
No. Did you pee?
Um, I did.

35
00:01:21,367 --> 00:01:24,967
Like, in the bathroom.
Not, like, right this minute.

36
00:01:26,867 --> 00:01:28,967
(gasping)

37
00:01:29,067 --> 00:01:30,200
Dude...

38
00:01:30,267 --> 00:01:32,667
are you seeing
what I'm seeing?

39
00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:38,500
The dust ruffle's blowing,

40
00:01:38,567 --> 00:01:42,267
as if in the wind,
but the windows are shut.

41
00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:57,167
(both, echoing)
The dust ruffle's blowing,
as if in the wind,

42
00:01:57,233 --> 00:01:58,433
but the windows are shut!

43
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,767
(voice)
* Four and three and... *

44
00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:06,067
So you are,
like, feeling it?

45
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:07,333
Uh...

46
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,667
(high-pitched)
...yeah.

47
00:02:08,733 --> 00:02:11,233
* Four and three
and two and one-one *

48
00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:13,733
**

49
00:02:15,833 --> 00:02:18,733
Then I realized,
I don't have permanent mono,

50
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,533
I'm just a little allergic
to almond milk.

51
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,667
Can I just say one thing?
Please, say it.

52
00:02:22,733 --> 00:02:24,833
Love is cool.
It's just cool.

53
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:28,067
Love is cool.
It's like the cure.

54
00:02:29,533 --> 00:02:31,833
(whistling, booming)
(Abbi)
Whoa.

55
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:35,467
Wow.
Wow.

56
00:02:35,533 --> 00:02:37,233
I mean, can I just
say one thing?

57
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:38,733
Please, say it.

58
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,667
Sometimes I think
about babies.

59
00:02:40,733 --> 00:02:42,333
I think about it
all the time.

60
00:02:43,367 --> 00:02:45,500
A person pussy-poops
another person.

61
00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:47,367
And then produces milk

62
00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:49,367
to make it grow
to be human-sized?

63
00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:52,100
That's comic book shit.

64
00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:54,067
Moms are literal
superheroes.

65
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:55,800
I mean,
can you imagine

66
00:02:55,867 --> 00:02:59,400
how much love you must feel
when you have a baby?

67
00:02:59,467 --> 00:03:01,300
They have
supa-dupa love,

68
00:03:01,367 --> 00:03:02,733
like that song,

69
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,300
"Supa Duper Love,"
by Joss Stone.

70
00:03:05,367 --> 00:03:07,433
That's the fucking power!

71
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,333
God, we're gonna
be good moms.

72
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,867
Hey, get outta the way.

73
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,067
Is it weird
my nipples are sore?

74
00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:15,533
No, that is
perfectly normal.

75
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,667
Mine are bleeding.
(cat screeching)

76
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,400
(car horn honking)

77
00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:26,067
Did you ever think about
getting a bra for your butt?

78
00:03:26,133 --> 00:03:28,433
(wolf-whistling)
No--
do you think I should?

79
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,133
No way.

80
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,133
Let 'em swang, sister.

81
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,467
Woo!
Woohoo!

82
00:03:33,533 --> 00:03:34,967
Look at 'em go!

83
00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:36,833
That is
a powerful ass.

84
00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:38,667
Feeling it!
(chuckling)

85
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,200
Oh, boy.
Oh, girl.

86
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,933
Tunnels are
so intense.

87
00:03:47,067 --> 00:03:49,267
They're a microcosm
of the whole trip.

88
00:03:49,333 --> 00:03:50,800
A microcosm!

89
00:03:50,867 --> 00:03:53,067
We're okay, we're okay,
take my hand.

90
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:57,067
Oh...

91
00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:59,433
(cawing)

92
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:06,533
(both screaming)

93
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,200
I'm squeezing my core.
I don't know why.

94
00:04:08,267 --> 00:04:11,100
It's watching us!
Oh, my God,
go faster, go faster.

95
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:13,167
(Ilana screaming)

96
00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:19,800
Oh, I love you, man.
I love you too, man.

97
00:04:19,867 --> 00:04:21,867
**

98
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:25,567
Turned out she was
convicted of arson,

99
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,433
but now
she's a Crossfit trainer.

100
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:28,767
Eliot says
she's the best one.

101
00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:31,633
That makes
so much sense...

102
00:04:34,167 --> 00:04:37,167
Whoa.
Did you hear that?

103
00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:39,400
* (different chimes) *

104
00:04:39,467 --> 00:04:40,567
(chimes, cymbal crash)

105
00:04:40,633 --> 00:04:42,200
This is amazing!

106
00:04:42,267 --> 00:04:43,967
* (echoing) *

107
00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:47,233
Oh! Uh! Uh! Uh!

108
00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:49,067
Yeah!

109
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:51,633
Woo! Woo!
Woohoo!

110
00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:54,400
* (ah-oo-gah horn) *

111
00:04:54,467 --> 00:04:56,333
(voice)
Oh, oh!

112
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:57,900
(voice)
Oh, yeah!

113
00:04:57,967 --> 00:05:00,067
Mm, mmm! Mmm!

114
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,633
Ooh, ahh, ahh!

115
00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:05,067
Ahh!
Yass!

116
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,633
Abbi!
Ilana!

117
00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:08,433
Oh, Abbi!
Oh, Ilana!

118
00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:09,933
Abbi!

119
00:05:10,067 --> 00:05:12,867
Abbi!...
(gibberish)

120
00:05:14,367 --> 00:05:16,867
Ilana!
(gibberish)

121
00:05:18,467 --> 00:05:20,067
(car horns honking)

122
00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:23,633
Holy shit,
music is so powerful.

123
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:26,067
Something feels... off.

124
00:05:26,133 --> 00:05:27,433
It is time for us to go.

125
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:30,133
Oh, I feel it, too.
Down here, down here.

126
00:05:32,667 --> 00:05:34,767
(both)
Whoa!

127
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:37,600
(voice)
Look at that. Hi!

128
00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:40,600
Bingo Bronson!
Oh, hi!

129
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,667
Hey, Ilana.
Oh.

130
00:05:43,733 --> 00:05:45,233
(voice)
It's gorgeous.

131
00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:46,633
Gorgeous.

132
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:49,067
Mmm... watermelon.

133
00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:51,433
Love is so cool.

134
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,233
It really is.

135
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:54,900
We should
write that down.

136
00:05:54,967 --> 00:05:56,400
For what?

137
00:05:56,467 --> 00:05:59,367
Sometimes I just feel like
our dynamic is special,

138
00:05:59,433 --> 00:06:00,933
and we should capture it.

139
00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:03,067
I feel like people would
really relate to it.

140
00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:04,100
(thrumming)

141
00:06:04,167 --> 00:06:05,900
Oh, I think
I brought my vibrator.

142
00:06:05,967 --> 00:06:09,367
Dude, maybe
I am changing.

143
00:06:09,433 --> 00:06:11,200
Maybe it's just
your phone.

144
00:06:11,267 --> 00:06:12,933
Oh.

145
00:06:13,067 --> 00:06:13,867
Fuck!

146
00:06:13,933 --> 00:06:15,733
Shit,
Dara needs me tonight!

147
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,533
But it's the weekend!

148
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,100
I know!

149
00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:20,567
Okay, she wrote,

150
00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:22,600
"Abbi, I'm so sorry
to ask you this,

151
00:06:22,667 --> 00:06:24,833
"but I need you
to pick up 100 macarons

152
00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:26,533
"for my wife's birthday

153
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:27,900
and bring them to my house
in the next hour."

154
00:06:27,967 --> 00:06:29,600
What?

155
00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:32,200
Have I been talking
for a long time?

156
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:33,500
No, just,
like, a second.

157
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:35,067
Just finish the text!

158
00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:36,900
"So, I know
it's the weekend..."

159
00:06:36,967 --> 00:06:40,167
...but I really need
this stupid, inedible dessert.

160
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,633
She's French.

161
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:45,700
Reality...
penetrating...

162
00:06:45,767 --> 00:06:47,900
Hold my hand!

163
00:06:47,967 --> 00:06:49,067
Ahh!

164
00:06:49,133 --> 00:06:51,133
(both screaming)

165
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,533
(tongues slurping)

166
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,733
(Abbi)
Thank God we have
these lollipops.

167
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,600
Okay, okay,
You know what?

168
00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:01,500
It's okay.
We're okay.

169
00:07:01,567 --> 00:07:03,667
We're fine,
totally calm

170
00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:05,267
and cool as cucumbers.

171
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:07,200
This doesn't have
to totally change our day.

172
00:07:07,267 --> 00:07:08,467
No, no, it doesn't.

173
00:07:08,533 --> 00:07:11,067
Macarons are
very colorful and vibrant,

174
00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:13,233
and that is good.
Yeah, they are.

175
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,933
I mean, I don't actually
like them, like, flavorwise.

176
00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:18,300
No.
But we'll just go and get
a hundred macarons--

177
00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:20,833
(sighing)
--sneak into Dara's house,
so her wife doesn't find out

178
00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:21,833
that this was
an afterthought.

179
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,667
Easy, so easy--

180
00:07:23,733 --> 00:07:25,100
Mm-hmm.
--and not stressful.

181
00:07:25,167 --> 00:07:28,700
Mm-hmm, we are on a legit
secret mission for love,

182
00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:31,200
and that,
my friend, is cool.

183
00:07:31,267 --> 00:07:33,133
Good call.

184
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,100
That is cool.

185
00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:36,667
Mmm. Totally cool.

186
00:07:36,733 --> 00:07:40,167
Isn't it nuts that
pickles were cucumbers?

187
00:07:40,233 --> 00:07:43,267
They're the trans people
of the vegetable community.

188
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:48,267
* (distorted accordion) *

189
00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:51,933
(both)
Wow...

190
00:07:54,267 --> 00:07:57,600
Oh, my God,
it's beautiful.

191
00:07:57,667 --> 00:07:58,667
The colors...

192
00:07:58,733 --> 00:08:00,333
Macarons taste terrible,

193
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,767
but God,
are they pretty.

194
00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:05,300
Whoa.
Look at him.

195
00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:07,933
Bonjour,
mademoiselle.

196
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,600
Bienvenue a la Boutique
de Macaron.

197
00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:13,133
(speaking French)

198
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,133
Sorry, I only took French
for seven years.

199
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:16,700
I have no idea
what you're saying.

200
00:08:16,767 --> 00:08:18,367
(chuckling)

201
00:08:18,433 --> 00:08:21,200
(speaking French)

202
00:08:23,467 --> 00:08:25,567
I've never been to Paris.

203
00:08:25,633 --> 00:08:28,467
God, it really is
so beautiful.

204
00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:31,667
But French people just want
to make everything, like, fancy.

205
00:08:31,733 --> 00:08:33,267
Like, their fries.

206
00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:36,233
(French accent)
It is like, we all
love ze food.

207
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:39,067
You are not special
because you love ze food.

208
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:41,400
Ilana, you know that being
racist against white people

209
00:08:41,467 --> 00:08:42,733
is still being racist.

210
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:43,900
Eh, I dunno.

211
00:08:43,967 --> 00:08:46,567
(tiny-voiced)
Woohoo! Yay!

212
00:08:46,633 --> 00:08:48,700
Viva la resistance!

213
00:08:48,767 --> 00:08:53,133
Au revoir...
(speaking French)

214
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,533
(speaking French)

215
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,100
Au revoir!

216
00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:01,100
(subway tone)

217
00:09:06,367 --> 00:09:08,733
(whistling, booming)

218
00:09:12,433 --> 00:09:15,900
**

219
00:09:15,967 --> 00:09:17,467
Hey. Come on in,
come on.

220
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,433
Okay, let's set
these bad boys up.

221
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:24,633
Okay.
All right.

222
00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:27,267
You are saving my ass,
Abbi, I owe you one.

223
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,133
There is no reason
why I was not prepared

224
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,167
to do this exact task
on a day such as today.

225
00:09:32,233 --> 00:09:34,467
I should have known
she was gonna want macarons

226
00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:35,800
and not carrot cake.

227
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,333
And she's been hinting
about it all week.

228
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,633
I fucking hate hints.
I never respond to 'em.

229
00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:40,767
Just say what you want.

230
00:09:40,833 --> 00:09:42,933
Totally.
Hints are the worst.

231
00:09:43,067 --> 00:09:44,967
It's like, do you want
to tell me the thing

232
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:46,900
you're trying
to tell me about?

233
00:09:46,967 --> 00:09:49,167
Please just tell me
directly what you want,

234
00:09:49,233 --> 00:09:50,567
'cause then
I'll do the thing.

235
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:54,367
I'll do the damn thing,
I just need a fucking clue.

236
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,767
Thank you,
thank you for helping out.

237
00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:01,467
And please stay.
Eat, drink, mingle.

238
00:10:01,533 --> 00:10:03,433
I'm gonna get my girl.

239
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,433
Okay.

240
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:06,667
(wolf howling)

241
00:10:06,733 --> 00:10:08,933
(wolf whistle)

242
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:12,067
Wow.

243
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:15,067
(chuckling)

244
00:10:15,133 --> 00:10:17,100
So you're in town
just for one more night.

245
00:10:17,167 --> 00:10:21,067
Yeah, with--
Did you meet my partner?

246
00:10:21,133 --> 00:10:22,767
Dean?

247
00:10:23,633 --> 00:10:25,567
I have not.

248
00:10:25,633 --> 00:10:27,267
He looks smart.

249
00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:28,667
That's-- That's
what I'm getting.

250
00:10:28,733 --> 00:10:31,300
Well, we are always
looking for someone

251
00:10:31,367 --> 00:10:32,433
to show us a good time.

252
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:35,633
Do you mean, like...

253
00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:37,433
Yeah.

254
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,200
(gasping)

255
00:10:44,733 --> 00:10:47,233
You really came through
tonight, Ab.

256
00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:48,933
You know, I've been
wanting to talk to you.

257
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:52,667
I checked out your website
recently, Abbilicious.com?

258
00:10:52,733 --> 00:10:54,867
Oh, that's old.
That's from college.

259
00:10:54,933 --> 00:10:56,867
Really wonderful stuff.

260
00:10:56,933 --> 00:10:59,033
Funny,
great sense of color.

261
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:01,067
I was thinking
we should get dinner.

262
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,433
Yeah, maybe
one night this week.

263
00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:04,633
Talk about your goals
and you potentially

264
00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:06,433
taking on more
creative assignments.

265
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,700
That sound good?

266
00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:15,067
Yeah, that sounds...

267
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,967
That sounds...
I hear it.

268
00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:20,067
Check out my schedule
and put it on the books.

269
00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:22,567
Okay, great.
Sounds great.

270
00:11:23,567 --> 00:11:25,333
Yeah.

271
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,133
Well, well, well...

272
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,133
Looks like Abbi's night's
turning around, huh?

273
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,733
Abbi!
(cat screeching)
Hey.

274
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,533
Come with me.
All right.

275
00:11:35,967 --> 00:11:37,367
Where are we going?
Jesus Christ.

276
00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:39,500
This is not a joke.
(chuckling)

277
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,100
(clearing throat)

278
00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:44,067
So, um,
how are you feeling?

279
00:11:44,133 --> 00:11:45,733
Yeah, I'm feeling,
definitely, like,

280
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:46,867
a little bit
different, right?

281
00:11:46,933 --> 00:11:48,467
We're dropping, right?
Yeah.

282
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,733
Our serotonin is, like,
fully fucking depleted.

283
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,067
Yeah.
We're just gonna blaze

284
00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:54,233
and boost ourselves
right back up.
Okay.

285
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:57,733
Dara wants to schedule
a dinner with me, just us,

286
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,733
to talk about me taking on
more creative assignments.

287
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:04,100
(inhaling)
Creative assignments?

288
00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:06,133
Yeah.
Yass, beesh!

289
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,067
My body still feels, like,
kinda weird right now,

290
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:11,700
but I'm able to process that
this is, like, really good.

291
00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:13,633
We are thriving.

292
00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:16,767
I'm about to fuck
two of the hottest people

293
00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:18,400
I've ever seen,
a couple.

294
00:12:18,467 --> 00:12:20,400
And the woman is older!

295
00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:22,600
(chuckling)

296
00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:25,367
And they wooed me.

297
00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:27,333
Wow. Ilana...

298
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,367
Love is like...

299
00:12:29,433 --> 00:12:31,600
It's like--
sort of like--
It's like, it's...

300
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,233
No, it's just-- yes!
Cool.

301
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:36,533
And you are,
like... zzhhh...

302
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,367
And you, like,
find it every time,

303
00:12:38,433 --> 00:12:40,833
it's like,
I don't know how you do it.

304
00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:43,333
And we are just
on this, like...

305
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,133
(voice slowing)
...wild journey
that we call life.

306
00:12:51,867 --> 00:12:54,833
I am feeling that weed.

307
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,500
Hmm...
On top of the...

308
00:12:57,567 --> 00:12:59,200
(high-pitched)
Yes. On top.
(high-pitched)
It's feeling like--

309
00:12:59,267 --> 00:13:01,567
I do feel it.
It is a cumulative
experience.

310
00:13:01,633 --> 00:13:03,500
(echoing)
It's not nothing.
(echoing)
Very much like

311
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:05,367
a pressurized part.
You know what?

312
00:13:05,433 --> 00:13:07,200
I think we've had enough.
I feel like I had enough.

313
00:13:07,267 --> 00:13:08,300
I had a bunch.
Cha-ching, see ya.

314
00:13:08,367 --> 00:13:10,533
And I'm just,
um, gonna go

315
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,767
have comfortable sex
at this hot couple's hotel,

316
00:13:13,833 --> 00:13:18,067
and I'm really gonna miss you,
and I love you so much.

317
00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:20,067
Ilana, I love you, too.

318
00:13:28,833 --> 00:13:31,067
(both chuckling)

319
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,767
(both snorting)

320
00:13:35,833 --> 00:13:37,700
(both chuckling)

321
00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:45,400
Okay...
I'm gonna go.

322
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:52,667
* Pussy pussy pussy puss
pussy pussy pussy *

323
00:13:52,733 --> 00:13:56,200
**

324
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:17,767
I have a huge pussy-- huge.

325
00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:20,600
Could fit you both,
probably.

326
00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:24,633
Um, so should we set up
some rules or guidelines

327
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:26,467
or a safe word?

328
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:31,733
Wow, wow, you guys are like
hard-bodied Greek statues.

329
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:36,867
I hope you're into a soft
Russian peasant body.

330
00:14:36,933 --> 00:14:39,433
(chuckling)

331
00:14:40,233 --> 00:14:43,433
Wow, so stimulating.

332
00:14:45,733 --> 00:14:47,933
Really hot.
Whew.

333
00:14:48,067 --> 00:14:51,300
Woo! Yowza.

334
00:14:51,367 --> 00:14:55,333
Holy Moly,
wow, okay, cool abs.

335
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,567
Penis perfect.
Incredible tits.

336
00:14:57,633 --> 00:14:59,100
(man)
It's like
the Sahara down here.

337
00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:00,800
I must be so dehydrated

338
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:04,867
from all the squirting
and cumming I do.

339
00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:06,067
I'll--
I'll B-R-B.

340
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:08,300
I'll B-R-B.

341
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,067
(adjusting dial)

342
00:15:11,133 --> 00:15:13,133
* (big band) *

343
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,300
(adjusting dial)

344
00:15:14,367 --> 00:15:16,567
* (pop song) *

345
00:15:18,833 --> 00:15:21,200
**
Okay.

346
00:15:21,267 --> 00:15:23,567
(meowing)

347
00:15:24,867 --> 00:15:26,733
(sighing)

348
00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:33,333
Okay,
I'll let you out.

349
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,667
(clearing throat)

350
00:15:35,733 --> 00:15:37,133
Go ahead.
(mewling)

351
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,133
Okay.
(squish, meow)

352
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,633
You know what?
I just need a minute.

353
00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:42,500
Get it together,
we'll go out to the party,

354
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:45,467
and then we will be ourselves
with this bunch of strangers.

355
00:15:45,533 --> 00:15:48,167
All right.
This is good, I feel better.

356
00:15:48,233 --> 00:15:50,300
Oh. Okay.

357
00:15:52,733 --> 00:15:54,100
Oh, my God.

358
00:15:54,167 --> 00:15:56,867
Oh, no!
No, no, no, no!

359
00:15:56,933 --> 00:15:58,767
Holy shit, holy shit.

360
00:16:00,533 --> 00:16:03,600
I'm brave,
and I am super cool.

361
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:05,067
Yeah, no shit!

362
00:16:05,067 --> 00:16:07,933
It's me.
Ilana Rodham-Obama Wexler.

363
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,633
Jew-nami!
Woo!

364
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,300
Vulvarine! Ow!

365
00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:13,133
Nikki Min-Ashkenazi!

366
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,867
Uh! I'm free,
and I'm wild,

367
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,333
and I got big o'titties.

368
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,067
Come on, kids.
Aniston out.

369
00:16:20,067 --> 00:16:21,900
Come on,
come on, here we go.

370
00:16:21,967 --> 00:16:23,067
Come on!

371
00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:25,300
Hey! Ilana.

372
00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:28,600
Proper oral hygiene stimulates
more than just your gums.

373
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:34,067
Woohoo!
Ready to fuck!

374
00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:36,200
I want you to put that on.

375
00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:37,633
Tight.

376
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,667
You guys picked it up
in the village?

377
00:16:42,733 --> 00:16:46,867
I want you
to enter Dean from behind

378
00:16:46,933 --> 00:16:48,933
while he eats me out.

379
00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:51,300
Dope!
Very cool.

380
00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:53,567
You guys are efficient.

381
00:16:53,633 --> 00:16:56,533
Okay, entering
and eating out.

382
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:57,967
Great.

383
00:16:58,067 --> 00:17:00,767
It's weird you're seeing me
in a random suitcase,

384
00:17:00,833 --> 00:17:02,500
but you still
have my suitcase,

385
00:17:02,567 --> 00:17:04,067
and that's a visual
reminder of me,

386
00:17:04,133 --> 00:17:06,733
so this train of mental
hallucination makes sense.

387
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:07,967
Totally makes sense.

388
00:17:08,067 --> 00:17:09,967
But back to business.

389
00:17:10,067 --> 00:17:12,300
Wow, Ilana.
Pegasus.

390
00:17:12,367 --> 00:17:13,467
This is what
you always wanted.

391
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,533
This is your dream.
Kudos!

392
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:20,833
I have to, um,
poop... hard.

393
00:17:26,233 --> 00:17:27,900
(meowing echoing)
Okay.

394
00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:29,200
It's okay, okay.

395
00:17:29,267 --> 00:17:30,667
Oprah, Oprah.

396
00:17:30,733 --> 00:17:33,400
(screeching)
Mark Ruffalo.

397
00:17:33,467 --> 00:17:35,233
Flutes, flutes, uh...

398
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:36,900
Music is great.
Music is great.

399
00:17:36,967 --> 00:17:38,567
(groaning)

400
00:17:38,633 --> 00:17:40,633
Pugs, pug puppies.
Puppies.

401
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,900
(meowing)
(screaming)

402
00:17:42,967 --> 00:17:44,900
(cat screeching)

403
00:17:44,967 --> 00:17:46,467
Where is that coming from?

404
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,333
(groaning)
(cat screeching)

405
00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:52,900
(screeching)

406
00:17:52,967 --> 00:17:55,233
(groaning)

407
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:58,200
Stupid, stupid!
What is wrong with you?

408
00:17:58,267 --> 00:18:00,900
I can do this.
I want this.

409
00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:02,767
I'm single!

410
00:18:03,567 --> 00:18:06,333
Who's ready to fuck?

411
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,967
What gives?
Ilana.

412
00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:10,967
What's going on?

413
00:18:11,067 --> 00:18:12,600
What's going on...

414
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:17,833
is how hot
and fun I am.

415
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:19,767
See? Look at that.

416
00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:21,067
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

417
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,933
Ow! Uh-- ow.

418
00:18:29,633 --> 00:18:32,067
(knocking)

419
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:33,467
(Dara)
Hello?
Dara?

420
00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:36,267
Oh, my God.
Dara.

421
00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:37,533
Thank God, Dara.

422
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,533
I've been locked in here
for, like, hours.

423
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,967
You just unlocked the door.

424
00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:43,600
What's going on?

425
00:18:43,667 --> 00:18:46,600
I'm tripping on mushrooms,
and I'm having a bad trip.

426
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,500
I thought you were
acting kinda funny,

427
00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:51,167
but I called you
on a weekend--
that's my bad.

428
00:18:51,233 --> 00:18:53,433
Yeah, I didn't know--
I wasn't ready to--

429
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,233
I would've not.
I get it.

430
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,733
We've all had bad trips.
(sighing)

431
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,067
This too shall pass.

432
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:00,500
Just try
to say that with me.

433
00:19:00,567 --> 00:19:02,500
(both)
This too shall pass.

434
00:19:02,567 --> 00:19:05,533
This too shall pass.

435
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,900
Let's get
some fresh air in here.

436
00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:08,433
Yeah, I didn't even
think about that.

437
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:09,967
Yeah, that'll
make you feel better.

438
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:12,067
Amanda?
Amanda!

439
00:19:12,133 --> 00:19:14,100
Amanda asked to go outside,
I just let her out!

440
00:19:14,167 --> 00:19:15,767
You killed my cat!

441
00:19:15,833 --> 00:19:17,767
What the fuck--
you fucking monster?

442
00:19:17,833 --> 00:19:18,667
You killed Amanda!

443
00:19:18,733 --> 00:19:20,833
No, no!
(woman screaming)

444
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:23,267
Okay, I would not--
She's smushed!

445
00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:24,400
This too shall pass,
this too shall pass!

446
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,733
This too shall not
fucking pass!

447
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,767
You're fired.
Get the hell out of my house.

448
00:19:28,833 --> 00:19:30,600
Wait, wait, wait,
this is a--
Now!

449
00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:32,167
Okay, okay, yeah.

450
00:19:32,233 --> 00:19:33,833
Fucking drug addict.

451
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:37,067
Oh, Amanda!
Okay, just let me-- okay.

452
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:41,100
(sniffing)

453
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,933
Let's do this.

454
00:19:55,067 --> 00:19:57,700
**

455
00:19:57,767 --> 00:19:59,633
Doesn't look that high.

456
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:03,200
Guess they have to carb-load
after their fucking hike.

457
00:20:03,267 --> 00:20:06,033
Ew. Ew. Ugh.
Not into it.

458
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,700
Dodged a (bleep) bullet.

459
00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:10,700
I wouldn't want
that kind of intimacy.

460
00:20:10,767 --> 00:20:13,200
(clearing throat)
(neck cracks)

461
00:20:13,267 --> 00:20:15,367
Cute.
So cute.

462
00:20:15,433 --> 00:20:16,667
Goddammit.

463
00:20:16,733 --> 00:20:19,433
I love them.
Oh, I hate them.

464
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:23,500
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

465
00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:26,333
* Hey, li'l kid,
what's poppin'? *

466
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,033
* Hey, li'l kid,
what's poppin'? *

467
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,733
* No, we don't want
no problem... *

468
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,367
(sniffing)

469
00:20:32,433 --> 00:20:34,667
(sighing)

470
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,133
* Hey, li'l kid,
what's poppin'? *

471
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,167
Delete. Delete.

472
00:20:38,233 --> 00:20:39,600
Unsubscribe.
Unsubscribe.

473
00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:41,467
Unfollow, unfollow,
unfriend!

474
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:43,233
(sniffing)

475
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:46,500
Aaaaaaah!

476
00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:50,033
(sighing)
I feel better.

477
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:52,900
Yeah, good job, dude.
I'm proud of you.

478
00:20:52,967 --> 00:20:57,700
That was also the same sound
the cat made as it died slowly.

479
00:20:59,033 --> 00:21:01,067
It's not your fault.

480
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,067
Isn't it, though?

481
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:05,100
Yes.

482
00:21:13,067 --> 00:21:15,067
(slow, echoing laughter)