1
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(MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,249
Hey, could we get one more round, please?
3
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,049
It's on a tab, Bighetti.
4
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,804
- WOMAN: Sure. Coming up.
- Cool. Thanks.
5
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Well, well, look who's the big shot.
6
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,364
Yeah, big shot.
7
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,489
How are you guys?
Everything good over at Nucleus?
8
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,530
Nucleus is dog shit. How do you do it, man?
9
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:29,810
You used to be the most useless guy
in the entire Nucleus team,
10
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,322
but now you run an entire division.
11
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Did you ever ask yourself why?
12
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No. (CHUCKLES) No, I never have.
13
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Do you have any skill at all
14
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other than magically
failing your way to the top?
15
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I have a boat. I guess that's not really a skill.
16
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- Fucking Big Head, man.
- Fucking Big Head.
17
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Take care.
18
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Oh.
19
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Hey. Hey, you forgot your phone.
20
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At least, I think this is your...
21
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Holy shit.
22
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RICHARD: Holy shit.
23
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Right?
24
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:12,563
- This is Nucleus?
- Yep.
25
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That is a beta of their entire mobile platform,
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and it sucks.
27
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Yeah. I mean, the UX is, like, Soviet-era.
28
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When it stores photos,
they actually get larger.
29
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They never cracked middle-out.
30
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I actually kind of wish
you didn't show me this,
31
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because now
I know we totally would have beaten them.
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As it is now, I mean, we can't get funded.
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All of our new coders quit.
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I mean,
can you even imagine what would happen
35
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if, like, a tech blog
got their hands on that piece of shit?
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They'd tear it apart.
37
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I mean, it could actually
totally destroy Nucleus' release.
38
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I bet Gavin would do, shit, anything
to prevent that from happening, right?
39
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Yeah, totally.
40
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Jesus, Richard,
am I actually ahead of you on this?
41
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Take the phone, man.
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- It's yours. Take it.
- Are you serious?
43
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Yeah, dude. Come on, I owe you.
44
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I mean,
I was about to quit Hooli and move home.
45
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And then
Gavin promoted me just to spite you.
46
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And now, he keeps promoting me
for some inexplicable reason.
47
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I mean, I haven't done anything, Richard.
I mean, less than nothing.
48
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- Well, yeah.
- But look at me now.
49
00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:27,962
We're sitting on my boat, Richard,
and that's because of you.
50
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Soon, we can sail it to fucking Hawaii
51
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or Sausalito.
52
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Three more classes,
and I get my boat license.
53
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:36,845
Really? How many classes does it take?
54
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,207
Three. It's three classes.
55
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I heard you can pay somebody
to take the test for you,
56
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but I just haven't got around to it yet.
57
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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
58
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GAVIN: Enough with
your coy bullshit, Richard, okay?
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I know you have my goddamn phone.
60
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What the fuck do I have to do to get it back?
61
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:05,125
Well, I was thinking
that in exchange for my help, you...
62
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I'm sorry, hold on.
63
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You can't use the term "in exchange."
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it implies causality.
That's basically extortion.
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Any actions he takes must be
un-coerced and of his own volition.
66
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Go.
67
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(CLEARS THROAT)
68
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Hello. It's me again.
69
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I was thinking that if you found your phone,
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you might be so happy
that you would be inclined
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-to drop the lawsuit.
- Why would I do that?
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Because if you found your phone,
73
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that would mean
that no tech bloggers or journalists did,
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and they couldn't write a scathing review
based on what was on it, as it sucks.
75
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Uh, who knows?
It might even cause Hooli stock to crash
76
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or certain careers to be ruined.
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Richard, are you threatening me?
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Uh...
79
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Am I threatening you?
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That's a good question.
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Um...
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No.
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If you don't give me my fucking phone back,
I'm gonna find you,
84
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bend you over your desk
and fuck you so hard, your front teeth...
85
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(SHUSHING)
86
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Hold on.
87
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You can't threaten them,
especially not sexually.
88
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This little shit
could cause major damage here.
89
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What am I allowed to say?
90
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- Richard, it's me again.
- Yes.
91
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Here's my concern.
92
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If my phone
ends up in the hands of a journalist,
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Palo Alto Chief of Police, Ed Gaskins,
94
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,884
who, apropos of nothing, happens
to be a close personal friend of mine,
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00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,685
would have to go and ask this person
where they got my phone.
96
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,362
Keep in mind,
these aren't real journalists, Richard.
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00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:41,885
They're tech journalists.
98
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Do you think they'd go to prison
to protect their source?
99
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I don't either.
100
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,801
And since this phone's OS
is a stolen prototype
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worth $40 to $60 million,
you're looking at felony grand theft, Richard.
102
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You could go to jail for 40 years.
103
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Then again, you'd probably be fine
in a full-blown hard time penitentiary.
104
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I mean, after they waxed your rectum
105
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and knocked out all your front teeth
just to make things easier.
106
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(SNICKERS)
107
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You know, Gavin, if you don't want my help,
then I guess we'll just see what happens.
108
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All right, Richard. So, what do we do here?
109
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I don't know. What do we do here?
110
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Paul, are you there?
111
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- Ron?
- Hey, buddy,
112
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Sam and Melinda there, too?
113
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- They are. They say hi.
- Hey, Ron.
114
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What up, kids?
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Let me hit you back in 10
and we'll sidebar this.
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Binding arbitration? What's that?
117
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,525
Well, it's like a trial,
but massively accelerated.
118
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Next week,
we're gonna go in front of a retired judge
119
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and argue our whole lawsuit in just two days,
and then we're done.
120
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So, this will all be resolved next week?
121
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I've always wanted to go
to binding arbitration.
122
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A weird thing to have always wanted to do.
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Everybody who's ever sued me
has settled out of court. Pussies.
124
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But now, finally, I'll be able to take the stand,
be a part of the big show.
125
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,965
No show.
This is a serious legal proceeding, okay?
126
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And speaking to that,
Ron LaFlamme has got us a new litigator
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and we are meeting him in an hour.
128
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How are we gonna pay this person?
129
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Our guy has agreed to waive his entire fee
until our case is resolved.
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It's some wet-behind-the-ears noob
straight out of law school.
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No, he is said to be very experienced,
one of the best in the biz.
132
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Then why the fuck
would he take our case on spec?
133
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Was I in possession of
cocaine, amphetamines,
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amyl nitrate, also known as "poppers,"
at the time of my arrest?
135
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,884
In large quantities.
136
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,931
Did I have consensual intercourse
with two women under the age of 18?
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00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,531
Repeatedly. I admit this.
138
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:01,525
Did I violate the Mann Act and transport them
across state lines for sexual purposes?
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Alleged, but not proven.
140
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,081
And, boy, they tried. They tried.
141
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Therefore, I was incarcerated
and I was disbarred.
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00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,770
Wait, hold on. You were disbarred?
143
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,410
So, you can't practice law?
144
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,043
Not in open court in the State of California.
That's correct.
145
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:19,690
But this is an arbitration.
146
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,284
I'm really grateful for the opportunity.
147
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I'm turning my life around.
148
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:25,366
I've served my time.
149
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:27,725
Questions?
150
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:33,810
I guess I have one at least.
What does amyl nitrate do?
151
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,928
- Oh, it dilates the anus.
- That is accurate.
152
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:38,725
Also produces euphoria.
153
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:44,207
- Okay, thank you, Pete and Jared.
- Sure.
154
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:48,126
Anal dilation aside,
what do you think of our case?
155
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:51,647
You think we're gonna go in there
and just dick-slap those Hooli pieces of shit?
156
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:56,364
I have reviewed your case
and it is extremely strong.
157
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:57,766
Thank God.
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00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,207
I do, every day of my life.
159
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,369
It's only by his grace that I was able
160
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:06,327
to survive that plunge into the ravine
and 11 months in a state penitentiary.
161
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:12,167
I'm sorry, were you in an emotional ravine
or did you actually go into a ravine?
162
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:14,281
Both.
163
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,245
Now, with your approval,
I would like to move forward.
164
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:21,126
I currently am not in possession of an office,
165
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,168
and I'm residing in a halfway house,
166
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,449
so I would like to give Hooli Legal
your home address.
167
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:27,527
Why?
168
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,365
They need to send over
their discovery documents,
169
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:31,561
all of them.
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00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:33,684
All of them?
171
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,163
This is craziness.
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00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,049
Couldn't they have just emailed all this?
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00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,851
I mean,
it's mostlyjust printed-out emails, anyway.
174
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,610
Yeah, of course, they could have.
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00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:49,480
And it would have been digitally searchable,
and that is the point.
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00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:51,801
It's a classic document dump.
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00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:55,202
But what they didn't take into account
is the power of us.
178
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:59,805
So, grab a box, guys.
Start pulling anything you think is relevant.
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00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:04,485
And you may have to work pretty hard,
but it will free us from this lawsuit.
180
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:08,409
- Are you saying, "Work will set you free"?
- Yes.
181
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:09,561
They have the manpower.
182
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,041
We have the perseverance.
Triumph of the will.
183
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:18,328
He's the most cheerful person
I've ever heard quote Hitler.
184
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:23,441
So, Hooli's entire intellectual property claim
boils down to three simple questions.
185
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,126
Did your work on Pied Piper
at any time overlap
186
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,885
with your scope of work or Hooli business?
187
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,086
Uh, no.
188
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,288
Did you ever do work on Pied Piper
on Hooli time?
189
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:33,361
No.
190
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,011
And at no time
did you ever use Hooli equipment
191
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,809
to develop Pied Piper in any way?
192
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:39,166
No, never.
193
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:43,001
We're on our way, then. You just tell that
honestly to the court, and we're home free.
194
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:44,361
Okay.
195
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:48,968
Unless, of course, you've offered
a conflicting version of that to anyone,
196
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:53,125
a friend, your parents, girlfriend.
197
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:58,684
No, no, and not possible.
I haven't had a girlfriend in, like, three years.
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00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,161
Boyfriend?
199
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:03,801
No. I'm not gay, just busy.
200
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:07,123
- We're not litigating your sexuality.
- That's good, yeah.
201
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,249
It's a good thing, too, because if we were,
we'd all end up in prison.
202
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:11,526
Am I right?
203
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:13,120
No offense.
204
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,202
Here, I did a first pass.
Let me know what you think.
205
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,963
Just a few questions for you to ask me
while I'm on the stand.
206
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,929
It's rough clay. We can shape it as we go.
207
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,844
You realize I have no intention of
ever putting you on the stand?
208
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:25,691
What? Why not?
209
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,321
Well, I just don't think
you have anything to offer the case.
210
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,285
They're trying to say
that Pied Piper was created at Hooli,
211
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:34,802
whereas I'm living proof
that it was created here in my incubator.
212
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:37,247
I nurtured Richard like a little baby.
213
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:41,890
I was his patron,
like the Borgias with Da Vinci.
214
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:46,841
Actually, the Medici were Da Vinci's patrons.
The Borgias poisoned people.
215
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,809
- Say "Medici" again.
- Medici.
216
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,723
- Shut the fuck up.
- That's how you pronounce it.
217
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:55,169
Let's be clear, okay? The burden of proof
falls on Hooli here. And they have none.
218
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,210
You have a Barrett 50-caliber rifle
at your disposal
219
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,090
that you can use to shoot Gavin Belson
in the goddamn face.
220
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,246
And you're not gonna use it?
What kind of fucking attorney are you?
221
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,725
Well, technically,
I can't refer to myself as an attorney
222
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:11,486
until I'm reinstated
and make restitution to my victims' families.
223
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,243
I'm a lawyer. And I'm a good one.
224
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:18,121
And if you know one end
of a Barrett 50-cal from the other,
225
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,486
I'll eat a bowl of shit.
226
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,410
Did you get a taste
for that on the inside? Mmm?
227
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:39,601
Hey, guys,
228
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:44,169
it's been almost two weeks
since the mother condor has been to the nest.
229
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,242
Do you think
something might be wrong with the egg?
230
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:49,171
Something is. It's on our website.
231
00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,408
No, really. I mean...
232
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,841
I think maybe I should call the museum,
see if this is normal.
233
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,002
Jared, you want that egg to be alive, right?
234
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,241
- Of course.
- Well, right now,
235
00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:01,046
because you don't know whether it is or not,
it exists in both states,
236
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,485
like Schrédingefls cat.
237
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:03,881
Like what?
238
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,724
It's a quantum mechanics thought experiment
239
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,566
that an Austrian physicist came up with
to help understand quantum states.
240
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:13,964
So, he imagined putting a cat into a box
with poisoned food.
241
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,327
There's a 50/50 chance the cat eats it.
242
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,050
That does sound rather Austrian.
243
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:19,246
DINESH: So, according to Schrédinger,
244
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:22,563
if you open the box
and confirm that the cat is dead,
245
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,291
then in a sense, you've killed the cat.
246
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:28,170
Or if you call the museum
and get the information,
247
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:30,045
then you've killed the egg.
248
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,608
- No, that's silly.
- (LINE RINGING)
249
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,165
Is it?
250
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,490
Okay.
251
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,721
I'm just gonna think about it for a minute.
252
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:44,961
PETE: Richard.
253
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,164
- Yeah?
- We have a problem.
254
00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,366
What's up?
255
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,761
You and I are going into arbitration tomorrow.
256
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,443
I need you to look me right in the eye
and tell me why you've been lying to me.
257
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,610
I haven't been lying to you.
258
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,763
You told me
you haven't had a girlfriend for three years.
259
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,489
I have found at least 15 emails
to Nelson Bighetti
260
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:06,291
in the last year
where you reference a girlfriend.
261
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,360
"Spent the day in bed with my girlfriend."
262
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,444
"A homeless guy in the coffee shop
almost stole my girlfriend."
263
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,007
It's a joke. Big Head and I,
264
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,765
we call my laptop my girlfriend
265
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:23,643
because it's the only warm thing
that's touched my crotch in a little while.
266
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,249
So, when you said, quote,
267
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:33,086
"My girlfriend shit the bed last night,"
that was your laptop?
268
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,400
Laptop, yeah.
269
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,688
Well, that's good to hear.
270
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,251
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
271
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,248
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Now, listen to this.
272
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:51,963
April 10th, 11 :14 p.m.,
"Taking my girlfriend to the Apple store."
273
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,931
April 12th, 3:42 p.m.,
"Picking my girlfriend up at the mall."
274
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:57,801
Yeah, so?
275
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,924
So, your laptop was in the shop
for three days, right?
276
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,445
The 10th through the 12th, right?
277
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:03,801
Yeah, and?
278
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,963
April 11th, 2:48 p.m.,
279
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,691
"Ran a test of
the perceptual modeler during lunch,
280
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,843
"made a few tweaks and wow,
it's working on a whole new level."
281
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,606
Yeah, that just means that it's going great,
that it's working really well.
282
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,091
PETE: Richard, Richard,
283
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,767
you didn't have your laptop with you at Hooli.
284
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,965
What computer did you use
to run that test that day?
285
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:26,801
Oh...
286
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,041
Shit.
287
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,248
Richard, you didn't use a Hooli computer?
288
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,971
Tell me
that you didn't use a Hooli fucking computer.
289
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:36,169
I don't know. Yeah, yeah, okay.
Yes, I think I did.
290
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,368
Fuck, I mean,
I just used it once, though, right?
291
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,209
I mean, that's not a big deal.
292
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,045
It's a huge deal. We're done. That's it.
293
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,884
- What's it?
- God damn it.
294
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,851
Well, under the law,
Hooli can lay claim to the underlying
295
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,321
intellectual property
that makes up Pied Piper.
296
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,131
So, we're fucked now, is that it?
We're totally fucked?
297
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,682
Well, I mean, it all depends on
whether or not the attorneys at Hooli
298
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,809
figure out that your girlfriend is your laptop.
299
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,769
Are you telling us this entire case
300
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,531
hinges on people believing
that Richard had a girlfriend?
301
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,562
We are fucked.
302
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,201
All right, this is gonna be a long two days,
303
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,166
so let's try to keep things brief.
304
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,567
Your Honor,
I think I can help speed things along.
305
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,609
We are willing to concede
306
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,889
to all the numerous counts
brought by Mr. Belson,
307
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:40,726
except the ones regarding the ownership
of intellectual property.
308
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:41,801
Is that right?
309
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,087
On the non-solicit violation,
310
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:48,330
my client is willing to concede
that Donald Dunn was improperly hired.
311
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:52,571
And on the unjust enrichment charge,
312
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,929
Richard will agree to repay Hooli
313
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,447
$39 and 99 cents
314
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,645
for the phone charger that he took home,
and so on.
315
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:07,520
Thank you, Mr. Monahan,
for accelerating the process.
316
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,567
Okay, let's start this. Plaintiff?
317
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,649
PETE: Okay, Richard, here it goes.
318
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,688
They call you first, we're toast.
319
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,331
I think I'm gonna puke.
320
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:21,291
Your Honor,
we'd like to call our first witness.
321
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:28,491
We would like to call Nelson Bighetti,
AKA Big Head.
322
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:29,561
(RICHARD SIGHS IN RELIEF)
323
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,084
Wait, are you sure?
'Cause it says "No Admittance"...
324
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,766
Okay. Yeah, you were right. It's this one.
325
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,291
Is that me?
326
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,600
I'm sorry, Richard.
327
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,244
Firstly, sir, let me say it is a privilege
328
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,607
to be speaking to someone
as accomplished as you.
329
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:52,841
Okay.
330
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,969
You were one of the earliest members
of the Pied Piper team, were you not?
331
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,844
And since your departure,
your rise has been meteoric.
332
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:03,163
Haven't you received
three Hooli promotions in a month?
333
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,761
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess that is right.
334
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:11,087
It seems like everything you touch
is made dramatically better, Mr. Bighetti.
335
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,324
You make a meaningful
and crucial contribution
336
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,928
to everything you do, do you not?
337
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,050
Wait. I'm sorry. Do I not?
338
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,845
Are you asking if I do do that
or if I don't do that?
339
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,641
This is amazing. They have nothing.
It's a desperate play.
340
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,131
They're trying to build him up,
341
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,407
make it seem like
he was a crucial part of Pied Piper.
342
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,570
It's a Hail Mary. They have nothing.
343
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:39,565
Because if I don't not do that,
344
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,085
isn't that the same as...
345
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,242
- Let's move on.
- Okay.
346
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,607
Is it not true that Wired...
347
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,929
I'll rephrase.
348
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:53,528
Did Wired magazine run a cover story on you?
Yes or no?
349
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,405
Oh, yes.
350
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,847
That did happen, yes.
351
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,211
JARED: I think I just made a mistake.
352
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:02,606
That was the museum.
353
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,680
I decided to call and check on the condor,
354
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:10,322
and they said that it's very unlikely
that the condor egg is still alive.
355
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,369
But my phone call itself
356
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,969
drew their attention
to the low viewing numbers
357
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,566
and they've decided
to take down the cameras today.
358
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,402
So, by making the phone call,
you've most likely killed the condor egg.
359
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,326
Oh, come on, I mean,
that Schrédinger stuff's all just theoretical.
360
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,209
- It doesn't apply here.
- DINESH: Doesn't it?
361
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,600
I mean, look at Richard.
362
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,684
He didn't know
that he had tested on a Hooli computer
363
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,889
until Monahan
opened that box of emails, right?
364
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,042
So, Richard was both innocent and guilty,
365
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:41,571
but as soon as Monahan opened that box,
it made Richard guilty.
366
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,284
But, I mean, by that logic,
367
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,409
anyone who goes to an open-casket funeral
is a murderer.
368
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,563
You are one dark motherfucker, Jared.
369
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,961
WOMAN: So, Mr. Bighetti, you have stated
370
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:58,649
that you didn't have
anything to do with Pied Piper.
371
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:00,326
No.
372
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:05,122
I suppose you'd also say that you had
nothing to do with Hooli XYZ either.
373
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:06,641
No, not really.
374
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,166
And what about
the Hooli AIDS and Cancer Societies,
375
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:12,528
of which you were president?
Did you have anything to do with those?
376
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:17,004
Honestly, not really. I actually remember
when they told me I got the AIDS thing,
377
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,562
forjust a second
I thought they were telling me that I had AIDS.
378
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:25,208
But then I realized, no,
I was just the president of the AIDS thingy.
379
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,568
- But for a second, it was pretty scary there.
- (CHUCKLING)
380
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:33,083
You see, Your Honor, Nelson Bighetti
is pathologically modest.
381
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:37,002
While he humbly denies credit,
the record shows
382
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:39,765
that he had everything
to do with all of these achievements.
383
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:43,683
It may be possible
that Nelson actually believes
384
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:46,366
he didn't have that much
to do with the founding of Pied Piper either.
385
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,407
'Cause...
386
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:51,610
But it is painfully obvious
that he had a huge hand in it.
387
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,442
No further questions, Your Honor.
388
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,609
JUDGE: May I say, Mr. Bighetti,
389
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:01,763
how refreshing it is to finally
encounter someone in the tech community
390
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,889
who is so free of pretension and ego?
391
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,569
PETE: Well, that was troubling.
392
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:10,926
ERLICH: Yeah, what was that?
393
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,128
It's just that
he scored big points with the judge in there.
394
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:17,165
So, what's our plan? Do we go in there
and cross the shit out of him?
395
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,641
Tear him a new hole in his butt?
396
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,324
Let's just remind ourselves here
397
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,727
that he gave me the phone
and made this whole thing possible.
398
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,325
So, let's take it easy on him.
399
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,767
Yeah, I don't think shredding him
is the right way to go either.
400
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,764
- Thank you.
-It could backfire, turn the judge against us.
401
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,645
I have something else in mind.
402
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,651
Mr. Bachman,
are you still prepared to testify?
403
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,611
Fuck yes, I am.
404
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:43,771
- Mr. Bachman.
- Yes, sir?
405
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,923
You are the owner and sole proprietor
406
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,401
of the Palo Alto-based Hacker Hostel
407
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:53,690
in which Mr. Hendricks
and Mr. Bighetti both resided. Is that correct?
408
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,327
Yes, sir. That is, in fact, correct.
409
00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:01,165
Uh, it has been called
the "Garden of Tech Eden."
410
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:06,328
Is it also fair to say
that every instinct you have as a businessman
411
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,448
has been completely and totally wrong?
412
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,409
- Sorry, what?
- You hard of hearing, Mr. Bachman?
413
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,086
- No, I've heard everything...
- Aren't you considered a joke in this town?
414
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:15,761
I don't quite know
where you're going with this.
415
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:20,129
Nor do I. Can you tell us
where you're headed here, Mr. Monahan?
416
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,645
Your Honor, if you are to accept
417
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:25,441
Hooli's reverence for Mr. Bighetti
as proof that he's a genius,
418
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:26,965
then you must also accept
419
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:31,443
Mr. Bachman's reverence for Mr. Bighetti
as proof that he's a moron.
420
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:36,648
I'm simply establishing this type of logic,
Your Honor, cuts both ways.
421
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,489
I see. I'll allow it.
422
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,289
Really? Because I don't think "joke" is...
423
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,129
Mr. Bachman, you have incubated
424
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:47,047
a seemingly endless string
of patently unsuccessful apps, haven't you?
425
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,442
No. No, that is not correct.
426
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,650
I incubated Pied Piper. I saw the value in that.
427
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:56,645
Oh, did you? Isn't it true
that you were about to evict Mr. Hendricks
428
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,802
until he became the subject of a bidding war?
429
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:00,487
You disliked Pied Piper.
430
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,844
The one app in your hostel
that showed promise.
431
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,650
Well, I think that's a bit harsh. I mean, every...
432
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,922
In fact, you tried to encourage Mr. Hendricks
433
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:12,449
to change his app to be more like
Mr. Bighetti's horrendous app
434
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,562
called NipAlert. Isn't that true?
435
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,201
Well, yes,
I thought NipAlert showed great promise. Yes.
436
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:18,850
It did not show great promise.
437
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:24,324
What it showed was the location
of nearby women possessing erect nipples.
438
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,569
And as such,
Mr. Bighetti's grotesque creation
439
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:32,601
was passed over by every investor
in this town except you
440
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:34,045
because it was perverted.
441
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:38,444
Well, I'll admit that...
I'll concede that the cultural moment
442
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,124
may have passed, but at the time...
443
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,488
No, at the time,
it was as misogynistic as it is now,
444
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:44,971
wasn't it, Mr. Bachman?
445
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:49,207
- It... Yes, it had some major problems...
- Some major problems?
446
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:52,842
Mr. Bachman, a few moments ago,
you said that it showed great promise.
447
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,448
You said that. I can have the court reporter
read it back to you, Mr. Bachman.
448
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,369
I don't need her to read it back to me.
I can remember...
449
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:02,724
NipAlert was poorly conceived
and riddled with bugs, wasn't it?
450
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,370
Well, all apps in the beginning...
451
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,887
Mr. Bachman, answer the question.
You liked NipAlert, and it was terrible.
452
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,325
- No, I...
- Didn't you?
453
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,244
- Liking an app...
- Mr. Bachman, you liked it, didn't you?
454
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,130
Okay, yes, yes! Fine! Yes, I liked it.
455
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,646
Even though it was a terrible app
and it had no market potential.
456
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,961
I was high when he pitched it
and I like nipples...
457
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:21,326
PETE: Thank you, Mr. Bachman.
458
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,006
It was a buggy,
rapey piece of shit designed by an idiot.
459
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,570
- Mr. Bachman, thank you very much.
- ERLICH: It sucked.
460
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,484
It was so bad that the first time
that Richard tried to boot it up on his system,
461
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,564
it crashed his laptop.
It was in the shop for three days.
462
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,762
'Cause it was a piece of shit!
463
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,968
- Um... Uh...
- (CLEARS THROAT)
464
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,047
That...
465
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:43,809
I mean, among other things that weren't that
466
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,090
were reasons why it was bad.
467
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:47,446
No more questions, Your Honor.
468
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,246
What the fuck is going on here?
469
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:53,681
ERUCH: I don't know what happened.
470
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,684
He got in my head.
It's a very uncharacteristic error.
471
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,569
They're calling you next, Richard.
472
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,683
They want you on the stand in 10 minutes.
473
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:08,041
Great. So, they figured it out.
We're fucked, aren't we?
474
00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,610
It looks that way.
475
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,365
Damn it, they're gonna
ask me if I ran a test of Pied Piper
476
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,727
on a Hooli computer,
and I'm gonna have to say yes.
477
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:16,925
What if you said no?
478
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:19,800
What are you talking about?
479
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,042
Are you saying I should lie on the stand,
or something?
480
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:25,761
(CLEARS THROAT) Gentlemen,
the less I know about this, the better.
481
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:30,209
Well, then it appears we're in good hands,
because you don't seem to know shit.
482
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,926
You're a mean and terrible attorney.
483
00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:34,646
I'm not an attorney.
484
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,490
Richard, all they know
485
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:42,246
is that you didn't have your laptop
when you ran that test,
486
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,322
so just tell them that you borrowed my laptop
487
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,801
or you came home for lunch
and used my computer.
488
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,003
Whatever you say, I'll get back on the stand
and then back you up.
489
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:53,641
That would be committing perjury.
That would be lying under oath.
490
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:57,321
If you don't lie, Richard, you lose.
491
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:00,244
We lose everything.
492
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:01,845
The company,
493
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,606
90% of what could potentially be
a billion dollars...
494
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,728
I mean, you know, because I have 10%.
495
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,768
I know. God damn it, I know.
496
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,286
Richard, do the right thing here.
497
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,282
Lie on the stand.
498
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:20,249
Mr. Hendricks, you are heterosexual, yes?
499
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,050
Uh... Yes.
500
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:24,487
How long has it been
since you were in a relationship
501
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,528
with a woman, Mr. Hendricks?
502
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,728
Two years? Three?
503
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,082
Yeah, that sounds about right, I guess.
504
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:33,765
You're under oath.
505
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:35,930
Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
506
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,331
Longen
507
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:42,611
So, you've definitely had no girlfriend
in the past three years?
508
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,923
This seems needlessly cruel. We all get it.
509
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:51,041
Mr. Hendricks, when you refer to a girlfriend
in these emails to Mr. Bighetti,
510
00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:52,804
to what are you referring?
511
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:54,561
MY laptop computer.
512
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,246
The same laptop
that Mr. Bachman just told us
513
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,210
was in the shop for three days
514
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,489
from April 10th to the 12th of last year?
515
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,327
Yes. Can we get to the point, please?
516
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,563
Mr. Hendricks, did you at any time
517
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:15,124
use a Hooli computer to test and/or alter
your Pied Piper algorithm?
518
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,201
(SMACKS LIPS)
519
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,123
You're under oath.
520
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,001
I just...
521
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:29,406
I just wanted to be different.
I wanted Pied Piper to be different.
522
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:34,088
But if this company is built on lies,
523
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,289
then we're really
not much different than Hooli.
524
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,728
The law says that I lose everything,
525
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,201
my whole company,
everything that I worked for,
526
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:48,410
because I used one Hooli computer (SIGHS)
527
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,289
to test and modify one block.
528
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,804
Is that right? I mean, is that fair?
529
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,847
To me, if the system says that's fair,
530
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:01,641
then I guess
I'm probably not meant to be a part of it.
531
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,200
Mr. Hendricks, please answer the question.
532
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,370
Did you at any time use a Hooli computer...
533
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,922
Yes. Yeah, I did. I made a mistake and I did.
534
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:16,128
I used a Hooli computer
to work on my algorithm, one time.
535
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,443
And so, here you go.
536
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,406
It's okay, Richard.
You don't have to protect me anymore.
537
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,403
I'm his girlfriend.
538
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,363
Sit down, Mr. Bachman.
539
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:27,726
Judge, objection!
540
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,645
I was the one
that was in the shop for those three days
541
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,200
'cause he had hit it so hard,
I needed a doctor.
542
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,086
JUDGE: Sit down, Mr. Bachman.
543
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,490
DINESH: Hey, has anyone
heard from Richard?
544
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,404
Should I text him
to see how the arbitration's going?
545
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,209
Uh... You can.
546
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:47,921
But right now, it's going both well and poorly.
547
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,083
And if you get
definitive information back and it's bad,
548
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:54,767
I could argue that you have
effectively caused us to lose the arbitration.
549
00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:57,249
Oh. He's taking it down.
550
00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:03,208
MAN: All right, I am unclipped.
If you're watching, I'm sorry.
551
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,129
I'm gonna go ahead and leave this egg here.
552
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,768
This camera does need to come down.
553
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,569
That's good. He's leaving the egg.
554
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,843
The bolts are all rusted out here. (GRUNTS)
555
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:14,803
GILFOYLE: You should have never
called that museum, Jared.
556
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:16,251
They're on there pretty good.
557
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:18,051
(GRUNTS)
558
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,963
(SCREAMING)
559
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:24,081
(GRUNTS)
560
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:25,965
Holy shit.
561
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,129
Jared, you just killed that guy.
562
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:35,241
I just got a text from Richard.
I'm not gonna read it.