1
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:11,945
*

2
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:15,216
I thought we were
all wearing our

3
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:17,785
old catering
uniforms together.

4
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:18,886
Nobody said that, dude.

5
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:20,554
You're supposed to
return it when you quit.

6
00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:23,124
Yeah, Ilana, we're not caterers
at Darcy's wedding,

7
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,925
we're guests.
I know, Morgan,
thanks.

8
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,528
Abbi, can you believe that
Darcy's the first of the

9
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:28,696
trifecta to
get married?

10
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:30,598
I can--she's been engaged
for like seven years.

11
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,032
Oh, my God, Ilana,

12
00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:34,368
you have to take so many
pictures of us tonight.
Yea it will be fun.

13
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:37,938
I mean, sorry, not of us, of the
trifecta-me, Abbi, and Darcy.

14
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,107
(Kevin)
I worked with
you guys, too.

15
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,141
I thought we were the quad.

16
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:42,810
Honestly, Morgan's
boner for you is so big

17
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,212
you can see it from space.

18
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,313
You should just let
her suck it already.

19
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,547
So, now I have the boner?

20
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,948
I thought that
Morgan had the boner.

21
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:50,484
Oh, my God, Connecticut
is so classy.

22
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:51,852
God, no it isn't.

23
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,321
Why are we
even going there?

24
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:56,624
Don't be insane, Ilana, I mean
Darcy is marrying the heir to

25
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,259
Jennifer friggin'
Convertibles.

26
00:00:58,292 --> 00:00:59,293
It's gonna
be so amazing.

27
00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:01,362
I brought all the
essentials-gum, Adderall,

28
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,363
and poppers.

29
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,397
We gotta bring our
A-game, bitches.

30
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:05,799
There better be
good boys there.

31
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,769
I'm the first woman in my family
to be 25 and still single?

32
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,705
This year I had to bring
myself up to minorities,

33
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,307
and still nothing.

34
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:14,775
(Ilana)
Move our asses, bitches!

35
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:15,776
Got some good momentum.

36
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,245
Come on!

37
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,148
It's so crazy that you're coming
with me to this wedding, right?
No.

38
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:21,482
It's only
our second date.

39
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:22,583
It's not crazy at all.

40
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:25,153
Plus I get to see you in
this dress, maybe out of it.

41
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,187
Will!

42
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:29,290
(Ilana)
Okay, chill.

43
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:30,291
We've got time.

44
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,292
I'm pumped.

45
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,293
I love weddings.

46
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:33,861
I crush at
weddings.

47
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:35,929
Wait till you see me on
the dance floor.

48
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:38,666
Um, Ilana, what are we even
doing in Grand Central?

49
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:39,933
Is there a garage
in here or something?

50
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,169
Where's your
mom's car parked?

51
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:42,336
Uh, Long Island.

52
00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:44,605
Uh, Ilana,
what the frick!

53
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:47,175
You said that we could get
your mom's car for this trip.

54
00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:49,210
I e-mailed you every day for
like two months.

55
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,344
I didn't get
any e-mails.

56
00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:53,781
Is your e-mail address still
Ilanawaxler@vagina.com?

57
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,350
No, it's
mindmyvagina.com.

58
00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:57,418
That's why.

59
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,786
Don't worry,
dude, chill.

60
00:01:58,819 --> 00:01:59,953
I got us tickets.

61
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,555
Oh, my God,
we gotta go.

62
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:02,990
Come on, we got
a couple minutes!

63
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:07,094
*

64
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,802
*

65
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:20,874
Uh, Ilana, why is there no 2:10
train to Bridgeport anywhere?

66
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,543
I don't know--
I'm not a conductor.

67
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,914
Ilana, these are
Amtrak tickets, dude.

68
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:28,882
It only runs outta
Penn Station.

69
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:29,950
Oh, gross.

70
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,219
Alright, let's go,
come on.

71
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:33,487
I-I can't run.

72
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,722
I'm gonna sweat
off my concealer.

73
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:38,959
Holy (bleep)!

74
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,795
This place really
is majestic.

75
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,499
*

76
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,002
(Morgan)
Taxi!

77
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,037
Taxi!

78
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:53,374
It's been a whirlwind,
right?

79
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:54,442
I know.

80
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,610
Both been
having fun.
Yeah.

81
00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:59,112
Talked about
getting that dog.
Uh-huh.

82
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:04,252
But, um, Penn
Station-I can't.

83
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:06,019
It's disgusting.

84
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:08,889
It's kind of a
deal-breaker for me.

85
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,123
Okay, I'm confused.

86
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,960
Maybe this is one of those
romantic New York City stories

87
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:18,299
where you meet someone amazing,
and then... tragedy happens.

88
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:21,168
And they're gone, and
you never see them again,

89
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:22,903
and you wonder what they did
with their whole life.

90
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:28,442
Good luck, kid.

91
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:29,443
(Morgan)
Taxi's here.

92
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:30,444
Come on!

93
00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:31,712
Okay, everybody in.

94
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,314
Abbi, sit by me.

95
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,882
(Abbi)
I don't even know
what just happened.

96
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:38,185
(Morgan)
Okay you sit in the middle, but
I don't wanna sit next to Ilana.

97
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,288
(Ilana)
Sure, sit on
Morgan's boner.

98
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,956
(Abbi)
Guys,
I just got dumped.

99
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,425
Abbi, wait!

100
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,527
Wait!

101
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,296
Wait!

102
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:50,798
Oh, it's just
not meant to be.

103
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:55,836
*

104
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,876
(Kevin)
Oh, my G, my God, you guys remember
Brian O., the head bartender?

105
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:06,380
He stopped eating
carbs and got totally ripped.

106
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:09,817
My brother did that-he
doesn't eat carbs-he's jacked.

107
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:16,790
Anyway, he became a DJ in
Provincetown, then he OD'd.

108
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,326
Dead!

109
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,727
Wow, geez.

110
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:22,330
Only the good
die young, huh?

111
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:25,165
You know, I'm not
over Amy Winehouse.

112
00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:28,402
It's like we
knew it would happen,

113
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:31,138
but we didn't do anything
about it.

114
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:35,175
I didn't "know her" know
her, but I still miss her.

115
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:38,679
You guys remember
Steff?

116
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,114
Yes, the one who used to eat out
of the trash-- Ew, right, okay.

117
00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:44,352
So, she worked that retirement
party, married some old dude and

118
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:48,589
then OD'd a week later at Bryant
Park on the carousel.

119
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:49,557
Dead!

120
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,825
You remember
Ray-- (bleep)

121
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,193
(Ilana)
Are you okay?

122
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:54,362
Oh, my gosh,
are you all right?

123
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,363
Everybody okay?

124
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:58,098
Kevin, your
nose is bleeding.

125
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:01,469
Oh, no, this
isn't from the crash.

126
00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:03,236
It happens all the time.

127
00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:04,805
But I need to get outta
here before the cops come.

128
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,006
Everybody out.

129
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:11,211
*

130
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,733
Can you take this?
Yeah.

131
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,134
Whoo!
I am hot, too.

132
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,836
I have blotting
sheets if anybody needs.

133
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:36,904
I could
use one.

134
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:37,905
(Kevin)
You might need two,
sweetheart.

135
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:38,906
Oh, my God!

136
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,140
It left us.

137
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,475
It left without us!

138
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:44,111
What?

139
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,245
No!

140
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,614
No, no.

141
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,616
Oh, my God!

142
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:51,552
All right, okay!

143
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:52,786
We gotta go
right now!

144
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:53,921
Come on,
let's move it!

145
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:54,955
Move it!

146
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:55,956
Move, move, move!

147
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,758
Come on!

148
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:58,759
No, no, no, no!

149
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:00,428
Eighth Avenue.

150
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:02,229
Ilana, come on,
move it!

151
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,230
Move it!

152
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:04,498
Come on!

153
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:05,666
Abbi, I'm behind you!

154
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:16,544
So, it's $70
a day to rent a car.

155
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:17,545
Totally doable.

156
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,546
Do you wanna
insure the driver?

157
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:19,547
Yes.
Yes.

158
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:20,548
Do you want to insure
against other cars?

159
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:21,549
Yes.
Yes.

160
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:22,550
Potholes?

161
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:23,551
Yes.
Yes.

162
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:24,785
Weather?
Yes
Yes.

163
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:25,919
Trees?
Uh-huh.

164
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,154
God?

165
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,456
Yeah.
Yeah.

166
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:31,659
Transition insurance for when I
pull the car around-- make sure

167
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,794
you get that last
one--I'm a terrible driver.

168
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,128
Okay.
Sure.

169
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:39,132
With all that,
it comes to $125.

170
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:40,668
Okay.

171
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,470
License and credit
card, please.

172
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,240
Oh.

173
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,909
You're under 25.

174
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,310
That changes
things.

175
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,557
That'll be $1,100.

176
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:06,393
Oh... we're gonna need
one moment, please.

177
00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:07,761
Thank you so much.

178
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,363
All right,
come 'ere, huddle up.

179
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:14,635
Okay, so, we both know that I'm
25, but what Mary doesn't yet

180
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:16,970
know is that my
license is expired.

181
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:19,272
We're gonna need to come up with
a plan in the next 20 seconds

182
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:22,109
inside this huddle, 'cause
when I created the huddle,

183
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,077
I thought by this
time I'd have a plan.

184
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,078
I don't.

185
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,414
I'm gonna keep--
Here's my license and the AMEX

186
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:29,950
should cover
insurance.

187
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,619
This isn't a
sugar daddy thing.

188
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:34,722
This is just an old, established
"guy paying for his younger

189
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,890
friend he has sex
with" kind of thing,

190
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:39,527
so just get that right out
of your mind, you know?

191
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,528
(woman)
Well, you're
all set.

192
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:41,995
There's only
one vehicle left.

193
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:45,533
It doesn't have AC,
but it's really spacious.

194
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:47,000
We'll take it.

195
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,646
(brakes squeal)

196
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:08,956
Oh...okay.

197
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,558
Gotta love that
transitions insurance.

198
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:14,161
*

199
00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:16,864
(Lincoln)
Man, it's hot in here.

200
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:20,568
Gotta commend you, I got adult
braces two years ago, and it was

201
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,069
the best decision
I ever made.

202
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,070
Check me out.

203
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,938
Oh, those are
nice.
Yeah, yeah.

204
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,306
But these aren't braces.

205
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:29,042
They're mouth scaffolding,
just to hold my teeth in.

206
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,043
Mouth scaffolding?

207
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:31,044
I've never heard
of that.

208
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:32,813
I'm a dentist, and
I haven't heard of that.

209
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,314
I went to Nicaragua
for 'em.

210
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,449
They were so reasonable.

211
00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,588
(Ilana)
Okay, you're dancing
against the truck right now.

212
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,055
You gotta dance
with it, girl.

213
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,193
God, this
is terrible.

214
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,194
I don't know.

215
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:48,929
It kinda feels good
on my back.

216
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,698
Yeah, I mean
it's actually kinda fun.

217
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:51,932
Good save, Morgan.

218
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,201
Abbi, do you remember that
holiday party that we thought

219
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,604
that we ran out of cheeseballs,
and then it turned out we had

220
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:58,939
more cheeseballs
in the back?

221
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,642
Yeah,
the cheeseballs.

222
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:02,676
Yeah.

223
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:11,051
I'm not gettin' married until
everyone can get married.

224
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:18,626
Why did you look at me
when you said "everyone"?

225
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,060
What do you mean?

226
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:23,664
What do
you mean?

227
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:24,665
You gay, man.

228
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:25,666
Oh, yeah, I am.

229
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:26,667
I'm totally
gay.

230
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:27,668
I got it now.

231
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:28,736
I got
what you mean.

232
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,338
*

233
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,309
Abbi, do you remember
that time the chicken satays

234
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,478
were way underdone?

235
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:39,446
Do you remember?

236
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:40,681
I still laugh
about it.

237
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,149
(laughing hysterically)

238
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,653
(Ilana)
This bitch
is unraveling.

239
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,054
(Abbi)
I am well
aware.

240
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,723
(laughing)

241
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:56,396
What are
we laughing about?

242
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,497
I don't know.

243
00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:00,868
*

244
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,537
God, I can't believe Will
didn't go to Penn Station.

245
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:05,839
What a little bitch.

246
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:07,741
It's the most vibrant
place in the city,

247
00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:09,276
and they have
really good sushi.

248
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:12,846
You know what,
I'm fine that he left.

249
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:16,149
He had a really
big penis.

250
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:17,150
How big, how big,
how big?

251
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,652
Like, think
earth, like think earth.

252
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:23,023
Coke can,
plantain big.

253
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,457
Oh, God!

254
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,326
*

255
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,696
What are those?

256
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:29,830
Poppers.

257
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:30,831
What do they do?

258
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,632
They loosen
your butthole.

259
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,201
Why you takin'
it right now?

260
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,803
'Cause we're going
to a wedding.

261
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:37,537
Hello?

262
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,039
Abbi, this keeps
happening to you.

263
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,374
You're like a magnet
for elephant dongs

264
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,877
God, you know who had
the really big dick?

265
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,078
My brother, Mitchell.

266
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,516
Hold on, Morgan,
did you say something

267
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:50,951
about your
brother's dick?

268
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:51,952
I didn't mean to say that.

269
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:52,986
Just forget it.

270
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,521
Delete, delete, delete,
delete, delete, delete.

271
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:59,727
(yelling)

272
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,131
(horns honking)

273
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:06,934
Everybody okay?

274
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:09,336
Why would Jesus give
us a flat tire?

275
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:10,570
Well, he did, Morgan.

276
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:11,872
God, it is over!

277
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,807
Guys, the Sei Wah bus
runs every half hour.

278
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:14,808
Ew, disgusting, Ilana.

279
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:15,843
You're disgusting.

280
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,277
I think that's our only
option right now, so...

281
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,578
Yeah, okay, Abbi,
you're totally right.

282
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:19,579
I agree with you.

283
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:20,948
You know,
we could ride down.

284
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:21,949
(Morgan)
Ilana, we are
in formalwear.

285
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,016
We cannot bike down.

286
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,084
It's 4:00 o'clock.

287
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,152
We're not getting
a cab right now.

288
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,153
This is our best bet.

289
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,420
Totally.

290
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,990
Okay, so to recap-Abbi and I
have decided that we're going to

291
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,892
bike down to the
Sei Wah bus, okay?

292
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:32,893
Whoo-hoo!
Great.

293
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:33,894
All right, come on on,
let's go.

294
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,295
Come on, come
on, come on!

295
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,197
Let's go!
Abbi,
I'm coming!

296
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:38,331
Lincoln, come on.

297
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,666
I can't.

298
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,034
Someone has to stay
with the truck and call

299
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,669
the rental
car company.

300
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,271
I can't leave
you here by yourself.

301
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:47,507
You can't not go to
a wedding you RSVP'd to.

302
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:52,245
You have to respect
the sanctity of the RSVP.

303
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:55,082
I was uncomfortable at the fact
that you were my date

304
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:57,350
to a wedding-- that's
like so legit.

305
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,219
But now that you're
not coming, I'm bummed.

306
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:02,990
And that makes me uncomfortable
in a different way.

307
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:05,392
Are you just sayin' that so
I'll do the rest of the dance?

308
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,260
The what?

309
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:09,396
(laughing)

310
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:12,933
*

311
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:23,110
(flatulence)

312
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,477
What's
painfully ironic about

313
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:27,848
this is that I love
weddings the most.

314
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,183
*

315
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,819
(Abbi)
Pump it, pump it!

316
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,020
You guys, if we don't
pick up the pace,

317
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,822
we're gonna
miss this 4:30.

318
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,356
Harder, harder!

319
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,458
You are warriors
of change right now.

320
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,860
What are your passions?

321
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,995
Who lights
your fire?

322
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,130
Gossip!

323
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,597
Rihanna's instagram.

324
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,233
My brother!

325
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,234
Never mind!

326
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,435
Delete, delete that!

327
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,970
Hey, Kevin, what's up
with your bike, dude?

328
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,839
We're all on
city bikes.

329
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,206
What?

330
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,607
I thought we
were all stealing bikes.

331
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:57,077
I-I-I can't go back to
prison, Ilana!

332
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,111
I can't go--

333
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:00,848
Whoo!

334
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:02,115
High on life!

335
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:03,851
Look at me now,
solstice!

336
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,318
Whoo!

337
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,486
Yeah!

338
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,521
Look at me
now, New York City!

339
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,323
Whoo!

340
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:16,897
*

341
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,267
Okay, so, if we make this bus,
then we'll just miss the

342
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,569
cocktail hour, but we'll
make it time for apps before

343
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:23,636
the ceremony.

344
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,638
This is the opposite of
the time the trifecta took

345
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,674
the Jitney to
the Hamptons.

346
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:28,942
I never heard about that.

347
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:30,143
It-- it wasn't
a big deal.

348
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:31,778
We just went to the
Hamptons for the weekend.

349
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,313
Darcy's parents
have a timeshare.

350
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,282
That was a really crazy
weekend, huh, Abbi?

351
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,984
I don't know if it's
really worth talking about.

352
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:40,120
Okay, I think it's very
much worth talking about.

353
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,622
Remember we went
to that club, The Elm?

354
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,291
The Elm, that
sounds cool.

355
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,893
It wasn't.

356
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:49,029
Oh, my God,
she doesn't know?

357
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,563
(Ilana)
Know what?

358
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,132
Oh, this is gonna
be so rich.

359
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,534
Okay, when we
went to the Hamptons,

360
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,537
Darcy and
Abbi made out.

361
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:00,540
(explosion)

362
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,478
It was before
I knew you.

363
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,390
Ilana, it's not
a big deal.

364
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:18,791
It's a huge deal.

365
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,393
You said that if you were
ever gonna do same-sex

366
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:23,396
experimentation,
it was gonna be with me.

367
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,365
I have never said
that to you.

368
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,100
It has
been implied.

369
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,135
By you.

370
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,673
Well, implications get
responses,

371
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,543
and it takes
two to tango.

372
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:41,114
(Abbi)
Oh.... okay.

373
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,516
(people coughing)

374
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:46,319
Oh, my God.

375
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:47,554
Where are we even?

376
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,857
* Confess to
the nervousness *

377
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:54,027
* As we stumble to the close of
the troubled chapter *

378
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,795
* These notes
have been torn *

379
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,564
* But we don't know
the truth burns through *

380
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,366
* It's a total disaster

381
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:03,203
* But if you could see
what your eyes reflect *

382
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:05,272
* From your soul
through the-- *

383
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:09,276
* If you could look past what
divides is petty *

384
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,011
* Wondering if you can

385
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:16,383
* Won't you let me,
won't you let me be... *

386
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,019
Ilana,
there'seats.

387
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,654
I'm gonna sit with somebody
whose yet to shatter my world.

388
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:24,357
Hello,
new friend.

389
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,127
Yeah.

390
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,330
You okay?

391
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:34,367
Yeah, I'm just-I'm listening
to this relaxation mix.

392
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,635
Do you wanna?

393
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:38,005
All right,
sure.

394
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:39,739
(voice on iPod)
...too shall pass.

395
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:45,712
You are beautiful, you are
strong, you are supple, Morgan.

396
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,014
What is this?

397
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,748
My brother
made if for me.

398
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:49,916
He's a yoga
teacher.

399
00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,618
Isn't it helpful?

400
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:52,652
He's good,
right?

401
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:57,090
Ilana, will you just come
on and sit back here?

402
00:15:57,124 --> 00:16:00,860
No, I will not just
"come on," and you know why.

403
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:02,395
'Cause you made
out with Darcy.

404
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:03,430
You told him?

405
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,034
Fine.

406
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,901
You know what
else Darcy and I did?

407
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,438
We touched boobs.

408
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,842
(screaming)

409
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,911
We touched boobs,
We touched boobs!

410
00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:20,680
We touched boobs!

411
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,649
We touched
boobs!

412
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,117
We
touched boobs.

413
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:32,592
Oh, my God.

414
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,127
Oh, my God,
what is this?

415
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,728
It's a fish!
Oh, my God!

416
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,164
Get out!

417
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,631
Move, move, move!

418
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:39,632
I'm getting out!

419
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:40,633
I'm getting off
of this bus!

420
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,735
*

421
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:46,773
I hate you all!

422
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,075
It's going
down my underwear.

423
00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,682
Oh, God!

424
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,450
Ilana, F-you!

425
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,586
You did this to
bring down the trifecta.

426
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,089
Morgan, what are
you talking about?

427
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:03,090
We don't even hang
out anymore.

428
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:04,391
There's no trifecta.

429
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:06,693
It's more of like
a duo now.

430
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:07,994
So...

431
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:08,995
Oh, my God,
keep talking.

432
00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:10,097
I'm legit gonna cry.
Okay.

433
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:12,132
Oh my god.
Well, fine!

434
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,434
Have fun doing all
your drugs together,

435
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,570
you druggie lesbian dudes!

436
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,005
Go (bleep)
your brother, dude.

437
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:20,807
(laughing)

438
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,179
You smell.

439
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:27,680
All right, give
me Lincoln's clothes.

440
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:28,681
I'll change.

441
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,883
Okay, I'll block you,
and I'm gonna peek.

442
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:32,119
No, dude,
you're not peeking.

443
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:33,520
Come on.

444
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,389
Fine, today
you can peek.

445
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,890
This one time.

446
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,263
(woman)
Well, you didn't
get flat tire insurance.

447
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,864
What do you mean I didn't
get flat tire insurance?

448
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,399
I bought every
insurance you offered.

449
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:50,002
Before I rented you the car, I
went through an itemized list.

450
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:53,140
If you wanted flat tires
covered, you should have asked

451
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:54,607
for flat tires.

452
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,243
I'm not a mind-reader.

453
00:17:56,276 --> 00:18:00,147
Listen, Mary, I've
had an awful day.

454
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:03,150
I was on my way to a wedding, I
wasn't able to make the wedding.

455
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,784
Imagine how
disappointed I am.

456
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,653
I shine at weddings.

457
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,255
You can't look the other
way on this?

458
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,256
Look the other way?

459
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:10,490
Yeah?

460
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:12,492
You think 'cause you come in
here in your little short-shorts

461
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:15,228
looking all Idris
Elba that I'm supposed

462
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,530
to like give everything up?

463
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,232
Idris Elba?

464
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:21,968
Don't act like
you don't know.

465
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:24,204
You look like him.

466
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:27,407
All right, well,
Mary, where do I sign?

467
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:34,481
Wait, are we talking
Luther or the Wire?

468
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:41,521
*

469
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,277
Oh, I was supposed
to tell you something.

470
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:06,012
Anything.

471
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,013
Mom called.

472
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:08,381
She needs
your social.

473
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:09,582
Did you write it down?

474
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,083
No, that's why
I'm telling you now?

475
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:12,852
Mitchell, what's the
point of telling me now?

476
00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:14,787
I'm just gonna forget it.

477
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,223
Go, you're so
much like dad.

478
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,627
I don't know.

479
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,928
I think I'd be Penn.

480
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,963
I get to
be Teller?
You wanna be Teller?

481
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:27,967
I'll be whoever you
don't wanna be, you know?

482
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,236
(phone rings)

483
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:30,437
Oh.
That's what I mean.

484
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,038
Whoa.

485
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,506
I feel bad.

486
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:36,243
I have to tell Darcy
we can't come.
She's fine.

487
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,911
She invited 300
other people.

488
00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:42,249
Great.

489
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:43,683
They're not
coming either.

490
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,051
Let's just do this.

491
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:48,521
Do you, Darcy--

492
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:49,522
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

493
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:52,692
I do, he does,
whatever.

494
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:53,726
You smell
good now.

495
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:56,996
Oh, you smell
like Lincoln.

496
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,432
Yeah, I smell
exactly like Lincoln.

497
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,434
I'm gonna grab the
N train around the corner.
Me, too.

498
00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:03,169
I'm headed
that way.
Okay, cool.

499
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:07,039
Huh.

500
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:10,109
We are
perfect gentlemen, dude.

501
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,211
We're in tuxes.

502
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:14,947
Right, it's like...
We have to.

503
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,084
Right?

504
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:19,819
Your call,
bud.

505
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:21,053
Captain.
I say we do it.

506
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,055
Let's do it...
this day.

507
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:27,093
Hello, Sir.

508
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:28,395
Oh, my gosh,
thank you.

509
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,132
They've completely remodeled.

510
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,267
This used to
be carpet.

511
00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:35,802
Love hardwood floors.

512
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:36,836
(Abbi)
Ilana, what?

513
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,645
We touched boobs!

514
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,614
We touched
boobs!

515
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:49,482
We touched boobs!

516
00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:51,284
We touched
boobs!

517
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:52,652
We touched boobs!

518
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:54,253
We touched
boobs!

519
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:56,122
We touched boobs!

520
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:57,924
We touched
boobs!