1
00:00:01,441 --> 00:00:04,524
I sent you 63 good people.
You have to choose.

2
00:00:04,524 --> 00:00:06,317
BERTRAM GILFOYLE: They have
to meet our rigorous standards.

3
00:00:06,317 --> 00:00:08,358
I mean, look at the three
we've already hired.

4
00:00:09,025 --> 00:00:10,483
DINESH CHUGTAI: Stallions.

5
00:00:11,691 --> 00:00:14,483
Hooli is the future,
and your future is...

6
00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:17,691
The Box 2.
Are there any questions?

7
00:00:17,691 --> 00:00:19,983
Everything you're doing here
is antiquated.

8
00:00:20,524 --> 00:00:22,358
Fuck you guys.
Get out of here.

9
00:00:22,733 --> 00:00:26,192
You wish to acquire
a company called Sliceline?

10
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:29,733
I will be taking on a total
engineering team of about 50.

11
00:00:30,025 --> 00:00:31,691
Um... Wha--

12
00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:33,358
(PANTING)

13
00:00:33,358 --> 00:00:35,649
(RETCHES)

14
00:00:35,649 --> 00:00:37,941
-RICHARD HENDRICKS:
Don't tell anyone, okay?
-Um...

15
00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:49,566
Dinesh:
My Tesla finally came.

16
00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:52,649
Gilfoyle:
Was that a wise purchase?

17
00:00:52,649 --> 00:00:53,983
Considering Richard just

18
00:00:53,983 --> 00:00:57,524
obliterated Pied Piper's runway
hiring all those coders?

19
00:00:57,524 --> 00:00:59,775
I ordered it a month ago.

20
00:00:59,775 --> 00:01:02,483
But still, it's an investment.

21
00:01:02,483 --> 00:01:03,775
As I understand,

22
00:01:03,775 --> 00:01:05,441
cars depreciate
10 percent

23
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:06,900
as soon as they
fall off the truck.

24
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:07,983
(car thudding)

25
00:01:07,983 --> 00:01:09,275
Like that.

26
00:01:09,275 --> 00:01:12,941
(thudding)
So if the car costs $100,

27
00:01:12,941 --> 00:01:14,941
well you just lost $10.

28
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:16,775
Did it cost $100?

29
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:19,275
Or more?

30
00:01:19,275 --> 00:01:20,900
It's not about the money.

31
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:23,858
I, my friend, am now part

32
00:01:23,858 --> 00:01:25,441
of the green revolution.

33
00:01:25,441 --> 00:01:26,775
Are you?

34
00:01:26,775 --> 00:01:28,192
Most electricity
still comes from

35
00:01:28,192 --> 00:01:30,317
gas plants
and coal-burning
smoke stacks.

36
00:01:30,317 --> 00:01:32,941
Do you know where
your electricity comes from?

37
00:01:32,941 --> 00:01:34,816
No.
Mm-hmm.

38
00:01:36,275 --> 00:01:38,483
Look how shiny it is.

39
00:01:38,483 --> 00:01:40,275
Plus, it has a frunk--

40
00:01:40,275 --> 00:01:41,649
a front trunk.

41
00:01:41,649 --> 00:01:43,983
Here, hop in, let me
give you a ride to work.
(engine starting)

42
00:01:43,983 --> 00:01:45,733
(engine rattling)

43
00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:51,900
Dinesh,

44
00:01:51,900 --> 00:01:52,941
you like this?

45
00:01:52,941 --> 00:01:56,358
Jesus fucking Christ!

46
00:01:56,358 --> 00:01:58,941
Is that a dead pig?
Yes.

47
00:01:58,941 --> 00:02:01,275
It's just like Errich.

48
00:02:01,275 --> 00:02:02,691
My corrupt uncle

49
00:02:02,691 --> 00:02:04,483
sent a death certificate

50
00:02:04,483 --> 00:02:05,441
from China

51
00:02:05,441 --> 00:02:08,649
but to send body
is too expensive.

52
00:02:08,649 --> 00:02:10,358
So...

53
00:02:10,358 --> 00:02:12,358
I cremate a pig

54
00:02:12,358 --> 00:02:15,524
because a pig is
most like a fat human.

55
00:02:16,941 --> 00:02:18,108
I gotta get to work.

56
00:02:19,150 --> 00:02:20,275
Dinesh...

57
00:02:20,275 --> 00:02:22,983
can you take
pig to backyard?

58
00:02:22,983 --> 00:02:24,649
I need to burn it.

59
00:02:24,649 --> 00:02:25,816
No.

60
00:02:27,483 --> 00:02:29,524
♪ ♪

61
00:02:33,816 --> 00:02:34,900
That's odd.

62
00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:36,192
You left before me.

63
00:02:36,192 --> 00:02:38,317
How was I able
to park before you?

64
00:02:38,317 --> 00:02:40,025
I guess all 50
of the new employees

65
00:02:40,025 --> 00:02:41,483
decided to show up
bright and early

66
00:02:41,483 --> 00:02:43,691
for the fucking
all-hands meeting.

67
00:02:43,691 --> 00:02:45,524
I had to park on level five.

68
00:02:45,524 --> 00:02:47,566
Huh! So unlike you,

69
00:02:47,566 --> 00:02:48,858
the world understands

70
00:02:48,858 --> 00:02:50,608
that I'm saving the planet

71
00:02:50,608 --> 00:02:52,275
and has rewarded me with...

72
00:02:52,275 --> 00:02:54,233
(clicks tongue)
primo spot.

73
00:02:54,233 --> 00:02:55,608
Congratulations.

74
00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:57,441
You've finally taken
your rightful spot

75
00:02:57,441 --> 00:02:59,025
amongst the handicapped.

76
00:02:59,941 --> 00:03:02,192
(theme music playing)

77
00:03:13,108 --> 00:03:14,233
Is it broken?

78
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:17,233
Uh, no.
I think I'm okay.

79
00:03:17,233 --> 00:03:19,816
One question,
what the fuck happened?

80
00:03:19,816 --> 00:03:22,399
'Cause... you were
doing your speech

81
00:03:22,399 --> 00:03:24,399
right there in front
of the whole company,

82
00:03:24,399 --> 00:03:25,399
and then...

83
00:03:26,524 --> 00:03:27,566
Wow.

84
00:03:27,566 --> 00:03:29,067
Well...

85
00:03:29,067 --> 00:03:31,566
uh, my speech was going poorly.

86
00:03:31,566 --> 00:03:32,733
Agreed.
Yeah.

87
00:03:32,733 --> 00:03:34,399
And I started to panic.

88
00:03:34,399 --> 00:03:35,441
With good reason.

89
00:03:35,441 --> 00:03:37,233
And then...

90
00:03:37,233 --> 00:03:39,025
all of a sudden, I...

91
00:03:39,025 --> 00:03:40,566
I thought I had
to shit my pants, okay?

92
00:03:40,566 --> 00:03:42,067
And that's why you jumped

93
00:03:42,067 --> 00:03:44,775
face first into
a glass wall?

94
00:03:44,775 --> 00:03:46,399
No, it all happened so fast,

95
00:03:46,399 --> 00:03:49,108
but... essentially, I thought,

96
00:03:49,108 --> 00:03:51,649
if it was gonna happen,
I didn't want to be standing.

97
00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:53,775
So, I crouched, because...

98
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:54,816
If you wanna
shit yourself,

99
00:03:54,816 --> 00:03:56,691
you'd rather be
crouching than standing?

100
00:03:56,691 --> 00:03:58,941
Yes. I mean, if you had to.

101
00:03:58,941 --> 00:04:02,275
I hate to say this,
but I follow you.

102
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:05,275
The thing is,
when I crouched,
I had to burp.

103
00:04:05,275 --> 00:04:08,067
But since I was all,
you know, tucked up,

104
00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:09,441
I actually
vomited a little.

105
00:04:09,441 --> 00:04:12,941
And then, that's when
my fight-or-flight
reflex kicked in.

106
00:04:12,941 --> 00:04:15,067
Do you ever fight?

107
00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:19,150
Okay, fine, then my
"or flight" reflex kicked in
and I just...

108
00:04:20,275 --> 00:04:21,733
Pow.
Yeah.

109
00:04:21,733 --> 00:04:25,399
Okay. Well, what we saw
was a very oily man

110
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,399
in mid-sentence dip down,

111
00:04:27,399 --> 00:04:30,941
vomit, and then
thrust himself violently

112
00:04:30,941 --> 00:04:34,067
face first into
a glass wall.

113
00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:35,691
But I guess it's a lot
less embarrassing

114
00:04:35,691 --> 00:04:36,816
the way you explain it.

115
00:04:36,816 --> 00:04:38,983
Richard, what about...

116
00:04:38,983 --> 00:04:41,025
Did you evacuate
in your pants?

117
00:04:41,025 --> 00:04:42,483
Oh, no, uh, good news.

118
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,649
I think what happened
when I hit the glass,

119
00:04:44,649 --> 00:04:46,067
I sort of shocked myself.

120
00:04:46,067 --> 00:04:47,275
Now, I don't have to.

121
00:04:47,275 --> 00:04:48,733
That's actually
kind of disappointing,

122
00:04:48,733 --> 00:04:51,483
because, like,
no closure.

123
00:04:51,483 --> 00:04:53,649
Well, on the bright side,
it'll be that much easier

124
00:04:53,649 --> 00:04:55,317
to get you cleaned up
and back out there.

125
00:04:55,317 --> 00:04:58,649
What?
I have you scheduled for
three more days of orientation.

126
00:04:58,649 --> 00:05:00,317
No way. Cancel them.

127
00:05:00,317 --> 00:05:01,775
There's no way
I'm going back out there.

128
00:05:01,775 --> 00:05:03,983
Especially after knowing
what they saw.

129
00:05:03,983 --> 00:05:06,733
No, fuck it. Plus, I'm--
I'm way too busy, so.

130
00:05:06,733 --> 00:05:09,275
Gentlemen, could we
have the room please?

131
00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:10,858
So we can leave?
Sweet.

132
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,441
Richard,
look out there.

133
00:05:14,441 --> 00:05:17,858
There's Optimoji
and Sliceline t-shirts
left and right.

134
00:05:17,858 --> 00:05:21,150
These are conquered soldiers
still in their old uniforms.

135
00:05:21,150 --> 00:05:23,691
But we need everyone here
to be Pied Pipers.

136
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,691
I mean, you're asking them

137
00:05:25,691 --> 00:05:28,233
to spend the primes
of their lives on your vision.

138
00:05:28,233 --> 00:05:30,566
Right? And you need
to go out there
and lead them.

139
00:05:30,566 --> 00:05:32,691
They're-- they're yearning
for inspiration.

140
00:05:32,691 --> 00:05:34,608
I can't do inspiration.

141
00:05:34,608 --> 00:05:36,150
I'm a coder.

142
00:05:36,150 --> 00:05:37,733
Look there,
the new Internet.

143
00:05:37,733 --> 00:05:39,233
That's inspiration.
Use that.

144
00:05:39,233 --> 00:05:41,192
Richard, this is all an idea.

145
00:05:41,192 --> 00:05:42,608
And people don't
wanna follow an idea,

146
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,192
they wanna follow a leader.

147
00:05:44,192 --> 00:05:46,483
Look at the last guy
to create a new Internet.

148
00:05:46,483 --> 00:05:47,483
Al Gore.

149
00:05:47,483 --> 00:05:49,025
His ideas were excellent,

150
00:05:49,025 --> 00:05:51,858
but he talked like a
narcoleptic plantation owner,

151
00:05:51,858 --> 00:05:54,067
so he lost the presidency
to a fake cowboy

152
00:05:54,067 --> 00:05:55,649
and now he makes
apocalypse porn.

153
00:05:55,649 --> 00:05:57,983
Look, the point is,
you need to lead
with passion.

154
00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,441
When you set your mind to it,

155
00:05:59,441 --> 00:06:01,900
you're one of the most
charismatic people
I've ever met.

156
00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:03,483
And I have met Ira Glass.

157
00:06:03,483 --> 00:06:05,441
I know it's three days
we could be working,

158
00:06:05,441 --> 00:06:09,317
but ultimately, a unified team
will save us time in the end.

159
00:06:09,317 --> 00:06:10,858
You wanna save time?

160
00:06:10,858 --> 00:06:13,108
If you wanna save time,
here's what you do.

161
00:06:13,108 --> 00:06:15,358
You said it yourself,
okay, the Optimoji guys

162
00:06:15,358 --> 00:06:17,358
and the Sliceline guys
are separate,

163
00:06:17,358 --> 00:06:18,858
with their own
separate histories,

164
00:06:18,858 --> 00:06:20,608
their own separate
shorthands,

165
00:06:20,608 --> 00:06:21,816
so let's use that.

166
00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:24,067
Let's give the scheduler
to the Optimoji guys,

167
00:06:24,067 --> 00:06:26,483
and the server-less runtime
to the Sliceline guys.

168
00:06:26,483 --> 00:06:29,733
Then we have Dinesh
and Gilfoyle and the Stallions,
they do the integration.

169
00:06:29,733 --> 00:06:31,483
Boom, we're off and running.
How about that?

170
00:06:31,483 --> 00:06:34,900
That way,
no one has to shit
or burp or puke

171
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:37,483
or get a nosebleed
in front of anyone.

172
00:06:37,483 --> 00:06:40,192
Scott:
As for the bezel design,
our young aesthete, Dang,

173
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,816
has once again spun gold.

174
00:06:41,816 --> 00:06:42,941
Let's see it.

175
00:06:46,983 --> 00:06:49,275
Wait, my signature's not on it?

176
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:53,275
How could it be
the Gavin Belson
Signature Box III

177
00:06:53,275 --> 00:06:54,816
without Gavin Belson's
signature on it?

178
00:06:54,816 --> 00:06:57,983
Well, the word "signature"
has a handwritten feel to it.

179
00:06:57,983 --> 00:07:00,900
Why is my signature
not on this?

180
00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:04,108
Gavin, there was
a slight issue with
your signature.

181
00:07:04,108 --> 00:07:05,733
What issue?

182
00:07:05,733 --> 00:07:07,275
Do you have a mock-up?
Pull it up.

183
00:07:08,983 --> 00:07:11,150
Ah, yes! There.

184
00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:13,608
What's wrong with that?

185
00:07:13,608 --> 00:07:17,441
Well, reactions to this
from our testing groups
were mixed,

186
00:07:17,441 --> 00:07:21,150
so we contacted
a handwriting expert.

187
00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:22,983
And, uh, well...

188
00:07:22,983 --> 00:07:24,691
Jean, do you
have the report?

189
00:07:24,691 --> 00:07:25,858
Absolutely.

190
00:07:25,858 --> 00:07:28,275
Pleasure to be
on your team, Gavin.
Here it is.

191
00:07:28,275 --> 00:07:30,483
"The signature
displayed troubling traits.

192
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:31,941
"Left of upright slant,

193
00:07:31,941 --> 00:07:34,483
"narrow angles,
tense strokes,

194
00:07:34,483 --> 00:07:37,649
conclusively indicative
of sociopathic tendencies."

195
00:07:37,649 --> 00:07:39,192
What?
"Characterized by

196
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,858
"a lack of empathy
and need to dominate,

197
00:07:40,858 --> 00:07:43,983
"a willingness to hurt others
to achieve one's goals.

198
00:07:43,983 --> 00:07:45,691
Inability to accept bad news--"

199
00:07:45,691 --> 00:07:46,941
Hoover?
Hoover: Sir?

200
00:07:46,941 --> 00:07:50,150
Get this horrible women
the fuck out of my office, now.

201
00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:51,775
♪ ♪

202
00:07:57,983 --> 00:07:59,317
Dinesh:
What the fuck is that?

203
00:07:59,317 --> 00:08:00,691
It's the cheapest thing
I could find

204
00:08:00,691 --> 00:08:02,566
that qualified
as an electric vehicle.

205
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,192
I found it on Craigslist.

206
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:06,691
Now you get to park
on the fifth floor.

207
00:08:06,691 --> 00:08:07,816
Enjoy the drive.

208
00:08:07,816 --> 00:08:09,566
Oh, and you were right...

209
00:08:09,566 --> 00:08:12,775
it does feel good to be
a part of the green revolution.

210
00:08:12,775 --> 00:08:16,399
Oh, yeah?
Well, does that "vehicle"
have "Insane Mode"?

211
00:08:16,399 --> 00:08:17,816
One press of a button

212
00:08:17,816 --> 00:08:21,358
and I go zero to 60
in 3.2...

213
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:24,733
What a day.

214
00:08:24,733 --> 00:08:27,275
See, we'd still be
finishing up orientation,

215
00:08:27,275 --> 00:08:30,067
singing Kumbayas
and doing trust falls.

216
00:08:30,067 --> 00:08:31,233
But instead,

217
00:08:31,233 --> 00:08:34,566
both our Optimoji
and Sliceline teams

218
00:08:34,566 --> 00:08:38,983
have gone through
their first code review.

219
00:08:38,983 --> 00:08:41,858
Well, to be fair, I never
would've scheduled trust falls.

220
00:08:41,858 --> 00:08:44,275
I mean, you do
one of those, you're so
jacked up on adrenaline,

221
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:45,858
the rest of the day
is basically shot.

222
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:49,317
We were gonna have
a noncompetitive
talent show with no losers.

223
00:08:49,317 --> 00:08:50,317
Not possible.

224
00:08:50,317 --> 00:08:52,524
Dick, I just got in
and checked the commits.

225
00:08:52,524 --> 00:08:55,067
Are you aware
that the Sliceline guys

226
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,067
have been encoding time
in nanoseconds,

227
00:08:57,067 --> 00:08:58,275
as we usually do,

228
00:08:58,275 --> 00:09:01,858
but the Optimoji guys
have been using milliseconds?

229
00:09:01,858 --> 00:09:03,566
What?

230
00:09:03,566 --> 00:09:05,441
Just the fact that
we're still calling them

231
00:09:05,441 --> 00:09:07,524
Sliceline guys
and Optimoji guys

232
00:09:07,524 --> 00:09:09,192
is sending up
all sorts of red flags.

233
00:09:09,192 --> 00:09:10,858
And I don't even
mean the word "guys,"

234
00:09:10,858 --> 00:09:12,483
which I just learned
is a micro-aggression.

235
00:09:12,483 --> 00:09:15,067
It's fine, "guys."

236
00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:16,900
I will get them
to re-factor their code.

237
00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:19,399
We're still ahead
of where we'd be

238
00:09:19,399 --> 00:09:21,233
if we were doing
some kind of talent show.

239
00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:24,399
Richard? Gilfoyle parked
his electric pile of trash

240
00:09:24,399 --> 00:09:25,983
in my Tesla's spot.

241
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:27,192
Do you think that's fair?

242
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,691
Not now, Dinesh.

243
00:09:28,691 --> 00:09:30,524
Why can't you guys
switch to milliseconds?

244
00:09:30,524 --> 00:09:31,775
Why do we have to change?

245
00:09:31,775 --> 00:09:35,108
Sorry, well, our entire
code base uses nanoseconds.

246
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:38,192
And you didn't think
it was important
to tell us this?

247
00:09:38,192 --> 00:09:39,733
No, well, I mean, it was--

248
00:09:39,733 --> 00:09:43,192
it was part
of the orientation
that was scheduled,

249
00:09:43,192 --> 00:09:44,483
which had to be,

250
00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:46,441
for numerous reasons,
uh, canceled.

251
00:09:46,441 --> 00:09:49,275
And I'm sorry about that,
I know it sucks.

252
00:09:49,275 --> 00:09:51,649
If I could make it
suck less, I would, but--

253
00:09:51,649 --> 00:09:53,775
You could get some
decent coffee in here.

254
00:09:53,775 --> 00:09:55,566
What? What's wrong with...

255
00:09:55,566 --> 00:09:57,858
Philz Coffee?
That's high-end joe, bro.

256
00:09:57,858 --> 00:10:00,608
At Optimoji,
we had Stumptown
brought in every day.

257
00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:04,275
So that would inspire you?
Different coffee?

258
00:10:04,275 --> 00:10:05,192
Inspire us?

259
00:10:05,192 --> 00:10:06,524
You know what?
Bup, bup, bup!

260
00:10:06,524 --> 00:10:07,900
Stumptown it is.
You got it.

261
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,524
And you'll tell your guys
about the nanoseconds?

262
00:10:10,524 --> 00:10:12,108
Yeah.
Unless you wanna

263
00:10:12,108 --> 00:10:13,983
get up in front of everyone
and announce it yourself.

264
00:10:13,983 --> 00:10:15,358
No, no, no,
I'd rather you--

265
00:10:15,358 --> 00:10:16,566
That was a joke.

266
00:10:16,566 --> 00:10:17,858
Your speech was a disaster.

267
00:10:17,858 --> 00:10:20,025
Oh. (light chuckle)
Yeah.

268
00:10:20,025 --> 00:10:21,483
(imitates hitting wall)

269
00:10:21,483 --> 00:10:23,192
(chuckles)
(imitates vomiting)

270
00:10:23,192 --> 00:10:24,317
You know. Yeah.

271
00:10:24,317 --> 00:10:25,483
It was really bad.

272
00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:27,483
I know.

273
00:10:27,483 --> 00:10:30,691
Okay, Mr. Jian, you have
petitioned this court

274
00:10:30,691 --> 00:10:32,150
to become the sole executor

275
00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:35,108
of the estate of Erlich Bachman,
is that correct?

276
00:10:35,108 --> 00:10:36,317
Yes.

277
00:10:36,317 --> 00:10:38,150
I see you've got
all the paperwork, here.

278
00:10:38,150 --> 00:10:42,025
Yes. Errich Bachman
is dead.

279
00:10:43,483 --> 00:10:44,983
Oh! Um...

280
00:10:44,983 --> 00:10:46,900
Mr. Jian, there's
absolutely no need

281
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:49,275
to display
the deceased remains.

282
00:10:49,275 --> 00:10:50,983
You can put that away.

283
00:10:52,399 --> 00:10:53,691
I have it.
Yes.

284
00:10:53,691 --> 00:10:54,983
Please put it down.

285
00:10:58,067 --> 00:11:01,858
Errich Bachman
is cremated...

286
00:11:01,858 --> 00:11:03,192
into ashes.

287
00:11:04,608 --> 00:11:06,192
And I put it in bucket.

288
00:11:06,192 --> 00:11:08,858
Put it down, sir.

289
00:11:11,358 --> 00:11:12,733
(bucket thuds)

290
00:11:12,733 --> 00:11:14,150
Now, have you determined

291
00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:15,775
to a reasonable
degree of certainty

292
00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:18,358
that Mr. Bachman has
no living next of kin?

293
00:11:18,358 --> 00:11:20,816
No wife,
children, parents,

294
00:11:20,816 --> 00:11:22,025
no brothers, sisters,

295
00:11:22,025 --> 00:11:23,524
nieces, nephews,
grandparents,

296
00:11:23,524 --> 00:11:25,192
children from
a predeceased spouse

297
00:11:25,192 --> 00:11:26,192
or domestic partnership?

298
00:11:27,317 --> 00:11:28,441
No.

299
00:11:28,441 --> 00:11:29,691
He died alone.

300
00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:32,524
He's a very sad man.

301
00:11:32,524 --> 00:11:34,483
So, I have a...

302
00:11:34,483 --> 00:11:36,900
a house
and a 10% Pied Piper.

303
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:39,733
In the absence
of any next of kin,

304
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:42,566
I will approve you
as the sole beneficiary

305
00:11:42,566 --> 00:11:45,399
and the official executor
of Mr. Bachman's estate.

306
00:11:45,399 --> 00:11:48,441
But, before you can distribute
any of his assets

307
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,941
into your personal possession,

308
00:11:49,941 --> 00:11:53,566
you are required
to settle all claims
against the estate.

309
00:11:53,566 --> 00:11:54,733
Do you understand?

310
00:11:56,067 --> 00:11:58,733
So I get a house
and a 10% Pied Piper?

311
00:11:58,733 --> 00:12:01,775
You need to pay all
of his outstanding bills.

312
00:12:01,775 --> 00:12:04,358
How much do I have to pay?

313
00:12:04,358 --> 00:12:08,192
Well, these debts can
sometimes be substantial.

314
00:12:08,192 --> 00:12:09,941
Would you
characterize Mr. Bachman

315
00:12:09,941 --> 00:12:12,067
as a financially
responsible man?

316
00:12:17,025 --> 00:12:20,649
Hey, Sliceline guys,
what's up? Heh.

317
00:12:20,649 --> 00:12:22,192
So...

318
00:12:22,192 --> 00:12:24,983
wanted to talk to
you guys about something.

319
00:12:24,983 --> 00:12:26,108
Past couple days,

320
00:12:26,108 --> 00:12:29,233
the Optimoji guys have really
stepped up their game,

321
00:12:29,233 --> 00:12:31,816
but, um, you guys...

322
00:12:31,816 --> 00:12:34,941
have kind of been flagging.

323
00:12:34,941 --> 00:12:37,275
I'm just wondering if
everything's all right.

324
00:12:37,275 --> 00:12:39,358
Yeah. Great.

325
00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:41,192
Just nice to know
where we stand.

326
00:12:41,192 --> 00:12:43,691
Sorry?
We get it.

327
00:12:43,691 --> 00:12:46,192
You only acquired Sliceline
because you wanted Optimoji.

328
00:12:46,192 --> 00:12:48,150
What? (laughs)

329
00:12:48,150 --> 00:12:49,441
No, wrong.

330
00:12:49,441 --> 00:12:51,441
Uh, why would you say that?

331
00:12:51,441 --> 00:12:52,983
I didn't. You did,

332
00:12:52,983 --> 00:12:54,775
when you chose
their coffee over ours.

333
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,649
It's bad enough
we can't have Slice here.

334
00:12:56,649 --> 00:12:58,649
Slice?

335
00:12:58,649 --> 00:12:59,649
The beverage?

336
00:12:59,649 --> 00:13:01,649
No, no. Slice was our mascot.

337
00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:03,983
He's really smart.

338
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:05,358
Okay, well...

339
00:13:05,358 --> 00:13:06,691
Bring the little guy in.

340
00:13:06,691 --> 00:13:08,358
What about the no dog policy?

341
00:13:08,358 --> 00:13:11,275
What no dog policy, huh?

342
00:13:11,275 --> 00:13:14,275
Really? Are you sure you don't
need to check with Optimoji?

343
00:13:14,275 --> 00:13:16,275
I'm pretty sure,
but, uh...

344
00:13:17,566 --> 00:13:19,358
Danny? Dan man?

345
00:13:19,358 --> 00:13:21,441
Uh, I just was wondering

346
00:13:21,441 --> 00:13:23,566
if you're cool
if the Sliceline guys

347
00:13:23,566 --> 00:13:25,649
brought in their dog.
He's really smart.

348
00:13:25,649 --> 00:13:28,608
Well at Optimoji,
we had a no dog policy.

349
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:31,275
Come on.
Don't be such a dork.
(chuckles)

350
00:13:31,275 --> 00:13:32,816
Let 'em have it.
It's just a dog.

351
00:13:33,983 --> 00:13:35,608
Sure. Fine.

352
00:13:35,608 --> 00:13:36,649
You're the CEO.

353
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,399
Yes, I am.

354
00:13:38,399 --> 00:13:39,441
All right.

355
00:13:39,441 --> 00:13:41,399
And from this point on,

356
00:13:41,399 --> 00:13:45,067
CEO stands for
Canine Endorsement...

357
00:13:46,524 --> 00:13:48,566
Oh... yeah.

358
00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:49,858
(chuckles)

359
00:13:49,858 --> 00:13:51,067
All right.

360
00:13:54,192 --> 00:13:58,275
Hey, look at you
and your 10-speed.

361
00:13:58,275 --> 00:14:01,150
Aw, you got up early
'cause you thought
you could take my space.

362
00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:02,483
That's cute.

363
00:14:02,483 --> 00:14:04,358
Almost as cute as your bike.

364
00:14:06,691 --> 00:14:08,566
Yeah, I guess
this is a bike, isn't it?

365
00:14:09,858 --> 00:14:12,192
So I get to use the bike lane.

366
00:14:12,192 --> 00:14:14,524
See you later.

367
00:14:14,524 --> 00:14:17,358
No, bikes still have
to follow traffic laws!

368
00:14:17,358 --> 00:14:18,524
That's not fair!

369
00:14:20,108 --> 00:14:21,608
All right.
You wanna get insane?

370
00:14:24,067 --> 00:14:25,358
Let's get insane.

371
00:14:26,858 --> 00:14:28,233
Whoa!
(car revs)

372
00:14:28,233 --> 00:14:30,566
(Dinesh laughing)

373
00:14:30,566 --> 00:14:32,025
Fuck you, Gilfoyle!

374
00:14:32,025 --> 00:14:33,566
(screams)
(tires screech)

375
00:14:33,566 --> 00:14:35,067
(metal crashing)

376
00:14:37,733 --> 00:14:40,233
(rattling)

377
00:14:42,317 --> 00:14:45,399
Something's wrong
with your frunk.

378
00:14:45,399 --> 00:14:46,816
It's all frucked up.

379
00:14:46,816 --> 00:14:48,192
Hey, Tesla!

380
00:14:48,192 --> 00:14:49,941
You know where Pied Piper is?

381
00:14:49,941 --> 00:14:52,358
(dogs barking)

382
00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:55,941
Right here, guys.

383
00:14:59,067 --> 00:15:00,233
What the fuck?

384
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,150
(urinating)
(electricity sparks)

385
00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:03,233
Dick?

386
00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:04,233
Hey, uh...

387
00:15:04,233 --> 00:15:06,816
Explain.
Okay, uh...

388
00:15:06,816 --> 00:15:10,275
So, Optimoji had
a no dog policy

389
00:15:10,275 --> 00:15:12,233
and apparently that's because
every single one of 'em

390
00:15:12,233 --> 00:15:13,775
have a fucking dog.

391
00:15:13,775 --> 00:15:15,317
And when we waived our
no dog policy...

392
00:15:15,317 --> 00:15:17,025
You waived our no dog policy?

393
00:15:17,025 --> 00:15:19,524
I had Jared put that in there
for a reason, Richard!

394
00:15:19,524 --> 00:15:22,441
In Pakistan,
dogs are not pets, okay?

395
00:15:22,441 --> 00:15:23,775
They're vicious beasts

396
00:15:23,775 --> 00:15:25,275
and they chase you
down the street

397
00:15:25,275 --> 00:15:26,399
and they bite you.

398
00:15:26,399 --> 00:15:28,483
My cousin Eftahar
lost an ear.

399
00:15:28,483 --> 00:15:30,441
Our mayor was
very corrupt.

400
00:15:30,441 --> 00:15:32,566
But he put poison pills
in chicken meat

401
00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:34,275
to take care
of the dog problem.

402
00:15:34,275 --> 00:15:35,441
We hailed him as a hero.

403
00:15:35,441 --> 00:15:37,108
We put up statues
of him everywhere.

404
00:15:37,108 --> 00:15:38,775
He's gonna be okay.

405
00:15:38,775 --> 00:15:40,524
Who's gonna be okay?

406
00:15:40,524 --> 00:15:42,399
What? Stallion down?

407
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,067
He's violently
allergic to dogs.

408
00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:47,025
It's another reason for our
iron-clad no dog policy.

409
00:15:47,025 --> 00:15:49,566
Jared, when were you planning
on telling me all of this?

410
00:15:49,566 --> 00:15:51,317
Day two of orientation.

411
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:52,983
Right after safe space charades.

412
00:15:52,983 --> 00:15:56,566
So look, we'll pay for
your entire medical bill,
obviously.

413
00:15:56,566 --> 00:15:57,775
So, you're good.

414
00:15:57,775 --> 00:15:59,691
You're covering
his deductible?

415
00:15:59,691 --> 00:16:01,441
Then you have
to cover ours, right?

416
00:16:01,441 --> 00:16:03,233
And what about the dogs?
They're people, too.

417
00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:04,941
They're literally not.

418
00:16:04,941 --> 00:16:06,317
They're dogs!

419
00:16:06,317 --> 00:16:08,150
Hold strong.

420
00:16:09,317 --> 00:16:10,441
(screams)

421
00:16:12,108 --> 00:16:13,317
Fuck you!

422
00:16:15,691 --> 00:16:17,192
(dog whimpers)

423
00:16:17,192 --> 00:16:18,733
Oh.
So...

424
00:16:18,733 --> 00:16:22,900
Jared, uh, you wanted me
to unite the teams and I have.

425
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,858
They are united against me.

426
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:28,317
Even the dogs,
apparently.

427
00:16:28,317 --> 00:16:30,067
I wish they had
your fecal fortitude.

428
00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:32,775
Hey, do me a favor and...

429
00:16:32,775 --> 00:16:34,192
(dogs barking loudly)

430
00:16:34,192 --> 00:16:37,150
just take care of all the dogs.

431
00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:38,900
And then call an all-hands.

432
00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:43,025
I've clearly gotta
say words.

433
00:16:45,691 --> 00:16:47,317
Ooh, okay.

434
00:16:47,317 --> 00:16:51,192
Really didn't wanna
be back up here, again.

435
00:16:51,192 --> 00:16:52,816
And I think we all
remember why, you know?

436
00:16:52,816 --> 00:16:55,441
But you probably
don't know this,
but I almost sh--

437
00:16:55,441 --> 00:16:56,524
They don't need to...

438
00:16:56,524 --> 00:16:57,983
Farted. Yeah.

439
00:16:59,275 --> 00:17:01,150
Which would be embarrassing.

440
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,108
Anyway, look, uh...

441
00:17:03,108 --> 00:17:04,816
I know I...

442
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:08,233
should be the inspiration
for you guys,

443
00:17:08,233 --> 00:17:11,399
but to be honest,
that's not really who I am.

444
00:17:12,358 --> 00:17:14,441
And if this company
lives or dies

445
00:17:14,441 --> 00:17:16,524
by all the flowery
things I say,

446
00:17:16,524 --> 00:17:18,399
well then, to be honest,
we're fucked. Ha.

447
00:17:19,441 --> 00:17:21,775
They say that...

448
00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:24,025
people don't follow ideas.

449
00:17:24,025 --> 00:17:27,108
But I think in this case,
you guys should.

450
00:17:27,108 --> 00:17:28,858
Because...

451
00:17:28,858 --> 00:17:31,275
the idea of creating
a new Internet,

452
00:17:31,275 --> 00:17:33,566
that's special.

453
00:17:33,566 --> 00:17:35,816
Right? And we've been
given the opportunity

454
00:17:35,816 --> 00:17:37,983
to rewrite...

455
00:17:37,983 --> 00:17:42,524
the most important thing
in human history.

456
00:17:42,524 --> 00:17:44,317
And we can build it

457
00:17:44,317 --> 00:17:46,816
the way it should've
been made all along.

458
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:51,108
You know, not this
shitty, addictive parasite

459
00:17:51,108 --> 00:17:54,150
that companies like
Hooli use to spy on us

460
00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:56,108
and exploit us.

461
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:57,108
Okay?

462
00:17:58,025 --> 00:17:59,941
There.
That's your inspiration.

463
00:17:59,941 --> 00:18:01,108
Not me.

464
00:18:01,108 --> 00:18:03,816
Not coffee. Not dogs. So...

465
00:18:05,608 --> 00:18:07,900
if I'm not inspirational
enough for you,

466
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:09,358
and if you don't
wanna be here,

467
00:18:09,358 --> 00:18:11,358
well, then,
there's the door.

468
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:12,941
And we'll give you
enough severance

469
00:18:12,941 --> 00:18:14,566
to cover you to your next job.

470
00:18:14,566 --> 00:18:17,733
But if you wanna stick around
and build this thing,

471
00:18:17,733 --> 00:18:20,150
then we've got work to do.

472
00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:23,108
♪ ♪

473
00:18:25,649 --> 00:18:26,775
(clears throat)

474
00:18:26,775 --> 00:18:27,816
(whispers)
Great job.

475
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,150
So what's going on?
I hear footsteps.

476
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,399
Are-- are people
sitting back down, or...?

477
00:18:31,399 --> 00:18:33,275
Okay, they're picking
up their bags.

478
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:36,192
That could be good.

479
00:18:36,192 --> 00:18:38,275
Okay. So, what,
they're leaving, or...?

480
00:18:38,275 --> 00:18:39,691
A few are.

481
00:18:40,983 --> 00:18:42,399
Okay, what's a few?

482
00:18:42,399 --> 00:18:44,649
It's more than a few.

483
00:18:44,649 --> 00:18:47,275
What's that mean?
Like, what's more
than a few, five?

484
00:18:47,275 --> 00:18:48,483
Double digits?

485
00:18:48,483 --> 00:18:51,067
Jared:
It might be easier to say
how many are staying.

486
00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:52,941
It's, uh...

487
00:18:52,941 --> 00:18:54,275
It's two.

488
00:18:54,275 --> 00:18:55,483
What?

489
00:18:57,983 --> 00:18:59,025
Richard:
Okay.

490
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:04,317
So, uh,

491
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:06,067
Richard, what--
what do you wanna do here?

492
00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:07,775
What are you talking about?
I'm doing it.

493
00:19:07,775 --> 00:19:09,983
Sorry?
I'm a coder, Jared.

494
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,399
So I'm gonna code.

495
00:19:11,399 --> 00:19:13,733
And if I have to build my entire
new fucking internet by myself,

496
00:19:13,733 --> 00:19:15,733
(voice breaking)
I'll do that, so...

497
00:19:18,566 --> 00:19:20,025
Oh, dear.

498
00:19:21,524 --> 00:19:22,566
I like it.

499
00:19:22,566 --> 00:19:24,649
It's just so edgy.

500
00:19:24,649 --> 00:19:26,900
Banksy is a very
edgy artist.

501
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:28,067
The edgiest.

502
00:19:29,691 --> 00:19:31,025
Gavin:
What is this?

503
00:19:32,566 --> 00:19:36,025
Banksy is insisting
his signature be
on his work.

504
00:19:36,025 --> 00:19:38,025
This is supposed
to be my signature.

505
00:19:38,025 --> 00:19:41,691
On what planet
does a signature
have a signature on it?

506
00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:45,399
I'm afraid it's
non-negotiable.

507
00:19:45,399 --> 00:19:48,150
The fucking balls
on this egomaniac.

508
00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:49,941
You know what?
Fuck Banksy.

509
00:19:49,941 --> 00:19:52,691
We're on a campus
full of literally thousands

510
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:55,233
of the greatest
creative minds in the world.

511
00:19:55,233 --> 00:19:57,816
Let's just crowd source it
with our employees.
We'll make it a contest.

512
00:19:57,816 --> 00:19:59,858
People will feel empowered
and part of the team.

513
00:19:59,858 --> 00:20:01,483
And it won't cost us shit.

514
00:20:01,483 --> 00:20:04,150
You see? This is what
a benevolent leader does.

515
00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:05,192
Make it happen.

516
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,108
Sir, is this a good time?

517
00:20:10,108 --> 00:20:12,150
It's a great time.
I just fired Banksy.

518
00:20:12,150 --> 00:20:13,317
Banksy, the vandal?

519
00:20:13,317 --> 00:20:16,233
The very one. Now,
what do you have for me?

520
00:20:16,233 --> 00:20:17,317
Good news.

521
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:20,649
I'm hearing that Pied Piper
is in a free-fall.

522
00:20:20,649 --> 00:20:23,317
From whom?
All I can say
without implicating you

523
00:20:23,317 --> 00:20:25,192
is that I've instituted
an operation

524
00:20:25,192 --> 00:20:27,317
to safeguard our interests.

525
00:20:27,317 --> 00:20:29,858
I'm calling it
"Project Washburn."

526
00:20:29,858 --> 00:20:31,150
What I'm planning to--

527
00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:33,275
Hoover, you're
implicating me.

528
00:20:35,566 --> 00:20:37,275
(door closes)

529
00:20:38,983 --> 00:20:41,775
Are we bad people
for leaving Richard there
to work by himself?

530
00:20:41,775 --> 00:20:44,192
We've been coding
for 48 hours straight.

531
00:20:44,192 --> 00:20:47,233
I could give a shit about
deontological ethics.

532
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:49,816
Yang.

533
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:52,649
There better not be
a Chinaman in my bed.

534
00:20:52,649 --> 00:20:54,441
That is racist.

535
00:20:54,441 --> 00:20:55,441
Yes.

536
00:20:56,441 --> 00:20:57,608
I am racist.

537
00:21:02,524 --> 00:21:03,733
Stupid Errich.

538
00:21:03,733 --> 00:21:05,775
Big mortgage.

539
00:21:05,775 --> 00:21:07,275
Seven credit cards.

540
00:21:07,275 --> 00:21:09,358
Not even one with miles.

541
00:21:09,358 --> 00:21:11,775
Fucking loser.

542
00:21:11,775 --> 00:21:15,941
It almost not worth
to take his house from him.

543
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,025
Fat fuck.

544
00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:18,317
Speaking of crazy bills,

545
00:21:18,317 --> 00:21:20,816
you know how much
it's going to cost
to fix my Tesla?

546
00:21:20,816 --> 00:21:22,649
$17,000.

547
00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:24,108
I can't afford to pay that.

548
00:21:26,566 --> 00:21:28,441
But I can't afford
not to pay it.

549
00:21:28,441 --> 00:21:29,900
If I don't fix my Tesla,

550
00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:31,192
Gilfoyle wins.

551
00:21:31,192 --> 00:21:33,483
And I need to really
shove it up his ass.

552
00:21:33,483 --> 00:21:35,067
Wait.

553
00:21:35,067 --> 00:21:36,649
Do I really hate
someone so much

554
00:21:36,649 --> 00:21:39,816
that defeating them
is worth more than money?

555
00:21:39,816 --> 00:21:41,441
Is that really
what I've become?

556
00:21:43,150 --> 00:21:44,317
Yeah, it is.

557
00:21:44,317 --> 00:21:45,941
I'm gonna pay it.

558
00:21:45,941 --> 00:21:47,025
Thanks, Jian-Yang.

559
00:21:51,691 --> 00:21:52,858
I'll pay, too.

560
00:21:56,108 --> 00:21:57,483
Fuck you, Errich.

561
00:21:57,483 --> 00:22:00,025
You can't just
leave your bike-car

562
00:22:00,025 --> 00:22:01,649
in my Tesla's spot
and Uber home.

563
00:22:01,649 --> 00:22:03,025
That's not fair, Gilfoyle.

564
00:22:03,025 --> 00:22:05,816
Mmm, you don't seem
to understand.

565
00:22:05,816 --> 00:22:07,524
It's my spot now.

566
00:22:09,192 --> 00:22:10,941
(keyboards clacking)

567
00:22:10,941 --> 00:22:11,983
What are they doing back?

568
00:22:11,983 --> 00:22:14,025
Hey. Where have you been?

569
00:22:14,025 --> 00:22:15,483
Sleeping.

570
00:22:15,483 --> 00:22:18,192
(delirious laughter)
What? All night?

571
00:22:18,192 --> 00:22:20,858
We assumed you guys
were right behind us.
What's happening?

572
00:22:20,858 --> 00:22:22,025
Oh!

573
00:22:23,025 --> 00:22:24,192
Something.

574
00:22:24,192 --> 00:22:25,858
Something is happening.

575
00:22:25,858 --> 00:22:27,358
When you left,
I thought he was fried.

576
00:22:27,358 --> 00:22:30,025
Okay? Because his shoulders
were all tight,

577
00:22:30,025 --> 00:22:31,900
and he wouldn't answer
to his name,

578
00:22:31,900 --> 00:22:33,108
and his eyes went dead,

579
00:22:33,108 --> 00:22:34,233
like when I tell him
I love him.

580
00:22:34,233 --> 00:22:36,441
But then, he just got stronger

581
00:22:36,441 --> 00:22:37,649
and he started
picking up speed,

582
00:22:37,649 --> 00:22:39,941
so I texted a few
of the Sliceline guys

583
00:22:39,941 --> 00:22:42,317
and then they texted
some of the Optimoji guys,

584
00:22:42,317 --> 00:22:43,733
and they all
wanted to see it.

585
00:22:43,733 --> 00:22:46,233
Richard has finished
the scheduler

586
00:22:46,233 --> 00:22:47,524
and is almost
ready to merge

587
00:22:47,524 --> 00:22:49,108
the server-less runtime.
Look, look!

588
00:22:49,108 --> 00:22:51,067
Gilfoyle:
He implemented
all those tasks?

589
00:22:51,067 --> 00:22:52,733
By himself?

590
00:22:52,733 --> 00:22:54,900
That was supposed to take
the whole team four days.

591
00:22:54,900 --> 00:22:56,233
(laughing)

592
00:22:56,233 --> 00:22:57,900
It's amazing.
I mean, I feel--

593
00:22:57,900 --> 00:23:00,233
I feel like Mary Magdalene
on resurrection day.

594
00:23:00,233 --> 00:23:02,733
And that's not
the greatest miracle of all.

595
00:23:02,733 --> 00:23:05,108
Look. Look at the coders.

596
00:23:05,108 --> 00:23:07,233
They're all wearing
Pied Piper hoodies.

597
00:23:07,233 --> 00:23:08,775
He pushed another commit.

598
00:23:08,775 --> 00:23:09,858
Dinesh:
What the fuck?

599
00:23:09,858 --> 00:23:11,566
Flawless. Right?

600
00:23:11,566 --> 00:23:14,691
Um, it takes a while
to read a whole commit.

601
00:23:14,691 --> 00:23:16,775
They've been cheering
after every commit.

602
00:23:16,775 --> 00:23:18,566
I mean, they haven't,
but it's--

603
00:23:18,566 --> 00:23:19,691
it's great.

604
00:23:19,691 --> 00:23:22,150
♪ ♪

605
00:23:26,608 --> 00:23:28,275
Richard:
I thought I had
to shit my pants.

606
00:23:28,275 --> 00:23:29,900
So, I crouched.

607
00:23:31,941 --> 00:23:33,108
I actually vomited.

608
00:23:33,108 --> 00:23:35,108
(retches)

609
00:23:35,108 --> 00:23:37,983
Fight-or-flight reflex
kicked in and I just...

610
00:23:37,983 --> 00:23:39,649
(glass crashes)

611
00:23:39,649 --> 00:23:40,691
(screams)

612
00:23:40,691 --> 00:23:42,358
Jared:
Richard!

613
00:23:42,358 --> 00:23:43,941
Man:
Richard?

614
00:23:43,941 --> 00:23:45,441
Richard?

615
00:23:45,441 --> 00:23:46,858
Hey, buddy boy.

616
00:23:46,858 --> 00:23:50,233
(steady beeping)
Oh, there he is.

617
00:23:50,233 --> 00:23:52,608
What's-- what's going on?

618
00:23:52,608 --> 00:23:54,108
Don't flip out, okay?

619
00:23:54,108 --> 00:23:57,483
But you have been
in a coma for four years.

620
00:23:57,483 --> 00:23:58,566
What?

621
00:23:58,566 --> 00:24:00,108
That's correct.

622
00:24:00,108 --> 00:24:02,275
In fact,
I'm a robot.

623
00:24:02,275 --> 00:24:05,150
The real Dr. Crawford
died heroically

624
00:24:05,150 --> 00:24:07,025
in the water wars of 2020.

625
00:24:08,775 --> 00:24:11,233
Jokes, Richard!
(laughing)

626
00:24:11,233 --> 00:24:12,608
I'm just joking around.

627
00:24:12,608 --> 00:24:14,358
What, did you sell
your sense of humor?

628
00:24:14,358 --> 00:24:16,816
(laughing)
(mumbling)

629
00:24:16,816 --> 00:24:18,566
You've just been out
for about six hours.

630
00:24:18,566 --> 00:24:20,900
You were not even
unconscious,
really just asleep.

631
00:24:20,900 --> 00:24:22,900
But you did lose
a whole lot of blood.

632
00:24:22,900 --> 00:24:24,983
I just hope they
put the right kind back in.

633
00:24:26,483 --> 00:24:28,816
(stammering)
Wait, are you
still riffing?

634
00:24:29,983 --> 00:24:31,483
I don't know.
(laughing)

635
00:24:32,358 --> 00:24:34,150
Richard, here's the bad news,

636
00:24:34,150 --> 00:24:35,816
your arms and your torso

637
00:24:35,816 --> 00:24:37,441
took the brunt of the glass.

638
00:24:37,441 --> 00:24:38,816
If you'd cut your face up some,

639
00:24:38,816 --> 00:24:41,317
we could've gotten insurance
to pay for a whole remodel.

640
00:24:41,317 --> 00:24:42,358
Gotta, you know...

641
00:24:42,358 --> 00:24:44,150
give the old schnozzle
a much-needed trim,

642
00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:45,608
you know
what I'm talking about.

643
00:24:45,608 --> 00:24:47,733
You gotta hate it
as much as everybody else.

644
00:24:48,649 --> 00:24:50,108
So what happened?
What were you,

645
00:24:50,108 --> 00:24:51,649
trying to ride one
of those hover boards

646
00:24:51,649 --> 00:24:53,399
around your office
like a nincompoop?

647
00:24:53,399 --> 00:24:55,192
Um, no.

648
00:24:55,192 --> 00:24:57,733
I-- I guess I just got
a little lost in the work.

649
00:24:57,733 --> 00:25:00,192
(banging)

650
00:25:00,192 --> 00:25:02,150
(sighs)
All right.
Hop in, Frankenstein.

651
00:25:02,150 --> 00:25:03,483
Let's get you out of here.

652
00:25:03,483 --> 00:25:05,317
Oh, uh...

653
00:25:05,317 --> 00:25:07,233
I think what
you're trying to say is

654
00:25:07,233 --> 00:25:08,524
Frankenstein's monster.

655
00:25:08,524 --> 00:25:09,816
What?

656
00:25:09,816 --> 00:25:11,983
I think you mean to call me
Frankenstein's monster

657
00:25:11,983 --> 00:25:12,983
'cause Frankenstein is the--

658
00:25:12,983 --> 00:25:14,275
Oh, you're one
of those guys, huh?

659
00:25:14,275 --> 00:25:16,566
No, I'm just--
the doctor's name
is Frankenstein--

660
00:25:16,566 --> 00:25:18,524
I know.
It's just an annoying thing
to point out.

661
00:25:18,524 --> 00:25:20,900
If you want
people to like you,

662
00:25:20,900 --> 00:25:22,566
just go along
with what they say
and have fun.

663
00:25:27,067 --> 00:25:28,358
Richard:
What?

664
00:25:28,358 --> 00:25:29,483
Jared:
Richard!

665
00:25:29,483 --> 00:25:32,108
You should've called.
I would've picked you up.

666
00:25:32,108 --> 00:25:33,816
What's everybody doing here?

667
00:25:33,816 --> 00:25:35,192
The fuck does it look like?

668
00:25:35,192 --> 00:25:36,192
We're working.

669
00:25:36,192 --> 00:25:37,399
Look at 'em all, Richard.

670
00:25:37,399 --> 00:25:39,900
I mean, sure,
a three-day orientation

671
00:25:39,900 --> 00:25:41,733
might've been
just as effective
and less bloody,

672
00:25:41,733 --> 00:25:42,983
but it wasn't you.

673
00:25:42,983 --> 00:25:44,816
But you found your own way

674
00:25:44,816 --> 00:25:49,233
to get these men and women,
these Pipers, to follow you.

675
00:25:49,233 --> 00:25:50,691
You looked at these people
and you said,

676
00:25:50,691 --> 00:25:52,566
"I may not be
an inspiring speaker.

677
00:25:52,566 --> 00:25:55,067
"I may be twitchy,

678
00:25:55,067 --> 00:25:56,775
"and I might be strange,

679
00:25:56,775 --> 00:25:59,233
"and I might vomit
and I might defecate in my pants

680
00:25:59,233 --> 00:26:01,358
"and I might throw
myself through a window.

681
00:26:01,358 --> 00:26:02,941
"But I believe in
this company so much,

682
00:26:02,941 --> 00:26:06,025
I'll work so hard,
I'll literally
risk my life for it."

683
00:26:06,025 --> 00:26:09,233
And that is the kind of leader
these people wanna follow.

684
00:26:09,233 --> 00:26:12,483
Because now they know
nothing is gonna stop you.

685
00:26:12,483 --> 00:26:13,775
All right, then.

686
00:26:22,108 --> 00:26:24,233
Gavin Belson's office, please?

687
00:26:24,233 --> 00:26:26,858
I need to talk to Hoover.
It's Jeff Washburn.

688
00:26:26,858 --> 00:26:28,441
Yes, thank you.

689
00:26:28,441 --> 00:26:30,649
This one came in third
with 46 votes.

690
00:26:30,649 --> 00:26:32,941
Cute. Next?

691
00:26:34,150 --> 00:26:37,233
This one came in second
with 374 votes.

692
00:26:37,233 --> 00:26:39,233
Nice, feels solid.

693
00:26:40,608 --> 00:26:43,483
And with 9,986 votes this,

694
00:26:43,483 --> 00:26:45,941
by far, was Hooli's favorite.

695
00:26:52,233 --> 00:26:54,108
Gavin:
Hmm, I like it.

696
00:26:55,233 --> 00:26:56,441
It's bold.

697
00:26:56,441 --> 00:26:59,067
Gavin B.

698
00:26:59,067 --> 00:27:00,108
(door opens)

699
00:27:00,108 --> 00:27:02,025
Mr. Hoover?
You have a phone call.

700
00:27:02,025 --> 00:27:03,566
He said you'd know
what it was regarding.

701
00:27:03,566 --> 00:27:05,150
A Mr. Jeff Washburn.

702
00:27:08,941 --> 00:27:11,025
I am so exhausted.

703
00:27:11,025 --> 00:27:12,483
But the backseat of my Tesla's

704
00:27:12,483 --> 00:27:14,150
really comfy though,
right, Richard?

705
00:27:14,150 --> 00:27:16,816
(key rattling)
Definitely worth all
the money I'm spending on it.

706
00:27:16,816 --> 00:27:18,233
Good purchase.

707
00:27:18,233 --> 00:27:19,608
(lock rattling)
Not a mistake.

708
00:27:19,608 --> 00:27:21,275
Uh...

709
00:27:21,275 --> 00:27:22,733
my key doesn't work.

710
00:27:22,733 --> 00:27:24,483
Uh, let me try mine.

711
00:27:26,150 --> 00:27:27,399
(lock rattling)

712
00:27:27,399 --> 00:27:28,441
What the fuck?

713
00:27:28,441 --> 00:27:29,691
Mine doesn't work either.

714
00:27:31,192 --> 00:27:32,524
Yang. Move.

715
00:27:33,441 --> 00:27:34,691
Do you have a app idea?

716
00:27:34,691 --> 00:27:36,025
No.

717
00:27:36,025 --> 00:27:39,566
Sorry. Errich is gone.

718
00:27:39,566 --> 00:27:41,691
This is my incubator now.

719
00:27:41,691 --> 00:27:43,025
What?

720
00:27:43,025 --> 00:27:45,025
Your things are over there.

721
00:27:46,358 --> 00:27:47,733
Richard:
What the fuck?

722
00:27:47,733 --> 00:27:49,900
Dinesh:
You just took our shit
and threw it on the lawn?

723
00:27:49,900 --> 00:27:51,067
Gilfoyle,

724
00:27:51,067 --> 00:27:52,691
you are racist.

725
00:27:52,691 --> 00:27:53,858
And Richard...

726
00:27:54,941 --> 00:27:55,983
you are ugly.

727
00:27:55,983 --> 00:27:59,192
The Errich administration
is over.

728
00:27:59,192 --> 00:28:00,192
What?
What the fuck?

729
00:28:00,192 --> 00:28:02,025
You can't just
kick us out, Jian-Yang.

730
00:28:02,025 --> 00:28:06,358
Sorry. You are victims
of a circumstance.

731
00:28:06,358 --> 00:28:07,524
Thank you.

732
00:28:09,733 --> 00:28:10,816
Jian-Yang.

733
00:28:11,900 --> 00:28:13,025
What the fuck?

734
00:28:16,192 --> 00:28:19,233
Gilfoyle:
Why does the whole
neighborhood smell like bacon?

735
00:28:19,233 --> 00:28:21,858
♪ ♪

736
00:28:37,317 --> 00:28:39,733
♪ Have no place to go ♪

737
00:28:41,233 --> 00:28:45,816
♪ Have no place
to go, darling ♪

738
00:28:45,816 --> 00:28:48,192
♪ Have no place to go ♪

739
00:28:48,192 --> 00:28:50,192
♪ Darling ♪

740
00:28:50,192 --> 00:28:52,608
♪ Have no place to go ♪

741
00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:58,900
♪ Have no place
to go, darling ♪

742
00:28:58,900 --> 00:29:00,816
♪ Have no place to go ♪

743
00:29:03,067 --> 00:29:07,441
♪ Have no place to go, darling ♪

744
00:29:07,441 --> 00:29:10,192
♪ When that train roll up now ♪

745
00:29:10,192 --> 00:29:12,566
♪ I come walking out ♪

746
00:29:12,566 --> 00:29:15,275
♪ Come walking out,
out, out ♪

747
00:29:15,275 --> 00:29:18,941
♪ When that, that train
roll up now ♪

748
00:29:18,941 --> 00:29:21,358
♪ I come walking out ♪

749
00:29:21,358 --> 00:29:23,733
♪ Come walking out ♪

750
00:29:30,900 --> 00:29:33,441
DONALD DUNN: Richard,
this is Dana, CEO of Quiver.

751
00:29:33,441 --> 00:29:35,900
-Dana's so much like yourself.
-Like me?

752
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:37,649
You guys want to come
to my party?

753
00:29:38,025 --> 00:29:39,275
Okay. Bye.

754
00:29:42,025 --> 00:29:43,150
You don't see it?

755
00:29:44,691 --> 00:29:46,816
I'm Dana's COO.
You wanna grab a drink?

756
00:29:46,816 --> 00:29:48,150
I did not tell Dana about this.

757
00:29:48,150 --> 00:29:49,691
Look, Richard,
I think we should work together.

758
00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:52,317
Gilfoyle's ended up
saving the day

759
00:29:52,317 --> 00:29:55,483
with all the Seppen
smart fridges. Totally illegal.

760
00:29:56,150 --> 00:29:57,983
GAVIN BELSON: I came here
to cut down your server bills.

761
00:29:58,192 --> 00:30:00,192
In exchange, I need you
to do something for me.

762
00:30:00,483 --> 00:30:03,858
Seppen is suing us
for ten million in damages.