Ooh, that Gladys can sure talk your ear off.
92 years of stories packed into that tiny body--
what a treasure.
And she always makes it worth your while.
She always makes it worth your while.
I swear, if I had a dollar for every time
we had to come here for nothing...
- You'd have $4 this week. - Yeah.
Actually, it's $5, if you count the time
I had to go back to get my pen that Johnny left there.
Why would we count that?
I guess I just wanted to bring up the fact
that Johnny left my pen and never apologized.
I'm sorry, Brian. I apologize.
Oh, don't give it a second thought, John, really.
And I pre-apologize for all the times in the future
I'm gonna misplace your pen.
Copy that.
[hip-hop music]
*
I've been meaning to ask you,
how is your-- your landlord doing?
Oh-ho. Uh-oh.
- What? - [chuckles]
You trying to hook back up with him?
No, it's not like that. I was just...
- You were just-- - No, he's been texting me.
- So I was just-- - Okay.
You were just thinking about trying to hook back up with him.
No, I-I just wanted to know how he's doing.
Okay.
Look, I am a friendly person.
Oh. Oh, I know.
[whispers] I know. It's...
- Dickheads. - Oh.
[all laughing]
Honestly, I don't see him very often,
but he did mention the other day that he got a shipment
of artisanal soaps delivered, so I'm guessing,
at the very least, he's clean.
Eh.
I mean, if he just had any idea
of how pretentious he was,
I'd take him back in a heartbeat.
So you don't care that he's pretentious,
as long as he knows he's pretentious.
He's really cute, John.
- If you like blonds. - Well, I do.
(woman over radio) Chicago North. Ambulance needed.
728 Greenfield Avenue.
- Oh. - Shit.
- Ambulance 14 responding. - Here we go.
- Hold on tight, Brian. - I always hold on tight.
Well, hold on tighter,
'cause we are heading into the shit.
Downtown Chi-raq.
I think "Chi-raq" is a negative stereotype
that ends up hurting both places.
Hmm, just a couple of ancient river towns
that have fallen on hard times.
Maybe we should become sister cities with Baghdad.
Mm, I guess Chicago already has one.
Oh, we have 28.
Uh, Toronto, Athens, Bogotá,
Moscow, Lahore, Shanghai...
God, I hope this list is over soon.
We're not even halfway home.
Hamburg, Lucerne, Shenyang, Amman, Delhi--
Oh, Delhi.
[laughing] Oh, you tricky one.
[siren wailing]
Paramedics!
What took y'all so long?
Took us-- We got here in six minutes.
If this was Lincoln Park, you would've been here in two.
That's not physically possible.
Whatever, professor.
Oh, boy.
All right, what happened? Oh.
They got me. What it look like?
Who is "they"? Are they still here?
N-no.
Look, man, just-- just do what you do.
Man, I bet it was that bitch midget Lil' J.
Man, it could've been anybody.
You see, you try to get out the hood on a rap game,
and this happens.
Hmm, you a rapper?
Psh, don't act like you ain't heard.
My new joint got 200,000 views on YouTube.
200,036.
Yo, D, you ain't even got to be exact, bro.
That don't sound better than 200,000.
Actually, it sounds worse.
(Hank) I must have missed it. You heard about it, Johnny?
No, I'm not caught up on my YouTube.
Sorry, pal.
Doesn't ring a bell for me either,
but I would love an autograph at some point, if that's okay.
Got you, bro.
- Thought that was your rig. - Hey, T.
(Billy) What's up, y'all?
No, no.
No! Styfl?
* S-t-y-f-l
* So truth, youth, for life *
That's my song, man.
Hey, it is a pleasure to meet you, bro.
No doubt, bro.
Yo, Styfl is a very talented rapper, T.
Man, I bet I watched your video,
like, 50,000 times on YouTube, bro.
[gasps] That's 1/4 of the total views.
Derek, why is there a shot-up rapper
in your mom's living room?
Come on, T. You know how it go.
Yo, D, no snitching, bro.
You know this guy?
Yes, I have known Derek since he was in high school,
and I know he's gonna tell me exactly what happened.
D, don't you even--
Hey, if you tell him to be quiet one more time,
I'm gonna pull the cuffs out.
She likes cuffing people, Styfl.
What happened, Derek?
We don't even really know what happened.
You know, stuff was just moving so fast and--
You mentioned something about a midget bitch
named Lil' J, I believe.
- Really? - But I didn't say she did it.
Well, would you like me to tell Lil' J
you've been throwing her name around?
(Derek) No. Please, no.
Well, you better start talking before your mom gets home,
finds blood all over the carpet,
and I tell her what I think really went down.
Look, truth is, it wasn't supposed to be this much blood.
So you shot your friend.
You shot your friend? Why?
We had a plan.
I told you, Roger,
we shouldn't be planning shit when we high.
I promise I will not shoot nobody again.
I ain't made for this. I got acid reflux.
What is-- what is going on?
Looks like Captain YouTube wanted to give himself
a battle scar to up his profile.
Please, don't tell nobody about this, okay?
This can kill my career.
And I'm about to be verified on Twitter.
(Derek) Please don't tell my mom, T, please.
Why didn't you guys put down some towels or something?
My mama's towels? Oh, no, man.
We wouldn't need that ambulance out there.
We'd need a hearse.
No, you do not mess with Mama's good towels.
Okay. All right.
Here's the deal--
I'm not gonna bring either one of you in
for reckless endangerment if you promise
never to use this bullet-wound situation
in any of your music.
- Oh, hell, no! - That was the whole point.
No, the second Billy tells me he heard you brag
about how hard you are 'cause you got shot in the leg,
I'm gonna put the truth out there.
Psh, man, who gonna believe you?
Yo, man, everybody knows Theresa.
You don't even want to mess with that.
- Man, shut the hell up. - You shut the hell up.
Can we get some room, please?
Bunny, Big Mike, let 'em through.
So Derek's mama finally shooting
his little punk-ass friends?
Something like that.
Did Skeet piss off his sister
while she was doing his braids again?
Yep.
Come on, man, you never talk shit
to the person doing your hair.
That's basic knowledge. [chuckling]
(Brian) Did you see how everybody treated Theresa
in that neighborhood today?
I've never seen Theresa on the job like that.
She commands quite a bit of respect.
- Yeah. - Why do you say it like that?
It's just--Did you see how they ignored us
until T said "move,"
and then they parted like the Red Sea?
Well, I mean, Theresa was getting a little love.
I'll give you that.
How many times have we been in that neighborhood?
We never get that kind of reception.
And I'm okay with that.
We're talking about a place where people
intentionally shoot themselves to gain credibility.
That doesn't satisfy me.
I mean, we're out there saving lives too, you know?
Well, what do you want, man?
- A marching band? - Sure.
A banner that says "Welcome, EMTs"?
Maybe the Blue Angels?
- Ooh. - Or, like, one confetti cannon.
- How about... - Poof.
- One Blue Angel? - Okay.
Ah, they're a squadron.
- They never fly alone. - Oh.
Kind of like us. We'd have to book 'em all.
Book 'em all, then.
- [imitating jet engine] - Yes.
Come flying high over.
- [imitating jet engine] - Yeah, a flyover.
Whoa! What was that?
- What was that? - Yeah, we parachute out.
- Like, pkew, pkew, pkew. - Aah!
A follow light--like, a follow spotlight follow you down.
- Yeah. - And the crowd...
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie...
- [imitating crowd roaring] - Charlie, Charlie, Charlie...
Yeah, look at 'em. Look at 'em come.
They're coming to save our life. Johnny!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey. - Johnny, Johnny!
(all) Hey, hey, hey!
Good night, Chicago!
- Good night, Chicago. - We're the EMTs!
(both) Good night, Chicago.
Don't forget to tip your waitresses.
- That'd be great. - Yeah.
Something like that, that's not too much to ask for,
for starting a heartbeat back up.
Damn.
It was great seeing you at work today.
Yeah, you too.
Watching you do your thing.
I've never seen you in that light before.
It was awesome.
Yeah.
Those guys give you a lot of respect.
I am in that neighborhood a lot.
Yeah?
I bet it's the same for you
in neighborhoods you're in a lot.
Not like that. Not really.
I might have a little extra leeway on that block,
'cause a while back, I took down this guy
who was, like, the neighborhood asshole, I guess.
[chuckles]
Really?
Yeah.
Everyone was kind of scared of him,
and people appreciated it.
And bonus--
now they're scared of me. [chuckles]
Wh--like, took him down how?
Like, I took him down.
Like you, uh...
No, no, I just took him down,
you know, like old-school, put him on the ground.
You took a guy from that neighborhood
that everybody was afraid of,
and you just put him on the ground?
Yeah.
So...
you could totally take me down?
Let's not have this conversation,
because, uh, right now
I was kind of hoping that you would take me down.
Oh, okay.
[chuckles]
[grunts] Ow.
[chuckles]
- Mmm, mmm. - Mmm.
Yeah, um, you know what? We should, uh...
Honey? [laughs]
- Um, you know what? - Mm-hmm.
We should totally do this, but, like, later, like, after
I get back from the gym.
- The gym? - Yeah.
- It's late. John. - I know.
I know. I just...
I just feel like I should go to the--
go to the gym, you know?
Just kind of, like, get my cardio on,
maybe push some weight around.
Just work my...
work my tris or something.
- Hey. - Oh.
- Hey. - What's going on?
Uh, yeah, uh, I was gonna maybe go see Nick.
Oh.
Oh, cool.
But I'm not gonna go now.
Okay.
Well, you want to walk out? I'm gonna hit the gym.
It's 11:00 at night.
- This doesn't just happen. [door opens]
Well, that's obvious.
Hey. Um, how you doing?
Good. Oh, um...
you?
Good.
Yeah, good.
Do you, um...
do you want to come up for a second?
Uh...
um...
is that okay with you, Johnny?
What?
Well, we've been planning this trip to the gym
for weeks.
But, yeah. Wha-- I'm kidding.
Yeah, have fun.
- See you, Johnny. - See you later, Nick.
I'm not--
I'm not going to the gym. That's--Why would I--
It's stupid. Why would I go to the gym now?
I'm just saying our profession deserves a little more respect.
You know what I mean? Oh-ho-ho!
Good morning, sunshine.
Thanks for joining us.
Did you take a little extra time
eating your quail eggs Benedict this morning?
All right, I hooked up with Nick again.
Update--still annoying, still sexy.
What are you talking about?
Johnny was bitching about our status
in the first-responder hierarchy.
You're gonna drive yourself crazy
thinking like that, Mousse.
We don't do this job for the credit
or the paycheck.
We do it because we know we make a difference.
We're the unsung heroes,
but that does not make what we do any less heroic.
Damn, Cash, that just got me inspired.
Got a tear welling up,
and I haven't cried in over five years.
(woman on radio) Ambulance requested, 674 North Jenkins.
Oh, shit. Bobby Meds.
Hey. Thanks for coming, fellas.
- How you doing? (both) Good.
Brian, this is Bobby Meds, our favorite ALFD.
- What's that? - Asshole looking for drugs.
Oh, why?
I said you're our favorite.
- Oh. - How you doing, Bobby?
I'm okay, but I have these, like, searing migraines...
- Oh. - And also tinnitus.
Really bad tinnitus. I'm getting this, like, uh--
- Like a sustained drone? - Yeah, yes.
(all) * Ooh - You hear it?
- It's like a high-pitched... (all) * Ooh
- You hear it? - * Ooh
No, not hearing any of that.
Well, trust me. It's a bummer.
And then I'm getting this, like, skewed-eye effect.
- It's like I'm all periphery. - Okay.
Oh, okay, well, how many fingers am I holding up?
No idea. I can't see it. Can't see it.
Can't see it. Three?
- He's got "peripheritis." - Yeah.
What is that?
He just made that up.
- Oh, you know what might help? - What?
Maybe I should try some Oxycontin.
Oh, try? Try some?
Yeah, okay, you're gonna have to try that at the hospital,
'cause we're not giving you that shit.
Oh, John, what's with all the hostility?
I'm--
Something at home bothering you?
You want to take a minute, get yourself together?
You want me to get you some pomegranate juice?
It's delicious.
Oh, please, that would be fantastic.
- Brian. - Bobby, get in the rig.
- I do not mind if I do. - Mm-hmm.
Hey, I know it's a bit of a hike,
but can you guys take me to Mercy?
'Cause they hate me over at Streeterville.
Oh, you mean they're onto you at Streeterville.
We're gonna take you to City.
Oh, that's all right. Is, uh, Jennifer working?
Jennifer S or Jennifer H?
Jennifer H got transferred last week.
She's gonna run all of maternity over at Evanston.
- Did she? Good for her. - Oh.
- She's such a nice lady. - She is, Brian.
- You're right. - How'd you know my name?
Hank said it.
- Did he? - Yeah.
Still, very good listening.
[muttering rap lyrics to self]
Oh, hey, Styfl. What's going on?
I know you?
Oh, yeah, I'm the EMT that, uh...
Oh, you the dude go with the--the cop chick, right?
- Yeah, that's right. - Yeah.
What's going on? What are you doing back here?
Oh, man, it got all infected.
What? How'd that happen?
Apparently I was supposed to change the dressing
or whatever, but...
Oh, yeah, you got to take care of a wound.
It's rule number one.
I wish they'd have told me that the last time I was here.
They certainly should've told you that
the last time you were here.
What, they didn't give you any discharge instructions?
Nah. They must have forgot.
- But it's all right. - Must have forgot?
That's their job.
You don't forget your job. How long you been waiting here?
Uh, maybe ten minutes.
Ten mi-- ten minutes?
- Dude, it's-- - That is ridiculous.
No, it's--
Did you have to take off work to come here?
I was just rapping a little bit, but it's cool.
See, that's precious writing time.
You're an artist.
Unbelievable. Brenda, will you--
[clears throat] Brenda, will you come here for a second?
No, hey, Brenda, stay where you at.
Hey, look, your guy asked me for a autograph
- the last time in the house. - Mm-hmm.
So make sure you give him this autograph for me, okay?
[breathes deeply]
Just keep it cool.
And, look, I know your girl
don't want me using my battle scar in my rap,
but I can't stop people
from drawing their own conclusions, right?
Yeah. Hey, man, you got to do what you have to do.
I'm gonna do it.
Good. And take care of that leg.
I swear to God I will.
Damn it.
Brenda, will you come here for a second?
(Brenda) Coming.
He a gangster.
"Keep rockin' that crazy Elvis hair.
Styfl."
This is awesome.
- You know what I was thinking? - Oh, here we go.
I was thinking we need to revive
the old Med Mobile program.
- Mm-hmm, of course you were. - What is it?
It's this service we used to offer
where we take the ambulance into a rough neighborhood
and give basic medical care, usually flu shots,
but people really appreciated it.
You're really not gonna let this go, are you?
Why did they get rid of the program in the first place?
Because nobody wanted to work on the weekend for free,
including this guy, especially this guy.
[chuckles] I was young.
It was two years ago.
This Saturday, we're gonna do it.
- I'm in. - I'm out.
Come on, Hank.
Look, the weekend is my time to regroup,
so I can come back Monday refreshed.
You're gonna spend the weekend boning my landlord.
How I refresh is my business.
So selfish.
I'm not selfish. I need me and Nick time.
Superman need Lois Lane time.
Batman needs Robin time.
Or wait.
- Does Batman need Alfred time? - Mm.
Or maybe Robin needs Batman time.
Maybe Alfred needs Batman and Robin time.
[car horn honks]
- Fifth text, no response. - He said he wasn't coming.
Still, so selfish.
I'm sure he has his reasons.
Yeah. Whatever.
(Nick) Okay, full disclosure-- the basil is from my garden,
but the tomatoes, unfortunately, are not.
My friend Teddy brought them in from his farm
in Wisconsin.
Mmm. So goddamn good.
- Right? - Mm-hmm.
So what do you think?
Just stay in bed all day, do absolutely nothing?
Well, that sounds awesome.
How could I ever pass up all this
to go into work?
You're supposed to work today?
Johnny wants me to do this volunteer shift
in some bad neighborhood on the West Side.
That's awesome.
It is so cool that you do stuff like that.
N-no, it isn't.
I mean, I did my six weeks in Haiti, of course,
but you--you get to do this kind of stuff every day.
Mm-hmm. And that's why I need a weekend.
Oh.
No, you'll feel like shit if you don't go in.
[gasps] I'll pack you a bento box.
- But wait. - No, no, no.
I make a great bento box. It's from Hokkaido.
Hokkaido? Who--
Don't nobody want no Hokkaido bento box.
No.
[sighs]
It'll just be real quick, all right?
You'll barely notice it.
[sighs]
I knew you'd show.
- [laughing] - We're not the two amigos.
We're the three amigos-- one, two, and three.
You two are interchangeable as one and two, and I'm three.
- All right, nice turnout. - Strap on some gloves.
Not even gonna ask you
about that ridiculous lunch-box thing you've got.
- It's a-- - Nope.
Glad you're here. Ready, Shawn?
Look at me. One, two...
- Done. - Look at that.
That didn't hurt too bad, now, did it?
Yeah, man.
It's a shot. Shots hurt.
Well, I guess they do.
Man, I don't want that.
Why not?
How old do you think I am, bitch?
(Shawn's mom) Shawn, be respectful.
Take the balloon for your sister.
[sighs]
[chuckles]
Hey.
How's it going?
- It's going really good. - Good.
- Mr. Farrell. - Yeah.
I just wanted to personally shake your hand
for the work you're doing here today.
Oh. Oh, yeah, glad to do it.
It's-- You know, it's nothing.
Oh, it's something.
Wasn't too long ago we couldn't get anyone to come out here.
Well done, young man.
Oh. Thanks.
Someone's getting a little bit of love.
Oh, it ain't about that.
Isn't it?
- It's a little about that. - [chuckles]
Oof.
- Café con leche. - Oh, gracias.
Oh. Nice.
Those guys are doing something really special back there.
It's inspirational.
Yeah, but if you think about it, we had a little hand in it too
when we got Bootsie and LaVon off that block.
A year ago you wouldn't want to step into that parking lot.
(both) Have to pay a toll!
[chuckles]
Yeah.
Has it been a year?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, 'cause I just became your partner,
and I wasn't comfortable enough to tell you
I had to take a shit, so I didn't.
And then we were driving around, and then we saw them.
And I was like, "Man, we really got to arrest those dudes,
"but I really got to do something
that I can't tell her about right now."
Let's just say that my mind was elsewhere
when we were reading them their rights.
That is both gross and sweet.
- How much time did they get? - I don't know.
(man on radio) Chicago West, robbery in progress,
St. Jerome's Church, Kinzie and Garfield.
Ah, hell.
Oh, shit.
[engine turning over, siren wailing]
[tires squealing]
[siren approaching]
[tires screech]
Ah.
LaVon and Bootsie.
Who?
Bootsie and LaVon.
Aren't you guys gonna help?
I'm not talking to you.
I'm eating my bento.
(Mac) When I said you could revive the Med Mobile program,
I did not give you license to park the rig
in the middle of the shit.
You go to the outskirts of the shit,
shit adjacent.
You guys were smack-dab in the middle of the shit,
in the goddamn eye of the shit.
It was my fault.
I convinced these guys to go out.
It was a bad idea.
You're damn right it was a bad idea.
You're lucky you didn't die.
Look, I'll reimburse the company
for everything that was stolen out of the rig.
- Are you a moron? - What?
Do you have any idea how much that equipment is worth?
(Johnny) Right. Okay.
I'll be really sorry for what I did,
and, you know, I'll bring...
- Bagels... - Every...
- Monday... - For...
- Ever. - [sighs] Yeah.
- That's fair. - That's fair.
- Okay, good. - That's fair.
In our defense, up until the point we got robbed,
we made a big impact out there.
I like impact.
You guys are in rig 8 until yours gets back.
Now get out.
Oh, it's Monday.
Everything bagel, salmon schmear.
- You got it. - Toasted?
- Okay. - Orange juice?
- Fine. - Coffee? I mean, we're there--
- Get out. - Okay.
(Johnny) The steering on this thing is shit.
Rig 8 sucks.
This bucket seat feels like an actual bucket.
- Doesn't it? - Yeah.
Hmm.
You know, Cash was right.
We don't get the respect we deserve,
but it doesn't make what we do any less worthwhile.
You're right.
(woman on radio) Ambulance requested. 55 East Pearson Street.
The retirement home again.
Yep. Ambulance 8,
the raggedy ambulance, responding.
[hip-hop music]
*