1 00:00:00,718 --> 00:00:01,866 Okay, here's another one. 2 00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:06,507 TechCrunch says, "Laurie Bream spotted lunching at the Rosewood 3 00:00:06,541 --> 00:00:08,778 "with yet another rising tech star, Sam Herron. 4 00:00:08,813 --> 00:00:12,203 Could this finally be the new CEO of Pied Piper?" 5 00:00:12,237 --> 00:00:14,475 Maybe she's just fucking them all. 6 00:00:14,508 --> 00:00:16,715 It's been ten days. You know what would be nice? 7 00:00:16,749 --> 00:00:19,978 If I found out what Laurie wanted to do with my company from her 8 00:00:20,012 --> 00:00:21,578 instead of the fucking Internet. 9 00:00:21,612 --> 00:00:25,161 Richard, the accountants finally agreed to release our books. 10 00:00:25,196 --> 00:00:26,635 Okay. 11 00:00:28,043 --> 00:00:31,658 Hey, Richard. Is there anything we should be doing? 12 00:00:31,692 --> 00:00:32,970 I don't know. Why are you asking me? 13 00:00:33,004 --> 00:00:34,889 I'm not the CEO. There is no CEO. 14 00:00:34,924 --> 00:00:39,177 Because, apparently, Jack's empty fucking chair is a better choice than I am. 15 00:00:39,211 --> 00:00:43,369 So, maybe... maybe ask the chair, see what it thinks. 16 00:00:43,402 --> 00:00:44,745 Say what you will about the chair, 17 00:00:44,779 --> 00:00:47,305 but at least it never told me to build a fucking box. 18 00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:49,641 True. Compared to Richard, it's a lot sturdier. 19 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:53,513 And it has a lot less of Barker's ass rubbed all over it. 20 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:03,069 ♪ 21 00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:04,936 Are you serious? 22 00:01:04,970 --> 00:01:07,431 On top of Jack's ridiculous severance package, 23 00:01:07,465 --> 00:01:10,471 we spent a thousand dollars on each one of your fucking monitors? 24 00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:13,735 We did? Huh. That's very pricey. 25 00:01:13,769 --> 00:01:16,871 So what? Raviga funded us for $5 million. 26 00:01:16,905 --> 00:01:19,399 There's no way we burned through all that. 27 00:01:19,434 --> 00:01:22,439 Do you have any idea how these deals work? That money's tranched. 28 00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:23,557 What's that? 29 00:01:23,592 --> 00:01:25,477 Well, from the Old French for "slice." 30 00:01:25,512 --> 00:01:27,493 Yeah, try to keep up, Dinesh. 31 00:01:27,528 --> 00:01:29,094 We get our money in stages. 32 00:01:29,128 --> 00:01:31,270 Right? We get $2 million upfront 33 00:01:31,304 --> 00:01:33,222 to get us going, to design and build the product, 34 00:01:33,255 --> 00:01:36,901 but we don't get the next three million until we take a product to market. 35 00:01:36,936 --> 00:01:38,854 And Jack was okay with hemorrhaging money, 36 00:01:38,888 --> 00:01:40,517 because he thought we were launching the box 37 00:01:40,552 --> 00:01:43,045 and then getting the next three million in the next few weeks. 38 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,829 But the platform will take way longer to launch than that. 39 00:01:45,863 --> 00:01:49,157 Yes. So we are effectively a $250 million company 40 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,557 who just took $5 million in funding 41 00:01:51,591 --> 00:01:53,638 and now we're dead-ass broke. 42 00:01:53,671 --> 00:01:55,236 Our burn rate is astronomical, 43 00:01:55,271 --> 00:01:57,892 and every day we sit in limbo like this... 44 00:02:01,319 --> 00:02:02,820 What if we don't? 45 00:02:02,854 --> 00:02:05,316 What if we don't sit in limbo? 46 00:02:05,350 --> 00:02:07,108 Like fuck limbo, right? 47 00:02:07,142 --> 00:02:11,876 I mean, right now, let's... let's fire all these fucking sales assholes, 48 00:02:11,909 --> 00:02:14,467 and break the lease on this place and get the fuck out of here. 49 00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:17,859 Can we do that? There's no CEO here to approve any of that. 50 00:02:17,893 --> 00:02:21,123 Yeah. There's also no CEO here to tell me not to do it, right? 51 00:02:21,156 --> 00:02:23,011 That's right. You're the CTO. 52 00:02:23,045 --> 00:02:24,931 Technically, you're the ranking officer. 53 00:02:24,965 --> 00:02:26,179 Fucking A. 54 00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:29,155 Look, when, or if, a new CEO comes to take over the company, 55 00:02:29,188 --> 00:02:32,962 we will do what they say to the best of our abilities. 56 00:02:32,997 --> 00:02:35,074 But there is a very real possibility 57 00:02:35,109 --> 00:02:37,762 that there won't be a company for them to take over 58 00:02:37,797 --> 00:02:39,842 if we don't do something about it now. 59 00:02:39,876 --> 00:02:42,691 - So, no more surprise waffles. - What? 60 00:02:42,724 --> 00:02:44,098 - No more Chef Amy. - No! 61 00:02:44,132 --> 00:02:46,401 And no more of these stupid offices, okay? 62 00:02:46,436 --> 00:02:48,225 We're going to move back to the hostel. 63 00:02:48,259 --> 00:02:49,185 - Fuck. - Dinesh, 64 00:02:49,219 --> 00:02:51,361 we need to cut every corner, save every penny, 65 00:02:51,395 --> 00:02:54,753 and plow it into engineers to build the platform. Okay? 66 00:02:54,787 --> 00:02:56,161 Then we will be back on track. 67 00:02:56,195 --> 00:02:59,585 So Gilfoyle, Dinesh, pack up those gold-plated monitors 68 00:02:59,619 --> 00:03:01,472 because we are selling them. 69 00:03:01,506 --> 00:03:03,552 Jared, come on. Let's do this. 70 00:03:03,586 --> 00:03:06,081 - Hmm. - Well, that sucks. 71 00:03:09,858 --> 00:03:11,776 Jesus. 72 00:03:16,066 --> 00:03:19,072 Okay, guys. Can I have your attention, please! 73 00:03:19,105 --> 00:03:20,415 Yeah, next goal wins. 74 00:03:20,449 --> 00:03:23,968 No. Uh, not... Now. Sorry, it's got to be now. 75 00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:26,175 And so, bring it in, Dang, 76 00:03:26,209 --> 00:03:29,311 uh, Chef Amy, Jan the Man, Keith, Northeast regional. 77 00:03:29,345 --> 00:03:30,784 And do you still have your shadow? 78 00:03:30,817 --> 00:03:32,255 - Yo! - Hey, there he is. 79 00:03:32,288 --> 00:03:33,982 Okay, uh... circle up. 80 00:03:34,016 --> 00:03:36,094 All right, I have some news for you. 81 00:03:36,127 --> 00:03:37,695 Is this about the new CEO? 82 00:03:37,728 --> 00:03:39,231 Re/Code is saying it could be Reid Hoffman. 83 00:03:39,264 --> 00:03:42,174 No. I... don't know anything about that. 84 00:03:42,209 --> 00:03:45,662 No, no. There's no new CEO. There's no new employees of any kind. 85 00:03:45,696 --> 00:03:49,822 There's actually... It's more about you guys becoming former employees. 86 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,933 So, look... 87 00:03:51,967 --> 00:03:53,789 We're heading in a different direction. 88 00:03:53,824 --> 00:03:56,573 And what that means is, if I haven't taken you aside 89 00:03:56,608 --> 00:03:58,077 and spoken to you privately about staying on, 90 00:03:58,111 --> 00:04:01,502 that does mean that you are... terminated, immediately. 91 00:04:01,535 --> 00:04:05,373 So, Dang, Chef Amy, Jan the Man, all of Sales, 92 00:04:05,407 --> 00:04:07,388 I am, uh, really sorry about all this. 93 00:04:07,423 --> 00:04:10,141 Are you sure that you can fire us, like, legally? 94 00:04:10,174 --> 00:04:12,348 Yeah. Yes, absolutely. 95 00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:15,741 I'm CTO. I'm the highest ranking officer, so yes answer. 96 00:04:15,774 --> 00:04:19,037 You're... you're still CTO? Laurie hasn't fired you yet? 97 00:04:19,070 --> 00:04:21,596 No, she has... Why would she fire me? 98 00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:23,676 Well, Code/Rag said that your tech is mediocre 99 00:04:23,709 --> 00:04:25,596 and that's why no one will take the CEO job. 100 00:04:25,629 --> 00:04:26,875 - What? - Yeah. 101 00:04:26,909 --> 00:04:29,019 That's why I assumed that you'd been fired. 102 00:04:29,053 --> 00:04:31,707 Uh, maybe she's waiting till Friday to fire him. 103 00:04:31,741 --> 00:04:33,020 Oh, that makes sense. 104 00:04:33,053 --> 00:04:35,451 No, it doesn't make sense. That's not what's happening, okay? 105 00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:37,020 I'm not getting fired. That's crazy. 106 00:04:37,053 --> 00:04:38,843 I haven't read this article. Okay, maybe I'm too busy 107 00:04:38,876 --> 00:04:41,690 making the tech awesome, because it's not mediocre. 108 00:04:41,725 --> 00:04:44,090 It's actually... turns out, it's fucking revolutionary. 109 00:04:44,124 --> 00:04:46,138 So, I guess that's the truth. 110 00:04:46,172 --> 00:04:48,890 And also, I'm not fired, these guys aren't fired, you all are fired. 111 00:04:48,924 --> 00:04:52,379 Everyone from this wall is fired. So, enjoy being fired. 112 00:04:59,483 --> 00:05:00,889 Jesus! This is a good apple. 113 00:05:00,924 --> 00:05:02,201 Where did you get this? 114 00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:05,081 - Oh, I have a fruit guy. - Fantastic. 115 00:05:05,116 --> 00:05:06,841 Read me back what we have so far. 116 00:05:06,876 --> 00:05:10,649 Uh, "Bachman and Bighetti shall each include in this venture 117 00:05:10,683 --> 00:05:12,568 "any and all portfolio companies. 118 00:05:12,602 --> 00:05:15,257 The exception shall be for Pied Piper." 119 00:05:15,290 --> 00:05:18,297 Hey, how... how come Pied Piper is not a part of it? 120 00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:21,337 'Cause, you know, I actually used to work there, so maybe it should be? 121 00:05:21,371 --> 00:05:24,472 Big Head, Pied Piper is no longer an incubating entity. 122 00:05:24,506 --> 00:05:27,384 It would be unfair to you and to me and to them for me 123 00:05:27,418 --> 00:05:29,848 to relinquish any of my shares in their company. 124 00:05:29,881 --> 00:05:34,296 And besides, like you, I'm giving up everything else I have of value... 125 00:05:34,329 --> 00:05:37,847 shares, options, cash, liquid assets. 126 00:05:37,881 --> 00:05:39,895 Wait. So all my assets? 127 00:05:39,929 --> 00:05:41,368 That seems like kind of a lot. 128 00:05:41,401 --> 00:05:44,375 It is a lot, Big Head. We're both giving up a lot. 129 00:05:44,409 --> 00:05:46,710 And we're both gaining a lot also. 130 00:05:46,744 --> 00:05:49,271 And that's what every successful partnership is about. 131 00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:53,111 Committing fully, blindly, and without concern of the consequences, 132 00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:55,190 - like marriage. - Right. 133 00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,270 Oh, here. Get this down. 134 00:05:57,304 --> 00:05:59,575 In the event of a tie vote, 135 00:05:59,608 --> 00:06:01,461 any disagreement shall be settled 136 00:06:01,496 --> 00:06:05,685 with a toss of a coin of Mr. Bachman's choosing. 137 00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:08,757 What the fuck are you doing in here? 138 00:06:08,791 --> 00:06:10,485 Can't you see we're having a meeting? 139 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,621 Go ahead, Big Head, read that back to me. 140 00:06:13,656 --> 00:06:15,798 Oh, um... "In the event of a tie..." 141 00:06:17,430 --> 00:06:18,709 The fucking juicer's broken! 142 00:06:18,742 --> 00:06:21,333 This is he second one in two days! 143 00:06:23,030 --> 00:06:26,261 CJ Cantwell of Code/Rag writes, and I quote, 144 00:06:26,295 --> 00:06:28,980 "Having met this many candidates without closing one, 145 00:06:29,015 --> 00:06:32,949 "one can't help wonder why Pied Piper can't land a man. 146 00:06:32,982 --> 00:06:36,244 "Could the vaunted tech of founder Richard Hendricks, 147 00:06:36,277 --> 00:06:39,060 "whom I once called 'the next Mark Zuckerberg, ' 148 00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:44,307 be turning Pied Piper from a unicorn into a donkey wearing a party hat?" 149 00:06:44,341 --> 00:06:45,428 And? 150 00:06:45,462 --> 00:06:47,508 And, she's slandering my tech. 151 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,810 It's the one thing that's working around here. 152 00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:51,858 Look, I think if I just talk to her, 153 00:06:51,892 --> 00:06:53,171 I can get her to change it. 154 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:57,171 No. I do not want you to engage with a muckraker like CJ Cantwell 155 00:06:57,205 --> 00:06:59,251 simply to salve your male ego. 156 00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:01,458 My male ego has nothing to do with this, Laurie. 157 00:07:01,492 --> 00:07:03,667 Look, good coders won't want to work 158 00:07:03,701 --> 00:07:05,394 for a company they think has shitty tech. 159 00:07:05,428 --> 00:07:06,962 I need to get ahead of this now. 160 00:07:06,995 --> 00:07:09,074 And if I don't, we're done. 161 00:07:09,107 --> 00:07:10,770 Richard, whether you appreciate this or not, 162 00:07:10,804 --> 00:07:12,497 I do actually have a plan here. 163 00:07:12,532 --> 00:07:15,250 You can meet with everyone in Palo Alto to replace me as CEO. 164 00:07:15,283 --> 00:07:17,170 I'm not going to tell you how to do your job. 165 00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:20,018 Okay, but I need to do something about this, now. 166 00:07:20,052 --> 00:07:22,513 She-she... she's calling us the next Clinkle. 167 00:07:22,546 --> 00:07:24,433 Clinkle, Laurie. Clinkle. 168 00:07:24,466 --> 00:07:26,257 You... you do know what happened to Clinkle, right? 169 00:07:26,290 --> 00:07:28,912 Do you want us to be Clinkle? Please, just stop saying "Clinkle." 170 00:07:28,947 --> 00:07:30,865 It jars the ear. Fine. 171 00:07:30,899 --> 00:07:33,489 I will have my office set up an interview. 172 00:07:33,522 --> 00:07:36,144 But I want you to present yourself well, Richard. 173 00:07:36,178 --> 00:07:38,064 Be showered, groomed, well-dressed. 174 00:07:38,098 --> 00:07:42,351 And you will need to sit down with our head of PR beforehand to go over talking points. 175 00:07:42,386 --> 00:07:43,184 Why? 176 00:07:43,217 --> 00:07:45,743 Because you are in an emotional state, 177 00:07:45,777 --> 00:07:47,248 and when you are emotional, 178 00:07:47,282 --> 00:07:49,071 you become highly inarticulate. 179 00:07:49,106 --> 00:07:51,920 Well, I don't say that's true. 180 00:07:54,705 --> 00:07:56,303 Okay. Yes. Fine. Sure. 181 00:07:56,336 --> 00:07:57,390 Um... 182 00:07:57,425 --> 00:07:58,831 And thank you, Laurie. 183 00:08:02,257 --> 00:08:04,399 Before you ask, the answer is yes. 184 00:08:04,432 --> 00:08:06,479 I did blow all these hard drives clean. 185 00:08:06,512 --> 00:08:09,071 - So... - You really are a moron. 186 00:08:09,105 --> 00:08:11,566 The only way to really blow the hard drives clean 187 00:08:11,599 --> 00:08:13,486 is to take a drill and punch a hole through it. 188 00:08:13,519 --> 00:08:17,006 All right, calm down, Snowden. I zeroed them all out, we're fine. 189 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:21,550 Welcome, welcome. Uh, we have lost our lease, so everything must go. 190 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:25,774 The chairs are arranged in ascending order of lumbar support. 191 00:08:25,807 --> 00:08:28,237 So, have a gander. 192 00:08:29,199 --> 00:08:30,828 Oh, uh, word to the wise: 193 00:08:30,862 --> 00:08:33,965 the Haworths are like a spa day for the buttocks. 194 00:08:33,999 --> 00:08:36,237 Yeah, and I have a fragile posterior. 195 00:08:36,271 --> 00:08:38,701 My aunt used to call me "glasshole." 196 00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:40,588 So, you can take it from me. 197 00:08:40,623 --> 00:08:42,252 Look at these fucking maggots. 198 00:08:42,287 --> 00:08:44,364 Crawling all over our garbage, 199 00:08:44,397 --> 00:08:46,860 leaving their slime of mediocrity. 200 00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:49,804 I thought you'd feel right at home in a marketplace, 201 00:08:49,837 --> 00:08:51,819 haggling, selling your monkey paws, 202 00:08:51,853 --> 00:08:54,604 looking for Indiana Jones in a wicker basket. 203 00:08:54,637 --> 00:08:56,588 Okay. Marion was in the wicker basket, 204 00:08:56,621 --> 00:08:59,820 Indiana Jones was tipping them over, you fucking idiot. 205 00:08:59,853 --> 00:09:01,354 Hi. 206 00:09:01,389 --> 00:09:03,051 Let me know if you have any questions. 207 00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:06,314 Well, how about that? I made my first sale. 208 00:09:06,348 --> 00:09:08,746 I've organized a lot of estate sales, 209 00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:09,994 so this is kind of my wheelhouse. 210 00:09:10,029 --> 00:09:12,074 - What? - I have a lot of elderly friends. 211 00:09:12,108 --> 00:09:13,643 Oh, that is a fun item. 212 00:09:13,677 --> 00:09:16,202 That's a hardware fan. 213 00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:20,617 You've got the yellow hoodie on today. 214 00:09:20,651 --> 00:09:22,378 Oh, yeah. 215 00:09:22,412 --> 00:09:23,882 Wait a second. 216 00:09:23,916 --> 00:09:25,417 None of these are signed. 217 00:09:25,451 --> 00:09:28,970 Oh yeah. Um, it's just my business manager had some questions 218 00:09:29,004 --> 00:09:31,369 about the way some of this stuff was being arranged. 219 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:34,569 Like he said something about how it's not a corporation. 220 00:09:34,603 --> 00:09:37,513 It's just a general partnership or something. 221 00:09:37,546 --> 00:09:39,944 I mean, he told me I didn't understand, which is true, 222 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,097 so he wanted to maybe talk to you about it. 223 00:09:41,131 --> 00:09:44,009 So you want to lawyer up, huh? Is that what we're doing? 224 00:09:44,043 --> 00:09:46,121 I don't think he has a law degree. 225 00:09:46,155 --> 00:09:50,344 Big Head, I would hope that a handshake deal would be good enough for you. 226 00:09:50,377 --> 00:09:52,296 Because we're headed down a long road, 227 00:09:52,329 --> 00:09:54,760 and that road must be paved with trust. Blind trust. 228 00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:58,024 And you bringing in these so-called "experts..." 229 00:09:58,057 --> 00:10:00,584 ...really gives me pause, 230 00:10:00,618 --> 00:10:02,856 and it insults my honor. 231 00:10:02,889 --> 00:10:06,343 Huh. Uh, sorry, hold on. I got to take this. I'll be right back. 232 00:10:06,377 --> 00:10:08,199 Sorry. Hello? 233 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,695 Hey. Uh, how do I look? 234 00:10:10,728 --> 00:10:13,735 If I'm being honest, like a ventriloquist dummy. 235 00:10:16,105 --> 00:10:17,382 Uh... Okay. 236 00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,687 Well, you know, that's actually kind of fitting, 237 00:10:19,721 --> 00:10:22,054 because I'm on my way to Raviga right now 238 00:10:22,087 --> 00:10:24,998 to meet with a PR person to tell me exactly what to say 239 00:10:25,031 --> 00:10:27,207 to a reporter and how to say it. 240 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,294 Well, that does make sense. 241 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:31,110 You do tend to babble on when you're under pressure. 242 00:10:32,328 --> 00:10:34,054 Why does this thing people say? 243 00:10:36,551 --> 00:10:38,053 Why indeed? 244 00:10:38,087 --> 00:10:39,173 That was weird. 245 00:10:39,207 --> 00:10:42,117 I just got a call from Laurie Bream's office, at Raviga, 246 00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:45,317 asking if I'd want to interview for the job of CEO at Pied Piper. 247 00:10:45,351 --> 00:10:48,326 What? Are you fucking kidding me? 248 00:10:48,359 --> 00:10:49,701 That's exactly what I said. 249 00:10:49,735 --> 00:10:52,389 Then I said no, and then we both hung up. 250 00:10:52,423 --> 00:10:56,420 I mean, I assume they hung up. I had already hung up, so... 251 00:10:56,454 --> 00:10:59,427 Wow. Wow. Okay. 252 00:10:59,462 --> 00:11:01,860 Okay. Yeah, great. Big Head. 253 00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:03,876 Big Head! Fucking kidding me? 254 00:11:03,910 --> 00:11:05,764 What the fuck is going on? 255 00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:07,940 Big Head, you can insult me all you want 256 00:11:07,974 --> 00:11:10,052 by involving your self-described shylocks, 257 00:11:10,085 --> 00:11:12,579 but to insult Richard and humiliate him, 258 00:11:12,613 --> 00:11:15,331 that's like kicking a child who's done nothing to deserve it. 259 00:11:15,365 --> 00:11:17,858 I may not be able to finish my ramen. 260 00:11:17,893 --> 00:11:19,842 I told them no. 261 00:11:21,029 --> 00:11:23,426 Hi there. Richard Hendricks here to see Dawn Simon, PR. 262 00:11:23,461 --> 00:11:26,786 Sure, she'll be meeting you in the small conference room. Um, do you need me... 263 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,643 No, no. I, uh... I know where it is. 264 00:11:28,676 --> 00:11:30,690 It turns out, I actually know something. 265 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,642 I'm not a fucking idiot. 266 00:11:35,844 --> 00:11:37,635 - Richard Hendricks. Hi. - Before we get any further, 267 00:11:37,668 --> 00:11:40,034 I just want you to know that, um, I'm not going to be yelling at you, 268 00:11:40,068 --> 00:11:41,761 but I probably am going to yell. 269 00:11:41,796 --> 00:11:43,553 - Okay. - Okay. Uh... 270 00:11:43,586 --> 00:11:45,889 because this is bullshit. 271 00:11:45,924 --> 00:11:48,097 Honestly, I mean, I get it. This is your job. You're in PR. 272 00:11:48,131 --> 00:11:50,977 Your job is to pretty much tell me what I can't say. 273 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:53,473 I mean, when I talk to this reporter, I probably can't say 274 00:11:53,507 --> 00:11:56,961 how fucked up it is that, um, Laurie Bream fired me, 275 00:11:56,995 --> 00:11:59,424 and then replaced me with Action Jack Barker. 276 00:11:59,458 --> 00:12:02,272 I probably can't say how the only action he took was 277 00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:04,832 to essentially pick the wrong product and then bleed the company dry. 278 00:12:04,866 --> 00:12:08,512 And I probably can't say how fucking pissed off I am 279 00:12:08,545 --> 00:12:11,904 that Laurie Bream is out there gallivanting around the Valley, 280 00:12:11,938 --> 00:12:15,807 interviewing every dickhole on Earth for my job, 281 00:12:15,841 --> 00:12:17,534 including Big Head... 282 00:12:17,569 --> 00:12:20,223 a man that I fired by the way, and no offense, I like him. 283 00:12:20,256 --> 00:12:22,783 I do actually, he's a close friend of mine, been that way for years. 284 00:12:22,817 --> 00:12:25,376 He is a bit of a simpleton, his name's fucking Big Head. 285 00:12:25,409 --> 00:12:26,751 But, okay, look. 286 00:12:26,784 --> 00:12:31,040 I want to be CEO of Pied Piper, okay? 287 00:12:31,073 --> 00:12:35,006 It is my company. I worked my ass off to build this company, okay? 288 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:36,830 That's my job. I deserve it. 289 00:12:36,864 --> 00:12:39,071 And it fucking kills me that Laurie is out there 290 00:12:39,104 --> 00:12:41,695 trying to give it to someone else, anyone but me. 291 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,678 But I probably can't say that, can I? 292 00:12:44,577 --> 00:12:46,462 You can say anything you want to say to me. 293 00:12:46,497 --> 00:12:48,126 All right. 294 00:12:49,311 --> 00:12:51,709 Thank you for meeting me, Monica. 295 00:12:53,503 --> 00:12:55,421 You are from...? 296 00:12:55,455 --> 00:12:57,406 Baltimore. 297 00:12:59,999 --> 00:13:02,621 HL Mencken hails from Baltimore. 298 00:13:02,654 --> 00:13:03,965 Who? 299 00:13:03,999 --> 00:13:05,500 Widely perceived as a racist, 300 00:13:05,533 --> 00:13:09,692 but... his work on the English language is comprehensive, 301 00:13:09,726 --> 00:13:14,237 and his perspicuous skewering of evangelicals is laudable. 302 00:13:14,270 --> 00:13:18,396 Monica, my mission here is not merely to have fun. 303 00:13:19,518 --> 00:13:21,211 That's... that's okay. 304 00:13:21,245 --> 00:13:24,507 When I voted against you, at the board meeting, I just want... 305 00:13:24,541 --> 00:13:27,227 Monica, this is not about you, for once. 306 00:13:28,189 --> 00:13:30,330 I brought you here to say... 307 00:13:31,292 --> 00:13:32,476 I am sorry. 308 00:13:32,509 --> 00:13:33,851 For...? 309 00:13:33,886 --> 00:13:35,804 Ah, yes, of course. You are going to make me say it. 310 00:13:35,837 --> 00:13:37,690 Why am I not surprised? 311 00:13:37,725 --> 00:13:40,090 I made a mistake with Richard Hendricks. 312 00:13:40,124 --> 00:13:42,075 And out I went, right on my ass. 313 00:13:42,108 --> 00:13:46,971 And then Laurie put that jackhole Barker in to bankrupt the company. 314 00:13:47,004 --> 00:13:48,666 But does she cop to that? No, no, no. 315 00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:52,666 Because the Laurie-tron 6,000 isn't programmed to admit when she's made a mistake. 316 00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:54,906 I made an error. 317 00:13:54,939 --> 00:13:58,394 Wow, um, that's really big of you to admit. 318 00:13:58,427 --> 00:14:00,889 I should not have removed him as CEO, 319 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:04,121 and installing Jack Barker in his place only compounded that error. 320 00:14:04,156 --> 00:14:07,994 But if that's true, then why are you meeting with so many other CEO candidates? 321 00:14:08,027 --> 00:14:09,306 I am meeting publically 322 00:14:09,339 --> 00:14:11,321 with a number of high-value candidates 323 00:14:11,354 --> 00:14:16,216 I know to be unavailable, as well as with a number of less-qualified candidates 324 00:14:16,250 --> 00:14:18,649 with whom Richard compares favorably. 325 00:14:18,682 --> 00:14:20,184 That's why you called Big Head. 326 00:14:20,218 --> 00:14:23,608 Yes. You see, Richard must not be perceived 327 00:14:23,642 --> 00:14:25,592 as being the most expedient candidate. 328 00:14:25,627 --> 00:14:29,079 He must be seen as the correct candidate. 329 00:14:30,362 --> 00:14:31,959 This is very exciting for Richard. 330 00:14:31,994 --> 00:14:35,832 I have been impressed by his conduct in a tough situation. 331 00:14:35,865 --> 00:14:37,975 - Mm-hmm. - He's shown mettle. 332 00:14:38,009 --> 00:14:39,191 Definitely. 333 00:14:39,225 --> 00:14:41,335 Therefore, I will call for a vote at the next board meeting 334 00:14:41,368 --> 00:14:42,903 to offer him the job. 335 00:14:42,936 --> 00:14:46,583 That is of course assuming he continues to demonstrate an air of professionalism. 336 00:14:48,601 --> 00:14:51,062 Hi, Dawn. Are you waiting for someone? 337 00:14:51,096 --> 00:14:53,399 Yes. I'm supposed to be meeting with Richard Hendricks 338 00:14:53,432 --> 00:14:55,446 before he sits down with a Code/Rag reporter. 339 00:14:55,481 --> 00:14:58,806 Oh, that's weird. I saw him earlier. 340 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,022 And that is why... 341 00:15:00,855 --> 00:15:02,517 I'm just being honest here. 342 00:15:04,343 --> 00:15:08,309 I think that Peter Gregory is better off where he is. 343 00:15:08,343 --> 00:15:11,605 Just saying, because if he knew what Laurie was doing to his company, 344 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,005 he probably would want to take a gun and blow his brains out. 345 00:15:15,191 --> 00:15:16,372 Uh, okay. 346 00:15:16,406 --> 00:15:19,604 We should probably start talking about the things that I can say. 347 00:15:19,638 --> 00:15:21,748 Um... 348 00:15:21,782 --> 00:15:24,500 Richard. Richard Hendricks? 349 00:15:25,622 --> 00:15:27,220 Yes. Who are you? 350 00:15:27,254 --> 00:15:29,428 Dawn Simon, Raviga's publicity director. 351 00:15:35,382 --> 00:15:37,011 So that would make you...? 352 00:15:37,045 --> 00:15:38,995 CJ Cantwell, Code/Rag. 353 00:15:39,957 --> 00:15:41,875 Thank you, I think I have everything I need. 354 00:15:47,669 --> 00:15:49,426 Please tell me that went well. 355 00:15:51,669 --> 00:15:56,370 Yep. No, yeah. It, uh... it-it was gone great. 356 00:15:56,404 --> 00:15:59,347 Yep. It had gone. 357 00:16:00,852 --> 00:16:02,323 It was great. 358 00:16:02,356 --> 00:16:03,635 Uh, she's a... she's a great guy. 359 00:16:03,668 --> 00:16:07,314 Really. Gir... girl. She's... she's cool. She's a cool one. 360 00:16:07,347 --> 00:16:10,161 Cool. Um, so I can just... I can get out here? 361 00:16:10,196 --> 00:16:11,633 - Just 'cause I got another thing. - Yeah. 362 00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:14,161 Slow down. Listen to me. Look, in my defense, 363 00:16:14,196 --> 00:16:16,818 I said those were all the things I can't say, okay. 364 00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:18,129 So it's kind of like I didn't even say them. 365 00:16:18,163 --> 00:16:20,720 But you did say them, at a meeting you scheduled with a reporter. 366 00:16:20,755 --> 00:16:22,032 Reporter? Come on, you're a tech blogger. 367 00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:25,265 Oh, really. Hard to see why Laurie insisted on a PR rep for you. 368 00:16:27,410 --> 00:16:30,897 Look, uh, just... tell me what I can do to kill this? 369 00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:33,168 - You want me to spike the story? - Yes, please. 370 00:16:33,202 --> 00:16:36,816 Give me something better. I don't know, go on a drunken racist Twitter rant, 371 00:16:36,849 --> 00:16:39,311 or, uh, get in your car, run over Elon Musk, 372 00:16:39,345 --> 00:16:41,616 and give me an exclusive from jail. Yeah. 373 00:16:41,649 --> 00:16:43,888 Otherwise, I'm posting this at noon tomorrow, so... 374 00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:45,712 No, no, no, no. Look. Look. 375 00:16:45,745 --> 00:16:47,824 If you want to leave, you're going to have to run me over! 376 00:16:56,912 --> 00:16:58,735 These offices were nice. 377 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:01,678 Now everything looks so bare. 378 00:17:01,712 --> 00:17:05,103 Yeah. There is a certain sad vulnerability to it. 379 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,006 Have you ever seen a naked dead person? 380 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,277 No. No. No. 381 00:17:12,752 --> 00:17:15,758 Well, the good news is, we cleared almost... 382 00:17:15,791 --> 00:17:18,573 $70,000 from selling all this stuff. 383 00:17:18,607 --> 00:17:21,485 That's not enough to afford all the coders we need. 384 00:17:21,519 --> 00:17:23,246 We need at least a dozen. 385 00:17:23,279 --> 00:17:25,517 Where would we even put them now? 386 00:17:26,638 --> 00:17:28,172 Shall we? 387 00:17:33,295 --> 00:17:34,765 Wait. Where's my hard drive? 388 00:17:34,798 --> 00:17:36,173 What did it look like? 389 00:17:36,206 --> 00:17:38,988 It just looked like a normal standard hard drive. 390 00:17:39,022 --> 00:17:40,525 You sure it was in your bag? 391 00:17:40,558 --> 00:17:42,252 Yeah, it was in my bag. 392 00:17:43,406 --> 00:17:47,979 Could it maybe have slid out and was next to your bag, 393 00:17:48,014 --> 00:17:51,307 which was next to all the hard drives we got rid of? 394 00:17:51,341 --> 00:17:55,020 Did you sell my personal hard drive? 395 00:17:55,053 --> 00:17:58,859 You didn't happen to wipe that one clean, too, did you? 396 00:17:58,892 --> 00:18:01,291 - My personal hard drive? - Yeah. 397 00:18:01,324 --> 00:18:02,539 No! 398 00:18:02,573 --> 00:18:03,531 Fuck! 399 00:18:03,565 --> 00:18:06,091 So it had our confidential IP on it? 400 00:18:06,124 --> 00:18:10,891 Yes. All the work we did on the platform, the box, everything. 401 00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:14,411 Well, what's gone is not necessarily lost. 402 00:18:14,444 --> 00:18:16,330 Okay, we just need to find it. 403 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,666 I found my retainer in the school dumpster. 404 00:18:18,699 --> 00:18:21,898 I found my biological father in a militia up in the Ozarks. 405 00:18:21,931 --> 00:18:23,177 This should be no problem. 406 00:18:23,212 --> 00:18:25,097 Don't worry, Dinesh, we'll find it. 407 00:18:32,842 --> 00:18:37,001 Uh, does he not know we're moving out? 408 00:18:37,034 --> 00:18:39,017 Should we tell him? 409 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:43,304 No. Jack paid him in full up front, and... 410 00:18:43,338 --> 00:18:45,801 he seems so at peace. 411 00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,392 All right. All right. 412 00:18:54,569 --> 00:18:56,904 I am such an idiot. 413 00:18:56,938 --> 00:18:58,599 You've got no choice, Richard. 414 00:18:58,633 --> 00:19:01,383 You need to go in to Laurie and just tell her what happened. 415 00:19:01,417 --> 00:19:03,783 What? It's bad enough she's going to find out 416 00:19:03,816 --> 00:19:05,510 what I said after this piece posts online. 417 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:08,423 You want me to go in and tell her right to her face? 418 00:19:08,457 --> 00:19:09,350 No fucking way. 419 00:19:09,385 --> 00:19:11,719 You could spin it. Tell her you're sorry. 420 00:19:11,752 --> 00:19:14,215 I had it. I had my old CEO job back, 421 00:19:14,249 --> 00:19:16,007 and I fucked it up. 422 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:17,447 I'll get it. 423 00:19:19,145 --> 00:19:22,982 Ah. The Super Angel Premium Deluxe. 424 00:19:23,015 --> 00:19:25,062 In the flesh. 425 00:19:25,096 --> 00:19:29,509 Yeah, I had to drive to San Mateo to get one that has auto-reverse. 426 00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:30,854 Why didn't you send your assistant? 427 00:19:30,888 --> 00:19:32,902 She was on the phone, so... 428 00:19:32,936 --> 00:19:37,956 Well, Big Head, it takes a brave man to admit his mistakes, 429 00:19:37,990 --> 00:19:40,485 and with this token of apology, 430 00:19:40,519 --> 00:19:42,308 you've officially righted your wrong. 431 00:19:42,343 --> 00:19:45,445 Consider the matter resolved. 432 00:19:45,478 --> 00:19:47,492 Cool. 433 00:19:47,527 --> 00:19:50,149 Traditionally the offender shakes the offendee's hand, 434 00:19:50,183 --> 00:19:52,612 so you would come to me. 435 00:19:53,574 --> 00:19:55,972 That's an honest Thomas. 436 00:19:56,005 --> 00:20:00,292 Gentlemen, Monica, from the ashes of whatever happens here 437 00:20:00,326 --> 00:20:04,675 will rise the Phoenix that shall be known as Bachmanity. 438 00:20:04,710 --> 00:20:07,204 That's what you're going to call your company? 439 00:20:07,238 --> 00:20:09,891 Yeah, well, before it was going to be Bachman Capital. 440 00:20:09,925 --> 00:20:13,827 Because I provide the Bachman, and he provides the capital. 441 00:20:13,861 --> 00:20:17,346 Yeah, but then, we compromised, and made it Bachmanity, 442 00:20:17,381 --> 00:20:23,235 'cause it's Bachman from him, and then the "Etti" from me. So it's two syllables each. 443 00:20:23,268 --> 00:20:26,945 Very much into keeping score, this one. Have a seat. 444 00:20:26,980 --> 00:20:29,633 I'll go fetch the documents and my Montblanc. 445 00:20:29,668 --> 00:20:31,586 Psst! 446 00:20:33,988 --> 00:20:37,826 So, slight hiccup. I tracked down the woman who bought the drive, 447 00:20:37,860 --> 00:20:40,962 but she wasn't interested in selling it back. 448 00:20:40,996 --> 00:20:43,361 Apparently, she's already given it to her elderly father 449 00:20:43,394 --> 00:20:46,241 and booked the Geek Squad to set it up for him this afternoon. 450 00:20:46,274 --> 00:20:49,153 What about my drive? All our stuff is on there. 451 00:20:49,186 --> 00:20:52,672 I think we're fine. She said he mostly uses the computer 452 00:20:52,707 --> 00:20:54,465 to download photos of old ships. 453 00:20:54,499 --> 00:20:57,793 I don't think he'll be able to find our files even if he wanted to. 454 00:20:57,826 --> 00:21:01,056 Well, I mean, hopefully. But still... 455 00:21:01,090 --> 00:21:03,520 Dinesh is right, this is sloppy. 456 00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,056 Where does this guy live? 457 00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:07,904 Oh shit, Richard, I'm sorry, man. 458 00:21:07,938 --> 00:21:09,536 Initial here and here. 459 00:21:09,570 --> 00:21:13,183 No. It's okay. I... I deserve it. It's my own fault. 460 00:21:13,218 --> 00:21:14,879 And you're going to want to sign here. 461 00:21:14,912 --> 00:21:17,503 Still man, that just really sucks. 462 00:21:17,537 --> 00:21:20,287 You know, I bet... I bet you wish you could just scrub the whole Internet, 463 00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:21,599 like Gavin Belson does, right? 464 00:21:21,632 --> 00:21:27,007 Whoa, weird. Every single one of my signatures looks totally different. 465 00:21:27,041 --> 00:21:28,639 - Wait. What? - Yeah, look. 466 00:21:28,673 --> 00:21:31,261 This one's in cursive, this one's just printed, and then I, 467 00:21:31,296 --> 00:21:33,374 one I just wrote "Big Head," but that's not going to hold up. 468 00:21:33,408 --> 00:21:37,822 No, no, no. Did you just say Gavin Belson scrubbed the Internet? 469 00:21:37,855 --> 00:21:39,198 Oh, yeah. 470 00:21:40,831 --> 00:21:43,198 Yeah, and then they told me to my face, 471 00:21:43,232 --> 00:21:44,958 that after Nucleus was shut down, 472 00:21:44,992 --> 00:21:46,973 Gavin had one of his execs order them to scrub 473 00:21:47,007 --> 00:21:50,460 all negative mentions of Nucleus off of Hooli Search. 474 00:21:50,495 --> 00:21:52,157 Wow. 475 00:21:52,190 --> 00:21:53,853 Okay, when exactly did this happen? 476 00:21:53,887 --> 00:21:56,061 No, no. Actually, uh... 477 00:21:56,095 --> 00:21:59,100 you told me that you would spike my story if I give you something better. 478 00:21:59,135 --> 00:22:00,286 This is better, right? 479 00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:03,452 Yeah. Light-years better, actually. Your story's spiked. 480 00:22:03,486 --> 00:22:04,572 Great, okay. 481 00:22:04,606 --> 00:22:07,357 As long as we're trading apples for comparable apples, 482 00:22:07,390 --> 00:22:10,076 I've got a fresh and juicy that's ripe for the picking. 483 00:22:10,110 --> 00:22:12,636 Ms. Cantwell, what say you to an exclusive 484 00:22:12,670 --> 00:22:15,548 on the launch of a future financial behemoth? 485 00:22:15,581 --> 00:22:17,468 How about we just stick with Gavin? 486 00:22:17,501 --> 00:22:20,026 Gavin for Richard? Deal? 487 00:22:20,061 --> 00:22:21,082 Done. 488 00:22:22,044 --> 00:22:24,859 Monica, do you really need to be here? 489 00:22:32,029 --> 00:22:34,939 - Geek Squad. - The computer's right here. 490 00:22:36,988 --> 00:22:39,290 You're not wearing the shirt. 491 00:22:39,323 --> 00:22:41,466 I spilled coffee on it. 492 00:22:41,499 --> 00:22:43,098 I'm a nerd. 493 00:23:01,435 --> 00:23:05,113 All right. We're all set here. 494 00:23:11,834 --> 00:23:12,952 Yes! 495 00:23:12,986 --> 00:23:15,448 Can I have my hard drive? 496 00:23:16,378 --> 00:23:19,928 Oh, no. You fucking dick. 497 00:23:22,362 --> 00:23:23,352 Shit. 498 00:23:27,545 --> 00:23:29,815 You're gonna be replacing it. 499 00:23:36,025 --> 00:23:37,943 You're back. How did the board meeting go? 500 00:23:37,976 --> 00:23:39,319 Well, um... 501 00:23:39,353 --> 00:23:42,198 You're looking at the past, present, 502 00:23:42,232 --> 00:23:45,813 and possibly future CEO of Pied Piper. 503 00:23:45,848 --> 00:23:49,846 - That is fab... - Oh... 504 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,766 - Congratulations! - Jared... 505 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:52,822 My captain! 506 00:23:52,856 --> 00:23:55,958 "O captain! My captain! Rise up and hear the bells. 507 00:23:55,992 --> 00:24:00,181 Rise up... for you the flag is flung... for you the bugle trills." 508 00:24:00,214 --> 00:24:02,421 All right. Dismissed. 509 00:24:02,455 --> 00:24:04,597 Well, uh, just to remind you, 510 00:24:04,631 --> 00:24:06,901 Pied Piper is still a sinking ship, so... 511 00:24:06,934 --> 00:24:08,437 Enough with the maritime metaphors. 512 00:24:08,471 --> 00:24:12,021 This is honestly like the best birthday gift that I ever could've asked for. 513 00:24:12,055 --> 00:24:13,876 - It's your birthday? - Oh, I don't know. 514 00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:16,180 The CPS worker couldn't find my birth certificate, 515 00:24:16,214 --> 00:24:18,965 but... maybe now it is. 516 00:24:18,998 --> 00:24:23,988 And in other good news, we've managed to fill out our engineering team. 517 00:24:24,022 --> 00:24:26,324 Did you tell them that my Fage's off-limits? 518 00:24:26,358 --> 00:24:27,956 Oh, that... that won't be a worry. 519 00:24:27,990 --> 00:24:29,300 Come meet them. 520 00:24:29,334 --> 00:24:31,923 All right, guys, who wants to start work on the fragment uploader? 521 00:24:31,958 --> 00:24:34,259 Uh, Gleb, why don't you and Sanjay take it? 522 00:24:34,293 --> 00:24:35,796 Richard, say hi. 523 00:24:35,829 --> 00:24:38,515 Yes, uh, hello. I am, uh, Richard Hendricks, 524 00:24:38,549 --> 00:24:41,748 the CEO of Pied Piper. Welcome aboard. 525 00:24:41,781 --> 00:24:43,635 - Hello. - What the fuck is going on here? 526 00:24:43,669 --> 00:24:45,523 We got a little creative. 527 00:24:45,557 --> 00:24:47,858 Uh, I read that the woman who started Pegg'd built 528 00:24:47,892 --> 00:24:51,858 her entire app using a team of coders from India, she never met in person. 529 00:24:51,891 --> 00:24:54,194 And it only cost $15,000. 530 00:24:54,229 --> 00:24:55,986 So, yeah, so we figured why limit ourselves 531 00:24:56,020 --> 00:24:57,618 to a few expensive people in the Valley, 532 00:24:57,651 --> 00:25:01,170 when we could afford a full complement if we outsourced? 533 00:25:01,205 --> 00:25:04,465 Uh, Richard, I know we said that we sold everything in the offices 534 00:25:04,499 --> 00:25:08,497 to pay for these guys, but that was not exactly true. 535 00:25:08,532 --> 00:25:10,513 Um, we kept one thing. 536 00:25:10,548 --> 00:25:12,401 Okay. 537 00:25:15,252 --> 00:25:17,553 Oh, wow. It's the CEO chair. 538 00:25:20,946 --> 00:25:21,936 Ah. 539 00:25:22,898 --> 00:25:23,889 Have a seat. 540 00:25:23,922 --> 00:25:25,713 Okay. 541 00:25:29,458 --> 00:25:30,640 Okay, uh... 542 00:25:30,674 --> 00:25:32,816 Well, uh, why don't we, uh, 543 00:25:32,850 --> 00:25:36,656 go around the room or screens or whatever, and, uh, introduce ourselves? 544 00:25:37,617 --> 00:25:42,351 Hello, my name is Gleb. I am in Bulgaria. 545 00:25:42,386 --> 00:25:45,264 Hello, I am Sanjay. I am here in Mumbai, India. 546 00:25:45,297 --> 00:25:46,606 - You having trouble? - No. 547 00:25:46,641 --> 00:25:50,191 I am Elisabet. I am speaking to you from Estonia. 548 00:25:50,225 --> 00:25:52,430 Uh, thank you for the... 549 00:25:52,464 --> 00:25:54,863 Whoa! 550 00:25:54,896 --> 00:25:56,463 It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. 551 00:25:56,496 --> 00:25:58,414 - I got it. I got it. It's fine. - Dude. 552 00:25:58,449 --> 00:26:00,782 You're making a great first impression. 553 00:26:00,816 --> 00:26:03,022 Sorry. Can we go to the... do the names one more time?