1 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:05,639 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT US 2 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,208 WORKING THE GODDAMN NIGHT SHIFT, BRIAN. 3 00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:08,809 - IT'S ESSENTIAL TO MY TRAINING. 4 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,411 - NIGHT SHIFT SUCKS. 5 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,480 TOO MANY DRUNKS AND NONE OF THEM ARE ME. 6 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,881 - CAN'T BRING ME DOWN, GUYS. 7 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:18,018 TONIGHT WE ARE SAVING LIVES IN THE DARK. 8 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:20,154 - OH, MY GOD, BRIAN, LOOK AT YOU--YOU'RE SO EXCITED. 9 00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:22,156 - CAN YOU TELL? 10 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,592 - BRIAN, IF YOU HAD A TAIL, IT'D BE WAGGING RIGHT NOW. 11 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,061 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET THIS SHIT HAPPEN, MOUSSE. 12 00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:28,896 YOU DO REALIZE-- - OF COURSE I REALIZE. 13 00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,431 - WHAT? 14 00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,201 - BIG SPORTS WEEK. - NOT BIG, COLOSSAL. 15 00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:35,035 THREE MAJOR PROFESSIONAL ATHLETIC SEASONS 16 00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:37,205 INTERSECT THIS WEEK-- ONLY HAPPENS TWICE A YEAR. 17 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,073 - REALLY? - UH, YEAH, REALLY. 18 00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:41,542 'CAUSE OF YOU, WE'RE MISSING FIVE OF THE BEST GAMES ALL YEAR. 19 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,444 - FIVE. - FIVE. 20 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,513 - YOU GUYS EVER THINK MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T PLACE 21 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,014 SO MUCH OF YOUR LIFE HAPPINESS ON GAMES OTHER PEOPLE PLAY? 22 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,616 - NO. 23 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,050 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION. 24 00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:51,619 - ALL RIGHT, WHO WANTS TO GET THEIR DRINK ON 25 00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:53,121 AND RESPONSIBLY TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION HOME? 26 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,588 - I WOULD LIKE THAT. I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH. 27 00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:55,389 - YOU WOULD LIKE THAT? WOULD YOU LIKE THAT? 28 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,225 WOULD YOU? - PICK ME. 29 00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:58,792 - HAVE FUN, GUYS. 30 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:01,229 SEE YA LATER. - BYE. 31 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:03,964 - YOU FELLAS HAVE A GOOD EVENING. 32 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:05,933 - GO, JUST GO. GOD. 33 00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,372 - HEY, DAY-PUSSIES, WELCOME TO THE NIGHT. 34 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,441 - WHAT'S UP, DINERO? 35 00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:15,776 - THERE'S ONLY ONE THING YOU ALL NEED TO KNOW. 36 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:19,280 THERE ARE SIX ICE-COLD BLACK CHERRY SODAS IN THE FRIDGE, 37 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:20,814 AND IF ANY OF YOU TOUCHES ONE, 38 00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:22,950 YOU WON'T LIVE TO SEE YOUR PRECIOUS SUN. 39 00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,785 - BLACK CHERRY SODAS. 40 00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,287 THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU, DINERO, 41 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,256 ALWAYS KEEPING IT OLD SCHOOL. 42 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,991 - I TOLD YOU BEFORE, DINERO'S NOT MY GODDAMN NAME. 43 00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,326 IT'S LUIS. 44 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,595 - RIGHT. SORRY, DINERO--LUIS. 45 00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:37,097 STUPID MOUTH. 46 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,266 - THANK YOU. 47 00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:44,004 [hip-hop music] 48 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:51,945 * 49 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,268 [gunshots] 50 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:15,769 - WAS THAT A GUNSHOT? 51 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:18,339 - YEAH, BRIAN, IT WAS A GUNSHOT IN CHICAGO AT NIGHT. 52 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,208 WHAT'D YOU THINK THIS WAS GONNA LOOK LIKE? 53 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:22,276 - I DON'T WANNA SAY. 54 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,278 - WELL, NOW YOU GOTTA SAY. 55 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,547 - LET ME PREFACE THIS BY SAYING THAT I HAD THREE CUPS OF TEA 56 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,282 TRYING TO RESET MY CIRCADIAN RHYTHM FOR THE NIGHT-- 57 00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:30,718 - OH, SPIT IT OUT. 58 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,786 - THE THRILLER VIDEO, I THOUGHT IT'D BE LIKE THE THRILLER VIDEO 59 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:36,357 WITH A TOUCH OF SMOOTH CRIMINAL, WHICH IS NOT THAT CRAZY 60 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:39,059 BECAUSE THE SONG WAS ORIGINALLY CALLED CHICAGO 1945. 61 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,628 - I REMEMBER THAT VIDEO. 62 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,962 MICHAEL JACKSON HAD THE TOMMY GUN, RIGHT? 63 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,063 - YEAH, HE HAD THAT COOL LEAN. 64 00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:44,365 YOU KNOW YOU TRIED THAT LEAN. 65 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,799 - DUDE, I COULD DO THAT LEAN RIGHT NOW. 66 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,535 - NO WAY, BRO. HE HAD SPECIAL SHOES. 67 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:48,969 - WHAT, YOU SAYING MY SHOES AIN'T SPECIAL? 68 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,672 - NOT THAT SPECIAL. [siren wails] 69 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:55,209 - ALL RIGHT, BOYS IN BLUE. - WOW. 70 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:57,345 - IT'S ONLY 8:15. - YEP. 71 00:02:57,378 --> 00:03:01,715 - HEY, 14, I'M ONE BLACK CHERRY SHORT. 72 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,084 - HEY, DINERO, WASN'T ME. WAS IT YOU, JOHNNY? 73 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,853 - CERTAINLY NOT. 74 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,888 - HOW ABOUT YOU, BRIAN? OH, HEY, WHAT'S THAT SOUND? 75 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,357 - IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S COMING FROM BRIAN'S BAG. 76 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,892 BRIAN, WHAT'S RATTLING AROUND IN YOUR BAG? 77 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,927 both: OH! - OH, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 78 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,729 I DIDN'T PUT IT THERE. I WAS FRAMED. 79 00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:16,397 - HEY, WE FOUND IT, DINERO. 80 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,399 I DON'T WANNA NAME NAMES 81 00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,268 'CAUSE WE ALL IN IT TOGETHER, BUT IT WAS BRIAN. 82 00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:21,902 - YOU BETTER NOT OPEN IT, SON. [soda can opens] 83 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,437 - BRIAN! 84 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:26,073 - HE BRAZEN. - NO, NO, I'M NOT THAT BRAZEN. 85 00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:27,541 LISTEN, LUIS, PLEASE. 86 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,176 - I'LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER, VATO. 87 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,177 - [slurps] 88 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,946 - [laughs] - MMM. 89 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,349 - OH, MY GOD, WHAT DOES VATO MEAN? 90 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:36,550 - RELAX, IT MEANS "DUDE." 91 00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:39,287 - I LIKE THAT. 92 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,856 MY FIRST NIGHT SHIFT AND I ALREADY HAVE A KILLER NICKNAME. 93 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,259 VATO WANTS A HIT OF THAT BLACK CHERRY. 94 00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:47,495 NIGHT SHIFT. 95 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,400 WHOA, PACKS A WALLOP. 96 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:55,102 - AMBULANCE NEEDED, 625 VALTIERRA STREET. 97 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:58,372 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. WHAT WE LOOKING AT? 98 00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:00,474 - I COULDN'T TELL YOU. THERE WAS A LOT OF SCREAMING. 99 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:03,110 - BUCKLE UP, BRI. YOU GOT YOUR NIGHT SHIFT. 100 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,413 [siren wailing] 101 00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,389 - THIS DOESN'T LOOK SO BAD. 102 00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:16,724 - [knocking on door] 103 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,393 [children screaming] [dog barks] 104 00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:20,628 - WHATEVER'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS DOOR IS YOUR FAULT, 105 00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:21,629 BRIAN. 106 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:23,331 [door opens] 107 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:24,898 - THEY'RE HERE. 108 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,400 - WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LET STRANGERS IN. 109 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:27,668 - OOH, THEY'RE CUTE. 110 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,637 - UH, IS SOMEBODY HURT, GIRLS? 111 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:32,573 - CAITLYN'S MOM IS DYING. 112 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,308 - SHUT UP, MACKENZIE. 113 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,409 SHE'S NOT DYING. SHE JUST TRIPPED. 114 00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:37,411 DON'T BE SO EMO. 115 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,513 - THAT SOUND SHE MADE, IT'S THE EXACT SAME SOUND 116 00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,415 MY GRANDPA MADE WHEN HE DIED. 117 00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:42,683 both: OKAY. - CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE SHE IS? 118 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,618 - MY MOM'S IN THE KITCHEN. 119 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:45,919 - RIGHT THIS WAY? - WHERE'S THE KITCHEN AT? 120 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:46,654 THROUGH HERE? - RIGHT OVER THERE. 121 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,255 TAKE A LEFT. - OKAY. 122 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,091 - COULD YOU JUST WATCH THEM, JUST 45 MINUTES? 123 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,593 I UNDERSTAND. LOOK-- 124 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,162 OH, THE PARAMEDICS ARE HERE. I GOTTA GO. 125 00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:58,532 HI, HI, I'M SHEILA. - HI, SHEILA, WHAT HAPPENED? 126 00:04:58,566 --> 00:04:59,500 - OH, MY WRIST. 127 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,435 I, UM, I'M SUCH A KLUTZ. 128 00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,471 I--I WAS CARRYING THE KARAOKE MACHINE, 129 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:06,306 AND I GUESS I JUST SLIPPED ON SOME ICE CREAM. 130 00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:07,941 - ZOE. 131 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,843 - YEAH, MA'AM, LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A FRACTURE. 132 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,545 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL. 133 00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:13,847 - I DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO WATCH THE KIDS. 134 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:16,850 IS THIS SOMETHING THAT I COULD JUST PUT OFF UNTIL TOMORROW? 135 00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,686 - AREN'T YOU IN A LOT OF PAIN RIGHT NOW? 136 00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:20,788 - NOT NEARLY AS MUCH AS THE LAST THREE YEARS. 137 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,956 I'M JOKING--AH!--ISH. 138 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,726 - WE'RE GONNA PUT AN AIR CAST ON THIS JUST TO STABILIZE IT, 139 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:28,496 BUT THEN WE GOTTA TAKE YOU IN. 140 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,531 - ALL RIGHT, OKAY, UM, 141 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,300 I'M SORRY, GIRLS, IT LOOKS LIKE THE SLUMBER PARTY IS OVER. 142 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,535 EVERYONE NEEDS TO CALL THEIR PARENTS. 143 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:38,372 [all protesting] 144 00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,307 - MOM, PLEASE, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. 145 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,543 I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR FOREVER FOR TONIGHT. 146 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:45,245 - I'M REALLY SORRY, SWEETIE. 147 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,480 - I THOUGHT 11 WAS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT, 148 00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:48,716 BUT IT'S JUST MORE OF THE SAME. 149 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,418 - IT'S EXACTLY LIKE WHEN WE HAD TO GO HOME 150 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,252 FROM JODI'S SLEEPOVER. 151 00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:55,222 - THAT WAS SO LAME, IT RUINED HER. 152 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,725 - WHO'S JODI? - EXACTLY. 153 00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:02,329 - OKAY, I CAN GET YOU IN AND OUT OF CITY HOSPITAL IN AN HOUR. 154 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,597 THESE GUYS CAN WATCH YOUR GIRLS FOR YOU. 155 00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:05,332 - WHAT? - GREAT IDEA. 156 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,934 JOHNNY AND THE VATO WILL TAKE CARE OF IT. 157 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,669 - NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT WATCHING A BUNCH OF LITTLE GIRLS. 158 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,070 - YEAH, I DON'T KNOW. 159 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,406 - THEY WORK IN AN AMBULANCE, MOM. 160 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,074 THEY'RE LIKE THE SAFEST PEOPLE ON THE WHOLE PLANET 161 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,876 YOU COULD LEAVE US WITH. all: YEAH! 162 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,845 - AND JOHNNY'S GIRLFRIEND'S A COP, SO-- 163 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,613 - WHAT'S HER NAME? - IS SHE PRETTY? 164 00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:22,483 - OH, SO PRETTY, SO PRETTY. 165 00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,254 - OKAY. [all cheering] 166 00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,122 - YEAH! - YES! 167 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,758 - THANK YOU. THIS IS SO NICE OF YOU GUYS. 168 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:31,892 - OH, NO, ABSOLUTELY. - THANK YOU. 169 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,694 - I'M HUNGRY. 170 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,229 - OH, UM, HEY, CAN I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU FOR A SECOND? 171 00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:38,265 BRIAN, WILL YOU GET THIS YOUNG LADY SOMETHING TO EAT? 172 00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:40,601 - HOPE YOU LIKE GRILLED CHEESE. IT'S MY SPECIALTY. 173 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,603 - THANK YOU SO MUCH. THIS IS SO NICE OF YOU GUYS. 174 00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,438 - NO. - COME ON, MAN. 175 00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,139 THIS WOMAN'S CLEARLY ON HER OWN. YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT CAN BE. 176 00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:48,208 - YEAH, BUT WHY DO YOU GET TO TAKE HER? 177 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,309 - SENIORITY. - OH, PLEASE. 178 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,944 - REPARATIONS. 179 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,279 - THAT'S WHY I GIVE YOU RIDES TO THE AIRPORT. 180 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:53,280 - I HELPED YOU MOVE INTO YOUR NEW PLACE. 181 00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:54,982 - I GAVE YOU PIZZA AND BEER. 182 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,650 - SINCE WHEN DID PEOPLE DECIDE THAT PIZZA AND BEER 183 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,118 WAS ENOUGH OF A THANK-YOU FOR HELPING SOMEONE MOVE? 184 00:06:58,151 --> 00:06:59,587 IT'S NOT ENOUGH. IT'S NEVER BEEN ENOUGH. 185 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,388 COME ON, SHEILA. LET'S GET YOU TO THE HOSPITAL. 186 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,823 - DON'T LET THEM EAT ANYTHING WITH TREE NUTS. 187 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,324 LIKE, THREE OF THEM ARE ALLERGIC. 188 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:08,295 AND DON'T LET THEM WATCH ANY R-RATED MOVIES. 189 00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:09,830 - UH, WHAT ABOUT SPORTS? 190 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:10,931 - WHICH SPORT? 191 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,800 - HOCKEY. - OKAY. 192 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,835 CAITLYN, YOU BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR. 193 00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:17,505 - PROMISE. - OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 194 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:20,641 - SO DID ANYBODY HERE LIKE THE MOVIE FROZEN? 195 00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:23,744 [all screaming] [door opens] 196 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,480 [laughs] YEAH. [door closes] 197 00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:28,181 WE'RE GONNA HAVE QUITE A NIGHT. 198 00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:38,626 [siren wails] 199 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:41,629 - THIS IS NICE. - HUH? 200 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:44,698 - I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT PAST 9:00 P.M. WITHOUT MY KID IN YEARS. 201 00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:46,767 - MM. 202 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:50,437 - LET ALONE WITH A HANDSOME MAN. 203 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,672 - GAY. 204 00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,340 - WHAT? 205 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:55,308 - GAY. I'M GAY. 206 00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:56,443 GAY, GAY, GAY. 207 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,111 REALLY GAY. 208 00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:02,816 - OH, THAT IS EVEN BETTER. [laughing] 209 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,118 OH, TO BE HONEST, I WAS ALREADY A LITTLE EXHAUSTED 210 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,887 JUST GETTING UP THE NERVE TO HIT ON YOU. 211 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,823 BESIDES, I AM SO IN THE MARKET FOR A GAY BEST FRIEND RIGHT NOW. 212 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:12,660 - NOT THAT TYPE OF GAY. 213 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,294 - WHAT? 214 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,996 - NOT A GIRL'S GAY. LOOK. 215 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,197 I'M FLATTERED, BUT I PROMISE YOU, 216 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,732 I'M NOT WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. 217 00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,901 I DO NOT GO DANCING. I DO NOT GO SHOPPING. 218 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,470 I DO NOT WATCH DANCE MOMS AND MAKE BITCHY COMMENTS. 219 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,338 - WHAT IS YOUR STANCE ON WINE TASTINGS? 220 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:29,142 - BEER. - JUST CHECKING. 221 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:32,312 - YOU KNOW, I USED TO HAVE A TON OF GAY BEST FRIENDS. 222 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,915 IN COLLEGE, I HAD, LIKE, THREE. 223 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:37,150 AND THEN THEY ALL DROP YOU WHEN YOU GET MARRIED. 224 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,752 - I BET THEY ALL SHOWED UP TO THE WEDDING, THOUGH. 225 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,353 - THEY WERE IN EVERY GODDAMN PICTURE. 226 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,723 - MM-HMM, TYPICAL. 227 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:47,928 - [vocalizing] 228 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,496 - GREAT CARTWHEEL, CAITLYN. 229 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,665 NAILED THAT HIGH NOTE, MACKENZIE, I'M SERIOUS. 230 00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:53,533 - JOHNNY! JOHNNY, OVER HERE! 231 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,402 - JOHNNY, LOOK HERE! - THAT'S COOL. 232 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,204 - JOHNNY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WATCH THE SHOW. 233 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,872 THESE GIRLS ARE PERFORMING THEIR HEARTS OUT FOR YOU. 234 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,841 - SO ARE THE BLACKHAWKS. THEY'RE UP TWO TO ONE. 235 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,342 - CAN I BRAID YOUR HAIR? - NO. 236 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,677 - YOU CAN BRAID MY HAIR. 237 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,913 - UH, JOHNNY'S HAIR IS WAY PRETTIER. 238 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,715 - MINE HAS MORE BODY. 239 00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:11,418 - OKAY, EVERYBODY, THE NEXT ACT IN THE SHOW IS GOING TO BE... 240 00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:13,587 BEYONCE! 241 00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:15,956 - GREAT, WONDERFUL. WHICH SONG? 242 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,925 MAYBE A LITTLE SINGLE LADIES, PERHAPS? 243 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,793 - [laughing] THAT SONG CAME OUT WHEN WE WERE, LIKE, BORN. 244 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,261 - DRUNK IN LOVE. 245 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:24,097 - YEAH, DRUNK IN LOVE, AND I'M BEYONCE. 246 00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,899 - IT'S MY HOUSE. I GET TO BE BEYONCE. 247 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,035 - IT IS HER HOUSE, SUSAN. 248 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,870 - I COULD BE BEYONCE. 249 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,772 - OKAY, YOU CAN'T ALWAYS BE BEYONCE 250 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:32,773 JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE BLACK. 251 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,474 THAT'S RACIST. 252 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,276 - WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RACIST BECAUSE YOU THINK 253 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,612 I ONLY WANNA BE BEYONCE BECAUSE I'M BLACK. 254 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:41,414 - YOU'RE RACIST BECAUSE YOU THINK I THINK THAT. 255 00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,951 - MAYBE BEYONCE'S BLACK AND WHITE, LIKE OBAMA, 256 00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:45,886 SO YOU'RE BOTH RACIST! 257 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,622 - BEYONCE IS BLACK. 258 00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:50,991 - JOHNNY, WHICH ONE OF US IS RACIST? 259 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,993 - YOU CAN--YOU CAN ALL BE RACIST OR BEYONCE. 260 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,427 HELL, YOU CAN BE PRESIDENT. DREAM BIG, GIRLS. 261 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,063 - WHOA, THEY CAN'T ALL BE BEYONCE. 262 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,464 I MEAN, THERE'S ONLY ONE BEYONCE. 263 00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,599 - WELL, I HAVE THE MOST DANCE EXPERIENCE. 264 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:00,968 - TAP DOESN'T COUNT. 265 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,904 - AGAIN, IT'S MY HOUSE AND MY BIRTHDAY. 266 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,572 [overlapping arguing] 267 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,940 - BRIAN, WHAT IS GOING ON? 268 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,575 - UM, I'M TRYING TO PUT ON A SHOW. 269 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:12,479 - YEAH, WELL, I'M GONNA WATCH THE GAME IN THE KITCHEN. 270 00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,815 CALL ME IF SOMEBODY DRAWS BLOOD. 271 00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:18,819 [arguing continues] 272 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,821 - MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE SOME BEYONCE TRYOUTS, GIRLS. 273 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:21,755 all: NOT NOW! 274 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:24,324 - OKAY, OKAY, SORRY. 275 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,794 - DON'T WORRY, I'M GONNA PULL SOME STRINGS 276 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:29,329 AND GET YOU BACK HOME BEFORE YOU KNOW IT. 277 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:32,666 AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT, MAYBE WE CAN FIND YOU A NEW BEST FRIEND. 278 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,601 A LOT OF GAY MEN AT THIS HOSPITAL. 279 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,602 AT ALL HOSPITALS, ACTUALLY. 280 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,037 - YEAH, WHY IS THAT? 281 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,973 - GREY'S ANATOMY. HEY, CARLOS! 282 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,341 NOW, THAT'S CARLOS, 283 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:42,609 FORMER COMPETITIVE BALLROOM DANCER. 284 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,977 - PROMISING. 285 00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,846 - LIVES TO SHOP, JUST AN OKAY KISSER-- 286 00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,181 NOT THAT THAT'S RELEVANT TO YOU. 287 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,718 - I JUST WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN AGAIN, 288 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,853 YOU KNOW? - HMM, NO. 289 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,354 - LIKE SOMETIMES, I WANNA BE WHISKED AWAY. 290 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,223 - HI, PRETTY LADY. 291 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,791 LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE MY V.I.P. TONIGHT. 292 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,860 - [gasps] IT'S ALREADY HAPPENING. 293 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:02,462 - MM-HMM. I GOT FAITH. 294 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,064 [laughter] 295 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,133 - MAKE 'EM STOP LAUGHING AT US. 296 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,802 - OKAY, YEAH, GIRLS, THAT DOES SOUND LIKE MEAN LAUGHTER, OKAY? 297 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,370 - WELL, THEY'RE TATTLETALING. 298 00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,806 - THAT'S--THAT'S TRUE, SO ONE DEMERIT FOR EACH. 299 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,307 SO MOVING FORWARD, GIRLS. 300 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,409 - BRIAN, MAKE THEM SHARE THE NAIL POLISH WITH US. 301 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,812 IT'S NOT FAIR. 302 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,814 - I DON'T HAVE TO SHARE MY PERSONAL NAIL POLISH 303 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,682 WITH ANYONE IF I DON'T WANT TO-- IT'S THE LAW. 304 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,484 - SUSAN, PLEASE. 305 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,819 - TOO BAD BEING A BITCH ISN'T AGAINST THE LAW. 306 00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:27,988 all: OOH! 307 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,422 - NOPE, NO, NO, NO, OKAY, UH, 308 00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:30,824 HOW ABOUT WE PLAY LIGHT AS A FEATHER, 309 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,993 STIFF AS A BOARD, HUH? RIGHT? 310 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,428 OR WE COULD MAKE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS. 311 00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,030 - DON'T BE SO LAME, BRIAN. 312 00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:39,666 - [sighs] 313 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,401 JOHNNY? 314 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,336 THEY'RE TURNING ON EACH OTHER, JOHN. 315 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,773 - HANG IN THERE, MAN. IT'S TIED IN THE THIRD PERIOD. 316 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,007 - YOU CAN CUT THE TENSION WITH A KNIFE IN HERE, JOHN. 317 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,410 - YOU'RE FINE! 318 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:53,380 OH! NO! OH, HEY! 319 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:54,848 NO, NO, NO, YOU WITH THE REMOTE, COME BACK HERE! 320 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:56,750 OH, NO! 321 00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:59,252 [girls giggling] [groans] 322 00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,755 OKAY, OKAY, I'M CALLING FOR BACKUP. 323 00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:06,059 THIS IS--OW, OW! OW, LADIES, THAT'S REALLY TIGHT. 324 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,061 THAT'S--OW! OW! 325 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,062 IS THIS FUNNY? 326 00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:12,099 [cell phone rings] 327 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,935 - HEY, MOUSSE, IT'S ME. 328 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,870 NO CAN DO. WE'RE PLAYING DARTS. 329 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:21,074 YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS ON MY TEAM, AND SHE IS THROWING FIRE. 330 00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:23,443 - THERESA! - NAILED IT! 331 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,046 - I KNOW THIS SOUNDS TOTALLY CRAZY, 332 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,714 BUT I ALMOST FEEL LIKE 333 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,817 CARLOS GAVE ME TOO MANY COMPLIMENTS. 334 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,284 - OH, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. 335 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,286 THERE IS NOTHING EMPTIER THAN A COMPLIMENT 336 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,122 FROM A GAY MAN TO A STRAIGHT WOMAN HE JUST MET. 337 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,891 - AND AGAIN, TELL ME IF I'M WRONG HERE, 338 00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:41,895 BUT I JUST FELT LIKE HE WAS TALKING SO MUCH ABOUT HIMSELF. 339 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,596 - OH, I KNOW. IT'S LIKE, "HELLO. 340 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:44,497 THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM." 341 00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:46,166 - [scoffs] 342 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,467 I JUST DON'T KNOW THAT I CAN HANDLE SOMEONE 343 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,269 WHO TAKES UP THAT MUCH EMOTIONAL SPACE. 344 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,404 - WELL, YOU SAID YOU WANTED A GAY BEST FRIEND, RIGHT? 345 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,107 - YEAH, BUT I ALREADY HAVE ONE TEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL IN MY LIFE, 346 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,442 YOU KNOW? - POINT TAKEN. 347 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,244 FORGET CARLOS. - YEAH, FORGET CARLOS. 348 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,946 - YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE? 349 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,647 ONE OF THE X-RAY TECHS, ADAM. 350 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,349 - HEY, HANK. HOW'S IT GOING, BUDDY? 351 00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:05,953 - UH, NO OFFENSE, AUGGIE, BUT COULD YOU SEND ADAM IN? 352 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,620 - OH, YEAH, YEAH. 353 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,356 I GOT IT. ADAM? 354 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,258 - WELL, WHAT'S HIS DEAL? HE WAS CUTE. 355 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,759 - NOT GAY. ONLY DATES JEWISH GIRLS. 356 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,494 - OH. - BUT YOU'RE GONNA LIKE ADAM. 357 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:15,829 I MEAN, NOT THE MOST TRADITIONAL CHOICE, 358 00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:18,498 BUT HE'S INTERESTING, FUNNY, 359 00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:22,035 KIND OF NERDY BUT IN A CUTE W-- 360 00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:24,537 - OH, I RESENT THAT, HANK. 361 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:25,839 - [whispering] LOVING ADAM. - YEAH. 362 00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:28,175 THERE'S A LOT TO LOVE. 363 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:31,044 - WELL, OBVIOUSLY, THEY CAN'T ALL BE BEYONCE. 364 00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:33,113 - OBVIOUSLY. 365 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,381 BRIAN'S TRYING TO DISTRACT THEM RIGHT NOW 366 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,048 WITH A GAME OF TRUTH OR DARE. 367 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:37,017 - ARE YOU GUYS STUPID? 368 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:38,852 TRUTH OR DARE IS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT YOU COULD DO 369 00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,320 WITH A GROUP OF GIRLS WHO ARE MAD AT EACH OTHER. 370 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,621 - WHAT? 371 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,822 - HELL, WITH A GROUP OF GIRLS 372 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:45,125 WHO LIKE EACH OTHER. 373 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,826 FRIENDSHIPS END BECAUSE OF THAT GAME. 374 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,828 - I THOUGHT YOU ALL JUST DARED EACH OTHER TO CALL BOYS 375 00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,363 AND THEN GOT IN PILLOW FIGHTS. 376 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:51,698 - OH, I KNOW YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS 377 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,400 BECAUSE YOU ARE A GUY, 378 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,903 BUT SLEEPOVERS ARE THE REAL DEAL. 379 00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:58,738 IT'S LIKE JUDGE DREDD, YOU KNOW, EVERYONE'S TRYING TO CLIMB 380 00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,640 THE SOCIAL LADDER BEFORE THE SUN RISES. 381 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,043 - ONE'S JUST STARING AT ME. 382 00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:07,380 I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW LONG SHE'S BEEN THERE. 383 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:10,083 SHE'S LOOKING INTO MY SOUL, T. - [laughs] 384 00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:11,084 - I NEED YOU. 385 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:12,619 - OH, SUCK IT UP. 386 00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,063 - OKAY, OKAY. - WE GOT THE DOOR. 387 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,731 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK IN A SECOND. 388 00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:27,067 - IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST. 389 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,435 [both laughing] 390 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,003 - JOHNNY! - JOHNNY, OVER HERE! 391 00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:30,837 - OKAY, WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE IN A SECOND! 392 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,907 - [laughs] 393 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:37,410 OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE KATY PERRY GOT KNOCKED UP 394 00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,046 BY A SLUTTY MY LITTLE PONY. 395 00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,080 - YEAH, WELL, IT WAS THE ONLY THING 396 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,248 THAT KEPT THEM FROM FIGHTING. 397 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,615 SO THEY'RE IN THERE. GO. 398 00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,351 - OKAY, BUT WHAT ARE THEY FIGHTING ABOUT? 399 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,386 - OH. - UH... 400 00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,088 - THE LITTLE ONE WAS PISSED. - THE LITTLE ONE--YEAH. 401 00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,756 - YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW, DO YOU? 402 00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,458 - NO. 403 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:53,293 - THEY ALL TALK REALLY FAST. - AND REALLY HIGH. 404 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,061 - MM-HMM. - LIKE DOLPHINS. 405 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,196 - COME ON. 406 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:59,066 IF YOU GUYS JUST TOOK A SECOND TO ACTUALLY LISTEN TO THEM, 407 00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:02,735 THEN YOU'D KNOW HOW THIS STARTED AND YOU'D KNOW HOW TO END IT. 408 00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,304 FORGET IT. I'M WASTING MY BREATH. 409 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,873 I'M JUST GONNA GO IN THERE AND SORT THIS OUT. 410 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:07,907 - PLEASE. - MM. 411 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:09,709 [door opens] - [sighs] 412 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,378 [indistinct chatter] [door closes] 413 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,646 - YO, THAT COLOR REALLY MAKES YOUR EYES POP. 414 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,382 DID YOU DO THAT? 415 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,749 - NO, BILLY, THE GIRLS DID. 416 00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:19,019 - DANG, SOME REALLY GOOD CONTOURING, BRO. 417 00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:21,621 [door opens] 418 00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,790 - OKAY, SO I FIGURED OUT THE PROBLEM. 419 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:26,759 SUSAN'S A BITCH. 420 00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,495 - ALL RIGHT, SHEILA, THAT IS THE LAST TIME 421 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:31,965 I PUMP YOU WITH LOW DOSES OF DEADLY RADIATION, I SWEAR. 422 00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:34,401 - IT'S LIKE YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME, ADAM. 423 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,902 - AND YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE? 424 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,804 A BROKEN WOMAN. 425 00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,639 ACTUALLY, JUST A BROKEN RADIUS AND ULNA. 426 00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:41,908 THE REST OF YOU SEEMS REALLY GREAT. 427 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,077 - THANK YOU, ADAM. 428 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,413 NOW, THAT IS A SINCERE COMPLIMENT. 429 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,415 - MAYBE THE TWO OF YOU CAN GET COFFEE SOMETIME. 430 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,583 - I DISAGREE. - OH. 431 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:51,751 - I THINK WE SHOULD SKIP THE COFFEE 432 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:52,752 AND GO STRAIGHT TO COCKTAILS. 433 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,354 - OH. [laughs] 434 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:57,124 - I'M GONNA WRITE MY NUMBER DOWN FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. 435 00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,526 - THAT WOULD BE GREAT. 436 00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:00,693 [whispers] MY GOD, HE'S SO PERFECT. 437 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,996 - GLAD I COULD HELP. 438 00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:05,165 - CALL ME. - GREAT. 439 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,800 NOW LET'S GET YOU IN A CAST AND GET YOU HOME FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. 440 00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,336 - OKAY. - YOU HAVE KIDS? 441 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,604 - JUST ONE, CAITLYN, SHE'S REALLY-- 442 00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:14,307 - I'M SORRY, KIDS ARE A DEAL BREAKER FOR ME. 443 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:18,311 CHILDREN ARE JUST... 444 00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:20,113 - WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO HANG OUT WITH HER. 445 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:20,980 YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO MEET HER. 446 00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:23,850 - SHEILA, DON'T. 447 00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:26,953 - OKAY. - COME ON, LET'S GO. 448 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:31,558 THERE ARE A LOT OF NICE GAY DOCTORS ON DUTY. 449 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,693 - WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING UP THE KID? 450 00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,395 - I'M JUST SAYING, I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SUSAN. 451 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,164 - YOU DON'T KNOW HER, JOHNNY. 452 00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,565 SHE ACTS ALL NICE WHEN YOU'RE AROUND. 453 00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:39,699 - YEAH, I'M NOT SURPRISED BY THAT. 454 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,534 SHE'S JUST LIKE MAEVE. 455 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:44,037 SHE'S THAT GIRL WHO'LL STEAL YOUR BOYFRIEND AND THEN 456 00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:47,040 CHANGE HER ENTIRE PERSONALITY TO FIT WHATEVER'S POPULAR. 457 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,375 - SHE'S TEN, AND YOU WERE WITH HER FOR A MINUTE. 458 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,009 - IT DOESN'T MATTER. 459 00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:52,512 THERE'S ALWAYS A SUSAN, TRUST ME, 460 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,047 ALL THROUGHOUT HISTORY. 461 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:56,049 MARIE ANTOINETTE, TOTAL GODDAMN SUSAN. 462 00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,217 - SEE, I THINK YOU'RE BRINGING SOME OF YOUR PERSONAL STUFF 463 00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,186 INTO THIS SITUATION. 464 00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,054 - HEY, I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE TAKING HER SIDE. 465 00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:02,155 - I'M NOT TAKING HER SIDE. 466 00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,823 I'M JUST SAYING THAT MAYBE SUSAN 467 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,525 AND HER FRIENDS WERE A LITTLE DEFENSIVE BECAUSE-- 468 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:06,926 AND I'M ONLY QUOTING EMMA HERE-- YOU STROLLED IN HERE 469 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,895 LIKE YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE EVERYTHING. 470 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,330 - WHICH ONE'S EMMA, HUH, THE LITTLE BLONDE SLUT? 471 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,331 - WHOA. - OH, GOD. 472 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,666 - YOU GUYS ARE SO BLIND. 473 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,835 SUSAN HAS COMPLETELY HIJACKED THIS SLEEPOVER 474 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,437 AND CREATED A TOXIC ENVIRONMENT. 475 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:18,905 IT IS CAITLYN'S HOUSE. 476 00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,507 IT IS CAITLYN'S BIRTHDAY. 477 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:24,444 - SO SHE KEEPS SAYING. IT'S LIKE, "WE KNOW." 478 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,346 JACKPOT, FOUND THE HOOCH. 479 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,548 - OH, NO, NO, NO, WE'RE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE. 480 00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,717 - SO WE'LL ADD WATER LATER. NO ONE WILL KNOW. 481 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,553 - BUT, MAEVE. - DON'T BE LAME, BRIAN. 482 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,288 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA GO TALK TO HER. 483 00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:37,023 - TO SUSAN? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY? 484 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,725 - YEAH, I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M GONNA FIGURE IT OUT. 485 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:42,095 - IS THERESA BEING UNCOOL AT A SLUMBER PARTY? SHOCKER. 486 00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,463 - WHATEVER, YOU WERE THE ONE THAT USED TO CALL DAD 487 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:44,397 TO PICK YOU UP BEFORE MIDNIGHT, 488 00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:46,065 AND GUESS WHO HAD TO GO TOO 489 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:47,534 BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE TWO TRIPS. 490 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,302 - I HAVE TRIED TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU. 491 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,038 LEAVING A SLUMBER PARTY EARLY IS A POWER MOVE. 492 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,174 THIS IS WHY YOU WEREN'T COOL IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. 493 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:58,945 - YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA TELL SUSAN? 494 00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:01,114 - HMM? 495 00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:02,282 - I'M GONNA TELL HER TO COME IN HERE AND LOOK AT HER FUTURE. 496 00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:03,783 - YOU ARE BEING SUCH A CAITLYN RIGHT NOW. 497 00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:05,218 - YOU RUINED MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR ME. 498 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:09,289 - YOUR UNIBROW RUINED MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR YOU. 499 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:10,957 - WELL, I DON'T HAVE A UNIBROW NOW. 500 00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,892 - IT IS BURNED INTO YOUR SOUL. 501 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,328 WE ARE ALL STILL WHO WE WERE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. 502 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:17,997 YOU'RE STILL UNCOOL, BRIAN'S STILL LAME, 503 00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,133 JOHNNY'S STILL A WEIRDO, 504 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,169 AND I'M STILL DATING THE HOTTEST GUY IN THE ROOM. 505 00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:23,570 - OH, THANKS, BABE. 506 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,605 YO, Y'ALL READY TO SEE THE SHOW? 507 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:26,973 - THEY PUT THE SHOW TOGETHER? 508 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:28,141 - WELL, I HELPED THEM A LITTLE BIT. 509 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,742 - OH. 510 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,644 THAT'S--THAT'S FINE. THAT'S GREAT. 511 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:33,746 I'M JUST HAPPY THE SHOW'S HAPPENING. 512 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,748 - YEAH, THESE GIRLS ARE SO SWEET. 513 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,984 GUESS WHAT. THEY PICKED ME TO BE BEYONCE. 514 00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:40,253 - THEY KEEP CALLING ME BILLYONCE, YO. 515 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,689 - AW. - SHOULD'VE BEEN LILY. 516 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,924 - WHY, 'CAUSE SHE'S-- [mouths word] 517 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,759 - NO, BECAUSE I THINK SHE'S GOT THE CHOPS. 518 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,163 - COME ON, MAN, YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT AIN'T TRUE. 519 00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:52,465 - YEAH. 520 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:57,770 - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TONIGHT. 521 00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,473 I WOULD SAY "LET'S DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME," BUT... 522 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:04,177 - I'M SORRY IT DIDN'T PAN OUT WITH THE DOCTOR. 523 00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:06,112 GUESS I SHOULD'VE CHECKED TO SEE IF HE WAS ACTUALLY GAY FIRST. 524 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,381 - HONESTLY, I WAS OFFENDED BY HOW MUCH HE WAS OFFENDED. 525 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:10,450 - I KNOW. 526 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,219 ANYWAY, I'M SORRY WE DIDN'T GET YOU A GAY BEST FRIEND. 527 00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,020 - IT'S FINE. 528 00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:16,689 IT JUST SUCKS BEING A SINGLE PARENT SOMETIMES. 529 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,858 YOU NEVER GET THE CHANCE TO HAVE FUN, 530 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,293 SO THEN NO ONE THINKS YOU'RE FUN, 531 00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:23,230 AND THEN NO FUN EVER HAPPENS. - MM. 532 00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:25,064 - MY KID THINKS I'M THE LEAST FUN PERSON ON THE PLANET. 533 00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:26,366 - OKAY, I JUST WANNA STATE, FOR THE RECORD, 534 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,201 THAT GAY MEN ARE NOT HUMAN ACCESSORIES. 535 00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:30,403 WE DO NOT EXIST TO FILL THE FUN HOLE 536 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:33,005 IN STRAIGHT WOMEN'S LIVES. 537 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:35,342 - JESUS. 538 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:39,045 OKAY, I GOT IT. 539 00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:41,614 I WILL NOT LOOK TO GAY MEN TO FILL ANY OF MY HOLES. 540 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,455 [both laughing] 541 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:53,393 - OKAY, OKAY, HERE'S THE DEAL. 542 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,194 I WON'T DO ANY OF THAT OTHER GAY SHIT WITH YOU, 543 00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:58,331 BUT I DO LIKE BRUNCH. 544 00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,900 - I LOVE BRUNCH. 545 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,176 - FIVE, A-SIX, A-FIVE, A-SIX, A-SEVEN, EIGHT. 546 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,512 AND SLIDE AND SLIDE. 547 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,081 AND BODY ROLL, BODY ROLL, 548 00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:17,417 AND SLIDE AND SLIDE. 549 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:20,086 AND BODY ROLL, BODY ROLL. - WHOO! 550 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,689 - AND ROLL IT AND ROLL IT. 551 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,024 AND FREESTYLE TIME, A-FREESTYLE TIME, 552 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,193 LET ME SEE YOUR HIPS MOVING FREESTYLE TIME. 553 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,329 A-FREESTYLE TIME, OKAY. 554 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,565 - [laughs] - [gasps] 555 00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:35,302 MOM, YOU'RE BACK! 556 00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,937 - HEY, YOU KNOW, YOUR MOM'S A TOTAL ROCK STAR. 557 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,439 YOU KNOW SHE BROKE HER ARM IN TWO PLACES? 558 00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:43,242 - EW, GROSS. all: WHOA! 559 00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:45,077 - HEY, WHO WANTS TO SIGN CAITLYN'S MOM'S COOL CAST? 560 00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:47,146 all: ME! 561 00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:48,381 - CAITLYN, YOU GET THE GLITTER. 562 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,283 I'LL GET THE MARKERS. - OKAY. 563 00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:53,386 - WELL, I SEE SUSAN'S PUT HERSELF IN CHARGE AGAIN. 564 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:55,488 - RIGHT? - THERE'S ALWAYS A SUSAN. 565 00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:57,357 - WORD.