1 00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:05,704 (message tone) 2 00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:07,573 What up, queen? 3 00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:09,174 Ab? 4 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,209 Abbi? 5 00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:11,944 (giggling) 6 00:00:11,946 --> 00:00:12,878 Uh-oh. 7 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,481 Guess what I got. 8 00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,249 Bam! 9 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:19,818 A mother(bleep) nose ring! 10 00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:20,586 What? 11 00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:21,553 A nose ring, dude? 12 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:25,057 I mean, that's very hot and 2004 of you, but... 13 00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:26,525 When did this happen? 14 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:27,326 Last night. 15 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:28,494 How are you not excited? 16 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:30,129 I have an earring& 17 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,296 In my nose! 18 00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:32,698 I just thought you were going to a boring 19 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:33,532 White people dinner. 20 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,633 I didn't realize you were gonna 21 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:37,002 Add a whole new element to your image. 22 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:40,205 No, me neither, but then we ended up on st. Mark's and& 23 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,273 Please, don't tell me. 24 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,942 I'm gonna have fomo for the rest of my life. 25 00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:44,743 Fomo? 26 00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,812 Fear of missing out, grandma. 27 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:49,081 Ugh, why did I "stay in" 28 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,816 And "organize my life?" 29 00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:53,318 Wait, did you stay in and organize your life? 30 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,553 Yeah, I got a lot done, actually. 31 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,655 I reinforced all the boob buttons on my button-downs 32 00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:59,625 And I wiped down every surface of my apartment. 33 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,093 Combined all the weed remnants 34 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:03,796 To make one giant super blunt. 35 00:01:03,798 --> 00:01:05,030 That is insane. 36 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:07,666 I cannot wait to smoke that one day after work. 37 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:08,801 Work? 38 00:01:08,803 --> 00:01:10,102 Jesus, fu-- 39 00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,603 I knew I was forgetting something. 40 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:15,707 Ugh, yeah, try not to pierce your pussy while I'm gone. 41 00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,276 Ew, what? 42 00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,812 Did you just leave? 43 00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:24,750 Yow! 44 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:28,020 ♪ four and three and two and one ♪ 45 00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:35,494 All right, maria, so it's your first day. 46 00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:36,462 I wanna to show you the ropes. 47 00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,997 There's a lot of stuff that we need to go over. 48 00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,132 Uh, first off. 49 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:40,766 Trash. 50 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:41,633 When you empty the trash, 51 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:42,935 You just gotta really dig through. 52 00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:43,936 Sometimes people throw towels in. 53 00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,003 They don't get that there's, like, 54 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,472 Two different areas. (trey) abbi. 55 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,040 You're fired. 56 00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:50,342 What? I'm kidding, bazinga. 57 00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:51,543 Come on. Oh. 58 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,346 I don't know what that means. 59 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:55,380 (laughing) 60 00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:56,782 You are so funny, seriously, 61 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,851 But we got a big ol' cleaning disaster. 62 00:01:58,853 --> 00:02:00,352 Somebody barfed on an exercise ball 63 00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,087 And then it bounced down two flights of stairs. 64 00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:04,590 So if you could grab your dust brush or whatever 65 00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:05,390 And get on it. Right. 66 00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:07,092 It's actually not a dust brush job. 67 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,061 Well, that's gonna be a good one for you to jump in on. 68 00:02:09,063 --> 00:02:10,796 You know, get your feet wet right away. 69 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,164 Oh my god, abbi, we have to dish. 70 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,800 I heard one of the cleaners got a nose ring. 71 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:17,302 What is it, 2004? 72 00:02:17,937 --> 00:02:19,705 Uh.. Rea... Cool. 73 00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:21,707 You didn't recognize me, did you? No. 74 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:22,341 I love it. 75 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,710 A lot. Yeah, I feel like a different girl. 76 00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:25,644 (chuckles) I have a question. 77 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,147 Are you, um, going to go to trey's party tonight? 78 00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:29,848 I don't think he really wants me there. 79 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,917 I feel like it was like, a pity invite. 80 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,452 Are you insane? 81 00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:36,555 No. Abbi, you're one of trey's best friends. 82 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,957 All he does is talk about how funny you are. 83 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,559 Like, all the time. 84 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:43,395 I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm not funny-- 85 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:46,665 (laughing) oh my god, you are so weird. 86 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,332 I love it. 87 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,834 You have to come, seriously. 88 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:53,572 Abbi, it is going to be off the damn chain. 89 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:09,555 Absolutely. 90 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,957 I'll go demand it... Now. 91 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,563 Hello? 92 00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:19,698 Hello? 93 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,933 (derek) you gotta convince yourself 94 00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,168 That you are still worth something. 95 00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,736 (door sliding open) 96 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,572 Hey, you guys. 97 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:27,372 What is this place? 98 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,440 It's the conference room. 99 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:30,309 We have meetings here every day. 100 00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:31,510 Got it, got it, cool. 101 00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:32,945 Well, I hope I'm not interrupting anything. 102 00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:36,748 You sort of are, we were all just b-storming different deals 103 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,750 We could go after in hell's kitchen. 104 00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:39,484 Cool, cool, cool. 105 00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:42,221 I do have a horrible emergency. 106 00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:45,224 Okay, so my best friend abbi is going to a hot party tonight 107 00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:47,426 And now I gotta leave right now. 108 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:52,664 ("flight of the bumblebees" playing) 109 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,073 Okay, you can go, 110 00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:02,174 But only because you closed 111 00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:04,276 That keratin pube straightening deal. 112 00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,245 Thanks, d., thanks for understanding. 113 00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:09,381 Oh, nicole, I left a hardboiled egg in our cube. 114 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:10,515 You can have it& 115 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,017 If you can find it. 116 00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:18,423 ♪♪ 117 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,793 (abbi) why does trey live next to port authority? 118 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,662 Um... 119 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:24,730 (groaning) 120 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:27,165 You know what, I think that this, um... 121 00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:30,369 This is going to be the opportunity for me 122 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,136 To hang out with trey 123 00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:34,206 And just like, finally spill the beans that, like, 124 00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:36,775 I wanna be an instructor-slash-trainer. 125 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,044 Hell yeah, dude, carpe damn. 126 00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,012 And it's not going to be weird 127 00:04:40,014 --> 00:04:42,414 Because you'll be telling a friend and not a boss. 128 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:43,882 Exactly. 129 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,484 And tonight, I can already tell it's gonna be 130 00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:48,654 So much more fun than a nose piercing. 131 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:49,888 Hey. 132 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,023 Hey. 133 00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:51,790 Abbi, put those away. 134 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:55,260 I'm kidding, you're at a party, come on. 135 00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:57,596 We should do something awesome for trey's birthday-- 136 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,531 Are we extremely early? 137 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,900 Nope, you're the last to arrive. 138 00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,869 Hey, guys, look who's here. 139 00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,804 We have to go. Okay, we just got here. 140 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,406 I'm embarrassed to be here. 141 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:10,642 Ilana, you're being... Intolerant. 142 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,943 (gasps) 143 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:12,878 Trey. 144 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,212 I love your place. 145 00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:15,647 You know what, also, we brought wine, 146 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,249 So I'm gonna go open it in the kitchen. 147 00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:20,085 (trey) abbi, come on, join the party, jump in. 148 00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:22,554 Psych! 149 00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:25,891 So, abbi, help yourself to any of the snacks here. 150 00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:29,294 We got clif bars for the guys, lunas for the girls. 151 00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,130 Good choice. 152 00:05:33,032 --> 00:05:34,866 (gasps) what a freak. 153 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:37,569 Yo, mama. 154 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:38,537 Hey. 155 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:41,106 We should definitely dish. 156 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:41,606 About&? 157 00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:44,009 Anything, girl stuff, whatever. 158 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,878 Um, okay. Okay. 159 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,646 Okay. Okay. 160 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:48,580 You know what I was thinking is... 161 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:51,583 I would definitely rather turn into a little old man 162 00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:52,517 Than a little old woman, 163 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,654 But I'm not going to be able to help it, you know? 164 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,589 Oh my god. 165 00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:58,023 Yes! 166 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:01,293 Okay, you're weird and I literally love you. 167 00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:02,961 This is a party, girl. 168 00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,896 Do you ever straighten your hair, though? 169 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,866 Oh, I just tried that for work, actually. 170 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,334 Wait, do you mean my head hair? 171 00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:12,170 No. Oh! (laughing) 172 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:15,040 All right, abbi, pick a hand. 173 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,641 Um, I don't know. 174 00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:17,209 Right... Left? 175 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:21,346 Oh, looks like we're watching "the apprentice all-stars". 176 00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:21,947 Oh yeah, omarossa. 177 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,816 Good thing you chose the left, guess what the right was. 178 00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:27,285 (laughing) 179 00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:28,653 (ilana) abbi. 180 00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:29,955 Abbi! 181 00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:31,490 Come on. 182 00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,824 What, dude, what? 183 00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,927 Last night you got flesh pierced 184 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:39,030 And tonight we're watching dvds? 185 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,766 I know, I'm sorry, like... 186 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:41,500 The night's ruined. 187 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:42,567 No, no, the moment we got to the party, 188 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,504 I texted "where party" to everybody in my phone. 189 00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,438 Jaime's already pulled through. 190 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,240 Dude, I can't just leave, I made a commitment. 191 00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:51,476 Jaime's having an actual party with our actual friends 192 00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,345 Who are actually having fun. 193 00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:54,045 We can't miss that. 194 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,547 What am I supposed to say to trey though? 195 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,482 You'll think of something. 196 00:06:57,484 --> 00:07:00,318 Trey. Whassup! 197 00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:02,554 What's up, hey, what are you guys doing? 198 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,990 Hey, uh, trey, so... 199 00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,124 I think we have to leave 200 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,427 'cause like, my stomach's kind of bothering me. 201 00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,195 You think my lunas are tainted? 202 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,963 No. 203 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,566 It's much worse. 204 00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:15,133 Um... 205 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,135 I got off the phone with my doctor 206 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:22,541 And she told me that I have, um... 207 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,175 A tapeworm. 208 00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:24,443 Abbi, that's really dangerous. 209 00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:27,646 I'm pretty sure tapeworms suck nutrients out of your body. 210 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:30,749 That must be why you ate four and a half luna bars. 211 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:31,550 Yeah. 212 00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:34,152 And I feel like it's moving, like, through my body. 213 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,221 I feel like it's moving and like, now it's in my 214 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,389 Bu-- uh... 215 00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:39,224 It's in my butt... 216 00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:41,393 ... Now. Hmmm! 217 00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:42,060 Nnnn... 218 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,362 So I should go to the hospital. 219 00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,664 Hey, guys. 220 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:46,498 What? Guys, pause it. 221 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:51,470 Abbi had to go because she's got a tapeworm in her butt. 222 00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:52,604 (laughing) 223 00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,172 She is such a riot. 224 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,808 Gemma, no... No bazinga. 225 00:08:06,352 --> 00:08:07,752 Hey. Hey. 226 00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:10,288 So I just want to say 227 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,456 I've been social media stalking you 228 00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:14,593 Since jaime told me you were his... Whatever 229 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:19,431 And I think you guys are diggity-diggity-dope, okay? 230 00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:20,198 Not like in a, like, 231 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:24,603 "I can't wait to officiate your gay wedding" way, 232 00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,104 'cause straight people always say that 233 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:26,805 And it's like, gross. 234 00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,306 It just fetishizing their gay friends 235 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:29,774 And it's, like, not cool. 236 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:30,809 You know, maybe you guys won't get married. 237 00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,043 Maybe you'll just (bleep) for a hot sec 238 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:35,046 And move on and that is hot too and cool. 239 00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:39,551 So yeah, I just wanted to say that. 240 00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:41,419 You're ilana, right? 241 00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:42,888 How did you know? 242 00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:46,091 Yeah! 243 00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,292 We got it. That's so funny. 244 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,227 I'm gonna post it to the 'gram! 245 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,162 That's instagram, you guys. I know. 246 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,398 I'm gonna use valencia, is that okay you think? 247 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,866 Ay, baby, everybody uses the valencia. 248 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:55,934 What are you going to use? 249 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:56,835 The kelvin, I mean... 250 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:59,971 (laughing) using the kelv-- no, that's silly, for goodness! 251 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,540 For goodness. 252 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,375 We have a huge problem. 253 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,776 We have to leave right now. 254 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:05,210 Why? 255 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,878 The hottest person here is leaving. 256 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,848 This party's going to be dead in three to five minutes. 257 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:10,782 I'm having fun. 258 00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,450 You think you are. 259 00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:13,485 But this party is a seven. 260 00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:15,754 We could be missing out on a 10. 261 00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:19,224 Yeah, but we leave and we end up at a six? 262 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,693 I don't know, we (bleep) kill ourselves, 263 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:22,961 Who cares? 264 00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:24,262 (grunts) 265 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,167 So if we did have to kill ourselves 266 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,702 How would we do it? 267 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:31,636 I'd shoot you in the face 268 00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:33,238 And shoot myself in the heart. 269 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:33,905 (gasps) oh my god. 270 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,241 Forget siggy's, lincoln has a better party. 271 00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:38,877 Wait, why would you shoot me in the face? 272 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,979 Also, you said that really fast, dude. 273 00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,581 It's nice, you'd die instantly. 274 00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,849 Well, then shoot me in the head, not in the face. 275 00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:46,418 Okay, okay. 276 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:50,322 ♪♪ 277 00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:52,824 Yes. Wow. 278 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:53,391 Hey. Hey. 279 00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,594 You guys missed it, I just did the worm. 280 00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:56,561 You can do the worm? 281 00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:58,697 Yeah. You barely move. 282 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,131 What? 283 00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,066 Whoa. 284 00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,801 Lincoln, I don't know if that's-- 285 00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,402 No, let him have this. 286 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,738 And I do, I do pec jumps. 287 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:07,672 (gasps) 288 00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:09,040 Do that again. 289 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,542 (laughing) 290 00:10:10,544 --> 00:10:12,410 Is this a new shirt? 291 00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,045 No, but& 292 00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:15,747 Drink, food, drink. 293 00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:18,350 Can you worm us there? Worm us there. 294 00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:25,690 (music playing) 295 00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:27,459 This charcuterie. 296 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,928 They got dog dick, ghost poop, grapes 297 00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,563 And they got cornichons. 298 00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:33,031 I love cornichons. 299 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,466 Don't I look like a giant? 300 00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,601 (grunts) (laughing) 301 00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:37,502 That is so weird. 302 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,971 I was just googling micropenises this morning 303 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,539 And they look exactly like that. 304 00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:42,841 All lumpy and (bleep). 305 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:45,710 Come on, don't ruin cornichons for me. 306 00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:47,078 You saw I was& 307 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:47,679 Enjoying this. 308 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:51,416 Okay, don't ruin micropenises for me. 309 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,851 Touche. 310 00:10:53,552 --> 00:10:58,590 (music playing) 311 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,094 (laughing) 312 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,362 We have to go, this party's dead. 313 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,164 No, this party is a 10, dude. 314 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:06,598 What? 315 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,933 I thought so too, but it's only four or five. 316 00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,001 Look. 317 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,704 (sniffling) 318 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,239 Gross. 319 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,842 The narnia of partias is still out there 320 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,277 And we're going to find it. 321 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:22,313 Did you just say "narnia of partias"? 322 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,249 Do you guys know that, that play "rent"? 323 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:26,685 Yeah. Like, I don't understand how they thought 324 00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:29,921 That they just didn't need to pay rent, like, at all. 325 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,423 I know, it's like, it sucks, 326 00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:33,792 But everybody has to pay rent. 327 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:34,392 Yeah. Rent? 328 00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,895 And also, I could totally be on broadway. 329 00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:37,629 I'd be like... 330 00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:40,765 500, 25-- (phone vibrating) 331 00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:41,499 Oh, my god. 332 00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,334 You guys, hold on, trey is calling me. 333 00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:44,636 I'm ways drunk, I can't pick up. 334 00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:46,371 I'm going to decline. 335 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,639 Oh no. (trey) abbi? 336 00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:48,940 Oh god. 337 00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:50,408 Hello? 338 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,343 Abbi, I just saw an instagram of you at a party 339 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:53,645 With a drink on your head. 340 00:11:53,647 --> 00:11:55,113 I... It was... 341 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:58,349 A throwback Thursday pic that I put up. 342 00:11:58,351 --> 00:11:59,384 But it's Friday. 343 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,952 I'm just stupid. 344 00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,620 And I'm in the hospital. (ilana) beep. 345 00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,889 That's my life machine... Beep, beep. 346 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:05,990 Going. Beep. 347 00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:06,991 Gotta do something. 348 00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:08,093 Beep. I'm hooked up to-- 349 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,327 There's tubes. Beep, boop. 350 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,830 My doctor's right here if you want to talk to him. 351 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:12,497 Good, hello? 352 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:15,300 Hello, hello, this is dr. Rotreiller, md. 353 00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,101 Are you a specialist? 354 00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:20,105 I'm more of a general jack-of-all-trades style doctor. 355 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,573 What's going on with the tapeworm? 356 00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:23,875 Is it still in her... Butt? 357 00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:27,479 It's still in her anus. 358 00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:28,079 (exhales) 359 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,849 It is crowned and-and breeched. 360 00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,217 What do you think her recovery time is going to be? 361 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:35,453 We don't know whether it'll be a few days or a few hours, 362 00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:38,456 But it's gonna-- we're gonna get it out of there. 363 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,758 And it's gonna get gone. 364 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,259 Sorry, no offense, are you a nurse 365 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,660 Or are you a real doctor? 366 00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:43,962 What-- 367 00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,765 I, uh... They're calling me. 368 00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:50,201 I gotta go get the worm-- is-- taken out. 369 00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,970 Call me when you're done, I guess. 370 00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,773 Bye. Abbi, all right, bye. 371 00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,210 My bad, I'm sorry. 372 00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,846 That guy did not sound qualified. 373 00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:03,081 All right, I'm sorry, you guys. 374 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,382 Sorry to make you wait. 375 00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:05,416 Okay. 376 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:06,751 Ready to fall. 377 00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:08,219 (guests) fall away. 378 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,521 Falling. 379 00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,857 Ooh, whoa, oh. 380 00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:14,292 (laughing) 381 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,260 I'm a dentist, not a doctor. 382 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,796 I don't know how to deal with high-pressure situations. 383 00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:20,799 Don't worry... Lincoln, nothing matters. 384 00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:22,333 Yeah, it's fine. 385 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,435 What just happened? 386 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,204 It's a black irish goodbye. 387 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:27,705 He always does it. 388 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:31,409 Okay, so I just found out about a rooftop party 389 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,711 A hot sec from here. 390 00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:34,679 This is perfect. 391 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:35,647 No, you know what? 392 00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:36,447 I think I need to go home. 393 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,316 Trey definitely did not believe that call. 394 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,686 No, dude, he definitely believed you. 395 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:46,624 All right, I agree. 396 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:47,992 Yessa! 397 00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,528 Also, I love roofs. 398 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,696 Yes, dude! 399 00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:56,434 (music playing) 400 00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:01,639 Whoo, this party is a... 401 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,474 10, I knew it! 402 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,577 Yes, whose party is this, dude? 403 00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:07,712 Who gives a fat wet... 404 00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:08,580 (bleep)? 405 00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:10,648 Heads up, whoo! 406 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,384 Whoo! 407 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:18,857 (dance music playing) 408 00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:34,939 Place one right here, gianni. 409 00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:36,541 Yeah! 410 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,543 Oh, (bleep), oh,(bleep). 411 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:43,414 (ilana) god, I love when straight dudes make out. 412 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,450 You never know if you never try, 413 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:48,019 You never try if you never know, you know? 414 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,420 (laughing) yes! 415 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,456 I'm going to get another beer, do you want one? 416 00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:52,924 Yeah. 417 00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,292 Abbi-a! 418 00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:58,596 (music playing) 419 00:14:58,598 --> 00:14:59,931 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 420 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:00,732 Okay. Too close. 421 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,634 (officer) all right, party's over, you (bleep). 422 00:15:02,636 --> 00:15:05,036 Let's go, come on, let's go. (bleep), come on, let's go. 423 00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,871 Get out, get out! 424 00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:09,540 Hit the bricks, let's move it! 425 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,175 Let's go! 426 00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,977 (woman) all right, guys! 427 00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:16,681 ♪♪ 428 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,182 Come on. 429 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:23,087 I wanna whirl. What is up, dude? 430 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,890 Just let me get it, I understand. 431 00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,592 Come on. 432 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:28,393 Let us in. 433 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:29,360 They're not gonna let us in, 434 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,429 Then I don't wanna go in there. 435 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,764 'cause you know why? 436 00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,066 We deserve better than that. 437 00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:38,903 (ilana) what is this place... Where are you going? 438 00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:41,806 (laughing) 439 00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,141 Oh, my god. 440 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:44,375 Where are we going? 441 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:45,810 Oh, sh... 442 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,479 Oh, you be quiet. 443 00:15:50,582 --> 00:15:54,852 I'm val about town, town about val. 444 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:58,890 Dude. 445 00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:00,058 Who is val? 446 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:05,663 (swing music playing) 447 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:06,965 (man) hey, it's val! 448 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:09,233 (all) val! 449 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:12,904 (swing music playing) 450 00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:22,146 (swing music playing) 451 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,985 ♪ forget your troubles come on get happy ♪ 452 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:29,854 ♪ you better chase all your cares away ♪ 453 00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,824 ♪ shout hallelujah come on get happy ♪ 454 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,460 ♪ get ready for the judgment day ♪ 455 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,396 ♪ the sun is shining come on get happy ♪ 456 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:41,265 ♪ the lord is waiting to take your hand ♪ 457 00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:44,135 ♪ shout hallelujah come on get happy ♪ 458 00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:47,205 ♪ we're going to the promised land ♪ 459 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:50,041 ♪ we're heading across the river ♪ 460 00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:52,744 ♪ to wash your sins away in the tide ♪ 461 00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:58,316 ♪ it's all so peaceful on the other side ♪ 462 00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:01,252 ♪ forget your troubles come on get happy ♪ 463 00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,286 Isn't val the best? 464 00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:03,755 You never know when she's going to drop by, 465 00:17:03,757 --> 00:17:05,857 But when she does, we save on electricity 466 00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:08,126 'cause she lights up the whole room. 467 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,294 How long has val been coming in here? 468 00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,930 Oh, for over a hundred years. 469 00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:13,398 What? 470 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,800 No, I'm just kidding, it's more like three years. 471 00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,035 Oh. 472 00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:21,239 How did I not know that when abbi gets blackout drunk 473 00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,541 She becomes val? 474 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,010 My fomo's through the damn roof. 475 00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:26,844 Oh? 476 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,146 What's a fomo? 477 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:31,382 I gotta call jaime, he's not gonna believe this. 478 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:31,783 No. 479 00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,918 No, no, no, there's no reception down here, 480 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:38,589 But who needs phones when you get val? 481 00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:42,727 Aren't you a hot diggity-diggity-dog 482 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,496 And a scallywag to boot? 483 00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:50,034 (laughing) 484 00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:52,837 Well, hello there, baby doll. 485 00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:53,771 Baby doll? 486 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:57,208 Of course I have been missing out on this for years. 487 00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,177 You're always worried about missing out on life. 488 00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:01,579 You never bother to actually live. 489 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,614 Uh... Doy. 490 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,084 Eight ball, corner pocket. 491 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:08,052 Ooh, yeah. 492 00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:10,455 Jeez! (man) oh, great shot. 493 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,757 Ooh-hoo! 494 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:13,758 Johnny, you cad. 495 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,627 I forgot you were the best kisser in town. 496 00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,930 Except for my main squeeze. 497 00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,765 I'm your main squeeze? 498 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:21,165 Yeah. 499 00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:25,136 You're my favorite little jewy this side of st. Louie. 500 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,240 Whoa. 501 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:32,643 Oh my god, dude. 502 00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:35,012 Ooh. 503 00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,547 What is this? 504 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,149 A diamond? 505 00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,551 I love diamonds. 506 00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,221 (gasps) 507 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:48,693 (laughing) 508 00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:51,796 Val bar is narnia! 509 00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:54,665 ♪ wake up, sleepyhead ♪ 510 00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:58,202 You look amazing. 511 00:18:58,204 --> 00:18:59,537 Yes, good morning, sunshine. 512 00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:02,039 Ilana, what happened last night? 513 00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:04,909 Wait, are you joking? 514 00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,410 You're val, bitch. 515 00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:07,612 The bar... You were like... 516 00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:11,249 (speaking gibberish), boss, you know? 517 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,584 I have no idea what you're talking about. 518 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:17,255 You legit don't remember? 519 00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:23,227 No mo' fomo, dog. 520 00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:25,163 ♪ no mo' fomo ♪ 521 00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:27,431 ♪ no mo' fomo ♪ 522 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,000 ♪ no mo' fomo ♪ 523 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,769 ♪ no more ooh ♪ 524 00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,872 ♪ fomo ♪ 525 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,174 Whoo. 526 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,478 Oh, I guess I'm just gonna go home and sleep 527 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,347 Until I have work at seven. 528 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,949 Oh. 529 00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:45,850 What? 530 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:49,120 It's kind of seven right now. 531 00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:50,354 It's 6:45. 532 00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:51,189 (car horn honking) okay. 533 00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,858 I guess, I'm just gonna go to work right now then. 534 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:54,725 All right. 535 00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:57,195 Treat her right, sir. 536 00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:02,099 Later. 537 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,668 Oh, god. 538 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,403 (tires screeching to a stop) 539 00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:07,772 (coughing) 540 00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:10,174 (laughing) 541 00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,075 Classic val. 542 00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:13,044 Hold on, I think my nose ring is here. 543 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,512 Don't touch it! 544 00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:18,516 Morning, abbi. 545 00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:21,419 Wait, maria, why are you wearing a trainer t-shirt? 546 00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:23,221 I am a trainer now. 547 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:24,589 No... 548 00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,556 Way! 549 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,024 Congrats. 550 00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,192 Congrats. 551 00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:30,928 How the (bleep) did that happen? 552 00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:31,996 Kooky girl. 553 00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:33,431 How did that go down? 554 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:37,435 Well, I always wanted to be a trainer, 555 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,137 So I asked trey at the party. 556 00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:44,642 We both were a little drunk, so I was not afraid. 557 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:47,511 It was like asking to a friend, 558 00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:49,914 You know, instead of a boss. Boss. 559 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,015 Yeah. Here. 560 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:54,252 You can have my cleaner t-shirt. 561 00:20:54,853 --> 00:20:57,388 I only wore it one day. 562 00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:58,889 Mmm. 563 00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:11,002 ♪ dow-dow-bow-dow ♪ 564 00:21:11,004 --> 00:21:11,502 Yeah. 565 00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:14,038 It's like your bass drum. ♪ dow-duh ♪ 566 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,539 ♪ uh ♪ (laughing) 567 00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:17,575 That was so good. 568 00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:19,010 Wow. 569 00:21:19,012 --> 00:21:21,479 I've been able to do this since I was 13.