1 00:00:06,517 --> 00:00:08,586 This bookshop rules. I get it -- 2 00:00:08,586 --> 00:00:10,517 -Paper, not screens. -Yeah. 3 00:00:10,517 --> 00:00:13,689 Oof, I can't stop thinking about this prix-fixe pasta tasting 4 00:00:13,689 --> 00:00:15,206 -at Dobby tonight. -Wait a second. 5 00:00:15,206 --> 00:00:16,931 You're going to Dobby tonight? 6 00:00:16,931 --> 00:00:19,172 -Girl, yah. -Dude, you didn't tell me that. 7 00:00:19,172 --> 00:00:21,517 I saw that chef on "Chef's Table." She's incredible. 8 00:00:21,517 --> 00:00:23,103 I love a restaurant run by women 9 00:00:23,103 --> 00:00:24,586 'cause they don't rape or molest their employees, 10 00:00:24,586 --> 00:00:26,241 and the food just tastes better. Yeah. 11 00:00:26,241 --> 00:00:28,172 Also, I told them already that you don't eat beef. 12 00:00:28,172 --> 00:00:29,551 Why? 13 00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:31,689 So there's no beef on your plate? 14 00:00:31,689 --> 00:00:33,344 Ilana, I'm not coming 15 00:00:33,344 --> 00:00:35,344 to your one-year anniversary dinner tonight. 16 00:00:35,344 --> 00:00:37,241 Don't be a bitch. Who's gonna mediate? 17 00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:40,034 Right, it's the anniversary/renegotiation 18 00:00:40,034 --> 00:00:42,482 relationship-check-in. Dude, this is big. 19 00:00:42,482 --> 00:00:43,758 Do you have all your deal points prepared? 20 00:00:43,758 --> 00:00:45,724 You Sade-Baderinwa believe I do! 21 00:00:45,724 --> 00:00:46,896 Dope. 22 00:00:46,896 --> 00:00:48,827 There they are. 23 00:00:52,896 --> 00:00:54,275 That's good placement. 24 00:00:54,275 --> 00:00:55,517 Wow. 25 00:00:55,517 --> 00:00:57,172 Gor-gous! 26 00:00:59,379 --> 00:01:01,965 You took the lemons of being fired from Anthropologie 27 00:01:01,965 --> 00:01:03,586 and turned them into gorgeous, artistic, 28 00:01:03,586 --> 00:01:05,620 bad-bitch-gettin'-shit-done lemonade. 29 00:01:05,620 --> 00:01:07,448 Yeah, I mean, thank God those cards are in here. 30 00:01:07,448 --> 00:01:09,862 I'm exhausted from working on my art all day 31 00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:11,137 and catering every night. 32 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,586 I needed this. 33 00:01:13,586 --> 00:01:15,827 Abbi Abrams. 34 00:01:15,827 --> 00:01:18,758 Donna? Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since college, dude. 35 00:01:18,758 --> 00:01:21,034 -Hi! -Hi! 36 00:01:21,034 --> 00:01:22,379 -Wait. Is this... -So good to see you! 37 00:01:22,379 --> 00:01:23,758 -You, too. -...Smelly Pussy Donna? 38 00:01:23,758 --> 00:01:25,931 Ilana. 39 00:01:25,931 --> 00:01:27,620 I am s-- I am so sorry. 40 00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:29,275 I'm truly sorry. That is so rude. 41 00:01:29,275 --> 00:01:31,137 I am -- I am so sorry. 42 00:01:31,137 --> 00:01:33,551 Clearly that got relayed from me. 43 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,068 This is my best friend, Ilana. 44 00:01:35,068 --> 00:01:36,793 And she didn't mean to say that out loud. 45 00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:39,448 It's okay. I officially own that nickname, 46 00:01:39,448 --> 00:01:41,413 because I beat my smelly pussy. 47 00:01:41,413 --> 00:01:44,000 It only took probiotics and six years of therapy, 48 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:48,103 but I'm officially free of malodorous pudenda. 49 00:01:48,103 --> 00:01:49,137 -That's amazing. -Smelly pussy. 50 00:01:49,137 --> 00:01:50,482 -Yeah. -Yeah, yeah. 51 00:01:50,482 --> 00:01:52,068 I've actually used my horrible story 52 00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,206 to inspire other women. 53 00:01:53,206 --> 00:01:55,137 I just gave a TAD Talk. 54 00:01:55,137 --> 00:01:56,482 You gave a TED Talk about it? 55 00:01:56,482 --> 00:01:58,103 No, uh, TADTalk. 56 00:01:58,103 --> 00:01:59,793 Oh. Cool. 57 00:01:59,793 --> 00:02:02,034 What are you up to? Are you still doing your art? 58 00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:04,068 I really loved her art. She was so talented. 59 00:02:04,068 --> 00:02:06,551 Thanks so much. I -- Yeah, I mean, I'm trying. 60 00:02:06,551 --> 00:02:08,827 She's not trying. She is succeeding. 61 00:02:08,827 --> 00:02:11,620 She's selling her cards in the store right now! 62 00:02:11,620 --> 00:02:16,275 Okay, these are literally so cute. 63 00:02:16,275 --> 00:02:17,862 I just had the best idea. 64 00:02:17,862 --> 00:02:19,448 I'm a coordinator at MoMA. 65 00:02:19,448 --> 00:02:20,965 -Cool? That's amazing. 66 00:02:20,965 --> 00:02:22,551 And we're having an incredible party tonight. 67 00:02:22,551 --> 00:02:25,275 Would you guys please come as my close personal guests? 68 00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:27,344 I have this dinner I have to go to. 69 00:02:27,344 --> 00:02:29,034 That sucks we can't go. 70 00:02:29,034 --> 00:02:30,103 Ohh. 71 00:02:30,103 --> 00:02:33,827 Well, I mean... 72 00:02:33,827 --> 00:02:37,310 Icould still go, like, alone. 73 00:02:37,310 --> 00:02:39,206 Whoa. 74 00:02:39,206 --> 00:02:41,000 I guess you could. 75 00:02:43,517 --> 00:02:45,965 Okay, so you're gonna go. Great. Yeah, I've put you on the list, 76 00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:48,206 and they are excited to meet you. 77 00:02:48,206 --> 00:02:49,655 Oh, my gosh. 78 00:02:49,655 --> 00:02:52,689 My Pediphile is here. 79 00:02:52,689 --> 00:02:53,793 -Huh? -What, now? 80 00:02:53,793 --> 00:02:56,206 Oh. Pediphile is an app 81 00:02:56,206 --> 00:02:58,034 for people who are obsessed with pedicabs. 82 00:02:58,034 --> 00:02:59,551 I became obsessed with them in college 83 00:02:59,551 --> 00:03:02,448 when I needed to air out my vagina, because -- 84 00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:03,896 the smelly pussy thing. 85 00:03:03,896 --> 00:03:05,448 Also, it's so convenient to get around. 86 00:03:05,448 --> 00:03:06,896 You guys should think about getting the app. 87 00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:08,586 I am a co-founder. Full-disclosure. 88 00:03:08,586 --> 00:03:09,896 All right, I'll see you tonight, Donna. 89 00:03:09,896 --> 00:03:11,551 Don't forget to dress sexy! 90 00:03:11,551 --> 00:03:14,551 I got to see this bitch get into a pedicab. 91 00:03:14,551 --> 00:03:18,206 -Wow. -Wow. 92 00:03:18,206 --> 00:03:21,172 See you tonight! 93 00:03:21,172 --> 00:03:23,241 Smelly Pussy Donna. 94 00:03:23,241 --> 00:03:26,517 I wouldn't notair my pussy out in a pedicab. 95 00:03:26,517 --> 00:03:27,931 Yeah. Me, neither. 96 00:03:27,931 --> 00:03:30,344 ♪ Four and three and two and one -- one ♪ 97 00:03:34,896 --> 00:03:36,413 Dude, tonight is so cool. 98 00:03:36,413 --> 00:03:38,241 A party at MoMA? Come on! 99 00:03:38,241 --> 00:03:40,034 Yeah, I mean, I have to cancel my catering shift, 100 00:03:40,034 --> 00:03:41,413 but MoMA's, like, so worth it. 101 00:03:41,413 --> 00:03:42,724 So worth it. 102 00:03:42,724 --> 00:03:44,068 I'm a little nervous about going alone. 103 00:03:44,068 --> 00:03:45,931 No, you'll have Smelly Pussy Donna -- 104 00:03:45,931 --> 00:03:47,689 -Donna.You'll have Donna. -I mean, I could also ask, 105 00:03:47,689 --> 00:03:49,206 like, another one of my friends. 106 00:03:49,206 --> 00:03:50,862 Yeah! 107 00:03:50,862 --> 00:03:54,000 Like, um... 108 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,517 I could ask the -- 109 00:03:55,517 --> 00:03:57,931 No, I -- 110 00:03:57,931 --> 00:03:59,448 You know what? It's cool to go alone. 111 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,103 It iscool, 'cause then I don't have to explain 112 00:04:01,103 --> 00:04:02,586 all the art-world ins and outs 113 00:04:02,586 --> 00:04:04,137 to someone. Like, it's a lot. 114 00:04:04,137 --> 00:04:05,310 You know what? I'm gonna call Kevin. 115 00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:06,655 Perfect. I'm gonna pet this dog. 116 00:04:06,655 --> 00:04:08,137 -Okay. Great. -Hi! 117 00:04:08,137 --> 00:04:10,724 Hello! Oh, hi! 118 00:04:12,551 --> 00:04:13,862 Hey! Kevin. 119 00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:15,655 -Who is this? -It's Abbi? 120 00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:19,137 So, listen, this kind of, like, really-big-deal thing 121 00:04:19,137 --> 00:04:20,862 came up tonight, art-wise, and I was wondering 122 00:04:20,862 --> 00:04:23,931 if maybe someone could cover my shift? 123 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,413 Fuck! 124 00:04:25,413 --> 00:04:27,241 Tonight is already gonna be really intense, 125 00:04:27,241 --> 00:04:29,517 and it's too late to find someone to cover you. 126 00:04:29,517 --> 00:04:32,034 But I guess we'll just have to make do without you. 127 00:04:32,034 --> 00:04:33,758 Yes! Okay. Thank you so much, Kevin. 128 00:04:33,758 --> 00:04:36,241 -I owe you one. -You go for it, girl. 129 00:04:36,241 --> 00:04:37,931 Okay. 130 00:04:37,931 --> 00:04:40,793 Ooh, hot and heavy over here, huh? Does Lincoln know? 131 00:04:40,793 --> 00:04:43,482 Well, I did have a polyamory clause in my deal tonight, 132 00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:45,655 but now I have to add a bestiality clause. 133 00:04:47,862 --> 00:04:49,551 -I thought it was funny. -Thank you. 134 00:04:53,482 --> 00:04:56,724 Happy anniversary/ renegotiation/check-in. 135 00:04:56,724 --> 00:04:58,655 Yaas! 136 00:04:58,655 --> 00:05:01,034 All right. All right. 137 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,517 Look at that wrapping. 138 00:05:03,517 --> 00:05:06,241 That's for you. That's part of it. 139 00:05:06,241 --> 00:05:08,172 -What is this? -It is your very own 140 00:05:08,172 --> 00:05:10,206 handmade Experience Coupon Book. 141 00:05:10,206 --> 00:05:11,896 Okay. 142 00:05:11,896 --> 00:05:13,448 -"Handjob." -Whoop! 143 00:05:13,448 --> 00:05:15,241 "Dry"? 144 00:05:15,241 --> 00:05:17,379 I prefer wet. 145 00:05:17,379 --> 00:05:19,551 Picnic in the park. 146 00:05:19,551 --> 00:05:21,896 Blowjob, wet. 147 00:05:21,896 --> 00:05:24,000 Zoo day. 148 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,724 Anal! 149 00:05:25,724 --> 00:05:28,172 This is awesome. This is a quantified, 150 00:05:28,172 --> 00:05:30,758 organized list of the stuff we already do. 151 00:05:30,758 --> 00:05:34,206 -I love it. Thank you. -Yay! 152 00:05:34,206 --> 00:05:36,172 All right. My turn. 153 00:05:36,172 --> 00:05:39,896 Okay. Okay. 154 00:05:49,206 --> 00:05:51,206 Mm... 155 00:05:51,206 --> 00:05:53,862 Phew. 156 00:05:53,862 --> 00:05:56,000 I mean phew. 157 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,724 I farted, and it went, like, up my dress and up my nose, 158 00:05:58,724 --> 00:06:01,206 and then it dissipated... 159 00:06:01,206 --> 00:06:03,275 Okay. "Jewess"? Yes! 160 00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:05,344 I saw them, and I thought of you. 161 00:06:05,344 --> 00:06:07,241 Why? 162 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:08,448 Just kidding. 163 00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:20,827 Art. 164 00:06:20,827 --> 00:06:24,206 Asymmetrical hairstyles. 165 00:06:24,206 --> 00:06:25,655 Unabashed confidence. 166 00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:29,586 Helicopter! 167 00:06:29,586 --> 00:06:30,896 Abbi! 168 00:06:30,896 --> 00:06:32,793 Kevin! 169 00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,448 Thank God you came after all. 170 00:06:34,448 --> 00:06:37,000 I was actually going to fire you for bailing tonight, 171 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,310 but here you are, in your bizarrely gorgeous 172 00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:40,379 catering ware. 173 00:06:40,379 --> 00:06:42,000 Here I am! 174 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,448 We've got asparagus spears that still need to be trayed up, 175 00:06:44,448 --> 00:06:46,689 and then you can grab a tray of riblets and start passing them. 176 00:06:46,689 --> 00:06:47,896 Did you bring your beret? 177 00:06:47,896 --> 00:06:49,965 Oh, I-I forgot the beret. 178 00:06:49,965 --> 00:06:51,379 It's okay. Just meet me in the garden. 179 00:06:51,379 --> 00:06:53,103 I brought an extra one! 180 00:06:56,655 --> 00:06:59,965 This is our first pasta tasting, the bucatini tartufo. 181 00:06:59,965 --> 00:07:01,448 Mushrooms were milled in Hudson, 182 00:07:01,448 --> 00:07:03,103 and they were foraged just this morning. 183 00:07:03,103 --> 00:07:04,758 Oh. Nice. 184 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,068 -Gorgeous. -One down. 185 00:07:07,068 --> 00:07:09,241 11 to go. Let's enjoy this food 186 00:07:09,241 --> 00:07:10,896 before we get down to business. 187 00:07:10,896 --> 00:07:13,931 I agree. See, we are already wonderful at negotiating. 188 00:07:13,931 --> 00:07:16,517 Yeah. 189 00:07:16,517 --> 00:07:17,931 -Oh. -Oh, my God. 190 00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:19,896 -God damn. -I'm, like, literally, like, 191 00:07:19,896 --> 00:07:22,000 getting, like, buttery wet like the -- 192 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,896 -Yeah. -Like the noodles. 193 00:07:23,896 --> 00:07:25,172 I would raw-dog this pasta 194 00:07:25,172 --> 00:07:27,931 even if I knew it had a disease. 195 00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:29,206 I'm a gassy bitch. 196 00:07:29,206 --> 00:07:31,827 I eat shtinky food! Whoo! 197 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,172 Garlic rosemary lamb riblets with a mint compote? 198 00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:42,103 Ab! 199 00:07:42,103 --> 00:07:44,206 -Abbi! Hi! -Dude, what's up? 200 00:07:44,206 --> 00:07:46,758 I'm so sorry. 201 00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,206 Hey! 202 00:07:48,206 --> 00:07:49,517 Mwah! Mwah! 203 00:07:49,517 --> 00:07:50,758 -Mwah. -Thanks so much for coming. 204 00:07:50,758 --> 00:07:51,931 It means so much to me. 205 00:07:51,931 --> 00:07:53,275 No, thank you for inviting me. 206 00:07:53,275 --> 00:07:54,689 -Of course. -This is awesome. 207 00:07:54,689 --> 00:07:56,517 Ugh. God. 208 00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:57,793 What? 209 00:07:57,793 --> 00:07:59,931 Jeffrey Sean Michael Thomas is here. 210 00:07:59,931 --> 00:08:03,000 He has nudes of me. Sick stuff. 211 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,172 Let's go play nice. 212 00:08:04,172 --> 00:08:05,379 O-Okay. 213 00:08:05,379 --> 00:08:06,724 Hello! 214 00:08:06,724 --> 00:08:07,793 Ding dong! 215 00:08:07,793 --> 00:08:09,241 Let me get in here. 216 00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:12,000 -Let me get in. -And so I said, 217 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,413 "What is this, Sotheby's?" 218 00:08:16,586 --> 00:08:18,793 Oh, my God! Can I borrow your phone? 219 00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:20,620 -Excuse me. -Oh! 220 00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:23,896 Garlic rosemary lamb riblet with mint compote? 221 00:08:23,896 --> 00:08:25,137 Jesus. 222 00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:27,103 This is a spiritual experience. 223 00:08:27,103 --> 00:08:28,137 All right, Lincoln. 224 00:08:28,137 --> 00:08:29,448 Hmm? 225 00:08:29,448 --> 00:08:30,448 Shall we? 226 00:08:30,448 --> 00:08:31,724 All right. 227 00:08:37,827 --> 00:08:40,137 As we look ahead at the upcoming year, 228 00:08:40,137 --> 00:08:41,586 I would like to discuss the deal points 229 00:08:41,586 --> 00:08:43,655 regarding sexual exploration, 230 00:08:43,655 --> 00:08:46,310 starting with the roller-coaster idea. 231 00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:48,241 That's a no for me, dawg. 232 00:08:48,241 --> 00:08:49,793 Roller coasters are already scary enough 233 00:08:49,793 --> 00:08:51,241 without me having my dick out. 234 00:08:51,241 --> 00:08:52,689 Plus, there's pictures, 235 00:08:52,689 --> 00:08:54,655 and they project the pictures at the end. 236 00:08:54,655 --> 00:08:55,862 Nobody should see that. 237 00:08:55,862 --> 00:08:58,275 I just think it would be thrilling. 238 00:08:58,275 --> 00:09:00,448 I can give you Ferris wheel. 239 00:09:00,448 --> 00:09:02,655 Deal! I like that better, actually. 240 00:09:02,655 --> 00:09:04,068 Up-and-down-vibes. 241 00:09:04,068 --> 00:09:07,655 I'd like to bring up the item of rom-coms. 242 00:09:07,655 --> 00:09:09,206 Don't know where we're gonna get on this, Lincoln. 243 00:09:09,206 --> 00:09:11,724 I want to watch four rom-coms a year. 244 00:09:11,724 --> 00:09:14,965 I object because they are offensive to women. 245 00:09:14,965 --> 00:09:16,586 That is subjective. 246 00:09:16,586 --> 00:09:18,896 I gotta push back, and I'll give you two. 247 00:09:18,896 --> 00:09:21,689 Three. No laughing at them. 248 00:09:21,689 --> 00:09:24,000 Only laughing withthem. 249 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,689 Give you two laughing at them, 250 00:09:25,689 --> 00:09:29,310 and one laughing with them. 251 00:09:29,310 --> 00:09:30,896 -Deal. -Whew! 252 00:09:30,896 --> 00:09:32,206 Can I approach the bench? 253 00:09:32,206 --> 00:09:34,551 Yes, you can. 254 00:09:39,206 --> 00:09:41,241 Aah! 255 00:09:41,241 --> 00:09:44,172 Hi-i-i-i! 256 00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:45,655 -Hey. -How are you? 257 00:09:45,655 --> 00:09:47,000 -Good. -You smell good. 258 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,344 Thank you. 259 00:09:48,344 --> 00:09:51,068 Hopper went to MICA, as well! 260 00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,379 Dope! So, Hopper, what do you do now? 261 00:09:53,379 --> 00:09:56,068 I work at a gallery uptown part-time, 262 00:09:56,068 --> 00:09:58,551 and I paint in my studio as much as I can. 263 00:09:58,551 --> 00:10:00,965 I teach occasionally at Hunter undergrad as a sub. 264 00:10:00,965 --> 00:10:02,379 I heard you had the best time 265 00:10:02,379 --> 00:10:04,413 at that residency program out West. 266 00:10:04,413 --> 00:10:06,413 -How was it? -Yeah, it was great. 267 00:10:06,413 --> 00:10:09,517 It was a nice mix of studio time and teaching. 268 00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:11,482 -It was really nice. -Beautiful. 269 00:10:11,482 --> 00:10:13,379 Wow. That sounds better 270 00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:17,000 than...anything I've done in the past eight years. 271 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,034 Oh, I'm sure that's not true. 272 00:10:19,034 --> 00:10:21,068 No, it is. 273 00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:22,482 You know what? I'm gonna send you some links 274 00:10:22,482 --> 00:10:24,689 -to some programs, okay? -Awesome, yeah. 275 00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:28,034 And also, you are going to mingle tonight, believe me. 276 00:10:28,034 --> 00:10:29,758 -Okay, I will. Yeah. -Okay, you know who I'd like 277 00:10:29,758 --> 00:10:32,310 to mingle with, though? Those canapés right behind you. 278 00:10:32,310 --> 00:10:34,827 -Sir? Excuse me. The food? -Oh, my God. 279 00:10:34,827 --> 00:10:38,000 -Hi. -I-I'm gonna tie my shoe! 280 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,758 -Describe! -Okay. 281 00:10:39,758 --> 00:10:42,689 Salmon and cucumber twist with a dollop of crème fraîche. 282 00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:43,724 -Okay. -And our salmon 283 00:10:43,724 --> 00:10:45,482 is cured with beetroot. 284 00:10:45,482 --> 00:10:47,827 If I start choking, do not resuscitate. 285 00:10:47,827 --> 00:10:50,206 -This is how I want to go. 286 00:10:50,206 --> 00:10:52,689 Hysterical. 287 00:10:52,689 --> 00:10:54,862 Okay. 288 00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,344 Ohh. 289 00:10:56,344 --> 00:10:59,344 My laces get tangled. 290 00:10:59,344 --> 00:11:01,413 Food! Oh, you know what? I'm gonna go -- 291 00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:04,103 I'm gonna go find them. 'Cause that looks so good. 292 00:11:04,103 --> 00:11:06,793 I'm gonna go get me some of that. 293 00:11:06,793 --> 00:11:08,068 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 294 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,620 Oh, my God. Shit. 295 00:11:09,620 --> 00:11:11,655 Such a character. 296 00:11:11,655 --> 00:11:14,448 Do you have any coke -- 297 00:11:14,448 --> 00:11:16,586 I've always known how to clear out a room. 298 00:11:16,586 --> 00:11:19,275 Okay, moving on with the proceedings. 299 00:11:19,275 --> 00:11:20,724 I would like to look at the next article, 300 00:11:20,724 --> 00:11:24,551 which is a suspension period in monogamy. 301 00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:27,103 If we are gonna do this for another beautiful year, 302 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:32,862 I would like to make out with five... 303 00:11:32,862 --> 00:11:34,275 ty -- "fivety" people. 304 00:11:34,275 --> 00:11:35,310 50 people. 305 00:11:35,310 --> 00:11:36,586 Ilana. 306 00:11:36,586 --> 00:11:37,931 Two. 307 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,034 And I have to know about them. 308 00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:43,034 Okay! Dope! 309 00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:44,586 I mean deal. 310 00:11:44,586 --> 00:11:47,413 Communication is dope. 311 00:11:47,413 --> 00:11:50,275 On the long-term front, 312 00:11:50,275 --> 00:11:52,758 I would like to bring up an issue 313 00:11:52,758 --> 00:11:56,241 with the state of Maryland. 314 00:11:56,241 --> 00:11:59,482 -Mm-hmm. -I think I'd like to move there. 315 00:12:02,103 --> 00:12:04,793 You just want to up and move 316 00:12:04,793 --> 00:12:06,551 to middle-of-nowhere Maryland? 317 00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:08,310 Well, I'm from there, 318 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,137 so my whole family would be there. 319 00:12:10,137 --> 00:12:11,793 My brother's a dentist, also, 320 00:12:11,793 --> 00:12:13,827 and we've always wanted to start our own practice, 321 00:12:13,827 --> 00:12:15,275 "The Tooth Factory." 322 00:12:15,275 --> 00:12:19,448 And there's lots of great schools there. 323 00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,137 Schools? So, w-w-what, 324 00:12:21,137 --> 00:12:24,344 like, cars drive around them slower, and it's safer to walk? 325 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,517 No. Schools are... 326 00:12:26,517 --> 00:12:29,931 for the children that I father 327 00:12:29,931 --> 00:12:31,517 to attend. 328 00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:41,000 Are we -- Are we still discussing thisyear? 329 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,344 I don't really remember reviewing this for my notes. 330 00:12:43,344 --> 00:12:46,344 Well, I guess while looking at this year's points, 331 00:12:46,344 --> 00:12:49,758 I looked ahead at next year and the year after that. 332 00:12:49,758 --> 00:12:51,172 Is this about the rom-coms? 333 00:12:51,172 --> 00:12:53,620 'Cause I'll watch one every weekend, you know? 334 00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:55,241 And I'll just rip a bong 335 00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,896 and laugh really sincerely, and I'll learn to love them. 336 00:12:57,896 --> 00:13:00,103 No, it's just that, I want to buy a house. 337 00:13:00,103 --> 00:13:01,724 I've been looking on Zillow. 338 00:13:01,724 --> 00:13:04,275 Houses aren't even that expensive in Maryland. 339 00:13:04,275 --> 00:13:07,206 And I want to have kids, 340 00:13:07,206 --> 00:13:08,931 and I want to get married. 341 00:13:08,931 --> 00:13:10,586 Lincoln, I'm only 27. 342 00:13:10,586 --> 00:13:12,241 What am I, a child bride? 343 00:13:12,241 --> 00:13:14,551 You know, I don't know that I never want it. 344 00:13:14,551 --> 00:13:16,689 I just definitely don't want it right now. 345 00:13:16,689 --> 00:13:18,689 I could commit to a kid 346 00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:22,000 when I'm like...43. 347 00:13:24,448 --> 00:13:26,655 Lincoln, I just figured out that I want to go back to school 348 00:13:26,655 --> 00:13:30,241 and focus on my wizness. 349 00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:33,275 I'm on a New York City timeline. 350 00:13:33,275 --> 00:13:35,344 Do you ever think you'd change your mind? 351 00:13:41,206 --> 00:13:43,655 At this point, 352 00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:45,793 I can't move on this. 353 00:13:48,551 --> 00:13:52,172 I have no counter. 354 00:13:52,172 --> 00:13:53,896 I-I... 355 00:13:56,724 --> 00:13:59,241 I have no counter. 356 00:13:59,241 --> 00:14:03,413 Well, these points are non-negotiable for me. 357 00:14:29,448 --> 00:14:32,620 ♪ Shawty says she hate my lifestyle ♪ 358 00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:35,758 ♪ She hate my friends, feel like my life wild ♪ 359 00:14:35,758 --> 00:14:39,103 ♪ She hate my lifestyle ♪ 360 00:14:39,103 --> 00:14:40,896 ♪ I wrote this shit up in the Chi ♪ 361 00:14:40,896 --> 00:14:42,344 ♪ All right! All right! ♪ 362 00:14:42,344 --> 00:14:44,137 ♪ That's where I get all my thoughts ♪ 363 00:14:44,137 --> 00:14:45,586 ♪ All right! All right! ♪ 364 00:14:45,586 --> 00:14:47,448 ♪ She don't like it, like it, though ♪ 365 00:14:47,448 --> 00:14:48,862 ♪ All right! All right! ♪ 366 00:14:48,862 --> 00:14:50,689 ♪ That's why you lookin' real soft ♪ 367 00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:52,103 ♪ All right! All right! ♪ 368 00:14:52,103 --> 00:14:55,413 ♪ Damn it, man, I feel like twice ♪ 369 00:14:55,413 --> 00:14:58,137 Riblets!♪ It feel like scheisse ♪ 370 00:14:58,137 --> 00:15:00,896 ♪ She stayin' at my house, it been a few ♪ 371 00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:05,068 Riblets. Am I right? 372 00:15:18,137 --> 00:15:19,517 God. Watch it! 373 00:15:19,517 --> 00:15:22,000 S-- I am sorry. 374 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,724 Shit! 375 00:15:23,724 --> 00:15:25,068 Ohh. I'm so sorry! 376 00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:26,896 -Abbi! -Abbi?! 377 00:15:26,896 --> 00:15:29,000 -Oh, my God. -I'm so sorry. 378 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,413 I'm so sorry. Uh, we were short caterers, 379 00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:34,068 and Abbi's never really been talented with the tray, so... 380 00:15:34,068 --> 00:15:36,517 Oh, I'm so sorry. Actually, Abbi's an up-and-coming artist 381 00:15:36,517 --> 00:15:38,482 and my personal guest, not a caterer. 382 00:15:38,482 --> 00:15:41,379 Um, yes, she is. 383 00:15:41,379 --> 00:15:45,689 So, I-I'm -- I-I'm actually catering, 384 00:15:45,689 --> 00:15:49,724 but I am -- am also a-a guest. 385 00:15:49,724 --> 00:15:51,862 Okay, Ab, We're gonna need you 386 00:15:51,862 --> 00:15:54,758 to start loading some dirties into a van, so... 387 00:15:54,758 --> 00:15:56,379 Totally. I will do that. 388 00:15:56,379 --> 00:15:58,137 -Liars aren't cool. -No, I-I kn-- 389 00:15:58,137 --> 00:16:00,827 I don't think they're cool, either. 390 00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:02,655 You know what? I have to go find some canapés, 391 00:16:02,655 --> 00:16:04,413 -clear my mind. -Donna, I can get you canapés. 392 00:16:04,413 --> 00:16:06,758 I can -- I can g-- I have access to all of them. 393 00:16:09,448 --> 00:16:12,965 Don't worry about her. She can get her own canapés. 394 00:16:12,965 --> 00:16:14,758 It's not that bad! I don't even like this dress. 395 00:16:14,758 --> 00:16:15,931 It's too yellow. 396 00:16:15,931 --> 00:16:18,310 I am so sorry. 397 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:21,896 This is not how this was supposed to go down. 398 00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:24,103 I was so excited to be here tonight as a guest 399 00:16:24,103 --> 00:16:26,931 with all these cool art people. 400 00:16:26,931 --> 00:16:30,241 I mean, I'm actually an artist, too. 401 00:16:30,241 --> 00:16:33,413 I'm just not, like, a -- a real one. 402 00:16:33,413 --> 00:16:34,793 Well, you might not want to say that. 403 00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:37,137 But it's smart to have a flexible service job 404 00:16:37,137 --> 00:16:38,931 so that you can make art. 405 00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,827 I waited tables for years. 406 00:16:40,827 --> 00:16:43,068 And I spilled on lots of people. 407 00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,034 In fact, half my pieces are inspired 408 00:16:45,034 --> 00:16:47,448 by people I've spilled on. 409 00:16:47,448 --> 00:16:49,448 Well, what are your pieces like? 410 00:16:49,448 --> 00:16:50,862 You might know my work. 411 00:16:50,862 --> 00:16:52,758 I'm Toy Harris. 412 00:16:57,620 --> 00:17:00,448 You're T-- You're Toy Harris? 413 00:17:03,172 --> 00:17:04,965 Holy shit, dude. 414 00:17:04,965 --> 00:17:06,724 -Oh, my God. -You're Toy Harris? 415 00:17:06,724 --> 00:17:08,689 -Yeah. -You're the third floor. 416 00:17:08,689 --> 00:17:11,310 It took us years of protesting, but we're here. 417 00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:12,344 -I cannot bel-- -It's okay. 418 00:17:12,344 --> 00:17:13,724 You -- You -- I c-- 419 00:17:13,724 --> 00:17:16,172 So, you want to just -- you know. 420 00:17:16,172 --> 00:17:18,172 I can't believe I spill-- I spilled on Toy Harris. 421 00:17:18,172 --> 00:17:20,103 I spilled on Toy Harris! 422 00:17:20,103 --> 00:17:22,000 -Okay. -I am getting dizzy! 423 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,482 -This is insane! -All right, then. 424 00:17:23,482 --> 00:17:24,517 Good night. 425 00:17:24,517 --> 00:17:28,206 Oh, my God. Okay. 426 00:17:28,206 --> 00:17:29,931 Ooh! 427 00:17:29,931 --> 00:17:32,068 This is not her night. 428 00:17:34,034 --> 00:17:35,517 Bah! 429 00:17:35,517 --> 00:17:37,206 -Ohh. -Bee! 430 00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:38,448 Hee-hee-hoo! 431 00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:40,275 What do they do? Hoo-hoo-hee! 432 00:17:40,275 --> 00:17:43,517 Put your head out of the window now for fresh air! 433 00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:44,793 Ohh! 434 00:17:44,793 --> 00:17:47,965 Ay! Zy-yo-wah! 435 00:17:47,965 --> 00:17:50,172 Please keep your head out of the window, okay? 436 00:17:50,172 --> 00:17:51,931 You keep your head out of the window t-- 437 00:17:54,758 --> 00:17:56,206 You keep your head out, too. 438 00:17:56,206 --> 00:17:59,586 Oh, Jesus Christ! 439 00:18:02,241 --> 00:18:04,793 Your blood pressure's low. 440 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:08,517 You probably fainted from low blood sugar and dehydration. 441 00:18:08,517 --> 00:18:11,172 Your girlfriend said you narrowly missed fainting 442 00:18:11,172 --> 00:18:14,827 into something dangerous -- a sculpture, I think? 443 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,448 Oh, wait, is Ilana here? 444 00:18:16,448 --> 00:18:18,793 No, she's not my girlfriend. People do talk, though. 445 00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,689 No, uh, Donna? 446 00:18:20,689 --> 00:18:22,034 The woman who brought you in. 447 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,689 Yeah, yeah, Smelly Pussy Do-- Donna. 448 00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:26,931 No, Donna's just my friend. 449 00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:30,137 No, I-I don't have a, um, boyfriend or -- 450 00:18:30,137 --> 00:18:32,103 ora-a girlfriend. 451 00:18:32,103 --> 00:18:35,482 That's...surprising. 452 00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,241 You just seem like you would. 453 00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:41,068 Oh. Thanks. 454 00:18:41,068 --> 00:18:43,034 No, you, too. You see-- I mean, 455 00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:45,275 obviously, you have one -- You do. You're a doctor, 456 00:18:45,275 --> 00:18:48,758 -so of cour-- -I don't. 457 00:18:48,758 --> 00:18:50,655 Cool. 458 00:18:55,137 --> 00:18:57,310 Ohh. Fart away, man. 459 00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:03,172 God, I'm full. 460 00:19:03,172 --> 00:19:06,655 You know, while I was, um, breaking your toilet, 461 00:19:06,655 --> 00:19:10,379 I had a lot of time to think, and... 462 00:19:10,379 --> 00:19:12,448 I'm meant to be a polyamorous queen. 463 00:19:12,448 --> 00:19:13,862 I understand. 464 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,586 You got too much love for just one person. 465 00:19:16,586 --> 00:19:19,310 You are so special. 466 00:19:19,310 --> 00:19:21,379 Such a heart on you. 467 00:19:21,379 --> 00:19:24,172 You're gonna be an amazing dad and husband. 468 00:19:24,172 --> 00:19:26,586 And you should have those things if you want them. 469 00:19:26,586 --> 00:19:29,206 I just don't know that I do right now. 470 00:19:29,206 --> 00:19:31,206 You'll figure it out when it's right. 471 00:19:31,206 --> 00:19:33,482 Do you think I'll figure it out like you, 472 00:19:33,482 --> 00:19:35,310 by the time I'm 40? 473 00:19:35,310 --> 00:19:36,862 I'm 32. 474 00:19:38,862 --> 00:19:41,000 You know, that coupon book never expires. 475 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,655 -Yeah? 476 00:19:42,655 --> 00:19:44,931 So say you have kids, and you have a wife, 477 00:19:44,931 --> 00:19:48,482 and you guys are, like, doin' the suburban grind, 478 00:19:48,482 --> 00:19:50,068 I will fly in. 479 00:19:50,068 --> 00:19:51,689 I'll hold on to it. 480 00:19:54,034 --> 00:19:56,034 -What? -Is it insane 481 00:19:56,034 --> 00:19:58,379 that I'm still hungry? 482 00:19:58,379 --> 00:20:00,517 Nope, not at all. 483 00:20:00,517 --> 00:20:04,241 And that's why I brought the cake in here. 484 00:20:09,965 --> 00:20:13,896 That is a good friend. 485 00:20:13,896 --> 00:20:15,310 Wow. 486 00:20:15,310 --> 00:20:17,206 Yep. 487 00:20:17,206 --> 00:20:18,896 Mm. 488 00:20:23,586 --> 00:20:25,517 Okay. So, this is for glucose tablets. 489 00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:26,758 -Okay. -Not a bad idea 490 00:20:26,758 --> 00:20:28,517 to carry them with you just in case. 491 00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:30,172 And if you're still feeling weak tomorrow, 492 00:20:30,172 --> 00:20:31,965 I'd make an appointment with your regular doctor, 493 00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:34,862 but you look great to me. 494 00:20:34,862 --> 00:20:37,068 Okay. 495 00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:39,068 So, uh, is that -- That's it? 496 00:20:39,068 --> 00:20:43,206 Um, unless there's something else I can do for you. 497 00:20:43,206 --> 00:20:46,172 N-- I-I don't think so. 498 00:20:46,172 --> 00:20:48,689 Okay. Well... 499 00:20:48,689 --> 00:20:50,310 it was nice to meet you, Abbi. 500 00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:52,551 Yeah, it was nice to meet you, too, Dr. Marnel. 501 00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:56,000 You know, since we're done, why don't you call me Leslie? 502 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,724 Okay. 503 00:20:57,724 --> 00:20:59,482 Leslie. 504 00:21:21,103 --> 00:21:22,724 -Hey, Leslie. -Yes? 505 00:21:22,724 --> 00:21:25,517 Um, I was just thinking, would it be illegal or whatever 506 00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:27,793 if I -- 507 00:21:27,793 --> 00:21:30,862 if I got your phone number? 508 00:21:30,862 --> 00:21:32,586 It would not be illegal. 509 00:21:34,827 --> 00:21:37,482 So, even though it was a conscious uncoupling, 510 00:21:37,482 --> 00:21:39,758 and we will stay friends, 511 00:21:39,758 --> 00:21:43,137 it was, um, devastating 512 00:21:43,137 --> 00:21:45,689 and tragically bittersweet 513 00:21:45,689 --> 00:21:48,793 and fully broke my heart. 514 00:21:48,793 --> 00:21:50,655 Obviously, you had a shitty night, too. 515 00:21:50,655 --> 00:21:53,034 I mean, look at you. You know, let's never be apart again. 516 00:21:53,034 --> 00:21:55,000 And I'm just praying that your nose returns 517 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,965 to its beautiful goyish shape. 518 00:21:56,965 --> 00:21:59,448 Okay, so, my night was, like, kind of nuts. 519 00:21:59,448 --> 00:22:00,965 -Mm. -It started off pretty bad, 520 00:22:00,965 --> 00:22:03,103 you know -- typical failure after failure. 521 00:22:03,103 --> 00:22:05,448 But then I realized, like, I need to put myself out there 522 00:22:05,448 --> 00:22:08,241 alone, to meet all these, like, rad art contacts. 523 00:22:08,241 --> 00:22:11,448 -Right? -Dude, I met Toy Harris. 524 00:22:11,448 --> 00:22:14,034 Whoa! Who is that, though? 525 00:22:14,034 --> 00:22:15,758 Yeah. She's, like, this incredible artist. 526 00:22:15,758 --> 00:22:17,517 And Smelly Pussy Donna was dope. 527 00:22:17,517 --> 00:22:19,034 She, like, introduced me to all these people 528 00:22:19,034 --> 00:22:21,862 who told me about all these artist residencies. 529 00:22:21,862 --> 00:22:24,241 She's kind of like my...friend. 530 00:22:24,241 --> 00:22:25,931 Totally! Right? 531 00:22:25,931 --> 00:22:28,620 Yeah. And then, at the E.R., 532 00:22:28,620 --> 00:22:30,241 you know, after I smashed my face, 533 00:22:30,241 --> 00:22:32,448 -there was this hot doctor. -Okay! 534 00:22:32,448 --> 00:22:35,241 And we, like, really hit it off. 535 00:22:35,241 --> 00:22:36,724 And then I realized the only reason 536 00:22:36,724 --> 00:22:39,241 I wasn't automatically asking them out 537 00:22:39,241 --> 00:22:40,827 was because she was a woman. 538 00:22:40,827 --> 00:22:42,758 You don't say. 539 00:22:42,758 --> 00:22:45,241 -Yeah. So then I just did it. -Mm! 540 00:22:45,241 --> 00:22:47,793 We're gonna go out on Friday night. Yes! 541 00:22:47,793 --> 00:22:50,689 It was really a transformative night, dude. 542 00:22:50,689 --> 00:22:52,724 So cool. Yes! 543 00:22:52,724 --> 00:22:54,724 Yes! Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool! 544 00:22:54,724 --> 00:22:57,241 Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool! C-C-Cool! 545 00:22:57,241 --> 00:22:59,517 Cool. That is so...cool. 546 00:22:59,517 --> 00:23:02,758 We just both had these sort of life-altering nights 547 00:23:02,758 --> 00:23:05,172 out there on our own. Yes! 548 00:23:05,172 --> 00:23:07,000 -Yeah. 549 00:23:14,413 --> 00:23:15,965 So, let's watch this thing, huh? 550 00:23:15,965 --> 00:23:17,965 Yeah. Found it. 551 00:23:17,965 --> 00:23:21,758 Hello. My name is Donna Donatachi. 552 00:23:21,758 --> 00:23:25,517 Back in college, they used to call me Smelly Pussy Donna. 553 00:23:25,517 --> 00:23:27,689 Well, not anymore! 554 00:23:30,620 --> 00:23:33,827 Read my lips -- Yo-gurt! 555 00:23:40,172 --> 00:23:42,068 My nipples are hard. 556 00:23:42,068 --> 00:23:44,655 Um, yeah, my balls tinglin' from this. 557 00:23:44,655 --> 00:23:46,965 -Wow. Mmm. -Yeah. 558 00:23:46,965 --> 00:23:48,689 -Mmm. -As a man, we're usually 559 00:23:48,689 --> 00:23:50,896 not capable of multiple orgasms, but... 560 00:23:50,896 --> 00:23:52,172 Mm. Mm-hmm. 561 00:23:52,172 --> 00:23:54,724 ...this makes that false.