1 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,240 - BRIAN, I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE GETTING POSITIVE FEEDBACK, 2 00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,675 AND YOU KNOW THAT I HATE GIVING IT, 3 00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,510 SO THIS IS GONNA BE A ONE-TIME THING. 4 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,146 YOU HAVE REALLY BEEN STEPPING UP YOUR GAME LATELY. 5 00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:15,416 - IT DOESN'T MATTER. WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE. 6 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:18,219 - YOU OKAY, BUD? - NOPE, NOT AT ALL. 7 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:19,887 VOODOO STARTED SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. 8 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,055 - REALLY? 9 00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,723 - SOME DUDE NAMED DOUG. 10 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:26,094 SHE MET HIM ON ONE OF THOSE ASEXUAL MESSAGE BOARDS. 11 00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:28,596 - ASEXUAL MESSAGE BOARDS? THAT SHIT EXISTS? 12 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,564 - I MEAN, I KNEW LOGICALLY THAT WE WEREN'T GONNA LAST, 13 00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:32,700 BUT IT JUST--IT STILL HURTS. 14 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,868 THAT VOODOO PUT A SPELL ON ME. 15 00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:36,204 WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING? 16 00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,439 - OH, LEFT FIELD, ALL THE WAY. OHH. 17 00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,174 - NOW I GOT TO CHANGE HER RINGTONE. 18 00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,876 - DUDE, YOU'RE NOT DIVIDING ASSETS IN A DIVORCE. 19 00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,578 YOU CAN KEEP THE RINGTONE. 20 00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,714 - IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, NOTHING'S REALLY CHANGED. 21 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,683 YOU'RE STILL FRIENDS. YOU'RE STILL NOT HAVING SEX. 22 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:53,020 - YEAH, BUT I'M NOT THE PERSON SHE'S NOT HAVING SEX WITH. 23 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:57,625 SHE'S OUT THERE NOT HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE. 24 00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:00,794 NOT NOT ME, NOT HIM. 25 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,396 - BRIAN, YOU'VE REALLY GOT IT PRETTY GOOD HERE. 26 00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:03,897 - YES. 27 00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:05,566 - I MEAN, THE HARDEST PART ABOUT A BREAKUP 28 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,635 IS IMAGINING YOUR EX GETTING IT ON WITH SOMEONE ELSE. 29 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,104 - YES, IT'S PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY THING YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT. 30 00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:11,305 - YEAH, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT 31 00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:12,873 BECAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER. 32 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,575 - COME ON. YEAH. - SHE'S HAVING SEX WITH NO ONE. 33 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:15,643 - NOBODY! 34 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:18,112 - EVER. - EVER. 35 00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:20,148 - EVERYTHING'S DIFFERENT NOW. 36 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:22,316 I CALLED HER LAST NIGHT TO SEE IF SHE WANTED TO SEE A MOVIE. 37 00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:23,817 SHE HAD ALREADY SEEN IT WITH DOUG. 38 00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:25,453 - [sighs] 39 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,087 - SHE KNOWS THAT NIC CAGE DRAMAS ARE OUR THING. 40 00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:28,122 - YOU'RE RIGHT. 41 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:29,990 THAT IS WAY WORSE THAN IMAGINING 42 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:33,827 THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE SWEATILY ENTANGLED WITH ANOTHER MAN 43 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:37,598 MAKING WET SPOTS ON SILK SHEETS ILLUMINATED BY SEX CANDLES. 44 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,333 - SEX CANDLES? - YEAH, SEX CANDLES. 45 00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:40,568 - IS THAT A--IS THAT A THING? 46 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,136 SHOULD I BE BUYING SEX CANDLES NOW? 47 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,772 - LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME. 48 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,275 YES. [radio static] 49 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,809 - AMBULANCE NEEDED, 274 NORTHWOOD, 50 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,344 REPORTED HEART ATTACK. 51 00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:52,613 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. [siren wails] 52 00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:53,681 - OKAY, GUYS, 53 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,115 WHICH WOULD BOTHER YOU MORE, 54 00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:57,017 IF YOU WALKED IN ON YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER 55 00:01:57,050 --> 00:02:01,289 HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE OR SAW THEM WALKING ON THE BEACH, 56 00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:02,790 HOLDING HANDS, 57 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:06,327 CLEARLY AND DEEPLY IN LOVE? 58 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:07,761 - IS THAT A REAL QUESTION? SEX. 59 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,298 - ALWAYS SEX. 60 00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:11,832 - WELL, GUYS, I'M ON THAT BEACH RIGHT NOW, 61 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:15,135 AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT HURTS. 62 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,971 IT HURTS BAD. 63 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,941 [hip-hop music] 64 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,977 * 65 00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:26,880 [siren wailing] 66 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:30,784 - WHERE'S THE PATIENT, SIR? 67 00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,387 - UM... - AMBULANCE IS THE WINNER! 68 00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,223 - WHOO! YEAH! 69 00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:37,458 [laughter] - CONGRATS, GUYS. 70 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,227 [cheering] 71 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,128 [indistinct chatter] 72 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,464 - WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON? 73 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,234 - SIR? - OH, EVERYTHING'S COOL, CHIEF. 74 00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,302 THERE'S NO PATIENT. - WHY'D YOU CALL US? 75 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,837 - WE HAD A BET TO SEE WHO WOULD GET HERE FIRST, 76 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,339 AN AMBULANCE OR THE PIZZA GUY. 77 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,140 YOU WON. - YES. 78 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,244 - YOU CALLED IN A FAKE EMERGENCY AS PART OF A BET? 79 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,479 - A FAKE MEDICAL EMERGENCY, YES. 80 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:03,183 FAKE PIZZA EMERGENCY, NO, 'CAUSE WE ARE HUNGRY AS SHIT. 81 00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,152 - CONGRATS, BY THE WAY, LAST WEEK THE INDIAN PLACE 82 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,254 BEAT THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, SO-- 83 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:07,888 - KILLER CURRY TOO. - YEAH. 84 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:11,859 - YOU CLOWNS THINK CALLING AN AMBULANCE IS A JOKE? 85 00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:14,828 - NO. NO, NO, OF COURSE NOT, UM... 86 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,764 OFFICERS, OR-- - WE MEAN NO HARM. 87 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:17,731 - WHAT WE DO CAN MEAN THE DIFFERENCE 88 00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,199 BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH. 89 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,168 SHIT LIKE THIS NOT ONLY WASTES OUR TIME, 90 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,870 BUT IT PUTS OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES AT RISK. 91 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,505 IT ALSO HAPPENS TO BE EXTREMELY ILLEGAL. 92 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,840 - DOES ANYONE NOT HAVE AN ATTORNEY IN THE FAMILY? 93 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,076 [laughter] 94 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,211 - NO DISRESPECT, CHIEF. 95 00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,246 - WHAT'S THAT? 96 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:37,084 - 5 HUNDO FOR THE TROUBLE. 97 00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:38,852 - WE DON'T WANT THIS SHIT. 98 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,521 - YES, WE DO. - YEAH, WE DO. 99 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,122 - GET YOURSELF A FLAT SCREEN FOR THE COMMON ROOM. 100 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,190 I INSIST. - YEAH. 101 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,792 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 102 00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,026 - NO, DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON THE MONEY, JOHN. 103 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,395 THE MONEY NEVER HURT ANYONE. 104 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,096 - ESPECIALLY IF IT'S PROPERLY INVESTED. 105 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,764 - I'M GONNA PROPERLY INVEST MY FOOT IN YOUR ASS. 106 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:53,033 - WHOA, SUPER AGGRESSIVE. 107 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,403 - AMBULANCE 14, REPORTED STROKE, 3436 NORTH SHERIDAN. 108 00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,405 - LET IT GO, JOHN. AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. 109 00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:59,106 - YOU HEAR THAT? 110 00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:00,474 LIFE AND DEATH. - LET IT GO. 111 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:03,444 - LIFE AND DEATH, PEOPLE. - [chuckles] 112 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,945 - HAVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE PRICKS ARRESTED. 113 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,780 THIS MONEY IS EVIDENCE. 114 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,982 - YEAH, EVIDENCE WE CAN NOW GET A NEW FLAT-SCREEN TV. 115 00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:12,320 - PIZZA. - YEAH! WHOO! 116 00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,721 - IT'S OKAY, THEY'RE GOOD TIPPERS. 117 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,889 - COME ON, LET'S GO. - ALL RIGHT. 118 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,257 - RICH PEOPLE SUCK. 119 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,826 LIKE MY DAMN LANDLORD, 120 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,461 DUDE'S 26 YEARS OLD, OWNS THE BUILDING, 121 00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:21,895 INHERITED IT FROM GRANDFATHER. 122 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:22,963 HE ONLY LIVES THERE BECAUSE HE THINKS 123 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,264 THE NEIGHBORHOOD'S GONNA HIT. 124 00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:25,232 HE WANTS TO BRAG THAT HE LIVED THERE 125 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,834 WHEN POOR PEOPLE STILL DID. 126 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,002 SIT AROUND ALL DAY NOT DOING ANYTHING, 127 00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,504 TRYING TO RENAME THE NEIGHBORHOOD "NONOWEWE." 128 00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:31,839 - WHAT? 129 00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:32,806 - NORTH OF NORTH, WEST OF WESTERN. 130 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,808 DUDE'S AN IDIOT. 131 00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:36,410 HE'S ONE OF THESE MORONS WHO'S ALWAYS ON A NEW CLEANSE, 132 00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:38,078 WHO DECIDES HE'S ONLY GONNA LISTEN TO JAZZ 133 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,279 ON VINYL RECORDED BY BLACK GUYS IN PARIS. 134 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,781 I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN THE GUY. 135 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,650 TELL ME HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE FACES 136 00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,785 YOU JUST WANT TO BOUNCE OFF THE HOOD OF YOUR CAR, YOU KNOW? 137 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:45,986 [laughs] 138 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:46,987 YOU KNOW? 139 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,292 NO. 140 00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,462 - WHAT? 141 00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,029 - NO. 142 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:58,866 - WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? 143 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,868 - OH, YOU'RE BONING MY LANDLORD. - I AM. 144 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,770 - OH, NO. 145 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,138 NO. SERIOUSLY? 146 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,341 DUDE, YOU WEREN'T GONNA SAY ANYTHING TO ME? 147 00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,642 - NO, BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA BE 148 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,310 A TOTAL DICK ABOUT IT. 149 00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:12,312 BESIDES, YOU GOT THIS IRRATIONAL HATRED OF RICH GUYS. 150 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,147 - NOT ALL RICH GUYS, JUST RICH WHITE GUYS. 151 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,283 - OH, SEE, THAT'S RACIST. - WHAT? HOW? 152 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,818 - YOU SHOULD HATE RICH BLACK PEOPLE 153 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,387 JUST AS MUCH AS YOU HATE RICH WHITE PEOPLE. 154 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,288 - I'M TALKING ABOUT THE SMUG ASSHOLES 155 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,990 WHO HAVE HAD EVERYTHING HANDED TO THEM IN LIFE. 156 00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,492 - OH, SO NOW THERE ARE NO SMUG BLACK PEOPLE 157 00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,193 WHO DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK HARD FOR IT? 158 00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,461 - MAYBE THERE ARE. THEY'RE JUST NOT AS ANNOYING. 159 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:28,696 - JADEN SMITH. - ONE GUY. 160 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,564 - WILLOW SMITH. - OKAY, TWO. 161 00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:32,500 BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M THE ONE PUTTING THIS OUT THERE, 162 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:35,403 BUT WHAT ABOUT 200 YEARS OF SLAVERY, MAN? 163 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,670 DOESN'T THAT BUY YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING? 164 00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:38,639 - IT WAS 400, 165 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,974 AND THAT SHOULDN'T PREVENT ME FROM HATING JADEN SMITH. 166 00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,743 LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING THAT OBAMA'S KIDS ARE A PROBLEM, 167 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,044 'CAUSE THEY SEEM REALLY COOL, 168 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,513 BUT YOU KNOW SOMEWHERE DOWN THE LINE, 169 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,347 EITHER THEIR KIDS OR THEIR KIDS' KIDS 170 00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,483 WHO ARE ALL GONNA BE RICH, SOMEWHERE IN THERE, 171 00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:52,853 ONE OF THEM, PRESTON OBAMA, IS GONNA BE A TOTAL DICK, 172 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,488 AND I WANT THE FREEDOM TO HATE THE LIVING SHIT 173 00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,656 OUT OF HIM. 174 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,257 - PRESTON OBAMA. 175 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,258 - HE DOES KIND OF SOUND LIKE KIND OF A JERK. 176 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,260 - MM-HMM. 177 00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,195 - HANK, I'M PUTTING AN ORIGINAL PAIR OF JORDAN 3s ON ETSY 178 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,897 TOMORROW, WHOLESALE. 179 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,065 IF YOU WANT THEM, LET ME KNOW, 'CAUSE ONCE THEY 180 00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,867 GO LIVE, SAYONARA. 181 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,035 - OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HANK ANYMORE, 182 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,737 'CAUSE HE'S DATING A RICH GUY. 183 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,505 HE CAN GET JORDAN 3s ANYTIME HIS PRETTY LITTLE HEAD 184 00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,273 WANTS A PAIR. 185 00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,543 - I AM SEEING SOMEONE WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE SOME MONEY, 186 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:16,944 AND APPARENTLY THAT'S A CRIME IN THE EYES 187 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,045 OF A CRAZY PERSON WE KNOW. 188 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,413 - YOU GOT A SUGAR DADDY? 189 00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:23,517 - NO, DUDE'S WAY YOUNGER THAN HANK, 190 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,118 MORE OF A SUGAR BABY. - MM-HMM. 191 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,554 BABY, BABY, BABY. YOU CRAZY. 192 00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,255 - YEAH, WELL, HOW OLD IS HE? 193 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,757 - HE'S NOT WAY YOUNGER THAN ME. - WAY YOUNGER. 194 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,058 - SHUT UP. 195 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,894 - HEY, BRIAN, WAIT A SEC. 196 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,063 UM, I HEARD ABOUT YOU AND VOODOO. 197 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,098 - YEAH. 198 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,901 - IF I'M BEING COMPLETELY HONEST, I THINK IT'S GREAT. 199 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,203 - YOUR GLASS IS ALWAYS HALF FULL, HUH? 200 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,972 I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT. 201 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,139 - ASK ME ON A DATE. 202 00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:47,975 I'LL SHOW YOU. - A DATE? 203 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,710 - YEAH. I THINK IT'D BE FUN. 204 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,378 - THANKS, GABBY, BUT I JUST-- 205 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,780 I JUST DON'T THINK I'D BE AT MY BEST. 206 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,548 I'M KIND OF IN A MOURNING PHASE. 207 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,717 RULE OF THUMB IS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MOURN ONE WEEK 208 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,218 FOR EVERY MONTH YOU WERE TOGETHER, 209 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,888 WHICH BY MY MATH PUTS ME AT 12 DAYS. 210 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,924 IT'S MORE THAN THE SUGGESTED AMOUNT, BUT I KNOW MY BODY. 211 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,559 - WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD LET SOMEONE ELSE GET 212 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:08,161 TO KNOW YOUR BODY. 213 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:11,131 - WAIT, I'M--I'M NOT SURE WHAT I HIGH-FIVED RIGHT THERE. 214 00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,600 I'M JUST THAT KIND OF GUY. I SEE A HIGH FIVE, 215 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:13,834 AND I TAKE IT. - [laughs] 216 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,402 THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU. 217 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,938 SEE YOU IN 12 DAYS. 218 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:18,939 - WHOA. 219 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,941 - YUP. 220 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:23,877 - [whispers] WOW. 221 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:32,820 [indistinct chatter] 222 00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,755 - OH, HEY. both: HEY. 223 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:38,025 - HEY. HEY. 224 00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,027 - CRAZY, HUH? - MM. 225 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,695 - YEAH, CRAZY. - [sighs] 226 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:44,765 - SO CRAZY. - [chuckles] 227 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,600 - HUH. 228 00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,536 - WELL... - SO... 229 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,203 - HEY, WELL, WE GOT A BUNCH OF CHINESE FOOD 230 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,005 IF YOU WANT TO COME ON UP AND HAVE SOME. 231 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,141 - OH, I CAN'T. 232 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,175 I'M ON A CLEANSE. 233 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,645 - COURSE YOU ARE. 234 00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:00,313 [Johnny and Theresa chuckle] 235 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:01,549 ALL RIGHT, WE'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER. 236 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,517 - OKAY. - YES, YOU WILL. 237 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:07,120 - OH, HEY, UH, I WAS THINKING ABOUT GETTING SOME CHICKENS. 238 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:08,522 - HMM? THE BIRD? 239 00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:10,290 - YEAH, IN THE BACKYARD. 240 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,059 - YEAH, IN THE--OH. 241 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:15,028 - HOW GREAT WOULD IT BE TO HAVE FRESH EGGS EVERY DAY? 242 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,130 - SO GREAT. - SO GREAT, RIGHT? 243 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,999 - SO GREAT. - [chuckles] 244 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,537 [distant thuds] 245 00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:26,006 - THAT WAS THE KITCHEN. - [sighs] 246 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,141 JUST IGNORE IT. HE KNOWS WE CAN HEAR HIM. 247 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,811 - HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO IGNORE 420 POUNDS OF MAN BEEF 248 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,079 GOING AT EACH OTHER? 249 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:35,716 [creaking] 250 00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,317 - NOW, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 251 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,318 I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT'S THE FIREPLACE. 252 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,087 - [laughs] 253 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,188 - RAN OUT OF REAL ESTATE, DIDN'T YOU, BUDDY? 254 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,823 - OH, BE HAPPY FOR HIM. 255 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,692 - HANK IS JUST A FLAVOR OF THE WEEK FOR THIS GUY, 256 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,026 LIKE INDONESIAN SHALLOTS 257 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:47,494 AND THAT WEIRD BRAZILIAN DANCE-FIGHTING 258 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,329 HE WAS INTO LAST WEEK, AND NOW CHICKENS? 259 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,898 I MEAN, THIS GUY JUST TAKES ONE BITE OUT OF EVERYTHING. 260 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,399 HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIS TRASH? 261 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,433 - YOU LOOKED THROUGH THIS GUY'S TRASH? 262 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:54,735 - NO, I CAME UPON HIS TRASH. 263 00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,570 - MM-HMM. - HE LEFT THE LID OFF. 264 00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:57,705 PROBABLY BECAUSE HE EXPECTED SOMEONE TO CLOSE IT FOR HIM. 265 00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,740 - DID YOU? - YEAH. 266 00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:00,674 YEAH, I DID, 'CAUSE THIS CITY HAS A TERRIBLE RAT PROBLEM. 267 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,175 - OH. 268 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,076 - SOMETHING HE WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND 269 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,177 IN HIS IVORY SEX CASTLE. 270 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,613 [knock on door] - [laughs] 271 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,749 - WHEW. I NEED THE GATORADE. 272 00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,350 - JESUS. - OH. 273 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,720 [whistling] WAS IT AS FUN AS IT SOUNDED? 274 00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:14,387 - I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 275 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,889 - YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF, YOU REALIZE THAT? 276 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:17,891 - [laughs] 277 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,359 WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR WRIST? 278 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,461 - OH, IT'S A TAG HEUER AQUARACER 5. 279 00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:22,963 - OH. - UNBELIEVABLE. 280 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,364 - MM, IT REALLY IS. 281 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,266 STAINLESS STEEL, SWISS QUARTZ MOVEMENT, 282 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,468 WATER RESISTANT UP TO 300 METERS. 283 00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,738 - YOU DON'T SWIM. - I BATHE. 284 00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,439 AND HE'S GOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, DEEP, STONE TUB. 285 00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:34,407 I ALMOST DROWNED. 286 00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,043 - YOU KNOW, THERE'S A NAME FOR WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 287 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,377 YOU'RE BEING A GOLD DIGGER. 288 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,746 - TECHNICALLY, I DID NOT DIG FOR THIS, 289 00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,580 AND IT'S STAINLESS STEEL. 290 00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:42,582 BESIDES, I'D RATHER BE A GOLD DIGGER THAN A RACIST. 291 00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:44,217 - OH, OH, HERE WE GO. 292 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,086 - WHO'S A RACIST? - YOUR BOYFRIEND. 293 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,588 HE HATES RICH WHITE PEOPLE MORE THAN HE HATES RICH BLACK PEOPLE. 294 00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:50,223 - THAT'S NOT RACIST. - IT'S KIND OF RACIST, BABE. 295 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,759 - [chuckles] 296 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:54,828 - HEY, HANK, NICK IS ONE OF THE NICEST GUYS 297 00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:57,597 THAT I HAVE MET SINCE WE MOVED INTO NONOWEWE. 298 00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:58,999 - DON'T CALL IT THAT. 299 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,600 - THANK YOU. ROUND TWO. 300 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,469 - OH. - HAVE FUN. 301 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,107 - HEY, EVERYBODY. - HEY, BUDDY. 302 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,508 - HEY. - WHAT'S UP, MAN? 303 00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:09,777 - NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT ABOUT ME? 304 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,111 SOMETHING IN THIS REGION? 305 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,445 - UM... 306 00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:16,183 - DOES THIS GET YOU THERE? 307 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,618 HEALED. MY 12 DAYS OF MOURNING ARE UP, 308 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:21,121 AND THE OLD BRIAN IS BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER. 309 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,656 - YOO! DRINKS ON BRI. 310 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,291 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 311 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,694 YES, I'M PUTTING DOWN THE DISCOVER CARD. 312 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:29,830 - WELL, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THE OLD BRIAN WAS BACK, HUH? 313 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,331 - [laughing] 314 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,101 I'M READY TO LAUGH AGAIN. 315 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,268 VOODOO AND DOUG AREN'T HERE YET, HUH? 316 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,137 - NO. - WHY? 317 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,339 - I GOT A HANDSHAKE FOR THAT GUY THAT'S LONG OVERDUE. 318 00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,809 - HEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE FOR ME, BRO. 319 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:42,943 I WANT THE REAL STUFF. 320 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,012 I THRIVE ON IT. 321 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:48,048 - VOODOO WILL ALWAYS HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART, 322 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,616 BUT I'M READY TO BE HAPPY FOR HER. 323 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,218 I EVEN RETIRED HER OLD RINGTONE. 324 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,987 DO YOU WANT TO HEAR THE NEW ONE? - MM-HMM. 325 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:57,825 - [scatting] * FRIENDS 326 00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,492 - IS THAT MILES DAVIS? 327 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,128 - NO, IT'S ME. 328 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,295 I CAN'T WAIT TO PLAY IT FOR HER. 329 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,363 - HEY, EVERYBODY. 330 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,632 all: HEY. 331 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,400 - THIS IS DOUG. - HI, EVERYONE. 332 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:08,568 I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU. 333 00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:09,837 - OKAY. 334 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,404 - WHERE'S BRIAN? 335 00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,240 - UH, I THINK HE FREAKED OUT A LITTLE BIT 336 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,575 AND IS PROBABLY HYPERVENTILATING OVER BY THE BAR. 337 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:16,710 I'LL CHECK ON HIM IN A SECOND. 338 00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:18,611 - I'VE GOT THIS ONE, BRO. 339 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:24,651 - [breathing heavily] 340 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:28,221 - YO, DEEP BREATH, MAN, DEEP BREATH. 341 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,557 - MY--MY CHEST, IT'S SO TIGHT. 342 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,025 - I KNOW, I'VE BEEN THERE, MAN. 343 00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:34,561 I'VE BEEN THERE. WELL, NOT THERE, THERE. 344 00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:36,997 THAT DUDE NEVER TOOK MY GIRL. I GUESS IN THE SITUATION 345 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,899 I'M TALKING ABOUT I WAS A LITTLE BIT MORE OF THE DOUG, 346 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:40,768 BUT, MAN, I'M TELLING YOU, BRO. 347 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:44,104 THE BRIAN IN THAT SCENARIO WAS SAD. 348 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:48,008 THAT DUDE LEFT ME SOME SAD MESSAGES, OKAY? 349 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,910 I GOT TO PLAY THEM FOR YOU SOMETIME. 350 00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:53,413 THEY'RE BANANAS, YO. - THANKS, BUDDY. 351 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:56,049 - WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO, WHEREVER YOU WANT TO GO, 352 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:57,751 THAT'S WHAT WE GONNA DO. 353 00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,787 THAT'S WHERE WE GONNA GO. - OKAY. 354 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:05,192 [applause] 355 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,228 MAGIC IS THE ONE THING THAT LETS ME FORGET ALL MY PROBLEMS. 356 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,630 - SO WHAT? IT, LIKE, MAKES THEM DISAPPEAR? 357 00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:12,565 [laughing] 358 00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,401 - AND THAT, MY FRIEND, IS THE GREATEST TRICK OF THEM ALL. 359 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,236 - SHH. 360 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,571 - SORRY, BRO. 361 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:19,973 OH, MY GOD, A BUNNY. 362 00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:22,976 I LOVE LITTLE BUNNIES. 363 00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:24,812 THIS WIZARD IS AWESOME. 364 00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,980 - HE GOES BY XANDER THE OUTLANDER, 365 00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:28,715 BUT HIS REAL NAME IS ROSS. 366 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,750 HE EMPLOYS A CLASSICAL TECHNIQUE 367 00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:33,620 CLEARLY INFLUENCED BY COPPERFIELD, WHO HIMSELF 368 00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,588 WAS JUST A WATERED-DOWN VERSION OF THE TRUE GREATS. 369 00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:36,824 - SHH. 370 00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,992 YOU'RE RUINING THE SHOW. 371 00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,330 - I'M MORE OF A RICKY JAY 372 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,632 OR AMAZING JOHNATHAN GUY MYSELF. 373 00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:48,468 THOSE GUYS USE STORYTELLING AS PART OF THE ACT, 374 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,738 WHICH I THINK EXPONENTIALLY BOOSTS THE ELEMENT OF WONDER. 375 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,606 - I WONDER IF YOU'RE EVER GONNA SHUT UP. 376 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,909 - MAN, COME ON. 377 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,644 MY BOY HERE'S HAVING A PRETTY ROUGH DAY, 378 00:12:57,677 --> 00:13:00,013 SO MAYBE YOU CAN JUST CALM DOWN A LITTLE BIT, OKAY? 379 00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,581 - IT'S OKAY, BILLY. I'M FEELING BETTER. 380 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:02,983 WE SHOULD PROBABLY HEAD OUT, HUH? 381 00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:04,184 - NO WAY, MAN, YOU'RE CRAZY. 382 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,919 AND MISS THE FINALE? MM-MM. 383 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,487 THIS DUDE'S COOKING UP SOMETHING DELICIOUS. 384 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:08,655 - I'M GETTING SECURITY. 385 00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,523 - THAT--THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY. 386 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:11,591 - AND NOW IF I COULD HAVE A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE? 387 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,426 - LET'S GO. 388 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,928 - HERE IS OUR BRAVE VOLUNTEER. 389 00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:16,129 - OH, SHIT! 390 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:29,109 - WHAT'S UP, NICK? 391 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,678 - HANK DUMPED ME. 392 00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:33,646 - SERIOUSLY? 393 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,149 - ONE MINUTE, EVERYTHING IS GOING GREAT, AND THE NEXT, 394 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:40,153 HE SAYS THE RELATIONSHIP HAS RUN ITS COURSE. 395 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,956 - OH, THAT'S ROUGH. 396 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,292 BUT DUDES, RIGHT? [chuckles] 397 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,060 THAT'S WHAT WE DO. 398 00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:50,530 - YOU GOT TO HELP ME, JOHNNY. - [sighs] 399 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,032 IS THAT A PITCHER OF MARGARITAS? 400 00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:53,066 - IT'S CAIPIRINHAS. 401 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,667 I CAME INTO SOME MINT. 402 00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,069 LISTEN, MAYBE IF YOU TALK TO HANK FOR ME-- 403 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,304 - I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA. 404 00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,239 - TELL HIM HOW MUCH I NEED HIM. 405 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:00,874 - THAT'S VERY AWKWARD FOR ME. - HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO ME. 406 00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,642 - I CAN'T EMPHASIZE THE AWKWARDNESS ENOUGH. 407 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,178 - I'LL COVER YOUR RENT. - WHAT'S THAT? 408 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:10,350 - IF YOU TALK TO HANK FOR ME, I GOT YOUR RENT THIS MONTH. 409 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,685 - I CAN'T DO THAT. 410 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,154 HEY, HEY, HEY. 411 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:18,225 HEY, UM... 412 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:21,161 YOU'RE--YOU'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HANK ST. CLARE. 413 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,063 NO, YOU ARE. 414 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,531 - YOU THINK? - YEAH. 415 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,166 YOU'RE THE REAL CATCH HERE, RIGHT? 416 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,935 - I DON'T KNOW. - YEAH, YOU ARE. 417 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,869 YOU'RE YOUNG AND HANDSOME, 418 00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:32,172 AND YOU GOT... 419 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:35,775 EQUITY AND SHIT. 420 00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,444 YOU'LL SEE. - DON'T GO! 421 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,412 - OKAY. 422 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,017 - PLEASE? 423 00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:45,919 - RENT AND HBO? 424 00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:49,022 - AND SHOWTIME. 425 00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,023 - NONOWEWE? 426 00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,925 - NONOWEWE. 427 00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:57,397 - NONOWEWE. 428 00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,068 - IF YOU WOULD? 429 00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,807 YOU NEED TO BE VERY, VERY STILL. YOU GOT IT? 430 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,242 - OH, I KNOW THE DRILL. - YOU SURE? 431 00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,944 - ROSS, I CAME HERE ON MY 23RD BIRTHDAY. 432 00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,312 WE DID THIS EXACT TRICK. 433 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,981 IT KILLED, BY THE WAY, STANDING O. 434 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,682 I'M FINE. 435 00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,623 - STEEL... 436 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:27,460 DOES NOT CARE IF YOU ARE MAN... 437 00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,299 [audience gasps] 438 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,067 OR WOMAN. 439 00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,003 IT RESPECTS... 440 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,842 ONLY STEEL. 441 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,578 - [scats] 442 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,480 * FRIENDS 443 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,485 - ITS ONLY SUSTENANCE... 444 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:59,359 - NO WAY. 445 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,428 - FLESH. 446 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,031 - OW! - OOH. 447 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,137 - HOW YOU HOLDING UP, HOUDINI? 448 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,671 - HEY, GABBY. 449 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,673 YOU HEARD, HUH? 450 00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,275 YEAH, IT'S PRETTY EMBARRASSING. 451 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,643 - WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU WENT 452 00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,345 TO THAT MAGIC SHOW WITH ME. 453 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,113 I'D NEVER LET ANYONE HURT YOU. 454 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,149 AND IF THEY DID, I'D MAKE THEM PAY. 455 00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,217 - [chuckles] I BELIEVE YOU. 456 00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:27,187 - SO YOU GONNA BE ALL RIGHT? 457 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,788 - YEAH, YEAH. 458 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,390 IT'S A--IT'S JUST A BIG SCRATCH. 459 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,059 - [laughs] I CAN READ A CHART. 460 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:34,127 I MEANT WITH YOUR MOURNING PERIOD. 461 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:37,230 STILL ON IT? - OH, THAT. 462 00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,232 IT--YEAH, IT'S TECHNICALLY OVER, 463 00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:43,070 BUT I HAD A BIT OF A SETBACK. 464 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:46,639 SO THE TRUTH IS, I'M NOT SURE WHEN I'LL BE READY. 465 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,908 - FAIR ENOUGH. 466 00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,910 WELL, LET'S GET YOU CHECKED OUT. 467 00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:57,917 YOU CAN FEEL THAT, RIGHT? - YEAH. 468 00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,353 YEAH, I CAN--I CAN FEEL THAT. 469 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,755 - OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS? 470 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,891 ANY PAIN? 471 00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,693 - [sighs] 472 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:10,497 THERE'S A-- THERE'S A LITTLE TWINGE THERE. 473 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:14,101 - OKAY, YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO STRETCH IT OUT LIKE THIS. 474 00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:31,951 - OH, OKAY. AH. 475 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,286 - OH! - NOPE, NO, ROLL WITH IT. 476 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,722 IT'S FINE. GO AHEAD... - OKAY. 477 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,424 - NOBODY'S GONNA WALK IN, RIGHT? 478 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:40,560 - MM, MAYBE. - OKAY. 479 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:41,928 - GABBY THE NURSE? - GABBY THE NURSE? 480 00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:44,231 - OH! COME ON, HOW'D IT GO DOWN? 481 00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,632 - DEETS, DEETS, SPILL. 482 00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,600 - A GENTLEMAN DOES NOT KISS AND TELL, 483 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,736 BUT KNOW THAT IT WAS NICE. 484 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,438 - OH. - OOH, NICE. 485 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:52,805 COME ON. - NICE. 486 00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:54,107 YOU GONNA SEE THIS NICE GIRL AGAIN? 487 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:55,242 - I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. 488 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:56,743 WE'RE TAKING IT SLOW. 489 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,611 UH, FAST BUT SLOW. - YEAH. 490 00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,313 - I'M HOLDING OFF ON GIVING HER A RINGTONE THOUGH. 491 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:01,914 [laughter] 492 00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:05,318 - A RINGTONE. 493 00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,620 DOES NICK HAVE A RINGTONE? - OH, SURE DOES. 494 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:08,921 SAME ONE I GIVE ALL MY EXES: 495 00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,424 DO NOT ANSWER. - OH. 496 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:13,092 - AMBULANCE NEEDED, AMALFI MOTORS, CLARK AND WRIGHTWOOD. 497 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,162 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. 498 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,497 - BUT IT'S--IT'S NOT, LIKE, OVER, OVER, IS IT? 499 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,432 - OH, IT IS. - WHY? 500 00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:20,900 - FIRST OF ALL, HE WOULDN'T BUY GATORADE. 501 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,336 SECONDLY, NONOWEWE? COME ON. 502 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,272 I MEAN, HE WAS RICH AND GOOD-LOOKING, 503 00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:27,807 BUT HE TALKED ABOUT SUCH DUMB SHIT. 504 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,510 I STARTED TO DREAD EVERY TIME HE OPENED HIS MOUTH. 505 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:33,680 WELL, NOT EVERY TIME HE OPENED HIS MOUTH. 506 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:36,583 - BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN HE-- - YUP. 507 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,084 - WHAT--IT'S A REFERENCE TO-- - YUP, YUP, YUP, YUP, YUP. 508 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,018 - YOU KNOW. 509 00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:45,292 - PROTOCOL SAYS WE SHOULD TAKE YOU IN, 510 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,859 BUT WE CAN'T FORCE YOU. 511 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:47,827 - YOU KNOW, I'M FEELING ALL RIGHT, GUYS, 512 00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,095 AND I'M SHORTHANDED TODAY, 513 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,029 AND I GOT SOME HIGH-END CUSTOMERS 514 00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,698 THAT CAN BE REAL ASSHOLES. 515 00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,132 - YOU HAVE TO SIGN A WAIVER. - THAT'S FINE. 516 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,601 - BRIAN? 517 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,537 - THIS WAY, SIR. 518 00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:00,607 - HEY, YOU KNOW, UM, 519 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,041 I WAS THINKING, 520 00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:05,111 NICK'S ACTUALLY NOT A-- NOT A BAD DUDE. 521 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,347 I MEAN, HE'S GOT SUCH AN ADVENTUROUS SPIRIT. 522 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:10,049 - HOW MUCH IS HE PAYING YOU? - WHAT? 523 00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:11,784 - HOW MUCH MONEY IS HE PAYING YOU? 524 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:12,852 - NOTHING. 525 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:15,388 - HOW MUCH, JOHN? 526 00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:18,291 - HE WAS CRYING, MAN, REAL TEARS. 527 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:19,959 HE WAS, LIKE, BEGGING. HE WAS SAD. 528 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,694 I MEAN, HE REALLY LIKES YOU. - HOW MUCH MONEY? 529 00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:23,896 - A MONTH'S RENT PLUS FREE HBO. 530 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,665 - NO SHOWTIME? - AND SHOWTIME. 531 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,335 - NO. 532 00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:29,469 YOU AIN'T GETTING SHIT, 'CAUSE I AIN'T CALLING HIM. 533 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,371 - HEY, I TOLD HIM 534 00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:32,905 THAT I WOULD SAY SOMETHING TO YOU, AND I SAID SOMETHING. 535 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:33,840 I GET FREE RENT AND CABLE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. 536 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,041 - FINE. - FINE. 537 00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:35,975 - GOOD FOR YOU. - GOOD FOR ME. 538 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:39,746 - MM-HMM. 539 00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:42,249 - IT'S JUST, LOOK. I KNOW I SAID SOME SHIT ABOUT THIS GUY, 540 00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,651 BUT THAT WAS PROBABLY MORE ABOUT ME THAN IT WAS ABOUT HIM, 541 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,153 AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M GONNA BE COOL 542 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:51,023 WITH WHOEVER YOU CHOOSE TO DRINK GATORADE WITH. 543 00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,425 - OH, SCREW THAT. 544 00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:54,060 IF I'M DATING A DOUCHEBAG, 545 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,528 I WANT YOU TO TELL ME I'M DATING A DOUCHEBAG. 546 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,196 - ALL RIGHT, YOU WERE DATING A DOUCHEBAG. 547 00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:00,767 - I KNOW, BUT HE WAS SO CUTE AND HAD SUCH NICE SHIT. 548 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,902 - [laughing] OHH. - OOH. 549 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,605 - [chuckles] 550 00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:09,942 - YO, TAKE EXTRA SPECIAL CARE OF MY BABY. 551 00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,844 - OH, I'M NOT-- - GET IT DONE BY 6:00. 552 00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:15,548 THERE'LL BE SOMETHING IN IT FOR YOU, CHIEF. 553 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:16,916 - [laughing] 554 00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,017 - UNBELIEVABLE. 555 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,886 I AM SICK OF THESE RICH ASSHOLES 556 00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,588 THINKING EVERYBODY IN A BLUE UNIFORM DOES THE SAME THING. 557 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:23,590 I MEAN, HOW DOES THIS GUY MAKE THAT MUCH MONEY, 558 00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:25,892 AND HE CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MECHANIC AND AN EMT? 559 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,193 - OH, MY GOD. - WHAT? 560 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,194 - DO YOU SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE? 561 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,596 - WHAT? 562 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:30,763 - YOU ALMOST WENT HAM ON THAT GUY. 563 00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:31,898 - YEAH, HE'S AN ASSHOLE. SO WHAT? 564 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,099 - A BLACK ASSHOLE. 565 00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:35,635 YOU JUST HATED A RICH BLACK GUY 566 00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:40,540 AS MUCH AS YOU HATE RICH WHITE GUYS. 567 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,475 - I DID, DIDN'T I? - THAT'S GROWTH. 568 00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:44,777 - YEAH. - WAIT A MINUTE. 569 00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:46,078 WHY DID HE THROW YOU THE KEYS INSTEAD OF ME? 570 00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:48,147 - HUH? - WHAT, HE JUST AUTOMATICALLY 571 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,082 ASSUMES THE WHITE DUDE IS THE HEAD MECHANIC? 572 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,551 THAT'S SOME BULLSHIT. 573 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,952 YOU KNOW WE GOT A BLACK PRESIDENT, RIGHT? 574 00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,787 HEY, GIVE ME THEM KEYS. 575 00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:56,489 I'MA KEY HIS CAR RIGHT NOW. 576 00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:58,157 - WELL, AS THE HEAD MECHANIC, 577 00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,927 I'M AFRAID I CAN'T ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN. 578 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,729 - HAND ME THEM KEYS, JOHN. - [laughs] 579 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:03,963 - GIVE ME THEM KEYS. - IT JUST WOULDN'T BE RIGHT. 580 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:05,264 IT'S OUT OF MY PURVIEW. 581 00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:06,566 - YOUR PURVIEW? - YEAH, MY PURVIEW. 582 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:07,600 - JOHN FARRELL, DO YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE? 583 00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,168 YOU BETTER GIVE ME THE KEYS. 584 00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:10,603 YOU BETTER GIVE ME-- WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?