1 00:00:15,715 --> 00:00:17,416 (cheering) 2 00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:19,084 It's the little american. 3 00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:20,252 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 4 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,054 (both) jaime, what's wrong? 5 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,523 Well, I, um, I failed the test. 6 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,557 (both gasp) 7 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,959 And I'm getting deported. 8 00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:30,462 Jaime, those old white dudes are impossible to tell apart. 9 00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:32,064 I know, babe, I know. 10 00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:34,500 (sniffling) 11 00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:35,768 Just kidding! 12 00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:37,269 I passed the test! 13 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,204 Ah... Oh, man! 14 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,240 Tomorrow I become a true american. 15 00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:42,508 I got you, I got you, I got you! 16 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,476 Yeah, jaime! I believed you... 17 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,278 It was scary. 18 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,547 My heart, it was exploding. 19 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:49,648 I'm so sorry. 20 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:50,616 It's so good, though. 21 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,818 Hemos, tonight is going to be a night 22 00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,487 That you are never, ever gonna forget. 23 00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:58,157 We are going to sail right past the statue of liberty, 24 00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,125 Like the true american immigrants did. 25 00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:01,560 It's unbelievable that we live in a city 26 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:06,198 Where our ancestors passed through ellis island. 27 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,801 Yeah... Mine didn't. 28 00:01:10,703 --> 00:01:12,404 Right. Right, right, right. 29 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,974 (men) ♪ four and three and two and one-one ♪ 30 00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:21,647 So, melody can only put my name on the list 31 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:24,183 Because her law firm's like, really strict and rich, 32 00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,951 Or whatever, but it should be fine. 33 00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:27,219 Dude, melody owes you. 34 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,988 Her boyfriend lives in your apartment... 35 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:30,956 Like, completely free. 36 00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:33,792 I wonder if that aryan ghost will even appear tonight. 37 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:34,726 No, melody's gonna be here. 38 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,195 She e-mailed me to tell me there's gonna be like, 39 00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:39,465 All this free booze and all this free food. 40 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:42,134 I brought ziplocs, pass it down. 41 00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:47,005 Okay, have fun. 42 00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:47,639 Name. 43 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:51,276 Hello, I am abbi abrams, thank you. 44 00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:52,845 A... 45 00:01:52,847 --> 00:01:54,880 No, no, no, no, I don't see it. 46 00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:56,915 It's abbi with an "I". 47 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:57,483 Uh, nope. 48 00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:58,917 How are you possibly reading all the names? 49 00:01:58,919 --> 00:01:59,718 You're going so fast. 50 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:03,288 I-- this is my space, so just, please. Okay. 51 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,324 Oh, there it is, okay. Yes. 52 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,658 Thank you. Thank you so much. 53 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,861 But it's not plus three, so... 54 00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:13,465 Okay, um, I have an assistant, and they called. 55 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,167 Chrissy, did you not call... 56 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:19,104 To change the confirmation like I asked you to? 57 00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:23,876 Did you mess up my plans once again 58 00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:27,412 And not call to change? 59 00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:28,714 I'm so sorry, I forgot. 60 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:29,748 We're trying to get on the boat. 61 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,184 This is an important business boat meeting. 62 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:33,819 Just please don't hit me in front of everybody. 63 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,722 You know what, your mom died two weeks ago, chrissy! 64 00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:39,458 Get your (bleep) together! I'm so sorry. 65 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:39,992 No, it's fine. 66 00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:41,193 Just get on the boat, just get on the boat. 67 00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,128 I don't care. All right, we'll deal with this later. 68 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:46,165 I don't care. Okay, thank you. 69 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,333 I want to give this to you. 70 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:49,535 Bye-bye, balloons. 71 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:50,102 Wait up. 72 00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,170 ♪ cha-cha cha-cha cha cha ♪ 73 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:53,805 ♪ cha-cha cha-cha cha ♪♪ 74 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,140 ♪♪ 75 00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:05,050 (laughing) 76 00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:16,562 It's fantastic. 77 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,497 You have like, a full-blown family. 78 00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,399 Well... How old is your daughter? 79 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,401 Well, she was born in q-3 of '012, 80 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:25,237 So she's 11-quarters old. 81 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,606 (lincoln) maybe I should start wearing belts with seafood on 'em. 82 00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:33,545 I bet every guy on this boat is into annas with bananas. 83 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,279 Huh? 84 00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:37,716 Denises with penises. 85 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,751 Gals with dongs, bro. 86 00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:40,419 Oh. 87 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,987 Lawyers love 'em, so hot. 88 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:45,824 You say that about every single white-collar professional. 89 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:49,194 (scoffing) 90 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:50,295 So, where do you guys live? 91 00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:52,531 (together) murray hill. 92 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:55,500 But I'm moving to williamsburg! 93 00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:00,372 This is gonna take forever. 94 00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:02,074 You know what, jaime, this is your night. 95 00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:03,008 You're not waiting in line 96 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,110 Like some bridge and tunnel club meet. 97 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,245 It's okay. Yeah, you know what, 98 00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,813 Why don't you guys go check out the view? 99 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:09,348 We'll wait it out. What do you want? 100 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,449 Really? 101 00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,717 Yeah. 102 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,819 Okay, I want a gin and vodka maraschino sizzle, 103 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:16,088 Okay, with curacao, and a... 104 00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,190 And a little splash of crème de menthe. 105 00:04:18,192 --> 00:04:20,425 That sounds good. I'll have one, too. 106 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,893 Okay. Two, coming up. 107 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:22,894 Okay, bye. 108 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,296 They are totally getting beer. 109 00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:26,098 (bevers) hey, abi-dab! 110 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,499 Oh, bevers. 111 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:30,769 Melody and I have been looking for you guys everywhere. 112 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,071 She just went to the can, she had to take a doody. 113 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,107 I'm sure she'll be so happy you told us. 114 00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:37,442 You guys aren't waiting in line for the bar, are you? 115 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,410 You don't have to do that. 116 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,879 (whispering) I know where they keep the liquor. 117 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:41,980 Um, we're fine, waiting. 118 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,650 What? No. Trust me, I've sailed on this boat 119 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,918 With melody for 12 quarters now. 120 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,387 I know all its secrets. 121 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:51,356 The captain is a murderer. 122 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,190 What? Really? 123 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:55,827 (mocking) yeah, really. 124 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:58,964 They don't let murderers be captains. 125 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,198 Come on, let's go. 126 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,800 Come on, let's get some stuff. 127 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,069 Come on, come on. 128 00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:25,957 Ah... All right. 129 00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:33,498 Whoa! 130 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,068 Whoa, bevers. 131 00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:38,103 You actually pulled through. 132 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:40,906 Abbi, you never give me enough credit. 133 00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:43,575 I got moves you never seen. 134 00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:46,244 Okay, let's just get the drinks and go, all right? 135 00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,479 Yeah... Yeah, yeah, yeah. 136 00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:50,682 (bottles clanking) 137 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,050 This is good. Okay. 138 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:54,119 This is good. 139 00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:58,557 (door clanking) 140 00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,826 It's locked? 141 00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:03,028 It's not my fault. 142 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,996 Help, somebody! 143 00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,865 Rape! Rape! 144 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:07,432 Dude! 145 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,301 You're supposed to yell "rape" in emergencies. 146 00:06:09,303 --> 00:06:11,703 No, it's "fire," you yell "fire." 147 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,805 Oh, fine. Fire! 148 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,307 Fire! Hello! 149 00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:16,775 Wait, wait, move out of the way. 150 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:17,709 I'm gonna ram the door. 151 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,979 The man is gonna ram the door. 152 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,682 Wanna see me ram it? 153 00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:27,352 Ah! (bleep) 154 00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:28,186 (bevers moaning) 155 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,421 (abbi) are you okay? 156 00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,189 Well, yeah. 157 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,257 Fire! 158 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,626 Fire and rape! 159 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,795 Rape and fire! 160 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,263 Fire rape! 161 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,033 I honestly have always thought 162 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,970 That we'd die in each other's arms at sea. 163 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:45,704 Ah! Balls. 164 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:49,508 Sorry, abbi, I broke your starbucks gift card. 165 00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:51,643 Bevers, I still had $17 on that. 166 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:52,577 Well, maybe now you can 167 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,279 Start supporting local businesses. 168 00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:57,048 Listen, there are 250 lawyers on this boat. 169 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,150 These guys drink a lot. 170 00:06:58,152 --> 00:07:01,153 So, if each one of them has at least three drinks per hour, 171 00:07:01,155 --> 00:07:04,423 That's 750 drinks every hour. 172 00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:07,058 What is this, the 2400 point sat? 173 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:07,893 (mocking) no, silly. 174 00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:08,927 (normal voice) it's simple math. 175 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:12,197 They're gonna have to restock the bar in 20 to 25 minutes. 176 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:15,367 We only wanna hang out with each other anyway, right? 177 00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:17,269 (chuckling) 178 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,570 So, what's the vibe gonna be like 179 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,172 At the naturalization ceremony? 180 00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:23,008 Can I wear my american flag tie, or would that be too gauche? 181 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:27,379 Hold on, I'm gonna be wearing my american flag contact lenses. 182 00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:28,747 Yeah, they burn me very badly. 183 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:29,347 I should stop. 184 00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:32,150 Hey, cheers to you, dude, for becoming a citizen, 185 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:36,321 And also to me-- this is my first time ever on a boat. 186 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,056 No, really? 187 00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,157 No, prank, man. 188 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:39,991 I'm a well-to-do dentist, 189 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,027 Of course I've been on a boat before. 190 00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,129 Ah, you got me. Cheers. 191 00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,366 That is how we cheers in latin america. 192 00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:51,169 Really? No, man, prank, bitch. 193 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,103 (both laughing) 194 00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,606 I'm stealin' that one. 195 00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,243 (abbi) okay, I got one. 196 00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,946 Captain morgan... 197 00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:06,084 Jack daniels, svedka vodka, robot... 198 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,419 (ilana) easy-- kill the dudes, 199 00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:10,489 (bleep) and marry that robot. 200 00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,590 You guys know that human-robot marriage 201 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:15,827 Is gonna be the civil rights issue of our lifetime? 202 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:16,828 Oh, really? 203 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,662 (bevers) I got one. 204 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:23,001 Would you rather drink a cup of mayonnaise, 205 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:26,338 Or a cup of jazz? 206 00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:27,539 What the (bleep) is jazz? 207 00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:30,509 You know, you jerk off and jazz shoots out. 208 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:33,178 I knew that that was gonna be something awful. 209 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,679 Why did we ask? 210 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:35,780 I like to call it jazz 211 00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,916 Because it comes out of my horn 212 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:40,352 And you never know where it's gonna go. 213 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,487 That is so gross. 214 00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,022 (with patois accent) me hearing a lot of chitchat. 215 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:48,126 Me don't hear you answering that question, why? 216 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,661 And you never will. 217 00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,196 I would chug the jazz. 218 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,198 (chuckling) 219 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,100 (jaime) lincoln, can I tell you a secret? 220 00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:57,736 I want to practice talking in an american accent, 221 00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:58,470 But I'm very scared. 222 00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:01,640 You're in international waters, man, spread your wings. 223 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:04,276 Okay, I do this for you. 224 00:09:04,278 --> 00:09:05,210 Um... 225 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:09,514 (american accent) I love hamburgers... 226 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,683 And I love dui's. 227 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:14,219 (man) hey, bro, do I know you from michigan state? 228 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,021 Were you delta sig? 229 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,889 Eh... 230 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,025 (american accent) that's correct, bro-sef. 231 00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:23,395 I was a frat bro upon the campus. 232 00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:24,996 I knew it. 233 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:35,140 Uh, abbi, I don't think anybody washed those. 234 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:38,910 I don't even care, I am so hungry right now. 235 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:42,981 You're in luck, you can eat some of my shrimp. 236 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:45,784 Bevers, why do you have shrimp in your pocket? 237 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,953 Because the shrimp is always the first thing 238 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,421 To get eaten on these boats. 239 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:52,390 I gave you a ziploc this morning, did I not? 240 00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:56,161 And she is occupato. 241 00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,896 You're welcome. 242 00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,898 Dude, check this out. 243 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,701 (abbi) oh, my god. 244 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:03,435 Whoopsie. 245 00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,403 It was supposed to be a surprise. 246 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:09,307 I'm gonna propose to melody tonight. 247 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:13,211 (vocalizing dramatic fanfare) bom-bom bwooom. 248 00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:16,448 I really haven't thought about it, 249 00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,617 But I'd be posh spice. 250 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:19,551 Oh, you're so posh spice. 251 00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,486 I wish there could've been like, a latina one 252 00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:22,954 Called "the spicy spice," 253 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,723 But this is just a fantasy of mine. 254 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,925 Open your eyes, man. 255 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:30,261 Shakira is spicy spice. 256 00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,564 Oh... My god. 257 00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:34,132 You're a genius. 258 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,066 Wait, this is insane. 259 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,235 I mean, have you even talked to melody about this? 260 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:41,272 No, but we've been dating for like, 12 quarters. 261 00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:43,642 I mean, three years. 262 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:44,709 It just feels like it's time. 263 00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:46,211 Besides, we already live together. 264 00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:48,947 No, you do not live together. 265 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,782 You have your own apartment. 266 00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:52,317 Jesus! 267 00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:56,888 Does this mean that you'd be moving out? 268 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,223 I've been dreading this conversation, 269 00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:02,861 But, yeah, I know, I feel sad about it, too. 270 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,229 I actually wanted to ask you, though, 271 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:06,998 If you would be my best man. 272 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,299 Bevers, you have four brothers. 273 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:12,737 But, I feel like you're the one who really, really gets me. 274 00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:13,605 When we get out of here, 275 00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:16,374 I'm gonna pop the big "q" in front of everybody. 276 00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:19,010 I already worked it all out with the dj. 277 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,612 I'm such a showboat. 278 00:11:20,614 --> 00:11:22,814 This is rude, I'm sorry, but bride marriage 279 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,749 Keeps women treated like property. 280 00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,618 I thought all women wanted to get married. 281 00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:29,154 Wake up, bevers. Yeah, one day. 282 00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:32,090 No offense, but women don't hit their sexual peak 283 00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:36,027 Until their extremely late 30's. 284 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,829 I just feel like you guys are young 285 00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:39,497 To be lockin' it down. 286 00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,900 Government-mandated monogamy is for old people, 287 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:45,670 Like facebook invites or network tv. 288 00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:47,572 Or it's not, ilana. 289 00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:50,108 Bevers, you love this woman. 290 00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:53,011 She is your lock and key. 291 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:55,313 Marry her, start a new life together, 292 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,215 Get a new apartment. 293 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,584 Go for it, man. 294 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:02,987 I'm the king of america! 295 00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,823 All right, switch, now I get to be rose. 296 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:05,857 Okay, okay. 297 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:06,391 I'm confused. 298 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:10,095 You and lincoln seem like a pretty serious couple. 299 00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:10,862 We're sex friends-- 300 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:15,600 Although we haven't had sex in like, four days. 301 00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:18,403 You know, today I was actually with him all day, 302 00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,106 But I didn't see his dick once. 303 00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:23,308 Melody and I haven't had sex in weeks, 304 00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,342 On purpose, though. 305 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,577 It's called "edging." 306 00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:26,444 Edging? 307 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:27,378 It's like when you 308 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,880 Get yourself super aroused, 309 00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,915 But you don't blow your orgasm, 310 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,317 You never blow your orgasm. 311 00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:34,352 You know how whales have that blow hole? 312 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,120 Yeah, o-okay. 313 00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:38,790 Ab, do you think lincoln and I are like a "couple"? 314 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,258 I don't know, I mean, you've been spending 315 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,793 A lot more time with him lately, right? 316 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:42,794 And if you're not having sex, 317 00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,663 He's either your boyfriend or your best friend. 318 00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:46,397 Ow! 319 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:47,365 You are my best friend! 320 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,834 Don't you ever call anybody else that! 321 00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:51,169 What the (bleep)? 322 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,071 He's not my boyfriend! 323 00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:55,006 I'm wild and I'm free! 324 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:58,243 I'm a sexual x-man, I'm wolverine. 325 00:12:58,245 --> 00:12:59,744 I'm vulva-rine. 326 00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,646 (bevers with british accent) me thinks the lady 327 00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:05,316 Doth protest too much. 328 00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:06,484 Ew! 329 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,553 (screaming) 330 00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:14,125 Let us out! 331 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,426 God! 332 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:16,795 Jesus. 333 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:20,698 What are you guys doing in there? 334 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,901 It smells like balls in here. 335 00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,638 No, no! My insulin! 336 00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:28,673 (ilana) if lincoln and I are a couple, 337 00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:32,477 It's like, why did my ancestors even come here? 338 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,311 (abbi) I don't know. 339 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,313 Why don't you just have sex with lincoln? 340 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,782 And then you're back to being friends, right? 341 00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:40,585 You got beauty, you got brains, 342 00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:41,686 You're a (bleep) genius. 343 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:42,654 Do you want a kiss? 344 00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:44,556 That's okay. Are you sure? 345 00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:45,790 Abbi! Ilana! 346 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:48,293 Oh... Saved by the bell. 347 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,295 The boys with the penises! 348 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:51,496 Where have you been? 349 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,831 Oh, it's coming. 350 00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:55,266 (lincoln) we were looking everywhere for you. 351 00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,902 Except, we forgot to look for you. 352 00:13:57,904 --> 00:14:00,271 Hey, do either of you two have like, a knife? 353 00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:03,274 Because me and lincoln want to become blood brothers. 354 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,175 Blood brothers. 355 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,543 (abbi) I have an idea. 356 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:09,347 ♪ we should drink more, ooh, whoa... ♪ 357 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,115 ♪ oh, oh, whoa-oh ♪♪ 358 00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:14,552 Let's go, I'll go get some drinks. 359 00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,321 Not you, you little bois. 360 00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:18,857 We are gonna do it, right now. Yeah? 361 00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:20,425 P to p. P to p? 362 00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:21,993 Pubes to pubes. Pubes... 363 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:22,527 Come on. 364 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,362 That's a weird way to say that, but... 365 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,498 ♪♪ 366 00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:42,513 Hey! There are people (bleep) in here! 367 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:43,781 Rude! 368 00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:47,986 (man) oh, yeah. Uh-huh. 369 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,888 Yeah! Oh, yeah! 370 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,789 Oh! Ah, yeah! 371 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:56,160 Oh, hey, what's up, man? 372 00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:57,228 I remember you from earlier. 373 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,063 He's a nice guy. What's up, man? 374 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,833 Y'all have a good one. Enjoy. 375 00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:04,068 ♪♪ 376 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:08,039 (klaxon sounding) 377 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:13,912 (on pa) ladies and gentlemen, we're going down. 378 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:14,612 I'm kidding! 379 00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:16,114 You all know what that sound means-- 380 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,283 It's a love emergency! 381 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,285 And we're gonna need mattie bevers to the mic. 382 00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:23,821 Help me bring bevers up here, ladies and gentlemen! 383 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:24,555 Bevers! 384 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:27,358 (chanting) bevers! Bevers! 385 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,093 (whispering) abbi, I don't think I can do this. 386 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,762 Yes, you can, you can marry melody 387 00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,897 And you can build a life that is-- that is 388 00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:35,266 Completely outside of my apartment. 389 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,268 No! Tell her what you told me... 390 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,870 All night long. 391 00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:43,241 (dj) there he is! There's the man of the hour! 392 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,543 Do it, you can do this. 393 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,379 (cheering and clapping) 394 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:51,716 Hi, uh, tonight 395 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,418 Is a very special night, 396 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:57,488 Because of a very special lady, 397 00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:00,224 Melody, are you here? 398 00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,160 Whoo! Okay, great. 399 00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:06,164 Uh, melody, tonight, we're on a boat... 400 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,098 (man) whoo! 401 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,435 On the water, nice facilities, 402 00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:14,405 Great crew, beautiful skyline. 403 00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:21,779 Uh, yeah, so abbi... 404 00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,915 Is my best man. 405 00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:27,318 Abbi's the man, abbi's the man. 406 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,319 She's the man. 407 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:31,389 (whooping and clapping) 408 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:34,058 Abbi... 409 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,227 Abbi's transitioning into becoming a man, 410 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,730 And I'm just so proud of her. What? 411 00:16:38,732 --> 00:16:41,132 (whispering) you talk now, your turn. 412 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:41,966 (whooping and clapping) 413 00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:43,935 (dj) come on out here and talk to us. 414 00:16:43,937 --> 00:16:46,871 Come on, give it up for andy! 415 00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:52,844 Thank you, um... 416 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,278 Uh... 417 00:16:56,715 --> 00:17:00,418 Okay, yeah... 418 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:03,154 It's true. 419 00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:05,390 It's true. 420 00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:08,726 Uh, I'm becoming a man! 421 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:12,663 I am becoming... 422 00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,599 A man! 423 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:19,237 Abbi, I need you to go talk to melody. 424 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:23,141 She's in the bathroom again, but she's not doodying. 425 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,209 She thought I was gonna propose, 426 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,880 And she says I embarrassed her in front of her whole firm. 427 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,648 Why didn't you propose? 428 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:31,516 Because of you. 429 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:32,550 You and ilana made me realize 430 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,152 That we shouldn't be getting married yet. 431 00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:34,852 We're too young. 432 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,687 So, you told everyone I'm transitioning 433 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,222 Into becoming a man. 434 00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,624 All the lawyers are now into me. 435 00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:43,027 Oh, you're way too good for any of these lawyers. 436 00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,196 Thanks. 437 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,297 Please, will you help me? 438 00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:49,100 I love melody so much, but she won't talk to me. 439 00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,936 Can you just go talk girl stuff to her? 440 00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,074 Fine. 441 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:56,974 Don't get too sloppy. 442 00:17:56,976 --> 00:18:00,211 I need you to be on top of your game. 443 00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:03,381 Melody, it's abbi. 444 00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:07,018 I just wanna say first that I'm not-- 445 00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:08,286 I'm not becoming a man. 446 00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:11,556 That was weird and confusing. 447 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,691 But I-- I know that you're upset, 448 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,927 Um, and it's none of my business, 449 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:17,862 But I know how much bevers loves you, 450 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:20,832 And I know that you-- you love him, too, 451 00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:22,600 For some reason, and as much as I hate 452 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,168 That he's always in our apartment, 453 00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:28,106 'cause it's a lot-- he's there a lot. 454 00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:29,774 Like, listen, I think we need to actually schedule 455 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,743 A time to talk about that, like, just the two of us, 456 00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:35,613 'cause he just eats all of my stuff. 457 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:39,517 He's not my cup of tea, but he really cares about you. 458 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:42,220 And I just hope that you know that 459 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,388 Even though he didn't propose, 460 00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:48,092 That doesn't make what you guys have any less special. 461 00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,595 It doesn't. 462 00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:54,499 I would love for someone to love me like that. 463 00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:56,234 I love you like that. 464 00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:59,036 Ilana? What the (bleep). 465 00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:00,872 Don't be mad, please. 466 00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:02,440 Were you having sex in there? 467 00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:03,508 We were just wiping up. 468 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,443 Where the (bleep) is melody? 469 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:08,613 Hi. 470 00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,548 (ilana) jaime, I am so sorry. 471 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,583 We almost missed this moment. 472 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,987 Tonight, you know, I ate for free, I drank for free. 473 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,155 I made out with a very straight man 474 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,824 By the fire extinguisher, too. 475 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,260 This is what america is really about, I think. 476 00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:26,831 Abbi, thank you so much for talking to melody for me. 477 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,566 I did not talk to melody. 478 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:31,802 I have not seen her at all tonight. 479 00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:32,570 Oh, really? 480 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,872 Well, somebody must've sweet-talked her, 481 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,808 'cause we just boned in a lifeboat. 482 00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:40,278 There was so much jazz. 483 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,379 (shivering) 484 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,613 There she is. 485 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,348 Oh, she's so beautiful. 486 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,718 (orchestra playing "america the beautiful") 487 00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:50,988 (lincoln) ow, my dick. 488 00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,657 It's too romantic, I'm sorry. 489 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,492 Ah, we just had sex. 490 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:55,092 It's still sore. 491 00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:58,262 I'm in my refractory period, you gotta let me rebuild. 492 00:19:58,264 --> 00:19:59,096 Fine, I'll be gentler. 493 00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:02,233 (orchestra playing "america the beautiful") 494 00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:04,669 Ah, romantic again. Ilana! 495 00:20:05,804 --> 00:20:07,939 (man on pa) frederick chu. 496 00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:09,040 (applause) 497 00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,908 Alia hanoon. 498 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,443 (ilana) cute. I'm into it. 499 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:13,878 (abbi) oh, my god. 500 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:14,779 That's disgusting. 501 00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:17,415 That's disgusting, right? 502 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,449 Oh, guy fieri. 503 00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:20,785 I could roll with that, he's go a good life. 504 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:25,623 He's always in that convertible, gettin' food. 505 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,925 Oh, my god, you look so good with bieber hair. 506 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,661 You should honestly get that now, I'm not even kidding. 507 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:31,195 Ew, no. 508 00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:33,231 I really feel like you fit as these dudes. 509 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,265 I-- I'd (bleep) 'em all. 510 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,099 I really appreciate that, 511 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:40,338 But I think it's more important for me to be a woman right now. 512 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,405 Lincoln, did you see this? 513 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,840 I'm sorry, I'm too hung over. 514 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:46,777 My eyes can't focus on a fixed point right now. 515 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,080 (man on pa) jaime castro. 516 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,782 (cheering) 517 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,618 Ow! Ow! 518 00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:58,990 (triumphant fanfare) 519 00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:04,862 (vocalizing) 520 00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,597 ♪ ow! ♪♪ 521 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:11,969 ♪ hoo! ♪ 522 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:14,305 ♪ ow! ♪ 523 00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:16,941 ♪ now ♪ 524 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:19,310 ♪ ow! ♪ 525 00:21:19,312 --> 00:21:21,812 ♪ ow! Hoo! ♪♪