1
00:00:02,302 --> 00:00:03,168
♪♪

2
00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:05,104
(crowd cheering)

3
00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:26,291
(crowd cheering)

4
00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:38,337
(crowd cheering)

5
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:39,905
(growling)

6
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:50,783
(crowd cheering)

7
00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:56,722
(man)
excuse me.

8
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,123
Excuse me!

9
00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:00,025
Hey... Excuse me.

10
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:01,593
Excuse me!

11
00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:05,164
You guys sound so good.

12
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,800
I'm a record producer, and I've
been looking for two drummers

13
00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:09,968
For a project
that I'm starting.

14
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,804
Oh my god.

15
00:01:11,806 --> 00:01:14,473
This is it.
Are you serious?

16
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,008
No, I'm not serious.

17
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:19,011
I work here, and I need
you guys to leave.

18
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,514
Time to go.

19
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:24,950
Four!
Four!

20
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:27,519
♪ and three and two
and one-one ♪

21
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:31,423
♪♪

22
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,594
(ilana)
I love "scarface," dude.

23
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,129
(abbi)
we just watched that.

24
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,497
Cocaine and incest,
baby.

25
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:39,364
Can't get enough.

26
00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:40,632
Wait, what about
"food, inc."?

27
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:41,900
That's supposed to be like
really life-changing

28
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,536
And eye-opening and like
a really important film to see

29
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,271
About where our food
comes from and stuff.

30
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:49,141
And then the whole
corn issue.

31
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:53,078
Sometimes it's the less you
know, though... You know?

32
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:53,545
No.

33
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:54,646
Dude, I wonder
what kind of food

34
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,315
They're going to have at
the dog wedding today.

35
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,050
Let's watch
the e-vite again.

36
00:01:58,052 --> 00:01:59,084
Yeah!

37
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,519
(chuckling)

38
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:05,691
(barking happily)

39
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,559
(chuckling)

40
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:08,594
I love it!

41
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:10,729
It really is
a masterpiece.

42
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:11,563
Oh my god.

43
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,531
Why is that shot in there?

44
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,367
It's animated, it didn't
need to be in there at all.

45
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:16,068
(laughing)

46
00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:17,136
Not to be
like a downer

47
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:21,006
But did you know that people
steal people's dogs

48
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:21,707
And then sell them?

49
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:24,276
There's a "judge judy" episode
about that where this guy is

50
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:27,112
Like reunited with
his dog, who was taken.

51
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,847
Yes, baby boy!
Yes!

52
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,216
Wait, is "judge judy"
still on right now?

53
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,552
We should watch that.

54
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:36,755
Holy (bleep), dude.

55
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,491
"judge judy"
ran for 18 seasons.

56
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,360
Jesus christ!

57
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:43,729
Judge judy's
net worth is...

58
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:48,834
(bleep)

59
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,102
... Dollars.

60
00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,069
Wait, keep that face.

61
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:54,573
I gotta take a pic
and capture your deep,

62
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,542
Deep judy discovery.

63
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:57,876
(cell phone clicking)

64
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,144
Oh, so good.

65
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,112
I'm gonna 'gram it.

66
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:03,348
No filter.
All right, fine.

67
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,119
Whoa...

68
00:03:10,089 --> 00:03:13,325
♪♪

69
00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:39,952
(fax machine screeching)

70
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:42,421
(computer alert chiming)

71
00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:46,625
<i>What up, my queen?</i>

72
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:51,096
Ahh!
Ahh!

73
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:53,198
Jesus, I forgot you were
in the (bleep) room!

74
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,100
Holy (bleep), dude,
how did we forget

75
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,802
That we were
here together?

76
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:58,136
What is wrong with us?

77
00:03:58,138 --> 00:03:58,971
I feel like
I blacked out.

78
00:03:58,973 --> 00:04:01,673
We were so tapped into
the worldwide bloodstream,

79
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:05,310
We fell into
the lint roll matrix.

80
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,346
What time is it?

81
00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:09,715
Oh god.
(hissing)

82
00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:12,851
All right, we need
to go outside for real

83
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:15,487
And live like normal people.

84
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,190
Let's just get dressed
and go to the wedding.

85
00:04:18,192 --> 00:04:21,560
Dude, can you imagine if
we left our phones here?

86
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,462
We would be
totally off the grid.

87
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:27,699
It would be like breathing
air for the first time.

88
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:28,133
Right?

89
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:31,003
It's like all we do is
wake up, sign in and...

90
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:31,870
(imitating electric shock)

91
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,473
We are plugged into
the matrix<i> all day.</i>

92
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:38,176
Gmail, grindr, facebook,
facetime, insta, grindr,

93
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,378
Tumblr, twitter, dlisted.

94
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:40,045
Jesus christ!

95
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,381
And then we have to<i> rip</i>
the plug out to go to sleep,

96
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,182
Rub one out,
rinse and repeat.

97
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,652
We have these auto-responses
programmed--

98
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:47,953
(cell phone vibrating)

99
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:48,520
Hello?

100
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:49,888
<i>(lincoln)</i>
<i>hey, what up, ilana?</i>

101
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:50,822
Hey, boy, what up?

102
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,257
Do you know if your brother's
wearing a tie

103
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,125
To the wedding today?

104
00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,660
Dude, I'm not
my brother's keeper.

105
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,194
I'm just trying to gauge
the dress code.

106
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,396
<i>I don't want to</i>
<i>be overdressed,</i>

107
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,531
But I really don't want
to be underdressed.

108
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,566
You think a dog tie
is too on the nose?

109
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:02,301
<i>No, it's perfect.</i>

110
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,936
You look great
in themed clothing.

111
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:05,570
Thank you.

112
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,506
And... I'm not patronizing you,

113
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:10,208
But did you remember
the rings?

114
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,943
Well, not to
"patronize" you,

115
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,112
But of course I have
the rings.

116
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,181
They're on
abbi's toes.

117
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,149
See you there.

118
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,884
Top dog.
Later.

119
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,589
<i>Welcome to</i>
<i>another installment of</i>

120
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:25,724
<i>"how to" with dr. Whiz.</i>

121
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,793
<i>Today I'm gonna</i>
<i>show you how to tie</i>

122
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:28,894
<i>A windsor knot.</i>

123
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:29,761
<i>Let's begin.</i>

124
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:30,729
<i>Take the little guy</i>

125
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,664
<i>And place him in front</i>
<i>of your neck.</i>

126
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,499
<i>Clap if you understand.</i>

127
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:38,537
Ab-dude, we should roll
to the wedding.

128
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:41,306
We'll take in
more nature faster.

129
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:43,008
Yes.
These are jaime's.

130
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,710
We got these after
hurricane wanda

131
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:45,677
For future emergencies.

132
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,379
They'll obviously
be huge, but...

133
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,614
Yeah, I mean, we can maybe
stuff some newspaper in

134
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,583
Around my negative space
in my foot or something,

135
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:52,818
Or sponges, if we have.

136
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,820
You know, you could wear
a bunch of socks

137
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,922
Or cotton balls.

138
00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:58,023
They-- they fit me.

139
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,524
They're a little
snug, actually.

140
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,059
Really?
Yeah.

141
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,862
Uh, I knew that--
I knew that they would.

142
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:07,199
I was just being
optimistic.

143
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,267
No, that's cool, dude.

144
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,103
That's cool.

145
00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:12,237
Yeah.

146
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:13,538
(whispering)
that's cool.

147
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,741
♪♪

148
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:20,212
♪ that's the way ♪

149
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,413
♪ way you do ♪

150
00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:23,048
♪ that's the way ♪

151
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,316
♪ way you do ♪

152
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:26,852
♪ we do
that's the way we do ♪

153
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:27,953
♪ we don't take it ♪

154
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:29,621
♪ that's the way
we do ♪

155
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,189
♪ that's the way ♪

156
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,157
♪ way you do ♪

157
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,692
♪ that's the way ♪

158
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,394
♪ way you do ♪♪

159
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:38,263
Man, this is
great.

160
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,464
I love breezes.

161
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:42,601
Nature is seriously
amazing.

162
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:44,703
So where's this
dog wedding?

163
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:45,871
Oh my god.

164
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:46,471
I don't know.

165
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:47,472
We gotta go back
and get our phones.

166
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:50,275
No, you're not going back
to that life right now.

167
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,476
Come on,
we can do this.

168
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:52,110
Yeah, you know what?

169
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:55,914
If our foremothers can find
countries without phones,

170
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,683
We can find
a dang dog wedding.

171
00:06:58,685 --> 00:06:59,217
Exactly.

172
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,419
We are addicted
to the matrix, dude.

173
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,421
Admitting it is the first step
in the road to recovery.

174
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:05,791
I mean, all I'm thinking about
right now is my (bleep) phone.

175
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:07,359
I miss the blue light.

176
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:09,261
Ooh, I wanna marry
the blue light.

177
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,129
But you know what?
We need to be present.

178
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,432
We can go a couple hours
without our phones.

179
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,966
What are we, teenagers?

180
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,202
(gasping)
boys!

181
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,003
Yum.

182
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:21,673
Oh my god,
look at their...<i> Bodies.</i>

183
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,742
If I had my phone
right now,

184
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:26,211
I would tinder
the (bleep) out of like

185
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,046
All those beefcakes.

186
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,115
You don't need
tinder for these dudes.

187
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:33,752
You've got tinder
right here, irl.

188
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,053
Wanna "fook"?!

189
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:35,987
(laughing)

190
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:36,621
What?
Ilana!

191
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:40,025
Oh, it's not big,
it's like<i> wanna "fook"?</i>

192
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,126
(laughing)

193
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,461
I am not down
for that.

194
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,630
Oh my god,
somebody's gonna love...

195
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,232
Wanna "fook"?

196
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,100
You are insane.

197
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,936
We're in a park right now.

198
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,003
Ab, try it.

199
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:52,938
Live in the moment.

200
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:53,805
You just said that to me.

201
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:57,375
Our foremothers didn't
pin dudes on (bleep) tinder.

202
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,478
They'd spray their
pheromones all over

203
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,480
And yell,
"wanna 'fook'?"

204
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,681
Come on.

205
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,816
All right.

206
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,285
Wanna<i> "foooook"?</i>

207
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:10,188
Yes, dude,
it worked.

208
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,728
I got it!
Cute.

209
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:21,032
Oh...
Jesus.

210
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:23,568
I'm good!

211
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:27,706
(abbi)
man, my first impression is
always better on tinder.

212
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:30,075
I suck without
the internet, dude.

213
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,612
It's like I'm too real
for it, you know?

214
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,113
Being off the matrix
is gonna make us

215
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,748
Plug in more
consciously.

216
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:37,816
Like that day we
went off sugar.

217
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,818
How much sweeter were
sour straws after that?

218
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:40,785
So much sweeter.

219
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:41,753
God, you're right.

220
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,288
One day off the matrix
is gonna make us

221
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:43,922
So much stronger.

222
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,257
(ilana)
dude, I think we're
going too fast.

223
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:46,157
We're gonna
have to bail.

224
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:47,492
What do you mean, bail?
Bail!

225
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,261
Bail!
What do you mean,<i> bail?</i>

226
00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:51,429
Oh (bleep),
I can't stop!

227
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:54,032
Ilana!
Abbi!

228
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,834
(branches snapping)

229
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,903
(thudding)

230
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,641
Oh my god!

231
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:03,808
Are you okay?

232
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:05,076
My foot really hurts.

233
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,212
I think I sprained it.
Oh my god, dude.

234
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:11,116
Jaime's blades were too big
for your bony, dainty feet.

235
00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:11,850
Yeah, that was it.

236
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:14,185
My feet were probably
too small for them.

237
00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:17,289
That's what--
that's what did it.

238
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:18,590
Ilana, this is really deep.

239
00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:19,991
I don't think
I can climb out.

240
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,960
And we don't even have
our phones.

241
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,328
We can't
even call for help!

242
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:24,663
What if I jump down
in there,

243
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,464
And then we scream
for help together?

244
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,366
No, you need to
go get help.

245
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:29,000
Are you kidding?

246
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,969
God, I wish we had our phones
so we could facetime

247
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,504
While I go get help.

248
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,806
Ilana,<i> what?</i>

249
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,942
Okay, we got this.

250
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:37,742
Nbd, sister.

251
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:41,146
I need you to smoke two joints
for the pain, immediately.

252
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:43,381
We got nuts and figs
for sustenance,

253
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,550
And lanyard
for entertainment.

254
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:46,618
You mean gimp?

255
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,620
You wanna argue about
what it's called right now?

256
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:49,854
You, in the hole?

257
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,122
No.

258
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,924
Okay, I'm gonna brb.

259
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,559
I'm going to find eliot
and lincoln stat.

260
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:55,994
We're going to get
you out of the hole.

261
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,128
I don't want these figs.

262
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,631
I don't like
the little beads in 'em.

263
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,001
Why is there a hole here?

264
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:03,602
Jeez!

265
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,070
Okay,
I'll be right back.

266
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,171
Be good.

267
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,606
Wait, ilana.

268
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:11,710
Yeah?

269
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,411
I do want the figs.

270
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:15,213
Good choice.

271
00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:20,652
(crow squawking)

272
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,854
♪♪

273
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:30,095
Hey, d-d-d-do not
touch that!

274
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:31,329
Those are
the dog quiche!

275
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:34,232
I'm sorry I snapped,
I'm very sorry.

276
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:37,202
Somebody
switched the dog quiche

277
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,403
With the human quiche.

278
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:39,204
It's okay, man.

279
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,039
We'll just
switch 'em back.

280
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:42,374
I just checked in
with the bride.

281
00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:45,310
Her heart is racing,
but that's not unusual.

282
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,945
Chihuahuas' hearts
always race.

283
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,514
They were bred
as like a joke.

284
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:52,584
She may just have
a case of cold paws.

285
00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:53,184
(laughing)

286
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,220
Cold paws is a very
serious disease

287
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,721
In the chihuahua community.

288
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:57,689
Poor toe circulation.

289
00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:00,692
It's the number-one killer
of chihuahuas.

290
00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:04,763
Cold paws, cold feet,
you get why I--

291
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,865
This wedding is a disaster.

292
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,267
I'm sweating my
(bleep) nuts off.

293
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,569
I need you to
block me from brandon

294
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:13,738
So that he doesn't see my
enormous sweat glands.

295
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:15,306
Eliot, relax, man.

296
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,042
This is a beautiful setup
you got here.

297
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,810
I've never been to
a dog wedding before,

298
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,812
But I'd get married here
in a second.

299
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:22,380
Hey, don't tell
ilana I said that.

300
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,516
I'm just running my mouth.
That's right.

301
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:25,917
Ilana.

302
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:26,918
She has the rings.

303
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,619
Where is my sister?

304
00:11:27,621 --> 00:11:30,455
So now abbi's stuck and I need
to get to the wedding.

305
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,490
Where's the wedding?
Near the lake.

306
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:33,758
Well, the lake is huge.
What part?

307
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,062
Oh my god, forget it!

308
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:39,931
Hey, you asked me!

309
00:11:40,499 --> 00:11:43,401
(abbi)
ow... Oh...

310
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,736
Okay.

311
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,805
Pain is in the brain.

312
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,373
Ow!
Pain is in the brain.

313
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,975
Pain is in my stupid,
stupid brain.

314
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,981
I'm down the shore
with my family.

315
00:11:59,051 --> 00:11:59,918
Yeah.

316
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,887
We're at the beach
and it's fine.

317
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,222
No, (bleep) that.

318
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,390
(bleep) that!

319
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:08,393
I am at dinner
with elijah wood.

320
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:12,630
And people are saying
that we're so cute together.

321
00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:15,533
And all we get
is dessert.

322
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,035
No, (bleep) that.

323
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:21,840
I am at an extravagant
flea market

324
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,476
With mark ruffalo.

325
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:25,744
Yes!

326
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:29,981
All we want is
some wooden milk crates

327
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:34,285
To line our office/maybe
nursery one day.

328
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,489
(whispering)
but we don't say that
to everybody.

329
00:12:37,491 --> 00:12:37,989
No!

330
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,692
I am in turks and caicos
right now...

331
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:41,526
(inhaling)

332
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,061
... With taye diggs.

333
00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:47,265
There's no pain when you're
getting your groove back.

334
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,636
Okay,
I can do this.

335
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:54,139
I have nature skills.

336
00:12:56,642 --> 00:13:00,545
♪♪

337
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:05,016
♪ watch your mouth ♪

338
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:08,887
♪ we've only opened up
pandora's box ♪

339
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,789
♪ you'll pass my head ♪

340
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:15,059
♪ unsettling deeds ♪
eliot!

341
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:19,197
♪ forget about your math book ♪
eliot?

342
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:26,571
♪ destiny we slide
this roller coaster ♪

343
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:29,507
♪ up we bond the ticket ♪

344
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:34,145
♪ we're walkin'
the line ♪

345
00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:38,016
♪ make your mind up ♪

346
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:41,886
♪ make your mind ♪

347
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:47,358
♪ you seem so right
just give me reasons ♪

348
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:52,130
♪ you know I don't need
to pretend you care ♪

349
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:56,000
♪ I've been lookin' for you ♪♪

350
00:13:57,937 --> 00:13:59,404
Wait.

351
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,406
What am I doing?

352
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,074
Eliot!

353
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:04,108
Eliot!

354
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:14,652
El!

355
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:16,054
Whoa.

356
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,194
What is this?

357
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:25,663
(vibrator whirring)

358
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:28,199
(whispering)
oh, jesus, turn it off.

359
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:32,370
(vibrating continues)

360
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,479
What the (bleep)?

361
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:45,617
(sighing)

362
00:14:54,593 --> 00:14:56,728
Come on, what's happening?

363
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:57,428
Come on.

364
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,163
(chuckling)
all right.

365
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:00,798
Okay.

366
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:03,902
(sighing)

367
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,737
(bird chirping)

368
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,639
(whistling)

369
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,407
(bird chirping)
(chuckling)

370
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,109
(bird warbling)

371
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,778
Poppi, look.

372
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,880
Okay, one more.
Ready?

373
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:16,748
And then boom.

374
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,249
Look, I don't want to
freak out right now,

375
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:21,886
But that bitch, she won't
keep her dress on.

376
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,388
It's a vera wag.

377
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:24,489
God, I'm sweating
like a beast.

378
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:25,723
I hate myself.
Whoa, whoa.

379
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,793
Everyone-- specifically you--
needs to relax.

380
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:33,064
This is a special
moment for your... Son?

381
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,032
Grandson.

382
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,267
Your grandson is
getting married today.

383
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,735
Get yourself together, man.

384
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:38,469
I'm trying,
I just--

385
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,139
I don't want brandon
to see me like this.

386
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,273
Sweaty.

387
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,841
Oh...

388
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:44,742
You like brandon.

389
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,077
Yeah.
Okay, I got this.

390
00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:46,844
Take a few deep breaths,

391
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:50,848
And then you dab
your t-zone, lightly.

392
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:53,551
I think we should get started

393
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,219
Before poppi changes
her mind again.

394
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:57,455
Okay, but, monica,
we don't have the rings yet.

395
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,792
Ordinarily, I would not say
this, but they're dogs.

396
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,528
Well, you just lost
one star on dog yelp.

397
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,862
No.

398
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:09,334
Hey, can you get the dress
back on the dog, please?

399
00:16:10,869 --> 00:16:12,337
I'll talk to her.

400
00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:15,073
Okay, poppi,
what are you doing here?

401
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,841
How many times are we
gonna do this?

402
00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:17,709
I like eliot,

403
00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:18,843
But if you're not
into atticus,

404
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:20,211
I need you to
tell me now 'cause

405
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:22,013
I can't afford
more alimony.

406
00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:25,116
(ilana)
el?

407
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,784
Eliot?!

408
00:16:27,786 --> 00:16:29,487
(gasping)
yes!

409
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,425
Oh, dog wedding gazebo!

410
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,861
Yes!
Maps rule!

411
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:38,596
Foremother's a bitch!

412
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:40,198
Sacagawea!

413
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,106
(abbi)
come on.

414
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,808
(people speaking
foreign language)

415
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,110
Hello?

416
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:52,977
Hello!

417
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:55,747
Oh my god,
thank you so much.

418
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,622
What?
No english.

419
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:05,490
Sorry.

420
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,991
Uh,<i> auffen...</i>

421
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:09,060
Are you gonna call?

422
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:12,096
Oh, you're taking
a photo of me.

423
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,431
Yeah-- no, no.

424
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:14,499
No!

425
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,300
(speaking gibberish)

426
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,375
Sir...

427
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,512
I'm afraid we're never
gonna get out of this place.

428
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,114
♪♪

429
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:34,519
(monica)
I think we can all agree
it's clear.

430
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,587
There's a lot of love here,

431
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,223
And it was communicated to me
before this ceremony

432
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:43,461
How important trust is
in this relationship.

433
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,563
Atticus and poppi's dads

434
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,932
Taught love
from a very young age.

435
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:50,768
And now, without the rings,

436
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,337
Do you, poppi,
take atticus

437
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:56,007
To be your
lawfully wedded husband?

438
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:57,708
She does.

439
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,377
And do you, atticus,

440
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:02,947
Take poppi to be your
lawfully wedded wife?

441
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:03,948
Wonderful.

442
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:08,586
If anyone here objects to this
union, speak now or forever--

443
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,821
(ilana)
wait!

444
00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:10,555
Hold up!

445
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:13,324
Stop the wedding,
stop the wedding!

446
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,593
She's always gotta
make it about her.

447
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,294
(whimpering)

448
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:19,363
This was once abbi's shirt that
I repurposed to make cooler.

449
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:21,032
Come on, boy,
that's her scent.

450
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:22,700
She's a girl.
Oh.

451
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:23,901
We'll treat her
differently, then.

452
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:27,305
Oh god, this is the worst day
to go off the grid.

453
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:32,210
Brazil nut, I gotta say
your pitch is fantastic.

454
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:33,811
You have some star quality.

455
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,012
I can't speak
for the other judges

456
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:38,316
But we'll see what they
have to say, okay?

457
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:44,055
No, I completely
disagree.

458
00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:45,022
Are you kidding me?

459
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:46,190
She put her heart out there.

460
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:47,525
She put her
soul out there.

461
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,026
You are completely overlooking

462
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:53,331
The level of commitment
that performance took!

463
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:54,799
Abbi!

464
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:55,433
(all)
abbi!

465
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:59,570
I'm pretty sure she's this way,
but let's split up to be sure.

466
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,873
Okay, meet back, meet back.

467
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:05,276
Abbi!

468
00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:07,545
(abbi)
congratulations, spool stick.

469
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:10,314
You're going to hollywood,
my friend!

470
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,618
(vocalizing)

471
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,519
Yeah, it's her!

472
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:15,753
Hold up, hold up,
hold up, hold up.

473
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,756
Abbi's wearing my backpack
as a diaper.

474
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,058
Dude, I was gone
for like 25 minutes.

475
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,693
Half-hour tops.

476
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:24,829
It felt like
a lot longer.

477
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,230
Abbi, that foot
is jacked-up.

478
00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:28,299
You should put
some ice on it.

479
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,066
I know.

480
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,301
I'm practically a doctor.

481
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:30,968
But you're not.

482
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,904
I am a doctor, and I have
a lot of experience

483
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:33,704
With sprains and breaks.

484
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:36,240
(lincoln)
no offense,
but it's more like

485
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:37,942
You drain fluid
from their butt sacks.

486
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:41,345
Uh, none taken, but I work
with several species.

487
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:42,647
None of which are human.

488
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:44,649
Look, the truth
about cats and dogs is--

489
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,384
So is the ambulance
coming soon?

490
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:48,286
Yep, it's on its way.

491
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,520
(whispering)
can I borrow your phone?

492
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,088
(whispering)
yeah.

493
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,024
Oh, wow,
there they are.

494
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:55,159
(brandon)
oh, those are beautiful.
You know what?

495
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:57,061
We'll get them
when the swelling goes down.

496
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,796
Which I'm sure will be
very soon.

497
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,731
48 hours.
In about one to two weeks.

498
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:05,136
(sighing)

499
00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:07,038
(monica)
and now, without further ado,

500
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,007
By the power vested in me
by the state of new york,

501
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:14,312
I now pronounce you
dog husband and dog wife.

502
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:16,180
(all)
aww.

503
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:17,848
Okay, kiss.

504
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:23,287
Yay!
(cheers and applause)

505
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:25,957
(woman)
mazel!

506
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:29,927
So I guess
we're related now.

507
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,362
Can in-laws hook up?

508
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,197
Yeah, it's like
soft incest.

509
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:35,433
Oh, that's so royal.

510
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:38,269
I think I've seen all
I needed to see today.

511
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:41,372
Take her out of here, boys!

512
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,608
♪♪

513
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:55,987
(gasping)

514
00:20:55,989 --> 00:21:00,925
Fig!

515
00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:08,833
♪♪

516
00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:14,472
(dogs barking rhythmically)