1
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,051
(YELPING)

2
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:10,521
(DINESH GROANS)

3
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,444
You only make that face
when your dick is on fire.

4
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,000
- So, you're certain?
- Definitively.

5
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,964
The 36 Hooli phones that blew up at Hoolicon

6
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:23,165
and the 17 that blew up around
the US, all had our code on them.

7
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,926
Richard, these are real people

8
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,731
with real crotches, and they're burning.

9
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,207
We have to tell someone. This was our fault.

10
00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:32,441
No. No, no.

11
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,444
Keenan's demo was built to run
on a $10,000 rig.

12
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:38,285
Jack ported it to a phone in four days.

13
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:41,045
They wrote sloppy code
that's pinging the antenna constantly,

14
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,281
looking for the goggles.

15
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,887
That had to have caused
the phone's antenna to draw too much power.

16
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,247
Which would overheat the subpar battery.

17
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,522
And when we pinged
our network on top of all that...

18
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:51,840
Dick fire.

19
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,242
Richard, what happened to being Honest Abe
from now on?

20
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,049
We committed a crime here.

21
00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:58,161
Barely, Jared.

22
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:00,925
The fact that we hacked those phones
works in our favor.

23
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,081
All of our code is hidden.

24
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:06,165
Agreed. And when Hooli launches
a new software update to fix the phones,

25
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,605
our network will still be functional,

26
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:12,288
Melcher will be happy, Monica will fund us,
and no one will ever know what we did.

27
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:15,409
<i>-L'll</i> know.
- Yes, I'll know, too. But I'm okay with it.

28
00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,050
I'm sorry.

29
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,645
What the fuck is this?

30
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,929
I write three letters every time I start a job.

31
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,641
A personal action plan,
a letter to my 40-year-old self,

32
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,166
and that, a resignation letter.

33
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:39,049
I'll be moving my things back into my condo.

34
00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:42,011
- What about your squatter?
- He's been out for months.

35
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:45,363
He left to go sell cocaine
at the Keystone pipeline protests.

36
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,241
I've just been staying in the garage
out of solidarity.

37
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:49,681
You can't leave.

38
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:51,770
- Don't beg, Richard.
-l'm not.

39
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:56,442
According to the employee handbook,
which you wrote,

40
00:01:56,520 --> 00:02:00,081
an employee cannot leave
without giving two weeks' notice.

41
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:05,206
- You read the handbook?
- Yeah, I did.

42
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,966
All right, fine.
I'll fulfill my duties under protest.

43
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:14,126
But I will not do anything
illegal nor unethical, and lwill not lie.

44
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,921
I already have upwards of 50 burnt perinea
on my conscience, Richard.

45
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:22,403
That's enough.
Consider that my two weeks' notice.

46
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,727
All right, keep an eye on Hooli news,

47
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,963
and let me know
when Jack announces the HooliPhone update.

48
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,642
What do you mean
you're not issuing a software update?

49
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:40,367
Who can say why the phone
Gavin Belson brought to market

50
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:45,685
started exploding when we put
Keenan Feldspar's technology on it? Huh?

51
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,207
Is it Gavin's fault? ls it Keenan's fault?
ls it 50-50? Who knows?

52
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,328
We need to change the narrative here.

53
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:55,001
Has anyone flown commercial recently?

54
00:02:56,320 --> 00:03:00,484
Nor have I, but apparently, they're still
making the announcements at the gate

55
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,609
about Samsung Galaxy Note? being banned.

56
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:07,366
We can't have people believing
that our phones blow up airplanes,

57
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,683
no matter how much Gavin
and/or Keenan may have wanted it.

58
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,889
It's lethal PR.

59
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,928
We need to get ahead of this one,

60
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:20,609
which is why I am going to pull every last
affected Hooliphone out of circulation,

61
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,927
and replace it in the next three days.

62
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,810
That's over nine million devices.

63
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,167
Gavin Belson had to move heaven and earth

64
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,642
to get our China plants
up to a capacity of two million per day,

65
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:35,008
and his negotiations with labor
were extremely delicate.

66
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:38,448
Well, China has never negotiated
with Jack Barker.

67
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:43,526
What you're proposing is staggeringly
expensive and borderline impossible.

68
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:44,687
We won't approve it.

69
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,684
Isee.Uh“.

70
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:50,801
Slight hitch.

71
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:54,362
I may have instructed my comms team
to issue a press release

72
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:58,126
announcing the recall,
and it should be going out at...

73
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,086
Yeah, it's out.

74
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,646
- Jack.
- I tell you what.

75
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,411
Let's just gas up that Hooli jet,

76
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:09,690
and I am going to go ahead and go to China.

77
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,328
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

78
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:26,085
So, every fucking Hooliphone that we're on
is being pulled out of service

79
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,487
and replaced with a new one
that doesn't have our code on it.

80
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,642
Half our storage capacity just gone.

81
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,690
Where the fuck are we gonna put
all of Melcher's data?

82
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:38,091
Wait. We have a server farm
in the garage, right?

83
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,288
Now, don't you think
ifAnton could have saved our ass,

84
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,566
I would have suggested it by now?

85
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,802
- Why can't it work?
- What are you, fucking stupid?

86
00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:47,965
In order to hold that much data,
we would have to go RAID 0, no backup.

87
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:52,011
So, if we lose even one platter,
we lose Melcher's data permanently.

88
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,527
Plus, in Anton's present condition,
I'm afraid he might totally melt down.

89
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,285
- We have to call Melcher.
- No, we are not calling Melcher.

90
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,006
If we tell him about any of this,
that would be suicide.

91
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:02,969
Look, if we're gonna die, let's just die.

92
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,326
Why do we have to take Anton with us?

93
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,880
Jesus, man.
You know that thing's not alive, right?

94
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,291
Fuck your dumb machine.

95
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,727
Wait, do you?
Do you actually fuck your dumb machine?

96
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,404
- Is that the secret on your phone?
- Fuck you.

97
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,164
- Fuck you! Do you raw-dog it?
- Guys.

98
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,481
Or do you put a condom on your tiny penis
and fuck it in safe mode?

99
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:17,846
RICHARD: Just fuck each other
and get it over with.

100
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,928
-"Oh, Anton, fuck me!"
- I will fuck both of you.

101
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,570
- You just have to fucking...
- Gentlemen?

102
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,570
- Fuck you.
- This is Gladys.

103
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,401
She's interviewing to be my replacement.

104
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:31,084
- Hello.
- I like your sweater.

105
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,049
Maybe let's talk outside.

106
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,770
- Great.
-lt's just right through here.

107
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,531
Gilfoyle, Anton is going to be fine, okay?

108
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,251
Just spin him up, please?

109
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:46,050
All right, buddy.
Let's see what you're made of.

110
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,765
(WHIRRING)

111
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,645
Outstanding.

112
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,043
I'm sorry that you had to witness
that scene in there.

113
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,841
It probably gave you the impression
that the company is in disarray,

114
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,561
but I can assure you
there's a very simple explanation for that.

115
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:15,926
It is.

116
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:17,241
Sorry?

117
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:21,086
Yeah, even setting aside
our CEO's sexual distortion,

118
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,528
adultery and lowbrow scatological vandalism,

119
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:28,525
we're still essentially a criminal operation

120
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,809
whose only real product
is dangerous malware.

121
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,889
I see you're fluent in Japanese.

122
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,770
Are you going to be comfortable
with casual racism?

123
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,811
I'm sorry, what happened here?

124
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:45,481
Arson.

125
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:56,681
Psst.

126
00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,321
- Gavin.
- What?

127
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,489
That wasn't really breakfast, was it?

128
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,922
- Yeah.
- Seriously?

129
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,001
Shh!

130
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,041
What are you doing?

131
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:19,850
Well, I'm watching an episode of House.

132
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,770
Put that fucking thing away.

133
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,330
Are you afraid it's gonna blow up?

134
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,970
'Cause it won't. It's not a Hooliphone.

135
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:30,885
Why would a Hooliphone blow up?

136
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,282
Hey, we're done with the migrating.

137
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,089
How's it going in here?

138
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:38,640
Don't touch the fucking lights.
One surge, and we're dead.

139
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,290
What the fuck?

140
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:41,731
What?

141
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,643
Oh, the eyes. They're contacts.

142
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:44,926
Okay, how are we looking?

143
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,811
Jesus Christ!

144
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,166
I broke my glasses.

145
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,726
I don't have an extra pair,
so I had to pull these out of a drawer.

146
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,407
I had 'em made for All Hallows' Eve.
I was a cat.

147
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,444
How are we looking? Did it all fit?

148
00:07:56,520 --> 00:08:00,923
Yes, but Anton is overheating already.
We're about to fry three of our platters.

149
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:02,800
I said this was a bad idea.

150
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,760
Fuck. What are we gonna do?

151
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:10,249
Excuse me, just FYI, Gladys turned us down.

152
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,929
Oh, hey, Richard. Long time, no talk.

153
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,605
Yeah, we've all been busy, so...

154
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:24,761
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

155
00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:28,526
Hey, listen, Big Head, do you think
I could get your Stanford login,

156
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,762
so I can access the faculty server array?

157
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,889
Oh, jeez. Uh...
I don't think I can do that, man.

158
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,487
Sure you can, man.
Just click on "Forgot Password."

159
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:43,408
No. lt'sjust that I'm kind of on super-thin ice
with the head of the CS Department right now.

160
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,289
<i>After Erlich's whole SeeFood thing,</i>

161
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,886
Stanford started looking into
my academic background,

162
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,724
and realized I don't really have one.

163
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:54,050
And now, I'm on probation, and they've got
this real teacher sitting in, watching me.

164
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,122
That is a bummer, but, hey, Big Head,

165
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,647
they do genome sequence analysis
on the Sherlock cluster.

166
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,849
They're not gonna notice
a few more measly petabytes, all right?

167
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:06,288
We'll just get on and get off
before anyone even notices we're there.

168
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,250
<i>Yeah? Come on, man.</i>

169
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,124
I need this, all right?
I wouldn't ask you otherwise.

170
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:13,848
All right. My username is

171
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:17,003
"password" and my password is "password."

172
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,205
Your username is "password"?

173
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:20,725
It was just easier.

174
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,247
Okay, Big Head came through.
I've already reserved the resources.

175
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,810
We can start the transfer
whenever we're ready.

176
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:28,121
Slight problem. I can't get online.

177
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,569
What the fuck? I can't get on, either.

178
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,689
Uh, Gilfoyle, did you
fry the fucking router again?

179
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:35,801
No.

180
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:39,243
- Jared? Did you pay the broadband bill?
- No.

181
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,324
- I mean, we don't have the funds.
- What?

182
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,722
I tried to bring it to your attention,
but you said, "Fuck off, Mom."

183
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:49,327
Wait. You're telling me that Anton
is completely cut off from the outside world?

184
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,248
Which means Melcher's data is offline.

185
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,683
We're in breach. Shit.

186
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,523
Okay, you guys keep Anton alive.

187
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,921
I will figure something out.

188
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:06,849
A product recall on that scale?
What the fuck is Barker thinking?

189
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,248
Yeah, I was only at 8%,
so if you could close some applications...

190
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,130
Cell phone?

191
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,720
Lama, I need to know
what Hooli's stock is doing.

192
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:22,726
Enlightenment or ignorance.

193
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,329
You must choose.

194
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:28,765
Erlich, get the bags.

195
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,805
-(CELLPHONE BUZZING)
- And then, for the... Hold on, one moment.

196
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,409
Richard Hendricks.

197
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:37,962
- What's up?
- Hi, I was just calling to let you know

198
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:41,965
that we're gonna have to take
the network down just for a little bit

199
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,690
<i>for some routine maintenance.</i>

200
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,286
So, your data might be inaccessible.

201
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:47,441
- What?
- Yeah.

202
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,410
<i>- Just for an hour or two. Nothing major.
- Richard,</i>

203
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,004
you're supposed to give me 72 hours' notice
for any disruption of service.

204
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,491
<i>No, Iknow. Iknow. Iknow.</i>

205
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,609
But this is just to improve your user
experience, you know, because we care.

206
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:01,848
DINESH: Falling, falling...
GILFOYLE: What the fuck are you doing?

207
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,287
<i>- DINESH: Sorry, sorry.
<i>- Is everything okay over there?</i>

208
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:05,401
(DINESH AND GILFOYLE GRUNTING)

209
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:08,245
Yeah. Okay? Yeah, yeah.

210
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:09,761
Dan. Danny, Dan-Dan.

211
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,207
It's totally normal. Totally normal.

212
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,886
Look, as long as you have it back online

213
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,122
<i>-before we open in the morning.</i>
- Yes, <i>of course.</i>

214
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,688
- Hey, you want to talk to Liz?
- No, no.

215
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,206
I'm gonna go get some cake from the back.

216
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:26,365
- Why? They bring it to us.
- That's okay. I'm just gonna go to them.

217
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:27,441
(CHUCKLES)

218
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,281
All right.

219
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,010
<i>She's going to them.</i>

220
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,250
Never get married, Richard.

221
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,049
- Women, right?
<i>- I'II talk</i> to you.

222
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,121
- Bye.
- Yeah.

223
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,487
We'll go to them.

224
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,129
- Guys, we'll go to them.
- Who?

225
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:53,967
Stanford. If we move Anton to Stanford,
we can plug him directly into the cluster,

226
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:57,488
and we'll be back online
before Fiduciated opens. It's perfect.

227
00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:00,848
Yeah, except for the part about
moving Anton to fucking Stanford.

228
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,485
How the fuck are we gonna do that?

229
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:05,040
We take him apart, move him,
put him back together.

230
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,127
That's insane.

231
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,487
Okay, well, unless you happen to have

232
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:12,770
a three-mile long Ethernet cable hidden up
your fucking asshole, that's the plan!

233
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,285
Is Big Head gonna be okay with us

234
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,409
just showing up with three tons
of unauthorized equipment?

235
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,721
Yeah! ljust spoke to him on the phone.

236
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,080
He was like, "Uh, yeah."

237
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,970
Okay do it. I'll get the truck. I'll get a truck.

238
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:29,003
You know, I flew all the way here to Tibet,
on my own dime.

239
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:33,244
You've killed my battery and I don't feel
the slightest bit more spiritually-centered.

240
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:34,606
Can this thing go any faster?

241
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,608
- Richard.
- Oh. Yup.

242
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,161
Okay, thank you, Jared.

243
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,204
Uh, so, what time did Big Head
say he needed us there?

244
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:46,850
I don't know. He said whenever.

245
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:51,130
Typically, campus security requires
a specific window for deliveries of this size.

246
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,282
- Okay.
- Did you send him an inventory,

247
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,728
so that he could request and clear
a static IP address for each sewer?

248
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,325
No. No, lwouldn't worry about it.

249
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:01,364
- Maybe I'll just give him a call.
- No, it's fine. It'll be fine.

250
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,211
- Well, maybe, l'lljust text him...
- Jared! Oh, my God!

251
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,409
Just stop with the second-guessing,

252
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,962
hand-wringing, pearl-clutching bullshit,
okay, forjust like a fucking minute.

253
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,891
You know what? I waive your two weeks'.

254
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,850
- You can go.
- What?

255
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,843
You wanted to go, go.

256
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,968
Bye, thanks.

257
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,768
I'll order a Lyft home then.

258
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,927
What the fuck was that? You fired him?

259
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:35,840
He already quit, remember?
Besides, he was being a fucking asshole.

260
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,208
Jared was being an asshole?

261
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,690
Do you want to go with him?

262
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,489
Because if you haven't noticed,

263
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:47,771
if we don't get this shit to Stanford and
all set up by 9:00 a.m., we are fucked!

264
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,887
JACK: Okay, listen up, everybody.
Here's the deal.

265
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,369
I was just talking to your foreman, Jung-Sho.

266
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,084
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

267
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:04,641
And he seems to feel that
you were all working at maximum capacity,

268
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,087
and that you cannot work any harder.

269
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,727
But I have just flown from America,

270
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:14,930
and I'm here to prove to you that he is wrong.

271
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,447
You can work harder. Much harder. How?

272
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:25,690
With a little system I like to call
the "Conjoined Triangles of Success"!

273
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:27,281
Come on.

274
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,090
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

275
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:34,323
<i>Breaking News. Hooli CEO, Jack Barker,
has been taken hostage</i>

276
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,121
<i>by workers at</i> a <i>Hooli factory in China,
which produces cellphones.</i>

277
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,963
<i>I want everyone to know
I haven't</i> been <i>harmed.</i>

278
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,441
<i>The workers here have assured me</i>

279
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:47,808
<i>that I will only be held as their honored guest</i>

280
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:51,248
<i>until Hooli has met
their very reasonable request</i>

281
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:55,166
<i>for fair wages and for humane conditions.</i>

282
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,368
<i>On</i> a <i>more personal note, honey,</i> I...

283
00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:58,965
(PEOPLE TALKING IN OTHER LANGUAGE)

284
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,644
<i>I have to stop now.</i>

285
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,245
All right.

286
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,081
Holy shit!
I think we can actually make it. All right.

287
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:09,761
Okay.

288
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,405
(STARTER CLICKING)

289
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,321
- What the fuck?
- Shit.

290
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,970
We must have left the work lights on all night.

291
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,647
- Well, do we have jumper cables?
- Jared did.

292
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,451
- Triple A?
- Sounds like a Jared thing.

293
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:27,048
Wait. Aren't Anton's racks
full of backup batteries?

294
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,283
Okay, how much longer?

295
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,284
Give us a minute.
We just need to connect a few more.

296
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:36,361
(ENGINE STARTING)

297
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,682
All right. Try it now?

298
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,285
Just fuck the batteries. We don't need them.

299
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:41,805
- Let's go!
- Okay, hold on.

300
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,803
Oh, my God! Just throw them away!

301
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,489
Okay, dude. Go, go.

302
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,326
Jesus! Shit!

303
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,607
Oh, hey, Ashley. That was close.

304
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:56,441
Well, look, it won't be the last time
you stop traffic, huh? Little hottie.

305
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,967
But not now. When you're older. I'm sorry.
We have to go. Bye.

306
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,008
Back up, back up. Please. Thank you.

307
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:05,766
Big Head, hey, I need you to meet me at the
loading dock behind Spilker in 10 minutes.

308
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:06,807
I'll explain there.

309
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,451
Now's not really a great time, Richard.

310
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,284
I'm sort of in the middle of something.

311
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,327
Wait, you said you already explained.

312
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,811
Yeah, I know. ldid.

313
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:18,804
Yeah, it's just Big Head.

314
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,406
Come on, buddy, I need you.

315
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,881
Okay. (CLEARS THROAT) Be right there.

316
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:26,920
Can I go to the bathroom?

317
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,882
Are you sure?
We don't want to inconvenience you.

318
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,127
<i>GAVIN: That's no trouble at all.</i>

319
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:37,091
And there's no need to send a negotiator.
I'm in Tibet. It's right next door.

320
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,731
Well, we'd be grateful
to have this in such good hands.

321
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:43,850
We've missed you, Gavin.
Perhaps, when you return...

322
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:49,245
Please, the only thing I'm concerned with
right now is bringing our boy home safe.

323
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,680
Fuck you, Jack Barker!

324
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,285
(GRUNTING)

325
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,203
H9)'-

326
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,090
Opium? Are you fucking kidding me?

327
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:02,685
I was on the phone for like three minutes.

328
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:07,201
Big Head.

329
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,124
Come on. Get up.
We need to get to the airstrip.

330
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:14,601
(SPEAKING MAN DARIN)

331
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,490
Excuse me?

332
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,125
My friend wants to stay here for a while.

333
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,490
How long can you let him stay
with this money?

334
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,646
Five years.

335
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:32,801
Good.

336
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,644
Okay, come on. Let's go. Let's go.
Start unloading it. Come on!

337
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:48,088
Hey, man.
So, did you ever transfer all that data?

338
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:51,767
No, we just gotta unload our servers
near the Sherlock array.

339
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:55,282
Servers? Richard, man,
I told you, now is not a good time for this.

340
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:56,964
- I know, I know.
- You dick.

341
00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,404
You never told Big Head
we were bringing Anton here, did you?

342
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,481
Who's Anton?

343
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,203
He's everything that's packed into the back
of this giant fucking truck.

344
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:06,850
And you want to set it all up here?

345
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:12,081
Oh, dude, come on.
I told you I'm, like, so close to getting fired.

346
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:13,725
Big Head, come on. It's just for a bit.

347
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,565
Richard, you specifically told us
that Big Head said this was okay.

348
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:17,880
That's what you fucking told us!

349
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:22,010
- You lied to our faces again.
- Come on, guys. We don't have time for this.

350
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,600
You were just gonna show up
and fuckin' steamroll him?

351
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:25,681
That was your whole plan?

352
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:29,003
He's your oldest friend,
and you're okayjust getting him fired?

353
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:30,286
He's Big Head!

354
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,284
He's gonna fall ass backward into something.
You know he always does.

355
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,486
I'm not doing it.

356
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,044
- What?
-l'm out, too.

357
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:38,451
Now?

358
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,051
(STAMMERING)

359
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,007
We got it, we're here. We did it.

360
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:47,326
You hypocrites.

361
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,487
You fucking hypocrites.

362
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,528
When I wouldn't use the fake users,
you called me a pussy.

363
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,604
When I wouldn't lie on the stand,
you called me a pussy.

364
00:18:55,680 --> 00:19:00,720
But now, when I'm actually doing what
you've been wanting me to do, you quit?

365
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,927
You're the pussies. You are the pussies.

366
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:08,961
I'm the only one that's trying
to fucking save what we do here!

367
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,644
All this time we spent building this thing,

368
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,610
and now, now it falls apart
because you two don't fucking do it?

369
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,286
- This is too much for you? Well, fuck you!
- Hey, guys?

370
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,165
- This is fine.
- What?

371
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:24,006
Yeah, my bad. I thought you were talking
about, like, a lot more stuff.

372
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,121
Great.

373
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:29,281
GILFOYLEI Oh...

374
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,246
Fuck.

375
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,522
So, anyways, my office is unlocked

376
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,410
if you guys just wanna, like,
toss that on my desk, or whatever.

377
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,766
I should probably get back, though,
before that teacher guy gets me in trouble.

378
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:47,326
I'll see you guys.

379
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:50,846
RICHARD; HOW?

380
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:53,765
Who?

381
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:58,210
You had me open up the back
to get the batteries,

382
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,521
and then you told me not to put them back.

383
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,843
So, no one...

384
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,803
You know who would have remembered
to close the door?

385
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:09,927
Jared.

386
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:12,126
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

387
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,805
It's Melcher.

388
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,723
Good luck with that.

389
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:24,041
(SIGHS)

390
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:28,921
(ENGINE STARTING)

391
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,201
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

392
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:43,761
(KNOCKING)

393
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:47,846
Richard?

394
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:51,931
- Can I come in?
- Uh, I have company.

395
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,047
(WOMAN LAUGHING)

396
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,286
ls there a girl in there?

397
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:55,361
(WOMEN LAUGHING)

398
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:57,926
How many girls are in there?

399
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,490
Richard, what do you want from me?

400
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,450
Nothing. It's just you were right about all of it.

401
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:08,530
I killed Anton, and I lost all of Melcher's data.

402
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:09,726
Everybody fucking hates me.

403
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:15,366
And I'm basically, one blood boy away
from being Gavin Belson.

404
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:20,600
I did not run the company with integrity.

405
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:26,530
But I'm gonna end it with some.

406
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,885
I'm going to Melcher's office
and I'm coming clean.

407
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:31,641
AnyWaY- --

408
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,166
I'm really fuckin' sorry, man.

409
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,441
Well... I'll leave you alone now.

410
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,283
Hey, this guy fucks.

411
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:50,561
JARED: Richard!

412
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:00,241
What's this?

413
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:01,890
It's a job application.

414
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,123
I'd like to submit myself
for a position with Pied Piper.

415
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,771
I'd really like to be there till the bitter end.

416
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,125
"Lordy, lordy, look who's 40."

417
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,400
That's the wrong one.

418
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,647
I gotta say, Gavin,

419
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,524
when that storeroom door opened

420
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:33,491
and I saw your face grinning down at me,
I thought it was an angel.

421
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,600
When we get home,
I'm going to do everything in my power

422
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:40,207
to get you back
in the good graces of the Hooli board.

423
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,329
I can use a fellow of your talent, sir.

424
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,370
That's very gracious of you, Jack. Thank you.

425
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:47,840
ATTENDANT: Welcome aboard, gentlemen.

426
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,323
Our flying time to Mountain View
is 11 hours and 36 minutes,

427
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,368
and we will be stopping off
at Jackson Hole first.

428
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:54,961
Oh.

429
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,805
Stopping off at Jackson Hole, are you, Gavin?

430
00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,962
No, Jack, you are.

431
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,802
Jackson Hole is definitively out of the way.
Everyone knows that,

432
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:11,161
but I don't mind dropping you off first
this one last time.

433
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:22,571
- Hey. What are you guys doing here?
- Jared called us.

434
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,608
If you're gonna eat a giant plate
of steaming hot shit,

435
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,682
we figured it should probably be a team effort.

436
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:32,325
Okay. Thanks. I'll go check in.

437
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,001
Hi, could you tell Dan Melcher
that Richard Hendricks

438
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,082
and the guys from Pied Piper
are here to see him?

439
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:40,321
You guys are Pied Piper?

440
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,210
The guys who built our data storage network?
It's awesome.

441
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,486
Yeah, it was awesome
until it crashed this morning.

442
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,722
I was just using it two minutes ago.
It's working fine.

443
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:53,567
- Really?
- Yeah.

444
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:57,601
What's he talking about?

445
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:06,681
-It's up. All of Melcher's data is there.
- But how is that possible?

446
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,286
Well, what are those devices?
Those aren't phones.

447
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:10,885
(GILFOYLE CHUCKLING)

448
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,042
Why the fuck are you laughing?
You look fucking insane right now.

449
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,925
Look at that OUI prefix
in these MAC addresses.

450
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,650
Yeah, okay, so what are those?

451
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:24,884
Smart fridges. About 30,000 of them.

452
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:25,961
Come again?

453
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,486
Jian-Yang's smart fridge
must have been self-correcting.

454
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:32,007
In order to fit my Suck it, Jian-Yang video
onto his fridge,

455
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,731
I had to add Pied Piper libraries
to the firmware.

456
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,525
Other smart fridges
must have seen this as an update.

457
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:38,601
What?

458
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,364
The smart fridges talk to each other,

459
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,807
-and they share the newest software.
- Right.

460
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,724
<i>So, when we put that data onto Anton,</i>

461
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,280
<i>the last thing he did before he died
was back himself up</i>

462
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:51,206
<i>onto</i> a <i>huge network of smart fridges.</i>

463
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,081
Anton died, so we could live.

464
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:55,241
Like Jesus.

465
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:57,281
Oh, fuck.

466
00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:59,840
Guys, do you realize whatjust happened?

467
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,969
- We're still alive. The network is stable.
- GILFOYLE: Mmm-hmm.

468
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,247
The new Internet works, and this is the proof.

469
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:07,448
- We did it!
- RICHARD: Yes, we did.

470
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,608
Wait a minute.

471
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,604
If Melcher never lost access to his data,
what is he so upset about?

472
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,648
Richard! Richard! I'm so sorry!

473
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:18,805
We were tasting cakes, and then you called,
and then itjust came out.

474
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:19,881
What came out?

475
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:21,928
- You son of a bitch!
- Save yourself!

476
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:23,560
(BOTH SCREAMING)

477
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:25,765
- RICHARD: I'm sorry!
-l'm guessing there's a story here.

478
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,525
- Stand down! No, no, no!
- That's it! Help!

479
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:34,281
Gavin.

480
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:37,561
I like your hair.

481
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,850
- I like your eye.
- Yeah, I got it from a woman.

482
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:42,968
She didn't hit me. No, the man did...

483
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,691
Because of sex that I gave to her.

484
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,882
So, welcome home.

485
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,641
And congratulations
on getting your business back.

486
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:54,724
Thank you, and I should congratulate you
on your remarkable tech breakthrough.

487
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,486
- I hear you're swimming in funding offers.
- A few.

488
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,530
I think we're gonna go with Bream-Hall.
They seem to get us.

489
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,803
You haven't seen all the offers yet.

490
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:13,043
Richard, we were partners once.
I'd like to do it again.

491
00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:17,170
This is an acquisition offer,
and it will make you a very wealthy man.

492
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,687
Let's do this together.

493
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,605
That's very kind of you.

494
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,126
- But“
- Richard, at least look it over.

495
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:28,727
I can help you get exactly
where you want to go.

496
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,403
I'm pretty sure I know
where I want to go and how to get there.

497
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,324
If you reject me now, Richard,
I will come after you.

498
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:37,526
Hldevouryou.

499
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,967
Think very carefully
about what you're doing here.

500
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,008
Here's what I think, Gavin.

501
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:47,490
I think my decentralized Internet
threatens Hooli's box business model.

502
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,365
I think, basically,
you are just a server company now,

503
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:53,966
and we intend to make servers obsolete.

504
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:57,203
So, I think perhaps in the end,

505
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,726
I will be the one devouring you.

506
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,084
I gave you that patent.

507
00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:06,442
Thanks.

508
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:09,801
(CHUCKLES)

509
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:11,161
Fair enough, Richard.

510
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,603
I shall look forward to the fight.

511
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,688
Right back at you Gaby, baby.

512
00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:20,361
Gavin.

513
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:23,967
Oh, um...

514
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,202
Did Erlich ever show up in Tibet?

515
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:28,761
No.

516
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,049
Jesus, what the hell did he order?

517
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:44,610
(MARIACHI BAN D PLAYING)

518
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,965
No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, stop. Stop it.

519
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:51,084
No.DonT

520
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,003
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)