1
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,345
Hi, Galina, hey Tatiana.

2
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,247
Hey, Yevgenya.
Hey.

3
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,515
I love your braids.
Thank you.

4
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:15,749
Here to wax
the usual spots?

5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:19,253
Yep, you know it.
Okay, follow me.

6
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,322
Been a long time.

7
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:22,590
Like a week.

8
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:26,394
No, it's been,
like, three weeks.

9
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,496
I'm sorry.

10
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,232
Okay, this may hurt.

11
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,267
My body's learned.

12
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:37,105
Oh... kay.

13
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,939
Whoa.

14
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,841
Oh, my God.

15
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:42,276
(woman)
First voice message.

16
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,512
(woman)
Abbi, this one is
a great idea.

17
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,647
What about an umbrella, but
it's connected to your clothes,

18
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:47,715
so you don't
have to hold it?

19
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:48,716
That'd be hot.

20
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,418
Maybe draw it up?

21
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:53,721
Abbi, there is a hot couch on
the corner of 4th and Avenue C.

22
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,989
Do you need a couch?
I'm e-mailing you pics.

23
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,058
Hey, girl, there's, like,
piss and blood on it.

24
00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,860
Okay, sorry to
bother you, bye!

25
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,929
Abbi, Jaime's
coworker has a turtle

26
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,164
and it just had
baby turtles.

27
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:04,632
I thought maybe we
could each get one.

28
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:07,268
So text me back if
you don't want a turtle.

29
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,170
Hey, Ab, never mind about
that umbrella idea.

30
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,205
I forgot there's
raincoats, duh.

31
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,407
Abbi, hey, girl,
do me a favor.

32
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:14,608
What's this song?

33
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:17,778
(humming)

34
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:22,450
* Four and three
and two and one-one *

35
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:26,019
*

36
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,924
Hey, guys, so sorry to
interrupt, but Zandir,

37
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:33,461
your instructor has
actually been missing

38
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:35,163
for the last 48 hours.

39
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,331
And Bryce, his sub,
is also missing.

40
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:40,067
So power slide has been
canceled for today,

41
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,403
but you're welcome to
stay and have an hour

42
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,505
of free sliding, okay?

43
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:45,873
(woman)
I can't believe this.

44
00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,675
If I don't slide,
my flaps will come back.

45
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:50,344
Slide and glide
is all I have.

46
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,413
Hey, guys, listen.

47
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:55,082
I don't know. I work here
and I'm already at the front

48
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:58,219
of the class, so
maybe I-- I could lead.

49
00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,587
I recognize you.

50
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:00,921
You clean
the locker room.

51
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,257
Okay, everyone doesn't
need to chime in, but,

52
00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:06,427
I would absolutely love
to be your instructor.

53
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,196
Hi, hi.

54
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:11,199
You know, it's always
been a dream of mine

55
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,700
to teach a class
in this gym.

56
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,102
It'd be such a rush of
power to experience that.

57
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:17,338
It'd be wonderful.
I totally agree.

58
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,772
I just want to
make sure everyone

59
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,708
gets their money's worth,
'cause, like, I'm--

60
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,711
I'm pretty close to being
a legit instructor, so...

61
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,813
(coughing)

62
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:28,682
Sorry, I'm so sorry.

63
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,418
I would really love
to do this, you know.

64
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:33,053
I mean, while
I'm still here.

65
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:36,089
You, um, you
should do it.

66
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,391
You should teach it.

67
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,827
Great, let's do this.
Okay.

68
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,296
Excuse me.

69
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:45,866
You (bleep) ready
to slide and glide?

70
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,902
Let's go for some
magic gliders!

71
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,372
Come on, pussies!

72
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,975
(woman)
Oh, God.

73
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:56,244
Dude, what do you
think is worse?

74
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,778
Constipation
or diarrhea?

75
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,046
Constipation, I think.

76
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,614
Diarrhea,
I'm like, okay.

77
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:03,384
Uh, Ilana, you think
you could do me a favor

78
00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:05,152
and take all the
staples out of these?

79
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:07,154
Then why did
I spend hours

80
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,889
stapling all these
documents together?

81
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,825
I even ran out halfway
through to buy more staples.

82
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:14,995
You took an hour-and-
48-minute break.

83
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,698
And we have a cabinet
full of staples here.

84
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,467
All good points
by Nicole.

85
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,435
I want to reiterate that no
one asked you to do that.

86
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:27,708
In fact, I specifically said,
please, don't staple these.

87
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,443
It's the same
piece of paper.

88
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,279
The same piece
of paper.

89
00:03:31,379 --> 00:03:32,546
The same
piece of paper.

90
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,648
You know what?
I'll just unstaple it.

91
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,417
Come on, faster!

92
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,018
What's wrong
with you people?

93
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:39,287
Faster!

94
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:41,855
Do it! Push it!

95
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,524
Yes, Todd, what's up?

96
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:45,726
Ilana, how come every
time I e-mail you,

97
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:49,297
I get an out-of-office reply
that says you're in Mexico?

98
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,732
Honestly, I do it to buy
myself some time because

99
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,367
I am so overworked.

100
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:55,336
We all are.

101
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,738
Today I got
eight e-mails.

102
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,773
Speaking of that,
you have to start using

103
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,575
your company
e-mail address.

104
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:02,776
Why, Todd?

105
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,645
So I can be another
cog in your machine?

106
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:05,846
What's my e-mail
gonna be?

107
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:08,148
"Business at the
white man dot biz"?

108
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:09,750
What's wrong with
my personal e-mail?

109
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:13,654
It's "IlanaWexler
@MindMyVagina.com."

110
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,723
How do you not see that
that's inappropriate?

111
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,759
To remind every client
immediately of a vagina?

112
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:22,330
And a mind, dude.

113
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:23,331
Good job today.

114
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,598
Nice work.

115
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:25,833
You need to
work harder.

116
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,901
I'm gonna be
on your ass.

117
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,371
Hey, Janice, can I speak
with you for a second?
Yeah.

118
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:31,972
You know, you're not an
official instructor here,

119
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,107
but the way you took initiative
today was very Solstice.

120
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,644
Would you ever consider
being a sub?

121
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:37,811
Hey, Trey?

122
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:38,979
They found Bryce
and Zandir.

123
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,681
They're dead.

124
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,954
Thank you, Jenna.

125
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,356
Can you start today?

126
00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:50,624
I don't know, I mean,
it wasn't as much fun

127
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,125
as I thought it
would be.

128
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:54,362
But sure.

129
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,363
(Trey)
Great.

130
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:56,530
Now, this
a sensitive question,

131
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,732
but would your sickly
body allow for that?

132
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,167
I can't afford to
lose another teacher.

133
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,569
I'm sorry,
I don't follow.

134
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:02,903
I mean, you clearly
have cancer.

135
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,838
Don't be ashamed.
Oh, no.

136
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,039
No, no, no.

137
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,808
Me and my bandmates,
we shaved our heads

138
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,443
to raise awareness
for our band.

139
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:12,946
We're going on tour.
Oh, cool.

140
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,382
Oh Abbi, hey,

141
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:15,749
I know you're not
working today,

142
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:17,117
but we could really
use some Abbi magic.

143
00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:19,520
There's a pube situation in
the locker room that is...

144
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:20,921
unprecedented.

145
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,490
Oh, when there's
a pube situation,

146
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:24,024
you call on old Abbi.

147
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,493
When there's something
that actually matters,

148
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:28,429
you just go
another way.

149
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:31,565
Ilana, this thing that you
brought in for company morale?

150
00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:32,900
It's very distracting.

151
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,235
You have to
take it down.
Hey, come on.

152
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:39,473
Everybody loves it.
Everybody hates it!

153
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,412
Oh, I love him.

154
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,680
Come on, it's my job
to improve morale.

155
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,783
No, it is your
job to do sales.

156
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:52,185
Well, then I'd like to
transfer to corporate morale.

157
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:55,255
Corporate morale is
not a department!

158
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,458
It doesn't exist!

159
00:05:58,926 --> 00:05:59,860
God!

160
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,962
Everybody's really
riding my ass today.

161
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,965
I don't know how you keep
such a happy face on.

162
00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:11,104
Day 274.

163
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:14,575
Five hours later, wearing
a napkin as a shirt,

164
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:17,177
violently high.

165
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:21,148
*

166
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,450
I'm becoming
a corporate yes man.

167
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,452
I'm like, yes,
Mr. George Bush.

168
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,620
Whatever you say,
Mr. George Bush.

169
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:29,256
What?
I know, I know.

170
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:32,059
Dick Cheney,
go easy on me, dude.

171
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:34,795
Before I know it,
I'm gonna wake up and be 23

172
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,597
and my life's gonna
be behind me.

173
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,331
You know that
I'm 25, right?

174
00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:40,133
Abbi, you are ageless.

175
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,635
That's a different
thing.
Okay.

176
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,637
Okay, so what's this thing
you're doing tonight?

177
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:46,607
Okay, so remember my hot
rich friend from NYU, Parker?
Yeah.

178
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,477
So she invited me to this,
like, SoHo rooftop party

179
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,912
and I know you're not gonna
want to go, but I have to,

180
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,581
I need this.
No, no, no,
I want to go.

181
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:54,715
I'm in.
Really?

182
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:55,916
Yeah, I wanna go.

183
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,250
Oh, my God, I thought
I'd have to go through

184
00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:58,952
a whole rigamarole
to get you to--
No, no, no.

185
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,955
That's dope, dude.
Perfect opportunity to
introduce, like, the new me.

186
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,691
Yeah.
No more
Mr. Nice Abbi,

187
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:07,728
no more--no more cleaning
up other people's pubes.

188
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:10,163
And, you know,
getting screwed by people

189
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,500
that end up not
having cancer.

190
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,001
No, I'm stepping--
I am stepping it up.

191
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,936
From here on out,
I am stepping it up.

192
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,037
If anyone's gonna pretend
like they have cancer,

193
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,939
it's gonna be me.

194
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:21,041
You know what?
I look too nice.

195
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,075
You look really
nice, yeah.

196
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,511
No, I look
like vanilla.

197
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,514
Oh.
Let's go shopping.

198
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:29,182
*

199
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,657
First one's fine,
I think.
Yeah.

200
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,692
Your ass looks
incredible.
Okay.

201
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,294
And your head
and body, too.
Thanks.

202
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:44,532
But we all know who's
the star of the show here.
Ilana.

203
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:50,604
That'll be $438.

204
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:51,972
That's real.

205
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,407
There.

206
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:55,576
You know what?
It's good.

207
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:58,278
This is a great day.

208
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,213
Let me ask you
a quick question.

209
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,651
What is your
return policy?

210
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,218
It's 30 days.

211
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,154
I will see you
in 30 days, then.

212
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,056
Bitch!

213
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:12,560
You still need to
sign the receipt.

214
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,562
I would love
to do that.

215
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:19,432
Sorry about that
communication mishap.

216
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,768
Okay.

217
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,804
*

218
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,676
*

219
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,456
You know what's cool
about this party?

220
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:44,925
We're the sexiest
girls here.

221
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,827
'Cause we have, like, the
fattest asses, you know?

222
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,461
Like, we're the
most (bleep)-able.

223
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:53,701
Yeah, I mean, look at all these
fashion chic basic bitches.

224
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,736
I love your dress.

225
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,071
Thank you so much,
I literally just bought it.

226
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,407
So cute.

227
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:01,942
Oh, my God,
there's Parker.

228
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,111
Parker, hey.

229
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,813
Ilana.

230
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,280
Ilana Wexler.

231
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,716
From NYU.

232
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,619
We were roommates
for a second.

233
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,122
Oh, my God, Ilana,
you're so cute.

234
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:16,824
So what's this party
for? It's amazing.

235
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,291
It's for change.

236
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,260
Okay.

237
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,629
Ciao, Rodrigo!

238
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:22,930
See ya.

239
00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:24,732
Damn, we are so
hot right now.

240
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,835
Like, paparazzi
all up in our face.

241
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,102
You know, sometimes I feel,
like, a million miles

242
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:30,503
away from the office.

243
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:32,640
You know, like that's robot
me and this is real me.

244
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,207
I'm not a robot.

245
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,776
Let's get drunk.
Yeah, yeah.

246
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,679
Okay, cool.
Okay.

247
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,681
Move, honk, honk.

248
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,683
Pardon me.

249
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,351
Out of the way,
clavicle.

250
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:47,688
Okay, five-nine, I can't even,
like, deal with you right now.

251
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,322
Oh, do you guys all
have drinks already?

252
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,558
Maybe you should, then, get the
hell away from the bar, great.

253
00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:53,260
Is anyone even working
at this bar?

254
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:56,697
Yes, hi.

255
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,031
What can I get you?

256
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:00,267
Um, I don't know,
what are the drinks?

257
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,670
The West Nile Coolatta
is very popular,

258
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,304
but I would recommend
the sex trafficking

259
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,640
on the beach or
the tsunami slide.

260
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:11,044
Well, I guess that I will
have two tsunami slides,

261
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:14,247
even though that name, I think,
is a little bit ridiculous.

262
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:17,685
Well, 6% of the proceeds
go to the tsunami.

263
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,219
What tsunami?

264
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,988
Whichever one
happens next.

265
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:25,192
Forward thinking,
I guess, then.
Or corruption.

266
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,460
Can I interest anyone
in a dose of reality?

267
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,863
Some mac and cheese ball
fried and truffoiled.

268
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:33,266
Oh, yeah.
I am saying
yes to that.

269
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:38,138
Just now a child in South
America died of starvation.

270
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,741
Would you
like another?

271
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:42,375
You know what?
I would.
Yeah.

272
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,511
They're very good.
They're really good.

273
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:45,879
Just now a child
in South Amer--

274
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,448
Hold on, do you just have
one fact that you repeat?

275
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:52,686
Well, you're the first people
to actually want a second.

276
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:57,925
Wait!
Um, uh, right now--

277
00:10:58,025 --> 00:11:00,828
Just now, a child in South
America died of starvation.

278
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,196
Thank you.

279
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,171
This is the men's room.

280
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,540
Adoy!

281
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:23,751
Let's go, buddy!

282
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:26,319
We got people with
full bladders out here.

283
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:27,755
(man)
Occupied.

284
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:28,922
No, no, no.

285
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:30,457
Not today!

286
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:33,026
What the hell?

287
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,762
Well, well, well.

288
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,397
What do we have here?

289
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:44,671
Hey.

290
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:47,007
Can you guys play
something else?

291
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:50,443
This church bell techno song
still has 27 minutes left.

292
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,912
When it's done,
can you play, like,

293
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,947
I don't know,
'90s hip-hop?

294
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:55,415
We've been asked
to play whale songs,

295
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:56,950
so that's probably
not gonna happen.

296
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,887
You know, I can't, like,
move my damn ass to this?

297
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:01,822
You know what I mean?
It's like...

298
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,557
Bad music.

299
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:06,794
All right.
You know what?

300
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,862
We can probably find
something for you.

301
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,031
Cool.
I like that
"I Dream of Jeannie" hair.

302
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:14,802
Thanks.
You grant wishes?

303
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,904
You've only done
coke once?

304
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:18,405
Ew.
Hey!

305
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:22,075
I've cleaned more pubes than
you have on your entire body.

306
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:25,078
I look at you for a second,
I can tell you got no pubes.

307
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,815
You're right.
Damn right I'm right.

308
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,616
I know when I'm right.

309
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:38,091
Damn right I'm right!

310
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:39,459
I should probably
give you some cash

311
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,862
'cause I've coked
a lot of this.

312
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,330
Life is infinite,
you know?

313
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,832
I'm a collector
of experiences.

314
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:47,234
We all are.
Oh, hundred
percent, bro.

315
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,468
It's the truth.

316
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,870
But tonight, it's like,
what could tonight lead to?

317
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,305
Like, my friend Abbi--
she's--
Hang on.

318
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,540
You got a friend?

319
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,842
Who's a female?

320
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,144
Yeah, chocolate brown
eyes, ass of an angel.

321
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,681
Um, where's she at?

322
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:04,084
* I can make you hot
like 600 degrees *

323
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,853
* Miss Goosebumps

324
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,054
* Your knees twist

325
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,957
* You're now under
the influence *

326
00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:12,893
* What I mean is
make the pole bounce *

327
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,228
* Make moves back
to the pad uhh *

328
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:16,897
* You love the sound
of that *

329
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:19,466
* So it must be...

330
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,869
* You down
use the town... *

331
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:23,070
* Miss Cindy

332
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:24,905
* She a sexy little
thing Miss Cindy *

333
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:25,939
* She a sexy
little thing... *

334
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,107
Ab!

335
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:28,641
Oh, man, look at
this spot I got.

336
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,911
Okay, there's these,
like, DJs and they're,

337
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,880
like, cute, but like
douchey but cute and--

338
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,447
What's going on?
(Abbi)
Hey.

339
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:37,450
Ho, whoa.
Ooh.

340
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,920
That is some soft
skin right there.

341
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,488
What kind of
lotion do you use?

342
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:42,890
You know, like,
normal stuff.

343
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,224
Yeah, like Occitane?

344
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:49,296
Yeah, oh you, yeah.

345
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:52,665
Oh my God,
oh, oh, my God.

346
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,301
You guys, we need to get
the hell out of here.

347
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:55,735
Let's do it.
Oh, you guys are--

348
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,237
You're working,
you gotta spin.

349
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,472
No, not really.
No, no, no, it's
a playlist on shuffle.

350
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,741
We can leave
whenever we want.

351
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:03,743
Okay.
Let's go.

352
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:05,178
I gotta say goodbye
to all my friends.

353
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:06,246
Bye, guys.

354
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:09,116
Great.

355
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,818
(Ilana)
Okay, just a couple
more, I think.

356
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:13,353
Oh, my God.

357
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:17,224
(Abbi)
I can't even believe
I just did seven flights.

358
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:20,327
God, just hold on.

359
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,830
A lot of flights.

360
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,933
Welcome.
Okay.

361
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,135
Okay.

362
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:33,573
How do you do
this every day?

363
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,845
(both)
Nice backpack.

364
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,551
You guys have a really
great apartment.

365
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,053
So many cool pieces.

366
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,587
Great, like,
cabinets and--

367
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:48,855
Right, enough.

368
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,490
Beard, where
your room at?

369
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,960
Right back there
on the right.
Oh, God, finally.

370
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:55,162
Later.

371
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,230
Oops.

372
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,966
That's too many.

373
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,034
You wanna?
Yeah, sure, okay.

374
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,303
Yeah? Okay.

375
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,008
That's dope.

376
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:11,011
That's my art.
Oh, cool.

377
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,183
What is this?

378
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,250
That's a little
embarrassing.

379
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,585
That's my
grandfather's sweater.

380
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:21,688
He's dead and this is the
last thing of his I have.

381
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,123
Sometimes I sleep
in it, you know,

382
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:24,357
it just reminds
you of him.

383
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,559
Would you put it on?

384
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,996
Sure.

385
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:30,663
Were you, like,
close with him?

386
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,000
He was, like, my best
friend, you know?

387
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,501
We did tons of
stuff together.

388
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:37,437
He taught me how to fish,
skip stones, whittle.

389
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,507
Did you, like, cry,
when he died?

390
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:41,874
Can I be honest
with you?

391
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:44,177
Please.

392
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,278
I cried so hard
I thought I didn't

393
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,314
have any more tears
left in me.

394
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,715
Oh, my God.

395
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,217
He was like my best
friend, you know?

396
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,618
And my worst enemy.

397
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:54,021
Totally.

398
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:01,194
Wait, wait,
wait, wait.

399
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,130
I want to take
this slow.

400
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,797
It's gonna take a long
time to get my dress off,

401
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:06,133
so that's gonna--

402
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:08,468
It's kind of
super slow.

403
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:20,513
You know what?

404
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:22,182
We should go up to the
roof, the view is sick.

405
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:23,316
Okay.

406
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,685
It sounds super
sexy and romantic.

407
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:28,121
So romantic.

408
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,533
Oh, my God,
what the--

409
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:41,801
Holy shit!
What?

410
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,571
Are you kidding me?

411
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:45,838
I just don't
really understand.

412
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,274
What'd you guys think?

413
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,542
That we were just gonna, like,
make out up here all together?

414
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,078
No!

415
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:53,680
I just came up here 'cause the
view is so beautiful, like you.

416
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,215
Yeah, I was like,
oh, my God.

417
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,516
I gotta take this
gorgeous girl

418
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:58,285
up to see my
gorgeous view.

419
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,253
Yeah, it's the best
part of our apartment,

420
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:04,224
so we were both just taking
advantage of the-- the view.

421
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,926
I swear to God, dudes, this
was an honest mistake.

422
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:09,729
Let me talk to you.

423
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,698
I don't know,
I mean...

424
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,800
Ilana, he
swore to God.

425
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:16,103
What are you,
a Christian, dude?

426
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:18,971
No, I'm not Christian,
but I respect

427
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,574
swearing to some--
higher--

428
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:22,842
Why, do you want
to leave?

429
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,244
No, no, I want
to stay.

430
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:26,179
I'm, like, so
hard right now.

431
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:28,115
Ew, you're hard?

432
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:29,782
Yeah, I know you don't
like the word "horny."

433
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,184
No, I don't like
the word "horny,"

434
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:34,121
but I'm not a big fan of
"hard," either, for a lady.

435
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:35,555
Listen, I think
that this was just

436
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,158
a big misunderstanding.

437
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,892
All right.
Okay, that's fine.

438
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:41,328
We're in.
We're done.

439
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:42,629
We understand,
it's a coincidence.

440
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:43,830
You're not creepy,
you're cute.

441
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:45,832
All right,
we're back in?
Yeah!

442
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,034
(man)
Okay.

443
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,969
Yeah, that's good.

444
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:52,972
Oh, your beard,
oh, my God.

445
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,475
Oh, yeah.

446
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,177
Oh.

447
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,945
Sweet like candy.

448
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:01,814
I eat sour straws
like every day.

449
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,417
Watermelon?

450
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:11,958
You're sweet
like candy.

451
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,161
No, you are.

452
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,529
You are.
I'm what?

453
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:17,997
You are sweet--

454
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,366
Wait, wait.

455
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:22,169
Maybe you could,
um, just--

456
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:23,970
I don't want to do, like,
a full circle thing.

457
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:26,639
Oh, okay, okay.

458
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,212
Hey, bro.
Hey.

459
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:33,746
Shower's all set,
you ready to go?

460
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,182
Yeah, awesome.

461
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:37,250
I feel so gross.

462
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:38,751
Not from you, just from
the bar and the--

463
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:41,688
Hey, shut up.

464
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,524
I love smelly girls.

465
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,660
(moaning)

466
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,440
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!

467
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:03,543
What are you doing?
(screaming)

468
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,778
What are you doing?
Guys, guys.

469
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:08,215
This is just a hilarious
coincidence.

470
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,116
I know, maybe we should
just go with it.

471
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,219
Oh, God!
No, we are not
going with it.

472
00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:13,753
You suck!
You're kidding me!

473
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:16,723
You asses!
Insane.

474
00:19:20,227 --> 00:19:22,462
Of course you're not
supposed to go home with DJs.

475
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:23,730
Ow!
Or roommates.

476
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:24,997
You got my hair,
you got my hair.

477
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:27,133
Don't rip it, I still
want to return this.

478
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,236
Oh, well,
well, well.

479
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:31,238
What's happening here?

480
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:34,241
Can you throw
on some sweats?

481
00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:37,677
It's insane.

482
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:39,946
I mean, maybe I should just
do J-Date or something.

483
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:41,080
Just, like, you
can't meet people

484
00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:42,449
and just go
home with them.

485
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,150
...Kill us.

486
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,619
Hold on a second,
there's an elevator?

487
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,555
You guys made us walk
up eight flights of stairs,

488
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,724
you sick (bleep)!

489
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,993
Get away!

490
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:56,663
(Abbi)
(bleep) weirdos.

491
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,331
We were so close.
I know.

492
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,066
Ugh.
You know what,
though?

493
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:02,635
Three out of 12 is still
a respectable number.

494
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:03,903
I'm happy with it.

495
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:09,075
the office in six hours.

496
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,110
What a waste.

497
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,413
Thanks a lot,
Halliburton.

498
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,315
What does Halliburton have
to do with your work?

499
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,883
I-- I don't know.

500
00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,485
I don't know.
Okay.

501
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,052
I'm just pissed, dude.

502
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,322
I'm pissed though guys, like,
thought they had to trick us.

503
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,391
Agreed.
You know, with bells
and whistles.

504
00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:26,058
Meanwhile, if they'd
just been direct,

505
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:27,860
we would have been
down and open-minded--

506
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,329
We would not
have been down.

507
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,963
I would not have
done that.

508
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:33,433
I mean an orgy in
a non-sexual way.

509
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,468
Just for, like, the Arc
de Triomphe, that's it.

510
00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:37,504
What's an
Arc de Triomphe?

511
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:40,607
It's when two dudes go down on
us, this is how I picture it.

512
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:45,278
And they're butt to butt and
then you and I do Oprah hands.

513
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:48,881
Oh, I see, I see now.

514
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:50,417
Totally non-sexual.

515
00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:52,519
We just stare at
each other, right?

516
00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:54,354
As the dudes go down on
us at the same time?

517
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,155
Yeah, exactly.
So we're making
a lot of eye contact.

518
00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:58,558
Exactly, it's like
a feminism thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

519
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:01,661
I'm being sarcastic.
Oh, yeah.

520
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,338
* King Kong ain't
got nothing on me *

521
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:12,605
* I gorilla

522
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:14,574
* Take it home tight
girls on my line *

523
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,443
* Saying can you
take me home tonight *

524
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:17,710
* 'Cause I keep
the crowd rockin' *

525
00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:19,178
* Every time
I'm on the mic *

526
00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:20,580
* I'm out of
this world *

527
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,214
* Out of mind
out of sight *