1 00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:04,838 - I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU, JOHNNY, 2 00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:06,307 STRAIGHT OUT OF THE GATE, 3 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,008 THAT I'M HONORED THAT YOU EVEN THOUGHT 4 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:09,043 TO INVITE ME TO THE BARBECUE, 5 00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:10,844 SO THANK YOU. 6 00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:12,980 - EVERYONE FROM WORK'S INVITED, BRIAN. 7 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,582 - AND MY DAD AND MOST OF THERESA'S FAMILY. 8 00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:16,184 - AND--AND I KNOW THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE JUGGLING 9 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:17,351 A LOT OF PLATES, 10 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,752 AND I DON'T WANT TO ADD ONE MORE 11 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:19,987 SCINTILLA OF STRESS TO THE SITUATION. 12 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,189 - SCINTILLA? 13 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:22,756 WHAT ARE YOU-- SPIT IT OUT. 14 00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:23,757 - CAN I BRING GABBY? 15 00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,259 - OF COURSE YOU CAN. 16 00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:26,594 THE MORE, THE MERRIER. 17 00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,028 I'M BUSTING OUT MY NEW GRILL 18 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,930 THAT MY DAD GOT US AS A HOUSEWARMING GIFT. 19 00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,665 - IT ARRIVED? - YESTERDAY. IT'S HUGE. 20 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:32,766 IT'S LIKE THE BIGGEST GRILL I'VE EVER SEEN. 21 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,235 - [laughs] LOOK AT YOU. 22 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:35,769 LIT UP LIKE A KID ON CHRISTMAS. 23 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:36,737 - [laughs] HONESTLY, I CAN'T STOP SMILING. 24 00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:38,372 MY CHEEKS HURT. 25 00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:39,440 THAT'S HOW HAPPY I AM ABOUT THIS GRILL. 26 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,041 [laughs] 27 00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,910 - CHICAGO NORTH, MULTIPLE AMBULANCES NEEDED, 28 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:43,911 CLARK AND ADDISON. 29 00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,413 - UGH, WRIGLEYVILLE. 30 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:46,880 - CUBS AND SOX. [siren wails] 31 00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,549 AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. 32 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,584 YOU KNOW WHO WON? - IT DOESN'T MATTER. 33 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,120 IT'S GONNA BE A GROUP OF HAPPY DRUNK ASSHOLES 34 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,921 PISSING OFF A GROUP OF UNHAPPY DRUNK ASSHOLES. 35 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,257 - CUBS 4 TO 3. 36 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,192 - OH, THERE WE GO. 37 00:00:58,226 --> 00:00:59,227 - WHOO! 38 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,628 [crowd cheering] 39 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,030 - YEAH, WHOO, GUYS, WHOO. 40 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,632 OH, YEAH, AMBULANCE. 41 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:05,633 AMBULANCE. - YEAH, HEY. 42 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,701 YES, HA, HA! HI. 43 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,870 - BIG RED BOX. BIG RED BOX. 44 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,272 - OH, MAN. 45 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:12,406 OH, THIS IS GONNA BE A LOT OF FUN. 46 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,407 - YEAH, ISN'T IT? 47 00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:14,942 [crowd cheering] 48 00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,910 - HOW BAD THEY GET THIS TIME, ANDY? 49 00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,046 - AH, PRETTY LIGHT. BOTH TEAMS SUCKED THIS SEASON. 50 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,382 SO MIGHT BE FIVE OR SIX BUSTED-UP HANDS, 51 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,417 THREE CONCUSSIONS, A BROKEN NOSE OR TWO. 52 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:24,752 WE ONLY GOT A FEW AMBOS, 53 00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:25,786 SO YOU MIGHT BE HAULING A FULL BOAT. 54 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,455 - OKAY. - SCREW THE CUBS. 55 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:28,422 - WHITE SOX STINK. 56 00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:29,757 [air hisses] 57 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,426 - GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. 58 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,262 - IT'S NICE TO SEE TRADITIONS 59 00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,130 BEING HANDED DOWN TO THE NEXT GENERATION. 60 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:38,632 - YEAH, I LOVE THIS TOWN. 61 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,301 - [laughs] 62 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:43,271 [hip-hop music] 63 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:51,212 * 64 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,293 - DO YOU HAVE TO BE DRUNK TO ENTER THE STADIUM? 65 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:07,695 - CUBS ARE A GODDAMN EMBARRASSMENT TO THIS CITY. 66 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,029 - OKAY, FELLAS, LET'S KEEP IT BREEZY. 67 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,664 - WE'RE AN EMBARRASSMENT? 68 00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,500 ARE YOU SO CONCUSSED THAT YOU CAN'T REMEMBER 69 00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,936 THAT YOUR TEAM INTENTIONALLY THREW A WORLD SERIES FOR MONEY? 70 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,271 - COME ON, GUYS, GIVE IT A REST. 71 00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:19,607 - LAST TIME YOU WON, 106 YEARS AGO. 72 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,209 THINK ABOUT THAT. 73 00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:23,311 THE LAST TIME THE CUBS WON THE WORLD SERIES, 74 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:25,779 OUR ARMY STILL RODE HORSES INTO BATTLE. 75 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,047 - ENOUGH. 76 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,816 THOUGH, SADLY, IT'S TRUE. 77 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,051 - ALSO, WRIGLEY'S A VERY EFFEMINATE BALLPARK. 78 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,653 - OKAY, NOW I KNOW HIS BRAIN IS BRUISED, 79 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,622 BECAUSE WRIGLEY IS AN AMERICAN CLASSIC. 80 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,324 - ALL THAT GIRLY IVY ON THE WALLS? 81 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:38,226 WHY DON'T YOU JUST HANG SOME PLANTS IN THE DUGOUT, 82 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,993 PAINT THE INFIELD DIRT FUCHSIA, 83 00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,462 AND COMPLETE THE WHOLE CHICK APARTMENT EXPERIENCE? 84 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,696 - HEY, I'M GONNA PULL THIS RIG OVER 85 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:43,997 IF YOU TWO DON'T SHUT UP. 86 00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,199 - HE STARTED IT. 87 00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:46,200 - HE REALLY DID, JOHN. - HEY. 88 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,202 [both grunt] - SH--. 89 00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,670 - EVEN THEIR FANS CAN'T HIT WHAT THEY'RE SWINGING AT. 90 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,171 - YEAH, FUNNY, FUNNY. 91 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,406 YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT CELLULAR PARK? 92 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,308 NOTHING. 93 00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:56,076 - AT LEAST WE DON'T HAND OUT TISSUES ON THE WAY OUT. 94 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:58,011 - I REALLY DON'T GET WHY PEOPLE NEED TO FIGHT. 95 00:02:58,045 --> 00:02:59,880 WE'RE ALL PART OF THE SAME TEAM, 96 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,181 THE CITY OF CHICAGO, 97 00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:03,016 WHICH IS PART OF A LARGER TEAM 98 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,985 KNOWN AS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 99 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,187 WHICH IS JUST ONE PART OF TEAM EARTH, 100 00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:08,989 AND BEYOND THAT, 101 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,691 YOU HAVE THE INTERGALACTIC FEDERATION OF PLANETS, 102 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,360 EVEN THOUGH THERE'S CURRENTLY NO PROOF THAT IT EXISTS. 103 00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,728 - THERE IS IF YOU READ THE RIGHT PUBLICATIONS. 104 00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,664 WE'LL SIDEBAR ABOUT THIS LATER. 105 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,533 - IT'S IN OUR NATURE TO FIND DIFFERENCES IN EACH OTHER. 106 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,201 IT'S HOW WE DEFINE OURSELVES. 107 00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:23,103 THERE'S NO US WITHOUT A THEM, 108 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,205 BLACK, WHITE; NORTH SIDE, SOUTH SIDE; 109 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,840 RICH, POOR; FAT, SKINNY. 110 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,076 PERSONALLY, I FIND THE WHOLE THING EXHAUSTING. 111 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,511 AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE, 112 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,546 I'VE DIVIDED THE WORLD INTO TWO GROUPS: 113 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:35,549 PEOPLE WHO FISH AND FISH. 114 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:36,950 - [chuckles] 115 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,952 BRIAN, PEOPLE WILL FIGHT ABOUT ANYTHING. 116 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,688 - THE ONLY WAY PEOPLE EVER COME TOGETHER 117 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,223 IS WHEN THEY FIND A COMMON ENEMY. 118 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,025 - I USED TO WORK IN THIS WAREHOUSE WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE. 119 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:48,462 EVERYONE IN SHIPPING HATED EVERYONE IN RECEIVING, 120 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:50,798 AND THE ONLY THING THEY COULD ALL AGREE ON 121 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:51,932 WAS EVERYONE IN SALES WAS AN ASSHOLE. 122 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,401 - WELL, THEY ARE, 123 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,068 BECAUSE THEY THINK THAT WHATEVER THEY WANT, 124 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,937 IT CAN JUST MAGICALLY APPEAR WHENEVER THEY WANT IT, 125 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,607 EVEN IF IT'S BEEN BACKORDERED FOR THREE DOGGONE MONTHS. 126 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:00,541 - DID YOU WORK IN SHIPPING, BRIAN? 127 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,310 - AUTO PARTS. 128 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:03,944 A LOT OF OUR STUFF HAD TO COME ALL THE WAY FROM JAPAN. 129 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,579 - WELL, YOU'RE GONNA SEE A CLASSIC "US VERSUS THEM" THING 130 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,147 IN ACTION AT MY BARBECUE THIS WEEKEND. 131 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,382 MY DAD'S GONNA BE THERE AND THERESA'S DAD, 132 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,117 A FIREMAN AND A COP. 133 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,785 IT'S GONNA BE A CONSTANT FIGHT ALL DAY LONG. 134 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:14,254 - THAT SH-- IS ANCIENT, TRIBAL, 135 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,923 WHICH MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE, 136 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,392 SINCE 80% OF BOTH OF THOSE CREWS ARE IRISH. 137 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,328 - AND AS WE ALL KNOW, THE IRISH HAVE NEVER FOUND 138 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,895 A SINGLE THING TO FIGHT EACH OTHER OVER. 139 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,131 - ARE THERE ANY SUBJECTS WE SHOULD STAY CLEAR OF? 140 00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,232 - ALL OF THEM. 141 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,634 - MEN SITTING AROUND A FIRE, 142 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,669 STOKING BIG EMBERS OF HATRED, 143 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:31,905 THEIR DARKEST NATURES ON FULL DISPLAY. 144 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,106 - I GET IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO COME. 145 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,141 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 146 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,477 I'M GONNA BE THERE EARLY. 147 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,479 - GRACIAS, PAPI. 148 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:41,248 YO, T, YOUR DAD IS SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THE BARBECUE. 149 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,650 IT'S, LIKE, ALL HE CAN THINK ABOUT. 150 00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,352 - REALLY? - MM. 151 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,353 - YOU TALKED TO MY DAD? 152 00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,454 - NO, HE TEXTED ME. 153 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:47,755 - YOU TEXT WITH MY DAD? 154 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,256 - YOU DON'T? 155 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,157 - NO, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE COULD TEXT. 156 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:51,925 - YEAH, I TAUGHT HIM. 157 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,594 IT WASN'T EASY, THOUGH. HE'S GOT BIG FINGERS. 158 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,128 - I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET MY DAD TO TEXT FOR YEARS. 159 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,364 - OH, YEAH, TAUGHT HIM AT THE BOWLING ALLEY. 160 00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:57,931 - YOU BOWL WITH HIM TOO? - YEAH. 161 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,433 HE'S THE CAPTAIN OF OUR TEAM. - [laughs] 162 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:00,768 - AND I WAS LIKE, "JERR, YOU AIN'T GETTING 163 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,436 "NO FROZEN YOGURT AFTERWARDS 164 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:05,806 UNTIL YOU SEND ME FIVE PERFECT TEXTS, NO TYPOS." 165 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,941 HE DID IT, T. I WAS SO PROUD OF HIM. 166 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,644 WE GOT THREE FLAVORS OF FROYO THAT NIGHT. 167 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,882 HONESTLY, ONE OF THE BEST PARTS ABOUT DATING MAEVE 168 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,316 IS GETTING TO KNOW YOUR FATHER. 169 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,885 I THINK HE MIGHT BE LIKE MY BEST FRIEND. 170 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,153 I HAVEN'T HAD A BEST FRIEND IN A LONG TIME. 171 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:23,657 [engine turns over] 172 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:24,725 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 173 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,159 HE DOESN'T LIKE ANYONE. 174 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:28,696 IN FACT, HE PRETTY MUCH HATES EVERYONE. 175 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,064 - OH, T, HATE IS A STRONG WORD. 176 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,333 JERR DON'T HATE ANYBODY. HE'S A TEDDY BEAR. 177 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,335 IN FACT, I CALL HIM JERR-BEAR. 178 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,504 HE LOVES IT. 179 00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,471 HE CALLS ME BILLY-GOAT. 180 00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:38,406 [cell phone dings] 181 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:39,473 HMM. 182 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:41,341 OOH, GUESS WHO. 183 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:43,677 - JERR-BEAR? - NAH, IT'S MY COUSIN BEBO. 184 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,879 HE WANTS TO HANG OUT LATER, PLAY SOME XBOX. 185 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,887 [background chatter] 186 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,362 - HOW'S IT GOING? - HEY. 187 00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:04,998 THIS GRILL IS AMAZING. 188 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,534 I THINK I'M GONNA COOK ALL OF OUR MEALS ON THIS THING, 189 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,101 BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER. 190 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,737 - YOU'RE GONNA MAKE BREAKFAST ON THERE. 191 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,004 - I'M TELLING YOU, THIS THING CAN DO ANYTHING. 192 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,406 IT MIGHT HAVE SATELLITE CAPABILITIES. 193 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,674 I HAVEN'T READ THE ENTIRE MANUAL YET. 194 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,409 - WELL, IF IT'S GONNA MAKE OUR DADS 195 00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:16,744 DROP THEIR STUPID BEEF WITH EACH OTHER, 196 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,579 I WILL DEFINITELY BE IMPRESSED. 197 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,414 - THIS THING'S GREAT AT BEEF. - NO, I'M SERIOUS. 198 00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:21,549 THEY HAVE TO DROP THEIR SH--; IT'S EXHAUSTING. 199 00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:22,616 - THEY'RE NOT YOUNG MEN. 200 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:23,617 I DON'T SEE THEM CHANGING. 201 00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:25,018 - HEY, KIDS. - HEY. 202 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,720 - HEY, FRANK. - SOME MACHINE, HUH? 203 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,922 OH, MY GOD, IT'S EVEN BETTER THAN THE CATALOG. 204 00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:31,024 EVERYTHING SMELLS DELICIOUS. - YEAH. 205 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,192 - HERE, LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT. 206 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,226 - OKAY, AH. 207 00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,628 JUST A COUPLE RULES, DAD. 208 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,897 I'M RUNNING THE SHOW HERE. 209 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,466 THIS ENTIRE AREA IS MINE. 210 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:39,567 - UNDERSTOOD, I GOT IT. 211 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,034 - OKAY. - [clears throat] 212 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,570 - WHAT? 213 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,271 OH, AND I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO PUT IN 214 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:45,573 A LITTLE EXTRA EFFORT WITH THERESA'S DAD TODAY. 215 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,140 - OH, HE'S COMING? THAT PIECE OF-- 216 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,576 - DAD. 217 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,243 - OH, SORRY, THERESA. NO OFFENSE. 218 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,378 - NO, HERE'S THE DEAL, OKAY? 219 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,713 YOU GUYS HAVE TO PUT AN END 220 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,748 TO THIS COP-FIREMAN BULLSH-- TODAY 221 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:55,949 AND BE CIVILIZED HUMAN BEINGS. 222 00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:57,585 DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 223 00:06:57,618 --> 00:07:00,754 - YOU JUST KEEP ME FED, I'LL BE A GOOD BOY. 224 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,155 - ALL RIGHT, HERE'S MY DAD. 225 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,557 I'M TELLING HIM THE SAME THING. - OKAY. 226 00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:04,592 - JOHN. - OKAY. 227 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:07,661 - GOD, DID HE GET SHORTER? 228 00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,730 COPS OFTEN SHRINK UNDER THE WEIGHT OF THEIR OWN GUILT. 229 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,998 IT'S A PROVEN FACT. - COME ON, MAN. 230 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,633 - I'M NOT GONNA START ANYTHING. 231 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:13,967 I'M JUST HERE FOR A COUPLE BEERS, 232 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,003 COUPLE BURGERS, COUPLE LAUGHS. 233 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,805 LOOK AT HIM BACKING HIS WAY OVER HERE. 234 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,507 - WHAT? 235 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:20,641 - HE CAN'T WAIT TO POKE HIS NOSE IN THIS GRILL 236 00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:21,975 AND START YAPPING. 237 00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,777 COPS, THEY'RE ALL THE SAME. 238 00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,579 NOSY BASTARDS. 239 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,248 LOOK AT HIM, TRYING TO SNEAK HIS WAY OVER HERE. 240 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,450 - LOOK, I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON TODAY. 241 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,752 - THAT WON'T BE HARD. 242 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,453 [laughs] 243 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:34,922 THAT'S ONE OF THE LAUGHS I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT. 244 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,189 - REAL FUNNY. 245 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,457 - I THOUGHT I SMELLED GAS. 246 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:38,526 - HEY. - HERE WE GO. 247 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,460 - SERIOUSLY? A GAS GRILL? 248 00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:43,030 - HELLO, MY GOOD MAN. 249 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,499 - WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? 250 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:46,867 - SH--. 251 00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:51,772 - MAC, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? 252 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,641 - SPECIAL KIND OF HURRICANE. 253 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,510 I GOT THE RECIPE WHEN I WAS TENDING BAR IN NEW ORLEANS. 254 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,478 LOCALS USED TO DUMP IT ON GRAVES, 255 00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:00,480 KEEP THE EVIL AWAY. 256 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,650 - HOW COME YOU DIDN'T BRING HOT DOUG--I MEAN DOUG? 257 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:03,817 - WE BROKE UP. 258 00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,218 TURNS OUT IT'S REALLY HARD 259 00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:06,453 TO MAINTAIN THE INTENSITY THAT YOU GET 260 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,288 WITH INTERNET COMMUNICATION. 261 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,190 YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT THERE. 262 00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,225 IT'S A WHOLE NEW THING. - ACTUALLY, I WOULD. 263 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:15,128 I WAS SNOOPING AROUND ONE TIME ON A WEBSITE 264 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,131 DEDICATED TO SMALLMOUTH BASS AND OTHER LAKE FISH. 265 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:21,301 NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M IN A HEATED EMAIL EXCHANGE 266 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,903 WITH A WOMAN NAMED SHELLEY. 267 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:26,339 STARTED OFF DEBATING OVER LIVE BAIT AND LURES 268 00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:29,409 AND ENDED UP WITH AN INTENSE DECLARATION OF LOVE. 269 00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:30,844 - TURNS OUT SHELLEY WAS A DUDE, HUH? 270 00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:31,979 - YEP. 271 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,314 GOT CATFISHED ON A FISHING SITE. 272 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,382 - [laughs] 273 00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:37,551 - I AIN'T JUDGING NOBODY. 274 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:40,654 - OH, BRIAN AND GABBY ARE HERE. 275 00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:41,655 - OH, GOOD. 276 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:42,690 GOOD. 277 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:43,891 THAT GABBY. 278 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,593 WHAT A SMILE, RIGHT? - YEAH. 279 00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:48,328 - SURE LIGHTS UP A ROOM OR A BACKYARD. 280 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,530 LIGHTS UP A WHOLE BACKYARD. 281 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:53,533 [upbeat music] 282 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,335 * 283 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,537 - HONEY, YOU MIGHT WANT TO START WITH A SMALLER CUP. 284 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,240 - I'M FINE, YOU GUYS. 285 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,474 UH-HUH. 286 00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:04,377 - DAMN. 287 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:07,180 - SOMEBODY'S DANCING WITH THE HURRICANE. 288 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,348 - HEY, VOO. 289 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,349 - WHERE'S DOUG? 290 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,350 - WE BROKE UP. 291 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,719 HEY, GABBY. 292 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,220 THAT'S A CUTE TOP. 293 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,421 I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN YOU 294 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:15,555 OUT OF YOUR NURSE'S UNIFORM. 295 00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:16,590 YOU LOOK GOOD. 296 00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,263 THESE ARE AWESOME. 297 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,198 YOU SHOULD GO GET SOME. 298 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,267 MAYBE SHARE ONE. 299 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,874 - HANK, I NEED YOUR HELP. 300 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,275 - WITH WHAT? 301 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,044 - I NEED YOU TO TELL ME SOMETHING. 302 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,545 - OKAY. 303 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,881 - DO YOU THINK MY SON CARTER IS A GAY? 304 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,215 - HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT, BRIDGET? 305 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,651 - JUST LISTEN. 306 00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,385 HE'S IN THE HIGH SCHOOL THEATER PROGRAM. 307 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,088 HE DOESN'T LIKE SPORTS. HE HAS A HIGH-PITCHED LAUGH. 308 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,422 I THINK HE'S GAY, 309 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,291 BUT I WANTED A PROFESSIONAL OPINION. 310 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,427 - I'M NOT GETTING A GAY VIBE FROM HIM. 311 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,929 I DON'T THINK HE IS. 312 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,065 - STATISTICALLY SPEAKING, HE SHOULD BE. 313 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,668 THEY SAY THAT ONE OUT OF EVERY TEN PEOPLE IS GAY. 314 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,169 NOW, MY OTHER NINE KIDS ARE STRAIGHT, 315 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,804 SO THAT LEAVES JUST CARTER. 316 00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,505 - THAT'S NOT EXACTLY HOW IT WORKS, 317 00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:08,108 AND HAVING STEREOTYPICALLY GAY INTERESTS 318 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,076 DOESN'T MAKE HIM GAY. 319 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,310 - CAN YOU BE A DEAR 320 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,945 AND INVESTIGATE FOR ME? 321 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,313 - YOU KNOW, YOU COULD JUST ASK HIM YOURSELF, 322 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,082 CONSIDERING HE IS YOUR SON AND ALL. 323 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,685 - I'VE TOLD CARTER IT'S OKAY IF HE'S GAY. 324 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:19,119 THE NEW PRIEST AT OUR CHURCH 325 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:20,487 IS ACCEPTING OF ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES. 326 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,189 - UH-HUH. 327 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,957 - MY FRIEND MAURA'S SON CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET 328 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,326 AND GOT A STANDING OVATION AT THE 10:30 MASS, 329 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,328 AND THAT IS THE MASS. 330 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,797 OH, IF ONLY HE COULD COME OUT THEN. 331 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,331 BUT LISTEN TO ME GO ON AND ON. 332 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:32,632 THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME. 333 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,201 IT COULD BE ANY MASS. 334 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,369 CHRISTMAS EVE WOULD BE A CROWD-PLEASER. 335 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,038 COULD YOU JUST TALK TO HIM? 336 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,140 - OKAY, I'LL LOOK INTO IT FOR YOU. 337 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,641 - THANK YOU. - MM-HMM. 338 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:42,676 YEAH. 339 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:43,977 DAMN SHAME. 340 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,647 - HOW CAN YOU FIND ONE POSSIBLE FLAW 341 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:49,182 WITH THIS MAGNIFICENT MACHINE? 342 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,483 - ITS EXISTENCE IS ITS FLAW. 343 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:51,651 IT'S A GAS GRILL. 344 00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:52,886 IT SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN. 345 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,487 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH A GAS GRILL? 346 00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:55,989 - YOU GET NO CHAR. THE CHAR IS WHERE THE FLAVOR IS. 347 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,958 YOU NEED TO FLIP THAT ONE. 348 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,293 - DON'T FLIP THAT BURGER. YOU'LL LET THE JUICES OUT. 349 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,029 - HE LET THE JUICES OUT WHEN HE BOUGHT A GAS GRILL. 350 00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,697 - THIS GRILL IS TOP OF THE LINE. 351 00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,498 TELL HIM HOW MUCH IT COST, JOHNNY. 352 00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,234 - BOTH OF YOU LET IT DROP. - LOOK, WHAT DOES IT MATTER? 353 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,169 I MEAN, A GRILL IS A GRILL, AS LONG AS IT USES CHARCOAL. 354 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,071 - THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I EVER HEARD. 355 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,006 THIS BABY HAS FOUR DIFFERENT COOKING ZONES 356 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,709 INCLUDING ROTISSERIE AND A SEARING BURNER. 357 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,410 THAT'S A VERY EXPENSIVE GRILL. 358 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:18,378 - I KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS. 359 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,813 I SAW IT IN THE CATALOG 360 00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,581 NEXT TO THE SELF-ROTATING WINE RACK 361 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,151 IN THE EXPENSIVE, USELESS SH-- SECTION. 362 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,685 YOU SHOULD'VE JUST BOUGHT A CHEAPER GRILL 363 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:26,686 AND COOKED THE MONEY. 364 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,055 - BOTH OF YOU SHUT IT 365 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,724 AND TRY A BURGER. 366 00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:33,927 I GUARANTEE YOU YOU'RE NOT GONNA MISS ANY CHAR IN THIS BAD BOY. 367 00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:36,429 - MMM, THIS BURGER IS PERFECTION, SON. 368 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,565 JERRY, TELL ME THAT'S NOT A JUICY BURGER. 369 00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:42,035 - HEY, JERR, I GOT THE BURGERS YOU ASKED FOR, BROTHER. 370 00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:43,771 - BILLY CEPEDA TO THE RESCUE! 371 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,873 - ALWAYS. - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? 372 00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,174 - HEY. - WHAT'S UP, Y'ALL? 373 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,508 - HEY. 374 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,010 - WHERE SHOULD I PUT MY PASTELON? 375 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,011 - YOUR WHAT? 376 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,079 - MY PASTELON. 377 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,546 I LEARNED TO MAKE IT 378 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:54,748 WHEN I WENT TO PUERTO RICO WITH BILLY. 379 00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:56,049 - YEAH, IT'S DELICIOUS. 380 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:57,017 THIS THING'S GOT BEEF. 381 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,351 IT'S GOT CHEESE. 382 00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,386 IT'S GOT PLANTAINS. 383 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:00,287 - OH, I HAD THAT ONCE. 384 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,454 IT'S GOOD. 385 00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:02,890 BANANA LASAGNA. - [chuckles] 386 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,892 - THE THING ABOUT PUERTO RICAN CUISINE 387 00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:05,893 WHICH I LOVE IS THAT IT'S HEARTY, HEALTHY, 388 00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,560 AND IT TASTES GOOD. 389 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,529 IT'S NOT EMPTY CALORIES, LIKE AMERICAN FOOD. 390 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,730 - DID YOU MAKE THAT YOURSELF, SWEETHEART? 391 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,532 - I BASICALLY DID. 392 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,902 I WAS IN THE KITCHEN WITH BILLY'S MOM AND EBOLA. 393 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,804 - OH, THERE'S EBOLA IN THAT. 394 00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:19,039 - EBOLA IS SPANISH FOR "GRANDMOTHER," THERESA. 395 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,107 GOD. 396 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:22,275 LEARN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE. 397 00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:24,611 I MEAN, IT'S GOOD TO KNOW ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S CULTURES TOO. 398 00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:26,279 - IT'S ACTUALLY PRONOUNCED ABUELA, BABE. 399 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,581 - EBOLA IS A DISEASE, MAEVE. 400 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,918 - EXCUSE ME, THERESA. I'VE BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY. 401 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,721 I'M SORRY I'M NOT UP TO DATE ON THE NEW AMERICAN DISEASES. 402 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,589 - CAN YOU JUST PUT IT ON THE TABLE, PLEASE? 403 00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:38,058 - CAN I HAVE A SERVING SPOON, THERESA? 404 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,759 - YOU KNOW WHERE THE SPOONS ARE, MAEVE. 405 00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,761 - I DO, BUT I'M A GUEST. 406 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:42,729 - [inhales deeply] 407 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,797 FINE. 408 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,498 - AMERICANS. 409 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:46,633 - HEY, Y'ALL GOT TO TRY SOME OF THIS PASTELON. 410 00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:47,968 IT'S AMAZING. 411 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,937 - WE WILL, BILLY. - ALL RIGHT. 412 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,672 - I TEXTED BILLY AS SOON AS I SMELLED THE POISONOUS GASES 413 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,741 EMANATING FROM THIS OVERPRICED MONSTROSITY. 414 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,476 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS SH--? 415 00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:58,445 - [laughs] 416 00:12:58,478 --> 00:12:59,446 MMM. 417 00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:02,515 SO GOOD. 418 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,484 YOU SMELL THAT CHAR? - I DON'T NEED CHAR. 419 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,019 SEE THE JUICES COMING OUT OF THIS? 420 00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,354 - YOU TEXTED BILLY? 421 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,288 - YEAH, HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO TEXT. 422 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:09,322 OH, THE KID IS DYNAMITE. 423 00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:10,657 WE HANG OUT ALL THE TIME. 424 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:11,791 - ONLY BEEN ASKING YOU TO HANG OUT 425 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,626 FOR THREE YEARS OR SO. 426 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:14,794 - WHAT WOULD WE TALK ABOUT? 427 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:15,762 WE GOT NOTHING IN COMMON. 428 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,130 - YEAH, KID. 429 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,631 YOU NEVER PLANTED DRUGS ON A SUSPECT. 430 00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,868 - YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS REGRET NOT HAVING A JOB 431 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,502 WHERE I GOT TO SLEEP IN A ROOM 432 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,337 WITH A BUNCH OF OTHER MEN FOUR NIGHTS A WEEK. 433 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,039 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 434 00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,174 I'M NOT GETTING SUCKED INTO THE MIDDLE OF THIS. 435 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,009 I ALMOST DID, BUT I'M NOT. 436 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:32,679 I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME WITH MY GRILL, MAKING BURGERS. 437 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,219 - HEY, KEEP EYES ON VOO. 438 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:40,720 - VOODOO CAN HANDLE HERSELF. 439 00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:41,821 SHE'S GONNA BE FINE. 440 00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,523 - YOU DON'T KNOW MY PUNCH. 441 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,993 ROLLING STONES CAME INTO MY BAR AFTER A SHOW ONE NIGHT, 442 00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:48,161 AND HALFWAY THROUGH HIS THIRD ROUND OF THAT STUFF, 443 00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:51,464 KEITH RICHARDS PISSED HIMSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR. 444 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,400 KEITH RICHARDS. 445 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,568 - I DOUBT IT WAS HIS FIRST TIME. 446 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:57,337 - MAYBE I SHOULD GO TALK TO HER. 447 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:58,671 THINK THAT'D BE OKAY? 448 00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,173 - YEAH, I THINK IT'D BE NICE. 449 00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,674 - SHE USUALLY LISTENS TO ME. 450 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:02,742 - YOUNG PEOPLE, STOP. 451 00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,644 STOP. LISTEN TO ME. 452 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,813 WHEN SOMEONE'S TRYING TO WORK THROUGH THEIR SH--, 453 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,715 LET 'EM WORK THROUGH THEIR SH--. 454 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:11,018 THEN CALL 'EM A CAB IF THEY NEED ONE. 455 00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,719 VOODOO, KEYS. 456 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,557 GRAB THOSE FOR ME, KEVIN. 457 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,427 THANKS. 458 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,539 - MMM. 459 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,275 THIS IS FANTASTIC. 460 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,243 NO WAY YOU MADE IT. 461 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,078 - OF COURSE NOT. 462 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,112 DON'T TELL THERESA. 463 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:42,849 - OKAY, YOU OWE ME. 464 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,952 - HEY, SORRY ABOUT MY MOM. 465 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,719 YEAH, I SAW HER TALKING YOUR EAR OFF BEFORE, 466 00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:48,121 AND I'M PRETTY SURE I CAN GUESS WHAT IT WAS ABOUT. 467 00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:49,923 - YOU CAN, CAN YOU? 468 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:52,125 - YEAH, SHE TELLS EVERYBODY SHE THINKS I'M GAY. 469 00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,793 - [sighs] 470 00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,296 LOOK, IT'S A HARD THING FOR A LOT OF PARENTS 471 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:57,864 TO WRAP THEIR MIND AROUND. 472 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,866 - YEAH, NO, I KNOW. 473 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:00,800 UH... 474 00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,771 CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET? 475 00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:05,738 - SURE. 476 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,243 - I'M NOT GAY. 477 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,579 - OKAY. 478 00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:13,880 WHY IS THAT A SECRET? 479 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,083 - BECAUSE MY MOM THINKING I'M GAY 480 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,885 IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME. 481 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,388 OKAY, I'M THE ONLY HIGH SCHOOL KID I KNOW 482 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,623 WHO'S ALLOWED TO HAVE SLEEPOVERS WITH GIRLS. 483 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:26,426 I BANGED THIS ONE CHICK IN HER OWN BED LAST NIGHT, 484 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,328 AND HER PARENTS WERE HOME. 485 00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:29,963 IT'S OFF THE HOOK. 486 00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:31,798 THEY--THEY BROUGHT US BREAKFAST IN THE MORNING. 487 00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,000 - FOR REAL? - DAMN STRAIGHT. 488 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,101 NO PUN. 489 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,102 SEE, AT FIRST, I WAS PISSED 490 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,669 MY PARENTS THOUGHT I WAS GAY 491 00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,771 BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE SPORTS AND GRILLING 492 00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,107 AND ALL THAT MANLY CRAP. 493 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,608 YOU KNOW WHAT I DO LIKE, THOUGH? 494 00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:42,942 PUSSY. 495 00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,478 - HOLY SH--, YOU'RE A GENIUS. 496 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:46,913 YOU'RE LIKE A STEPHEN HAWKING BRAIN 497 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,415 WITH A WORKING DICK GENIUS. 498 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,849 - APPRECIATE THAT. 499 00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,018 - I'M PROUD OF YOU, MAN. 500 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,352 GENIUS. 501 00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:53,320 MAN. 502 00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,130 - SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO CALL YOU 503 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,097 ONE OF THOSE "YOU-BERS"? 504 00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:06,033 - WHAT THE HELL? 505 00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:09,269 STATS, LOOK AT THESE BRANCHES JUST HANGING OVER INTO THE YARD. 506 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,438 YOUR TREE HAS CROSSED THE LINE! 507 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,605 - IT'S OKAY. 508 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,940 - WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS? 509 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,709 YOU'RE LIKE MRS. RULES-- MS. RULES. 510 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:17,977 - WHAT? NO, I'M NOT. 511 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:18,978 - YEAH. 512 00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:20,847 YEAH, YOU ARE. 513 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,484 DON'T WORRY, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT, MISS RULES. 514 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:25,852 THESE BRANCHES ARE UNACCEPTABLE. 515 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,556 - WHOA, WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 516 00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:33,193 - WHERE YOU FEAR TO TREAD, MR. RULES. 517 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,128 - THAT'S NOT MY NAME. 518 00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:37,064 - OH, MAN. 519 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,531 THAT'S A TASTY BURGER, BRO. 520 00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:40,667 - THANK YOU, BILLY. - MM-HMM. 521 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:43,236 - IT'S JUICY BECAUSE IT'S NOT DRIED OUT FROM THE CHARCOAL. 522 00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:44,404 - DAD. 523 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,005 - YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF IRONIC 524 00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:46,973 THAT A FIREMAN'S AFRAID TO COOK WITH REAL FIRE. 525 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,408 - DAD. 526 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:49,476 - IT'S DIFFERENT FROM BEING A COP. 527 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,378 YOU CAN'T TASER AN UNARMED FIRE. 528 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,413 - THEY ALWAYS LIKE THIS? - YEAH, THEY HATE EACH OTHER. 529 00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:54,481 - NAH, JERR-BEAR DON'T HATE NO ONE. 530 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,083 - JERR-BEAR? 531 00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,584 - HE'S THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO CALL ME THAT. 532 00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:58,585 - OH. 533 00:16:58,618 --> 00:16:59,652 - HEY! 534 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,354 THERE'S NOBODY HERE. 535 00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:02,589 - WHAT THE HELL? 536 00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:03,690 - VOO. 537 00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:04,724 WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE? 538 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:05,692 - THERE'S NOBODY HOME. 539 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,760 I LET MYSELF IN. 540 00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:10,997 THEY GOT SOME REALLY NICE STUFF IN HERE. 541 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,899 [loud crash] 542 00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,504 DOES ANYBODY HAVE GLUE? 543 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,572 A LOT OF GLUE. 544 00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:20,607 - UM... 545 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,674 I'M GONNA GO GET HER. 546 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,177 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 547 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:26,846 - GABBY, IF YOU AND BRIAN EVER BREAK UP 548 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,715 AND HE STARTS CHUGGING HURRICANES, 549 00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:31,184 LET HIM WORK OUT HIS OWN SH--. 550 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:32,552 - OH! 551 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:33,420 WHO MESSED WITH THE HEAT ON THIS BURNER? 552 00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:34,854 - IT WAS TOO LOW. 553 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:35,788 IT'S A GRILL, NOT A TANNING BED. 554 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,257 - THE HEAT WAS PERFECT. 555 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,092 - IT WAS TOO LOW. IT NEEDS MORE HEAT. 556 00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:40,527 WE'RE TRYING TO GET SOME CHAR. 557 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,728 - ALL RIGHT, THAT'S THE LAST TIME 558 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:42,762 YOU SAY "CHAR" TODAY. 559 00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,063 - ALL RIGHT, THESE ARE THE WORDS 560 00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,465 THAT ARE BANNED FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. 561 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:46,466 - CHAR. - CHARCOAL. 562 00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:47,634 - FIRE. - FIREFIGHTER. 563 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:48,568 - COPS, GAS, AND JUICY. GOT IT? 564 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,137 - GOT IT. 565 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,438 HOW ABOUT YOU, JERR-BEAR? - I TOLD YOU. 566 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:52,605 - ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? 567 00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:54,407 KITCHEN'S CLOSED. 568 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,409 THERESA, WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME FOR A HURRICANE? 569 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,245 - I WOULD LOVE THAT. - A STRONG HURRICANE. 570 00:17:58,278 --> 00:17:59,446 - ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? 571 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,148 - CHAR. - YOU WANT SOME CHAR? 572 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,882 WHY DON'T YOU PUT YOUR FAT ASS ON HERE, 573 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,251 AND I'LL CHAR IT UP FOR YOU! 574 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,757 - VOO. 575 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:13,226 VOODOO. 576 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,461 HEY, VOO. 577 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:15,595 WHAT'S GOING ON? - NOTHING. 578 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:16,963 JUST LOOKING FOR A BIG-ASS KNIFE 579 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,098 TO CUT DOWN THAT TREE. 580 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:20,133 - UM... 581 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,234 I THINK YOU MAY HAVE HAD 582 00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,269 TOO MUCH PUNCH. 583 00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,236 YOU HAVE A PUNCH MUSTACHE. 584 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,904 - I KNOW THAT. 585 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,606 - DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW ABOUT MY PUNCHSTACHE? 586 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:27,640 I LOVE MY PUNCHSTACHE. 587 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:28,641 PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME ON IT. 588 00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:30,177 EVERYONE BUT YOU. 589 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,611 - LET'S JUST GO BACK TO THE PARTY, HUH? 590 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:32,679 - YOU THINK THAT'D BE BEST? 591 00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:33,746 - I DO. 592 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,515 - WELL, TOO BAD. 593 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:40,520 BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CONTROL HURRICANE VOODOO. 594 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,022 ALL YOU CAN DO IS RIDE THE WIND. 595 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:45,792 HURRICANE FORCE WIND, CATEGORY AWESOME. 596 00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,494 - VOO, STOP IT. STOP. 597 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:48,595 STOP IT. DON'T. 598 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,330 - HEY, WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? 599 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,532 SHOULDN'T YOU BE WITH GABBIGALE? 600 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:53,800 - I'M HERE BECAUSE YOU SEEM UPSET, 601 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,835 AND I CARE ABOUT YOU. 602 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,541 - I KNOW. 603 00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:03,142 I KNOW YOU DO, BRIAN. 604 00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,512 IT'S JUST--IT'S HARD. 605 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:08,381 - I KNOW, RIGHT? 606 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:09,882 BUT WE'RE GONNA BE GOOD. 607 00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:10,883 - YEAH? 608 00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:12,118 - YEAH. 609 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,486 WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT. 610 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,289 - EVENTUALLY. 611 00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:19,158 BUT FOR NOW... 612 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,627 THERE'S NOBODY HOME, 613 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,296 SO IT'S "JUMP ON THE BED WITH ME" TIME. 614 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,297 - NO. - YEAH. 615 00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:25,832 - VOODOO, COME ON. 616 00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,334 WE ARE TRESPASSING RIGHT NOW. 617 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,535 - HERE, WATCH THIS. 618 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:29,902 KARATE. [grunts] 619 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,138 [thud] 620 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,040 - VOODOO, YOU OKAY? 621 00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,675 - DID THAT LOOK COOL? 622 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:43,082 - SO WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT CARTER? 623 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,751 - I THINK HE'S JUST FIGURING STUFF OUT. 624 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,753 - AHA. THAT'S CODE FOR GAY. 625 00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,087 - I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT, 626 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,055 BUT I DO KNOW YOUR SON IS A GENIUS. 627 00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:50,557 - CARTER? NO. 628 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:51,824 I LOVE THAT BOY, 629 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,226 BUT, BELIEVE ME, HE'S NO GENIUS. 630 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,861 I DON'T THINK HE EVER BROUGHT HOME 631 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:57,096 ANYTHING BETTER THAN A B-MINUS ON A REPORT CARD. 632 00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,566 - TELL HIM NO MORE SLEEPOVERS UNTIL HE GETS STRAIGHT As, 633 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:02,335 I GUARANTEE YOU THOSE GRADES WILL SKYROCKET. 634 00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:03,870 HE'S A GENIUS. 635 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,938 - [laughs] I DIDN'T THINK I WAS DRUNK, 636 00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:07,940 BUT NOW THAT I'M UPSIDE DOWN, WHOO! 637 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,377 HEY. HEY, WHAT'S UP WITH THE GRILL? 638 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:13,212 - OOH, JOHNNY, JOHNNY, GRILL. 639 00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:17,517 [indistinct chatter] 640 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,185 - FINE. - IT'S GONNA BE FINE. 641 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,687 - OH. 642 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,721 - IT'S-- I GOT IT. 643 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:22,622 - IT'S GONNA BE FINE. 644 00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:23,690 - FUEGO! 645 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:24,724 - NO, DON'T. 646 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:29,262 [overlapping shouting] 647 00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:31,097 - CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT. - CALL AN AMBULANCE. 648 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,633 - NOTICE NO ONE SAID, "CALL THE COPS." 649 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:42,775 - [groans] 650 00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:44,043 - YOU CALL THAT A BURN? 651 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,878 THAT'S FIRST DEGREE, AT BEST. 652 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,147 CHECK THIS OUT. 653 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:51,384 THAT'S SECOND DEGREE, BORDERLINE THIRD. 654 00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:53,486 - MAYBE SECOND DEGREE, BUT IT'S TINY. 655 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,722 I'VE SEEN BIGGER SUNBURNS. - MINE'S GOING DOWN MY HAND. 656 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,624 I'M IN SKIN GRAFT TERRITORY HERE. 657 00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,959 - OH, YEAH, THAT'S SOME NICE CHAR YOU GOT THERE, JOHN. 658 00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,127 SEE, THAT'S THE COLOR YOU WANT YOUR CHICKEN. 659 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,062 - NAH, YOU FRY A CHICKEN. 660 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,131 - WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO A PERFECTLY INNOCENT BIRD? 661 00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:07,434 BEER CAN UP ITS ASS OVER WOOD. 662 00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:08,801 - HEY, DOC. 663 00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:10,236 HOW MUCH LONGER WE LOOKING AT HERE? 664 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,938 - UH, I DON'T KNOW. ASK A NURSE. 665 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,340 - BALLPARK. - NURSE. 666 00:21:13,373 --> 00:21:14,407 - OH. 667 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,475 both: DOCTORS. 668 00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,109 - SO ARROGANT. 669 00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:18,511 - THEY THINK THEY'RE FRIGGIN' GODS. 670 00:21:18,545 --> 00:21:20,079 - HALF THE TIME, THEY'RE JUST GUESSING. 671 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,514 - "HALF THE TIME," THAT'S BEING GENEROUS. 672 00:21:21,548 --> 00:21:22,482 - THE TOUGHEST PART OF A DOCTOR'S DAY 673 00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:23,416 IS CHANGING HIS TEE TIME. 674 00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:24,784 - YEAH. 675 00:21:24,817 --> 00:21:26,285 - DECIDING BETWEEN STEAK AND LOBSTER. 676 00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:27,454 - THEY JUST ORDER BOTH. - THEY DO. 677 00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:28,488 - PIGS. 678 00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:29,489 both: BASTARDS.