1 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,079 This is so gross. 2 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,414 I don't understand why they don't just hire an exterminator. 3 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,749 It's like, what is my rent even going to? 4 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,751 Well, they gave you the bug bombs for free, right? 5 00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,253 Yeah, great, so, like, everyone in the building 6 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,589 can just, like, mass murder all their own cockroaches? 7 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:22,656 Ridiculous. 8 00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,492 Coming up on 1600 hours here. 9 00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,527 No, 4:00 p.m. sharp, are you kidding? 10 00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,329 Everyone in the building is doing it at 4:00 p.m. sharp. 11 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,264 That-- that's what that is, 4:00. 12 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,965 Okay, I knew that. 13 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,167 Zero dark thirty! 14 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,935 Zero dark 29! 15 00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:36,804 Zero dark 28! 16 00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:38,939 Zero dark 27! 17 00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:40,741 Zero dark 26! 18 00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,476 ... Zero dark three! 19 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,545 Zero dark two! 20 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:45,779 Zero dark one! 21 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,815 Zero dark zero! 22 00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,583 Go! Go! Go, go, go! 23 00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:01,529 Oh. 24 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,864 Hey. What's up, Jer? 25 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:05,133 That's crazy. 26 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,134 Nothing like the smell of a million dead bugs in the 27 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,368 morning, right? I know. 28 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,138 It's like an insect holocaust in here or something. 29 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:14,041 It would make us Mr. and Mrs. Hit-- Hitler. 30 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,144 Like Nazis? Yeah, like the-- 31 00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:19,147 I mean, I just was-- Yeah, have a good 24 hours. 32 00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:20,481 I wouldn't-- 33 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,550 (coughing violently) 34 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,051 It's in my mouth! 35 00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:25,986 * Four and the and two and one, one * 36 00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:33,827 And another thing, I know a girl who returned a vacuum 37 00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:37,165 after three years of using it, dude. 38 00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,832 They just gave her her money back. 39 00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,301 They really care about their customers. 40 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:42,470 Okay, Ab, you know, you're spending the entire weekend 41 00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:44,272 at my place, just-- 42 00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:46,039 Spread out the Bed Bath & Beyond lectures. 43 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,475 I love the place, you know? I just. 44 00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,677 Yeah, fine, I just have a lot more to say about it, so. 45 00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:52,280 Great, you should tell me more while I transform my room 46 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:53,581 into a walk-in closet. 47 00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:54,948 Dude, you're not doing the pole right now. 48 00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:56,950 It's gonna take me ten minutes, dude. 49 00:01:57,084 --> 00:02:00,020 Okay, it's gonna take you three months, like everything does. 50 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,555 Did you forget about my art show? No, no. 51 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:02,556 This is a big deal. 52 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,225 Your first gallery opening is... 53 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,294 I mean, this is the biggest moment of our lives. 54 00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:07,761 It's my life, but-- 55 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,062 I mean, you're with-- you're with me. 56 00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:10,431 So when we get inside, I'm gonna shower first, okay, 57 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:13,934 and then I'm gonna pluck my eyebrows, get my make-up on. 58 00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:16,204 I'll Nair, like, a bunch of different areas. 59 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,805 Maybe you could massage my shoulders for a second, but, 60 00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:20,208 like, not like last time 'cause that wasn't cool. 61 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:23,444 Abbi, I have some bad news, 62 00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:26,647 but it's white people problems, so let's see if you 63 00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,216 can keep it in perspective. 64 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:31,619 I-- I don't have my key. 65 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,854 Okay, first of all, I'm allowed to be upset 66 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,023 even though I'm white. Typical honky. 67 00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:37,425 All right, we don't have time to be locked out. 68 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:38,892 Is Jaime home? 69 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,229 He is in Vermont for a straight wedding. 70 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,397 Let's just call a locksmith. No, I'm not calling a locksmith. 71 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:45,098 They take forever to get here. 72 00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:47,100 I think we can get in-- We have street smarts. 73 00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:48,369 All right, there's got to be at least, like, 74 00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,238 one person home in your building, right? 75 00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,539 Yeah, just a-- Hey, don't, don't-- 76 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,974 Use the wood, dude. Oh, my God, all right. 77 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,444 Wood, I mean... 78 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,612 (electric buzzing) Jesus! 79 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,014 Okay, okay, you need to move at some point. 80 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:03,150 I know. All right. 81 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,353 Where's your fire escape? 82 00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:08,088 Okay, hands on my shoulders on three. 83 00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:09,690 One, two... 84 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:12,826 Jesus. 85 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,362 Sorry, I released too early. 86 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:15,863 Okay, we got this. 87 00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,831 One, two... 88 00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,600 Okay. 89 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,902 Okay. Okay. 90 00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:25,172 (grunting) Just one pull-up. 91 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,908 I should be supporting myself-- dude, I work at a gym. 92 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,044 There are so many upper-body strength classes. 93 00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,746 Okay, you got it? 94 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:33,714 You got it? 95 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:34,848 Do you have me? Here, I got you. 96 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:35,883 Okay. 97 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:38,118 I don't think it's gonna work out. 98 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:41,589 (laughing) That was my bad, dude. 99 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:42,890 Okay, you just, like-- 100 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,025 You just went up inside me. 101 00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:46,994 Okay. That's just what happened. 102 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,362 It was honestly not intentional. 103 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:50,298 It was natural for me. 104 00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:53,834 Okay, who would you rather have go down on you? 105 00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:57,838 Michael Buble or Janet Jackson? 106 00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,940 Oh, okay. 107 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,343 What Buble are we talking about, though? 108 00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:04,144 I don't know, the optimal Michael Buble. 109 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,579 His weight fluctuates. 110 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,014 Yeah. So does hers. 111 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,516 Yeah. So does mine. 112 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,217 Yeah. But then again, 113 00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:12,152 Michael Buble is, like, such a crooner. 114 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,322 I feel like he could do stuff with his mouth that, 115 00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:16,457 like, most people couldn't. 116 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,462 Somebody call a locksmith? 117 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:27,368 Yeah. 118 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,670 I'm gonna look disgusting for tonight is all. 119 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,606 No, you're gonna look hot and cool. 120 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,608 Your shower is just a lockpick away. 121 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,109 Very hot. 122 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,679 Very cool. 123 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,481 What's your name, sweetheart? 124 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,215 Uh... 125 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,117 Yolanda. 126 00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,354 Yolanda. 127 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:47,921 So where is it you sleep? 128 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,457 What? 129 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,559 Which apartment's yours? 130 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,126 Um... 131 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,095 Do you have any, like, credentials? 132 00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:57,064 Or, like, a license to be a locksmith that you could 133 00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,632 just show us? 134 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,668 No, the only thing you need to be a locksmith is 135 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,036 you gotta want it. 136 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,738 Real bad. 137 00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:09,910 That one. 138 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,278 Yeah, it's this one, the 6-- 139 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,381 6C. 140 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:23,957 (amorous groaning) 141 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:29,162 They call this a whore door. 142 00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:32,032 'Cause it's so easy. 143 00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:33,534 Okay. 144 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:38,105 Thank you for your terrifying services 145 00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,408 and don't call us, we'll call you. 146 00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:42,009 Oh yeah. 147 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,980 Oh, you'll call me, huh? 148 00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,886 (whistling) 149 00:05:58,492 --> 00:05:59,727 God. 150 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,830 Look at this gorgeous immigrant family. 151 00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,231 At least they're not home. 152 00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:05,899 How do I not know them? I don't know. 153 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:09,537 New Yorkers don't usually know their neighbors. 154 00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:10,938 Except for me and Jeremy, 155 00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,973 just 'cause that's a special relationship. 156 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,008 Yeah, I would know Jeremy, too. 157 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:18,178 I'd know him in and up and all around. 158 00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:21,615 Cute little Mexican candies. 159 00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:27,120 They're Nerds. 160 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,188 I am the problem. 161 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:31,224 I am gentrification, you know. 162 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,193 In three generations, gentrification is gonna be a 163 00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:35,228 non-issue because statistically, 164 00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:36,964 we're headed toward an age where everybody's gonna be like 165 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,932 caramel and queer and everybody's gonna live 166 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,701 where they're gonna-- (doorknob turning) 167 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:45,606 What the hell is this? 168 00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:46,874 I live next door, I live here! 169 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,141 I've never seen you before! 170 00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:49,943 We got locked out and I was gonna make my room 171 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,645 a walk-in closet and-- Robbers! 172 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,614 (screaming) 173 00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,487 I'm gonna shoot you in your face! 174 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,521 Wait, wait! 175 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,055 I can prove that I live here, okay? 176 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,290 Uh... 177 00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:05,493 Three-- three months ago, that old white dude 178 00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:06,994 was found chopped up in our dumpster. 179 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,229 That happens all the time in Gowanus. Okay. 180 00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:11,999 Last week, one of you farted and I heard it 181 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,667 'cause the walls are so thin and I laughed 182 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,670 and then you heard me, so you laughed. 183 00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:18,506 That did happen. 184 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:19,773 Why are you in our apartment then? 185 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:23,410 We got locked out and we called this locksmith 186 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,146 and he was really scary, he was so creepy. 187 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,616 We couldn't let him into our apartment, 188 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:32,720 so we had him let us in, uh, to your-- 189 00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,421 Unbelievable! 190 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:37,891 Now that I say it out loud, I realize I led the creepy dude 191 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:41,228 to your apartment and I am so sorry. 192 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:44,031 I'm so sorry. 193 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,667 'Cause of the-- I threw up. 194 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,836 'Cause of the-- It was because of the mace. 195 00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,103 'Cause I never thought-- 196 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,540 I haven't thrown up in like a year, I'm so sorry. 197 00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,376 Oh, yes. Oh. 198 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,778 Oh, my God. 199 00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,379 I'm sorry I got you maced. 200 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:00,681 That's okay. 201 00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:01,915 It's not your fault. 202 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,384 We're just technically homeless right now, so. 203 00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:07,420 Ben Affleck was homeless for a night for charity. 204 00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:10,858 We're, like, doing that, just involuntarily. 205 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,326 Yeah, we're just a regular Matt and Ben. 206 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,028 Exactly what's happening. 207 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:26,206 (beeping) 208 00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:34,014 (beeping) 209 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:40,453 Oh, God. 210 00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,823 I am-- I'm so sorry. 211 00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:46,860 Listen, don't mess this up for me. 212 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,461 I'm gonna be a teacher here one day. 213 00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:50,931 We are just gonna shower really quick and get to the gallery, 214 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,601 and honestly, probably look better than if we hadn't been 215 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,769 maced 'cause our pores are tight and burning. 216 00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:57,104 It's like we had a chemical peel. 217 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,372 I-- I highly doubt that, so going right to the locker room, 218 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:02,710 if anyone sees me, it's gonna be a whole thing. Okay, okay, okay. 219 00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:05,045 Oh, my God, there's Trey. 220 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:06,980 Gonna really feel it in those glutes, okay? 221 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,916 Okay, give me your stuff, give me your stuff. 222 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,719 I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out. 223 00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:13,754 (Trey) Hey, Ab. 224 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,023 Hey. 225 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,891 Trey, I didn't think-- Whoa. 226 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,259 What happened to your face? 227 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:23,096 Oh, it's-- It's really embarrassing, actually. 228 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:26,499 I was-- I was doing parkour just now. 229 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:27,701 Abbi, that's great. 230 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,937 Using the city as your gym, very solstice. 231 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:33,073 I did a backflip... off of a car 232 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,843 and I fell right into a fire hydrant. 233 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,711 That's-- It's a pretty advanced technique. 234 00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:40,013 You can't take a break from fitness, that's what I say. 235 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,349 To myself. I wish I was as strong as you. 236 00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,118 I mean, sometimes I just go to Quizno's and I go nuts. 237 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,119 It's bad. 238 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,554 Quizno's is my guilty pleasure. 239 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,156 Dennis, relax that face, buddy, okay? 240 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,490 Relax that face. 241 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,793 While I'm here, you know what, I should check out the locker 242 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,663 room just to make sure that it's, like, up to code, 243 00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:58,899 nice and clean, just the way you like it, I'm gonna check it out. 244 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,400 I'm gonna stop you right there, Ab. 245 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,435 I know what this is really about. 246 00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,071 You're afraid of your own failure. 247 00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:07,107 Abbi, parkour is terrifying, I know. 248 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,442 But you've got to get back on that urban jungle. 249 00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:10,911 I guess so. 250 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,579 I'm glad to hear you say that 'cause I'm gonna walk you out 251 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,514 and watch you do it, all right, come on. Okay. 252 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:16,283 Dennis, keep squatting, I'm gonna do some parkour. 253 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:25,693 (classical music playing) 254 00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:39,940 Kiehl's. 255 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,013 Oh, yeah. 256 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,733 All right, you speak parkour, right? 257 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,735 Yeah, totally. Awesome. 258 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,402 Show me a tic-tac on the hydrant. 259 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:10,838 Come on. Okay, tic-tac. 260 00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:11,839 Yeah. 261 00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:15,208 Um... 262 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,276 Okay. 263 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:17,510 That's-- That's pretty good. 264 00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,046 Do a cat pass under the hood. 265 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:20,280 Cat pass? Do a cat pass. 266 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:21,581 Okay. 267 00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,453 Beautiful. 268 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:27,888 I want you to tic-tac right over the car. 269 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,122 Tic-tac right over. 270 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,590 Abbi, you're overcoming your fear, all right? 271 00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:31,591 Don't give up now, Abbi. 272 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:32,592 You've got this. 273 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,294 Arch that back, arch that back. 274 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:35,595 That's a good hostage, okay. 275 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,297 Come down and do a spit roast. 276 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:38,498 You know what? 277 00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,834 Your full body is involved, so that's good. 278 00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,435 Beautiful, Abbi. 279 00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:43,436 Picabo Street. 280 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,605 Abbi, you are a natural traceur. 281 00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:47,908 I want to see a jack in the pulpit in the bikes. 282 00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,242 Jack in the pulpit. Yeah. 283 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,879 Totally. Okay, yeah, pump it. 284 00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:52,880 It's very Grecian. 285 00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,882 Tap, tap, tap, tap, good. 286 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:57,584 Now I want you to do a Kong jump and a back handspring 287 00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:00,788 off the car, but don't let me anticipate the movement. 288 00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:05,492 You know, I-- I bet you that Dennis is not squatting anymore. 289 00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,127 Anticipation. 290 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,462 Abbi, that's the makings of a great trainer. 291 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,198 I think that I know-- Thank God I am one. 292 00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:12,565 Hasta la vista, Abbi. 293 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:13,600 Dennis! 294 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,702 * 295 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:18,839 We are officially homeless. 296 00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:21,074 No, dude, we are standing and awake. 297 00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:24,945 You gotta be lying down to be really homeless. 298 00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,546 Sorry. 299 00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:28,481 Or officially dicks. 300 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:31,251 You know what? This is insane. 301 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:32,419 I'm changing here, just, like, cover me. 302 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,822 This is, like, getting to be ridiculous. 303 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,223 Okay. 304 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,992 Oh, my God. 305 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,828 Ilana. 306 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:43,730 What did you do? 307 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,665 That solstice, like... 308 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:47,434 They should, like, give you containers for-- 309 00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:50,370 You know, for-- For what? Stealing lotion? 310 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,372 What did you put it in? 311 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:54,875 Those, like, plastic bags. 312 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:55,943 Okay. 313 00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,677 The plastic bags are for swimsuits and, like, 314 00:12:57,845 --> 00:13:01,514 dirty gym clothes, not for loose goo. 315 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,851 Just an FYI, okay? 316 00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,685 This is just insane. I know. 317 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:08,922 I can't believe that I'm gonna go to my first gallery show 318 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,858 looking like this. 319 00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,459 You're ruining my big break. 320 00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:15,028 I mean, look-- look at me, I look like garbage. 321 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,030 You know what? I'm going in. 322 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,066 Wait. What? 323 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,068 This is the gallery? Yeah. 324 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:24,471 This is a sandwich shop. 325 00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:26,639 Or it's a gallery after 8:00 'cause they make people put 326 00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,208 their laptops away. 327 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,078 You have been busting my balls all day 328 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,580 over a sandwich shop? 329 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:34,915 You know what, dude? 330 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:38,218 I think I want you to stay out here, 'cause I definitely don't 331 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,420 want you coming in there if you're not gonna be supportive. 332 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,891 Oh, I will absolutely be coming in. 333 00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,125 Oh, Jesus. 334 00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,659 You know what? Fine. 335 00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:49,429 I'll just park myself out here while you do your thing 336 00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:50,697 and you know what? 337 00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,732 In the meantime, I can just watch your bag and make sure 338 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,334 nobody touches it. Fine, thank you. 339 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,569 Yeah, you're welcome. I appreciate it. 340 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:57,670 Anytime! God. 341 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,175 * My eyes cannot see the pain * 342 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:07,714 * I walk in the dark I cry 343 00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,983 I'm sorry, can I help you? 344 00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,919 Oh, I'm one of the artists. 345 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,153 One of the sandwich artists? 346 00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,923 No, I'm one of the-- the artist artists. 347 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:18,191 Have any of the pieces sold yet? 348 00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:21,261 I know it's early. I haven't heard anything. 349 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,530 But I highly doubt it. 350 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:26,066 Well, no, it's just that people don't really come in here 351 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,667 for the art. 352 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,036 We're a sandwich shop. 353 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,972 So we sell food. 354 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,506 Would you like some? 355 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,342 Are they... free sandwiches? 356 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:38,245 You can order and then pay. 357 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,747 Okay, so how it usually works. 358 00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:41,949 It's-- Yeah. 359 00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:44,985 High-quality lotion, I'm gonna take the lotion. 360 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,719 God. 361 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,821 (scoffs) Gallery. 362 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:50,090 Step into reality. 363 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,978 Oh. 364 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,380 Ilana? 365 00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:16,283 Are you eating garbage bagels? 366 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,450 Why are you here? 367 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:21,254 Abbi sent me a Facebook invite to her gallery debut. 368 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:25,058 Do you... look... crazy? 369 00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:27,660 Mm-hmm. 370 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,762 Yeah, I do. 371 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,199 I got locked out and then I-- 372 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:36,136 I just, like, ruined her night completely. 373 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,838 I'm an idiot, I'm like a dumb ass. 374 00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,340 I, like, can't function. 375 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,009 Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. 376 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,310 Nobody's perfect. 377 00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,012 I'm not a perfect dentist. 378 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,213 I eat candy all the time. 379 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,448 I got, like, six cavities. 380 00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:50,183 Thanks-- thanks for-- Ahh! 381 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:51,451 Ooh, what? 382 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:52,519 Oh. 383 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:56,123 Oh, my God. 384 00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,158 Oh, my God. 385 00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:00,160 The keys to my apartment. 386 00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:02,029 Don't you ever tell Abbi. 387 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,296 You can't ever tell her. 388 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:04,664 You can't ever tell her this, this is-- 389 00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:09,402 I won't tell Abbi, but I've told you several times 390 00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:10,437 and I'll tell you again, 391 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:12,072 phone, keys, wallet-- Every time. 392 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,207 Phone, keys, wallet, P-K-W. 393 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:18,478 Your brain is a muscle, Ilana, and I feel like that muscle 394 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,513 isn't getting enough exercise. 395 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,115 You need to do your brain kegels. 396 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,788 And five. 397 00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:30,257 Crushed it. 398 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:37,230 That's my-- my drawing up there. 399 00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:40,067 You're in a good spot for it. 400 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,202 I'll take the hamburger. 401 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,571 Oh, that's actually not a menu item. 402 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:45,905 It's art. 403 00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:47,740 We're actually a vegan sandwich place. 404 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,842 I mean, I guess it's, like, ironic or something. 405 00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:54,847 Abbi's right. 406 00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:57,550 I'm not gonna make my room a walk-in closet. 407 00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,120 I was always anti- that idea. 408 00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:02,355 Who would want to live in a closet? 409 00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,823 Oh, my God. 410 00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:07,227 Because then I would be closeted. 411 00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:10,363 I was thinking more like who would want to live amongst 412 00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:15,468 their clothes, but also what you said. 413 00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,105 Either one. Let's just go in here. 414 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,440 Okay, yeah. 415 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,243 Is that lotion? Yeah. 416 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:27,013 God, these bagels here are, like, very good, so. 417 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,453 How's the, um, gallery going? 418 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:34,854 It's not a gallery. 419 00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:36,956 It's a sandwich shop, you were right. 420 00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,258 And they don't really-- 421 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,793 They don't even have meat, so I don't know if I would even 422 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,896 consider it a sandwich shop, 423 00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:46,566 but... I'm sorry I was a bitch. 424 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:49,169 Don't even worry about it, you know? 425 00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,603 When a friend makes a mistake, 426 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:51,871 you forgive them blindly, right? 427 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,140 Cool, yeah. 428 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,343 I'm gonna go take a dump. Oh... cool, cool. 429 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,611 Hey Abbi, you gotta start somewhere. 430 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,147 And look at the Hardy boys. 431 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:02,949 They started out as kid detectives, 432 00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:05,352 just solving mysteries in Bayport 433 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:08,855 and now they have an entire book series about them. 434 00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,057 Yeah, definitely, but you know, they are, like, 435 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:15,162 fictional characters, but I appreciate the... 436 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,463 sentiment behind it. 437 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,898 Thanks for coming, Lincoln. Thanks for inviting me. 438 00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:21,334 They wouldn't accept me in the bathroom, 439 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,270 so I'll just go at your place. 440 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,772 We're staying over, by the way. Sleepover! Yes. 441 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,374 I need this day to end. 442 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,075 Hey, your drawing sold. 443 00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,578 Oh, my gosh! 444 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:33,946 I think I'm gonna solstice-- I mean, focus on my art. 445 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:35,815 So you have two options. 446 00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:39,552 You can take your cut of the proceeds, which are 17.50, 447 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:43,256 or you can get a credit for, like, three sandwiches. 448 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,225 17.50. Yeah. 449 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:46,359 Okay. 450 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,628 And there's no meat. No. 451 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,563 Okay, how big are the sandwiches? 452 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,064 Like, substantial? 453 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,233 We-- Sometimes. 454 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,101 That's not-- That's not like a sandwich. 455 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:57,237 That's a teeny sandwich, right? 456 00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,538 People are full on that. 457 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,207 Okay, well, I'm not normal people. 458 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:01,408 Okay. I don't-- 459 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,010 Tofu is in them. Is it thick? 460 00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,845 I don't know the degree of tofu-ness. 461 00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:06,846 You have no idea the degree. 462 00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,581 There should be some sort of scale. 463 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:11,884 Okay, to-go coffee mugs, you guys must have that. 464 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:14,020 Do you know what a sandwich is? 465 00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,121 Do you? 466 00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:18,458 'Cause you don't have any meat in them. 467 00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:19,926 There's no meat in the sandwiches. 468 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,230 Just an FYI, that makes the sandwich. That's funny. 469 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,364 Do you guys have Naked juices? 470 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,402 Hello. 471 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,238 Oh, so you bought the drawing. 472 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,539 Two of my favorite things. 473 00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:33,640 Art and Abbi? 474 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,542 Um, hamburgers and Abbi. Oh. 475 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,022 Okay, I just-- 476 00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:52,459 I kind of want to hold it. 477 00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:54,060 All right. 478 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:05,872 (whistling) 479 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:14,381 (man) Yolanda. 480 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,185 Yolanda. 481 00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:22,489 I wanna pick your little keyhole... 482 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,925 Ahh! 483 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:29,095 Yolanda! 484 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,097 No! 485 00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:33,466 Yolanda! 486 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:34,867 Why? 487 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,736 Why? 488 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:42,208 It's just a keyhole! 489 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,381 Why? 490 00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:52,652 Why? 491 00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:57,590 (man screaming)